THESE GUYS! - 1000 ways to die

Episode Date: November 5, 2024

this week the burpy boys wonder why all lineman legs look like that📺 𝗪𝗔𝗧𝗖𝗛 𝗢𝗡 𝗬𝗢𝗨𝗧𝗨𝗕𝗘 https://youtu.be/xxQ75QbyHHY🎟️ 𝗕𝗘𝗡𝗡𝗬'�� 𝗨𝗣𝗖𝗢𝗠𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗦𝗧𝗔𝗡𝗗 𝗨𝗣 𝗦𝗛𝗢𝗪𝗦 San Diego - Nov 7 https://www.micdropcomedy.com/shows/264571Buffalo - Nov 14 https://buffalo.heliumcomedy.com/shows/254521Phoenix - Dec 5 https://www.micdropmania.com/shows/264572Sacramento - Dec 15 https://concerts.livenation.com/we-own-the-laughs-in-the-sacramento-california-12-15-2024/event/1C006131DC6A4508?_gl=1*zvzgd5*_gcl_au*MTk0MzQ4MTA5NC4xNzI5MjMzNzgy&_ga=2.252934153.1611751562.1729233782-1846946392.1729233782Rutherford - Jan 9 https://www.bananascomedyclub.com/shows/285024💕 WATCH BENNY on LOVERS and LIARS (CW APP)

Why wasn't Forrest Gump a serious NFL candidate? We saw he had an insane season of kickoff returns, and I'm sure Bear Bryant schemed him up to be some sort of offensive weapon. So why after the season did they just immediately ship him off to Vietnam and not to Indy for the draft combine? Did him kind of dirty. Slep my ass while I try to reach for the Nuggets alternate AI jersey for the top road at Sports Fanatics on a fall Sunday as the Colts are playing on TV in the back.

Oh, that one hit. Not bad for a fat guy. TG 107. G-107 Walk on Brothers and Sisters Walk on Oh, this thing's on

What's up, bro? Maybe Christmas, maybe Christmas Maybe Christmas Jaravicious Jaravicious Hey, did they actually say that ever Or is that Mandela effect? Is that football brain? Because I swear to God, bro.

Joe Jarovicious, Jarovicious I would throw it to him this year. bro when he had that catch in the end zone one hand with the bucks just saying still thinking about the chiefsmith's album still thinking about it what was the one oh dude uh Dante hall the human joystick la la la la la la la la la there was one that i wanted to do with silver bells but i couldn't figure out It's touchdown time in Kansas City.

There's no place like priest homes for the holidays. Do you want to push ticks? Let's push ticks, dude. Hey, San Diego. This Thursday coming to town. Can't wait. Mike drop. Comedy Club.

A couple days away, get your take a link right under the podcast. We're just going to Bennypolice.com. Then Buffalo next Thursday. Helium Comedy Club. See you there. Back to back weeks. Kind of scared to go to Buffalo,

but it's going to be a good time. Then we got Phoenix December 5th. We got Sacramento, December 15th, and Rutherford, New Jersey. January 9th, get all your tickets at Bennypolice.com. Buffalo's good.

Buffalo will be good. Buffalo, be real good. Do we have a little of these guys announcement? We got a little of these guys. These guys, hey, hey, long time coming. Long time coming. Dude, these guys live? These guys live.

Indianapolis, December 18th. Little Christmas party? I don't know. Just saying, just saying, wear your jerseys, wear your hats, wear your Santa hats, wear your Josh Cribbs, brown socks on your arms. Do whatever you got to do. Bring a bunch of donuts. Let's throw them at the back of our heads.

Just saying December 18th in Indianapolis, these guys podcast live at Helium Comedy Club. Ticket link should be under here. If it's not, it will be very soon. But gives your tickets, grab them. That's next month. And, yo, that might be, that might be the craziest night of my life.

Maybe a dream, maybe a dream. Week before Christmas. Yeah. Kind of a dream. Burpee boys, a lot of burqs. We had been trying, we'd been trying and obviously,

you know, the fall didn't work out for various reasons. And so we just had to scratch that and kind of punt. Hey, we're just punting to next fall, if you will.

Oh my God. With the full one. But we said, you know what? Let's make it happen. Let's just do one for the holidays since we're Christmas bitches. Not that this is a holiday podcast.

It will deliver it to the clubhouse, like a nice little gift out of Santa's bag. It'll be a week before Christmas. And everybody will wear their turtlenecks and sweaters and have wine stains on or their jerseys or all that shit, Ben, just said. But we're super excited about it. So for the little hometown, little hometown feel, come on out December 18th to see these guys. Oh, my gosh. I was thinking about this just a second ago. Did anything go harder than when they?

first time you heard a peace on earth in silent night combined. I thought your music teacher was like Billy Joel, was a god. How did they come up with that insane? It had to be a mistake. It had to be like, yeah, bro. They were like, you know when you're playing a song and then like your phone rings and you're like, what is that? It was like he was playing a silent night by the piano or something.

and then like all of a sudden on the CD players or something started playing peace on earth. He's like, wait a minute. Are they supposed to go together? Or did our music teacher? As I got older, I figured out that they are supposed to go together. And that's like a common thing. But when I was nine, now, I thought Mr. Phillips was just. Beethoven on the beat.

Cooking. Half the church, silent night, half the church, peace on earth. What's up? I was like, can you do this? Is the church going to blow up? Is this a sin? Am I going to hell? Are we going to hell if we do this?

Hey, standing in the aisles with fake lit candles. Oh, my. Hey, dude, how dramatic was that? Why do they always talk about Christmas? I don't know, because our music teacher made us stand in the aisles of our church with candles while there were just flowers and Christmas trees all over the entire church. It lasted for three months. Yeah, and we had

Turn the lights down Like it was a halftime show Everybody kind of got excited There was like a buildup Everybody knew at the end Like all the crossovers happened And you know Yeah, the little like Rudolph one is fun

Where you're Boise I do ho ho ho ho ho ho do Yeah Everybody knew everybody knew at the end That's what was coming Where were they getting those heaters Dude? The Christmas program days were so

I actually, I'm not going to lie, I like going to practice. I like, the only practice I like going to Christmas program singing practice. Why did it feel like such a like, oh, it's going down tonight when you had the Christmas program like 8 p.m. on a weird Wednesday. You're like when you go back to school when school's over, it feels like it's illegal. Right, because you're in your classroom and it's pitch black outside because it's after daylight savings times and you're all sitting in there and you're wearing like, like the weird corduroy khakis with some itchy sweater. You're like, what is going on?

After hours. She's wearing like a velvet like green skirt. Kind of hot. People showed out. I fell in love a couple times on those pre-Christmas program like when we're in the classroom. I was like, you know, I'm starting.

I kind of like her now. Why she did an after party one year? Shut up. It was weird. In the classrooms? No. like in the gym like like in the atrium and in the gym area it was just like all right all the middle schoolers have to the christmas program we're going to have like pizza and punch and christmas

it's always it's always pizza and punch food drink in the in the gym after event coffee donuts pizza punch got out of here punch everybody's good what is punch I don't know I just like okay they're pouring a gallon of the Hawaiian punch into a big bowl is what I picture every time in my head. You know, like those big jugs that you see at Walmart, there's like a green one or red one. By the way, who's buying the green one? The green one, the red one, the orange one. You also didn't want to have, see what would happen is you wanted the people who, you wanted the mom that had the Samms Club membership because then she would go and get the full Hawaiian punch,

the real deal, not the off brand, not the fake. See what sucked is when you got the kid who, his family. and his mom was in charge of getting the Hawaiian getting the punch and she was like oh we'll just get it I'll just make generic punch or we'll just get like the generic brand punch you're like the milk gallon water the milk gallon that was a different color liquid in it you know yeah but you're like then it's just purple water this is just red water this isn't even good hey poor kid in charge of the Christmas for after party I'm never saying it I just have you say not poor kid again bro poor kid's mom. They're in charge? Who decided to put poor kids mom in charge of the punch? We got three things at this event. Pizza punch, you give one

to her? Poor kid's going to light off a stink bomb in the bathroom, get the whole thing canceled. God dang. Now we're not going to be able to do jump rope for heart too because him. Hey, still kind of funny though. Still might go to his house. Watch girls gone wild in his basement.

Just the commercials. Not the real movie. Warning. Oh, shit. Hey, she hear that? Hey, it's coming on. Warning. Yeah, it's crazy.

Even my dumb ass back then when I was like 10, 11 years old, I was always like, oh, man, that's like somebody's sister. That's tough. Oh, like on girls gone wild. Yeah, I was like, oh, man, like, what are they? Bro, what a crazy. That's going to be hard. What a crazy thing to be on TV, man.

like that was allowed on TV I mean it was all it all said censored but it was like dang where are they doing that god what are sleepovers like now you know it's a good question do they even have them not a reminiscent of podcast

do they? I feel like probably they just play like Fortnite two old guys trying to figure it out but I like we played video games at hours and shit but there's a whole different right of passage way that's like that you know the girls have gone wild i guess

that's like you know like for my dad's generation it was just like oh dude his older brother has the playboy magazine under his bed yeah like for my generation it was just like oh 2 30 a m some censored girls gone wild commercials hopefully they run a lot on the commercial break it really was on for like 15 minutes though it was like yeah this is the longest commercial ever you're like did we did you buy this is this but loki the show you were watching the show you were watching was even better than the commercials it was always like a thousand ways to die you remember that show oh my god is my favorite show ever

that makes so much sense for you next on a thousand ways to die I was like I'm a hypochondriac so I can't watch that shit because every single thing that happened on there it's like I just did that before I came here I know I was like I'm gonna die tomorrow he pulled out of his driveway and then he died. I was like, oh. Dude, there was one that always stuck on me. I tried to watch it just one time. Probably because people like you were just like, dude, you got to watch it. And I watched. And this guy was out in his backyard, like having a little outdoor summer party, had a slip and slide. Oh, yeah. Went, went stomach first on a slip and slide. There was a nail that

was just in the yard that nobody knew about. Yep. Fucking ripped from his chest all the way through his intestines. Bro, there were so... Like, what? I don't want to go to a pool party or summer party ever again. They were so good with the graphics on that show. Like, they would really show it, kind of.

Yeah. Shows that I miss. A thousand ways to die. Not only a thousand ways to die. What was that one that was like for all the skateboarders and all their locked up injuries that they had? Oh my God. What was that called?

Yo, I know you, I know if you're listening right now, you can think of it. Or there's probably seven people that are like, it's that, you idiot. But put it in the comments. What was that called? I could have watched that. Was it just like broken? Oh my God. Yeah, dude.

It was like one word. Was it? It was one word. Yeah, it was one word. I kind of want to look it up. It's going to take too long. That is so funny. But yeah, that was a tough one to watch.

I'd still watch it, but I wouldn't like it. It was, dude, all of them were so bad. See, I wasn't doing those. I was doing jackass and wild boys. Mm-hmm. Shit like that. That was my, we got to sleepover, and it's like 1 a.m. And you're just slap happy, and you're watching jackass.

And it feels like you're getting away with something because you kind of are. And it's hilarious. God, it was so fun. It was, and you've never been funnier in your entire life than like from 2 a.m. to 4 a.m. at your bros watching jackass. just everything oh just everything

bro mountain dew mountain dew mouth punch mouth I've vivid memories yeah being like up in Jordan Reeser's like loft upstairs area

loft me him and his brother oh my god we're just pissing our pants laughing at jackass like that one where they come through

they like acted like there was like a robbery and they came through the roof and then this dude who was working there who didn't know immediately hopped up and like sprinted out the building. That one.

The blowhorn on the golf course. Oh, my dude. The little people fight at the bar. Do you remember the little people fight at the bar? Yeah. Where just more little people kept coming in. Like even the ambulance and the cops and everything were little people. O.G. pranks.

Love it. Not a reminiscent of how I guess. Yeah, I don't know. Now everybody, you know, I don't want to be generational guy, but it's like, we were going crazy for Girls Gone Wild since they're at 2.30s. Like, bro, they just open up their Instagram Explore page at 8 p.m. at the dinner table

and they get more than we got. My Instagram Explorer page is Girls Gone Wild. I'm like, okay. How do I? Can I clear the cert? Like, what is it? Damn. Can I clear it?

Right. I need to start over here. I had to delete my Instagram. Why my Explorer page is just crazy, bro. It is everything. Like, it is all your, if you want to know who somebody is like just like skip dating let me see your explorer page for sure yeah mine's all just like Steelers jersey swaps no me too hold on I'm going to look

at mine right now this this might highlight of 2004 uh Steelers Pat's game shit hey what do you what's your actual personality just shoes Oregon jerseys cleats dude if he really want to know somebody, a random girl? Oh my God. Dude, that's a look into your real life. That's a little crazy. It is. It is.

But I remember when that shit just used to be like the nine square, the nine boxes. And there wasn't, you couldn't just keep scrolling on the explore page. It was just the nine. You remember that at the very beginning? Yeah. And it was always like the weird stuff. It was always like people from like Dubai. Like it was never anything.

that I was like, what are these foreign people on my Instagram explore page? It never like added up. It took a second to get it down for sure. Now it's just all Oregon jerseys and pretty good. Explore page, but I'm not exploring anything. Like I'm never exploring. I'm just in the same realm. Right.

Yeah, explore page, but it makes you not want to go anywhere. I'm like, I don't want to explore anymore, bro. This is this is all me. You got me nailed down. You know me. more than I know me, bro. Yeah. Have you,

uh, bro, do you want to hear the beginning of my Christmas list? On the first day of Chiefsmas. What is it? Anything, uh,

I can't wait to hear this, bro. I got one thing I want for Christmas. I'm not going to get it for the hundredth year in a row, but it's okay. I'm going to ask next year. What is it? Is it the same pair of Jordan's,

the Jordan Wands? No, it's just, I just want to get my ears cleaned out. Not not the fire candle Just like the real thing When they like put the thing in your ear And there's like a bunch of like rocks come out

That's what I want It's here Three in a row Three in a row right here Putter Parentheses used Why? Because you know

I'm not to the level of golf Where I need to get like a $250 putter Like smart I'll I'll take like a $65 one. It does a job the same. And it's, you know. Making the mom to listen to this podcast, very proud.

Very proud. St. Elmo's steak seasoning. Oh, that's like 20 bucks. All right. Yeah. Yeah. I used to go crazy. I used to go.

I'm sorry. I keep talking over you. But that is really, that's a good one. Golf balls and teas. Grill stuff and golf stuff. Can't tell. if you're a dude. How are we supposed to know if he's a guy? How are we supposed to know if he's

a dad or not? Somebody help me out. Tie. Fourth with a question mark, a tie. Razors. Steelers one. Steelers tie. Like you, my dad has one. And Cubs too.

Cubs bow ties. It's like when you're a kid, you know, you can always go to like, well, you need socks and underwear every year. It's good to just get a fresh batch socks and underwear every year. It can be 331 data of two. It's like, yeah, I'll just, I'll worry up on golf balls and golf teas. That's insane.

I'm stretching, though. I mean, you know, my mom hit me up like October 24th, did the old group text to the family. I need everybody's Christmas list, please. Email preferred. I'm like, oh, man, here we go. So I've just, I got like 11 things. I got like 11 things on my list. And I'm like, and I'm just reaching, I guess.

What else is on there? Anything sexy? Um, Tommy. Tommy Maddox 07 Jersey away. Please. Let me show you. Let me show you.

Amos Zaraway. Oh. Away. Away. Away. Away. Amis there away away, Jersey. X.

Hey, how bad would your mom like butcher that one up? Dude, you can't ask for it. There it is. There we, now we're talking. Ad came up, yeah. Come on. Is that not on the list? Man, if they have...

It is. Okay. I thought you were just going with the golf and... No, I said I have 11 things, and that's one of them on there. Keep rolling, dude. What's up? Hey, I'm looking at... I don't know.

I don't know if I'm thinking about getting into boots, you know, getting like a pair of boots, black or brown, maybe, to be able to... See, here's a problem. man, this is why I told Rye, is that we don't go anywhere. Our kids run our lives. I don't, I'm not going to use these on a date and I. I'm not going to go to a party. I'm not going to go out and about, hit the town and these boots or any of this new clothes that I'm wearing.

You'd be surprised. It's weird asking for it because I'm like, maybe in 2026 I'll be able to use this. You'd be surprised, dude. How many times do you actually need boots? Because I'm, I'm a guy and maybe you two. I'm always wearing the wrong shoes. God, I wore the wrong shoes again. Dude, if it's a little bit of snow and you got boots, it's like you get excited, bro.

And then like there's like at least like seven, eight, maybe 10, 12 days that you're going to wear around like when it's snowing. Sheveling the whatever, walking the dry feet. I know. You get some all black Jordan boots like kind of low key. See, but that's the thing is I'm not thinking those kind of boots. I at this stage of my life, I think I'm going a different route. Oh, what do you like nice ones? Just like, yeah, just like boot boots, man.

You know, like what you see like somebody like what an actor would wear. You know? Can't even picture it. Never seen an actor's feet. Just like a good, just like a good. It good like looks kind of worn a little bit, but that's a style high top boot, you know, lace it up a little bit. It's not too thick on the bottom, you know, to like you walk around and clawed hoppers or anything. but it's just stylish, it's good, you know.

I don't know. I feel like this Christmas for me, we always talk about like, I feel like it's like, I'm trying to get out of the, trying to get out of the, okay, I'm just going to wear Nike shoes

and Steelers, long-sleeved shirt every day. I can't stop. That's what I'm getting into. If you're leaving it, I'm getting into it. Don't get me wrong. it'll always be there, you know?

Yeah. But I just like, maybe, maybe around the house, it's like, even if I'm running a couple errands or whatever, like going to a coffee shop to do some writing or whatever, but I'm mostly around the house. Maybe it'd be nice to just wear like, you know, solid jeans, good sweater from last city week and a nice pair of boots. I'm like, yeah, I'm like a grownup. I like feel good.

I'm not like a man. Oh, I would scream. I'd flip over the table on Starbucks, kick off my shoes, rip off my jeans. rip off my jeans and then continue writing. I like this. Yeah, dude, I can't. I can't even pretend. I can't even pretend to be like a grown up,

like sophisticated. I'm like, dude, get out of here, bro. I think it's just the kids. I think I, like, if I didn't, if I wasn't a dad, I don't think I,

but I think the kids really, kids really got me. Yeah. So that's what's going on in my world. It's just going on. Station, how about that? Hey, station, know about that Steeler's sweater? I said to my group text and my buddies.

You know how you have like the group text? Oh, yeah. Right? It's like the one that's just the absolute day ones. Yeah. You know, everything goes in. I sent a point of reference of Fox to the buddies. Yeah.

I didn't say it's full in the name. nobody will ever know. It's all good. God, we need a picture of them though. Man. I mean, I have it,

but I sent it, but I don't want to, I don't want to reveal to the clubhouse like publicly. I revealed to my pals and they were like, oh my God,

that just, it totally fits, makes it all the worth. So, hey, maybe at these guys live, maybe after, you know,

we're having a little meat, a little M&G, and you guys want to, you guys want to see the station now about this? Oh, man. So funny. I can't.

I can't. I think about it every time I do anything. Stationing out about that. Walking around my house. Stationing out about the. Oh my God. What should we do? What should we do for that show, by the way?

Just this? Yeah. 100%. Maybe just pass the mic around at the end a little bit. Like, instead of emailing in, people can like queue and like ask shit there or something. I don't know.

Yeah, we'll do questions at the end. We'll just be like this. 90 minutes, bro. podcast and then let's ask questions. Let's talk. Yeah, we'll figure it out. We'll have more of a game plan, but you'll be getting, you'll be getting these guys for sure, you know. And if there's anything that the clubhouse is just like, oh, I want to see this or I want you guys to talk about this. Dropping the comments, man. You know the comments are playground. It's for everybody out

there. It's all good. Whatever you want to see, these guys live. hit the comments babe and whatever the MTV show was where the skateboarders used to just like break their legs what was your what was your favorite show that felt illegal to watch I'm pretty sure it was broken man I think it was

now I'm racking my brain I'm pretty sure what a name for a show Ripley's believe it or not pretty good too do you remember at the beginning of Tosh.0 he'd always have something fucked up like that at the beginning yeah oh I hated that I loved it.

It was just like, what a... The first seven minutes of show, bro, I can't watch because he'd do that. And then he would come and he would talk about it and make jokes about it. No, I do not need to see this, this, this leg completely snapped the wrong way. You're sitting like that and it's making me want to feel like that. God, it feels so good on my back. Just change it up a little bit. So you're always able to watch that shit.

Like, you're the kind of guy that. that if somebody, you know, like Aiden Hutchinson a few weeks ago where he totally wrecked his leg, are you like, oh, I need to see that. Like, show me. I want to see the highlight right away. Well, not like I need to see it, but I'm like, all right, let me see it. Like, I don't need to see it like twice or three times. So I'm like, I got to see what happened. Homeboy that did this celebration and hyper-extended his knee in the end zone.

You saw that for like Georgia State or something? Yeah. Yeah, you got to see. Got to see it. Like, how bad was it? They're, it's never as bad as you think either. You're just like, ah, yeah, they, oh, hey, it sucks. See, my dad is.

I'm waiting for somebody's leg to be separated from their body and toss into the crowd. That's what I'm going to be like, okay. Like every time there's an injury, you know, like injury warning, like trigger warning, I'm like, okay, does someone's leg get ripped off by a cougar or something? And the cougar runs out of the stadium. That's what I'm like thinking. and then I see it. I'm like,

ah, it was like, I don't know. Dude, I can't do it at all. I'm just trained from my dad. My dad, he'll have the hill,

he'll overplay it so much, dude. Like a guy will like twist his ankle, literally just like, you know, be running and like his ankle, you know, we'll just kind of,

yeah, just turn to the side. Uh-huh. And I won't be watching, you know, I'll be watching a different screen or something. Yeah. My dad,

ankle, ankle, ankle, ankle, ankle's gone. Ankel's gone. He'll start like hitting his leg and shit. No. Really? This bad. That bad.

And I look and he just turns his ankle. Me and my mom, my sister. Uh, uh, sorry. I thought it was it looked. It looked the way worse. Yeah,

there's not even like an injury time out for it. Your dad just like, diagnosis him. He's back in three plays later. Okay. He just fell down. Dad, that's like football.

That's football. That's, That's football. He's the king of, I'll talk about this before too. He's the king of, you know, when you're playing your rival and you hate the other team, right? But if somebody goes down for him, my dad's the king of, you know, hey, I'll be the first guy to admit. I can't stand this team, but you never want to see an energy injury. Hey, hey, I know that I know that we, I know that we hate Baltimore, you know, trust me.

I wish nothing but the worst. I wish they lose every game. but hey, I never want to see a guy get hurt. All right, Dad. We know you're a good guy. Deep down, thank God. He's out. Jesus Christ.

We wouldn't have a chance of he's in the game. It's so true, though, dude. You knock out like a quarterback like the other team's going to win. He's honestly like that dude. I did that one video of what, you know, I mean, there's a bunch of guys out there probably like that. That in the first quarter, they're just like, man, fuck this guy. I hope he tears his ACL and he's done for the year.

It goes down in the second quarter. man I just you know I get worked up a prayers prayers to his family that is unfortunate prayers to everybody everybody come in real close hey both teams get together the coach makes both team gets gets together at the end of the game you ever done that one yeah the coach at half time when there's a bad injury

holding hands with a weird cathedral player I'm like I don't know bro I don't know what's going on you guys beat the shit out of us though but So weird. I'm like, I know we're both two Catholic schools, but why am I holding this guy's hand? He's like,

yeah, he's number 67, hasn't played at all. Helmet's still on. Why am I? Yeah. Helmet buckled. Big lineman glove on.

I'm like, Jesus. No, no, not even a glove. No gloves. No accessories. He's like an NPC player.

I do. That's, that's what made me hate football. Those guys. Those guys that didn't play. but wore like a baggy loose shirt underneath their jerseys and it came out of the it came out of the elastic like bro, I can't, I cannot deal with you.

Stand with their feet on the sideline like this. Lineman legs? Have linemen even seen their legs before? Has any linemen ever seen his legs when he's taking a picture? I'm like, bro, look at your legs. Why are they locked out? your knees are locked out two two by fours

feet pointing feet pointing east and west I'm like get it get your lower body together bro it's so crazy

every lineman's legs I'm like what is this just straight knees locked out so hard they're almost hyper extended dude. They're like backwards.

Yeah. The lamest pair of underarmor, generic underarmor cleats, white ankle socks. White, white, white, white mid ankle socks. Black cleats. So you can see them, but not all the way up to like their calf. Just the, like dude, you, there's no way that you looked at yourself and you're like,

that's, yeah, yeah, this is cool. There's no, but they did. They all did. The palest legs. A knee pads going over the knee. like big time. Big time. Getting into shin territory with the knee pad. Mid-chin.

He's the kid too. Like, you would be on the sideline. And if you were too, you know, if you're close enough to him, you would hear him talking like, just the most off-the-wall,

whack shit ever. Just talking about like World War II trivia. Like, bro. Look, look at the scoreboard. Eight minutes to go in the first half. This doesn't make any sense. How are you on the same team as me?

Your parents are wearing this matching senior shirts and you're sitting here talking about whether or not Hitler actually died in the... Such alignment thing. Bro, remember in Gladiator when, dude, never seen it, but God damn. Has a Sonic the Hedgehog tattoo on his calf. you're like,

I can't. I can't, bro. Hey, his name's Brody. You're like, first team all American. You're like,

how? No, not mine. Mine's not first team all American. Mine's just like, you really did this for four years? Yeah. Like I'm not all state or,

you know, I'm not playing like in college, but. Man, good, good. on you for doing this for four years. One month after the season,

loses 125 pounds, gets married. Hottest guy ever shaved his head. I'm like, oh my God, what? Nobody getting married quicker. Nobody getting married quicker. Lineman legs. Lineman legs, new thing. Hashtag lineman legs. Have a weird clap, too.

Everything about them is just like, no instead of clapping like that it's like just a straight weirdo it hurts my fingers when I clap I have like this like I got frostbite when I was a kid and my fingers like this are always cold he's got the kind of personality too

he's like you know he'll be like got frostbite when I was a kid note to self not to be outside in the cold that long you're like brodie shut up give me a pass ball call that's so funny

one of those guys probably not a good idea to go outside without gloves and negative 30 degrees what planet are you from brodie oh shit it's so funny that people actually listen to us just make this shit up

but it's true though there's always that guy how are you still alive hey brodie has like a brother on the team too that also isn't very good but he's really into it and he gets like mad and embarrassed when brodie starts getting off on his shit brodie dude

late to practice because of brodie brodie had to feed his frogs in his tank at home we're late to practice you know brodie's got some weird pets at the crib dude. You know what I'm saying? But his other brother, he like actually tries like really hard and cares

a lot and like wants to be into the game and shit. And then his brother just doesn't give him a fuck, dude. He's only out there. He's only out there. Yeah, because his dad said that he could get,

he could finally get a snake if he played all four years of football. Doesn't get him on though. Hey, but his dad is the Michael Myers guy in the crowd though. we're all just like yeah man that family's a little they're a little off

JV game Michael Myers top right corner 16 people in the crowd Michael Myers separated from all of them top corner Brody gets reps on JV that's alright Brody is that you dad

yep he thinks it's funny to dress like Michael Myers and you're like oh wow that makes sense yeah connecting a lot of dots here. It needs to say my childhood was not very fun.

All right, Brody. Okay, bro. Once they go home, so bad during the game. Oh, Brody. What's Brody doing now? What the hell is Brody doing now? God, what do any...

Are they like history teachers? Are they like professors at a college or something? Something that you're like... I think he's working in IT. Like real? normal job. You're like him? He goes to work every day. Brody. He's like the I he's like the IT rep at the same high school that you went to and played football at.

To say the least, my childhood was interesting. Brody. Every time he go to him with a problem about like the internet or anything. Yeah. Before I even ate my breakfast, I always has a comment. Oh, it's going to be one of those days. Brody, dude. Hey, his brother couldn't make it to practice

because he's on an official visit to like a D3 school. But like Brody lives near you so you got to take him home from practice. So Brody's in your car and everybody's like, wait, are you guys friends? You're like, I'm friends with the bro. Yeah, I mean, yeah, we are.

I don't know. So next. you're taking Brody home like a lot more because they like his parents figured out that you live by him and they're like we could carpool and you're like I just don't really you make him give you money for gas but really it's just for dip

can you give me like five bucks or something you can eat dinner with my family can you need dinner with my family does that even give me a tank five bucks oh dude it's just like I've been you know like I know we live closer like I've been taking you a lot so like I just really just want two cans of long cut wintergreen.

Steal some from your dad. Give it to me. I know your dad's packing lips in that Michael Myers mask. So weird, Brody. Lightningwood legs. Hey, hottest girlfriend ever. What?

He's got like those, he's got the, he's got the, he's got the, he's got the, he's got like the plastic molds on his underarmor cleats. Like those are his spikes. Yeah. My mom just picked them up at shoe carnival. They have cleats there?

They're called like the sharks, the Nike land sharks. Yeah. God damn it, Brody. 67. So 67. So 67. Where's a back brace? No, he's been more 67 than Brody.

Where's a back brace during practice? The kid that you see at the dance, you know, and he's got like his like kind of different. email girlfriend who acts like a cat a lot, you know, and they're like off to the side dancing, you know, you walk past him. He's just like, oh,

Hey, Moly, you know, nice to see you at, nice to see outside practice. Yeah, man. I feel like we only see each other when you give me a ride home and we're at

practice. Yeah, dude. His girlfriend's like, you're like, you're like, girlfriend wearing a dress for sure with converse shoes on. you know yeah the all white jucks what a phase that was brodie's weren't brodie's wearing khakis

no jacket like are you at you coming to this dance or you being the flower boy for your mom's second marriage that takes place outside in your grandparents backyard why you were in the same thing my dad wears every day tan pants white button up red tie you just get back from first communion your cousin's first comedian Now Clubhouse Thanks for bullies But If so you don't get the show

You don't get the show You don't get the show All right Let's go to the mailbag Clubhouse What's up? Talk to me My favorite part of the week

That's from John Subject line Troy Hambrick Really good on NFL Street Says You guys are funny as hell Not a sports question But what happened

of the days of the old journeyman quarterback like Steve Deberg, Vinny Testa Verde and Doug Flutty. P.S. slap my ass with a latent van derisheck plate while I watched Dennis Dixon on Monday night football in 2009. Wow. That was the worst experience of my life when Dennis Dixon. That was bad. Really excited for that though. I was like,

but I was more excited the next year. We just had that weird Super Bowl hangover in 2009 and just everything was just, it's just, you're falling. It balls not falling your way. Big Ben's hurt. Hines Awards pissed at Big Ben. Dennis Dixon's trying his best. But loves him in 2010 for the first two games, though.

Journeyman quarterback. Like Fitzpatrick, kind of. Guy that's been everywhere. Joe Flacco? Yeah, dude's been everywhere. Retired, comes back even better somehow. I forgot just how many teams he was on. With all this stuff with the cold state, like went back through.

And I was like, damn, he played for that. teams in between the Ravens. There was another one too. I think it was Jets. They were like, yeah, he played for the Jets. That's so funny.

Flacco Jets jersey, December 18th and Indy? Just saying. No, I think there's still some journeyman quarterback around. Like, Dak Prescott just went down and Cooper Rush is filling in for him.

He hasn't been a journeyman, I guess. Like, he's randomly been around forever. Cooper Rush. I mean, you have pretty much everybody who plays quarterback

for the Miami Doll. besides Tula. Skyler Thompson, Mike White. Jay Fiedler. What? They're still around, but I appreciate that, John. Flacco for sure. Vinnie Testiverty.

Yeah, I'm like, he was a journeyman. Like, I don't know if it was just me and you, but I feel like Vinny Testa Verdi was like one of the guys. It was like one of the guys back in the day. QB Club. NFL QB Club. He's like a top six guy. Vinnie Testiverty.

I'm like, bro. He was always throwing so many picks. Every time I saw Vinny Tesaverdy's stat line, it was like four touchdowns. Four picks. I was like, okay. I think it's kind of weird.

Like one name is awesome, but two, he always just looks so old to me. He did. I was like, man, that guy's like a veteran. And he kept playing.

I was like, he's still playing. It was like that for Trent Green for me too. though, honestly. I was like, I just feel like he's... Dilfer, yeah.

They do just like automatically look 40. But you trust him. He's gonna operate the offense. Yeah, that guy's gonna get the job done. Like, he knows. He knows.

Might not wow you, but he'll get a couple dubs for you. I was, I was... From Eduardo. Eduardo says, dynamic duos. These guys throughout history

the NFL has had a number of dynamic duos ranging from Manning Harrison, Far Freeman, Brees, Colston, Rothelisburg, Ward, etc. Not sports podcast. Nope. Since you all are my favorite dynamic duo, thanks. Thanks. My question is, what NFL team would you all like to be a dynamic duo for

in what position? I envision y'all being two DB swatting passes out of the air and then having the most obnoxious celebrations in the backfield. You're just fan of the pods. I'm asked like James Harrison after an aggressive pick six against the Arizona Cardinals and Super Bowl 43. My people. Thanks, Eduardo.

That's so nice of him to say. One of my favorite things of all time. This probably, I mean, you're going to have a different one, but this is kind of like a wild card one, I guess. I forget what team it was. So clubhouse, but on NCAA, maybe like 0-07 or something, I think it was. was maybe Penn State had two impact safeties. Like their free safety and strong safety both had the white circles.

And I was like, they're probably boys. And it was like such a threat. You know what I mean? Like I don't really want to play Penn State because like they're going to, their secondary is going to go crazy on me. And they're both safety. So they'd come down in the box and like blitz. I was like,

that's the coolest two like impact player positions right there. I think that'd be cool. For Penn State, what team? What NFL team? Oh, NFL team. Me, you, both pro bowl safeties on the Ravens? Just two of the widest guys on like the most like insane defense. I'll take it.

I got two. One. Dueling outside lineback. Yeah. Dueling outside linebacker pass rushers and Steelers. Yeah. Just meet you at the quarterback, babe. That was my next one.

Two would be essentially Mike Allstadt and Joe Jerovicious for the Buccaneers. For the pewter bucks. Puter bucks. Two edge rushers, me and you for the Giants. Let's do it.

Let's do it. This is from Bailey. It says, Rake. Jacob, Jacob. Hey, fellas, something I've been pondering recently, and I need to hear your thoughts. Why wasn't Forrest Gump a serious NFL candidate?

We saw he had an insane season of kickoff returns, and I'm sure Bear Bryant schemed him up to be some sort of offensive weapon. So why after the season did they just immediately ship him off to Vietnam and not to Indy for the draft combine? Did him kind of dirty. I slept my ass while I try to reach for the Nuggets, alternate AI jersey for the top row at Sports Fanatics

on the fall Sunday as the Colts are playing on TV. in the back. Oh, that one hit. That one hit. Everybody remembers like their, uh, the store in the mall that just had a wall of, you know, of jerseys that you couldn't afford. And he, I was too scared to ask my dad for him. Like, oh, that one goes so hard up there. Look at the price tag. A hundred and forty dollars. I was like, who's, who can, who can afford that? And you had some of like, you didn't just have the, the, the, the regulars at these. places. These places would have like a black lions, like a like a yellow steel. It was insane. They would have all the regulars and they'd have stitched and then they'd have like alternate ones.

They're like, did you just make that up? I know. I'm like, who's the guy picking these out? That's who I want to talk to. Like, can I interview this guy? How does he know? God, the way my Christmas list for like probably eight years of my life was just just sports of thatics. just go in there, just get me sports fanatics. Guilty, same. At one point, my dad, my dad just got, did they didn't even have gift cards, Sports Fanatics made a gift card for my dad

and he gave it to me so I could just get because he was like, I don't know where the, and I was like, I, dude, it was really all my whole list was sports fanatics. It's so funny. You know what I really wanted and you just put it in my head? The yellow Steelers, they didn't wear it in games,

so it was just like an alternate fan. Yellow Steelers Jerome Bettis. I was always like, like it kind of did. My dad has, my dad has one of T.J. Watt. A yellow one? I got to see it.

Yeah, him and big bin. Him a big band. There's a yellow farb out there too floating around somewhere that I was like, kind of hard, kind of hard. Pretty sure, pretty sure a dude wore that to my Green Bay show.

A yellow farve is insane. It kind of looks good, but you're like, I don't know. It was like five months ago, but I think I'm remembering correctly that a guy had a clubhouse member in my Green Bay show had a yellow farm.

Oh, no, it was Donald Driver. It was a yellow Donald driver. Tough. Yellow, yellow priest holmes. I love you guys. Yellow chief jerseys. So wild.

They're crazy looking. I'm like, I kind of, hey. Kind of plays. Kind of plays. This is from Michael. Sorry, we didn't address your question there,

Bailey. Ben hasn't seen Forrest Gump, so I'll just answer for you. Yeah, I mean, back then, like, the NFL wasn't,

NFL was kind of just like another job. Like, it wasn't the machine and everything that it is now. So I think Forrest is just like, fuck that. You know, he got drafted to Vietnam.

and he had to go, and then he became a cajillionaire with Bubba gum shrimp. And yeah, I think like playing college football back then was a bigger deal than playing in the NFL in the early 60s, mid-60s, late 60s, whatever that is. So, yeah, it was just kind of another job. I don't think he was really worried about it. From Michael, not a sports question, since this isn't a sports podcast. See? Thank you. Gets the show.

These guys, what the fuck is up with high school? of sports refs not letting any players wear any swag or showing emotion. My first game, my freshman year, I tried to wear the thin Nike armbands on my elbows, and they made me take them off. The first TD scored, I spiked the ball, and the refs said, never do that again. Just hand me the ball. They give off big station out about this vibes. Was it like that an indie?

Thanks for the pod. It truly is a safe space for the washed up athletes that have to be adults, but deep down are still 12-year-olds who think about random sports shit, like Sean Taylor's taped face mask, Tim Tebow's eye black, and John Wall's two-tone shooter sleeve. P.S. slap my ass with a rolled up East Bay magazine with Jimmy Graham dunking a football

through the goalposts on the cover. Dude just wrote the bio for our show. Yeah, literally. I was just about to say that. I was just about to say that. He's dead on. I don't know why we can't. It was really weird to me

that I couldn't wear TC armbands in high school on my, right here. Yeah. But that's kind of a team issue thing, right? But it was okay if I wore them right here.

You could go forearm, but you can, I was like, guys, don't we have bigger fish to fry? Like, hey, say, hey, your back plate, every single play, the ref behind me. 16, backplate. I was like, dude, dude, shut up. Like, make the, like, shouldn't you be watching something else, the formation

to see if it's illegal or something? Yeah, it is weird. I don't know what the phenomena is with that. I don't know if it's like, you're trying to set an example or just also be uniform or, I mean, I know a lot of our shit was like team issued, you know, I mean, we played at a school

where like I said, we were joked about a couple weeks ago, you know, if it rained like the night before a game and then 15 minutes before kickoff, you had gloves on your coaches, you're just like, you sure about that? You got a grip? You're going to be able to hold it?

because it rained the night before. Like, I don't know. I don't. I really, I wish I knew, but I don't. Every other school is doing it. I'd have hidden swag. So the coaches didn't see. Station out coaches now about this.

I will say, though, it is something, it's a fine line because part of me is just like, yeah, like, if you score in high school, you should be able to, like, dive into the end zone and get up and, like, do something kind of cool. But then I, when I see these videos on Instagram, on my explore page. And it's probably fourth or fifth graders

or third graders. And they're being absolutely insane. Like doing the stupidest shit, acting like they're Justin Jefferson. I'm like, dude, you are eight years old. You're white. Your helmet looks like you're in the Jetsons. Knock it off.

Yeah, when you're that young, it's like, it's just like, it's all situational. You know, you score like a walkoff touchdown or like you score a big touchdown. should have like three seconds where you can do something. Nothing insane, but like, give him some respect, ref. Like, you just took a kickoff back, like peak moment of the game. Like, give them three seconds to, like, do a little thing.

Shoot a fake bone error in the student section. You know what I mean? Yeah, that's not heard anybody. Hard. From Ryan, Trent Richardson. He's been, he's been popping back up recently. I don't know if you've seen his podcast clips. I think I did.

Ryan says, hey, fellas, just randomly thought of this on like a Tuesday while doing homework and it seemed to be so clubhouse. Who are the college equivalents to NFL teams? Steelers are Iowa. Boring as hell is of lay, but always win somehow. Chiefs are Colorado with all the celebrities and hype. You guys got any one? Pretty good. Best.

Best, Ryan. P.S. 7 times 7 equals 49 is a Thursday. Makes sense. Nice. I think seven. I think, damn, what's Friday? What's a multiplication table for Friday?

Is it five times five is 25? It's a fun one. It's a fun, easy one. Saturday. Is it 10 times 10 equals 100? And that one always confused me a little bit. I was like, it's too, I was like, it's too easy. Every time 10 times 10 it was 100, I was like, all right.

But like, come on, it can't be that easy. seven times. I don't know why I was like, I don't know why I was like eight times four is 32. Oh, I love that one. I always liked it. I love that one.

That's like a kind of a hot. It might be Thursday too. Eight times four is 32. Eight times three is 24. Another one. They're like cousins. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm like,

you two are trouble. Seven times three is 21 just because that's football. Saturday. No, it's Sunday. It's Sunday. It's Sunday because that's just football. It's, dude, seven times three is 21, the most football math problem of all time. It is, dude.

Seven times two, 14, still football doesn't make as much sense for some reason. Yeah. Seven times three is so 21. The most football math problem ever. No, no dude is missing seven times three on the multiplication test. All right. That's just three tuddies with extra points. College equivalents.

Yeah, I mean, I get the Steelers in Iowa, maybe like last year in the year, for because of the quarterback situation and then our uniform was pretty much look alike. But, I mean, we scored 30 points in the last three games, you know? We're coming around, all right? We got some players, you know, so

I knew you weren't going to like that. I don't know if I buy in the Chiefs being, I mean, I see your reasoning, but the Chiefs are back-to-back Super Bowl champs. They're undefeated. Like, they're Colorado won four games last year. Like, they're going to be bowl eligible this year, but

I just, that doesn't. See, to me, Colorado and the Cowboys are more like. Yeah. I think he's just thinking like vibe more than, um, record. Colorado's got, I know, but still like Colorado doesn't give me cheese vibes

because cheese vibes have their shit together. Whereas Colorado and the Cowboys, it's like, uh, is a helicopter going to land on the practice field? It could. Mm-hmm. Trying to think.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, I got one. The Lions. an i. That is really good. That is,

you hit it. There it is. You want them to win. They're an underdog. Not usually good at all. Perfect. Perfect. Perfect.

My favorite food is pizza. Houston, Texas. Trying to run through. Yep. Give me, give me what you got. Oregon ducks.

Don't know why. Have a lot of hype around them. Pretty good. Are they good this here? Uniform. Oregon's number one. Houston's first in their division, but. Uniforms, new.

They're exciting. Quarterback. They got the, they have like, I don't know, just some, some about the Texans they're fun to watch,

and so is Oregon. Yeah, those are good. All right, let's do one more here. From Aaron, what's up, fellas,

just wondering, what in your opinion was the best league sponsor of uniforms to the NFL, specifically. The 90s starter logo, athletic champion era,

or the early 2000s Reebok Puma era, or the current Nike era, the weird Adidas NBA Jersey is with sleeves era. Keep killing it as always. Slap my ass like your teacher, slaps your test face down

on your desk after a tough exam that you probably got a C-minus on, but feel a little better about because your friend next to you got an F, but it's chill because he's kind of poor. Poor kid. Send next to a poor kid. Don't copy off his test.

Still will, though, because I am helpless. And I just want confirmation bias that someone else is thinking what I'm thinking. Okay, you look at somebody's test during a test and you're like, he's dumber than me. Wow. Wow. Wow. That was a crazy thing. When you look at it, you try to copy out that, wow, he's dumber than me.

That's crazy. Then you look at the girl next to you, perfect handwriting. I'm like, handwriting so good I can't even read it. scared to ask her the answer because I think she's going to wrap me out. I think you know the answer. Well, maybe not. I think you might pull out a wild card here. But I forgot to mention this on the pod a couple weeks ago.

But the uniform rights deal is up. I think after this year, the next in the NFL. And so they may not be Nike anymore. And I'm like, let's go back to Reebok, man. Let's make it right. Let's get the mesh jerseys. Let's go. Everybody wants it.

But the people who don't know, the people who don't know Ball want Nike. They think Nike's cool, but it's not. It's Reebok. Big time. And I think the NFL, it's Reebok. The people who don't know Ball are going to make the wrong decision because they're in like a higher higher up. But yeah, it's Mesh jersey. It's the guitar pick.

That was the best era. They looked good on them. Just a different. It just felt better. It just looked like football. It just looked like football. Yeah, looked and felt like it. And it wasn't, Nike's making them cheap.

You can tell. Like the sleeve. Like it's just, there's a lot of things I can point out, but it's just not. They're not as like, their heart and soul isn't into it like Reebok was. Starter good era too. Puma is pretty good too.

But, dude, Reebok crushed it. Can we go back to the football pants where their butt has, like a single little line down the middle of it instead of the big like diaper butt thing me looking at every football player's butt but I mean who's not during a during a football game this this is the shit you know what I'm talking about the the pants with like you know you put you put your tail pad in your pants and it'd have like the two seams on the outside of the tail pad going right down your ass in the middle those pants the Nike pants with

the big, like, but thing. I'm like, what, it doesn't, it doesn't look good. Diaper, for sure.

Big diaper butts for the Nike pants. It looks so bad. Like, how do you make the fastest, coolest player, Tyreek Hill? How do you make, you're making him have a bad butt?

Grandma ass. Yeah. Do Tyreeks Hill ass. Do his ass with a little more justice. Oh, I'm saying. People used to say I had a grandpa ass. I don't know.

Yeah, imagine them in those Nike pants. You've been doing squats, though. You got a good ass, man. You get a good ass. I've looked. Thanks. Thanks, dude. Appreciate that.

All right, good shit. Team these guys at gmail.com. Happy holidays. These guys live pod in downtown Indianapolis, December 18th. That's a week before Christmas. Can I wait? Go see Benny and San Diego.

Yes, Thursday, this Thursday. Yep, next Thursday, Buffalo. And yeah, see you guys next time. Get your tickies. Can't wait to see you. Appreciate it. Keep the ratings and reviews going up on Apple Pods. Oh, nice.

Subscribe to your pods. I should have said that earlier. You know, the comment section is the playground. So let us know in there. Looking forward to the 18th. Looking forward to the holidays coming up with you guys. Keep sending emails, T. These guys at Gmail.

dot com and yeah we will be back at you be back at you next week Jericho Kotry What a name Times Lipakowski