These Fukken Feelings Podcast© - From Chaos to Joy: Mel's Journey of Embracing Emotions, Mental Health, and Authentic Connections | Season 3 Episode 333

Episode Date: July 10, 2024

What if embracing your emotions is the key to unlocking true joy? Join us on These Fukken Feelings Podcast as we welcome the extraordinary Melissa Trumbull, affectionately known as Mel, who takes us on a journey from her chaotic past to becoming a joy visionary. Mel’s candid story reveals how she turned her life around by shifting her mindset and taking ownership of her decisions, as chronicled in her book "Big Book of Bad Ideas." Along the way, we explore the stigma surrounding mental health, illustrated by a powerful narrative of an 18-year-old fighting to convince his father that seeking help is a strength, not a weakness.Relationships and self-discovery form another crucial part of our conversation. Reflecting on personal experiences with grief, we delve into the importance of truly embracing and processing our emotions for healing. The balance between solitude and companionship, especially as our social circles evolve, is also highlighted. Personal anecdotes and humor paint a vivid picture of the ups and downs of life, emphasizing the continuous pursuit of self-improvement and happiness. This episode is a heartfelt exploration of the human experience, filled with raw honesty and warmth.Family dynamics and the path to self-acceptance come into focus as we share stories of growing up in a large family with complex histories. We discuss how faith and traumatic experiences intersect and the journey of reconciling belief in a higher power amidst suffering. Mel’s insights guide us through the importance of finding the right support system, whether through therapy or community groups. Authentic communication and genuine connections are key themes, offering listeners valuable resources and inspiration for their own paths to healing and self-discovery. Join us for an episode that promises to be as enlightening as it is engaging.CHAPTERS:00:00 - Intro01:00 - Guest Intro04:35 - Talk to Parents About Mental Health08:15 - Healing While Hurting13:44 - Trauma and Love17:57 - Mike’s Love Life20:52 - Where It All Started23:20 - First Job Experience24:04 - What is ZFG Living29:31 - The Big Book of Bad Ideas33:35 - Religion and the Catholic Church38:45 - Adult Children of Alcoholics39:20 - Childhood Trauma43:39 - The Power of Saying No46:38 - Scheduling Worry Time52:20 - How Diagnosis Helps55:10 - Seek Help Even If It’s Not "That Bad"1:02:42 - Last Words#MentalHealthAwareness, #EmotionalHealing, #SelfDiscovery, #JoyVisionary, #MelissaTrumbull, #BigBookOfBadIdeas, #FamilyDynamics, #GriefRecovery, #AuthenticCommunication, #FaithAndTrauma, #SupportSystems, #TherapyJourney, #Companionship, #SelfImprovement, #HumanExperience, #MentalHealthStigma, #HealingJourney, #PodcastEpisodes, #PersonalGrowth, #EmbraceYourEmotions #TheseFukkenFeelingsPodcast #TraumaIsExpensivehttps://zfgliving.com/

you don't have to be positive all the time it's perfectly okay to feel sad angry annoyed frustrated scared and anxious having feelings doesn't make you a negative person it doesn't even make you weak it makes you human and we are here to talk through it all we welcome you to these fucking feelings podcast a safe space for all who needs it grab a drink and take a seat. The session begins now. What is up, guys? Welcome to these fucking feelings podcast. I am Micah. I'm here with my special guest, Mel. I just wanted to point out that I don't know what camera I'm looking at right now.

I'm crooked, but that's because Producer Crystal's not here, and I'm scared if I touch anything. It took me 40 minutes to get the camera to turn on, okay? So, y'all gonna have to deal with me like this today. Mel, thanks for coming on.

As we were talking in the little green room. Thank you for having me, as people call it about, she was supposed to be on in January. So she was one of the many people that I canceled on due to my cancer diagnosis. And I was explaining that I'm back in remission. More of the story. We went on a, we did like a 90 day really aggressive form of chemo because they caught, they thought they caught it so early that I can go into remission quickly. So I kind of did chemo for 90 days straight, which is crazy. Yeah. Destroyed me a little bit. I kind of wanted to like just be done with it. But I'm back. I feel great. And that's why producer Chris was not here because she's sick. And I'm like, yo, stay where you at because do not bring that to me. A hundred percent. We want to share, but not all that.

Right. And before we go any further, I'm losing you here. Sorry. I told you, look, I'm sorry, guys. My whole system messed up. You need some hot glue and some finger paints and it's going to be perfect. Finger paints or duct tape. Duct tape fix everything.

But before we go any further, Mel, one thing that we like to do is we like to ask our guests to introduce themselves because no one knows you better than you. So tell our audience a little bit about yourself. Absolutely. Thanks for having me on. I am Melissa Trumbull. I think you can call me Mel. I'm your joy visionary. I am all about measurably increasing joy in the world. How do I know how to do that? You ask. Hold on, please. I'll tell you. So I wrote a book. Oh,

look, it's behind me. Wink, wink. Big book of bad ideas. And this was just about all the craptastic decision making that I had engaged in in in my Oh, I don't know, entire life. And, you know, growing up in the abusive household with the sexual abuse and the physical abuse and the like, well, if I'm gonna suffer, I'm gonna do what I want, you know, that doesn't exactly cultivate a self nurturing mindset, shall we say, you know, like, I just like rocked every crappy decision you could do. And I was on divorce number two, two. And maybe we are siblings. I'm telling you. So there's nothing more humiliating than that, like feeling when your your veins turn to ice water and you're like, I am the problem. I am the master creator of all of this chaos, because no matter who I'm with, it's a fricking disaster. And even though I've been in therapy since I was 12, thank you to my grade school for making my family send me because I actually did do a lot of help. But I was still doing it. And so then I started working on

like mindset. Okay. I was doing taxes at the time, right? I'm an accountant, you know, and then I start learning about it. I'm writing my book, like all this stuff is happening. And then all of a sudden I'm like, I'm kind of awesome. Right. Oh, I've always been kind of awesome. Like, how can I teach this to other people? So that's that's why I do what I do. I talk to, you know, corporations to help them with their teams and coach individuals and groups. And of course, you know, books, journaling, like, come on, get those pencils ready. The physical act of writing. I mean, I'm just going to be like fire hosing it. I'll try to calm down. It's okay.

No, no fire hose. It luckily is recorded. So people always rewind and go back and listen. Right. 100%. 100%. But I look, I'm going to actually, we're going to go right back into it. We're going to go right into it.

Right. So I actually, so on our social media, usually when a person like sends a text, I will reply back as long as it's not inviting me to their only fans. I'm like, I'm good. I mean, unless you want to give me a free membership, we can talk about that later. Or it's some bullcrap. Usually I respond. So today I was texting with a guy and he's younger. I think he's about 18 years old and he was talking about his dad and he was saying you know to his dad anything that had anything to do with mental health equal weakness right so you know he they lost their mother a couple of years ago so she passed away so he knows his father's going through it because he's going through it

you know and he's like i I can't, I can't do anything because my father thinks I'm weak. If I cry, you know, like it's been six years, I should be over it now. I shouldn't be crying no more. So he was basically asking me how the, how should he, how would he convince his father that, that mental health is something that doesn't have to be negative or, you know, that doesn't have to have all these stigmas about it and that it can actually be good for you. And I was wondering what advice you would have gave. Well, first I would explain the definition of troglodyte. And that is people who live in caves, like apparently where his father has been for these past decades of an enormous awareness wave

of mental health. And let's frame it as mental health. And also let's admit, we can't get anybody else to do anything. What you can do is get your head straight and recognize that bawling because your parents, especially a beloved parent, like it doesn't sound like he's even dealing with the complexities of like when my parents died, that's something you want to like a little kaleidoscope of emotion. And, um, I would say crying no matter what generation you're in is a way to heal. Definitely. And I think sharing his experience with his father and I have to say zipping himself up so that he's Teflon to any crappy comments that Daddy-O makes, you know, because recognize where he's coming from. Dysfunction junction, right?

Like there's no emotional awareness, you know, like I'm a Gen Xer, man. Like it was just like you get your stuff straight. And by the way, watch the other kids and feed them, you know? So like the emotional awareness that we're able to have now and to speak so clearly about that simply didn't exist. And so here's your poor dad just being like, I want my son to be a great man. And my definition of that is never shedding a tear and acting like everything's okay. No matter what crisis occurs.

I mean, booger flick. Nah. Definitely. Definitely. I kind of gave the same advice. I did tell him once, like you said, see, look, UAT, especially UAT now, you can definitely go out there and get the help yourself and start looking for it and those kinds of things. But I thought being honest with his dad about how he felt was cool.

But then also to use, you know, sometimes people think mental health and all they think is negative. So use the positive words that are important, like healing and, you know, light and things that actually touch people, because that's what mental health is. You know, there's so much darkness around it. But it's like if you change the language of it, like maybe his father, if he understood how wanted to heal, how you want it to be better, you know, things that were positive and you felt like you both needed help for this, like maybe coming to him with that angle would help him. Yeah, absolutely. And also the strength of knowing when you are going through trauma, which incidentally is not something everyone has. This young person knows that they're going through it and understands that their dad most likely is also going through it. It's gorgeous and beautiful because you can help yourself heal as you're doing it. You can make sure you

experience those emotions and you sit with them and not wallow. I know most garbage balancing act ever, you know, like just sit with the pain and I'm like, I'm going to rip my own head off. Cool. Is that cool with you? I remember the first time a therapist told me that I was like, I will not flick rubber bands into your empty fricking head. Cause that's ridiculous. Like I, cause I was roasting alive, you know? And then when I finally got like some meds to match what was going on, I was like, Oh, Oh, now I know what she was trying. Like, if you're in this cadence, sit with your feelings is good, because you can really recognize them. And you can feel them and honor them and see how they are honoring your path of grief or of hurt or, you know, whatever it is that you're dealing with. Definitely, you know, and that is powerful.

And also give yourself permission to ache and to grieve. Grieving is not linear that by any stretch, I would say it's like a kind of like a helix, you know, like a spiral, and you can like ping, ping, ping, and you know, up and down, you're like, you're fine, one day, you're happy. And then you see a leaf that whatever makes you start to cry, because it reminds you of second grade field trip with your mom. That's pretty specific, but okay. I mean, I'm being specific just to make a point. Like everyone's things are their own, you know? No, no, definitely.

You know, it's funny. I actually go through, so my dad passed away maybe three years. I think this year is going to be three years, right? And I sometimes get angry at myself because I feel like I'm not mourning him. Like the way my brothers and stuff are, you know, and it's like, but, you know, it's like I'm starting to realize that while he was alive, I was always my first version of myself to him and him in return to me. So because of that, it's like I don't I feel I don't owe him anything and he didn't owe me anything.

And like we were good. So because of that, I don't have like a lot of mourning and grief and those kinds of things. And then I talked to my brothers and they're like taking pictures of their like favorite potato chip bag and sending it to me. And like, I miss dad. And I miss dad. And I'm like, oh my God, I'm such a horrible son. You're not a horrible son. And also recognize they're reaching out when they need their brotherly support from you. They're not reaching out the other 899,000 moments of the day when they're a okay, fine.

Right, right, right. Definitely. You know, and they do get their support. Trust they do get their support. But afterwards I beat myself up and I'm like, you're supposed to be crying too. No, no. Everybody grieves differently. I totally don't agree with that. And there's also a physicality to grieving. And some people, they maybe if they don't move as much or, you know, if they're not really letting their full self feel it. Like, man, that's, I guess, I'm human. I was not told this. Oh yeah. I'm human. I thought I was on a God's podcast. That's cool.

Cool. We can still go. I wish. Look, when you, when you find out where don't, how to get them powers, let me know. Okay. Uh-huh. Yeah. The hilarious thing.

I see you, man. The hilarious thing too, is that like, we have those powers. We just have to learn to trust them. Right. Right. Right. Definitely. I'm two years. I always tell people it's like Alcoholics Anonymous. I'm two years into my healing. Right. I kind of so I learned I had a moment of peace and that's what made me realize I need to heal. You know, I like lay down one day and I was like, I didn't think about nothing. I didn't kind of didn't have no worry. I was in a really good place. And I was like, hold on. I need to find there's something that needs to be done that. And it was, no, it was, you know, I could think about Janet Jackson and me being on tour with her. You know, I was good because I had that moment of peace.

And after I had it, my life went back to chaos and I started to realize, like, I want that peace back. You know, not that I'll have it every day. And it's something that I realized, like, I'm human. Life is life. So you will go through ups and downs, which is why I do allow myself to have my moments. You know, when I have bad days, oh, when I wake up and I know it's a bad day, because sometimes you wake up on the wrong side of the bed, right?

Yep. And it's funny because if Crystal was here, she tells people like my eyes change color and they're red and everybody knows when I'm having a bad day. And I'm like, damn, they make me sound like Satan. But I guess that's what they see in me, right? When I have a bad day.

I think also we're allowed to give ourselves grace on those bad days. And we're also allowed to give ourselves the possibility of having a moment of peace every single day. Right. You know, because it's the whole human experience is always there. Definitely. Yeah. Everything's around us all the time. And the craptastic bullshittery and the joy is good stuff, too.

Right, right, right. But we can prime the pump to look for the stuff that we want, you know, to look for the belly laughs and to look for the beauty and the, you know, less crummy parts of living. Oh, my God, because it's so crummy right now. This world is pretty horrible. So. But it always has been. That's always been around. Maybe.

Yeah. Maybe I'm just taking notice. I told people, so I'm like probably a lot like you. Maybe we are siblings where I kind of had a lot of trauma. My dad was kind of a man horse. So, you know, it could be. My mama wasn't. Oh, I didn't mean to besmirch your mom at all. No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm saying that if she was, then I was like, oh, it probably could have been possible. Unfortunately, she wasn't. I think it's one of her regrets in life. That is not a regret I'll ever have.

But actually, you know what? So I came out a lot like my mom and I don't have a lot of sexual experiences. And now I'm sitting here at 44, right? And all of my friends are married and they have kids or they're in relationships. So like they're always busy. So I don't have nobody to hang out with. And I'm like, I don't want to be one of those 40 year old men to hang out with 20 year old people. Right. But it's like, huh, I messed myself up because trauma kept me from love. You know, that damn thing. It's not a mess up. It's the path that you need to take to appreciate it. I was married twice. And at 47 years old, I discovered mindset work and put myself to rights. And I don't think of those decades as wasted.

And by the way, you're 44. Holla for double numbers. Turning 55 today. Bam. Get out of here. Happy birthday. Thank you. But like the decades that it takes us to get there, to be able to understand what is possible in this glorious life.

First of all, that there can be a glorious life as opposed to one shitstorm after another. You know, that's. Yeah. I had to learn that. And I guess that's what I'm still trying to learn because I found peace and I got it. And then I started healing and I started having more peace. And now I don't want to let nobody in. But then I'm at home bored on a Saturday night with nobody to call.

Yeah. And I'm like, oh, my God, you're such a hypocrite because you don't want to know nobody. But then you want to know everybody because you don't want to be home on a Saturday night. There's a balance. There's a balance. Like in bed by eight o'clock. You know, I'm one of those people. Yeah. And what was wild for me was here I am in my late 40s. Right? Not exactly the great age for women to be finding a partner. And once I got my head on straight, you know, cause I was like, okay, this has stops with me. I'm not continuing this ridiculousness. We can let this go. And then once I got myself to where I'm just like, I'm kind of awesome. I'm so spiffy, you know, and I kind of like a twinkle in my eye and some happiness with just being myself. Right of awesome. I'm so spiffy, you know, and I kind of like a twinkle in my eye and some happiness with just being myself. Right. Right. There were so many excellent guys. I had to make a spreadsheet to keep track of them. Oh no. Isn't that nuts? I need to come

live where you live. But before when I was effed up, it was like, I would go on a date and they would propose marriage in the first like 30 minutes. I'm like I'm sorry that women are so evil to you but I'm leaving now that's unhinged you know what it is me finding lately is like because a lot of my traumas around sex don't go straight to sex with me you know because it's like the red flag

now I'm not interested no more and as much as I like make excuses which I do have these conversations with myself like oh but he was a nice guy. And, you know, the 30 minutes we got to know each other, he seemed interested, you know, before he asked to bend me over. It's like, right. Right. You know, so that is to me, it was like, I'm starting to think like, maybe I'm good by myself. I think it's wonderful. Saturday nights when I'm by myself and then I want to go out you know that's fair and there's also a beautiful elegance to like unpeeling the onion so to speak to layer

by layer getting to know someone before it gets physical and if you put that out as your intent you will attract like-minded people who are wanting to build a partnership foundation, not just a, hi, hottie, what's up? Right, right. And then I was like, but maybe I just need to indulge a little. So I don't know, I'm confused, but we can talk about you now. I feel you. I feel you. I feel you. I see you. And your situation is not unique. I know. Yeah, I know. I know. And it's cool that I'm here because I'm like, if I looked at who I was 10 years ago, I wouldn't even be thinking about seeing anybody. You know what I'm saying? So it's like now I'm over here considering like, damn, do I want to let somebody else in my life? What would that look like? What if? What if? You know, like what would work for you?

My vision always goes back to being annoyed, though. Hmm. OK. So so you know what I think? I think that I want to do Polly. OK. Because I will need him to have somebody else to go to. And then would you would you feel settled in that?

I think that I would. Gorgeous. Yeah, I think that I would be. You know, I think that I mean, I don't know. I don't know anything about Polly. It was just kind of a recent thought of mine. I know this is not the reason you came on this podcast. She was like, look, I'm fascinated by the human experience.

Come on, Micah. Like, all right, cool. Because she was like, hold up. Just recently, I've just been thinking about it. I thought of sharing my bed with somebody, right? I was like, well, maybe we can have our own rooms. You know what I'm saying? A lot of people do.

Some people do. But then it's like, I don't know. All the time thing for me is really the issue or me having to do what you want to do sometimes. I sound selfish, right? But it's like I would do some things, but I know there's going to be things. You sound self-aware and that's gorgeous because you can create a relationship according to whatever rules you want. Right. As long as you're communicating

communicating compassionately yeah right i always do say that i tell but you know i have friends right or men i mean i have a lot of men friends who like cheating and i'm like bro i'm pretty sure if you just told these girls what you wanted someone would still be cool with it yeah but like stop taking away their choice and having all that chaos in your life. A hundred percent. Yeah. Because then what happens is we're not offering people to actually know the real us and therefore intimacy is eradicated. Like you can't, if you can't be yourself, how can you commune, you know, commune with someone like that's not unity. That's very divisive. And it's also kind of selfish to hold

yourself back when you could be sharing this. And honestly, if they're the kind of person who, what are they going to spit in your eye? Bafangul, see you later. What'd that mean? See you later? Does that mean see you later? Bafangul does not mean seeing you later. No, it's just a nicer way to say fuck off. Okay. I'm going to learn that. Yeah. so i can say that work but let's let's talk a little bit about you and your story so you know you like where did it all start where was the change i know you kind of gave an answer but like let's get the build up the crescendo. All right. All right. So when you're in your late forties and you're looking at yourself like, huh, I see this. I feel like chaos is home and I'm creating it no matter what. Now,

the thing that's weird is that I also have had actual disasters. So like I came up to visit my sisters in the area where I live now. I went from New Orleans and Hurricane Katrina happened. Trees speared my house. Wow. It was debilitating in every way. And so like that stunts you in a way. And like, so you get taken back a decade emotionally, let's say, or at least that's how it felt to me. Right. You know, and so then what the first person that made me laugh at a joke, I married. That's how we do it. Yeah. Yeah. Can she be taught? I mean, it's a mystery so far. No, I can be, I actually, I can learn and everyone can learn,

but it was just by scraping together the mindset tools. And I'm a very rational person. Like I did taxes for decades and I'll tell you a funny story about that. So I'm, you know, working at a tax firm, doing tax returns, helping rich people save their money on their taxes, snooze, snooze, snooze. And it's just brutal. The hours are hideous. It's inhumane. Andane and um I'd written my book people had emailed me and they were like you know hey can you help me with this or that and you know how do I pay you for this coaching and I'm like pay me I like money say again then I was like figure out how to do a website and how do I get paid and what what is Stripe? I don't know. And all the things. Well,

I was having a great time at my side gig. And then I got a nice bonus, more than a paycheck. And then I get called into the partner's office. And she says to me that they're letting me go because I'm not performing at a senior level. Wow. And I was sitting there and I'm like, I should be upset. Should I be upset? Oh, wow. I don't feel and I'm like I should be upset should I be upset oh wow I don't feel upset and so finally it's like and I'm not I'm not listening to her like whatever you know I can get another tax job falling off a log whatever and uh and so then she's like well do you have anything to say and I was like thank you is that good because that's how i feel you know but like sometimes when our choice is taken away in a different way than what the scenario you were just talking about with your buddies you know then we have to do the thing

right right you know and so i did like i started a terrible podcast. It's now much better. I think we all have. I feel like mine was horrible in the beginning. I'm like, I listen to some of my episodes. I'm like, and that was me. Right. Yeah. I was just like, I'm just going to erase this from the world.

That's good. We're just going to start on like episode 11. Is that good? Right, right, right, right. That's funny. So the name of the podcast I know is ZFG Living. And so ZFG Living LLC is my company and it stands for Zero Fs Given, as in don't give yourself away. Use your resources towards a goal. And it can be a shared goal. You could be helping someone. That's fine. But I would turn myself inside out for just because I existed. Right. You know, I'm the second of nine kids. I, you know, was raising my brothers and sisters. You know, mom died young and it was a blessing, honestly, that she did because the damage she was putting on the kids was just.

So heartbreaking because she was not a cruel person. She was a loving person and just so jacked up from her own upbringing. Right, right, right. You know, same as my dad. He was just like an anger box. Yeah. And having kids, I can imagine I don't have any. It's tough.

That's why I don't have any. I like sleeping. Like, right. And they have have any. It's tough. That's why I don't have any. I like sleeping. Like, right. And they have a nine. Ooh. Yeah. At what point are you like, can you read directions? But I will say there is no better chastity talk to tell your teenage daughter when she's like, how did you plan the family?

Because there's four kids and then a five-year break and then four kids, then another break and then the baby. And after my mom picked herself back up off the floor from laughing at me, which I was kind of getting offended. I was like, what? She said that the ones that were planned were the first one and the baby. And I'm like, oh, so I was one of the seven surprises. Right. Did you think about giving me away? Yeah. I'm not touching a man.

Right. That's so funny. I always tell people, though, that that's why God made me gay and not a woman. Right. Because I probably had kids with everybody. Because you can't fight the biology. Right. I mean, it's that's what sex drive exists for. Definitely. And for some reason in my mind, if I a woman i will be like j-lo so i will be a whore i don't know why no no but i will look like her so i could be oh you'd be a hottie well that makes sense you're a handsome man thank you right so i'll be a j-lo and i don't know why i won't be a whore as a man but i'll be a whore as a woman see it's messed up thank you i feel like there's something effed up there. That's some.

I feel like it's true. I'm like, I'm not sexist, though. I'm pro-woman, trust. You're just not pro-you being a woman because you feel like you'd be a hoe. I'd be a hoe and I end up with a whole bunch of kids. You know what I'm saying? And then I'll be like a stereotype, you know, and then I'm trying hard not to be one of those things. No, I think the stereotype fear not to be one of those things.

No, I think the stereotype fear is something a lot of people share. And honestly, let's just not worry about what other people have to think about us. That is their business, not ours. Well, you know what that comes like when you start willing to love yourself, you start really not giving a fuck. Not in a hostile way but just in a like this is glorious what a great ride because my mom so she's like one of my three listeners um but my mom watches like all of my episodes and she was like oh my god you tell all your business right and i try to explain to her okay so we have genuine conversations yes Yes. And sometimes we're going to ask weird questions, especially me. I'm always going to ask a weird question.

Which I love. Which is going to require an example. Right. I can only give the truth. And the only truth I know is my own. 100%. Right. So I use myself a lot in my examples, you know, because it's the truth that I know.

And it's like, I don't want to make up a story and I don't want to, you know, you know, so it's like, and because I don't give a fuck. It's like, you know, I'm a way to be genuine and to share with your listener because I'm the same way on my podcast. It's like, you got to love yourself and laugh, because we're all going to do ridiculous things. The ridiculousities are like a mile a minute. And if somebody is going to have something to say about that, other than that was something I don't, that's up to them. If they're being judgy because of my circus going on, I mean, it's a pretty well-run circus.

I really like my circus. Then they're not for me and I'm not for them. And we can't all be everyone's cup of tea. And that's a-okay. And that's okay. But you know what? And it's like, but because we're not, it doesn't mean that it's a negative thing. So, and I think that's, that's the part that people get lost at, you know, is like, they feel like, oh, because we're not each other's cup of tea, then there has to be hatred and anger and frustration, but really we don't have to think about each other at all. That's what I tell my stepkids, Micah. I'm just like, you don't have to be a bad person to be a bad match for someone. And they don't have to be a bad person to not be a match for you. Like, I don't ever want them to hear that they're like stuck in some relationship because they're with a nice person. Well, I would hope they're with a good person that, you know,

is what dating is for is to uncover the gems, but you don't have to just stay with someone because they're pleasant. Right, right, right. I don't want someone to stay with me because I'm pleasant. Okay. I'm not really that pleasant, but whatever. No, me neither. But we're genuine. We are genuine. So the big book of bad ideas. Adulting from anxiety to zero fucks given.

And so, yeah, basically, sorry, go ahead. Because you're probably going to answer my question if I just let you talk. Let's see. Let's see. So what I do is I tell stories about, you know, shenanigans that I got into and just ratchet decision making. And why? You know, because of course, that's what you say, like you're telling your own story. It's really getting into it. And it was hard to write because I wanted to address some of the abuse and I didn't want to go into details and other areas because I do have eight siblings,

you know, and and I also I wanted to show that my parents were complicated people because they also we have a lot of fun. Right, right, right. You know, so I do mention that. And I hope that I show people how to be able to recognize that even if someone harmed you greatly, it may not have been with malicious intent. Right. And I think that's really difficult for us to understand. Because when we're injured, we attack, whether that's verbal, physical, you know, but like we want that person gone. We want them erased. You know, like that's how the whole cancel culture thing is on. But the reality of it is, is that each of us has hurt other people.

And we are doing that out of our best intentions. Right. Or because we don't know what to do in order to change the situation. So maybe we back away from a person. Yeah. And sometimes it is best backing away from people like sometimes people just need to be hurt. Sorry, I don't want to say that. Welcome to Judge, Jury and Executioner starring Micah Brevery. I didn't mean to say that harsh, right? It wasn't that harsh.

No, I feel you. And also another way to look at that is actions have reactions and responses. I mean, I always want to be responding because let me tell you, my first reaction, very rarely anything that I would like to see the light of day. But when I consider how I really feel, not just the emotion that like kicks in for a second, then I get to be like, okay, let's look at the bigger picture here. Why am I reacting like, oh, they look just like so and so. And so I must be borrowing from that garbage relationship and, you know, infusing it with all these flavors of torture when people be peopling. Right, right, right. And borrowing was a good word.

Like I would have never, you know, like you borrowing it because they don't belong to it. Right. So you borrow it. So that was kind of cool to kind of a new word people borrow. You know, we borrow feelings. We borrow negative feelings. 100%. And the other point, I'm sorry, go ahead. No, no, go ahead. The other point I want to make is that

we put together our subconscious, which is our blueprint for living, how to be a human being, how to be a human being of your sexuality, how to be a citizen in the world, all of these things, we have all these rules about, we put that stuff together before we're 10 right and i don't know about y'all i'm 55 and i don't understand every nuance of everything that crosses my and i'm smart as hell like right i'm still struggling half the time and like so to say that you know how the world should run because of all the claptrap you put together when you're in the most megalomaniacal portion of your life where you think everything is because of something you did, which hopefully by the time you're an adult, you know that that's absolutely untrue.

Just things come together and happen. It's like shuffling cards. You know, so you get to take those things that you know to be true, the things you know to be certain because the church said so, your parents said so or your teacher said so and actually investigate them. Because guess what? Spoiler alert. Every emotion and thought you have, they're not all true. Right. You know what? I'm going through that guilt phase right now with religion. Right. Because so I don't. So I was brought up Catholic. I'm a Reformed Catholic as well. But you know what they say, once a Catholic, what they say, not Catholic, still a Catholic.

Isn't that the same? Like you never break from it. I had somebody tell me that the other day. So worst Catholic experience either. Went to school, the first class to get my communion done. Asked the teacher a question. I don't even remember what the question was. It was rude, just so you know.

It had to be because the anger, frustration, and how she snatched my ass about that classroom left a scar on me, right? I was like, oh, I am never saying nothing in church ever again. I was like such a little kid. So the only person in my family not to do a communion confirmation because I got kicked out of church, right? Good for you. They legit kicked me out of church. You dodged a bullet.

And then the whole gay thing, I grew up as a feminine kid, right? My mom, first of all, we tell people, so my mom always tells me that she knew I was gay when I was in her stomach. And I'm like, that's real, real. She says, because I didn't kick her. I was like, eh. So that's our family joke. She's just tormenting you for fun at that point but you know she gotta said she knew my whole life or whatever which she probably did hey that's my mama yeah but um you know when you grow up

a pretty light-skinned Puerto Rican kid in the Bronx New York and you grow up in a Puerto Rico community who all goes to Catholic church right Because it just makes sense for Puerto Ricans to go to Roman Catholic churches. But anyway, I'm sorry if you do it. I'm not judging, I promise. I'm talking about my experience, not yours. He's judging, he is judging. Shut up.

But so many people told me I was going to hell. Like, baby, you're growing up and you be gay. You're going to hell. Thank you, Pope Francis. Yeah. Oh my God. So now I still go through like a like i don't know if i quite believe in god and this is my issue so i don't know if i believe in

god or not because i've been through a lot of horrible things in my life and sometimes it's like oh i just can't give you the break on that i just i can't give you i'm judging i'm judging right now and yes i'm judging god because i do not know how you could sit there and so i had one of my one of my tormentors as i like to call them or dementors because you know they try to suck the life out of me um used to use my blood to pleasure himself so i'm talking about some pretty dark crazy things right and to me it's like and you're gonna sit there and allow that god like that's what you're going to allow. Okay. So I don't, so I still have my questions about that, whatever. But then I do see like the beautiful things in life and flowers blooming and things like that.

And it was like, oh, well, they got to be something. So I'm in my question mode, you know, it's cool. I think, so what I think is that there is definitely a higher power. I think that we are all bound together by this energy. And some, you know, some people are, you know, using it in an anger or in retaliation or, you know, because of the hurts that they're carrying. Right. You know, and I recognize that I have a gift to help people transmute those things and to change their whole blueprint of living so that they can laugh, really, genuinely share and enjoy life in a way that they're still protecting themselves and they're

not damaging other people. Right. Because, you know, from 12 step, man, I'm a huge, the turn it over to God thing is, can be really tricky, but I just say, you know, I'm turning it over to the universe, to the energy, the energy that bounds all atoms. Like we shouldn't be able to be solid because atoms are mostly space. And yet here I am. Right. I'm with you, girl. Like I said, I'm still, still learning. But however, I still got that Catholic guilt. Sometimes I'd be like, I'm still learning. You're finding it? But however, I still got that Catholic guilt. Sometimes I'd be like, I'm going straight to hell.

I'm going to be driving the bus. I'm going to be on the bus driver, picking up people, going to hell because I'm so bad. They're going to make me drive myself there. You know? Right. Yeah. They won't even give you the Uber. Right.

So it's like, so that is still like a big part. You know, it was like in healing. That's still like my wall. Sometimes it's like, I still crash into like the religion aspect and the guide and the burning bush. And so now, you know, it's interesting, like about the biblical stuff. Um, I went to college for the very, uh, practical degree of ancient language, uh, ancient Greek and Roman, just because I wasn't going to go for accounting because my dad wanted me to.

And still end up doing accounting, though? I don't like your tone, my God. Oh, sorry. Sorry about that. A little judgy again, I guess. Yeah, no, I still did because I've been doing accounting since I was freaking 11. My dad would have me like filling in the little circles to mail his CLEP or like continuing education stuff back in. Right.

So like, I just knew how to do it. And people were like, you know, here's a handsome living. I'm just like, I like sleeping inside. Okay. You know, but I don't even know. What was I saying? God, ADHD is a drug. And look, those sad parts. I don't remember either, right?

Oh, 12-steppin', baby, 12-steppin'. Yeah, there we go. Adult children of alcoholics and dysfunctional families. If I am ever going to give a shout-out to an organization, it is that one. If you were raised with any gaslighting, any ridiculosity, any – I mean, kids are lied to all the time, so come on. If you were born, okay, you might benefit in checking out their website. But they call it ACA, Adult Children of

Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families. Your parent doesn't have to be an alcoholic. You know, but just you were raised in a paradigm of unhealthiness. Right. Santa Claus, Two Fairy. Or my parents were 18 and 19 when they got married. WTF. Rightf right right right

and then you know what's funny because it was a lot of not funny but there's a lot of things that you say that kind of i always say too right and one of them one of them was i had loving parents too like you know i grew up and i knew i was loved but that doesn't mean i had a whole bunch of trauma you know i didn't have a whole bunch of trauma. You know, I didn't have a whole bunch of trauma. It's like people automatically assume trauma, bad childhood. And it was like, yeah, it was bad, but it wasn't bad because of my household, you know, like, unfortunately my household didn't know what I was going through because I thought I was protecting them. That's a whole nother story. But, um, so I thought that was really, really cool that you kind of brought that up. And then the second thing, um, you know, it was like how I got over being sexually assaulted so

much was realizing that it had nothing to do with me. Nothing. You know, that it was this person and that if it wasn't me, it would have just been somebody else, but it had nothing. I wasn't broken. I wasn't, and nothing was wrong with me. I wasn't broken. So it was, it was kind of cool to hear you kind of say those things. Cause it was like, okay okay because that's what i'll be saying and people look at me like i'm crazy no it's the truth because predators they're very instinctive and like they can say they're not intentionally like you know grooming or you know whatever the the current terminology is but they just feel when they as someone that if there is someone that they can take advantage of and not have that story be told, man, they hone right in. Definitely. Yeah.

And we're all told, I don't want to hear your trash. Okay, maybe people aren't told exactly like that, but our parents don't. We were a big, what happens in the house stays in the house family. Oh, hey, Facade. How are you? I know. Keep smiling. What happens at home stays at home. Yeah, you put that concealer on that bruise.

Even yesterday, I was talking to my mom, and she had said something. And, you know, my mom is my mom, and she's just going to be who she is, right? So I smack people at work for putting their purse on the floor, and I don't know why. But I just know if my mom sees you put that purse on the floor she won't smack you right so I just do it for because it's inherited right so I mean I don't put your purse on the floor and like I'm scared the hell out of people I'll just jump out of nowhere don't put your purse on the floor and they're like why and I'm like I don't know just don't do it my mama say don't do it it's bad luck they don't do it right and um but it's the

other day she was talking about something and she's been going through some health issues but that was the first thing she said to me i don't want nobody knowing my business and i'm like fine fine i know just like i don't want nobody to know anything that is you know it's not any you need to know that's it no one else needs. Right. And that's hard because you're very candid. You and I both are very candid. And I have a hard line that I put around, you know, within my family because it's so jacked. But one of my sisters told me something that has stuck with me when I was writing my book. And, you know, I was like, I made sure all my siblings had a copy that they could see what I was writing, that it wasn't, you know, like I wasn't being malicious or, you know, I was telling my story, you know, very clearly.

And, you know, and I was like, I just, I hope it's okay. And she's just like, listen, you need to tell this story because so many of us are unable to, I'm not strong enough to tell my story, but you telling your story paves the way for one day. Definitely. And so, you know, you can tell your mom, like I spilled your business because I'm paving the way for somebody else.

I'm kidding, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. She will take my pocketbook and hurl it at your head. Yeah. Well, my mom already know one thing. Look, she's always saying, she was like, that's all you do is tell your business and mine. I'm like, I'm sorry, but you are. I mean, what taught me?

I am a reflection on my mama okay like i have sacrificed my whole life because that's all i saw her do and i'm so mad at her for sacrificing because i'm like you taught me how to that's your blueprint yeah and now i can't break like yeah don't tell me that do not say c-a-n-t well okay you're right because i am breaking it because this And you are. 2024 is the year or no for me. Right. So last year I said yes a lot. And so everybody got their very, very best of me.

And then cancer hit. And then everybody I said yes to wasn't around. Right. Fascinating. Isn't that how it works? Isn't that crazy? They like disappear. It's like cancer is magic.

Right. So no one was just there and then um and then they popped up every now and then but it was still when they needed something oh ugly you know and it was like uh so i was like you know what 2024 is my year or no and i'm gonna see how many people stick around i love it when i say no and i've been doing really good saying no. And because the people who care for you, they're not going to get wrought up in like, what can you do for me? What have you done for me lately? You know, that's not how relationships work. Right. And then also was a relationship with myself. I started realizing like, hey, I'm preaching all this healing and you're preaching mental health and all these things.

And you are taking necessary steps, but you're blinded when it comes to these certain people yep you know you're still being taken advantage of you're still letting people use you you're still being manipulated you know you're still being all of these things because of love you know because they were there for me but were they really you know it's like were they really ever there for me? You know, so. I will say one of the most difficult things that I had to learn was what I wanted. Like, what did I want in life, in a relationship? And like, if I can say what I want, then I can move toward it. As opposed to just being like, you know, a log being banged around going down a river, you know, carried along by the current.

I can, you know, direct myself to get where I want to go. And then the other thing is that I can say no just because I don't feel like it. Right. I don't need a reason. Right. And it's okay. And it's okay. It doesn't mean I don't love the person who's asking.

It just means that in that space, in that moment, I'm not up for doing that. And that was critical because when I go down with mental health challenges, I'm down. Right. Right. Yeah. Me too. I had some pretty dark moments, right? Yeah. But, you know, I allow myself to have them. That's kind of my way of processing them. Like if I have a bad day, it's going to be a full bad day, right? Like I'm gonna go ahead and spend all 12 hours. It's just going to be bad. Okay. Just go ahead and go to the DMV. You know, like it's going to be terrible. Right. I'm just going, I'm going to drop shit on purpose. I'm going to kick the door on purpose. You know what I'm saying? I'm going to slam my door,

my finger in the car door. Like I'm just going to do it. We're just going to do it up, you know, but tomorrow when I wake up, I'm not, I'm not allowed to have a bad day no more. Okay. You know? So that's like my rule. And so whatever I got to do to make it through this bad day and to get over it, do it. You got 12 hours to get it done. Yeah.

I said 12 hours. You know, it's when you're awake. You got 12 hours to get it done. Whatever you need to do to move through this shit. You know what I'm saying? But tomorrow? Whole new deal. A whole new deal.

And for me, it works. You know and for me it works you know for me i process a lot i once again i'm miserable for 12 hours and and maybe i'm not but the people around me are like yeah i feel like you know that's like the ripple effect of negativity but i will say this what you're talking about like scheduling a session that is is a very, very powerful tool that can help when you're going through a time of distress. If you schedule, hopefully not more than 15 minutes, but you know, whatever time you need, and you can worry. And you can have your anxious thoughts. And you can just go over it. And then when you're done, and that timer goes off, let it go. And don't don't let it because if you ruminate and go over it again and again, that's just grooving it right into your subconscious.

And that tells your sweet lizard brain that that's what you want because you're spending so much energy thinking about it. And it will do its best to bring more of that to you, which sucks. Definitely. Okay. So no 12 hours. 12 hours isn't good. That's up to you, which sucks. Okay. So no 12 hours, 12 hours isn't good. That's up to you. I would never dream of speaking for you. I can only tell you what I recommend to my clients.

She's like, you're not one of my clients yet, but when you do become one, I'm going to tell you 15 minutes. Okay. Yeah. The thing that's fun though, like with coaching and having clients is that people aren't going to come to me unless they know that they can work with me. Right, right, right. And they understand that I am fundamentally kind. I will never laugh at them or any of their feelings.

And I understand even the most outlandish feelings because I've been in the dark. I've been on top of the mountain. I've been at the bottom of the ocean. Definitely. Yeah. And look, I always tell people, it's like not every coach or professional is for every person and not every person is for every professional, but there is definitely somebody out there for you.

So we should be seeking, you know, for me, it was a therapist. I took advantage, COVID hit and they said free therapy. And I was like, oh know, for me, it was a therapist. I took advantage. COVID, COVID hit and they said free therapy. And I was like, oh, snap. I'm about to get this shit for free. Good for you. So I found a, uh, it took me a long time though to find therapists. The first, it took me probably about 12 therapists, but the first couple of ones after the first session wanted to do medication.

And I was like, um, I'm not going to say I don't need medication, but all you know is my age, my weight, and my height. How you know I need medication? 100%. Like, you're not asking for any MRI of my brain. Right. So, I'm going to go see somebody else. And finally, it took me to

get someone completely someone I didn't think. She was an elderly Asian woman. And elderly, I guess to get someone completely someone I didn't think she was a older, olderly Asian woman and elderly, I guess I should say, olderly, sorry, elderly Asian woman. And, you know, just to me, it was unexpected, you know, she had like a very thick accent. This is who you're going to click with, right? Right. She had a very thick accent. You know,

she was originally born in China, you know, came here, had kids, but she's still, you know, China, everything, you know, is China to her. And, and so, you know, it was like, you know, came here, had kids, but she's still, you know, Chyna, everything, you know, is Chyna to her. And so, you know, it was like, you know, excuse me, excuse me, you know, so we kind of went through that a lot. But then two years later, that was my homegirl. We were having sessions and she broke up with me. But how did she dump you? Did she tell you you didn't need her anymore? She did. Well, she basically didn't say I didn't need her, but she said that my biggest thing was talking.

I didn't communicate with people. So she said she taught me to communicate. Now I needed to go communicate with the people I needed to communicate with. Okay. So that was kind of how she did it. Talk to the people you love, you know, talk to the people who, you know, you have these feelings towards or, you know, tell your parents what happened to you when you was younger, things they didn't know about you and your siblings. And, you know, she got me talking and I was like, oh, and that went so well. I was like, I'm gonna start a podcast and I'm just gonna keep talking.

I love it. Like, come on. Right. Yeah. I get the same thing as like anytime I read anything about the podcast and it's always talk about like authentic. And I'm like, am I? You are. Because you're not trying to be polished or, you know.

Well, you know, I always felt like the only way this was going to work, it's the only way to get the honesty out of my guests is to be honest myself too. 100%. You know, we have had some guests come up here and try to be like really, really polished. And I'm like, this doesn't work. You know, like people need to see that we're all human, you know, and they need to be able to look at this episode and see that Mel is human. And I'm sorry, I didn't even ask. You said Mel was OK, but I kind of assumed that Mel was OK. It is OK.

It is absolutely OK. A hundred percent. I was like, I should have asked in the beginning because I'm big on consent. I think I said when I introduced myself, you can call me Mel. That's what I thought. Right, right, right, right. OK, OK, call me Mel. That's what I thought. Yeah. Right, right, right, right. Okay, okay, okay. Yeah.

Yeah. And it's also, I mean, Melissa's a long name. So especially if you're typing, like, oof. Melissa's not that long. I feel like it's kind of long. I know this girl. Her name is Rashida Kwadisha, and that's her first name. Oh, wow.

Okay. So she wins that. Yes. Yeah. I would call her RQ, I think. I would just call her RQ. I'm trying to think, what do people call her? call it's funny it's like everybody calls it something different i just call it rashida but um i'm like you got every freaking letter in the alphabet it has to be that's awesome

does she have a z the first name i don't think it's a z in there i think that's the only one that's not she should change her name so there's a z so there's a z there 100% longest name ever I'm just Melissa Ann my mother was from Mississippi oh I'll tell you a funny story about kindergarten for me and also like being neurodivergent in Gen X is like thank god I found out that I am on the spectrum because it explained everything immediately and so many things melted away. Like if you think that a diagnosis isn't going to help, just be curious and see, it might like,

I got a diagnosis, an adult with ADHD and that changed my self-compassion. Definitely so much. Cause I was like, I'm just not wired to sit still and that's okay. And see me, I was, I either could do 50 million things at one time or nothing at all. Right. I didn't know how to do anything. I don't know if that's common amongst everybody,

but it was like the envy. I can't just do two tasks. It had to be a hundred or none. I get you. I'm a timer setter. I like to set a timer and just focus on whatever for that. And then, you know, take a walk and then do something else. Oh, but I was going to tell you, so I'm in kindergarten. All right. Little Catholic school called a holy name of Jesus and all of that dysfunction. And the sweetest kindergarten teacher is trying to explain to us that we have a second name. And I'm like, no, I'm Melissa. No, we have a second name. People might say your name and then another name. And your family would know this name.

And I was like, so this is me in kindergarten saying, Melissa, God damn it. She's like, you know, clutching her pearls because that's how my parents, they would be like, Melissa, God damn it. Get off the house. Melissa, God damn it. Stop climbing the tree. Because I will climb to get away from things because everything was too noisy. Right, right. Yeah.

That's pretty funny. I didn't understand what it meant. I just thought. Right. He was like, but that's the name they call me at home. So I'm going with it. I've got it. How do I spell it?

I want to learn. She's just like, oh my God, get this kid out of my class. Like, you need to go to the principal, you don't know why. See, but that was me getting kicked out of Catholic school. It's like I always wish I could remember the question I asked. It was the audacity of individual thought. I can guarantee you. Yeah, definitely.

And I remember her name was Mrs. Vega, and you should be ashamed of yourself. Anyway, I don't remember her first name, but her husband was Mr. Vega, but that would make sense, right make sense right 100 they were mr and mrs those are their first names right y'all should be ashamed of yourself i hope that y'all changed and growed up and healed or met me like that but okay now seriously mel let's get serious right it's coming to our end here all right so um our audience is most often people who are curious about healing. You know, they don't think they're sick enough.

You know, they don't have enough mental health problems, but they're uncomfortable with life. You know, things keep them up at night. So, you know, they sit here and they secretly watch us. Yeah, I'm calling y'all. These are the emails I get. People tell me, like, I secretly watch you. I'm secretly your biggest fan. And I'm like, tell people hello. Let's normalize it. Yeah. Right, right. But OK, seriously, going back to my question, you know, or they're thinking one of the biggest things that I like can't stand and makes me cringe is somebody out there has it worse.

You know, so. Does that make your situation any different? it makes me cringe is somebody out there has it worse, you know? So does that make your situation any different? Right. What is your advice to those people on healing and seeking help and, and contacting you even, you know? Okay. My advice is to see it from my angle. I want to help as many people as possible. I want to measurably increase joy in the world.

That is my corporate business statement. Okay. And so if you can feel better, it doesn't matter if you don't have somebody beating you up and giving you a concussion every third day. Right. Or cutting off your foot or, you know, saying spiteful, hateful, nasty things to you. If you feel bad about something, come on. That's what introductory phone calls are for. Right.

There are very few coaches that will not give you a phone call just to see what it would be like, because I want to find out, like, are you ready? Do you really want to change? Right. You know, and you want to find out, well, what is what does Mel have to offer? You know, I mean, like, am I just going i just gonna have to like burn incense and do meditation like you don't have to burn the incense but i will ask you to do some meditations you know and i'll make them my brain don't shut up enough to meditate it's that's fine you just look at the thoughts and lovingly push them away i'd be trying but then i'd be look imagining what

how i'm gonna decorate my meditation room because I'm learning how to meditate, so now I got to have a meditation room. And then you get to push that thought away over and over and over. And soon you'll see it coming or feel it coming. Because like in my body, I can feel, it's like, oh yeah, about to get a flurry.

You know what I mean? Like, here they come. And, you know, and then I can just breathe and listen to my breath. Another trick is like, listen to something inside you, like your breathing or your pulse, and then try to hear something outside the building,

like close in, far away, and telescope it in and out with your vision, with what you hear, with your tastes. You know, how does the, what temperature is the air when you breathe it in? And how does that feel in your body? And then that can help reinforce the whole idea of letting your mind rest. Because when our minds are going too fast all the time, it's freaking exhausting.

Who are you telling? My mind won't stop for a second. I'm like, damn, would you stop thinking about thinking? It wants, it's what you stop thinking about thinking? It's what you do. And so it thinks you want to do it more. I got to the point now that I realized my trick for like going to sleep. Because I really don't.

To be honest, I'm really, really blessed. Right here I go. I don't believe in God, but I'm blessed. Once again, I just told you I'm very, what's that word? Hypocritical. No, you're conflicted. You're conflicted in your beliefs. That's all. Right. Right. Right. But I do know that I'm blessed. I know that I, you know, I don't, I don't, I don't go to sleep worried about a lot of things other people worry about, you know? However, I do worry about everybody else worrying about the things they got to worry about. Right. So my trick was like music

i put on random but it has to be random it's so funny it can't be just like it could be hip-hop r&b pop like it's not jazz it's not you know it could be nikki minaj it could come on i could fall asleep nikki minaj you know you need a bop like you yeah it's like the most random thing for me but people always like this is the music you go to sleep to and like i could be out yeah it's like the most random thing for me but people always like this is the music you go to sleep to and like i could be out and it's like in the middle of a jay-z verse you know and it's like and then so but it was i guess it's the i learned how to take my mind off of everything else while listening to that music but i haven't learned how to be able to do it without the music. Okay. You don't know how to do everything now? No.

What? Like, no one does. We did this earlier that I was human, remember? Yeah, but that's the thing. Like, we're so hard on ourselves. Right, right, right. You know, so treat yourself as a friend. And also, very important, Marcus Aurelius, the OG Stoic philosopher, he just wrote the book, his reflections, and he calls himself you. So talk to yourself, you know, say, Micah, you know, you can relax when you're, you know, listening to the music. Let's try to relax when we're doing this. It's going to be unfamiliar and it's okay. flips in our brain it immediately and magically just makes us understand that the feelings and

the thoughts and all the things that we have that we assume are just like absolutely true right maybe they are maybe they're not right so maybe you can meditate i know because meditation all it is is just continually it's just all mindset work is doing things over and over and over again with kindness and grace in your heart and And I will tell you that is some tedious shit to learn, but once you do, you're going to be in a much better spot. Who are you telling? But I do want to make known that I do have compassion on myself. So I ask a lot of these questions, but I do have compassion. One thing I don't do, I don't beat myself up for a lot. Um, because to me it's like, um, tomorrow, if I'm here tomorrow, which I'm, I don't do, I don't beat myself up for a lot because to me it's like tomorrow, if I'm here tomorrow, which I don't know.

I'm one of those people that's one of those things I don't think about. I just know I'm going to be here tomorrow. Like if I was on a plane and it crashed, I will survive. Like, I don't know why I just think that about my life. Right. Not that a plane should crash or other people should die. I'm not saying that, people. OK, stop twisting my words.

Yes, he's very capable of twisting them himself. Twisting them myself, right? I could do this by myself. Let me take my, put it in my mouth. But I do have compassion on myself. I really, I don't beat myself up too much. I've learned that, you know, it's like, I'm healing and I'm not going to always get

it right. Yeah. But continue to try and then it's cool because I have guests like you that comes on and drop jewels and like i try to incorporate a little bit of everything because i'm like oh that sounds so dope someone to try it um and then i do and then i basically get free therapy um 100 and i'm glad for it like dm me anytime you know you've got my phone number text me like just don't invite me now. I will.

Seriously. It's not often. Remember Mel came up here and she said I could call her and then she blocked my number. No. When I go to sleep, I turn the phone off. So call whenever. I know that's right. That's what I need to start doing.

But I have truckers. And so I have to keep my phone on all night. Do you? Well, I'm always doing. But I have truckers. And so I have to keep my phone on all night. Do you? Well, I'm always scared. Well, listen, listen. Accidents. That's the thing I'd be thinking about. Like, what if a trucker got in an accident and my phone was off?

What if? You know? Yeah, but I'm the only one in contact. The accident would have still happened. Oh, no, no. I know that. It's just the support after the accident. I know I can't stop the accident know that it's just the the support after after the accident i know i can't stop the accident but i want to be their support after the accident you

know or or whatever it is that they need and they're they're they're my children okay okay you you do it how it makes you happy that's what's important right i do need to like start starting it off and stuff but you know i just get so scared that I'm going to like not be there for one of them. And they're going to feel abandoned by me. Interesting. Right. Because it's really me, right, that feels the abandonment, right? Anyway.

It's like you know what you're talking about, Micah. It's like you know what I'm talking about. I've been doing this a little while, girl. A hundred percent. I'm sorry that we ran over. Is there anything that you would like to say to our audience that I didn't give you a little while, girl. I'm sorry that we ran over. Is there anything that you would like to say to our audience that I didn't give you a chance to say? Because I talk so much. You are a beautiful miracle made of lightning, minerals and water.

And don't let anything seem so daunting that you can't have it. Awesome. See, I took that like she was personally telling me that, but she was saying it to everybody. And to you too. I mean, like, it's just, it's true. No, no, no. I took it. Trust. I took it for me, but I was just saying we can all share that. Absolutely. That's what I want everyone

to know. Absolutely. Right. And of course, we're going to list all of your contact information in the episode and we're going to reach out again because you definitely got to meet Crystal. Crystal's going to love you. I'm going to call her right after this and be like oh snap, you missed a great episode. That was like my twin for real.

I love it. I love it. Looking forward to meeting you, Crystal. Yes, and thank you so much for coming on. Thank you guys for watching and we will see you next week. Peace, love, and blessings.