THESE GUYS! - 10 Hail Mary's

Episode Date: June 27, 2023

this week the burpy boys talked about how priests should just be real during confession (instead of confessions)🎟️ JOEY'𝗦 𝗨𝗣𝗖𝗢𝗠𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗦𝗧𝗔𝗡𝗗 𝗨�� 𝗦𝗛𝗢𝗪𝗦 August 2 Funny Bone Columbus, OHAugust 17 Summit City Comedy Club, Ft Wayne INAugust 22 Funny Bone Cinncinatti, OH (Liberty Township)🔺𝗪𝗔𝗧𝗖𝗛 𝗢𝗡 𝗬𝗢𝗨𝗧𝗨𝗕𝗘 https://youtu.be/xxQ75QbyHHY🧢𝗧𝗛𝗘𝗦𝗘 𝗚𝗨𝗬𝗦! 𝗠𝗘𝗥𝗖𝗛 https://benedictmerch.com/products/these-guys-hoodie-1?variant=41218692775993

Would call, like, friends' parents just by their first name? I'm like, you are 11 years old. Unbelievable, you just called him, Steve. You're 11. Unreal dog. How do you do that? The nerve. Unbelievable.

I would throw up in the bathroom if somebody made me call their dad by their first name. Just call me Dan. It's get fucked. Ooh, that was a heater. Let's get fucked off. Husser Sounds like my driver Let's get fucked off

Wait, you're driving I can smack the shit out of it Really? It doesn't always go straight But I can I can I can wail it That's a crazy thing for anybody to say Yeah, you know

Just just golf guy Play some golf Let's play some golf All right TG 40 Really 4O Oh

Hey God Go Oh my gosh I can't say a number on me without thinking of a stupid ass football player from my childhood happened over the weekend

last week it was like last Friday Texap Ben was like Colvers literally had one of those little blue numbers they give you for your order and it was 76 how how how rude of them

I said fucking Joe writes just a slap a 76 in your window yeah I guess it made sense because I was getting a double butterburger. Yeah, but you don't look like 76. You give 76 to the fat guy in the car.

Boom, 76. Fits. If only that was how it works. You're more of a 28. I throw a 28 on you in 32. No time. Cool. Hey, guess what?

I'm going to do shows. Where? Yeah, I got August 2nd in Columbus. Let's go. Funny Bone in Columbus, Ohio, August 2nd. Then August 17th, Summit City Comedy Club, Fort Wayne, Indiana, and then August 22nd, Funny Bone and Cincinnati in Liberty Township. So it's a suburb of Cincinnati, apparently. But I am coming to perform in those cities with some more

on the way. And I probably will have tickets available by this time. But anyways, I just wanted to get it out there for you guys. Be the same shit as how when Ben was doing them and when we had the show at the Vogue. But yeah, August 2nd, Funny Bone, Columbus, Ohio. August 17th, Summit City Comedy Club, Fort Wayne, Indiana. August 22nd, Funny Boone, Cincinnati. Those are all lit locations too, man. Just doing a little, you know, you were going like real nationwide. I'm just kind of doing a nice little in my fashion. Smart. Figured out. A nice little donut. A little Midwest. A little Midwest donut. A little Midwest cake donut. Yep. That's awesome. Very, very excited about it. And, what are the dates? No, seriously. August 2nd, August 17th, August 22nd. It's coming up, baby.

So yeah, get your tickets. See you there. Can't wait. It's going to be fun. And yeah, very, very excited about it. So those are just the first three confirmations that I got. And my people were like, yeah, go ahead and talk about it on your show. And I said, cool. So wait, wait a second, though. You were on Howard Stern. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Let's tell me everything. What are you waiting on? Yeah. So it was really, really surreal. I was on Howard Stern. for three days. And like what I mean by being on it. So like I was hired around on as a performer, right? So basically back in like, this is how long of a process it was back in March,

getting an email, my manager gets an email from folks at Howard Stern show. And they were like, hey, reaching out. Got a lot of writers on the staff who are fans of Joey's work and like want to see about getting him on the show to do some work with him. So like, holy shit. So I just send in kind of like an impression reel, like an awesome. audio impression reel, send that in. And they kind of were like, yeah, we're like this, this and this. We can work on this. And so finally, at the beginning of May, the real? The real? It's about a minute and a

half. Oh, nice. So I think I did like seven different impressions, but it was all just like, who'd you do? Boom, boom, boom. I did Patrick Mahomes. I did Jimmy Fallon. I did Adam Sandler. I did Tucker Carlson, Ben Shapiro. Heaters. There was another one I did. Slappers only, baby. But so I sent that in, in the beginning of May, I got a phone call from my manager, and she was like, guess what? And I said, what? She said, you're going to be on Howard Stern.

Bro. And I was like, oh, man, wow. What are you doing that moment? I was driving back from the Indianapolis Motor Speedway. I just picked up my credential. I had Frank with me, and he was in the back. And, yeah, it was just truly like, holy shit, you know. She wrecks your car.

That's what I would do. So, yeah, that happened. And then they were like, okay, yep, we're going to do June 12th through the 14th. You'll sit in on the show those three days. And then they kind of, we had more phone calls to get the process down of how it was going to work. And so I had a rehearsal and they sent me this sick mic set up, of course, like. They sent it to you?

It's because at first, at first I was like, oh, like, I'm going to go out to New York. Yeah, that's what I was thinking. And I had that option. And I was like, well, yeah, I want to go out to the. studio and to be there for it and everything. But then I talked with, I talked with one of the folks who was kind of my contact point there and she's a producer writer on the show. And she was just like, I would, if, she's like, honest to God, if I were you, I would just do it remote. She's like, we got this system down so well that we do remote, blah, blah, blah. She's like,

I just would save you the travel and just like do it from indie. And I said, you'd be so sick to be in, you'd be in studio though? Yeah. But the thing is, is that Howard isn't. Or is he? He's at his house. What a fucking life that guy. Yeah. And so she was like, I would get it if Howard was there. But since he's not like blah, blah, blah, blah.

I'll just stay and do it from that. So, okay, fine. It saves me to travel. And so we had a rehearsal. And then I go into the show Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday of that week, June 12th of the 14th. And what I'm doing is like, so I'm on. I'm in the show. Like I'm sitting there and like I'm staring at Howard and Robin, you know.

and like you're like the co-host kind of the third no no but like I'm in the room I'm just ready to go for when when my time is called upon and so like what I do I didn't see this bro yeah it's a Father's Day gift members only new balance my bad I didn't mean it

but I had to I was gonna bring it up but you yeah you hit you hit the stern right off the front so like I'm sitting in there and then I have we have we have chats open on the side where I'm like working with writers and producers and like the entire time throughout the three hours of the show or whatever

we're just pitching like bits and pitching jokes and pitching characters you know so it's like going through stuff right so now you could say this or now you'd like want to bring up that right or like you know I'd be like oh that's how they do it I'd be like um you know I'd be like oh Jimmy Fallon wants to come help Howard

take care of his cats or something oh yeah and so then they'd be then like me and a few writers would start like pitching lines back and forth and be like okay we like this and then and so then they pitch it to like the head writer And then all of a sudden if the head writer's like approved, it'll be like approved, you ready? Bang, and you go in? Well, then like Howard will be like, he'll, you know, knock at the door.

And then be like, oh, look, we got Adam Sandler in the room. Wait, did you do him on his show? Yeah, I did, I did Tucker Carlson and Sandler. And so then like the knock on the door and then I unmute myself and then boom, I'm in there. And so how many writers do you have to go through? Are there like two you're like writing jokes with while that, while they're talking about stuff.

Uh-huh. And then the head writer signs off. Yeah. And if that gets approved, then you get thrown into like the chat that has like literally all 50 of the staff members on there. There's 50? Damn near.

And they're writing too or they're just like. Yeah. And so then like once it's approved, you're like in there and it's like, okay, uh, character Adam Sandler or whatever. And then they're just,

so I'm watching this chat while, I'm talking Howard and you know, and then like they're pitching. There's just lines. Boom, Bing, bang, bang,

bang, bang, bang, bang, I mean, these people are the pros of the pros. Yeah, that's what I'm thinking. But it was hard because it's like, you know, by the time it gets approved and then by the time...

They're done talking about it. Well, that, but then by the time it gets approved or then the time... Because I had a few that got approved, but they didn't make it on because Howard would pivot and, like, move on to something else. So it didn't make sense. So he's not, like, sitting in, like, waiting for shit ever. He's just kind of on his own. Howard Stern's just on his own, like, wavelength. He's just doing whatever the fuck he wants.

Yeah, I mean, he's Howard Stern. So... I didn't know if he was like, you know. know maybe there's one here all like sit in it for a sec well yeah but but then like one you know the ones that did get approved you know i'm sitting there i'm ready i'm waiting ready to go and like i have a few lines that like i either like on my own or a few that are already been pitched i'm like oh those are good i'm gonna go with those but then by the time it's approved like like it's just like bing pin pin be it's hard to keep up with and it's all happening in a real time so then like

when you're on the air and howards you're trying to listen to howard talk to you and then you're trying to respond to him, but then you're also trying to use these, like, heaters of lines that these riders are pitching you and everything. And so it's all like, it's exhilarating, man. It's like literally being shot out of a cannon. It's crazy. Like, I, so the first day I was on. I didn't think you're going to say exhilarating there. Which sounds like a nightmare. Like, well, like, yeah. I mean, that's what I was going to get to is the first day that I was on. It's Monday. The first day to be rough. A good rough. I get, we get a pitch for.

Tucker Carlson approved in the first 20 minutes of my first show. Yeah. And then all of a sudden they're like, you ready? I'm like, yep. And then literally. And then Howard brings on Tucker Carlson. And I'm like, I mean, I literally blacked out. No.

No recollection of what I said. Oh, I would do that. I have no recollection of what I said. I know I said things. And like, oh, okay. I know I got some laughs at a few of the staff members that were like on the air. But like, other than that, I don't remember anything. It's probably when you're at your best.

I don't know. But then like, you know, you, you get more in the flow of it and everything like that. And then by the time that I did Sandler on the next day, then, you know, I already felt better. And I was on there for like a little over a minute and kind of had some back and forth with Howard. And like that I do remember because I was able to be like, okay, I got the first one out of

the way. But it's just like all of a sudden, the first 20 minutes of my first show. And it's just like, boom, there you go. Just in. It was crazy. But, um, obviously surreal experience. I mean, I, you know, he's the standard of radio and media. and, you know, comedy and all that shit.

So it was, it was wild, man. Hopefully all kind of, you're gonna. You know, it's crazy too, dude. It's like, I don't know if you've, I don't know what your experience of, what these kind of things have been, but like, I know when I have been in a situation, when I get on like a show like that,

or an experience, like my head with Barstool even. Like, you kind of go into it and you're like, oh man, all these people are gonna be like, show me what you got, kid. You know, they're gonna kind of be like dicks or whatever. Complete opposite. Like, everybody there was just so like all the writers I worked with, all the producers so like encouraging

and like supportive and gave such great direction and like we're just awesome to work with. Cause they know, bro. And so yeah, hopefully we'll milk that and kind of, um, you're gonna be a regular. Hopefully. I had a few for, I had a few pitches for Patrick Mahomes and Jimmy Fallon. I was like, oh man, these will crush. I'm so ready. And they got approved and then like, but like Howard just like pivoted elsewhere and they never got on.

Yeah, so. But next time. Yeah, you got them in your back pocket for next time. That's good. Did they give you like a return date or anything? So I didn't know that like I didn't, I guess I didn't realize it because they're all, you know, Howard literally has his own channel on serious XM. So there's always something on, you know, but like apparently they have a summer break where like they'll just play reruns of old shows and stuff. And then they'll come back in the fall like live.

Yeah. So hopefully and hopefully with the coincide of football season I'll be able to get because they have a few like diehard chiefs fans on staff. So I can just see how it's just being like, you know, when do you think of him? I just like, oh, me, really? I think he's just like, I always want to suck my dick. So that's the hope. That's the hope, man. But yeah, it was awesome.

And like, I know you'd appreciate then. Hopefully our listeners would appreciate just like the behind the scenes of like, you know, it's literally, I want to know. It's like the meme of like, you know how the meme of the duck where it's like above water, the duck looks so calm and collected. But then like below water, the, the, feed or whatever.

It's all I'm interested in about every single show. I was just like, what's it behind the scenes looking like? Like, how do they do this? 100%. There's 50 riders? Oh my God. If you're looking,

if you're just watching and listening to Howard Stern show every day, you know, this is definitely a peek behind the curtain. I don't know if they even want me to talk about this. Hopefully they don't get pissed. But it's just like, you know,

this is why you come listen to these guys, you know, but it's literally like Howard and Robin are doing their thing up top and then you just under the water you have all these moving parts happening. And like you would never even think about it or like realize that's just how much of pros are it's crazy love that show so that was the experience when i was a kid man i used to sneak and try to watch howard stern so much because i thought there'd be nudity the tv oh my yeah i was on like i don't know what channel it was on maybe

i can't remember either was it but like it was it on tv maybe like maybe like late late night no maybe what if it was comedy central i'd always look for that Howard stern block i'd be like oh there's boops on that show try to watch it at like midnight i'd be like yo i'm watching like adult swim or whatever. Yeah, the intro. I just remember the intro was like he was like a string puppet. You know, he'd come down and be like hard rock and he'd be like Howard Rock, you know, and then he'd like, hey, no. I was so confused. But I saw like blurt out images and I was like, I got to watch this. I can't miss this. Yep, yep, for sure. So. And you were on that. It was cool. It was cool. Who were they, were they interviewing anybody like during your episode?

No, so they only had, um, the three days that I was there, the only guess that they had was Andy Cohen, the Bravo host and the, I mean, the dudes everywhere on TV. And he was, like, I didn't have any interaction with him, but I was just listening to the interview trying to, like, pitch bits and stuff on there. And he's just super nice guy. Yeah, that's another little treat, bro. Yeah, that's cool. But yeah, this member's only jacket that we got, not jacket. Father's Day? Father's Day. It looks custom made. It's a new balance shoe and it says members only. Father's Day drip. Did you, like, do they sell that?

I found it, I think, on like Etsy or something. Oh my God. Etsy gang. Etsy's the, I mean, it is. It's the shit, dude. Etsy gang. You can find anything on there. I know.

I'm always sketched out about like the shipping, though. I'm always like, yeah, it may take like eight weeks to get there. Yeah, I know. This is going to be so nice when I get it next October. All right. Right. Start shopping for your Halloween party right now. Celebrated Father's Day.

last Thursday How do you celebrate Father's Day? This is an interesting topic. Two weeks after Father's Day we figure out when we can all meet up and we just went to Brew Burger and I had like four sides of grilled chicken and that was it.

Water's all around. No ice. Nobody got anything besides water? No. Oh, dude, my dad got an Arnold Palmer. He's on that. Nice. Late on the Arnold though.

He kind of looks like a... He's an AP. Yeah. Arnold, it's a nice little dream. The way he dresses, you know, very Arnold Palmer. He's in his AP. He's in there. He's been doing the Arnold Palmer for like five years, bro. He's AP top 25. He's dropping the ranking on Mondays. Everybody's looking forward to that AP top 25. It's just Arnold Palmer. Honor Palmer. But that's how we did it.

Did you get him anything? Absolutely not. And he paid for the whole lunch. I was like, yeah. Sounds good. You guys are to the point where you don't even like, literally your presence is just his presence, you know? If I tried to get my dad something, he'd be like, what are you doing? If I got him a new car, he'd be like, okay, no. But you can trade it in for money. Even pay for like a meal?

You can't, you know. He'd be like, shut up. If I tried to pay for dinner, he'd be like, what are we doing here? Are you about to poison me or something? Yeah. it's just muscle memory for him at this point you know he just wouldn't let it happen i don't know if it's like an italian thing but he's nah yeah i could literally shoot him in the ribs with a gun and he'd so be like i got this my mom my mom dude she's like she's to the point now where my mom's always been

a little cheap you know and for majority of our life for good reason you know just because we didn't have a ton of money but you know she's to the point now where she knows that you know she's to the point now where she knows that like me and my sister and her husband like our respect me and my sister's respective own families now you know we can get to the point where we can just go pay for our meal you know but what kills me is every time that we go out to a family dinner for like a birthday or something unless it's like you know she'll pay for my birthday on my birthday yeah but the other siblings are fending for themselves oh so it's separate checks yeah yeah yeah so but she'll always like oh man that's a nightmare she'll always ask like before

beforehand, you know, she'll be like, are you guys on game with paying for your own dinner? That awkward assing. Like, mom, yes. Me and my sister every time, like, yes, we are adults. We, yes, it's not a problem. Like, you paid for our whole life. Hit her with that no. You don't have to do that, you know, and if she would go about it and just straight up be like, now is it all right if you guys just take, you know, but the way she's, no, can you can you? Can you? Is it a lot of you pay here? Is there a big no? You can't pay where you in there? That is so funny. I don't think I'll ever pay for a meal when I'm going out with my parents.

And they'll surprise you every now and then. You know, that's what I love about my parents is they kind of keep me on my toes a little bit. Sometimes I'll just be like, oh, no, we got it. I'm like, oh. Ooh. A little treat, treat. What's up getting appetizers now? But it's like if there's even then.

What's up dessert? Even then. You're ringing it up, dude? That's what kills me about my mom too. 16 beers. It kills me about my mom is like, you know, even on those times. like when it's like clear that like she like they're paying for it you know. Like if you get like, yeah, if I get like two beers and an appetizer, she's like, you know.

Okay, big shot. She gets a check bag and she's like, I'm like, you said you beat. You said you would. We said we would. Yeah, that sucks. And she just wants you to opt out. We'll pay. It's like, I got it.

But it is funny too. It's like if a single other person comes, you know, like, so. on Sunday night, it was my sister's 21st birthday. Mm-hmm. And she, for whatever reason, my sister had decided to be a good idea to invite, like, a couple of her friends, like the family birthday dinner. Whoa. Whoa. Crossing the line here.

Right. So it makes friends. Learned it from you. God. So it's like, you know, now because of that way, my mom probably would have picked up the tab for the family, but now she feels obligated to pick up the tab for my sister and her friends. And so, like, we get booted out. because my sister decided to invite two friends that she won't be friends with in eight months.

So they were in on the bill? Her friends were on the bill? Her friends were on the bill. But you guys weren't. Her friends got the free tab. But, you know, her grandson and her and her son and daughter. Yeah, your sister's not going to talk to those girls ever again. I fucking hate Sarah. She's such a bitch.

Is that the girl that went to your birthday dinner one week ago? Yes. Yep. Yeah, but they won't eat much, you know. You got to look at who you're buying for. It's like two girls to say I might get a couple drinks. I'm like an app. I think two dudes. It's like, oh shit. I think you're the only friend of mine that my mom would gladly just be like, we got it, we got it. Really? I would stay in line. I think it. I would stay in line. Oh, thanks, Mrs. Molinar. Still can't call your parents by their first names. That's so wild. It's just, thank God I have for your dad. I just say coach P. Oh, that's great. And he likes that more than it.

Ew. Gross. But I'm not going to call him Joe. Like, come on that level. Joe. Right. It's the funniest thing

calling my dad Joe. I'll just do it randomly. Hey, Joe! Joe P! I always freaked me the fuck out, dude. When kids, when we were young, like elementary school

or middle school. Trash people. Would call like friends' parents just by their first name. I'm like, you are 11 years old. Unbelievable. You just called him.

Eve, you're 11. Unreal dog. How do you do that? The nerve. Unbelievable. I would throw up in the bathroom if somebody made me call their dad by their first name. Just call me Dan. Bro, I've been married for almost four years together, like with my wife or six.

And I think I just started calling her mom by her first name like six months ago. That's tough. Because it got to a point that she literally, like, there was like a literal sit-down conversation. It was like, stop calling me Mrs. Aldridge. I just wouldn't be able to. I'm like, like, I just. I'd have to dig deep into my soul. It's still feel like, it's still a little bit.

It lessens. It lessens. Every time you say it. Every time I say it. But still, it is to that point wherever I'm just like, hey, Kelly. I'm like, ah, man. The disrespect just coming out of your poor. every time you say a first name.

Yeah. Yeah, I remember there's a couple kids on baseball teams that I'd play on. We'd beat 10 and they literally just be like, hey, Joe? What? To my dad. I was like,

I want to smack him with the back of my hand on their head. Hey, we, come on, man. It's like, jeez, at least call him coach Joe, for God's saying. Have some manners. I don't know.

And my wife always gets on me about that too. She's like, it's really not a big deal. What? And my mother-in-law called it. She's just like, he's just, you know, he's just a good Catholic.

Catholic boy. And I think really, that's like, you know, Catholics, you were just raised that way a little bit differently, I think. Dude, I was calling my boss at work, Mr. Dickinson, bro. Yeah. And it felt right. He's like, do, call me Scott, man. I was like, no, I don't know you. Right. You pay me, bro. I'm your servant right now. You're Mr. Dickinson. Like, those friends, those friends of mine would call a parent, like, Steve, and then literally, go destroy their basement at like two in the morning. Yeah, you can't stave them up and then put a hole through the ceiling with a pool stick. Right.

Like, you're not, dude, you're not shaking his hand and then going and playing a quick nine after work with him. Like, you're there to fuck up his house. You're in seventh grade. Are you guys business partners? God, give me a break. Or the worst was when... Don't even talk.

Ooh, this has cream right. Yeah, yeah. Oh, shit. The worst is... when a chick would call her own mom or dad by their first name. Oh my God. That's a different level. Oh, the kind of balls you have to have to do that.

Yeah, just ask Tammy. Oh, God. Yeah, Peggy wants to know if your mom wants to help out at the next football game. I'm like, is Peggy a girl in our great? What the fuck are you talking about? That's your mom's name. Tammy doesn't give a fog wali to do. It's like, I'm a little scared of your.

Is she going to come down and drink with us? Probably. I don't know. But I'll be there. And I'll call her misses such and such. For sure. You can call her Tammy. I'm not doing that.

I'm sucking up the whole time, but I'm still going to partake in all the legal activity. Because sometimes... I'm just going to be a nice guy. Sometimes all it takes for a mom is just calling her misses or miss and they think that you are the sweetest dude ever. Yeah. That's going to be a strict thing. for me with my son.

I think it doesn't even need to be said. I'm gonna be like every single time he leaves the house. I'm gonna be like and if you see an adult, yes ma'am. No ma'am. Yes, sir. No, sir. Mr. Mrs. Wright.

The yes sir thing's a little. A little militant. It is militant. I hate it. And I, like, it is a good look though. Like if a kid, a younger kid, yes sir did you? I was just saying like, if that's a stranger or something.

You know, not a stranger, but like if it's a neighbor that you don't really know, you know, but like if you know the house that you're going over to, it is strictly mystery misses until you can at least legally buy your first alcoholic beverage. Oh, yeah. You're throwing the may I please in there? Dude. You're throwing so many things. You're sprinkling. Thank you. Thank you.

Like you're in the, you're at the castle of the royal family or some shit. But, but, but she said, but they said, call him Dan. No, I don't care. I don't, I do not care what they said. What I say is Mr. and Mrs. Okay? And do it. Just you can never go wrong with that.

So that's where I'm out. We got mail time. Mail time. Mm. All right. That might be a new thing. And honestly, this just came into my head.

I know you're going to kill me for it. But we haven't done a mold or admit it. In a while, I just want to toss that in the air. That's a good point. Yeah. It's time. And I know you got fucking 15 loaded up in the clip.

I know you do. all right this is from Andrew had to write in say how much I'd love this pod since I started listening a few months back I first saw your videos on Twitter and was immediately hooked especially Johnson and Schmitty there's one pod where Joe was doing his Mel

Kiper impression and nailed it's a concern and Ben was dying when Ben said it goes so hard I lost it my goal is to now incorporate it's a concern it's my everyday life just for no reason it's a concern yeah just like get a you know I'm really concerned

about morning meeting yeah yeah the numbers are down about a good sort. Also, I was listening to the one where you guys talked about NFL players and their asses. When Ben brought up Mike Tolbert, I almost keeled over laughing so hard.

Although, to be honest, instead of asses, I might have preferred discussion about Heinis. Oh, God. And he attached a picture of a Heineken. Oh, shit. What a well-crafted email, bro.

Thank you. That right there from Andrew, that is someone who just gets Johnson and Schmiddy. Hey, Clubhouse knows Clubhouse. That's right. Absolutely. Honey's. I'll take two.

Can we rip a Johnson and Schmini video? Yeah, probably should. Let's do it. Maybe another 4th of July. That first one, lock it in, dude.

Yeah, that was so much fun. I thought I had a heart attack. It was, dude. And I think you actually stayed around at my pool for a little bit and hung out.

Best effort. It was the writing session beforehand. More these guys, BTS. Before we did that. Yeah. We had the script like, it's always seven.

75% there. When we're like ready to record, it's not done. So we got to like brainstorm lines and stuff. And that's always high pressure. But we were outside by the pool. And I remember I was just pacing around your pool. And one of us thought of that line at the end that's like, you know, I better catch up. You brought the mustard in the hot dogs?

I'm going to go. Dude. I'll never forget. It was like we literally about to reenact the LeBron D. Wade, uh, Allieu meme. Let's do part two. Fourth of July, guys. I love it. All right, this is from Tommy.

Title, love the show. Dear Ben and Joey, easily my favorite pod I've ever listened to. There's never been a moment. You guys have said something or an observation that wasn't both relatable and hilarious. My buddies and I went to Catholic school third through eighth grade,

so always love hearing you guys tell similar stories. My question slash story is this. Did you guys ever have to go to confession as a class during school hours? Yo. That's the question. Our class would go and they'd have different priests set up around the church

whenever someone got done, the next person would go to the next available priest. One priest was married. He was Episcopalian before converting to Catholicism. And I guess they allow wives. And his granddaughter was in our class. Well, one time it was her turn to go and the available priest was her grandpa. And our teacher did nothing to stop her going to him. Oh, no.

My friends and I still can't believe it and laugh at it today. Anyway, long-winded story. I figured these guys ask, keep up the good work. Here we go, Steelers. Fuck yeah, Tommy. Slap my ass, Tommy. Catholic school. Steeler fan. I mean, that's just, you're literally my brother.

Yes, that sounds exactly like our setup that we had. It was really weird, really confusing. So Homegirl went to the priest that was her grandpa. So you know, she was just like, um, I lied and I stole my sister's Hershey Bar. Okay, 10 Hail Marys. I don't, yeah, I don't even know if she laid one out there, man. They could have just had a little catch up session in there. Right. And this, hey, you've been at school. Hey, hey, Pat, hey, Pat, Pat, Pat, just, you know what?

I'm gonna sit here. I swear I'll come over more with the family. Yeah. Yeah, that was the biggest, I was the biggest liar during confession, dude. Never lied more in my life. When's the time you lied the most during confession? Is there anything you need to bring up that you've done the past?

All the sins you've committed. I'm like, uh, talk back to my mom. A thing that I always stole something from Dick's sporting goods that day. Yeah. You're 17 years old and the worst thing you've done has talked back to your mom. Okay. Priest just needs to call you out on your shit.

So you've been jerking off or what, Joey? Let's fucking spill the beans. What's you been watching? So tell me. Born hub or you born? Are we doing you, Jiz? Or come on, let's, uh, I need a new site for tonight. Yeah, dude.

Just be real with me, priest. That's a video right there. Real priest. Real priest. confession. God, but yeah, we would, then, you know, you would, you kind of look around the, the side of the gym you were sitting on to see if anybody was eyeing that priest. So some motherfuckers would start creeping over there. I'd be like, no, no, no, no, you, we have to wait. Oh, because they wanted the, the priest that was cool or something? They wanted to go to the

priest that they liked or the priest that was cool, you know, and so like all of a sudden, they would start kind of like, you know, they would be lounging a little bit, just kind of like lurking, kind of like a shark circle in the area. You know, they want to be in the bleachers anymore. I'd be like, no, no, no. It needs to, until that person's ass gets up, and then you make a B-line. And if you're the first one there, then you make it. You're thinking about high school. Okay, high school confession, different setup.

It wasn't even your like, OG church. Like, there's a fence in between us. We just had two chairs on the basketball court. Like eight different stations. Eight priests came in. Just did rounds. Literally public confession. You're like, there's an echo.

And people can hear me. Yo, can we play some music or something? Can we get like a back street boy's ambiance? or like just anything. Like, give me. The priest is like, you did what? Everybody looks over. You're like, goddamn, father.

No shit. Keep it down, dog. Father Johnny, can we take it down a couple decibels? Look at everything around you, man. This place has been around since 1950s. I got it in right. Dude, the chairs were like this far apart. So you had to like raise your voice closer.

I was like, bro, bra, bra, bro, bro, bro. Okay, listen to this. What should I do? I cheated on a test. I feel bad about it, but I got nay. And then every time the priest literally just had it. shit. Some of them would almost be asleep and you just be like yeah no shit.

Just like this dude. He's this motherfucker listening to me? 10, 10 hell marries, 15 our fathers. Peace. And then you're like, okay, you go over there, you kneel, you'd be like, you wouldn't say it, you'd be kneeling, you'd be like, okay, if somebody were to be watching me,

if I sat here long enough that they would think he probably has done 10 Hail Marys and 15 our fathers. But you gotta do them on site? No, you don't do them. I thought it was like homework. No. Ten Helmarries. Four our fathers.

I'll be like, I'll get it in the night. Peace. No. They would like, they would send you back and there's a little prayer.

Prayer. Yeah. What a moment. And I was just like, you know, this is wasting all the time today. I kind of love confession. Yeah.

Some teachers that like, they'd be shh like, okay, I guess you're going to confession. They would be. I'm like, you want us to.

We're supposed to. What are you going to do about it, bitch? Make you feel bad about going to confession. Should taught at Center Grove. Bye.

This is from Christian. The title's wedding food. Which we got some good suggestions on that too. Hey guys, just listen to the pot of work and notice you talking about wedding food. I'm getting married next May and I'm planning on having a pasta bar like you guys talked about. Hell yeah. Is it moved out pasta pre-made and already mixed in sauce or have it separated for the guest to have more of a choice?

Step it up. Keep up the good work and slap my ass. Christian, well, first of all, congrats. second of all, yeah, it is definitely the second option there, my man. Yeah. Make it out to be a buffet. Like a subway of pasta. Love that.

Because you literally, so the way it works for me. Pick your sauce. Pick your, what's going on top? Diced tomatoes. We're putting olives on there. Yep. You know what it is. Because, yeah, some people want to mix it up.

Some people, you know, we ran into some people had like, you know, dietary shit. So it was like, okay, well, just literally, if they just want pasta and just want the noodles so they can do that. If they want the warm noodles, you know, that are, that are, they're tossing on the plate for them to warm it up, then they can move on like Ben said. And, you know, you can get your, uh, you know, you can get your, uh, you know, you can get your, um, uh, I'm, what's Alfredo or what, you know what I mean, like Italian, maybe just throw some butter on there. And butter noodles.

Kind of sounds good right now. That's, I think that's definitely the move because it's, because if it's pre-packaged and I'm just looking out for you, my man, I wouldn't really care because it's, you know, it is what it is. But, you know, you know, Then if it's prepackage, I feel like some people might be like, oh, what? Was this cooking all night? Right. How long has this even been here? Like, is this, you know, just run into that.

And just have a big pot of cold spaghetti too for all the freaks at your wedding. Yeah. Just in case my dad shows up in one summer or anything. You ever have cold spaghetti? Like with the sauce on it? Yeah. No. Oh, dude.

That must be some down bad morning food. No. Because everybody in my family was kind of fishing out of the like silver big pot in the fridge. Dude, if you haven't eaten cold spaghetti, I think my daddy's eat cold spaghetti on purpose. He'd make it put in the refrigerator, eat the next day all day, just slapping it.

Yeah, uh, no, cold pizza is probably the far. What's a cold food? I do cold pizzas, so I can't. I do cold pizza before I watch football games.

Before you watch football, ball games? No, I was just like, improv that. I was like, that's crazy tradition, dude. Before kickoff,

everybody get in here. I was everybody saying, slice of this fucking stiff ass, stiff ass pizza. All of our weird, you know, how we,

you know, beats and set of pizza. Got to change the peas to bees. For you're not living. Football with no tea. Oh, we need a list of these, by the way.

Yeah, dude, it's like how, you know how we love that shit, the cold pizza to where you're literally just like, oh, Give my jaw

workout. God, give my jawline. Give me the jaw line. You want a good jaw line? Just go on me and Joey's diet. Twizzlers and cold pizza. Just tearing shit out of my mouth like a dog. That's all you can eat though.

Like maybe a couple times a week and then nothing else but coffee and that's it. And then you'll lose weight and have a jawline. You might die. It's fine. I mean, die doing what you love. how do he go out

he only had cold pizza he wanted me to tell you he only had cold pizza and Twizzlers for three weeks oh okay gotcha and he only did that twice a week oh okay it must be in the these guys clubhouse

okay no but really is there another food that you'd eat cold like is there anything weird you're like smack it on I could do cold I mean, who couldn't, but like cold wings, you know? Oh, God.

Are they, if you're just picking up, if you're just, you know, if it's like a traditional wing, like a boneless, or no, a traditional like buffalo wing,

and it, I don't care how long it's been there. I'll freaking pick that up and rip that out of there. Yeah. Same thing that with like beat up is boneless. Like if they've been sitting there, like their leftovers, you're just like,

nah, whatever. Dude, I'll eat a whole Thanksgiving plate cold sometimes. Uh, yeah, weirdly. Why does that work?

Just because you're so, ready to eat the leftovers because it was so good the day of Thanksgiving. You're just kind of like, it's a leftover day. It's kind of like made for it. You know, you're like microwave, it was warm yesterday. Let's switch it up. I had the warm. Now I want the cold. I like to do both. That's just meant for it. You know, there's a whole plate stuffing. There's a Black Friday NFL game this year. I thought there was, I thought that's been happening. No, first year. Who was playing? I think the Jets and the dolphins. Got have so much. Jets this year, dude. They're going to go 9 and 8.

Jets are wearing black jesus, I bet. I'm already over it, man, I already am. I'm kind of with the Jets. I'm okay with it. This is from Jimmy. Title College Football. Hey guys, just want to say, I love the podcast. It's the only one I heavily anticipate every week. Are you I love you guys, man.

Waking up every Tuesday, I just can't wait to hear these guys. Keep up the good work, boys. I just had a few questions regarding college football. What is one school slash campus you would love to see college game day broadcast from? Also, an additional crucial question. What is your favorite college football uniform of all time? Oh yeah, you better stop. With respect and a slap to my ass, Jimmy Wilson. I love the way you said and I slap to my ass.

That's hilarious. We're getting respectful out here. Thank you, Jimmy. Uh, on multiple fronts. Okay, so the first one, what is a school slash campus who would love to see college game day broadcast from? Ben, you got any? Um, they've done like, like every school kind of, right? They've done like every big 10 school. I don't like it when the little schools are like Oh we're gonna get game day this year I'm like you don't deserve it So I'm not gonna say one of those It's gotta be realistic you know

Like a Wabash to Paw I'm like yeah okay it'd be cool and I get it Big Robert but like you're not there Don't overstep But I do like like once every year Once every two years when they do randomly go You know and it's like They're in Fargo North Dakota

Oh yeah I think they deserve it You don't think like a Wabash DePaul one time just like a it's not good for TV man I see I think of the opposite I think that one time like if they did it more than once it wouldn't ever be the same but that one time yeah didn't who's the who's the like the one double a school or the D2 school that like Pierre Garcin went to Mount Union they went there and that shit was hype so never so forget it yeah locally to us that would be cool DePaul you know Walbash DePaul and they talk they talk about that every

Thanksgiving weekend on rivalry weekend. They'd pick that game. Oh, they do? Yeah. Oh, so they're for the Monon Bell. They're in the system. Yeah, Reisch Davis always always be like, all right, for the Monon Bell in the state of Indiana.

So that's like a huge rivalry nationwide. I don't know about huge, but like it's a known historic rivalry that like, yeah, it's on game day. They'll have the graphics up there. And like, even if the people don't know what they're talking about, you know, Herbie will always have some sort of insight because he's Herbie.

but they'll throw their picks out there for it on like rivalry weekend god I'm trying to think yeah man so that'd be sick selfishly for me I mean I think the last time the game day went to Purdue was like 2004 where they play Ohio State I think it was Purdue Wisconsin so and Kyle Orden did the flip I think never forget when his ass was upside down in the air I was like he's gonna die somebody's paralyzed we're like 20 years removed from that. So I think that would be great to see it come back to there

just selfishly because I would probably definitely be up there for it. One place that I would love for it to go down, and this is not a college campus, but I would love for a game to be played at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway and have college game day live from the Indianapolis Motor Speedway. Boom. Ooh. What teams?

They've done that. It would have to be like, it'd have to be like Notre Dame and. I know I get it, but like, God. I don't know what teams, man, but they've done that plenty of times before. They've done it from Churchill Downs.

They've done it from the Masters. Wait, there was a game at Churchill Downs? No, but they've done game day from there, I'm pretty sure. And they did it from the Masters in Augusta back in like 2020. And they had game day from Bristol for, because they had the, the Tennessee, Virginia Tech.

inside the Bristol racetrack where they raced NASCAR. So they played there. I like college game day where they're playing. I don't like an off-site. I'm like what's everybody, where's everybody going after? Yeah. It's like wedding reception wedding vibe, you know? Haven't at the same place. No, that's a good point. All the transfer per, I don't know. I just selfishly would think that would be iconic at such an iconic venue and one time. Again, we're not

talking this being a regular thing ever, just like a one-off. you know that week where it's kind of a down week you know and you're kind of like man what's game day going to do where are they going to go you know like what week like week three week two week three or like randomly like in late October early November like right before all the rivalry games start happening you know and you're like

best game we got on calendar is like number 23 versus not even a ranked team but they're just kind of conference opponents yeah what are they going to do right they got to be freaking out where are they going send me there send me one of those places I'd like if college game they'd just kept on the low till the morning of. So you're like, where are they?

That would be so sick. Yeah, man. Where are they going? And then they're at your camp? No! They're here setting up all the Orange Home Depot shit! Let's go! Get in line!

How sick would that be? That would be Christmas. It would be insane. But how, like, the grittiest Christmas ever. Logistically, how would you, you know... Because then there would be no crowd. But then if you tried to tell just the people on campus,

a million motherfuckers. Oh my God, game day's coming here on Twitter. Pop up game day. Maybe we should do that. Pop up game day. What's up? We're here. Yeah.

Do you guys know? No. Pop-up game day with Johnson and Schmitty. Okay. You know what's popping up? Jeez. Pitch a ton. I can't think of anything.

I won it in a baseball stadium though. Weirdly. Riggly. And then like, what's the teams though, you know? Northwestern. Northwestern in Purdue. Oh my God.

Additional college question, what is your favorite college football uniform of all time? This is just going to ruin my life. Yeah, I don't know if Ben would be able to think of that here in the next 10 minutes that we got left. I don't know, man. There's too many.

The first uniform I saw in college that I was like, oh, this is clean, was the North Carolina. They were playing FSU when I was like 10. I think that was the moment. I was like, oh, this is an insane. Like this game looks so good just to watch. Not even watch football.

Right. Yeah. No T. Aesthetically. Yeah. I was like this. I could look at this all day and it was North Carolina's uniforms that they had and like, I don't know, like 2000.

They brought them back and they wear them like three times a year now. But they're just like, was it the baby blue jersey, the Carolina blue jersey? What is it? I think it's, I think it's, they're white ones. And they're just so classic. There's nothing to them. They just look like.

like 2003 jerseys. I like, they incorporate the Navy. That's what, yeah, it's on there. It's like, if you saw it,

you'd be like, oh, those are hitting. Yeah. But yeah, that one, that's a can't miss for me. That one, top five,

top five, top five. I'm such a blue blood bitch when it comes to college football uniforms, man. Like, I'm just so simple. Like, I just give me the classics,

man. If I, if I see the classics on my TV screen on a Saturday in the fall, I'm happy. I don't need all this spit, bad,

just this pizzazz. I don't need any of that. If they got the scarlet and gray, Ohio stroke, I think I did. If you have the scarlet and gray, if you have the maize and blue, if you got the Golden Dome,

Notre Dame, if you got the all white Penn State. It's just, dirty. You can't beat that shit, man. I mean, it's just, it's so good.

You know, the burnt orange, Texas with the long, like, it's just, that's, that is college football. What's your,

What's your wild and out though? You got a wild and out pick. Oh yeah. No, I have those for sure. I always love Oklahoma State's uniforms. Oh, yes.

Dude, like maybe my favorite is like the Brandon Weyton Justin Blackman days where the all blacks and they would have like the orange Lone Star thing right there like on their on the chest, the people don't know. I'm glad you know about this shit. A lot of people don't even realize it. And the way the OSU came on the helmet and like the matted black helmet and there's

the little. little touches of orange that they had. They're so sick. So Oklahoma State. It's a sexy school. Big Oklahoma State fan when it comes to that. You know, everybody goes crazy about what? TCU.

I love the purple. TCU might have the best in the game right now. Dude, the purple and then randomly adding like the little hint of red in there. Crazy to even, why would you do? It's perfect. But it makes me want black raspberry ice cream so badly. I'm like, I'm literally just looking at Graders, black raspberry ice cream. It's a good game.

But can we go to Culver's real quick? It is. It really is. Yeah, so maybe the Big 12 is just working for me because I got Oklahoma State and TCU. And when TCU does the all whites that are so clean, it's just so crispy. Fuck. It's amazing. Could talk about it all day.

Good picks. What else? He said one more thing, didn't he? I know those are it. So yours was just the North Carolina one though? I mean, you can't pick one, man. But that TCU that you just said. Mm-hmm.

And I like how a lot of schools are going like minimal now, but TCU's got like the horns on the neck going on. Oh, yeah. God damn. Yeah, keep them playing and then have something like super like, whoa. And that's my. Cincinnati Stormtroopers. Those are nice.

When they had, what's his name? That receiver. Marty Gilead. Yeah, he was crazy. When LSU brings out the purple joints. That looks so. I'm like, do it more. I love it. So much. Yeah. God, I can't make for college football.

Any black jersey. I'm a little whore for. Really? Everybody's like, oh my God, too many black jerseys. I'm like, no, I want more. I want more. I want every school to have a black jersey. I don't care. I want all of it. And you know what? And no schools should have gray uniforms anymore. Gray uniforms are so ugly to me. Too pajama. You just see the sweat. The sweat. Two pajamas. You got different shades of gray going on because of the cut. because of sweat. It looks disgusting, man.

All right. From Matt. Says for the show. Hey, Benny and Joey, huge fan of the show. I've been espresso fan for a while. So when I heard that you two were starting this back in October,

I was so excited and I've listened to every episode. Thanks, Matt. Slap it, babe. Just was curious about your guys' thoughts on Cleveland. I'm from that area and knowing that y'all are based

out of indie with Joey being a Steelers fan, Go Brown. Sorry, I was curious to hear what you guys take on it. Slap my ass and make sure there are Pee's. at the function, pulled porks.

Everybody knows. This has got to be pee-by at the function. If there's not peevy at the function, I'm not going. So clubhouse. So clubhouse. Oh my God. Do you have some pee-by there for me? Thanks.

Thanks, everybody again. Team these guys at gmail.com. Love hearing from you every week. And they just keep getting better and better. So I appreciate that. Cleveland. You know, I would love to come up there for just like a full-on sports weekend. They got a funny.

Bone. I'd love to come up there and do a show on a Thursday and then like hit a Guardians game on Friday and then stay for football, college football on Saturday and just watch at some bar and then probably not go to a Browns game because. Oh, really? I hate the Browns. Yeah, you could never go to a game that wasn't the Steelers. Even if like it would be even worse as they're playing the Steelers because like I hear

that people like piss on people and like throw batteries at them and shit if they're Steelers down there. me want to go. I don't really want to. Yeah, but you, you know, I mean, I'm Mollinard. But doesn't it have fun kind of? Yeah, but it just gets a certain point. Like, because, you know, you can go 80%.

What's the Steelers are beating their ass though? Yeah, no, it's great. But it's like, you got 80% where people are like fun and just like play the game with it. But then you got like 20% that like really take it to a personal level. And I'm too much of a hot head. You know that to where I you. Then it's not fun. for me because then I'm just pissed and I don't want to do that. But you got a minute right now for

the Browns? Cleveland seems like a great that that's ideal. I would love to do that because I think you'd be able to go up there, get some great like dive bar meals, drink some beer, watch some football. No, no tea. No tea in football. Watch some football. There we go. And do a show on like a Thursday night there or something. That's a great weekend. Thursday night show. Sell that thing out. That night, we're going to Dave and Busters till they close. The next day, we're going to the mall the whole day, everything. We're just shopping. We don't have any money, but we're shopping.

We're just getting it done. We're going to T.J. Max, it doesn't even matter. At night, you know what? We're going to a Cavs game. That'd be fun. I would love to do that. Yeah, I mean, I will say, you know, the passion and, like, the loyalty, I guess, is something that I admire about how passionate Cleveland folks are.

And like, you know, I feel like Cleveland's one of those that like with Indianapolis, and you got like Indianapolis, Cincinnati, Cleveland, Columbus, Louisville, all these kind of towns like right here in the more, you know, Midwest-ish that are all kind of like weird cousins. Like we're all kind of on the same team in a way. Yeah, yeah. They see Indianapolis in there. What's up, bro? Right, right.

We speak the same language to a certain extent. Like we just like to have a good time, drink some beers, watch our teams. Like, we're proud as fuck from where we're from. You know what I mean? And I appreciate that. And we work hard. dog pound but uh do they have an amusement park because i'd hit that up too oh i think they're just down the road from cedar point oh god put that in the plan the itinerary i'm pretty sure i'm pretty sure that

i'm pretty sure cleveland's just down the road from olson desky ohio with cedar point um so yeah yeah i mean that's it for cleveland and really like if you if you remove the browns part of it i got literally no problem with cleveland at all it's just when you add the browns in then then that's where it comes, but it's all right. One minute left, Brown's new logo. What do you think? I honestly haven't seen it. Wow, you're that. You're that Steelers fan. Can't look. No, I like, it hasn't been anywhere on my feet. I just don't, I don't really know.

Oh, you're going to love it, bro. Dude, it could be your face. He'd be like, fuck the Browns. Probably. All right, TG40. Remember, watch us on YouTube, subscribe, keep sending it to five. seven, 10 friends. You know, throw in the group chat. Hey, check out these guys.

Send us to your dad. Yeah, maybe we'll do a little pop-up college game day. Love that idea. Appreciate everybody emailing in. Team these guys at gmail.com. Send them in, baby. Love hearing from them every wig for mail time. Yep.

Anything else? Whatever you need. You need advice. You need whatever you have on your mind. Send it to these guys email. We'll figure it out. Team these guys at gmail. Yeah.

And yeah, like I said, be in Columbus, Ohio, August 2nd, Fort Wayne, Indiana, August 17th, and Sinceree in August 22nd, with more to come, I think, in September. So be on the lookout for that. Get those ticks. We'll talk to you next week. All right. Bye-bye. We're going to Cleveland. These guys.