These Fukken Feelings Podcast© - Sailing Through Life's Storms: Dr. Maureen's Tale of Parenting, Healing, and Emotional Courage | Season 3 Episode 324

Episode Date: May 8, 2024

Send us a Text Message.When faced with the tempestuous seas of life, where do you find your anchor? I found mine through heartfelt conversations, like the one in our latest episode with Dr. Maureen, a physician and mother with a story that reaches into the soul. She courageously transforms her own trials into a lifeline for others, and together we wade through the emotional intricacies of parenting a child with chronic illness. As I reveal my own skirmishes with cancer, we underscore the powe...

You don't have to be positive all the time. It's perfectly okay to feel sad, angry, annoyed, frustrated, scared, and anxious. Having feelings doesn't make you a negative person. It doesn't even make you weak. It makes you human. And we are here to talk through it all. We welcome you to These Fucking Feelings Podcast. A safe space for all who needs it.

Grab a drink and take a seat. The session begins now. What is up, my beautiful people? Welcome to these fucking feelings podcast. I am Micah. Got producer Crystal over there with me. And we are on today with Dr. Maureen. Am I saying your name right? You are. Okay, my aunt. I have an aunt Maureen. Shout out, Aunt Maureen. But it's funny, you're like the second

Maureen I've ever known, right? It's not a very common name. So hats off to all the Maureens out there that are listening. Yeah. You know what? Send us an email. So hats off to all the Maureens out there that are listening. Yeah. All right. Yeah. You know what?

Send us an email. Send them in. All the Maureens. Listen up. Maureens. Yes. So, but before we get started, one thing that we like to do here is we like to get our guests to introduce themselves for two reasons. I feel like no one can tell your story better than you.

And number two, I'm dyslexic and I'm going to mess up something. It's both the drama. Go ahead and introduce yourself. Awesome. I appreciate the opportunity to introduce myself and save your audience from your dyslexic ability. So I am a physician life coach. I have practiced pediatrics and also allergy immunology, but my favorite job is that of being a mom. I'm the mom to a daughter who has chronic health issues. She had pediatric neuroblastoma as an infant, which is a type of pediatric cancer. Thought we were out of the woods for that. And then when she was 12, I got to be the physician to diagnose her with type 1 diabetes. But I am here because I firmly believe that challenges that we face in our lives can either be obstacles or gifts. We have intentionally chosen to have the challenges that she faced in her life that impacted our family really turn into a gift.

And now I focus on helping moms and parents of chronically ill kids so that they don't have to go through as rough of a journey as I went through as a mom. Wow. You know what I wish? I had you with me on Friday because I ran into, I actually, so we have another podcast, Trauma is Expensive. And I talked about it a little bit on today's episode, but it was because I ran into, I was at an oncology office. So I'm actually just finishing my round of chemo. I, too, am a cancer survivor, I'm going to say. It's in remission now. That's right.

Awesome. Right. So, I mean, I don't know for sure, but it is, okay? It is. It is. It's all about mindset, so it is. Right. Yeah.

I'm at the oncology office, and there's this mom there, and she's having trouble with her son. And so it was like my chair, like a little space, and then it was another chair. So she made him sit on the floor, like in between us, you know, like, just sit down,

like she's going to do nothing with her, you know? I'm like, sit your ass down. I was like, oh, snap. Right? So, and now I'm like, I don't want to look at him because he just got yelled at. But, you know, I'm curious.

Like, you know, I just want to see. Does he look like a badass? No, he turns to me. And the first thing he says is, I hate my mother. I hate my mother. And I'm like, oh, my God. Okay, he's talking to me. What the hell do you say to this, right?

So I look over at his mom and she's looking at me and I'm like I'm sorry that he said it you know but uh well comes to find out he actually was autistic which I guess is a it was a big lesson for me for thinking that you can see someone who was autistic I didn't know looking at him so I was like okay life handing out lessons um but the other part was that her his mom had breast cancer and he and he knew a lot about it. He knew that she had it and he knew that she was about to get both of her breasts, you know, as he says, chopped off. And she didn't tell him. It's things that he overheard. He felt like she didn't love him. And that's why she wasn't telling him. And he was just talking and talking and talking to me.

And I was like, he's actually the one that told me he was autistic and how he gets bullied in school. It turned into like a I don't know what to do right now moment. You know, like this isn't somebody I know. It's somebody's like child. It got to the point where he wanted to finish the conversation.

Like she went to the back to see the doctor and he was like, I'm staying here. And I was like, trust, I don't want kids so you don't got to worry about me taking yours and he was like, I'm staying here. I was like, trust. I don't want kids. So you don't got to worry about me taking yours. I promise you'll be right here. You're going to be right here when you get back. But, you know, I started a conversation about telling kids the truth or always telling kids the truth.

You know, I think it's important. I felt like he knew because he overheard it. He had been living with her for so long and the thing that amazed me is that he was seven years old and he's like I just want to help how can I help if you don't talk to me right no and and I'm like okay like you need to go out here and teach some of these men these lessons you know but it was what is your take on that like do you agree that you know I feel like the mom should have told him when she first got diagnosed. Now, I'm going to say my disclaimer.

I'm saying this as a person who don't have kids, right? I don't have any kids. I don't know what it's like to have kids. I feel like I raised a lot of kids in my life, but they still weren't mine, you know? Yeah. So I'm speaking, it's my opinion as a non-parent, but I feel like the mom should have had a conversation with him, especially because he knew. And I think a lot of his anger was coming from the fact that she, you know, I'm with you at the doctor's office. Like, come on, chick.

Something is going on. You know, like, talk to me. Yeah. So I will say a couple things. First, I'm going to bust on you because I hate should statements. When you say like, she should have told him. And the reason that I hate should statements is because when we say them about ourselves, we create feelings of shame and guilt and regret. You cannot change the past. You can't. You can learn from it and move on and do things differently, but you can't change that.

What should I have said? The second thing that I will say about the whole situation, that child brought up a very important point that we try to keep them in a bubble, thinking that choosing not to discuss a medical situation or whether it be ours or theirs, or choosing not to discuss feelings is protecting them. Really, it actually does not allow them to learn about life and learn how to manage their own emotions in the future. it be a health challenge or a financial challenge or a career challenge, like life is full of challenges and figuring out how to manage the emotional aspects of those challenges so that we're not curled up in a ball in a corner, just waiting for life to like stop, that we're really learning from those challenges and growing rather than being curled up and realizing, you know what, like life doesn't happen to us. It happens for us. Getting out of that victim mentality is so important when you're facing big things in life. Okay, I have another question, right?

And this one might be a little simple, right? Because, you know, this being in this little boy was kind of life changing for me. Just number one, he was just so articulate. Number two, like I said, he was autistic. And I don't know why I felt like I should have known that he was autistic. Once again, it was my ignorance, but it just showed me you never really know. Like I always say, you never know what a person is going through, but it's like he showed me that you just never really know. Right. Yeah. But it just had me thinking.

And I think about like Santa Claus and like the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy. And I feel like these things are so traumatizing. You grow up and your parents tell you these exist. And then you learn. To me, it's like the whole God concept, right? Okay, I'm going to say that because it's like, I hate that, you know, there's a paradise out there. You know, people say there's a paradise.

You die and you go to paradise. But it's like, now I have to witness somebody dying and that causes trauma in me. And I feel like it's really cruel of you, God, to sit here and talk about, you're going to reconnect me later. And now my life is destroyed now. I kind of feel that way about like the Santa Claus

and Easter Bunny and, you know, just like some things I wish like, you know, Santa Claus hurt me. When I found out he won't reel and they won't do all L's, like I was, I'm still feeling it right now. You know what I'm saying? Like I don't even celebrate Christmas no more, you know?

It's very funny you bring this up because just this past weekend, I said, you know, I think the Easter Bunny, like having adults dress up in an Easter Bunny costume as a child is like the scariest thing. That a Santa Claus seeing Santa going to get your picture taken with Santa, like I get it. But the Easter Bunny, like there is you being traumatized is actually you going through a grieving process, obviously, but there's such a beauty in that because I think that not being traumatized by the loss of somebody really is telling us they weren't that important to us. Don't say that. Don't do that. My dad died, it's going to be three years and i don't mourn him and i promise you i love him to death right yeah but i don't i don't mourn him i don't you know i talk to my brothers and family and i feel like okay when the beginning yes i cried when he passed away yes i cried you

know when i'm touching his lifeless hand yes Yes, I cried. But after that moment, I haven't cried yet. But I still carry him with me in everything I do. Right. And that's okay. be like, I talk to my brothers and they'll randomly text me. Sorry, I didn't mean to cut you off. But they randomly text me and they're like, I missed that. Or they'll send me pictures of his favorite potato chips or they'll do this and they do that. And I'm like, wow, my brother's still going through it or my brothers are still going through it. And I was like, I don't know how to help them through it. And because I don't feel the same way. I think it's just time. Like everybody goes through it at their own pace. My aunt, she lost her son and she still is so devastated about it. Like my heart just hurts for her. And I think it's just you, not that you got over it faster, but you know, it's okay. Like he's okay. Right. They're still going through it.

Yeah. And, and, you know, I'm going to point out and bust on you again, like what were you just doing, but you were judging yourself on how you grieve the loss of your dad. And judgment is such a dangerous road to go down. And just because you're not still in the grieving process doesn't mean you didn't grieve him and that you didn't love him and that you don't miss him. Like you went through it, just like Crystal said, differently than your siblings. And that's okay that we're all not going to process emotions the same way or at the same rate and comparing ourselves to others and throwing those should statements in there. Like I should still be feeling really bad because he's not here. No, at some point in that grieving process, you get to the path of acceptance. And that path of it, that stage of acceptance is beautiful because you know that your dad is still with you and is still influencing your life in a very beautiful way that you don't have

to cry about it anymore because you know you're comfortable with where you are with his loss. Right. And I had a good dad. So it was like, I always get scared, you know, and, but you know what? Judgment is a childhood trauma for me. I was taught judgment. Oh, we're all taught judgment, right? Grades, grades in school. What are, you know, A's, B's, C's, that's judgment and comparison. And it's terrible. It's terrible. And then I grew up in a, uh, like a Puerto Rican community. We're Puerto Rican. And of course, all Puerto Ricans are Catholic, right? I say, we all Spanish, but we go to the Roman Catholic church. It makes sense. I'm just joking, y'all. Go to church. Do what you want to do, right? Like, I believe in belief. But, you know, I was, I am gay, proudly. But being a feminine young kid,

you're not proud then, because what do people tell you going to hell you're gay you're going to hell and i heard it in english i heard it in spanish they told it to me in sign language i got it in a note they wrote on a christmas card like any way my community could tell me i was going to hell they did and and and so i got that in the middle of like being molested at the same time and it just caused a lot of shame and a lot of condemnation like I condemn myself for everything you know even now like I'm single and I've been single for a long time right and I feel like maybe I got too much trauma to have love like maybe my trauma won't let me love anybody because. I love everyone though. I love everybody, but not everybody loves me back. And you know what, because they have their own

story going on too. Like, you know, and that is part of the reason why I do what I do because everybody's story is so different and we all have carried baggage, whether we like it or not. And, um, the, I can't tell just in meeting somebody, just like you and the autistic child, you, you don't know, right? Like we're not wearing signs saying, you know, this is who I am and here's the bullet points of my story. But all of that experience of life goes on to form our beliefs and our beliefs can be empowering or limiting. We get to choose. And it's really those beliefs that are continuing to create emotions that are driving us to actions that we eventually get the results that we see in our lives. But when we focus on shame or focus on blame, those emotions that are triggered by those beliefs keeps us stuck and does not allow us to move on to create amazing things in our lives.

Right. Definitely. And I think that's the point. So I say I'm two years into my healing journey, right? Because to me, it's like an AA program. Okay. There are steps to this. So I'm two years into this, right? What step are you on? I am on step number 11. Okay. Actually, so I am writing a book called Healing Unanonymously. Awesome. And it's kind of basically like just an average. I did make it 12 steps and I did that, of course, like being funny, but not being funny. Like ironic kind of thing. But I did 12 steps and it's all things that I learned from this podcast.

Because just talking to people here, as you see, I talk a lot about myself, but I do it for a reason. This is free therapy. You know what I'm saying? Oh, for sure. Right. So why not? And then I give, we give the world examples. I don't got to make up no lies. And then you have guests like me that bust on you during the entire thing. So it's awesome. You said suppose if you say suppose one more time. Well, but you know what? You said it. And it's really dope because you're right. It's like here I am judging her like she should have told him. And that's the word should have. But it's like, you know, it's like I am.

Crystal, I love everybody and I give everybody the benefit of the doubt. You know, I have this saying, compassion is free. Yeah. You know, you get it. I give it to you. It's respect that got to be earned. But compassion is free. You got it.

Compassion, trust. I'm the person to come to. It go to shoulder. That's why I hurt now because too many people lean on it. But I kind of love everybody. But because of that, I forget that I am still human and I still do things that are human and I still judge and place judgment. And it's kind of cool. So you taught me that real quick because I thought I had it all together.

Like everybody, I'm the newcomer to Christ. I'm just joking. I'm going to edit that part out. I promise I'm just joking. I'm just joking. But guilt, guilt is my biggest thing. I don't know how to shake it. It's like I feel guilty about everything.

And it's because people have made me feel guilty my whole life. You know, I went through a lot of trauma. And I say I am the consequence of other people's bad decisions. Every bad decision other people made, I am that consequence. You know, I went through years of abuse, years of molestation and a long period of time. And then I've been through ailments, but I feel like a lot of things that happened to me weren't my choice, you know, especially, you know, when you're four years old and a grown man decides he wants to pull you in the closet. I don't have no choice to this.

But with that came a lot of guilt, especially getting older, because even though things were happening to me that were negative, my body still reacted to it. And that's where a lot of guilt or shame came in a little bit because it's like, hey, this is horrible. I know this is horrible, but why is my body reacting to it? I learned a lot of lessons. I learned that people go through shit. It's not about me. You know, a lot of things that they did to me, they would have done to anybody. If it wasn't me, it would have been another little boy in my place.

Right. I did learn that lesson. It wasn't about me. But I don't know. It's like, I feel guilty about healing. I feel guilty about knowing things. I feel guilty that other people aren't where I am. You know, I talk to, and I also feel guilty that sometimes I just don't want to talk to them because I don't want to hear it. Yeah. But you know what? Something I always teach parents is emotions that we experience, like guilt, are coming from our thoughts. And so a circumstance that happens in our lives is neither positive nor negative. It's just neutral. It's just a fact. It's when

we then layer thoughts on to that circumstance that it gets lumped into a category of being something good, remains neutral, or is something bad. That thought then leads us to feel and feelings are, you know, just vibrations in our body that we, like your heart rate goes up, you feel flushed, you feel like a pressure in your head. Like all these physical things happen when we're experiencing emotions. And so that guilt, that emotion is coming from a belief that you hold in your mind. Now, beliefs can be really simple to spot. And sometimes they're buried deep in our subconscious because we have been trained to bury them and keep them deep in our subconscious. But the really awesome thing about beliefs is that we have the ability to change them. It takes practice, just like if

you picked up a new instrument and started playing a new instrument, you're not going to go play with an orchestra right away. You have to practice that skill before you're ready for the orchestra. That the same deal with beliefs that you have to practice letting go of a limiting belief and really focus on what you want that new belief to be so that you're creating the right emotions. An important thing to do, and I would love to hear, Micah, if you do this, is journaling. Now, you said you were writing a book, and I don't know if you use that as journaling. But journaling, if you journal, it is a powerful tool to figure out what's going on in your brain. Because the more you journal, the more you're going to witness thoughts that go on in your mind, and your brain will start to reveal these thoughts that are buried deep in your subconscious. And it's quite awesome when it happens.

And I think I could do that. I'm actually genuinely a happy person, even though pre-show we was talking about I had a bad day. I was Hurricane Micah. People at work trying to send me home, right? But no, I quit like 56 times before 9 o'clock.

That makes us sad. God, I'm so happy I wasn't there. I started to sit there and have those come to Jesus moments. Like you could just leave, like just leave. Like you're marketable. You could find another job. And it wasn't even, it wasn't different than any other day.

It was just my attitude. It was, I wasn't there. This is not about you. I would have been so much better if I was there. Go ahead and say suppose. Oh, yeah.

Sorry. We'll talk about this after the show. But you know what is a really interesting thing about how our brain works is we focus so much on negative things and we forget how many great, wonderful things happen in our crummy, crappy day. And it could be this day full of awesomeness and you get a flat tire and your brain is stuck on the flat tire and how horrible your day was because you got the flat tire and you forget all of this other amazing stuff that happened. There has been a lot of research on gratitude journaling, where you just write down three things that you are grateful for every single day. And they need

to be specific. Like, I am grateful that I met the autistic kid in the oncology clinic. I am grateful that I got a text message from my brother today. So they need to be very specific. your brain to where it's focusing on good things rather than staying stuck and with the focus on that negative flat tire that happened in the day. So I guess I mentally journal because I do, that's something I do before I go to sleep. If I go to sleep, I think about all the, like you say, amazing things or really good things that happened today or, you know, how this was funny or how we made so-and-so laugh. Like, I'm really good about, like, I have a lot of gratitude. I know my life is, it's pretty crazy. I was thinking about you. I was watching the episode you were in, and I'm sorry, I watched like a few things that you were in.

But in this part, because I don't remember who it was. I don't remember the episode. I'm sorry. I was watching the episode you were in, and I'm sorry. I watched a few things that you were in. But in this part, because I don't remember who it was. I don't remember the episode. I'm sorry. I promise. I'll give you credit in the description. Totally fine. It was a really good episode, but you guys were talking about

how you wouldn't change anything in your life because of the lessons that it taught you. And I'm completely opposite. I got the opportunity to do it all over again and it'd be completely different. I am taking that opportunity. Now, I'm telling you, I've been through a lot of healing. Yeah.

And I'm doing okay. I still feel every day it's a journey. You know, some things I feel like I'll never survive. I'll just endure them, you know, because I won't be able to get over them. But in my life, there are so many negative things that I've been through. So many lessons that I wish I still didn't know the answers to. You know, it's like I got the answer keys to a lot of things I don't want. And so I think if I had the opportunity to do it differently, I would.

I would. That's so interesting. Yeah. I'm with you. And people argue with me all day long, well, you wouldn't be who you are. And look how many people you touch. And I get that. I get that.

And I understand that. But I that. And I understand that. But I still want the opportunity to have a different life. If there's like a 1% chance that it could be 1% better. But it could be worse. It could be. Willing to take that chance.

My life is, it couldn't be no worse than what I lived. I promise you. I feel that way. I feel like. I don't know about that. Like you are still here, like smiling today that I 100% think that it could have been worse. And, and I would, for my own life, like, because I'm also, as I think you should be like super proud of where I've been

and how far I've come and realizing that growth that happened along the way is, I don't know, it like lights my fire to make me want to do more with my life because I can see and understand the possibilities that are out there and how much we are actually really in control that, yeah, things are going to happen. But how we experience those things can be really within our control. Right. And trust, I am with you. As long as I live, I'm with you. However, if Jesus ever came down and was like, green pill, blue pill, I'm going to have to go with this one. I mean, I appreciate everything you did for me. There's only one thing, one reason I would second guess that and it's my mom. I would have to be

my mom's child. So, but as far as my life, I'll trade that shit quick. You know, but I will take a chance to rebuild somewhere else. But my mom is the perfect mom for me. So it was like, like, why you got to be that way, mama?

Why you didn't beat me when I was younger so I could not like you so much and want to trade the life completely? But it was just, I loved, I kind of, I liked, because you and both the hosts kind of said the same thing. Like you were both very grateful for your life. And trust I am too. I am too. But there are still, there's some lessons that I both very grateful for your life. And trust I am too. I am too. But there's still, there's some lessons that I'm not grateful for. There are some.

But you know, I would love Micah to meet up with you like five years from now and ask you that same question. Like, would you still pick that pill that you picked when we had that podcast? Because I wonder if that is the sign that you still have healing to do. Oh, I know I still do. heal those wounds of your past and realize like the awesomeness that you're doing now in your life and how it wouldn't have been possible had you not gone through that, that once you get to that

place, you, you won't want to trade your life. You know, a thing that gets me too, once again, goes back to guilt is that a lot of people did horrible things to me. And in return, I think I did a lot of horrible things to people. And there's probably a lot of people in this world that I hurt. And who I am today, I can't fathom that I hurt people the way I hurt them. It's like, you know, it's, it's unacceptable. But going through that and realizing and experiencing that emotion from the realization, like, oh my God, like I hurt so many people. Like it, it's similar to what I was saying, light your fire to do something good and not cause that kind of stress in others in the future and be able to teach people how hurting others isn't the way to make yourself feel better because it won't. It'll keep you stuck in this feeling of blah. And it'll take years to get over. So don't even go there. Oh my God. I hope so many people listen to

this episode. Did y'all just hear that? I'm going to take another drink. It's ginger ale. No, it's not. No, no, that was really dope. That was really, really dope what you said. Okay. But I guess we should go in and talk a little bit about you and your services and what you offer so that at least people know why they should be calling Dr. Maureen. Yeah, absolutely. So like I said, I help moms and parents of kids with chronic illness, specifically of moms who have kids with type 1 diabetes. I teach them how to be more resilient in life. I don't bust on them as much as I have busted on you throughout this episode. But the, you know, when you find a good coach, a coach is someone who can hold a mirror up to you and really like reflect back to you what you're putting out into the world so that you can decide how to move forward. And that's what I love about what I do that yes, I bring my experience of

being a physician, I bring my experience of being a mom, but being able to really hold that mirror up to parents and watch as they learn the skills to be able to take a shift in their lives and realize that life with a kid who has health challenges can be amazing and joyful and beautiful. Like their life is not over because their child is not living the life that they thought they were going to live. How long did it take you to learn that lesson? I feel like for you, you're going to be like a little weird because you're a physician and so it's like, you know, but you're still a mom. So did it trump it? I'm sorry. Go ahead. No. So I have had people say to me like, well, I'm sure that it was easy for you because when they told you your daughter had neuroblastoma, you knew what that was. And, or when you told, diagnosed your daughter with diabetes, like you

knew what that was, like you weren't ignorant. So it must've been easy for you. And I always say, no, it wasn't easier. It was different. Because I knew what was going to happen, it made my brain go to a different place that created a whole bunch of angst about what could be happening as she went through surgery and chemo and the whole works. Ignorance sometimes is bliss. Absolutely. I laugh so much because I'm ignorant as hell. Yeah. And, you know, when she was little and we were going through the whole cancer journey, I went to a really dark place because I didn't want to ask for help. I felt like I have always wanted to be a mom. If I ask for help, that means I have failed because I can't handle this job of being a mom.

And I'm also a doctor, so I should be able to figure this out. But that created a lot of drama, emotional drama, that it was tough to get out of that kind of dark place. And it was, I became very guilt ridden. I was filled with worry. I was resentful. It impacted my kids. It impacted my life at work. Like it was a mess. But the farther I got away from the diagnosis, I naturally like oh my God, like, here we go again. Like, how is this possible that you can't be this unlucky in life to have two bad things happen to you? Sure enough, she is that

unlucky in life. But I knew I didn't want to go to that dark place that I had been years earlier. So I became very proactive about taking care of myself because I knew as a mom, if I didn't take care of myself, I wasn't going to be doing my best to take care of my child. And that's how I got over the mom guilt of taking time to do the things that kept me emotionally healthy, like taking time for myself to journal or go talk to a coach or taking time to do a hobby for myself. Just a mental break from the chaos and the stress that her illness kind of brought into my life. Definitely. Dang, I lost my question that quick. Let me see if I can get it. Oh, snap. I wanted to say, did you say drama or trauma?

Drama. Drama. That's what I thought. I thought it was really dope that you said that because like there's a difference between the two. So, and then there was something that you said, intentional. You used the word intentional earlier. And I want to ask you, why did you say like intentional? Why did you use it the way you used it?

Yeah. Well, and I think I use the word intentional quite often when I'm talking to families that I'm helping, because I think the majority of us, and I was like this before I really realized all the tools I learned through coaching that we kind of walk through life very unconsciously. And we, again, it goes back to that, like we allow life to happen to us and we're not making these choices that can really impact our future. We're just kind of going with the flow. And when you realize you can have a very active role in what your future looks like, the start of that is being intentional about how you think. And intentional thoughts have a great deal of power in our lives.

Right. Cool. And now I remember my question, right? So did you get to a point where you got over that I can't do it by myself and maybe I need to ask for help? Oh, for sure. Yes. Cool. Okay. I just wanted to make sure because I didn't want to by myself and maybe I need to ask for help. Oh, for sure. Yes. Cool. Yeah. Okay. I just wanted to make sure because I didn't want to assume because I was like, maybe she still thinks that way. You won't get on me again on this episode. Okay. No. And, you know, I really like being proactive about my own kind of emotional health. I had to figure out, like, I didn't know how I was

going to do it. I just knew I had to do it. And so it was doing things like listening to podcasts and reading books and then figuring out, no, I need to go find someone who can really help me. And so between therapy, between coaching, got to a very good place. I will comment too, just on after years of this, my kids had always said like, mom, tell us the story of like when Kylie was diagnosed with neuroblastoma. Tell us the story of how you diagnosed her with diabetes. I know. So I was like, you know, I really need to write a book to like document what the stories were because I'm not going to be around forever. Like I want these stories to like live in history. So I decided I was going to write a book. I then realized, like I said earlier about how stories can really help people that seeing somebody else's stories can teach us lessons that we can incorporate into our own lives. So the premise of the book shifted. And yeah,

there's still stories of it, of my daughter in the book, but there's also stories about patients I took care of and tips that readers can put into practice in their own lives. I thought I was going to write this book over the course of relive all of these moments in excruciating detail so that the reader understood where my mind was at the time and what I was going through. And that was emotional torture. It's like a solar eclipse coming. I know, it is. And it did not take me a weekend because I went through this emotional kind of roller coaster in writing the book. I closed my laptop and I just started to cry and realize like, holy cow, the amount of healing that I did through reliving these moments and going through this whole process again, really allowed me to process emotions and be in such a better place after writing

that book. So I, you're in the process of it now. Just wait. And when you write that last sentence, be ready to be healed. This is actually my second book, though. I already have one out. I don't know. Can you see it?

I got one out. Love Beyond the Battle. It was my journey with cancer. Look, you took off my camera, girl. Oh, did I? Number two, girl. Now number two. One.

There you go. Thanks for showing it, but put it back. And don't touch nothing else. You're the producer. eBay. I would have messed You're the producer. eBay. I would have messed up like all the buttons though. But I did write a book. So I actually, so I had a crazy,

a really, really crazy experience with cancer. And I had a 7% chance of living. And I had to learn how to love cancer is basically the basis of the book. Like in order for me to survive it, I had to learn to love it. And it was a big lesson in that. So, however, though, I thought this book was going to be like a thousand pages. OK. And it only ended up being like 60.

And I was like, oh, so really it's a pamphlet. But you don't understand. You get a lot out of it.. You get a lot out of it. You do get a lot out of it. But when I wrote it, it was like, wow, like, I don't even know how long it's going to take people to read this. And then someone wrote a review and they're like, I read it in one train ride. And I was like,

you bitch. What you mean in one train ride? But no no not really I'm sorry was that you judging one of your readers one of my readers no I'm thankful

that you bought it and that you read it and um and that you was able to read it in one train ride I guess that's a positive thing that means

you didn't put the book down right exactly okay okay there you go. How long is your train ride, baby? So you have a book out.

What is the name of the book? The book is called Reclaiming Life, a guide for parents of chronically ill children. Okay. Now we want an autographed copyright. We'll pay for it, but I still want an autograph. No problem. Okay, cool. And I still want an autograph. No problem. Okay, cool.

And I'm going to send you a pillow. I'm just going to give you my disclaimer. It may take you like six months to get the pillow, but it's coming, okay? Yo, I am, people know music, right? People listen to the radio and they sing songs and, you know, it's like Beyonce, I know now, she got this country album and it's like this big, you know, it's everywhere

and it's all anybody's talking about. And I'm like, when the fuck do y'all got time to listen to music? When do you have time to memorize songs? Like, if you're doing that, then there is something you is not doing right in your life and you need to get it together, right?

Because, you know, it's like going to the gym. People be like, oh, you can find time. And I'd be like, here go my schedule. Find me some time. Right? If you can find me time, I will hire you right now. I thought you were supposed to get up at three in the morning to go to the gym. Right. I would have to get up.

We love sleep. It's great. What do you have to... I know, that's so random. She was like, dang, I got nothing to do with what we're talking about. I just want to know, people. I just want to know. But, okay. Now, there are a lot of parents out there of children that are

ill, sick, chronic illness. But to me, I feel like a common cold can cause a parent like extreme trauma. Not trauma, drama. Drama. Yeah. You know, I like that. So, you know, Crystal, I think, needs to hear kind of this message, too. She is a great mom. But because She is a great mom, but because

she is a great mom, she sacrifices a lot. I grew up with a mom who sacrificed everything for us. It's the worst thing that I could have ever seen. I wish I saw my mom chase her dreams. I wish I saw my mom do the things that she wanted to do. All I ever saw her was give up everything for everybody else's happiness. Now, what do I do? Give up everything for everybody else's happiness, right? So Crystal is like that kind of person. I just wanted to tell you that because sometimes I want her to hear your message

about having to, you just have to take care of yourself. Like you can't take care of your child if you're not taking care of yourself, right. And you know, the other important thing is what you just highlighted is we as moms think that if we continue to give and give and give and, and not follow our dreams, that we're doing a great thing for our kids. But it's actually just the opposite, that we're teaching our kids not to chase their dreams. And that is not a lesson that I want my kids to learn. I want my kids to learn that anything is possible and what they have on their mind, they can make reality by taking the steps to go chase it. Looking to a mom who never did that does not put the tools

in place to allow them to achieve those dreams. It's similar to what I was saying earlier just about when we were talking about the kid in the office and communicating the mom's diagnosis with the child, that that mom, if she was able to tell him how she was feeling or what was going on, being vulnerable with your child teaches them a tremendous lesson in life. them or try to keep our kids safe and give them an example that doesn't show them that they can achieve anything that they want. Right. Now, Crystal does really good. I mean, her girl, they talk about too much sometimes. I'd be like, girl, you and Stas don't talk about that with them. We're very open. They are. They are. I couldn't get her to go see Kelly Clarkson with me in Vegas and I'm still her

and her reason was because... I have an eight-year-old. Whatever. I can't leave my eight-year-old. Whatever. Girl. And I'm scared of planes. And now I ain't even going over a bridge. No more Virginia Beach for me. See,

you know what you're doing? That's a whole bunch of drama. Whole bunch of drama. Whole bunch. Y'all about to hear about this drama, okay? Mary J. say no more drama. I'm sorry, Crystal sits directly across from me.

We got to build a wall or something because we look at each other and I'm like, oh, talk. Growing up is when somebody's speaking, you look at them. Yes. So we end up looking at each other and then we realize and then we realize it. You're recording

here. People are watching you watch her. But it works when crystal shuts the camera off and has little technical glitches you know what i thought i liked you for a minute before we go and close out is there anything that we didn't give you an opportunity to tell our audience? Because Crystal wouldn't shut up. No, I really just want folks to understand that you have the power to make life your own and it is all going to be okay. Even if you're in the middle of something super challenging right now, that it will be okay. You just need to continue to take those steps forward and ride that roller coaster and you'll get to the end of the ride. Right.

And to know you're not alone. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. I know you were not alone yeah absolutely absolutely I know you were listing things earlier that people should start and I wanted to interject and be like healing, healing is something people need to start too this world is broken

and that's why I'm never going to have kids right I can't see bringing kids into this world and then I kind of been too sick and I got weird DNA so I'm like, I wouldn't do that to a child anyway. But really, I'm like, there's a man

walking around New York City smacking women. That's the world we live in. But it's realizing first that the individual needs to realize they need healing. And so it's that realization that has to come first.

I mean, it's similar to what you were saying about treating people badly in your kind of prior life, that you're not going to change that behavior if you don't think there's anything wrong with it. So it first has to become this awareness that it is something that needs to be changed and then take the steps to be able to heal and change how the actions are. I'm very intentional now, trust. Everything I do is intentional. Even my attitude today was intentional. I wasn't there. Crystal went on vacation

and left me for like 10 days. She did. She's never going to do that again. I had a granddaughter. My new grandbaby. Congratulations. That's awesome. I should name her Aria Stark because her name's Aria.

And they told me I was crazy. We're like Game of Thrones. Lord. Her name's Aria. That's beautiful. Beautiful. It's all right. I don't like it.

What they should have named her is Micah. Okay? I think Micah is beautiful. Next one. Look, it's beautiful for a girl. Micah. Have you guys watched Truth Be Told on Apple? On Apple TV? No. It's actually it's funny. It's a show about a podcast.

Like a crime podcast. But it was a woman up there named Micah. And I thought it was like her role was so dope. And I was like, Micah was a good name for it was. Micah was it was a good name. Dr. Maureen, we thank you so, so much for coming on. I think everything you said is incredible. I'm going to get your book, right?

But I've told you, we're going to have to work it out because I need an autograph. You know, something that says to the best podcaster I ever met, who still has healing to do, but will one day appreciate the life he was given. Yes.

I have it down. No worries, Micah. I got you. No more suppose, suppose. Oh, I do have a question though, right? So in this situation I had with the little boy on Friday, my biggest issue was talking to him in general. You know, it's like, he's not my child. I don't know him.

I don't know why he's speaking to me. I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to get cursed out by his mama because then I'm going to curse out back right because I'm tip to tat so but no in a situation like that

is it smart to talk to a person or smart to talk to a person you could have changed his life you know he came up and he was telling me he started telling me about that and finally you know he was like he hit his. And my best response was, I think she's doing the best she can. Right. You know, I think she's doing the best she can. And so he kind of just started telling me things. And then he was telling me how he's being bullied in school because he was autistic and he had to take special classes. And, you know, he kind of just went into a lot of stuff. And then he was talking so much that when his mom went to go see the doctor, I told you, he just won't leave. He was like, nope, I'm going to stay right here. And she's like, I don't know. And I'm like, trust, I don't want him.

And not because he's autistic, just because I don't want kids, right? But so we talked a lot. We talked a lot. It was really funny, though. So she was gone, I'm going to say maybe about 30 minutes. Longest conversation I ever had with a seven-year-old. It shocked the hell out of me, the way he articulated

his thoughts. It had me thinking about how I'm over here ruining my nieces and nephews with things I tell them. I'm just going to be honest with them. They better never ask me if Santa Claus is real. They better not. I'm sorry.

I apologize to my family in advance. But if you got a younger child, don't let them talk to me about the Easter Bunny. I don't have to bring Kelsey to you. It's a lie. Your mama lying to you. But at the end of the situation, when she came and got him, they both left and she thanked me. And I actually gave him my card. I had a business card on me.

And I was like, hey, don't call me because I don't answer the phone, but you can text anytime you want to. You can text, right? I can answer the text, but I'm always busy. I never have time to talk on the phone. So he left and he came back in and he says, I get so angry. What do I do? My answer, just do the best that you can. Like, I didn't know what I was going to say. Do the best that you can. But to me, it was such a like, should I have had that conversation with a person I didn't, with a seven year old I didn't know?

You said, should I? I said, should I again? I didn't say you should. I said, should I? It's a question. Right. And, you know, that how you acted in the moment was the right way you should have acted because life happens exactly the way it's supposed to. And hearing you talk about it, like it, I don't think you realize, or maybe you do, just how much that experience impacted you. And I am sure it helped that mom because that conversation that you had with the child kept him engaged in something so that he's not bored and she's telling him like, you're driving me batty, like go sit on the floor. Especially when she's on her way to see her oncologist.

Right. No, her mind is ready. And you also helped that kiddo. Now, how much he really understands about how to do the best you can, who knows? Because I don't know his specific developmental problems and challenges. But that interaction, that's amazing and beautiful. And I wouldn't think twice about it. Now, if you experience something like that again, you can handle it the same exact way. If a parent is going to be uncomfortable with you talking to their child, they'll make that known by doing things like, okay, Johnny, come on, come on over,

leave that man alone. Or nope, you're not talking to him. Like they will, they, yeah, like, like you ain't gotta do it rude I'm just saying in advance if you out there and anybody start talking to me trust I don't want them I won't take them home don't be rude about it you can just be like don't talk to them I'm good I promise I'm gonna stop I

follow directions really really well because nowadays people want to pull out guns and knives and stuff like that so just a disclaimer, okay? And if you're ever nervous, like just ask the parent and say, do you mind if I chat to your child? You know, I looked at the mom and she was in tears and it was like, oh, I don't even, you know, because her son is saying he hated her.

To me, I had to feel like that had to be, you know, and then he said it twice and I was like, that's when I was like, had to feel like that had to be, you know, and then he said it twice. And I was like, that's when I was like, okay, maybe I need to say something, you know? But no, I look at her, she's in tears. And I'm like, oh God, no. And I will say too, just to kind of comment on that, is that kids, especially kids with autism, their social development is delayed.

So they let a lot out of their mouths sometimes without much of a filter because they're socially, they're at a social age that is different than their chronological age. And so I am sure that mom, that wasn't the first time that she has heard those statements from her child. But one of the things that I often say to parents and remind them is, you know, sometimes kids say mean things to us as parents because they're frustrated or angry or stressed. And it's our job as a parent to, number one, not take it personally because that's how they're responding to their emotions. Number two, teach them a better way to respond to their emotions. And then three, like in private, kind of be grateful for allowing the opportunity of teaching them about emotions and their ability to tell you that you're the worst mom ever.

Because it shows you that they know that you're going to love them no matter what. And them saying that, you can actually, in your mind, realize that it's their way of being comfortable with you. Not that they're truly angry with you. It's that they're able to kind of let their guard down because they love you as a mom. Right. And I think just to add on to that, in order to teach your kids that, you got to know it yourself. Oh, 110 percent. Yes. Which is exactly why I spend time taking care of and teaching parents, because you're never going to be able to do it to your kids if you don't know how to do all of this stuff yourself. Definitely. Definitely. And I think that's a perfect place to end it. Crystal, did you want to give anything to our people?

No. No. Crystal's like, I'm tired. I just got in from Tennessee. It took 16 hours. Oh my goodness. Have a bad day, okay? But anyway, we thank you so much for being on. We thank you guys for watching and

we'll see you next week. Bye. Peace and love and blessings. Peace and love and blessings. And with that, we're wrapping up another episode of the fucking feelings podcast. Thank you all for tuning in and engaging in another intense and real discussion on understanding and navigating through our feelings. Don't forget, we're here each Wednesday bringing you brand new episodes filled with stories, advice, and perspectives to help you handle those fucking feelings. So set a reminder on your calendar, grab your headphones, and join us every week.

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