THESE GUYS! - 3 Point Stance & Slap My A$$

Episode Date: October 3, 2023

this week the burpy boys talked about how satisfying it is to see stuff landing on the hood of a car🎟️ BENNY'𝗦 𝗨𝗣𝗖𝗢𝗠𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗦𝗧𝗔𝗡𝗗 𝗨𝗣 𝗦𝗛����𝗪𝗦 Oct 3 Hollywood, CA https://www.ticketweb.com/event/tonight-at-the-improv-ft-hollywood-improv-the-main-room-tickets/13623788?pl=hollyimprov&REFID=hollywoodWP&_gl=1*ypqjea*_ga*MTI4MzQwNjAxOC4xNjk1ODM5OTM2*_ga_WCL648ZCZH*MTY5NTgzOTkzNi4xLjEuMTY5NTgzOTk2MC4zNi4wLjA.🎟️ JOEY'𝗦 𝗨𝗣𝗖𝗢𝗠𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗦𝗧𝗔𝗡𝗗 𝗨𝗣 𝗦𝗛𝗢𝗪𝗦 Oct 11 Louisville, KY https://www.louisvillecomedy.com/shows/226148Oct 25 Pittsburgh, PA https://pittsburgh.citywinery.com/event/joey-mulinaro-1y291h🔺𝗪𝗔𝗧𝗖𝗛 𝗢𝗡 𝗬𝗢𝗨𝗧𝗨𝗕𝗘 https://youtu.be/xxQ75QbyHHY🧢𝗧𝗛𝗘𝗦𝗘 𝗚𝗨𝗬𝗦! 𝗠𝗘𝗥𝗖𝗛 https://benedictmerch.com/products/these-guys-hoodie-1?variant=41218692775993

I'd line up in a three-point stance and let you smack my ass into it. Line up. Three-point stance. On the ticket booth. Just waiting to get your tickets for the pre-a-c-c-c-c-ni-pf! Let's go in. Oh. Oh my God.

Took my breath away. I'm never clapping again. Took my breath away. Take my breath away. TG-55. Oh, this. this might be our best show because this is straight dick buttgis. Is it 55?

Yeah. Sure. I think so. 54. Damn it. Well, still Brian Rue Lacker. Nice consolation prize. Brian Urlackers fingers every play no matter what.

Even like at Starbucks waiting for his drink. Tape on him. When he got hair? randomly? I was like, okay. Not the same. Not the same. Only, only cool barbed wire tattoo, Brian Erlecker. You know that was a big mistake too. Oh yeah. He did that. That was like tribal tattoo era. He did that down there with the Lobos when he was in college after a big win. But why did it hit so hard? That's what I said. He's the only cool one ever. You know what? I saw a video compilation of the other day. What? Jeremy Shockey on the Giants. Oh.

What? Yeah. He was the tight end before tight ends. He was that guy. Then he went down to the Saints and randomly won a Super Bowl with them. Oh, did he? Yeah, he caught that two-point conversion. No, he caught a touchdown.

Lance Moore caught the two-point conversion. He caught a touchdown again. It was a slant. It was a quick slant. Lance Moore, dude. Just never the same off the Saints. Yeah, I had one year with the Steelers. I was like excited and then it was kind of like, yeah.

That always happens to Steelers guys. Had a couple nice catches over the middle in the slot. And then he had one reverse pass where he threw a touchdown to Antonio Brown. That was it. Remember the Steelers just did 19 trick play the game? Yeah. I was like, okay. How is this not everyone's favorite team?

I'd take that over what we got right now, a million percent. Anyways, let's not get into that now. TG 54. I'm going to be in Louisville next week. Louisville, October 11th, the Louisville, Comedy Club. God, talk about stroke meter, say Louisville six times in a row. I'm going to be at the Louisville, the comedy club down there in Louisville.

I get insecure every time I try to say Louisville because somebody like checks me on it. You say Louie? I'm like, I don't know. Why don't you rather me do that then, loo? Can I just fucking. No, it's loo. Why am I talking like I have a fucking bunch of mashed potatoes in my mouth every time I say Louisville? Yeah, I do a show.

Ooh. Thanksgiving dinner. Oh, okay. So you got to go on the work on the work. Road for Work? Where you heading? Yeah. Actually, I'm going to Lul. Drinks gallon of milk. Just Andrew Lug saying Louisville. Just do this the whole show. They love it, dude. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. You think I'm not

coming out on stage with that shit? Blazing. Guns, L's up. Yeah. Her Jack Harlow is going to be there. Really? No. I knew it was no, but I didn't want to do it. You know what I mean? I want to gas it. I want to gas it. Fuck it, invite them. Anyways, Louisville, Wednesday, October 11th. And then the big one, the finale for now, Pittsburgh, October 25th. So three weeks out there in the Berg,

city winery. Cannot wait for that one. And I said for now, because for the clubhouse, I want to give a little, maybe a little sneak people working on some more in some different cities. Hell yeah.

So, not the donut tour? Stay tuned for that. Uh-huh. Coast boys? Not coast, but Coast to Coast crazy boys? North, you know, AFC North style. It's kind of one of those. But just flip it. Maybe. We'll see. I'm just for the clubhouse. Clubhouse only. Clubhouse only. Clubhouse info only. Tonight, I'll be at the Hollywood Improv. Yeah, Coastal boy over here. Callie, come out. Kiss me every day. Craig Robinson? That's sick, dude.

Insane. You got to tell me. On the same show. I'm going to be doing this all time. you got to tell me how he is love Craig Robinson he's everywhere man who doesn't love Craig Robinson love the boy but yeah get your ticks in the description of the pod and on our instas yes please it was uh I was in St. Louis last week on Thursday yeah and uh it was awesome man I had never been to helium there had a great time was a great show crowd was a lot of fun had a banger open openers who came out and warmed the crowd up real well. And the crowd for me was a lot of fun.

Maybe the most fun show that I've had so far, honestly. So St. Louis was great. But I had the first like, Burby Boy? First front row. Heckler? Yeah.

What do you say? But it wasn't like a, you know, because I think everybody thinks heckler, they think like giving you shit, throwing tomatoes out you. Yeah, but they're just talking too much. It was,

it was a lady. Yes. She was there with her husband. It was her husband like... And I gotta give her... I got to give her a props because like they were very excited. Like it felt really cool because they were both like very excited to be there, very excited to see me perform, which is an honor. Yeah.

All right. You're never going to complain about that. But what happened is her excitement came out in the form of like vocals of talking. Yeah. So like in my set when I'm like doing my stuff and doing my jokes and everything, like, how I'm like, after everything I would say, she would be like, Yup. Oh yeah,

yup. Why don't I kind of like it? And for a while I kind of liked it too, right? It was like, oh, hell yeah. Like I'm loving like we got, you know, because something you don't want a dead audience.

My new mom's here. Right, you don't want a dead audience, you know? So at the beginning, I was like, hell yeah, sweet. People are excited.

You know, every down and then, like if she really, you know, she'd give like a woo or like a, you know, and she was live and it was good. Yeah.

But you started to feel like the crowd was getting annoyed with her. Yeah, house for everybody out there. Like, maybe you haven't been to a comedy show before. I'm running to into more and more of those, which is surprising. People are like, me, it's my first comedy show. I'm like, thanks. But get out more. Thanks, but are you fucking serious? Go check it out, you know? So, even I've been to a comedy show before I did stand up. That's wild. At these, at these comedy clubs, you know, like a helium, for instance, if you're sitting in the front, you're practically on the stage.

Yeah, you're getting spit on. Literally. Okay. I'll sneeze on your head. intimate setting like you're right there and so like she was very much becoming a part of the show and like of course it got to the point where like I addressed it you know and it was kind of just like like like you said at first I was like man yeah I was like I was like I kind of gave her shit I was like how did you shut up like kind of give her you know shit and then everybody's kind of laughing everything I was like no I'm just kidding like you know this is fun I was like I'm just kidding but shut up I was like this is fun I was like I've never had you know I was like you're like an ad lib ad lib or a rap song I was like I feel like I feel like I feel like I feel like I

like I got like an ad libber right here. Yeah, because everything I'd say, she would do, she'd just like, yop. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. Like that. And so, you know, good laugh and everything. But instead of her realizing that I was like calling her out and making fun of her and it's kind of on her husband too, instead of her realizing me like, okay, maybe I should kind of like to dial it down a little bit. Yeah. She took it as I'm a part of this show now. It's Joey Molanaro and me. And what was her name? Donna. Debbie. Debbie. Justin. Justin. Justin. Justin. Justin. was the wife it was the husband. It's all right.

I can't. You'll get it back. Anyways. So like then she really became a part of the show and she she wanted nothing more than to hear my Matthew McConaughey. And so like she would at times, she would literally be like. McConaughey. Wow.

She was drunk, dude. Yeah. I wish you would have told her to shut up in his voice. Did you? I was like, I'm not going to give in. Like I'm not going to do it. And so, eventually about three quarters

of the way through the show she was getting to the point where like it was in the middle of my bit to where I, it was kind of running like fucking with my train of thought. Yeah. And the audience could start to tell that. So like I started picking up on some people

be like, shh, stop like people next to your and stuff. And then finally I literally just like in the middle of my shit just like pause and like look down at the ground. And she was like, sorry. And then everybody go,

dude, when I say the crowd turned on her it was unreal. After she did that, literally one person just goes, shut up. And then another person goes, yes, shut up. And the person in the back goes,

shut the fuck up. Yes, dude. Guys in the back just know. Dude, guys in the back have your back. I was like literally on stage. I was like, all right.

Well, I appreciate that. And then just kept going and she was quiet the rest of the show. But then afterwards, it was kind of like doing, you know,

a little like hanging out, meeting people, whatever took the picture. I had like three people come out to me there. man, sorry about that lady. I was like, oh, man, it's all good. Like, it's a comedy show. Like, you know, and I was like, I haven't seen them though. Like, I kind of thought they'd be here. They're like, oh, they're in the back of the line. Like, they want to be last. They're scared.

So they were, so they waited longer than everybody and they finally got, came around to him. And so I have to talk to him after the show and everything. And she was like, I'm sorry. I just like, follow you. And I was so excited. They both didn't kiss you, dude. Something's wrong. And then I was, you know, the husband was just like laughing it up. I was like, dude, I guess like good on you. because like if that was my wife doing that, I would definitely be like, shut the fuck up. Stop. You know, right when they got in the car, he just let her have it. I don't think so, man. I think it was one of these situations where the dude were just like, he was cool that the whole time? Oh, they were, yeah, yeah, he was cool. Like, it was, they were both fine. It was just one of those

situations where like the crowd was really having enough of it. And then I tweeted about it later on and somebody did reply. They were just like, they were like, hell yeah, dude. Clubhouse had your back. you handled it well. It's like clubhouse, man. Let's go. When in doubt, Clubhouse out, dude.

Yeah, I love that. So it was interesting though. It was like a, you know, a new experience. Yeah, that'll get you. Which was nice. Gotta have it. What about,

I would do an impression, that'd be fun. If you got a heckler, doing an impression to him and tell them to shut up because then it's like not you. It's like fucking Collinsworth. Yeah.

I didn't tell you to shut the fuck up. Chris Collinsworth. That's a good call. That's a good approach. by it, but I was just thrown because I was like, I fueled this fire for sure. Yeah. But that's how it goes, man. It'd be like that.

But yeah. What's up with these shoe joints here? Jordan Fores. Those are nice. Hey, may the Fours be with you. This guy. Yeah. Those are nice.

A little dirty. Oh, you know, we like them dirty. Yeah. Is that a, is that a, what's that website called? Stock X. Is that a stock X line? Not buying these in the store. Never been on time for anything. Definitely not on time for a shoe drop.

I'll do a polizzi here. Yep. Got some creases, a little bit of wearing. Do you know what I got in here? I got the, I got the sole thing or the, um, the force field. Force. Yeah. Force field. Dude, got that. I got a pair of, uh, high top, all white Air Force ones for back to school my sophomore year. That's insane with the strap. Hard. Yeah. I got so much shit for wearing those. really why? I don't know.

Some, uh, it was when I was in seventh grade and the eighth graders were kind of like, you know, bitch, you know, shit like that. Travis Kelsey me. I was like, dude, like, I don't know. I got them from rack room shoes. There are 70 bucks. Just let me have it. Right.

You can't go wrong with the Air Force ones like that one because it's like they're clean. They're Nike. They go with everything. They look nice and clean and bright and shiny for the back to school. You know, all tan and everything. And on top of that, they're, usually only like 70 bucks. You could talk your mom into that. All white shoes. I was kind of out on them for a little bit because everybody had them, but they're just so clean. Yeah.

I'm big on, like, I don't like the low tops of those. I like the high tops only of the Air Force's. Burpee boy. Everybody's got the lows. I love you burpee boy. Whoa. I've been kind of silencing my burpees. Yeah. It's usually me. And we're 20 minutes into this and those are you. I'm hot. Maybe it's because I'm drinking piping hot coffee. That probably doesn't help. It is warm in here, though. It's so annoying. I hate, like, fucking weather guy. Here we go.

But I hate at the beginning of October or even in mid-October. It cannot be 85 degrees, dude. Can we get our shit together seasons? That's so annoying. That is so annoying. I know. Even in November, I'm like, why the fuck is it hot? We were at the Purdue game on Saturday up in West Lafayette.

I was there for like a bridal shower for a friend of mine who's about to get married. and we get seats and it's up in like, you know, 10 rows from the top. Yeah, the Purdue game. And we were just roasting in the sun. And it felt like we were on the surface of the sun. I hate that when it doesn't make sense. You're like a fall game.

Yes, exactly. To wear our fall stuff. Nah, dude. You're going to the beach. Black jeans on. A few of our friends like more. Oh, the things I do to wear a hoodie. Dude.

Some of my friends did wear like jackets or like a little crew neck. Fall closer to the shit Tying it around their waist and shit Just because it was so hot Using it as an umbrella Shut the fuck up It was that hot I hate when people use umbrellas for the sun

I'm like No no no no they didn't have it But they just I know no yeah God I was so pissed Man you're just uncomfortable Give me a fall Give me a college football game

Where it's like a quick Oh my God 55 dude No better temp No better temp 55 and sunny Smack my ass.

Give me a muffin. Yeah. Smack my ass. Give me a muffin. Give me a muffin and then an ice cold glass of orange juice. Maybe throw a little champagne in there. And I'm not drinking it. You're pouring it right on my fucking head.

Muffin on my mouth. Orange juice. Go watch the boilers. Hell yeah, man. I'd line up in a three point stance and let you smack my ass into it. Line up. Three point stance. On the ticket booth.

Just waiting to get your tickets for the premium game. Black 90! Let's go in. Let's go in. Please. Time for kickoff. I just need one.

I just need that. And then you look, you look the next weekend when they're actually getting married and it's literally going to be 61 degrees. God damn it. Yeah. Which I'm stoked about.

That'll be great. But we couldn't have cut that in half. 92 degrees on October Saturday. Oh my God. God. Every time, too, there's not a cloud couldn't be further from where you are. Clear skies. Where's the SPF? Anybody have any sunscreen? Like, it's so hot. It feels like there should be tumbleweed like blowing past you. I hate it, dude. One of those, what are they called? The vultures. Circling above. The cowboy noise. Can't do it.

It far. Oh, that thing. October 17th. 88 degrees with 96 humidity. Okay, cool. Who wants to lay out today? Can't wait to go to the pumpkin patch and be miserable with 8 million bees swarming around me.

Oh, dude, bees. Bees are, I'm not scared of bees. I've got like a thing where I don't give a fuck about bees. Oh, I don't, I'm not scared of them. They're just annoying. Hey, get off my apple. Apple biscuits. Dude, they are relentless.

I'm like, this is not your food. Like a dog is actually more well-behaved. This is insane bees. Can we have a word? Can we have a town hall meeting with the fucking bee people? Hey, also, there's plenty. There's so much other shit

at a pumpkin patch or apple orchard that you can go get without having to be around people. Because I having to be around Beeple. Too many Beeple here. Hey, bees. I'm just going to eat. all your fucking flowers. How about that? I'm just going to go around and start gnawing on all your

sunflowers. Suck my dick, bees. God damn, man. Remember there was like a bee shortage and people were like, don't kill the bees. Fuck that. Kill all the bees. Who wants them? We're not going to have honey. We can figure that out. Yeah, why is that such like an endearing fucking insect too? Like in grade school, you don't any first grade class? They have like three cartoon bees like up on the wall. Dude, I was a B for Halloween one year. Who are you? I mean, it was like seven. Seven?

Yeah, because it's like, hey, B. It's just the only cost. No, that's good, though. But that's the only costume we had. We just had it laying around. And I was like insecure about it. So I went, I acted like I was like a bad bee. I was like growling and shit.

Because I was like, I'm too nice. You little sissy ass. So I went into kindergarten and I was like, in a bee costume with like antennas with fuzzles and balls on my head. I was like, rah. They're like, what are you?

And I go, Killer B. That's not bad. That's not bad. Thanks, dude. Hey, on the fly. OTF.

Literally. Jeez. We're rolling. Yeah, it's starting to get to be, you know. Getting to be. Hey, those are real.

So many people turn. Stinger. What do you mean for Halloween this year? That's why the Frank? Press. Pressure's on. It's October. I got my,

for a YouTube, these guys, you see, I got my Michael Myers shirt on. I'm ready. So sweaty. Don't look at me right now.

Spooky time. Spooky season. Oh, I love it. So excited. So you, Rye and Frankie are going. Wait,

what did you do last year? I was Michael Myers. You're like, yeah, fuck the whole. Frank was a pumpkin. Oh, he's like two months old.

He's like two months old. So what's he? We don't know. We've already, we know. This is like, God, talk about,

hey, talk about, a hard time when you're like trying to figure out what you're going to be for Halloween. Try having to be like, okay, well, I got a Halloween party. I'm going to go to. Want to do something that's, you know, all right. And then by the way, I have a kid that I have to decide what he's going to be that he's going to talk about for the rest of his life because we're going to show him pictures. Hey, for my second Halloween, I was a killer bee. Yeah, you kind of got a, you know what? Maybe the killer bee is in bed. Yeah, because he watches

different shows, but they're all like, it's not obvious enough, you know? Like, you watch a show called trash truck and there's this main character he's a little blonde kid is named Hank and we're like yeah but it's just like no one's gonna know Hank from trash truck you know we call him Mr. noodle because like Elmo but no one's gonna know Mr. Nuddle. What if he was just a noodle

it's not bad what if he was just I mean we all go as different types of pasta just lasagna that could be fun yeah that'd be great like different types of noodle you know what I mean? It's not bad

Angel hair hair Rye not bad. We're getting somewhere with this. For sure. Would you, you'd be that big, you'd be like, I call rigatoni.

Yeah. I don't know what Frank would be. Macaroni. Yeah. He does love macaroni. He just had macaroni cheese bites for lunch. Yeah, I don't know.

Macaroni's the king. I've been trying, I've been trying to push for, you know, different shit that I would like for like me and him to go as, but gets axed. Gets axed.

Would give me one? Mando and Baby Yoda. Oh shit. How'd that get axed? Because Ryan's like, you like it. He doesn't. Dude, if he was green, Star Wars is forever too. Yeah. Come on. Let me have this. Just be Princess Leo, Ry. I know you want to do the two buns.

Please. It's all I want. I might throw it back this year for Halloween. Oh, yeah? And I might just be scream with the blood pump. Can't go wrong. You can't go wrong. Seriously.

The way I want to. that mask when I was a kid and my mom wouldn't even let me look at it. Yeah. I got scared absolutely shitless when I was like six years old from that. Really? My older cousins.

Like it was in October. We were over my grandparents' house. It was probably like pot roast night. You know what I'm saying? Like it gets dark out early. But so we're all over there. We're in one of the side rooms playing like Nintendo 64 or some shit. Oh, best night ever?

It was until all of a sudden the scream blood mask got like up on the window. Dude. There's no blinds. There's just a window. And then all I see is just, I just hear a thud and then it's just the screen mask right there. And my cousin did it. God, I love that guy. Whoever that cousin is that everybody,

every family needs like a fuck off like that. Dude, my mom still hates that guy. Like, I'm not kidding. Perf. It worked. It worked. Hates him. It worked.

Like if you bring that up to my, it hates you. Still, it worked. If you bring that, well, no, because it makes it even worse because it's on my dad's side of the family. She's like, I don't even fuck it. I have no relation to this fuckwad. Hey, you know, a party I'll go to. If your mom's there and it's a Halloween party, I will do that.

I will pop up and freak everybody out, dude. Dude, she, if you bring that up to her still to this day, she's like, can't stand him. He's such a dumbass. I'm like, I mean, I was six. It's all right. No. When's the last time you were actually like scared, scared? That's a good question, man.

I had a bad one. Yeah. I was leaving, getting on an early flight. It was at like 4 a.m. And anytime there's a really early flight, I didn't ask this just to tell the story, by the way. Anytime there's a really early flight, I never sleep because like it boards at 5.50.

Yeah. Like, got to be at the airport at 4 a.m. I'm like, dude, what am I even doing? I'll miss the flight if I sleep. So I'm staying up, getting everything ready, packing at like 2.30 a.m. You know, just in my own world. It feels like no one else is up in the whole fucking planet.

Dude, I hear a knock at my door at 2.30 a.m. And I'm like, like, I always kind of, every time I hear a knock at my door, I'm like, I wonder if it's Joey. It's like, you're the only one that would fuck around and do that at 2.30. And I'm like, no one really even knows where I live either. So I'm like, what? And obviously I don't answer.

I'm a bitch. And I just sit, huh? Did you go look? In like 10 minutes, because I'm terrified. You have a little peephole. I was too scared. Oh my God. I was like,

they're gonna hear me walking up. So like I go in the bathroom. I'm like, maybe it was just in my head. You know what I mean? Sure. Because that late on the street, something on TV maybe.

Right. Like maybe my computer plate. I don't know. Maybe I'm just like hallucinating because it's so late. Yeah. And then I, I'm like,

fuck it. I go. And I don't have anything with me. I don't have like, I didn't bring like a weapon or anything. So I'm just like, let's go. Open the door. There's blood, actual blood on the ground, like drops.

And I'm like, lock. What? Yeah, and I continue packing and doing everything. I'm trying to like delete it out of my brain. So I'm like, I got to leave here in another hour. So I'm going to have to go into that. I'm going to have to face this again. So I don't know.

It's just kind of an unsolved mystery. I leave for the airport. Nothing happens. I make sure my apartment's locked 30,000 times and just dip, dude. When you were making sure your apartment was locked, you keep looking over your shoulder. Well, I had to go that way to the elevator. No, I know, no, no.

But if you're going out and you're making sure your apartment's locked, like you have your back towards everything. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Yeah. Man, you know, it got freaky. Ooh, blood. When I came back, the blood was still there.

Like, from the, like, I was there for, I was gone for like a week. Still there on the ground. I was like, Oh, man. That was actually terrifying. I was like, this would happen. Like, can I just leave? Yeah, I, I've had, uh,

I've had people like show up you know how everybody has the ring cameras now and thank God but like yeah that changed the whole world yeah I think about that a lot like when I like I had I had someone who was just like on my front porch chilling

at like three in the morning and luckily we didn't notice it because we were like sleeping and we slept through the alarm but like we wake up the next morning and Rice says she's we had somebody on our front porch last. I'm sorry, what?

So then on the ring camera, you have the ability to go back and look. It was me. Johnson here in the ring camera. So dude, you can't drink all day if you don't start in the morning. Got to get a couple. Got to get a few Johnsons in for the clubhouse.

I'm done. As I'm telling this terrifying story. Yeah, my best. So this, this dude is just like standing out. our front door trying to like peer in and it's like sitting there for seemingly forever as I'm watching this happen knowing we're sleeping upstairs. Then he goes and just sits down on the chair on our front porch. The balls, man. Then just gets up after and I don't know what triggered

him to get, but just gets up and just walks down the steps and leaves. Dude, it was so drunk. It was crazy. Me after one glass of wine doing that. did have, did have a like shootout situation in front of our house. Jesus Christ. I remember you telling me. Yeah. That was pretty scared. And you heard it?

Yeah. It woke us up and then it continued to happen. And our son, our newborn son, he's like three months old, was right there. And so I had to freaking Batman cape myself with the blanket and like dive over my wife and my son just because like it seemed as if it was going on on our front porch. Oh, yeah. Were you like that was a gunshot? Or you like, that was a firework?

No. You could tell. And it was literally in front of our house. Like on our street in front of our house. Where do we live? Yeah. Baltimore? Do we live in Gotham City?

It felt like it for a bit there. Every time I hear, like, I wouldn't, if I heard a gunshot, I wouldn't think it was a gunshot. I'd be like, oh, that's the generator or whatever the fuck. Yeah, you think that until there's like 17 consecutive ones. And you're like, uh, probably. Yeah. Played Call of Duty before and I heard that. This wasn't just like a...

Yeah. It was... And that sounds like a 50 cent music video. So everybody gets down. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right.

That's what you should have set out the window. G, you know, they stop. Everything's fun. So those are some of our scary stories. Send yours in. It's October. So, you know, we're starting off a scary season with some scariest stories. Punkans.

Big. I am getting, like, it is wild. The older you get, for me at least, the more I get into scary shit. Really? Yeah. I never thought you would. Yeah, I know. You kind of used to hate shit with blood in it.

Oh, that's different. That's gore. I'm talking like scary, you know, scary movies, horror movies. Like Saw, you're not. No, I don't. I try to put you on Saw a couple times and you're like, no. Nah, it's not for me. but, you know, the classic scary movies, the new scary movies that come out.

I'm always like, right, we got to, like, no way. I'm like, okay, I'll watch by myself. By yourself? I couldn't do that. Yeah, because I want to watch it, dude. It's like gets me in the season. It gets me in the environment. Yeah, I kind of feel like a psycho if I watch a scary movie by myself, though.

Yeah, that's true. Yeah, because I am. Somebody else comes out in me and becomes Bruce Wayne. Rachel! But. We still need to go to Spirit Halloween together. I would love that. Make a TikTok out of it or a vlog or something.

I don't know. Going there and just fuck around. As Johnson and Schmitty or not. You could throw a little bit in there, but just, you know, yeah, we seriously, we do got to go because we need inspiration for outfits for the kid. Spirit Halloween is popping right now, dude. There's never been more peak Spirit Halloween than right now.

Timing out when to go to the pumpkin patch. is weird too. Right now it's not Halloween enough. And it's too hot. I can't, I cannot go to a pumpkin patch apple orchard situation and be sweating. I need to have a pole. I need to have a crew neck or a light jacket. Yeah. Or, um, turtle neck too crazy. Sorry, I'm horny. Yeah. Jesus. Whoa, my bad. My bad. Turtle neck pumpkin patch. Gay. Holy shit. Yeah, but it. Too. It's like, okay, because Ryan was this week, she was like, can we go? Can we go before you go? Because I'm going to Texas A&M this weekend.

That's so hard. And, yeah, I'm really excited. But I was like, let's wait just next week. Like, give me like an October 9th. Hopefully it's chillier, maybe overcast a little bit. Let's go later, dude. I know, but then that's what I'm saying. The interesting timing of it is because you want to get there to be able to come back

and have the pumpkins out for long enough. You know what I mean? We bring the pumpkins back. Ninth is perfect. You don't want to go on October 22nd. Because you bring the pumpkins back and it's like, oh, now I got to get the Christmas tree out. What about those pumpkins that are on your porch for too long?

They're like, that's us every year because Rye gets 19 of them. The pumpkin on your porch. No one, the pumpkin on your porch. Kind of green. You just want to kick the fuck out of it. Kind of green, yeah. I don't want to kick the fuck out of it.

Stomp. I want to, no, dude, what you got to do is you want to take it and then you just go and you absolutely. Throw it in the pom. in your neighborhood. No, you, you take it and you do almost like your, like, you're like world's strongest man tossing something over your, over your head.

You drop it all the way down. Both hands, drop it all the way down and throw it up in the sky's high as you can right in the middle of the road. Oh, yeah. Yes, dude. The seeds. Oh, everywhere.

Everybody. Everywhere, dude. Nothing matters, dude. Nothing matters on a road. You can throw anything in the middle of a road. That is the most fun. A watermelon. Can suffice.

Mm-hmm. Put up, especially if it's old, old and it's like in that shrew. Bro, go to fucking hell, Pumpkin. See ya never.

Oh my God. Accidently lands on a hood of a car. A little bit better. Didn't mean to. Didn't mean to. You know what I'm talking about? Yeah.

Just as if that's gonna... 500. Oh shit. Your neighbor's car just... For some reason, stuff landing on a hood of a car is just, oh. It's funny. Just soothing. A milkshake.

Ooh. Dude, it's, and it's splattering all over. Windshield. Best dessert ever. Yep. I'm fucking lick it off there. Right off the windshield. I don't care how, I don't care when the last time you got a car wash was. I don't care if you're in the car. I'll draw a fucking smiley face with my tongue on your windshield. We become. You want the works? We become the windshield wiper? They turn that shit off.

Both of our heads, dude, in unison. Please, a chocolate milkshake all over the windshield. It's all I think about. Dude. A spike it, dude. That's so high school, dude. I know. I did that to so many people in high school.

October. See you, pumpkins. You got pumpkins out and you got some high school fuckheads that live around. Night night, kicking all those faces in. Jackal in her face? Guess what? My shoe's going right through it. easy, easy money.

Best entertainment of my life. You're such an idiot. Oh, yeah. I'll sacrifice a new pair of shoes. Just a kick of jackal lantern in. You know you've done it. It's like a beautiful design too that they took too long on, like way too long. They had nothing to do that day.

Hey, guess what? That annoying ass pumpkin date. Everybody's been. been on one. Oh yeah. You don't do pumpkin dates, you know, six years into the relationship. That's like, hey, we've been talking for six weeks. Let's go to the pumpkin patch and then take a picture on our doorstep. I could do it a million times, though, with a different girl. You know, like when you're going through girls that you've dated. And pumpkin batch. Yeah, yeah. It's like, it's just one of those things you got to do.

Another pumpkin patch, yeah. Pumpkin patch. It's not going to end well, but it's going to be fun, kind of. Pumpkin patch Pete. Pumpkin patch, Pete. Turtleneck pumpkin patch? Too hot. Smack me silly. That is like a perfect, I mean, I'll say it. It's like a perfect day.

If you time it out and it's like October 18th and you get the most picturesque day to where it is that cool like 56 degrees sunny when you go at like 1030, you go at like 11 a.m. You get your pumpkin shit. out of the way, have some snacks, and then you go to a bar and watch college football and day drink, perfect day. You still with Shorty during that? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She's long for the ride. Yeah. You do pumpkin patch early. You're not getting away from your girl. Maybe for the next two days. Yeah. And you wake up the next morning. You go get some breakfast and then you either go tailgate it, you know, Lucas Oil or you just sit there and drink more beer and watch Red Zone.

That's a weekend. But the drive. after having the pumpkin patch experience in the books and your girl is like, oh yeah, we could go to brothers. That sounds fun. You're like, yeah, going to the pumpkin patch with the girl opens up some doors that you haven't been through

in a while. And your buddies and like some of their girls who like, you're like, this is good. This is working out. Fun time. Weather's beautiful. You're not going to be uncomfortable.

Everybody's happy. Nobody's fighting. Nobody. Until your one friend brings the girl that you're like, this should have been over a while ago. But even like your girl and their friends know that it should have been. And they're just kind of bringing her in it. Like, you know, we're just acting like it's cool for today because we're having a good time.

Right. Nobody else wants the time to be spoiled. So everybody's got the, you know, like maybe the guys have one booth and then the girls have one booth. Right. Because the, you know, the guys are talking ball and gambling and tits. Chicks. Chicks. Guys are always talking tits.

There's not one second that goes by where guys aren't talking tits. That's for sure. If I'm hanging out of a bunch of dudes and we're not talking tits, I don't want it. Tits, chicks and dicks and tis all in fucking, yep, gambling. That's it. That's the day in October. If you're not out of college campus, knock the pumpkin patch out of the way, go to a day drinking bar, sit there and have eight million dosecis.

Mm-hmm. Those sackies, I'm in. Yeah. So this is, this would be good for the clubhouse too, because I was, I think I was close on the verge of getting Ben to commit to a Steelers game. If you were to text me, I would have gone. Oh, do your minute. I was, I was a hundred percent planning on it, but I was like, if he didn't say anything, I'm kind of out. So I'm like, maybe he's not expect, I don't know. Well, this weekend, it didn't work. It worked out good because we, we were at my sisters down south because they had a baby shower

so she was hosting. But this upcoming Sunday, it's the Ravens. Okay. What time? One. Stop, dude. It's probably back at my parents. Wait, is it in Baltimore?

No, Pittsburgh. I like the games in Baltimore when the Steelers play them there. Yeah, I mean, it does mean a little more if you win in Baltimore. Yeah. Baltimore's home jerseys, too, just goes, go crazy.

It'll always be a good uniform matchup though. Yeah, that's true. If I had to guess, Ravens probably come out, black bottoms, white tops, black helmets. Sick. And the Steelers, you know, the traditional yellow pant, black top, black helmet. Yeah.

But you never know. I mean, we're going to be pretty desperate going into this one. They could pull out the, it's too early, I think. I was going to say they could pull out the all black color rush. They haven't. It's usually a night game. They don't deserve it.

Yeah. It's usually like November, December when you kind of need it, you know, like, hey, 425 against the bingles. Yeah, that's ride. You know, something like that. But yeah, what's good to? This Sunday, one o'clock. Okay.

Okay. I feel like, should, like stream it? I don't know. Yeah, we should. It's probably. Who cares? You know. Just don't do it on TikTok live.

You'll be banned for three and a half years. Yeah. Is that what happened to you? Forever. Yeah. You're banned from TikTok live forever? No. I mean, just every time I go live on TikTok live on TikTok.

something happens and I'm like Jesus Christ I didn't mean it like that damn I'm sorry that's all right they'll get you for a few days though all right let's uh let's check the mailbox here let's get a little mail time uh just a few this week reminder team these guys at gmail com so go ahead and follow the show subscribe on YouTube and shoot us an email huh actually real quick before we get into these last few uh we were talking about who needs to kiss last week Yeah, fuck. I thought about one and I can't remember it now. Somebody left a review for us on Apple Pod, which was super nice. Five stars. We appreciate that. And then they said, who needs to kiss? Max Verstappen and Lewis Hamilton from Burpee Man.

Wait, what is that? Verstappen and Hamilton? Yeah. They're like the top two F1 drivers. Oh, I have no clue. I mean, like most popular. But for Stappen is. Did you know that? I thought there were two like Renaissance men or something. I was like, uh,

George, Louis Hamilton and Max Vestappen. Yeah, that's what I thought. I mean, that's kind of how they sound when they, because all the, the broadcasters for F1 are all like British,

so they do kind of sound like that when I'm talking about it. But yeah, it's kind of like Lewis Hamilton is a seven time world champion. He had his obvious run, but now Max Verstappen is dominating. And so like there's this weird like kind of rivalry beef. But then at the same, it's one of it's like,

it's like, it's like, it's like, Warren's that Brett, far, but it's like, just kiss. Just kiss already. Just do it. Let's just get it over with, make it happen.

Everybody will be so relieved. Oh, God. I thought of the best one this weekend. I was like, ooh, remember that. forgot it. Damn it. Hey, Ron Artax, Ben Wallace. Just, you know, clear the air.

Please. Please do. All these years. We're waiting. Hey, Reggie Miller, Michael Jordan. What are you waiting on? Reggie Miller, Spike Lee? just been down there he's sitting down just we know you want to we know you want to hey way um 50 cent draw

rule god so 2002 you know those two have just always had the most beef I think really that was a little bit before him I was still young oh I don't know anything about it but I just know 50 cents always dog and I'm like you want to kiss him let's be honest here we know the reason I guy just, you know, a little tis-tis. Yeah, so we can think of, we can do this all day. We can think of another review question because we do, we need to bring that back. That's fun when you leave a review of what we were talking about. So maybe Ben can think about that while I'm pulling up.

We're thinking of a question? Yeah. Maybe like briefly how you've been scared before, because we're kind of in spooky season. Yeah, I just like review. I don't know if people will type all that out in our review, you know. Maybe a YouTube comment. You can do YouTube comment. Yeah.

Scary as shit or, I don't know, something. We'll figure it out. We can keep doing who needs to kiss. I mean, it doesn't go old. That's true. Yeah, we didn't really ask for it last week. So, you know the topic now. Go ahead and leave that in there.

This from Sam Madden. Kiss a kiss a tis. What's up, gents? Longtime listener, first time writer. Oh, heard it. Jabba the hut in my throat right there. Toad. Toad boy.

Oh, ah, ah, ah. For a few weeks, I've been trying to figure out how to write in and just heard it on this past week's ep without further ado on some hangover type shit we're talking your all star squad to take over a town with for a weekend celebs athletes math geeks sheet freaks no holds bars your top three who you going with slap my ever-loving whole milk drinking door creaking voice have an ass to the great planes and roast me like a hoss oh god he just gets it kiss a tis milky boy fuck dude Oh, oh, this is a, this is part of the espresso fam. I know this guy.

This is, this is, uh, I like this. I like this a lot. You're taking over a town for a weekend. Oh, man. Okay. Let me, let me rack the brain here. It's all, it's going to be all 2000s football players for me. Perfect.

I'm saying like Priest Holmes, Corey Dillon. Wow. Just walking down the street with Priest Holmes, Corey Dillon, and Eddie George, what's up? Who's not talking to them? Dude. I wonder if it's like dead or alive? Can we do dead or alive?

Yeah, always. All right. I'm going, who, God, so much pressure, man. This is, I like this better than, you know,

who'd you have dinner with? It's played. Take over a town with. Go out. Have fun. I like that. Yeah, I'm going. We should, yeah.

I think they just flipped us off. They did flip us off. Good. I'm going Harry Carey. Chris Farley. Oh, man. That's not bad. Chris Farley would.

Going Harry Carey. Dion Sanders, 1996. Good luck. 1996 Dionne Sanders. The coolest, man. in the world. Harry Carey and Brett Farf. Damn. All right. All right. God, this, this is crazy. I know I said mine, but I'm going to redo it. Yeah, obviously. Chris Farley. Yep. That's insane. I didn't know you were, I didn't know you were like familiar with Chris Farley like that.

Yeah. Mark McGuire. Hey, that's just for me. I got a couple questions to ask him. And God damn. Like I do want to say gronk, but it's too played. I know. So maybe Jeremy Shockey. Topical from today. Yeah.

I mean, come on. You could say probably anybody. Wait. I'm going to swap out. I'm going to swap out. Damn. I hate to lose Mark McGuire. But I do want to.

just trap it out with Michael Vick too. Oh, man. Hell yeah. Come on. That's sick. And I'm going to swap one out. Actually, I'm going to swap one out. Actually, Deionn ninety-six Dionne Sanders for 1995 Michael Irvin. Oh, wow. Actually, maybe even today. We got a squad right now, Michael Irvin. Right. Yeah. So I think Harry Carey, Michael Irvin, and Brett Farve. Chris Farley, Jeremy Shockey, Michael Vick. What's up? Hey, no girls. I love. Just no, not ever one girl. Hell no.

Man, that's some, that, that, that is, I think the clubhouse will be happy about those pictures. Yeah. Eightway kiss incoming from Andrew Adams. Welcome back. I know I'm late to the party. Want to give a big welcome back to the burpee boys. We both had a great summer. I have to admit I was getting a bit worried that there weren't any new episodes for a few weeks.

At the time, the future of these guys seemed a bit hazy. This guy. All the best, Andy. Any send a really hoppy-ass beer. IPA IPA A lot actually No it's all good

That's so weird Everybody was like Thinking that we had like Beef or some shit It was like Oh really? Yeah people were just like What happened

I saw people You go away I was like What are you talking Never been more love Right I was like Anyways

Oh here we go Will Herrick Who should kiss Yes Roger Federer And Raphael Nidal Oh big time kiss

Great rival and how hot would that be. Slap my ass while I watch. Slap my ass while I watch Wimbledon. Yes. Clubhouse. Clubhouse knows clubhouse. All right from Charlie Sweeney.

The show. That's awesome. Charlie, I appreciate it. He put in parentheses, show. We know, bro. That's crazy.

You know show. S.H. If you just left it to that, then... Did we address what show even is? No. Why didn't we even start... That was on early espresso.

Really expressed up. So this might be an OG king right here. Those guys. What's up guys? Huge fan of the pod. Look forward to listening to it every week. Just had a question that I think about pretty often about Halloween since it's coming up. When did you guys stop trick or treating?

I swear I went out with the boys until seventh grade and then took some time off and then went back out as high schoolers. Crazy. When did other guys call it quits on the free candy? And why isn't there anything really cool for adults to do on Halloween? Why do we as men either have to hand out candy or scare the shit out of kids? Again, there'd be some cool drinking game or happy medium for guys to tailgate together. and go get free candy.

They're giving it out anyways, right? Why is it such a crime to ask for someone as an adult? Anyways, I'll be out in any last week in October for running a race. We'll love to see if something will work out. See one of your stand-up sheds or something like that. Twist my arm and slap your sister sideways. Perfect. Perfect.

Man, the high school going back out, that is wild. You were desperate. There's usually a Halloween party in high school that's like, whoa. I know, but he's talking like the actual day, you know, like the night of where the trick or treating is happening in neighborhoods. I couldn't even. What were we doing on that day in high school? Just nothing? Probably had practice and we're like, whatever.

Yeah. Maybe we were, yeah. If it turned out to be like on a Thursday or something, maybe then we'd be like, let's watch Thursday night football and just like go to my girlfriend. Go to my girlfriends and help pass out candy. I'm such a bitch like that. There's some, there's always the one lame ass that'd have to do that. And then the other dude would be like, dude, fuck that. I got fireball in the fridge for my parents throughout a town.

He'd be like, okay, cool. I'm going there, actually. I'm going there. I stopped in eighth grade. Seventh. I was seven. Well, I guess sixth grade was my last year. Didn't do it in seventh.

Actually, no, that's false. I'm lying. I'm thinking about it now. Yeah, no, eighth grade was my last year too. And I think about it. I got a lot of like trick or treat and the, people would be like, you guys are too old. Uh-huh.

And I was like, okay. Felt weird. Yeah. And I've been doing it the last handful of years where like my family will have a big on the night of Halloween, like a big thing where my mom. The garage is open. Garage is open. We'll make a bunch of chili.

Oh. And we'll have like the hot apple cider that will mix with fireball and shit. I was like chicken up. A little buffalo. Yeah. I love some BCD for sure. Some, some fall peanut M&Ms in there. It's a great layout, you know.

and that that does happen where like high schoolers will come up to the garage and they're just in like sweatpants and like a Emmett Smith jersey. I'm like cool jersey, but like try. Yeah. Like if you if you were actually in a costume, I would be like, oh, okay. I mean, whatever. Like I wouldn't have done that when I was in high school. But at least you're like, hey, I'm trick or treating. I'm doing it.

Don't be in high school and then go no effort. No effort. Just walk around with a pillow sack and it's being like, oh, well, I'm actually. I'm Travis Kelsey. It's like, dude, shut up. No, you're not. You just have the jersey. Like, come on.

And you shouldn't want candy that bad in high school. You freak. Yeah, just like steal your girlfriend's little brothers. Candy's not that cool in high school, but when you're a kid, dude, candy's everything. Yeah, that's like your booze. Weird. Candy is your booze when you're eight to 13 years old. Yeah, candy's your alcohol.

Fucking addicted. Yeah, but then as adults, man, like, I don't know. I'm like, I buy candy like every time I go to the gas station. Like, we all, you know, I mean, I'm taking it. You probably have a job. Like, you just go get it, man. So fire. Get whatever kind you want as many as you want. That's a tough decision. Get the, get the fun bag that's huge, you know? Get the all pink starburst. Me and a gas station. Oh, my God. Kitter Snickers every single time. Me at CBS. Oh, CVS candy's way better than gas station. Kroger. I'm going to get milk for my son. I'm like, I got to stop by the candy.

You see that bag, a hundred grand. Oh, my God. What if I had that? Right. That's worth more than an actual 100 grand. And it's cool as adults too. Like, Halloween parties as adults are fun. Like, everybody's dressing up with something stupid as shit. I will go off on the candy at a Halloween party. Boozing. Like, there's football on, you know, like, that's awesome. So I can't, you know, I hear you. But I'm just like, hey, man, go buy it yourself. and then just like, have to live up the perks of being an adult on Halloween. Just partying in like a stupid fucking.

Just in a scream costume. Barneco boy outfit. 37 years old in a scream costume. What's up? My dream. What's up? What's up? Yeah, this is my girl.

Pumps blood down your face. Exactly. All right. TG 54. TG 54. Thanks for listening. Love you, Clubhouse. Love the emails.

Thanks for coming out to the shows. Yep. Keep going. We love you. Picks all day. Kiss us every day, obviously. And remember the links and everything in the bio or description. And we'll talk to you next time.

Yeah, yeah. Team these guys at gmail.com email. And don't forget to let us know who should kiss. Leave us a rating and a review about who should kiss. Who should kiss? In the comments. Or the reviews. Or the reviews as well.

And yeah, come see us at our shows. Okay, bye. These guys. See you.