These Fukken Feelings Podcast© - Weaving Tales of Resilience: Rebecca's Journey Through Health, Friendship, and LGBT Fantasy Fiction | Season 3 Episode 322

Episode Date: April 17, 2024

Send us a Text Message.As I sat across from Rebecca, her story unfolded like a mosaic of triumph and vulnerability—tales of her health battles, the power of friendship in the face of adversity, and her latest venture into LGBT fantasy fiction that's destined for the silver screen. Our conversation flowed from laughter to tears, weaving through the complexities of life's challenges and the beauty of human connection. Join us for an intimate episode where we lift the veil on personal struggles,...

you don't have to be positive all the time it's perfectly okay to feel sad angry annoyed frustrated scared and anxious having feelings doesn't make you a negative person it doesn't even make you weak it makes you human and we are here to talk through it all we welcome you to these fucking feelings podcast a safe space for all who needs it grab a drink and take a seat the session begins now what is up beautiful people welcome to an episode of these fucking feelings podcast i am your host micah we got producer crystal over Hi. And our sister from another mother, podcast mother maybe, Rebecca Haidt, the great Arthur herself, and a movie. Yeah. And a movie. Five movies. So we were a little bit in agreement when we were talking. I was apologizing to Rebecca because I finally did something I never thought I would do. And that was I was a bad friend.

Right. You're not a bad friend. If life happens. I had my reasons. Right. But so don't be over there thinking every reason is a good reason to be a bad friend but i was diagnosed with cancer we all know that but i'm i'm moving beyond that struggle now so i was telling rebecca that i can be a good friend again maybe that's why you're not in the movie

and then look oh dang man way to just like cut his throat like that saying it and he was i said you said you wanted to be the cashier and he said there's it's not a cash i was like it's a fantasy i was like you're a fan i wanted to be in the cashier she did kind of play me though but i was like would there be a cashier in this book no right i mean there's a there's gonna be a barista somewhere but i mean hey i'm all i still want to apply for that role well so like there's gonna be um so you know it's lgbt fantasy fiction and there's gonna be five films total so we're working on film one and um there's gonna be seen in a in a gay club and whether or not the club is actually gay when i choose it i don't know but i would prefer it to be an actual gay club and whether or not the club is actually gay when i choose it i don't know but

i would prefer it to be an actual gay club and i like really want to make you the bartender okay i'm here for it yeah i was now mixing drinks so maybe i could do a trick or something yeah that'd be cool uh so obviously we're we're looking for um product placement for certain brands we're reaching out to alcohol brands to market because it's a five film commitment for marketing for them. But otherwise, it's going to be like water and tea. Einheiser Bush or what's my favorite one? Crown Royal. Crown Royal, hear us.

I'm going to tag you in this episode. Washington Apple is my favorite drink right the only drink i drink so you know crown royal let's we gotta support rebecca yes and if you don't do it then we're just gonna go to no matter i was gonna say it's a rock but isn't that owned by diddy i don't know that's i'm like a vodka girl more. And I like 1800. So like tequila. So like there's somewhat like, yeah, I don't know a lot of them. Anything brown, I like don't handle well.

But this isn't for me. This is for a movie. And I'm not drinking it. So it's fine. And actually, I really don't drink that much either. But I guess before. So Rebecca, like I said, is family to us us that's why we just floated in a conversation and uh and i was just thinking so we actually haven't talked about the departure of our rebecca right and i hate to bring it up

because they always talk about i'm like i told somebody asked us uh where's rebecca and i said she pat she moved on she said, she moved on. She moved on. She moved on. And they thought that I was saying that she died. And I'm like, no. Oh, gosh. Rebecca and her husband actually found a really great, well, he got a really great opportunity in Florida.

And, of course, they were married, so we couldn't ask her to choose her husband over us. Well, we did. But we did. We did ask. So that's why she is no longer part of the show. But she's still part of our family. And we have nothing but, you know. Love.

Yeah, love, support, greatness, and all that kind of stuff. So I guess this is our first time talking about it. But I was thinking that the last time you was here that it was Rebecca. But no, it was Crystal. It was Crystal, yeah. Rebecca was out that time as well. Yeah, because I picked on her. Yeah.

Oh, yeah, she picked on it. She was like, oh, you would have loved that interview. We're all family here. Definitely. So I didn't even have to bring up Rebecca. So never mind. Forget all that stuff I said, right? So now I know you're filming in Seattle, right?

Are you guys started filming already? No, we haven't filmed yet. So it's going to be filmed two or three scenes in Philadelphia. I'm going to be working with a local bar on Roosevelt Street to be filming. And my father-in-law is Big Daddy Ray on TikTok. a local bar on Roosevelt Street to be filming. And my father-in-law is Big Daddy Ray on TikTok. And he has a very large skate, like roller skating following. So I decided to mesh that together.

He's going to be in one of the scenes, like as a quote unquote retirement party. And I'm going to bring some of his roller, like his skating people on there with their skate shirts and stuff so it's gonna be like a mesh of two worlds if you will and um obviously I can do only do that in Philadelphia because like I can't I can't travel like I can't have like 10 people travel to Seattle and be like one scene you know so then Seattle and then actually we changed the majority of the filming to bulgaria because now we're in an official uh partnership with hexagon productions over in bulgaria and um it's mutually beneficial they're just absolutely fantastic and they're going to help me edit the movie and one of the owners Radiston he is going to be

my writer so my writer in the book is officially casted with Radiston wow that's amazing and congratulations however I'm not going to Bulgaria just because it sounds scary it's beautiful it's not it sounds scary but I promise it's not like they have um their their capital sofia is very old time building so it looks like i could go to sofia yeah sofia to be clear sofia bulgaria is where i'll be but i'll probably like travel around a little bit in the countryside so you guys are not doing anything in Seattle anymore? No, we are. I just don't, I'm not 100% sure which ones exactly we're going to do

because some of them can be changed over to Bulgaria, but we are still going to be in Seattle because of the waterfront. There's some waterfront scenes and stuff like that. And we're waiting on startup funds. So anyone who watches this that wants to be involved and a thank you on the film in the film after the scenes right before the bonus scenes, please check out my spot fund and donate money. We need $500,000 to get it off the ground. I have almost all of my team in place. We just need the funds so we can secure the main talent and get going.

Wow. And we're going to make sure we post that everywhere and keep posting it and repost it. Yeah. Yeah. And to make sure this happens, it's pretty amazing. It's funny. I met you originally maybe two years ago. No, longer than that. Huh? Longer than that. You think longer than two years?

Yeah, because I've been. So what, three years ago? I don't know. When I first came up with the idea of the Suckin' Feelings podcast, it didn't last very long. I think I did eight episodes before, once again, life kind of crumbled. But you were one of those eight episodes. So I'm telling you this so you guys can go back and watch it because the Rebecca you see there and the Rebecca you see here are two different Rebeccas. And then you watch the one in the middle.

Then it's like you can actually see that what we say on these shows and what we talk about can actually happen. You know, like you can change your mindset, change the way you think, change the way you look at life, start living in positivity and the present. I think that's a big thing. You know, we always think about the past or the future and we never take time to focus on the present i think that's a big thing you know we always think about the past or the future and we never take time to focus on the present right so and focus on the present and then maybe you too could have five movies coming out that i'm gonna play the bartender there's no bugs in them oh yeah that's another thing where you bugs there's gonna be bugs in bulgaria that's another thing no it's okay believe me when i say it's gonna work out it's gonna be

okay i also have a meeting with sweden coming up to stockholm sweden i know it's i mean it all sounds really fancy when i say it out loud like that uh but i promise it's like just a bunch of conversations with people like the committee, the film commission of Stockholm is important because it's connection to the all Northern Stockholm or Sweden. I mean, right.

But he's really cool and he's just a person. And like, I, I, no one told me to do it. I just found I was in, I'm interested in, in Sweden in the future for the

future filming uh to match along with locations in the books and um i was just like hey i have a ton of questions he's like cool let's do a meeting i was like great and that was it like okay but it's a lot to be excited about because me, it's a lot more than what other people got right. So don't downplay it. Dreams, girl. So we just talked about how you was healing and then you proved me wrong. Well, I noticed, I know, cause I'm doing a lot of author signings and I have LA event, the LA times event coming up. i don't know if you knew that

but surprise know that what is it though uh april 19th well i'm gonna fly out the 19th and then it's the 20th and 21st of april see i'm gonna pop up on one of your events trust it's gonna happen yeah months ahead of time so busy're so busy. I am really busy. Shut up, okay? I'm healing, right? Crystal won't fly. No, I won't. That's cool.

I won't go on a plane. Now I won't even go over a bridge. Girl, we about to go do a movie in Bulgaria. But no, really, I am going to pop up at one of your events. I've been thinking about it for a long time. And, you know, actually, you're not that far from me. I think like four hours. And I'll be seeing when you do book signings. I'm like, oh, I'm going to go show up on her.

And then it's like something happens. I'm just lazy and, you know, going through chemo and cancer. Well, I have another one that's nearby at the Exton Library in May 19th. It's been really in my mind to not only come up to visit you, but also do an author signing in the Albany Barnes & Noble closer to you. It's just timing, and you have to get a hold of them, and it's like travel. Barnes & Noble and Colony Center. Yeah. There's only one i googled it i'm so sad that like bookstores are like i don't know they're just they're leaving you know

i guess it's the last time we'll talk i'm an author now yep i i took well first of all rebecca i will go ahead and give you your props right right? Because I sat down and I wrote this book and I was like, it's going to be a thousand pages. Like, oh my God. Like I get a printer and it's 62 pages. I was like, baby, I wrote a pamphlet. Okay. Yeah, I bought it. I bought your book. But it was just crazy that, uh, number one, I didn't think that I would be able to write. And then number two had nothing. Like, I'd never really thought about writing. But now I'm working on my second book,

and that's kind of cool. And it's going to be more than 62 pages. Yeah. That's sort of why my book one was shorter. It's 214. And everyone says, I thought it'd be longer. And we're like, no. Book two is two is longer it's fine there's a second one but i'm telling you i knew it was a thousand pages i felt like i wrote a thousand pages like

you couldn't tell me then that you know how you get the little sample joints and you're like yeah where is the rest of it literally yeah literally right like yeah so uh but let's uh talk a little bit about your books um or because i know you had your audiobook came out right yes laura harwitz is the one yes it's the last time we talked so i think your audiobook came out yeah do you have a new book out too uh yeah so in november i released my third book reborn um so i've been recovering from a concussion and uh so i've been utilizing these things to help me like mend my brain on like a timeline that makes sense but so book three was through my father's death and like my deep severe concussion

so it's it's a little bit written out of the three i think it's the best one just because of the writing style and what came out of me at that time. And I like I've had overwhelming feedback on that particular book because it's it's a bit more spiritual. And. Yeah, like I talk about art and sunsets and relating to the ocean and emotions and like you would love it. This is straight up your alley. So I realized that when I'm on chemo, I'm emotional in reverse. Right. Because I'm not a sobby cry type person. You probably would think I am, but I'm really not. Right.

But I cried everything now so i'm gonna have to wait till i'm outside of my crying phase yeah like we watch tv so be my mom that's like our tradition like when i leave here i'm gonna go home we're gonna make sure we got dinner and we're gonna watch tv together and i'm gonna cry and she's gonna look at me like you is dumb what is he crying for like and i mean i'm over here like and she's like it's a comedy i'm laughing so hard oh my god it's the way he looked at her like you could tell even though he was being funny it was love you know that's so cute that's i so that's sort of connected with um you know like through the

years i've been watching your growth and your spiritual growth and your empathy and stuff like that so i think this event that's happened to you has like opened up a different version of your empathy and i think that like you can feel their emotions even if i'm screened you know what i mean i'd be crying before this bad shit about to happen i'm crying before it happened because you know it's happening yeah right my mom was like can you give it a minute like discuss her she'd be like i should be the one crying right know, she might even call me a punk ass bitch, but it's cool. My mom and she loves me. I'm just joking.

She would never say that. Or I should never tell her. She's like, Mom, sorry. Don't. Rebecca, quick, change the subject, okay? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So the audiobook is out. It's been out since, it's been out like three months and it's been really doing very well so it's audio

for the first book yes okay okay yeah for book one they um they're a little expensive to make but they're worth it because people that can't medically hold a book can now listen to the book or they'll go back and listen to it or they're too busy or whatever um i noticed like usually people above the age of like 30s usually like actual hard copies of books or paperbacks old people old people yeah like and i'm included in that 1900s yeah if it was if you was born in the 2000s you want to eat rita yeah yeah you want an audio book but also because you know they do like yoga or they do walking and they listen to audio books i mean they're very good at multitasking the newer generations i'm actually very impressed We didn't quite get that sometimes.

Like we missed that boat, some of us, me in particular. And, you know, and there's the parents that have a bunch of children and they're cleaning the house or like they're doing something, they're chasing people around or, you know, whatever it is, a long commute. The audio books are best for them. Yeah, definitely. Definitely. I'm going to tell you something I realized the other day. I can either do 50,000 things at one time or nothing at all. Yeah.

I cannot work on one task. I can't. It can't just be one thing. It either has to be 50 or nothing. Yeah. Yeah, that is definitely. That's relatable. Right?

It's like it's ridiculous. He has 100 different tabs open on his computer. I'm like, that's a lot of tabs. Just like, yeah, I know. And I work at all of them at the same time. And it's like, everybody gets the same answer at the same time because they're all finished together. Yeah. I think there's ADHD though.

It is. Yeah. That's what I have. That's what I have. That's, that's what I knew. I kind of wanted to go back though. Like, how did you get this concussion?

What was you doing? Oh yeah. Yeah. I was on Miranda at a higher speed as standstill traffic. Instead of one more time, right? I was, I was rendered. My car was rear was, I was re-ended.

My car was re-ended when it was standstill traffic. At a high speed. Totally different. That is not what you said. Standstill. In the traffic. I heard this. I'm like,

girl, why is you standing in traffic? All you got is a concussion. everybody was good though besides the concussion yeah yeah as far as i know everyone's okay but i mean it's it's a it's very um you don't care about a whole lot when you have a concussion. Like, you care that you're breathing. You're caring that your eyes can open and you can deal with the light coming in and, like, gossip around you or the dumb things in life that people usually care about no longer matter. And that's how I live now. Let's talk about this, then, because I'm real ignorant when it comes to concussions. They're long. It lasts long term.

It can. Yeah. So so like a concussion can sometime, depending on the severity of it, it can last like two weeks or it could last two years. Jeez. Well, now it can be healed, though, right? Yeah, it takes time i mean it's um like it's essentially so you know your your brain is a muscle and certain parts of it is like bruised sort of like an apple if you drop it it looks like an apple but when you go inside it's all bruised up and doesn't look that great so that's the same thing as your brain and um what suffered was my motor skills so like memory recall um i forgot how to speak for a week like i thought i can only speak

french like it was great and i do know some french so it's not just like me pulling it out I probably would have ready to smack you like you would video it I would video it sorry you would have been a tic-tac sensation yeah yeah I don't know it was crazy yeah so like my art really came out very well i couldn't really think or speak like sleeping eating and drinking was my main priority and and then i could draw and like the images that i could draw were fantastic they were easier than when i didn't have my concussion but i couldn't like hold conversations wow so i'm gonna say that your mental health probably had to go through some little loops yeah one of the issues i ran into is i wasn't aware of danger around myself so if someone was bad people i couldn't recognize that so i loved and trust everybody, which is like me, but like a thousand times like more.

So when I was in the throes of my concussion, I was convinced that everyone had my best. Like they had to care for me. They had to make sure I didn't ignore a car coming down the road and I'd be hit by a car. I mean, that's a real thing. So like they had to be that thing for me. And then I didn't I wasn't aware that people did not like have my back to make sure I was OK so that I had to learn that. I feel like I might be in that state right now. I just love everybody. Yeah. Like you don't even have to rob me. Just tell me you was thinking about robbing me you could have

it all you know literally go through the process and i give you a hug if you need it yeah i'll love you after yes i was like legit uh it's cool whatever you need we got you you know what i'm saying yeah but um you know what i always say that and i'm joking i have been robbed over rebecca i have been robbed at gunpoint so i can't relate i know you have too so say that and I'm joking. I have been robbed, though, Rebecca. I have been robbed at gunpoint. So I can't relate. I know you have, too. So I say it jokingly, but I hope I didn't trigger anything. No, no, no.

You're good. Yeah. For everybody, it's not funny. I laugh at my pain. Please know when you're watching this that I am laughing about me. Okay? Like, if you need to cry about you, cry about you. But about me, I'm going to laugh.

You're so cute. Let's talk about you. I just i'm gonna laugh so you're so yeah let's talk about i just said that the other day that you're cute yeah look she makes it seem like it's a compliment i just said that four weeks ago well i was gonna finish the sentence on what you said afterwards but then i thought about it and i was like yeah i was just thinking that four weeks ago you know oh yeah Rebecca this is not a very good episode right now no you're good oh it's the movie based on anything about what you wrote it's um so the plot points are the same but the journey to get to the plot points are the same, but the journey to get to the plot points are different. You were thinking about this the last time you were on though, right? For some reason, I remember you saying you were thinking about doing a movie.

Yeah. Yeah. And then I was like, I'm doing a movie. That's what I'm saying. That's dope. If you go back and you guys should watch all three episodes yeah we'll make it easy i'll put all the links in the episode description um just to see your journey and your growth you know it's like it's an inspiration

because it's like we're sitting here laughing and we've been 24 minutes in and we really haven't talked about mental health right but we can do that because we have talked about mental health, right? But we can do that because we have talked about mental health and we're healing. You know what I'm saying? So now we can take the time. We have the time to have this little chit-chat. Yes. Because we're working. You know, like we said, hey, the first episode was three years ago.

See Rebecca Height then and see her now. You know? I see your wings, girl. Thanks. Yeah. But it's crazy, though, that even though even though like you're doing all these amazing things, it's like you're still struggling with something else. And it's like now we're going into the mental health part. Doesn't that just get tired sometime? I mean, not really. To me, it's it's not necessarily about struggling or I have to continuously work on different versions of the same thing or something else.

It's because we're changing all the time as people. So what we need changes with it. And I find it humbling to know that if at any point in time I say I am a hundred percent good i'm already not good like we're not you know what i mean yeah yeah i get that however i'm saying like when i found out in december that i had cancer again i was like i am exhausted oh yeah that's fair done like lord i don't know what your plan is for me i don't even know if you're there but if you're there like please show me something i was kind of like over it it was like because life had been so good you know and it's like cool i did all my stuff for when i was younger and not say that

i didn't have everyday challenges i work with crystal so you know my days be hella crazy, right? I was gone for two weeks, and I heard he was miserable. Just saying. I came back, and he's all magically not miserable. What's that say? It just so happened

that you came back when I got off chemo. Oh my gosh. Burn, man. Burn, burn. Everybody knows I love Crystal. I know. Everybody's like, I'm so happy you're back. I was happy. Damn, was he that bad? Child. But you know what it is

sometimes too, is like so many people and maybe this is me not being fair to you, right? Here's my epiphany. So many people lean on me that I lean a lot on crystal you know because it's like i saw i'm in a situation where it's like everybody around me is going through these crazy hardships that i've been through already and i kind of want them to get over it but they're not gonna get over it but i also know that they don't have time for my

low issues you know so you know i did like a really aggressive chemo regimen like i was on it, but I also know that they don't have time for my little issues. So I did a really aggressive chemo regimen. I was on chemo every day for like 90 days. It was a combination of pills and chemicals. It was weird, but the doctor had a plan. I was tired. I'm like, whatever. They could

have told me, drink four gallons of bleach and call me in the morning, and I would have been like, okay. At that time, I was just like well whatever like just do what you're gonna do right frustrated that's understandable so i actually have a theory about that that i didn't tell you but i waited until now to tell you let me hear it okay so i remember a post a bit ago when you were having a hard time during one of your chemos and like there's a lot of people struggling around you um and you were struggling because they were struggling so um although cancer is the more extreme thing, from what I know, when you master a certain area in your healing, you're given a you're like smacked in the face by this difficult thing, whatever that may be. And unfortunately for you is cancer, because that's really jacked up. But I guess that's what the universe decided and so so so like you going

through it is making you face the other things that you're still working on or to revisit or something i mean again it's a bit more extreme but i believe that sometimes when you're at a certain level of mental health and healing you're put next to or near people that are really struggling and haven't been quite where you are with the understanding for you to help help them understand or guide them so for example um when my father was alive one of the last church services that he was in, I met. I'm sorry. Is that too much? You want a second? I don't know. I was like, I don't even know what you did. It was cute. It looked good. OK, sorry, you dad. I'm so sorry. It was such a bad time.

I know. I'm like like she just did this little thing and it was just like what are you like i know you said you had a concussion are you bringing shit to your memory like what my third eye yeah no i my forehead edged i know which is also a third eye so whatever like it's working for you man it's working activated for you um all right so when my father one of the last services my dad did uh there was an elderly woman who i've i've known through the years and she was really struggling and um it's not like i personally knew her very well like i knew of her family growing up, but I didn't remember her name or anything.

And she just like opened up and my heart hurt for her. And I gave her the advice that I have lived by and I give to other people. And it changed her entire world. So like I think you and I are here at this level to help people navigate. Like we feel their pain, but we're also there to help like ease it. But can I take a vacation? Yeah, you are right now. Saturdays and Sundays are vacation day.

You know, it's really, really funny because's like uh i was having a conversation with someone last week and um they were asking me like if you could have anything in the world what would it be and i was like the ability to take a year off i just one year i promise after that year i'll take my ass back to work and i'll be happy about it. You hear me? I will walk up and sing in it, but if I can have a year off, I'm like, I just need rest. Yeah. Like, rest. You get so bored. I'm probably bored as hell, right?

Being there building Legos and shit. Weekly, a month later, you'll be like, all right, I have to go back. No, no. I think I could do the year. I think I could do the year. I don't think you can.

No. But, like, I really, the ADHD would kick in way too fast, honestly. I think I could do the year. I don't think you can. But, like, I really, the ADHD would kick in way too fast, honestly. I think you would get, like, a couple weeks in. He's supposed to have not worked for a whole week, and he was on the computer working.

And that's not commitment. Says the person who called me every day to talk about work this is a different time this is a different time so it was so my boss came and he's like you know what i was in the middle of a nervous breakdown and i was like fuck this job i'm. But I have a really great boss. He's amazing. Shout out, James. And I text

him and I was like, I think you need to find someone more equipped to do this. It was just at that moment. I just think you need to... So he calls me right away. You know what? People always do the opposite of what you say and I think maybe you want them to. Because I was like, no, I don't want to talk about it now. You know what I'm saying?

But he calls me right away and I was like, this motherfucker. And I took the time to let it ring right. And I'm like, I ain't answering this bitch because I told you I didn't want to talk right now. But he was the boss. So we answer the phone, the boss calls. And he said, you know what, like, I kind of should have done this. We know you're going through a lot. Like, we just need you to take some time off. Take next week off. You know, no work.

Nothing. Like, don't open a computer. Like, leave your computer. We're here. Like, don't talk about work at all. And then my mom has open heart surgery. It's like... So it wasn't really like a vacation or a week off because it was like a week

in the hospital you know looking at these people when they came you know what i realized too about hospitals and y'all suck for this and i'm speaking of the ones i went through lately like don't be a good nurse when the family there and then when the family leave you're not a good nurse no more oh my gosh so my mom had a couple of those experiences like and i was on the phone with her and it's like i hear this shit and i'm like uh-uh put the headphone on the phone because this woman is loved and you're not gonna talk to a woman who is loved like this so like let's get this together like they oh they were so tired of me they was like can we let They was like, can we let her go today?

Like, can we let her go? Because her son, I called him every night, every two hours. I was checking in on my mama. I want to hear if she's still alive. That's valid, though. But I don't know. I just feel like if you have a job that you hate, go find another job. Right.

That's our mixed message for today. go do what your heart sings about and if you don't know how to do it start with researching right right because some people just are miserable and i get and i think that's what i'm trying to escape a miserable world you know it's like i feel like we don't exist to be miserable we don't i can't believe in a creator that created creation to suffer i just you know i feel like if there is a paradise after this lifetime i should have it now and then you know now i'm not saying i won't have bad days but i should have more good days than I do bad days. Yep. And I should know what peace is and I should know what love is. And if nothing else from myself, you know, I should know what it's like to completely love who I am and accept myself.

And like, these are all the reasons for healing. You know, these are the reasons to do what you do so that you can start chasing your dreams. Like Rebecca is teaching us, you know, she's about to do what you do so that you can start chasing your dreams like rebecca is teaching us you know she's about to go to bulgaria yeah yeah where that is i'm gonna have to look i don't and it's funny too because it's like i feel like it's the most random place and i'm not saying i don't mean that disrespectfully bulgaria so when i'm

there visiting rebecca you treat me nice okay i'm a good guy um but every time i say it and i'm saying it now to be funny i always think of like vikings type of people i mean they're they're so i'm viking sort of reached everywhere so bulgaria is near hungary it's next to hungary right okay this is like what else is hungry which is like near it's it's east of italy okay italy you got that right girl i've heard of hungry yeah i've heard of it no there's a lot of things i feel like i'm ignorant to too like i couldn't give you all capitals of all 50 states no don't give me a street where i was born you have to give me a place

like do you know where foosacrest is yes you can't say do you know where fairy street is no i go to the railroad track when you see the person that has a little swing on it that's the kind of directions you need to give her yeah that's valid though that's because that's because we didn't have gps growing up we had math right and landmarks and don't let you be traveling from state to state they be like eight pages long. You'd be like, oh, man. I know I was just telling somebody, I was thinking the other day about, like, I didn't text people in high school. You had to paper text.

Okay. And let my mama see your text on my phone bill. I had a pager. How did you get a cell phone? Right. I actually had a cell phone pretty young. And that's because I used to run the streets, right? No, I'm just joking. I worked at a young age.

I started working, you know, once I was legally able to when I wanted a cell phone. So, you know, my parents' philosophy, if you can pay for it, you can have it. I didn't think cell phones were. Why are you trying to make me older? Because if I didn't have a cell phone when I was that age, I don't know how you would have a cell phone. I mean, he's 36. Right. Thank you, bitch.

Cover that shit up. I had a I had a I mean, I didn't have a cell phone when I was 16. I have the same number I did when I had 16. How old are you? 36. She's 36. Okay, psychic. You need to put her ass in the movie. I did something so funny today

because he just says, with the ball and the potato. We have a worker and she comes over and something had happened. She did something wrong. She comes over and something had happened. She did something wrong. And she comes over and she's like, Micah, do you know why this keeps happening? And he's like, let me pull out my ball.

And he acts like he was really looking into a crystal ball, but it was a potato. It's a bean. It looks like a potato. So my coworker got me a, it's like a crochet bean. And it says you're my favorite human being. Oh, that's cute. It's a cute pun. Yeah, it is a really cute pun.

Rebecca, we sorry. Okay. Oh, I was trying to tell you, did I tell you about Amber Riley? Oh, yeah. So I don't know what's up with Amber Riley. The reason why I'm so hyped, right? Like, this got me high as hell. I've been smoking like 18 blunts, but really, it's all Amber Riley, right? So I get trolled a lot doing this mental health podcast. I don't know why people either just hate me or hate mental health, but I get a lot of negative comments, a lot

of negative messages and that's why I barely check Messenger and stuff because most of the time it's like negative and something. A friend of mine called me a few days ago and I was talking about April 1st was our one year anniversary of these fucking feelings

being back, us being a top-rated podcast. You know, it was a lot of things to celebrate. And that was my post about, you know, it's like, thanks for taking this journey with us, you know. And, you know, it's the guests we have, the people who taught the lessons, people like you who come on and share your story and impact people. You know, so I said what I thought was a cool post right and so like this guy comes up and it's like cancer hasn't killed you yet oh god you know karm was coming for his throat i was like so my friend i didn't even see it a friend of mine called me and um it was like i hey you need to take this post down or you need to report it,

you know, do something, but like you need to take it off. And I was like, or not to post the comment. Um, so I went on TikTok, found a comment,

like I did reported this stuff, but it stung like for some reason, it really, really stung this time. And I trust, I don't got some horrible things. People don't put my heads in places. You wouldn't believe.

I'm like, how are you going to fit my big head in that place? You know, people have sent me some threats now, right? Like I probably need secret service. I don't know why, Rebecca, I really don't understand it. I spent all my days deleting messages, deleting comments because the stuff that people say contradicts our message to people. And I never want someone to read it and then become negative you know because i feel like it's triggering you know but for some reason like i said i just get a lot of hate um so my friend did this so he saw it i got i saw it and we just end

up talking about it and i said you know this is the reason why sometimes i just want to stop doing podcasting like sometimes i just don't even want to do it because like I'm good. I'm healed. You know what I'm saying? Or I'm healing. Like I just want everybody else to feel the same way. But maybe I just need to be selfish and just be healing and be a bit blissful and being good. If there's one thing me and my friend Sebastian have in common, and that is Amber Riley. I love Amber Riley. We were Glee fans.

Love Mercedes Jones on Glee. It was cool to see her after Glee and not be so innocent and be human. And and, you know, it's funny, like she she did a movie recently where she was like the crazy, you know, best friend stalker, kind of crazy type of person. And it was like, you know know from watching glee to watching that it's like crazy well anyway i don't know what he did he went on i guess cameo or something and got her to leave me a message and she like basically was like your podcast is kind of so don't give up you know that's so cute like like you know i was gonna leave you this message but i had to check out what your work was to make sure it was legit.

Because I don't want to, you know, I can't be sincere if it's some trash. But it's not trash. And I'm like, that's Amber Riley saying that. Okay. Like, award winning. Like, she was the harp. You know, like, the harp. The harp left me a message you know

so and i got it like just before we came on yeah and that's why this is probably the worst podcast you ever been on i feel like we haven't talked about anything good we did right yeah we're here about concussion the concussion about good girls do no but the struggle she went through i know i'm joking yeah um best friend and you can't live without me like we talked about all yeah i mean to circle back about what the comments and everything it's um when you're healing and you are giving out that vibe and i love your posts like your energy you know that like i tell you all the time and that's why i absolutely adore you so the people that are um unhealed are triggered by you and then so what

they try to do is re-drag you down to the low energy which are the comments so you being as unfazed as humanly possible with that is exactly the right thing you know um i'm doing a lot like obviously so like the movie the five movies the i'm working i'm gonna do a book number four at some point and that's going to be movie five um eventually comic book but i noticed as i do and piece together the movie um i don't from my personal circle i don't have a lot of support from my people and it's because they're the wrong people you have to get rid of them you have to get rid of them get different people and so i'm gaining a new team and people that are aligning with me now. And I mean, my world is changing. But when I started this movie and signed with Undisputed Films and Marco Robinson in the UK, I was the only one advocating for myself. There was there was like only one other person

that I knew out of the whole lot of them that was like, yes, do this. And they were all like, no. So like the more successful you are, the more jealous and envious people are and some mean things come out of their mouths and they try to get you to divert and not be successful so the only thing i can suggest is at the end of the day if you believe 100 that this is the right thing you should be doing then let the negativity go as much as you can right and i get that but it was just a bad day and I got you. I was entitled. But it was just the, I don't know. That's the point. He had the balls, like legit.

Like you came in with these big ass cojones. Yeah. Answer hasn't killed you yet. Like really? That's how messed up this world is? It's fucked up. You know? Yeah.

It really honestly is. This world is fucked up. Right. It was like, oh, it's sad sometimes. And it's like, you know yeah it really honestly is this world is fucked up right it was like oh it's sad sometimes it is like you know and so sometimes it's like do you do i want to give myself to the world do i want to give my gift to people because what are they gonna do with it they're gonna turn my words around are they gonna you know but at the end of the day you're right and you know i think what we're doing is important you know i i don't know

that people get much from me but they get a lot from our guests and to me i you know it's like every every guest we've ever had has touched me so i can imagine how they touch other people and that's what i love about this podcast you know we had we did an interview yesterday and um it was an older gentleman and it was really funny for us. We got a message from him today and he said, wow, you know, talking to you felt like talking to an old friend. And I was like, damn, that's kind

of deep, you know, because we made him comfortable. We made him safe and I think that's what I want to do. It's like, let people know that they're a safe place for you to feel comfortable to feel like you're talking to an old friend you know and and you know you have to heal you don't heal you're gonna stay in that mesh in that ugliness and the potential of working

on five movies like you're gonna get your money girl you was gonna get it you know so that's the least bit of your worries you're gonna get it i wanted to ask you a question so now so like cool i know you know you never you know books have been turned into movies all the time but you never get to talk to arthur right so you said they they're changed like they change some things about it do you do that writing or is someone else that does that yeah so i did the script writing um and i also like so i'm the director and the script writer and the producer um because i don't i mean i'm sure someone else could direct it but it's i've i've said it before my books are already a movie in my head so why would i even i mean be a waste of energy so now how how were what were your emotions about changing things or making things different in the

book i actually didn't have an issue with it because i already wanted to go back and modify book one to be longer and different anyway so this was just a way for me to do it without actually doing that like the book and i i really enjoy the way it came out there's more like villain background um there's different scenes with her best friend they're like sort of the same but sort of different and um i mean movie two i don't really see a whole lot changing in that other than maybe some extra characters or something i um i went a little deeper and there's a guard who i named scott it's a brand new character and in movie one he's like with he's aligned with the bad guys. And then you see him sort of

transition along with the main character to the good side. And so like, I'm giving as much examples of you have, you have a chance to change your life at any given time. It's just because you made bad decisions doesn't mean it's the end you can always choose to do good i mean and i'm using him as a catalyst for that but it's it's like two almost two stories at once so there's both sides the good side and then the dude on the bad side going at the good side right right right and that's pretty dope mean, it's cool that you have a mission. You know, it's like you have a purpose behind all of this and it's it's to actually teach lessons and not just to, you know, I don't know. I can't stand action movies, right? Like my mom would turn on an action movie. It's like deuces. No, I just can't do it. So I don't know to be, you know.

So to me, it's like I have to watch something that has substance to it. You know, I don't know why I feel like not action movies don't have substance. But you're not going to find your daughter in Barcelona and the guy that got her. Like, it ain't going to be that easy, bro. You know what I'm saying? Like, come on now. Like, if you was a CIA agent, they would never have been able to kidnap your daughter. You know what I'm saying?

So, like, come on, bro. I think that's what you're talking about right now it's like the only actual movie i ever watched and i think because i had to watch it because i was on like on a bus trip and it was all they was playing you know and it was before tablets you know so remember those days crystal that funny. Back in the 1900s. Yeah. But you know what? We joked around a lot though, but I do think that you're a great mental health advocate. And so I do want to take the time and ask, is there anything that you want to tell our audience that we didn't give you a chance to say? And if there's not nothing you want to say then say something because you're like here's your tile um yeah five seconds again so the i just want to reiterate because i can't stress this enough i feel like a lot of

people are realizing that they can do more in life and like a lot of conversations i have a lot of people are evolving like healing wise mentally wise and spiritually wise um but they keep getting stuck because again the people around them are not supporting them and i just want to reassure everyone that if you have to distance yourself from people that are toxic or that are giving you a hard time, sometimes they're okay and sometimes not, it's okay to move away from them. And part of the storyline is, for my books, is that you are your best friend and as long as you support yourself and what you're and you believe in it enough nothing will stop you so for example I knew as soon as I met Radiston that he was going to be in my movie and I didn't know how I didn't know what was going

to happen but I knew it and and I kept telling him i was like you're gonna you're you're gonna be in my movie and i mean i didn't really give him a choice but but he's such a doll face like he's just so adorable and um like with the movie itself like everyone was like aren't you afraid it's movie one like i had another friend of a producer at my author signing be like asking me a ton of questions aren't you afraid you're not going to get the funding like yeah i am but i'm gonna get the funding like he's like a lot is playing on movie one because movie one sets the tone for all five movies and aren't you worried that it's gonna be bad no i'm not worried it's gonna be bad it's gonna be freaking awesome

because it's gonna be like bulgaria and like the content and the mythology and tree of life and this is freaking amazing no i'm not worried about this so like no one can change my mind. You know, it won awards. Book one won awards for a reason. So. No, definitely everything you said. I mean, I feel like that it's like when you start loving yourself correctly, that's kind of the confidence that you get. You start to know your worth. And really, I think that's what it's all about. When you say things aren't going to happen or you're fearful things not happening is you're not knowing what you're worth. So I'm going to go ahead and win this Powerball and we're going to be good. For all those listening, y'all might not see me no more after this show because I won the Powerball.

I'm taking my year off. You're taking my year off. That's funny. I'll be in Bulgaria. Even though you say you're the director, I'll be like, that sand is out of place. You know what I'm saying? I'll be the director assistant, you know? Yeah.

I will need one. I will need one. She'll be the director assistant you know yeah i will need one i will need one she'd be like coffee but no really uh cool i'm so proud of all this all the stuff that you're doing i think everything you're doing is so dope you're always been an inspiration to me i feel like you you taught me a lot of lessons and if you guys want to know what those lessons are, then go back and watch those last two episodes. There's one really, really important lesson that you taught me, but we're not going to talk about it because we're going to make you go back. Okay. So, I mean, you're actually the highest watched episode that we have. Really? Yeah. And the second one. Yeah, yeah.

I know what you're talking about. They ain't know nothing about us. These fucking feelings now you need to move on. But now people listening but no, really keep the right people around you. I think very important message out of all the

craziness we talked about today. And it's our craziness. So what you saw was three people healing, catching up, right? True story. Right. Catch it up. And we should have did it on a phone call,

but no, we did it on a podcast because we want you to see that what healing looks like, how you can generally genuinely support each other. Everybody can win. You can want everybody to win, you know, but it all comes down to first, like you said, let's get that toxic energy out your life.

You know, some people just need to be removed, but it also comes down to figuring out how to love you and understand your worth. And I think it is nothing more important than that. And that is why we do this. There are so many methods out there for mental health wellness that, you know, if you work out these muscles and you be up in the gym,

you need to work out like the inside muscles as well. Right? So if it's not a therapist, it's a coach, it could be a book. It could be writing. It could be getting on my nerves like Crystal does, you know. So she gives me all her trauma.

And then she'd be like, whew, I feel so much better. I'm over there like. She's like, I feel great. I'm going to do my job now. It's going to work. And I'm rocking back and forth, you know. you know so no don't do that to people okay but rebecca we adore you uh i apologize if this wasn't what you were expecting it's just amber riley made me high okay it's all good man it's all good i never really expect anything specific

when i come and talk to you guys because I know you'll it's about being authentic you know like you are the tone setter of the podcast and I follow you and then we all have ADHD and then it's just like it's a party you know what I mean like authenticity is pristine it's way better than a organized podcast. Definitely. And you know what? I feel bad sometimes because we get requests. Like, people be like, can you send us the 20 questions? And I'm like, why? It just got to be 20.

No. But my answer is always no for that reason. It's like, I don't mind having this person on as a guest. Because, you know, now that we're, like, top rated, we get reached out from, like like pr people and stuff you know so so i'll be talking to people's managers and shit right but no really is and they always want to know like what are you going to talk about what are you going to ask and i'm like uh we'll see when they get here like depends on the energy of the day what i have for breakfast how much crystal nerves i'm just playing y'all really love crystal i'm i'm picking on crystal because she did something

without me oh your feelings are hurt what are they hurt you know i'm saying without me she wouldn't have had a grandbaby without me i did have a granddaughter oh i got you i got you she's just welcome her second granddaughter second grandbaby when she was she was born on the 25th she was born on the 25th march 25th she like legit just knew and she left me to go to tennessee to be with this grandbaby and her family like i won't not and i got abandonment issues. I really don't. Look, here I go triggering people.

I'm going to shut up and end this episode now. It's Amber Riley's fault. Okay, whatever I said is because Amber Riley, who is so dope, y'all check her out. She made my day today just because, you know what?

She supported me. And I think that goes into what you were saying. You know, one thing she did was she did her research and then she was like, okay, yep, you could get support. And I thought that's kind of dope. Y'all do the same thing. Let's support Rebecca. I'm going to list, start listing your, what's the funding site? Spotfund.com. There's a specific link directly. Yeah, I put the link. I just didn't want to name the wrong place.

Yeah, understandable. So I'll put her funding information on all of our platforms, and we'll keep posting it. And you guys, I mean, I'd say we probably waste at least $7 a day on nothing. Probably more. Right. Well, I'm going to give everybody $7 a day. We waste at least $7 a day. We're not even asking for that $7 a day. We're just asking for it one time for $7. Okay?

Like, if everybody could just send $7, we could get to where we want to be. Right? That is the best number. But if you could send more, if you could send $7,000, we're not stopping you. know if you could set seven thousand seven hundred and seventy seven dollars let's do this but five thousand dollars will get you to be an extra in the film so there there's tears so like five thousand is an extra in the film and then like um five a thousand is your logo on my website it's like all listed on there so you guys do get something it's not just like i mean i appreciate the generosity and you know the support of you know mental health and fantasy fiction and lgbt because like this this movie is gonna make such a splash i can't even tell you it's gonna change the culture and it's necessary because it's different and it's original and it's something that hasn't been done before and more people just need to support it so

yeah you know there's three things you should have got out of this right learn to love yourself figure out your worth that's one thing i know i said two things but it's one the second thing is watch the people around you and the third thing is we're going to go ahead, click the link, and donate to Rebecca. Until next week, peace, love, and blessings. See you then, guys. Bye. Bye.