THESE GUYS! - BEST OF THESE GUYS! Tom Cruise Can't Enter Amusement Parks

Episode Date: July 25, 2023

On this BEST OF ep the burpy boys talk about the wildest celebrities names and make a list of words that need to be updated🎟️ JOEY'𝗦 𝗨𝗣𝗖𝗢𝗠𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗦𝗧𝗔𝗡���� 𝗨𝗣 𝗦𝗛𝗢𝗪𝗦 August 2 Funny Bone Columbus, OH https://columbus.funnybone.com/ShowDetails/6aa0d170-e551-4d0c-a881-92eb3b89c546/835a5551-0c03-4271-9a36-6bce765bcde3/Joey_Mulinaro/Columbus_Funny_BoneAugust 17 Summit City Comedy Club, Ft Wayne IN https://www.summitcitycomedy.com/shows/226147August 22 Funny Bone Cinncinatti, OH (Liberty Township) https://liberty.funnybone.com/ShowDetails/9e7eb241-c7bf-45a4-8df7-1c69bb02b735/987f9f60-a853-44e8-b653-85e0e9d2b295/Joey_Mulinaro/Liberty_Funny_Bone🔺𝗪𝗔𝗧𝗖𝗛 𝗢𝗡 𝗬𝗢𝗨𝗧𝗨𝗕𝗘 https://youtu.be/xxQ75QbyHHY🧢𝗧𝗛𝗘𝗦𝗘 𝗚𝗨𝗬𝗦! 𝗠𝗘𝗥𝗖𝗛 https://benedictmerch.com/products/these-guys-hoodie-1?variant=41218692775993

Best of These guys Hey weirdos Welcome to these guys Hey it's giving like They drink too much coffee in the morning By the way where'd you get this? Starbba no no which one

Where's the hell Your your your garage Yeah Just went right downstairs You know Do you know they're closing that one? good nothing deserves to be closed more

no it's to the no that's not an area for that it ain't it bro bro it's too much going on in there too much chaos how do you imagine managing that place imagine being one of the people who goes into the Starbucks on the circle and plops up to laptop

and tries to fire up some work in there and that closet space yeah right man people work I got to have space and a coffee shop. We used to put some hours in at Starbucks. Yeah, but we'd go to the dope ones that would have like a living room essentially so we could just fucking kick our feet up.

But that weren't. No way. What is happening in there? It's like doing work in a chucky cheese. It's an anxiety attack is what it is. Waiting to happen. Starbucks are hard to work in because I would sit in there for like four hours editing something and like they crank the AC, you know?

Yeah. So it's like 20 degrees in Starbucks at all time. You wouldn't notice because you're always in and out but if you're sitting there for a while, bro. Good. They kick you out. Makes you more productive. All right.

We were singing, one is all it takes. Follow with me. Possibility. And they're like, you know, it was a TikTok trend where they're doing the Dual Lipa dance

because she's just up on stage, like not giving a shit right. Yeah. And it made me think at first. I was like, oh, you know what? I was like, been in Dualipa,

they'd go pretty well together. But then I got to thinking, I was like, I've been in Dua, Leapah showed up on like a red carpet together. Everybody would be like, whose brother and sister is this? I've never like heard her talk.

I've only heard her saying. That's true, me either. Is there like, is there a dual lepa like interview clip? We can see real quick. We gotta get to the bottom of this. You know she's got to have like a pretty sexy accent, right? Dude, I really don't know anything.

I don't know either. You just brought her up a minute ago as the first time I ever saw her. Are you serious? Swear to God. You looked her up. the first time. You've seen her? Yeah. I think I saw like a clip. The first time I really like paid attention. That's a really good point though.

Never heard her talk. Only heard her sing. Here we go. Do a leap interview. Get in on the, oh wow, with Jimmy Fallon. Got to be a whole lot of laughing, a whole lot of energy going on there. It's going to be a whole lot. Oh, go to the search questions, the wired one. My bad.

Oh, sorry, Wyatt. No, you're good. That one will work. Doelepa answers the web's most searched questions. God, that'd be terrifying to have to do that, you know? If you're that big of a celebrity.

I've never seen this shit. Most search questions. I don't understand how you're like so like in on the culture, but you're so out of it. Bro, like who watches this shit? Every, I mean like, at least like aware of it. No, no clue what this is.

Knewper and I'm doing the wired autocomplete. Knew that's how she's going to talk. Oh god Most burning questions for Duelipa No there's no way it's real Albanian Sounds a bit weird

To everyone Not weird just Doolipa Their name has to be longer than that Also They shorten down both parts of her name It's like Dua Tala Lipidlamma

Right You know And they're just like Doolipa is fine. Yeah. More marketable. More marketable. Yeah.

Make it quick. Make it short. I know that you're not going to have any idea about this, but that first time that you found out that like majority of Hollywood, A list, B list actors or whatever, it's not their real name. That ruined me. Absolutely insane. Right.

Like Jennifer Anderson's like Jennifer on a stockinous. No. No. I think there a list that says, oh yeah. Celebrities stage names. Celebrities with the... I think Will Ferrell's real name is like Mike or John.

No. Yes, swear to God. This is Nicky's... Nicky Minaj. Oh, Nika. Emma Stone. Okay. Read them off.

Olivia Wilde. Olivia Jane Cockburn. Bree Larson is Brian. Sidani. Des Saloniers. Brough, I hate this. Emma Stone. Emily. Wow. I wonder why, like, what was the, the marketing PR firm that was like,

you know what? You know what? Actually, Emily is, is not it. We're going to go with Emma, right? They have this huge presentation. They're like, okay, we're moving off of Emily and she's like, okay, yeah, like, what is it? What is it going to be? When do they get them? Like, when do they, is it like when they're five? I don't know. Tom Cruise's real name, not Tom Cruise. It's just not Tom Cruise. Cardi B's real name is Bill Cowell. Marlinus Alman. That could play. That could play online.

What are they thinking? Adel Calus? I think Brad Pitt's that way too. Yeah, like all the major ones. Hate it so much. All the major players. Billy Elish, what's her? She has pirate in her name?

Why isn't that the name? They miss, bro. Just call her Billy pirate. I mean, look how she dresses. It would have been more on brand. Stevie Wonder. Steven. Did not,

that one's, I did not know that one. Steven Judkins, Stevie Wonder. We're just ruining everybody's Tuesday right now. Tina Faye. Elizabeth Faye.

How do you get Tina out of that? Stamatina was her middle name. I love this one. Bono from you two. Just like a classic, you know, one of those so, so famous people that they only have to go by one name,

right? And then it's just Paul. lateral move. Love it. Christopher. See that, you know, you can get kid out of Christopher. I get that. Vin Diesel.

That one's the best one. Vin Diesel. Mark Sinclair. It was like, he looked at it and was like, what do I have to do to get my name to not sound like an accountant? Dude, Sinclair's kind of hard. But Mark? Mark Sinclair.

Vince, Vince, Clair, not bad though. But then it like runs into one. Vincent Clair. He's like, I want the most like... Yeah, dude. Diesel.

Okay. Diesel. Dude, I grew up with a kid whose first name was diesel. What? What happened to him? I don't know. Actually, he was a little brother of a kid that I used to play baseball with. Diesel Duncan.

Yeah, you got to watch out for that when you're naming your kid something badass. Pretty hard name. Yeah. I mean, that's a lot to live up to. Yeah. This is this girl I used to work with at the restaurant. her name was Jewel. Mm.

Like the singer. Yeah, but I mean, I mean, you gotta be like really hot. If your name's Jewel. Really? I think so. Hey,

my name's Diamond. I just look like shit. It's like, bruh. You need to live up to your name. Kids name's name's diesel. Like, you better be hitting like 30 home runs a year.

Yeah, yep. Like your parents are putting some pressure on you. Diesel, just straight playing. linebacker. Yeah, you can't you can't be an integrated marketing specialist named Diesel.

It's like, hey, bro. You chose the wrong career here. Or just be like the actors and change your name. How about just Dave? You know? What's up, David? Hey, graduation. Diesel. Diesel Mark Duncan.

You got to be. Diesel? You got to be something, bro. It's like, yeah, I don't know. I just, you know, Dave is more me. Dave's more me. Dude, I got a Instagram comment that was like it was from the

Glonky video that we shot that one day and they were like yo, you should check out his YouTube. Kyle Andrew Braun on YouTube.

Look him up. He has a YouTube? I guess so. How many subscribers are we talking here? I don't know. Kyle Andrew Braun. I think he's like active on shit

on social media and stuff but he just doesn't I've hit him up And I'm like, bro, come on the show. Hey, going back to last one, Indiana. People are searching. It's going to be your video, bro. Look, look at all these.

No, I think if you type one that doesn't, if you type it in, oh yeah, go to like that. Dude, look like cartoon. I think he sings. So Kyle, Andrew Brown, Indiana land guy. Hey, we were talking about last name, no, three, three, or last week, three names. Oh, three names when you see the shit. Or. Or a piece of shit.

This is from nine years ago. Do we want this from something more recent? Dang, nine years ago? Nah. 101 subscribers, all right. It looks like that's all he's got. Two vids. Damn, two vids, 101 subscribers.

Look at you, man. Let's just hear a little tune from them. I miss them. What's up? YouTube and... One sec. Dang, I don't know, man. What do you mean?

I don't know. Some went wrong here for Kyle. Some went awry. Dude, everybody asked me, they're like, is he still alive? I'm like, that's not a good question. So this is, this is pre-glonk. Pre-glon, right?

Yeah, definitely pre-glonk. What's up? YouTube and peoples of the interwebs. Something went wrong. Brown? Brown. That's how you pronounce it. Like a color.

Damn. Just straight up. calling us out right off the bat. For 20 years of my life, people have mispronounced it, so I kind of given up trying to correct people. Wrong spelling. Dude, I was going to say at that point, do you just, like, do you just give in and just go with Braun? Or you change your name.

Happened to tell someone about this video or channel. Whatever else. This is every YouTube video. Get to this song. All right. All right. I thought I would share a little song with you today that speaks. You got to start every song.

He speaks to others. This is bad. Every YouTuber is just explaining their name for three minutes. Every one of them. For a year and almost a year and a half. Oh my God. Damn, I don't know, man. I think, I think we're in a bad territory here, honestly.

I think we got to let Mr. Brown be Mr. Brown. And we got to focus. We got to let pre-glonk be pre-glank, and we just got to focus on post-clunk. Post-glunk. PG. We're in the PG era. PG zone. I did want to hear something,

but he was never going to say. He was never going to say. I mean, it's a nine-minute-long video. He just goes, he just talks until eight minutes. Oh my God, dude,

three months ago, somebody said this is glonky. Yes. How about him just being out there all messed up like that? Like at what time was like noon? Oh, yeah. On literally like a Tuesday.

Damn, man. you might have like, it's time for you to make a comeback. 10 months ago. I've been searching for Indiana, man. Can you, he gives,

I ruin this kid's life. I was going to say, man. Look, look, I finally found you, Indiana land. I'm pretty fine.

Oh my God. Hello, Glunky! But you know what? I got to give it to Kyle Brown here. When you, when we interviewed it, when you,

interviewed him. He was very glonky, but he seemed to be happy. Yeah, as fuck. That's why it's so awesome. He's like, I don't know,

dude. Damn, my, totally different than this than pre-glank. Yeah, too many people. One last,

one last person called him Braun instead of Brown. He's like, that's it. Fuck, man. That's tough. Anyways. So,

yeah, do leap, but I think I'm thinking sister vibe. It's more sister vibe, dude. Yeah, I think so too. It would just make too much sense if you guys were talking about you and do a leap of dating.

Like if you guys were together, make too much sense. I wonder how tall she is. I'm gonna look it up. She's pretty tall. But it seems like it would be one of those things where everybody's like, whenever there's like a really beautiful couple,

everybody's like, wow, they're stunning. They are so beautiful. They are just incredible. But then behind the back, they're all like, if they have kids, they might cancel each other out. What do you mean? Kids might be fucked up.

Do you think about that sometimes? Kind of. Like two like all-star ass people have a kid. Yeah. I'm like, uh, yeah, kids,

there's going to be something wrong with that kid. Not like wrong, but just like there's no way that kids are going to be as good looking, right? Like if two killer, I just, I just think eventually sometimes like the,

the genes crossed where they just cancel each other out instead of meshing together. So instead of taking the best from each, they just hit each other and they cancel out and then it just kind of becomes the worst of each. I always think about that with like two like Olympians. Right. Yeah. I'm like that kid's going to be like way too strong.

He's going to have like heart problems or some shit. Or he's just not going to be an athlete at all. That's true. Nobody ever does what their parents do well. Sometimes. You were coaching. Do a leap of 5-8. I can never tell because like 5-8

when you see a woman that's 5-8 you're like wow she is very very tall you see a guy that's 5-8 you're like what a piece of shit putting your hand on his forehead like fucking bullying him 5-8 woman you're like

that's a model 5-8 guy you're like that's just Brad he finally had a growth spur to make him a least respectable 5-8 because he was 4-5s in different worlds dude he was 4-7 until sophomore year at high school girls put heels on.

Girls are like 6'4 walking around. Yeah. Like, God, don't look at my bald spot while you're up there. Do you ever sometimes just absolutely thank the heavens that you're, you know, both of us are about a solid six foot, six one? I don't know how I'd make up for it. I'd have to get it like a huge truck or something. You know, if you're five, like, I get it.

Shortman syndrome has to get a big diesel truck. I'm like, I mean, got to do something. Got to turn head somehow. Make some noise somewhere because they ain't hearing you all the way down there. God, if we were 5'8, it would be so much funnier. Look at us just towering over. Just being lame as shit. I don't think so.

Not even towering. That's what's funny about like A-list actors too, you know? Like you see them on screen. You're like, well, these are these big movie stars are literally like 5-6. Oh, everybody's so much shorter. Yeah. seem in real life. You're like,

should I stuff you into a locker? Yeah. You want a swirly, Tom Cruise? Can jump over Brad Pitt. Brad Pitt is like one of the ones that's like actually kind of our height.

Yeah, I'm running my mouth. Yeah. Be careful now. Hey, that's my fucking boy. All right. But yeah,

Tom Cruise. That's so funny. Mission Impossible. Yeah. Mission impossible when you try to reach for a cup in the cabinet. Oh, God. This guy. Mission Impossible trying to

ride a roller coaster, you must be this tall. Oh shit. Most successful actor in the history of the world. Yeah, not at King's Island. Tom Cruise may be worth $60 billion, but he can't ride the vortex. So he is not the beast. It's like a make a wish thing. You're like a win a day with Tom Cruise.

They're going to an amusement park. People don't even enter. Because like I can't even enjoy the day with them. That's your thing. Yeah. Hey, we can do anything you want. You have some like weird ass disease. Anything you want.

You're like, I want to go to amusement park. He's like, fuck. Just not that. Anything else about that. Tom Drew's trying to get on a roller coaster. Dun, he's in the seat the leg bar

going down under the aisles like you know when they have the bars that's separated the aisles for you to get in the seats everybody's like you see everybody like whoa what what the hell dun dun dun dun he's just fucking crawling around down there from the ceiling from a wire.

I haven't been to a me as a parking a long time. Never going back. Why not? It's just over for you? Yeah, man. Yeah, unless I had like a family, I guess. Bro, I get motion sickness in the front seat of a car if I'm not driving. Can't do face off anymore.

I figured out, like, if you just scream on a roller coaster, you don't get sick. Ooh, that's a good call, actually. So, like, when you're driving, just driving just driving to fucking, Kroger to pick up some buffalo chicken dab. Dude, if I did that in the front seat of the car with Riley driving, she would literally pull over on 465 and kick me into oncoming traffic. Sounds good. Don't tempt me with a good time.

If I'm ever riding with you guys, just scream in the whole way. But seriously, when you're going, when you're up on the top of the hill and you're getting ready to go down, you know that feeling where it'd like take your stomach, right? Oh, yeah. If you just scream, though, it lets out all of that. And it's fun. Adrenaline and energy and it feels better.

You're right. You're right. I didn't know. That's like a roller coaster. The sun is just absolutely killing me. I'm sorry. I'm sweating. Hey,

you better will fresh prints your hat, bro. Block that sun. Might fuck up your headphones. Your cans. Not nearly enough. Yeah, you got to go all the way, bro. Yeah.

Like, the first time you did it, you were like, all right, moved it in an inch. I was like, that's not going to block. You need a full.

umbrella, dude. He moved it a centimeter. I was like, mm. A little more hat. A little more. You need the Bill Murray Space Team umbrella hat, bro.

Oh, that shit. How comfortable would that be, though? They got a hot day in a umbrella hat. Baseball game in the bleachers. Everybody else is... So sunny at baseball games. Everybody else is dying.

You're just like, what's up? Colbert. Yeah, if you're the vendor wearing one of those, best job ever. Oh, my dream job. Dude, look how big that fucking... Oh, I always wanted a big Nike umbrella. Look at that fucking thing.

Bro, how annoying is it when football coaches turn, like, when they're, like, trying to make, you know... Oh, yeah, everybody feels so cool. Everybody missed her, right? They're like, dude, they're like, yeah, you come in, everybody thinking they're so cool and you turn their hat. No, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, we're one and four. oh yeah you think you're big time oh mister i i'm and they turn their hat and it's like they always turn like this as if anybody wears their hat like this it's so true though cool coach

the we need to get back to the fundamentals coach that's what he's going to say right why is it always we need to get back to the fundamentals also it's like coach we just suck the most of you know putting we learn how to run again i'm like oh putting fun in front of that the least fun thing ever fundamentals. Back to the fundamentals. Fundamentals. More like,

Bormidimals. That's when you know your team's ass when your coach is say back to the fundamentals every two weeks. I'm like, no.

Oh my God. We have to do the... Hey, you know, it starts, you do the little things right, and then the little things

become big things. Okay, well, us pick up the trash out the ground. They're going to change the fact that we think... How you do anything is how you do everything.

Almost got that tatted last week. Wyatt said that like he said that to someone before. Us picking up trash on the ground, dude. Hey, you have a messy space. You know, that reflects. Don't shit where you eat, fellas. Dude, picking up the trash. Yeah.

JV. Our quarterback's 5'8 and our running back runs a 5-2-40. Biggest O lineman we have weighs like 205 pounds. I don't think it's the trash. I don't think he's picking up all the bottles under the bleachers at JV practice coach. Coach, we know. Got to get back to the fundamentals. Let's get six of our O-line and to pick up the turf on the ground.

Clean this place up. That's part of the fundamentals is cleaning this freaking place up. Coach, we know you're just hung over as shit and you don't want to do anything else. So you're trying to teach us a lesson. Well, the staff goes getting donuts. Oh. So funny. Doing this.

Puffing their chest. I hate that. Dude, I hate every coach. You were a coach. I hate, I know I hated myself. But I wasn't really a coach.

I was just kind of the guy that like relayed the messages to the team. You're the middle man. I wasn't like bossed them around. I was just like, yeah, the coaches are pissed. Like you might as well just fucking like do do this shit right. Yeah. Like I'd have to put it in their terms.

Right. every staff needs one I mean really for being on like you did they do what was that guy they're like coach whenever I had to like go on the dry race board and write something up I'd be like oh my god bro

like I don't know I was just showing you Mario Manningham from 05 Michigan at the big house and I was like what coverage are they playing coach and you're like soft cover too you knew couldn't wait for you that

you knew you absolutely knew Yeah, and like we're saying, I love that. Every broadcast, every fucking chance that someone gets on defense, like if they blow a coverage. You see, he thought he had help over the middle of the field. It's like, did he or did you just fuck up? Gotta blame it on somebody else.

You see, he's playing the boundary. He thinks he's got over the top help here. No guy in like a film room has ever been like, yeah, coach, that's on me. It's always like, oh, I thought the, because he rolled down. And he was going to come up that he had my back and I was going to get to flood. And it's always like some crazy shit. And then that's when one of the coaches,

they have something. It's like they ring the dumb, dumbbell bell every single time you make a mistake. Mental errors. Dumble. Loafing. We're loafing. That's a loaf.

Dude, while the coach is wearing loafers, just loafing everywhere. No loafers around. Coach said doesn't allow loafers. Hey, not even on my feet. Nobody's a bigger piece of shit

than a coach watching film, dude. What they wear. Oh, no shorts. No fucking shower. Their ass is just melting in their seat, dude. They're, they're wearing, wearing fucking thong flip-flops.

Hairy as hell. Everything's so hairy. They got the shortest, like, like, uh, shorts that they give to you at the beginning of the year. They're like,

they champion. Give out the practice package shorts. Yeah, they're like mesh. Yeah. But they're from like, 1996. There were in a polo that doesn't even match the shorts. No one wear a polo and shorts. Coaches do that. It is a weird thing. Yeah. It's like, hey, all football coaches, you can't wear a polo and then mesh shorts.

Polos goes with like khaki shorts. Right. Yeah. At least have some respect for the outfit. If you're going to do that, throw on the khakis or the khaki shorts. The amount of donuts. Like more toenails ripped off or fucked up than the regular ones there. fucking restless leg syndrome gone dip I didn't used to have Russell's leg syndrome

now I for sure do bro my leg's a machine gun yeah I remember you used to get on me about that I'd be like yo chill out yeah

like if we were up at 609 editing a video and I just wouldn't even notice I just be like doing that the whole apartment would be shaking I was like I need to call like

the guy downstairs everything's okay editing a video up here now it's me why why do you think I don't know a little anxious too much golfie

probably not enough you need to go over the top so just stop drinking spress I might be having withdrawals sorry I didn't get you pumpkin in there no it's okay I didn't want it okay yeah you didn't request it but I was like

yeah I know you mentioned a couple weeks ago and so I was at the register and I was like do I throw in the kind the you know unash for pumpkin pump no we didn't do either way it would have been a good move but I usually go two

I go two a day. Two pikes. Two venty pikes. Yeah. And then one of them I might get pumpkin if I'm feeling sexy. Hmm. That feeling sexy coffee is a nice feeling. There's nothing better than that.

The feeling sexy coffee though, like if you get a hot one to feeling sexy coffee, it doesn't stay hot anywhere near as long as like a pike. A pike will literally burn your fucking lips off for three hours. It'll be that hot for three hours. you get a chai or like a fall drink like a pumpkin spice latte the thing. Room temp in six minutes.

By the time you drive to the coffee shop back you're like, I guess I'm putting this in the microwave. Have you put coffee in the microwave? I think it's so weird. I mean, if it's lukewarm, not even lukewarm, I'm like, yeah, I got half a cup left. I guess I might as well. Dude, coffee just taken over the world.

Yeah. It's really weird when you think about it. When I used to work at lids like nine to five, I would just take down so much. I used to make coffee like for my, I'd probably two pots, right? Oh, yeah. There's nothing else to do.

I remember the first time that we like met to talk about doing espresso shit. You're like, that's me. Starbucks was like, all right. I don't really like coffee, but like Starbucks is cool. We go there. You're like, you want like a pike? I was like, not going to say no because I knew you'd make fun of me or something. So you just gave me that and I was like choking it down.

We get up to the apartment. my leg is twitching going crazy. I feel like I'm going to get sick, like throw up. Really? That's what was really going on? Yeah. Oh my God.

You remember those first times you've had coffee like that? And like it's like, and of course I probably hadn't like had breakfast or anything. And so like I was feeling like I was like, oh God, am I sick? It's just I just had too much coffee. My body was like it was like a grunt.

It was a small amount, I think. I don't know. But yeah, but then I was like, oh, wait a second. Then we just kept doing it. It was like, yeah, all right. Coffee's cool.

Coffee's good. Joke it down. Coffee's cool. Coffee's good. For some I had coffee, I felt so drunk. I was like, I like it.

It's like when you have your first dip. I was out of this fucking world, bro. It wasn't a venty espresso with like 16 shots in it, though. So it makes sense. Yeah. Gunner Olshefsky gave Claypool,

Chase Claypool, a celebratory dip in a locker room. So I messaged Gunner, and I was like, what was the dip? What kind? What are we talking? And what happened to him?

Yeah. And he said, hold up. I was just like, I gotta know. What kind do you give Claypool? And he said, God damn it.

Of course, fuck it. Here we go. Sorry for all listeners out there. Going through all my photos and everything. I said, got to know. What kind of chawl?

How did you spell that? C-H-A-W. One of them, no, yeah, I know. What kind of chal do you give claypool? He said the good stuff.

Copenhagen Long Cut original. Wow. That's the first dip ever. I was like, yeah, I mean, I was like that farmer dip. That is tobacco.

And he just did it and nothing happened to? He took it like a champ, but like I saw other reports that said like it didn't go so well. Who's reporting on that? Dude. That's the shit. NFL reporters are report on anything, man.

I'm sure somebody will pick up from this pot. Like we put this clip out. Somebody like pick it up and put it in a, story. Like it's making it's rounds about Chase Claypool he'll still be

getting asked about it on like Friday he's like he's just one dead thrown up no he's addicted now. Yeah.

Celebratory dip that doesn't make any sense that's like it's like a punishment. I mean if you see Gunnarol Sheffsky makes sense. He's like the most cowboy like

you know there's like tan kind of like cowboy jack I'm going to pick it up on the mic bro. Don't mind it everybody it's not the door knocking. I know your dog just went insane because of that. It's not the door.

It's just Ben's leg. But yeah, you see Gunner. He's got like long hair. Where's cowboy had all the time. Boots all the time with his jeans. That's so uncomfortable. So you know he's always got to chal on him. Oh, the engraved circle in his back pocket.

You ever had, I'm like, I've like PT. I'm like traumatized from dip cans. Why? Because I'll like, I'll put like some mince in my pocket. It just looks like I'm caning around. Fucking fat can of dip with me. Like, no, these are ice breakers. I don't think anybody. Everybody will look

at your teeth and be like, yeah, he doesn't dip. It's all right. Got to save the teeth. By the way, I need to throw some white strips in every three week kind of thing. Really? It's not an everyday thing for the white strips? Oh, no. Because one time I put so many, I was doing white strips so much,

dude, my teeth turned like clear. You know? I was going to say, you have some mess. Except with the enamel or something on your teeth. I don't know. Somehow I'm getting away with it. Probably because I don't know. But yeah, my teeth were like translucent. Nice.

My teeth were red because I used so many white shirts. Gums. Just the fucking ruse. Yeah, just was like, hi. Just nothing there, bro. Clear teeth. As soon as you drank one sip of wine. Just red red. Red-ass teeth.

And like they were so sensitive. Oh shit. Does Mike just hit me in the face? Yeah, three weeks probably. good. That makes sense. Three weeks, bro. Get your enamel back. You're ripping your shit out. If you're putting the white shirts on it, right? It's like, here's a light, here's a white strips hack before you put them on. Because you put white shirt, the first time I had a white strips experience. I was like, this is, this sucks because they're sliding around. I don't

know if they're getting on my teeth or not. I don't want to like one to like slide down. I got a one yellow tooth. It's like my worst nightmare. Your Edger James, bro. You got the gold tooth. But, okay, so you dry your teeth off with like your bathroom towel. Get them dry as shit. Throw the white strips on. They're, they're not going anywhere, bro. God, I would hate that. Ripping it off. No, the towel texture in your mouth. It feels good. It's not that bad. It's not that bad. Dry ass towel in your mouth. No, it's not on the teeth. It's soft. Still, man. Get like, I'd rather do toilet paper, I think. or a paper towel

The towel's right there is a convenient thing right by the sink you always got a towel I mean you could take one step behind you and get the toilet paper but that's a little too much

go to the kitchen to get the paper towels that is awful I mean paper towels are a luxury like if I waste one too many paper towels I'm like that's on me fuck

because dude paper towels once I started buying paper towels I was like I'm different now I'm I've I went into a different class of income when I started buying paper towels. Right. Like your parents, your dad comes over. My parents didn't even buy paper towels.

Well, as I'm saying, your dad comes over to like see the place. Is it? Notices you have paper towels. Well, you're doing okay, B. Yeah, doing okay, B. Why don't you start paying for your own cell phone? Who's paying for their own cell phone, though? I don't think anybody is.

I don't, I don't think, dude, if I was like, hey, dad, I'm going to start paying for my own cell phone. He'd be like, shut the fuck up. That's like half the reason. they keep you on the plane is just to talk to you. Yeah. Be able to have a reason to send you hey, can you send me this month's phone bill? Hey, what's up? You want to get some food? If not,

they're not just going to hit you up out of nowhere. Who's paying for their own phone? Who's paying for their own cell phone and who's paying for parking tickets? He's paying for parking. Come on, bro. Not me. There needs to be, like there has to be

some leeway there. What? I'm parking. If you, there needs to be like a 10 to 12 minute leeway. Like if you're just going into Starbucks or a coffee place or whatever, getting your mobile order or you're running in and, you know, coffee place is quick. Like you get in, you're out, you get your stuff, you come back. I've gotten hit with that multiple times where somebody's like writing my stuff down. I'm like, I literally was just going like I went in.

I got my coffee. I'm coming out. They're like, sorry, you got to, got to put in the table. I'm like, it's 12 cents. You can't reason with the parking ticket people. One time I did and it was like a really cool. I don't know. I couldn't tell if he like maybe followed us or me or something.

You know what I mean? But like I went out and I was like, oh man, you're getting me. I had Starbucks in my hand. And he like looked at me, looked at the car. Looked to me again. He was like, do you just going to get those? I was like, yeah. He's like, it's Labor Day weekend.

You're good. What the fuck? I was like, what are here? I was like, all right. Thanks. man, then every other time people I'll just be like, come on, it's literally 20 cents if I put it in there. Like, it's more

of a hassle for everybody. If I stop, put it in the number, put my card in, whatever the fuck, for 20 cents to go into Starbucks for eight minutes to get my drink. They're like, sorry, got to feed the tab. Gotta feed the tab. Like, it's a living thing. Shut the fuck up. Got to feed the meter.

Feed the meter like it's going to die. Get it a cake pop. This meter's passing out, man. We need something. Give it something. ambulances fold up. What's going on? Everybody all right?

A meter on a stretcher. God. The thing has been fed in months. Got to take care of the meters. What's his feeding? Yeah. What's his feeding schedule? Like, I don't know.

Sometimes I forget to do it when I just run in for Starbucks. Nope. That's what's killing it. Yeah, I'll do this. I'll do this thing where I'll be in Starbucks, like waiting for my mobile order.

Like, oh shit. You know, checking my car. Double taken. Double taken. Yeah, out there. I don't know. this thing and I start like honking my horn.

Just in case to writing it down like, oh, he's coming. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like if they're like in sight and I like can't see my car, I'm like, like, yeah, they get it. Or maybe they scare them. Oh, God. Then they give you two tickets. Fuck him.

You remember this time? Like, you probably never did that because your dad, I don't even know what he would do. But sometimes I would do that. Like if I was sitting in the front seat when I was like 12 or 13 or 24, and my dad was driving and he like forgot something in the house go run in real quick and then like right was he was right in front of the car if i can oh bro oh my god get him pretty good i still wouldn't have my phone if i did that to my dad i'd still be grounded and your dad

he wouldn't even jump he'd be like he would just stop look at you the rocky music was playing his head do do do do do too do too too too chit too I'd be like, what the f. Bro, one time I tried to trip my dad on some funny shit was not a good idea. I was like, oh my God. I don't think, yeah, doing any kind of funny shit to your dad is a good idea.

So he's always in coach mode. Yeah, at least like my dad, he'd probably be pissed, but like he would at least try to like counteract the bit, right? Like if you were doing it, then he would try to one up you or come back later on. Yeah.

And like he would kind of be, you know, you could kind of feel the venom in his voice a little bit. Like he's a little pissed. The venom. Right. You can tell when like your dad or superior is like they're trying to have fun and go along with it, but like they're pissed. It's so funny. No, dude. That's, it hurts, but it feels good, scaring your dad.

Dude, I think about it sometimes already of how like shit like got Frank. Hopefully we have, you know, a few more kids or whatever. And I'm just like, I mean, because every time my family gets together and we, get together often. It's like nothing but just a roast session of my dad. That's every family. It's so much fun. It's so much fun. I'm like, damn, it's going to be me, man. It's so easy to do it. But also like I'm kind of excited. Yeah. Well, you'll be able to get them back. But sometimes dad, you don't want to get them back, you know, have fun. Gross me. You know.

Somebody does it to the mom, takes it up too far. Oh, when you start getting the mom, hey, that's when shit started getting, if they don't care. It's always mean. It's always mean. actually. Fund's over if you take it a step too far with mom because then dad gets pissed, you know. No dad plays into it and then mom's pissed at dad. And then dad has to act. Dad's even more pissed. That's different the rest of the night. Dad's washing dishes and shit. Doesn't talk for three hours. Three days. The other night on Easter. Yeah, your mom's still a little fed up about that. Why moms are so mad. And that's so funny. And now that I'm married, it's like you can, you know, growing up like, you don't always.

You know something was kind of off. And like you said, but you weren't really know what happened. And then, yeah, you'd get your dad alone. And you'd be like, what's going on? He'd be like, taking too far with that one liner about your mother two days ago. It's been rough ever since. And you're like, oh, God. You know it's slap, though.

At the get together. It slapped so hard. Everybody was quiet. That's when you know. Those are the best family get-togethers, man, when somebody, like, you never know who's getting roasted. You just show up. And maybe it could be you.

But like if you're in on somebody else and everybody's just fucking bringing heaters. Everybody's just got their flame throw her out, man. You're getting hurt, bro. But there is always that one family member, whether it's a younger sister, a cousin, whoever, that

like gets their feelings her way too easily. And like you got to just play along with it. This big vibe kill. You got to be able to roll with the punches. Roll with the punches. Where did that originate, you know? Somebody just getting their head fucking beat in. It's like, it's like a chapter in every book, too.

Chapter title, rolling with the punches. Every book ever has that chapter. Rolling with the punches. Hell, that could be a title of a book. Just a guy. Hey, hey, it's a, what's the book about, is it about a guy that like boxed?

Oh, yeah. For sure. Hey, what should we call this thing? Hey, I got one. Sitting like this. I'm like, they have, you know, like a fucking stool. front of them and the cover is just them. Boxing gloves hanging in the background

by the laces that aren't even on boxing gloves anymore. Are they? Every boxing glove I've ever seen is laced together with another one like their shoe strings. They just slide those bitches on now. Like they're fucking Iron Man. The things they have to do to boxers

hands before they box. Crazy. That's too much shit. The fact that boxing is still around. Oh, isn't that weird? Everybody loses their mind about two getting in concussion. but meanwhile they're like doing a promo for UFC 296. Kick them in the head, finish him. What is the difference?

Like, at least this dude has a helmet on to like throw flags. Literally while you're promoting, they're trying to kill the guy. But everybody, that's all right? What don't we get here? Right now, two is down. We'll be back after the break. This weekend. Roll with the punch.

On the on UFC 296. Oh my God. Finish him. He knocked him out. 8 o'clock on ESPN. All right. Come back to the game.

Do do do do do do do do do. A very unfortunate scene to a talk of I loa down on the field. Took a ugly shot to the head. We won't show it though. Right after showing all the clips of a dude just getting beat to hell in his head. UFC 96. when are they going to stop counting for UFC? I think about that with Super Bowls.

UFSI 7,842. That's why I like, like, I do respect that like the NBA finals and the world, like the World Series is just the World Series, you know? Like, it's not World Series 124. Like the Super Bowl, I mean, when we get to like for a round like Super Bowl 98,

like I just feel like eventually it's going to be like, we're still counting them? Why don't we just the Super Bowl, you know? I like the, I didn't even think about that. The finals. It's so much cleaner. World Series. World Series.

What was? National championship. Yeah, exactly. They'd be like World Series 142. Yeah, it'd be like UFC. Don't forget. You see counting like that? World Series 142 at 8 and followed by UFC 296.

I think that's like weight class though. Yeah, it's something weird. Not a big UFC guy. It was never one of the like, Octagon. Like people would be like, yeah, you want to order the fights? Come over and order the fights. Well, split the fights. You want to order the fights and watch the fights?

I'm all right. I'm all right. I'm all right. I think I'm going to pass on the fights. I'm going to order the fights. Big beatups thing. Yeah, so we're going to order some wing stop and then we're all going to throw down on the fights. You want to order the fights?

You want to pitch in for the fights? No. I don't. I remember the, remember the whatever fight that was, everybody was like, oh. I was even like, I wonder if I should. Throw in on the fuck. What, Mayweather Pack? It was just something like that.

Yeah. Or it was like a more recent. But then like everybody bitches about it because I'm like, you realize they're all just in business. Like they're in cahoots together. Yeah. They're like, let's build. It's all marketing.

Let's build this up. Talk shit. Everybody will pay however. Everybody will throw in on it because they have to be in to see it. And then they'll just kind of dance around and hit each other a little bit. They'll go out unscathed. Who cares if you win or lose? You're walking away with like $200 million.

And then everybody's like, I can't believe I threw in on that fuck. Did people not know? Oh, guys. This is all, like, it's all set up. All boxing is is marketing. It kind of seems like when we were younger, though, they're really beating the shit out of each other.

Right, like back in our day, Mike Tyson days. But, uh, getting your dad talking about Mike Tyson. No, that's a guy who could throw a punch. Any dad obsessed with Mike Tyson. Him in, uh, Holyfield. That's the only thing. Bro, did your dad? My dad used to.

do this shit all the time. He would be like, if he was talking about, like, pitching or, like, hitting in baseball even, he would always correlate it back to Mike Tyson. He'd be like, yeah, he'd be like, think about it. Tyson, he wouldn't just punch with the fist, right? He wouldn't just punch with the arm. He would get the whole body from his, from his foot.

He would squish. He'd get his whole body. That's why it was so powerful. So when you're pitching, it's not just the arm. It's the whole body. I'm like, all right, man. I think he was just kind of a freak. Like, I think you like Mike Tyson.

I think you got a crush. You're going to go pull up his YouTube highlights. It's all good. I did that one time. His interview highlights. Top 10 Mike Tyson moments. I was definitely on my MySpace page. Uh-uh.

Oh, yeah. Your dad got you. But it wasn't his fighting. It was him like being interviewed and shit during interviews. Yeah. He would literally just be like, fuck off. People on live TV. And people would beg, Mike, you can.

can't say that, Mikey. Like, I'm going to eat your children. Fuck off. That's crazy, dude. And then, like, to a woman, like, this is insane. He was literally, like, I usually don't, I usually don't do interviews unless I fornicate before them. So you should probably stop talking unless you want to, you know, to the fucking woman interviewer.

I'm like, that's insane. Now he's just in the hangover? Like, is he trying to make a comeback? I don't know. There's, like, three Mike Tyson biopics being made at the same time. pretty excited about the Jamie Fox one honestly it's just so funny how like quickly people forget about everything that they want to forget about

right like Mike Tyson do that kind of shit and everybody's like the face tattoo and the hangover though it's like but you're throwing a fit about two the face tattoo is kind of lit no I know I'm just saying like when he got it was a bit oh he got a fit and all the dads were like oh god what happened to our Tyson our tie exactly

I was like I don't know I kind of like good. If anybody's having a face tattooed, Mike Tyson. Any tied to Tyson chicken there? I always think about that. See him on that? Are they in cahoots? Cahooots, dude.

Can we update cahoots? There's like 17 words that need to be updated. Cahoots. Trousers. I'm saying trousers, bro. Just, dude, it'll slip out. Somebody said trousers the other day and I was like, I know. You need some dip too?

I always thought that about like sneakers. Hey. Tennis shoes? When people call them tennis shoes, I'm like, Hey, what? How long did you think it was just one word tennis shoes? I kind of, and then when you found out it was tennis shoes or like,

oh, they get that? You thought it was one word? That sport gets that? Basketball shoes. Nobody's saying that. that shit. Why? Why are we wearing tennis shoes

everywhere? What am I walking on clay today? Right, exactly. Like, they deny. Sneakers. They don't deserve that. Sneakers got to get out of here. Trousers,

hey, hey, slacks. Yeah, yeah, you know, you wear that nice pair of slacks. You're looking like a gentleman. What's the one for women's like tops? Blouse, dude!

I hate blouse. And it's like, blouse definitely screams like like a low. with flower floral printing on it's pink and it's you're a pilgrim when you wear a blouse. Not a, not just like a shirt.

No. She was wearing, uh, okay, uh, and, and officer, uh, what was she, what, what, can you give me a description? What did she have on? Yeah, she had, uh, khaki slacks and a purple blouse. And they couldn't make it down, down near the bottom, but I think she had some sneakers on.

Ah! Cop throws up. Trousers, man. Get the hell out. you're literally a farmer. Not even, dude. Unless you're like 1908,

New York City, like businessman. Prisoner trousers. The piano playing and it's like, do, da, da, da,

do, yeah, and the footage is like everybody's moving a million miles an hour because that's the only way to do it. Those people are wearing

trousers, us, just panaloons. Is that a thing? Yeah, Panaloons is real. Get some one right now. Jim Shark Panaloons.

Oh, those are cool. Told you. Paneloon. Women's baggy trousers. Get the fuck out. They're just recycling all the terms and the definitions. Here we go. An Italian tie-in of a niche in character in Italian comedy. Foolish old man wearing panaloons. Yeah, no shit. Oh, so, yeah, without panel, pants wouldn't have been a thing. Slacks I'll never

Like suspenders too Suspenders for For weddings It's so fucking weird Am I do I work on the railroad Suspenders for I'm like why the hell are you wearing suspenders Dude

Where's your curled mustache Suspenders on a bowtie Can't wear suspenders without a bowtie Dittal-da-da-da-da-da-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-r-a-all-all-all-all-all-all-all-old. I got a piss, and your legs gone nuts. Your legs running out of here. These guys, episode five. Remember to subscribe on YouTube and follow us on social media.

We'll be posting clips. Clips, and it's on Apple Podcasts and Spotify, wherever you get your podcasts and watch us. That's half the fun of this show is watching us here at Wave 1. new studio set up like we're on Good Morning America. Super cool. So do that and we'll see you next time. Talk to you next week.