THESE GUYS! - BEST OF THESE GUYS! Christmas In July

Episode Date: July 18, 2023

On this BEST OF ep the burpy boys talk about how football FOOBALL coaches hype up their players🎟️ JOEY'𝗦 𝗨𝗣𝗖𝗢𝗠𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗦𝗧𝗔𝗡𝗗 𝗨𝗣 𝗦𝗛𝗢��𝗦 August 2 Funny Bone Columbus, OH https://columbus.funnybone.com/ShowDetails/6aa0d170-e551-4d0c-a881-92eb3b89c546/835a5551-0c03-4271-9a36-6bce765bcde3/Joey_Mulinaro/Columbus_Funny_BoneAugust 17 Summit City Comedy Club, Ft Wayne IN https://www.summitcitycomedy.com/shows/226147August 22 Funny Bone Cinncinatti, OH (Liberty Township) https://liberty.funnybone.com/ShowDetails/9e7eb241-c7bf-45a4-8df7-1c69bb02b735/987f9f60-a853-44e8-b653-85e0e9d2b295/Joey_Mulinaro/Liberty_Funny_Bone🔺𝗪𝗔𝗧𝗖𝗛 𝗢𝗡 𝗬𝗢𝗨𝗧𝗨𝗕𝗘 https://youtu.be/xxQ75QbyHHY🧢𝗧𝗛𝗘𝗦𝗘 𝗚𝗨𝗬𝗦! 𝗠𝗘𝗥𝗖𝗛 https://benedictmerch.com/products/these-guys-hoodie-1?variant=41218692775993

Best of These guys What up? These guys These guys. These guys 13. These guys 13. TG13.

Be sure to check us out on YouTube. We'll continue into, you know, little by little, little by little. These guys on YouTube. Thumbails just looking so fire. They are. Thanks.

Those are good. Never been a good thumbnail guy. Don't know how to make them. Probably never will. Who does? Apparently you do. or why it does or whoever does them. Apple Podcasts, Spotify as well.

And hey, still time, hopefully, maybe. Come see us at the Detroit House of Comedy. Meet and greet tickets available. We're bringing the merch and we're bringing the party. Detroit House of Comedy. The 22nd, 8 o'clock will be there. Yeah, that's, so this will come out on Tuesday. You're listening to it on Tuesday.

That is the 20th of December. So we're getting close, baby. As you see, you're watching us on YouTube. Hopefully, we're some holly jolly motherfuckus. Look at this, dude. What is this? That is, uh, that is. Blue handed this to me personally.

Yeah, he did. God damn, I was wanting a Reptar bar. We were sitting on the field. He got this. I got some chocolates for the fam, but it fits well. Looks good. Got the red Santa pants dance on. I got my Christmas socks with the trees.

I love key try to do that too with the socks. It's pretty close. Look this. These are like soccer. So these are my sister's soccer socks for me. like 1998. That pretty close. The green, the green goes.

Could be a dark green. You know, sometimes people wear the dark green pants or dark green sweater. Couldn't find this, uh, Mickey joint right here from Naptown Thrift. You went there the other day? Yeah. That place is last week. He, dude. Dude, I cleaned house.

The Instagram account. I'm like, where are they? I know. I spent like $200. Really? Yeah. Yeah, there's one shirt I almost bought there that was $200. It was like a weird racing shirt.

It's weird when you go into places like that. You just buy shit. You never buy. Yeah. You get home in your, I'm not going to wear this. Oh, I'm wearing all of it. I got three of these. They had a whole holiday rack.

I got this one and then two more. One for Riley, one that I thought would fit me. Turns out it doesn't. So that was also for Riley. So that's good. Back up. This one now.

It was pretty similar to this. They were all red. They all had like big, you know, cartoon type stuff, Christmas stuff. Then I got a Kyle Mooney jacket, that USA Bruce Chandling

joint that I posted. I saw that. I was like. Is it like a windbring? Cricker kind of. No, it's like a leather jacket. Wasn't passing it up. That's one that's like,

it's got to be a very specific time for me to wear. Not just gonna be wearing that out. But hey, if I want to be Bruce Chandling for Halloween, you hear about this? I can do that.

And then I got this, dude, I got this Steelers starter, like puffy 90s jacket. And I ain't got picks. Yeah, I do. Oh,

Excel. Those starter jackets, they're not really ever going to make a comeback, but when those things were hot, dude. But what I love about, uh, what I love about, uh, nap town thrift. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know, a lot of these thrift places nowadays, obviously like vintage thrifty shit is in, has been for a bit. But, you know, people are taking advantage of that.

So they're like, oh, this is a thrift sweater that is from 1992. Oh, yeah, that's going to be $120. They can do anything and I'll buy it. Yeah. That's not how it is a naptown thrift. You know, Like that Steelers jacket that I got, that starter jacket. People are like Mitchell Ness and places like that are charging like 200 for that. And I got it for like 40 bucks. Steel. So go check them out. Nap Town Thrift.

Honestly, those thrift places can do anything and I'll buy anything they have. Right off of 54th and Keystone, I think. Ben has no idea where that is. No, I actually do know where that is. Oh, good. You're learning streets. No, I don't know. I don't know the fucking streets.

It's by the steak and shake. It is by the steak shake off of 54th in Keystone. Dude, white people always give you numbers and directions. It's off 42nd, 23rd, and right off a 92 minus 8. It's, it's, it's, I'm like, just tell me it's next to Home Depot. It's a useful skill. I'll never know, bro. You know what you, throw it in the phone.

You know what you should do is you should, you know, have a little bit of best of both worlds. All right. So no like half of the one of the intersections and then what it's by. So just like you said. So it's like, oh, it's a 54th by that steak and shake. Boom. There you go. Ooh, that's music, dude. Right?

You know? Just throw me a landmark and I'm in. Yeah, landmarks are good. I get that. I'll go to every steak and shake in the city trying to find that shit. Man, how much anxiety did you get as a little kid and I guess you still right now when, you know, a parent, you know, or an adult would ask you. So where do you live? Where's your house?

Uh, do you know where that, uh, Home Depot is? No. by the Greenwood Park Mall. That's kind of by the McDonald's. Yeah. It's in one of those neighborhoods over there. That's pretty fire.

They'd be like, oh, wait, is that stop 11 and fry? I'm like, ah, I'm gonna have to ask my mom. Just go by North Grove and it's by there. I know from there. Dude, so you're walking into a trap

asking a kid anything. That's real. They always answer the wrong way. It's your fault for asking. Actually, they just answer everything with, they just think everything like they just think they get away with that

they think everybody's just asking how you doing? I'm so scared when you're a kid that's why every time I'm always just like, what's up? Good. Okay. Good to know. I still don't know which neighborhood I like. I lived in Barrington grown up. Still don't know if it's

east or west. Just just never. It's Is it east? East. You sure? Yes. I kind of don't think. it matters. Yeah. No, that's East. Never eat soggy waffles. Yeah. You always have to do that thing where

you like, okay, it's here, but then I have to like put myself on a pin and spin myself. I'm like, hold on, hold on. That's like turn all the way around while I'm talking to somebody. I'm like, it's east. Yeah. You have one of those things that's like, really for us, it's like monument circle is like the compass for me. It's like, okay, where I am I right now? Okay, so downtown, the middle downtown's right down because from looking at the north. Okay. Yeah. That's, you have You know you're old as shit when you start using, it's North of here. I don't know why it's such a pet.

I don't know why it's such a pet pee for me when people are just like, yeah, I'm gonna go up to IU. It's down. It's down. It's going down to IU. Going up to Purdue. You're going up to Notre Dame.

You're going down to I.U. Now, if you're up at West Lafayette, you're still going down. But if you're in Louisville, then you're going up to Bloomington. Come on. Let's still still so confusing, but I know what you mean.

West Lafayette should just be, I'm going out west. South Bend, you're going up. Shut up. That is. That's stupid. Should be North Bend. That's what I'm saying. More like it.

Dude, so I'm, uh, I'm, I'm going down to the citrus bowl with LSU. Oh. And they're, uh, are you going to, they want me to perform. You're going to explode at the front of the team. I have to. Yeah, I'm like... That's crazy. I'm excited, but I'm a little nervous.

That's a lot of... That's a lot of kids. I'm getting old. I mean, I'm, you know, I'm 29. I'm going into my 30 year. All these kids are like 19 years old. What am I going to talk to him about? You got a plan?

Like, stand up or... Yeah, I mean, they said just anything to, like, perform and entertain for like 20 minutes. I'm like, all right? Well, bring too big, like, too big, like, gold. What are those things, bro? Just like the drums. 20 minutes.

All right. Now's Joey Molanero. Didn't say a fucking word, dude. Yeah, but they're making me pick sides. They're buying my loyalty. You know, it's Purdue and LSU. There we go. Purdue's going to be so pissed, dude.

Hey, man. They didn't reach out. LSU is like, yeah, bring you down. Give you access to the game. Sideline passes. Pay you. The key to the city. Do all this shit.

So, hey, go tigers. But, yeah, I can. I got a, I got to talk to you after the show or something to figure out kind of what you think I should do because I don't really know. But fuck it. That's probably better. I mean, you could, if I were you, I'd probably try to roast everybody in there. You can't, you can't lose with a football team and a roasting players. Right.

Rosting players, coaches. Really just make fun of Brian Kelly for 20 minutes. Oh, it's perfect. Rye was like, you could just, you know, because she's like, you and Ben talk about a lot of football stuff and like making fun. to like coach stereotypes and like parents and like you know different stereotypes of players and shit you could do that and I was like yeah it'd probably be good Brian Kelly's an easy target bro yeah yeah so that's what's going on but yeah we got the show next or we got the show on Thursday too excited but nervous but excited it's all it never gets easy bro never not been nervous that's good

you know what they always say when they're just you'd be like before big game before test or something. I'm pretty nervous. Like, it's good. It means you care. You're like, is it? Or am I just terrified? Yeah, I think I'm just unprepared.

Nervous before a game was always like, I don't know if I should be. Like, I should be ready. You know, before a game, you see people learn like, let's go. Yeah. I'm like, they're not nervous. See, but then part of me thinks that like the loudest, the loudest dog is the one with the softest bite. Ooh.

You know, like the loudest one is the one that's trying to cover up for how nervous they are. You ever have one of those people that like just... I'm thinking about Joey Porter. I'm like, he's not nervous. See, there's... The NFL doesn't count. Those are different. Those are different just beasts, right? I'm just talking like high school football. Oh, yeah. Like the kid that hops up before, like the coach gives a pregame speech to try to get a year. It's like,

hey, God, just now I don't even want to play. There are a lot of turnoffs before a football game for me. Everything is. like everything. Remember we had to, okay, at our high school, we, you know, got ready for the game, like where the wait room is and coaches' locker room was and shit like in the parking lot. Then we had to walk like 800 fucking miles to the stadium and then run down a hill. Dude, they start playing there. And, dun, ding, dun, dun, dun, and I will walk 500 miles.

Or it's just. It's the Vanessa Carlton song. But I need you. But I'm a better but I miss you. And I miss you. And now I wonder if I could fall right through. I don't know. Why can we get to it?

A thousand miles. And I. And I. Fuck. What is it? And I will just. God. What is that part?

Dude. When songs. songs are called like a thousand miles, but then it's no, when songs are called something other than what that you think they are. Yeah. Like, Billy Joel's like big with that,

you know, like it'll be like, uh, scenes from an Italian restaurant. I'm like, you're not saying that in the song. That's so weird. Scenes from an Italian restaurant.

No. It's not a movie. That's the longest. Those are the longest words combined ever. You're not putting that in a song. You know? Or like the ones that do like the popular part of it is the one that everybody knows, but that's not the title of it.

So they'll put the popular in the parentheses. I'm like, hey, dumbass, that's what the name should have been. Just called that. Who's who's making up song names? It's like it's the word you say the most is the song name. It's like if it was like Rudolph the Red Nose Rained-Dair and it's like, so you know dasher and dancer. Like that's the title.

But then in parentheses, Rudolph. Come on. The song. the song Last Resort by Papa Roach. Yeah. Growing up, I was like, yeah, it's a song, cut my life into pieces. Everybody's like,

Guts, no, that's not the song, I was like, okay. All right, Papa, all right, Papa. Tell me then. God dang it. Yeah, dude, I think. That was a big turnoff before a game for me. I'm like, I'm tired.

I shouldn't be tired before. I can be nervous, but I'm not going to be tired before a game. Or like when coaches would like make the little, you break up into, you know, your position groups. they make that warm up like it's the fourth quarter and it's the last. I'm like, dude, we need to be, we don't like a light sweat, not fucking drenched out of breath. Before a game,

you're fucking around that you're supposed to be, you're supposed to be messing around, having a good time trying to get in the zone. You know what you're trying to do? You're trying to look cool. That's it. But that's probably why. Know what you're doing and look cool. You don't have to go hard though. I would get yelled at in pregame warmups every game because I'd be fucking around, making one-handed catches in like doing it. Right. And probably in your team-issued gear, you're good, right? You know?

Everything's cool. But maybe if you're T-C bands around the knee and the- Right, right, right. The jersey would be up. Like, shit was different, but it was all good. I was walking the line. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just the old police. It's a policy pole.

That's what it was. You're walking the policy pole. The policy pole, dude. I was tight roping, dude. And the coaches were like, hey! Get it together. Lock it. I was like, dude, I'm locked the fucking shut up.

Dude, I don't think there's ever been a pregame speech by a player that I've listened to and been like, yeah, that's it. They have to be so much older than you. Even so, man. I mean, everybody's run out of a shit to say. What can you say that hasn't already been said? We're going to go out here and we're going to bust it for 60 minutes. And we're going to show. Like, what?

It was nice like when a coach that never spoke, though. Exactly. That was hard. Those get you hype. Or if like the head coach comes and like has like a jackhammer. Just absolutely. There's coaches to the craziest shit to get their team hype. A giant hammered jacks.

So I brought out this canoe. And you know what this canoe represents? It's like a fucking canoe. You brought a canoe? It means we paddle together. Has three interns like struggling to pull it into the locker room. Three equipment managers that are like kind of like weird. Like one has a shoulder thing.

I don't know what's wrong with him, but he tried to play freshman year and he couldn't. The least athletic kids has them fucking carrying in whatever the heaviest item is that he has to have. Like a, like a Kenny. Need you. Grab Greggie and whoever that other guy that we just signed on to the team last week. Hey, guys, go get that giant anchor from the back. Dragging it across the floor in the locker and fucking up, all the paint. Dude.

Yeah. But when a code, like, even if it's a head coach, when they have something that's like meaningful that like really. That would be hilarious. Just destroying the floor in the locker room. This is what we're going to. Code his fucking hair. Everything's all fucked up, dude. The players are like, he like loses control of it.

He just starts flying all over the locker. Fucking hits a quarterback in the chin. Kenny Graham out for two weeks. He was supposed to get Mr. Football, but his jaw needs reconstruct. of surgery after the jackhammer stunt and then the coach has to go to jail or some shit. But any player he talks, dude, nope, can't do it. But it's like even in the NFL, man.

I mean, you know, you see that pregame shit on like CBS when they're like going to commercial or like showing like the different stadiums and they're right in there. It's just it's all the same shit, man. I can't stop thinking. I want to know the craziest thing a coach has done to hype a team up. I know Jeff Brom like threw a chair into the locker

I feel like that's probably pretty common like just like had one there stage right it's like no you know if it's not you're not sitting in the chair giving a pregame speech coach

it's like wooden and all the other chairs are like steel right everybody's like what the fuck is that doing in here just a busted oh that would get me going crazy though

they like played it on the big screen at Purdue while he was still coaching there no yeah like for their like pregame video on the big screen before that ran out of the tunnel would show, you know, like a bunch of highlights,

a bunch of guys like carrying the Purdue Pete Hammer, like, you know, doing their media day shit. And then it was like, it had Coach Brom's, like, speech over the top of it. But then the last scene was like, we all there, we boil the rock, we hammer down, we hammer down for 60 minutes. And then he like took the chair and like through it.

And then like, they're like, and John does it, pot, damn, but I'm back. And then they, you know, come out. do, do. Oh, shit. I'm in there. It was awesome. I'm in there.

It was awesome. But, uh, she's so loud. Yeah. Coaches, you're good. Especially if it's an assistant coach,

like he says, like comes out of nowhere. He's like pretty soft-spoken. And then all of a sudden he's like losing his shit. Then you're like, yeah. Because if he's hype, I'm hype.

Right. But it's also on the other hand, it's awful when like an assistant coach get, would get the pregame speech. And they would kind of like forget. or they just like suck at public speaking. And so their speech would just be terrible.

And now you're like, now I'm like making fun of you. I forgot about the game. I know, man. That was dangerous. I mean, it's a head coach's fault for putting them. Hey, coach,

Scotty, you're in charge of the pregame this week. Like, eh, if you're going to do that, dude, I had to give a pregame speech at Cathedral one time.

Jesus Christ. We have footage of that. It's so fucking whack. Hopefully you guys are playing. Before Cathedral played Rime Colley and Rond Callie was kind of good. Oh, good Lord. They're like, now he, coach was like,

this is your game, Bullittany. This is for you. I was like, I don't give a shit. Bro, the whole day, I was sweating it.

I was like, this isn't going to be good. Wow. Okay. Because like the players know, like that I'm the coach. That's just like, you know,

I translate whatever the coach is saying. You're the cool. To the team. You're the cool coach. Yeah. But like, come on. Give me,

give me something. I, I've never heard of this. I didn't know this. I know that they do highlight videos for the whole season, and there has to be footage of this out there somewhere. There's not, bro. And thank God. But I don't even remember what I said.

I was like kind of blacked out. But I was like, I made it like kind of funny and like relatable, which is wonder why. Which isn't good. You got to give me, Sally, what was the, come on. You got to give me what was the gist of it? Dude, I can't even. It might have been like. talking about how

I might have threw in some you're gonna miss this I might have threw in some like Friday night lights I might have threw in like this matchup's a little different yeah I honestly don't know what I was saying I deleted it out of my brain

damn but it wasn't and I think I might have stuck the landing a little bit but the players came off laughing more than they were like fired up the whole time they're like I know dude because I had nothing I was like you really want me to do this, I'm the guy that's like fucking around the whole time. Like the coach is yelling at

me more than the players. He's like running backs. He would address us as a group. Because he doesn't want to call you out, put you on the spot. He's like, what are we doing in warmups? What are we doing in warmups? I was like, all right, getting a fucking line, getting a fucking line, getting a fucking line, get in a fucking line, let me knock the ball out, let me knock, come on. Come on,

we're getting yelled at. Dude, the knock the ball out, such a fucking joke of a drill. Come on, hindsight. And they're holding it so fucking hard. And I'm like still beating the shit of their arms. I'm like, I'm gonna go to jail. This is weird.

I'm like hitting him with the stick. Yeah. I'm like, this is so weird. The kid's fucking 16. Those are like, those are always funny. Like, you know,

when it was like summertime, like two days and you do those drills. And there's always like the sophomore or like the kid that like people low key didn't like who was just a douche. And like you'd have the bags and you would just, you know, everybody else you're kind of just like, uh,

Baker, right. Yeah. that guy goes through and you're like oh yeah just trying to absolutely annihilate him just fucking his world up and then they fall at the end yeah like they go through the whole thing

and they fucking fall on the ground you're like wow the guy sucks Tommy get up stay on your keep your feet bitch so for all the ladies out there listening sorry we just talked to about football for 20 minutes.

I forgot we were even doing this. This is just a normal-ass conversation we have, like, in the car. I literally forgot we were here. What are we going to? Are we riding up to Detroit together? Yeah, we need to plan that out. Let's talk about that too. Do we want to stay there?

Is that a thing? I don't know. I can't decide. I mean, I talk about it after the show. Yeah, we are up there. But what the hell are we going to talk about the whole time? I don't know.

Three days before Christmas. I wonder what we're going to talk about the whole time. Three days before Christmas all the way to Detroit. peak football season no clue what if we were dead silence the whole time how many gas stations

are we gonna stop that that's my question have we ever been on a long road trip like that besides like Kentucky I think that's the longest man yeah I went down to the derby and I think we made one stop there but that wasn't anything

still got that vlog footage of course we go to we go to Colvers and like I was hung over from Cinco to Maya so I just get a fat burger and Ben's like yeah I'll take the salad light chicken.

It's like, fuck you. I had to, man. Burger in the car, that's a bad, it's a bad scenario for me. That's the best scenario to have a burger. You're just riding along. You got it in the wrapper still. Or you're taking a bite out of it. I'm straight ripping ass if I have a burger in the car, dog.

That's not a good combo. We had, we had rye up in there. Like, it's not good for me. But you had a home field advantage. You can do that kind of, you can get away with murder up there, dude. No one said that. But close.

Changes a little bit when you're married. those things kind of go away a little bit like I told you bodily functions for some reason need to cease to exist when you become married sneeze too loud fart why are you doing that dude you got to get out of there dude you got to like you got to leave the premises what am a moving vehicle oh yeah dude if you got a fart and you're around anybody's unless it's a dude like right now you could raise a leg I mean that's raise a glass But like when you're like if I'm around Like my mom or like just any girl bro

See it see it later Yeah gotta take a smoke break That's such a natural reaction though Like to just lift the leg up a little bit Oh Get in trouble Yeah That's trouble dog

It's tough especially when it's cold out shit You know like Christmas Eve you're hosting right Like or you're out of Christmas party It's like you know 23 degrees outside I'm not a smoker so it's just like Yeah, he's going outside to fucking shit himself. People know. I mean, they got to.

What are you going outside for? Uh, just cooling off. Okay. Cooling off. Cooling off. I'm just out there fucking. Oh, yeah. I would go to another room in the house, maybe.

Just like a less populated area. If it's home field advantage, you can do that. But you're at somebody else's house. Don't, you know, you even feel bad in the bathroom if you let a couple rib. Because you know there's like somebody coming in there five seconds. after you do, then they're like... But it could have been the person before. Yeah.

Dude, I was at your fucking house for that Christmas party. Yeah. And I know your house. Your older apartment, I guess. And, dude, I saw I went all the way upstairs to drop one. Yeah. Because I was like, this is kind of, you know, I know what's going on here. I'm going upstairs.

Yeah. Dude, I opened the door. You know, I was taking my time during a party, you know, just trying to get my mind right. Go up there. drop it, open the door. There's three girls waiting outside to get in the bathroom.

Worst moment of my life. Yep. Smells like complete shit in there. I'm looking at them all in the eyes and I just fucking run downstairs like I'm five years old. Don't even say anything. I don't even,

I think I was so shook. I didn't even say shit. I didn't make up anything. Oh, the last person, you know. It was happy. Oh, was the dog. Just go to the dog. He's not even up here.

There you go. litter box. It's so... Yeah, my house. You got fucking litter boxes. You got a giant dog and you can blame it on anything. It just... Why is Fred hanging out with the dog so much? Too much lasagna. What do you ask for for Christmas?

Do you do that still? Oh, yeah. Yeah. It's weird, isn't it? That like, I always felt like you had those moments when you were growing up that made you really sad when you got to be like a teenager and shit because for whatever reason you thought like, oh man, like Christmas, like Christmas is going to be done really once I hear in a little bit. Like I'm going to be too old, you know, like people are to stop God and then you're never too old.

And you get older and I'm 29 and I'm still like, Mom, get my equipment. Yeah, yeah. You got to want something. I don't want any. There's always something. Come on. Yeah. Hey, your dad would definitely do that.

Dude, my dad's Christmas came. When it comes to presents, my dad's not shining away, dude. For what he wants or what? You ask, no, my dad doesn't fucking want anything. That's what I said. He would kill himself before he asked for something. Like, he might ask for something like in, like April. And you got to like, oh shit, write that down.

Thinking about watching your dad open a Christmas gift makes me want to jump out of window. Dude, it, it hurts. It hurts. I feel like he would just open it and just like walk away because he doesn't know what to do. He's like, you guys open them. I'm good. His own gifts. His own gift.

I'm like, yo, we all, we all, uh, you know, we're really proud of it. Yeah,

this is a big thing. We all pitched in one year, got him an iPad. You guys open it. So he's only, he actually wanted it. Wanted something for once. And I was like,

we did it. We got it. Uh, the one with the storage he needs. Like, we're in here. The three way gifts, man.

You guys, you guys, you guys opened it for me. Sitting on the couch just could not be bothered, bro. I know your dad's Christmas king. He is. Can I,

deep down. Can we, can we, you know what we should do? We should do like the Wednesday night before the show. So tomorrow night. We should get together with Coach Pete. He's dying for Christmas. Have some wine.

He's dying. Let's do it. Dude. Let's go to like hearing it. I don't know. Whatever he wants to do. We should do that. He'll be like,

it's up to you guys. I'm not picking. I would, dude, that would, that's what I want for Christmas. It's some wine and Christmas with the Christmas king. He is.

He's Christmas king, bro. But, what do I want this year? Wow, look at you with the left and the right on. Nice. Yeah. Does that bother you if they're not right? Not anymore.

It used to a lot, but then I started running low on socks. Sometimes you got to do it. Sometimes you got to do what you got to do. Nike signs on the inside of my leg. It's one of those days. He got no choice. Flip it inside out.

Yeah. Okay, go ahead. Maybe I'll make it. Hey, you can interrupt. The interrupting shit. is my favorite part of this podcast. All right, what I went for Christmas? I actually want a,

like a new couch. Like a badass couch. Wow. I want to own a couch. Like, people might as are like owning houses. I was like, I want to own a couch.

It's all I need. Just give me a couch that hasn't been anyone else's before me. I like it. You thinking like an L shape? Mm-hmm. Oh.

An L leather. I got it all picked out. Nice. It's just, uh, what are we thinking like Wayfair, home, home?

goods? I'm thinking... I don't do IKEA. No. See, I don't... Everybody's pushing me. I'm getting pressured into IKEA furniture.

I think it's shitty. It is. Right? I mean, it's cheap and you make yourself and it looks good, but like, dude, I feel like if I... You're like, cannonballed on that couch. It's gone.

If you get one from IKEA, you know what you'll be asking for next Christmas? Another couch. I thought you're gonna Johnson me so hard there. Yeah, but yeah, for real. that was the most dad thing ever, but you're right. Like, I want to pay some decent money for a couch. So, like, it's going to last.

I was going to say, so, I mean, if you're asking, is that like a Christmas? Because when you get older, obviously, you know, become an adult, it's like everybody has that, you know, it's kind of a Christmas gift for myself because it's like you kind of feel bad asking for it. Also, if it's something like that, you kind of just want to take liberty and be like,

I want to pick it out. I want to get it in there. Like, you know, your dad's not gifting you a couch on Christmas. He wouldn't know. You guys not giving you a couch on February 13th. He'd be, which is Christmas. But he would be like, hey, I'll get half of it. That's good.

So I'm like, all right, bet. I'll do all the fucking back end work having it deliver. You know, he does, he's not going to do it. But he'll be like, I'll get half for Christmas. And then I'm like, hell. Yeah. We got, yeah, when we moved into our house, we got a new L shape. And it's, it's great, man.

You love it. You know, it's, I fucking love it. Every time I walk in, I'm like, they do have that. Yeah. It's like wide, you know, so you can kind of sprawl out, taking nap, plenty of people, get sit, have people over. Dude, that's a, you have a long ass couch, dude. You can sit, you can sit a whole fucking, it's movable. Freshman baseball team on that thing.

Oh, a whole offensive line. No, probably not. Okay, a couch. Offensive linemen. Different breed. Different breed. Yeah, couch. I'm thinking about getting it from, what's that place?

West Elm. is it up at the Keystone Mall Yeah That furniture store that Nice as nice as shit I know We were just talking about the other day It's like you feel like you got to dress up to the Keystone Mall

I was scared to ask him a question Dude you walk into the Keystone mall with joggers on Man I feel like those dirty looks Workers are like who the fuck are you Get your trash out of here Yeah the Keystone mall is like a place you go Like you're dressing up like you're going to do a photo shoot It's a fucking full day

I love it though Yeah it's great And then you don't find what you need there And you go to the Castleton mall And you're just, I dread I overdressed You better come to play When you go to the Keystone Mall, that's for sure Very sexy mall, what about you?

Couch. Interesting. What did I ask for them? A couple pairs of shoes. I think I'm in my shoe era. Uh-oh. Yeah. Shoe era unlocked.

Shoe era unlocked. And then just all bullshit, man. You know, it's all just, I have, I hate to be like that guy, but it's like, I have everything I need. I have everything I want. It's all just bullshit. Well, what shoes?

What shoes? The high top, black and gold, Steeler joint. Ones? No, the, uh, dunks. High top. Yeah. Those.

And then, uh, I always like my low top reboc, just classic white. Got a re-up, get a new pair. Got a re-up. Yeah. They don't really know. I was, you know, it's always like Halloween when I send that shit over. And so, but it's kind of nice. Man, that's early.

I'm just like, I don't. What, I asked for this? Oh, okay, cool. It's always a scramble. Oh, bro, I asked for a Lego set. You did? Yeah. Dude, Star Wars popping off with those Lego sets.

I noticed that when I was a kid. I was like, dude, Star Wars kind of owns Lego, maybe? I mean, pretty close. It's big. Yeah. Got like a man, I think either Mandalorian or Baby Yoda one. And it's, yeah. But what's good about it is that, you know, the problem with Legos for me is always like,

how do you, what do you do with it once it's done, right? How do you display this? These come, it's almost like a, like a bust in the Hall of Fame. Like they have like a platform that it's on and you build it on that. And so it's like a helmet sitting on like a platform. Is there like a cover thing you put over it? You probably could get one. But also you could just like put it up on a shelf.

Yeah. You're kind of playing with fire there. It's going in the cave. Oh yeah. Cave for sure. A lot of cave stuff. Nothing crazy, though. Not to that point.

I don't know what to get my son, you know? Legos grown up are just amazing. I just can't stop thinking about that right now. Just building an entire soccer stadium when I was a kid. The satisfaction at the end, phenomenal. The frustration when you can't find. There is always something that you're like, where is that piece? You're like, I know this is not in the box.

Did I buy the wrong kit? Right. I know there's not. We got the malfunction one. There's not a piece in here. And then it just turns out it was just like, you know, Oh, you're always the idiot. Yeah.

Fuck. What should you get a little Frankie, bro? I don't know, man. That's what, I mean, he's three and a half months old. I feel like Frankie's got some fits. He does. But, I mean, you know, he can get him. He's like, he's, dude, he's starting to, like, giggle.

It's crazy. It's, no way. What's he laugh at? It's interesting. Like, I mean, it's pretty funny, actually. Like, he hasn't really laughed at me yet. He laughs at his mom. And he laughs while he's in the bath.

What's going? What's right? She's in the bath. Cracking him up. He loves being in the bath. And then he just kind of like, she'll just, you know, be giving him a bath or whatever, like grabbing his feet and just got to be like, like, hey, man. And he just cracks up. Like, he loves it.

That's great. But yeah, he's like starting to giggle. So he's like with it. You know, he's like starting to giggle. He's in the game. He's awake most days. But he's not in it enough to like open gifts and know what the hell is going on. You know?

So it's like, I don't want to go crazy on them. But also I do because it's my son. And it's his first Christmas. Sounds an interesting dynamic. Was he playing with toys yet? I don't know. Might be a stuffed animal type of thing. Stuffed animal.

He does like some of those. But, you know, next Christmas, that'll be the one where it's like, I guess we'll be walking. Well, Frankie, start building some shit. Yeah,

pretty much. Yeah, we got to, we got to map out the, the gas stations on the way to Detroit here. Dude, it's,

it's the way back for me. The way up there at gas stations, yeah, you're hammering the coffee. in the coffee, but on the way back is when shit gets, shit gets dangerous. Are you saying like, I'll fuck around him by 15 sneakers bars.

It's going to be real dangerous too because we're going to be coming back two days before Christmas. So it's like our favorite day of the year, nothing matters. It's, you know, usually for coming back from like a trip that you're excited about or something, it's like,

oh my God, back to the grind. Oh my God. Tomorrow's Christmas Eve and it's Christmas. Coming back on the hottest day of the year. that that does can't waste any time though can't waste any time

coming back on the 23rd 20 23rd is my new favorite day we're talking about that every year it gets one day before yeah a few years out 60 years December 18

I'm like Halloween's my day dude but like honestly like halfway through like Christmas Eve I'm like it's over you can't say that but you know Christmas Eve fully exists

it's over day it's over no I told you. Like 1 p.m. or 2 p.m. on Christmas Day. This is really the time right now, though. 2 p.m. to 5 p.m. on Christmas day. Worst time of the year.

On Christmas day? Worst. I'd rather, I'd rather be the first day of school. Wait, wait, five on Christmas day. After 5 o'clock,

you get kind of a little, like, jolt. You get a little jolt, because it's like usually. That's not over yet. It's not over yet, boys. You got the second half. You're giving a speech, you know,

like the coaches or the idiot assistant but yeah it's not over usually have like the second christmas or whatever it's where it's okay we're having a good dinner like it's christmas night like everybody's like oh yeah you're kind of get over it getting a good meal having some wine now or whatever maybe a little drunk you know got some bullshit football game on you're like okay this was you know what that's when you lean back and you're like it's not too bad I'm blessed because your brain you're so uh you're you're You've gone insane to the point where you're like, I'm blessed. You do one of these.

You just go, you look at the chaos going around the room. You say, I'm a lucky guy. This is nice. Can't wait until next year. It's over. Two to five, though. I'm just like, don't talk to me. The emotions are running high at 2.30 on Christmas.

It's always like when the bullshit NBA game starts too. Oh, you hate that probably. I forgot that you're like, you don't care. about the NBA as much as other people do. But like they try to make Christmas. Bucks and bowls. These do make those. Noon is cool because it's like,

you know, maybe a Madison Square Garden. It's still early in the day. Like, you know, like your mix. Everything is exciting. Like what Christmas did.

The 2.30 fucking the bucks and the fucking trailblaze. But then the five o'clock game with the Lakers, you're like, okay. Lakers play a five every time. Yeah. I do like that really early game. on Christmas. Anytime any game super early. I'm like, they're already doing this.

Oh my God. Did I like oversleep? It's Christmas. I love you. Just dropping L bombs like crazy on Christmas. Dude texting people I don't even know. Love you, bro. I'm like, why the fuck did I just say it to my uncle? Just drunk off happiness. Just just drunk off Christmas cheer. Oh my God. Do you see his shoes? I love you. Every Christmas. Did you have some of that? Doing shit I never do Eating shit I never eat Yeah the pretzel bread

I love you Dude dude Oh my god You see the gift I got her Do you uh Did you guys back of the day Like you and your friends Like send each other what you got and shit

Merry Christmas boys What you all go? Boys Merry Christmas boys What did? I got some shoes A gift some socks, a jersey, a Nike hoodie, a pair of skis.

Skies. Dude. Everybody who got a fucking like ski trip for Christmas, fuck off. God. Has a feel to be a trust fund, baby. A ski trip for Christmas? Yeah, actually, yeah, not too much. We just did stockings on Christmas morning because we're taking off for Denver in the morning.

So, shut up. Or what's that? We're, actually, we're, we just did stockings, light on candy, and then the 26, we're heading out to the ridge. Yeah, Breckenridge. No, what's the, oh, yeah, 26. We do this every year. It's, uh, me and my family go to perfect north.

That's like, that's, I mean, that's, you know, that's middle class. I'll never go. Right. I'll never go. Everybody. You never gone skiing? Oh my God. You're missing out.

No, I'm not. Yeah. The ortho indie kids, they're going to like Breck and Ridge. and fucking Tahoe and everything. And then me and you're like, yeah, perfect north. We're cool with that.

I'm good with just seeing pictures. I'm good with the Hill Valley Estates. I'm good with sledding over a fucking road speed bump. Just the park behind the house with the, like mini hill, that's cool with me. You guys know, stop 11 and bluff,

that big hill. Yeah, we're just going to go down that. By the Home Depot. Yeah, dude, skiing. That article about Andrew Luck,

they just came out. and they were like, he really enjoyed skiing because he could cover up with a mask and a hood and ride up the hill and talk to people and they wouldn't even realize it was him. I was like, who the fuck isn't realizing that's Andrew Luck when he opens his mouth?

That's what I'm saying. Like, you can't tell. I was like, he really just enjoyed his, you know, an nominid, I don't know, I don't know,

but we know, yeah. He really enjoyed being anonymous and that. I'm just, I don't want that, man, skiing. breaking a leg, automatic broken leg. Automatic torn MCL. Anything like that.

If you go skiing and you walk away with a torn MCL, I think that's a wind. It really is. Because if I think skiing, I'm thinking like snapping your femur and half, like breaking your back. Like not worth it.

A torn ligament, man, you know, so I'm still walking. I'm good. Limpin out of the fucking, yep. Limpin out of the lodge.

Did you ever want to snowboard? Yeah. everybody had that phase growing up. Dude, my uncle did. And I was always jealous. I got a snowboard for Christmas one year. And that was like, yeah. You know,

it was like some shit you'd see in a magazine. I was like, fuck. And you can't wrap it. So it's just kind of like, there. Yeah. You always got the exposed present.

That's like, oh! That's a good. That's a good. Okay. This is interesting how the dynamics work in this. Because, you know,

you have different households, the different families that do a different ways. How did the, the Politzis do like the Santa Gifts. Did you do Santa Gifts? How were they laid out? How were they presented?

It's pretty much like under the tree leading up to Christmas it'd be from, from mom, from one of my sisters, like kind of like family gifts under there. Nothing crazy though. It was all just like a little envelope type shit. Like nothing

or like a little shoebox kind of deal. Yeah, that idea. That's as big as it's getting. And then and then Christmas morning, there'd be all the gifts and it says from Santa on there. They're all wrapped? Yeah. Interesting.

Unless it's like a bike. You know, you get the bike fucking park next to the wall and the tree and you're like, oh. Yeah, right. Yeah, I got a bike when I was six and I fainted. Bike fake fainted. Ooh. Home video.

I like come out and I like just fall over. Burpee boy. One of those. That's hard, bro. That's six. You're ahead of the game. You're head of the faint game. Dude,

I was such a dramatic little bitch. Especially when the camera's on. Oh, dude, I literally just posted a TikTok from that same Christmas. It's later that day. My grandparents, I got a Nintendo 64. I was literally a Nintendo 64 kid.

Like, saw the cameras on me and I was just like dancing going nuts. This is a good dance. And I did like a freeze. Like just what? You know what I mean? Like I can't tell if you wanted to be on camera one day.

Like, Jesus. Right. Then get back into it. Did you get back into it after the freeze? I don't remember. I cut it off. Hopefully I did.

I got to remember. He definitely remember. He definitely fucking wound it back around. The freeze. See, this is interesting, though, because I feel like the more and more people I talk to, I'm in the minority here because what it was at my house and still is. You've told me this before I can't wait. Is the same as you, you know, the presence from my folks or whoever would be wrapped throughout

the month. or right, lean up to Christmas. And then on Christmas morning, when me and my sisters would come downstairs or go out to the living room or whatever, the gifts from Santa would just be out there. They wouldn't be wrapped. Yeah, that's cool.

They'd be next to our stocking. So it was like Santa just swooped in. He didn't, you know, he's pulling them out of the bag and he's just putting them there. You know what I mean? So like I'd come down when I was like 10, I had younger sisters. So yeah, I might be like,

you don't believe in San Antonio? Just, yeah. I would come down and like, you know, mine, I'd have like a Mark Pryor jersey laying there and then like, Lord of the Rings video game and then, you know, a Cubs hat and then my stocking would have, you know what I mean?

So like the big Santa gifts or whatever would be like there. The Santa's like, oh, ho, ho, ho, pulls him out of the bag, bam. Smart. There you go. Smart. So, but then every. everybody else I talk to you.

Everybody's like, yeah, they just show up on Christmas morning. They'd be wrapped and they'd say from Santa. Yeah. Oh, shit. Okay. It makes sense probably more the way you did it. But parents aren't thinking like that. Dude, your parents were trying to really, really sway you to this.

Like, Santa was here. Did like the little like reindeer trail shit in the backyard. Oh, yeah. We did all that bullshit too. The cookies. God, fuck. I always took another bite of that cookie in the morning. It's like kind of stale.

Finish that bitch off, dude. Did you're... But it's like a real afterthought. Did you... You know? You're like a presence. Boom. All this shit.

Bang. I throw all the trash way. Boom. Stockings. Oh yeah. I forgot. Then like two, three hours later,

I'm like, the cookie. Dude. See, I was like the biggest bite in the world. You only left one cookie out for him? It was like two, but he just,

like hammer a one, bro. We're actually talking about Santa. He would just fucking hammer a bite, bro. By the end of the, it just looked like a crescent moon at the end. It was just like well, yeah, I mean, he has the whole night where he's got to go, right? You can't eat all. I mean, I know he's a big guy, but he can't do. Just clean

the plate. Did your Santa only like like drink, like leave a little bit of milk, you know, like drink a court? It wasn't clean in the milk. Yeah, it was kind of like a little bit in there. So it's like, oh, he took a drink. I look at the glass. I didn't inspect it like I was a fucking detective.

I'd be like, he dipped a cookie in. There's a little bit of cookie residue in there. I'd be like, holy shit, he dipped it. Santa, you sneaky. Did you sneaky ass? Did your, did your Santa ever leave you like a note? No.

Ah, no. The only thing, only written evidence I ever had from Santa was just on the presence, you know, to from. Yeah, I was, you know. But the handwriting on the presents would look a little different. Yeah. Somebody was behind that. I was dumb enough to, well, it was probably like,

I never really saw my dad's handwriting too much when I was younger I was so my mom's so maybe just my dad would do it but yeah they would leave a little note on like a piece of like fucking Christmas paper like a this special paper oh Santa's notebook notebook Joey and Maddie you've been very good this year remember to listen to your parents and get good grades now he like all of a sudden becomes like one of those fucking like drug like crime dogs you know Don't do drugs. Stay in school. It's like, the fuck, Santa.

Hey, Jesus Christ, Santa. I thought you're on my side. Getting a little too real here, man. Talking about homework and shit. It gets super real. He's like, and wash the dishes and remember last time you didn't dry him off, you piece of shit.

Maybe get your sister to put them away and help you out. It's like cutting real deep. And don't fuck up your school shoes that I just buffer you. They're $110. You're like, God damn, Santa. This is your mom speaking through Santa because it's the only way he'll listen.

person. For sure. If you get an in-school suspension, again, I'm going to fucking kick you out and you got to go to Center Grove. You're like, I didn't know Santa knew about fucking Center Grove. Just a whole bunch of shit. And you look at your parents and they're like,

he's always watching. Like, oh my God, you're right. Holy shit. Corsi knows. It's in the song. Kind of scared of Santa now. Santa's watching everything. And remember,

not to forget your math book in school again. because it's been three times this quarter and your grade is sinking quickly. Oh, ho. Don't hang out with that Zet kid at school

because we think he does drugs. And his mom and dad fight at your basketball games. So it's a good reason not to go over to his house. You're like, Jesus Christ! In that voice, you're like, wow, that was magical.

Thanks for the cookies, you bitch You're like, what? Oh, Christmas. I love you, Santa. I love you, Santa. Nah, if you say the tea in Santa, you're an alien disguised as a human. It's just Santa.

Oh, yeah, if you hit that hard now. The hard tea is, all right, you're an alien that came to Earth and you're a detective on Earth. Santa. Hi, Santa. Santa, bye-bye. I love Santa.

I have been good. This year, Santa. It's just what did you get from Santa? S-A-N-N-A. Santa. Santa, the Santa dance. Santa Claus. Hey, Santa.

Hey, Santa. I sing about best Christmas songs. I ran it back in my head. The best, best Christmas song is Merry Christmas by Insync. That is a good one that doesn't get enough love.

And happy, you know, they're inclusive. Happy holiday. Wait. Wait. Yeah, no, that's what it is. I was trying to think of this. New Year.

Merry Christmas and hat. No, it's happy holidays. Yeah. It's happy holidays. Yeah, that was a really good one. Last Christmas, I haven't listened to that more since we talked about it because it's just so emotional and just gets you. You should check out Harry Connick Jr. Christmas real good.

Sexy. Give me a little, sing it for me. Well, he's got, he does, uh, he does, uh, all we do is fucking burp on this podcast, dude. Jesus Christ. The last 30 minutes. And it's... Burping her coughing. He has a song...

The amount of times I've almost thrown up on this podcast. He has a song that's on there. It's called, uh, must have been old Santa Claus.

It's like an original. I'm pretty sure. It's real catchy. Santa Claus. Santa Claus. Must have been on Santa Claus. Happy. Oh,

ho. Oh, you. And then he's, it's kind of one of those where he's like sing talking like through a story. So I looked outside my window and saw Santa Sala. Slaid.

Reindeer on the track saying, yeah. The reindeer on the track is saying, yeah. Oh. Got like a big band in the back, you know, with like some fucking trombones. Oh, yeah. It's sexy. Sexy Christmas.

How about like believing in Santa so much when you're a kid that you actually think you hear the reindeer on top of your house? That's some strong belief right there, man. No, but like, you know, like when you're scared, you like your brain tricks. you into thinking there's something in your room. Like maybe that was. I'm like, I swear I heard him. I swear I heard him. I heard him. You tell your sister. Yeah, did you hear him? Right. Yeah. I think I heard him.

But they're like, it was that like, it was like an hour ago and you're like, no, but. But yeah, yeah, yeah. But no, but maybe, maybe I was messed up and I looked at the clock at the wrong time. They're looking at the clock when you're trying to sleep on Christmas, nothing ever moves slower in the world. I feel you've been laying down for nine hours. It's not even Christmas yet. Like you're, you feel like you've been laying there for nine hours. It's still like 11.25 on Christmas Eve. God, that fucking sucks, dude.

When it's real early in the night. 11? You're like, I swear to God, one time I got up at 4 a.m. And I was like, I'm just doing it. I'm just,

we're starting early this year. All right, everybody? We're starting early. There's always like a fucking time we were constrained. It was always like, not before 7.30. I don't want you knocking on my door before 730.

so like me and my sisters would have to just like fuck around and you know put on another Christmas movie right it's the best shit ever but like at the time it's just like totally I was I would there was no laws in my in my house bro if the presents were set it was it was time and I always got downstairs and investigate the present situation that's tough suddenly like the little Christmas light on the tree he'd like use it as a flashlight almost and see I couldn't do that because my shit was out you know, like I just had, so I couldn't. Oh, that's, okay.

You know, weird. Then it would ruin it. You know, I'd go out there and be like, whoa, Sammy Sosa. Whoa. That's insane. Troy Palmolo jersey? That kind of shit. But yeah.

All right. That is, this is these guys. These guys. Christmas, we talk about it all time, but yeah, this is it. Christmas this week. Hope you have a Merry Christmas. A happy holiday. Come see us in Detroit.

on Thursday. Get your tics. Be sure to follow us on Apple Pots. Subscribe, follow on Spotify, wherever you get your pods on YouTube. Got to crank those numbers up. Watch and hang with us every week.

Every Tuesday, a new show drops. So yeah, Merry Christmas. Get your tickets. See you next time. Peace.