These Fukken Feelings Podcast© - Unraveling the Intricacies of Connection: Dr. Love and Micah on Communication, Dating, and Personal Triumphs | Season 3 Episode 325

Episode Date: May 15, 2024

Send us a Text Message.Have you ever found yourself dissecting a simple 'K' text for hours, or pondering the fate of your surname had it been "Dr. Love"? If so, you're in for a treat as Micah, Crystal, and the hilariously insightful Dr. Love, aka Tina Englisch, explore the comedic and sometimes perplexing world of daily communication. From the power of a full sentence to the weight of gendered expectations in texts, we unravel the quirky layers of modern-day interactions and the art of embrac...

you don't have to be positive all the time it's perfectly okay to feel sad angry annoyed frustrated scared and anxious having feelings doesn't make you a negative person it doesn't even make you weak it makes you human and we are here to talk through it all we welcome you to these fucking feelings podcast a safe space for all who needs it grab a drink and take a seat the session begins now what is up my beautiful people welcome to these fucking feelings podcast i am micah we got producer crystal over here in the studio and our very special guest dr love hello so is it tina english it's tina english yes okay just checking um dr love it's funny my accountant is also dr love really

and i always thought it was a strange name for an accountant and that but it's actually her name by birth so it's really her name not just me like the given name like the urn that but it's actually her name by birth so it's really her name not just me like the given name like the urn name so it's real real name okay yeah but it was dr love and i always thought it was so funny that i have an accountant whose name is dr love yeah it is and then she's mean i'm not i can't and look and i only say she's mean because she's an accountant i know she's watching this right now like you spending too much money so before we get into the episode i kind of we we were having a conversation about it's going to be the most ridiculous thing but i want your advice on it. Okay? So, Crystal

texts a lot and will ask 50 questions at one time, right? I do. But I am always busy, so I'm one of those K people, you know? K. And she gets so offended by my K. I don't like K

because I feel like she's like it means I'm mad I'm like I'm not mad it's not important what I'm saying so what is your take on those things if it's nothing more than that I'd say you're perfectly fine

K me K like saying K talking is different from, I guess, Texan and just K. I do understand both approaches, to be honest. I mean, like I understand, especially men are not many men. Let's say like check the stereotypes. Not everyone is the same. I understand that. And I know that. men are not many men let's say like check the stereotypes not everyone is the same i understand

that and i know that but it's very likely that men are like more focused on direct and short communication they're not used to build communication or binding or connection over communication they're just like i want to meet at this time okay and that's fine right right women are like how do you feel about meeting at this location and the other woman said oh that sounds really nice so you need this to connect on a more emotional and like personal level men don't necessarily need that so if we try to not even put us in the other shoe, but if we just say like, okay, like, you know, this John Gray thing, Mars, Venus, if you just think like, we don't need to necessarily understand everything about the other person, just accept it and say like, hand of course maybe sometimes putting a little bit more effort into the emotional connection of the messaging then maybe both expectations can be met a little bit more i do i do now so i've looked but i'm gonna tell you i do now for the wrong reason right what's the wrong reason it's the wrong reason i do it to prevent the argument that we're gonna have

if i just okay okay so i'm like i'm just gonna say okay yeah okay it's fine right and then we gotta have this argument because if i put k that she's gonna text back my god and i'm like what and don't say k to me that means you're mad and i'm like i'm just gonna avoid it and put okay but i think it's the most ridiculous thing like i know i'm not the only one but out of compromises it's one that i'm willing to take okay i'll take this compromise and i'll write okay but i still think it's like i don't know it shouldn't have emotion behind it it should just be but i guess what you're saying is true because i also am the person to be like, oh, you can't believe what happened at work today. And then she'd be like, what?

And I'd be like, I'll tell you tomorrow. But it's because it's too much to text. Like, I got to like, no, I just tell you later. And I'm like, no, you can't say I got to tell you then. And then I say what? And then you say, I'll tell you tomorrow. Like, I need to know right now. Oh, my God.

And then Tina, why do you got to go through the 15 minute argument about why I need to tell you later? Like, you know how you tell people, like, remind me to tell you something later. And they're like, no, tell me now. And I'm like, I'll tell you later. Like, I just need you to remind me to tell you later no i need to know now like if i'm telling you it's gonna be later it's for a reason okay i there's a very very simple solution to that i recommend sticky notes put them on your phone and then when you take it out when you meet there's the note that you have to tell the thing so you don't have to spoil it and she doesn't have to complain about it okay but see once again i gotta make the compromise you know i'm saying yeah yeah of course

of course of course it's not it's not about that but i just you know i'm always trying i'm always trying to find the most simple reason not to over complicate things and i go for example shopping with this sticky note on my phone because otherwise I bring home things I never need. I do that all the time. Right. That must be a girl thing. Yeah. Oh, you take shopping lists with you too?

No. Oh, you talk about bring home things you don't need. Bring home things that I don't need. My God. Well, I guess we should officially get started with the episode. One thing that we do here is that we always ask our guests to introduce themselves because we feel like no one can tell us about you more than you. Okay.

So my name is Tina English. I'm originally from Austria. I live in Paris. I started my career off as a flirting. Flirting. As a flirting. That was just my freaking Freud thing. So I started off as a dating and flirt coach

and evolved into relationships because of course the people that got together then in the relationships got new problems that they didn't expect. And then I just found out that it's great to work with couples, but it doesn't necessarily always solve the problem because people as individuals

haven't solved their lives truly and they don't know really what they want and if they come from this place of need and they go into the relationship this will always be the problem that will be like it will be carried through the whole relationship and then I thought like well maybe I help people first to get help happy and once they're happy they can go back to the relationship because then it's very likely whole relationship. And then I thought like, well, maybe I help people first to get help happy. And once they're happy, they can go back to the relationship because then it's very likely that it's going to stay together. So I'm not a dream life mentor. And I love this because I can cover all areas like relationships, health, and finances. And I help people to achieve maximum

success in minimum time, creating their dream life. And I love it. Look, you make it sound exciting. I want to do it. Okay. Yeah, that's fine. It's exciting. I love it really.

I mean, you can see that you really enjoy what you're doing now, but a flirt coach, I never heard of a flirt coach. I probably need one because i have like zero game oh i don't believe you right believe me i ain't had sex in five years okay i wasn't expecting that yeah sex coach yeah so i'm i'm gay and but i'm a gay man who don't like men. And I think that's one of my issues, but no, I have no game. And sometimes like, I'm like, damn, I must have like that rest in bitch face all the time because like, no one ever comes up to me. No one like hits on me.

And then if they do, it's someone that's not my type. And maybe that's my issue. Right. Or it's a girl or it's a girl. Well, I guess, I guess it's someone that's not my type. And maybe that's my issue, right? Or it's a girl. Or it's a girl. Well, I guess it's not like I have discussed this on another podcast recently. And I think it's a little bit of a problem of our time that we have. Like earlier when I was young, we just normally met people in bars. And like the choice was limited. So there were like two interesting people in the whole small town and you had to pick whether this one or this one otherwise you just pick no one

because there is no one so now you have these apps like whatever tinder or i don't know how they are called and you just swipe swipe swipe swipe, swipe, swipe, swipe left, swipe right. But it seems like you have unlimited access to everyone. And no one needs to say yes to someone because there's so many others out there that could be possibly matches. So people are not even sometimes interested in going out to really meet people. And I think that's a little bit of a problem of our society and to really on a deep level, connect with someone because people don't take time for that. They just want it a little bit more quick and a little bit more effective. But that's more for the business thing, not for the love thing. That takes time.

I don't know if you out there. I'll take anybody right now. OK, mama is cold. I need a coat. So make that official here. Maybe you'll get a text afterwards. You can find me. I'm anywhere at Michael bravery. Okay. You know what? Actually I do, I do get a lot of like weirdo text messages. And then I hate to say that because I really am one of those people that don't judge anybody. Right. I'm like, Hey, if you like it, like it, it was really cool. Me and my mom watch,

um, good trouble and not that I ever advertise anything, but there's a guy up there that, uh, he's bisexual. And, you know, my mom, she was like, Oh, he just sleeps with too many people. You know, she's 72, Puerto Rican, not strict, but kind of always believed in like, you know, marriage and the sanctity of marriage and just, you know, relationships and not needing anybody, you know, is like, so, but, you know, here's this guy

and we're like on the third episode and he'd been with like 15 people. And I'm like, well, I feel like as long as he's safe and he's protected then there's nothing wrong with it like if that's what he wants to do so she like gets up and looks at me like that's really how you feel you know like for real that's really how you feel and i'm like yeah like why and she was like so you think a person i believe i was born gay my mom tells me i was born gay um she said she knew when i was in her belly i'm like well damn you could have saved me the 18 years of my identity crisis and told me that could have

been my name you could have named me gay like but you know you let me go through this identity crisis anyway that's a whole other story um but so i believe i was born gay but i'm like why do we have to have labels like why can't a person be attracted to male and female, you know? And, and it was kind of cool to sit there and be able to have that conversation with my mom, you know? And then she was like, well, you don't like it. And I'm like, yeah, but I've had sex with women, you know? She was like, but do you like it? I'm like, I like it in the moment.

Like, you know, sex. Well, I think that judgment per se, I mean, everyone has the right to live their life the way they want to live it. So what I want to have or what I choose to have doesn't necessarily be the thing that you need to have. And that's good because if we want everything and everyone the same, the matching would be more difficult even. Because like everyone would want you and no one want anyone else. It would make it more difficult. I mean, I know under that circumstance, it would be great for you. I understand. Genuinely, I'd say like, it's really great that also the challenge, like, you know, like you get to know someone and then it's like,

this butterfly things and it could be the right person. And then maybe it's like, yeah, it's not. And then you just keep going. But it gets better. Like, it's not like you're always getting this, you know, like you're leveling up slowly until the point where, and I feel personally, the more advanced people are like nonjudgmental and my like really open, the more difficult it gets because you do not want to invite, invite drama into your life. So the more like, you know, like if people are with this negative vibes, you're just going, Oh no, please. And so it gets difficult if you don't want

that right and i think i always say that it's like i i joke loosely about being single right um because sometimes i feel like i think i'm really okay being single like i don't got to share my bed and you don't understand when I tell you I sleep on every corner of my bed like if another person was there I couldn't do that you know what I'm saying right so now I need I need a relationship where like he wants his own room like I'm like just

gonna live with your girlfriend whole different episode it's an episode for another time so but now so it's you were the like one of the first original life coaches in austria australia where you it's austria austria austria the small country in europe the small one right look that's the little one so austria but you won the first uh relationship coach yeah yeah i heard that how that was also like uh because i was it was a risk at that time to call yourself a relationship coach

because people were not open to talk about this topic at all. So I was like, yeah, but that's what I'm doing. So why do I say that? Like, I cannot, of course I can, but it didn't make sense to offer it differently. And finally, just me naming myself this way opened many doors because there was no one naming themselves this way. So the courage of stepping out of what wasn't the standard or the normal actually helped me at the beginning of my career. It was a great thing.

So now, how do you remain so neutral in these situations? Neutral? What do you mean? As far as when you're coaching, especially couples. You know, I feel like you have, are you, do you have to be a neutral party? Do I what? Do you have to be a neutral party like in that situation? It would be very helpful if I don't, it's very helpful if I don't judge the one or the other,

because I cannot help. If I would take like one side, then the other part would be alone and would fight me. And then we have another problem setting, just not the couple, because then it would be one person against me and the partner. And that's not a good setup. So how do I get neutral

or be neutral? Well, I'm not involved and it's not my topic. It's not my problem. I don't have to be happy in this relationship they have. So for me, my, my job in this relationship or my job in this, in this setup, it's not to judge the people, but to find a solution for them. And it has to just fit to them. It doesn't have to fit me. It doesn't have to fit my life, not my emotion. I don't live there. I don't have to be happy. They don't make me unhappy. So I just church I'm there for them. And then the time that they pay me, I'm just offering my service really from the best and from my heart to help them find a solution. I feel like that's just your job in life. Everything you said, it's like basically you mind your business, but without minding your business, right?

But I'm like, if everybody just thought that way like you know it's like sometimes people just need an ear like you know if it were just more accepting and less judgmental then this world wouldn't be so crazy definitely but that's a whole nother story that's why we need coaches right exactly but i'm trying to also like take this into my life and it also makes my life easier to, you know, make the cleaning in front of my own door and not just necessarily do it in front of other people's doors because I have enough to do. Like every one of us, you know, you always have to first make sure, like in the plane, they tell you put your own mask on first. So, right. I know. And other people doesn't need help. Why should I just. make sure like in the plane they tell you put your own mask on first so right i know just like and other people doesn't need help why should i just do something if they don't ask me to do something then like okay it's your choice if you're happy great right that's how i feel about

emergency exits like do not i know i'm supposed to help everybody else, but I'm letting you know, I'm out of here first. I'm grabbing that door. I'm sorry. Because of that, I don't sit in the emergency exit because I know I'm selfish. I'm letting you know now. I'm supposed to do what? Help everybody else off and then be last? And you want me to go on a plane with you? But that was a really good example though they do you know it's i always think about jada pickett smith right because she she kind of was on i think it was her and her husband were on oprah

and she was just talking about how she fed her kids i mean she fed her husband before she fed her kids and she made sure she ate before everybody so you know it was it was kind of like wow that's kind of you know it was kind of dope to hear somebody admit that you know usually you feel like i got to feed the kids first but it's like if i don't eat then how can i feed them you know and i thought she had a cool reason like oh i want to eat i want to eat yeah it's a good idea actually right right but i also thought her reason for because she said you know the reason she fed her husband next was because they weren't bonded by blood you know they were bonded by love and i thought that was kind of like a cool definition like my kids of course i'm gonna

take care of them they my blood you know but i need to show this man who i'm bonded by love that so i just thought it was kind of cool perspective totally different conversations i told you this was gonna be weird okay i'm perfectly fine with that i'm perfectly fine i mean if there is enough i don't think that the order really matters right but i think you know what i've always i've always heard like you feed the kids first you know and it was the first time i ever heard somebody contradict that statement and it made sense and you know like you said as long as there's enough you know there's exceptions all rules right but but it kind of you know just made sense it's like yeah if you don't take care of yourself how can you take care of everybody else yeah i think so too i mean yeah i mean you can can discuss any family matters if you shouldn't

eat all together or something like that. But also, I mean, like if the husband is involved and the children are very small, why not helping? And then it's really good if you have eaten yourself, if it's about feeding, because then you have the patience to sit there as long as it takes. Also, I mean, for me, it's like, if I'm hungry, really hungry, I don't want to really fit kids. Right, right, right. I'm one of those people, I eat like every two hours. So like I go on vacation and people hate to go on vacation with me because I don't care what we do, but every two hours I'm stopping for a snack. I'm just like, just let you know, we stop it every two hours. I need to eat like every two hours. And we're joking and talking about food, but you can actually, you know, just put it in general terms as far as taking,

you know, just taking care of yourself. And not so much that you could take care of other people, which is a lesson I'm learning. Like I don't have to take care of everybody. That has been, that was my resolution in 2024, right? Like, I'm going to stop taking care of people. It's hard to stop taking care of people. But I'm trying to learn that I'm spreading myself too thin and giving too much of myself away.

And I think I'm taking care of myself, but clearly, where do I have the time if I'm taking care of everybody else? Yeah, and the other thing is that the gratefulness arises in other people only if they ask for help. So if they come to you and say like, I would need your help, can you help me? And then you help them, that's a very different power.

Then you just put your help that you think they need on them and they don't even want it because most likely you don't even listen to it and they are not grateful for it. Probably they're maybe also avoiding it and saying like, yeah, I don't know. And the energy exchange is really not good in that situation. So if you wait and people say like, can you help me? And then there is a good energy exchange.

It would push you both energetically, like to really other levels. And that's great. I think you should wait for that. Well, unfortunately, that is what I get. People always asking. Okay. I'm going to say. Yeah.

When somebody asks, they keep asking. Right. It's like one thing. So it's pretty funny because we do this mental health podcast. So now anything that has to do anything with mental health, people call me and I'm like, I'm not a doctor. OK, like I'm just an advocate. I'm just somebody who's healing. And I think it's really dope to heal. And my life has been completely changed by just starting to heal. And I want to share that message like we as a society needs to heal.

I'm not a doctor. I can't heal you. No, no, no. So it's like, people just need to stop asking me and go ask a professional. Call Tina. Dr. Love got you.

Get with Dr. Love because she knows what she's talking about. I don't. I'm still trying to figure me out. I think that's, by doing doing this solution it's a good thing to do it's a good step right right right yeah i'm starting starting to say no i was like this is my year no i feel horrible about it though i feel so bad it's uh it's like keeps me up at night because i'm like am i because you people say like, you can stop your blessings. And I'm like, by saying no, am I stopping my blessings? You know?

No, you're as an act of self-love. You're not stopping your blessings. You're loving yourself enough to care for yourself. So that's not really stopping your blessings. That is actually the most important thing. Okay, Dr. Love. I see see you you like you got me already all right yay but i do want to go back into this flirtation coach stuff you teach people how to flirt yes like you you give lines no i don't i mean people ask for lines many times i did especially when i was this online dating coach but But personally, I don't believe in lines because we are all different. And, you know, it depends on who you are, who you resonate with and which line you would resonate with. So there's no one pick. I mean, maybe there's this pickup things and that does to some kind work. I'm not saying it doesn't work, but it's not true. So how would you keep this personality for the pickup that you use for the pickup for the rest of your life? If this is attractive to the person, so how can you keep this?

You will keep this for two weeks, but then you go into the, if you want a relationship, like in two years, who are you then? And how high is the chance that the person that you picked up with these lines still likes you? And for the right reason. So I personally, I prefer people to say, hey, I find you attractive. And it costed me like 10 minutes to come over here because I'm shy. If this resonates with the right person, because it's open, it's honest. And it's an invitation for the same openness back. So I prefer that a hundred times over stupid pickup line. Like you should whatever, get a surgery for your nose or something like that, which yeah. You know, like the real pickup coaches,

they exist. They, they go with the first statement. It should be something negative because beautiful women are not used to negative comments. So I don't agree with that. I like positive. You know what? I will tell you this crazy story, right? I don't even think I ever told Chris this story. I said this is how bad I am at, I guess, picking somebody

up or anything. Oh my God. So for Thanksgiving, just recent thing, last year, Thanksgiving, I went back to Virginia, which is where I'm originally from. And someone found out I was in Virginia through Facebook and hit me up on Messenger.

So me and this guy had probably been Facebook friends for 20 years. Right. And it was just so happened that he was in Virginia, legit, like 20 minutes away from where I was. And we kind of decided that we were going to meet up. So cool. So we meet up and I'm like, oh shit. Okay. I'm glad I came. Right.

But see, I messed up. I invited a friend of mine to come with me. He was supposed to bring his mom though. So that's why I invited my friend, but his mom ended up not coming. So it's just him. And now it's me. And the person I invite is like my crazy brandy i invited brandy um people know brandy she actually used to be on a podcast with us she's she a little

wacky you know i'm saying so i bring her and she is so embarrassing i'm like oh my god if she don't shut the hell up but so anyway we go through the night he buys me a couple of drinks when we leave like he hugs me and like he tries to kiss me which i completely missed so he ended up like getting my earlobe it was the most craziest thing right so i was like oh well cool so then like we both left for whatever and he texted me just that it was good finally meeting me after you know 20 years it was good meeting me or whatever so i text him back and i was like how long we're in town you know maybe we could hook up again he was like i'm good oh he was like i'm. I can't lie. I wasn't ready for you. He said you was just a little too much.

And I was like, I was just being me. But I'm like, damn. It takes a certain person to appreciate me, I guess, because it was the most hurtful thing. I was like heartbroken. You have to have his energy. I was like, dad. He was like, I'm good. I was like heartbroken i was like have his energy i was like yeah he was like i'm good i was like damn it wasn't like i said let's get married i was just like we could go have some more drinks

you know yeah it's it's very very like kind of heartbreaking when you hear a story like that but sometimes unfortunately it happens and better at the beginning than very late you know and i really wasn't that hurt i think that was the sad part it was just funny to me that i was like i damn it was my first time meeting this person and i was so horrible they didn't even they was like i'm glad i met you but i'm good podcast well you don't know what happened in his life. And maybe he was in a relationship and was just like trying to whatever, you know, you don't know. Right, right, right, right. I always think like if we overthink things that the other person brings to us, it not gonna make us happier it's just gonna make

us more problems because probably you're not gonna figure it out right right right i'm still like i told you i'm still trying to figure out me that's the only reason why i'm like i'm the person that keep me up all uh night no you don't you don't i mean i'm texting you even though she did text me last night at midnight. I was like, if this chick texts me one more time. I was like, why is he still up? She's rude because she's up. She's texting me.

She goes to bed every night at 8 o'clock. I do. Really? Yeah. But now here it is midnight and I'm getting texts. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Isn't that messed up?

She needs to be a better person. Get her, Tia. Hello, how she's selfish. text. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Isn't that messed up? She needs to be a better person. Get her, Tia. Y'all know how she's selfish. Look, without taking sides. So, do you still help people with finding love and dating and those

kind of things? Are you still kind of offering it all? I have the different things that I do. I still cover all three areas like relationship. I believe that this relationship love thing, and even if it's just self-love, is a very important part of our dream lives of our happiness. So just cutting this off, that doesn't work. I have a lot of clients that are towards the relationship thing. I have a membership that is created towards a relationship. I sell a course that is towards self-love and creating relationships. So relationship is still a really important topic, and I also like it.

Because not even, I mean, if I talk about relationship, it's not even I mean if I talk about relationship it's not necessarily just couples everything is a relationship also friends and job and if you are good at this you're good at all these relationships and I think life is so much better if you know how to handle people around you and how to handle yourself in contact with people around you apart handling the self part i know i'm still in the middle of trying to like figure it all out but at least i know that i'm trying to figure it out right i think that at some to some level we always figure everything out we as long as we don't overthink it and my personal thing is if you feel it and it doesn't feel good then your gut is telling you to just don't do it and that is enough to know if you need to know more then you're just over analyzing something

that doesn't need more analyzation you need to be happy there if you're not happy go so work with an apology because last night i wrote an apology to somebody and my stomach did not feel right like it just i was like i'm not gonna send it because. Like it just, I was like, I'm not going to send it because it was like my whole being was like, nah, you don't, you don't, you didn't do nothing wrong. Yeah. I mean, that's another thing. If you want to protect the relationship and be in the relationship,

that is very good to admit if you made a mistake or something like that. It's amazing if you realize it yourself and then reach out to the other person. But that only means that you value the relationship more than your ego. And that's a great thing. I mean, like that tells a lot about you and your personal growth. Right.

In my situation, it was that I only wanted to apologize because I knew this person was hurt, you know, but it wasn't because I felt like I needed to still have this relationship or that I was wrong. And, you know, the fact that, you know, I guess we're no longer friends. Like, it just feels funny to me to say that. And I'm like 44 and I'm like, I'm still breaking up with friends at 44. But I realized that a lot of my peace went with this friendship. And so I needed my peace back, you know, and I chose me. And I know this person is really hurt by it. So I felt like I wanted to apologize. But I also want to say I want I'm just I'm sorry that you're hurt because I'm healing and I love everybody and I love you, but I'm not sorry that I don't want to be your friend. And I don't really want to communicate with you. You know,

I feel like you, you know, you're great for somebody else, but we not good together, you know? I mean, that's an amazing approach. And I think the honesty in this is great. Taking care of yourself is great and eliminating things that are not bringing peace to your life. That's the best. Right. I guess it's just hard not to feel guilty about it. It's like, you know. I don't know.

I mean, it's always difficult if we bring kind of some pain to other people. But how much pain is the relationship first of all costing us and second of all the relationship also to the other person because it's a bend for both and the freedom comes with saying okay i love you genuinely but just in this moment of my life being with you doesn't feel right. And there's nothing wrong with that. Because it might be that in 10 years, it looks different. This person has grown and they can bring peace to your life. So we never know what life brings.

But in that moment, it doesn't feel good. And you don't know what your act of saying no to this can trigger in this person. Because also our action can inspire other person to do something different that's what i hope happens because of course i wish them well like really really really wish them well like i really want them to be okay so um just another random thought so me and crystal were talking pre-show um we always get deep it's like we as soon as we walk in this podcast room we let it all out we're together all day long and jokes and fun we walk through this door and it's like the most intimate feelings ever but i was explaining to crystal that i've

been through so much trauma in my life right and um that i feel like everything traumatizes me now you know like that's my reaction to everything like i'm traumatized about running out of toilet paper so now i have like if there's another pandemic and you need some toilet paper i got you okay i'll message you that and then it's like but it's like it's just simple things it's like i get traumatized by everything and i guess it wasn't it's just simple things it's like i get traumatized by everything and i guess it wasn't until we stepped into this room today that i realized that that's what happened everything causes me trauma you know i had a conversation with someone at work yesterday so and it once again they i was right I didn't want to be arrogant

right Tina Tina's like look you was driving me crazy see I'm a high I'm a high to be my relationship coach so you can handle all my personalities you know what I'm saying you need to like walk around with him

but i was in this situation i legit was right right but i i so i left it was it was one of those situations where i was in a meeting and i walked out of the meeting but i walked out of the meeting because if i didn't i was gonna lose my. So like walking out the meeting, it was just a 50, 50 chance that I might lose the job. If I would have stayed in that meeting, there was a hundred percent chance I was going to be fired. Okay. So I left and then I left the meeting and then I left work and I was like, I'm just going to finish my day from home. I just need to get myself together. I stayed up. I think that's why I was up to midnight stressing going back to work today. Because I'm like, oh, my God, I made an ass out of myself.

Like, you need to stop letting your emotions rule you. You know what I'm saying? You should have been a big boy and stuck through the meeting. And, you know, and I dreaded going to work. So then I went to sleep late and then I woke up early because I dreaded going to work. And then I went to sleep late and then I woke up early because I dreaded going to work. And then I still went to work late. And then I get

there and I walk in the building and the first person I see is the director and I'm like, good morning. And he's like, I hope it is. And I'm like, it's motherfucker. But it ended up that everybody kind of agreed that I was right. And I went through all that trauma for no reason, you know, because, you know, they understood, you know, why I did what I did.

So it was like we didn't need to talk about everybody. It was kind of like the same way. Like it doesn't need to be talked about because you you were right you handled it better than i did you know like i would have stayed there and said something but you know i was like i didn't want to hurt nobody but uh what do you think about this situation i mean i should i've stayed or should i have left i cannot judge for you i wasn't there but i mean i i personally would always say like, if you trust your feelings, your instincts, your guts, and you're in the line with yourself, then probably it's the right decision, whatever you did. So the problem is reacting from an egoic place. Like I want to be right. Or if you're mad and you feel this anger and then you leave because of anger then i just go go out come back but breathe within or something like get the anger like down and then come back

i went home and cleaned my room you know all i said was is buddha still there and he's like yeah i'm like that means you'll be back people judge whether or not i'm going to quit by my Buddha. I have a Buddha that someone gifted me. And I rub his belly every day, but nobody can touch him, right? I don't even know why. I just feel like that's what the woman said that gave it to me. So a random woman walks up to me and gives me a Buddha.

I feel like this is spiritual, okay? There's this belief that rubbing the belly from the big buddha like from the fat buddha it brings money right and that's what i thought that she did tell me to rub his belly and it legit i went to las vegas this woman walks up to me in the middle of the street she pulls this thing out this bag i thought she was gonna shoot me because i was i didn't know what she's just pulling something out of a bag i'm like how you just gonna stop in front of me and then I always think about I'm the dumb person that stopped with her. You know what I'm saying?

Like, why did you stop? You could have been shot for real. But she pulls out this box. She was like, I just want you to have this. Something tells me to get it to you. Rub his belly every day. I didn't even know what was in the box. I'm like, I could be carrying a bomb.

I'm about to go Kelly Clarkson. I'm about to go blow up Kelly Clarkson because I didn't even look in the box i'm like i could be carrying a bomb i'm about to go kelly clarkson i'm about to go blow up kelly clarkson because i didn't even look in the box but i get back to the room open it up and it's the most gorgeous buddha figurine and i was just like if that wasn't a spiritual moment like that had to be divine you know something about that moment that either did something for her or is doing something for me but it was kind of a cool moment randall would you have taken the box maybe i would have opened it my curiosity would have probably not let me take the box just without opening it and plus i don't want stuff in my home that i don't want so if something is in the box that it doesn't like fit in my apartment i go like really and i didn't think about none of those things i was just thinking like

i don't know what to do do i take the look i know that's for me take this girl hold this pail but uh yeah it was pretty crazy so that's a good thing for you? But it was. And it actually is a really gorgeous Buddha. And I rub his belly every single day. And I took him to work just so I remember to rub his belly. But people know, do not tell you. Because everybody wants to come in.

And what's the first thing they do? Oh, this is cute. And they want to finger fuck it. And it's like, no. Stop. Don't touch my Buddha, right? So that's like my one law. And it's funny. So now people come and they put their lottery tickets under there, but I got to do it. I got to pick them up and

they put their lottery tickets on the Buddha and it's become a whole thing. And I hope that we win. And if we do, I'll buy you a drink. I'm going to Paris. Now, at what point in someone's life would they want your services or want to look for you in your services? Well, basically, I think when you think of your life that there is something more to it. When you think of you're stuck and you can't move, you don't know how to proceed in your life, but you feel that what you're currently experiencing in your life is not what you're supposed to have. That you're designed for more. That you feel internally that there is more to come, but you don't know how to access this. I think this is a very good point to reach out to me. So she's like, everybody.

Well, there are people who think they have a great life. So I'm okay with that. They can come too, but for more advanced communication. Right, right, right. Go ahead. Do you have a website that they can just go on and find you? Yes, they can go to www.tinaenglish.com. That's my website and everything is there.

Yeah, we'll list to the bottom of the, uh, thing of the, uh, episode. Sorry. Are, can you do sessions virtually?

Is it like a virtual? Yes. Yes. I do everything virtually. So no problem. She was like, yeah, you ain't coming to my house.

And I just tell you, I don't want nothing in my house. Sorry. That's true. I don't even want to ask my question i don't mess her up now um i think i will be the most difficult client of yours because my mind won't stop i don't think you could find somebody that has i think energy i think jesus need to come down himself and lay hands on me um well i I mean, mind things, thinking constantly is something that can prevent you from happiness.

It can. So if you, because we don't normally just think, but thinking in human, humanity involves a lot of time, also judgments and rating situations. And that's not what necessarily brings us happiness. If we just would think, oh, my day is beautiful. That's different, but that's not what we think usually. So it depends on what you think. And I personally think that not thinking time is great. It gives you so much center and so much relaxation. It's the only time when you really understand what you feel and what your gut is saying. Because you don't like overrule it with your thoughts all the time.

Because the mind is usually louder than our guts and our heart. So do you like match people up? No. Like say I came to you and I was like oh i want to find a husband i don't have these profiles like and then i do the checklist i don't have somebody does that who does that I don't know. I mean, the last part of the result, you have to do yourself. I'm sorry.

I'm just going to teach you how to flirt. Yeah, right. That's what I'm saying. You just give advice of how to go flirt. Well, I guess you learn a person, right? You have to learn a person, don't you? Or no, you just give advice. I'm just't you? Or no, you could just give advice. I'm just going to shut up and let you answer the question. Well, I didn't understand the question I had.

Can you repeat? So she was saying like, how do you, how do you give people, like, how do you help somebody flirt in a way? And I was thinking that you would have to get to normal a little bit, wouldn't you? Well, the thing normally, normally is that people don't have a problem with flirting, but believing in themselves that what they do works. So it's not that they don't know how to speak, because usually they're older than 20 when they come to me.

And they have spent 20 lives talking to other people, whether they're an introvert or not, but they did in some way. So all of us know how to speak. And the problem of not getting along or not getting to the other person is not that you don't know like how to speak, but you think, think in your mind that what you say, it's not going to match that. They won't like it. That you don't, that you will not be loved for who you are. And that is the problem why people are hindered to reach out to others. So this is what I'm taking care of.

So I'm working with them, not on the lines, but on their confidence to go there and to really reach out for the person. And if it doesn't, it's not a fit, then they don't take it personally. And I think this is the thing that you need to learn when you put yourself out there in the dating game, because you cannot be a match for everyone. And it doesn't matter. You just have to keep trying to find the person that is for you. And even though you go on some dates and it starts great at the beginning, but then you have the red flag, then you have a red flag that at some point you have to say like, okay, does this work? Not for now, not for three months,

but is this the person I want to be or spent my life with? And then maybe you are the one saying like, I'm sorry, that doesn't work. But in their mind, many times that doesn't even come to their mind that they have a choice too. So for them, it's always the other person that they lift up very high and themselves, they put themselves up very low. So they're not even on the same level. So if you meet someone like here on the same level and you have the same rights and both of you are enabled to choose, that's a very, very different point of view.

And then it's very much easier to just reach out and say like, hey, I like you. can we have a drink together because you're not so depending on this one person result so how do you know that you're so you and somebody else are on the same level is it i guess are you saying that you shouldn't care you shouldn't even be on a level like that shouldn't even be a a concept a level you know I don't know the level is more like that you're not afraid that you are not lifting the other person higher than you are that you don't think the other person is more important or means more than you so like if you think like many people when they start dating then they think like oh what does the other person

think about me what What can they want? What do they want? Do I make everything right? And that's the thing. So then you are not you. Then you think about the other person and try to change yourself to fit yourself into their life. But you should be you and then see if this is a natural fit or not. So if it matches because you like each other just for who you are, that's great.

And if not, that's great, too, because then you can move on and find something that is a better match. Right. Got it. I'm like, have you ever done that? I feel like. Have you ever tried to? I feel like Crystal was just like, I just am who I am. And just.

Yeah. Like I just am who I am and just, yeah. I mean, so growing up, um, the females always did like the cooking and the cleaning and stuff. So like, I've always did that. So if we'll just say James, um, like I always now do the cooking and do the cleaning. And it's like, sometimes now I'm like, all right, can you help a little bit? Like, can we even this out? Like, even though I started doing this and the beginning of the relationship, now I want to change it.

But is it just that you're valuing yourself different now right that could be why the change is is now you start to see your value or you're starting to put yourself higher because she also goes out and changes the oil so it's not that she believes in masculine feminine she's just gonna do everything that's crystal problem yeah i mean i feel like i can't do it. I'm not going to ask you to do it or vice versa. I will change my oil. I will do that stuff. But, you know, so what I'm saying is not that I was pretending that I could, you know, cook, clean and do all this stuff. And I think it's not pretending or being somebody you're not. It's you're doing it because you want them to like you.

Right. So is that why you were doing it? Were you doing it because you wanted him to see the wife in you? Yeah. Yeah, maybe. Oh, and now you feel like because you are the wife, I'll do it no more. Cook and clean, bro. Well, I think it's a little bit of a i mean it needs to be an energy exchange so you need to feel like both of you give the same thing into the relationship and

just if this is unbalanced then we get these feelings like if i feel i give more than my partner then i get a problem because i think he's so lazy and he doesn't do anything. But if I feel he does more than me, then I would probably maybe do a little bit more without him asking. So, and I think this is, this is, it's not about so much the tasks that you do, but the energy exchange. So if you feel like sometimes you want him to help with a particular task, then it's maybe not the particular task, but the energy exchange. So if you feel like sometimes you want him to help with a particular task, then it's maybe not the particular task, but the help as such. And maybe you can find a compromise on how much, who does and what time. Let's just discuss that.

I mean, there's no, he needs to do 10 minutes of that and i do 10 minutes of that it just has to feel right for the both of you and it's always in a relationship it's nothing than a good communication about it how you feel and what you want them to do and then see how to respond and then find a compromise if they don't feel that is cool that's really good advice. And I think I understood it. What I heard was that she's looking for a particular energy and maybe she thinks it's out of cooking, but it can possibly be another way that she can get that energy that she's looking for. Yes. Good. OK, you did that. You get you get Dr. Love Love I see why they call you Dr. Love and when you were saying that I was like I've been single for the last five years because I want to

I don't have the energy to think about that whoo just learning how to love myself and as you can tell I'm a bit much and um so it's like I just don't you know I guess I joke about being single but i really don't think i want that that's not healthy right is that healthy it's not unhealthy you're still alive and you look good so i wouldn't say that this is like an unhealthy task it's just if you're if you want to change it then you know what they say about like manifesting things if you want to you have to also take like some actions so it's not sitting there i mean one of my friends she she went out of a relationship so they had a breakup and then she married the guy who came to move her her furniture so it can come to your house but i wouldn't really wait for it

that's crazy that's kind of a dope story So it can come to your house, but I wouldn't really wait for it. That's crazy. That's kind of a dope story. Yeah, I don't know. It's like I have my moments where like I get I get lonely or I just want somebody else. But then it's like, as you say, I think down the line and I'm like, I ain't ready to be nobody's nothing. Right. Like I don't I'm not ready for that commitment part of anything. And I don't know, I guess because of that is like I gave up on all of it, you know, because and, you know, it comes down to that kind of like Crystal said. So I feel like at my age, I grew up in an unfortunate time, right? Because, you know, I was born in the 80s and it's like, you know, it's a different, so many different

eras and we learned so many different things and I'm tainted as hell. You hear me? Like, it's funny because someone told me the other day, I kind of grew up in, like, a Catholic church and I really don't have any kind of belief. Like, I'm still searching for that too like i'm

searching for everything right but it was funny because he made the comment and he said uh not a catholic still a catholic and i'm like it's so true because a lot of those beliefs i have a lot of guilt over though i don't know if i believe in them right kate is i mean t Tina is like I don't know where we're going with this no I'm just waiting but I I she was like this is a long ass story okay where's my question I'm waiting

she gonna let you keep on going you're right you know what I don't know why I feel like it takes so much. Because I always want people to understand what I'm thinking. And once again, look, it goes into my search. Maybe I'm not confident in who I am. And I feel like I need to explain myself to people. Right.

But it's just I always feel like it's always a crazy reason. Because I don't know. I feel like I should want somebody. And the fact that I don't be bothering me. Right. Yeah. I mean, like, as I said before before it's a choice if you're happy just really happy truly happy with who you are and where you are in your life then everything is fine you don't need a partner or a relationship

or marriage or anything because society says that this is normal. The normal is what you feel is cool. It just needs to fit you. No one else. No one else has to agree with your happiness, with your life. Nothing. It's just for you. And if you feel great, just like where you are in your life, stay there. Until you feel not so great, then change it.

Okay. I'm going to take your advice, just because I like you. you are in your life stay there until you feel not so great then change it okay i'm gonna take your advice just because i like you thank you you know it's just every now and then i question things like my mom she looks at me and she'd be like you don't miss sex and i'm like like i want to know mom do you miss sex you can just tell me to leave i just want to clarify my mom lives with me i pay the bills okay so i just always think it's important for people to know that i'm not living off my mama he's 44 years old he still live with no she lived with me okay so you got it yes okay so how would you work with someone like me i guess i wouldn't be a good client for you huh uh depends i would ask you if you have a problem and what you want to change if you don't want to change anything then i would say like then we can't talk as friends but then you're not my

client because i don't know what to do with you okay and that's right because you just said it i'm you know i'm thinking in my head again relationship but she's like no i help all people well all people uh it depends i need to feel they they are a fit for me so i don't i don't work with people who just want to tell me their stories and don't want to change anything because it drains me and it doesn't bring results for them. And I just don't want to, I don't feel unable to take people's money and then not giving the value back. Even though the value for them is just to complain, but there's no value. Like this therapist for that. That's a therapist therapist i'm a coach

yeah so for me i'm you know i feel like if i sit there and just listen to them complaining it's like and i don't like so what can i do you know and then the next story starts and they don't even know like you can't even ask the question but what do you want or where do you want to go away because nothing it's all perfect they just want to talk and i get tired because i cannot listen to drama all the time you're not talking about this episode are you no i think it's fun i was like just to clarify i think have I been doing that this whole time? She was like, we've been on 56 minutes. Can you finally ask a question?

I think it's really cool. It's so funny because we do get a lot of guests up here that feel like, you know, always talks about how they could just work with anybody. And so it's cool that you just like, like, you know, like, because I think it's important for people to find the right help. Right. So in the same way, you have to be the right helper or know you're the right helper. And it's kind of cool to hear you admit that, because I just feel like our audience needs to hear that from a professional who does this. You know, it's not that you cannot work with people it's a choice it's my choice to say like if I feel like I'm not giving to you what I want to give to you like I don't feel I can bring in my value right why would I do it I prefer to to see because why I'm doing the job is because I like to see people grow. I like to inspire people.

I like that they move from somewhere to being a completely different person open up. And I like to see them glow and be happy. And if I can't see that, then I feel like I'm there for nothing. So I want, I don't want the result more than my client because they have to want it more than me. But this is my purpose to see them succeeding. And if I feel like a person doesn't even want to succeed, then I don't have a purpose in their life. Not at that point. Maybe they come back later when they feel like now I want to change something. Right.

But I don't want to take their money for not changing. Right. Right. And I agree with everything she said. Mine is the money part. If you just ain't ready to change, I don't need you in my life. Okay. But no, seriously, Dr. Love, I do have.

So unfortunately, there's a lot of people in this world. Number one, they don't want to admit they need healing but are also on that line of uh you know it can i be healed you know is there truth to healing you know are are are these people honest you know can this person help me can someone help me you know uh all those doubtful questions and they, or they just don't think they deserve it. Or, you know, they feel like they need to be punished for something. You know, there's a lot of people out there that are on that fence and they're so close to leaping over, but they're not yet. What kind of advice would you give to those listeners?

Well, for me personally, one of my greatest, my really greatest opening experiences was when I stopped my career in snowboard world cup and I didn't know what to do. And I stopped it basically because I won a race and I was going home in my car and I was like, well, if this is happiness, then that doesn't fit me very well because I wasn't happy. And then I was going out there and I was searching for true happiness. And one of my ways brought me to Cuba because the people there, they have nothing, but they're so happy. And when I saw that first, I was like, I need to learn this because I don't know how to do this. So did I know that I can do that? I had no idea. I didn't even speak Spanish at that time.

And I was with these people. We communicated like we didn't really, idea I didn't even speak Spanish at that time and I was with these people we communicated like we didn't really because I didn't understand they didn't understand but you find a way with that so the question is not even believing the question is just taking the very very first step because in your I don't even want to say the comfort zone because you're not really feeling comfortable if you're happy, but in the zone where you are and where you do the same thing every day, there is no change. Like when you plant this apple seed, there's going to be an apple tree as long as you don't change that. So you don't have to do the biggest step if you're frightened, if you think you don't deserve it. But if you want change, then you need to change one little thing,

one little thing, and one little thing at a time. And what I recommend is start with one little change and then change another thing another day. And then when you see that something changes, just a very little thing, you start to get confidence and you can do more. And at some point you're ready to really try even though you're not believing it. But the thing is, if you're not trying it, then it's 100%

it's not going to happen. And if you try, even though you don't believe it, but there is the chance. Right. Okay. That's good yeah it kind of made me think about faith the other day i was like you know what i'm gonna try something new i'm gonna be faithful today i'm just gonna have faith right and then it disappointed me but you know well maybe maybe if i can say something to that maybe you should define what faith is for

you maybe that works just the faith in per faith is for you. Maybe that works. Just the faith in per se is a little bit less, you know, if you, if you reach it at some moment that you have the definition of it. Right. That's what I always say about like, why it's so hard for me to believe because I felt like people always talk about the spirit of God and you know, whatever that means to, you know, it means many things to many people. But I feel like that I haven't felt that yet. Like that spirit, like, you know, the thing that makes me believe in whatever it is that I'm going to end up believing, you know, is like I haven't felt that thing yet. What do you mean? Like believing in God or believing in what happened in your life? Yeah, just everything. You know, it's hard. You know, it's hard for me to believe that everything, okay, so people always ask this question, sorry, don't mean to go over,

but people always ask the question, you know, if, or people always say, especially people who have dealt with trauma, you know, majority of people usually say, look, I'm trying not to offend nobody, but usually say, if I could go back and do it all over again, I'm trying not to offend nobody. I would usually say, if I could go back and do it all over again, I wouldn't change it because it made me who I am. I don't say that. I say I will go back and whatever and

take my chance on whatever that next life is going to bring me. If I got the offer, I would take it up today. But I'm not an unhappy person. I actually am okay with where I am at the moment. I like this journey. I like that

I'm healing from things. I'm liking that I'm getting to forgive people and to understand people. There's a lot of things I'm going through. I say that, but I appreciate my life. I have it. I appreciate it. Trust. However, maybe it's selfish of And, but I appreciate my life. Like I, I have it. I appreciate it. Trust. However, maybe it's selfish of me, but if I was given an option, I would go back and change it because

there's some lessons I felt like I didn't deserve to learn. You know, there were some things that were so horrible in my life. I feel like those, you know, it's like, I, I haven't survived everything. I endured a lot and I haven't reached survival of everything I've been through yet. And some things I wish I didn't have to experience. And those are the things. And I know I can't just go back and pick that, but because of those things, yes, I will start this life all over again. I can't understand what you're saying, because if you like,

I was paralyzed once in my life. If you ask me if I would like to be paralyzed again, I'd say no, because who wants to? But I mean, retrospectively, it brought me a huge lesson. That is true. So I wouldn't be the person that I'm now if that didn't happen but if i could have the experience i mean like the learning without the without the paralyzation i would i would go for that like like if i just got the knowledge but i didn't have to suffer but probably i wasn't ready

for the knowledge without the suffering right that's true i don't care about the knowledge so i'll start completely over i don't even i don't even want to dictate nothing new life a whole brand could be worse it doesn't matter i am willing to take that chance i take that chance but i promise that i i have a lot of gratitude i'm probably the, the paradox of our time right now, because I say that, but I am very appreciative. I have a lot of gratitude. You know, I give back to the universe, what it gives to me. I know how blessed I am. Trust I do. But I also know that there's still some things that I wake up from, you know, there's still things that happen to me that terrify me, you know, and it's because of that, that I can't trust people. I don't let people close. And,

you know, I go through a lot of things and I wish I didn't have to learn those lessons. And I don't know, I guess maybe that's where I'm stuck in healing and I need to get over that part. You know, that's the thing maybe I need to change. It's feeling that way. But it's like, I don't know what lesson it taught me. I didn't really learn from it, but it hurt me to my core. I do very much understand what you say. There's just one thought to give to you, maybe if I can, is that as long as you're building the the walls they're protecting you from seeing as

well so yes it's scary to walk out there with an open heart but this is also protecting you from some pain because no one really can hurt you as long as you are okay with who you are so the pain basically comes normally from the reflection that we give to the outside and that we want other people like to love us right but uh if we have if we like let go of that need who would be able to hurt us like it's then we are like a plant and imagine if you like a tree who can hurt me i mean an ex yes but right a chainsaw hurricane yeah but if someone like shouts at me you're an idiot tree it's like okay like right right right right i'm still waiting to be by a tree because i want to hug a tree

don't ask why i just feel like there's a whole bunch of trees I know but I gotta like stop like about where I live there's no trees and where I work there's really no trees but once I'm stopped conveniently at a place with a tree I'm gonna hug a tree but we thank you so much Dr. Love Tina English for being on uh thank you so much for dealing with my craziness today I told you so I have a chemical imbalance and I just knew today I was so hyper and I was like, oh, I'm about to put Dr. Love through it. You're going to have to have love in order to have, to make it through this episode, but you did well. Is there anything that you want to say to our audience that I didn't give you a chance to say? Just keep shining, do the best in your life and never be scared of anything. And if you are, then get someone to get you through because everyone deserves just the best of life.

We're designed to be happy. Yes. And I think that is the perfect lesson to leave off with. Thank you so much for being on. Thank you guys for watching. Producer Crystal. Thank you for having me. Yes.

No problem. And we'll see you for having me. Yes, no problem. And we'll see you guys next week. Bye. Bye.