THESE GUYS! - BEST OF THESE GUYS! Big Game Benny

Episode Date: August 15, 2023

On this BEST OF THESE GUYS! EPISODE Ben and Joey talked about how you can judge people by the way they eat doughnuts🎟️ JOEY'𝗦 𝗨𝗣𝗖𝗢𝗠𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗦𝗧𝗔𝗡𝗗 ��𝗣 𝗦𝗛𝗢𝗪𝗦 August 17 Summit City Comedy Club, Ft Wayne IN https://www.summitcitycomedy.com/shows/226147August 22 Funny Bone Cinncinatti, OH (Liberty Township) https://liberty.funnybone.com/ShowDetails/9e7eb241-c7bf-45a4-8df7-1c69bb02b735/987f9f60-a853-44e8-b653-85e0e9d2b295/Joey_Mulinaro/Liberty_Funny_Bone🔺𝗪𝗔𝗧𝗖𝗛 𝗢𝗡 𝗬𝗢𝗨𝗧𝗨𝗕𝗘 https://youtu.be/xxQ75QbyHHY🧢𝗧𝗛𝗘𝗦𝗘 𝗚𝗨𝗬𝗦! 𝗠𝗘𝗥𝗖𝗛 https://benedictmerch.com/products/these-guys-hoodie-1?variant=41218692775993

Best of These guys Peter Man's the motherfucking way to go. Every song. Because it's just another motherfucking these guys Tuesday. These guys 16. Those are my guys.

And it's just another these guys Tuesday. I like that. Man, you're freaking, look at this. Yeah, I know. You're Johnny Legs. out. Look at this. My goddamn grasshopper right now. You're Larry legs.

Larry legs. Can't tell you've been tanning or not. No, why? Does it look like it? It looks like you. It's got a spresh fret. Stroop meter. Stroop meter.

You know what you look like? Just got a fresh spray like 10 hours ago. You look like the legs from the rotissory chicken you're about to eat tonight. Damn. I was looking. I was on the hunt for one. last night, bro. Can I find any tis? There wasn't a tiss in the city of Indianapolis.

I don't believe it. I swear to God. Give me a tiss. Can you give me a hug and tissy? Seriously, I'm looking for a tis every single night of my life. Can I have tis, grandma?

Every tis begins with K. Kroger. Kroger Tiss. Don't even go there, bro. Actually, no, Kroger Tis is good. Meyer Tiss. Don't touch it.

Really? Yeah. I could, I could, I could rate all the tists in the city. Really? You've been around? No, I went to three places last night. No TIS. Target doesn't have any.

It's probably a good thing. It's probably a good sign for Target. For the newcomers here, because we're growing every week on YouTube and in our clips that we put out. So these guys on YouTube, Apple Podcasts, y'all, that shit. Tis, we're referring to rotisserie chicken. Oh, they know. Okay.

Just making sure. Just give me a tiss real quick. We love starting the show off with a nice stroke. Yes. Stroke meter one. No burpee boys yet. But we do have goffy. So that will be soon to come.

I am short. Just our own language on the show. We got goffy. We got stroke meters. It's going to be a good shot. We're going to have some basta later. Oh my God, bro. A little bowl of basta.

Happy New Year. Thanks, bro. You too. Thanks, man. 2023. I know we talked about it, but it's here officially. You know, starting. It's like you ever, when you start the new year, you kind of map out the months in your head.

And you're like, right, I got this. This would be good. This would be fun. Walked into Meyer yesterday and saw all the Valentine shit. That's what I was like. Burby boy. Holy shit. I love you.

Burby, but, whoa. That was like an internal fart almost. Wow. First 10 minutes, not even 10 minutes on the clock. We got the stroke meter and burpee boy. We're hitting. No, but I walked into Meyer. Look left.

See all the tists that I'm not going to buy because Meyer tis. No, no good. And then look to the right and all the Valentine's shit is out. And I'm like, oh yeah, that's a thing. Valentine's Day is such a wash. Did they start having, did they have a setup of, you know, when like the cookie cakes have a football on them? And it's like, go team, like getting ready for the playoffs.

Do they have that? No, not yet. It's all just the big candy heart boxes. Okay, just Valentine's. That always gets me excited when it's like late January. And it's like they're preparing for the Super Bowl. Oh, yeah, Super Bowl is a damn holiday. And it's all the shit that you can't, you know, they can't say Super Bowl.

So it's just like the 15,000 Pepsi and Dr. Pete. Young me and a stroke boy. Dr. Peeper. Dr. Peepers can't see shit. I need my peepers. Dr. How gross can something be when you're yeah yeah you're gonna refer

to those as peepers okay how many how many ladies have you made feel uncomfortable at the bar can't tell but yeah it's just all the Pepsi and Dr. Pepper you know 12 packs that are just lined up in like a giant football

get ready for the big game big ass goal post dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun they have a sound a speaker in there that's just playing that on a loop. Or it's like the off-brand version, like the karaoke version, because they don't want to get sued. Bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-doo-doo-doo-doo.

That does get me excited, though, man. All the cookie cakes out everywhere. Cookie cake that's like a football field, you know, all that green icing. You're like, oh, man, it's about to be 5.30 on Super Bowl Sunday, and I'm sinking my teeth. My teeth are going to be green. And green is a grinch.

but this is this is the way to eat a cookie cake I was watching one of my good friends Liam Piniero his his girlfriend we got a cookie cake one night all three of us and she just destroys the icing on top and spreads it all over the cake no matter what it says oh does she do that with her hand

or a knife it was knife for sure that's good but a hand I wouldn't have minded it would have been kind of like wow let's fucking get it then we're going in like that we're going in like that we're going in like that, but I never thought of that. Because every time I eat a cookie cake, I would like strategically cut the piece out that has the most letters on it or some shit like that.

Yep. But, uh, no. Every now and then, though, it is nice to just get like, you know, it's got the trim and and then you're like, I'm just having cookie. I'll get the little trim at the end. That's good. It's like the stuffed crust. I know.

But, you know, you got to bounce it out a little bit. I always go back for more icing though. No, yeah. But, you know, I was going to, if she would, she does it by the knife, then you have to get a very pristine piece. She did it by the hand. Weird. You're just ripping it.

It could be a square. It could look like Australia. And you're just... Oh, that's the best. The pieces don't matter. Then you're just free for all. I used to care a lot about like which piece I was getting. But now that I get older, I'm like, give me the most fucked up one.

Man, I still care. Really? Riley gets mad at me because... Like Trea Brown. Where are you going? Middle. Really? Straight in the middle.

Like, you'll cut the middle square. out. And then the rest is nothing. And the rest hasn't been cut yet. I get mad at you. Yeah, she did. No more brownies. 10 seconds later, there's another square. Sorry. Yeah, dude. That's, uh, that's a thing. But that's how I roll. I kind of like corner. I like the pieces that I like. I like corner. See, that's the thing. It's like corner pizza. If it's a round pizza, like, you know,

and they're cutting the squares, give me a little bitch ass corner pieces. God damn. That's something like a brownie or cake. I want to be. middle. You got to be so hungry to eat a middle piece of pizza when it's chopped up into squares. And there's no crust? Yeah. You do. No, you have to be starving. I've done that before. I've been so hungry. I'm like, no one. Give it to me. Yeah, but those little crusty pieces on the sides of a, of a party cut, a good party cut? Eat 26 of them. Don't matter. They're chips. Doesn't matter. Pizza. Call me. We got a, we got an idea of pizza chips. Mm, pizza. Just pizza. Hey, just. In general out there, pizza, give me a call.

Just pizza.com, call me. Hit me up. Email me. Who has that domain, you know? Probably Pizza Hut. I always think about that. Because I think if you type in pizza.com, it reverts to pizza. You're like, wow, I'm ahead of the game. Good for you guys.

Yeah, kind of the last one you think would be on top of that. Pizza Hut, yeah, you kind of think Pizza Hut's a little drunk. You kind of think Papa John's probably just, you know, it's really dominated that kind of like chain pizza type. Pizza could sneak in there on you. Pizza's Super Bowl pizza, dude. How about the craziest thing that I feel like we still haven't talked about

is that the fact that Little Caesars is the pizza sponsor of the NFF. I love that. That's insane. It's a Cinderella story. Like, I remember tweeting, I was like, this makes so much sense. Like, you're pissed off of your team loses.

You just have an entire pizza and two leader to yourself with some cheesy bread for like $7.99. And then you feel better. Is it called crazy? I think it's called crazy bread. You wanted so much fucking more. Who's buying a whole two leader with their pizza though? Do you? You freak. That's like that's like 22 year old Joey. Oh yeah. I mean it always looks good like oh, let's just grab a mountain deal along with this pizza and breadsticks, make it a meal. But who's actually doing that? It's good. It's good. It's

good. It was just trust me. Real good. That was just, yeah, I mean, I just, that's still, it still feels like, you know, Papa John's had their thing with Peyton Manning and JJ Watt, right? So they were like the unofficial official, I think, pizza. But I still feel like Pizza Hut is the NFL. It is. It's special. Was that just when we were in 90s? Like, I feel like 90s thing. It was like, yeah, Pizza Hut, Super Bowl party like NFL. Because Pizza Hut was coming was coming up with the new ideas and shit. They had the innovation. They had stuff crust all of a sudden. They had like the pepperoni stuff. There's so many different kinds of pizza. pizzas that you're like what they had the they had the suitcase full of pizza the suitcase and now

they have the drawer yeah a whole dresser full of pizza pull out the bottom breadsticks the top i'm like jesus christ dude that's a super bowl that's a super bowl party pizza just lay it down on the island they know how to do it go ahead it's like willie wonka in the chocolate factory it's just magic yeah fucking uh where the breadsticks bottom drawer honey what about the sauce top drawer Pizza Hut Pete Instead of like Willy Wonka He's just there And he's like

Pull out the top drawer See what comes next Pizza Hut Pete There's like randomly wings In the little top right corner You're like what? See Pizza Hut did that Pizza Hut made wings one year

And you're like oh they gotta be good Pizza wings are fire Oh yeah Yeah but Pizza Hut is such The Super Bowl pizza The NFL yeah Definitely Definitely

But Little Caesars Big year for them that's why I mean the commercials with Matthew Stafford pizza pizza so weird love a good ass little Caesars man just so simple yeah their crusts always like you have to kind of complete opposite of pizza you always

you always gonna have to like rip into it a little bit but that's the crusty one I want that I want that challenge like I'm a dog in the backyard ripping something up if your breadsticks and your crust don't make it feel like you're you know you have a little bit of like a sore gum and you're trying to just gnaw on it like you're a baby and you're I love chewing some shit

you want everything all soft no I want to challenge it's half the battle makes it fun you like you're chewing you kind of feel like you're giving your jaw workouts you're like oh all of a sudden I'm Brad Pitt now after you to pizza what's up

so who wants to FaceTime right after you to pizza if you biggest cheek buns ever. Jaw line can cut through fucking anything. Nah, if you do that, you're not Brad Pitt, you're Brian Pitts. That's just like the

pizza and the pizza version of Brad Pitt. Brian Pitts. So Brian Pitts here. You know, you could see him being kind of like a little sweaty. Got some sweat on the top lip.

Oh yeah. After you get done eating pizza, you're a little sparkly. You got to take a cold shower. After pizza? Oh, yeah, yeah. Get skinny. Get skinny.

Hey, that's the secret. Life hack. When it feels skinny, take a cold shower. Mm-hmm. Especially for your face. Or just go into your, at the Super Bowl party. Just go into the place that you're at and just, you know, grab some ice cubes and rub that shit on your face.

No, halfway through a Super Bowl party, I would take a shower in the guest's house for sure. I've been to a few Super Bowl parties or had been for a few Super Bowl parties. And yeah, he always disappears at weird times. Oh, it's good. I mean, I'm not going to sit down there for the whole game. You got to keep them guessing, bro. See you.

See you later. See in the fourth, maybe if it's a good one. By the random veggie tray that your friend's wife made him bring that nobody wants to eat. Except, Ben's there. I'm going in on those snap peas, dude. Give me that veggie tray. Oh, man.

You should be like, you should be like Super Bowl Santa and you should just go around all Super Bowl parties and eat the veggie trays that nobody. What? Did you leave the veggie trail? Super Bowl Binnie's coming. Big game Binnie's coming. Through the chimney. Can't say Super Bowl still because the fucking NFL will kill your ass. Big game Benny. He's here. He wants the carrots. What's the thing you? I can't think of the dip. It's not ranch. It's hummus. Did you put the hummus out for big game, Benny?

Hummus and wine. He's coming tomorrow. Oh my God, that'd be so good. The Eagles and bills are playing. Hummus and wine. Bro, that's my whole personality.

You should put that out there. I bet there would actually at least be like eight different Super Bowl parties around town. They'd be like, we'll get you one. We'll get you one. You just show up at various times. Everybody's like,

huh, huh, huh, huh. Just take one dip, one drink. I'm out. Poor, dude, what they, like, left it out on their front porch and then you came by it. All the windows in the house. No, it's like a secret. It's like with Santa, they go out and check and it's like there's pieces bitten off and everything. You're like a big game, bitty game.

That works on so many levels. Three, at least. One, the wife or girlfriend is happy who brought the veggie tray. My wife always does that show. I was like, should we get a veggie tray? Who the fuck wants a veggie tray? You need the color. At the Super Bowl party.

I agree, kind of. But still at the same time, like can we not at least bring something like great that everybody's going to like. So it makes them happy. Two, it makes me in this instance the guy happy because he's just like, all right, this isn't completely going to waste. It's just getting thrown in the trash.

And then number three, Big Game Benny's happy because he gets free veggie tray. Oh, dude, I will eat a whole. One time I took a veggie tray to my internship at WRTV. I ate the entire thing myself. I was like, guys, trying to be nice office guy, brought a veggie tray. I ate the whole veggie tray.

Everybody's like, I didn't even have one carrot. I was like, yeah, That was my whole dinner. Yeah, because everybody hates veggie tray guy. Everybody loves donut Donnie. Donuts at work, though? What are you doing that day if you had a donut at work? Nothing.

That's why it's the best because even the boss like peeks in, grabs half one and just like smashes it. You know, your boss is just a total scavenger when it comes to donuts. Just, oh, and you're like, I don't know if I want to work for him anymore the way he ate that donut. You ever see somebody eat a donut kind of changes everything you think about them? Not eating donuts around you then. No, I mean, you just got to...

People eat donuts like they're in the privacy of their own home when they're around other people. Like, come on, man. Get a long dog. We know. Bro, yeah, they're like deep throading of... A long time. I'm like dog.

Let's make it more sexual, you know? Yeah, I'll take one of those chocolate long johns. I know. I just feel... I'm like, am I perverted or are you guys at this point? I can't tell. Everybody's thinking it. Everybody's thinking.

Everybody knows. But damn, they're so good. It's the best donut. Big game, Benny and Jelly Donut, Joey. That's what we'll do. You guys leave some donuts out. Old Jelly Donut Joe will come.

All I've been thinking about is donuts. For real. For the past two weeks. I'm just... I had major heartbreak. I went. There's this awesome place out. Major heartbreak.

Major heartbreak. Burby boy. Oh, yes, two strokes, two burpees that we are just rip-orning off on top of our shit today.

This is, this is these guys here at 2023. I love it. Starting off hot. Major heartbreak. Major heart break in general soreness.

You ever see a guy who's like out of practice with general soreness? Really? Just as hard ass. It's just like, you, your hamstring will not work today.

Major. General soreness got me. But there's this donut shop that's out in the Lawrence area since we're obviously still staying out there because apparently the most incompetent plumbers in the world reside in Indianapolis, Indiana. Time to move. So I was out there and I was trying to be good guy, good brother-in-law on my sister-in-law's birthday. And there's this place called Tim's Bakery. It's super good. Really great donuts. Went there on the 27th of December at like 9.30 a.m. weren't open. They do a Christmas break. from like the 21st till like the 5th of January.

Pardon me can't blame them. I'm like, yeah, I'm like, good for you. Business is that great that you're just like, yeah, two weeks.

See ya. On the 27th? Yeah. Seems like it seems like kind of the big donut day. Right. I know. Everybody's just like, oh,

yeah, we got to go back into work. I'll bring donuts. Fuck it. What is the biggest? Lighten up the mood. What's the biggest donut day, though? Am I missing something?

Biggest donut day. There's not like a donut day? There is a national. There's a national. But nobody knows when the fuck that is. I'm just trying to think of like when, yeah, when would be. When's the time you want a donut the most? Burpee blunt.

No, that was a cough. That was a cough. Captain cough. Donut. I don't know. Why? Do you have any thoughts? He's out there.

He's not in there. I'm trying to say it's got to be kind of around like a, you know, one of those fake work days. So maybe like maybe like maybe like the two. or Wednesday before Thanksgiving, maybe? Or maybe you're like already eating a bunch of that weekends or on Thursday. So people are like, ah. Seems kind of donuty. Yeah.

But I'm just thinking like, you know, getting ready to start the holiday. Here we go. It's good. Valentine's Day maybe a good donut day because it's like treats, but it's not. Everybody's picky about candy, but donuts. It's like, yeah, I could get a glazed. A little part of me is thinking kind of like kind of Easter. I don't know why.

I just thought of that. I think that might have been like something I did growing up or something like that. No, I mean, maybe. Not for a man. I don't think of donuts with Easter. I just think of ham. But how hype was it in church when you were younger? I'm sure actually your family never did this, but mine, that's basically when we went to church.

It would be like, you know, the announcements afterwards, right? Like church is done. like in the handshake line. You're like, we did it. Hey, good performance. Why was it? Such an accomplishment. Way to go.

It was like, I never thought this was going to be over. Performed while your dad's like not pissed at you. You're like, sick, yes. You know, like your buddies over there. You can actually go talk to them.

Everybody's excited, right? But the announcements are happening. And they're like, and just a reminder of the priest, you know, he's turned on his mic. He's like, just a reminder,

we'll have donuts and coffee in the auditorium after this. And then you're like, oh my God. And then you can go. over there, you know, because they're trying to get the community together, right? You know, they're trying to get the church, everybody interact, right? But you'd go and there'd be donuts in the little auditorium or wherever they know.

I never, yeah, we never made it. I know you want it, but we did. And it was awesome. What kind of spread did they have? You know, where we were, it was like, yeah, they wouldn't go for like the top tier donut. It was like kind of the middle tier, but still the fact that they were there kind of made them top tier, right? Any major players in there? Like, no, it would be pretty standard, right?

your glazed, your yeast, maybe like a chocolate glazed, chocolate icing. I don't know if there would be long johns. Yeah. So it'd be just standard. But man, you get a little, little glass of chocolate milk, a donut. And you're like, wow, yes, for free. This is amazing. So they had chocolate milk there. They had coffee. Yeah. But, you know, when I'm 10 years old, I haven't coffee yet. But I just remember they'd always be like, coffee and donuts after church. Maybe you try to be like, you know, you and your buddy would try to work finangle something if your parents weren't a good mood. They're like, yeah, come on. Hey, come over. We're not doing anything today, right? Yeah, no, more than welcome. Come on.

That would be the time to ask too. Right after church, parents are happy. Performed well. Man, that might have happened twice in my life where I didn't get in trouble at church. Still to this day. Oh, yeah. I would get in more trouble today than I did as a kid. It's impossible to go to church. I feel like for me and you and what we do, when I'm in church, all I can do is think about what to make fun of. That's it.

Whatever. Yeah. I'm just, I'm just looking at everybody's wedgies. All I can do is think about what to make fun of. The person reading, the priest, the people walking down the aisle,

the people in the choir. You're supposed to be respectful. The family that walks in late. Like, that's all I can do. The family that walks in light. Better people. Oh, well.

Might as well let it rip now. So it's so difficult. Yeah, dude, it's, it's every time I was in church. I just remember walking, like, I was just toning the line of like maybe getting kicked out. What the priest threw people out? Like, um, dude, that would be hype. I was thinking about that. Like, could you get kicked out of church?

That would be nuts. It would have to be like, like a citizen's arrest type shit. Like a guy in the back would have to be like, hey, get out of here, buddy. Yeah, but then I need like the priest. I said to be the ref or the umpire. And then he's kind of, the crowd's kind of getting into it, right? Then you got to plead your case.

You're out of here. Yeah. You're gone. And the name of the Lord, you're out of here. The crowd goes crazy. What if there's like a little baby? Baby one shut the hell up in the background.

Get the hell out of here. Yeah. Best mass matter. Everybody loves it. Best priest ever. Then he has some one liner, you know, every priest is a comedian.

Everybody's is low-key, a comedian. Priest homilies, dude. How are you not making fun of priests' homilies? Dude, I know. And you know when they crush when they get back to the old weird priest-house and they're like, you know, the guy that's coming in

like for the 10 o'clock mass? He's like, go ahead and top that. Father Jerry. Yeah, they're like buried Father Jerry. Dude, they're literally like comedians. Like the ones waiting in back. They're like, God, Father Tom is. crushing.

Yeah. Goes out there. He's like, yeah. If he doesn't get any laughs, then you're like, okay, cool. Like I can, I can really make something of this now for the 12 o'clock mass. The 12 o'clock crowd. You like don't want to get the 7 o'clock crowd because it's like everybody's almost dead or just a pretty cold. Pretty cold room. You got to really work for that one. Plus, I don't even think they really do a homily of that. But then 11 o'clock. like everybody's awake, like all the moms are there wanting to laugh at the priest. Oh, 11 o'clock's party time. Fuck, yeah.

That was like, that's a headliner. Yeah, that was the biggest show the weekend for sure. You got the host, the opener, come out for the 7 a.m. You know, 9 a.m. It's like, okay, this guy's got a, he's got a little bit of a solid one. Yeah, 11. 9 a.m.'s not bad. Like, but 11, that's big, that's big leagues.

11 a.m. is like, hey, you guys, you guys, you guys going to see, Father Jerry. Also, also Saturday night is kind of like the, it's kind of like the, the priest that's a little off the wall. You know, things are getting crazy.

Priest that has like the cult following. Like some people don't agree with his material, but those people are like, they're, but the guy, the people that are in, they are in, dude.

They only go to Father Steve on Saturday night. And they get wild. Father Steve, you ripped that omelita. Then like middle of the week, they're like, yeah, we're going to go to church. What are you thinking? Are you going to nine o'clock? Saturday.

Stevie. Stevie Saturday? Saturday. Saturday. Steve. Five o'clock. Sounds hard. You're like, oh.

And that person's like, oh. Oh, oh, you. Okay. Well, we go to nine. There's Steve family. It's got out of Steve. The most Catholic podcast in the world. No, people know, bro.

Yeah, I know. Even if you're not Catholic. You are certain now. Yeah. I remember when we, me, and Ben first started doing videos and stuff. I wanted to do like a whole bunch of like Catholic sketches and everything because I was like,

again, that's all I've been, we've been raised on. And I just, my whole life, even in sixth grade, I'd be like, that'd be pretty funny. So I just had them stockpiled and Ben was like, Ben was always like, I don't know what people know. I was like, there's like two billion Catholics in the world. People know? People know about the Eucharist? People know about holding hands? Oh, that's great.

I could go on about this. dude you want to keep ripping God there's something I was going to say I was always kind of jealous of the people you know the person that would go and like watch the Eucharist at like Tuesday night at 10 p.m. Somebody always had to be

you know that last piece of the Eucharist last piece of Jesus' body that they would put in the little container and then somebody would take it back out before the end of church there was that little room like the chapel where it's always there and somebody is there.

They keep the body. Somebody is there at all hours. And you use that hour to like pray and reflect while you're like watching. Guarding. I kind of never knew this. That'd be that'd be a nice little, you know, like again, like a 9 p.m. on a Tuesday,

just like reflection reset. You know? Wouldn't be bad. Yeah. I'll play. I'll play. I'll play. I'll play.

No, you don't want to beat in there then. Well, I need that to like calm me down, you know. I don't know. You might be a little too hot. Maybe the Monday morning. You might need that night.

That's true. Yeah, Monday at 7 a.m. Yeah, there you go. Monday at 6th and go to the Monday 7 a.m. mass. Dude, the people go into 7 a.m. church where it's just, it's a different breed. Bro, how about the people who go to 7 a.m. mass on the weekdays? Different. There's people who go to church every day.

That's my dad, bro. Yeah. I know one of my best friends of that, he literally every day at 7 a.m. goes to Mass. And it's just one of those quick ones. You get a quick hitter. It's a different kind of mass, though. It is. It's no singing. We're meat and potatoes, dude. You're in there. You're getting the job done. You're saying your prayers. You're getting your Eucharist and you're out. Yeah, you're not talking to a soul. No, no peace be with you. None of that. Even the prayers in your head are like, boom. Straight to the money. Oh, you're not. Thanks.

Yeah. Bye. Keep us safe. What do I do about this bill? You're not supposed to help me with that. You're not supposed to help. Right? I don't know what's going on.

Fuck. I don't know. Please pray for world peace. Amen. But also my wife's a bitch. Dude, the the different levels at mass, dude, when like I just remember

big, a big, it's like in a video game, you know, when you reach a point and it's like, oh, checkpoint, checkpoints. You reach a checkpoint. You're like, ah, okay, I'm here now. We're not going back. Like, we made it this far. Big one for me was always right after, right after peace be with you. And people will still be doing peace be with you.

And then all of a sudden, that choir later, you'd be like, this is of God. You take away the sin. of the world grant us your peace. Dude, I would be like... Dude, do, do, do, do, too, dude. You're like, it's it.

Dude, I swear a tear would kind of run out of my eye at that point every time. You're hugging people, like, you just... I was like, that's from being so fucking tired. Dude, you're hugging people. 30, 30 on. Like, when you get pulled out of a game when you're up by like 28,

with, you know, four minutes to go and you're hugging your teammates and everything. That's that moment in church. That's really why. That's really why peace is such a celebration. And you know what I mean? It's because everybody's just like, thank God this shit's almost over.

Hug me. Get over here. Across the church. Come here. Come here. This shit's almost over. Hey, fourth quarter. Put up your four.

Put up your four. Dude, yeah, it ain't. That's no, hey, wish you well, peace be with you. You know, greet your neighbor. it's just, hey, we made it. We're here. We're here.

Remember this. See you next week. Yeah. Maybe. Watch me leave after communion. Yeah. My car, we're home. Dude, go Colts.

Dude, the, the, the insecurity of parents feeling how they were getting judged if you left after communion, that's something that really only strikes with those Catholic folks. out there. There's cats.

My mom would straight get. I'm jealous, man. It was amazing. I felt like I was getting away with murder. Dude, me and my sister

would just literally we'd like be peeking down the pew because it would happen every now and then. But if my, when we were getting ready to go up to take

the body of Christ, that's the fourth one. We're a mess. We're a mess. I haven't even drank in two days too. drink coffee no booze

booze hounds we'd be peeking down the pew though and if she grabbed her purse your mom yeah oh so your mom would if she started fenangling then we were like oh we're leaving after this couldn't take it

but if she just got up and went we're like we're staying we're through and through we're our god is an awesome god all the way till the priest is back at his fucking house Damn, dude. Yeah, leaving was just We would kind of flaunt it a little bit. Good for you guys.

We would like high step out of there. My mom was like, oh, man. We're on our way to the house. I don't want your friend's mom's gossiping about us leaving, you know. Dude, my dad would talk so much shit about it too. Leaving me for. Yeah, your dad's not a bit. But also your dad goes to the church that's like 20 minutes long.

so he can't really talk. Yeah, come on, dude. You're not sitting through all that bullshit, Coach P. 20 minutes. It really is. Go to 7. 7 a.m. where everybody's dead, literally. Dads after church are always checking the time, too. 42 minutes, not bad, father. Every single time they get to their car. Jesus, 55 minutes. What hell's going on?

Yeah, he had me at the start of the homily, but, you know, 12 minutes in, I'm like, let's get this thing going. I never, I still, to this day, I have not paid attention one time in church my whole entire life. It's really hard. I've just never even tried. Like, I've never been like one time in church

where I'm like, all right, I'm just gonna just like pay attention to what they're talking. I just can't, I just never, it's never crossed my mind. I can kind of get down with the homily every now, but it's like, you know, usually only if it's like Christmas Eve Mass,

you know. Don't give me start. Or like some sort of holiday, you know, if it's Ash Wednesday, you know, I really try to lock in, get a message from that. You know what I mean? For the three times a year I go to church. Ash Wednesday. I got to get something out of this. Ash Wednesday is like, it's like a good, like it sounds. It sounds like I'd want to go. Dude, going to Ash Wednesday. Sounds like a rapper name. I'm a fucking Catholic. Damn right going to Ash Wednesday. So you guys at Christmas Eve. Ash is on the forehead. go to Ash Wednesday, don't even go to Easter Mass. Easter Mass, man, that shit's scary. That's too much.

Easter Vigual Mass? I don't even know what that is. Dude, it's like the three, literally like the three hour version on Saturday night because that's when like all the shit went down, you know, when Jesus was like, that's making me want a donut right now talking about Easter Mass. Hey, what's the longest you've wore the same pair of sweat? pants in a row, like days in a row. I probably like 12.

Yeah. Sweat pants are like jeans. Dude. Don't count. It's like. Jim shark? No. Okay.

I did get a pair of those though. Like I told you. Very nice. But man. It's like Joe DiMaggio's hitting streak with these sweat pants. And like, dude, you can even drop some shit on them and you're like, go my son puking on wipe it off wipe it off same time tomorrow clock work slipping back on

wear sweatpants once and then wash them what kind of psycho shit do you think i'm doing that's insane no you you keep your sweatpants on they're they're like they're literally they get the same wash time as jeans yeah yeah maybe a little more maybe one more time than jeans i never wash my jeans yeah i watch my jeans. Yeah. Black jeans too. I know. I wash my jeans and dry them once.

I'm like, these aren't my jeans anymore. I kind of, you need the wash every now and then though because if you wear them too many times, then they start fitting differently. Then when you wash them and you dry them, you get them back out,

you're like, oh, these are tight now. They're like fitting me better. They look better. They're not like weirdly loose. Yeah. If you have a big event,

you'll wash and dry your jeans before that event. Because you want them to look crispy and like fitting your legs. Even if the people can't see it. It's still. It's all in your... Mentally. Yeah, you're locked in with the jeans.

Yeah, but sweatpants, dude. I only have two pairs. I was going to say, yeah, I used to have two. And then I asked for, you know, I bought one. I think I asked for two more for Christmas. I'm like, these are my sweatpants for the year. Wearing them the whole time. You go like quarterly, you know.

These ones get January to March. God, I, dude. Don't even have to worry about April to, you know, fucking September. And then you get into October through December. Good to go. Oh boy. Oh, boy. Man, that's your ringtone. Usually my phone doesn't make a noise. I don't know what's happening. That's insane. Well, it's yours. I just vibrate. Oh, yeah, I know. But if it's not a vibrate, that's just OG ringtone, I think. That's like the first ringtone ever. That's like when you're watching a TV show. That's the ringtone.

Hold on a second. I don't know why my phone's making noise. I'm sick. I don't like it. I don't like it. Can you turn it off? It's off. Can you throw through the window? I wish, dude. This case is just disgusting. How gross are phones. So gross. But then, bro, when you switch to a new case, you feel like a totally different person. Yeah, I can't even. You don't even want to, like, set it down anywhere. You feel like a totally different person. It feels like you got a new phone, honestly. Like, your phone feels cleaner, looks cleaner. Once you get rid of that nasty ass one.

It's good. Phones are disgusting. The 17 men. Dude, I'm dreading when we're going to go into Starbucks. I'm just going to be back to the regular cups. Oh, no! It's a tough day.

I don't even recognize them when they're white cups. That's a tough day, man. Look at this. Look how gaudy this is. Yeah. It's so loud. It's perfect. That's the thing. It's, it's merry and holly jolly,

but it's really not that, you know, that could just be the cup. Starbucks is Christmas. Yeah. They're taking over. That I can see they got trees. They got ornaments.

This is just like a little fun. That's the alternate jersey. It is. It's so alternate. You know? That's a city uniform of Starbucks. I think they made the Starbucks grow like hotter. Really?

Yeah. Wouldn't there a problem with that? She's looking good now. Trying to cancel her or something? Yeah, because when they zoom out and show the Starbucks logo, these are her feet and they're going over her head. She's a mermaid, though, right? Yeah, but she's spreading, bro.

She's spread eagle when you zoom out. So they crop it in a circle. Looks like she's sitting in a throne. Those are her feet or her fins or something. How do fins break apart like that, though? They're like together. Does Starbucks girl have a name? I don't know, I don't know.

I don't know why I sang that. Shelly Starbucks. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. No, no. No, no.

But she looks good. Starbucks girl looks good. Yeah, I think, I don't, I don't think that would do that. Because they were already in, they're already in hot enough, uh, hot enough water, deep enough water. Is it hot enough water or deep enough water? I'm in hot water right now. Hot water. But you could also be in deep water.

No, you're in hot water, you're in deep shit. Yeah, hot water. I'm in hot water. Deep shit, dude, he's in deep shit. That's the young, yeah, that's high school. You're in deep shit, bro. Hot water is like you're a CEO and you have been fraudulent on your tax returns and you're like, that guy's in hot water. Yeah, it goes from deep shit in high school to hot water.

Is there one in between there? Deep shit. Hot water, six feet under. That's pretty good. shit's going to hit the fan that's when you're a kid then you're in deep shit in high school then man he's in hot water when you have like a corporate job

then when you're older do you guys hear about Johnson Johnson would be in such hot water oh Johnson's a hot water guy Johnson lives in the hot water he likes it yeah like makes him like stronger give us some hot water stay in the hot water

so... Johnson's such a hot water piece of shit. Johnson in hot water again. Now, Johnson, this guy. Johnson's in hot water and Schmidt's the guy at the water cooler who's like, you guys hear about Johnson?

Schmitty just as bad, maybe. He's just getting away with it. Yeah. These characters that we built up in our head, that's great. I love it. What else is going on? It's going on.

What's going on. Not much, bro. Anything? Absolutely nothing. Absolutely nothing. Just nothing in your brain. There's nothing in my brain. Nothing, nothing in my brain except for coffee right now.

And this neck cramp. By the way, New Year's resolutions, everybody like, I think it faded out. People being like, I'm going to work out more. There's no one at the gym. Zero people at the gym. Well, yeah, because see, what everybody did was that was such the thing. It's so hardcore. And now we flipped in society to where everybody's like, you know what?

Your resolution should be happy with you. And it's like, yeah, you know what? I'm not fucking working out. Zero people at the gym. So we've gone, we've gone complete 180. Your resolution should be happy with you. Yeah, right. Dude, I swear.

I see it on Instagram stories. Pissed off. Jesus. No, no, no, no. I meant like you are, you, that's funny though. But like your resolution should be like you should be happy with who you are. Not out of. Get out of.

Get out of here. Some soft, yeah, shit. It's good for you though. Clears out the gym. True. But still I'm like, am I fucking up? Yeah, I did a pull up today. And my whole neck was like, pull-ups, man.

Pull-ups are. It's tough. be the hardest thing ever in the history of anything. I think it, I actually think it's proven that it is. It's like, because it works literally every muscle in your body. Oh, the front ones, forget it. The front ones and you go all the way down. I can maybe, I can do like seven good ones, maybe. I, there's no way I can do one. It's, I get, yeah. Current status, no way. how about those gymnast girls when you're growing up

that could rip like 43 of them dude just like yeah and they're like flipping over them and everything like that and you're like no way wait she's that strong I'm a bitch I realize there's the biggest bitch

one time when we had like a pull-up contest in school and just like the gymnast just cranked out like 75 pull-ups and I'm just sitting there that's like huge also there was always like a kid or two

that would just rip a bunch of them and all girls are like, oh, like really impressed. The overly mature kid. And on the P.E. We'd just rip a bunch of pull-ups. And then all of a sudden, girls all had big crushes on them. I was like, wow, I got to get better at pull-ups.

Didn't know it was pull-ups. Yeah. Okay. Message received. And then by the time you got better at pull-ups, then moved on to something else. Then it was abs. Then it was abs.

Wow. I'm like, oh, okay. Well. Then it was close. Got abs, got pull-ups, now it's closed. Now I've got to re-up my clothes. I'm always behind. No, yeah.

Always one step behind. I always have been. But if you're ahead, if you're out of the game, dude, I think you, I don't know. I don't like that. Yeah. What do you know? What's going on? Yeah, yeah.

How do you know all this shit? You an industry plant? Like putting you here? Is Austin putting you here? Are you setting the trends? Dude, I've absolutely, and you won't understand this, but I've just absolutely come to grips with the fact that I will never have a six-pack. I think you could.

No. I don't think my body is like, I don't know. I just, I, I, I think it's impossible. You'd have to go, you'd have to go psycho mode. I'm just don't have it in me. I don't have it in me and I don't, and I don't have it in me to like eat that way, you know? Don't get me wrong. I'll, I'll knock out some tis.

I'll knock out some grilled chicken, some salad, right? Like all that shit. I love that shit. I don't have a problem with it. But like the religious doing it every single meal for three months. I just don't have an Emmy. I'm like, I want to go to Colors and get a butterburger. Ooh.

I always fall back on. I'm like, you know, I'm like, I'm going to be gone one day. I'll fucking eat what I want. Look at this. I don't know. The only way that would happen is if, you know, somehow. Like Joe. I got cast.

Yeah, I got cast for a TV show. That'll get your ass right. And then somebody, I'm like, okay, now I have two months that I am literally hiring somebody to, we're doing this. That's the only way. Not doing it on my own, though. That's what I did. Can't do it.

I was like, oh shit, reality. You already liked that, though, dude. You've been like that since high school. Yeah, no, but it's a different ball game when you're about to go on TV. I was like, dude, if I'm ever going to get a personal trainer, now is the time. Yeah. I just remember being high school and I was just like, how do I get like Ben? I think you were.

No, even then, you know, I was in shape, but I wasn't like, you know, the girls a grade younger me we're like Jellee ball in here. It's kind of six-back. It's all about the tis, bro. It's all about the tis. Give me tis.

Give me tis. Your legs literally look like that, bro. I just want to fucking rip one of them off and just go ahead, man. Go ahead. If you were to eat one part of the body, it would be a thigh. It would be a thigh.

Yeah. Or the calf. That'd be some pretty lean meat. It looks like a wing. Yeah, kind of the flats version. Actually, no, it's the drum. You're holding that shit by the ankle and the calf's poking out. It's a drum.

Right, right. The thigh would probably, you know, but nobody's going. Nobody's going breast. Dude, you're a weirdo. If you're going to eat a part of the body, it's legs all day. Such a weird conversation. But this is like the shit that people want to talk about, honestly. Yeah, just don't.

Everybody's thinking it. Everybody's thinking it. What do you? I don't know, back of the tricep. That's another lean part. You could get away with it. It could also be very flabby. You could have some, you could have some, you know, some of that bread and some of that fat.

Yeah. Pretty tender. Tastes pretty good. Give some to your dog. Yeah, you'll like this, happy. Here you go. Tear up that flabby tricep. Flabby tricep, man.

Always had a teacher that had the flabby tricep going and everybody would make fun of them behind their back. But little did they know is the best tasting part. of the body. Little do they know, they'd be 30 years old talking on a podcast about how they want to eat it. Yeah. All right. Good way to end. Yeah, I like that.

These guys. These guys, 16. Throw us up on YouTube, send it to a friend. Tell me hit that subscribe button. Follow the show on Apple Podcast and Spotify. They switched that from subscribe to follow. So on Apple and Spotify, I'm pretty sure. I don't subscribe anymore.

You follow just like, I guess you follow everything else. I like sense. But then I'll send Instagram's like, here, up subscription to put out. I'm like, what the fuck are we doing? So, no. I got followers. Why guys get a subscription base?

Subscriptions and ask them to do that. Is this a magazine? They're not going to do that. Is it a magazine day? How much shit do I have to ask people to do? I know. They just want to follow and watch. Every.

God. Listen to it. Watch it! Ah! See you guys next time. See you next week. Thank you.