These Fukken Feelings Podcast© - Laughing and Learning with Jeff: Recipes for Resilience and Personal Expression | Season 3 Episode 318

Episode Date: March 20, 2024

Send us a Text Message.Ready to redefine victory and embrace your spectrum of emotions? Jeff, our guest and a master of self-development, joins us on the dance floor of life to waltz through the perceptions of winning, losing, and the judgments that come with it. Tune in to our heartfelt and insightful exchange as we sway through the world of ballroom culture within the LGBTQIA community, examining the balance between competition and inclusion. We're peeling back the layers on how we perceive...

you don't have to be positive all the time it's perfectly okay to feel sad angry annoyed frustrated scared and anxious having feelings doesn't make you a negative person it doesn't even make you weak it makes you human and we are here to talk through it all we welcome you to these fucking feelings podcast a safe space for all who needs it grab a drink and take a seat the session begins now yeah what is up guys welcome to these fucking feelings podcast i am micah i got crystal over there in the producer booth um i ain't gonna tell tell nobody, but she messed up, push a button. It took a long time to start this episode. And we got our guest, Jeff, right here.

Now, Jeff, before we actually get into introductions, we were having a conversation about the winning and losing aspect of life and how we kind of like create that. Like we create a win-lose environment and what message that sends to some people. To add a little more context, I was talking about the ballroom culture and I was explaining to the crystal basically what the ballroom culture was. And I was saying, and, you know, they created categories to kind of, you know, be inclusive

and be able to live out some of the things that they knew they can live out in the real world. But it made me think like you created a competition basically to judge each other. Isn't that kind of what you were trying to prevent in creating the ballroom culture the whole time? Like, it's OK for us to judge you, but they can't judge you. Like, I didn't get that concept so i just wanted your take on it we're just going to start off with the hard question yeah it's interesting right um so in life win or lose i think is a construct that we create where it's like the fact that we're alive we're winning how many how many millions of other sperm did I beat out to be born and be alive today? How many?

Very specific. Yes. She knew real quick. I'll ask why later. But yeah, so it's like the fact that we're alive and we've survived everything that's come our way in life, right? Like to me, we're winning any experience i have even if it's deemed in a traditional sense as a loss it's just an experience that gives me more knowledge and insight for the next thing that i get to overcome um now putting it into the the idea of uh you said ballroom culture right so it's right yeah it. When we make it a competition, it creates that black and white kind of aspect of right and wrong. Right.

But something especially, I think, as unique as dance. And again, I don't know shit about dance. So ballroom specifically, I don't know if there is a specific. I would talk more LGBTQIA community ballroom culture. It was like really big in the 80s, 90s. I'm showing my age a little bit. Yeah, yeah. So I was talking basically in that aspect of it.

To go back to the scenario, I was at a barbershop and I was telling somebody that I wanted to foster hair. I mean, foster hair. I wanted to foster kids, right? That I wanted to foster kids right that i wanted to foster kids and um so i am a gay male and their response to me was oh you want to be a house mother at referring back to like a ballroom culture and i'm like okay why is that the limitation on my life you know why are you limited me to this when you know it's like how I decide to change the world is how I decide to change the world.

But it was like a limitation on it, you know, on what they expected me to do or want to do. Well, yeah, I hear a projection of their belief or the construct they're in onto you to be like, oh, this is what I know is my reality. So then that means with you wanting to do that, you fit into one of the two categories their mind can perceive. Right. Okay. Good way to explain it. So it's about perceiving.

Yeah. It's our, well, our perception is our reality. And so some people live in a limited reality where they're in the construct of what's possible versus especially with dance, right? And again, I'm stuck on that example, but like dances. No, no, dance is a good example. I used to be able to dance. where they're in the construct of what's possible versus especially with dance right and again i'm stuck on that example but like dance is whatever you want that example i used to be able to dance so let's talk about but it's like how do we like in some forms of dance there may be a right or a wrong way to perform a move but dance itself there isn't a right or wrong it's an expression of

whatever the fuck you're feeling in a moment. And for others to judge it, it could be, again, it's all perception. Like, I think that was a cool move where someone else was like, nah, you failed and did it wrong.

Right? Like, right. Right. Again, perception. Okay. So I think that's a good leeway into going into your introduction.

We kind of just let people introduce themselves because I'm always going to miss something. And I refuse you to leave this podcast with attitude. So yeah, thanks for having me guys. It's been a cool to be here. My name is Jeff Yukikazu Sarah, and I am a self-development sensei and a Reiki practitioner. And what that means is I support people with taking a look introspectively at what's going on. So do you care any do you care? Do you carry any self-limiting beliefs, self-limitations or self-sabotage and taking a look at those patterns and understanding yourself on a deeper level? So bring about self-awareness and self-mastery and then developing the things that were not taught in school. Self-confidence, self-love, self-care, self-respect, self-worth, the things that growing

up, it was like, oh, this would have been really supportive to know these tools and how to utilize them. But again, I had to seek that knowledge out externally in different places. It wasn't even all in one place. It was like, oh, here's one area I get to learn that. Here's another one. So putting that all together into the way that I support people in their self-development. And then the Reiki side of it is it's a Japanese healing modality that takes the universal life energy that exists around us and channels that into a person so that their body can then use it to perform the functions that it does on its own. So we're magical beings capable of healing and regenerating ourselves and all the things. And Reiki is kind of like an external battery pack that you get to plug into and use the energy

that is around us to support your body in those functions. So I kind of combine the two modalities to support with the healing of the body and the mind, because if we focus on just one, then the other one typically has something going on that'll bring about the same issue later on. Right. Okay. So where's this battery pack and how do i plug in uh so where are you physically based i'm in a we are in um but we're in new york calls new york i always want to say albany but we're right

outside of albany okay so i'm on the west coast in cal. Um, distance Reiki is a thing that is the energy is able to transcend both time and space. Uh, I am, my preference is to perform Reiki in person, uh, hands-on with the individuals I work with. But again, Reiki at a distance is possible. It's something we could explore at another time, but I would love to share a session with you on that. But yeah, it's... Well, first of all, everything that you said is on my list, so I just want you to know what you're offering now. Okay, you might have met your challenge when you joined him on this podcast.

I would love to face that. Okay, okay. Look, I'm'm gonna hold you to it like i do for everybody right but one thing i do with this podcast is i don't get me some free sessions i also offer exploration calls and that's like a one-time session of the self-development side of things so i'll send you some links after this man we can we can definitely definitely and i'll listen and of course in all of the episodes and I was laughing at Crystal all day today because of your food for thought website. I was like, you were talking about Reiki. Reiki.

Yeah. And I was like, is that a food or a spice? I'm like, where does the food come in? So I'm like, you must have been hungry all day. She was the same thing like i haven't seen him cook one thing and i was like he's eating your mind hello in one of the youtube videos i got that towards the end of it and then one you had a lady laying on a table and you were doing something with your hands. And I was like, that's it right there.

That's the food right there. She was like, that is the seasoning. He is mixing it up. Have you guys ever seen the, they do something called like naked sushi? No. But where can we go? It's usually like a private thing like people have like private events and they host it but essentially they bring in like a model and then they put like the leaves on the model's body and then they lay out the sushi on them so you're like when someone

was laying out that's what i was thinking you were envisioning like she's gonna eat off of her or something i really i was all day i'm like where's the food and and no matter how much i try to explain it to her it's you still so you owe this girl a dish maybe just send her a recipe or something something that you cook because she knows that you could do it okay so a little rinky in there so this is a good segue to the origin of the name of my business. So it started with, this is just something I did with friends and family, right? It would be, they would come to me and they would vent or they would ask for advice. And I'm like, okay, like there's something here. Like for whatever reason, people gravitate to me for that. And you know, with friends,

when you're catching up or you're hanging out, usually it's like, Hey, let's go grab lunch or let's go grab dinner. And so I realized I was having a lot of these conversations over meals. And when I was stepping away from kind of the corporate world, looking at what do I want to do? It's like, okay, well, what do I enjoy doing? I'm a huge foodie. I love to eat. So I was like, let me build my business around that and do what I've already been doing. Um, and so I offer the option for people that are local to me or anyone willing to travel is to hold my sessions over a meal. And when we're eating, you know, the nervous system calms down. So, you know, the sympathetic nervous system goes, reduces from the fight or flight to like, okay, we're safe. We're eating a meal, we're digesting food. So I'm not

as anxious. And that allows you to get to deeper depths of vulnerability in your conversation. And so that's really where it originated, but it evolved over time because most of my clients are virtual. So I'm not having in-person sessions. And so part of my branding, I'm redoing my logo right now. Cause you know, as it is now, there's a food, a spoon and a fork in the logo. And so everyone's always like like, do you have a food truck? Where's the food come in? Now I'm rebranding where the food word is a lot smaller and the thought

is blown up. You know what? We're going to keep track of that logo so I can show it the crystal. At least you're the only one though. You're not. I didn't even think that way. Right away to me, I was like food for thought. You know what I'm saying? It's the same thing.

I feel like people will fuck your mind. So hey, if you can fuck it, why can't you feed it? You know what I'm saying? Yeah. But now I have issues with food, right? You see, I'm one of those people that don't like to eat. Okay. So it will have to be over

a box of Fruit Roll-Ups, just to let you know people that don't like to eat. Okay. So it will have to be over a box of Fruit Roll-Ups, just to let you know. You don't like to eat? I don't like to eat. The act of it, the taste, what part of it do you not enjoy? All of it. I don't, I don't, I hate to win. When we're having lunch, I have to say, well, do you want to eat with a spoon? I know.

They have to like ask me, what do you feel like? How do you feel like eating today? Not what do you want to eat? How do you feel like eating? Oh, I'm just really weird. It's just so I actually have like a traumatic, more traumatic experience than most people. And I think that when it comes down to it, it became that eating was the one thing I could control because everything in my life at that time was wasn't in my control so I think you know I like I stopped eating because I didn't want to eat because I needed to control something and I think that's where it came from and now I'm like I'm just stuck with it but like I don't know how I'm the person that has to like order food and like

know what we're going to eat. And it's the most frustrating and aggravating thing in the world. And it caused me so much anxiety. And you think that my coworkers will realize that it does this to me. Okay. I'm about to have a nervous breakdown, you know, over like having to order lunch. It's ridiculous though. But yeah, I really, I have an issue with food.

Yeah. Okay. Something we could explore during the exploration call. Right. He was like, you know what? I'm going to shut up now. I'm curious. What's your favorite food? I think it

depends on the day. It depends on who I am at that moment. For a week, i'll eat um see that's okay mexican and then i don't do mexican it's too much cheese the burrito place yeah yeah and then i'm weird i don't like cheese but i like nachos so yes i will eat some cheeseless nachos oh you won't even put the cheese on your nachos so you eat dry ass nachos chips with like some meat and some onions and peppers and that's pretty good but honestly i always tell people my chicken's area and if i'm gonna eat something it's gonna be chicken i don't

know why there's such a nasty animal but it's just it's it's i don't know it's i like it it's healthy yeah well i fry it so i take the healthy part out of it. Like it got to be crunchy and dead. And then it has to be like black. Like I have to know it's dead. Like I need to look at it. Like I'm turning my chicken into jerky. Okay.

Have you ever had chicken jerky? It's pretty good. Yeah. Yeah. I eat it every day because that's how I cook. It's too earthy. It's totally. But seafood. Do you eat seafood? No. because that's how I cook.

Seafood. Do you eat seafood? No. Except for lately, I've been on my shrimp cake. Okay. It's really weird. I just looked at a menu one day a few weeks ago and I was like, I want shrimp. Everybody just turns and looks at me because I don't eat seafood.

That was a real dramatic experience. Are you okay, shrimp? I that was a real dramatic experience. They're like, are you okay, shrimp? Like you, shrimp? And now, ever since then, it's all I'm ordering is shrimp. It's just how I watch shrimp. I mean, it has to be fried and I have to put

lemon sauce on it and ketchup and it's a thing. You did go through I go through phases. Yeah, it's like phases. It's like if I find something that tastes good and I like to eat, I'll eat it for a thing but you did go through i go through phases yeah it's like phases it's like if i find something that i that tastes good and i like to eat i'll eat it for a long time just because i finally found something yeah that i like okay so i'm i'm on the other end of that spectrum where it's like i don't eat to live i live to eat so it's like i like to explore new flavors try new things and just the experience of eating for me is a reward in itself

now i don't want to impose my perspective on this no no please impose but i feel like there's a whole world like the whole culinary world is still unexplored by you and so that's on one hand that's exciting right there's just so many flavors out there that you haven't experienced yet or textures or just combinations of these things and you guys are in like new york where there's a lot of great culinary things out there um right and all i go is get white castle every time oh man just a burger and the bun and the bun just i don't want nothing on it no ketchup mayonnaise you know what we probably should get to a point in this episode let's go ahead and talk a little bit more about you well he's trying to figure you out that's why he's asking all these questions

i could talk food all day so please you're gonna have to tell me to shut up now i mean my favorite thing to consume in the whole wide world is fruit roll-ups. I don't know what Kellogg's did when they made them babies, but they are. Like, I sleep with a box. It's serious. I have a relationship. Okay. It's on pillow.

It's like fruitness, the sweetness. It's amazing. One of my most shameful moments was in college. I used to smoke a lot of weed and I woke up one day on an unwrapped Twix bar that was half melted to my sheets. And then I ate it. But you know what? You look like someone that used to get high. So I don't know how to feel about that statement.

Like, do I feel judged or is it like on brand? Like, okay, now for real, get back serious now. Well, really not serious. But one thing I saw, so do you have a podcast? Do you do a podcast or you just do videos? I do like this where like, I'll be a guest on someone else's, but you guys know it's a lot of work to set it up and record it, edit it, and all the things. So my favorite thing is to just be a guest on someone else's

and then if they're able to, they share the recording with me and then I'll chop that up using a program called Video AI. And that gives me the Instagram short snippets of content from it. And then every now and then i do record my own just content for you know promoting the brand because i saw episode with you and your dad oh yeah that was a fun one and so i was like that had to be like i wish i could get one of my parents to sit in this

chair and we can have a conversation and i thought that was pretty number one pretty cool that he did it but it was also really cool how open you are, but how did that come to be? Yeah. So, um, oh, it's been a journey with my dad. Um, so growing up, he, I was always closer to my mom. So my mom was a stay at home mom. So, you know, she was always around. I was close with her.

He worked a lot. I didn't get close to him. Um, there was a moment in high school. So, um, I had, uh, I had gotten someone pregnant in high school and I was like, fuck, I don't know what to do with this information. I kept it from them. And then one point it was like, okay, I should tell somebody, you know, so I had a conversation with my dad and I sat down and he was always the one that was way more strict and he would always be the one to yell at me for shit in the house. And it was like, okay, I don't know how this is going to go, but man to man,

let me just have this conversation. And once I told him, he was just like, okay, shit happens. And I was like, not the response I was expecting. And it was like, okay, like, yeah, like he, he, we could finally relate to something or whatever it was. Right. So that was something that opened the door. After that, you know, we still had our differences and we didn't really get along just because he was so strict and stern and I was more of kind of a free spirit or a black sheep. Right. And then when I left to go to college,

I was trying to think of the word he used to describe you, but it was there. And then I lost it, but basically it was kind of like the one. Yeah. It was like the one they couldn't wheel in, you know, difficult one. Yeah, I know. I know what you're talking about. He used a certain word. I can't remember what it was. He didn't use the word.

It was on top of my tongue. But yeah. But yeah, when I left for school, not being kind of under his his roof with his rules and everything, it allowed more space and allowed us to kind of empathize with each other more. And as I grew older, you know, I stepped into business and that was kind of his realm of things. Like he didn't know how to really interact with us as kids because everything in his world was work related and business. Right. But as an entrepreneur, when I started to dabble in these

things, that was an area of common ground we could relate to. Um, and then becoming involved in the Japanese American community, um, what he does for work, he's a consultant for Japanese companies that want to do business in the US. And so he bridges that gap. And so when I started to be involved in creating a Japanese American club at my college that didn't exist, then it was like, oh, cool, he's kind of relating to the these bonds and this connection. And we shared some trauma too. In 2017, we had family pass away. And it was like, you know, three people on his side, not back to back, but all in the same year. It was like, what's going on? Still back to back. Yeah. And one of the most traumatic ones was he was on the phone with his sister, my aunt.

And she was driving home from planning my aunt, and, um, she was driving home from planning my cousin's wedding, her daughter. They were having a meeting at my grandma's house, planning the wedding. And, uh, it was like a week out from the wedding. It was a destination wedding in Hawaii. And they were on the phone and she was venting about something like they had been arguing over, you know, the color of the napkins at the reception. She's like, you know, she wants to do it this way. And she's like, but I think she should do it this way. And my dad's like, it's her wedding. Like, why are you tripping? You know? And then, um, they were on the phone and you know, all of a sudden he just

hears a crash. And there was a lady that was drunk driving on the wrong side of the freeway. She was going southbound on the northbound side and they hit each other head on and he heard the impact. And, um, because they hit each other head on the he heard the impact. And because they hit each other head on, the headlights had gone out. So there was no way for anyone else seeing on the road to see the wreckage. And he's like, he can hear her. He's yelling into the phone. Are you okay? What happened? And then he hears a second impact. And that second impact was a semi truck that wasn't able to see the damage. And so he ran into the wreckage and then it was just silence.

So my dad actually heard my aunt pass the wreckage and then it was just silence. So my dad actually heard my aunt pass away on the phone and it was a week before, you know, her daughter's wedding. Um, and during that time, you know, I was nowhere near where I am now in my spiritual journey or my self-development. It was just leaning into, you know, I was in my mid twenties leaning into, you know, partying, going out, and distracting myself. And so when this happened, it was like, oh, nope, that's fucked up. I don't want to think about it. I don't want to deal with it.

I'm not going to process it. Surrounded myself with people. And weed. Smoking weed heavily, right? Just not wanting to face it. Yeah, I think that's when it came into play. And so that year, there was so much going on. I didn't feel any of it. I was, you know, eating edibles and just numbing out.

I remember my other aunt, when I went to her funeral, you know, I went with sunglasses on because I'd eaten an edible the night before and I woke up still high out of my mind. And I remember sitting in the church just with sunglasses on like, oh, like I'm not here at all. I'm not feeling this. I'm not grieving it. And then afterwards it was like, fuck, I never got the opportunity to really process what happened. I never got to grieve it. And then when I wanted to, I realized I couldn't like so much time had passed and I'd pushed it down so far. It was like, I can't cry anymore. So for about five years from 2017 to 2021, 2022, like I couldn't cry. And I realized like, oh, I fucked myself up. Like I got to do something about this. I got to figure out how to reconnect to my emotions. And so I set out on this journey of self-development and creating the business that I have today. And part of that journey, you know, I started to post those videos and create content and had a friend from college who reached out and was like, Hey man, you know, uh, see what you're doing. And I,

you know, I want to support you in it. And I'm going through this program right now that, uh, I think could support you in some of the healing and the things that you're talking about. It really resonates. And it was, um, it's transformational workshop kind of group environment that you do, you know, some of this, some of these aspects of what we're talking about, um, in a group. And so he introduced me to that and I went through the program and the process and I was like, holy shit. Like day one, I stepped in there and I was able to cry. It's like, Oh, this is what I've been looking for. This is what I've been trying to connect to. And going through that process, I'm like, this is so healing for me and the people I care about don't know about it. And so one of the people I told about

it was my dad. And I remember having a conversation with him, sharing with him, just, you know, I was, I was on the phone crying, telling him, you know, what had come up and like sharing the experience of what it must've been like for what he went through where it's like, I didn't process it. I don't know how you managed to deal with it. We never talked about it. It never came up at home. I never heard him express it. And he just kind of went about life as if it didn't happen in an emotional sense, right? Like we knew it happened and there were aspects that, you know, were hard to deal with, but he never emotionally processed it that I observed. And so when I introduced him to this, you know, we actually fought about it several times. And on that call,

that, that call that you were able to see that he, I brought it up and I talked about it several times. And on that call, um, that, that call that you were able to see, he, I brought it up and I talked about it and he was like, ah, I don't know. You know, he wasn't so sure about it, but eventually he, he opened up to it and he was like, all right, I'm going to check it out. You know, you've been talking about it for a while. I'm going to sign up. And he went through it and it's a three segmented process during the second segment. You know, he came home from one of the weekends and he was just like, I get it. You know, thank you for, uh, being persistent and getting me through to join this, uh, this organization and go through experience because it opened up so much for

him. And, um, he was able to connect to his biological dad who he'd been estranged from for 55 years. wow and there was just so much you know he's like he left the family when we were younger and so he held on to resentment and stuff he's like yeah like fuck that guy like i don't know anything about him i don't want anything to do with him right but he came out of that program was like with this forgiveness in his heart and he was like i want to reach out and connect to him and so they they met up and connected and for about eight months they got to form and build a relationship together before you know that grandpa passed away and um you know he's so thankful for that

opportunity because it would have happened had i not been persistent with you know going through the healing that he was able to do and parts of it stemmed from me doing that recording with him where it was like hey you know i want to talk to you about some of the stuff that i was able to unpack going through this program where you know there, there's a heavy focus on, you know, the relationship we'd have with our parents and our family, because so much generational trauma is passed down to us that we don't know what to do with. And he was open enough where we've had these other conversations. He helped me develop my business where he was, you know,

one of my very first clients when I was trying out and understanding how to develop the program that I have. And so he's been supportive for the journey. And it was like my way of kind of, you know, bring it full circle of like, okay, well, let me introduce you to all the things and all the aspects of what I've unlocked and uncovered for myself. And it's been so cool to share that with him where he's been open-minded and realizing, you know, it's not just a one-way street where growing up, I learned a lot from him and now it's now he's able to learn a lot from me too right okay full circle yeah it's like that with me and my mama where you know she raised me and now i'm raising her um so but uh number one i wanted to

say because crystal's looking like she's looking at you and not at the camera and we're still so i just want to know she's not looking down and she's paying attention. I am. I'm looking at you because we just actually had this discussion how you were raised to...

When somebody's speaking to look at them. So when he's speaking, I'll look at him. And then when you're speaking, I look over here at you because I don't have... It's just...

It's weird. Look, we're still figuring it out.'re look we're still figuring it out okay we're still figuring it out we're pretty new to podcasting no i get it right like the yeah my camera's above me or right above the lens so when i'm looking here it's at you guys even though look to look at you is down below right right right right and i'm trying to look at the camera but then i want to look at you too and i'm like christmas over here looking down and i know people i'm looking at you they're little I'm like, Chris is over here looking down. And I know people are looking at you. They look people like they so disrespectful.

He over here talking about all this deep stuff. But I'm looking at you. I'm really looking at you. Yeah, no, I wanted to tell you that too. It was important for you to know that we were both definitely engaged now. But to talk a little, so like my, I don't know, my healing journey has been strange because I don't know. I kind of went, I guess I found I needed to be healed when I was by myself. It's really hard to explain.

My healing journey became about me helping myself to heal, you know? So because of that, I didn't bring in a lot of outside things, you know? So now I'm like in this state of healing where, you know, it was like, uh, you know, people talk and we'll have this conversation and you'll say things that make sense. And they said things that make sense. And it's like, but my mind doesn't slow down enough to be spiritual or to find an aspect of spirituality look you know i'm over there trying to meditate and i'm meditating about how i'm going to design my meditation room okay you're gonna say something about fruit roll-ups

fruit roll-up meditation room fruit roll-up thing i guess or fruit roll-up pillows but and then it's like i went to i went to this place one time with a friend of mine roll-up thing in the meditation room. I guess they're for roll-up pillows. And then it's like, I went to this place one time with a friend of mine and they had this song that they sang that was like two hours long and I'm like, bro, isn't it over? And it's been two minutes. And I'm like, I don't have the attention span to heal

the way other people heal. I don't know how to slow down my mind. Can I say something? Are you raising your hand? Is that telling you to shut up? I was just waiting, right? I want to let you get out, whatever. But I also was wanting to bring us back

to the very beginning of this, where, you know, the, what was it? The ballroom example of what I'm hearing is you're comparing your healing journey to how it looks for others. Right, right, right. And there is no right or wrong. Well, really, that's not what I'm doing.

What I am saying is that I know that I'm at a point now where I need help from the outside. But in trying to get that help, I'm still trying to control my healing. I guess that's kind of where I was really saying. I'm in my healing phase right now where it's like, you didn't go to school my healing. I guess that's kind of where I was really saying, like, I'm in my healing phase right now, where it was like, you didn't go to school for this. So you don't know what you're doing, you know, and you need to buy outside help, you know? Right. And, you know, I, and I had a therapist and the worst thing she could ever do was she, she quit on me. Um, but yeah, she taught him how to talk. That's what she did. She taught him how to talk That's what she did, she taught me how to talk And she said, now go out there and talk to people you love

And you don't There's nothing else I can do for you She felt like we was at a limit, just go out there to talk And now I just can't shut up right But In all that, it's like I feel like, you know, it's like you Spirituality, and then it's like the Bible

And then I have friends that are Muslim And I recently just met someone who is A Buddha, it's like you spirituality and then it's like the Bible. And then I have friends that are Muslim. And I recently just met someone who is a Buddha and was like, yeah, I legit chant like Tina Turner. And I was like, OK, like I'm dyslexic. I can't even say that stuff. But it's like, how do you how would you work with a patient? You hear me? But yeah, basically I'm a patient. But how would you work with someone like that? Like, is that someone I basically I'm a patient. But how would you work with someone like that? Like, is that someone, I know I'm not the only person in this world who has this busy

mind that lets me get 30 minutes of sleep a night. How do you work with someone who doesn't slow down? Oh, I'm internally, internally. Completely resonate with that. So I have self-diagnosed ADHD. I've never formally been like through the thing, but it's like every single sign exists. Right. So I've just accepted that. And I operate at a very rapid rate where it's like, go, go, go, go, go.

When I have a moment to slow down, it's like, let me fill it with something else to do rather than let me do some other things. Right. So I have found that a lot of it is when it's a practice, right? So building the mental fortitude to understand ourselves and the way that we operate and then to picking and choosing in each and every moment, what is aligned to what we're trying to create now meditation. When I started, I was like, you've seen the matrix, right? Where when like, uh, Neil's thinking about something, then the whole, everything just blows out and he's just standing in a blank white room. I thought that was what meditation was. So I'd always be sitting there trying to clear my mind.

Like this is fucking impossible. There's even me trying to think about nothing. I'm thinking about thinking about nothing. Like there's no way to do this. And then I was like, okay, this is like the master level of like enlightenment and meditation and i'm trying to start there so i found um guided meditations guided meditations are we listen to someone else and even in those it's like i'll check in and check out like i'm listening to that they'll say something and then i'm like oh yeah like squirrel right for me it's for me it's a fish fish. Okay. And then it's like, but it also gives you something to come back to, to be like, okay, okay, wait, I realized I've

checked out. Let me come back to what they're saying. And sometimes it's, I will just go on that tangent and allow the thoughts to unravel and see what comes up. And other times it's like, let me stay focused on this specific meditation. Um, the way I look at it now though, is when we read books or when we're studying material, that's like the weightlifting of the mind, right? You're stretching the muscles and doing the things. Meditation becomes the cardio of the mind to be able to build the endurance for the other tasks and expand the mind and the capacity that it holds. And so meditation has many different forms. And I've realized there's different intentions. There'll be days when I want to meditate to re-analyze the day or just think back on, okay, I just got home from this event. Let me digest everything that happened and all the conversations I had. So then I'll process, Oh, I'm freaking out. I need to ground myself. So I'll do like a meditation to calm the mind and focus on specific trains of

thought. Right. And then other meditations for clearing energy. So there's all these different ways to utilize the tool. Very similar to like, there's many ways to do cardio. You could ride a bike, you could run, right. You can swim. There's different ways to do the thing. So meditation is similar and it's really, I'm going to tell you just a little bit. See, as soon as you started bringing in cardio, you lost me. I don't do nothing that has nothing to do with working out. Okay.

So I need you to think of another example because I was following you until you said cardio. Okay. And then I mentioned, no, no, right. And I got to do a bike. I got to run. What? No, my ancestors did enough running. i'm tired for them but um think of it like a nap you can take a nap in a chair in a couch on a bed one more time one more time okay you said you don't sleep i don't sleep yeah i don't sleep you don't sleep you don't eat you don't do cardio i told you i'm a work in progress okay i'm a work and he works all day i do work all day i do work all day long and night and i have a very needy family i hope

they don't watch this episode my family is very needy so as i work do a podcast promote the podcast edit the podcast post the, talk to my best friend about her drunk boyfriend that she's been with for two years, and I'm tired of hearing about him now. So this, I want you to listen to. Get rid of his ass, because I don't want to hear about him no more. That's a

good introduction. Introduce her to me. Yeah. Okay. So, look, I don't think you can handle pam you said her name oh sorry pam and see i don't edit this we keep this authentic for real she can call me pam call jeff right but uh but no really uh seriously i don't even always go with that i guess i was just saying my mind mind, I don't know. I get you.

Meditation, but yeah, you just messed me up with the cardio. And I was like, he don't tell me. You make it now. Meditation be working out. I ain't never going to do it. You don't mess it up for me. So I need you to fix it. Okay.

Think of it like eating a fruit roll-up. You can take a bite of it. You can roll it up and make it a ball. You can all the different ways, right right there's many ways to do the thing and it's never turned into a ball so okay around your finger you can suck on each piece and not chew it you can chew it you can wrap it around other candy so there's there's many ways to do the thing the same way that meditation has many forms. And so you get to find the one that works for you. That was the point I was trying to make.

No, no, definitely. Even though I'm being serious and silly at the same time, it has been really hard to like find that part, you know, like it's hard to find that moment where I'm quiet enough to meditate. Well, he just said that you, meditation can also be just sitting back thinking of what you did all day. So is that that's a form of meditation? Yeah.

To just like process your thoughts, but give your spouse the space and the time, right? Do you ever potentially sit and be like, I'm going to think, or is it just always running? Yeah, it's always running. I'm thinking now as we talking, I already know what I'm making for dinner, what I got to do with my mama. I already got it calculated. We finished this about five to nine and then, you know, we shut down the computer. No, I'm not that bad. But my brain is constantly moving, moving, moving, moving, moving. More of like we will be in a conversation and we'll be talking about something and i'll switch like before we talked we had like five conversations all at the same time you see how this

interview was going i mean i feel like we're i'm like this guy has done a lot of podcasts and he's like these fucking feelings it's a fucking mess but i promise we're not okay we're really i told you we haven't done this in two months we took a break okay we came back now we're not. Okay. Really? I told you we haven't done this in two months. We took a break. Okay. We came back. Now we're going to do this again. I'm going to cut out.

I didn't know meditation. That was meditation. So, I mean, he did teach me something. Okay. I know that's right, Crystal. Go ahead. Take it over. I'm just going to shut up the rest of the show.

So, I mean. So, what else can you do besides the meditation? Say again? I guess I'm going to answer her a question though, really quickly though. So like in what stage in a person's healing journey or outside of the healing journey, would they contact you and why? I've had people come from all different like levels or wherever they're at. The primary thing that needs to be present is the willingness. If they're willing to be like, yeah, I want to step

into this and it's, I know it's going to be difficult. I know that you can't do it for me, but I need that level of support. That's the main thing I look for. I come, I've had people come to me where they're advanced in their healing journey. And it's like, I don't know if there's a lot you could teach me. And then as we talk and work things through, it's like, they realize the, I can't see itself. And so there's always, it's always great to have these conversations and bounce things off of somebody else that can resonate. No, I'm sorry. And then there's also people who are just starting out, right? It's like, I don't know where to go. I've, you know, I've explored these other things or I've tried therapy or I've talked to my psychologist. And then what's interesting about that world is

there's a lot of red tape. There's a lot of places they're not allowed to go. And at the same way, it's like I'm cautious around, if somebody's struggling with suicidal ideations, I want to make sure that they are seeking the appropriate professional help in that realm. But there's also a level of overlap where it's like, I am not a therapist or a psychologist,

but the things we talk about are very introspective where we're talking about your subconscious. We're talking about your past and things that have happened and what is it that you want to move towards? And so Micah, in what you've been sharing, you're talking about the way that you operate, but the way that you operate is also something that you learned. And it's a habit that's been developed over time that most likely stemmed from a defense mechanism or a way to protect yourself right and addiction you know it's like you know i feel like people don't realize children's have addiction you know we have addictions too and it was it was my way to cope as a child and i still cope that way as

an adult and it's so hard to break yeah it's and it's not that i'm not willing i just haven't had the right method come across yet. Or the right teacher or tutor. Because I've tried different things and I've talked to people on this podcast and they offer sessions too. And I'm like, I'm with it. Let's do this. I'm excited. And then it's like, I don't see the green thing you're talking about.

I don't see it. It's not there. Is it a door? I find that there's always a level of chemistry too, where it's not there so i got is it's or you like you know so it's yeah i find that there's always a level of chemistry too where it's like the people i interact with resonate with who i am my journey the way that i talk and the words that i use and then i also adapt that to the individual but again it's we both kind of feel this resonance of oh i feel like we can work together um and so you for for you finding the right person that you can relate to and resonate with is just

as important. Definitely. And I think it's important for everybody. Kind of like you said, it's just important. I mean, and I think that's also another thing that I felt really close with my therapist and then they have to quit on me. Like, bitch, we've been together for two years. Right.

Like, we've been together for two years and you just think you're going to end this and I'm not going to bust the windows out your car. Okay. So it just made me go right back to, you know what I'm saying? The craziness. Like maybe I have abandonment issues too, even though I've never been abandoned. I don't think. Well, it can be multiple ways. Right.

So it doesn't always look like physical abandonment. Sometimes it's emotional or just right. Like I had some of that with my dad where it's, he went to work. He didn't actually abandon me. He was always home, but he left for work. And so I created that story in my mind and there's still the trauma from it. Right. Definitely.

So it does take, you know, me, I'm one thing I always think about is like, when I look back at my day, I'm always, I think I was taught just growing up being a feminine. Look, I came out. I came out my mama with a twist and a twang. You know, she says when I was in her belly, I didn't kick her. I used to be like. So but growing up in those times, you know, it was it was a lot of well, you can't grow to be gay. You're going to hell or this. And, you know, it was it was a lot of, well, you can't grow to be gay. You're going to hell or this. And, you know, it was a lot of negative things. So I always kind of grew up with a shame.

Just I was ashamed anyway. Every day of my life, I was just ashamed because people told me I should be ashamed. So even now. Fear of being a bandit, though. Say it again. Maybe it was a fear of being a bandit. Well, you know what? It came from like, you know, your parents give you rules.

Kind of go back to what you said. You know, it's like, you know, your parents tell you to listen to adults. You know, respect your elders. But now this elder is telling me I'm going to hell because I'm a little gay boy. So, but I'm supposed to listen to her and respect her. You know? So no one ever taught me that. That became the truth. Listen to her. respect her you know so no one ever taught me that that became the truth listen to her respect the right but it didn't mean that it had to be right and that it was right or

that it applied to me you know because i believe individual truths as well you know what works for me was don't work for you but you know so it was like i automatically assume respect and listen to means what they're saying is right and then i grew grew up in a Puerto Rican community where they just wasn't having no gay people back in that day, even though everybody had a little gay boy in the house. But it's like they could see it in everybody else, but couldn't see it in them. You know, I'm sorry. I'm going off on a tangent, but it's just I just got issues. I got issues. This is my year of healing. OK, we're going to say that Jeff.

I'd love to share with you kind of the five steps that I work with my clients through. And if any of that resonates with you, please take it. So the first step is awareness, being aware, right? There's something to work through or that it's having an effect on your life in many areas. The second step is acceptance. So accepting that this is something that is a part of your past, something that happened rather than being in denial, like, no, that doesn't relate

to this or that, right? We don't realize subconsciously how everything is intertwined and connected. So accepting that it has some effect on you. The third step is forgiveness, and it's forgiveness of both yourself and anyone else involved. So all of your elders that told you anything negative about yourself, you get to forgive them because I don't believe their intention was to do you any harm. They just, in their minds, believed that that was their reality, right? Like we don't want you to go to hell. It's what they were taught the same way as what I was taught. So these deeper levels of compassion for them for yourself to realize yeah like as a little kid you didn't know any better you just this is what you were told that's

what was you know taught to you and so you get to forgive yourself for allowing it to happen even though you didn't know any better or all the things that you may hold on to or feel um that you're responsible for when in reality you know you didn't have control of those things. The fourth step is acceptance again. So much like a physical scar on our body, the pain may go away, but it's always going to be a part of your past and your experience. So there may be times when something traumatic happens and we're like, I want to put that away and just be done with it. I never want to have to revisit it.

But in doing so, we don't realize how we're stunting our growth and our healing because it will continuously tie to other things. And the fifth step is getting comfortable with revisiting it over and over very similarly, where it's like you get to unpack it multiple times because you'll realize how it correlates to other areas of your life as you grow and learn and level up. It'll be like, these are the most obvious ones I understand. Now that I understand that you got, you get to see how it actually splinters out and becomes this network of, it may tie to your relationship with food. It may tie to your relationship with sleep and all the other areas that we don't directly correlate it to, but it has an impact on. Right. And it's pretty funny. Cause a lot of things you

said is kind of like, I I'm pretty good in, in some of those areas. I had those check marks, you know, you know, it's kind of, I always think of shampoo bottle, wash, rinse, repeat. So I've kind of been doing that, you know, when it comes to this journey is like wash, rinse, repeat, you know what I'm saying? So I kind of been doing that. My biggest issue is guilt because I'm at, I had peaceful moments. I know what peace is. There's a lot of things. I forgave a lot of people in my life. I learned that a lot of things that happened to me had nothing to do with me at all. So it was like a lot of those things that I should learn in my healing process, I learned.

Now my biggest issue is that I found what I love to do. Talk, right? And eat for all ups. But no, really, it's like I'm living a decent life. You know, I don't want for anything. This is probably the best I've ever been in my life, just by myself. Like I know what it's like to be happy.

I climbed out of some deep trenches and I'm good, but the people around me aren't there. And I feel guilty. It's like having a survivor's guilt in a way. I feel guilty that I'm there and they're not. So, and then because of that, I become an enabler now and now I'm doing everything for them and I'm trying to solve all their problems because I'm trying to get them where I'm at.

When I needed to just mind my damn business. Maybe you need had to give my answer. I just gave it to myself. I'm a mom, my damn business. What you got to say, Jeff? That has always been the most difficult part in the healing journey is the shedding of relationships because we, we hold onto these things. And especially with family, it's like, you know, you always want the best for those closest to you, friends, family, loved ones. It's like, you know, I want what's best for you. And as you grow in awareness, you realize the patterns other people hold, right? You spot it, you got it. So the moment you work through something for yourself,

you start to see it in everyone around you. And you're like, oh my God, the moment you realize this and work through it, your life will get so much better because mine did. But we can't do that work for other people. We can't want it more than they do. And so you get to make that choice of, like you said, am I enabling or am I actually supporting them? And there's something, you know, intention versus effect. We may have the right intention, but what's the effect that it's having. And so in a lot of cases, I find that I have to separate myself and I go through these evolutions of my entire circle will change. Um, the people I was around for a period of time or for the last year, it's like no longer resonates because I'm now in a different space or I'm focused on a different thing. And a lot of my friendships

before were people that worked in the corporate space. And I struggled as an entrepreneur because no one could relate to why I was working the way that I did or how much time was being invested or wanting to go out on nights and weekends. And when I separated myself from that and stepped into a space of being around more entrepreneurs, it was like, Oh, my people, you get it. Right. It's like, yeah, I don't have time, but we can hang out with a quick call, right? Like that's our, that's our hangout time. Outside of that, it's like, I got to get back to work because my entire business depends on what my output is for me as an individual. And then finding time for self-care

and those other things leaves little time for anyone else. And your friends in the nine to five don't see it that way. And so these evolutions of having to separate yourself and surround yourself by the people that are in a similar space, it can be very difficult because we form these attachments and wanting to almost drag people with us, like, come on guys, we're going this direction, right? And having-

I got a whole bus outside. Yeah. And so it's like that realization of you get to meet people where they're at. And sometimes that means leaving them where they are. And that's okay. It doesn't mean you cut them off. It's just, hey, I'm going to go do this thing.

You can come with me. The door is open, but I can't force you to, and I need to go. I can't wait for you. And not feeling guilty about it, but just recognizing that my right path isn't the right path for everyone else. And so I get to go on that journey solo and be okay with it because they'll go, they'll get that point in their life when they're ready to. Right. I hear you,

but I'm still guilty. Dang. Self-compassion, right? Like you're, you're not responsible for other people's wellbeing and their happiness. You're responsible for yours. And it is,

I mean, that thing to me, I feel like if I can work that out and then maybe I'll be able to get a little spiritual, but I want to look, I want to be mushroom high. I want to see clouds and rainbows and unicorns. Like I'm trying to get to that plane.

You know what I'm saying? Did you guys come across any of that content yet? Have we? Yes. We't have some psychedelic conversations so we got some pretty good ones coming up uh soon so i'm like yes give me a mushroom even though i'm allergic to them so damn i don't know what i'm gonna do so you're allergic to like the vegetable mushroom or the the root mushroom whatever's classified as whatever as. Whatever that is, yeah. I get the... Everything that has mustard in it. Yeah, mustard.

That's why I don't play Super Mario Brothers because I just don't know if it's in the family. Your body actually reacts or you just don't like the flow? Affixiation. My neck starts to close up. Yeah, like I have to EpiPen,

Benadryl. And I ain't stabbing him with a pen, so he ain't doing that. He's using my support system, so now I gotta sit here and stab myself. Oh my god, I don't even remember. But I would never have no problem stabbing you, Crystal. That is how much I love you I love you enough

to stab you okay I'm gonna get your ass up you gonna wake up today oh sorry Jeff we just have a little moment we wake up each other during the day, too. We're in together all the time. We have the secret love affair. People accuse us of...

I'm like, I'm gay. When I tell you I'm gay, I'm allergic to pussy. The same thing. My throat closes up. I gotta go to the hospital. I am allergic. What is he in here for? No, Jeff, check it out. How you bleed for four to seven days and don't die.

You bleed that long? You're supposed to be dead. I don't got time for it. That shit is otherworldly and I just ain't that woke yet. But see, Micah, that's us projecting our experience onto women, right? We don't understand it. Doesn't mean it's not their reality. That's something that they just, that's part of their biology. I get it

and I accept that it's their reality I also accept that I don't like it no like I legit and I've had intercourse women before once again because I feel like when I love people I gotta do stuff for them so yeah they be loving me and want to have sex and then afterwards I'm like throwing up and I'm like sick and like it's crazy and I'm like I don't even know how you could have felt good about that like I just threw up after but sort of like crying

sort of like crying shut the mouth instead of the eyes I'm trying to help you out here Jeff is like please don't play this episode do not put my name with

you know what Jeff because of you our next episode is going to be better okay you're not offended or anything right oh no this has been a blast it's funny it's like this guy it's crazy are you sure you still want me to call you now that's a question right i'm for sure to send any links look it's been 52 minutes and you sure i want to know where

i can sign up to be back for season four and come back we could have the sex talk um you could have that talk in season three like i'm gonna send you the link of our open date. Let's run it again. I'm with it. Yes, go back to back. Honestly, we can discuss that afterwards. But now, for real, for real, getting serious again. Is there anything that you would like to say to our audience? Our main audience are people who are kind of in my situation. We're looking to heal. We know there's methods out there.

I don't want to feel crazy and go to a psychiatrist. I don't want to take a whole lot of pills. I'm not saying that's not necessary for everybody, but, and I'm for it. I mean, if you need it, you need it. But most people are like, I'm not there, but I need some kind of help. What would be your words of encouragement to them and just convincing them to work on themselves and why it is important?

Yeah. First off to explore meditations and start with whatever you feel comfortable with. I like to actually interesting enough. I don't know if you guys are open to it. I could actually close this out with a bit of a guided meditation, but I'm really connecting to our bodies because our bodies are always communicating to us what it needs. We've just been accustomed to shutting that down and overriding it consciously for what we feel like is more important,

right? We're always seeking instant gratification. We're always looking at what's the next thing I got to do. And most people operate from the idea of that I need to do something to have something to be something, right? So I got to do this to have success, to be happy. We don't realize the correct order is be the thing so that anything you do will create what you want to have. So by being happy, by being healthy, everything you do and everything you touch will create that reality where you'll have all of the things that you want. So be, do, have is the appropriate order. Now, everyone's journey is unique and different. Every individual is unique and different. So

stepping away from the constructs of what we feel like it should be, right? So even the perception around a therapist or a psychologist means that we're broken or something's wrong with us. That's not true. And sometimes the best course of action for people is to see a therapist or a psychologist. And it's, it's just like a coach or a person that you date. You're going to have to go through a bunch of shitty relationships before you find the one that resonates and works for you. And so don't get discouraged by like, I've had three therapists and they all suck and it's terrible. It's not, I went through 42 prime example, right? Like, and then you found one that worked and then

the relationship ended, which that door closed and opened you up for a new possibility, right? So now it's what's next on Micah's journey. And so exploring and following your intuition of what your body is communicating with you, it'll tell you, you'll know, you'll get intuitive hits in your stomach, in your head, in your chest, like this feels right, or this feels wrong. And getting in tune with to connect to what your body is sharing with you. Like this feels aligned to me. I want to have another conversation. I want to explore this thing or no, like that person's energy is shit. And I feel bad when I'm with them, trusting that overriding what your conscious mind may say,

where it's like, Oh, this is a family member. This is somebody I'm supposed to respect, or that's a trained professional. It's okay for us to be out of alignment with other people and just trusting that intuition. And yeah, kind of going back to the guided meditation i'd love to kind of guide us through kind of connecting to the body in a moment if you guys are open to that sorry look i'm with it i ain't gonna promise anything though what i need to do sit like buddha just so get comfortable be comfortable if you want to have your feet on the floor if you want to have them crossed just be comfortable in a space and yeah I invite you to without breaking the booth crystal be comfortable without breaking it some people like

to lay down some people like to yeah whatever is comfortable for you so anyone listening or watching feel free to join in on us and um yeah my invitation to you is to go ahead and relax and take a deep breath in, really feel your chest expand, and then a slow exhale out the mouth. And we'll take another deep breath in, really feeling your chest expand, almost like there's a balloon inside you. And then a slow exhale as if that balloon is deflating and kind of feeling your body collapse inward. Then just allowing your breathing to return to normal and I invite you to bring awareness to the very top of your head. Can you feel any breeze, any air current in the room? Are you wearing a hat, a headset? Is there anything that you can sense or feel at the very top of your head? Then moving awareness down to your eyebrows.

Are they furrowed? Are you frowning? Releasing any tension there and just relaxing. And bringing your awareness down to your eyelids. Are they heavy? Are you tired? Are they light? do you feel energized and again just connecting to what the body is always communicating with us and giving us feedback around

connecting to your jaw is your jaw clenched are you feeling anxious and stressed going ahead and actually activating that muscle clenching the jaw and then releasing it. Then you return to a relaxed state. Bring awareness now down to your shoulders and your neck, maybe rolling your head side to side. Do you feel any weight or tension? Does it feel like you're carrying a burden? And bringing your shoulders up to your ears

and then letting them fall away and relax. And bringing awareness down to your arms, taking notice of your hands. What are your hands doing right now? Are they clenched in fists? Are they relaxed and open to receive? What state are you currently in? Taking another deep breath in and feeling the rise and fall of your chest. Connecting to your chest and what lies there.

Is there any anxiety that you're carrying? Is there any tension? And where does it live? Can you feel your heartbeat? Can you feel the rise and fall of each breath? Are you aware of that right now? Bringing awareness now down to our solar plexus or our stomach? Are you hungry? Are you full? Is there anything being stored energetically here, physically? And just be aware of what's being communicated to you. Is it time for you to nourish?

Is it time for you to relax and digest? Are there butterflies? Is there anxiety? Is there excitement, what's alive within you right now, and being aware of what your body's communicating. Connecting now down to our tailbone or our root chakra and feeling the weight of what's underneath us, the texture, the feel. Are you in a soft chair, a hard one? Are you sitting or standing?

Are you laying down? Just being aware of what you feel underneath you. Bringing awareness down to the legs, flexing the muscles of the leg one by one, releasing any tension there. Bring awareness down to the feet, connecting to the floor beneath us, wiggling your toes and feeling the earth beneath you, grounding yourself in the present moment, taking another deep breath in and exhaling when you need to. Taking a moment now to envision a red cord extending from your tailbone and sending that cord deep into the ground. Grounding you in this moment, in this reality, in this existence. And imagine that that cord is tree branches that extend from your body and that they're multiplying and spreading throughout the

ground beneath you again supporting you and grounding yourself in this moment in this time and space connecting you to the earth so that you don't float off into the ether allowing you to draw from the energy of the planet the magic that exists all around us in nature and inside ourselves take another deep breath in and slowly exhaling

and now just taking a moment to bring to mind anything that you're grateful for. Anything that's going well, anything you're excited about. Just take a moment to appreciate that. Going ahead and giving your hands and feet a little wiggle, maybe rolling your shoulders back, moving the head side to side, and just bringing yourself back into your body, to the physical.

And whenever you're ready, taking one last deep breath in, letting it go, and then opening your eyes whenever you're ready. Okay, I fall asleep. How was that, Mike? That's true. Well, I'm going to tell you, when you said move your head side to side, I was like, are

we really moving our head or are we just supposed to be doing that in our mind? But the dopest thing you said was fill the weight beneath you and I think that's my biggest problem. I have a lot of weight beneath me. You know, and I was like, okay. Like, I never really heard it that way

where it made sense. You know, it's like, fill the weight beneath you. And I'm like, that's all I feel is the weight beneath me because I don't have no weight. I just feel everybody else's weight. So I thought that was pretty cool. And the only other strange thing is when you said the red cord, I don't know why I had a devil's tail. This is not how this is supposed to go. So are you familiar with like the chakras and all that?

Yes. So it's like the root chakra is red, right? So when we're grounding ourselves, extending that core from the tail, the tailbone, which is where the root chakra lies. You know, no one ever, like I've never had anybody ever say that. And all I saw was a little devil's tail come up. I said, damn, and you pointy? Dang, it was pointy. It went to the ground, though, and it followed instructions.

But no, no, that was actually really, really good. And I did with the weight beneath me. I was like, wow, that kind of resonated with me. Like, that's my biggest struggle is getting rid of all the weight. That's like pulling me down. I guess everybody, like that's my biggest struggle is getting rid of all the weight that's like pulling me down i guess everybody maybe that's everybody's struggle but to hear it that kind of way like feel the weight beneath you because it's weight you shouldn't feel it's beneath you but yet you're still feeling it crystal how about how about for you i think that was amazing she legit was about to go to sleep she She over here hit that little snore. Crystal's a lot more receptive than I am. She believes in a lot.

Not that she believes in a lot more, but she goes to a medium and I'm like, I want to go, but I'm scared to go. I went to a psychic one time when I was younger and then we'll close out. Right. And the psychic told me, I don't know why you're here. You should be telling me my future. And I'm like, bro, you is tripping. Give me my $20 and I'm out of here. But he saw like a psychic potential in me and I've been running from it since. And I have really good intuition, but I run from that too because I feel like it's weird. Like I'm always that person that knows something's going to happen. And then when it happens, I'd be like, damn, I should have, I should have did something or I should have told

you to, or I should have reminded you. So, uh, anyway, there's a lot of things that you brought up that is going to be my meditation tonight. I'm going to think on a lot of things you talked about, but, um, I think also like I hold myself back from releasing those intuitions, you know, whatever they are, for some reason, it's like people I'm scared people aren't going to respond to them well. So interesting, but I think you have a duality inside of you. You may be running from and avoiding it, but also you attract it the fact that i'm here as a guest on your show right it's there was something that gravitated us to one another where there's a connection to the spiritual even your background right like you're sitting in a galactic looking space right it's basically yeah and and i think yeah there's there's a lot of ties to it um my mom told me

i lived my whole life in my head but that's because I had to invent worlds to escape this one. Yeah. So now it's like, I'm so disconnected. I don't know how to reconnect it too. Yeah. Yeah. One, one last thing I'd like to offer is most people and myself included, we tend to run from what we don't want. But imagine, you know, if there was a loud explosion right now,

everyone just run away in different directions. And that's much different from being in like a race when everyone is moving towards a specific goal and you can get there much faster if you know what direction you're moving towards. So my invitation is for you to move in a direction of what do you want? Not what are you running from? I just want to be in front of the bus and not behind it. I want to run in front of the bus and not chase it down. Crystal, come on, work with me.

I'm thinking in that way, what if the bus runs you over? That's like, are you running from the bus now? Right. But it's going to propel me to keep moving forward but no that was that was really really really really dope what you said and then i am gonna take a lot of things away from this episode i'm definitely gonna hit you up and then we're definitely gonna come back and have an inappropriate conversation cheers to that but we thank you look yeah we're great at that that one you think this was it well we thank you guys so much for watching thanks for tuning in thanks for bearing with me as we're just getting back to podcasting but we're

in the middle of season three now we're gonna got so many more dope episodes we're gonna have jeff come back and have another conversation with us check him out I know your website is foodforthought480.com 408. That's the San Jose area code. Sorry. 408. I knew it was an area code. I'm going to make sure I list it right in the comment section. Thank you so much for coming on. Thank you guys for

watching. Remember to check out our sister podcast, Trauma is Expensive. Brand new episodes every Monday. And I'll continue to have new episodes every monday and i'll continue to have new episodes of these fucking feelings every wednesday peace love and blessings cheers guys Thank you.