These Fukken Feelings Podcast© - Embracing Self-Authenticity: CiiCii's Journey Through Spiritual Awakening, Emotional Balance, and Inner Strength | Season 3 Episode 336

Episode Date: August 7, 2024

Ever wondered how to truly connect with yourself and embrace every emotion, the good, the bad, and the ugly? In this episode, we are joined by the empowering CiiCii, host of "That Bitch Is Positive" podcast. CiiCii's transformative journey began in 2020, and she shares her inspiring story of spiritual awakening and personal growth. We dig into her unique acronym for "bitch" (babe in true connection with herself or human self) and explore the insights from her book "Show Up as Her." Get ready to uncover practical ways to embrace authenticity and find balance in your life.Together, we navigate the complexities of self-discovery, discussing how our subconscious triggers and learned behaviors shape our reality. Learn about the reticular activating system in our brains and how shifting our focus from seeking external validation to self-empowerment can change our lives. CiiCii and our hosts candidly share personal stories and practical steps for starting a healing journey, from resetting your mindset to harnessing the power of your words and beliefs. This conversation is filled with revelations about worthiness, self-love, and setting boundaries, all essential for personal growth and finding confidence within.CiiCii also opens up about the significance of spirituality and faith, especially amidst trauma and adversity. Hear her heartfelt reflections on childhood challenges, spirituality, and the healing power of meditation. This episode is a treasure trove of insights on navigating life's ups and downs, recognizing the importance of self-care, and prioritizing personal well-being. Tune in to experience an enriching dialogue that encourages you to embrace every emotion, find your inner strength, and live authentically. Don't miss this heartfelt and empowering conversation!#TheseFukkenFeelingsPodcast #TraumaIsExpensive #SpiritualAwakening #PersonalGrowth #EmbraceAuthenticity #SelfDiscovery #HealingJourney #MindsetReset #SelfEmpowerment #SelfLove #Spirituality #Meditation #PersonalWellBeing #PodcastEpisode #MentalHealth #TraumaRecovery #LifeBalance #InnerStrength #EmotionalHealthhttps://beacons.ai/vibinwithciicii

you don't have to be positive all the time it's perfectly okay to feel sad angry annoyed frustrated scared and anxious having feelings doesn't make you a negative person it doesn't even make you weak it makes you human and we are here to talk through it all we welcome you to these fucking feelings podcast a safe space for all who needs it grab a drink and take a seat the session begins now what is up guys welcome to these fucking feelings podcast i am micah as always i got the lovely producer crystal in here with me And then today our guest is just as lovely, Cece in the building. Thank you for having me. And then it's funny because bitch, you use bitch

a lot, but I know as an acronym, I use bitch a lot too, right? But I was like, I love your acronym for it. So even before we get started, could you go ahead and tell the people about that? Yeah. So my podcast is that bitch is positive. For some reason, I thought that rhymed. I don't know what I was thinking in that moment. But bitch stands for babe and true connection with herself or human self, because I really do think it's not about being positive all the time. It's about being authentic and sometimes being authentic and plugged in.

We're going to be a hot mess for a second and that's okay too definitely definitely um i guess we can just go take it a step further and we actually always ask our guests to introduce themselves just because we feel like your story is yours to tell so tell our audience a little bit about yourself i know we got the podcast we got the book yes. So I basically had a spiritual awakening in 2020, and I just started to post content online about what I was going through. I was graduating college, going through a breakup and a spiritual awakening. So many things happening at once. And I could not find the answers I was looking for.

Nothing was quelling my pain. There was no sentence, no quote that could help me through it outside in this external 3D world. And what I found is that the answers were actually inside of me. It's when I shut out everything else and I refocused on my inward experience, I started to feel better. And so I just started sharing that information. Eventually, I became a certified life and energy coach. I built up my platforms. I started a coaching business. I ended up writing a book, show up as her, started the podcast, that bitch is positive. And I've just been going with it. Yeah. And just trying to help people

understand the energetic roots that are causing the same patterns to unfold in their life, the same pain to unfold in their life. So instead of focusing on the 3D problem, they can actually solve it energetically, which releases them from the problem. Right. And that sounds so dope, but I know it could be so hard. Oh my God, yes. Yes, it absolutely can. Sometimes I have to remind myself, this is why I came here, to experience the full range of human emotions,

not just the happy ones. And that does give me some peace sometimes. I don't know, this is random, but a couple of months ago, I was so numb for so long that when i actually felt pain again i i actually welcomed it in because i was feeling something and i was like wow i guess heart opening let's go and so sometimes i i appreciate the pain she's a great teacher but we don't want her staying around for too long now definitely and. And I think that's what it comes down to because life is life. Or they say, what's the saying now? Life be lifing, right? Life, life sometimes. But I think that's always that's kind of like our biggest message to that.

It shouldn't always be hard. It shouldn't always be painful. It's kind of like you said, you should have your moments of peace, joy, and happiness. Like you're going to feel all the emotions. But when those negative things are the main things that you're always feeling, we kind of need to get out of that box. Yeah. And I think it's important to remind yourself, regardless of what season you're in, it's going to be temporary. So if you're having a really great season, enjoy it. Be in the moment because it's not going to be temporary. So if you're having a really great season, enjoy it, be in the moment because it's not going to be here forever. And if you're having a really tough season, okay, well,

this one's going to end too. And the next one, we have the law of polarity, which means as far as we go in one direction, we're also going to go in the other just as deeply. So if you're having a really deep, painful season now, the next one is going to be full of pleasure. So either way, let's look at where we're at. It will change. Yeah, definitely. I think I've been having all, right. I'm like, I'm having all four seasons at one time. So I'm overstimulated. Okay. Life is life. But, uh, yeah. So what about your book? Where did it come from? Why did you want to write that book? So there was an exact moment. I'll never forget this for as long as I

live. I was looking in the mirror and I just, I I'm going to, this is a strong word, but this is truly how I felt. I hated everything. I did not like what my life was doing. Life was life. And I did not like my relationship. I did not like how I felt in my own skin. I felt really lost, really uncomfortable. Like my skin was crawling. And I remember just looking in the mirror and for whatever reason, I started to look into my own eyes and I'm just like, wow, it's so weird that there's like a soul in this body. And it's so weird that I'm like kind of trapped in this like vessel. And then I, I just had the spiritual download, which was probably the first one I've ever had that I kind of knew what it was or that it was going to be one of those moments in my life that changed

me forever. I just heard, if you got yourself here, you can get yourself out of here. And for whatever reason that sparked something in me. And I realized, wait, I'm not a victim of circumstance. I'm not a victim of the people around me. I actually got myself here through my thoughts, through my feelings, through my actions, through my habits. I've played a part too. This is not just all random. I have been playing a part. I have been at cause in my life and it has caused effects. I'm not powerless. And if I did get myself here, to me, that's empowering because then I realized, all right, I can get out of here too. If I dug this hole, I can just climb right out.

And from there, I started to make the most minute changes, but minute changes carry energetic weight in ways I don't think we've realized. I thought of, well, who is it I want to be? Because I don't like this version. So what would be a better version that maybe I would like to exist as? And I thought of her and I essentially reverse engineered her. I was like, okay, well, what does she do on a daily basis? How does she think? How does she walk? How does she talk? What does she wear? What is she drinking? What is she eating? How does she go throughout her day? I wrote it all down and I started little by little just incorporating those things as my habits. And I don't think we really realize, but these actions,

like I said, they hold so much energy and little by little, like everything changed. My face changed, my body changed, my life changed, my confidence changed, my relationships changed, what I attracted changed, everything changed. And that is what inspired the book Show Up As Her. It's all about reverse engineering your desired self. I give you an exact method to do so. And it's funny because about two weeks before I wrote the book, I didn't know that's where my life was going, but I was in a meditation and I saw myself writing a book and I opened my eyes and I go, Oh, I'm going to write a book.

Two weeks later, a publishing company reached out and it was boom. It happened. But it was such a beautiful, like perfect puzzle piece moment. Yeah, that's amazing. Now you open up your podcast and it's something that you say and I can't remember what it is. But it's kind of like you're saying about reversing. Reverse engineering your desired self. Is that what you say when you open your podcast i usually say we're gonna unbecome who we are not so we can fully step into exactly who we

came here to be because showing up as her is also knowing well who is not her like who is the person that i've not actually wanted to be i I mean, everything that I was was just learned programming. It really was. My beliefs were learned. My feelings were just repeatedly occurring because I had the same triggers around me and I had no idea how to cope with them. And that caused my reality. And so like, I never liked to see myself as a victim, but I fully acknowledge that to a

point though, we all learned a certain way of being, and we have no idea what we've learned. And then we're attracting terrible experiences onto us. Plus there's so many unknown energetic forms that can get stuck in our auric field and then they start attracting for us. So we attract terrible things completely by accident so i think we have to find i don't want to be a victim yes but also you have to be so gentle and so compassionate with yourself because we really don't know what we're doing because we have no idea of the energies that are stuck on to us definitely definitely yeah so i'm actually had a story similar to yours, but not quite that way.

But it was kind of the same thing. I was looking at myself one day and it was like, oh, I disgust me, you know. And I knew at that moment it was a little different for me at that moment. I knew that I just needed a fresh start. I just needed to start over. You know, it was like I needed to like reset, you know, so and I did. I kind of like packed up my life and I picked a random place and I moved and and like really took the time to get to know me, to deal with my traumas and the past and my pain and my suffering and start my healing journey, you know. And here it is that I've been here three years now and it's been the most incredible three years of my life. And it was like, wow, the best thing I ever did was taking a chance on myself and believing that I was worth more than that disgusting person I saw because I was truly disgusted by myself. But, and it's funny, we had an episode yesterday with a pretty amazing person.

And for some reason I cannot think of her name. I'm like, what is going on with me today? I can't think of nothing. I'm sorry. I'm going to put you in our description, though. But we were talking about basically she deals with people in like midlife scenarios. And, you know, she was saying she went through a midlife calling and not a crisis, a midlife calling. And I was listening to a couple of episodes of your podcast and I think that you kind of give the same message about like the words that we use and how we use and the meaning behind it and those kind of things. So I just wanted you to touch on that a little bit. Oh yeah. I don't think we realize that every single word that we say, our subconscious mind hears and then we'll print it out into our

reality. And there's something in our brain at the base of it called the reticular activating system. And essentially your words, your beliefs, your thoughts, once they're inside of you, your reticular activating system starts to filter out the external world based on your own biases. So if I go into a bar and I'm already thinking, oh, men are trash, there could be 10 amazing guys there, but I will align, attract, and experience the guy that I think is trash because my body cannot possibly process all the billion of things to process all in my external reality. So it looks to reaffirm what it already thinks it knows about ourselves or the greater world. And if you want to start to shift what's going on out there, you got to always go to the energetic route, which is oftentimes our words, our beliefs,

our feelings. And really the biggest one is how we view ourselves, our self-concept. Right. So if you are dating and you're thinking, I really hate everyone that I'm attracting, what is going on? These people are terrible. Then I want you to just take a second and not blame yourself, but just ask yourself, what may I be bringing to the energetic table that's causing me to see these people and maybe subconsciously seek them out? Is it my beliefs that I think all men are trash? Is it my relationship I had with the caregiver I crave love from the most that I'm trying to now redo the dynamic, which we do, hashtag repetition compulsion, we will seek to redo that original dynamic in hopes we can master it as an adult and prove to our egos that see, I am worthy of love.

Maybe I couldn't get it from my alcoholic father, but now I'm getting it from my boyfriend. And so we have to, again, not blame ourselves, but take responsibility and remind yourself. If I could leave one message to the whole entire world for the rest of my life, and this is all I was ever remembered for forever, it would be you have so much more power than you give yourself credit for. You have so much more power over what you're attracting. You have so much more power over what you're feeling, what you're thinking, what your life looks like. Even if we're not in total control, because I don't think we are. I think there's many different energetic forms out there. We do have more control than we give ourselves credit.

And so if you can reposition yourself and start asking yourself questions that will actually lead to self-discovery instead of asking, why doesn't he like me? Why does he think I'm not enough? Flip the script and say, why do I even want someone who doesn't want me? Why am I always chasing people outside of myself? Why do I need validation from this person? And when you switch yourself from being the object to the subject once again, you'll get answers that those prior questions would have never led you to. Right. Did you have a question? Oh, she was saying that on one of your episodes that you're your temple.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah. You want me to talk about that? Yeah. Yes. So I really do believe in my bones. I can't see it any other way that we are our very own, not even just temple, but we are our own altar. And you would never go into a place of worship and go up to an altar and just start like ripping the flowers and like pushing over the incense. And I don't know, and like pushing over the incense. And I don't know, like throwing things on the altar. You respect that altar. And I think we need to see ourselves as that holy altar and respect our physical best vessel, our mind, our spirit, all of it. Cause we are these walking altars that deserve to be respected, not only so you can feel good about yourself, but also subconsciously, energetically, we're always, whether we like

it or not, instructing others how to treat us. So I always talk about something that I call the pedestal principle. And basically what I say it is, is that when you place yourself on the pedestal, so will they. But if you place them on the pedestal, they're going to look down at you. So when you can see yourself- Hold up, that was really dope. Say it again. Okay. So the pedestal principle, when you place yourself on the pedestal, so will they. But if you place them on the pedestal, they're going to look down at you.

Yeah. And that kind of applies to like all relationships. I kind of just wanted to repeat that again for our audience, just because it's like, that's just for everything. You know, we're not just talking about love here. We're talking about work and friends and, and associates and, you know, opportunities even like, if you think that this job is so beyond you, you can never do it. You just placed it on the pedestal and now you're on the floor. So it's above you. And when something's above you, how can you align with it? You need to put yourself as the center point so everything can rise like the sun to meet you.

But you cannot be putting other things above you. Plus, do you know how special it is that you actually got to incarnate as a human being? There's so many elemental spirits and so many different realms and dimensions. And according to Dolores Cannon, who is this very famous hypnotherapist, wrote a bunch of books. She said there was a line of souls trying to incarnate at this time. You are freaking royalty. The fact you got the opportunity to be on this planet now, you need to remember who you are. And what I really wanted to say, you need to remember who the fuck you are incarnate here at this time. You do have so much

worth. You deserve to be respected, respected, and you are so, so worthy and deserving of the things that you want. And the funny thing is, it really doesn't matter if we're worthy or not. If you believe it, you'll get it anyway. Definitely. And I think it kind of, you know, the message is that that kind of applies for everybody, you know, like we're all collectively equally as worthy you know and and it's like that's kind of where we miss it it's like we don't i don't have to lose for and you win type of thing you know it may be that you win and i lose in this thing but in something else i'm gonna win and you're gonna lose and we all have our specialties and our superpowers and it's like the comparison it's like the comparison. It's like the comparison curse. When you compare and compare and compare, you're never going to be able

to put yourself on any pedestal. Yeah, and the thing is, you don't know what that soul signed up for. So to compare yourself to their lessons and what they signed up for and their journey, that quite literally has nothing to do with you. You might have signed up to have a longer period of learning how to have patience and a work ethic and really putting the pedal to the metal, whereas they signed up to be an overnight success.

You signed up for different lessons and you got to put those horse blinders on and remember, wait a second, I came all the way down here to learn certain lessons why am i focusing on someone else's journey when there's a beautiful journey that's trying to knock me over the head every day to welcome myself on to it your your journey is so special what is it inviting you to do definitely and then it's you never know what that person's true journey is. You only know what you see. And it's like, I think you said in kind of another episode, too, just kind of like watch what you pray for in a way, in essence. You know, it's like if you pray to be stronger, then you're going to go through battles in order to get stronger.

You know, it's not like, oh, you're just going to poof and be stronger. No, it's going to be a lesson there. So I think that was pretty, it kind of, well, to me, it kind of tied into this. But before we go further, I kind of wanted to back it up a little bit because there are always people who email me and they're like, Micah, you make it seem and sound like it's so easy, but where the hell do I start? So that's the question I'm going to ask you. Where do people start? I think it's hard to start if we have no idea at all where we're going. So I would start with saying, who is it that I want to be? Exactly what I did. Like, what does that actually look like?

What kind of job do they have? Where do they live? What are their habits? What are they thinking? What are they wearing? How do they speak about themselves? What's the first thought they have in the morning? Like one of the things I changed and it's an immediate change. I don't have to think about it. I immediately started to list off things I was grateful for as soon as I woke up. And even just doing that, I started to

feel a little energetic shift and it takes about 21 days to make lasting change. After 21 days, you feel so much better. And the thing is you actually already have the answers within you. You probably just haven't taken the time to actually write those answers out. Like I knew who I wanted to be. Ultimately, I knew the type of person I wanted to exist with as I just didn't write it down until one day I actually did. And then I said, oh, okay, well, now that I have this blueprint, now I can actually just start following.

So really it's a decision of who do I want to be? And then, okay, that's who I'm going to be. Every single day is an invitation. It's a new present moment saying, how do you want to show up today? You get to respond. I always say, if you stepped in a puddle, I wouldn't be like, oh, you're so dumb. Stay in that puddle forever. I would say, no, take your other foot and step out of it. Every single moment you have a chance to step out of that puddle. I don't care how dark it gets. I don't care how far you think you've gone in one direction or the next. It simply doesn't matter. Let your past rest in peace, starve it of your attention

and start focusing on a new North star. And that North star is the person you want to become. And really, when I say become, I really mean it's most likely the person you actually are underneath all the programming that you've learned thus far. I mean, when you were born, we were all born confident and loving. Anything that deviates from that was a learned program. There's no insecure baby. We're not like, oh my God, I'm so embarrassed. I just peed in my diaper. That doesn't happen. We were born confident. So if you're not a confident, magnetic, loving person, okay, then everything you are right now is learned. And the beautiful thing about that is you can unlearn it, you can unbecome it, and you can step into the fullness of who you are.

Definitely. Okay. Good place. Good place. I said a lot, but it's in there. No, no. Yeah, definitely. And I'm one of those big people too. So like I have a, you know, like a little Lex alarm kind of thing. But, you know, I wake up every morning to Whitney Houston, you know, is like I wake up to higher love, her version of higher love that she did. But upbeat song and to me is like something that's going to wake me up. It's going to be positive. I wake up dancing, you know, now I'm singing. I need to brush my teeth, but I'm in a higher love mode, you know. So but I truly believe in kind of, you know, like setting the tone for how your days are

going to be. And, you know, your first thoughts shouldn't be like, oh Lord, I gotta go to work, you know? Yeah. Yeah. And if it is, let's celebrate the awareness and let's choose better. Like, it's okay. We all go to start somewhere.

Like that used to be me every single day of my life. I was like, no, not again. I've woken up, but that's okay. It's okay. We all go to start somewhere. Like that used to be me every single day of my life. I was like, no, not again. I've woken up. But that's okay. It's okay. I've been there too. So I get what you're saying. But acceptance was such a big part of me.

So I had a really horrible childhood. My first memory is of being molested. So I kind of went through a lot of those things. And then you're a very faithful person. I know you read out the Bible all the time. I'm like, she pick up this Bible one more time. But it's because, of course, me, I was really tainted at church at a young age because, you know, people told me because I was gay, I was going to hell. And, you know, I was being told this at five years old and I'm like, I don't even know what I am. Like, you know, like I haven't decided yet. But it took a long time to kind of like process a lot of the trauma I went through and the anger behind it and the frustration and the guilt that I had.

And, you know, because people do things to you and you feel guilty about it. It's just the reality of life. So it was like in healing, I think sometimes we forget, hey, we need to get rid of that guilt, right? But it became the acceptance part. Like it happened. Kind of like you said, it's in the past. Ain't none of that ass think about me. You know what I'm saying?

They are doing whatever the hell they're doing. They're not worried about my forgiveness. They're not worried about whether I'm okay. They don't even know, probably care if i'm alive or not so why am i sitting here still allowing it to dictate the rest of my life and part of that came with just accepting it i had to learn to like okay it happened it was fucked up but that's it you know it's like yeah i can't change it i accept it and i know that it was fucked up. It shouldn't happen, you know. But it also kind of makes it really hard for me to be faithful because I went through such horrible things as a young person.

And, you know, like I said, it's my very first memory. And to me, it's very hard to, like, believe in a higher power that allowed that to happen to me you know it's like yeah my control you know i'm four years old god if you there i don't know about what i'm supposed to do when this grown man touching me this you know it's like you know he's making it stronger but um but it's kind of cool seeing you so like embraced in your faithfulness and your belief and those kind of things i really respect that about you so thank you and i think it's fucking hard to have faith sometimes i really do like that is terrible what the hell like hello anyone there i agree with you that is unfathomable and i think that like for me i went to cath school growing up, but I didn't really feel like I didn't,

I was not like gung-ho or anything like that. And I went to a Jesuit college. My dad's actually Jewish. My mom is, I don't even know what she is, just like a lot. Mom is mom. Yeah, mom is momming. But she always had a really deep faith but actually what happened was i it's hard for me whenever i feel restricted so in a church i feel restricted

sometimes in the spiritual community i feel restricted what happened to me i created a connection with jesus i was going through such just heartbreak, numbness. I couldn't feel, but if I did feel, it was just really painful. And there was this moment in my life where I felt physically, his heart grows in size, because that's how it physically felt to me. And I was doing this thing called a nine-day novena that my mom actually sent to me because I couldn't find my way out of my own pain. Like every day just felt worse than the one before. And through that nine-day novena, it was just saying, Jesus, I surrender everything to you. Like, and that's it. And so for me, I don't have all the answers to the universe. If I did, I, I mean, that'd be really cool.

But I unfortunately am just a human. We will be best friends. That'd be awesome. I would love that for me. You wouldn't have no choice. And I don't believe that everything happens for, um, I don't believe everything happens for a reason. I think that's weird to say. Yeah. It doesn't make sense to me. Um, but I think things can happen for an opportunity if we so choose to somehow create purpose from it.

And through my own pain, different experience than you. But to me, I don't, it hurts. So the things I've experienced hurt me in a way that I clinged closer onto a higher power. Because I was like, I am going to die if I don't. Like, I don't know what else to do. And, and it's weird, but I feel like ascension is not something upward. It's something inward. And when I go in is actually when I feel God the most, it's not when I'm in a church or like some sort of like event. It's, it's when it's just me in nature. It's when it's just me with my Bible. It's when it's just me and me that I feel that deeper connection. And I remember I posted a video and I mentioned Jesus and someone's like, don't mention Jesus.

Don't make your content religious. And I was like, this, he isn't religious to me. He is an ascended master, just like the Buddha or anybody else that has helped me through extreme physical pain that I have no answers for actually how the pain left my body because it was through him. And I don't understand. And that's, I had a dream that I was reading the Bible. So then I started reading the Bible and then that started to help me feel better. So I think that it's really a personal journey about what you feel pulled towards. And then you have to try it out to see if it actually helps you and works.

Right. Definitely. But to me, I was at a point that I would try anything. I never thought to myself I'd be reading the Bible. I never thought I'd be talking about Jesus the way I do. I was actually shocked because I was like, huh? But because of the healing it's brought into my life, I now have like segments of my show where I say Bible gone Bravo because I'm obsessed with Bravo. And I try to make it like a reality TV because I think

regardless of who you are and where you come from, there's just lessons we can take. I can take a lesson from anything and anyone. Definitely. I'm the i'm the same way yeah definitely yeah so i think that it can be helpful but and i too i'm not pro bible just for people watching i have i have read the bible many times i have one under my bed that's on my favorite verse um so i just kind of keep it there um i guess i'm like weird when it comes to spirituality my issue is kind of reversed from yours though so like growing up like i said i went through like this crazy sexual assault. And sometimes it got really, really bad and crazy. And I was telling them yesterday, I used to have one person.

First of all, it was a lot of people. That was like the biggest thing to me. It was like I grew up in New York City in the Bronx. And, you know, it was family members, people that lived in the building, just random. And I'm like, you know, at one point it happened so much that I thought it was normal. You know, I went to school thinking this happened to everybody. Like, yo, so what you and your uncle do? Like, you know, cause me and my uncle do this and people looking at me like I'm crazy. And I'm like, oh, that's not normal because it was just normal. That's just kind of what

happened. But I had one guy that kind of used to like cut me up with a razor blade, very strategically, you know, who make it look like I fell and it was a nice little cut, you know, and then use my blood to pleasure himself. So, you know, it was a very dark childhood. And the one thing I prayed for more than anything was death, you know?

And I had a loving family, like my family loved me. So I never considered suicide. And it was because I had a loving family that Like my family loved me. So I never considered suicide. And it was because I had a loving family that I prayed for death. Right. But then every day I woke up and I'm like, OK, God, hello. I'm praying for death and you're not giving it to me. But, you know, it's like go through life.

I kind of went through that. I went through another sickness when I was 16, paralyzed from the neck down. Had to learn how to walk and talk and all that kind of stuff. It's called Guillain-Barre syndrome, two battles with cancer. And it's like the, it's like, I never felt like, you know, as people tell me all the time, oh, you made, you know, by the grace of God, you did it by the grace of God, you did it by the grace of God. But it's like, when I sit back and I think about my pain and the suffering, the things I went through, it's like, I didn't feel nothing. Nothing was there with me. You know, there was nobody helping me carry this pain. I carried all this pain by

myself. So, but then I can also turn around and, um, you know, I killed one of my mom's plants, right? Sorry, mama. But I just forgot to water it. And I, it was like in a weird place. She was gone for a week. Just to let you guys know, my mom lives with me. I pay the bills. I'm not a scrub.

Okay. But it was like sitting on top of a thing. I forgot about it. I looked at it. It was just dead. Like, or appeared dead, you know,

like all the, the, the flowers and stuff and everything was just like you know and i was like oh shit so i watered it and like put it in the sun i didn't know what the fuck i was doing but i was like this shit got to come back to life because my mama is gonna kill me over this plant but i go to bed and i come downstairs and i wake up next day and the plant looks like it was never dead like it was the most amazing thing. I'm like, wow, this is dope. So it was like in that moment, it's like, you see something, you know, but I really haven't discovered what that something is for me, you know? So I don't know, is it God? Is it energy? Is it, you know, source as people

say, you know, is it Jesus? Is it Buddha? Is it this? It's like, I, but I do agree with you. I think it's all beautiful and it's amazing to be faithful and have faith. And I wish that I could have it more. And maybe I do have it more and just don't know it. But when I think about all the painful, hard times in my life, I really, truly feel that I experienced them and I did them all by myself. And that's what makes me have a hard time believing in something outside of me. You know, it's so interesting. So I have this, you can see it, obviously there's a TV in my room. And if I don't turn it on or tune into it, I forget it's there. It's like completely out of my awareness. And what I've come to realize is we as human beings are so limited and we're limited by our five senses. When I take out my contacts,

the world looks blurry. Is it actually blurry? Of course not. But to me, that feels really real that, well, it is, I'm limited, so that's what it is. But it's not, it's my perception. And I don't want to sound weird, but if I could say one thing to you, what I would ask from the greater electromagnetic field that we reside in, however you want to call it, or straight up to God or to an angel, even a loving ancestor. I would ask them, help me have awareness of the presence in my life. And that is something I do ask. And I believe I got the little seven, look, my little seven archangels

on my little chain. And it's like, it's just like a weird like i said it's just weird but i that is something that i pray for always yes no it's like you said and you were doing one of your videos and i watched look we watched a couple of them right so they probably all tie into each other you guys go check them out because cc is pretty dope and you know we say it's dope then it's dope right but um you were basically and you were saying like god gave me this message or god told me or you know i heard it and i'd be like that's what i want i want to hear it like why can't i okay maybe you're not listening you know what you need to do this is what i call dating the divine because i felt i don't know what you know

how you said you had things fought, like a pattern follow you. I have always in my life felt extremely alone for whatever reason, even if there's people around me, even in high school, like I technically had friends and could have been considered like popular. I never, I inside never felt like I fit in, always felt like an outcast, felt completely uncomfortable in my skin. And there was the first time I ever felt something outside of myself. I remember I was sitting in nature at this harbor near my house and I was, I don't know why I'm always going through heartbreak, but for whatever reason, I happen to be going through heartbreak again. And so I was sitting and I'm just hysterically like crying and like, I scream at God all

the time. I'm like, where are you? What is this? Why is this happening to me? I don't understand. And suddenly I just put a frequency on and I put my headphones on and I felt something. I felt like there was angels just all around, like hundreds of them, just everywhere, everywhere, everywhere. And it's silly, but in my head, they're wearing

cheerleading outfits. That's just because of who I am and my perception. That's not- Right, but that's dope. Yeah, that's not what they really look like. But in my head, because of my experiences, I grew up with Legally Blonde. this is where i'm at guys so yeah so that and house money but so they're all wearing these like cheerleading outfits and and i felt them all clapping for me and not to bring up the bible again but in psalms when i was reading it all of the passages are people just screaming at god where are you? They're angry. Like people are just, and they put it in the Bible, but it's everyone just screaming angry

at God. I don't understand. I'm in so much pain. I don't, why are you doing this to me? And it made me feel not so much alone in that instance too. Cause I'm like, damn, they put this in the actual book of everyone just screaming at God. This is a feeling that a lot of us humans have where we miss out on that connection.

And the thing that makes me feel connected is when I date the divine and all I do is go into nature. I set an intention, God, grandpa, Jesus, loving spirit guide, connect to me, give me a message, show me something. And the more you do it, the easier it becomes. And then you can start seeing things in your mind's eye. You'll feel things. You'll know things. And this is something we can all do. It's just like anything else.

Like yoga, it's just a practice. Yeah, definitely. Except for the nature part because I don't do bugs. Yeah. So a bug would make me move. I was going home one day. It was the biggest beetle I've ever seen in my life. You know, I called my mom at two o'clock in the morning, like, I'm coming over. Can you open the door? I'm staying with you.

Take a bug and have my house. Don't rob me with no gun. Bring a bug. OK, so the nature part is going to be a little hard for me, but no, it is really, really good advice. And I am searching and I think that's like the cool part, you know, is like I'm not opposed to it. But when I think of, like I said, just think of some of the hardest pains and some of the things I went through. And people say that what you said to me all the time. Oh, you're not listening. Like, no, trust bitch. I'm listening.

My ear is open. I'm like, God, Jesus, somebody. Do you think you would trust it if you heard it or felt it? Like, let's say it already happened. Do you think you would trust that that was heard it or felt it? Like, let's say it already happened. Do you think you wouldn't trust that that was God or an angel? I don't know. I feel like if it happens the way that people say it happens, then I should be able to recognize it. Right.

But it's also without an expectation, you know. So, like, I have a hard time believing that everything good in my life is because of God. No, I work really hard. You know, I get my ass up at seven o'clock every morning. I go to work. I work for eight hours a day. I come and I do this podcast and I record it and I mix it and I edit it. And, you know, and, and, you know, it's like, I have one brother. It's funny. I have a very faithful family, but I have one brother it's funny I have a very faithful family but I have one brother our podcast does really well like we're number five right now in the ratings and um yeah I don't like you um but um yeah it kind of blew up in a way I never thought it was and and people always oh you got to be thankful for God for that and I'm like the guy wasn't next to me when I was editing this

video you know but because I feel like you say alone in that moment. But you're right. Would I trust it? I don't know. I feel like if it's, if, if, if, if it's out, I don't know. I don't know. I guess it's a good question. That's something I need to ponder on.

I feel like I would because, but I expect it to be like a divine intervention. Like I should be able to recognize that it's divine. Like it should come with a label. It's not always, It's not always. To me, sometimes actually my ego is so much louder than it actually always. It's most of the time a whisper. And that's why they say, you know, walk by faith, not sight. Because it's really fucking scary to actually listen to it. And every time I listen to the whisper, thank God it turns out working out. But it's like,

it's so quiet actually. And it's almost non-existent. And if you're trying to build up belief in something, I always say, start with like the smallest thing ever. Like, oh, maybe this road will be better to go down. Maybe I should take this turn instead of that turn. Like practice with the little whisper. And the more you learn to trust it, the easier will be to hear it. But if you shut down a voice that's been within you, and I think our intuition is kind of like the connection to our higher self, our connection to God, like all of that. If we shut it down from a young age, because first of all, we're children and we believe everything an adult tells us because we're living in an adult world, obviously, what do we know? I'm still mad that my mama made me believe in Santa Claus.

Like exactly, exactly. So we learn to shut down our intuition inside of our own vessel before we ever learn to trust it. And I think as an adult, that's one of the things we have to unbecome. We have to start leaning into, well, what is this weird intuitive feeling that's a whisper? And I actually really don't know what it's saying and I don't really know what it means, but what happens if I just try it anyway? And every time you talk, I feel like there's so much energy around you. So it's crazy to me that you're telling me. I feel like there's two like big soldiers behind you, it feels like.

You know what? And so for me, I always had really good intuition, I think, because of what I went through as a child. So, you know, like once I got out of my situation and, you know, I didn't allow people to hurt me anymore. You know, I knew a person that would hurt me. I knew to stay away from this and I knew to stay away from that. What kind of messed me up was healing. Right. When I started to heal and I started to realize that in healing, I recognize that I hurt a lot of people in my life.

Right. But I also knew that I couldn't do anything else but hurt them based on the life that I lived and the things that happened to me. I was who I was because I was who I was. You know, life was life. And it taught me a lot of lessons. Those lessons made me be tough and heartless and strong. And because of that, I hurt a lot of good people. I'm not going to say a lot. I'm not like that bad. But I did hurt people and it was more than one. But so, you know, it's like I recognize that I always I wasn't always what people consider a best version, but I was always the best version of myself at that time, you know? So now I'm over compassionate, you know? So I kind of turn my intuition off because I give people the same grace that I give myself. You know, maybe this

is the best that they are at the time, or maybe this is the best that I can get at the time. And because of that, I kind of feel like I don't listen to intuition anymore. Like I kind of ignore it because I feel like if I listen to it, I'm going to run the other way. like I don't listen to intuition anymore. Like I kind of ignore it because I feel like if I listen to it, I'm going to run the other way. And I don't want to miss the opportunity to be able to help somebody in their healing because of how I learned how to heal. And because I know that I am healing, you know, it reminds me of that quote, do no harm, take no shit. So I think there is a boundary where we have to

put it up for ourselves, where as soon as we feel like, okay, I'm now betraying myself in some way, shape or form to help someone else. That's when I take a couple of steps back. But if my cup is full and I'm just overflowing into someone else because I'm empathic and because I've learned to, you know, similar to you, I know exactly what you're saying. When I walk into the room, I immediately can take the energetic temperature. I know who's doing what, who's feeling what, how everyone's moving through their day. And when you have that, because you go through whatever traumatic experience growing up, the trauma does happen to give you that power where you're more perceptive. It's kind of like a coping mechanism. I actually have to be more perceptive of my environment to protect myself. And so you develop it.

And so when you have that, there's always a pull to take some of your light that you've been building since your darkness and give it to someone else. But as soon as it starts to deplete you, that is, we, we, we didn't come here to save everybody. I don't even think I came here to convince anyone. If I inspire you in some shape, way, or form, and you can do better for yourself. Amazing. But I can't force you to go into your healing. I can't make you do anything. I can only inspire. And if, if it's not inspiring enough for you, I don't know exactly what your soul lesson is. And I actually, it would be unethical for me to get in the way of that. And it would be unethical for me to step into your karma and try to take it away from you. And I always call my mom, martyr mother, and then I polarize and I'm diva daughter. And I always

tell her, you have to stop getting in the way of other people's lessons, because in doing that, you're actually perceiving them as less powerful than they are because they actually do have the tools to heal through this and get through this. But you're stripping them of that because you've learned to be this role of the martyr. And that's not fair to you because you're already an empty cup. And it's definitely not fair to them because they're now missing out on what you pray for, you will get, I want the strength. They're now missing out on the opportunity to build that strength definitely so if you're overflowing love and compassion and empathy because it's feeling good to you that's one thing but i think that when you start to feel yourself becoming so depleted take no harm do no Take a step back, ran it back in girl, you know?

Definitely. And I'm actually at that right. 2024 is my year. No. Right. Because it is my year. No, I decided. So unfortunately I got like cancer came back in December for me. I am in stage zero now, but, um, it came back and, you know, I'm'm just waiting for them like the check mark to be like you're back in remission um but um cancer came back in december and i realized like at that time like how the hell did you over here you doing all this healing and you in all this positive shit but you missed cancer coming back you know like how did you not and i realized it's because i was born into everybody else's cup. You know, I was taking care of everybody because I felt like I had an abundance and I knew people that needed things that I had. And it's, I have an abundance of it. Don't be selfish and keep it,

you know, because I'm healing. So I'm now thinking, oh, well, selfish is a negative thing. It's a bad thing. I need not to be selfish because I'm trying to be a better person. You know, now I realize now be selfish because that's what you're supposed to do because your life is about you and yourself and you got to do what's best for you. So when I got cancer and I realized that everybody I poured into kind of disappeared and now I had no pups around me, you know, and it was like, I barely got a phone call to see how I was doing. Barely checked on me. Got a phone call if they needed something. Oh my God.

Are you serious? Yeah. It was like, I kind of lost a lot of so-called what I thought were friends around me. Right. But once again, you know, I was in that, I love everybody. So I let everybody in my circle, you know, because I'm giving everybody a chance. But when cancer came and like, I had to do it alone. And of course it's an alone battle. It's kind of what cancer is. You know, no one would ever know what I went through with my cancer. It's my cancer. You know, I get that. But when I can't call on you,

and of course I had people, I had the real people, you know, I have a friend I had for 30 years. She was right by my side, you know, so I'm not saying I had nobody, but you know, people. I had the real people. You know, I have a friend I had for 30 years. She was right by my side, you know, so I'm not saying I had nobody, but, you know, people that I expected or I thought we kind of grew old friendships kind of started disappearing. I'm like, you know what? Give me my water back. Right. Kind of what you said.

Fuck you. This is about me. And I have to survive this. I have to get over this. Like, I have to beat this again. You know, I was able to do it once. Will I be able to do it a second time? I don't know. Not if I continue to give my all to everybody. So it was really, really close to new year's and people like, you need a new year's resolution. No, that is my new year's resolution. No can be a sentence. And he's been doing good.

And I've been doing good yes so it has been my year for no and unfortunately i want to be selfish right now and i'm taking care of me and doing that's not unfortunate that's the most fortunate thing i've heard all day right and i don't mean look once again i don't don't even know why i said unfortunate because i gotta watch what i say too but unfortunately like it's like I'm living life and I just I'm so tired. I had a conversation with a boss today about like, I don't want to be in a drama work environment. So if this situation continues to be drama, you ain't got to worry about me no more. You know, I thought she talked to you before the show and that's why she was saying it, because she was right on point with negativity.

I was like, damn, she's good. No, I didn't know anything. She just felt the energy. And I really didn't mean to make this episode about me, but I will get some free advice off of this, okay? No, absolutely. And self-love is never, ever, ever selfish. And I think it's important to remember you did come onto this planet for you. You are the magnet for all the things that are happening in your reality, whether or

not we know what is in our energetic field. Because again, most of us do not. And it's so easy. First of all, through our bloodline, there's energetic entities that get passed down. We can go to a bar and there's an energetic entity that just gets attached onto us. We can have a conversation and there's an energetic entity. We can watch a movie at an energetic entity. So there, there, it's not just us, but we are the focal point. And then there's things in our field that also bring things towards us. And so in order for us to really elevate our life, we do need to pay

attention to ourselves. And that is actually when we feel our best and can help others. I know that when I don't give to myself, I am literally a monster. I will wreak havoc. I will raise hell. No one's going to like me the the bitch and positive bitch will really come out because it's not it is not a happy story it's not a fun time it is not good i'm also from new york um but anyway we are too that's what we are we're upstate new york oh okay i go i'm back and forth between long island and florida okay um but i did live in the bronx for two years so i went to fordham yeah i still live in the bronx now we go back and forth from here to the bronx yeah brooklyn boulevard kind of the area mott's haven i think is what they call it i don't i'm so bad with geography

i know how to get a to b yeah i know how to follow a nap sometimes not even all the time even me i look I always go past. I either turn too early or turn too late, but we're going to talk about that another time. But you know, what I was saying is that, first of all, I'm so happy for you, for you choosing you. It's the best gift you can give to yourself

and actually to everyone else around you because you will become happier when you're actually giving to yourself and anyone who everyone else around you because you will become happier when you're actually giving to yourself and anyone who judges you for that, oh, you're being selfish. Oh, you're doing that. You think they don't want to choose themselves. Of course they do. They're jealous. They're just jealous. That's what it is. And the parts of them that they're shoving down in themselves, the part of them that wants to give to themselves, they have too many limiting beliefs that tell them that they can't.

So therefore, they have a shadow self that would give to themselves, but they push it down. And then they hate the aspect in you that they don't allow themselves to experience within themselves. And that shadow, let it haunt them. It has nothing to do with you. It's none of your business. Your business is your reality. And if people want to hate you, if they want to say whatever they want to say let them because that only brings down their own vibration misery loves company it's lonely at the bottom not at the top so keep elevating yourself right it definitely and that's just good general advice for everybody right i know she was talking to me

but i know she was talking to you like i know she was talking to me but I also want all y'all to know what she said was for everybody out there because it is true and then you know one another thing that I realized was it was like capability I'm sitting here I did like this 90-day chemo course where I did chemo like every day you know so I didn't get any breaks but I was still working a full-time job still doing a podcast you know still interviewing and doing things. And I was like, if I could do this when I really just want to lay down and die. Anybody can do it, you know, so it's kind of like what you were saying, like I felt like I kind of was enabling people to be a lesser version of themselves because all I was doing was giving, giving, giving and doing, doing, doing. And now it's like, nope, I'm going to buy me this coach

bag. Period. And you know what I want to say in response to that? We can say, well, anyone can do this. Anyone can do this. Yeah, but they don't. And that's actually your power. The fact that you do do it is your power. The fact that you do get up and you're on like 150 miles per hour, that is your power. And to me, and you're going to be like, I don't know, but to me, that is God's grace moving through you. That is your higher self pumping through you because yeah, anyone can do it. Anyone can do it, but they don't. And look at what you've done with your experiences. Look at what you've done. You're helping other people heal.

Is there literally anything more magical than that? I don't think so. You're literally helping the collective consciousness raise and you're bringing them back home to themselves. Is there anything more special than that? I don't think so. And again, I don't think things happen for a reason i don't understand why so many things happen but look at the opportunity you created

from it definitely and that is like whoa powerful whoa beautiful whoa magical well you know what i kind of like you i had that moment of peace where i felt peace and i'm like you can have peace in your life. Like, this is nice. Who is she? Who is she? Like, peace look good on me. Let me wear this peace. Like, this peace is dope. And then I was like, everybody should know what this is. You know, that's kind of what my thought from the podcast was.

Because it's like, we need to start talking about all these crazy ass feelings we got. All this insecurity and questions and guilt and frustration and anger and all the things and and kind of just letting people know kind of i feel like what you kind of been given the whole episode that it's okay to be you but yeah we need to be better you know it's like we can be better you know and even at your greatest i think you could be better like me i'm better today than i was yesterday and that's my goal every I think you could be better like me. I'm better today than I was yesterday. And that's my goal every day in life to be better than the day I was before. Yeah. I love that. Yeah. I want to learn every day. I want to grow every day. I want to know

something new. You know, I want to have a new experience. I want to have a new emotion, have a new feeling. Like I want to know these things, but I allow myself to have bad days. I know I'm not perfect, even though I am perfect. I don't want to see him in a bad day, but I allow myself to have them. I know if I, if I kind of wake up and Whitney Houston, a higher love ain't getting to me and I'm in that lower love and it's just going to be what it is. Cool. But tomorrow it's going to be different. Yeah. You know? and that's kind of like what I do, you know, is like my thing is, OK, you won today. Whoever you are, you got it. But tomorrow I'm winning. You know, tomorrow I'm getting back to my normal self and I'm about to be regular and I'm waking up and it's going to be higher love.

And I'll be not dancing and two stepping and bumping and dropping things. I love that. I love that. And it's so true. Like just the other day, I had to let myself unravel for the whole day. Cause I just, I wasn't myself. I was dealing with difficult emotions. And like I said before, there's so many different energies at play in this universe. The moon pulls on us, certain planets moving pull on us. There's so many different things happening. You have to let yourself unravel. Allow yourself to mourn. Allow yourself to cry.

Allow yourself to just feel whatever it is you need to freaking feel. Just let it out. And the next day, decide on a new attitude and you're going to feel fine again. But you have to let yourself feel to heal. It's such a cliche. Everyone says it, but it's so true.

And just to add to that and do it on your timetable. Yes. If all you need is five minutes, take that five minutes. If you need five hours, take five hours. I need 24 hours. That's what I take, you know?

But don't let people tell you how you should be controlling anything in your life. Right. You know, we like to do it, you know. It's okay to seek advice. I'm big on advice. I went to therapy.

I kind of did talks with life coach, worked with people. I have a lot of people who did this podcast. For some reason, they'd be wanting to work with me and stuff. They'd be like, I'm going to give you a free session. I'd be like, no. Like, thank you, I think. But I'm open to it.

Like, hey, I'm like, to me, it doesn't hurt to try it. You know, if it's going to make me better, you know, cool. Why not give it a moment? Give it some energy, you know and then i i'm always going into things i'm one of those people i feel like i cannot meditate for nothing my brain will not shut the fuck up you hear me talking to you now my brain is having a whole different conversation with you right yeah but meditation meditation is just observation of thoughts so let your brain talk and just witness.

You know, and people always be like, and that's dope. So I'm going with your version because people are like, your brain needs to be quiet. Like this brain be quiet. I'm going to use your word again, bitch. Yeah, no. No, that's the point of meditation is to get an inside look on your internal world. Maybe your thoughts want to tell you something just witness it it's just looking into a window that's all it is oh my god you have

changed my life you are the first person to ever tell me that i have people come on here and they're like they end up getting frustrated with me because i'm like oh my god i tried it i don't need to breathe and not focus on my. I'm thinking how I'm breathing. If I'm breathing wrong. And trust. I can have two thoughts at the same time. I can think about my breathing and think negative all at the same time. Okay, I'm skilled.

You know? Period. What am I going to do after dinner? Yeah, no. It's about meditation. Like, what is the point? To me, it's just about to understand me and then connect to a deeper level if I can go there. But some days I am just witnessing my thoughts because I'm like, oh, I guess, you know, that

circumstance I had yesterday is bothering me more than I thought because I'm still thinking about it. And I just make a note of it. It really is just, you know, I almost see meditation as just like studying myself. It depends on the day. Sometimes I'm doing meditation to connect with my angels get a divine message but a lot of the time it's just what's going on with me because i got a lot of things to say i'm very similar to you i'm a lot i'm like like all the time so sometimes it's just let me just watch for five minutes let me just see what

i'm thinking and that's it definitely and that's and see that's my like wind down period like i lay down i give myself extra time because i know me and this brain about to have it out. You know what I'm saying? And we're going to go through these thoughts and it's going, but so I'm really glad that you said that everybody else has been on the show that told me to be quiet, uh, mind your business. But, um, if you don't mind, if I take a little bit more of your time, I know we're running over a little bit, but I do have two questions. OK, so the first one is there are a lot of people who watch our podcast and they listen to my story or stories kind of like mine. And they think like, hey, I ain't been through nothing like that.

So I don't need to heal. What would be your advice to kind of explain to people that we all kind of need to heal or focus on energies and kind of confidence and self-confidence? Like what would be your message to those people about not comparing and really taking a chance on themselves? Everyone has a different experience and some humans go through big T moments, like big traumatic moments where, oh, this is something that's going to change my brain chemistry forever. And sometimes we have many big T's, but for most of us, we actually experienced little T's, little moments that repeatedly happen over and over and over and over again. For me, something that happened in my life is my mom was frequently late to pick me up. And that actually caused me to create a whole entire anxious

attachment. I always thought she was dead or gone in my relationships. If my partner was out to a bar or they didn't answer in my head, something terrible was wrong. They hate me. They're going to break up with me. The littlest moments can, again, even the littlest actions hold great energetic weight. And it's actually sometimes a little tease. They built up so much that they're causing you to develop a completely different side of your psyche than who you actually are. And it's causing you to attract experiences that are not in alignment with who you truly are, the energy you came onto this planet with before all the programming.

So if you don't like the reality you're existing within, to me, that's enough evidence that there's enough little T moments that have shaped your brain and shaped your energy. And now you're not attracting from who you really are. You're attracting from the trauma. And we do that all the time. Definitely. Really good answer. And it's so dope because I always kind of like, again, throughout the whole episode has always been about being your authentic self, being true to yourself. And kind of to emphasize something you said earlier, you're probably already that version.

You are that version. It's just so many walls and layers and protections and things that are around it. You know, it was like gardening. You know, I watched the movie The Shack. I didn't see that. Oh, my God. You ain't seen The Shack? No. I'm right down, though. Yes. gardening you know i watched the movie the shack you know i didn't see that oh my god you got you ain't seen the shack no i'm right down though yes you guys so it's it's based on a christian

as a christian arthur but it's it's kind of christian based or whatever one thing i thought was amazing octavia spencer was god so i was like it's pretty dope they got like the little chubby black woman we got but um there's a part in the movie i feel like i can't tell you now spoiler alert don't tell me don't tell me or maybe tell me it kind of goes with what i was saying but he's gardening right he's gardening and and cleaning things up and like the garden is like a mess and those kind of things and he eventually asks like the person that's with him like you know whose garden is this and they're like it's you know what you see it's you you know this is you you're a mess you know but it's a beautiful mess and without this you wouldn't

have this and without this you wouldn't have this but it still needs to be tended to it still needs to be kept up it still needs to be water there are weeds that we need to pull out you know so it's like even though it's a beautiful mess, it can still be cleaned up and still be messy, you know, because that's who we are because life be life. So now, um, are you taking new clients? I am not taking new clients right now. I've been on a little pause reason being, cause we have the book, the podcast and the, um, and my social media. So I've been taking a pause on taking new clients. It will open up again probably later this year.

But for now, the calendar is booked and busy. Why? Is there someone who needs it? No, no, no, no. So people watch our episodes and legit call special tests that be on here so we usually when people see someone they like they call and um so i just was asking really for our audience i have courses and books i have courses workbook books podcasts i have so much information out there that will help you locate your own blind spots for the time being a lot of stuff trust me and of course we'll yeah we'll list all of that stuff and make sure that

everybody knows where to find you and and those kind of things now is there anything that you want to tell our audience or you had in your mind or in your spirit when we started this that we didn't give you a chance to say not really no. No, I would just, I really said it. It's just to remember your own power and start making the little changes. Cause those little changes are the building blocks that end up quantum leaping you into a completely different reality. And for you specifically, that I feel like you have more faith than you even realize, because you're still kicking and screaming. You're still getting up every day. And you are still fighting and you are still doing this podcast.

And I just think you're such a beautiful light and energy. Both of you are. And I'm honored and happy to be a part of this and honored that we get to connect on this beautiful incarnation that we're both experiencing and remember the law of polarity as deep as we feel pain we will also get to feel pleasure so just hold the fuck on and you'll get there right and thank you for that and i and i kind of do too you know i it's like i know it's there and it's something I just don't have a name for yet. So maybe it doesn't need a name. Maybe that's the

problem, right? That I want to name it because everybody calls something, something, and maybe it just needs to be what it is. Energy, right? And, and yeah. Yeah. At the end of the day, words can only point to the truth. They can never fully encapsulate what we're actually feeling. Like I can say, I love my mom. I love my dog. The word love can never fully encompass how I truly feel. So even when there's not a name, the feeling is the most important. Right. Okay. Now I'm going to- That is really beautiful. But I also want to ask you some personal advice, one personal question, right? But the rest of the world can listen. Okay.

So me and the love of my life have been apart for five years. He's been out fighting justice and all those kind of things. And we saw each other here and there. But, you know, now it's about to be permanent again. And, you know, it's been five years and I'm a completely different person. I am so nervous about him coming home. What would be your advice for me? Because it's like, I'm trying not to have expectations. I'm trying not to make it negative. I'm trying, but I still keep going there. I still keep going like,

oh, I'm so different. I'm not the broken person that he's used to. How is he going to deal with me whole? And it's nerve wracking. What would be your advice for me? I think that when someone is really meant to be in your life, you're not going to have to manipulate yourself, change yourself, put yourself in a box, put yourself out of the box. You're not going to have to be thinking, thinking, thinking, doing, doing, doing all the time.

Your person is going to accept you. Like they're going to accept you at your best and at your worst because relationships we do, we are seen at our best and our worst. So if this is really our person, if this is really your person in front of you, you're not going to have to change you because their higher self and your higher self has been like weaving a little string to bring you two together and in that togetherness they get to see the fullness of who you are and you get to see the fullness of who they are you think they haven't changed of course they have yeah oh no trust yeah

yeah so both of you have changed in different ways you may have to relearn one another but i would never see that as a detrimental thing. I would actually see that as a blessing that you guys have had enough time to grow and learn on your own path so you can come back stronger than ever. Because sometimes it is the right person, just the timing is not right. And so for whatever reason, we get pulled apart, we get put together, we get pulled apart, put put together there's so many different ways a relationship can unfold but when that person is really for us there's no pressure on us to manipulate ourselves so walk in in all your fucking glory because actually that just makes it easier for you to know oh this is my person or this isn't my person right right right definitely

thank you for that of course look being selfish and making it about me. As you should. As you should. This is your podcast. I'm here for it. But thank you so much. We absolutely love you. Maybe we can come.

Maybe you'll be willing to come back. And I feel like we can have a whole bunch of other million questions for you, or at least I can. I would love to. Okay, awesome. And I'm going to hold you to that. Also, we want a copy of your book but we want it autographed we will support

I believe in paying we're going to pay for it we just got to work it out I do want an autograph okay I will give you that autograph do not worry because you know

when you do become famous in your books I'm worth a lot of money I'm letting you know now I'm selling it okay because I know you and I can just ask you for another

one because we're BFF now exactly do what you need to do I have no problems no qualms with it at all also amazing thank you thank you so much for coming on producer Crystal any last many words for the people I just think you're amazing and you did

teach me a lot oh thank you so much I'm so happy to be here being on this podcast I just love you're amazing. And you did teach me a lot. Oh, thank you so much. I'm so happy to be here being on this podcast. I just love the energy so much. I understand why you're number four or five or whatever you said. That makes sense to me. Thank you. And I'm glad it makes sense to everybody else. You guys keep watching. Keep tuning in. We're going to continue to bring you dope content. We're going to continue to bring you Cece. We're going to have her come back and we're going to definitely ask her several more questions. I think your podcast is really amazing too. And just to let you know that you have two new subscribers. Okay? You will be checking it out. But I feel like I got to catch up now.

So now I'm like binge your podcast. Yes! So if you see further podcasts and the stuff that you said i just borrowed share it share it share it share it the more people who get this information the merrier the merrier it doesn't matter where it comes from just share awesome amazing and thank you so much again thank you guys for watching and we'll see you next week thank you love and blessings.