These Fukken Feelings Podcast© - Rediscovering Purpose in Midlife: Christina's Journey of Self-Compassion, Healing, and Empowerment | Season 3 Episode 335

Episode Date: July 24, 2024

Rediscovering Purpose in Midlife: Christina's Journey of Self-Compassion, Healing, and Empowerment | Season 3 Episode 335What if your midlife crisis was actually a midlife calling? This week, Christina, Producer Crystal, and I sit down with life coach Christina Smith, who shares her extraordinary journey from battling depression and health issues to finding her true purpose. Christina's story is a testament to the transformative power of self-compassion and the importance of addressing the underlying causes of unhealthy habits. Tune in to hear how she turned her struggles into a mission to empower midlife women to live beyond societal expectations and pursue their dreams.Ever felt the crushing weight of constant self-sacrifice? Our conversation with Christina dives deep into the delicate balance between self-care and self-sacrifice, as we share personal anecdotes that highlight the cost of always putting others first. Reflecting on childhood memories and generational patterns, we uncover the critical need to break free from cycles of guilt and truly enjoy the fruits of our hard work. This heartfelt discussion underscores the importance of filling our own cups first to better support those around us, especially in the face of external judgments and negativity.Navigating the complexities of female friendships and societal expectations can be a daunting task. Christina, Producer Crystal, and I explore the inherent competitiveness among women, the impact of patriarchal standards, and the necessity of fostering compassion and curiosity over criticism. We touch on the challenges of midlife transitions, rediscovering passion, and creating meaningful legacies. From setting bold intentions to healing personal traumas, this episode offers universal advice and inspirational stories to motivate listeners of all ages and backgrounds. Don't miss out on this enriching conversation that promises to leave you feeling empowered and ready to embrace your own midlife calling.#MidlifeTransformation #SelfCompassion #Empowerment #MentalHealth #BreakingCycles #FemaleFriendships #HealingJourney #LiveYourPurpose #MidlifeCrisis #SelfCare #PersonalGrowthhttps://christina-smith.com/

you don't have to be positive all the time it's perfectly okay to feel sad angry annoyed frustrated scared and anxious having feelings doesn't make you a negative person it doesn't even make you weak it makes you human and we are here to talk through it all we welcome you to these fucking feelings podcast a safe space for all who needs it grab a drink and take a seat. The session begins now. What is up guys? Welcome to these fucking feelings podcast. I am Micah. I got producer Crystal in the building with me. Hello. We are here with our very special guest, Christina Smith. Hello. How are you, Christina? We just want to know what was in that cup. Just I see this time.

You know, it's pretty funny. So we're like in an office building and they have like a lot of alcohol in their break room, like a lot. And I tell you i dropped my cup earlier we were talking in the green room and um so i just went and got some water because of course your mouth gets dry when you talk a lot right so i was like i need something i got water but i'm drinking it and i'm like why does this taste like gin and i'm like they filled the whole thing up right i'm like do they have gin in the water machine it's so much alcohol in that building. I'm like, these people get it in. They don't want to deal with these fucking feelings. Right.

Basically, they don't want to deal with these fucking feelings, basically. Now, Christina, one thing that we like to do is we like to get our guests to introduce themselves because we feel like no one can tell your story the way that you can. And you have a lot of commas. So go ahead and tell our audience a little bit about yourself. Yeah, absolutely. Well, right now I'm a life coach for women, usually in midlife, somewhere between 30 and 65. It's a really floating kind of space. But what I, I work with them about confidence and self-validation. And that really came from my origin story of becoming a life coach, which was, um, in my mid thirties, I had, um, what I believe now to be a midlife calling. Right. But at the time it feels like a crisis. And so what had happened is I had been

crying on the way to work for about a year and nothing in my life was really wrong. In fact, I had done all the things that my mom said, you'll be happy when you'll be happy. When you go to college, you'll get the job, you'll get the husband, you'll have the kid, you'll have the house. And I had checked all those boxes and I had never been more depressed in my entire life. And I couldn't figure out why I was like, but I checked, I did the blueprint, right? Like I should be happy now. I don't understand why I'm not happy. And then after about a year of crying, I was like, you know, maybe this isn't right. Maybe this is not a good, good thing that I'm crying on the way to work every day. Maybe I have to do something differently.

And that's really when I started getting deep into therapy. I had women's circles. I also had a lot of illness at the time. I had serious stomach issues that wouldn't go away, but I would be like having to work from home from bed for like six weeks at a time because I just couldn't figure out what's going on. So I went to health coaching school and this leads together in just one second. I went to health coaching school because I, the doctors couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. So I thought, no problem. I'll go, maybe it's my diet. I mean, I was eating Doritos and for breakfast. So I'm pretty sure that it could have been in my diet. And after I went to health coaching school, the thing that really got me was when I was coaching other women, they knew exactly what they needed to do to be healthy, right? We all know drink the water, eat the whole foods, have the exercise to sleep, all the things, right? But I got really

curious as to like, why can't people make that leap? Why can't they like, what is the thing that stops us from making these big changes in our life? And so I wrote a book called inviting shift. And then I started to realize, wow, my path is a lot different than my mom told me it would look like. And that's when I realized my midlife crisis wasn't a crisis. It was really a calling. It was asking me to really live up to my potential and not just stay in a marketing job because, well, it paid the bills and it had benefits. Um, and that alone completely changed my health journey around as well. So, and that's why I'm a life coach now for midlife women. Cause I think it's

such a crucial time of our life where we could be doing so much more. And I don't know if y'all thought about what you would do after 50, but apparently most of us just thought we would be happy by then. And then we would just sit in a rocking chair and enjoy the happiness for the rest of our lives or something. That's not exactly how it turns out. You still sit there and you're like, today is 50. We still have energy. We still want to get, we still want to leave a legacy or an impact of some type. And, you know, or even just live the dreams that we never lived for ourselves.

And it's such a beautiful time. And I'm, I get really sad when women pretty much like when I shut down the house and just be like, yep, I'm just going to stay in my hole for the next 30 years. Like that just seems such a shame. Definitely. Definitely. It's pretty cool. Cause I feel like, you know, and just in your description is like just changing one word kind of like changed your whole life you know it went from midlife crisis to midlife calling but it kind of changed your whole life and it really goes to that whole thing of words having power and meaning and all those kind of things so uh that's that's really dope that uh you said that and just that you you think that way um i'm going through my midlife crisis, too, right now.

But I'm more as in I want to be selfish. Because my whole life I spent taking care of other people and I realized that I now need to take care of myself. Yeah. So, you know, yeah, probably completely different, but it isn't different though. I mean, that's what I find that a lot of people run into is, um, it's in midlife where a lot of women start recognizing their perfectionism and their people pleasing and like all the other things that they do for external validation, right? That's what a lot of us have been taught to do. I mean, I grew up in, I'm a Gen Xer, so I grew up in the eighties and the big line from my mother was always, what will they think? What will they think if you wear that? What will they think if you do that? What will they, like, who the heck is they? And why do they think so much about me?

They need to worry about themselves, right? Yeah. But I mean, we're taught to like crave that external validation and be validated or be conformed for validation instead of like, I mean, my 20-year-old self would never imagine that when I'm in my 40s and 50s that I'm going to be sitting around talking to women and actually being able to help them. I had such a messed up childhood that like, surely I should be the last person talking about communication and confidence. And by following my own calling and my own path, somehow I got here. And I mean, I'm amazed. My inner child is amazed. So there is change that can happen when we, but we have to let go of things that are comfortable, then kind of, you know, compassion for yourself. And, you know, I think a lot of it starts with self. And I think that's kind of what we forget, you know, especially I'm not a woman, so I can't speak as a woman. But knowing a lot of women who always put their husbands and their children and their jobs and a lot of other things first and is like, no, it's OK for you to treat yourself. It's OK for you to have your moments like it's OK. I was talking to somebody the other day and she was like, I just need to. I've been acting like a kid lately. I just need to grow up. And I'm like, no, if you want to act like a kid for this moment, act like a kid for this moment.

You know, at the end of the day, it's about consequences. Right. So is you acting like a kid right now going to cause you some really bad consequences? If it's not, go for it. If it is and you can't deal with the consequence, then, yeah, maybe you need to change. But if you can deal with the consequence of what's going to happen, then you know what? Go ahead and kid out. There's so many things. I had a grown woman client that was like, I really want to go to the Taylor Swift concert, but that would be ridiculous. All those little girls are there and I don't have any kids to take or anything. And I was like, go do it. Who cares? Everybody there had bought a ticket. If they, if you're going to be embarrassed, they should all be embarrassed or y'all could just enjoy your time. Right. And, and so, yeah, it's just

even doing things like that. And I really recognized it. Um, my husband's part of a man's organization. I'm a part of a woman's organization that are kind of connected and men have so much money in their organization and they have an overflow of people who want to staff and volunteer and do all kinds of things where the women's organization doesn't. And the theory I have behind that, I haven't actually studied it, is that men feel more in charge of their time and their money where women feel like they're taking it away from their family. If I go spend a weekend to go volunteer or even go to a weekend for myself to learn more about myself, taking care

of myself, that's kind of selfish. And I don't want to have to spend that time or money away from my family. And so that's, it is a big difference. And still, I mean, I think that this hits men too, just at a different level. Definitely. Definitely. And now, you know, I always tell my mom, my, my mom was like my best friend and we're so close, but we have very, very deep conversations, but I always tell her that one thing that I wish I saw her do differently was not sacrifice so much. You know, all I saw my mom do her whole life was sacrifice for everybody else. And my, my parents, both my mother and father were both kind of welcoming people to anybody. So we kind of grew up with everybody because if you didn't have a place or you didn't

have food or you didn't have this, you was welcome at our house. You know, it was kind of always that way. You know, we always had to like sleep eight people in a bed because then I gave my bed to the guy that lived down the street who got in a fight with his wife and needed a place to stay the night. You know, like we were motel six kind of, but you know, it was like one thing that I saw my mom do more than anything was sacrifice. She always sacrificed, you know, her food, you know, she would give away her portion and, you know, she would do this and she would do that. And then I realized me growing up seeing that so much in her, that's kind of what I was doing. I was just sacrificing, sacrificing, sacrificing, you know? And then, you know, it's a little different because I kind of now I'm growing up or in

abundance, I work really hard and I'm, and I'm doing really well. And, and I'm grateful to all the energies that are making that happen. But, you know, sometimes I feel guilty when I go out and buy a coach bag because it's like, you don't need six coach bags, you know, but I don't, I don't marry, I'm not married and I don't have no kids and I don't have these things, but I always think about like other people that probably can use the money and who I can give the money to and to help them out. And I was like, Hey, I need to get out of that way of thinking. You work hard for this, you know, you're doing this work and the same way you're capable, they're capable. So it's okay to like just do it for yourself yeah we were just saying that i was i was like you know what she was like oh i don't

like nothing he's saying i don't even want to be a part of this interview no more we're just gonna go ahead and click i'm sorry about that my internet's usually pretty good. I don't know what's going on right now. It's my luck today. I tell you, it's my energy. I don't know what's going on today. You know what it is? So I'm going through this period, Christina, where like a lot of people are just hating on me lately. Oh yeah. Like I'm being lied on and talked about and judged. Like all grown people. All grown people. You must be showing up with a crown.

You know, there's a phrase that we call for women, kill the queen. Right. And it's about if somebody is doing too good, women, because we're DNA competitive, just by nature as we're very competitive, is there will be a group of women that will sit behind your back and talk about her because she's wearing the crown instead of putting on their own crown. Right. Isn't that sad? It is really sad. You don't have better things to do with your time. If you don't like something, scroll on by. Be a grown up.

It's like the most ridiculous thing. And it's kind of been that way look i've been saying all week even though it's just tuesday but that's how much drama like it's been around me all week it's like it's only tuesday and yeah would you be willing to talk about that on the podcast because i have like a little exercise that we could do around that. Oh, sure. Okay. Well, and just so we are where we left off was, um, I heard you say a lot about sacrifice and I do believe that that sacrifice, seeing our parents sacrifice and, you know, it's a general rational curse is what we have to break is like, how, how will my kids know how to take care of themselves? If they don't see me taking care of myself, how will they know that it's okay to be a little selfish so that you get your needs met? How will they know that asking for what I want is going to

actually get me more of what I want rather than just being the martyr or the victim or the complainer about things. So, I mean, I think it's really important that that's one curse that we really, really pray. And I say the same thing. I always tell my mom, like, I wish I would have seen you like chase your dreams more and do these things. However, I'm going to give her the shout out because on Mother's Day, we kind of had the same conversation. And my mother said, she did kind of break it down to me. She says, where you see it as a sacrifice, it was actually a choice that I made. You know, I was conscious of everything that

I was doing. I knew that I was doing it is how I wanted to do it. So, you know, I was like, okay, you know, it's true how each people could view something differently. And, you know, sometimes I was like, Hey, we should have had this conversation back when I was 12 and I could have known that you're not sacrificing. You are making these conscious choices just because you're a good person. And these are the things that you feel like you should be doing. But, um, yeah. And if our cup is full, you know, anything that flows out of it, that's for everybody else. That's something Jan Levan's aunt once said was like, honey, my cup's got to be full first. And then anything that overflows is for everybody else.

So I'm not saying that we shouldn't serve others. I am saying when we get to that point where we're feeling resentful or angry or exhausted by it, that that's the time where we need to fill up our own cup and then then we give so much more beautifully when we're full right we give out of our heart not out of obligation which is a different kind of energy yeah and that's kind of like where i'm stuck at now um because i come my cup was full and then december i kind of was re-diagnosed with cancer. And it was the first battle with cancer took 15 years. So now to hear that it's back is like, oh, hell no. You know what I'm saying? And then it was we kind of did like this really aggressive forms of chemo and this kind of things. And my cup became very, very empty really quickly.

And I realized that all those people I was pouring into weren't around to give me just a drop of water, you know? And now I'm stuck in between that obligation. Like I still feel things, like I should do things out of obligation. And now it's like the other part of me is like, no, it's time to start saying no. It's time to like stand up

and make sure your cup is refilled and that you're putting in, building yourself back up because a lot of you was destroyed in these last few months because of cancer. And it was like, no one else is going to do it but you. And now that I'm saying no, people are getting angry,

but we can move on. We ain't got to talk about me this whole episode. Oh, but let's do it. Let's't got to talk about me this whole episode. Let's do it. Let's do it. Because I think I have something that, you know, might be helpful and useful to you around, especially when we're, because this is about external validation. Like, what do they say? Right.

And what I like to do is constantly turn people inside of like, well, what do I think about it? And it used to be that even when I tried to self-validate my form of self-validation was let me replay the conversation in my head a million times and come up with a million ways in which I may have messed this up, or they're not listening to me, or they weren't interested in what I had to say or whatever it is, right? Like I can replay a conversation so many ways, but that used to make me really crazy because I, you know, that's a lot of like rethinking at the end of the day. And you wonder why you're up till 3am because you're thinking all these thoughts. So self-validation for me is about setting intention. And I think that this is so important and intention. People think are

often like goals. Like we create a vision board and I'm sure maybe we've created like half a dozen, at least a vision board. And the great thing about the vision board is it tells us a lot about ourselves. However, I don't think people often go deep enough on the vision board because the things that we put on that vision board, we put them there because we're human. And so that means we put them there because we want to feel a certain way. And so if we can cut out the middle man, which is all those things that are on the vision board and we can get to, how do I actually want to feel if I get that big, beautiful home? Why is it? I want that. Well, for some people, it might be safety security for other people. It might be connection, right? I'm going to have a big home can invite lots of people over all the, all the people down the street and the husband who got

kicked out, right? When you were young and you had all those family members come over, um, that might mean connection. It might mean warmth to you, right? So getting to the clear about if I were successful, if I did already have all of these things, how would I actually feel without using the words happy, confident? Is there another one? Those are the two that usually come up and it's like, ah, those are so overworn. We don't really know what those feelings are anymore. So, but if, if we come up with that and my words for this year are bold, open, and love. Okay. Yeah. I was thinking when you first said it, I was like, love, love, love. My first day of love. Yeah. Love is usually one of them, right? Always for me. And I do these every year and I do these with my clients. Like as soon as we start meeting, this is the first

exercise I do because I can't help them unless I know how they want to feel. Because what happens then is I say all the choices in my life now need to be in alignment with us. So, um, instead of saying, Oh, you know, how did I show up for them? Or are they accepting me? Or these people are saying negative things about me or even cancer shows up. And I, you know, we can't control that. we can do our best with taking care of it, but we can't control it. So instead of what I used to do is I create a big project. And if it came with a blue bow, instead of a red bow, I would suddenly be like, Oh, I failed. I'm such a failure, you know, because that one mistake, it just blew me off. And now I can look back and go, did I show up with boldness, openness, and love? Because if I did that, I'm successful that I can feel good about myself. I don't care what

anybody else thinks about me. I know that I showed up the way that I intended to show up. And those to me are intentions so that we can self-validate on. I wanted them to see boldness, open and love. I don't know what they saw, but I know that I showed up with that in my mind and I can feel really good about that rather than constantly like, how do they feel like I showed up? I mean, people, you have a podcast, you know, people are going to love you. People are going to hate you and everywhere in between. So in this way, not only can we self-validate, but we can also start aligning our choices. So when I'm choosing which podcasts I

want to be on, I want to align with bold, open love. I want to be on podcasts that are feel that way to me. And then I know that I'm going to end up on the right podcast when I want to make a choice about vacation. I want to feel bold openness and love. Great. Then I can find a vacation that kind of aligns with that. We're looking for a property. Now we have specific words for the property that we're looking for. We don't have physical qualifications. We have, it needs to feel this way and we'll know it when we feel that. And, and that to me is like one way that we can get away from overthinking everybody, like their judgments are for them. That's not for us.

Yeah. And I'm usually really good at that. I feel like that's kind of how I live my life, bold, open and love. Right. Because I just decided, you know, I started my healing journey. I always tell people about three years ago is when I decided like, Hey, my life is going crazy. I need to start healing. Um, but those were the things that I said, I was like, this is who I am. This is why I am that way. We need to accept it and embrace it. If I don't like it fix it you know but kind of just be okay with being me and to me that's kind of like where my boldness and openness came from was kind of like just accepting everything what everything that i am you know because i know once again you know we all say it like our past makes who we are you know but it doesn't have to dictate where we're going and i was letting it

dictate where we were going you know a was letting it dictate where we were going. You know, a lot of horrible things happened to me. So I was doing a lot of crazy, ridiculous things. You know, I tell people I never took shortcuts, but I did take some back alleys and side streets, you know. They never made it easier, though, did they? No, they're scary. Yeah, they're scary as hell. And and for some reason that's what I took but now I'm on the open road and we are traveling

and we're getting there and I do need it's not so much that I care about what people think it's just that there are people that I love and I don't want them to feel abandoned but in that it's like I still have to realize that I worked while I had cancer,

you know, I still put together a podcast and I still did my daytime job. And, you know, we were still interviewing people and I was still taking care of my mom. My mom lives with me. She's elderly and she stays with me. So still taking care of my mom. And in the middle of me having cancer, she had open heart surgery. And, you know, so it was like, we were going through it, you know, but I was like, wow, if I'm capable of doing it in the middle of the most horrible pain in my life, then you are capable of doing it. And I need to stop kind of like, uh, what's the word we're looking for? Um, enabling you to not fight for yourself. Mm. You know, exactly. Yeah. I mean, and that's the other thing, like sometimes people pleasing, I just wrote an article about this. Sometimes people pleasing can actually hurt relationships.

Um, because I, I don't know, I grew up with a lot of trauma, so I'm really sensitive to reading people. And if I read that you're trying to please me, I'm automatically suspicious of you. I don't trust you. I don't know what happens when suddenly you want to please Micah instead of me. And then are you going to drop me like a hot potato or, you know, like, I just don't have that trust and we can't be authentic. You know, I can't get to know you if you are doing the things that I want you to, I don't, I don't know who you are or what it is that you want. And, and therefore, like, I can't be the same kind of friend back because I am no longer a people pleaser. I'm not that good at it anymore. So I really expect people to ask me for what they want now. And if you don't, I don't hold myself responsible to your expectations that weren't expressed. Right. I actually don't even want people to ask me no more.

I'm like, just leave me alone. But I am going through that phase now where my circle is dwindling because no has become a big part of my vocabulary. I had that mentality where it was like, okay, this person needs, we're going to save money, for instance, but so-and-so needs money to pay their light bill. I have the money. If I don't send it to that person, I'm just going to end up buying a new pair of sneakers with it. So it's going to be wasted. It goes good if it pays for a light bill, but now the next month comes and they need money again now for the water bill. And my thought process is the same. Well, well, if I don't send it to him, I'm just going to spend it on something ridiculous. So let me send it to him. And now I'm

realizing. They're using you. Yeah. When I sit down and I talk to my accountant and she's like, don't send it to him. I'm just going to spend it on something ridiculous. So let me send it to him. And now I'm realizing... They're using you. Yeah, when I sit down and I talk to my accountant and she's like, hey, you sent so-and-so amount of money this last year in Venmo and Cash Apps. What the hell are you doing? She's looking at me like, do you got a drug habit? And I'm like...

Right. And I'm like, no, but it was in that conversation with her when I realized that, wow, here it is, all these capable people. And I'm like supporting everybody. And that's a lot to be on my shoulders when I'm fighting cancer, raising a mom who has chronic ailments, you know, and just trying to live life, you know, and still be a good person and try to change my life around because I'm a lot like you. I grew up with a lot of trauma and a lot of trauma, you know, attacked. I went through a lot of sexual assault, sexual abuse, those kinds of things, bullying and picked on those kinds of things. So I had like no self-esteem. So it was like, I had to build myself back up from nothing. And then because of those things, I was a really mean and nasty person. And it I was like I don't want to live like this way so you know we need to change

and it's like okay we gotta make a lot of changes so 2024 became my year no that's just you know your boldness openness and love and I'm no I have to remind you a lot of boundaries yeah and I'm putting up those boundaries but it's like i'm losing people left and right and now i'm feeling some kind of way because it's like oh you really wasn't for me no because well yeah i mean making the boundary is one thing what i find with my clients is they can make boundaries all day long it's the enforcing them that becomes the hardest part right and it's not about the other person it's about me so it's the enforcing them that becomes the hardest part. Right. And it's not about the other person. It's about me. So it's like, when you ask me for money, I'm going to say no next

time. And that's my boundary. Like, I don't even need to express that to them. I can just say no next time. Right. And that's the hard part is though, is that our default of wanting to be kind of wanting to do that. And at the same time, you can see you're not helping them at all because they're never going to figure it out if you don't force them to. I mean, and it's nothing against these people. Like I have compassion for these people. It's just the natural human condition is to take advantage where you can, you know, and you're allowing them in. You're

like, here's the welcome mat to my wallet. So come on in. That was the one thing with cancer. When cancer came back into my life, I was like, what happens if I can no longer work? What happens when I get so sick? Who am I going to be able to call to be like, Hey, I need to pay my light bill this month. Can you send me so-and-so money? And how many people would be there to do it? And when I thought about it, it was like, it was a handful of people. And it was like, this is where things got to stop. It's like you're, once again, I'm just pouring and pouring and pouring. And I also think in taking care of everybody else is how I kind of like cancer slipped back into my life.

Like I wasn't paying enough attention to myself. You know, I wasn't paying attention to the signs that I was getting sick and I wasn't feeling good. And I was ignoring all those things because I was working really hard and I was making sure everybody else was okay. And, you know, I'm secretly throwing up and secretly sick. And it's not secretly, I'm not hiding it, but it seemed that way because I wasn't announcing it either, you know? And then one day I go to the doctor and they're like, hey, we got to do these tests. And they're like, hey, your cancer is back. And it's like, where the hell did you come from? How did you sneak in here? You know, so, yeah, it's pretty crazy. So enough about me. Let's talk about women right look i'm gonna tell you christina one thing i'm about is free

advice right so i'm gonna make sure i get mine so now we can make sure they get theirs okay but um one thing that you said was kind of cool um we're not cool because it's not cool but kind of like the dna aspect of like women just tearing each other down is like how do we break that in this society because it happens yeah i feel like it will never be broken it's hard to say there's a book called tripping the prom queen that's all about this i wish i could remember who wrote it but it's called tripping the prom queen and it's all about how we wound each other really and the the wounds of, um, friendship. And if you ask any woman about the wounds of friendship, they all have stories. Um,

I've never met a woman who has, Nope, just had the loveliest friends all my life. Um, especially, and a lot of them will go back to high school, of course. Right. And this is like, ah, I remember. And it's just so natural. I mean, it's actually more natural for women to be competitive than men because men can go spread their seed everywhere and women can only get pregnant once a year. And so we're approximately right. And so that's why in our DNA, women have been fighting for male, for procreation, basically, you know, and so it's just in our DNA. And it's just like, it's just like so many other things like, like a survival mentality that we carry over from our DNA. It's, it's so much harder to thrive. It's so much harder to support women, right? It's kind of like going against our own grain does not mean that neither of those are possible. They're both possible. I have some of the greatest female friends, but I do know that the first time I sat

in a room with 60 women on a women's weekend, I looked around and thought, man, I wish these were men. That would be so much easier for me. It was so uncomfortable being in a room's weekend, I looked around and thought, man, I wish these were men. That would be so much easier for me. It was so uncomfortable being in a room with women. I didn't even realize I didn't trust women until I was in that room. And I was like, yeah, I feel judgment. I've been judged by more women than I've ever been judged by men. Definitely. But where, where, where does it come from though is like where does that is it insecurity is it i think it's insecurity you know it's like yeah so and we're taught that it also i mean it could be both right it's it first of all it's the nature right it's in our dna but then it's yeah i mean it's kind of taught that way. And I don't

know, growing up in the eighties, like it was like everybody had their own click and like, even within those little clicks, there was like best friend pairs and it was just constant fighting. I mean, the best example I have is like prom night. I, you know, girls dream of it and they think it's going to be great. And then you go to the bathroom and half of them are crying in the bathroom. Because they can be, women can be so much meaner to men. Like women will hold a grudge for a long, long time where men tend to like get over and knuckle it out and then go for a beer. And they're like, okay, it's over.

Let's go for a beer. And they're like, okay, it's over. Let's go for a beer. But women, we hold onto that stuff and we want to, we want to be mad about it or something. And I think it, you know, I think it might come from patriarchy, right? We can't, it's not as easy to be mad at men. Cause like, oh, they're just men. They're, you know, they're whatever judgment you want to give them. Right. But somehow we hold other women will hold us to a higher standard than they'll hold other people for sure. I mean, it's just how we do. And then because, and it's usually, I mean, what I find from judgment and from doing my work is the judgments I have about everybody else has to do with things I don't like about me.

Right. That shadow piece of me. And, um, and when I got into the practice of really, whenever a judgment would come up and be like, Christina, what is that about for you? Instead of like, Oh, you know, that woman, the way she's dressed or whatever. And it's like, because I would prefer not to dress that way. When I dress that way, I feel uncomfortable about the way people look at me, but why do I care if she's dressed that way? I don't have to worry about the way that people are looking at her. That's her problem. Right. But I mean, but it comes back to what would they say? And my constant, like overcritical, um, parents, which were like, I can, I used to think it was like a real gift that I could be so critical that I could pick out details and be so judgy. And it's like,

half the time now, every time I have to ask myself, what is this about for you, Christine? I'm like, we're just not going to judge. We're not going to judge it. It's fine. Whatever it is. I don't want to know this part of me, but then I do have to look at it and I do have to see how things are different. Um, currently we moved home to, um, take care of my, my husband's parents. And so we moved into his childhood home with his sister, which we haven't had roommates in a very long time. So there's been a lot of changes and when there's changes, people do things different ways. And so we have to step back from that, trying to be critical and more being curious and compassionate. Like you mentioned compassion before,

I think curiosity goes with compassion instead of judgment compassion before. I think curiosity goes with compassion instead of judgment. Right. I think curiosity is, is, is the answer to judgment is instead of me going, ah, she does it that way. Why is that so terrible? Right. I can just be like, huh, I wonder what makes her want to do it that way. Right. Now, do you even recommend like asking a person? Um, it depends on the person and what you're asking in your relationship. So I often don't because I know my personality is to be very direct and a lot of people don't take that well. Um, so I often just let my curiosity be curious if there's a safety issue for some reason, of course, I'll be curious and I'll be like, Ooh, why are you doing it that way?

It seems really dangerous. Um, but no, after being married for like, you know, 12 years, I've learned that not asking sometimes is better because sometimes the other person will feel very jarred by it and judged by it rather than I'm always trying to be curious. My husband's used to that question now. And he's like, she just wants to know what the thinking was. Because, I mean, I like to study people's brains. I'm like, why they do what they do and how they do it.

Where did you learn that rather than where I learned it? And I do it this way. And it's actually, it's truly out of a curiosity because I just like to know how people's brains work, but it can often come off as like, I'm telling them they're doing it wrong. When really, I just, I really think that there's lots of, I've been teaching myself, there's lots of shades of gray in between the black and the white. I was raised Catholic, so it was like, this one way is right. And anything that isn't this way is wrong. At least that's the version that I, the messages I took on from it. I'm not saying all Catholic. I feel like I got the same message. Like I feel like I got the same message, right? I thought I was going to hell when I was seven. I just knew I was going to hell. By the time I was

14, I was like, I'm going to drive the bus and I'm going to pick other people up on my way to hell. Just because I was so convinced at that age. So trust, I get it. Exactly. I have a lot of curiosity, too. But unfortunately, I ask people. But now you're going to make it. How does that turn out?

Usually, honestly, so far far it hasn't been bad. But I'm random. Like I'll see somebody in the store and it's like, hey, what is that? Or what do you do with that? Or I've never seen that before. And my mom is like, if you don't leave these people alone, like I just want to go. And most of the time it kind of goes okay. I don't think I ever had any bad experiences.

But you did teach me to kind of be conscious a little conscious that you know you're asking yeah that maybe it isn't always um the best thing because like i'm in my healing stage right and so to me i love everybody and everything is beautiful and i just appreciate life and humans and just society and i'm just kind of like infatuated with people and just being a good person um so because of that you have a soft look because soft joyful demeanor oh my god and then i talk to like everybody and it don't it don't matter who you are we're gonna talk we're gonna get into deep conversations i'm gonna ask i'm personal and we're just gonna go from there but um but it's i guess it you know i never thought about it as

maybe am i making people feel uncomfortable or am i like crossing boundaries that you know but i don't mind people asking me questions either so it's like maybe it goes hand in hand with that but uh let's talk a little bit about the services that you offer so you do coaching but is there like a a certain mind frame or a place in a person's healing journey where they will seek your services or you kind of take them straight out the gate? Yeah. Yeah. No, usually, um, they're getting to midlife point and that looks different for a lot of people. It could be my kids are old enough where I'm not like really a full-time mom anymore. And now I don't know what to do with my life because my identity was really wrapped up in being a mom. Um, or

they're at the point where they're, um, they're at the point where their job is like, like they've been doing it. They're fine. They can do it, but they really don't have a lot of passion around it anymore. So it's these big transfer of energies in midlife and, and what do I do now? And, and really answering that question, wow, I did what I was going to do when I grow up, but now what do I do for the second part of my grow up right now that I don't want to do this anymore. So that's really what they come to me for. Um, especially when they're not having joy doing what they're doing. I want women to feel really confident. I want them to really rock the second half of life. I think, I think old women are what scare the patriarchy the most. So, I mean, I'm all for it. I'm all for raising the pitchforks and like making some changes happen in this country with, you know, women who are just,

they're not ready to sit in a rocking chair yet. We're not ready to be done. We want to still create a legacy. And in midlife, we have often a lot more money, time and space to do so. Right. Yeah. That's pretty dope. And so now now and then you have a podcast also, right? I do have a podcast. It's been on hiatus because I moved cross country, but it's called Inviting Shift. And it's all about how we invite shift in midlife. And yeah, and I do coaching. I have a mentorship program.

My coaching is all mostly 99% of it is done in small groups of four or less women. And those groups are like beautiful because women have lost connections in midlife. We no longer have kids to go meet other women, you know, like we used to do play dates and stuff and that's how we met other women. And now in midlife, a lot of our friends have dropped off because we had really busy lives, maybe. And making friends in midlife isn't very easy. So having those small groups has really been lovely to see how they bond and connect with each other.

So yeah, we do all of that. So, and I'm, yeah, thank you so much for asking me and thanks for having me on this show. I love to talk about these fucking feelings. Yeah, definitely. Me too. So, um. What about your book? Ah, my book too.

Yes. There is a book called Inviting Shift. Way to go, Crystal. That's why you're the producer. There is a book. That's what the podcast was named after inviting shift. And that was really in that space. Like after my health coaching journey, where I was like, why, why can't women make these changes? They know exactly what they need to do.

And me too. Like, I mean, dropping the Pepsi and the Doritos for breakfast wasn't an overnight thing. Um, and this book takes you through the, what I call the five stages of shift. And especially the F stage that we all hate. We usually get this, I got it shift as an acronym in this book too. So we usually get that. I got it stage and be like, Oh, I'm just going to cut out sugar. But then comes the really hard spot, which is like, okay, now you have to cut out sugar. And so how do we make it through that F? It's the fear of fortitude phase, but they often give it other F words. We like F words here.

Yeah, so that book will help you try to, you know, really hang on to those habits and make changes in a way that feels good. Right. Feels bold, open and love. Um, that's the purpose of that book. Now, do you think that a lot of women and men, they don't go to the next step because they're fearful of change? Fearful and the default's just easier. I don't know how many people I can't, this is just how I am. This is the way, you know, I think that a lot of people go halfway in their healing where they're like, Oh, I figured out why it is that I do the things I do. I figured out why I make nine foot walls between me and other people. Right. But then it's like, okay. Oh, but I can't change that. That's the way it's going to be. And it's like, no, like you can actually change these characteristics about yourself. You absolutely can. Um, you just have to make new choices. And that's why, again, going back to the intentions,

how can I make new choices that feel bold, open, and love? Those are my words. You can all use your own words, but how can I make changes in a way that feels that way? So yeah, I'm going to be really uncomfortable because change is just uncomfortable. Growth is really uncomfortable. It's not easy at first, just because I'm like, Oh, I'm going to be healthy. I'm not going to feel a hundred percent healthy tomorrow because I cut out sugar yesterday. It's going to take more than that. So we can be uncomfortable and we can hold our intentions at the same time and go admit to ourselves. Yes, I'm really uncomfortable. And I really, I really want to do something for myself that feels love and bold and open today. Right. And even though you took my question, Crystal, but after this, you're fired. But no, I wasn't asked that because, you know, there's a lot of people I did. I did with my mom. Right. I hope she don't watch this. If you do, I love you, mommy.

Shut her out. She has to watch it now. You know what's funny? We're tagging her in the comments. But but she's kind of like one of those people that is like so set in her ways. Like I've been doing this for 72 years. If she was 72, I'm not telling her age or nothing. Sorry. Um, but you know, she's kind of in that kind of state. Like it's, this is just what I've done my whole life. And it's so hard to like preaching to her all the time. And I'm like, this is we look, we reverse roles because I think it's going in one ear and out the other. You know, like she's over there watching TV, not paying me no mind. And I'm like, you got to let go of this. You got to do this. You got to do that. But so that was kind of I think a important part is, you know, to I guess we have to. I don't know. I think always I try to tell my mom,

if you feel some kind of way about it, that's the indication that you want to change, you know, if it's. Yeah. Yeah. But I mean, I get it too. I mean, my mom's the same, about the same age-ish that we're not mentioning. And I think that the boomer generation was just really taught to just accept things as they were and not really make big splashes and things. And I'm really excited that we have Gen Z and Gen Alpha that's like kind of shaking things up and going, I don't want to work your 40 hour a week job for minimum wage. I don't want to work for a non-living wage. I, you know, and I think they're shaking these things up where they, I think that they are more apt to know that they can change and they can go to therapy and look at their brain and

how they can heal and how they can change than we were in the past. You know, I never, I couldn't even imagine my mom going to therapy. I once gave her a blank check and asked her to go to the women's weekend and was like, here, please just go. She, she's never going to go. And I mean, we just have to accept that part that the best I can do for her is I don't coach her ever. Even when she's having problems, people, you know, don't want to be coached unless they specifically ask for it, but I'll model it, you know, I'll model it. And that's really all I can do. We used to have a lot more conversations because we, we used to talk about people and it always felt really awful to,

to me, like talking about my siblings and I won't do that anymore. I don't talk about other people if they're not in the room or I, the most I'll say is, well, why don't you ask them that? Or why did you talk to them about this? Like, I won't add anything to the conversation because that's my boundary now is that I won't do that. And now she doesn't, she doesn't bring much up, like nothing that's judgmental. It's just positive. Like just really giving me the data on things, not the judgments because she knows I'll call her out on it. So we can model it. They might pick some things up, but yeah, unfortunately we can't force people to heal. Definitely. I wish we could. That'd be a money-making business.

Green pill, which one you want? Cause this one's going to heal. And I do agree. And I don't, I don't force, you know, I try not to force my mom to think, but I do engage in conversations with her. But one thing I realized at this election and this whole Trump thing is driving her crazy. And I was like, I wish we can just get over it already because I feel like you're making my mom more

gray. Okay, so stop it. It's a rough year. It's been pretty bad. So I did want to ask though, because there are a lot of people out there who are, can be going through midlife callings and, and just a whole bunch of things, but you know,

they, they always say to themselves, there are people out there that have it worse. So my issues aren't that bad, or, you know, this, this isn't bad.

I know so-and-so who can pay their life. Stop complaining. Yeah. I mean so-and-so who can pay their life. Stop complaining. I mean, that's what I would say. I don't say anything to anybody until they start complaining about their lives. And a lot of people will be like, oh, you mean when they're in their victim? Yeah, I work with archetypes and I like to be kinder. So I just think that they're in their wounded inner child, right? So they're in that wounded space.

And when we're in that wounded small space, that is powerless, right? Cause as children, we don't have a lot of power. We go to shame and blame either ourselves or other people. And so if they're in that space, that's a big note that that's a crisis that we really, you know, and, and I mean, not momentarily, there's times where I'm still in my wounded child, but if we tend to stay there or we are there more often than we want to be, right. That's when we start looking at, Oh, well, there's inner part of me. That's really calling for something. It needs something, some kind of attention. And until I address that part of me, that needs that attention, I mean, it's going to feel like chaos around me and I'm going to be slipping into that wounded

child more and more often. And when I do that, I don't show up the way I want to. I mean, intentions are nowhere near me. There's no boldness, there's no openness or love when I'm in my wounded child. And so that's how I can tell. Um, and it's really about looking at that piece of yourself and, you know, I'm not here to force anybody to change. If you are miserable in your life and you're really comfortable being miserable in your life, have at it. But if you want to, if you want to change, I really believe that when that we can, we can adjust. Right. And it doesn't mean like I heard you say earlier about fixing what's wrong, but I don't even

think it's about that. It's about accepting. You said this too. You said, accept the whole piece of me. Right. So with me, um, I can be a real bitch. I can be overly sensitive. According to my mother, I just think I'm very

sensitive, but I also get to claim those as my gifts, like where I used to be really shaming of myself when those things came up. I now look at them as gifts. It's awesome that I'm sensitive. I can read people before they even know what they're feeling. I can read a room. I can feel my body and my body tells me whether or not I'm comfortable or not, or what's going on for me or what's in alignment with me. That's really awesome. Being a bitch. Now I may have used that talent a little too much. And I think that's where I got a little embarrassed, but now that I claim it for myself, I can look at that part of myself and say, I think it's really awesome that if somebody was going

to carjack me, I could go from zero to bitch in like two seconds. So there is a skill for that. Right. But I couldn't see that there was a skill for it until I looked at it and said, what if this was a gift instead? And that's pretty dope. When I was a kid, it was a gift. I was powerless. The only way I had to keep myself safe was to build those seven foot walls between me and other people. And that was by being a bitch. If you

get that attitude out there, people mess with you a lot less right off the bat. So, I mean, that's, it was a self-defense technique. And now today it's a gift that I don't use very often, but it does come up. Hey, you keep it in the pocket, right? Keep it in the holster just in case we got to pull it out. Like, hold up. I can go from zero to bitch real quick. Okay. Don't try me. Because I want to be sweet and i want to be compassionate and curious right this conversation is really really cool because i think that you know people are watching and and i think one thing that they're learning is that if they just kind of you know it's okay to see this what people say is negative but it doesn't have to be negative right you know it's

often about your safety your protection you, making sure you're OK. And then, you know, outside of that, it can be used for a lot of positive things, you know, being assertive, you know, standing up for yourself, you know, defending what you think is right. Like these are really, really great things that people would take negative. But you're showing us here today that it's okay to live in all of that. So much better too. Let me lean into my gifts rather than constantly focused on my flaws and what I think could be better. My goodness. There's some people that do the opposite of like becoming a hermit and not doing any therapy. And those, those people, like my husband can get there. Sometimes he like has men's groups and the ACA and a therapist and a coach. And it's like, now you're just looking for problems. And so we can do the overhealing of like constantly

looking for what's wrong with us instead of really starting to celebrate, well, what's really awesome about me, where are my gifts and my strengths? And I believe, especially going back to our conversation before, that's how we become more supportive of each other is when I can start thinking those things for myself and I can start supporting myself with that kind of energy, I think can support other people. I can be like, Hey, Crystal, you know, did you know that you have this gift of, you know, popping in the right question right at the right moment? You know, like I can then support other women and uplift them. But it's like, when we're all going to be judgmental and critical of each other, of course, it's hard to get like the girl gang going. Right. But we, I have to be able to do that work for myself, too, which is speaking to my gifts, which I think is like so many women will come and tell me all about what's wrong with them.

And when I ask them about their gifts, sometimes they're just like, I don't really know. And it's like, hey, everything you just listed that's wrong with you is kind of your gift. All that stuff is your gift. OK, you're just using it wrong you know it's not wrong you're using it wrong and exactly exactly yeah you're using in the wrong space there's just different energies for different things which is why um we do a lot of work and talk around the archetypes cool so when do you plan on bringing your podcast back? It'll be back in the fall. So in the fall of 2024, it will be back. We're recording. We're starting to do the recordings now, so it'll be all good by then.

OK, cool. Just want to make sure that we promote that and check it out. I think this conversation is awesome. And I feel like this is the first time and we're in season three. And I feel like this is the first time we have conversations dedicated to middle-aged people so um yeah that's kind of cool you know specifically and and women you know specifically um because of course like you said i think they women kind of get the the grunt end of the stick especially you know we work around one woman now who constantly has hot flashes you know and um and she and red like sugar tomato and everybody just looks at her like hot flash but you know for a while there it was a negative thing you know people oh she's going to change or she's a bitch she's this and she's that she's

that and it's like when you think about all the things that you don't know she's going through how dare you sit here and label anything? You know? That's what people do. It's sad. When you were talking about women or even girls being cruel, it brought me to my daughter Maddie.

It's sad that I have to tell my kids don't try to make friends. Just do what you got to do go through the day is because they can bring you down so bad that you forget how to love yourself and with the crown thing I'm definitely going to tell her that because that's exactly so many people attack her and I tell her all the time it's because you're all the way up here and they're down here and they would just want to get on your level and they can't right it's it's crazy

kids are cruel yeah around those kids are really really cruel yeah well you humans are yeah right now i mean i surely i was going through cancer and i made a going through cancer but i was going through cancer and I made a going through cancer, but I was going through chemo and I kind of made a post one day and someone commented, you're not dead yet. And I was like, wow. Why say stuff like that? Right. Like, no, I'm not dead. And because you said that, I'm going to live 120 more years. OK, and I'm going to keep following you. Like, you don't have to follow me.

You don't have to be on my TikTok page. Like what is wrong with people? Apparently you like something. That they took the time to comment that was like, wow, what kind of world are we living in that you're wishing death on people? You know? It's just crazy. And what kind of energy and karma are you creating for your life with that kind of mojo? I mean, that can't feel good. I wonder, it always goes, I wonder what's wrong with that person.

I wonder what's happening for that person that they feel so miserable that this is the best thing they had to do with their time was tell you you should be dead or thought you were dead. I mean, that's ridiculous. It is ridiculous. But you know, I'm kind of, like I said, I'm in healing and realizing how many mistakes I've made and how many people I heard and how many things that I did wrong to people. You know, I started to realize that because of my trauma, because of my pain and all the abuse and things that I went through, I couldn't be nothing other than what I was at those times, you know? So because I learned that about myself, I kind of accept that about other people. It took me wanting to change, you know, it took me finally saying, you know what, I'm going to try this whole therapy thing

out. Now it took me like going through 13 therapists before I finally found one that I liked. But once I found her and she got me talking, it was like, wow, this is like amazing. And, you know, being able to get things out. But I always realized that it was like in my life, I was always the best version of who I could be at that time based on who I was to all the people in my life. Right. It wasn't always the best and wasn't always what they deserved, but it was the best that I can give them now and growing and learning and healing. I'm realizing that I can give more and I can be better and I can do better and I can support people and we all can win. You know, I can't sing for crap. No, I can't sing that shit. I could break a glass, but that doesn't mean I'm not going to be excited for you when you win your Grammy because, you know, hey, I got a podcast award. So it's like I could be good at one thing. You could be good at something that's where we'd like to go. And I think with, you know, and to what you're saying, you know, you're speaking about this compassion and it's like, because I know that I showed up that way at some point, I can have more compassion for

those people who show up like that. Cause I'm like, Oh God, I remember when I had that really awful day and I just blew up at the first person who crossed my path and said, Hey, you know, like, or, or whatever I can, I can just think about the times where I showed up and I'm not really proud of that. And yet at the same time, having that experience helps me have more compassion for other people. It's because like, yeah, I know. Ooh, I hated that day where I was having that hot flash and I just started snapping at my husband. You know what I mean? Like it wasn't really about him. It was about the hot flash and how I was feeling and like, whatever. So yeah, absolutely. I think it, it just, the more that we heal ourselves, the more compassion and,

you know, curiosity we can have for other people rather than taking it really personally. Cause I think we've gotten into this really weird paradigm where it's like, I have to be mad if you don't agree with me and you have to be mad at me if I don't agree with you. And it like, it's so divisive our culture right now, instead of like really being like, Ooh, maybe that person's having a bad day. And I'm just going to let that go rather than I'm going to get mad at it now. And now you're my enemy and we're going to keep this fight going. Like it just really blows my mind. Some Facebook posts that go like forever. Somebody give up. Somebody give up. Who cares what this stranger on Facebook thinks? I'm going to wave the white flag for you because

like this is over somebody just delete it something and so much wasted energy that is so funny of course we've been talking here now like an hour but is there anything that you wanted to say our audience

wanted to convey to our audience that we didn't give you a chance to say because Crystal talked so much? Now I love the conversation. I feel like I could talk to the two of you for like days here. Just my big tagline in my emails is be gentle with your humanness. So just remind yourself that you're human. We're not programmed. We're not computers. We actually have this physical body that needs some maintenance and care along with our mental body and our emotional body and all of those bodies. So remember reminding yourself that you're human and it's okay to be gentle with yourself. Being really mean to yourself isn't going to make you be a better human. Right. Definitely. Really, really good advice. And we're going to live in boldness,

openness and love. Yes. That's me. That's me. You go find out what your words are. My words always heard, helped or hugged. Like what do I need? Do I want to be heard? Do I want to be helped or do I want to be hugged? You know? That's a good answer. Yeah, that's a good answer too. Call Micah. Call Micah. I encourage people just to find their own words, whatever that is. Imagine your most successful

scenario in life. How would that feel? That's how you want your life to feel every day and go for that. And we need. That's how you want your life to feel every day. Definitely. And go for that. Definitely. And we need to stop with this comparison. Yes. Oh, nonsense.

Oh, my God. Putting ourselves up to other people. You know, I always tell, you know, me and Crystal, I always have my big saying. It's like people be like, I'm not perfect. And it's like, how are you not perfect? Because who are you comparing yourself to? Right. There's only one you.

You know? So everything that you do is perfect you know agree so it's like we need to start compassion love like all of those things like learn to have it for yourself first and you know what i always tell people too though you know there's people that don't know how to help themselves okay so then help somebody else because in helping somebody else you're gonna learn how to help yourself yes you're going to see what that's doing for them and you're going to want it for yourself. Ooh. And I always, yeah, I always say, imagine that this was your child having the same problem that you're having. How would you treat them? Right.

Because 99 times out of a hundred, we would treat our child a lot differently than we would treat ourselves because we treat ourselves as our parents treated us. We treat our children as, you know, as like the next generation. I'm not going to do that. I would never say that to my child. And yet we say it to ourselves all of the time. And so, yeah. So how would you treat your child? That's how I want you to treat yourself. Awesome. Amazing. Well, thank you so much for Christina for coming on. Um, this was incredible. We actually feel the same way. Like, uh, this was a really cool conversation, even though you hung up on us one time, but it's cool. We'll cut that out.

Maybe. Um, but of course we'll list all of your contact information below on our screen and we'll make sure people know how to reach you we're going to follow your podcast I'm going to order your book but I want an autographed copy so we're going to have to work that out because we'll pay for it I just want an autograph

it's just my thing we want to support but we also want a little extra okay I can do that we can figure that out is just my thing. I know how to, we want to support, but we also want a little extra, okay? I can do that. I can do that. We can figure that out for sure. Awesome.

Thank you so much for coming on. Crystal, you got any last minute words for the people? I just wanted to know if another book was coming out.

Somebody just asked me that the other day. I do think that there is, I'm going to start outlining it at the end of this year and I'm hoping that by the end of next year it'll be out, but we shall see. Yeah. Cause there's this whole new process

with intentions that was kind of missing in that book. It's touched on. It's just, I think it's a lot more succinct now. And you know what Richard Branson says, if you're not embarrassed of your first release, you're released too late. So I, i uh i always think that we uh i should do an update just to make it a little cleaner cut yeah i don't know i think you're amazing and i know that you specialize with women but i think that anybody could listen to you because your advice kind of is general and just the information that you give i feel can fit all people no matter what you are all right all ages i fail to ages sizes genders sexual orientations uh whatever it is it's very good information and thank you so much for sharing thank you guys for watching and we will see you next week peace and love and blessings.