These Fukken Feelings Podcast© - Season 2.5 - Episode 101 - The Bullying Episode W/ Madi

Episode Date: April 1, 2023

Send us a Text Message.Join us for a special premier episode of These Fukken feelings, as we sit down with a brave and inspiring 15-year-old guest who is sharing her story of overcoming bullying.In this episode, our guest opens up about her experiences with bullying and the impact it has had on her mental health. She shares her struggles with anxiety and depression, and how she has learned to cope and find support.Our guest reminds us of the importance of speaking up and seeking help when we'...

you don't have to be positive all the time it's perfectly okay to feel sad angry annoyed frustrated scared and anxious having feelings doesn't make you a negative person it doesn't even make you weak it makes you human and we are here to talk through it all we welcome you to these fucking feelings podcast a safe space for all who needs it grab a drink and take a seat. The session begins now. What is up guys? Welcome to These Fucking Feelings Podcast, season 2.5. Our first episode is our premiere episode. You're watching us on April Fool's Day, so you can see that not

Janet Jackson. Not Janet Jackson. And Crystal isn't Janet Jackson either. So I was just April Fool's-ing y'all. April Fool's, guys. But we got someone better than Janet. Damn. damn see now i'm about to get canceled by

the janet people we're gonna keep going though but we can talk about young maddie maddie's actually our co-host for our premiere episode and i'm gonna say co-host because you're sitting in that third chair you don't just get to answer questions you You can ask questions as well. So understand that it's okay. You're leading this. We're here for you. So that's why we're going to say co-host. My other co-host, brand new for the season over here, Rebecca Sealy, but not of Sealy, Sealy, no relation. So yeah, it's a funny joke. We, yeah. It's a funny joke. We work together. I'm not going to finish it because I'm not giving no free

plugs. If you want us to say what we're talking about, then come sponsor us, okay? Bam. We're going to take it back there behind the booth. That is Crystal. Crystal is our producer this season. She's kind of going to be on and off. Sometimes she'll be in on the interview. Sometimes she won't. But the reason

that she is going to be on the interview today is because young Maddie here is her daughter. Wait, I think I can get y'all around. She just broke the whole microphone. Can you do a test for the people? Hello. So, um, be more is still a big part of our podcast.

Um, however, life has kind of been the thing that kind of kept us from always being available to you guys because life happens and she's just oh i'm gonna be a burping on national internet ism um i'm gonna be a burping she's just living she's going through life right now so unfortunately she couldn't be here but we still got our young co-host miss maddie over here. And then Rebecca, new this season? Really new this season? Go ahead and take it away, Rebecca. Tell us a little bit about yourself

and why it's important for you to be here on this podcast. It's funny because that's the first time you've asked me that question. We've done a few interviews and some fun stuff, you know, chats here and there, and you've never asked me to tell people about myself. So now I feel like on the spot and I don't really know what to say because I kind of threw that thought out the window. You see, you got to remember though, I am like life. I'm going to come at the right time. Yeah. Wink, wink. Well, I don't know if we've said in this cut whether or not that Crystal has five children. I don't know if we said that in this cut. I didn't. She does. Look, I didn't because it wasn't relevant at the time. Yeah. Because we felt like we needed to bring the kids in here because Madison's her child, but they're not here. So forget them.

You know what I'm saying? Like they could have even been here to support and we could have shout them out real quick. But they didn't come do that. So they didn't need to be talked about. Yeah. We will learn about them in another episode. Yeah. But I had to say that because like Crystal, I have children as well, and they're a big part of who I am.

So in asking about myself, I have to say I have three children, 20, 19, and 16. Technically, you got four. Yeah. Five, really. Yeah. She has two stepchildren. I do have two stepchildren. And they and they grown so she won't be counting them yeah well i do have two stepchildren he's absolutely right so i kind of have five

children too crystal uh so she's not the only oh no i'm just playing yeah but i am happy to be here as the co-host for this season. Like you said, life happens, so I may or may not be on every episode, but I am happy to be here on this particular day, not only because Madison is part of the team here today, but because it is the premiere episode for this season. So thank you, Micah, for having me. And I know we're doing a whole bunch of introductions and Madison's just sitting over here awkward, but we just kind of wanted to keep her where she's used to being for the moment. And the reason I say that is because we just have to give a little quick shout out to Rebecca Height, who we had a really, really dope interview with it, with it, with her.

Rebecca, girl, you know my mind is flying. But I just want you to know that we kind of bumped your episode because I felt like this episode is the reason for this podcast because we're a voice for everybody. Rebecca, you kind of are at the point of your life where you're able to give advice. So even though your episode is going to mean a lot, it's not showing the hurt and pain that we were going to see in this episode. And I felt like we want it to be the truth that we say we are. So because of that, I kind of thought it'd be really dope to have Madison come in, right? Because Madison is not your average 15-year-old girl. Because if she tell me one more time, you know, when you younger, you don't think about this, you are young. You 15. Yeah. So it's okay to remember your younger self, but don't forget,

you still young. Yeah. Don't give it away yet. Don't be so quick to remember the time when you young, you know. So Madison's at 15 and probably I don't know, I say everybody in life probably has been bullied in one way or another. Do you agree? Absolutely. And I hate to be so inclusive, but I feel like the world, that's what they're fighting for, to be inclusive. So go ahead and tell your truth. You were bullied in one one time or another, by somebody. We all know what it feels like, and things like that cause trauma, you know? So Crystal came into my life about a year ago, and for the last year, I have known about Madison being bullied, right? Now, Madison is a lot like her mother, Crystal, except for the point that Madison would have already been arrested already because Crystal wanted to, I got it, girl. I was quick. I was quick because you wasn't quick last time. Sorry, y'all. I thought I turned

my ring off. It didn't. But if Madison was like her mom, she'd be in prison. And I'm going to tell y'all why. Your mama has killed in her mind every single person that has ever done anything to hurt you over and over again. You know, the love that she has for you is amazing. So we're going to go through this interview and it's going to be a little uncomfortable because I'm going to ask you, a 15-year-old, to kind of dig in some places because that's me. Rebecca is here to help me not be so much of a me. I'm not saying that's the only reason she here, but that's the reason why I need her here because, once again, Madison is 15. So I keep saying it for the audience remember in this conversation our co-host is 15 right but I say it it's funny but even in this

episode people are gonna have some negative to say about all of this which is still essentially bullying you know so I'm saying it for, but I'm also saying it for you. Yeah. Okay. Cool. Crystal, go ahead and tell us a little bit about your daughter. I don't know why everybody loved me this morning. We're going to try to figure this phone out.

Why, Crystal, is it okay if I just try to turn my ring off? Is that okay with you? I'm sorry, people. We about to be live and authentic. And this i will consider very unprofessional and rebecca's over here shaking her head like you sit here and gave that big speech about all of us turning off our ringers and your phone don't ring 12 times but i thought i did rebecca i promise i thought i did so um, sorry. It's okay.

Crystal, just introduce Maddie to the world. Madison is a one-of-a-kind person. From the time she was born, she was born with purple eyes. That's why you so much into that stuff. Okay. Yep. She's always brought smiles to people's faces. Um, we had to move from South Colony to a new school district. And I've just seen a change from both different schools of that school compared to this school. It has to be so horrible, right, to see the light diminish in your child.

I'm not a father. I give y'all, y'all know me. I ain't going to be no father because, okay, that's a different episode. But seriously, to mothers, I was thinking the other day, someone had to bury their kid. You know, and it was like, damn, that has to be deep to see her have to bury your kid. OK, anyway. So to see the light diminishing your daughter, I just wanted to say it sucks that you as a mom has to go through that. So I kind of that's kind of what bullies don't realize how much of a touch you have on a person's world. And I'm saying you think you're

just bullying Maddie, but you're also bullying her mom now too, and her siblings, all 26 of them. Go ahead, Crystal, take it away. It is more of, as a parent, you're pissed off that you have no control over it right you can't go and kick the shit out of another 15 year old because you're older and you're a parent right and if you do society's gonna look down on you exactly but we'll still stand in their bedroom and feel the same way i did the same thing right and maddie Maddie is totally different than me. Right. Because I would have probably kicked the shit out of the

people that were bullying me. I'm going to pause you real quick, right? Because we actually, before we get there, we're going to let Madison tell a little bit of her own story. Okay. And then, sorry. Oh, no, no. I don't really know what to start. You're 15.

Yeah. See, my mom, yeah, she says that I'm different than her. It's just I'm not scared to stick up for myself. It's I don't want it to lead to something else, like violence, because I hate violence. Okay. Something I cannot stand and just I don't really think that they don't notice that they're like harming like mentally harming like me like I think it's more

that they want to make themselves feel good instead of kind of like looking out for others in a way. It's really sad that you have to like feel their way at 15. But what's even sadder is that all of us in our lives have probably felt the same way at 15. Right. Which is crazy because what we're doing now is we're trying to break that you know yeah so that someone like you your child don't have to experience this right you don't see you don't want no kids i want i trust i don't want no neither girl but um so rebecca asked the question when did you feel like the bullying began sixth gradeth grade. Okay. Yeah, but yeah, definitely sixth grade.

It's just I didn't really realize it was bullying. So things happened before the sixth grade, but you just didn't know it was bullying? Well, I mean, sixth grade is when I moved to the new school and Colony was way different than my school now. I mean, there was like drama. There was like fights between me, my friends and Colony was way different than my school. Now, I mean, there was like drama. There was like fights between me, my friends and Colony, but it wasn't as bad as the things that happened here. Like there was no death threats. There was no like there was no writing names on bridges.

So someone has threatened to kill you? Yeah, pretty much. OK, maybe we should have had some kind of professional up here. Rebecca, take it away. you notice Crystal yeah okay sorry you do okay no no no because I kind of want to get back to Madison but right now I was like I want everybody to talk it's really really like messed up if you feel this way right and it's kind of crazy because this is our premier podcast and i don't even know if we're doing this right because we kind of been together all morning you know because as you see we have to kind of redesign our studio and then um someone might have taken an edible madison and um i'm just playing i'm just playing people it was me it was me and um was kind of too high and then

uh I pissed off Rebecca and look again um but I think that's we're learning that we're different but and we can love each other through that right yeah seriously yeah but I want to go back to something Madison did just say about the fact that they do this to make themselves feel better and not realize what they're doing to the other person. I think that at your age, that's a really profound thing to know. You know, it was crazy though, it's because she's been going through it for so long. Yeah. That's the sad part of it. Yeah. And I know at sixth grade, you had mentioned earlier that, you know, it went from being garbage thrown on you um in name calling and now you just mentioned death threats and so forth um at what age were you when the death death threats began uh probably the beginning well maybe during the summer of this last year so before ninth grade and maybe at like a little bit at the end of eighth grade is when like it started really getting foul and there was like a

lot of stuff that like took a hold of me so it wasn't even just like the the bullying there was like also other things because life happens that were like kind of like pulling me under constantly so it's just like pulling you under like what do you mean by that mentally so like there was points and times where I just wanted to, like, stay in my bed. And I did do that because it got better. But, like, there was times I didn't want to, like, hang out with anyone. And I felt like I had no one. Now, just because I have to ask,

have you ever felt like you wanted to harm yourself or anybody else? Not anybody else. I mean, there was times where I'm like, I don't deserve this. I don't like deserve to be alive, but I never really, you know, did anything. Cause I like, I know it wouldn't just harm me. It would harm other people around me that care for me. So now, but let's take them away. Right. You know what you're worth. Are you still trying to find that in yourself and it's quite easy to access to a 15 years old 15 year old because it took me 86 years to finally learn

who i kind of am right but um like do you know that you need to be alive for you yes yeah i do know that forget your family you know they and i'm not saying forget them. I'm just saying for this point right now, know at this moment that you are worth every life being that is in your body. And you're here today because you're going to bring light to the world. You know? So if you ever feel differently, talk to your mom. Feel like you can't talk to her. There are numbers that you can call. I forgot, what was it? Pound six, six. Sorry. I remember six. I'm not going to lie. I am going to look it up and we're going to play it wherever right now. You should be seeing it right now. There are people out there that you can talk to if you ever feel like taking your own life. Okay, cool. It got serious for a moment. Let's go back to the beginning. Because this is like our 500th take.

Because I'm like an idiot. But because I'm an idiot. But she was talking about her childhood in a previous take. And I kind of wanted to go back to that where you didn't care and you were free. And life was happy. Yeah. Let's talk about it. I just feel like I didn't really realize like like I said before realization really started to happen when like the people around me were also changing

like when I was like 12 or like 10 I didn't really worry about like who I was and like I like I was like focused on like having fun like you were just being who you were yeah I would like have ice cream with my friends like every day after school because I feel like I don't know why but like weather was warmer then I don't know how to put it at that time your life was life was warmer. It was warmer. Because you were happier. Yes. I just, it was just like. It's good that you used to be quite that warm and happiness. You like remember that.

Yeah. Okay. But go ahead. Sorry. There was like not a care in the world. Like I didn't have to worry. So it was kind of crazy because growing up kind of legit changed your life. Right.

Crazy. In the span of like what, five years? I know. Everything changed. It's so ridiculous so but i think you kind of said that you felt like the people around you started changing so what what did you mean by that crystal also as a mom you do have the opportunity to stop me and be like, no.

Maddie, as my co-host, Rebecca's co-host, and someone that your mom is producing, you had the right to answer or not answer whatever the hell you want to. I'm never going to tell you to disrespect your mama. So if she tell you not to answer something and you do it and you get a spanking later. That's between y'all. But if you want to answer, answer it. But it's a consequence. Yeah. Okay.

Rebecca. I was just thinking if we could just for our viewers, I just wanted to kind of give them a clearer idea of what it's like for you. Not so much when you began getting bullied, but more of like what it's like just in a moment when you're being bullied, what it's like for you in that very moment, how you're feeling, what thoughts run through your mind, and what you do with yourself in that moment. Well, I've noticed when, because a lot of the things that happen, they do say to my face or over the phone. I just find myself kind of like, I kind of like dissociate from myself. I kind of just, I don't know, I just want to cry because I feel like I'm not loved by so many people. And I feel like my outgoing personality just makes everyone annoyed.

So it's like I kind of just – I know there are people at my school that do like me and that do, like, care for me. It's just the people that make fun of me, they just don't really care, like, at all. Like, if I did something to myself they wouldn't care stop talking about that right grandpa is telling you that before for real before i go any further i kind of want you to know that the sad thing about bullying is that the person receiving the bullying i guess um always feels like it's their fault yeah right it's like you know you're like i'm outgoing it gets on people's nerves no it's just people aren't at the age to know what it's like well they are i don't it's really hard for me to interview you right now and i'm sorry this is a tough topic it is it's a tough topic and then i don't have

kids and there's so much I want to say. But it's easy for me to say that and I'm in my 40s. Right? So I know that I'm asking you to be a real adult right now. You're probably being more an adult. Like, people are probably watching this like, he is a damn fool. Come back. I get better.

But really, it's, you have to love yourself. And we can ask you, do you love yourself? And you can say, yeah, but you don't, you know? And the reason why I say that is because you still feel that you're the one

that's guilty, you know? And I can tell that in this moment and we may be moving a little fast and I'm sorry, but I just need you to know that like you have to do what it takes to love. Yeah. Right. Because then the people around you who don what it takes to love you. Yeah. Right?

Because then the people around you who don't love you don't matter. Yeah. Like, everybody is not in this world to love each other. It's kind of why we're in the situation that we're in. You know? Because I gave them a story the other day about these two women picking on me in CBS the other day. And it's like, really, you just need to mind your business. For real, people just need to mind their business.

You know what I'm saying? It's like, if it doesn't work for you, cool. Just go the other way. You know, I think about airports, right? And it's crazy, okay? You go to airport, a big airport, and you see every different race, every color, every size, every gender spectrum, every community. You know, it's like you see all these people, like, cohabitating for this moment.

Because why? They worried about getting their flight and getting where they need to go. They don't have time to think about nothing else. Right? But, of course, the airport is not a perfect world. You do have people who deserve. But, really, it's like we need to learn to live in our spaces and what we're comfortable with yeah

so we're always trying to change the things around us and you need to know you can't change the things around you the only thing that you can change is you right and it's really i feel like it's so stupid to say this to a 15 year old but i don't know if anybody's ever said this to you i feel like you need to hear it you might not understand it right now but it's you are you you have your family you know the people love you cool but you still you yeah you know it's kind of like we have to learn to be comfortable with who we are as an individual first and then when you do you start to see that the people who don't love you are not supposed to love you. It's not their purpose on this earth. You know? Yeah. Yeah. Our purpose is to love each

other, but it ain't to love all. And there is a difference. Yeah. You know? And that's my interpretation. I'm not preaching as no preacher, even though I am an ordained minister. Sorry. sorry no i just want you to know i'm such you not because i'm a predator but because i feel like there's love in hand yeah you know and i want you to feel the love coming from you yeah because you're you're saying a lot of things that break my heart because i was you know rebecca was you. Your mom, I probably feel like was the bully. I feel like she would press kids in the bathroom. Because your mom was kind of a bully now.

Sorry. I don't mean that. Maybe we'll edit that part out. Sometimes you might have to get violent. Sorry, I don't mean to interrupt. No. I'm totally kidding. Sorry, I don't mean to interrupt. No, no, no, no, no. I'm totally kidding. There's never, Lord, Rebecca.

I was just, I was kidding. But I wanted to tell you about a situation where I was bullied. I would think it was sixth grade also. And... Y'all over here making my number six, uh, like, um, sound real bad. Six is not bad. There is nothing wrong with six, six. Don't let these people make you feel uncomfortable. What? Continue. Oh my God. Okay. Yeah. So sixth grade and I wore a turtleneck to school that day and I was, I remember pulling it down and showing my friends because my glands were

really swollen. And so that was the reason I wore the turtleneck. And so I overheard one boy, one of the boys in the, in my grade saying that I had hickeys all over my neck, just kind of spreading that around. And I was like, obviously I don't have hickeys all over my neck. So I was really- That wouldn't have been a bad rumor for me. I was really annoyed by that. so i okay i just want you to understand one thing so just about rebecca because she don't like she got three kids but she don't want no one to even believe she has sex yet so that's the kind of person she is yes yes so i took the opportunity now we do not believe in violence absolutely not that's not the way to handle situations. And I love that Madison doesn't like violence.

I love that about you. That's great. But in the heat of this moment, I know in our lockers at this age, there were they were stacked to one on top of the other. And his locker was on the bottom. So he was actually bent over getting something out of his locker. And it was a perfect opportunity. I could not pass it up. No, I couldn't.

And I was so angry that he was spreading these stupid rumors. And it was obviously not true. So there it was. I picked up my foot. I kicked his butt and his face fell into the top of the locker and cut the top of his nose. And did I feel bad? Maybe for a minute or two, but he didn't say anything about me anymore. Yeah. But how is he living now? What's that? How is he living now? What's that? How is he living now?

He's fine, and we're friends. Oh. On Facebook, and we see each other in public down in the neighborhood. He owns his own business. But you know that that situation could have been different, right? Now I do, but at the moment I didn't. So I'm not saying that that's the best way to handle it. I get it.

I just want to make sure that people know there are consequences of all of our actions. And fortunately, yours wasn't that bad. Right. Now kids are bringing guns to school. So I agree with you. Violence is definitely not okay. No. And we see it's kind of crazy because it's like, you know, Martin Luther King was a lot about peace, you know, and then Malcolm X was kind of like about that by any means necessary.

And they're kind of both right. Yeah. You know, but I think where people kind of get confused about Malcolm X is that and I'm paraphrasing. I don't know it all. I'm kind of just going off things I read and how I interpret things. But he kind of was saying by any means necessary that you can go as far as someone brings it to you. You know what I'm saying? So it was,

and it kind of like that makes sense because if someone comes and attacks you, you just can't sit there and be attacked. Right. And that's kind of how you feel as being bullied is that you're being attacked. You are in a way that you are being attacked, but let's just remember though,

that unless someone physically harms you, you shouldn't physically harm them. And people shouldn't go around physically harming people. That's another kind of like trauma in itself. Right. And she done kicked me a couple of times too, y'all. story was that he, I didn't know at that age, how else to make him know how he was making me feel or that what he did was wrong, even though, you know, it was just a rumor. And, you know, at the time it was a big deal to me. And so at the moment he knew after that, that how he made me feel. So you brought up the sixth grade, too. So this like, is this your first memory of being bullied or is this just a memory of you?

No, that actually is my first memory of being bullied. This is kind of like your first time being bullied. But I guess it's just weird because I feel like your first response was kind of like violence a little bit. Right. Yeah. But why? Is that something you've seen in the past? No. No, I think it was just a reaction more than anything. It was just there.

The opportunity was there. I am not a violent person. She just kicked me two minutes ago. That is not how I handle things. No, no. And I'm asking the questions and I agree. She's not a violent person. And then I'm not going to sit here and tell a person to use violence. Don't use

violence. Because people are people and they're going to do what they want to do, right? Bullying is a serious thing. And much like Madison said, she laid in bed a few times, felt like, you know... You're depressed. Yeah. It really takes a toll.

Right. so now what what do you do about the bullying like well so you call home you talk to it with your family yeah and then your mom gets upset and yells does that make you feel like she wants to kick his ass but does that ever make you feel like you shouldn't tell her everything or do you ever not tell her everything? I always tell my mom everything. I'm very open to my family, especially my mom, because I think I trust her more than anybody else in my household. So is that something you would tell other viewers, like viewers, other girls like you, that you should be very open with your mom maybe

that would help them through you know that's really good advice i i think that finding someone that you truly trust and you you truly are just like i okay i always thought of my mom like a second half of me okay like my heart Half of my heart is hers, basically. And so I think you need to find someone that you truly trust and just tell them everything. Because you know that they'll always be there for you. So I just think... To find that person. Yeah.

Trust is a very big thing for me. So but even you have so you have this amazing system system, but yet it still makes you feel like you don't want to live sometimes. Yeah. So I don't know. Sorry, guys. I just kind of feel like a horrible person because she's 15. But it's OK to tell me, remember that you're not comfortable because my thing is that, so there's still something missing because you're still in order for you to feel like, and I'm saying this because there's been time in my life where I did feel like I didn't want to live no more shit. I think I felt like that the other day. Right.

So I still go through those times that is like, you know, I felt like it was like, oh my God, like my mom would suffer and so many people would suffer but then it's also like but like damn them i'm tired i hope you don't feel that way at 15 but it sounds like you do right but so like what's missing is there something i don't know it's such a deep question and i feel like most adults can answer it and so that's why i'm gonna hesitate right right? Because I feel like even with the support system that you have at home, you still have moments where you're depressed. And we're going to talk about those because I feel like you need to. But it's still something missing. And it's like, we need to discover what's missing.

So that you can... It's really fucked up to say, sorry, but it's fucked up because it's like bullying is not going to stop. Yeah. People are talking about it. We have anti-bullying laws and, you know,

these moms against bullies and, you know, but bullies are going to exist. Until people decide to actually like sit down at home and have conversations with their kids that clearly your mom has with you, it's not going to change Until people decide to actually like sit down At home and have conversations with their kids That clearly your mom has with you It's not going to change

You know and it's like that's not what this episode is about We're talking about bullying But you're still feeling Like something's missing And the reason why I say that because you still don't know Your value and are you supposed to Know your value at 15 I believe yes You know because even in this

little conversation, as dysfunctional as it is, someone's going to get something out of it. But what are you missing? Is it hard? Do you know? Like, what do you need? Like, you need something. Is it that you just need the bullying to stop? I don't even think it's the

bullying anymore. I mean, yeah, bullying has a big impact on who I am. It's just there's, like, points, like, let's say a week. There's, like, sometimes, some days, I'm, like, so, like, energetic and happy. And then one little thing could go wrong, and it just drains me like a test. Like, I get a bad grade, and it just drains me like a test. Like my, I get a bad grade and it's just like, I could have done better. Like that is going to haunt me for the rest of the week. It's, it's, it's kind of crazy because honestly, for real, I,

and my idea when I had you on was to have a professional here because I really do think that you need a professional. And I'm not saying this in a fucked up way. Crystal, y'all know, because like I'm all for therapy. Rebecca goes to therapy. Like I'm for it. Sometimes you just need someone else to talk to. And he's not saying you need therapy.

No, I am saying that you need therapy. But the reason why I'm saying that is because, well, first of all, I can't diagnose you and I won't because I can't. But you fit in a category. And there's somebody that can help you with that category you fit in. And I say this as a person who went to therapy. See, I didn't have a voice. For a really long time, I had no voice.

I let the world take away everything from me you know and the messed up people in this world the bullies my whole life was like and i just didn't have no voice yeah and then i found it and now i won't shut up and people watch this episode and see that that shit is true like he will not shut up right because i have a lot to say because if i would have had someone say this stuff to me when i was little then maybe i would think about things differently. And my life wouldn't have been so traumatic. So essentially, as we want to do here, we need to change trauma. Right. But so you have like highs and lows. Yes. But quick highs and lows. There is a category. There is like a method that you can follow to help you with those kind of things, you know.

Yeah. But it still all kind of things you know yeah but it still all kind of comes down to self-love i promise i'm gonna shut up rebecca it's like i got so much to say to you because it's like but i say this now at being my age being bullied at your age but not having the experience does that make sense yes Like it's easy for me to say this to you but I am in my 40s. You're still 15. I live so much more in life than you ever have yet. Even though you live so much. So I want to

give you all this advice but I feel like I can't. But I still feel like I can because the thing that I kind of want you to grow from is kind of like your self worth. You know your family loves you yeah you know but that's family worth you know I'm saying there's at the end of the day we all gonna die and you might be fortunate fortunate enough to live everybody outlive

everybody in your family yeah it's just a sad truth right I'm sorry I know you're 15 but when that happens you can't be destroyed yeah you can't be destroyed I know you're 15. But when that happens, you can't be destroyed. You can't be destroyed because if you're destroyed, all your lessons that you're going to teach people aren't going to be there. So we need to have a way that you find everything that you look for and everybody else for you to find that within yourself. And that's kind of what the season is about. And it's kind of what this show is about. It's like, let's get to that essence of what you're missing now it's i told you i'm so sorry because you're 15 and it's like i kind of feel like you understand what i'm saying for real for real you know yeah because you know you're over here understanding at 15 that people aren't doing things to me because of me they're

doing things to me because of them you know i just learned that last week you know so like you know so you're advanced in age and it's sad that you have to be there yeah i hope that you're getting something from this i really really do i'm sorry if you're not that's why i'm gonna let your mama ask you a question about anything um you don't gotta be about bullying just ask a question just anything question yes the first thing come to your mind what makes you happy um a lot of things i mean we have my best friends and then my family and there's just like little things that make me happy maybe like i like collecting things like crystals and stuff. That makes me happy.

Why crystals? I don't know. Is this your mama name? Yeah. Yeah. No. But no, there's just little things. Just the little things that make me happy.

I know you like gum. How do you know that? Her mom is always buying this girl gum oh yeah gum extra spearmint she likes her gum yeah i love gum um but so gum makes you happy i mean it makes me focus if anything so what are you what what are you unfocusing on like i like chew gum during school day because it like and music music also makes me very happy that's like one thing that she sings amazing i've heard it crystal that was a big part of our conversation the other day i believe if you make music in this world then it's like you decided to like change the world. Right. You know? Right. So it was like, it's a big responsibility.

And I think people are forgetting that. Music and mental health in a lot of ways go hand in hand. I know. I mean, my husband turns to music whenever he has one of those emotional moments going on. Yeah. So. Yeah.

But see, you're 15 and you're sitting here with three mental health professionals in our own world, in our own way. We may not have a degree, but we got some degrees. Right. And I know that we're still missing something. We're missing part of the story. Yeah. Right. And it's because, you know, it's like you feel worthless. You feel like you're not supposed to be here. You feel like you want to die. You know, have you ever thought of hurting yourself? I mean, there is like, there is times where I'm like, yeah. There is times, but they never really took over.

But it happens. I like the way you put that. Yeah. Well, it is a cool way and we're glad. But even though it's a good point, now we just need to change that they don't happen at all. Yeah. So, like, what... It's such a deep question, you know, because, like, now I'm talking to you from my soul, right?

Because, like, I ache like that, too. I'd never... I'm so stupid. Like, I was, like, I was was okay with dying I just didn't want to hurt right so I didn't know how to make that happen so that was my dilemma right so because I really I consider this stuff so much but it's like I don't want to go through the pain but I've been through a lot of pain in my life so it was like I really don't want to do it and that's just coming to come down to but I had to like what makes me want to do it you know what makes me and and it's tough when

people like make fun of your differences i mean do you feel like you're different than people i mean i don't really know how to put different you know right and then that's why it was hard for me to ask that question it's just everyone is their own person. And there's really nothing you can do to change someone unless like, I mean, I clearly changed from last year. And like I've changed in the past two months. I've met people and I've lost people. There's just like, I feel like every little thing is like a chain reaction. And I feel like just everything happens for a reason, basically. Right.

But nothing happens for a reason for you not to be here. Yeah. See, that is crazy. But that's not your choice. Yeah. You know? And it's crazy because it's fucked up for me to say. That's not your choice today.

Yeah. It's your choice not today you know and the crazy thing is there might be a moment in your life where you have to be at and have that choice and but you need to prepare for that moment now do y'all understand what i'm saying am i going a little too deep i was thinking that maybe um maybe a little deep because it's like you still you know when's the last time you thought about killing yourself you don't have to answer if you don't want to get mom's hair but when's the last time you thought of that i mean if not killing harming i mean there's i feel like there's when i'm always i don't know how to put it but when I'm thinking

about that stuff I just like I just text someone I just get my mind off of it so I've never really kind of

really thought about it last time probably last time people were making fun of me which was? a few days ago right yeah

it's just like, it's not like, they don't take over. No, and trust. There's nothing wrong with you having these feelings, even though there's something wrong with you having them. Yeah. Right? You know what I'm saying? So, it's like, don't feel

shame. Please, please, please do not feel shame. And we don't have to air none of this. I want you to know that. We don't have to air a single part of this, okay? Because I know I feel like I'm forcing you to think like an adult, right? But it's important because I want you to leave here with something.

And I don't know what it is yet, but it's something you need to leave here with. And it's something that they need to leave here with if you decide that we can air this, right? But it's like like you just felt this way the other day and it's so easy to say they didn't take over but what if they did you know yeah we we can't answer that you know we feel like we can you know and it's kind of like the conversation was happy early about drugs you know right now you could probably look at me like

i'm never gonna do a drug in my life but no you will you will you know yeah you will come to a point and but you have to know like may not be until you're 40 like me hey if i would have did this when i was younger i would have lived life i ain't live life so i know you could be this happy and there i go promoting frogs just weed um it's legal in some states and the rest of y'all just suck. But no, I mean, same thing as you said, a perfect thing. When I feel that way, I reach out to somebody and that's very important. I never want you to stop that. Once again, like I said, there are hotlines, there are people out there that are professionals that know how to help with these situations. I'm going to make sure your mama hat knows them numbers.

You have a real amazing support system and it sucks that you go through this and we're going backwards now because we went forwards too quick but because let's go back kind of rebecca asked earlier too like why do you feel like you're I don't I don't think there is really a reason I just I mean People do dislike me Why? What are reasons that you heard? Oh okay I have a lot of reasons

I walked into French the other day And then A girl from my class told me that One of my closest friends were talking bad about me and called me annoying and stuff like that. Do you feel like you're annoying? I mean, there are times where I get too over energetic. There you go. There you go.

I didn't process that. But I know there's times where I talk a lot and I get too excited and people do tell me that I'm being loud, which kind of makes me not want to talk anymore. Right. And because don't those people's words like we need to understand right now that it's OK. I'm energetic now. I don't talk for 30 minutes. You just talking now. We 50 minutes into this, you know. But it's like and I don't trust. I don't care what a soul. I do this at work. We could be in the middle of a meeting and they could tell us the company's going under.

And I'm over there like, well, where's the bagels? You know, but I'm not lying because it's, it's, and that's why I said, I kind of said before, it's like i i was like i understand this part of your journey because i went through it but i allow people to take my voice yeah you know and it's like there's nothing wrong with being energetic there's nothing wrong with being loud there's nothing wrong with talking and speaking your you know speaking your thoughts and if people feel like that's annoying then they ain't got to be around you yeah when they feel like you're being annoying but don't ever you know it's around you. Yeah. When they feel like you're being annoying.

But don't ever, you know, it's like, don't question what you really feel like doing. Yeah. That's what you need to stop doing. You know that movie Pitch Perfect? Yes. And you know Amy? Uh-huh. Whenever somebody's bullying you like that, just think about her and how unique she is

and how she does not care a single flipping minute what people think about her and she is just so full of life and so amazing and look where she is in life you know what i mean yeah i mean i know she's just playing a character in that but i have to wonder oh you're talking about rebel wilson yes i i wonder if she's just playing a character in that, but I have to wonder. Oh, you're talking about Rebel Wilson? Yes. Okay. I wonder if she's actually really like that. You know what I mean?

So, but whether she is or isn't, I mean, I think about her often because people look at her like she's crazy in those movies, but she just keeps on keeping on, you know? So the fact that you're here talking to everyone about bullying and what it does um, I hope that after this, you feel stronger, um, and want to stand up against bullying in your high school in a more stronger way and continue being you, you know, who cares if that girl thinks you talk too much? Talk, girl. You have a voice for a reason. Is that something you're learning?

I learned that myself for sure. Which she has. And I have recently-ish. Learned it some more. We're going to grow every day, you said. We're not the same person we was yesterday.

Yeah, for sure. We're not the same people we were in the beginning of this. Yeah. When you got here, you was happy to be here. Now you're like, I don't know about this.

That's true. And I hate to say it, but I have a feeling that, and I know from experience in some ways, that no matter where you go, there's going to be someone who's trying to shut you up in a,

in a way. Um, but I have a feeling you're not going to let them. For real though. It's not about letting them. It's about knowing that sometimes you are supposed to shut up. Right. For real.

It's just a life, right. Sometimes you're supposed to shut up. I mean, she's smart enough, I think. Right. Yeah.

But you don't always have to shut up. And I kind of guess that's like the point, too. Because you like, it's yours. Yeah. Like, these are your thoughts. This is your energy. This is your emotions. You know, and you feel like you need to give it away.

It's okay with that. Yeah. You know? I mean, it's like you're supposed to guard yourself and protect yourself. And those are conversations you could have with your mama. Right. But, oh, but it's still okay to be like the authentic you. Yeah. Like, it's like, you know, find a way to like, you know, I, I know when even now, I feel like I still know when people say something negative or like judgmental it's like for that moment i'm like you know what i'm saying i mean so i posted a tiktok last night

and it was just it was funny because my mom um she asked where do thoughts go when um like where do thoughts go like when you don't you know she had a thought she was going to say something and she was like damn I forgot like and then she's like where does where the thoughts go you know and I was like oh that's a good question so I made a little quick TikTok about it and it was funny someone left in the comments why can't black people say the word ask because I guess I said asked without the k you know but it's, it stood out to me because it's like, I'm not Black, you know? I don't have no problem being Black, but I am what I am.

And what I am is biracial. You know what I'm saying? And, you know, it's kind of like we get into that topic, but it's like, why did he associate one thing with something? But essentially, that's kind of like still bullying, you know?

And it's kind of like the one thing I lived with my whole life. I've always been too light-skinned for Black people and too dark-skinned for white people. So I went and I was hated by a whole state, because I was just different in just every aspect, every kind of way. So I went through a lot of those dark moments, like I don't want to be here and I should kill myself and I'm going to jump off this table, because I couldn't realistically kill myself. But I thought if I hurt my ankle, then I don't got to go to work for three days. I mean, to work, to school. But, you know, it comes a time where you have to like learn how to shut out those voices. You know, it's like

you're going to grow a lot. You're 15 years old. You know, this is a weird conversation to have a 15 with a 15 year old because you're 15 years old. You know, it's a sad truth that we live in a world where this stuff goes on. You know, we live in a world where it's like, I mean, I feel like there's still bully now. I feel like we work with some bullies, but it still happens. If you're not a bully and you're not being bullied, but you see others being bullied, I think that's an important message to point out as well, that it's not okay. Do something about it. I mean, you're making a person feel like they're not worth living.

Exactly. You know, and I think that's the things that bullies don't know, like you said, because they're not thinking about what it does to you. Some kind of way is making them feel good. Horrible fact. It's a stupid reality. But it's something that you know. But do you really know that? I don't know. Right. It's like, yeah, I don't really know.

Cause you still feel hopeless at times when it happens. That's what happened. You lose your hope. You know, it kind of goes like out the window, you know, it's like, you know,

I'm feeling the, uh, you know, and it's like, cool. You reach out to people, which is dope. I'm kind of bringing it up again.

Consider do that. Reach out. You can reach out to me. You want to, right. Um, you can reach out to Rebecca, which is dope. I'm kind of bringing it up again. Continue to do that. Reach out. You can reach out to me. You want to, right. Um, you can reach out to Rebecca, you know, you're close with your mom. Cool. Yes. Call your mom. You know, the crystal I'm gonna get to you in a minute. Cause you've just been over there quiet, but Rebecca has to, I'm sorry. I'm talking a lot, 53 minutes and we ain't get nowhere. We always knew that you were the talker and if I try to talk, then I'm interrupting so I don't know what to do. No, no, interrupt.

You got to interrupt because I want people to get something out of this, right? And I don't know if anybody's getting anything out of me talking, but are you getting something out of me talking? Yeah, I am. Okay, because I don't know. I kind of want you to leave here with knowing that you're worth living. You know, like let's just start simply there.

OK, you know, you exist for a reason, you know, and you have a sibling who didn't exist, you know. So it's kind of sad. Right. Like that's fucked up. Right. You know, Pam. So I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry it is it is fucked up so he tells you

not to to bring it up but no because the point is that he didn't have no choice yeah you know

you have a choice you know and it's kind of like mess up the shit on people who don't have no choice when you take your choice you know

because I really feel like it's up to you whether you live or die girl i done been hit by three trains i'd have been in four plane crashes two got ran over by two cars one of them my third ex-wife and i still look like this right so clearly i'm here for a reason. You are too. Remember that you're beautiful. I'm going to tell you what to tell your mom. You are perfect. You are perfect. Remember that.

When you start to feel like you're unperfect, who are you comparing yourself to? I thought I was the only one you said that to. No. Don't be sorry. Because it's the truth. Who are you comparing yourself to? Yep. No, don't be sorry. This is what you do.

I called you to be word first. But you're perfect. Yeah. Who are you comparing yourself to when you start to feel worthless? Because there's only one you. I don't know i mean there are people in my school that i like to compare myself to even i don't i just when i look at a person i think that they look so much better than me i think looks also have like a big part in comparing. I compare myself to my

siblings a lot because I look up to them. See, and you took it away from me. No, because it's just learning that difference in the mindset. It's like you look up to your siblings. It's like it's okay to look up to people. It's okay to have heroes. You shouldn't want to be them but it's okay to be like them. But the only person you should be like is you. Because there's only one you.

And when you decide to be like your sisters or you want to be like your brother then you give me your mama two of the same kids and she can't deal with that you know what i'm saying yeah but no seriously now you're becoming somebody you're not yeah and then i understand why you want to kill yourself because you're not living as you seriously yeah point right because when you start to live in those shoes that don't belong to you, then you're not living for you no more. Right?

So it's okay to be you. You're beautiful. Beautiful. At 15, beautiful girl. You're going to grow and you're going to change. And this ain't going to be the last way you look. You know? But all of that is part of your existence.

Your. You. Madison. Maddie. Mumu. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. It's just you.

You can't compare yourself to nobody else. Yeah. They didn't wake up the way you woke up. They didn't come out the same vagina that you came out of. They did all come out of the same. Well, I'm talking about people. Okay. Sorry.

I'm talking about like that because she was saying people at school and stuff too. Yeah, definitely. And then also, you never know what you don't see. You can be asking for somebody's life who's being molested at home, who's being beat at home. See, people are really good about covering up their scars. And you could just want to be like somebody whose scars are worse than yours because it's out there. You know, and it's a crazy lesson to learn. And do I want you to learn it today? Yes. Will you?

Probably not. You know, but you have to be authentically you in life. It's the only way that you're not going to care and care enough at the same time yeah you know because if people can tell you what to do then they can tell you what to do but if they can't tell you what to do then they can't tell you what to do and there is a difference yeah you know and you have to like understand that it's okay to admire people it's okay to say i want to have this aspect of a person but you're not going to do it the same way they do ever. You know? Yeah. Nothing.

It's not going to happen. You know? Sorry. Go ahead, Rebecca. Rebecca's like. No, I was just sitting here thinking, I've got to think of something to say so that. I should have? Yeah, so that there's something else said. I also think that people don't know, the people that are bullying her and putting her down don't realize what of a strong girl she actually is because she did go through a lot.

She had lost an aunt on suicide. She, you know, her grandmother moved to a totally different part that she grew up with. Right. She lost people. She just met her grandpa today. So, I mean, they may be, they're putting her down and bullying her and being mean, but they don't know what she goes through other than what they're putting her through. Right. But do you know that you survived those things? Yeah. You know,

for real. I don't know. Wait, what do you mean by that? Right. Do you know, do you realize how many obstacles in your 15 years you have survived already? Yeah.

And do you know that because you survived that someone else won't need to that's pretty dope right so just in surviving you change the world and that's a reason to live yeah i'm sorry go ahead i like crystal's point though keep going crystal she's been through, you know, I mean, she's seen more probably than she should have seen, even with her dad. I mean, that's a whole different topic. Which one? I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm not sure yet.

Sorry for the families, for the people out there. We're a family, so... No, but I mean, not that she's lost her dad, but she's seen her dad go through things that a 15-year-old shouldn't see. I mean, at this time, she was four. But the bullies and stuff don't see. You may be picking on what you think is a beautiful girl that has her life put together, but at home, they can have a different story. story like y'all don't know who her mama is right they don't know they don't know that she's been through right i mean she's only 15 and i mean like i said an uncle um and like she's lost people, and these people are bullying her that, you know, maybe other kids don't have the support that she has at home to pull them through it. And you're picking on a child that when they get home, they're being beat and could commit suicide because, you know, they're not seeing past what they're doing. Well, I just want to say kind of real quick that anybody can commit suicide. And I kind of

want to stress that. I mean, I think about Twitch and they say he committed suicide. I haven't been watching anything to see if anything come out of that, but people just assumed he was the most happy person ever. And so it's just, just to point that out that yeah, sometimes people can be pushed more than others, but anybody can commit suicide. So that's definitely true. Right. If you need help, get it, call somebody, talk to somebody, just there's a way, there's a way out of that. It's not meant for you to live that way. I know that people say that. You don't know what I've been through because that's what you're saying. No one knows what she's been through. I want you to know that you're supposed to live through all that. Go ahead.

It makes you strong. I want to ask you though, do you give people the same consideration you want them to give your daughter? Are you preaching what you're talking? I mean, I feel that not just my daughter, everybody, you know, that is being bullied or any of that. I feel you don't know what a person's living. You don't know them until you're living in their shoes. I think it goes back to his original statement right when it all started. I don't know if until you're living in their shoes. I think it goes back to his original statement right when it all started. I don't know if it was this cut or the other, where he said, everybody just needs to mind their own business.

They just need to live their life for themselves and focus on themselves and get through their life. Because like you said, they don't know what's going on in that other person's life, and they could make the difference between whether or not that person wakes up the next day. Exactly. Right. I mean, she has a little sister, and Maddie had sent me a picture of her little sister the other day at the bus stop, and my girl has two different shoes on different colors crocs by the way crocs oh lord i hate crocs that's another episode

jeans a skirt she was her own person but i mean she's seven i know is this and isn't that the scary thing isn't that scary for you to like like, look at her being so authentic now at seven. Right. And I'm always scared. The world is going to tell us she's weird. I'm sorry. No. And I'm always scared that she's going to go through what Maddie goes through because she's so, she don't care. No, she doesn't. And she shouldn't have to. Yeah. But you shouldn't either.

Exactly. And that really is the point of this. she shouldn't have to. Yeah, but you shouldn't either. Exactly. And that really is the point of this. You shouldn't have to care. You are 15. You have your whole life ahead of you. And you know what? Part of that life structure is messing up. Yeah.

And it's society, though, unfortunately. It's not only in the schools. It's even in the workforce. It's everywhere you look. And it's even as an adult adults don't call it bullying they just call it micah they just call it i don't know assholes i guess yeah but you know so it's everywhere you go it's just how and how you handle it that makes the difference for yourself and i think that's also a big lesson that I want to take away from Rebecca's story.

It's okay for you to stand up for yourself, however you choose to stand up for yourself. Yeah. And the only way you're going to make a difference is – Sorry. It's okay. Go ahead. I just feel like if you have to stand up for yourself one way or another,

that's the only way that they're gonna know that it's not okay yeah also know that people are not gonna change because you might stand up to a person and they somebody else will start yeah but or they won't stop you know not everybody you stand up to is gonna stop it can't go further than it ever needs to go but it just has to be about your mentality of like like i'm me like i'm me you know i'm saying i want to say like you'd be like fuck you on me but that's what i'm gonna say to a 15 year old but um you know you don't curse in your mind but to those but to to wrap that this like whole story into one like bubble pretty much what we're saying here today and what Madison's story is, is that it's not okay to be bullied. It's not okay to bully. And that if you are a bystander

watching somebody be bullied and not doing anything about it, in my opinion, you're almost as bad as the person doing the bullying. You are. You need to do something about it. Well, Madison, I am a bully. I don't mean to be, but I bully your mama. I'm sorry. I'm being serious.

I'm being serious, too. That's a sad part because y'all, I mean, and seeing you now, because it's crazy because we got you kind of off to the corner separated because I know that's how you feel from the world, right? I'm being serious. because you fidgeted the whole time using that chair. Nervous. But you're not comfortable being out there. Why? Because you have a love and support system. So you know how to be supportive. But you know that you have support. So you know that you're not alone. So we're going to change chairs.

I guess we're changing chairs. Y'all don't be looking at my ass. Definitely not hers. 15. 15. Your hair still look cute, girl. Let's bring this closer. Does that feel weird?

Being in the middle? Yeah. A little bit. I was used to that side. Right. But can you see yourself there? Oh, no. There we go.

Right. Yeah. So if things are adjusted, no. There we go. Right. Yeah. So if things are adjusted, it's a good feel? Yeah. You look so much better in the middle. Yeah. And you're needed. And that's the thing that's important about all this.

You're needed in this world. I know I didn't let you talk a lot. I know I did. Get used to it. He doesn't let anybody talk a lot. Girl, I tell you, I started a podcast because I have a lot to say because I got my voice late. I didn't get my voice until I was in my 30s. And all I know is like, dag, if there were people to tell me just little simple things, like to find comfort in myself, like there is some stupid stuff.

We have a boss and he says every day, oh, today you have to wake up and choose to be happy and i'd be like this motherfucker is corny as hell right but no it's true you can determine you can choose to be every day to be happy you can choose every day. Every day. To be Madison. So we moved around, but it was kind of spontaneous. It really wasn't scripted, right? So it's okay. There you go. You can bring your mouth closer.

It's okay. That part we're going to like filter out or something. I got you, Chris. Oh, Lord. Now you really act like your mama child. Exactly. No, but what's crazy is that you just became comfortable in the moment. Yeah.

Right? Now you're a little different. She does seem a little bit more relaxed. Right. It's because you're next to me. But it's also because you don't feel so secluded. Yeah. You know?

It was us there attacking you. I know that's how it feels when so secluded. Yeah. You know, it was us there attacking you. I know that's how it feels when you get bullied. Yeah. You know, just change your position. Well played. Just change your position because bullies are not going to stop being bullies. They have the lessons that they need to learn.

The unfortunate thing is that they learn it late in life, usually while they're in prison, but sorry, I'm just playing. I don't wish that for nobody. But my thing is that there's a path that we all go down. And just in your path, because it is difficult, I just want you to leave here knowing that you're worth living. Because anything in life can be fixed anything anything anything there is nothing in this life that can't be fixed you know within yourself and you have the ability to heal you that's the incredible thing why because can't nobody do for you what you could do for you yeah right so it comes all to that you concept. No.

Change your position. Go where it's comfortable for you. No, find love in what loves you. And there's power in that. Right. A lot of power

and there's strength. And it's crazy because you look up to your older siblings but you have a little sister that looks up to you. Yeah. And she sees you

in bed depressed. And a niece. And a niece. And a niece and a niece and a niece right because crystal is a grandma y'all yeah that bitch oh nana nana but um yeah no seriously though you have someone that's looking up to you and one thing you don't want her to do is see the moment where you're thinking about whether you're worth living yeah Yeah. Because a child could recognize that. Mm-hmm. You know? Like, wow, this is a dark spot. You know?

It's just the energy changes. So I challenge you to go back to school. What's today? Saturday. On Monday. With, I don't know, your head slightly higher. Mm-hmm. You know?

Like, with a little extra. It's looking up. Yeah. With a little extra oomph in your step. Be like, you know what? They're not going to bully me today. And even if they do, don't matter. But know that there are also people out there that don't want to bully you.

Or you can be real condescending and be like, I'm sorry you're having such a bad day. Let's not do that. People fight for less. Actually, I'm going to tell this really quick story. It's kind of like a bullying situation, maybe road rage bully. Yeah, I'm driving on my way home from work, and I go to turn into the left lane, and I forget to turn on my little blinker.

Turn on your blinkers, people. And so I turn and this one woman pulls up beside me and she rolls down her window and she screams at me and tells me, what, your piece of shit doesn't have a blinker? And she is like screaming at me, swearing, screaming. I don't do anything, but I keep my hands on 10 and 2 and I look over at her. And I literally just want to say to her, did you have a bad day? I'm sorry. Did you just have a bad day? Because she was out of her mind.

Yeah. People are just crazy. They need to just relax. Or they could just be having bad days. That's what I'm saying. Just relax. I did not harm you. I did not cause your bad day.

But if you felt better by yelling at me, then okay. Right. And it's kind of cool that you had that moment that you feel like you didn't need to do nothing. I didn't. I kept my window up, looked over at her. Right.

I think it made her more angry, though. I mean, because it's funny, you know, like people are crazy. We live in a miserable world. I mean, it's such a hard time. I couldn't imagine growing up in this world. You know, I always think about, like, I feel like our world was destroyed after 9-11 because then the generation that was brought up after 9-11 spent every year watching people jump out of buildings as we did 9-11 tributes. That is some trauma shit. Like we see, he has teaching trauma to kindergartens because you want to show respect to the dead.

But really, the dead, though they need their respect, they need it in a different way. They need us to show life. Are they still doing a moment of silence in schools? Yeah. Yeah. Right. Like, when the announcement's done, after we stand for the pledge, they just, like, say, moment of silence. Right. Yeah.

I mean, which we should always have. I think we should have a moment of silence now. Right. Was that intended? Yeah, it was. Really? Okay. I just wanted to show y'all that i ain't had to break the silence but no seriously we and paying respects to all but my thing is that it's tough to grow up in society where you get to see so much hatred and so much hurt and so much pain and there's kids bringing guns to school and and you know that's the reason why i say no do not let's not go the violent route because now people don't kick they shoot you know and it's like we teach you that you're worth living so it's like live that

life first you know and i and i'm sorry if this came into like to be like an anti-suicide campaign but it just hurts me that you felt that way a few days, you know? And, and it's like, you know, and bullying isn't just based around suicide. I mean, it affects the mental health of, of a person in a hundred different ways. And I don't know if we touched on that a lot or not, but I mean, it can affect a person all the way up through adulthood. It could affect what kind of job they get, what kind of person they become. They become a Unabomber, you know, that school shooter, whatever the case may be. Bullying could literally lead to that. So I just wanted to, you know, bullies just build bullies. Exactly. You know,

and I guess it's, I just wanted to mention that I felt that that was important to note that, you know, it doesn't just lead to suicide. So it, I, suicide isn't the topic of today. It became the topic because you feel that way.

Yeah. Yeah. But it is important to note that if you feel any way, mental health is important. You know, get that help you need. There has to be one person in your life you trust. And sometimes just trust a stranger. I trust everybody with my story. I'm going to get it to you. You're going to listen. You betcha. Right. right look it's funny because i was flying and um i had my headphones and i usually bring uh my tablet with me to watch movies but this girl keeps interrupting my movie to talk so i'm like like if you're gonna interrupt no we about to

talk for the next three hours like you about to have something to talk about because you interrupting me you know what i'm saying so i'll go out looking for it but if you ask for it your ass gonna get it right but still find someone to talk to back to rebecca's point it's there has to be somebody you trust and if there's not take a chance on trusting somebody right you know because that's the only way you're gonna make it through life is by trusting yourself and you can't trust yourself when you're having thoughts that you shouldn't be having. Reach out to somebody. Like, there's help. Throughout this whole episode, you'll probably see many websites and phone numbers and people you can call and people you can contact.

Because like Rebecca said, it's just any type of bullying. I mean, going home, laying in bed at 15, feeling like you're depressed. Like, I don't even do that now. You know, it's like, don't let your whole life pass you. Because this is supposed to be a happy time. This is supposed to be some of the best times of your life. And we say that. And when I was 15, I was living the most horrible life ever.

You know, but it shouldn't have been that way. Yeah, people say, it's just high school. You know, high school is a big thing. High school helps you become who you're going to be, who the kind of person you're going to be in society, what you who you're going to like, how you're going to contribute to society. High school is important. So if you're a bully, stop it. And if you're being bullied, get help. If you're a bully, get help. Yeah. Actually, yes.

Good point, Micah. Like I said earlier, I think that a lot of the bullies have issues themselves. Right. So they're trying to target because it kind of makes them feel better. The other person is feeling their pain. Right. They want that person to feel as bad as they do. I mean, that's just a guess because I've never been a bully.

Like, don't let people take you for a ride. Hand to God. You know, you can give people your power, and that's a sad part of this life. You know, there are leaders and there are followers, and unfortunately, people do follow us. There's a lot of followers out here. And if you follow, if it's right for you, cool, whatever. Like, whatever rocks your boat.'m just all inclusive we just need to live together and just realize that we all live in together and we're just living and it really is that simple but what's the whole point

of that living you know but what i'm trying to say though is like yeah you it's cool continue to call your mom text your people when you're feeling fucked up. You can reach out to me. You can reach out to Rebecca. You can just reach out to the world. Somebody will talk to you if you need to be talked to. I'm sorry about making this about suicide, stuff like that, because it's not the point about this. Still, you had those thoughts. I felt like it was important to

touch on. Crystal, you agreed? Did you know about this? I'm sorry. You finding out new stuff today? Are you going to go home and cry? No, I'm sorry. No, no. Don't are you gonna go home and cry um no i'm sorry no no don't apologize girl let's see one thing there you go messing up don't apologize why you apologize for being perfect you you got to apologize i always apologize why for being perfect you i don't know i just i don't know i always always apologize. Even when it's just like something like. For being perfect you. Right.

Don't apologize. It's the unsure part of you. Right. It's the. What's the word I'm looking for? Rebecca of you. Yeah. I do it a lot too, girl.

I just like make sure like everyone's happy. You have to be happy first. Yeah. No. It goes to the what? A lot of people tell me that I should love myself before I love anybody else. But I don't know. I find loving people makes me notice I'm useful. You know what I mean?

No, it shouldn't help you notice that you're loved. Yeah. But I like that, though. No. I do. You know what I mean? No, it shouldn't help you notice that you're loved. Yeah. But I like that, though. No. I do. You shouldn't. It's just like, I don't know. Like, I love many people.

Even if someone does me so dirty, like someone does me so wrong, I will always forgive. Right. I'm the same way. Yeah. I forgive. I trust. I hope Grudge is mad at me. She's still mad at me now.

You betcha. Look. And that's one part of Madison is that even these bullies, I mean, her getting trash poured on her and milk poured on her. In sixth grade, she became friends with the person. Yeah, I did. All of them a couple weeks ago a kid kicked her in her stomach it's great and she's talking to the person she's so forgiven and just shows what type of person she is as karen you need to learn some kind of worth and know that you're more

important than all of that. Yeah. Like, yes, that person is going through something, but you don't have to be the person to heal them because you're broken yourself. Yeah. So you can't heal nobody else. Yeah. Like, I know. Okay.

So. And it is okay to have boys as your friends. Right. That's what I'm saying. People don't get that. She must get that from her mama. Just for instance, the one girl,

Madison was hanging out with a boy, and Madison has more boys as friends than girls. Yeah, that is true. And the girl wrote all over a bridge that Madison was a whore. She's 15. You got a bridge named. Oh, yeah. She's 15. You got a bridge named after you, girl.

A whole bridge. Okay, so. No, that's hurtful. I'm sorry. During the summer, I would hang out with this group of boys. One of them were my cousin, Connor. Oh, shoot, blue, whatever. But we would just hang out and then the girl that really like the girl that was my best friend we

were talking about it earlier the girl that was my best friend she wrote on the bridge calling calling me names and she would just like try to ruin my life she made up rumors about me that like are clearly would never be true and it's just like you know why would you do that um so for instance even the school um I remember getting a somebody had called me and said that um one of the rumors were that Maddie was caught in herself and to hear that from a different person instead of the school, because the school had took her in to talk to her and the school never notified me saying that it was going around that Madison was cutting herself. The school never told me. So I had to find out from a different parent that this was going around. And then of, I spoke to Madison when she came home that day.

So it's just the rumors of just because you're hanging out with a boy or it's just she's 15. She's not a whore. And it's crazy that it came out of jealousy. Maybe your best friend liked your cousin. It's just. Right? Okay. It's just. Sorry. Sorry. But, no, it's just right okay it's just sorry sorry but no it's just now what's your apologize for i don't know but now it's like i'm not friends with any of them

they were never friends with you they're all just like fake fake people they always they have a mask they like to cover themselves up until one thing goes wrong and then they blame it on me. But it's not even my fault. But I'm not friends with any of them now. I only have two real friends right now. You know, you get a lot of love. It's not the quantity of friends. It's the quality of friends.

And you get a lot of love at home. Yeah. You know, that's kind of evident. I mean, we knew how much you was loved because your mama won't shut the hell up sometimes. But not everybody has that. And it's something people get jealous. And they act kind of

retarded out of jealousy. Rebecca ripped up my little offer letter the other day. You betcha. I'm not ashamed. Ripped up my offer letter. But no, seriously though, it kind of goes back to what you're saying about, like, it has nothing to do with you. You know, they're doing things. It's so hard being the consequence of other people's decisions.

Yeah. You know, and in our own way, we all went through that, you know. And what Rebecca said is true. Like, do you have to fight to keep your voice, you know, by any means necessary. She just had to figure out what those means are because you need to continue to show people love and the love that you get at home and that, you know, you are worth so much and you have a little sister that looks up to you and see things. And you got a mom who loves you and 18 other brothers and sisters that love you too. But it's just in that it's like, you know, take away what needs to be taken away, you know?

And like, it's clear if people don't watch around, they'll be around. You know, if they think you annoying, okay, well, then I'm going to annoy someone else who doesn't think I'm annoying. It's their loss, not yours. It is their loss, you know. And it's okay for you to go around and find your worth. You can't find your worth with loss. You're going to find your worth with worth. So you need to go find people who are worth your time. And in return, you'll be worth their time. And it's okay to actually search for that. It's okay to see like, oh, I don't fit in this group. So let me go with this group. See, I'm a kind of person who doesn't really say much. So when I was growing up, I had a lot of friends at first. That's a long story for another day. But then, you know, the quantity quality thing became true for me at one point in my life.

And silence is like a big thing for me. I'll tell you the story offline if you want to hear it. But I could only have friends that were okay with me being quiet. Though I had lots to say, but I only said it when those were willing to hear it. So though there were many people in my life that weren't okay with me being me, I just went on with my life and let them go their own way. And then I eventually found the people that were okay with the silence they would hear. And I'm good with it. I'm good with who I am.

Your mom is one of my best friends now. And Mike obviously is one of my best friends. He's going obviously is one of, he's looking at me like, what you going to say? One of my best friends. And, you know, I can sit perfectly in silence and that's just part of who I am. Yeah. Silence. Um, and I've grown to be okay with that myself. So it's just important to remember that you're okay with who you are and let those people go and stand up for yourself, but find your best way to stand up for yourself. Yeah. And that people don't have to be in your presence hurting you and you accepting it for you to love them. You can love them from a distance. You can always continue to wish people

well. Yeah. You know, you don't have to be there to share that love that you have for them or that forgiveness. It's not that they're not worth it. They're just not ready for it. So why are you going to keep trying to give somebody something that's not ready for it? So no, you go away until they're ready for it. Because it does come around like there's many stories of people now who are best friends when they're older, but hated each other in high school, you know, because you grow and you mature. Maybe a lot of these people you will have conversations with. I hope that you do, because it's healing in that talking. But for now, you don't have to be around it. Like remove yourself from the situation. It's okay to be the awkward kid in the corner.

You know, it's true because you'd rather just sit by yourself, as Rebecca says, in silence and be clear, or you would rather be around a group of people who are now talking bad about you. Yeah. Silence and true to myself. True to who I am. Because the only way you're going to find yourself is if you spend time with yourself. Yeah. You have to get to know who you are, you know, and it's okay to be the awkward kid in the corner, you know, because you're not awkward. Well, a little bit. I'm a little awkward, but that's okay. And you're you, and I can already tell,

this is the first time we've met in person. You're amazing. I can already tell. So anybody who is in your life is lucky to be in your life. I told you, I don't lie. You lie. Sometimes lie. You're lying right now. By saying she don't lie, right? But no, really, as we wrap this up, thank you for being on.

I'm actually going to do what I said I'd do. And I'm going to have a specialist come on and I'm going to have you come back. Someone who will actually give you advice that's educated and give you advice. That was good advice. It made me kind of change my outlook on everything to be honest that's cool yeah that yeah i mean i don't really talk to anyone like this right and that's why i want to have you on because your mother is going to end up killing somebody if things don't change and we can't have her we can't live life in our jobs without her right at this moment.

We really got her wedged and molded into who we want her to be at this point. Don't we, Micah? We can't live without her now, right? I don't know. I think I can kind of live with her. No, in the beginning of the show, I said you were a co-host. Is there any questions that you have for us? Any of us us including your mama mom yes what's your opinion on this like how does it make you feel well I mean hon you know how I I feel about what you went through um every single day of coming home and me walking in with you crying.

It hurts because not any mother would want to see their child go through that. Not even just anybody that cares about you wouldn't want to see you go through that. And even though I say I'm going to go there and, you know. Do things that we don't need to say on air. You know, when that one girl does turn a certain age, I will be. You know, that's my reaction. We're going to edit that part out because, no, you don't need to do that at all. She don't know what she is.

However, though, I did kind of want to take a moment before we end officially to tell parents, check in on your kids. Yes, yes, yes. Talk to your kids. There are people feeling like this that don't have a support system. I think that, okay, I know a lot of parents when they talk to their children about mental health, it does end up in an argument. Right. I feel like if you talk about how you feel, it always ends up in an argument.

So what do you think their parents can do? I think they should just hear them out. Don't say anything until they're done talking. And just let them feel loved by you. You know what I mean? Right. Parents, I feel like if you take your anger out on a child, it's just going to make your child pull away from you. You know what I mean?

Right. Like, you, like, I think parents are supposed to be people that you trust the most in life. And then if you just yell at them and take your anger out, throw things, you know, tell them, like, all this stuff, it's just going to make them not want to talk to you. You know what? And it's really bad because your generation has a big responsibility. So we grew up in a generation where things didn't get talked about. It's what happened in this house stayed in this house. Or you don't tell people your business, or you don't do this, you don't do that. So it's hard to hear. I don't have kids. So I'm kind of assuming based on other people's experiences, but I know that sometimes now when your kid

like comes with something, it's, it's like trauma and it's like a shock at, no, we don't talk about that. And that's kind of where the anger comes through, but that's a system that needs to be broken. And it's kind of your generation's responsibility to break it because you're not scared of talking yeah you know we think about tiktok and facebook and there's kids going viral and it's really just talking telling their story so there are people unfortunately in this world who don't have parents who are willing to listen but kids continue to talk yeah find that person that you can talk to. If unfortunately is not your parent, it is somebody that's good in this world that will give you some good advice or just listen.

And that's sometimes all we need is just someone to listen because we don't always want someone to fix our problems. We just want to be able to talk it out to ourselves but you so that we can fix it ourselves so that was really dope that you brought that up perfect right but also you know for people who out there who don't have the parent that you has um that you have um that was english right there um like still there's people to talk to so like once again let's just have to have the conversation um and just a side note it's not facebook for this this generation yeah it's not facebook yeah it's tiktok instagram instagram is i don't i don't use instagram oh lord it's not instagram either it's tiktok and what snapchat oh i know i know so the other day maddie was messaging and i'm like do you use do you communicate in any other way besides snapchat she's like no i was like do you even have their

phone number like i have okay i have everybody's phone numbers this is i people don't text me on my message so i just text them on snapchat and then we just FaceTime on regular FaceTime. Well, however you communicate, and just communicate. Okay. I know. See, my best friends live in different states. Okay. So, like.

My best friends do. So, like, I can't just, like, be like, oh, I'm coming over, and then talk to them. Right. So, I always have to, like, you know. Beg mommy to drive you to Connecticut at the weekend? Well, you know what? As long as you're talking. Yeah.

And that's cool. Talk to whoever you need to talk to. And, you know, like she said, if you don't take away nothing else, we need help. If you're being bullied, get help. If you're bullying, get help. Parents, check on your kids. Definitely. Do check in with them.

You should do weekly check-ins. I don't know. Maybe there should be a calendar. I'm speaking as a non-parent, but person who knows people that got a lot of kids, like Crystal. No, I just, all of my friends have kids. 18, 18. Y'all, she got 18. She just has fives.

But, and a grandbaby. But, for real, we thank you for watching. This episode was probably the most uncomfortable, confusing episode ever for me. But it's because I was trying to remember that you were 15. Thanks for being on. It's really dope that you came up here and did this. I'm going to ask you to come back, and I'm going to do what I said. I'm going to have a specialist up here, someone who can give you some maybe answers that I couldn't give you because they went to school.

Don't mean they're right. You know, you're going to find out what's the truth for you. But I would like you to have some options. I'm going to ask you to come back on. Y'all, Rebecca is going to be here for the season, even though she had the little attitude earlier and was like, there may be situations where I'm not always on because of schedule conflicts. I just wanted to rub that in. Yeah, she likes rubbing that in. Whatever.

One episode without her. You know what I'm saying? And now she ready to leave. No. You know. But no, you'll see a lot of Rebecca. You'll see a lot of Rebecca this season. And actually, you'll see her in episodes where she does partake a little more. I think I made her uncomfortable this time.

No comment. But Crystal, thank you for allowing us to borrow your daughter. It's really, really dope. We hope that this conversation helps. But one thing that's important is that we're going to bring you back on and we're going to see the growth. And I think that's going to be what's cool. Yeah. You know, that people are going to be able to see you grow on this podcast.

And we're going to offer any assistance that you need, you know, because you are meant to be here. You're important and you are going to change this world. But how are you going to do that? By being yourself. And being yourself. Yeah. Right. So, and it's okay to find love in that.

And it's not going to change tomorrow. You're not going to go home tomorrow magic. Like, oh, I don't give a fuck what nobody thinks. But eventually, don't give a fuck what nobody thinks. You know? And with that, thank you guys for watching. And we will see you next week. Season 2.5, our premiere episode with Maddie, Moo Moo, Madison.

What's your names? Rebecca, co-host this season. Crystal producing back there pushing buttons and whatnot. Even though, as you saw in the beginning of this, she's still learning. And me, I'm just going to be here to talk. So I'll talk to you next time. We'll see you guys. Bye.