THESE GUYS! - BEST OF THESE GUYS! STROKE SZN

Episode Date: August 1, 2023

On this BEST OF episode Ben and Joey both realize gift cards control their lives and tell some of their most f*cked up childhood punishments🎟️ JOEY'𝗦 𝗨𝗣𝗖𝗢𝗠𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗦𝗧𝗔𝗡𝗗 𝗨𝗣 𝗦𝗛𝗢𝗪𝗦 August 2 Funny Bone Columbus, OH https://columbus.funnybone.com/ShowDetails/6aa0d170-e551-4d0c-a881-92eb3b89c546/835a5551-0c03-4271-9a36-6bce765bcde3/Joey_Mulinaro/Columbus_Funny_BoneAugust 17 Summit City Comedy Club, Ft Wayne IN https://www.summitcitycomedy.com/shows/226147August 22 Funny Bone Cinncinatti, OH (Liberty Township) https://liberty.funnybone.com/ShowDetails/9e7eb241-c7bf-45a4-8df7-1c69bb02b735/987f9f60-a853-44e8-b653-85e0e9d2b295/Joey_Mulinaro/Liberty_Funny_Bone🔺𝗪𝗔𝗧𝗖𝗛 𝗢𝗡 𝗬𝗢𝗨𝗧𝗨𝗕𝗘 https://youtu.be/xxQ75QbyHHY🧢𝗧𝗛𝗘𝗦𝗘 𝗚𝗨𝗬𝗦! 𝗠𝗘𝗥𝗖𝗛 https://benedictmerch.com/products/these-guys-hoodie-1?variant=41218692775993

Best of These guys Here we go Shoes off again Two weeks in a row I'm respectful as fuck Wow Shoes off in shorts guys

In my zone dude This is perfect right now I got something for you Really? Yeah here you go Ah Beanie soothing So did you like

Was this logo your idea It was you know It was one of the best just the most synergy moments I've had in a while. The guys are obvious shirts, Joe is his name. Don't want that to happen.

Mike Block in the face. Thanks, Watt. These guys here at Wave 1. These guys. Be sure to give us a follow. Subscribe on YouTube. Keep seeing those numbers slowly but surely go up, but we're on YouTube, Stitcher, Apple Podcast.

Don't know why I said Stitcher first. Apple Podcasts. You always say Stitcher. No one knows. I don't know. Everywhere you get your pod, that's where we are. Stitcher, bro. I don't know.

My old job day, I was just like, I haven't the number of them, Stitcher. And I was like, it does have a nice logo, though. Yeah. It looks official as a pod. It does. But yeah, right there.

So Joe and the guys, Devin, obvious shirts, love what they do. And they wanted to work with me. And I wanted to work with them. And they were like, yeah, we'll mock up some things. I love that.

We'll mock up some things for you and send it over. I was like, cool. I was like, I was like, maybe I should bring back the kangaroo logo, you know. And then they sent me

and they sent me that and I was like And it's like the ad. And I said it's the ad and they said, yep, exactly. And I was like, wow, you guys read my mind. This is perfect. Perfect marriage. Perfect. It's just one of those instances of the perfect marriage.

No, this is sexy, dude. Good quality here. Yeah. So Beanie season. So those are available now. Obvious shirts.com slash Joey. Beanie season. You got that.

You got, actually these are sold out for the moment right now. hopefully get a wow brag a little more I think it just meant that they didn't want to make them anymore but those hats suck so discontinued happy Gilmore collection on there now

just a few different things so yeah go get yours and I know you got merch as well benedickmerch.com for all your stuff I'm not wearing any of it but I will soon I don't see you at beanies often but like that's a very you hat you know it's just like we go for clean cat classic

I don't, yeah. I usually don't wear beanies because it messes up my hair. Like, once I put something on my head, like my hair's done for it for the rest of the day. Like immediately, if I wake up in the morning, put a hooded sweatshirt on and put the hood up, like the rest of the day, my hair's trash. Bro, but you got the cool hair that I disagree. You got the cool, curly cues. Yeah, it's not like natural. Like, there's some work that's been done here.

You want to see? Well, obviously there's work that's been done. Oh, yeah. How are you feeling? Good, dude. This is the best moment. of my life after a hair transplant. I don't know if you'll ever get one, but it's the best, dude.

You can't work out for two weeks? You thought that would be the worst moment of your life. Well, I mean, you got to get over that. You know what I mean? Like, I hate working out, but it makes you feel good. So it's like, uh, and once you get over the, like, uh, the, the stigma of like, oh, my brain's so messed up because I can't work out and I've done it for so long. Like, it's just like, like, I have so much time now.

And you look like shit for a week. Like, honestly, it looks like I got like curbs stuff. So you can't go anywhere. So I'm just like chilling my apartment and just doing nothing. It's the best. So yeah, you are living. Best two weeks of my life. It takes two weeks.

You were down now for two weeks? No, I mean, this is week two. And they're like, you can't work out for two weeks after you get it. And I was like, perfect. Like, you know, the first three days might suck a little bit. But after that, like it's like I woke up today. Like, I don't know, started writing a little bit. Got this podcast going to go back there.

film something? It's like, who cares? And the second time around, it's like a lot less bad. Like the first time I got one. Was painful? No, it wasn't pain. It's not painful at all. It looks like, I'm still holding this because I love it. It looks like it's painful, but it's actually not at all. I was in pain for like two hours maybe when I got home after the procedure. And it wasn't like, ah, like screaming pain. It was just like, uh, like, uh, I was like really irritated for some reason. I don't know. I mean, because they just did that.

I don't know why I could have been irritated, but no, it wasn't, I've never been in pain. It's just like, it's kind of uncomfortable because, I mean,

you've got these scars on the back of your head. It's like kind of tough to sleep for the first night, but, like, it's really not that bad. Who sleeps on the back of the, like you're in a casket anyways?

Dude, I got to sleep on my back. Are you serious? All day, bro. I'm, I'm like 90% sleeping on my back. Wow. And then the other 10% is that, like, number four, it looks like when you're on your stomach, when you got your leg, like, kicked out.

That's fire. That's your 90. That's the alternate jersey of sleeping. It's like, you're not wearing that every night, but when you hit it, it's all. Oh, shit, it's all. The fans are going to like this. Hell yeah. But then after a while, I was like, okay, okay.

The alternate jersey of sleeping. We're going to back off. And we're going to get back into our normal routine here. Dude, I can sleep like, it's so lame, but I could sleep like this. so you can do that because you get shoes up 100% well you know what that is that's that's Thanksgiving dinner sleep CEO of sleeping that's that's thanks I can make a deal right now what a weird phase of TikTok that was

this right here bro this is Thanksgiving I can sleep like this this is Thanksgiving at 415 you're getting ready you're getting a little shut eye before the Cowboys game comes on maybe you miss the opening kickoff you know but you're just you've had your lunch meal, your first one. That's the half-time Thanksgiving sleep set up right there. I got to escape during Thanksgiving sleep, dude. I've seen my dad pass the fuck out on a chair at like 3 p.m. on Thanksgiving too many times with his hand in his pants. I'm like, dude, have some respect. Doesn't feel so good. Got to do a hand in the pants nap. I don't know about

that. HIP. Are you hip? Hand in pants. You are so hip, you know that? You got to do hip nap? What is it? A cool one? Dude, have you ever noticed? I don't know. Dude, girls hit the hip too. It's not just a like a dad Thanksgiving sleep thing. Girl, like, I've seen some girls sleep and there's been some... I haven't seen that. I don't know.

It's just like a warm thing. I thought it was totally all dudes. Just the most guy thing ever. Warmth comfort thing. That is so funny, bro. Do you put something in between... On the pillow on your side. Do you put something in between your knees?

Like this. yeah dude do you yeah oh come on the other night and i thought of like three people i know that do that you got it i was like shouldn't have just thought of my dad before i was you got it man i know i don't like the knees sticking can't the knee on knee bone action it's weird oh but then i put the pillow in there and i feel like kind of guilty i'm like i'm too comfortable right now but you say that's the thing is you don't even need to have the pillow just get a little bit of the comforter and just tucking it between there. I need just a little gap. I'm big, uh, this is big single guy talk right here for me, but I'm big. The bed is made and I've got a little like blanket that I love. It feels like a

bunny almost. And I throw it over me and that's all I'm doing. So the bed's always made. Always I love that. I mean, I got to readjust and like pull some corners every now and then. Yeah, yeah. In the morning I'm like, yeah, I don't look in that, but dude, I'm just, that blanket is just all I need. It's like one of those really soft ones that are like near the checkout at like CV. like CVS or something. You're like, damn. Oh, yeah. The bunny blanket.

Absolutely. No, dude, there's nothing wrong with that at all. I know that doesn't fly in married life. Well, you know what? What cracks me up is, and see, it's funny because Rye listens to this and she like watches it after we, you know what I mean? So she's always just like, why are you? It's like my biggest fear getting yelled at by.

Why are you making fun? I'm like, I'm not making fun to you. It's just like we talk about our lives. We talk about that's one of the points of this show, these guys is like, half fun. dynamic, dude. But then, like, you know, let people who follow us be like, oh, wait, you know, it's not just these guys who do this thing. Oh, okay, these are, man.

Anyways. What gets me is, like, if we don't make the bed one day, the med, Jesus. I do. We don't make the bed one day. I said it's a good dymanic earlier. Good dymanic and making the med. Stroke meter at one. Ding, ding, ding, ding.

Jesus. It's my favorite part of this podcast is us having strokes while we're talking. The whole point of this is so people can understand us and we can't talk. Our first edition of this was Burpee Boy the second go through. As we get older, it's just a different element of physical. Strokes season. Yeah. Okay.

Anyways. So, wow. We don't have, you know, if you don't make the bed in the morning, you come up in the evening and it's, you know, time to hop back in. what gets me is that my lady will sometimes already be in bed she'd be like can you get up real quick I want to make the bed before we get I'm like so you want to make the bed before we undo the covers again hop back into the bed wait what time is she trying to make the bed or remake the bed at like 8 p.m. when we're going to bed you go to 8?

I mean I have a kid life but you said you said like 8 p.m. when we're going to to bed like you've been going to bed at 8 p.m. for like three, four years. So, so I, and I get, and I get, and I get it because it's like, you know, for the mental, you know, you want to look at a clean, made product bed before you hop in there, you know, and you're tussling it around and getting everything, you know what I mean? I get it. I get that. I'm the king

of doing weird shit like that. I'm just like, so I, we have to make the bed, go through all of it, stretching out the shit, making sure everything fits right, everything's smooth to just as soon as that happens, just ripping it all apart and getting back in. Ripping it all. So you're remaking the bed at 8 and getting back and ripping it apart at 803? Not even, dude. Just fucking tornado.

8.m. and 30 seconds, you know, we do this. That is really funny. Fucking dog hops on the bed, you know. So Happy's, like, right there with you guys are at the bottom? Happy, yes. Happy, he's at the bottom of the bed most of the time, but then a lot of times he'll come and he'll just snout. It'll be a, it'll be a me sandwich, bro. Happy will be, he'll like almost bump me into the middle and just take my spot. That probably feels good. Dude, it's just, it's like a body pillow that's a dog and I just cuddle the shit out of my dog. So warm, bro. Yeah, man. Half the reason girls like dogs. It's so great. Because they're warm as fuck. Dogs are literally on fire. Sometimes in our house, we like to see how many. Like, we like to see if we can get all of the living creatures in our house in the bed at the same time.

And it's happened before. Really? All three cats, me and Rye, our son, and our dog. So, yeah, we got king size. You have all the infinity stones? We just need the last one. Remy! Three cat?

Yeah, three cats. Three cats. You know, cops. And we'll just wait for somebody to lose their shit. And then it all goes down. It all spirals real quick. So it's pretty much like you tie your shoes. swoop, loop, and pull double knot and just take it all apart.

Is you making your bed before you... Again, that's only if it doesn't happen, you know, in the morning, and we come up to a made bed. You know, sometimes you're lacking a little bit, right? That book that everybody wants you to read, make your bed every day. Shut up. That book. Shut the fuck up.

It does feel good when you'd make your bed, though. Oh, I thought you were going to say read a book. I was like, no, doesn't it takes too long. You've never read a book ever. Yeah, you can tell. But I did read holes when I was in like fourth grade. Bro, everybody read that one. It was fire.

Yeah, it really was a really good book. I read it right now. I was like going back for more. I've never gone back for more like education in my life. That's a wild craving. Yeah. I was like, I got to read more of this. You're like, I just can't put it down.

Oh shit, that was really me. Dude, I long for, you're right, I long for that. It's like, you want a show that you just like got to watch the next episode and a book. you just can't put down. That was me with Stranger Things, old pandemic. Yeah, you finally got on it. Yeah. I remember Chiller.

I came back to the apartment one time, and he was like, so when do you watch shows? Like, when did this? I was like, I don't know. Didn't watch for like two hours, and I put it back on. Did you watch, did you watch the fourth? Are you all caught up? Haven't caught up yet. Haven't even tried.

Wow. Dude, it's hard for me to, I don't know if it's just me and like a me thing and my patience or something. But it's so hard for me to watch anything on TV because all the logging in and shit. I don't know if that's just... Well, you're not already just logged in? Nah, man, because it's like,

roommate Chiller, he was like, you know, I never watched TV and he was like, he had all his login stuff saved. It's like other people's accounts. There's like three different people. I'm like, oh, we're using his thing and we're using her for that. And, dude, I just, like, it's so incredibly hard for me

to turn on like a football game on Sunday. It's insane. Just like literally it's difficult to find the channel. Find it, dude. Not like hard within to just be like, I just can't get myself to do it. It's like, I don't know where that I'm trying, bro. I'm trying hard just to watch the fucking Colts or something.

I was just like, I just want to have it on. And then I'm going to do something out. I just want to have, I just want to be, I just want to know, you know, if there's a big play, I want to check it out. Like they hire a guy from ESPN after you want to check it out. It's crazy. That's wild.

But yeah, it's so difficult. And after like five minutes of like, I'm doing speak to tech or like speak to like all. Who's doing speak to the TV? On Apple TV? I'm like, hey, Colts and Titans. Like, just go to it. If I have to sign in, I have to sign in, but take me there. Dude, something is always going to go wrong with the speak to anything.

Bro, I just, but it's my only hope. Colts and Titans. Bullets and Titans. I know. Bullets are fightens. No. Oh, sorry. I'm logged in.

My only thing, I'm logged into ESPN on my TV. Like, it's boom. It's the only consistent thing. Sure. And I'm like, okay, at the end of like a Saturday night, I'm like, I want to see all the college football highlights. And I'm like, Sports Center. Takes me to Hulu, we're at to log in to Sports Center instead of just going to the ESPN app.

That's tough. How much do you? How much? I'm done talking about. This is one. week. How much do you miss college football final with Lou Holtz and Mark May? Reese Davis. Rees Davis, dude. If there's a, if there's a man I would marry. Swear to God, man. Oh, Reese Davis. Just give me a hug. Right. God damn. What a professional.

I can't decide how tall he is. I can't decide if I see him and he'd be like, Tom Cruise vibes. Really? See, I was thinking that. That's why he's such a good guy. I was thinking that, but I was like, I also could see coming across him somewhere and he'd be like randomly 6'1. I'm like, oh, Reese Davis, I thought you were 5'7. But then if I see him and I'm 5'7, I'm like,

yeah, I'm down bad if he's 6'1. Yeah. But that show, man, they do the helmet stickers, sliding those bitches on. It's my whole life. Reese Davis would throw the judge robes on. The lawyer segment, that's all I want. What a performance.

That's all I want. That was must watch TV. I'll say it. You know what I loved about Reese and that? He really went all in. He didn't just, like, dick around and kind of half-ass-a-judge. He's stuck to the bit. He was the judge, man. He was your honor.

Yeah. He had the... He was your honor. No, for real. Missed that shit. Old ESPN day. Something will never get back. Even baseball tonight.

Baseball the night back in the day? web james i'm like why am i watching this right now ben's never held a baseball bat in his life so bad at baseball actually i think i'd be a decent like center fieler because i like i'll be the guy that sacrifices his body for like a ball you could i will fuck up some shit you could track it you could track the ball well well i would just wouldn't be scared to like slide and fuck my elbow up or like run through a fence for a ball that's key you know a lot of that's part of it running through fences you know. That's good.

It's happening a lot. Dude, but I just never played baseball. I think you'd be a funny catcher. Really? Yeah. I got the squat down. Dude,

one time I put up, your knees are going to be how fucked up when you're older. People would ask me that a lot. The doctor's going to be like, do you play baseball? Do you catcher back the day? You're like,

no, I just always was in catcher's stance. Recording podcast. That's it, dude. I put those knee saver things on one time that like at like galleons or dicks one time i was just like i gotta check this out those feels so good they really do they're pads on the back of your cats but in like classic fucking male just min shit even when you're a kid you didn't want to wear them because it was like

you're a bitch oh my god bro and it's like it's like when you're squatting that lapad they put on the back of it oh yeah and like feels so good but although there'd be a senior it'd be like pussy uh-huh nine years old just wanted to have your knee savers It's 103 degrees outside. You played four games in one day. You want to throw the knee savers on in game number four and the coach. Who's like your buddy's dad? It's just like.

You serious? We ain't using the knee savers. Really? Oh, yeah. Catchers wear so much gear, bro. So much shit. Geared out. And that's another thing.

Baseball is straight geared out. That's why I kind of wanted to play baseball. I'm like, it is kind of the drippiest, like, sport. Literally wearing, like, million-dollar chains. Yeah. And you don't got to really worry about them getting fucked up, you know. Isn't it kind of like a hassle though?

Yeah, I always talking about it. They're wearing, like, a car rim on their chest. I'm like, dog, you still have to run. You still got a slide head first. Back in the first face. Yeah, you're, like, doing stuff. It's not like you're sitting at like a cubicle. Like you're still got to run, homie.

See, that's why they want to be good centerfielders because they got their chains on. And they can't sacrifice their body like you. Oh, okay. I would still, I'd still rock a little chain. You wear baseball jerseys enough. Dammat. God, Damot. Dude, I was talking with that.

So we were at Target the other day. Mm-hmm. It was Target Tuesday, of course. This is going to, I can't wait to hear this. And we were in one of the checkout lanes. And you know the checkout lanes. Still, they just have it stopped with gift cards, right? Oh, yeah, that's where they get you.

I want to buy all that shit. Home Depot, AMC movie theaters, Olive Garden. And then they have still. Is that like by the gum and shit? Yeah, yeah. And still they have like the Apple iTunes gift cards. And I was thinking about it, I was talking about it. I was like, isn't it wild?

Like those feel so outdated now. Who's buying this? You should do one of those for that, honestly. Because if you get, like, back in the day, like, when we were in middle school and shit, talking, well, when you were much older, but when I was in middle school and shit, like, 06, 06, 0.08, you know, like, you, you kind of asked for those. Like, if I got one of those are, like, $25, 50 bucks. That's 50 songs, right?

Yeah, that's, I'm like, man, hell yeah, I got a whole new playlist. I could get all these new songs finally. People can think I'm cool, right? I could be up with the times because my buddies who were all talking about all the, you know what I was going on with young Jeezy and shit. I had no idea because I couldn't get the fucking music. Wait, so you didn't download off like limel? I mean, I tried and shit, but it's like we had one family.

That was my way around that. We had one family computer and if that got messed up. Oh, bro. My head was on the shopping block. You got to take a shot. And eventually I did. One day you're just like, fuck it. Yeah.

I mean, I was like, I download it. When you're in high school and shit? Like, you got a junior. You got to be the guy on OX. Exactly. But I'm looking at it and I'm thinking, wow, they still have those.

And I guess for like, you know, ebooks and shit, right? Or like, they want to download something like that. But I was said, right,

I was like, that used to be such a form of currency, man. If I got one of those, that was such a big deal because I meant 25 new songs, right? Yeah.

Oh, you got to choose wisely. Do I even want this song? Right. That's insane. And now that's not even, I mean, that's nothing.

That's not even a thing. Add the playlist, bro. Add the fucking playlist. Recently added on iTunes, just my whole life. Do they have that anymore? Recently added on iTunes? Oh, it's the only thing I go to. And it's like three songs, but they're all like the one,

the song that you kind of forgot, you added on some weird shit, and then you play it like while you're working out or something. And you're like, yes! On playlist, they have that? Recently added, yeah. Dude, I don't have that. I think you can, like, go in there and fuck around and find out. Download it might be

Composers Compilations This is not We should be doing Right now But we're going to do it Playlist Britney Spears Essentials

Is this my phone? Is this my phone? Oh our first party FOMO Yeah this is weird That I'm looking at this But new playlist That's uh

If you go to new playlist And make a playlist And make recently added It'll like go in there It'll just congregate in there Automatically Yeah dude Wow

That's why I listen to like Only three songs ever Wow Oh wait a second I'm a dumbass recently added right there. Boom. That's not what mine looks like,

so it might be some lucky shit that we just figured out. Top 25 most played? Some of them are so outdated. I'm like, why did I listen to a little oozy burke that much? And I like can't listen to it when I'm working out. I'm like, I feel like I'm like... That's not a thing anymore, though, is it?

Yeah, it is. Probably you're tripping on. Yeah, top top 25 have most played and recently added are the only two things I do. Oh, yeah. I remember on like the old iPhones when I used to have to use the iTunes gift cards to get my music and shit. Top 25

Most Played. That was on there. Yeah, I was like, oh yeah. That's heavy rotation. My phone's out there, but my top 25 most played is hilarious. Do you have yours? Oh, you can't find yours? You left your phone in your I know. No, no, it's just out there because I didn't want to be on my phone like randomly. I thought it'd be weird. Ah, yeah. No, see, I

I don't got nothing. Well, maybe if I do Find them playlist. I'm about to show you. I can show you the Mexican world. Gift cards, though, man. Do you ask for gift cards for Christmas at all? Or is that strictly, like, if someone gives it to you,

cool, but you're not like, you're like, hey, straight up, give me this gift card. No. But if I get, like, a gift card, this is such a funny story. If I get, like, a gift card too, like a restaurant or something. You know, it's like 150 bucks at like a Harry and Izzy's. Bro, but I mean, that's not shit at Harry and Izzy's.

Like if you're doing like, it's a date, bro. This is, this is wild. But, okay, date night, when I had a girlfriend, Christmas Eve. So like, bro, like I was ready, bro. Reservation locked. What were you wearing? Oh, shit. Oh, you know what?

It was so like pinnacle. Huh? Turtleneck. Dude, it was! Are you serious? Yes. Dark green turtleneck. A leather jacket over the top.

Black jeans in like some Jordan ones. You can see it. That's all I wear. Oh, dude. So you were sex politi that night. Yes. Your alter ego sex police. Dude, I had, like, the stars were aligned, bro.

And Harry and Izzy's, boom. I go, okay, the reservations at, like, 9.30 because they're open like for night on Christmas. Okay my bad. No, it was Christmas Eve. So it was probably like eight. They're open later on Christmas Eve because it's like a wild on Christmas Eve. It's like a thing. So I like had this was wild dude. I go there at like five o'clock and I go up to like the host stand and I'm like hey got a reservation at eight. It seemed like they we knew each other but we didn't know them. So it was like a good like I was like look I got three gift cards. And I don't.

don't want my girlfriend at the time to know about them. So I've got like 150 on this one, like 50 on this one because I used some already for some shit, and like a hundred on this one. So I was like here like keep them. We're balling out. Like I'm just like we're using all of it. But don't let her know. Bro, we come back. Same hostess.

I'm with, I'm with my girl at the time. and we're just, I'm just like, all right, we got a table over there. I'll wind up and everything. All right, I'll head over there. I'm like, you guys get the table. I'm going to go to the bathroom real quick, so they walk over there. I go to the bathroom. I come back out of the bathroom.

I'm like, remember what's going. They're like, we know, we got you, we got you. So we're having the best time of our, we're ordering shit. You bring another bottle. I'm acting like I'm a CEO of fucking. It's Christmas, baby. Hey, I'm acting like I am Harry. I'll be Izzy.

Dude, hey, appetite. Hey, you want to do this? I'm just bawling out, bro. And at the end, I'm like, hey, can we get the check? Like, yeah, like, everything's all good. And she's like, yeah, as she comes back. And she's like, did you guys have a good time? I'm like, it was great.

Thank you so much. She's like, all right. Well, this one has $1 left on it. This one has $275. Shorty's like, oh my God, we had gift. That's my gift card story, though, bro. That's where it all went down. like are you new?

Did you not? I mean, it was the same hostess? What the hell happened? There was just something happened, bro. I don't know. I was like, it's Christmas Eve, maybe her mind just like, bro, but I, dude, I had it planned out. It still hurts a little bit.

It still hurts. Was your girl at the time? Was she upset about it? No, she didn't, she didn't care. But he just would have looked way cooler. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. More of a, more of a me thing.

that yeah that is very like Seinfeld-police-esque right there like not not wanting to show the gift card I mean you could have we could have done that situation is you could have still just done all what you were doing yeah but then when you got the bill

you know you're looking at it you're going to pull an ultra wallet and you're finangling behind the book with the check and you're just putting the gift cards in there dude nothing was stopping her coming back and saying there's this much on this. This was like,

I was like, can you, you gotta read the room. Damn, that's tough, man. That is hard. That's,

because he thought you were doing something, man, and you were. I mean, gift cards or whatever. Still, it's a night

and all you're using it. Oh, Christmas Eve. It wasn't just some, like, random Thursday, bro.

This is it. Christmas Eve date. It hurt, it hurt. Damn. Nothing like Christmas Eve, like dinner.

I know we talk about this shit, literally. every podcast, but Are you guys sick of that? Are you guys sick of that? Well, guess what? It's that time.

Nobody's more of a holiday horror than you. So I'm like, this is all we got, right? Holiday whore. New t-shirts. Holiday horrors me and you. Oh, that'd be great. Hey, by the way,

we are doing a show in Detroit, December 22nd. Grab your tickets. Doing a show. Dude, this is. This is a long time coming, but we'll have merch and stuff, and we need to make some merch to sell at the show probably. Probably some of these guys teasers.

We're going to, yeah, we're going to have a show. I'm going to have some takes. No, I won't. But it's going to be great, man. It's going to be holly jolly fucking time in D-town. Yeah, I can't wait. D-town, they call it that. I was going to go there, but I was like, I don't know if it's still.

I know it's Motorset. Motown. Motown. That's what it is. So many nicknames for every goddamn city. Motown, D-City, Detroit Rock City. That's a song. Oh, it is.

Okay. I was like, did you just make some up? Like kiss. Kiss. You know? I don't know. No, say it, say, say, say it. Every time I tell you to say something, it's not as good as I think.

But say it, say it, say it. Well, last time I was like, I was like, bro, say what you were going to say. And you were like, a takeoff passed away. I was like, God damn it. Oh, no, it's not in that lie. dude I was golfing yesterday and uh so it's

I slide right like I sliced right like I sliced right so I had to go find my ball and at this course that we were playing at there you know it's one of those that has houses that are on the course you know it's it they're literally like here's the fairway a little bit of a street to where like people go to and from in this neighborhood and then the houses are right there there's like a corner right yeah

So I'm set up to where I have to try to hit the shot to get back on the fairway because I slice so much, right? And there's this Jeep that's parked right on the corner, right in the corner by these houses. And it doesn't seem to be parked in front of any particular houses. It's just parked on the corner. I don't think there's anybody in there, whatever. And I'm like, yeah, I'm not going to go around. I'm just going to try to hit through these fucking trees. Get back in the fairway.

So I line up and I fucking take a pretty good whack at it. Tata, ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-da-da-da. Hits all the trees, rickishish, fucking, you know, I'm like, oh, shit. Well, hopefully it got, hopefully it made it through there, you know, I hit it pretty well. And, of course, guy gets out of a Jeep. Walks out. Just goes out, most, like, fucking neighborhood dad shit ever. Goes to the, you know, the back of the Jeep and looks right our way, puts his hands on his hips.

Yeah, it was pretty stupid, you know. And I was like, uh, uh, uh, uh, Did it hit your car? What happened? He's like, well, right out my car. I was like, did he say he went in? Did you go, you say he went in your car? No, he's pissed because you're fucking with him. Went at it. Dumbass. That's what he said. He could not wait to let that one.

I just go, all right. And he just went back in his car and drove away. And I was like, one, why? you parked on the corner right off two fairways of a golf course, you fucking idiot. Second, if it would have went in your car, that would have honestly been pretty impressive. Dumbass! That would have been sick. It's right in the window. In the tailpipe, boop. I'm just like, dude, so you're just like chilling at the corner at two in the afternoon?

Wait, what was the first thing he said? What was the first thing he said? That was pretty stupid, you know? You know, he's like, how do I? I'm like, what do you mean? Either way, I'd hit it by your car. If I hit it, like, just to try to get me back in the fairway, I could have sliced and hit your car.

I said, fuck it. I wanted to go right through it. I wasn't aiming at your car. He's like, I'm out of here. Parks his car at Top Golf right in the fucking end. He's like, I can't take this shit anymore. That's insane. It's pretty stupid, you know.

You know, he's like, I want to be mad. I don't know what to say, really. He's like, I'm just going to let it rip. Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, gets out. Fucking hands-on hips. Oh, boy. Hands on hips is crazy old school. Mm-hmm.

It's like cartoon pouty. Ah, shucks. Did you ever get in trouble growing up doing, like, oh, can't wait. Yeah. Like ding-dong ditching. Dude. Do you ever tee pee a house?

No, I never did that. I haven't done that either, man. I don't know if that's like a thing that, Was that like 80s? I think that was outdated by it was our time. It almost looked good. If he did a good TP job, it's like that. September.

Like during Halloween? We're such fucking holiday horrors, bro. Hall day horror alarm. Spirit slugs. Seriously. Yeah, October. Tee the fuck out of my house. Yeah, get me going.

Come on. Hey, hey, how good it feels just, you know, that first, like, toilet paper square? You got like, you got to, like, un. I hate fucking my toilet paper. But you know what I mean? It's not like unwound. I hate the feel. I hate the,

I hate it. But like when you got to get the roll, the first roll started, like there's like some glue on there. No, it's always frustrating, bro, because it only rips like a quarter of it

and then you're trying to catch up to the, you know what I mean? You're trying to catch up and even it out because you're like, shit. Yeah, you can get lost in some toilet paper

real quick. You could lose an hour of your day just trying to figure that shit out. I'm like, is it unwrable? Babe, what are you doing? Is it too ply? I'm like,

to match this shit up for us. No, but that little, like, when you like and then just letting that thing fly. That would feel great, dude. Yeah, just Patrick Mahomes. Hot, hot, hot! Rolling out on the run. Like, if it went all the way around the tree.

Like, oh, my God. How many toilet paper rolls are you buying, though, to do a full teepee? Are you doing, I mean, like, I would buy so many. That's like six of the mega ones from Walmart or something. You know what I mean? Yeah, and if it's good toilet paper, too, you're like, oh, thanks. You know, one of them didn't, you know, one of them didn't get too fucked up or anything.

Is this sharp? Is this Charmin? Times are tough, honey. Shit. I never tepee, though. My dad would fucking do that, I bet. My, dude, my dad graduated high school in 1988. Prime TP.

I'm sure everybody in his. No, your dad would teepee. Mine would take the toilet paper and, like, keep it to wipe his ass with later. He'd be like, I don't want this to go to waste. But your dad definitely, like, your dad's like A1 TP dad. Every guy who was in high school from 1984 to 1988, TP at least three houses. It's fun, bro. You just said you never done it.

No, no, no, no. I was talking about like the ding dong ditch part. Oh, yeah. You ding dong ditched? I've dingong ditched. Talk about it. But like that, that like, yeah, that like thrill. It's so lame.

But, bro, one time in college, I was with this girl and we were doing absolutely nothing. and she was like driving me back to my dorm or something on some weird shit and she was like that's the president's house did you know that and I was like stop the car it was like 2 a.m. Ding dong ditched the fuck out of it got right back in the car. It's so lame like you know but it was like such a thrill and I was probably trying to be way too cool and probably like partially tore my meniscus on the way back to the car. car or something. Anytime you do anything in front of a girl like that. Oh, yeah.

Dude, I was always way too scared, man. First kid, first born. I was like, my parents would lay the hammer down on me if we got caught. It's crazy. You didn't know that. The awareness of being the first born. They would lay the hammer down on me if we get caught. My friends always wanted to do that shit.

I was like, I'm good. I was like, you guys are going to try to do that. I'll just play like NCAA 06. I don't need that. I don't know. So relatable. The lecture. I don't need the punishment.

Oh, man. Getting in trouble at your friend's house. But one time it did happen, we were at Tommy Grandy's house. Classic, like, he's the baby, like the youngest of like five kids. And so like, you know, his parents were older. This kid didn't give a fuck about anything. And like, I'm the oldest. Like, my, you know, I'm just like, oh, God, on pins and needles.

So obviously we were perfect mad. So he had like older brothers and shit that were kind of like class clownish. And then once you get down. down to like the youngest kid. Parents don't give a shit. No, we're giving up, man. You know what I mean? And so we were, you know, I was like, we're going to get away with it anywhere. It's going to be here. And so I went. And of course, that was the place that we get caught. All of a sudden, we're doing it. And literally, it was like he was the dude from the golf course. We just hear, what are you guys doing? Turn around Tommy's

dad just in his boxers, like no shirt on. No way. A white tee boxer's nothing else standing in the driveway with just like, you know, the driveway light we can see him. What are you doing? Like, oh, God. We get caught. He comes downstairs, gives us a lecture, eats, you know, just fucking goes in on us. Really? I thought that we were all right here.

Yeah. Damn. From that point on, never, never again. I was like, I'm good. I don't need to do any of that. He just ripped you guys at like two. Oh, yeah. Really?

How was the group? He's probably, how many people? Probably like six. Oh, that's a whole fucking basketball thing, bro. What was funny is like, we all single file going, go in the house, right? And Tommy, the kid who's house was, he was like, you guys go to the basement, go to the basement, like, oh, it would be fine, go to the basement. We're like, all right, single file down to the basement. We're like, oh, man, at least we got down the basement.

We're all good. Like Tommy's going to have to hear about it, but like, we'll be fine. Hopefully you didn't tell our parents or whatever. Yeah. And so then all of a sudden, like, we're sitting there. Tommy comes down the stairs and we're like, look, his dad's right behind him. We're like, oh, God. So he came down.

Yeah, so it was one of those scenarios. I was like, I thought we were good. Were you guys laughing and shit when he was yelling at you? Because that'd be a time where, like, you know, friends laughing at you. You kind of look across someone of your fuck-ass buddies and he like makes, like, you know. He like starts to smile a little bit. I'd be done for it. I know.

So what I, but the problem was is that the kid, the kid whose dad was chewing our ass out, he was the kid that would be the one So you couldn't do that He was out of it He was out of it He was so out of it So we were all out of it You ever have

Like you're weird Like Just thinking about how like People like People like punish their kids and shit Oh yeah Different shit that would happen You're like what?

I was big Write that 300 times Are you serious? Oh yeah I thought that was only in the cartoons Ah bro that was me So on some Bart Simpson shit If I didn't look, one time I didn't look both ways before I crossed the street, I just chased after.

Because you can hear fucking cars. You got peripherals. Yeah, bro. The ball, I just bricked one from fucking the third sidewalk block. And the ball rolled in the, like in the street right next to my driveway. And I'm going to go get that before it rolls like to Tennessee. And there was no, like, there was no cars, obviously. But my dad was like, yeah.

Like, I don't know, he must have been having a bad fucking day or something. because he was on my shit. He's like, do you look both ways? And I was like, eh, fuck. You just saw me. I'm not going to lie. I can't fucking lie. Because it was like, two strikes.

And you're going to write that? And I was like, oh, shit. So I'm like, I don't even feel like playing basketball anymore. I just go inside. I'm like, what? And my dad's like still kind of pissed. And he's like, 500 times I will cross. I will look both ways before I cross the street.

And I'm like, fuck. And I just go up to my room. I, I, I, I. I did every word at a time. Oh, really? It was easier, bro. No way. Because you don't have to think.

You don't have to think about the sentence. It's just like, all right, 500 eyes. No way. No, dude. 500 wills. But then the line gets all messed up? Fuck it, dude. Gotta get it done.

Who's counting that? You dad? Hey, I'd do like 300 be like, sorry. And he wasn't. Right, yeah. Don't do it again. All right. Dude, my sisters one time fucking photocopied it.

They did some shit and had to write. it and they like we had a pretty nasty printer grown up we were not running out of ink see that's some girl shit i know even if i was my dad i'd be like did they photo okay i'm not gonna bring it up i'll get yelled at that makes me look stupider all right good job learned your lesson dude yeah bro i had a friend one time it was like we were like 16 or 17 and uh he gets he gets he gets caught at another one of our buddy's house doing the old sneaking beers into like a draw string bag. Oh, classic. Putting the beer, which, you know, if you got to do that.

Draw string, not to move. Draw string not to move. You got to put some shirts in there so they're not clanking around. If you can, you can't, but I understand at the same time, you got to just go with what you're working with. If your folks only have, you know, Miller light bottles, you got to take some of those. not going to know. You got to take Smyrne off ice. He takes Smyrne off ice, right?

So this is what he did. He took Smyrne off ice. Right? Of course. Were there like a lot? Yeah. Every time I see Smyr off ice, there's like six. Right.

Right. Never seen more than six. But they're probably like at the back corner of the fridge, right, whatever. So he just takes them. He gets caught at our other buddy's house. His parents report back to my buddy who took the beers and brought him over. So, you know, you think in this situation, 16 or 17, you know, the parent will be like, hey, you're grounded for,

you're granted for a month and, you know, you have to get all a, I don't know, they, you're grounded for a month and you got to take a lot of trash out and you got to all that normal shit. Yeah. But you're grounded, right? Normal punishment. My buddy's dad. He, like, it's just them at the house one time in the evening. And he's like, hey, so you want to drink booze, huh?

You want to steal booze? Oh, no, no, no. He literally makes him drink a six pack of Smyrna off ice and then do like, like 17, 16. That's so pride. Dude, makes him drink a six pack of Smyrna off ice and then do laps around their neighborhood. Hey, you want to steal beer or drink? You want your punishment? More drinking.

He's like, you know what? Get on a knee, too. You're iced, bitch. All of them on a knee. Laps. Yeah. Did he throw up? Oh, yeah.

So I think he was trying to, like, teach him a lesson of like, this is how it makes you feel when you get, you know, it's like, that's a lapse of his life, best mile time ever. I guess the most Catholic shit ever. Get caught drinking. What's your punishment? Drink more. Holy shit.

Good thing it wasn't like cigarettes. Smoked this whole pack. Come on. Pump them down. Yeah. Those punishments as a kid. When people would, I could go on. Keep going, bro.

We got like two minutes. Keep going. I love talking about that shit. It's just so funny. And then now that you're an adult, you're like, man, I was worried about a lot of shit. Like, that was the end of the world. That's all I thought. Like, when you were, like, kind of feeling guilty when you did some dumb shit and, like, your high school found out about it or something.

Like, you're at a party. Something, like, not crazy. had that like, do they know feeling? Bro, I was, I wouldn't even talk the whole day in school. I'd be like, fuck. I'm gonna get called down. Called down. Like at lunch, like, you, like, looked up, like, because all the teachers,

all the teachers would, like, they would be, there'd be, like, seven teachers at every lunch period. And you'd kind of, like, look, like, at the dean or something. And he's like, was he looking over here? Like, you're all paranoid all day at school and shit. And you're like, did she tell him and does he know? You're, like, trying to, like, back. Oh, my God. it's like just classic

classic life man like at the time it feels like the biggest most important shit and then you look back you're like what would have happened I got at detention oh my I'd so but at the same time like getting into detention at that time and like you were fucked

my parents wouldn't let that shit fly dude no way I had so many detentions I was doing like two days one week are you said of course fucking fucky over here Dude, I missed practice one time. They're like, where were you? And I was like, fucking detention.

The coach was the dean. He's like, where were you? I was like, you gave me detention, you idiot. I was fucking mopping the cafeteria. Dude, it's so funny. Like that detention, like, just thinking about, though, how, like, you know, you got your newcomers, right? Who are just, like, fresh blood.

And then you have the kid that, like, lives in detention. Weird. I know. He, lives in detention. and it's just like, I don't give a shit, give me another, you know, like kind of like Breakfast Club, the movie, and now you've never seen it, but. No, I get, I think I understand what you're talking about. But there, but there's always that handful of kids, you know what I mean?

Oh, yeah. Like the regulars in there that are just like, oh, what'd you do to get in here? I know, dude. And they were like, kind of nervous. I don't know. And then you're like, are we kind of buddies? Yeah, yeah. Do you like have my back now if I get in a fight?

Are you going to, like, stab somebody? So it'll probably just be another detention. And you're cool with that. Dude, but I was like doing a detention assignment, which was like sweeping the stairs or something. Writing 500 times, I will not talk over my teacher. It was something so dumb. I was like, why am I sweeping the stairs? Can I like do homework or something?

Like productive? But I like started asking questions to like the regulars, the detention regulars. I'm like, I'm so, do I put it in the dustpan after this one? Or like, they're like, yeah, usually. But sometimes just I'll fuck with them. We'll put it over here. Make them find it later. Yeah.

You're like, ooh, should I? I don't want another detention, but should I? So, such fresh blood. All right. These guys, episode eight. That's been about an hour? Bad nah. Bad nah.

Hey, remember, get tickets. Detroit House of Comedy, December 22nd. Put the link in the description down low. Grab some of Joey's merch right here. Yeah. Hell yeah, dude. Follow us YouTube. Spotify, Apple.

Stitcher. Ringer, I think. What the fuck? Podcatcher? I don't know. All those. Wherever you listen to shit. Yeah.

Awesome. Give us a little subscript channel. All right. Peace. See you next time. Peace guys. I don't know why I said subscript channel.