These Fukken Feelings Podcast© - From Dystopian Truths to Heartfelt Healing: Navigating Chaos, Honesty, and Connection | Season 3 Episode 331

Episode Date: June 26, 2024

Imagine setting off for an exciting trip to Atlanta, only to be greeted by a series of mishaps—plumbing disasters, canceled Airbnb reservations, and frantic last-minute hotel bookings during a bustling Memorial Day weekend. Amidst this chaos, I found a respite at the Iconic Leaders event, which honored influential women and presidential lifetime achievement award winners. This event proved to be a serene haven amidst the turmoil, but by the end of my trip, one thing became painfully clear: my dreams of living like a Real Housewife of Atlanta were thoroughly quashed.In a different vein, have you ever pondered a world where a lie could cost you your life? Our special guest, Anfernee Parker, explores this concept in his new book, "The Liar Killers." Set in a dystopian future where honesty is enforced with a brutal hand, we discuss the potential of such extreme measures to eliminate corruption and ponder what a society governed by absolute truth might look like. Excitingly, our podcast now offers videos on Spotify, enhancing the experience for our listeners with more immersive content.As we commemorate Juneteenth, we also share personal reflections that illuminate our evolving understanding of privilege and the power of genuine connections. We explore the intricacies of overcoming trauma, the vital role of therapy, and why embracing vulnerability is a sign of strength. This episode is replete with touching stories and motivational insights, guiding listeners through the nuances of privilege, the fostering of authentic connections, and the pursuit of personal dreams. Join us for an enriching dialogue about staying motivated, trusting in oneself, and navigating life's numerous challenges.From Dystopian Truths to Heartfelt Healing: Navigating Chaos, Honesty, and Connection | Season 3 Episode 331CHAPTERS:00:00 - Intro0:38 - Micah's Atlanta Trip6:18 - Guest Introduction9:04 - Anthony's Book10:07 - The Lock-In12:38 - Is the Government Corrupt17:47 - Why is Juneteenth Important21:03 - Privilege24:30 - What is Privilege29:53 - How to Connect31:08 - Next Time on the Last Minute Podcast33:43 - Motivational Speaker36:12 - Men's Mental Health Awareness Month45:40 - Why Do You Want to Be a Motivational Speaker46:46 - What Do You Want to Say to the People Still Watching48:02 - Why Don’t People Want Help50:08 - How to Deal with Manipulative People53:32 - What’s Next for Anthony55:44 - Has Your Soul Gauge Ever Been Wrong58:48 - Forgiving Yourself1:01:06 - OUTRO#IconicLeaders, #RealHousewifeDashed, #TravelChaos, #TheLiarKillers, #DystopianFuture, #PodcastOnSpotify, #JuneteenthReflections, #PrivilegeAwareness, #GenuineConnections, #OvercomingTrauma, #TherapyTalk, #VulnerabilityIsStrength #thesefukkenfeelingspodcast #spiritualawakening #emotionalhealing #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthpodcast #mentalhealth

you don't have to be positive all the time it's perfectly okay to feel sad angry annoyed frustrated scared and anxious having feelings doesn't make you a negative person it doesn't even make you weak it makes you human and we are here to talk through it all we welcome you to these fucking feelings podcast a safe space for all who needs it grab a drink and take a seat the session begins now what is up guys welcome to these fucking feelings podcast i am micah we got producer crystal in the building hello and our special guest anthony parker what is up anthony what's up yeah how's it going so i gotta tell a story before we kind of get into introductions right because i had to go

to atlanta i got invited to the iconic leaders event in atlanta um hosted by antonette logan i'm gonna share how very very dope event um it was kind of amazing and if it wasn't for that event i will be bashing the hell out of atlanta because y'all did me dirty atlanta so we're gonna start off with how my flight was delayed because of plumbing issues right the toilet didn't work on the flight so i did i was supposed to get to atlanta like at nine i didn't get there at two in the morning i get into into Atlanta, land, get a message from my Airbnb that they canceled my reservation because of plumbing issues. Okay. I'm starting to think there's a theme going on here.

Okay. Plumbing issues. So now it's two o'clock in the morning and I'm scrambling to find a hotel Memorial Day weekend. Oh my God. Right.ambling to find a hotel memorial day weekend oh my god right so i find a hotel it's like the marriott airport hotel or whatever i'm gonna call them out too because i'm gonna talk about everybody you know i'm saying come see me you know i'm saying call everybody so i go stay there the next day i just go out I'm shopping doing little things get a phone call I have to move hotels why plumbing issues the hotel room above me like was flooding or something and they were

scared like that it was gonna leak into the hotel room I was in so I had to move rooms but this is the catch Anthony they didn't have no more rooms in the hotel. So not only did I have to switch rooms, I had to switch hotels, bro. That's crazy. So then I get to the new hotel. And by this time, I'm exhausted. By the time that happens, I'm exhausted. I know I lay across the bed. It's funny.

I was actually supposed to hook up with Anthony. We were supposed to hang out. But I laid across the bed. And when I woke up, it was like 1130. I was exhausted. And at that time I was like, nah, I just ain't going to work. I'm going to stay here. I'm going to order some crystals and I'm just going to chill. The next day we had the event. The event was amazing. Iconic leaders. Once again, I always shout that out because it was basically women doing things to kind of change the world in a way. Right. And it was so amazing to be in a room with so many

presidential lifetime achievement award winners. I think there were like five in the room and we're talking about president, vice president signatures on the awards. Like I'm witnessing people getting pinned. I'm like, okay. Why y'all didn't tell me this was like this before I got here? Because you know I acted the fool the whole time, right? Yeah, you did. I acted up the whole time. I'm like, y'all over here got me in a room with important people and I'm acting the fool? So that event was amazing.

Afterwards, I got to see my girl amber riley and the preacher's wife so that was pretty cool too um i get back to my hotel room i tried to check in for my airline it wouldn't let me check in so i call the airline and they're like oh you're got it you got a ticket but it's not ticketed what the fuck does that mean because that doesn't make no sense to me what do you mean i got a ticket but it's not ticketed you know i'm saying so then they're like well hold on so you you don't have a seat what and then they're like oh well we can get you a seat but it's gonna be 236 dollars more at this point i'm just ready to get the fuck up out of atlanta something like y'all gotta take

whatever you need to take you You know what I'm saying? So then they tell me, well, we can't fix it online. You got to go to a gate. So make sure you get to the airport at 6 o'clock in the morning because the flight left at 9.40 or whatever. I get to the airport at 6. We get the ticket

straight. Then a storm rolls in and my plane doesn't leave Atlanta until almost four o'clock wow well if there's any airport to be stuck in the Atlanta airport is the one because there's food options you got bars ain't nobody trying to hear that okay it was crowded it was hot I was annoyed I was tired I was frustrated he comes home and he gets sick and i'm like fuck atlanta i'm never going back okay and i used to want to be a real housewife of atlanta right i wanted to be the first male housewife in atlanta i changed my mind beverly hills y'all can call me atlanta keep that shit to yourself i'm good

you got at least like a best out of three that was the first time you know i was and then it was my first visit so that's what makes it so bad that it was my first visit in atlanta one thing i'm gonna say though atlanta does have some really beautiful people and they was very appreciative of my beauty as well yeah man i feel like sometimes the best things in life start off bad. Like, I know I've had a lot of friends. When I first met the friend, I was like, this person is annoying. We would never get along. And then we would come, like, best of friends.

So maybe that's going to be, like, your Atlanta story. First time was terrible. Second time, third time, you love it. I don't know. We'll see. I mean, we're in talks now of doing, like like a mental health symposium kind of in atlanta um so we're looking forward to doing that beginning next year so uh yeah we'll see we'll see what happens we're gonna see what happens i did meet some very incredible people honestly

and and and but hey this show is not about them it is about you so anthony as we always do we like to uh ask our guests to introduce themselves to our audience. So go ahead and tell our audience a little bit about yourself. Yeah, what's up? What's up? I'm Anthony Parker. I go by AP, the writer online. I'm a tech enthusiast, writer. I've become a motivational speaker. I love to just meet new people. I love helping people. I say my main purpose here while I'm here and on this earth is just to find ways to increase prosperity in the world. That's really what I live for. So I like to see people around me prosper, people happy, my friends, family, strangers. So everything I do, I try to do it in line with creating more prosperity in the world. I speak Spanish fluently,

a little bit of Japanese, live in Atlanta, Georgia. Hence the story about Atlanta we started off with. Right. That piece of shit place. No, I'm just joking. I'm just joking. So, yeah, I'm going to keep working. We'll keep working on that. Hopefully we can get Micah turned to the Atlanta side.

So we'll give it a little bit of time. I mean, I was so looking forward to it. That's the point that's disappointing because I was like, you know, Atlanta is just known for, like like partying and just enjoying yourself. And I've never heard anybody have a bad experience. Me, I couldn't wait to get the fuck up out of Atlanta. I was like, fuck this shit. I want to go.

And I can't believe they wouldn't let you, the plane take off because the toilet broke. I thought it was, I didn't think that would be like a necessity. Like everybody, hold it. They have a second toilet. Oh my God. There's only one? So let me tell you the story about that.

So that got a little deeper, right? So it was not only that the toilet wasn't flushing. So that was the issue. The toilet wasn't flushing. So we couldn't take off because the toilet wasn't flushing. Then it was nobody

at the airport can fix the toilet. So they had to find an outside vendor to try to come in and fix the toilet. It was a really find an outside vendor to try to come in and fix the toilet. It was a really shitty situation. Yeah, it was a real shitty situation.

My whole Atlanta trip was a shitty situation, right? I'm like, what is up with Atlanta and plumbing? Y'all don't got good plumbing out there? That is wild. So, I mean, I got to ask too,

what was the airline you was flying with? Do you want to say the airline or do you want to keep going? I already shout them out. Delta, you know you need to get your shit together. That's all I fly is

Delta. You funny. That was funny. That was good. I only fly Delta and Delta you need to get your shit together. Now, you lucky I was in first class, right? Or else it would have been the problem because if I had to sit in them seats. I don't understand why they were going to charge you 200 and something

dollars more. When I had already bought the ticket. She was like, well, you got the ticket, but the ticket is not ticketed. It just didn't make no sense. I'm like, I feel like you're playing me right now, but I don't care because I just need to get the hell out of Atlanta. But I feel like, you know what? I'm going to find that rep and we're going to put her on the lion killer. The liar killers, right? There we go.

Let's talk about your book a little bit. So, you did send Crystal and I a copy of your book and Crystal started it. I gotta admit I didn't get a chance to start it yet, right? Which is bad because we were supposed to be able to talk about it on this but my days have turned

into like crazy. So, official news for us. We're like officially showing videos on spotify so spotify is our go-to place for podcasts and watching our videos which is pretty cool so not that we're not on other podcast platforms but hey check us out on spotify you know help us get some money and i learned something because i didn't even know spotify did videos so i learned yeah we didn't know that either until like they hit us up

and like, hey, come put your videos on our platform. We're like, let's try this. Let's try this. So that's where it's at. That's where it's at. Well, I'm just glad that y'all got the books

because that's like best case scenario that, you know, you get the book ahead of time. You can take a look at it, get a feel for it. So yeah, I'm after the lie killers. I got a copyright. Here's what people can see. The Lie Killers is basically a book set in a futuristic version of America where lying is illegal, punishable by death. So what would the world be like if it was illegal

to lie? You got to be honest with everybody all the time. Right. And you know what I was thinking about today? Because I was like, how many times would I be dead already? Lying. But really, lately, no, I was a lying asshole when I was younger, right? What we're talking about now. You know how you grow up and you grow out of some shit? Lying was the one thing I grew up out of, right? Because I was just like, I ain't lying.

What the fuck am I lying for? It's too hard to lie. You have to lie, and then you have to make a lie to cover the lie to cover the lie. Exactly. But what made you go with this topic? What made you

decide that... It's your first book, right? This is my debut novel, yeah. Debut novel, yes, definitely. And we're going to shout it out and promote it everywhere. And I am going to read it. I promise. And we're going to get you back on and talk about it more in depth. Um, because I do, I do want to read it, but I ain't gonna lie. Like my stack books are like this high on my, my nightstand. Like I need you to get an audio book together. Even if it's just for me and the words and works. Just read the book to me, please.

But what made you be lying? Like, hey, my first book is going to be about lying. Yeah, so there's a couple of key themes in the book. The first one is a lot of times it feels like, at least in America, it almost seems like everybody isn't held to the same standards sometimes. Like, depending on who you are, what you do, what your job is, how much money you have, you might be on a different standard than other people are. So sometimes it's like, if I'm doing this or I'm in a certain place, things might be tough for me and there's nothing I can do to change that. So the first theme is what if everybody was held to the same standard, no matter where you're from, no matter what you do, no matter who you are, like what would the world be like if we were all held to the same standard? So that's the first key theme of the book. No matter who you are,

you're still subject to the lying rules. So if I'm talking to you in a conversation or you go on TV or something and somebody thinks that you said something that wasn't true, they submit your name to the government. The government calls you in for questioning. They pick you up to the lie detector test. And if it's found out that you lied, you get killed on the spot. So the first theme is, yeah, what if everybody was held to the same standard? And that enough is like, how does that change the dynamic of life, you know?

Yeah, it's crazy. I mean, I feel like it's sort of what was happening when you had told the truth and then they told you to basically lie at work. Like not to tell. So I always get in trouble for telling the truth because i'm kind of honest to a fault you know like if you ask a question you're gonna get an honest answer and someone asked me once why i didn't answer the phone and i told him because i was sleeping um and i guess that wasn't a good answer. So they're like, no, you were just supposed to say you was unavailable. Yeah, I was unavailable because I was sleeping. But yeah, I mean, to me, I had a lot of questions like, is the government corrupt? Or do you find people in the government corrupt in this book? You don't have to tell that because that makes people go buy the book, right? Let us know. For sure. You definitely want to buy the book and

check it out. But just like in the world today, it's like maybe some people have found some ways to skirt the system or maybe there's not necessarily a uniform rule in place. So that's part of the dystopian nature. So dystopian fiction for anyone who doesn't know out there is you think of a utopia is like the perfect version of society, right? There's no poverty, no homelessness. Everybody's happy. Everybody has money. It's like perfect version of the world. But it is a dystopia because there's one fatal flaw, one thing that turns things upside down. And normally the flaw is supposed to be good. Like you think it's a good idea until it's not. So in the book, obviously lying is illegal is the fatal flaw. It's like you would think that everybody's honest

with each other. We should be good to go. We can trust everybody. But it's really, it's the opposite. It turns things upside down. It's like, well, nobody wants to meet new friends. Nobody wants to go outside of the house because the more people you know, the higher risk it is that you might end up saying something that's not true or somebody might say something to you that could risk somebody's life. So it really turns things on its head when you think it'll be good, but it turns out to be like a living hell, basically. Right. I think about like, what if, how would society today be if that was like the rules?

You know, like if you can, because you think about everybody's social media, like all that is lies. And I'm not going to say all of it, but you know, people post a lot of their happy moments, you know, but they don't post a lot of their real moments. So how much would that change social media and the messages and things that people send on social media? Because it's like we're always seeing the made up part of people's lives, the part that they want to show. But it's like if you had to tell the truth, would you be up there every day talking about, oh, it's a day and smell the flowers and the roses and you know the whole time you're being locked in the basement i hope that's not happening to nobody if it is get help immediately but

just call that out but yeah what would you think something like that would do to today's society yeah i mean it would it would definitely change things like i said you know it's would you want to go out and meet people, what you want to be social, because it's like the more people you know, the riskier it is for you. And I'll add another key theme of the book, too, is, you know, a lot of times it feels like everyday people don't really have the power to change things that are happening. So the way social media is, the way people post about social media, the way people kind of hide what's really going on, it's kind of like, it is what it is. That's how it goes. Another theme in the book is that no matter who you are, no matter what you do, you can change the world and you can work towards a goal no matter how big it is. So you all see that play out in the book to where someone who doesn't feel like they have a lot of power to change things, works through it, they get help and they actually end up trying to shake up the system a little bit. Right, right.

And I feel like there's a lot of people right now in this world shaking up the system. I don't know if it's working, but they are out here shaking up the system. And it's kind of crazy. So I was watching a clip of The View yesterday. And, you know, I don't know when you guys will see this episode, right, because I don't control our viewing schedule. But yesterday was Juneteenth. So we're just going to say that, all right? When we're recording this, yesterday was Juneteenth, and Taraji was on The View.

And they were talking about why is it so important to celebrate Juneteenth? And, you know, her answer was because of how people want to take things back to kind of like how it used to be, you know. And I just wanted to get your opinion on that just because, you know, we're still so close to Juneteenth. Hey, we're still celebrating over here. But, you know, what's your opinion is on that and kind of like where society is going and with the MAGA nation and all these things. And I ask you to talk about anything political's just your personal belief. You can say political if you want to. I'm just saying. Your personal belief on

how I feel. I kind of feel the same way. I feel like Donald Trump wants to be a dictator and we're supposed to be his loyal subjects. And I don't know if I'm fit for that life. I can't do it. Yeah yeah i think that's a super dope question just because like you said we just had juneteenth and it's a fairly new holiday like i think juneteenth was just officially made in 2018 like 2020 i know obama i know the kids just started getting school

off so i think it look we about to google this thing real quick. It's about to start the phone. When, where? I think it was 2019 or 2018, somewhere around there. But while you're Googling it, though, yeah, I think Juneteenth is dope for me because it was like the real time where people, like where slavery ended and people, everybody became free.

It was like they did the Emancipation Proclamation, but it didn't really free anybody. And then after the Civil War, it was like people were still slaved and they didn't know they were supposed to be free. So it's like a couple of years later, they're like, oh, by the way, you've been a slave for a couple of years, but actually, you know, you shouldn't be a slave. It's illegal. So I think it's kind of wild to think like this huge news that could change your life. And you've been kept in the dark for a couple of years. You just been working for free.

And then you find out, oh, these last couple of years of my life, I should have been getting paid for what I'm doing or I could have left. So, I mean, it makes you think of a time like you ever been left in the dark, like your friends know something or people that are close to you know this thing that you don't know and you're like the last person to find out. Like it's like it's kind of like that type of situation. Definitely. And then just to correct us both, we were both wrong. It was 2021. Ain't that crazy? Just three years ago. I think the kids just started getting yeah just three years ago but you know what it was funny i was reading yesterday on something and they were taking a step further and they were like even though people celebrate juneteenth and the emancipation proclamation

that really that didn't even sleep free all the slaves it was really like the 13th amendment that like that was honored later on down the ride but that did kind of like set the motion for things and i don't want to like misspeak so please go search what we're saying we're kind of just we're having a conversation amongst friends but hey please go educate yourself what we're talking about because you know i read everything fast okay yeah and then to your to your point your second part of your question was how do i feel like things are progressing you know it's funny i was just talking to my dad about this like two days ago. And so my dad was born in 1968 and he was telling me how when they moved into a neighborhood in North Carolina, they were like

the first black family to move into this neighborhood and they were getting called like racist slurs. You know, they were like telling people to leave. They were like trying to spray water on their house and on there they had dogs. They were like spraying water on their dogs because they was like barking, like just just irate racism type stuff. And you think like in the seventies, you know, that's not that, that's not that far away, right? That's my dad's one generation behind. And so, you know, I feel like as a country, I think we have progressed a lot. I think when you look at, you know, it's, I think over racism happens, but it's not like as common as it was back in the seventies, you know, in the sixties, seventies, eighties, it's

not like I'm walking down the street and I'm going to be called, you know, the N-word out of the blue. Some places maybe, but just not as common as it used to be. So I feel like as a country, we've definitely moved forward, not completely erased, but you can't ignore, you know, how much progress has been made to, you know, how much equality has been, how much the gap has at least been closed a little bit. You know, it's a big gap. I think it's been closed a good amount since the 60s, 70s and before then. And so, yeah, I think, you know, we've changed a lot. I think people are trying to grow. And I think the more people try to connect with each other, the better off we'll be. So right now it's a lot of connections between racial lines, between ethnic lines, between, you know, other parts in the country, other states. So I feel like social media is a good part of that, too, where it's like people are connected and able to see and talk to people that they might have never had access to before. So I think things are moving in a direction that could be helpful.

I just think we got to make sure that we continue to touch around the edges, you know, like make sure nobody's nobody's left behind. But, yeah, it's an interesting conversation. I also think what's important, though though is like to making things clear and i'm gonna give the example as far as like the word privilege you know people so i actually never got called privileged until i moved to upstate new york right and then i moved up here and for some reason black people that's all they want to be oh you're privileged you privileged, you're privileged, you're privileged. But I came from a small city in Virginia where people used to tell me to go back to my country. So, you know, it's like understanding, you know, trying to understand that I don't have to be

you know, it's like I don't want to say anything that's wrong because I ain't trying to get canceled. But I also want to say it's like, you know, it took me a long time to to realize that i was privileged but it was because everybody else put it negatively like i'm privileged because i worked and i got degrees and and and i worked very hard for i got and there's a lot of those things but i don't necessarily think that anything or my skin color helped me get anything in life because where i lived i was the n-word you know because i was a shade darker than what most people are used to so you know so you got some color so i we mean and then people used to be harsh and mean and

you know we lived in a house that was shot up and people throwing stuff and go back to your country and the most horrible thing. My mother legally changed her name from her Spanish name to an English name just because she was so tired of things. Like she got rid of her. She was just like so afraid and scared of things. And it's like, you know, people don't know that part of my story. So I think sometimes it's unfair for you to place that judgment on me because I'm light-skinned. And I think that's like a message that it's like I'm not taking away anything from any Black person. Never. But in the same respect, it's like don't assume that I didn't have a struggle or didn't go through things because you don't know where I was raised and kind of where I was brought up at.

And it's kind of funny. We actually had like a lunch and learn today at work and it was corny as hell. But one thing that was kind of really true is that we invent these stories in our head, right? And we sit here and we make up, you know, like I can look at you and you're a writer, you're in the tech and all this kind of stuff. And I can sit here and try to, oh, he had a really good life and I don't know anything. But I'm going to think that because you're educated and it's this and it's that, but I don't know what you went through, you know? And it's like, I don't know what you've been through, but that's this assumption that people would make because we make up these stories to ourselves. And that's kind of what the lesson was today. It's like, instead of making up these stories, let's ask a person's story.

Let's just figure out what they went through. Once again, I'm never going to take away from any struggle any Black person went through. I've seen some horrible things in my life, but I've also been through some horrible things. So it's like, I just want the same courtesy that you asking for. Sometimes I feel wrong for wanting that courtesy. I guess that's what I was trying to say is like, sometimes I feel like society makes me feel wrong for wanting a little bit of courtesy because I went through so much pain growing up because I wasn't white and I wasn't black and I was in that middle. So we got the hatred from the white people, the hatred from the black people, you know, and it's, you know, we're fighting against Mexicans and Dominicans and I'm Puerto Rican. And then, you know, and I'm

actually very, very, very, very, very biracial, you know, but it's like, still, I think we most are. But I guess I just wanted your comment on that. But Crystal, you can say what you're going to say first. I was just going to say, I think people forget what the definition of privilege is half of the time and they just throw it out there. But I just wanted to get basically everything I said for the last 12 minutes. What your thought is about that? Just like repeat that. Yeah, I think that's deep, man. Especially the part where you say, you know, your mom felt like she had to change her name in order to keep living her life.

So you said, just give them the stress and everything else put on her. And I feel like, you know, in a perfect world, in a best case scenario, nobody feels like they have to do stuff like that. Because I think that's a lot of people's story where they feel like they have to change who they are in order to fit in, in order to get ahead, in order to just live a peaceful life. And so, you know, best case scenario in America, it's like a melting pot. You have all these different, you know, ethnic groups, races, all these different people from different backgrounds in one place. But a lot of times people do feel like they're not always welcome. So, you know, hopefully at one point in the future, we can get to the point where everybody feels like they can be their authentic self and still be successful in life. And, you know, a lot of things though, I also feel like I have no control over. Like,

you know, it's like people talk about reparations and it's like, that's between you and the United States of America. You know, like it's not necessarily me that needs to be attacked. I'm with you. I think you deserve them too. You know, but my thing is like, you know, it's like when people come to me or have come to me. I'm going to give you an example. I had this barber, right? And she did music and they wanted me to manage them.

They're like, oh shit, you're really good at business. We think you could do this. I'm like, I never managed anybody before. I've never managed nobody before, but you know what? Y'all are pretty tight. I'm going to do this. Until they came out with the, well, because you're light-skinned and because you got a good job and because you make good money, you need to pay for everything up front. And then get it later after we get what we're supposed to get. and I was like

well I got a good job because I got five degrees and which I had to get through the loans for you know what I'm saying like I paid for that shit and I studied and I worked and then nobody gave me they didn't just be like oh you like skin here go your degree

the thing that kind of upset me though was that the person that was saying this to me was basically my twin. Like, you just as light as I am. But she considered herself Afro Latina and considered me a white boy. And, you know, it was kind of like, and I was like, wow, the nerve, you know. And then her actually rap partner is actually dark skin. But it was like the nerve, like your nerve, bro. And then to tell me I was privileged and that was the first time I ever got called privileged that I remember

but it was the first time that like I realized that it offended me you know but it offended me because it came to me in a negative manner right you know so because you know when I do think about it it's like okay yes I am privileged I can go to my refrigerator and drink anything I want to drink. Not many people have that, you know, but because it came to me under attack, you know, and I'm like, I'm just sitting here trying to get a haircut. I give you a good tip. How you flip it on me? You know, but it was the first time that I realized, like, wow, people really think weirdly. And it's like, you know, I don't, I'm not that, you know, of course, once again, you know, I always tell people I can never tell a black man how to be a black man, you know, because I'm not a black man, you know what I'm saying?

So it's like with that, you know, it was the same thing with non-binary people. It's like, I don't know that you're non-binary until you tell me you're non-binary you know so it's like educate me but educate me in a way that can educate me because when you do it where it's attacking me i'm gonna get defensive and now i'm not hearing shit you got to say now what they were saying was some bullshit y'all was sitting here trying to get me to pay some money first of all i didn't know nothing about management and then you want to put all my money up front nah y'all didn't believe in me you believe in my money like i got the whole gist of it you know i'm saying oh what i did find another barber but but it made me question a lot like it made me question myself like wow i am a lot of ignorant to a lot of you know uh racial systemic racial

things like i am ignorant to a lot of these things i am ignorant to a lot of those things and i started to be hard on myself until I remembered that, damn, most of your life you was molested. So you wasn't thinking about race, you was thinking about living, you know? So it's like, how can I learn about injustice in other people when I'm witnessing and experiencing this huge injustice? You know, and it's like, I'm every day trying to figure out how I'm going to survive the next day. So it's like i'm every day trying to figure out how i'm gonna survive the next day so it's like how dare you place judgment on my life when you don't know what i worked up from right you know and what i came up from and yeah i may be ignorant to a lot of subjects but it's because no one taught me number one number two i didn't have the time to teach myself why because i was trying to stay alive motherfucking. You know, so, you know, I feel like

very passionate people sometimes can be unfair. For sure. I definitely feel that. And then it's like, I think if people took the time to actually try to connect with each other too, I think we'd be a lot better off, you know, instead of like looking at how we're different or,

you know, just how we're different in general. It's like trying to figure out what are, how we like in ways, what are some of our similar interests? What do we have in common? I think the world would be a better place if we started with connection. I mean, honestly, it was one of the biggest thing I'm going to say I respected about you, right? Because we talked about connecting when I came to Atlanta. So I was like, Hey, if you don't know, I'm gay. And he was like, okay. You know know, you can't walk. Like, I don't get why you're telling me, you know, but to me, it's like, I always let people know because number one, people pretend like they don't know. I'm like, I say it on every show. You got to know, right. It's out there.

But the second thing is like, I always feel like I want to let a person know what you're about to get into. And it's not necessarily that I'm coming on to you. It's just like, Hey, you're just gonna be hanging out with a gay dude. But I did respect your answer. Your answer was very like, I want to let a person know what you're about to get into. And it's not necessarily that I'm coming on to you. It's just like, hey, you're just going to be hanging out with a gay dude. But I did respect your answer. Your answer was very like, okay. Like, I know. But it was still, you know, it was like, that's kind of feel like how we need to be in the world, being willing to like, hey, just two random people from two different parts of life come together and hang out, you know?

And like, let's get to know each other. And if Atlanta wasn't so shitty, I'm pretty sure we would have had a great time. Maybe you should come to New York. Yeah. Maybe hit us up when you get to the city. Yeah. And we'll, we'll take you out when you get here on your, on your book tour or when you become a New York times bestselling author, um, which where you better get the, uh, first interview since I'm making the prediction now. I appreciate that. And because we got all the Juneteenth themes, man, we got to we got to chop this because it'll be like, you know, a couple of months from Juneteenth comes. So hopefully people will be like, OK, yeah, Juneteenth was back. I don't know how I was thinking, too. I was like,

maybe I could go ahead and email our editor and be like, can you just do this episode next? And number one, because we want you to buy the book because we are going to bring you back on so we can talk about the book because I know that I want to read it it's just life be life you know what I'm saying I have 18 kids

and I can't even lie Crystal started it right and she calls me she's like did you start the book? And I'm like, no. I will say the good thing about this and a lot of people like it is that it's fairly short. Like it's to the point I try to, because there's a lot of books for me like growing up, I would like reading them, but sometimes you're confused. It's like too much extra detail. You kind of lose interest. So for me, my writing style is like to the point, you're in the action, and then it's not like a whole lot of fluff in there. So hopefully once you start reading it, it'll be a quick read. You'll get through it in a couple of days. I know people have gotten through it in like two, three days, two weeks, people who don't even read. And I made it for people, too. I don't know. Y'all may not fall in this category, but I really made the book for people who don't typically read fiction too, so it's like anybody can pick it up and don't feel like you have to have some type of background

with a lot of reading in order to enjoy the book. You know what? I listened. I can read any book that was written as long as I've been alive. Does that make sense? Yeah, so like books that, I don't know how old you are, but books that haven't been made after... Yeah, go ahead, guess. Books that have been made in the last 30 years.

Thank you, I appreciate it. I'm actually 44. Little cat in a hat. But no, you know, like people, like I read, like, what's that book that, Count Amani Christo, whatever. Like, I've read books like that and to me it's like, I don't even remember what I just read.

Oh my God. You know? To me it's like reading the Bible. Not to be offended about the Bible, but I read the Bible and I'd be like, what? I mean, that's every day with you, though. But to me, but any book that was like written in my era, whether it's like, you know, like I read Colin Powell's biography, you know, and that was like the biggest biography ever. And people are like, you read that? And I was like, yeah, and it was dope, you know, but hey, it was written in my era. So I could do, I'll take a chance on anything. I just don't like, you know, don't doubt me. Well, you tell me what it's about and I can say, well, I read it through Micah. You know, I wanted to get a little bit into your motivational, I know you say you little bit into your motivational. I know you say you're looking into motivational speaking and those kind of things.

Yeah. And I guess, number one, we are a mental health podcast. And I know people seen for like the last 33 minutes how crazy I am. But and Crystal's a little crazy, too, because if you hear the same rule with me, bet you're crazy. But, you know, number one is like, what makes you want to become a motivational speaker? The second part of that is how do you stay motivated? And

the reason I ask that question is because, you know, I had a psychiatrist who had a psychiatrist. You know what I'm saying? So, it's like, what is that aspect in your life? Yeah, yeah. I would say go to the second question first how to stay motivated. For me it's like motivation is a choice. It's like every day, you know, it could be a good day or a bad day. There could be things that happen to you

that are outside of your control and there's nothing you can do about that. But are you going to choose to let it keep you down or are you going to choose to say, hey, look, that happened to me but I'm going to move on. I'm going to figure out what I can do on my part, what I can control and keep moving forward. So for me, I stay motivated because I just choose every day to be like, hey, look, today is going to be a good day. Regardless of what happens, I'm going to still do my thing. I'm going to get my writing in today. I'll get my workout in today. And I do go to therapy. So if it's a therapy, I'll make sure I get my therapy in. It's just a choice that I try to make consciously. And then the first part, you know, how did I get into

motivation? I would say just naturally, I like to help. I think everybody likes to help people, but I've always had an affinity for trying to just help and hype other people around me. So playing sports growing up, like in football, basketball, you know, I think my very first football team that I was on as a kid was a terrible team. Like we lost every game. We went like 0 and 11. And I think seeing my coach telling us like, hey, look, no matter what the score is, no matter how many games you lose, we got this, give it your all. We still going to play every play to our fullest. You know, I think that really inspired me from an early age to be like, okay, no matter what's going on, no matter if you're

losing, we can still put our all in and feel good about it at the end of the game, even if we lose. And so that's been ingrained in me from a young age. And that grew to middle school, high school, when I see people down, I see people going through stuff, I always try to be like, hey, you can get through it. Don't worry about it. Don't give up. And it's just kind of grown and followed me into my adulthood.

So, you know, they say everybody has that thing that makes you different or that thing that comes natural to you that you have to grow and develop. That's always been kind of my thing that I've been trying to grow and develop. Okay. So now we know I actually, I'm going to end up like playing this episode next week. See, I'm going to see us in a week, right? On this episode, just know that it's a week ago because it is men's mental health awareness month. All right. And you're a man. So two things. Number one, it's so dope that you go to therapy.

I think it's amazing saying that. And I think it's amazing as a black man saying that because, you know, I feel like, you know, I've actually heard people say like therapy is for white people, you know? So it was like, yeah, that doesn't make sense. You know, so what would you what is your advice to number one, all men who are out there struggling in some kind of way? Who, number one, think therapy is a sign of weakness or, you know, they're a punk or whatever word they use if they kind of reach out for help for a mental health standpoint. And then the second thing, what would you say for black men? Because I do think that society is kind of hard on Black men having to be more masculine and more tough. So what would be your messages for those two categories, all men and then Black men? Yeah, for the first one, I would say a lot of things in life and what I found

can be solved by just asking the right people how to do it. It's like, if you're trying to start a business, you're trying to write a book, you're trying to build a school, you know, you're trying to build anything, asking somebody who's an expert in construction will probably better give you the answers. And that's how I see therapy. It's like, you probably have a lot of issues you're dealing with or things in life, because we all do, right? We all have things that we want to grow from, things that we want to try to overcome. And sometimes it's just a simple fact of asking the right person, what do I need to do to overcome this? And a lot of times therapy can be that person for you. For me, it definitely is. So the first thing is if you want to try to get over things, you want to try to overcome things or just be better in general,

be happier, be more motivated, sometimes it's just asking the right questions. And in therapy, they can give you some of those answers, some of those tips in order to help you elevate in life. So therapy should be for anyone just because you can ask somebody what's going on. You can tell somebody what's going on in your life and they can give you tips or point you in the right direction at least. So I think it's huge no matter what you have going on. Even if everything is going smooth for you, if you feel like I don't really have any issues, I'm good, you know, you might still can use therapy just to help you be even better. You know, so that's number one. And then number two for black men is definitely hard because I feel like for me and I know for a lot of other black men that I know growing up, you were told,

hey, don't cry, hold it in. You got to be tough. You got to put on that facade regardless of what's going on or what you're feeling on the inside. And so that really carries on. You bring that into your adulthood. I feel like time really doesn't heal everything. If you don't talk about things, you keep things bottled up, they're always there inside of you. So for black men, you really got to try to, we have to try to overcome that persona of we're not allowed to show emotions because there's going to be things that linger in your life, linger in your relationships that you haven't dealt with that you'll see pop up over and over again. And you may be thinking, what can I do? Or, you know, even worse, you may be thinking there's nothing I can do.

And you start to fall into an abyss and just know that you're not suffering alone. All black men, all people go through the same thing and just reaching out for help like therapy, a professional can help get you out of that abyss, help take you to the next level, help you find meaning in life. So highly recommend, highly recommend black men for everybody, but especially black men, because there are things that we got to deal with in terms of, you know, judgment, in terms of challenges that maybe other people don't understand how to deal with this. So I also recommend trying to find a Black male therapist too, which I have a Black male therapist. Now that didn't necessarily work for me. So my therapist was actually Asian, but it still worked out the same way. She was still

pretty dope. But it goes to show that you have to really find what works for you. You know what I'm saying? Because I kind of went with that thing where I found a Puerto Rican gay therapist and it didn't work. It was like, I can't do this. You know, and then it took me like 13 therapists before I found one. And it just happened to be the oldest. She's going to kill me when I say this. Asian woman. I mean, she had to be like 130.

130 though. oldest, she's going to kill me when I say this, Asian woman. I mean, she had to be like 130. And, um, but it was two things. She looked good for her age. Like you knew she was old, but you knew she looked good for age. Right. Um, but she, it was just something about her. It was just peace. You know, like when I first, the first time I talked to her, it was like, wow, this is peace, you know? And then she taught me how to talk and now of course as you see i won't shut the hell up um and i didn't want to contradict you i just wanted to point out like yeah start with a black therapist but if you can't find a black therapist i don't mean you stop looking exactly yeah step two is find somebody that works for you no matter what they look like no matter right right right but if you look some therapist right because sometimes you want someone

that can relate to you but sometimes your pain is so deep that it hurts to tell it to somebody that looks like you. And I think that's where it comes into, you know, when you when it's not a person that you can see your reflection in and you're telling these dark secrets to, you don't feel like it's a mirror rejecting back on you and you can actually heal from it. So sometimes people just have darker pains than others, you know. So it's like that's something to consider that, you know, it probably needs to be that off the wall kind of thing. And the other thing I wanted to say, number two, not to contradict you again, but I believe that there are many types of professionals. So I just want to make it clear that we're not just talking about therapy, you know, there's meditation, there's, you know, Reiki, there's basketball, there's boxing, there's,

you know, I tell people punch the wall because you can fix the wall. Just don't punch Janet. You know what I'm saying? Like, as long as, look, as long as you're not hurting nobody and you're probably going to hurt yourself punching the wall and maybe it'll be the last time. Don't recommend you punching the wall. But it is better than any other. If it is better than any other alternative and no one's getting hurt, punch that motherfucking wall. No, but there are acts that you can do.

And I think that's just to kind of go off you. There are acts that you can do, the things that you can do to kind of work on your mental health. Even if you don't feel that you have mental health issues like we all do. They say a person being in a dirty diaper too long can um cause trauma and not little trauma you know there have been people uh who had like major bad ocd because they were left in a diaper too long you know and then that's like a major problem like they can't do anything they can't touch anything you know and um so you know i kind of wanted to point that out but it was something kind of cool you were saying that like they say time heal heals all wounds and i feel like they

sometimes feel people forget that time also makes things go longer you know the longer the time so if you're not if you're not healing from time know that you're hurting from time. Oh, yeah. So, and it's definitely, like, definitely, definitely getting it out and allowing yourself. Vulnerability was the thing that I, you know, I was like, I hope he says the word vulnerability. But you didn't. Dang, Aaron. My bad. I should say this. Just because I've been doing this podcasting thing a little bit, just a little advice.

Vulnerability is probably a word that you should teach people, right? Because I think that that's where it comes down to when we actually are able to be vulnerable and let down all the guards. Because people are like, oh, I let my gate down. Yeah, but you got some guard dogs. You know, you got six padlocks. Bitch, I got through the gate. Now I got to get through the locks, you know. So vulnerability is kind of releasing all that. And I think that that's kind of a very important thing. And to me, being vulnerable doesn't have to necessarily be a professional. You can do it with a person that you love. You can do it with a person that you admire. You know, it's there. People that you trust should be the first thing, a person that you love. You can do it with a person that you admire. You know, it's,

people that you trust should be the first thing, a person that you feel safe with. But if you have that person in your life, being very vulnerable with that person can also open you up to be willing to go to therapy and seek further help and those kinds of things. For sure. And I definitely agree with you. You know, it's like is important. And also having a healthy outlet, like you said before, whether it's working out, walking, writing, everybody has something you can, I'm not with that at all. So it's like actually trying to understand what's going on inside you and having somebody listen to you, somebody you can be fully open with, you know, makes it a little less scary. But you're absolutely right. I mean, I went to therapy.

You know what was my breaking point? Admitting that I didn't like sauces. Sauces. I don't like barbecue sauce. I don't like ranch. I don't like anything. Yeah, I want ranch i don't yeah yeah i want to try and he's like no broccoli i'm like i don't like that was like the one that was like the moment that i decided i was gonna be fully honest with my therapist when i told her i didn't like sauces like i don't like barbecue sauce i don't know how it went from the most random conversation but it

was like i don't like barbecue sauce i've been't know how I went from the most random conversation, but it was like, I don't like barbecue sauce. I've been molested since I was four. You know, it was like, what? It was the start out conversation. But it really was. It really was the crazy start out conversation. Now I just be like, I go full fledged. But now motivational speaking, what makes you, you didn't kind of answer that, but doing it as a profession, you know, what makes you want to do it as a profession? Yeah, I feel like it's negativity is like the default human emotion, a default human action. We just it's easier to be negative than positive. So I feel like having more people spreading positive energy is just better for the world in general. So that way, when you have people that are bringing the negativity around you, you have something to counteract that. So just

trying to get the message out. And really my core reason why I feel like I'm here on this earth is to just increase prosperity. And I feel like the more positive energy you have, being a motivational speaker helps other people live out their dreams, helps other people prosper. So if you believe even for a second that you can achieve that goal that you had dreamt of, you can achieve whatever thing you want to do as a kid, just believing that you can do it changes the whole perspective on life. So I try to spread that message as far and as wide as I can so people know no matter what you go through, no matter how bad your day was, it has nothing to do with tomorrow and that the future is always going to be better than the past right definitely now people watching this and um so we found out the other day

that 87 every 87 of people who start our episodes finish it that means there's people still watching right now which is pretty cool okay thank you guys for still watching right but there we go i bring that up to say that you know there are people that are this far into this episode. And they're looking at three completely different people from all different backgrounds, all different thoughts, beliefs, experiences, life. We all got light to us. Why? Because we're healing. And they still don't feel like they're worthy.

What's your advice to them? My advice is that you were born worthy. You know, they talk about the statistics of being able to be born. You know, there's a high probability that you weren't even going to be here, but you are here. So just know that you're not here just because you're here for a reason. And that there's something in you that no one else has. There's something special about you that makes you unique. So find that thing and embrace it because you that no one else has. There's something special about you that makes you unique. So find that thing and embrace it because you're here for a reason. You absolutely are worthy.

So never feel like you can't do anything you put your mind to. You got this. Take it one day at a time, one minute at a time if you have to. But the future is always going to be better than the past. Definitely. And now we're going to go into the help conversation because there are people that just don't want help. I just, I don't want to ask for help. I don't want, I'm kind of going through that with like my, my sister-in-law. So my sister-in-law just moved here. And so she's completely away from her family.

So she really has to count on me because she's like really starting life all over, which I commend her for. It's the same thing I did. You know, I started life all over. It was really, really great for me. She's doing it much respect. Um, but everything with her now is tit for tat, you know, I started life all over. It was really, really great for me. She's doing it. Much respect. But everything with her now is tit for tat, you know, and not a negative way. But if I do this for her, like she goes and she hangs out with my mom every day. But while she's there, she's like washing my clothes and like folding my sheets. And I'm like, you can chill on the sofa. Like you can just relax. Like, you know, and no, you know,

and it comes out where I'm not going to let you do all this for me and I'm not doing nothing. And I'm like, I'm not going to wash my own clothes. Like, you know, it doesn't have to be, you know, like a tip for that kind of thing. But I guess it's, you know, it's, what advice do you give the people about accepting help and accepting it and realizing that they deserve it? You know, like you deserve it. It doesn't have to be a cost associated with it.

Yeah. Yeah. In my experience and people I've talked to, because I read a lot about the things I've read, the professionals that talk about this stuff. Life has a way of balancing itself out. So if you feel like, man, I'm really taking from someone or you feel like things are not equal, life just has a way of coming back around and making sure that things balance out. So if you feel like you need to do extra for somebody else, just know that if you're doing the best you can do, that person will be repaid in some way, shape, or form. Whether or not you are trying to go above and beyond for a particular person or you're just trying to get through the day. So don't be too caught up in trying to make sure you're doing extra or you're going out of your way because at the end of the day, if you're trying to be a good person and you're reaching out to connect with other people, life is going to find its way around to you and

the people around you and people you don't even know. So that would be my advice there. Things always balance out. Here I go shooting questions, shooting fire questions. You shouldn't start answering them, okay, Aaron Frenney? You shouldn't start answering the questions. You're good, you're good. I love this.

We say all that, but now we know there are some fucked up people in this world, right? I think it's why there has to be motivational speakers and why we have to have a mental health podcast, because there are some crazy fucked up people in this world, right? I think it's why there has to be motivational speakers and why we have to have a mental health podcast, because there are some crazy fucked up people in this world. And there are people who are manipulators and these and those kinds of things. I don't think there's any way to really know or protect yourself from one, but if you could think of a way, you know, where something doesn't seem right, what would be your advice on people allowing people into their life so freely? Yeah. You know, I think you kind of mentioned earlier when you're talking about vulnerability, I think an extension of that

is being your authentic self. If you come in every conversation, every relationship as your authentic self, you know, you're doing the best you can do. Everything else is out of your hands, out of your control. So when it gets to the point where somebody is manipulating you, somebody is doing you dirty or they're, you know, they're actively acting negatively towards you, whether it be mentally or physically, you know, when it's time for you to step away and say, hey, look, I did everything I can do, then you got to do that and just know that you're not hurting that person. That person is hurting themselves. You know, you were the best that you could be you are your authentic self so try to rest easy knowing that you know you did everything you could do and that you came

as your authentic self when it's time to step away from that situation or that particular person that was really dope advice it's like sort of the same thing as you say with that quote that you always go i try to be a better version of myself. Every day. Every day. Like today, I try to be better than who I was yesterday, basically. Exactly. And that's how you rest easy.

Like, you know, you put your all into it. You know, you did everything you could do. You accepted the responsibilities of your actions. From that point on, it's like everything else outside of your, what they say, locus of control. So if it's outside of your control, you can't control how other people are going to act or what they're going to do. So you have to just rest easy knowing that you are your best self, you are authentic, and that, you know, you did everything you could do. Right. You know, try not to let it get to you.

Because I know people who are in, somebody could be in like an abusive relationship, for example, but they feel like if they leave that person, that person is going to hurt themselves or that person is not going to survive, you know? And at some point, you got to say, you're going to take responsibility for your own emotions, your own feelings. And then that person got to take responsibility for their own emotions and their own feelings, especially if it's bringing you both down to a place that you don't want to be, you know? And just in that situation, if you can get yourself help, get that person help and get the hell up out of there. But ask for help. You know, like you said, like asking person help and get the hell up out of there. Ask for help. Like you said, asking for help is huge because a lot of times you may have a therapist or a person that may have somebody close to you that may have a resolution for you, somebody that's been through that situation,

but because you're keeping things bottled up, because you're not being open and vulnerable, you may be making yourself suffer more than you have to. So don't be afraid to ask for help. I feel like humans in our core, we're meant to connect with each other. We're tribal, right? We're meant to be in groups. We're meant to be together, connect with each other.

So just don't be afraid to reach out for help if you are feeling like you're in a bad place. Right, right, right. And then I really think that everybody at least knows one person that they can trust or they feel they can kind of trust. And it's like, no matter who you are, I believe there's one person in your life.

And it is not, I tell you, I got to reach out to me anytime you want to just text. I ain't going to answer the call. But Anthony, of course, you know, we think you're so amazingly dope. Tell us what you got going on next. So next is next book. You know, I'm working on my next, my next little project. I wouldn't want to give too many details, but it's about, you know, a boy and his dog, basically. So growing up, I always loved like Air Bud, Shiloh. What's the other ones? All those movies where they're like, where the red phone grows. I don't know if y'all read that book in school. Unfortunately. And I cried to the movie. Yeah. So I loved all those books. I'm making a dystopian version of a boy and his dog story.

So working on my next book is trying to get more motivational content out in the world and trying to make sure that I find ways to help people follow their dreams. Right. And I'm over here thinking like, what is it with you and these dogs? And not just you. I'm talking about America. I just don't get it. I'd be like, oh be like oh i'm so

tired of animals and people and their animals i got neighbors and they all got dogs and they'd be all cute little bows and shit like that and i'd be like bitch maybe off camera when we start recording i really i gotta tell you the premise of the next book because if that's the view on dogs you might you might find right because i'd be like oh my god and then i know that like i couldn't have a dog because i just gonna love a dog you shed you hairy when you get wet you stink we ain't got time for that you lick no i'm good and you could get free you just gotta find the right dog for you you know they got hairless dogs they got dogs that don't shed hyper allergenic ugly who the hell wants some ugly thing looking back at their ass i ain't trying to get up and handle ugly thing that isn't that the type of thing? A coyote ugly.

Over here looking at a hairless motherfucking cat and the bitch looking at me looking at her lips. No, I'm good. I'm okay. Man, all animals are beautiful. It's like with babies.

Is there really such thing as an ugly baby? I've seen them. I have seen some ugly babies. But you know what? I think that's what's wrong with society. You're like,

we need to call it what it is. You know? There are some ugly babies. But I've known some ugly babies that grow up to be some with society. You're like, we need to call it what it is. You know? There are some ugly babies. But I've known some ugly babies that grow up to be some beautiful people. You know? And it's kind of saying that. So I could sit here and say ugly baby.

But honestly, when it comes to attraction, I often just see the soul, you know? And how good or bad that soul is and how good or bad a person is. But I have seen some ugly babies. I'm sorry. Your baby is ugly, okay? So tell us this question for you then Micah has your soul gauge ever been wrong has it been you know what I realized

wrong no I was wrong about not listening to what I really felt did that make sense so you know it it was like, I knew I was dealing with a devil, but still dealt with a devil. You know, so it was like, for some reason, I didn't trust my soul gauge, you know?

And right now, my biggest issue is that I'm healing, right? And I realized in my healing journey that I have always been the best version of myself to people. And I've been a really fucked up person. But at that point in my life, that was the best version I could be. Right.

So because of that, and I know how true that is. I know because of what I experienced, my pain and suffering, I got older. I hurt people. I hurt people just like people hurt me. Not the same way, but differently. I'm a gay man that doesn't like to be touched by men. That shit don't make no sense. I need consent because most of my abusers were men. This is how I know I was born gay. You know, because it's like, if I had a choice, I wouldn't go through this much trauma over it. And I do. I don't like to be touched by men. Just don't touch me. I'm good. I'm like, I'm good. Like, I trust. I'm not the gay man that wants you. I don't want every man. I just don't. Like, I need consent. I need someone that's going to tell

me, I'm going to touch you now, and then we good. You know, but like, I need consent. But it's like, it's issues. Andris is looking like this bitch is crazy i was just gonna say like when we first met he didn't think he was gonna like me and he wasn't gonna hire me and if it wasn't for the other girl actually liking me and wanted to hire me i wouldn't have got hired wow so the soul gauge was oh no no no no because you never you never asked me why i didn't want to hire you i liked who she was as a person i didn't think

that she could do the job and he was wrong and i was wrong i was wrong like that bitch need to be my boss like you can tell her b-. I'm like, oh, shit. I didn't even know that, son. But once again, it's me not trusting my intuition. Because my soul gauge was right about her. You know? Like, I knew the person she was. But I guess what I was trying to say is, but I kind of can see that in all people.

You know? And that's kind of why I don't listen to my intuition right now. Because I know how fucked up I was. And I'm like, maybe this is the best version of who they can be right now. And if they don't believe in getting help, I can't convince them. So the only thing I can do is accept who they are at that moment. So because of that, because I am one of those people that genuinely love all people right now. I know it's sickening, but because I am one of those people, yeah, I barely

listen to my intuition about things. Do you feel like you forgave yourself for those situations where you felt like you might have disliked someone? I'm good. To me, it's like unfortunately, in all this,

I kind of believe in karma. I believe that somebody was my karma and I was somebody else's karma. You know, it's kind of like life, you know, life. It's very funny. I don't have a very strong belief in God, but I do know that someone has to win and someone has to lose. You know, there's no two number ones, you know, is like. But I also know that we all are number ones in something you know so i can't sing for anything so i'm never gonna win a grammy for that you know what i'm saying but i might win a podcast award you know or or i did win a podcast award it's

right here but you know but but because of that it it is like, like I said, you know, I know that. I honestly, I just feel like what I did to that person, they kind of needed at that time. You know, I was just a vessel because that's how the universe decided to use me because I was in that state and because it could use me that way. You know, but because I could be used to teach somebody a lesson, I taught the ass a lesson. Right. You know, but I know that I had a lot of horrible things done to me, so I couldn't be nobody else other than who I was at that time. You know, I didn't know about healing. You know, at that time it was I finally found freedom. I finally escaped the trauma in a way. And all I wanted to do was burn this bitch down. It was so much anger and frustration. I was ready to burn the whole world down. And that was my goal. I want to live a certain way. I wanted to have certain things. I wanted to be who I wanted to

be with. And I did all those things. And unfortunately, a lot of other people paid for it. Yeah. And I think that's why, just in general, I'm sure you've unfortunately, a lot of other people pay for it, you know, but and. Yeah. And I think that's why, you know, just in general, I'm sure you heard this a bunch of times already. But this message, this podcast is so important because there are a lot of people who are going through things and they feel like I'm just stuck. This who I am and that they can never change, you know, and it's what is a word as a way so you can get help. And just because you're somebody today or you're somebody yesterday doesn't mean that'll dictate who you'll be, you know, a month from now, a week from now, a year from now. Definitely. And yeah, with that, I guess we actually going to end the message with that really dope message. We're going to tell people to, of course, we're going to promote the book and check it out. I'm going to read it. I promise I'm going to read it.

I need to make it into a TikTok challenge and read it a little bit and record a TikTok about it. But then I don't want to get a book away. So y'all go do it before I end up trying to make my own TikTok challenge about the lion killer. All right. Or think of situations.

That'll be coolest. Think of situations that'll be a really fucked up thing to get caught lying about. Yeah. Have you ever been lied to by one somebody you love? That's a TikTok right there.

Right. And then you want their ass. And then they, and then, oh, but would you want them to die from it? That's actually a good question there because that's what happened all right right and then you want to ask and then they and then oh but would you want them to die from it that's actually a good question there because that's what happened oh i don't know never mind no we're not supposed to ask because i was gonna ask like is it okay not to tell on the person because say like they it was something small like is a lie too small or too big?

I think it is. Or is a lie just a lie? Now we want to get into the book. I think in this and in his era and what he's talking about, there's no such thing as a small lie. Like a lie is probably a huge thing because you kind of live in this utopia, dystopia, as you say, right? So a lie is probably like killing somebody. So if I said like, oh, I ate dinner and I really didn't eat dinner, I could die?

Right? The people you're talking to, if they submit your name, yeah. But that's the thing, it's very subjective, right? So, that's why it makes it so dark because it's like, you want to be honest with everybody, but at the same time, it's like whoa, like, you know, sometimes you just might say something that might slip your mind. So, yeah, you know.

You got to check the book out. Check the book out. Immerse yourself in the world. See what your thoughts are after the fact. And make sure you share it online. Share a review somewhere. Yeah, definitely. And we're going to post it. It's going to be in the episode below. It's going to be on our website. On our social media. Check it out. Fuckingfeelings.com

Thank you, MustAP, the writer, for being on. Chris, the producer. Any last many words for the people? I just want to know, are you going to eventually do an app for your motivational speaking? Maybe. We'll see. We'll see. I always had this vision of just doing motivational speeches for free, like where I go to a hotel,

like a convention center, and just saying, hey, anybody wants to come, it's a free speech, and I'll probably start off that way. So that way, anybody doesn't feel like there's a barrier to get some motivation. You gave us a dream and we over here making it. We got you on the New York Times Best Seller Award. Crystal got you with an app. Somehow you're going to get a Grammy. I got you. We good. I appreciate that. I'll stay in touch as it progresses. Yeah, definitely. And thank you so much for being on. I promise we're going to read the book. We're going to have you back on to kind of get into it a little bit more.

Hopefully by then you'll be on the New York Times Best Selling Award list. So we could just cover all that in an episode. And you'll have an app. And you did your own TED Talk. We could go all day. But thanks, AP, the writer. Thank you guys for watching. And we'll see you next week.

Bye. That episode of These Fucking Feelings. Right. thanks AP the writer thank you guys for watching and we'll see you next week bye right