THESE GUYS! - Benny Colon and Joey Dash

Episode Date: March 21, 2023

On this episode the boys talked about how the phones from the 80's slaps🎟 𝗕𝗘𝗡'𝗦 𝗨𝗣𝗖𝗢𝗠𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗦𝗧𝗔𝗡𝗗 𝗨𝗣 𝗦𝗛𝗢𝗪𝗦Kansas City, MO Thurs 3/23 https://improvkc.com/ShowDetails/b0822311-7337-417d-b373-e6f378a41b9d/3ef90ddd-e238-427f-bd95-e028af25d0dc/Benedict__Polizzi/Kansas_City_ImprovAlbany, NY Thurs 4/6 https://albany.funnybone.com/ShowDetails/7103c957-393b-4e13-a58a-cb2b21082f5d/fe90f238-dd0b-4177-a490-91bacbb9d65d/Benedict_Polizzi/Albany_Funny_BoneTampa, FL Thurs 4/27 https://improvtampa.com/ShowDetails/d8ced7f0-fb31-41ba-86c6-14ef820cde86/86796be0-6fce-4955-94fc-cf1047b171ae/Benedict_Polizzi/Tampa_ImprovBoston, MA Thurs 5/4 https://wl.seetickets.us/event/Benedict-Polizzi-800pm/532615?afflky=LaughBoston🎟 𝗔 𝗡𝗜𝗚𝗛𝗧 𝗪𝗜𝗧𝗛 𝗝𝗢𝗘𝗬 𝗠𝗨𝗟𝗜𝗡𝗔𝗥𝗢Indianapolis, IN Thurs 5/25 https://thevogue.com/events/an-evening-with-joey-mulinaro-friends-may-25-2023🔺𝗪𝗔𝗧𝗖𝗛 𝗢𝗡 𝗬𝗢𝗨𝗧𝗨𝗕𝗘 https://youtu.be/xxQ75QbyHHY🧢𝗧𝗛𝗘𝗦𝗘 𝗚𝗨𝗬𝗦! 𝗠𝗘𝗥𝗖𝗛 https://benedictmerch.com/products/unisex-premium-sweatshirt-1

Remember putting a question mark in your Google search at one point in your life? Just just a question mark? No, the first time I ever searched on like Ask Jeeves or something. I was like, what restaurants are in my town question mark? Like I was so nice and polite. Now I'm just like, restaurant. And I spell it wrong. Food.

While I'm driving. I'm like in a wreck. Food. Indie. Food now where I live. Food now. This searches. Google would like to use your location.

Yes. No, I'm like, no, I don't want them to know where I live. But I want food now. Now. That was pretty good. That was really good. Thanks. I'll give that clap like a fucking 97%.

Oh, these are great, bro. Yeah, get that up there. You're going in. Are we going? Yeah, you're going. TG 26. 26. What's happening?

Hey, subscribe on YouTube. Listen on Spotify, Apple Pods, wherever you get your podcast. but definitely Stitcher because that's the only platform we care about. Thank you for these guys. But thanks for listening, guys. And remember, Joey's got a show coming up. Yeah, where are you going, though? You're going sooner.

This Thursday I'll be in KC. Kansas City, come out. Let's talk. Come some barbecue. Probably not. That's what everybody's saying. I'm like, guys, all right, we know. We get it.

Can't be that good. I know. Come on. Oh, my God! What am I going to do when I eat it? But, yeah, I can't. wait to come to Kansas City. It's going to be fun. There'll be a couple people there.

Maybe some F-boys. We don't know. It's going to be cool. And then shortly after that, April 6th, Albany, New York, and then April 27th, Tampa, in May 4th. May 4th. Oh, I'm jealous, dude. Boston. Boston and May 4th? Do you want to go? I do, but it's Kentucky Derby weekend, so I'll be there.

Oh, it is? Yeah. Fuck. Yeah. That's sick though. Fuck. I'm jealous. That's cool though. Yeah. Is that just newly added, Boston? Wow. Benendippolice.com for tickets. Can't wait to see it. Hell yeah. Can't wait to see you guys. That's awesome. Yeah. And then I just went live this week. Tickets on sale, a night with Joey Molanaro and friends at the Vogue, the legendary Vogue and Broad Ripple. Just 15, 10 minutes north of Indie. Basically, indie is indie. But yeah, it's going to be a great time. May 25th. So got a little bit of time, but getting a half. ahead of it. It's going to be a party. DJ Seabuck's going to be in the house, scratching it up. Willie Griswold from the Bob and Tom show. Super funny dude. He's going to be out there

doing some stand-up. I'll do a little bit of stand-up, a set. I think Ben's going to stop by and chatting up on the couch. You know, there's going to be a couch setting. I love a couch on the stage. So it's going to be a little of these guys flavor. And obviously there's going to be booze. There's going to be, it's going to be a party. And then we're going to go right in the carb day because it's race weekend. Right. So it's the Thursday before the Indy 500 and Indy. So got to be there.

It's going to be a great time. Still more guests to be announced. But that's where we're at right now. Tickets everywhere on my pages you can get them. Thevogue.com. They're available there. And yeah, we'll get this party started, man. Need you there.

We'll have the tics in the description of the pod. Yes. Check it out. Look at us being ticks, guys. Ticks, dude. How about it? It's all about it. It's all ticks.

Now the emoji. Boom. I just want to sell tickets for the emoji. I know, but I'm like, what if people don't know what that is? You know? Really? I never thought.

I just picture a grandma being like, what is that? I mean, you know, then that's on them. We're not really selling the grandmas. I went all the grandmas at my shows. Right.

All the grandpas too. Yeah, then they're asking, but they're asking. Grandma and grandpas don't give a shit. Takes emojis. It's perfect. Yeah.

Just that bang. Uh-huh. Don't even need to say anything. It says admit one on them, bro. It's perfect. It's perfect. Grandmals, no. Because grandma's back,

they came from the generation when you actually had to have tickets. Yeah. It's honestly for our generation, it's like, wait, it's not a barcode on your phone? What is it?

What is that? Ew. A stub. Is that a 50-50 raffle? Sounds short. Gross. Stub, stubby, 50-50 raffle.

Ew, what year is a... Not going. Too confusing. Bye. But all of our moms and grandmals? Do you ever think like shit's too? This is so...

I'm not going to say. Do it. Got to. You ever think like when you're typing text on your phone, like to promote something or anything? You ever think it's too small like for like older people to read? Because you know how every time an older person looks at their phone, they're like, I can't let me the fuck you. You get like 19 pairs of glasses on.

I do know that, but they have it already blown up. Even like Instagram text? Yeah. Every time I type something on my phone, I'm like, my mom can't see this, but fuck it. No. Even like an Instagram story. It all does it. You make, you make your.

entire phone setting to be larger. So literally like my mom's Instagram, she has to do like six scrolls to see two posts. No way. Yeah. She's so huge. That's amazing. How about that, when's that day going to come for us? You know, I might just not do it. Just go in blind of everything. Oh yeah. I saw it. Refused to give in to the larger text. That was like going on that slider, you know, in your settings. It's like small A to the big A like dude, that day. No. You've been lowercase God forever, so you'll never do that shit. You hate big text.

I do. I'm not too big. It's so weird, though, because you write in all uppercase. Capital letters. You don't like capital letters, but you also don't like big text. You're a tiny writer, but you write in all caps. Sometimes, yeah. Yeah.

Like last night, we did that show at Helium and you signed the wall, and it was Benny and all capital letters. Yeah. But you don't like starting a sentence with a capital letters. It seems to, it seems like a thesis statement. Like one of those big old teas, the fancy teas to start a favorite. Oh, yeah, in the box. I'm like, hey, man, what times the show in a capital H?

I'm like, Jesus Christ, bro. What's your hypothesis coming up? That's a weird thing for you. I like all lowercase is just like normal talking, I think. And then when you throw on uppercase in there, it's like, Jesus Christ, I guess I'll write a paper now. Just one? Just the start. It's a lot.

It's a lot. I know. See, but you've gotten into my head and I'm like, I probably like I don't really like it that much either. But I'm like, but Ben and like Tony, his sister, you guys already do it. So I can't hop on. You can hop on, bro. I don't want to hop on. You can be a lowercase fan. Come on. All right. You know, because then everybody, you know, like people will start notice. They'll be like, wait a second, you know, like the Evans brothers would be like. Ben did that shit. No, Joe. I don't really think it's, I think it's a like more common than you think. I don't think I'm that big of a pioneer. in the lowercase game. I'm not the trailblazer. How funny is it, too, that all the shit that we learned growing up that was just beating to our heads

fucking couldn't be any more worthless. Start your sentences with a capital letter. We spent like two years of our lives mastering cursive. Huh? Oh, man. I still kind of slip it in there every now and then I'll get lazy, you know?

I'm like a... Your own dialect when you're writing notes. Yeah, dude. It's called... I don't know. you know you IDK download download IDK now get four viruses on your computer

IDK bold bro IDK italics that'd be so sick I don't know the I don't know font like the A's and S is kind of connect sometimes like there's a little drag

underneath the letters there's a mix yep there's a little bit of mix half of the font's just like money signs and shit oh yeah Superman the S never write the word and ever

No way. It's always that one thing. Amper sand. That's deep, bro. You've got font knowledge. God, I love a person with font knowledge. Well,

I had a teacher one time that would like literally slap our necks if we use an ampersand. Really? Yeah. That's next level. Dude,

it was wild. That's like the first ever like emoji. You know? All those symbols on the top row of your keyboard, those are the first emoji. Sure.

At sign? That's hard as fuck. Well, yeah, because you used to make like, you know, tits and like a penis and shit. And like you used to try to see how much you had a little stick figure guy. You're right.

Yeah. First, first, that dude, whoever invented that at sign. Hey, laziest guy ever. At too many letters. Hey, how about this shit? How about the swirly thing? And, no. And A, that's just, yeah, you get. You get it. Yeah.

But A, but back to like, like how people type and talk like through text and stuff. If you're using punctuation, did if somebody sends me a text and there's a period in it I'm like what do I do to him well you know who you're mad at or an exclamation point in text I'm like okay man the overuse of exclamation points is just fucking it's it's it's an epidemic in the world sometimes yeah there is a little gap where you can use one I think you you're pretty good at using us you have to balance them out but then like you you've sent me one and I'm like that was a bold move but it paid off there comes a time When there's just too many consecutive responses with an exclamation. Oh, what are we doing here? Yeah, we're yelling at each other? We got to stop it.

We got to stop it, you know? And even if it looks harsh, it's just, it's got to stop. Yeah. Like 75% of exclamation points out there don't need to be there. It used to just be that way in email. Oh, that's so crickled over to text. Where people are at, no problem. Hey, exclamation point.

Just checking in. to see if we get an update on this, exclamation point. No worries if not, exclamation point. Thanks again, exclamation point. Like, bro, I know you're not dead inside. We got to, there needs to be a balance of the exclamation, man. Because then it gets watered down. The exclamation don't mean anything.

Never has. Now all of a sudden, for that person, the exclamation is just a period. It's really weird. And then they get it in your head so much that if they don't put an exclamation, you're like, oh, well, they hate me. Yeah, they're, I don't know what I did. Yeah. But like, what's the, use an exclamation point?

What's like the toned down version, you know? Like, what if that person that was texting you? Hey, no word, all that shit. What if they didn't use an exclamation point once? You know? Right. That's what I'm saying. It's not, it's the amount of times it shows up.

So in a text or an email, give me like, give me a start. Then maybe one at the end. And then we're like, okay, that's a nice balance of exclamation. Yeah. at the end, like in the very last part where you put your name? Like, thanks, Joey Mulanero. Thanks for the exclamation point? Or where's that?

Thanks, exclamation point. You could work for me. Like at the very, like, bottom, like separated from the body. Good morning. Exclamation point. That's kind of a lot. Really? Hey, how about good morning dot, dot, dot, dot.

How about that's horrible? Dot, dot, dot, dot guy. All you guys can die. Good morning dot dot dot dot dot dot? Like you tell me I have terminal cancer. Any dot dot dot dot dot dot. I'm like what? Man, the older you get, the more dots you'll love.

love. Hey, you get to a point when you're older to it and you're dashing away. Oh, dude, I'm, I'm dasher. You're dasher? Fuck yeah. I mean, I'm, I'm leaving Santa sleigh. I'm dasher on exclamation. I love dashed, dude. Yeah? I dash all day. Fucking door dashing. You and my dad are fucking dash. What's wrong with the dash? Dash nation. It cured. It cures. all. It's too long for me. No, you're thinking of the one where you do two or three of them, then it connects and it's a big line. The dash is too much of a, oh. No.

Hey, dash. Fuck. What? I feel like that's just, how you doing dash? Maybe hey, dash is too much. But I feel like, this is, you know, we will do this a lot, right? If we're going back and forth on like a sketch idea or something. Oh, oh.

Here's what I'm thinking. I think. dash, then give the idea. Here's what I'm thinking. Oh, like more to come. Here's what I'm thinking, dash, because you're not going to do, here's what I'm thinking, period.

Or here's what I'm thinking, semi-colon, never, ever figured out semi-colon. Not semi-colon, but here's what I'm thinking, just colon, like in a, like a clock. Because it's tight to the words. That's so official, man. It's like, for some reason it reminds me of like a football formation. You know, it's like,

X-wing left. Like that's like the spider. Yeah, it's like the up back. That's like off the eye formation. I'm, I'm, I'm colon.

My name's colon now. Not Colin, bro. Colin Polici. Colin-Pilitsy and Dash Molanero. That would be hard as fuck. Dash is, yeah,

that is, dude, dude, if your nickname was Joey Dash. Oh, God. What rapper? Are you?

Now that's like from Goodfellas or some shit. And then you had Joey Dash because he always used dashes whenever he texted. That's nice. That's nice. And Benny Colin, not because he had problems with the colon. He just never knew what time it was. The new good fellows in 2020. You never even seen that movie so you have no idea what I'm talking about.

I kind of do. Just from videos you put out. Yeah. I think that's one that you would actually like. I'll never know. Just completely not even, I mean, the rest of the time, your whole life, never even giving it a shot. Nah, never will. Man, you're missing out, bro.

I hate to be that guy, but I am. Nah, I probably am. Every time I see a movie, I'm like, what have I been doing? I think you would pick up on some, yeah, I think you would pick up with some good, like, oh, that's like a cool, like, I like how that's like shot. Like, that's a cool idea. You're so right. I could learn everything from movies.

He's been Jesus Christ, too, has the time. I don't know how you do it, bro. But, yeah. Dude, I was, the other day I was with somebody and I was asking for their... I'm just picturing dashes in all your sentences now. The other day, I threw a dash after that. The other day I was with somebody. Dash.

Actually, no, I want to... I see what I would say is, here's one for you, dash. Oh. The other day I was with somebody, period. Ew. we're doing. Put my phone away. I can't read it. But, you know, the nightmare that is asking for somebody's Wi-Fi password, but it just was what it was. I had to send out a video and I was at their place and it wasn't, it just wasn't hidden. I was like, fuck it. I'm not going to try to go. 5G. Just give me,

I need the Wi-Fi. The 5G? There always is a 5-D option on there. Yeah, but I hate the 5G. And then you look and you're like, you have the Wi-Fi turned off. But then you look and it still says not connected. It's like, I turned you off, motherfucker. So I everything about. Toggle off. Anyways, you should be able to do that with a voice. Now I'm showing my age. But you have to go all the way through all your shit, go away with settings.

You pull the screen down. You see Wi-Fi. You're talking about it on your phone? Yeah. And it's like, yeah, you're like, nope. And you hit it and it has the line through the Wi-Fi. You're like, all right, I'm good. Yeah.

But then you keep trying, still not going through. If you're trying to send something or whatever. Yeah. So then you're like, all right, I know what's happening here. You go back into the settings. And on the Wi-Fi, it says not connected. It's like, I turned you off. That's weird.

Anyways, I went to the Wi-Fi, and they were giving me the Wi-Fi password. And at one point, they kind of paused. You could tell you they were debating on what they say. They said, number sign, which some would also say pound sign, which we would just commonly now in the year 2023 would refer to it as hashtag. Yeah. Number sign. I had to, I was like, wait.

I thought about dollar sign there. Right? See? Yeah. I was like, why'd they say that? Dude, it's hashtag now. Pound isn't bad, but like a little too aggressive. No, pound has to go out the door. But why were we saying that? Oh, before it was a thing on Twitter? Yeah. That's like Pound 266. I remember that growing up. I was like Pound.

Pound 266 or like you have like those phone booths that used to be around everywhere. Yeah. And you'd have to actually. You love that. Clicky. Oh, God. That's a good sound. That's a great sound.

on the old phone booth. How many times have you fucked up though on that, on that like keypad? How many times have you messed up and been like, damn? Yeah. Because you always want to go kind of like quick. Yeah. In movies, they're quick because I've seen so many movies. But I do remember that in a movie.

And then they always hit the like hang up thing so hard. They're like, oh yeah. They take that just the old school black handheld phone and they fucking beat the shit out of the thing. Best phone ever, dude. You can run that thing over with the train. I miss that. I want that phone in my house. That's your cell phone.

That's what I'm saying. We talked last week about it's cable. No numbers on it. Where are you at, dog? That is a phone. Hey, weird. Weird thing about that phone. I think that I kind of,

kind of reason why I like. Say you want to kind of chew on it a little bit. Kind of. Kind of. Yeah. Like two things. You've seen the movie Home Alone, right? Yeah.

Like just the rage. Roll with it, bro. Just roll with it. Bro. When Kevin McAllister's, when Kevin McAllister's mom calls the cops

and they pick up the phone and she transfers it to the one guy who actually is the dude who auditioned to play Kramer in Seinfeld. Oh, God. But he's playing the cops.

and he's eating a donut. And he's eating a cake donut. And he's got that black phone, the classic black with the cord on it? Oh yeah. He's got that phone. Is he on a pay phone? No,

he's in like the police station. Okay. And the piece of the donut that he's biting falls off onto the bottom part, the speaker part of the phone, it just kind of sits there. And it makes just this night just thud sound. So it's like, Like, just like that.

Like, yeah. And it's just gonna sit there. And I'm like, fuck, I won't. I want to eat that donut off that phone. Did he eat it off the phone? No, I think I've kind of fell. And it just, is it was cake and it just landed there? So now, what if you just ate all your donuts off phones now?

Hey, can we get some donuts for breakfast? Why the fuck did you bring that black classic phone from every movie in the 90s? Hey, it's also from a, Dude, it's from one of those horror movies. It's from, and the girl picks up the phone and the guy's tongue comes out of the, out of the phone. Dude, it's a hardest shit I've ever seen my life. No, dude.

Not even close, bro. Yeah, yeah, I don't know. Home Alone 3. Let's just, let's not. It's just from the original Home Alone, Nicola. Hey, hey. Calling the police, calling the police. Home Alone, 1990 right there.

I can't wait. But then, but then also the, it sounds so good, like if you're pissed and you're kind of and you, you hit it in your hand, hit the top part of it, you turn around. Oh, yeah. How come you can just,

that phone is indestructible. Unreal. You get hanging up so hard. You literally, and Goodfellas, some dude like beats the fuck out of some guy in the head with it. Then call somebody after probably.

Yeah, literally. Because it still works. Dude, watch this shit. All right, yeah, go to about two minute mark,

Nicola. This song in every movie, though. Dude, Dude it right there. Hold on. Sorry, maybe a little bit before this.

All right, they're calling. Yeah, there it is. There it is. There it is. There it is. There it is.

There it is. There it is. Oh, dude. It's the white one. It's the creamy one. It's a nice phone. It's the same kind. Okay,

no, it's like, it keeps scrolling back a little bit. Sorry for the people. Everybody watching Home Alone. Right, right, right. Right. Right.

They're there. They're a little play. The original home alone. We're in the game. Kind of sounds hyper. He's got the donut. I love this guy. Dude,

classic phone, though. It's not black, but it's the same version. It's just a cream. It's the alternate brand. McHallster's mom. Dude, where to go? Why am I watching this?

Please, drive a little phone. How is it sticking there? Oh, take your tongue out of your mouth. Then it falls, dude. Oh, if he just would have hit the, that would have stuck so good on his tongue. Bro. If he would have just

geckoed that shit back into his mouth. What a, like that and Who's thinking of that? No idea. Hey, make the donut drop on the phone.

Make the donut like the director. Can you imagine? I think that might have just been like an improv thing and they were just like, go with it. I hope so.

And he gets off, he gets, you know, they call cut and he's like, hey, the donut thing. Yeah, yeah,

that was good. I liked it. Yeah, he did it on purpose. Right. He didn't. The director, like,

he's like, we're definitely going to cut that. and he just doesn't even think about it again. He's like, oh, I guess we did keep the donut thing. Hey, uh, ah, damn it. I think it's Freddie.

Freddie Kruger. Can you type in, uh, is that the guy, on Elm Street? Yeah, type in phone tongue, Freddy Krueger.

Oh, this could be weird. No, it's going to be the best thing ever. No, I meant like if you just typed in phone tongue. Oh, you're nice with it, bro.

You're nice with it. Here we go. Don't gas me up. Do it. No, he's different. He's different. Wow.

Hey, just type in images probably. Oh, we can watch it if we're going to do all this. Yeah. If this is a watch party, this is a watch. Hey. This phone. Crazy. Dude.

How hard does that go? Okay, that's it. But wow. Oh, wow. That was insane. I know. The only movie I've ever seen. Of course.

Somebody's tongue comes on the phone Just because of the Freddie Krueger mask Because you like wanted it in college To wear a Halloween party Yeah Something about masks bro Something about them But yeah

So anyway This might be the weirdest episode of these guys Good But hey No normal episodes allowed What is this What is Nicole a type? Yeah we're out here watching movies

From 1998 on these guys 1990 phones man I think yeah I think that was like the best era of phone mid 80s to mid 90s? Yeah. You know, because the rotary that I don't know how, like, you know, where you had to spin it. It's like, hing.

Yeah. How do you even? And then you have to like talk like this. You're like, hello. Uh-huh. Hi, how you doing? Like, it's so weird. Like, what if you're like, you know, today, today we're like, hey, did you call him?

We do this. Yeah. Like, if you do that to a kid now, they have no idea what you're talking about. Yeah. Can I call him? Yeah. They just do like that. Back in the day, they're like, can I call him?

Like a teacup. Dude, the days before like, that had to be, I mean, like the days before caller ID and everything. I mean, now it doesn't, I mean, you have a cell phone and so you have all your contacts in there. But you know, the home phone back in the day where anybody called you had the caller ID on there. But then back in the days in the mid-80s like that where you had, you know, the prime time of home phones and you just fucking phone rang. Hey, it's a party. We're figuring it out. People weren't scamming back then.

It was always like your aunt, you know. Yeah, but like think about the amount of times that you would have somebody call you, you know, some kid call you on the home phone that you just didn't want to be a part of or go to their house or whatever and their name would pop up. So right away, you'd be like, mom, no, no, you know. Yeah, it sucked. Oh, he's, he's at his cousins. You know, bad.

You want a message? Yeah, you feel bad, but like you at least had that option. He's got a doctor's appointment. Like my dad in 1984, like somebody's calling his house, he pick up. You're like, oh, hey, man. You're like, fuck. Yeah, he's got to go off the top. You got Zach on the other line.

You don't want to talk to Zach. Well, you got Zach on the other line. But then, like, all of a sudden, if he thinks it's you, then you got to be quick with it. Oh. I love it. You got to get into character. Maybe you hang up. You ever hit the hang up?

Be like, sorry, man. But I do have a doctor's appointment. If you got a hit with the accidental hang up. and then... You can do it all the time on my phone. You can hit up with the accidental hang up and then you have a doctor's appointment. Bro, that person hates you.

It's over. Accidental hang up. I might bring that into play here. Just start hanging up on people. And then just, you know, has anyone ever been so much on the phone that you're just like, fuck, I might hang up. I might do it. I might just start doing it.

Boop. Done. I'll call them back. It's like it hits your cheek or something. Yeah. Oh, sorry. iPhone's been acting weird and you to like go to the Apple store. They're like, I won't hear from him for three years then.

I don't like a, like when you call a pizza place or any place like that, carry out, takeout, and you call them and they're like, hey, can you give me a good number for this? I'm like, you guys don't have caller ID. Also, why do they, I've never had a pizza place call me for the number that I gave them and be like, hey, sir, sorry, it's been an hour and five minutes. We're working on this. It's just we got this, this, this. It'll be there in 10 minutes. Like, I've never had that happen. I always think of my head, why do you need my phone number? No shit. In case something goes, no, they would never call you. Never. And just look at your caller. Why are you asking me my number? Now, who knows where I am? Where I'm like, hey, 317, just telling your number to everybody.

You always kind of think a little bit in the back of your mind to when you pay over the phone. you're like, this fucker's definitely taking my car. Why wouldn't you? Can I get all your information, the CVV on the back, expiration? I'm like, just fucking buy something on Nike.com while you're at it, bro. Jesus Christ. Sometimes if they, you know, they throw in the CVV, I'm kind of like, but then if they go zip code on top of it, I'm like, hey, and whoa, whoa.

Whoa. Hey, you want my car, too, to drive home in? You already have my address as you're delivering it to it. me. Dude, they need so much information. I'm like, hey, bro, I'm just hungry. I'm not like at the hospital. Did those people need way too much information to? You ever try to apply for an apartment? I'm like, God damn, my last four employers? What the fuck is? I don't even know. Yeah, definitely for me and you. I'm like, dude, uh, I kind of Pat McAfee one summer, a little bit for like a month. I don't know.

Call him. Cross reference there for you. Yeah, for those who don't know who are new to these guys, me and Ben and my wife, actually, all spent the summer with Pat McAfee back in 2017. It really was. It really was. But, yeah, we're looking at here. Oh, yeah, dude, my dad always tells me the story about how, like, yeah, I would never forget

that first car phone. Me and Ryan Massingale were in his car. I love an old name. dude. And we called. McGillacuddy. Hey, hey,

his name's Ryan Massengel. Guess what they call him? Um, mass. Fuck, yeah. Gotta be, is he a big guy?

Because that would be hard as fuck. Or if he's, is he tiny? Because that'd be even cooler. Oh, what's up, mass? You know,

if there's a real little guy, just what up? Big Sean. Dude, my dad's friends had the coolest fucking nickname. Best. Mass.

Rip him off, right? Now you get J.T. come on. And, Anybody named J.T. So hot already. So hot.

And like he's still, they just do like last names and shit, you know? So you got Mass, J.T. Keep him coming. Butcher. Shut up. The guy's last name is butcher. Shut up. Hey, butchers cooler though, I think.

It is. But you always, you shorten it down as much as possible. Butcher, bro. It's like the coolest thing ever. He's like, you know, like a knife. You just like, all the shit that you can do with like a logo for him, you know? Oh my gosh. He is screened.

Like that thick ass. Not thick, but it's like, it's like a square knife. Oh, I love that chop ass night. And there's a little circle in it for some reason. What's that circle for? You putting pepperonies through there? What is that circle for, bro? You're putting it on your keychain and walking outside?

Slicing your own pep with that little bitch-ass circle. I just want to put my finger through it and be like, what's up, bro? Like, isn't that slicing of your finger? Not at all. What's that circle for, dog? That's all I want to know. I would look through that circle in a movie with that knife and be like, what's up? Purpose.

You're, dude, you, you've been working hard on your keywords. He's at home on 275. 275 words per minute. There we go. I love a, I love a guy with nice keywords for the Google search. Yeah, you got to know. Yeah, no the, no and, no, remember putting a question mark. in your Google search at one point in your life?

Just a question mark? No, the first time I ever searched on like Ask Jeeves or something. I was like, what restaurants are in my town? Question mark? Like I was so nice and polite. Now I'm just like, Restriots!

And I spell it wrong. Food. While I'm driving. Like, in a wreck. Food. Indy. Food now where I live. Food now.

This searches. Google would like to use your location. Yes. No, I'm like, no, I don't want them to know where. I live. But I want food now.

Turning to Arnold Schwarzenegger. Give it the food now. Yeah, every time. Put that cook it down. That's how I talk into Google. Google thinks I'm Arnold Schwarzenegger. My Google searches, bro. Google's probably like, bro, you need to get help.

Yeah. Let's tap in there. Let's talk about it. What? How I need help? No. I'm like, this is. Your latest Google searches.

Let's see what's going on here. I love this game. It's a fun segment. It really is. It's always a surprise. All right, here we go. I think you have to go to the app, though, because this is going to be horrible.

New page. Just go to Google, hit the box, and then right there first one. This is annoying. Thumbail preview. David Wallace. David Wallace, like from the office? I have no idea.

Oh, somebody. He said I look like him. So I was like, who fuck is that? Okay. Adderall shortage. Divorce child. Insomnia cookies menu. Yeah. Yep.

Yep. Yep. Hidden Valley Ranch ice cream can't find it anywhere. Send help. Oh, wow. That's who's buying this, huh? Yeah. Anonymously, don't know how to spell it ever.

Incredibly. Don't know how to spell it. Ever. That one's easy. Anonymously, that's a problem. problem, though. Incredibly? I don't know how to spell that. It's easy. Off the first off the top. I'd be like, you would you would spell it the same way and then just add a Y, but you just chop that E off. Yeah. Yeah. Easy easier with pen and paper for me. But if somebody's like, yo, how do you spell incredibly? I. N-C-R-E-D-I-B-L-L-Y. Nice. Give me anonymously. Here's $5. A-N-O-N-O. no no two in bro

I spell every week we did that like our first or like our second video what in the fuck is this but that Bobby Valentino song anonymously I want to know I want to know

slow down yeah we went around and like asked people to spell like similar similar can't do it all right mine Earl Watson Joy Taylor St. Elmo's.

Sounds hot. Yellow Line Productions. Nothing too crazy. Yeah, mine is kind of nerdy too. Kansas City Improv, but I spelled it Cody instead of city. Like C-O-T-Y. Cody. God dang.

What a name. Everybody knows a Cody. That was a complete piece of shit grown up. Adults name Cody. How annoying with them. How annoying would that be C-O-T-Y. I look my mom in the eyes and be like, why the fuck do you do that? Yeah, I'd be like, what's my middle initial?

F, I'm just CF then. I don't give a fuck. Chubby face. Dude, I got actual head shots though today. Like my first ever, like real ones. Surprisingly not. I was like, all right. You liked them?

Yeah. That's a good feeling. It might not be good though because when you like them and you get them back after like the edit and you're right now. I already got them back. So they're good. I like him. Yeah,

but I was like going into I was like fucking chubby like just been dad six months. I just haven't been in the fucking gym like I was before Frank can. Throwing the photo shop bro.

But I liked it man. It turned out. So finally. Finally I don't have to fucking do that. Post them. Finally I don't have to have somebody promote me

doing something on their show or doing a live show or something and have them rip some photo from 2020 when I had hair to my shoulders and was fat as fuck. Come see.

Joey. Fucking, yeah, no one wants to do that. You look like that. Come see Joey. Do a burp sound effect? Pretty much when they pull that shit. I'm like, really? What's going through your mind?

You had to have been like, ha ha, fuck this guy. I'm going to put this one on here. Pictures are a weird thing. Sometimes when I like pick a head like a for our like side by side. I'm like, I hope he's okay with this. Yeah, fuck it.

Don't look me up right now, please. Do it. No, I don't want to do that shit. Come on. Joey Mulanaro, type in worst picture ever after that. Come on, man. Images. Come on, dog.

You gotta show us which one they point to. It will pop up on screen. No, bro. It just, you'll know. It's horrible. Dude, who cares? So many people. Dad, dude.

The fuck is that? I think that looks kind of good. The fuck is that. That's a good picture. Well, that was from Indy Monthly, which they did recently. Yeah. kissing that. All right.

No more of this. How? Self-conscious, man. I want to see you this shit and you know I read it and it's like stupid shit

and this is so dumb. Nice. Well, why are they picking that one to use to promote you on F-Boy? Right?

Dude, yeah. I think this shit's a late. Oh, worst picture ever right there. Like Kramer's illegitimate son. Yeah.

No, but the second picture that pops up for Ben, indie stars promoting him being on F Boy Island, which is great. That picture's from like 2014, probably. It's so funny. Look at my hair in that picture, though.

Look up. How gross is this? Look at that. Look how bald I am. Yeah, for everybody listening, sorry. Well, I purposely put bad pictures of myself on the internet. So, like, I'm not shocked when I see a bad picture of me.

I'm like, yeah, checks out. Oh, that's the classic. That's the classic headshot. That's, uh, yeah that's just sports guy been yeah sports era that's uh yeah i played high school and college football i'm all-american been right there that's hilarious yeah so this is very visual episode but that's why you watch on youtube you know and subscribe subscribe yeah fun for but headshots are crazy man because you that's how that's gonna be everywhere for like five years

school picture day though that was a weight Like you had to, like, they made you wait for like three weeks. You remember you would take it like the third week of school. And then you wouldn't get that shit back until like the end of September. It was ridiculous. And you're just like, man, I would totally forget about them. I'd be like, oh yeah, we did that. Who cares anymore?

But then they would be like, yeah, pictures are back. They're ready to go. And you'd get your little folder or everything. You open them up. It'd be like, okay. I always knew we weren't buying them My mom wasn't buying that shit So I was like I don't care

You just see it in the yearbook Who knows? Yeah I'm not buying the earbook either Won't see it then I saw my dude I swear there's one picture of me Before I turned 20 years old Never bought him

Dress up for a picture that I was like why This is yeah you were the kid That just wore your school uniform to pick you I was like it's for all for not. I was like, I'm not jelling my hair today for what? They're like 80 bucks, bro. And who cares? Hey, we'll get them next year.

It doesn't happen. And there were kids out here, the rich kids getting the laser background. It's like, fuck off, Alex. You're paying an extra 15 for the laser background? And I'm out here wearing my St. Barnabas Polo. Dude, it's so funny. Just how, like, you are so clearly the youngest

and from divorced parents and I'm so clearly the oldest only boy from parents who are still together. My parents, literally every photo I think that's ever existed of me, my parents have somewhere. That's amazing.

But that's just like, you know, my youngest sister Emily, they don't fucking care. Who knows she exists? Yeah, they don't fucking care. Yeah.

It's just how it goes, bro. But, I mean, we all know that your family is different on every level. So I'm sure it goes the same for Tony and for Ann Marie. Oh, there's no photo evidence.

of us. Zero. Who knows. Hey, and who cares? Who cares? My stupid ass picture when I'm in fourth grade, bro. Hey, who cares? Even my aunt would see that shit and be like,

whatever, why'd you send me this? Fourth grade me. All right. I guess we'll just wait a couple more years until he's a real person and take a picture. I'm, nope, not buying him then either. $700 later. Hey, no, no, no.

In high school, I remember in high school, when you do picture day, they take them and then just throw them on the table for everybody. Oh, yeah. I'd be like, oh! Your ID. That, but that I love because that shit was instantaneous. You printed off. The ID was right there. You're like, okay, this is like worth it.

Wait, that happened the same day on the ID. Dude, you would take your photo and they had like that little machine. They would go right to it and just whoop. And it'd be right there. He's like, all right. All right. Whoa. Yeah, this looks pretty good. Okay, cool. Fifth grade, six grade, seventh grade, the most like, insecure times of your life, though, you know, you're like, God, this is going to fucking suck. I got zits all over the place. Yeah, there's greasy shit. I got braces. Trying my best to look like somewhat okay, right? Trying to be hot, right? And then, like, you know, wear a shell necklace or some bullshit back then. Oh, yeah. You did you rock that?

I think probably for a PD. For a PD you rocked that early in the year? That's, that's a lot of confidence. Probably one year, but But yeah, then, you know, it doesn't come back for a month. And then, like, they come back in the folders and the girls, like, some chick takes it. Because you're like, oh, fuck. Like, I look ugly as shit. And then, like, you know, a girl will take it. It's like, oh, yeah, I'm passing it around.

You're like, I hate everything. Yeah. That is embarrassing. Then you're like, let me see yours. And she's like, no. Yeah. But then, yeah, it's all because my parents want to have every picture of me ever. So, thanks, guys.

Never got them. It was weird trading pictures with girls. Do you remember that? Bro, that's some old ass shit right there. Like wallet size picture, you'd like give that to the girl you liked and she'd give you hers. It would be up in your locker. I don't know if I had locker picks. You didn't ever like tuck it in there.

Like you didn't tape it in there or anything, but you just like put it like in the, you know, where it would sit in there on its own. I'm like a little ridge or something. Yeah, yeah. I don't think I did, man. And like, you know, like you by Lil Bawa and Sierra was playing. playing in your head while you did it. The amount of times the amount of times that I like legitimately thought I was in a music video when I was like in sixth grade with a girl that I never really talked to except for an AIM

but I would imagine myself in that song. Come on. That's all I did. literally I'd get home with different kind of girls oh it's like come on right when I got home from school just pretend I'm in a music video

with the girl I kind of like but not really that I'll never talk to in real life yep just doing shit around the house acting like she's there maybe that's the way I feel oh god it's so good that would be that would be a good karaoke song thank you with a girl

the girl does the girl parts you do actually switch it up the girl does the guy the little bow wow parts. Then it's funny. Because you got to like hit those high notes like Sierra. Oh. Yeah. I don't know.

Yeah. I mean, I think it'd be cool because it's like when you, when you get that part down when you just know it like it's muscle memory, that bow wow part. I guess it's what they both do it. Yeah. It's a flex.

He knows the words. Oh my God. You have to have your breath though for that. You know the songs are you have to like you have to train your breath. It's hard to do. You ever run out of breath during a sentence? Yeah, I went to the piece of place. Dude, I've done it on stage before.

I did it this past weekend. I was like, they can tell. That's the worst. You're like, okay, just breathe. What are you doing? Too many words running out of breath. But yeah, when you have to train your chest and your breath for just a song, even in karaoke, like, oh, damn.

I guess it must be pretty hard for them to do that. They're just thinging. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I can't do that Yeah Way more talented than I'll ever be Yeah

What Uh So does Do you believe today's First day of spring? I don't believe that Oh God If you didn't tell me bro

It would never know Is it really? It kind of feels like it I don't believe that I never know when to switch to Like can it just be That shit's weird to me I'm like March

It's too early always Like March 1 is kind of like Once you get out of January February, March is that spring. Spring is sprung. We're in green and fucking, it's lighter outside. March, yeah, March is spring. But it's always on like a weird day, right? Is that what you're saying? No, I just meant like, you know, how it's not technically summer until like June 21st or whatever. Oh, shut up with that shit. It's like May 1st. It's summer. Morrow. It's May. Yeah. Summer. Summer. Yep.

what are we talking about June 21st? I'm tan. I've been drunk for three weeks. I've been to a lake twice, pool parties, grilling out. They're like, oh, it's summer now. I'm like, bro, it's been summer for a year. What are you talking about? We've got skin cancer. They do that shit. It's all, it's through the entire thing. It's like fall until December 21st. What are we talking about? Falls until December? Shut up. First day of winter technically is December 21st. No, it's just December. It's right after Thanksgiving.

December 5th or I'm fucking caroling with my, you know, girlfriend that it's fall. No. Christmas at the zoo starts like like November 2nd. That's, uh, no, it's fall, bro. You should be trick or trading still. I think it like we should, you know, we try to evolve as a society, you know, as time goes on. I think that shit should evolve, you know. There's a lot of stuff they need to like

Like it goes like when Nicola was was typing it out there It says like spring solstice Fucking solstice We're still going by the sun Like it's solstice 1600 BC The name of a WNBA team Is it?

I think it's the solace Solos Is it like? Soul Solstice would be kind of dope Phoenix solstice Or that should Maybe it is Storm well

Is it a Or it'd be like a good name for a perfume, you know? But yeah, let's just not. NBA team for sure. Or WNBA team has some pretty, like I like the way they match up their names. I love that. With the city. That is the best.

Indiana fever goes so hard. I haven't made the, what's a connection there? I have no idea, but it sounds like any team name that doesn't end in an S to me, it goes crazy. Miami Heat. Chicago Sky, dude? That's sick, dog. Awesome. None of these have S is Los Angeles Sparks. New York Liberty.

Las Vegas Aces. Come on. Cards are gambling. I don't know what Indiana fever is. Seattle Storm. Yes. It's rainy. Come on.

Whoever did this branding did it right. I know. I love that. And it still will forever piss me off to this day that the Utah Jazz don't reside in New Orleans. Yeah. What did it? is that. Should be the New Orleans

fucking jazz. That would be sick. Pelicans, dude. Louis Armstrong, Marty Grohl, literally you can't hear New Orleans without the trumpet.

What should Utah be then? I don't know. Mormons or something. Just Jeff. Utah Joseph Smith. Jeff Hornacek. Just the Hornets. Utah,

Andre Carolinkos. Utah. Yeah, something with weather. probably but yeah. It is annoying. You tall, you tall, uh, you tall mountains, you tall mountains.

You tall snow, Utah ski, you tall resort. The slopes. You tall slopes? Fuck yeah, dude. That's way better than them being the jazz and the pelicans being in New Orleans. I hate it.

Pelicans such like a, why? And it's so intimidating. Every time I say a pelican, I'm like, what's wrong with it? It's like the commanders in the, in the NFL. Every team, like...

Yeah, you like commanders because Washington? No. Oh, really? It kind of matches up, though. I'd rather be like the Washington... Well, football team was just better than commanders. Football team did go hard. Washington Monuments.

The generals or some shit, you know? Washington generals. Washington senators. But it should reside like that. Like, you know, with Indianapolis Colts, I know that didn't take it, right? Because it came from Baltimore. So it was just like the name came with.

But the Pacer just did it right. You know what I mean? Which is dope. It's a tough rebrand to all the fans, you know? If the Coltrick, we're changing our name, it'd be like, ugh. No, yeah, you can't do it now. You can't, you can't win. Remember the Oilers became the Titans?

That shit was, that shit went so hard. They did that, they did that right. And by the way, Oilers, I'm like, But Houston, Texas, you know, that's what it's big down there and makes sense. Yeah. But Oilers? Like the New York Jets. I think that makes sense.

Oh, that's so hard. The NFL doesn't really do a good job of that. You know who does the best job of it though in the NFL? It's the Steelers. Pittsburgh Steelers. Nice. It's like it's based on their people. It's based on their town.

It's different because it's like, what the hell is a Steeler? right but it's because it's based on their town and all that WMBA though what's going on with cap off what is going on with Indiana and the fever why is it called that yeah did you see did you to capture the imagination of Indiana's like history of basketball right here

oh we got like basketball fever okay all right all right sick dude all right literally sick I'm digging it that's good there's like there's like some thinking going on behind that

any team that doesn't end an ass it's nice the dolphins Miami dolphins love it New England Patriots okay now we're talking AFC East did a pretty good job

so do the AFC North Ravens it's after Edgar Allan Poe and his poem Is it really? Yep you just like the Ravens deep down shut up

never Cincinnati Bengals kind of doesn't make sense there's never been a fucking tiger there oh they got a good zoo that's why I don't think it is

Hey what do we name the team Zuz cool How about We got one of those You know Pretty much every city does But Jacksonville Jaguars

Name a better like team I like the alliteration In the AFC South Jacksonville Jags Tennessee Titans Denver Broncos Bro it's Kansas City Chiefs is so hard

Las Vegas needs to be something I think the roller I hate, I just, I think that Broncos are my least favorite team in the NFL. Why? I just, I hate the orange. It's so bright. I hate that they play at 405 every week.

That will turn me off. John Elway's horse face matched with the horse mask. I just, I hate the Broncos. Stairs always lose in Denver. Those are reasons I hate teams too. for all that extra shit. Nothing to do with the players, but like,

I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, I like, when, uh, when that shit,

like was, it was very conservative. And they're like, fuck it. Let's put a stripe, like from the pants all the way to the towel. That stuff.

But yeah, but now they've held on for too long, bro. They need a rebrand. I kind of think they're timeless, but I do agree. The,

the, the, the Tarell Davis ones. Those are same ones. The white pants with the Navy, that's timeless. But when they switch to the paint it is bright-ass

highlight or orange all the time. Oh, when they made their alternate orange that are actual home. Oh, God. That was a bold mood. But there's so many teams that are blue that I didn't really mind it. They're like, they're trying to get away from the blue. Okay. I just, I hate the sun is so bright there.

It's 405. They're always playing the fucking Cardinals. The game sucks. Are they playing the Cardinals all the time? I just feel like that. That's what's ingrained in my head is why I hate them. It's like that weird. It's just a horrible 405 game that you're not paying attention to at all.

but it's like the only game on CBS, you know, because wherever you're watching games doesn't have like the ticket or red zones. Like, I guess I was throwing this shit. How come we can't do that yet? Can we update that? We're talking about updating stuff. Can I just watch whatever team I want to play?

Right. Like college football, you can literally watch every single game. NFL, you get one. And it's a game you don't care about. Don't give a fuck about. Yeah, it is always. It's always Broncos Raiders.

I'm like, and the worst like broadcast team is on the call. You're like, this just sucks. Mute. Both teams are like five and eight. Yeah, why? Four and nine. You're like, why is this game even on TV?

I love talking about this right now. No, no, I'm dead ass serious. I'm not kidding. I love talking about this kind of shit. I think it's relatable. Why is it even on TV? Put that game just fucking only in that market. That's it.

They don't even want to watch it. I don't think so either. I think the cream sickles kind of get overplayed. Yeah, people like them too much. Yeah, that's funny. You hate the Broncos. I'm not a Broncos guy, man. When I was growing up, I hated the whole division with the Eagles, Redskins, Giants, Cowboys.

They're so boring still. Because they're always on TV. Why? Because you got New York, Philadelphia, Dallas, major markets. Big markets. People are always going to watch them matter what. Every time I changed it to Fox growing up, it was just redskins and eagles.

I'd be like, again, 15,000 chunky soup commercials between every single play. Butababba, butabab, but da-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba! Welcome and to America's

game of the week. Once again, it's the Washington can't say their name anymore against the Dallas Cowboys. Thanks for being in. Like, I'll do my homework. It was always so early too.

I was like, who cares? Mike Tolbert's fat ass. I mean, that dude is a hoss. Hey, who's hitting him? What do you do? That dude coming downhill? See ya. Perfect last name.

Tolbert. Sounds like a candy bar. Tobler-oble-own. When I say that he's a fat, I mean, like, he's just his, like, that's a good fat. It's not a bad, like, demeaning one. Like, his ass is just. just fat. And it's good.

These people walk out on the street. I'm talking about football players fat asses. Who's not listening to this? Fatest ass and football, Larry Fitzgerald. Maybe nicest.

We established that from Coltoner back in the day. Nicest ass. He does. Oh wow. This is a message board from way back. He's got a dump truck. Which player has the fattest ass,

bro? Big booties of the NFL. Go back to that. This is the only thing I ever want to read on the internet. I saw Javon Curse and now I'm interested. Hey, Javon Curse, his nickname just the freak. Crazy. I love seeing people that are like, wow, he has a nice ass.

Congratulations. God, dang. This is so 2009. I can't even believe it. Fitzgerald just. Probably Fitzger, Mike Turner. Wow. Yeah, Mike Turner.

You don't, you don't like realize it until somebody says it either. I got was a bowling ball, man. Like, you're just. Best. cheeks the NFL. It's hilarious, dude. You're just watching football and you don't think about it. Then the next day somebody's like, man, Steve McNair did have a nice ass. And you're like, yeah. Steve McNair, man, rest and peace. RIP, but hey. That was, that's wild. All right, Ben's going to be in Kansas City on Thursday.

Yeah, can't wait. We're driving. He's driving there and he's leaving immediately after he's doing 16 hours and one day. True. That's crazy. I'll see you guys there. Tickets in the description of the podcast. Tickets in the description of the podcast for the show at the Vogue coming up in May and indie. It's going to be a party. It's going to be fun. I can't wait. And then, yeah, all the rest have been shows as well. All right. Chelle. Remember to subscribe. Definitely watch this one on YouTube. Yeah, please. And listen on Spotify, Apple Pods and everything. But all right. These guys. All right. Bye. Bye. next time.