These Fukken Feelings Podcast© - Navigating Emotional Storms: Raman's Guide to Intuitive Coaching and Inner Harmony | Season 3 Episode 319

Episode Date: March 27, 2024

Send us a Text Message.Ever felt like your emotions were a tangled web that you just couldn't navigate? Buckle up, because our latest episode features Raman, the intuitive coach who's been there and is now guiding others through their own emotional labyrinths. Our conversation sails through the stormy seas of our inner lives, tackling the tough topics of stress, anxiety, and the very human quest for fulfillment with a refreshing blend of humor and honesty.Prepare to have your mind opened to t...

you don't have to be positive all the time it's perfectly okay to feel sad angry annoyed frustrated scared and anxious having feelings doesn't make you a negative person it doesn't even make you weak it makes you human and we are here to talk through it all we welcome you to these fucking feelings podcast a safe space for all who needs it grab a drink and take a seat the session begins now what is up guys welcome to these fucking feelings podcast i am micah i got producer and host crystal over here with me over there waving, thinking she's cute, but she's not. He knows I'm cute.

Yeah, she's cute. She's cute. And then we got our guest today and it's Raman, correct? Yep. That's right. Okay. Cause I was like, I do not want to mispronounce it. Cause I do, look, I do do that all the time. Imagine that. Imagine. I would freak out. One thing on this show is we like to our guests to introduce themselves only because I feel like no one can tell us about you more than you. So if you don't mind telling the audience a little bit about yourself. Sure. So my name's Raman. I mean, gosh, I'm so inclined to always talk about my job, right? Like, that's the first thing we go to. I work as an intuitive coach. But I'm just like, I'm another human, man.

Right. And I love having really honest, vulnerable, hilarious conversations. So I'm really excited to be here. But in terms of my work, I really help people work on stress and anxiety and actually dealing with their effing feelings and all of that kind of stuff. So this is very exciting for me. I'm excited to be here. Awesome. We're glad to have you here, too. And we got some fucking feelings to talk about.

Let's go. But I like it. It's the coolest thing. I think I never had a guest introduce themselves as human before. So thanks for that. No problem. Thanks for being human and allowing people to see you as a human. Now, intuitive coaching, how did you get into that? And I guess what is it essentially? Yeah. So intuitive coaching is this weird branch of coaching where we use our intuition to help our clients. So it's not like I have a sheet of paper and you come in and you, you, we work on just like one worksheet and, and that kind of thing. We're trained to feel into what the client is experiencing just beyond what they're saying. So we might use our sense of feeling, right? So we might be able to feel the actual emotion they're feeling. We might be able to see beyond like, you know, say they're stuck,

we'll be able to feel what's keeping them stuck. So it might be like a past trauma or an experience that they keep, you know, that they're staying in that kind of a thing. So, yeah, intuitive coaching is super deep in that way. And the way that I got into it was because of my freaking feelings, man. Right. I was a mess. I grew up with a lot of anxiety. And what I learned was that a lot of my anxiety was just suppressed feelings.

Right. lot of my anxiety was just suppressed feelings. I learned that I had all of these fears and experiences that were keeping me stuck in these anxious feelings. And I learned that through seeing an intuitive coach, which was kind of crazy how I met her too. It was just sort of by chance. I was looking for some guidance and help and I had never gotten any counseling or therapy, but I started with coaching. Yeah. It's pretty cool. So I guess it's cool to learn that the intuitive part is on you and not on me. Yeah. Technically you've got to be intuitive. Okay. I never listened to my intuition and I'd be mad that I don't, I just don't know why I don't. And I never do. And it always ends up wrong. we've all done it

we've all done it and i can't stop and it's like i'd be telling myself and then it's like like i probably could have saved lives with my intuition like it'd be that like that detrimental right like like and i'd be like i'm just gonna mind my business i'm gonna leave it alone what are what have your experiences been? Like saving lives? What's happening? I meant as far as like how the situation ended up afterwards. It was as you know, it ended up being like I could have prevented

this big tragedy. You know, and sometimes it has been tragedy. It was you know, I always go back to this. Well, this is not even see now you got me tongue-twisted. Because I did have a situation, right? A really crazy, freaky situation, if you want to know.

I dreamed about this girl, a dead body next to train tracks. Right? No, I'm lying. I'm sorry. She was next to, like, a... What do you live in, Vancouver? I don't know. Do you got like those fuel tanks outside that they come and put fuel in and then they run

inside for the heat kind of thing? But, so it was like a fuel tank. So outside the house was like this big tank. You know what I'm talking about, Crystal? Like, no. Like, I gotta find a picture on my phone. Fuel tank.

I know what a fuel tank looks like. Like a propane thing? Yeah, but it was next to a house so like these houses were old and so they had like tanks on the outside that gas companies used to come and they fill up and then they used to run into gas heaters well i have a kerosene thing outside my house right so it's like a big tank yeah and so that's it was something to that extent, but in, in my dream, it was a dead girl next to that tank behind this house. I knew the color of the house. I knew what the girl looked like and I could just describe it every day.

The day I stopped dreaming about her, they found her body. Stop. Did you know this girl? I didn't know her. And it was crazy because I dreamed about it for like a week. And what made it so bad was like I told everybody about it because that's how much it bothered me. I was calling my friends like, oh, my God, I keep having this dream and I can't get out of it. And every time I sleep, it's the same dream. And it was like, so when it happened and what was crazy was that it was I was in New York and it happened in Virginia.

But it happened the way I described it. And my friends live in Virginia and they called me and they're like, they found the girl you were talking about. Like, look, came up. And it was like exactly how I described it. Her body was next to the fuel tank next to this peach house. You know what the rust was. It was crazy. It was pretty. Look, I knew so many details. I thought they was going to come ask my ass some questions. The fact that you, the fact that you said, oh, well, I don't need to have intuition. Like you're the one who deals with the intuition,

right? That is just, I mean, that proves that everyone is intuitive in their own way. But what you're describing is clairvoyance like the ability to see right the the dreaming and the visuals um i think a lot more people have that than we think i know one of my girlfriends had a dream and she said it wasn't even a dream she said it felt like a vision uh that she got into a car accident and then you know a few months later she got into that exact car accident so it's just you know you wonder okay but now is it uh oh here we go right right because it's like okay is it that is it like the clairvoyance or is it like manifestation well i think with yours specifically if you think about how just specific it was and to the t like

why would you be trying to manifest that and you're i guess i was talking about i don't want to manifest nobody dying. What are you manifesting? Um, no, with my friend. Um, yeah, I mean, she could just be that fricking powerful. That'd be dope. We need to meet your friend. Either way. She's still powerful, right? Yeah. Either way. She's super powerful, but I do feel like she has those visions because she's told me about some other ones that didn't have to do with her. Right. So it's, it's like, yeah, we're all intuitive that we're so deeply connected. And my problem is that I don't, I don't listen to it because it's like, I'd never want to overstep a boundary, you know? So I grew up with a lot of trauma, like a lot of trauma.

So another part of me is I really don't want to deal with people either and you're like uh-huh but you have a podcast trust this is overextending myself because i believe that people need to heal because right now i'll be at home doing nothing with myself and like loving it you know but i have a lot of intuitive it's like i know things are going to happen it was like i could have stopped it but no you want to mind your business and now it's world war three in my house you know so yeah so when did you know that that like you were intuitive and and that was kind of like a gift because I feel like it's a gift I I'd say I'd say it's a gift, but I would also say it's like one of those things that's that comes so naturally to people. Um, I didn't realize I was intuitive until I was trained. Like I actually acquired, well, it's funny you say, I say acquired the skill, but it was really

just learning that, Oh, I've been intuitive all along. And so are we all. Um, so I was actually trained through my coaching course. We did a very, um, we did like a weekend intensive on doing intuitive readings on each other. And that was the first time I was like, what I'm saying the randomest shit to people. I'm like, Hey, I keep seeing horses for you. And she's like, no way. Like, you know what I mean? It's just, it's wild how, how powerful we are. And we just don't know it because no one is using it or we'll get the hunch and we won't follow the hunch. I do still, I just, I'm so fascinated by the fact that we get a hunch. Isn't that weird? Like we just get a feeling and it always ends up being right.

Yeah. Like I know every time my man cheat you. No, but don't most women don't. Isn't that like an intuitive thing that they say? Like women know, like, you know, when your man ain't doing right. And I've heard, I haven't, I've luckily haven't been in that situation, but I've heard. Yeah. You lucky.

I hope it don't ever happen. So don't be manifesting it for me. I feel like every woman just needs to experience. No, I'm just joking. Stop. Now, for a man. I'm just joking. Really, really, guys, I'm just joking.

You know me. I am pro-woman, okay? My mama is a woman. I love women. Okay. But no, seriously. So when would I know that I wanted to seek intuitive therapy? Would you call it therapy? Yeah. Intuitive coaching. So it really depends. I feel like every coach is so different, right? So I specifically help people with like healing

the deeper stuff, right? So if you don't want to go deep, don't come to me. But it's- That's for your slogan. deeper stuff. Right. So if you don't want to go deep, don't come to me. Um, but it's, yeah, that should be, why haven't I used that? Kind of fun. Um, yeah. So for me, I work specifically on stress and anxiety cause it's something I've experienced so much of. So I've been able to create a lot of, um, you know, processes and things like that to help people with that. Um, I find, and this might sound weird, the clients that come to me are like, they're very drawn to me. And I think that happens with every therapist, counselor, coach, anyone who's doing work like this, just like how I was drawn to my coach. It's very, there's a spiritual vibe to it, right? Just connection. Yeah, exactly. And so a lot of the

time when I meet my clients, I'm like, oh, there you are. Like, it just, it feels like it was sort of destined to happen or they just feel drawn to me and I feel drawn to them and it just feels like the right fit. Yeah. Cause I'm like, I need a coach. Cause I got a lot of stress and anxiety. Okay. So what do you do with a client? They come to you. I thought you were going to say like client like Micah. And I was like, girl, why you got to do me like. Let's go.

Like Micah, who is overwhelmed. I am a bit overwhelmed. So let me tell you, right. I just got, I got re-diagnosed for cancer. Really? My mama has to have heart. Well, first of all, re-diagnosed with cancer two months before my fourth year of being in remission. Oh, no. Then my mama got to have heart surgery in March.

And she's been going through this downhill battle. Then I managed truckers, right? And I'm not a parent, but I imagine that managing trucking truckers are a lot like being a parent because when my phone rings at two o'clock in the morning, I am scared to death that somebody got in an accident. Someone hit a pole. Yeah. Oh my God, that they're okay. Like I hate when my phone makes any noise. I'm like, I don't want to look at it, but you got to look at it. I don't want to look at it. Just say you were asleep. No, I can't. You got to look at it.

You know, like I go through like, so, and then to top that off, right. No, I'm just joking. It's not that bad. He has to deal with me all day. I got to deal with this chick all day. Which is probably like the top of the, if we were to work together, we'd probably put that at the top of priorities for dealing with that. No, Crystal is amazing.

And honestly, she helps so much with my mental health and I have a really good job and team at job. I don't want to work no more. Sorry. I just, I don't want to work no more. Oh,

you're a tough client. Oh my God. Okay. I've been working my whole life. Okay. 20 years. No, no. You see, I've been, I came out the womb working. You hear me? Okay. I've been working my whole life. Okay. 20 years. No, no. You see, I came out the womb working.

You hear me? Okay. You're like, I came out with a screwdriver, a hammer, and some glitter. I was going to say, just not that long ago, you said you came out hitting. Oh, I did. So it's a joke in my family that my mom knew i was gay when i was in her stomach oh wow because i didn't kick her i used to hit her be like so that's how she knew i was gay but she did say that she knew i was a gay child when i was in the

womb oh my gosh for real it's like she knew yeah she knew she said she prepared everybody she wanted to prepare everybody and i'm like well damn heifer you could have told me because it took me 22 years to discover. Yes, I'm gay because everybody told me I was going to hell. So Heifer is good. Just so you guys know. And sorry, Mama, because she watches these episodes. It's good. It's good. It's a good thing. So anyway, it's amazing. But back to my question. No, before you go further, Crystal, now help me.

What would you do? Like, what is, what does it look like? Like, do I find you on a computer? Do I go to you? What does the first session look like, basically? Yeah. So most of my, most of my clients are online. clients are online. Where are you, Micah, in the world? I don't think you're on Vancouver Island. No, we're in New York. Sorry. Upstate New York. Okay, cool. Cool. So yeah, so we would meet online over Zoom. And the first thing we would

get you to do is, and this is the part that everyone does not like doing, but we got to do is feel your freaking feelings about it. Because I think a lot of the time, sorry? I'm good with that. So I'll be good. You're good with that. Okay. Awesome. Yeah. And really just like, because a lot of the time what we do is we like intellectualize, we think about, we talk about the things we're going through, but we don't really like bring it down into our heart and like really let ourselves feel it. And a lot of the time, if we just were to actually bring that into our heart, like drop it down into our body, a lot of the sort of overwhelm around it just dissipates. So that's the first thing we would do is like really get you into your body because again and and this is such a normal thing that we all do in our society is where we stay in our heads all the

time like oh yeah this is the trucker's calling like whatever all of that but it's like bringing it into our body helps because our body's so intelligent and it always has um answers for us and so exercises is it through exercises Sorry not to cut you off. I want you to continue, but I wanted to know is it through exercises or different tasks and those kind of things? Yeah, so it's mostly like, okay, if I were to take you through a

process, what I would do is I would get you to go into your body and feel... Do you want to do it right now? Sure, let's do it. Okay, it's up to you. We don't have to, but if you're down... I'm fine. It's free now sure let's do it okay it's up to you we don't have to but no i'm fine it's free so let's do it it's free 99 my favorite price okay um yeah so tune into your body and i want you to go to where the discomfort is in your body so you know imagine that you're even like you're getting the text from the trucker whatever it is go to where that is in your body where do you feel it where's like the first place my butt all right seriously yeah okay that's a first i haven't gotten that before okay you

get it in your butt sure um oh that came out funny okay so i'm sorry. I was going to say gut. It was in your gut. It was in my butt. Okay. Okay. Gut and butt. Sure. Um, so wherever you feel that, and again, I've never gotten butt before, so this is a unique experience for me as well. Um, wherever you feel that, I want you to just like tune into that, feel into that, allow yourself to feel into whatever sensation it is, whatever discomfort it is and breathe into that area. I want you to almost breathe in and imagine you're breathing into that area. And then when you breathe out, I want you to imagine that your breath is going through

that area and just, I see why it was hard for me. Okay. I'm glad you guys have a sense of humor. Okay. Um, yeah. And so feel into it. And then I want you to tell me, um, what color is it? Like what color is the energy of that discomfort discomfort and you'll know it like the first one pink he said pink okay perfect and so staying with that i want you to tell me what the texture is is it like spiky is it uh slimy like what's the texture of the energy of that discomfort? Like sandpaper. Okay. Perfect. Perfect. And staying there, continuing to breathe. Awesome. Continuing to breathe. I want you to tell me if it's warm or cold or what's the temperature of it it's warm it's warm yeah perfect and now

if that energy i want you to stay in the energy don't go to your head because i know that you're like you like easily go into your head but just i want you to stay in that energy if that energy that pink sandpaper warm energy had a voice i want you to just fill in the blanks. It would say, I feel tired. Yeah, perfect. And just breathe into that. You're doing awesome, by the way. I feel tired. I feel tired because life is hard. Yeah. Perfect. It's sandpaper hard.

Is it? And just staying there, allow yourself to just continue to breathe in that area. Life is hard because... It's like I don't have one answer. Yeah. What's the first thing that pops into your head? So many things.

That's what's wrong with my mind, right? That's okay. I say guilt. Okay. And what is the guilt about? That I don't want to be weighed down by other people's problems anymore. Wow. That's huge.

And just let yourself breathe into that. And at this point we could get into the other stuff that's coming up as well, but just, you know, we'll, we'll stick with that and we'll just, we're going to answer one or two more questions here. Feeling into that area. What is it? What is it that Micah needs right now? A break. And what would that look like? Peace. Yeah. And what would Micah do that would feel like peace? Whatever I wanted to do. I love it. Okay, you can come back whenever you're ready. I am ready.

It's like, I just want to do what I want to do. You know, I feel like I want, like, I feel like I just need to sleep for like a year and then I'll be good. But it's like I just need a break, a consistent, peaceful break without like trauma and I don't know, negativity. And, you know, I'm a very joyful person. Yeah. I like joy to everybody. But I think I'm at a point in my life where I'm good right now and there I have a lot of people that are not yeah that's hard to be happy when they're so sad you know it's hard to have to celebrate my life when they feel like they can't celebrate theirs and I just want to break from that feeling.

Right. I want to be able to celebrate myself and enjoy what I'm doing and, you know, how, where I climbed to, you know, it was like, I done climbed a lot of mountains and I'm at the top,

but I can't jump and look at the view because I'm still trying to bring your asses up. Right. That's heavy. You're bringing their asses up. It's all about the ass with me. It's all about the ass. I'm sorry. No, no, no. It's great. Yeah. And that's hard. And, you know, do you let yourself,

do you give yourself permission to take breaks? I do and I don't. So I have, I'm a caretaker for my mom and she's going through a lot of health issues. Right. I'm limited on the breaks I can take. Okay. That's good. As long as you can, you know, whatever breaks you can take, that's huge. And in terms of the guilt, I find that a lot of people, when we care so, so, so, so, so, so much about the people around us, our love sometimes, it's like our love gets shown through guilt. But one thing that I found is really helpful is almost instead of taking the route of guilt, taking the route of compassion. Like, I just fucking love you so much. And I just have so much compassion for you.

How does that feel? Does that feel like it's accessible? Well, it is. You know, one thing I always say is compassion is free. It's respect that gets to be earned, you know? Oh, wow. I like that. Yeah.

So it's like, I'm very compassionate to everybody. And I kind of love everybody too i'm just those people like i could just meet you and i'm like i love you so much already like i just push your face yeah she was like he crazy you don't need a therapist you need a hospital i hear you that's my intuition okay i'm reading you now what is wrong with him stop no i don't think that at all i think you're you're such a light and sometimes people who have so much light can also just feel the weight of things a lot too so yeah and i think that's where it came when i said my butt because my butt always feels heavy.

And it's not because I got a big ass, even though it is nice. But it's just, it's like weight. It's always like the weight of everybody trying to pull me down. It's like the crabs in a barrel. And I hate to call the people I love crabs. oh, and your butt. Oh my gosh. So anyway, so that's an example of what we would do for an emotional process to have you feel your feelings and then asking yourself what you need, like when you go into the feeling, it's really helpful. Right. Okay. And then, so when will people know like, Hey, this is a sort of therapy that I should seek. Like I should seek, you know, until I started doing a podcast, half of the therapies that are available to people I didn't even know existed. So I damn sure didn't know nothing about no intuitive coaching, you know? And so it was like, um, and then when I heard about it, I was thinking about, oh, you're going to teach me how to use my intuition. Like, I don't want to use it. Okay. But no, I really do want to use it. I just can't. It's like a shield or something.

But anyway, so, you know, I didn't know that, uh, intuition coaching is just, it sounds like it'd be helpful. I feel like in that moment I had is like, it made me realize some things in just like two minutes I was like you almost had me crying over here if you would have kept going you would have saw a tear I was I would have made you cry eventually yes oh my god it was coming I was like I never seen him cry so don't do that look I was over here with my eyes closed and I was like is that a tear oh my god and look And then what pissed me off, she was like, get out your head. I was like, ooh. Because I was over here thinking like you was about to make me cry, right? With this pink sandpaper.

Okay. You know? I love the pink sandpaper. That's so fun. It has a little pink in it. That's fun. Right. Right.

Yeah. So when will people know or when will people seek or is it just can you like deal with anybody? I know she's like, could you just ask one question? I'm going to shut up. OK, so I can basically help anyone that wants to be helped. Typically, if someone comes to me and they're like, yeah, you know, I was kind of curious about the coaching thing, but I don't really know like that. I usually can't help because I'm like, I don't think you know what you want, you know? And so if someone comes in and they're like, I had a client, um, the reason that I started focusing more on stress and anxiety is because

this client was having a panic attack every second day. And I was like, let's go, let's stop this. This doesn't have to be your life every second day. Um, and after a couple months of working together, she was like, Oh, I haven't actually had a panic attack for a while. And I was like, what? That's insane. And so it's usually the clients that come to me are like ready for the healing, right? Hey, I need this. Oh, yeah, let's go. And I find that I would say, unfortunately, but maybe fortunately, a lot of the time when we're really ready to heal is when things are really hard. And that's when we're like, I can't handle this anymore. I need to get help. And that can also be like the biggest catalyst for the greatest growth in our life. Um, so again, not everyone has to be having panic attacks though. I help a lot of people with purpose as well. I really love the,

um, the, you know, being of service in the world and loving what you do. I love that. And, um, one of the ways that I started, um, just becoming a lot more happier in my life is when I started to find work that was more purposeful. Um, so I help a lot more happier in my life is when i started to find work that was more purposeful um so i help a lot of my clients with purpose and i've helped um like coaches and therapists and authors and things like that um get their voice out into the world and stop hiding right now that's pretty cool so now we're talking about people that's searching right but now i want you to talk about i want us to talk about people that are not searching because we know there's still a big stigma on mental health

and in order to uh have a mental health issue it means you're crazy or some other word that you don't like so now i just ain't gonna admit that something's wrong with me what do you say or what kind of advice or what recommendations will you give somebody who's at that like i'm secretly watching this podcast but i ain't gonna like you on facebook you know i'm saying yeah i'm just like watching your stories right but there are people out there that just don't know that they need the help you know it's like is there anything that you can say to a person to make them look within themselves to say, hey, maybe I need to look if it's not into this therapy, some kind of therapy, because there is something that I need to heal from, or if you feel like there is like a nagging feeling in you that where you just know intuitively that something's off, that maybe you're not living

the life that you're, that you wanted to live or that feels good. Um, I think that's a really good time to seek some guidance and it's not even, you know, it doesn't have to be like, oh my God, I'm so unwell. It could just be you realizing that there's so much more to life than just kind of like coasting or nothing for roll-ups like that's an issue if you sleep with a box of roll-ups that's an issue right yeah or like if you feel no because i sleep with a box of roll-ups okay i'm telling you that's an issue no kidding uh so i said no i do have a snack drawer but a lot of it is pretty healthy i'll say um she reminds me of carissa she is over here throwing shade but you know look it's like i could turn a shade tree

into a money tree so bring it on okay let's go uh mean, no, but in terms of like, if the actual actions that people are taking that aren't super healthy, uh, if you feel like you're always distracting yourself, you're scrolling on your phone, maybe you feel like a little bit off and you just keep scrolling your phone thinking that's going to help you, but then it doesn't help you. Uh, maybe you're constantly watching Netflix, but you don't feel fulfilled by it. You're just like, I'm just watching these shows because what I've always done, but I'm not super happy with it. Um, when I watch my shows, I'm like, let's go. I'm so excited to watch my shows. And then as soon as I feel myself just like binging and I'm like, this isn't making me happy

anymore. That's a problem, right? So if we're distracting, if we're running away from our feelings, if we are, obviously there's so many more, there's just so many distractions that we can get into. I find that that's a huge telltale sign of, I'm not happy. Well, it's pretty dope that you said that because a lot of times, you know, we always talk, tell people, oh, if you don't feel safe, or if you feel like your environment's not good, or if you feel like you're going to hurt yourself or somebody else so you know it's like we put these really big things when it's as simple as a distraction that can be a tell sign that maybe you need to you know for a person to be human and say that they don't have something they need to heal from is a lie in my opinion i'm sorry i

don't know if everybody agrees that but i feel like there is nobody in this world that has everything perfect you don't have some kind of trauma somebody didn't affect you in some kind of way that makes you feel some kind of way and it gets triggered you know and it's it catches you off guard and makes you mad you don't even know why you know it's like there's things but it's it's it's right it's sometimes it's just distracting yourself that should be you know a clue you know because i guess life should be fulfilling it's like in that statement you talk so much because it's like life should be fulfilling even when you just watch a tv it should be fulfilling when you're eating a meal it should be fulfilling yeah and if it's not then we need to do something that's more fulfilling

okay yeah that was that was good that was a good that was a good i summed it all good that was a great summary yeah i don't even know what i said so thank you sometimes i just talk and i'm like i don't know what i just said but you said i meant it in the moment but I don't remember what I said she was like I gotta go back and watch this you should put it in the book you know what I'm saying but that's only if I play the episode

and don't go write a book off all this and it's gonna be called Pink Sandpaper oh my god stop if you see that there you go Pink Sandpaper but no seriously so it's pretty cool it's just a distraction and um now do you work alongside of like psychiatrists therapists like

do you recommend that people still get those kind of therapies if they're seeking it and if it's beneficial to them yeah work with or absolutely yeah i mean i i'm such a like take a holistic approach i uh you know go get a massage go get acupuncture like do all the things that you feel drawn to and um yeah all the healing modalities work in their own ways so now what you what you watch what's your show what's your show right now okay what am i watching i love queer eye so i'm on the latest season of queer eye um nor like it's old and you're just watching it uh it's the newest season of queer eye it just came out like a few weeks ago i don't even know they had a new queer eye show like i've never even heard of it before have you never heard of queer oh my god you guys no i've heard of it

but i didn't know like it was like i remember years ago you know because i'm so young um when it was on i didn't ever know like it came back like it was yeah yeah there's a new season i don't i don't know what season it is because i can't keep up with these things but it's a new season um and i enjoy that i love watching people get their life made over and also just have more of like an emotional, they have like an emotional wellness component of it, which I love. I am watching love is blind,

which is just so it's, it's great. I watched that. Yeah. So I watched that. Yeah. And then I like watching movies. I love movies.

I just finally watched the notebook, which only took me 28 years to watch. And I never watched it either. Right. Because I i feel like i'm gonna be like annoyed with it because it's just so annoying everybody talks about it and i'm like why do we do that as humans i do that too that love don't exist like that love does not exist okay very how you gonna find in a notebook i don't even know what it's about wait okay no you have to watch it no the reason i started watching it is because i was talking to someone on bumble and he was like uh he he liked romance i'm like oh what's your favorite movie i like romance and he said the notebook and i'm like frick you think it's true though or you think like that's what he's like no it's true

so the tea is he i'm not going to say where he's from but he's from a foreign country and he said he came to canada to learn carpentry because of the character in the notebook who's like doing woodwork and i'm like you changed your life because the notebook and not the bible so you don't want to be like jesus but you want to be no i'm just joking i'm sorry anyway um yeah no he did yeah so anyway it was a cool story and then i was like well shit i feel like i need to watch the notebook so i watched the notebook i like the notebook yeah i watch a lot of movies i like movies what do you guys watch what are you watching so right now i'm watching black cake right it's on hulu um first episode i was like oh this is trash I can't get into it but I was

on a flight the other day and I'm scared of flying so I have a tablet and I download movies to kind of keep me distracted that and weed but so while I was watching it was the only show that was downloaded on my tablet I forgot to download any other show

I was mad as a bitch right so i had to watch episode two hooked oh okay good i did not want to get off the flight they was like sir we gotta start loading our next passengers and i'm like five more minutes stop there's a reason you downloaded it that's awesome i downloaded it because it sounded good but like i'm one of those people like if you don't get me in the first episode, I can't. I just can't do it. There's a lot of shows that I've only been one episode in.

I'm forced to watch the second episode. I'm like, this show is incredible. Good thing. Oh my god. What's going to happen? I'm hooked. I can't wait to leave your ass so I can go home and watch some black cake okay i love it sorry and then i'm actually watching the avatar too the little show on netflix are you watching the cartoon version or the new new one oh the live

action i've heard it's good oh it's awesome is it and i don't even know i would like that there's another plane that was another plane situation that's what he does on planes to keep his mind it's like i just download random things and i don't know why i thought it was avatar the movie like the last airbender okay yeah yeah and when i saw it at first i was like this is corny this look like i could have made this with my iphone and then i realized it was a show. And I was like, oh. But it ended up being, like, really good, too. Like, now I'm stuck. I'm like, yeah, it got me thinking all spiritual and shit.

Like, I wish I could bend some air. Actually, I would want to do the stone. I would want to do stone. Oh, the stone would be so badass. Because, like, I can make walls that people can't get through. Whoa, that's a deeper issue. All right, that's what I was about to say. I'm not analyzing anything else. walls that people can't get through. Whoa, that's a deeper issue.

I'm not analyzing anything else. Did I make you quit? I'm quitting. That's it. It's only been 38 minutes and you're tapping out already. I know. That's all it took, man. I'm kidding. This is not selling you. I'm glad you're watching that. That's a it took, man. I'm kidding. Like this is not selling you. I'm glad you're watching that. That's a really good show.

It's one of my favorite shows of all time. Like the cartoon version. See, I never even knew there was a cartoon version. I don't, I don't watch, like, I don't watch a lot of TV. I watch TV with my mom. So that's like our together time. So I'm forced to watch every doctor show that ever exists. Right. And then we still

watching law and order you know because what's that chick named the benton chick man she like a captain or something now she's been there forever short hair yeah no the main character of like law and order svu well she had short you don't watch law you never law and order svu been around for like 30 years. Where you been? Not me. Really? You don't know who that is? I watch like fluffy stuff. I love stuff.

A lot of fluffy stuff. Crystal, what's up? What you watching right now? 48 Hours. Okay, so now you want to talk about digging into something. Crystal is one of those people that knows everything is going to happen the wrong way. It's going to fuck up. It's going to fuck up.

It's just going to be fucked up. It's going to fuck up. You hear me? It don't matter what it is. It's going to fuck up. I heard you. If she is involved, it's going to fuck up. No.

No, that's how she looks at things. I'm not saying that's what happens this is okay she thinks the worst case in every single thing it's like yo i just offered you a piece of gum it's not laced okay oh do you catastrophize that's a thing oh my son he is getting um what is it called deport deport it no not your son's getting what deployed deployed what podcast am i word wrong d word avoid deployed okay everything you know i know myself that he's gonna be fine but my mind keeps going to like after listening to all these you know patsds and they're like i'm thinking she's gonna he's gonna

come home and murder his wife and his kid like it is we do have a lot of parents up here, but yeah. It is. Everything. Him, he coughs, and I'm like, he's going to die on me. Oh my gosh. I can't even handle. I'm like, what is he looking at? I had people that had cancer and that have died. So he was

like, not that long ago, he used to have this cough that I knew somebody that had that. So I'm like, I don't like that cough. And we work with somebody else and she knew the person that had that cough. So I'd always say to her, like, he has the cough. He has the cough, which you probably never knew that. No, I didn't. I'm like, I'm always thinking like, oh, she does love me.

I'm always thinking like, Oh, she does love me. I'm always thinking like, even though she thinks I'm going to die, she does love me. Like so bad. And it's, it's bad. It's bad that I think that way. Now, can you help that? I can talk a little bit about that. Yeah. I mean, so your brain genuinely thinks it's helping, right? Like if, if you were to like, just look at it very objectively, that's a helpful thing. Like for you to associate that cough with a

cough you've heard before and then go, Oh, let's maybe get this checked out. That's a really helpful thing. Um, so the brain's actually wired to, to do that. Um, one thing that I find helpful is, I don't know if you've heard of habit loops. It's a... No. Okay. So basically, everything, every habit that we have and worrying is a habit, for example, judging ourselves is a habit. And then obviously, working out and whatever, all that stuff is a habit. Fruit roll-ups is a habit. So basically, there's three parts of a habit loop. And the first part is a trigger. So the trigger could be someone coughs, right? And then there's the behavior that happens in our brain. So your behavior is your brain goes straight to, oh my god, he coughed. And it's sort of like a control mechanism of like, let me control this.

Let me make sure this doesn't get out of hand. Let me make sure that, you know, it doesn't end up being bad. Um, and so our brain does this. And then the last part of it is the reward. It's like a negative feedback loop. So the reward is the brain thinks, Oh, I'm controlling this. So this is a good thing, right? The trigger is he coughs. My behavior towards this is I'm going to try to control this by, um, you know, remembering someone else who had a cough and maybe I'll take him into the, uh, walk-in clinic or whatever. And so your brain is getting a reward every time it does that. Does that make sense so far? Well, it's not really a reward cause I never told them. Okay. But your brain, but your brain, even just the thinking, like the thought pattern is a reward. So basically,

it's a negative feedback loop. And anytime we think that we're getting a reward from something, we will keep doing it. It's like a loop because you're getting feedback, right? Because you're getting self-feedback. So that's where the loop comes in. Yeah. And so then- The thought, the feedback, and then, you know. Exactly. And so what we can actually do is we can disrupt the loop. Right. So, for example, one thing that I have used this with is worrying. So if I get any sort of anxious feeling, the first thing my mind goes is, oh, shit, anxiety. What's wrong? What's going on, there's something wrong. And so that basically for my habit loop, it's the trigger is I feel anxious for whatever reason. And then the behavior is I start worrying about like, what could this anxiety be? What could this anxiety be? And then the,

and that's also worry is a form of trying to control. And so the, and so I'm getting a reward every time. Cause my brain thinks I'm, I'm controlling the situation. So every time I feel anxious, my brain automatically would go to worry. Does that kind of make sense? So in order to break this, what we can do is, um, if you talk to any neuroscientists, no, one's going to tell you to try to break a habit through willpower alone, cause it doesn't work. So in order to break it, what you want to do is you want to start to identify every time you're triggered. And instead of going straight to that worry, or even if you do go to the worry, it's okay. Ask yourself, what is the payoff here?

Like, what am I getting out of this? Because there's a reward happening. So if you can identify what the reward is, okay, this is me getting like so into it. Tell me when to stop. No, no, you're doing great. I'm over here. I'm like, I'm going crazy here. No, let's go. Okay. So once you identify like, okay, so the payoff here, every time I worry is that my mind genuinely thinks that I'm controlling the situation. That's the payoff. And you want to just keep asking yourself that question. What is the payoff? What am I getting out of this? If you ask yourself that 10 to 15 times, what will happen is you will become, it's called disenchanted. You become disenchanted with the reward and you realize the reward's not worth it. And then you will automatically start shifting out

of that habit. Does that kind of make sense? Yeah. So do it like 10, 15 times. I know it's a lot, but just keep doing it. Like every time you, you hear the cough or like, if you get triggered, just stop and go, okay. Like what is, what is the reward happening here? And now I'm all about your healing, but don't let it interrupt your work. Okay. Don't be having me. Don't mess up bill laden's because you over there trying to so again my daughter madison um she had broke her arm so now every time somebody even falls or anything like that or even picks their kid up by their arms, which I can't stand, I'm always, my mind always goes to,

they're going to break their arm, or they're going to get hurt, or they're going to do this. It is, he's so right. I go so negative. Whatever the worst possible situation. If there is a negative to it, Crystal will think of the worst negative. I'd be like, damn, I just sneezed, okay?

Geez, I got allergies. Well, your brain is very, very intelligent then. And you can use that intelligence elsewhere. We know you're a doctor. We know you're a doctor. Okay, girl. But did you listen to what she said? You can use that intelligence elsewhere.

Yes, you can use that intelligence elsewhere. So, yeah. Don't be trying to see and get off the little heeling. You're all dead now. Okay. Start using their smarts elsewhere. Like, matter of fact, you could just start doing my job so we could just practice on, like, you know.

There you go. So now you can just do what I do since you so damn smart. Oh my God. You like the truckers? Well, he wants a break from his job. This feels like, I'm kidding. I deal with the same truckers, though.

Yeah, we actually, so we work together in the day and we work together at night. And when we leave here and we stand on the corner, we still together. Yeah, yeah. We got a package deal. Aw. I don't think she got that part. Uh- that part we stand on the corner after here we go yeah we like what's what's the difference between an enzyme and a hormone

oh my god okay well let's see here let me really think about this i don't know i don't know the definitions i don't know the difference. You can't hear a hormone. You can't hear a hormone. Okay, stop it. That took me way too long, first of all. He asked me this, so I'm like, oh my God, he's asked a serious question. Now he's in the hospital, just so you know. When he's in the hospital just so you know when he's asking me yeah hospital look looked up the IV IV fluids and I'm over here texting her like hey what's the difference

between the enzyme and a hormone stop I'm in it you know I was in it I was trying to figure out the definition I'm texting my daughter I'm like trying to figure this out and I'm like she's taking too long to answer like why, why not just say what? So I could give you the punchline already. I didn't know it was a joke. So finally I just had to came out and I'm like, oh, and I had to just give it to her. Oh my gosh. That's so funny.

I'm glad I gave up. You can't ask for that when you're in the hospital. Yeah, that's a lot. That's a lot for you to do. So I guess I caused trauma. That's what I'm going to say. I caused trauma. I'm sorry, Crystal. But I i'm not gonna say i won't do it again okay it's just oh my god so i'm one of those random people that'll think about something and text you at three o'clock in the morning and not because i want you to answer it

it's just because i need to get it out you just need to get it out oh my gosh that's amazing you can get to me whenever you're ready however i'm I'm going to say it because I thought about it now. I love it. As long as you're not one of those people who leaves like a six minute voice message. Oh no, I don't leave voice messages. Okay, good. I don't. Wait a minute.

I'm going to text her though. I will text her hello, Joanne. And it might be like six paragraphs and you might need a couple of dictionaries. Oh, okay. Yeah. Because I have the, when I'm by myself, I do a lot of internal things as well. You know, so I tell people I've been on my healing journey, you know, because it's kind of like sobriety to me. You know, it's like I'm not minimizing that lifestyle, but it is. You know, I was so used to being traumatized that I like crystal lived in trauma,

you know? So now I have to heal from that. And in order to heal from it is to have to disassociate myself with that. So me in my way, I am working on my sobriety, you know, my sobriety of living in a life with no trauma or without the expense of trauma. Yeah. So it's, uh, yeah, it's a journey,

but I've been going for it, do it for about two years now. And I did it and I started doing it. I say the wrong way because I didn't get any professional help. I just decided I need to heal. Let's go open up some boxes. And then there was skeletons and some of them that I shouldn't have faced alone, you know, but I did, but it's worth it. You know, it's where it's been worth everything to me,

but now I'm a little more kind of in tuned with kind of the correct way of doing things. Of course, this podcast has helped me talking to people like you have helped me and I actually take what people say and like I utilize it. So lot of things you talked about I'll go home and I'll utilize it and I see how can I incorporate it into my day but it's still a lot of healing and a lot of brightness and things going there but it takes me deep and in that depth I often find answers for other people you know like hey I was just going through this and it made me think about this situation for you. And this is what I found out. And so I take the time to text and explain all this to people. And they're like, why are you doing this to me? Oh man. They're like, Oh, someone's texting me at 3am. What is this? They're like, why is Micah healing through text?

That's awesome. That's great though. That's actually a further way of healing. It's actually expressing it to people and sharing the gems that you got out of it. That's a further way of healing. Yeah. Right. Definitely. My thing, though, is that I can write better than I speak sometimes because, as you see, I get tongue twisted and then my brain has 150,000 million questions and I can only ask one. And do you know how hard that is?

Just pick one in just that split second. You got all. You asked her five questions in one. I don't know how I answered anything. I don't know what I said. Okay. Thank you. Okay.

She was like, I'm going to have to watch this podcast. You air it. But no, we're not. We're just going podcast before you air it. But no, we're not. We're just going to air it. Okay. But no, really. So you have been an amazing guest. Is there anything that, because I'm a fool, that we didn't get you to say or give to our audience or anything you wanted to let them know?

Good question. I think we covered a lot of bases here. Yeah. If, if people do want to find me, they can go to my website, ramenhari.com. I do have a free guide on there to shift anxiety and stress, which is a really, really good place to start. If people are wanting to, they're like, Oh, I'm curious about this. It's a good place to start. Awesome. Cool. And of course we'll list all of your contact information and all those details. And don't be out there.

Talk about do not go on these fucking feelings because they're crazy. She's like, as soon as she hang up, she about to call somebody. Who are you going to call? Who's going to be the first person you call? I know. I'm going to be like, guys, I need a trauma dump.

No, I'm kidding. I need an hour after this hour no kidding i know that i do it i'm sorry and somehow people watch us right no i loved being on and i just love i love that we can laugh as well i think sometimes when you're talking about healing we're just like oh and then do this and then do that and it's it's like man the whole point of healing is to at the end of the day enjoy life right so why not laugh through it so um yeah thank you guys for having me on i i love talking to you guys this is so fun i felt like i was just chilling with friends you know right and that's how and that's the that's the thing about healing too you can always find a friend that you can relate to that you can heal with. There are people out there. I don't know. Healing has been so dope for me. My life has

changed so much. You know, it was like, I carry a lot of weight because I know what it's like not to know that I needed to heal. And I think that's my issue with let go of the people I love right now, because it's like, I was dumb. I knew what it was to not even think I deserved healing or I deserved a moment of peace so it's like it you know it took me to do it for myself and I know it's gonna be the same for them I know they eventually I'm gonna have to and shit them out you know oh my god and let them go but right now I'm gonna stay constipated and i'm gonna keep her with me because i feel like maybe right she was like you is crazy no i just keep i'm like man it just keeps going back to the butt man everything that was the point though that time i did that i love it

i love it that was intentional yeah yeah that was intentional um but you know what it'd be really cool if i could contact you just to learn about using my own intuition. Like, I feel like I need to like learn how to know when it's okay to follow that gut feeling. You know, I guess I got, I got so used to never doing it. You know, I grew up, so I grew up with molested, uh, as a child, probably as long as I can remember. My first memories of being molested. Wow. And it went on to the time I was 14. And part of the reason why I allow it to happen so much is because they threatened to kill my mom and those kind of things.

And, you know, for a long time, I thought that it was something I needed to like keep within. My gut told me I needed to tell somebody, you know, but now it was at the risk of a family member, you know, and it's like, and I think that tormented me to the part that even now today, I don't use my intuition or my gut feeling because I don't know, kind of like Crystal, if there's going to be a negative consequence. Right. Like that guilt.

It's like, well, if I do, will I be guilty for like something happening to someone I love? Right. Right. Wow. So it's like learning to move past that has been my biggest battle.

So I'm going to reach out to you. Yeah. For sure. I'll give you some pointers. Alrighty. Well guys, we thank you so much for watching. We will see you next week. Thanks again for being gone. I mean, we thank you so much for watching. We will see you next

week. Thanks again for being gone. I mean for being gone. For being on. I was like, I've been here the whole time. You was here, but you wasn't really here. Peace, love, and blessings, guys. See you next week.