THESE GUYS! - BEST OF THESE GUYS! Bait and Switch

Episode Date: August 8, 2023

On this BEST OF episode Ben and Joey talked about how local news gets "experts" for useless things🎟️ JOEY'𝗦 𝗨𝗣𝗖𝗢𝗠𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗦𝗧𝗔𝗡𝗗 𝗨𝗣 𝗦𝗛𝗢𝗪𝗦 August 17 Summit City Comedy Club, Ft Wayne IN https://www.summitcitycomedy.com/shows/226147August 22 Funny Bone Cinncinatti, OH (Liberty Township) https://liberty.funnybone.com/ShowDetails/9e7eb241-c7bf-45a4-8df7-1c69bb02b735/987f9f60-a853-44e8-b653-85e0e9d2b295/Joey_Mulinaro/Liberty_Funny_Bone🔺𝗪𝗔𝗧𝗖𝗛 𝗢𝗡 𝗬𝗢𝗨𝗧𝗨𝗕𝗘 https://youtu.be/xxQ75QbyHHY🧢𝗧𝗛𝗘𝗦𝗘 𝗚𝗨𝗬𝗦! 𝗠𝗘𝗥𝗖𝗛 https://benedictmerch.com/products/these-guys-hoodie-1?variant=41218692775993

Best of These guys These guys These guys 12 These guys 12 TG 12 TG 12 TG 12

TG 12 Let's do us on YouTube Spotify, Apple Pods Sorry No you're good And get your tickets To try ass of comedy Next week

Dude that's insane Yeah it is probably Yeah Yeah Wow It's coming quick You got You got new material

And you're dropping on folks there. Mm-hmm. A lot of new F-boy and stuff. Oh, by the way, that got canceled. Oh, yeah. Hey, hey,

cheers, brother. You really walked that one off there, man. They saw you and they said, I just can't do it after that guy. I don't know, man. Like, I was, I was sad about it, but then, like, I was the cover image

for the article. So I was like, not too mad. That was cool. It was a good fake. Oh, reality Steve, or whatever his name is on Twitter. I think vanity or variety posted it too

and that's kind of a big article or a big magazine or online magazine or whatever the fuck yeah uh they there's a possibility

that could get picked up by like another network who the fuck knows sure yeah not on HBO Max anymore so HBO is really they're they're honing in on the scripted stuff

not they're non-scripted oh like not reality shows they're trying to develop like you know who's watching TV shows and everything like that so shoes coming off there we go for God last

week. No more sick, sexy voice for me. Kind of pissed. I know. You know, it's the worst. Ran that dry. It's the worst combination because I don't have sexy, sick voice, but I still have, like, if I get real worked up laughing, I have the cough that comes in. I like that too.

I got a weasy cough. I'd be okay. If you were, if you're constantly sick voice and weasy cough, I think it's the best combination ever. Yeah, but that's what I'm saying is I don't have one of those. I just have the wheezy cough. One's better than none, baby. Yeah.

I guess so. Do you talk to Louise anymore? Randomly, like, like DM stuff, you know, like, ooh, I like your, you know what I mean? Yeah. Just random shit. I know that you're just like writing her love letters. I'm like, yeah, every once in a while. Taking one out of Tom's playbook, huh?

For those who wants to show? Dude, he actually hit me up the other day. Really? I thought he hated you. Nah, he's cool. He's in on the joke. Okay. Which is always good.

I, uh, little girl covering her ears on. Sorry. Do we cuss? No, I don't know. She's like, I just hate this. Yeah, just shut up. Please stop. Yeah, I know that you cover it a lot on espresso.

And you've done a lot of episodes there. But I could pick your brain for days about the experience on that show. But I'll leave it. I want to keep it separate but equal. You know? Yeah. I don't know. You know?

What's the... What's the... You know? No. Anytime you say you know, you don't fucking know. You know what I mean? You don't know what I mean. You're just begging people to agree with you.

To just say, to just nod their heads. On stage. You know what I mean? Oh, God. It just means, fuck, you guys don't know what I mean. Yeah. Yeah. The amount of times I did that last night.

Telling a story. How to get together. Not a party, but just a get together. So I'm over here and I'm like, where do I put my shoes? You know what I mean? And everybody's like, dude. You're like, I just want to kill myself.

Yeah. Just just dive. Just absolutely submarine dive out the front window, man. There's like four more of those. At least that'd get a better reaction than what you got. Through the glass. Through the glass. Even in the front yard, are you okay?

Better than whatever the hell I was saying. Someone's like, oh my God. And you're like, yes. We got them. We got them on the hook. Not looking at me. Like I have six dicks on my head. What were we?

Oh, brick and mortar. We were saying phrases on the way in here that we like. A phrase that I really like lately. No idea why. The old bait and switch. Wow. What context you do? I don't know, but somebody said bait and switch the other day.

And I was like, that's nice. That should be like the name of a seafood restaurant or something. Dude, yes. Top phrases, bro. The old bait and switch. Hey, bait and switch tonight? Yeah. $5 margs or whatever the fuck.

B&S for short. Hey, that's BS. bait and switch, dude. You ever think about the first... I got another one for it. All right, go ahead, go ahead. When somebody says, or this happens in a movie or someone's explaining something,

like a situation, they're like, yeah, he got double crossed. I'm like, ooh, fuck. This is this a plot of a Matt Damon movie or something? Or is this my DB coach talking about the post-corner route that I got double-crossed on? Flip your hips, small and arrow.

Double crossed. By the way, we need a minute out of you today. No, dude. No Molinar minute. I'm so pissed. No Molinard minute. Bro, please? Maybe.

Maybe. You're big, it's just got to, you know, natural. It's just got to come. I got you. Well, I had to tell you. I was going to text you. I was like, I said, for sure, no, if I text them. So I got to tell him.

Gonna tell them live. Yeah, man. But you ever think about, like, the first person who said something like that bait and switch? Like, who's the first one that just fucking laid that down? You fucking bait and switch. Like the bait and switch. What does that even mean?

Hey, what does bait and switch mean? I think it's like you tell them one thing in one hand and then on the other, you know what I mean? Like you get them to bite on the bait and then once they bite, then you switch it. There we go. The action generally, generally illegal.

Oh, that's why it's so sexy. Of advertising goods, which are an apparent bargain with the intention of substituting inferior, more expensive goods. So it's basically just. every Black Friday sale known to man. Black Friday, 40% off, 40% off, up to 60% off.

Get there after the fees, the delivery, the taxes. Doorbuster deal, best buy, bait and switch. You get like a $25 shirt, 40% off. Black Friday, 40% off. 40% off. Yeah, yeah, do the, deal, do, do deals, wow. And then you do the code and then everything comes out, but they have to make up for it because of the taxes, the fees,

the shipping. And then all of a sudden, instead of a $25, shirt, it's still somehow like $36. You're like, where the fuck do my savings go? And then you see the little third line there. You're like, oh, it took it off and took it down to $21. But then when you add everything back up, okay, well, whatever. When I'm looking at that breakdown of the prices, all I need to see is that minus 30% in red.

And I'm like, okay, it works. Put it on the credit card. That's fine. Put it on the credit card. It's in there. That's the old bait and switch. The old Black Friday bait and switch. Imagine if there was a bait and switch.

restaurant or or like I'm thinking think of it as like a maybe a little food truck maybe a little bait and switch dude seafood food truck actually sounds disgusting dude I think I don't think you can have a seafood food that's true dude a fish a fishing store though like a bass pro shop branch of just fishing stuff just a small like an ace hardware version of those and it's like bait and switch god dude's not going you know they'd sell they'd sell they'd sell a weird thing too that like drew everybody in you know what I mean they'd have like coffee randomly. Or like a weird food selection in there. I drink Bateswitch coffee. Fuck yeah you would. Baten switch cup of black. God damn. Hey, come on bait and switch. Not a place you'd take a girl though,

you know, for coffee. No. Yeah, me and my boys meet up at Baten Switch. Hey, honey. Right. Because the beat and switch. Because then the girl's like, he wants to meet out of place called bait and sweatsh. And you got to be careful about that shit. One of her friends is like, what? Did he call you a batch? And she's like, no, Bay and Thash. Red fog. I only talk. That's the way girls talk. I only talk. When I'm talking like a girl, I only talk like girls who like Ben. That is every girl that's ever liked me or I've ever liked. That's a red vlog. Talks out. They turn all their eyes to ease. Oh, every girl I've ever liked she's gum. Oh, my God. What a badge. Bait and sweats.

So like, do you think you're hot shot? Hot shot? Are you hot shed or a hot shot? Every vowel and every word is just like emphasized through the roof. I want to make it clear that I know, yeah, hey, my wife is one of them. She does not, she does not talk like that. And there are a lot of females, there are a lot of women out there who don't talk like that. But the ones that attract Ben and the ones that Ben is.

attracted to. Whatever. Dude, is it like Midwest Valley Girl or like, what is it? I think that's just his own category. That needs a lane. Don't even finish the words.

Any girl I've ever talked to in my life doesn't finish any word she says. So like, so like, gna what are you doing like nah so like yeah that's like the way that's almost like you know

what you know so so like yeah seriously that's bad if you get that that's bad news so you're like is this is this a wine savinia Oh, the hate us. Oh, well, doesn't matter. Thank God. What's the, what's the wildest gifts you've ever gotten for a female that you were?

Wildest? Like, when you went all out or, you know, you told the gift card story a couple weeks ago. Man, that story lives rent free, bro. Um, wireless, like, in what way? Just like, whatever way?

Like, well, let me rephrase. Not wildess. Like, most interesting? No. Like when,

when you're just like, you know what? I'm going all out. I'm, I'm, I'm spending probably more than I should. A. MacBook Pro.

Ooh. Yeah. Damn. Mm-hmm. How old were you? This was like two years ago. And I was like, bro.

it was just like it was too, it was too right in front of my face I'm like I don't want to get her something like good because I like her but like an Apple watch who's, it's just kind of like a cop out for the thing you wanted and like at the time she like was she was like oh my God like it was always like talking about

like needing a laptop and I was like I'm not going to get her some HP you know it's something she needed so I was like this would be a fire gift. Yeah. And like, and then I'm thinking about it, I'm like, you might as well. You know, you want to be proud of Fuck, yeah, you do. Just go for it. It's a good feeling, bro. It really is.

Yeah. I did that last night. But yeah, I bowled out. And then get, I didn't get rarely on a MacBook Pro. You're just going to say what she got on this podcast? No, I'm not. So, Brat, Mary Chris. She's like, you fucking set on the podcast two weeks ago, you idiot. Yeah, like she listens to this. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No way. Secretly,

that for sure. But I, I did that. And it was one of those where I was like, You know, you'd got, I'd gotten, I'd gotten a couple of the things that she'd asked for. Right. So like, you know, that's coming and everything. But it's like, now it's to the point, you know, I'm like, I don't want to just be boring husband who gets what's on the list. You know what I mean? And doesn't go out of the way.

You got to be creative, bro. So I was like, I thought about it. I kind of like brought up to her. And then I just, I went for it last night. You going to say it? No, I'm not going to say it. Shut the, where's it from? What are you like online?

Dude, come on. I just listen to it. Dude, but then there's a chance and somebody will tell her. She has a few friends actually that like are diehard listeners of us. And you know,

so it's funny because it's like, right, she rides like, I live with you. I don't really. I'm like, yeah, that's fine.

But so they'll tell her. These guys, these guys followers, bro, like we keep it in house. They're not going to tell, bro. These guys is a secret club.

These guys. and these girls. It's a secret club, bro. You can't go against code and tell people what goes on in this club. These girls. Why is they're not that these girl? I would listen to this should be called these girls. And all, hey, we're talking about bait and switch and off, you know, uh, house of, of, of, of bass pro shops. These girls should be like, you know, the separate store from these guys. These girls should be a podcast and should be too. Who's not listening? These, these girls. We need to have like counterparts that are that are female. Just expand the club a little bit.

That do like girl versions of Johnson and Schmitty. Oh God, that'd be my worst nightmare. Dude, you know who doesn't think Johnson and Schmidt is funny at all? Every girl in the world. I don't think it's funny. I'm like, that's the whole thing is it's not funny. Right. That does trip me up where I'm just like, oh, you know, it's like Levitare.

It's like, you don't get the show. I mean, it's really weird. what it is. God dang. It's like, you know, girls don't think family guys funny. Girls don't like these guys. They don't. Oh, yeah. Like I'll get, it's so dude humor and family. But I'll get comments, you know, that'll be like, oh my God, can't wait to show my boyfriend that he still quotes the Christmas one. And I'm like, yeah, okay. Well, you're watching still. It's, it's the fact, like, it's the, it's the premise of it. Like, they want, like women, girls want to laugh at it, but they know that if they do,

then they're just like immature dude humor and they don't want to admit to them. I want to be smart. And I think it's the same thing with like family guy. You know, like if they're watching it, just like scrolling on their own, you know,

phone and their guy, their boyfriend is like working out or something. They'll like, they'll, they're, they're gay. Yeah, live a little.

Dude, who's not, who's not, who's not laugh at? Who cares what it is? Who's not laughing on the Christmas version from two years ago where I asked, where did you get that sweater from?

The North Coles. I mean, come on. Come on. That's gas. Like, what are we doing? And if somebody said that to you in real life, you'd be like, ah! I know. Dude, Johnson's many shmany jokes in real life slap so hard.

That's all anybody does. Seriously. Jesus. Like, every good joke that I'm like, what? People are like, that's a crazy. That's a good joke. I'm like, that's a fucking dad joke. That's Johnson.

That is what it is. Hi. Thanks, girl, right? You wish. Whoa. Nope. All right. So what we're talking about?

Completely forget everything. Girl walks by once. Completely forget everything I've ever done in my life. The clientele that is usually out here on Market Street, it's, you know, it's pretty forgettable. Not these folks out here right now, of course, but typically, that is that. It's a MacBook Pro. Wow.

is good. That's, I just had no choice. You know, the gifts like that, that really says something too, especially when you're not married because it's like, even if, and sorry, but you did, like, you broke up. But it's like, that gift lives on. Yeah, I had that in the back of my head. She's editing pictures of her and her new boyfriend on the MacBook you got her.

Eh, never forget. One time, do you ever have... Talk Thug. Do you ever have some of the ones you think about? You're like, wow, I'm glad I didn't do that shit. What, like buying a present? Yeah. I usually always just running gun, bro. Man.

I'm usually always pulling the trigger. One time. I actually thought about adopting a puppy. I wouldn't be the one to bring that shit up. I'd be like, eh, a living creature? Probably not. I don't even know. I mean, I was...

About a $5,000 computer. Sure. Hey, payment plan? No. Get it over with, bro. That's true. I never want to think about it again. Yep.

It's a smart way to avoid debt. Payment plans, bro. That's what they told me on that. Get out of here. That's what they told me on local news. Dude, news is, so I've had.

You're watching local news. That was a good cough. Thanks. That was like a soundboard cough. Like if I typed in cough in YouTube, that was in the first result. My voiceover guy. We get a cough in three, two,

Yeah, with Frank, you know, he's up. And so my shift with him is kind of very early in the morning into just the regular morning. And so you clocking in at like 5 a.m. I'm clocking in and doing some push-ups, drinking four cups of coffee, writing some shit down, maybe filming a bit. Yeah, right. More like just watching local news and maybe writing a bit of what I was thinking of. but that's good shit yeah but what I was saying is that like I'm up and so anything that's on at 5 a.m. it's it's all reruns like weird 700 club Joel Olstein shit or just the local news that's

like the only thing that's like a live current happening right now yeah and so I'm like throw it on see what's going on the weather's going to be like any tips of tricks whatever the hell that's what's so funny is that like news especially local news takes everything that is like good and fun and enjoyable. And they have to because the way to make stories and like continue to be on the air, they have to make it something that you could die from. Literally. Oh, so you pay attention.

Bro, I was, I was watching the other day and they were like, they were like, it's that time of year where you're going to be wrapping gifts and shopping quite a bit. Ways to avoid serious injury and death coming up after the, I was like, what the fuck are you talking? about. That's the only way they get people to listen. It was insane. It was like, and they had an

expert on about like things not to do when you're wrapping presents to avoid serious injury. I was like, a present expert? Who the f? Well, right, one, but I'm like, okay, so just everything that's that we look forward to and is good. You just have to bring it back down with just ways that you could somehow die from it. That's pretty funny. Yeah, every single, every single, every single after the break has something to do at death. Like, and they, they, they call twin and you will die to see what happened in the fourth corner. After the break, just every death die. Bro, it's like,

they, I mean, they started off like so holly jolly and good, you know what I mean? And so you're kind of like, oh, yeah, it is, you know what I mean? Yeah, I want to go shopping. Like, I need to get those gifts. And then tapes and glues to avoid

so you don't poison yourself and things to look out for after the break. People who watch the news are the biggest pussies, dude. Me? No, I mean, like that, I mean, you're watching it just because there's nothing else on, but people,

who are actually like, oh, I never thought about the tape and the glue that could kill my son. Like, dude, shut up. Right. And it's like, have you not thought, how have we not thought about that yet? Hey, be careful around scissors. No shit. It's like the first thing. We got to have three minute segment with an expert on that to tell me that.

The news is so bored. Oh, my God, dude. They're just searching for shit. The guy that's got to put that shit together, man, I feel for him, bro. He has every news director ever zero hair. You know they're just up by that. God. Damn it. What are we supposed to talk about?

It's entertaining people, like mad people in their 70s. Oh yeah. And dude, like the Today Show, that shit cracks me up too because that's like a national show, you know? They're so bored. Bro, they have experts on every single day that's just like, ways to save money during the holidays. And the

person will come on, they'll be like, now, instead of flying, think about driving, carpooling together. I'm like, are you fucking kidding me? You're on the Today Show? Getting paid that money? Like, that's what you're talking about? Carpool? When you're thinking about holiday gifts, perhaps try to limit the ones that you buy for. And I'm like, oh, that's the way you save money? Okay.

Saving money during the holidays. Who's ever fucking saved money during the holidays? And there's not a thing. Give me some groundbreaking. Like maybe, hey, this website is something that has a really good deal that could cut off, you know, 25% but then add it all back up like we said because of the tax and the delivery. Something that's like a cheat code. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, instead of buying a $1,500 flight, why not drive three hours?

Give me some naughty shit. Give me a weird website in China. And everything for one weird hour of the day is 40,000% off. That's what I want to hear about. Not fucking carpooling. And what's even funnier is that the hosts have to stand there and be like, oh, right, I didn't, I didn't think about that. Oh. Okay.

Hey, so you're saying, don't spend an enormous amount on flights. Okay, got it. Yeah, that would help. That would help. I'll tell my wife that. Dude. Who's watching this? What are we doing?

So you want to watch the news night? You get a lot of material from it, dude. You really do. The news is so, oh my God. I'll just sit there and laugh at it. I really do. It's kind of mind-blowing how fake it is. Like the whole.

Oh, it's such a production. It's all, it's like, so surface level. I feel like, it's, wow, yeah. But it's like so like, guys, can we just like fucking be real? Like, you don't have to put on makeup and shit. Oh, man. You know what the news is? The news is going back to your hometown and a bar

and like running into a bunch of people that you went to school with. All of that surface level shit. Oh, wow. Hey. Oh, your son, his Little League team? Oh, my God, wow. Who gives this shit? You just bought a house?

Oh, I love that. Wow. What area of Greensburg? Did you buy your home? Like, dude. It's all that, man. It really is. So anything, anything local anymore.

I'm like, can't even talk about it. Hope I'm Carson Daily one day, though. So, you know. Just doing pop star. In two years, me and you're the fucking top news anchors in Greensburg. on today's story. That was almost me. It was.

I mean, I wasn't gonna do it like that, but like, my whole thing was like, I wanted to do the news, but like make it like not annoying and boring. No, it doesn't exist.

You can't do it. People don't hire that. Yeah. They don't hire that. Just still don't hire us, us though. Just a reminder, you still gotta do your Molnard minute.

Anyway. Any way. Anyway. Yeah, I'm excited about this gift, though, man. It's one of those that, uh,

can you even say, hint. You can't just be like, hey, I did this thing. What is it? Nothing. Like, you gotta give me some shit. It's, um, it's very, it's been, it's been in the news a lot lately. Not so much lately like this past week. So you got her to the McRib. Just a sloppy ass McRib. Dude, who wouldn't be so happy about that though? You could give me the biggest piece of shit. Dude, if it was anything from a fast food restaurant for a gift, I'd be like, yeah! Bro, but that cardboard box that does come down. That our Big Mac comes in.

Pretty lux if you ask me. Wrap one of those up. Holy, dude, the box of Big Mac comes in. Jesus Christ. I'd rather have that boxed that's like over a laptop. That's what I was going to say. I was going to say, I'm just going to go buy a bunch of Big Macs. I'm going to put all the little shit that I got people in the Big Mac box.

Wrap up to Big Mac box. Big Macs. Big Mac. Oh, you got me a fucking iPhone in here? Who cares? I wanted the sandwich. Right, but it'll be such a. perfectly wrapped gift, man.

That little-ass box, the cardboard. A lot of weird angles on that box, though. Yeah, rap is a bitch, man. It is. It's so much harder than, like, people make it out. You don't know how to wrap present? It's always girls saying that shit. No! I don't know how to wrap presents. Because it's literally

fucking algebra. We always talk about how, not geometry. Yep. We always talk. Now you know. Yeah. I know. I was talking about how, you know, girls' handwriting compared to guys' handwriting. It just it's something that just, you know, for whatever reason, science, whatever it is, genetics,

girls just automatically write better than guys. Girls just can wrap gifts without even watching a YouTube video, without anybody teaching them, it just like comes innately. Yeah, dude. Guys can catch like a pop fly. Girls are just like, bow on top. Insane.

And it's like the corners are so crisp. They're like right angles. There's not a mistake. There's not a mistake. And if there is a mistake, they, like, find a way to cover it up so you'd never see it. Meanwhile,

when I have a mistake while I'm rapping, I have to literally, like, roll it. Like, it's like... Ew, I hate when guys do that shit. And then just... The ends are rolled. I'm like... Ends are rolled.

And I just absolutely lather it and tape. Ew. Just slap that shit on. At least you're not my fucking dad, bro. My dad's most single guy thing ever... ever done in the history of the most single guy things ever.

Rap presence one year in newspaper. Oh. I was like, bro. this is a joke, right? Like you're, you're playing into the fact that this is crazy as fuck, right? This is too stereotypical. Yeah. I don't even want to open the gift then I was like, but what comic is

this? It was like, it's a funny papers. Right, right. I was like, is this peanuts? Yeah, if I got that, I mean, that's a big part of the gift is around. You look at that sexy rapping, you're like, wow. I get to look at these and stack them up right here, and then I have to open

them, which sucks during open, but then I get it. It's like, oh, this is awesome. It's a very, like, uh, secretly great part of Christmas when you like, every, there's all the fuck, all the presents and you got to make your own pile of your shit out of the pre. Your pile. Pile. Bro, when you're like second in on your pile, got like seven more dog. You guys, it's a good place to be in.

Oh, the best. Two out of seven. You're right, right. I can do this all day. You want to live in that moment. Yeah. You're asking your sister all sorts of questions when she opens hers because you, you, you don't wanted to get to you yet.

Whoa. What? Whoa. Well, you would try that on. You don't give a shit. Try that on. Like you don't. Like you actually share.

You don't. No way. You just want to live on. Hold on. Yeah. Put those shoes on. Run around the house. You just want to live on GIF 3.

Yeah, dude. And then you started getting a five and six. And you're like, it's over. It's over. Should we take a break? Live and on present too is so fun. No, you don't give up.

Oh, you did. You told me you really wanted that, yeah. No one fucking cares. Nobody can't. Even they don't care. They're like, I don't even like it. Look at this. In their head. Two out of seven, man. Two out of seven's like, all right.

We can keep gone, but two out of seven's like, I'm in a good place here. Right. When you have the full pile there, you're like, you feel bad. You're like, dude, feeling bad on Christmas is that's a naughtyest fucking. It's the dirtiest I've ever felt in my life. A second wafs over you where you're like, man, like,

I'm a piece of shit. Yeah, this is like, you know, I hope other people are having a good Christmas. I'm really lucky. Start thinking about other people for one second of your life. And then you look and you go, he said, nah, fuck them. Then you look and you go, you're like looking at somebody else with their pile and like they don't have as many, but you're like, oh, they probably got like a real, like,

expensive big one. Oh, yeah, they got like small ones that like mean, mean, more and right then maybe maybe they got a gift card no no it's like if you have like seven you say and then they have like four you're like oh man that you kind of feel that but then you're like one of them had to be like three hundred dollars oh yeah you know like they're getting something fucking sick because when you're making your piles you're like this one's heavy right yeah yeah yeah this is great do you know what this is do you have any like intel hey you know what joke I do every single year and I will always do I can't wait.

Do you have any guess? Does it have to do with like shaking a present? Kind of, yeah. Just say it. Can't wait it anymore. Whatever the shape of the present is, you just have to say something that it's definitely not. Like if it's a...

That would fucking put me on the floor, like if it's like kind of like a longer, like thinner thing, you're like, what is it? We got a basketball. Or like if it's like a box, that's just a square box.

box, you're like, get this beat. What is this? A smogost? Snowboard. A canoe. Why is it always fucking like, like, sports things. Fucking live for that. I love it so much. You get them every year. Well, I mean,

just like my sister will laugh because of how much an idiot I am. Yeah, yeah. Everybody else is more of an inside joke. Yeah. Wife hates it. Wasn't going to say anything. But that's the first thing got pictured. It's like, and you definitely got to do that shit when you're opening, say

at like, if you're doing like a friend's gift exchange or you're doing, you know, at your ladies' families, you know, and like, they get you the gifts. Putting on, bro. Yeah, really. Because everybody, when you're a guest at your wife or girls. Christmas, bro, you're, you need to be this like a stand up comedian for four hours. And somebody, and like they're giving gifts. Like, everybody, nobody gives a shit if like the second youngest sibling is opening their gifts everybody's kind of just like

oh yeah yeah carrying it on their own conversation but if you're the guest all eyes are on you when you're opening oh yeah what are you gonna do bro all eyes are on you

it could be a pepperoni and I'd be like oh ha ha ha ha ha do you know you know you really you gotta sell that shit you gotta sell it you gotta be in it

you got it overly thank big over than Oh, my God. You did not. How'd you know I wanted to... How'd you know I love pizza this much? A single pepperoni? Oh, my...

It's from Europe. Oh, that's where my... That's where my great-grandparents are from. You didn't know! It was crazy, bro. Bro, one year... Right when you walk, I saw it, fuck this pepperoni. Are you serious?

One pepperon. Jesus. One year. Struck you. One pepperoni ago. Stroke meter. Oh, who,

stroke, stroke. One year Riley's grandma this was the, I should have won a fucking Oscar for this. Oh, man. Riley's grandma got us all gifts and everything and it was just great.

Super, super awesome. But I opened mine up and she literally got me the same exact sweater that she had gotten me the year before. This is wild.

I'd be so uncomfortable. navy blue polo like v-neck. How'd she not know? No V with like a maroon, Ralph Lauren Polo. Kind of nice. It's great. It's so nice you need too. Apparently.

Big holiday sweater, right? Definitely. I mean, I'm not complaining about the gift at all. But what I'm saying is I, for a second, I open it up and I'm like kind of gauging the room because I'm like, is this like a gag? Like, is this a running joke? They didn't know? They didn't know. And like everybody was kind of,

and immediately I could tell by the reaction's like, nope, definitely not. So I was just like, oh, wow. This is, Ryan, look at this. This is so good. This is handsome. Wow, you changed it up on them. Like you read the room and you dialed it in quick.

You do deserve, you deserve, you deserve a third. This year. Hopefully. I know, right. Are you serious? I know, Rise mom. Can find this anywhere. Two in your closet.

Rise mom listens, I think. So maybe we'll. But. No, so I, I pulled rye. 70 of them. That would be awesome. That would be, dude, everybody's just waiting. Everybody's waiting for when I get to that.

I'm kind of, you know, I'm like, who, what else? Dude, imagine, imagine the jokes with that shit. Oh, I'd pay to see your reaction. No, you're 38. Hey. Oh, my God. Give me my present. Come on.

Hey, I stand out. Come on. It's like, it's like the rock. Yeah. If you smell, you stand up in the middle row. You fucking throw off the sweater you're wearing. Throw it in the crowd. You're like, give me the shirtless.

Just fucking going like this. Rip it open. All the kids, like all the kids that are there now. Sweat. They have posters of you with the sweater on. Would you sign this for me? Dude, you're waiting outside. Fucking signing posters.

You be wearing a Ralph Lauren sweater or whatever the fuck. Dang it. Here's another one. Give to your mom. Sweeter. Sweeter. Your Twitter name, at sweater guy the next day.

Your whole personality is sweater guy. At sweater weather. You sell your own sweaters every year. Sweater guy. Sweater guy. I'm hoping for that now. Fucking a closet full. of them, bro. That would be so awesome. I would love it. I would eat that shit up. Just every year

it gets more and more. I play it up. Yeah. And then like, you know, Riley's dad or stepdad or whoever is just like, all right, is that it? Everybody got everything. Everybody's, you know, unwrapped it. Everybody got loose around. And he's like, wait a second. Oh, wait. I think there's one more. What song would play? Behind the tree. What song would play? But there's a, like, there's a Live DJ there and shit. I think, dude, you got me thinking of wrestling now. I think the Sina. There's one more.

It's right there. Right when everybody looks. DJ in the corner. Sweat. My shirt comes off. Just rip it open. Face pain on and shit. That is funny.

You said that. I mean, that's so it literally happens. So I pulled it right. right aside and I was like, hey, uh, I don't, I'm not trying to be this guy or anything. Like, but I, I think grandma got me the same. I think like, like, you know, 100%. Oh, my God. And then I, we told her mom, Kelly. She was like, oh, my God. I'm so, so I was like, no, it's a great sweater. I just like, wanted to make sure that she wasn't like trying to, you know, again, it was a bit. Yeah, I'm like, I thought maybe it would be a bit like, yeah, other sweater like

we're talking about. Wow. What a forward thinking person that would be if that was a bit. But now, but now I'm like, kind of hoping that that's the case. It is funny, though, on my dad's side, um, we, we've been having this running thing for probably 15 years now, um, that,

you've never seen the movie three amigos. I know you have, fuck no. There's a movie I've never seen. It's definitely that one. Wow. Steve Martin, Chevy Chase,

Martin Short. It's a classic, like a comedy classic. I've probably, I've probably seen the cover of it. One for each other and all for one. Man, I've never seen shit.

Three brave of me. Anyways, so there's this character, El Lapo. And he, it's funny, they're down in Mexico. And obviously, it's super fucking hot down there. And it's his birthday. And his best friend gets him a gift and he opens it up. And he holds it up. And he's like, it's a sweater.

And it literally is just a fucking sweater. And so it's like in Mexico, right? You're like, why the fuck would anybody give him a sweater, right? And so we have that. Tell me you and your dad do that. Every year. That'd be a good question for this, this podcast. Uncle Tony, Uncle Nick, my dad is fucking family.

It's a sweater. Always one. Always one that gets you. So that's your guys like Christmas tradition. Everybody has a weird one, you know? Everybody has a weird Christmas tradition in their family. I don't talk about. What's yours?

Just the fact that you don't celebrate until February? That is weird. But actually when we do celebrate, this doesn't, this doesn't go down anymore. I don't think because Coach P, my dad is, you know, he's a married man now. But when he was single, single Coach P at his house, he and my two sisters would run over there for Christmas on, I don't know, February 18th or whatever. And before we open presents, it wouldn't be like chestnuts roasting. We would play Rob Zombie, which is like hardcore, like fucking.

I don't know. It's going to get copyrighted if we played. So I'm not going to play it. But dude, we would just, we would just, just blow the roof off with that shit. And it was so funny, dude. It's all about, like, blood and just, like, the weirdest, like, shit. What, so what, like, what, like, what were you guys doing while that was happening?

Were you, like, going crazy, like, Mosh Pit? Or were you just, like, sitting around? No, hell, no. We'd never do that. It was just, it was just, like, the irony. Like, it was just like, fuck, yeah. You know, there's food out there. You know, I mean, one of my sisters is probably, like, still kind of just watching TV.

even you couldn't hear it. My other sister is probably like picking it, like maybe like eating like some shit. My dad would probably be like washing dishes. I'd probably be on my phone. Oh, 100%. Yeah. And we just,

you know, we'd be, we'd be ready to open presents, but that would be like, all right, we're, we're having Christmas. Okay,

I like it. Family moment we've ever had. Fucking Rob zombie. Living dead girl. Donna, da, da. It was just fucking hilarious. I'm gonna actually get them to do it.

I was gonna say you should see what the new coach Mrs. Coach Pete. Actually, I don't even care what that. Well, don't even say. I'm playing it. Don't even like warn. Just all of a sudden just fucking blast it. Right.

You got to. Yeah. Don't ask before. Welcome to the family. That is a good one though. I never knew that. That's a good. That's a good.

That's a good. That is funny. Right. Because everybody else is like, frosted window. Shut the hell up. Play some death music. Oh.

Oh, Christmas morning. Yeah. Oh, that shit goes so rounding deep in my... That is a song that like you come down

the stairs to with slow motion. Oh, wow. You're going to fuck up Christmas, bro. Oh, oh. You and your siblings

are just like slow-mo walking down. Dun, done, done, done. Oh, like your mom and dad

let they're like slow-mo turning around because I know the chaos is about to ensue and you're just fucking, man. you give it to me. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, ma, mao, ma, mao, mao, mao, mao, mao, mao, ma, ma'am, ma'am, how good does

feel when you hit that? Yeah, dude. That's, like, the only thing I did growing up after school for, like four hours, just be in my house, like, oh, wow, just trying to, yeah. My mom would be like, stop it. I'd be like, oh, why? See, that, then I would get in trouble for, like, four weeks. I would always do something funny like that, and then get in trouble.

I'd be like, God damn, I can never just pull one off. I know, but like, Jesus. How long we've been to this podcast? Like an hour and 48 minutes. I don't know. How long we've been doing it? I want to keep doing it. Got about 10.15 left.

Wow. Bubba bonus time. Bonus on Black Friday at Babbat and Baiton switch. Come on down. Those promos for those shops, man. Dude, you know what fun? This man. He used to love that.

Dude, what promos suck is the rally house shop that has like all the local teams. Like took over sports fanatics basically. Sad day. Sad day. And I don't know if they have this in other market. I know they have rally houses everywhere, but I don't know if this is just like a universal. So rally house is like where you buy like your. This is where I got this actually.

Cold jersey or some shit. Is it in the mall? I don't know if they have one in the mall. Is it like an actual shop? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a brick of mortar. Another fucking classy ass phrase.

Just bait and switched you there. But, dude, it's awful. It's like, but it's, you know what? Everybody says like, it's so awful that it gets stuck in your head. You're like, I'm thinking to rally house. Rally house. It's your city. It's your house.

It's the rally house. Yeah, that's why they do it, right? And then this guy's like, This guy's like Colts, Pacers, Indiana Hoosers, Irish Bears. Don't know my head off. Boiler makers. Is that on like FM radio or something? I don't know if they have that on that, but it's like big on when you're watching Pacers games.

On rallies. I don't know how local. Or just like local. Yeah, it's impossible. But what the hell, bro? Is your city. It's your house. What is he the teams that he said?

Colts Pacers, Indiana Hoosers fighting. Irish boiler makers. Rally House. They make it annoying on purpose. Yeah. Right? That's just, that sucks, dude.

They're like, are you in marketing class, like marketing school where they're like, okay, today we're learning how to make an advertisement. What's the first step? Make it annoying as shit. Make them want to kill themselves?

Exactly, Josh. You just got your doctorate. Perfect. Well, here's the word for Rallyhouse. Hoosers, Irish. Boilermakers. just saying the name's not even trying not even trying

it's just the pepto-bizmal like jingle in sports form nausea heart heart burn indigestion upset stomach diuret hey let's go boilers like that's the same shit

yeah just take the peptobizmal and then make it whatever you're selling that's like the template for annoying jingles plug and play when it's 1159 you're a market marketing student and you have homework do it at midnight. Fuck, I don't know.

Petal Bismosmelt. Boilermaker's Pacers, fucking. Fighting Irish. Diarrhea. Fuck, I'm going to change that one. Getting to F. Yeah, this has every one of the

Indiana schools, but for some reason it says diarrhea. Josh Rima played again. This podcast makes no sense to anyone. Did you? Did you copy someone else's work and forget to change it? Oh, no.

Just petal-Bismol, what anybody else? Yeah. It's the OG car dealership commercials. They're so bad. I wonder if that's a thing that they're so bad that you want to watch them, you know? Yeah. Like you ever, you ever listen to like a sports broadcast that's so bad you have to listen to it? Oh, yeah.

I'm just kidding because we do. But that you mean we do. Yeah. Shouldn't say it's on air. that one guy you send me all the time. It does radio hits that are so bad, but you have to listen to them. That's what car dealerships do, dude. Like they put all their whole family in the commercial.

Yeah, and they're all good. Put Uncle Rick in the fucking car with a Dalmatian. It's like they've never read before too. You know, like when they're like reading the script on a teleprompter. Come on down to Kia Motors and get your shine on. Can we have a little bit of charisma? Like, can you just talk to us? Good Lord.

We know when you're at the Pacer's game, you're trying so hard to get on camera. And now here you are. You have the camera in your face to sell something. And it's like you've never talked before. Always a fucking dog and a kid in a, you know, like a car dealership commercial. I'm like, this is, we don't care.

Man, people are going to be pissed. And the volume's always a little different too. Oh, yeah. I'm like, oh, turn it up. Why is it quiet? No, but it's loud. It's way too. that are way too quiet. I'm like,

or it's like, come down. I'm like, turn it up. What are they talking about? Turn it down. It's too informative. Pissed, man. Come down. And then you're in trouble because it's something you want to watch. And then, you know, your girl's like, why is it so loud? You're like, it's not me.

It's the, it's a commercial. It's right. Gilman. Car dealership guys' names are always pretty, fire. So fake. You think? Ray Skilman. That's a, that's a serious name, bro. Top five name.

That's like, top five name you grew up with, your number one car dealership in your town. Dude, it's like Luke Skywalker. Oh, that's so fucking hard. Like, anybody with the last name Walker ever, though, just call them Skywalker, make their year. Oh my God. Can we not get that into, like different, can we not get that into last names yet?

What? Like, how's that not? For last names? No. Like how do we not have like, I mean, can someone just change their last name to Skywalker? And then we start it to where there's actually Skywalker's around. Oh, go ahead. Start it, bro. Joey Skywalker, you'd have to be a rapper like tomorrow.

SoundCloud white rapper. Everybody hates. Who's not listening to, Drew? Skywalker. Dude on my college football team named Jimmy Walker. Just his name was sky. He could jump high. Skywalker.

Yeah. Did you see that guy in the United States? soccer team who goes by Jedi. Really? It's not his name, but that's just what, I mean, it is his name. It's not a given name, but it is his name. So you have like a celebration after he scores a goal or anything? I don't know. I didn't

see him score, but yeah, he just goes by his name is Jedi. He goes by it. And he's, I heard him talking, and they were like, that's fucking bold, bro. He better be good. He's on the U.S. soccer team, and it's pretty fucking good. Oh, yeah, it's crazy. But I mean, dude, you got it.

Yeah, that's his, Anthony is his name, but he just goes by Jedi. I wonder why. What's the Jedi thing? Jedi, like, what? I know. I'm like, this is like, yeah.

I know. I'm so like, Jedi. I don't know shit about Star Wars. They're the light side force users in Star Wars. But why would they call him Jedi? Like, is he like, is he like night good with the, I don't know. No, he,

they, on the story, he said that he, he, he, um, he wasn't like, he, he didn't even watch a Star Wars movies when he was a kid,

but he just loved Star Wars toys. Uh, so he had Star Wars toys. Why is that remlatable? And he was Jedi. And he was Jedi. That's what he liked. So he goes by Jedi. Great nickname.

That's insane. Yeah, it says the dad loves Star Wars and he gave him a nickname when he was four. Oh. That's so hard, bro. Yo, Jedi. Oh, my God. I'm surprised you. Look at that Instagram.

His name, at Anthony Jedi. At Anthony underscore Jedi. Dude, if he like scores one goal. Hey. His username's just going to be at Jedi, you know. Oh, that would be so hard. Good usernames, bro. They don't get appreciated enough.

I still don't know why a league hasn't listened to us and put people's Instagram handles on the back of their jerseys. Wait, who? Like the NFL. That's really what. But I mean, some idiots probably don't have Instagram. Like some weird offensive guard. Probably doesn't have Instagram and then what?

Well, they can just have their regular name, but like at Juju. Jujo on the Cheetah. Dude. Shut the fuck up. Come on. Damn, that'd be so hard. But there's only a select few that have that, but it should be that. I mean, but most of them have like cool handles.

Shoot, dude. That'd be cool. Should at least have the option? Jedi on the back of a fucking soccer jersey? Because that's how... He's not buying this. The USA soccer jerseys are so ugly, by the way. Yeah.

Really? Yes. What's wrong with them? What would you change? I mean, it looks like they're wearing a bib. Like, they're... I don't know. why it's so hard to make a cool USA

like Olympic, like those are disgusting, man. Oh, the white one. Yeah, the bib action. Both of them, bro. I like the blue. The blue looks like they fucking washed it with a black pen. It's not complicated. Well, what would you do? Stars and Stripes? Honestly, I would rebrand

America, dude. Really? Yes. What are you talking about? The colors are red, white and blue is so played, bro. Throw some, some, yeah, one year they... That's us, man. That's a fucking change it, dude. No. We need USA needs a rebrand anyway. Everybody hates us. Throw some gold in there. They did it one year. They threw gold in there. That looked good. And change the dark blue to light blue. You don't have to, you don't have to permanently

change, but like one year. All right. That's fine. Like, oh, blue. Almost UCLA with a little hint of red like in there. Ooh. Yeah. sexy. That would be sexy. And make it, make it plain. But that USA jersey right there, bro. What are you doing? What's the, what is happening? Yeah. I don't know why they did the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, thing. You got to give it to them. They're trying to be different. And you got to give that props,

but it's not hidden there. I mean, without the bib thing, it might be okay. It doesn't really bother me. Right. But the, yeah,

it looks like he just has a collar that's popped down. It's weird. But, uh, I don't mind the blue with the splotch. I don't mind that. I think,

I don't know. It's a, yeah, it's not bad. It's not bad. But like, look up Portugal's jerseys. I think everybody should just go back to like the 90s style

where it's just like kind of big kind of shit everywhere. You know what I mean? I do like that too. I think the USA. Like those left, up top left, boom. And it like continues down to their shorts.

Okay. Yeah. Simple boom. That's hot. That's hot. And the swoosh is popping off the, it's nice. Yeah.

The crest is cool on the left side. I don't like the crest in the middle. We're always big left side. you know like it's great on the peck looks great on the peck the middle it's just what it's the iron man what's going on do uh why real quick look up uh like 1990s USA soccer day they slap there's like sure it looks like you just they spilled a milkshake on them or some shit I mean like too oh that's hard like that is so sexy those stars on the top left that's so cool yeah exactly now that's ugly the first one that kind of looks like the ones we're talking about like these

it's got the Peck USA. I don't think this is a legit. It's got the stars and the stripes. That's what it should be. Yeah, it's like... It says USA-1994 World Cup jersey. Oh, that's hard, dude. That's hard.

Because stars on uniforms are sexy. And we're called the stars and stripes. So that should... We're not utilizing our... Like, dude, put some stars right here and call it a fucking day, dude. Oh, yeah. They know who you are, man.

They know they don't have to put USA on that shit. What they know. Some gold, huh? Bro, look at that guy. Look at that guy's hedge. That's fire. Wow. Who is fucking with that guy?

Nobody. Hey, please be the goalie. Wow. Somebody said the horrifying true story of the ugliest jerseys in American soccer history. The ones we're talking about. You guys are crazy.

These ones are the ones right here. Nah, those are ugly. Oh, the ones you're looking at are trash. No. Yeah, you're right. These are fire.

Way off. Look at these. No. No. Too many lines. Oh my God. what is that? Dude, that's great.

Bro, if the stars across it. If the USA team came out and, like, we're wearing the 94 World Cup throwback uniforms for this Olympics or whatever the fuck, those would be flying off the shelves. Oh, yeah. Because they're, like, kind of ugly, but, like, that's what's in.

It's vintage shit. Big. That's what I'm saying. Give me the big stars, some stripes, some shit all over it. That's insane. But throw a little gold in there. And they're, like, denim.

What's it with the gold? Gold's a nice, accent. You can just throw into anything and it works. On to America? I mean like gold metal type shit, you know? Like if it works. Like the Falcons, you know, they do their throwback uniforms and they have the red helmets and for some reason

there's two little gold stripes in there and you're like, that is sexy. They wore those against the Steelers last week. God damn, this makes so much sense. You can throw gold in anything and it works. Maybe if they got that like... I see what you're saying on those what? That's how NBA teams in like NFL 12. mostly just NBA teams and maybe majorly baseball.

If you win the finals or you win the World Series, they always come out with the next year. They have a uniform that has like the gold trim and everything. It's amazing how good those look. But USA would need to win gold, win gold and then throw some gold in there. I think he can just kind of do it anyway. Michael, I don't know.

We don't need to get too far into this. Uniform podcast, Jersey guys. I will die. Dude, if I have a uniform podcast one day, why not add it to the list? Sure. Jesus Christ. I have 17,000 podcasts a week. Just do a segment, yeah.

Uniforms. There's a be a segment. Anyways, these guys. TG 12, 12. TG 12. Struck, stroke alert. It's hard. It's hard to wrap.

It's an intro and wrap up a podcast. If you don't have a stroke, bro. Salute. YouTube, these guys. Subscribe every week. New show. Tuesdays. Follow us Apple Podcasts, Spotify, wherever you get your pods. I hate the phrase, but just just share it with people, you know, just soon to the homies, these guys, have some fun.

And yeah, Detroit coming up soon. Get your tickets. Get your merch, benedictmerch.com. Get your merch in Joey's bio. Yep. And we'll see you next week.