These Fukken Feelings Podcast© - Resilience, Rhythm, and Renewal: Unveiling the Journey to Optimal Health W/ Samantha Lander | Season 2.5 Ep: 109

Episode Date: June 14, 2023

Send us a Text Message.Join your hosts, the dynamic duo Micah and Rebecca, on an inspiring and transformative episode as they sit down with the incredible Samantha Lander, a powerhouse of determination, strength, and boundless positivity. Hailing from the vibrant city of St. Louis, Samantha's story is one of redemption and triumph, where she conquered a multitude of life's trials to emerge as a beacon of hope for others seeking the path to optimal health.As a single mom, personal trainer, and...

you don't have to be positive all the time it's perfectly okay to feel sad angry annoyed frustrated scared and anxious having feelings doesn't make you a negative person it doesn't even make you weak it makes you human and we are here to talk through it all we welcome you to these fucking feelings podcast a safe space for all who needs it. Grab a drink and take a seat. The session begins now. What is up, guys? Welcome to These Fucking Feelings Podcast,

Season 2.5, where we're continuing and focusing on mental health. I am Micah, and I got my co-host, Rebecca, here for this season. Hi everyone. Today we have with us Samantha Landers. Is it Landers or Lander? And you prefer to go by Sam or? Sam is fine. Once you get to know me, it's always Sam. It's always Sam. It works. I'm more of a Sam than anything. And now, uh, so basically we here believe no one can sell you like you can sell you and your name has a lot of commas. So tell us a

little bit about yourself. Oh, commas. Uh, I could go so many directions. Anyway, I am a single mom, divorced. I am in recovery. I am, I was, I guess I'm a felon, ex-con. We could say that. I am a personal trainer,

a functional diagnostic nutritionist. So I do kind of like functional medicine type stuff, holistic approach on health and wellness so that's kind of a mini version a mini version I'm pretty sure we'll get into a little bit more of that but so you said you're a recovering addict how long are you in recovery now so I had so that's kind of a whole thing so I had 13 years so i got sober it just well april actually it's funny i just found i just found the picture when i was walking into my basement storage the other day of the day that i checked into rehab it was april 19 2006 and it was so weird walking in there relapsed in 2017 because that's when my kid was born so 2018 or so um i relapsed after my kid was

born i started drinking i've never done any of the stuff i went to rehab and all that all the drugs and all the stuff i really like so i decided to try something that you know maybe i thought i would be able to get it i knew better um but i i started drinking then and then it escalated pretty fast so i'm sober now i'm good awesome pretty dope so was it is it was it like postpartum were you having like postpartum i also am like i'm i'm that working girl like I thrive off work I love working like I love like ideas I'm entrepreneur like that kind of thing and it sort of felt like like I mean that kind of got pulled out from under me I wasn't able to work how I have always been able to work and like make money like I had to worry about nannies and I like I did not think it through I did not think

it through and I thought I would have be in a relationship where, um, it would be a little bit more respect on both ends of, for both of our work. Um, and even, and even just staying home two months with my kid, I mean, it was just a lot for me. And then the postpartum and then my relationship was going through some turmoil and um you know it it got to just be too much you need an escape basically yeah oh yeah i was ready to not feel and numb and black out and not deal with anything i just and it was the only way i could kind of get through it's kind of what it wasn't it's not the only way i should have gone to a meeting and done all the things but i was so far into it but then i was like if i how do i even get to a meeting i can't even like leave my house because i have like you get this it's cunning and baffling right

i never had every excuse i didn't even you know i didn't even care though like i wanted to drink and i was gonna drink and i thought it would be okay. And it wasn't going to be, I, so when I quit using drugs, I was done. Like I knew I'd be sick and tired of being sick and tired at some point. So I just thought I was like, just stay alive. Right. I already am going to jail. Right. I'm going to prison. I got that going for me. So just stay alive. Um, and, and eventually I'll be done. And eventually I was done. And I checked into rehab and it was just easy. I just quit and it was nothing.

I didn't even think twice about it. And I don't even, I haven't thought about all those drugs. I mean, I sort of had fun doing them. And then the drinking man dude that shit was fucking hard yeah i guess we know that too about you that your favorite word is fuck i do like that word i see i don't really use it i've gotten way better but actually i was like well at least i can use it however i want today right definitely so how old is your is it a son yeah he's he's six six okay so there's a lot of growing there yeah yeah well he acts like he's 30 okay so well that could be a bad

and good thing right uh it is You can find that on the spot. So how young were you when you started the drug addiction? So I think when I recall back, I remember in seventh grade going over to my girlfriend's house and drinking there i do not recall ever taking alcohol from my parents or them even drinking like i don't even remember them drinking till way later like or my dad like not till i was way older but so seventh grade eighth grade um i got arrested for got in trouble for smoking pot on a ride at six flags on our on our eighth grade school field trip. Oh, wow. So I think then I was drinking, smoking, kind of smoking weed.

Who knows if it was even weed, right? Right. And freshman year of high school, it was game on. I did it all. If it was in front of me, I'd be doing it. Right. And was it more like a fun leisure thing? Like you did it because your friends are doing it or I just did.

No, I wanted to do it because I was friends with everyone. Like I was kind of like that chameleon. Like I kind of fit in all the groups, but didn't really have any close friends and never felt like real connected with like the real preppy, more straight laced people. But they were like, kind of like my friends. Cause I grew up sort of in that environment.

And then I was like good friends with like the smoking lounge, grungy people. And those are the ones I was like drawn to, you know, I grew up wanting to watch movies that were like, I just don't think this is normal. Like why? Why?

Like I wanted to watch basketball diaries, less than zero, um, like the drug movies, you know? I wanted to watch Basketball Diaries, Less Than Zero, the drug movies. You know? And like, anyone with some edge. And I just was very drawn to that.

So freshman year got a little crazy. And then how did the whole prison story happen? Oh, that's way later so after freshman year i sort of got my shit together uh i you know i was always a really good athlete so i swam and um i did um i started rowing and that takes a lot of time a lot of discipline and a lot of structure which is what i need a lot of energy yeah yeah to be able to function for me i have to have structure and i know that i create it

everywhere i go the best i can and that could be part of after the baby there's no structure and no sleep like it was just i try to create it like getting up every day at the same time but um so i um let's see so i ended up so i was i was i learned how to like work the system with my parents and work the system at school and then work my own system where i could party but like still get great grades and like do the right things so i learned how to ever like suspect something was going on. Oh yeah. Freshman year after freshman year, I literally like,

I had like a two, three, like I was grounded. Like I was grounded. Forever. All I was was grounded. Like I just, and then eventually I ran away and then eventually I was like,

okay, I'm going to follow these rules. And then eventually once they started trusting me, but I was just a mess. So, um, as I gained their trust back, I got more privileges. I was still lying and throwing parties. Like the amount of lies that I would put in together and I would throw these massive warehouse parties. Like, I don't even know why I want it.

Like it's crazy. Um, and then, but I mean, i ended up at michigan and what yeah i went to university of michigan and um i did the like drinking thing in the beginning and then i stopped and got back into like athletics and worked i've always worked always worked i always had like a ton of jobs five jobs work work like i've always worked because I never wanted anyone to be able to hold money over my head or control me so I could be free to do whatever I wanted to do. Now, was that an issue in your marriage? Was that something? No. I think that was more like my parents. I feel like they could control me if they paid for things. So I had to find a way to get out from under them.

Right, right right right um and i'm just sort of like a money i'm not money driven it doesn't i'm not like money hungry like some people but like i'm good with money yeah it's like and you need it and we gotta make it and you know it's like oh yeah i don't know i guess I feel like you're born with it or you're not. It's like, it's that entrepreneurial like thing. Like, I just,

I feel like I always, always like selling candy out of my room, even to like my parents, friends, like, um, but I, anyway,

so, and, uh, what happened? So end of college, sort of junior, senior year, I went to go visit a friend in California and I'd gone through a really bad

breakup. And that is when I was introduced to like the gay scene out there. And it was like safe. The guys wanted to actually be my friend. I felt like so accepted. And so at home and, but they party. Yes.

So that is where, and I was promoting a vodka my senior year of college. I worked for a liquor company. It was the first micro distilled vodka made in the U S called Voda. So this had happened. It would have been out before absolute flavored vodka. It was like the first, it was amazing, but it didn't end up happening. The job fell through, but I moved out to California.

I was house sitting this actress's house for free and decided that I wanted to be a DJ. And so I bought some turntables and that was my new career. So I was like, I'm going to be a big time dj out here and i was really successful like there weren't a lot of females so i think that probably helped and the fact that i could actually mix and i was like good at it and it added bonus because it really it's like you could be the prettiest girl and go up there and be horrible right they just want someone who's cute but i you know i um got a job at a great record label right when i moved out there i just had so many like great opportunities had

i been sober enough to like really get it right maybe i got it at the time i don't know but i moved out there and that's what i did and i into selling drugs. That was sort of junior year of, um, I was having drugs shipped to me and bringing them back from California. Senior year of college. Oh, moved out there, started selling like, you know,

here and there. My friend was a drug dealer. So I was kind of like helped him out. And then I just sort of escalated because that's what i do with a business entrepreneur right and i um so you know that's just where drugs got bad i got a really abusive relationship and things weren't fun that much and like things were going downhill I, in my mind it was sell. Like I got scared that I was going to get caught and cause I sold to so many people. And so I was like, well, I'm just going to find like five or seven people that are just going to sell

them a lot of drugs and then nothing else. And just give away to the little people. Like party with the little people. Like, like, like like like Costco so um I ended up doing that and then my guy got busted the guy who I was had been in a relationship with had brought 11 gallons of GHB 10 or 11 of GHB from his house, my drug, the drug dealer, I got drugs from his house over to my house.

And, um, I wasn't aware of that. And so they let his house had been raided. They left it there. It was tracked. They followed the guys. Girl,

it's so complicated. Follow the guys. Basically it was tracked. I had a full SWAT rate at my house. Oh, wow. And that's when my L.A. case began. And then I had some questionable federal postal stuff in the works that wasn't totally like I hadn't been indicted or anything yet.

OK. So, yeah, I quit selling drugs two weeks prior to that, though. So I got kind of lucky. Right. I still had a lot of shit at my house. Like, doesn't it suck, though? Like, I stopped. Leave me alone.

Right. So did you actually do federal prison time? Yeah, yeah. I did. L.A. County, I got sentenced eight months, but I did 28 days, which is by the grace of God. Cause that would have been a fucking nightmare. Like let's throw the F bomb on that. Cause that is no,

it was no joke there. And federal, I, then I moved home after that. I got probation transferred and all of that. And I ended up getting federally indicted looking at 20 to the life. And we got it down to one count against me for money laundering. Okay.

Which I didn't really even know what that was until I watched the show. Ozark. I was like, you guys must think I'm a badass. Right. Right. I had no idea what I was doing. I just was selling. I was just like selling products.

And, um, I ended up doing 27 months there. And that's very lucky with the feds because they will conspiracy you to death. Conspiracy. It's like conspiracy. Like we just were like, get rid of conspiracy, whatever. I think that's like 10 years maximum. It's like eight to 10. Yeah.

I always see people who like. You're better off. Yeah. I tell people you're better off being the drug dealer right right and getting the conspiracy to sell sorry we're not promoting any crimes we're just talking about the federal government is retarded so so um and so then of course to prison, you definitely had to stop there. Did that kind of help keep you clean? Oh, I went to rehab. I was clean through all of it. Oh, I was sober. So I had the SWAT raid. And then after that, I shortly after that, I checked myself into rehab.

And that's when I went in April 1906. And I did not know I didn't use through any of that. Oh, OK. No, I stayed sober through all of it. So what was the reason? What made you want to get help and go into rehab? I think I just hit my limit. And I looked at my dog and I said, I think it's time. I was like, do you think I should go to rehab? And she put her head on my lap and I was like, okay. That's all I know how to explain it. I think I just all partied out yeah I hit my bottom I mean I was looking at going to like LA County I was um you know maybe I don't I know for federal it was like okay make sure you're doing all the

right things but I don't I was out there in la on my own trying to handle this and not tell my parents sort of so no one was saying go to rehab it's gonna look good so i don't feel like i had that like going to get me i think i literally just hit my bottom and i had to realize like everybody's rock bottom it's just totally different definitely and then i was gonna say that too just feeling alone is like i got to do something because i'm like alone. And like, you know, it's just drugs were getting harder to get. Everybody was, everybody was getting busted. It was harder to find the drugs. And at this point I wasn't using how I was, but like, I mean, I was addicted to meth and I, you know, so that's kind of, it was just like smoking cigarettes for me. And I didn't really, I wasn't doing any of the other stuff, but yeah, I just, I guess that was, that was my bottom. I thought, you know, rock bottom when you're kind of far removed, like I didn't know what the program, I didn't know what AA was or NA. Like I didn't, I just knew like in movies I've seen it.

Right, me too. i have no idea and that's like i'm really excited that my kid's gonna have the opportunity to be exposed to that right young just in case i mean he's the prodigy of two addicts so you know he might surprise you yeah sometimes they go totally the other way so i like everyone's like bring him he's i don't know eventually like i'll bring him to meetings and stuff and that'll be great and like a lot of my friends here also were now i had to change all that um but yeah you know the deal like you think rock bottom is gonna be living on your car homeless like not shot like just disgusting like it just wasn't i had money i was okay i had a job things were good in that area like i had an apartment like right but like

emotionally i was just done well in a way it sounded like till you start to realize your worth a little bit like yeah yeah oh i remember sitting out when they were raiding my house sitting out there and being like like because i was like two weeks ago like two weeks ago like why did i even stop like it's so weird that i stopped selling drugs first of all and then i'm like i was i'm like i'm a michigan fucking graduate like but i'm an addict like i just i have a disease and i'm i like to i like to make money and manage money and run businesses, I guess. I don't know. It was just like the double-edged, you know, put the two together. Now the AA, did that kind of help you? Did that kind of work for you?

So I went to my first meeting in, um, in treatment and I loved it. So did you do like NA first and then a big NA girl? And it was like my jam and there's a huge NA scene in LA and it was, it was great. It was a lot of people, but here in Missouri, there's not a lot of NA. There's probably people who should go to NA.

I actually just ran. I just got approved. This is really cool. I just got approved to run the CA meeting. Which is Cocaine's Anonymous, which I hate cocaine. Once I found meth, I never went back.

Meth was a lot of self-medicating for ADD and ADHD. So it's like Adderall. So kind of, so I'm, oh, I just ran. So I'm running the meetings inside the county jail here for women. That's very, very cool actually. And the fact that you're giving back, right. And you're giving back right and you're i'm so it's just like and i was so nervous to go in well i haven't been on the other i'm gonna go on the other side but i went in i just felt like i was still inside right definitely you know

something but i felt so safe and like there's a sense of comfort and knowing that like these women get a piece of my life like a bit like like a two-year chunk or more of my life that like like most people do not understand and they will never understand even like my sponsor and a and people on the program like they you know yeah they don't get it. Right. And see, I actually, we, we started our first season when we started doing podcasts and it was on prison reform. Okay. It kind of just didn't go nowhere because people don't want to hear about those type of things, you know?

So it's kind of, we switched to mental health kind of because I was going through some things and I was like, you know what? I need to focus on mental health a little bit. That's why we get those things to go through. Right, right, right. But it's kind of crazy because we have a friend who's been locked up. I always tell this story because he's been locked up for 23 years for armed robbery. They gave him 30 years and eight months for armed robbery, but he didn't kill nobody.

Not making an excuse, but I just think think 30 years eight months is a little excessive you know and it's it's kind of crazy because you never know like i don't know what his day-to-day goes through you know yeah yeah it's a lot my guy did that much time or he got sentenced 24 years i think he's out now but i heard he's back doing i mean it's all i know right have do you speaking of that do you ever run into kind of like people from your party life or so i mean i've gone back out to la and seen people and like you know a lot of them like the like not my true friends but like some of the people like the dj scene or like whatever that was true friends but like some of the people in like the dj scene or like what whatever that was friends with but like they're doing the same shit right they're just older it's the same thing i'm like how are you alive right we're not what keeps you motivated not to go back to that

now and oh to the life which one the the the well i know you said like drinking you were drinking do you not drink anymore at all? No. I feel like there's sort of like two chapters, like the drugs and all that I never went back to. I mean, I'm so wrapped up in the health and wellness industry now. Like I can't, I can't, like I won't even eat like gluten and sugar and soy so for me to go put like concrete cleaner and ketamine and all that shit in my body i don't know what would happen but drinking was pretty toxic i was like the healthiest drunk though when i started drinking i would have like potato vodka and then i would it would have to be derived from potatoes it could not be anything from wheat. And then I would have like, you know, grape derived vodka or gin, like nothing with wheat, nothing with corn.

You're getting your stuff imported. I have a sister-in-law kind of like that. She's all about the healthy side of life. And she looks for the healthier vodkas as well. Yeah. Yeah. I knew. Well, that's when I knew it was it was getting bad when i would just like

just grab those uh airplane bottles on the way out of the grocery store and it didn't matter what was in them i never got to like the sugary sweet ones but they weren't strong enough right so i would that's when i was like oh shit i don't like alcohol at all so it's like i'll drink socially if everybody's doing it fine i'll take a shot but i just don't like alcohol at all so it's like i'll drink socially if everybody's doing it fine i'll take a shot but i just don't like the taste of alcohol but i will mess with some weed it's legal now it's right i gotta say it's okay it's between that and the microdosing that's going on right i know my mom is going through it so badly. Um, it's crazy.

Like she has chronic back pain and she can't get them to give her an aspirin. You hear me? Like it's crazy. Yeah. Um, I did. Sorry. I was just wondering, um, you graduated from Michigan. So that was in the health and wellness area so i graduate uh my i transferred to the school of kinesiology and graduated um in sports management so when i left there i wanted to own a um or manage a professional football team oh wow right what is that any given sunday yeah i just want to own one right it was i wanted to manage one so i was like i so i was into marketing and like business then and uh yeah i don't know and then the whole vodka thing and that i mean it could have been a huge thing

but it just fell through i think the guy closed his brewery and then it opened up a big distillery and like yeah i don't know so what was your change now what happened in your life that made you want to get off alcohol or stop using alcohol oh i knew i needed to well it was fun for a while you know and then i it was like i, I'm a blackout drinker. So like, and I like control. So that's why I never really drank. I mean, so for me to say, I don't like it, it's because I, I didn't like, like, I got a, I don't know. So the consequences started to get greater drinking with the head full program wasn't working. Um, and I mean, I wanted to stop and I knew once I was like, I want to stop and I couldn't stop, then that's really bad. And that's where that dynamic of like the fight began between my

mind and my body and everything. And then my anxiety was so bad. Like my anxiety was so bad. Um, I was like having panic attacks and bad. Wow. My hormones were totally off. And, but I'd be like, I don't know. I ran my labs. I'm doing all the right things, but like, why don't I just quit drinking? You know, that's really what it is. I was, I was going to go on antidepressant. Like, I don't even like I do functional, like help. Like I do like supplements and things likeant. Like I don't even like I do functional like health. Like I do like supplements and things like that. Like there wasn't a supplement that was going to fix this at this point. And so, I mean, I think I tried to go on well, Buterin maybe, and then something else. And it was like not working. And I was like, but I was like, you know, I was sober. And then I just

would, it's just a struggle. Like it just was such a fight. Like the cravings were so bad. Like, like I'd walk back and forth. I remember my car like a hundred times and I just started going to meetings nonstop. I started chairing a meeting. I, um, I stopped hanging out with anybody that drank. Um, I, I did get into a relationship with someone who was in the program with seven years. And, you know, that being surrounded by him and his family there also were, you know, that definitely had an impact, too. But, you know, I think that was even more stress for me to, like, not do it, like, from my heart. Right. It was still, like still like hard i don't know and so i would have these little like bouts but then i don't know i just hit my wall like we ended up

breaking up and sort of like losing that relationship and then it just was sort of like and that's when my sponsor sat me down it It was like, she like had to come to Jesus. It's like your ego, like you can't control this. Like you need to just pray to your higher power. And I'm like, I've been praying, like, you know, I want it. I just couldn't get it. And then it just, that's why they say, keep coming back, keep praying, keep doing it, take it, whatever.

Eventually it will work. And eventually it worked. And actually that's what I was going to gonna say too because that's pretty profound that you kind of you know knew you needed to change because you couldn't change you know did you ever have that one solid person in your life like throughout all of this did you have that what do you mean by solid because you got you're asking someone who's probably never had a solid person so okay yeah that's kind of what I was asking yeah um no so it's like now I have like you know I know like I can call my spot like I have like the sober community um

I I I mean I would say my parents at the end of the day, but it's really, there's a lot now that I'm doing like a lot of therapy and the emotional work, like 2023 is like doing the emotional shit for me. I can self care. I got it. I work out, I do all those things, but like getting to the nitty gritty of like why I get in certain relationships and my relationships with my parents and my family that's the work that I'm doing and that's the stuff that keeps you relapsing so if I can get a handle on that then I feel like I'll be a lot healthier and I'm it's like already what is it

you know a couple months in and I'm it's night and I've been doing like two hour therapy sessions now. It's like really intense. It's great. I love it. I know therapy is dope. I'm pro therapy. I'm pro any kind of help that you need. I'm pro it. If it works for you, let's kind of do it. But I did want to get you to give our viewers a little

bit of advice. Because I know there has to be, not that I know, I hope not, but maybe there's somebody watching who's at that struggle. Like I, I need to get better, but I just can't get better. Like, what would you tell them to do being that you've been in that situation? I mean, for me, I mean, all I can say is like what I did and, you know, I mean, I got a sponsor. I even got a new sponsor when that sponsor didn't feel like it was, you know, right. I worked the steps. So I went through the steps in the book.

I don't like doing any of that, but I did it. I was like, whatever. That's what everybody else is doing. And they say that's what you have to do. So I'm doing it. I went to so many meetings. So that was the one thing, though. I think I was over meeting myself at one point where it was like then then it would over consume me right because i would go to so many meetings so then it would get like me obsessed

of compulsive thinking about it um so i eventually found the right balance but i you know they say 90 meetings in 90 days get rid of anybody who's like one of your using friends it's hard if you're married to someone like that but like you got to find resources and you've got to call people and you've got to have like during the times, like, so I know the three to five period of three, three o'clock to five o'clock is my bad hour. And so I would set my phone alarm two 30,

three 30, four, four 30, five. Like, and so we'd go off and like, no, sometimes. And so it would go off and I'd be like, no. Sometimes I'd be in the grocery store and I'd be like,

screw it. And then my alarm would go off. And then I just started meeting so many people and being so integrated. I'd go to the grocery store and Bob from the meeting would be standing there. And I'm like, shit, I got eyes on you now.

I can't speak nothing. Right? I don't know. And then, you know, I just went to, yeah. And then I started doing the service work. I was chairing a meeting. Like, I can't chair, like, my ego is too great to be like, I'm going to chair a meeting every week and just get wasted the night before like right you know eventually i uh you know you just can't do that and i knew i couldn't

do any of that i really wanted to be i really wanted to stop um and i had a good like run and then it'd just be like a one-off and i wouldn't go get wasted. I just would kind of relapse. I'd have like a drink and then be like, what am I doing? Right. And I think about the consequences, but now I see, you know, I just kind of gave it up and I was like, whatever, if I'm not making money right now, who cares if I, you know, I'm a work isn't busy right now for a reason so that I can go to more meetings.

Right. If you know, cause financial freedom is what we all hope for. But I just sort of preyed on it. I'm like, screw it. I made it this far. I can hustle. Whatever. Yeah, you know how to survive.

Once I got the higher power thing, I was just sort of like, whatever. I was like, he's got this. I'm good. Right. Is that faith? Yeah. And then, you know, I was, I was suddenly able to like go out and do more things and not like have to think like obsess about like, am I going to be able to do this? Can I, can I not drink? Can I, you know? And yeah, I mean, I could go out to a club, go dancing.

Like, I can do all the things now, and I don't even think about it. Like, I don't even. And that's how it was for 13 years almost. Yeah. It's kind of cool just to see the strength, you know, because that comes from a lot of strength. She's always told people how strong they are, and I'm like, it's my turn. You're pretty strong. Yeah, right.

Well, I like it when I go on a date now. So it's like I go on these dates sometimes and, and, you know, they drink or they ask or they're, you know, it's nice when they're sober, but not everyone is. And I can pick out, I can tell from a date if there's an issue, right. Definitely. If they're normal. Yeah. And I, and so I, you know, there's like like there is a power in just feeling i don't drink so once i say it it's like damn right you know and it's like oh my god i got it back like

i'm okay and it's like if they have an issue they're out of your life you know and that's how it should be well i guess kind of going now into what you do, because first of all, you got fabulous arms. I wish I had arms like you. Yeah. We was playing with the dog and I was like, look at the muscle. I got a little jealous real quick. Like, dang, I need to get my life together. But let's talk about C-Fit Living, right?'s yeah that's my company so it's s e e if people are curious not it's not c fit everyone's like yeah like c look at and we're gonna list we're gonna list all of your contact information i was reading some of your stuff and i was like i might have to give you a call myself. Book that discovery call. It's free.

Free discovery call. Oh, yeah. Because it was something. It was either about the nutrition. And you were like, you kind of do it like you take tests. Yeah, I do. Yeah, so I run labs. Yeah.

I was like, I feel like that's what I need. Because it's so hard to find. Like, I went to, I tried to go to the gym. And I hired a trainer. But I was still too, like, sick. You a trainer, but I was still too like sick. You know, it was just like, it made me sick a little bit. And I was like, well, I'm not doing it right. You know, like your liver.

Yeah. It was getting, and that's what it was happening. I was getting like physically, like I was throwing up and then I was having fevers and, and like, I expected the body aches and the soreness but it was also like an actual sickness it could be a one of those trainers so that's like ego driven that just wants to like tear you up i'm not like i'm also yeah yeah and actually we're gonna talk about all that i'm gonna let you go into it now yeah okay so well i mean i don't do a lot of personal training in anymore but like i definitely that ties in with what i do because I can recommend by the testing that I do with people, I'm able to recommend like what the best workouts and things like that, um, would be for the client. So what I do is like, I do a free discovery call. So like if somebody, I can work with a lot of women, it does not exclude men,

but I do like my niche is women. And, um, so a lot of us are eating right, doing the right things, calorie counting, going to the gym. Okay. We're not losing weight. I'm going to go burn more calories, counting my calories, eat less, eat less, work out more. And that is not as a last fucking thing we need to be doing. And honestly, it has nothing to do with any of that. It has to do with what calories you're putting in your body. Number one, I don't do any calorie counting. I don't have people weigh themselves. I literally teach them a lifestyle. Like I do like a lifestyle overhaul. So it's sort of like doing like a, like all the functional stuff and holistic type of living. I kind of integrate it into their life, but it's, it seems very doable because everybody's able to kind of get through the program. Um, and I run labs. So based off their health history, I determined like

what would be the best lab. So some people could be suffering from like, you know, chronic antibiotic use as a child. And then just never felt right. Some people could have like Crohn's colitis, autoimmune. Some people could have gotten food poisoning on a trip and their guts all messed up. I have women who are exposed to a lot of toxins who have high estrogen, which you will not lose weight if you're estrogen dominant. I have high estrogen for a man. You might. I do. No, I really do. Oh, well, that's not good.

I have like a major chemical imbalance. It's so weird. Are you vegan or? No, I actually had cancer and it brought on like a crazy chemical imbalance. It's so weird. Are you vegan or? No, I actually had cancer and it brought on like a crazy chemical imbalance. And now, you know, sometimes I'm the woman that I really am, you know. You're in touch with your feminine side. I am very, very much in touch. Every woman's dream. So I think I'd be a perfect candidate for you.

Yeah. Yeah, for sure. A lot of detox, um, and stuff. So, yeah. So, I mean, there's, it runs a gamut trying to get your diet, right? Constipation's a big one. Um, getting diagnosed with IBS, which is kind of like, I don't know what it is, but I'm going to tell you that's what it is and throw some medicine at you. So I don't bandaid anything with medication. We try to get to the root cause of whatever your health problems are. And then we work on fixing that. And so we work on diet. I do food sensitivity testing with almost everybody. So it's basically doing the elimination diet, nutrition plan for you, tailored to you, based off your lifestyle, based off how you work, your family, everything. So we plan that out. I teach you how to eat. If you are

interested in losing weight, that's not starving yourself all day. Nobody start, nobody is doing intermittent fasting, keto, any of that stuff with me. Um, if they're doing it, that might be something we explore down the road, but I usually pull them off. Um, so what do you do for someone like me? Who's a sensitive to all good food, food all good food i teach you what good food is i hey listen my goal my goal listen i love some fucking chinese food and some burger king but my goal is to get people to the point where like they eat that and they don't feel like they're like hung over the next day or get sick. So my clients come in pretty sick. And so, you know, and then the other ones, we do a hormone adrenal panel. So we look at the hormones.

We look at organic acids. We look at your brain chemistry. We look at all 24 hour snapshot of your cortisol. So that's a really comprehensive test. It's like the best one out there. We do that one. And then I'll do a GI panel and check for like any underlying infections in the gut. Cause a lot of times that's sort of what's going on.

Most people, 99.9%. I'm like, I've never had a clean GI panel come when we first run it. So there's always some sort of bacteria overgrowth or parasite or something. So, yeah, I feel like I got all that. Um, I don't, you know, my problem is I, so I have an issue with meat. I don't know. It was just have an issue with it, chewing it. I just don't like it. And then I don't like anything that grows in the dirt. I don't know. I feel like I can taste the dirt in it and it could just be mental and I'm a little crazy and need another psychiatrist, but it's so bad. I don't know that i want to work with you i know right well don't

that sound so difficult because i'm like i always to make it work well so that would leave out so like you definitely i wouldn't have you have like radishes and beets but there's got to be a vegetable we can get in there well a broccoli i could rock with some broccoli all right i don't need cheese on it that's the one thing that i... Corn, but they say corn really... Corn isn't good. But once you start to remove all those highly toxic foods, you actually don't crave them as much. You'll be like... You'll taste them like...

Every year during Easter, those white chocolate Reese's Bunnies come out, right? Oh my God, they're my favorite too. I know I love white chocolate. I love white chocolate. Like I love white chocolate. But they just taste like chemicals, like rubber, like they don't taste right. It's been ruined.

Oh wow. It hasn't been ruined for me yet, but I can- I just find, so there's a company called Evolved that has a white chocolate like candy bar and then like this white chocolate like these little protein things and there's no sugar soy um wheat dairy any all of the above is out of it it's like super clean it's so effing good they've gotten so good at making clean junk food oh wow when i first started i was like trying to make this

stuff at my house and so i just started eating plain food that's pretty now there's everything like if there's something you want i will find it so i make it yeah and there's chocolate like i love the hue kitchen is a really good brand but they have coconut nectar and coconut sugar in it that's my problem i'm so picky i feel like i have really really strong taste buds so it's like i really don't like dairy i don't like coconut like my mom is like i'm just gonna give you a potato like here eat this like so it just do you smoke no i don't smoke either i'm just a weirdo when it comes to food I really wish I didn't have to eat at all like I wish I didn't have to eat and shit

I wish those were two things I did not have to do do you have a texture thing I don't maybe yes yes maybe yeah and then it's like everything I eat has to be like dead like it's so crisp like the steak is so

crispy it turning into dust in your mouth like i have to know oh my god i just i just got back from keto con where it was like meat and butter and raw meat like at one point i saw these people walking around with like sausage like round sausage patties on a stick and i'm like are they i'm like is that raw like i couldn't tell i was like this is just gone too far and where was that at again because it sounds like i need to go there it sounds like you could sell anything um i was at uh keto con in austin you don't want to go there it's nothing you'll eat i know i was just thinking of going and open a booth and put some sausage

patties on a stick it has to be from grass-fed cows, no grain, no soy, no corn fed. You're out. I think we can find that. And I'm going to sell it for $22 for one sausage patty. You'd be better off. Dude, you should taste these. That's like carnivore snacks.

It's like a beef jerky that they have there. And it's so good. They have like rib-eye beef jerky and shit. It's so good. It's like crispy. You'd like it probably. But it's like a beef jerky that they have there. And it's so good. They have like rib eye beef jerky and shit. Oh, wow. It is like so, it's so good. It's like crispy. You'd like it probably, but it's like $30 a bag. Right.

And I probably like it just because it's $30 a bag. So how do we do the, like the panels from a- So what we would do is you book a discovery call with me and then we go through like a full health history and go through all the things. And then I tell you what I recommend. And then I have various programs at different levels and costs, um, that I, we would sign you up and put you in. Um, I do have a 30 day cleanse challenge going on right now. I don't know when this airs, but you can enroll if you want to enroll. I can

make sure that anyone here can enroll. And that's just like a nice way to like get your feet wet so um and learn a lot there's weekly um educational webinars and then recipes and it teaches you like why you're eating certain foods to do certain things in your body and it's it's good shit do you know how long is the program that so the cleanse is just 30 days but But working with me, most people work with me for a year. I guess less and less, but yeah. And so starting off, is it you're like involved more? Once they start running the labs, we meet a fair amount. But we meet, we do follow-ups. I'm going to definitely meet with you every month or maybe twice a month in the beginning.

Right. Now, on labs, is it something that like their doctor you do with your doctor or i send you the labs oh okay so you actually and then virtually all at home eight i mean 52 states but how many states we got i can i can work worldwide actually there we go that's what i was looking for you got i'm over here sounding crazy talking about 49 states 50 plus one side island or something right right right and then and then puerto rico we can't forget about puerto rico oh yeah and hawaii hawaii well i was kind of hawaii but you know i just said the puerto rico thing because i'm puerto ricanican. There we go.

I just look bright-skinned. I tell them I look like a Cullen from Twilight. You sound like Filipino at that TN. Filipino color. It's okay. Filipino people don't age. They don't. They do not. He was told yesterday that he looks, what, 28?

Yeah. I'm in my 40s. I don't. They do not. Well, he was told yesterday that he looks, what, 28? Yeah, and I'm in my 40s. I don't say exactly what in the 40s because I don't remember. She said yesterday she was like 44, and I was like, I'm not 44. She is tripping, but I might be. Yeah, you are. Okay, so we offer. And then so, yeah, I really thought the thing was cool, the blood, taking the blood. Yeah, so, yeah, all the labs are sent to your house, and you get them done, and...

Oh, okay, so you actually send the labs. Oh, so I got you, got you. Yeah, you don't have to deal with any doctors. That's pretty cool. My mom, I always talk about her, but she has, like, horrible stomach issues, and I'm like... They say she has diverticulitis. Oh, yeah. Okay.

It might be really beneficial for her. I was just thinking that, too. I was kind of playing with me because I'm not ready to give up my fruit roll-ups. We just have good ones. I also have an addiction, and it is fruit roll-ups, but it is sugar. You wrap them around your finger and then suck on them like when you were a small child oh my god no i like legit i do this i unroll them to then put it all together just to eat it and then like i but i legit sleep with a box like this box has become

my relationship try go buy well it won't be the same but but I mean, they have the like fruit strip things, but do you like, are you like a gummy person? I am. I am a gummy person. So a bag next to him. Actually, I got, I got two bags. Come on. And you had cancer. I know. And that's why I said, who had your chance? You need to get your shit together. You need to stay away from. Listen to her. I like it. We're going to set up a call.

Can you imagine if the people who have cancer right now and are doing all the right things, drinking the bone broth and doing all that, and are still sick, they probably want to... I know. Fuck me up, right? I know. And I'm so sorry. But I promise I'm not wasting my life. I'm a good person. You know?

I give to the needy. I'm a good person. You know, I give to the needy. I got a podcast. We talk about mental health. You're just doing the podcast, so you can eat those in for a roll-up. Even the background of your podcast, like this screen right now, it kind of looks like for roll-ups. That's probably why you crave them later. I mean, it was so bad. It's bad.

It's pretty bad. Go get sweet kicks. I was chatting with a friend and we're talking on camera and I got like three different fruit roll-ups all through. And they're like, what is that? And I'm like, what? You're like, it's a tattoo. I just got it. But it's like fruit roll-up wrappers that I dropped because I'm too busy eating the next one. Yeah, sweet kicks. Go get them.

My kid even eats them. They have vegetables and no sugar. Be careful. You're going to be a diabetic soon. I know. I know. I know all that stuff. I know.

I know. I just ain't ready yet, okay? I'm not ready yet. Maybe I'm here for a reason. Definitely. And you was real tough, and I like that. I was like, you know what? That turned me on a little bit. I'm going to yet. Maybe I'm here for a reason. Definitely. And you was real tough. And I like that. I was like, you know what?

That's turned me on a little bit. I might have to call you. I know. I don't. Yeah. Don't worry. I'm gay. So I'm not hitting on you.

I'm good. Perfect. See, I love the gays. I was a gay man for a good seven years of my life. Were you really? I was not a fag hack. I was literally a gay man that is i moved to la and i know i gotta be i have to go to i have to go to la i was a gay man

don't go that'd be bad it's crazy really but yeah i was a gay one i did it all i went to every pride every gay pride i want to san diego la chic Chicago, you name it, I was there. I've been to the New York one because I'm from New York. I haven't been to St. Louis, but it's supposed to be pretty big. You should come to St. Louis. I actually want to go to the Atlanta one. And then Atlanta has two, so they have the regular pride and they have the black pride.

And I just want to go to Bovo. But you're Puerto Rican. Yeah, but I'm Puerto Rican.ican well it's just because they both sound like they'll be fun in different ways you know yeah yeah I did it all god it's crazy I've seen it all too I've seen it all I was like the fly on the wall that's seen it all right I've seen it all right i've seen it all look always in some shit boys are crazy it's the best friend a woman could probably have honestly because they don't want to sleep with you they don't want to yes he that he's my best friend and i love it because they got your back yeah you know my gay guys they literally kicked out the guy I was dating in LA um

they threw all his shit on the front lawn and they were like don't you ever come see her again wow I've probably done that a time or two or help somebody egg a car or um no I'm gonna tell you what I did help a friend do

so we got like anything that was like hard cereal eggs and she put it in this bag oatmeal and then she go and she like threw all these eggs on his car and then poured the bag of stuff up there. And so then when he, like, he washed his car, everything was all scratched up and it was crazy. Cause he thought he would say you went and then ate it. I would just think about crazy stuff I used to help my... Yeah, right?

Put glitter in the air conditioner vents. I always wondered what would happen. I had a glitter fiasco, I feel like, in my car a little bit, and I thought about that. I remember people in high school would do that. That's pretty funny. I never thought of that. I like glitter, but that will ruin...

You can't get glitter out. It's like a fella to a stripper. It's like Sam. Or like someone in a circus. So at what point stage in life, kind of let's get back to you a little bit, because I want to make sure we give people your information. And I'm actually really legit going to call you for real.

And I think we should do it. But you said my medical history, it's going to be longer than 30 minutes, girl. It's we can talk. I'll put extra time on your call. Yeah. I'll need a little bit of action.

I usually give a little extra. I say 45 minutes, but yeah, we just go through, go through your health history. Cool. And I'm, and I'm going to do it.

And I'm going to talk about it. That's all right with you. I'm going to talk about it on the podcast. You should let people know. Document your journey. Yeah. It was just a lot of change your life you should document it and that's what i was reading a lot of stuff on your website and i was just like uh yeah i might have to call her because number one it just sounds cool like it makes sense when you're like you're getting tests done for people and you know it's like it just i feel like everybody's body is different and it feels like, you know, that, you know, everybody is different.

So like you legit find what works for people. There you go. Awesome. No, because I don't know where your email is. So I just sent you in the private chat through discovery call. But you can go to my link in bio on my Instagram. Right. And I'm going to have all your links on our website.

I have all your stuff. So I'm sure we tell everybody. But what's a good point in life where you think people should contact you? Is it something that you're having health problems and you just like, want to get to the root cause and don't want to, and you're like, people are starting to medicate you. Right. But I think the younger you start this stuff, I mean, I've, I just had a 26 year old. She was like, I just want to learn because i know like i gotta do it now because that those kids are not right right right they're not right in so many ways like they need help with their and the stuff in our food and our water and all the toxins

we're exposed to and our cell phones like right you got a little jump start on understand just understand at least like try to eat clean like if you can't pronounce it don't eat it just like simple stuff i guess that's pretty good advice if you can't pronounce it don't eat it yeah i'm sure every word roll ups you yeah right right right exactly she says she's sure. I think she should take a trash bag to your house and open it. And if you can't pronounce it, record that and send me a video of you doing it. It's bad. I mean, like... Just go to her pantry and record you trying...

Just record it. Just have her go and record you trying to read all the ingredients off your top five favorite foods and then send me the video. Okay, I'm going to do that. All all right that'll be humbling yeah well i already know are we either gonna be really good at it or really bad at it all right then do seven things because what if you're good at it right Right, right. Okay, okay. Well, even if you could pronounce it and it sounds like every letter in the alphabet, it still goes in the bag. Well, y'all got to remember that I am a Puerto Rican. So, you know.

What's that got to do with anything? You can't add a flare to every one of them. It's like it's going to have a little something different. Like, you know, every now and then I catch myself and I'll be like, can you bring me the paper toilet? It is, it definitely is. I'm backwards about everything, but, um, I'm going to get, I'm going to give you a call and I'm gonna try to get my mom to do it too, honestly, because she has been through the medication where she's taken medication because of the medication she was taking, you know, and she has really, really bad stomach. And a lot of times they don't cross check. Right.

If you go to like drugs dot com and just put it into the interaction checker, there's literally like interaction checker. You can plug in everything she's taking and see what drugs will interact. Right. I know. And then like in the last year she has a surgery in her heart she had to have like a alcohol septal ablation then because of that she had to get a pacemaker then now she gained all this weight because of her ailments and her knees are hurting and i'm like my you just need to lose weight i feel like if you lose weight your knees will stop hurting well maybe it should be a journey right both of With both of you. Both of us. You're right about that. You got to want to do it.

Yeah. Well, I definitely know. So I'm in my stage of life where I kind of just got over dealing with things mentally. And it's funny because you said that's kind of where you're at now. I'm on it. Yeah. But it's reversed because now I know I need to like take care of myself physically. You know, I need to change what I'm like you said, what I'm putting in my body and and how I'm not I don't sleep properly because I'm always working and always doing.

And, you know, so it was like it's a lot of things that I know now this is my journey. My journey is to make myself physically better because mentally I was able to kick out all those skeletons, you know? And, um, and I did it because I never wanted to be an addict to anything. So I felt like not dealing with myself because it was true. I really, really like weed, but you know, you think like, dang, this stuff out there, they feel better than weed. You know, like I'm about to go try this stuff and it's like no you got to deal with your crap so you don't have those thoughts and that um it really made me deal with my crap so it's kind of cool that you're like dealing with your crap now you know but i just want arms like yours so i'm gonna give

you a call and yeah i'm gonna try to get my mama to give you a call and we're gonna talk about it because it sounds like it's really really i don't know it just sounds good like it sounds it makes sense to me like if someone came to me 10 years ago and say hey we're gonna take this test and then i'm gonna based on these tests i'm gonna tell you how to improve your life and it don't got nothing to do with medication i probably never would have had cancer, you know? Yeah, right, right. You know, so it's like, you're saying we can do this and I ain't got to take a whole bunch of medication. I'm going to give you a call because if nothing else is either at the end of the call, I'm

going to sign up for your program or I'm not, you know, but it doesn't hurt to have that call. You get that. Yeah. But you learn a lot of information just there. So it's good. Right. And then it's, it just seems like you believe in what you do you know more than that

you basically told me to stop eating my fruit roll-ups um well i gave you alternatives i gave you solutions i didn't just say stop okay i can give you an alternative solution to anything that's healthier okay and i'm gonna try this stuff but if you don't see the thing is then you're like i'll just make my own and then you'll be like this is so much work i'm just gonna eat some broccoli okay yeah i well i laid in bed yesterday ate like five snicker bars i should be ashamed of myself i bought like a like a family pack of like, they're mixed. It's like 18 count, but they're full size bar. And I keep it next to my bed because you know, I'm single and this is what single people do. So all my bed is my fruit roll-ups. They get a pillow.

What single people do. I'm not giving it. They get a pillow and I cover them up. And then on my table next to me. So I go to bed with a bowl full of vegetables and like sliced turkey or like carrots and peanut butter or i don't know if we could be friends i don't know i feel like i feel like you're bad for me i'm psycho no honestly i love your honesty i love about you. I think you are so dope. Yeah. And then your dog is awesome. He brought the personality to the show. So, you know, hashtag dog lovers.

Frenchie lovers. We will put all your information in the side of our episode. Is there any last things you want to say to our viewers? No, thank you for having me on. We were all over the place, but hopefully you guys gained some bits. Yeah, that's kind of our thing, though. So, you know, we're talking

about all of our fucking feelings, and that's why we named this These Fucking Feelings. No, it's good. It was different kind of flow. I like it. My last podcast had been on. It had been great. They haven't been so like, let me just tell you my story like a robot. Right, right, right. I like it. Pretty cool. Well, we're glad that you enjoyed us. We enjoyed you.