THESE GUYS! - Dibs on the Bathtub

Episode Date: January 16, 2024

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Robo, when you pop up with a red? Whoa. Red, I can't wear red. I've never been able to wear red. Because I get too red, like, naturally. So I just look like a bottle of ketchup. What's up? What's up, Kansas, Jayhawks, 2008 Orange Bowl?

Just spilled coffee all over the ground. TG 68. DG 68. DG 68. Guys. Yo, you cold or what's going on? Well, yeah. I'm in my basement and you remember, like I kind of forgot how we only you'd go to your friend's house back in the day and they'd have the basement and it would just be icy cold, right?

Yeah. That's how my basement is, man. So I recorded the basement and obviously for the clubhouse as we record, it's Monday at noon. So four and a half hours before the Steelers playoff game. So I got my vintage starter Steelers coat on. I got my Joey Porter jersey on Because we got to bring a little 05 PZ energy today For this game

Look let's just be honest I know what it is I get it Probably gonna get her ass kicked Just what we do in the playoffs now Let's get a minute, well right Let's get a minute real quick It's just what we do in the playoffs now Yeah the line

It's interesting how the line is always You know oh man Mike Tomlin He just rallies his guys man Can't ever give up on Mike Tomlin. He just knows how to get the job done. Yeah, until it actually matters and is in the playoffs. And then he gets his ass kicked by 17 or 20 or 30 points. So it's interesting how it stops there.

And then all of a sudden it's the player's fault. But getting there, oh, man, you just got to applaud Mike Tomlin. But then once it matters, it's fully no, it's part. It doesn't matter. It's just on the players. But you got applaud Mike Tomlin for getting him there. But he can only do so much. I call bullshit on that.

I say if he's such a good coach when everybody says, he should be able to be able to come up with a scheme to be able to make it happen when it matters. Anyways, that's my minute for the day. But, you know, I'm still rocking bin. I'm still ready to go. It is like negative two degrees in Indianapolis. So, yes, it's freezing in my basement. It's freezing outside.

That's why I'm bundled up. But, you know, I'm going to have my terrible towel ready to go. And you guys are going to hear this on Tuesday and laugh at me. And that's just life. I get it. Bundled up, dude. There's no better feeling. I'm bundled

I'm bundled in my vintage starter no doubt but there is always there is always one room in your house it's like why is is this room haunted or how come

no heat comes to this room that was prime all those tictox and memes that go around about yeah like walked in on my buddy you said my sleepover forgot to give them blankets

and they have like the plasma screen over them like under the couch cushions is so real I do that now sometimes you just gotta. You gotta dig your feet in that little crevice and then they're just under the third couch cushion.

It feels good. You ever catch yourself in situations where you're like, you know how there's some people out there that they're like, you know, catch themselves thinking like, okay, if something disastrous were to happen here, how would I get myself out of it?

Sometimes I catch myself in situations where I'm like, okay, if I had to sleep here tonight, if it was like an open house type situation, and I had to crash here for like two hours, three hours. What would I use? How would I get comfortable enough to get me through the night? You know, I look around. I'm like, would that couch cushion come into play?

Would that mat underneath the dishwasher come into play? You know, like, what am I working with here to be able to cover myself, to be able to wrap it up, to use as a pillow? How would I get through this? Dude, I think like when all else fails, you can always go in the back. bathroom because they got towels. I could use three towels and be okay. For sure.

Sleep on one, two on top. See, in the bathtub too, maybe they have one of those old rounded ones. You know, kind of cozy. Yeah. A couple towels down there. Dude, sleeping on a towel feels good. It's like scratchy.

And then not only that, then a lot of times, like I said, they'd have like a little fleece mat where you stand when you're brushing your teeth, you know? That's like right below the sink. It's like padded, too. Uh-huh. You take that into play a little bit. Yeah.

Good call. Bathroom is a good spot. Well, like when, like everybody else pigs are, yo, shotgun couch, I got the couch. I got the extra bed in the bonus room. Yeah, hey, bathtub. Thinking ahead. I was never, were like,

in situations like that, I was always more like, I'm more focused on like having fun. Like, we'll figure the sleep shit out later. I'm not going to go, like, make a big deal and claim, like, my room or my bed. I don't give a shit. Like, because here's the deal. If I'm going to bed and, like, comfy going to bed, the night wasn't that fun. Yeah, it wasn't great.

Like, you can't be thinking about where you're sleeping before the night even starts. What are we doing? I was always the guy that would shotgun something real early, though. Like, playing in a road trip for the night. the weekend, it's a Tuesday. The road trips on Friday, I'd be like shotgun front seat. Shotgun's fine.

And everybody would be like, God damn it, dude. And I'd be like, sorry. I can understand shotgun. I get that. But the whole like, you know, it's got to be such a big deal for me to make sure I get a couch or make sure I get a bed and like a room that has like an area to where I can do all my shit.

I'm like, nah, I'm dropping. Wherever I drop. That's where I sleep. That's what I'm all about, bro. I'm so glad you're like that. Because some people would be like, I got to sleep. I don't like the people that are like, I got to sleep in my own bed. I'm like, dude, can you live a little?

I know. Nah, man, I think I'm going to go home. I like sleeping in my own bed. I'm like, dude, we're 17. Like, I'll sleep upside down hung by my feet in the closet. Like, just shut up. Your own bed. Are you 60?

Do you have a wife? Like, just, fucking shut up and sleep on like the concrete driveway. Come on, man. That's part of it, dude. It's the best part. Sleep in the garage. Use the kids' dad's like baseball soft toss thing to cover you. Yeah. Get a football and sleep on that as the pillow. Like,

come on. Sleep on top of a counter. Like, whatever. I feel bad because like all my friends, I swear to God, I'm like the only one. I think maybe only another one. besides you that I can think of they're all like that and they're still all like that. We go on a bachelor party. The first two hours of the trip when we get there

is like the designating who gets what room and what bed and I'm just like I'm just cracking up in booze I'm like I don't know if I'm oh there's carpet in the living room good enough for me. Sounds perfect yeah. No that's no way bro.

Like if I'm there if I'm there I like I probably wouldn't even go to sleep to honest. I'm not planning on the comfortable part. There's a pool table? I'll sleep on that felt. Under it? I'll make a fort. You shitting me?

I'll make a fort in the living room. Pool table forts as a kid? Oh, there's nothing better, dude. Drape a sheet down. Hey, that meme that was going around or that viral thing was going around about like what was like wealth to you as a kid.

Somebody got a pool table at their house. Oh man. And it wasn't one of the pool tables that you can like change into an air hockey table, you know? Right. It was just straight up, dude. Billions. And they had more than one good pool stick.

Every pool table has one pool stick and the rest. They're like, I don't know what happened to the other ones. And one's like real short. It's like the kids one. So we got to pass around this pool stick. Dude, yeah. I just remember I'd be like first of all, my house isn't even big enough to fit a pool table inside of it. Second of all, it was just mind-blowing when somebody would have that in their basement.

I'm like, how'd you get it down here? I don't have a room big enough in my entire house that would fit this comfortably. Yeah. And how do you play pool? I was like, I can play the game where you don't use the sticks and you just like roll the balls against the pool table. hits the other ones in. Yeah. That's pool for me.

And you're just like having the best conversation ever and you're just knocking balls in and shit. Hanging around a pool table. Why is that always, it's always good like conversation? Like you give me, you give me one of those like half bars that's downstairs in a basement. You give me a pool table. You give me a back patio.

Best conversations of your life. Half bars. half bars like you know yeah there's one you know there's room enough so where somebody can go back there and kind of like hey you know maybe make a drink or whatever right

a host can be back there pretend bartender for the day yeah they got like not a main fridge but kind of like a smaller size one that just has like a like just decked out with like mini coax and Dr. peppers yeah but a really old like burrito that's been in there for like too long frozen like freezer burnt and shit

yeah I wouldn't eat that but if you want to I mean still looks kind of good to me the Thanksgiving leftovers are still in there just weird shit is in there dude like a popsicle from way too long ago you're like you can try it but I mean no one's touched it for a while yeah you open the freezer it's just like 1800

of those popsicles like those big ass popsicles flavor ice when your buddies eating one because he thought it was like new and you're like oh you're eating that. That's from like six years ago. He's like, oh, for real? Yeah, I don't think they go bad. Yeah, how about it? Yeah. I don't think.

You're at the open houses and you have to like remember where everything was and like how many of things were in the refrigerator or in the freezer or whatever because you have to like account for that. Like, oh, okay, we got to like replace that or hide that to make sure it doesn't look like anybody was in there. Do an inventory

at your friend's house while their parents are gone? No, when it's not your house, he doesn't give a shit, You fucking do whatever. You're like, there were six hot dogs. Damn, I don't have to buy new hot dogs because somebody ate three. Never tell you the time that we thought we were so clever. Dumbest fucking thing ever.

Like, we were taking my buddy's dad's beers from the garage. And we were like, well, how are we going to like, like, obviously he knows that he had a case of beers in here. How are we going to make it seem like? We didn't take them. Yeah. We were just like, well, let's just turn the box around. So like we'll take from up front and then we'll turn the box around and it'll still have the beer. You know, so he'll open up the case from the back.

It'll see the back row. And it'll still have the back few rows. And it'll be like, nothing ever happened. In the moment, that's not bad. In the moment, I'd be like, you know, he's got a point. But we did it And it And it didn't work

Like a couple weeks later Our buddy was like yeah Like my dad He definitely knew Like he sat me down And talked to him about Like fuck Sorry

But it was a couple of weeks Yeah I think it was a situation Where like the dad wasn't You know we didn't It was just some kids Taking some beers So it wasn't like something To raise a federal case about it

Yeah But like we got caught And he was like one of the parents that was like cool that wasn't going to like all your parents would be like you know that these teenagers four of them drank six beers you know like yeah man i hate that dad the dad that calls the other dads it's usually not a dad doing that it's usually a mom it's a mom yeah but even then yeah i wouldn't i wouldn't have the balls to make that call actually there's just lines you know like there's there's levels of you know it's

like deathcon you know it's like depth cone five like there's just levels to it where okay what was was anybody arrested was anybody hurt in this process was this like are we crossing boundaries to sort of like if none of those things yeah happen you swallow it you talk to your kid you're like hey relay the message like we know what's going on here and and then have it be that way don't be the fucking parent that's calling around the block, especially for something where it's like, yeah, like I said, if there's like four or five high school dudes and it's just happened to be like,

you took like eight beers, it's like that's barely one beer per guy, like whether they're fucking do anything. Yeah, and they're hanging around the pool table in the basement. I'm like, you know, that sounds like a pretty good time, actually. I don't want to ruin their moment. I don't blame you.

I want to come down and join. You guys listen to Acon or? we also did one time again think we were just like ingenuity geniuses right just the we were innovation we thought we somehow got booze

and we were like well how do we like sneak it you know because you had to go pass through the living room past the parents to go down in the basement so how do we do this right clink clanking around in the backpack so we were like hey why don't we get some two-liter is a Sprite and Mountain Dew,

dump out the Sprite and Mountain Dew, and then just pour the burpy boy. Or the booze. Or the booze into the two liters. And they're not going to say anything about two liters. We're just some kids wanting some soda. We just want some pop, ma.

It's a party, right? You got to have pop at a party. Yeah, we got to have some pop. We just want some... We just want some soda. so you know and it works right like but at the same time you look back you're like yeah pretty much any time that teenagers are bringing any type of liquid into a party bro you're you kind of have to know what's going on good luck but i'd rather do that than link it around in a bag and

try to hide it yeah like 25 beers in a backpack god damn that is so weird weird. Just like hiding in plain sight with booze. Like, you know how all those like the murder mysteries are like, this guy was out here just hiding in plain sight walking around amongst us. That was us when we were 17, just like walked in with two leaders just pull of chaka. So dumb because the smell, bro. Like the smell is so obvious. We'd go down to my basement back in the day or any of our friends' basements or whatever and we'd have like those parties. Yeah, just thinking that it wasn't and then you just open up the basement door and be like holy yeah it sounds like rubbing alcohol down here

I just like a hospital so obvious everybody's breath oh liquor breath hitting you in the face yeah dude but everybody thought everybody thought they they had their own little game plan that was half the fun man yeah really was all that shit was like the lead up to your team playing in the playoffs like it's not so much about the game itself it's about all the shit leading up to it you know making the plan oh we're going here yeah I think we can oh they're going to be gone cool okay well where are we going to get booze yeah well how are we going to sneak it in there oh we could do this like that's the best shit it's always in it's always like loaded in your car

like all your stuff's in your car you know and then remember that one time like your mom had to repark your car and you were like, oh fuck, there's so much shit in there. Do you remember that ever happened to you? Yes. Dude, one time my mom had to move my, had to move my friend's car that was in at my house. It was like the biggest freak out, but I wasn't involved for once. So I was like, I don't know what to tell you. I was like, where your key?

Where are your keys? Just like, God knows what. That was the worst because by that point, you'd gotten away with it. Yeah. You know? You're like, we're in the clear. Yeah. And then the next morning, hey, Joe, your sister's got softball practice.

Where's your car? Where's your, where's your keys? You're like, I got it. I got it. Then it's even more obvious. Running out the door with a Steelers jersey on and no pants. Jerome Bettis yellow jersey. No, dude.

Jerome Bennett. I got it. Jerome Bettis Steelers or Jerome Bettis baseball Steelers jersey. No pants, dude. And like slippers, your mom's purple ones. Yeah, I had a sombrero for some reason. You're like, hold on. You had a few of those times where like, you know, you'd be rolling around and somehow you got like swisher sweet cigars, you know.

So you'd be like puffing on those. Wood tip. Dad had to move the car the next morning. Uh, Joe, um, got in car this morning and, uh, noticed that the lighter was in your cup holder and, uh, it kind of smelled a little bit like, you're like, oh, for fuck sake, man. Well, I just got a candle. I got a candle for my girlfriend.

And I didn't know what to, dude, my, my, my stories were so whack. The lies I told to cover up shit. Oh my God, dude. Do we hear one? I don't know. I can't think of one off the top of my head. But I would say some shit like, oh, dude, one time I got caught cheating.

And, uh, in, uh, in school or on a girl? No, no, no, in school. And I, I, I, dude, I wrote all the answers to like a quiz on one of these rubber bands. With their tiny ass handwriting, you could. Yeah. And with like one of these pens, hey, the god of all. Hens. Oh, yeah. Like, dude, like, you can really get pretty microscopic. Yeah. And it's still legible. But I, dude, for the life of me, I could not remember like six things. Like, we had

to memorize six things for this one part of the quiz. I was like, fuck, I can't remember these. So I wrote them all my. I was fucking with my rubber bands. And, uh, I got caught for cheating. And they stapled both of my rubber bands, like, on my detention. I was like, God damn. You had to put the evidence in the flesh like that And I think I told my dad I wrote like a I wrote a prayer on here Like to Turn to God baby

Yeah like like to like When in doubt make it religious Right yeah yeah I just blamed that I'm God And he was he had to know But he was like all right yeah So they just like they mistook the answers For the prayer I was like yeah it's so weird Yeah

What prayer is the, the, the German pronouns? Why are those? The German conjugations. What? Can you familiarize me with that prayer? So true, bro. The German. It was a German prayer.

Like, we had to remember our father in German, so. Yeah. Yeah, that's, uh, that's tough. I actually had a dream last night that I was cheating on a test. That's so weird that you said that. every test of my life. Yeah, you had your cheat look around, you know? You had your cheat ponder.

God, it's so obvious when I'm cheating. I'm like, can we just be honest here? Can we just do a group quiz? Remember when there was a group test? Oh, when your teacher would surprise you with a group test, I'd be like, and you're kind of relieved, but then you're kind of like, fuck, I'm not going to be able to pull my weight at all.

Nah, but everybody knows already. Like, all right, well, he's. in our group, but he's not going to be doing shit. You kind of try to like act like you're contributing. You're like, yeah, no, that sounds good. Yeah, I think that's, we should go with that. Right.

Like, you're the deciding factor for some reason because that's the only way you can contribute. Yeah. And you're kind of some like comic relief. Or maybe you're the guy, like, everybody has their role. Maybe you're the guy that's like kind of signaling to the other group. Like, what did you guys get for six?

So you're like that. You're the messenger. so you're not helping your team out but you're like yo they said B it was straight politics dude you had to like whip up votes like you're going around like hey why don't we all succeed together

you know hey let's team up raises all ships like you do well I do well you guys do better we do better with our powers combined we can get this thing done dude hey you know what let's show Mrs. Jaffe just how good we are

as a team as a unit you're like making a speech you look up and the whole class is gone you're like oh shit I never tell you about the time that I like again such a moron just blatantly cheated on

on a test tell me please God it was like seventh or eighth grade science I was just bro I was lost and I asked the teacher if I could go to

bathroom. Nice. Went to the bathroom. Hail Mary. Hell Mary. Hive. Hold out my science notebook. Wait, wait. How loud is that locker and everybody else is in their classes? No, no, no, no, no, no.

My locker was upstairs. The class with the test was downstairs. Crazy. What? Yeah. So for some reason, I didn't leave the notebook. Like, I brought the notebook back with me. To go to your locker? like I went to the locker, looked in the notebook to try to get some information, some answers.

Forget it. And instead of putting the notebook back in the locker, I took it down there with me. Yeah. My teacher was like, what the fuck? Oh, really? And I was, I went to the bathroom and I knew I was going to need it for afterwards. So I just, I did two for one. So what happened?

I was already out, so I just figured I'd stop and grab it. I didn't look though, I swear. Let me run a couple errands while I'm out. You need anything while I'm gone? As a teacher, you need a coffee? I can... Yep. Did you ever do that in like basketball or football practice?

Like, Pola, hey, I got to use the restroom real bad and then get a little sip of water while you're out there? You know what? I don't know if I ever... One time I got screamed at at Marion in college. We had this one defensive coordinator that was like, insane. And I didn't know because I just... Wait, wait. You mean like all the rest of them?

This guy was bad, bro. Like, it was almost like it was a movie. Like everything was like, holy shit. This guy's crazy. And he was always riding my shit because I just transferred and I probably, you know, oh. You're a flashy TC band, Valisi. You're right. I was that guy for sure. 100%. But I thought I was backing it up. I was like, you know, I'm going to, I'm going to show these dudes that I'm not just like some like fucking diva transfer guy. But like we were doing sprints and like I had no idea what the rules were. And like this the third wave of, you know, you got you got the big skill that goes. The tight ends, the QBs, the fucking H-backs, you know, big skill.

I'm funny is that. And then the linemen go. So the skill players are just chilling waiting to run and the water's right there. And I'm like, fuck it, dude. I'm about to get some water while we're just like chilling waiting for the linemen. I was like it's literally right behind me. Bro, I spray it right when I went to go grab it and spray it my mouth.

And he waited until I was done. And it was like a two second thing. Yeah, just like a, yo, let me, I got to fucking, I gotta take my mind off the,

the sprints. Yeah, bro. Bullets. You're crazy, dude. Didn't get and yelled at for the first time in front of your whole new team.

I was like, here we fucking go, bro. It felt like you were getting yelled that. It felt like when you're at your friends and your, and your friend's dad yelled at you. I was like, no. Damn. The quick water pole.

The quick, just real quick. I was like, this can't, this can't, this isn't going to hurt anybody. Balsy, man. Oh, like, I don't know. I just, I just like, I just didn't even think about it. Yeah, yeah. After that, after the rubber band sheet going back to that, I had to go to track practice with that like held over my head, you know?

You got the cheat, you got the got in trouble in school practice session. Worst practice of your life. That's, yeah, like, yeah, I was going to say maybe what would equal out to it is like there's some shit gone with like a girl, you know? That's bad too. it's bad by I still at that point in your life I still think like the trouble with your parents hanging over your head is worse than the girl yeah because you can fix the girl on your own time

you know but it's like if you know if it's just all right whatever I'll just go like I'll go meet the boys I'll hit up the chick I kind of think it's cute from channel one or something but like if your parents if it's some shit like that you're like man like I may be done for it for like a semester God, that's such a horrible feeling. Like, I might not be able to drive my car anymore type feeling.

Yeah, like I don't know. And we got that open house this weekend. Of course, of all the weeks. Always. It never times out. It's Thompson's Open House this Friday night. It's going down. And of course I'm not going to be able to go.

Nope, going to be inside. Can't even play PlayStation or anything. Yeah, like if I'm lucky, she'll let me watch the Allstate. our game, but probably not. You ever in so much trouble you can't like watch the game? I'm like, God damn it, dude. Florida Ohio State Fiesta Bowl couldn't watch it.

That was the one with Ted Ginn and like Tebow and shit. I was like, God damn, bro. Or no, maybe it was Notre Dame Ohio State, actually. I forget. There was a good fiesta. Yeah, I think it was the Notre Dame. Because I was like, Notre Dame's playing Ohio State in the Fiesta Bowl. It's insane. Tom Zibikowski?

Oh. Zibby. I know. Every white guy's favorite player. I'm a Jeff Samarja on the same team. I'm like, are they only getting white guys? Like, hey, Notre Dame, you can. It's not 1930.

Do you ever like, when you were grounded or in trouble like that? you would really try to, you know, hook it up with your mom or your dad. Oh, yeah. And like you would think you'd be making progress, you know, you'd be like, wow, I'm really like winning them over. I might be able to, you know, I, I know how it's like 25 to life, but like you could get off with good behavior.

I'm like, I might get off with good behavior here. Right. And all of a sudden, like you're walking away after you've had like a good lab or something. They're like, you're still not going anywhere this weekend. like, yeah. Then you start acting bad again. Yeah. Then it all comes down, man.

You're like, what the? Yeah, you do something kind of shitty. Taring posters off your wall on shit, punching the door. Forget to put something away. You forget to rinse off your plate or something. You're like, God, I am a piece of shit, huh? That one really got me.

Oh, dude, the amount of times, yeah, where I'd be like, I think this is working here. Like I think, you know, I'm making them making good. We're having some good laughs. I'm like, did they forget? Did they forget? Maybe there's kind of like a, even like in a mission to guilt, you know, where you're kind of like, yeah, I know that like it was really dumb with me.

And like I just want you to know that like I'm really sorry and like I'm learning from it. And you kind of have a good conversation about it, right? And you kind of laugh. And then all of a sudden they just drop that on you. You're still not leaving the house. Oh. well I take back everything I said yeah

I didn't mean shit give me two more weeks start being bad again bro I'm always like are they fucking with me or am I about to do this am I about to get myself out like wait till I tell my friends this

yeah wait till I tell my friends that I like I did it and I never did it either I was never the guy that like talked my way out of anything. Yeah. He tried to finesse mom and that ain't working.

Absolutely not. My dad would be one to like give me the benefit of the doubt though sometimes. Sure. Like he'd come down hard on me and then like I'd clean something up or like sweep or in vacuum the whole house and he'd suddenly be like, yeah, you can go over there for a little bit. I'd be like, what the fuck? yeah like what happened so like there's always a little shot with my dad with my mom it was like you're going to bed at 7 p.m.

You're going to bed when I'm going to bed. I'm like oh shit I'm going to bed at four. All right. See it's always the you know and you have the divorced parents you know I with my folks it was truly good cop bad cop and it would flip flop every now that like if my mom was coming down hard on me like my dad. dad would be the one to like come into the room a little bit after and kind of just be like hey look we just you know we want what's best for you like I know I get it I've been a 17 year old boy like I know you know what I mean yeah but then the other way it would be like if my dad was coming down hard on me and fucking a rip in my ass a new one then my mom would kind of be like Joe she'd be like it it's okay all right we're gonna hey it so it'd be truly good cop bad cop that's That's a good little strategy.

So it was good for them, but then I had to try to figure out, okay, you know, do I keep riding with the good cop here? Do I try to win over bad cop? What's the play? Mm. You got to win over bad cop, dude. You can't. But then sometimes they would reverse real quick and like good cop would get pissed a bad cop for letting me win them over. And then everybody's just pissed.

Oh. Oh, no. Right. So management had a little problem there. Because I think, like, you know, maybe they'd go into it and it'd be like, okay, you're bad cop this time. But you really need to, like, stand firm, right? Teach them a lesson and I'll lower the blow a little bit. But then if the lesson isn't being taught the right way, then all of a sudden it's like, well, why are you bad cop in the fucking first place?

And then by that time, maybe I'm just sneaking out the back tour in my 2003 Chevy Impala. Yeah, you're like, this is a you problem at this point. I got to get out of here, dude. I got to go to the Ron Collie game. You guys figure this out. I got to show up to the Ron Collie basketball game in the second quarter with my lanyard around my neck, okay? Oh, dude.

Name a harder entrance. I'll wait. Name a harder entrance than you showing up to your high school basketball game when you don't play in like the third quarter, like you just did something cool before. like, what's up? Like wearing a new jacket. Hey, hey, you're that you just bought a Burlington Co factory.

Maybe not though. Maybe it's just like your older, like your sister's boyfriends or something. Hey, hey. Atlanta Hawks jacket. What's up? Told like, told like the sophomore group of girls that like wanted to hang out that like you might go to the game. You don't know. And then like you show up. I don't know. Yeah. I don't know if I'm going. Like 100% thousand. If my life depended on it, I'm going to be there.

I don't know if I'm gone. Shows up. Just listening to Gucci Main in the car. Smell like weed a little bit. You don't even smoke, though. You see your football coach like standing against the wall, like where the pads are? You kind of like chop it up with him for a minute, like kind of get a laugh in. So it looks good.

You guys are cooled out. Yeah, yeah, we're good. I got suspended for three games last year, but like now we're like, we're at close. Yeah, you're homeboys in the off season, you know? He can't make you run gassers right now. No. Sign my letter of intent to a division 14 school, so we're good. Don't know.

It was always like, where am I going to stand? Yeah, you got to get a good, spot so I can stand the whole time. That walk-in was insane. You had to be with your boys. A solo walk into a basketball game just wasn't acceptable. A solo walk-in into a basketball game, you had to literally

beat Jason Werner. I don't even know. Yeah, that can work. That can work. That's literally it, though. You got to be with your gang. Like, you can't just show up at a basketball game alone. Now, the entourage had to be

rolling. You had to be rolling like six deep and my Chevy Impala that only seated five. Mm-hmm. Like you walk in so hard but on the way there when your boys was sitting on somebody else's lap in the backseat like dude you're not hard.

You're just cuddled up on Tommy Grandy's fucking lap, dude. We can squeeze. Yeah, okay. Somebody's like a little too like, hey bro, you kind of yeah, you got to chill, man. You might have to wait outside while we're in

Right. Yeah, you don't know, you stay back for like 10 more minutes. Why do you get some air by the baseball diamond dog? By the dugouts. Hey, get in the, go in the woods real quick. You like, you tell him it's like for his own good, but then you just don't want to be the one walking in with the weed guy. So, so Carsey King's mom doesn't tell on you. Hey, you already got an offense too. If he got one more fence, it's three. 365 for you, bro. Hey, the drug, the random drug test could be coming at any time, dude.

The drug dogs. I know we talked about it, bro, but the drug dogs was the scariest moment in high school. Always, somebody was always like, hipped off, you know? Hey, it's happening today. What are you the inside guy? How the fuck do you know? And I'm like, I have no affiliate. I don't even know what drugs are, but I'm like, yo, I'm sweaty today.

Like, I'm nervous. You're like, hey, man. man, that kid is like best friends with the kid whose dad is like the assistant principal. So he probably would know. It's happening today? Hey, every situation is running through your head. But they, but that, but he got my car after he was, after he, he went and smoked at half time of the basketball game. Then he got my car.

But that was two weeks ago. It could have a lingering effect. Dude, I could still be at the bottom of my car under the seat or something. I think he lost his beanie in my car. It could have the smell on it. His beanie. Because, you know, it's eight degrees in every high school basketball game. God.

How was that even possible? How do they regulate that, dude? Every student section is just the worst behaved group of people ever. God. We just are Travis Kelsey. That just is what it is. like when it comes down to it. It's all I think about.

He is, we already perfectly described him, but like he just is our generation of like male athlete in high school. That's just, who we were. Long shorts, Lanyard. Yep.

It's 12 degrees. He show up with the longest pair of Jordan shorts. And a waffles shirt and a waffle shirt. Team Jordans. Team Jordan shoes in the East Bay magazine that have like 15 colors Not the Team Jordan fucking fake ass Yeah

They're just like 80 bucks You're like ah yeah Why we're gonna be able to get the real ones That's for sure so Wow he definitely split those with his mom Waffle shirts though I can still get behind a waffle shirt Oh fuck yeah

I'd wear a waffle shirt on Christmas Like hey I ask for a pack of those every Christmas How come there's only one that like There's only one waffle shirt you've had in your life that like Can play the rest of them I'm like no This isn't full color way Get yourself a white, red, gray black

Oh Fuck It was really the gray one You catch me in a gray waffle shirt It's a good day for me Like that's like waffle shirt day Like I'm having fun today Robo, when you pop up with a red?

Whoa. Reds? I can't wear red. I've never been able to wear red. Because I get too red like naturally. So I just look like a bottle of ketchup. What's up? What's up Kansas Jayhawks, 2008 Orange Bowl?

Wait, they're kind of nice, aren't they? What's up, Akib Talib, Talib housing it in the all reds? Akeep to leave. Hey, hey, I'm just saying it. Best corner ever. Akeep to leave. I too good

an argument for me dude when the Patriots got him I was like no yeah the Patriots would always get somebody like that and I'd be like how the fuck did the Patriots get him they would always get the guy that you'd be like

that guy fucking hates the Patriots more than anything he's not gonna go play for Belichick all the time all pro for the pads Jesus Christ they have DeRelle Revis all the sudden I was like God damn it bro. And they get them for like a

fucking seventh round pick. I'm like you guys, what's going on man? The Patriots always were doing that shit. So true. They always got like the good guy that's like kind of like you think is like, I don't know, like he like robbed a

bank or something. Yeah. They always get like and they get like a celebrity guy too. I'm like oh they got Tebow like they just always are doing cool shit. They get the guy that you think is done but then it comes and has his best years of his career there. Randy Moss.

Yeah, that one. That one was tough. Junior sale, rest in peace. Did he pop off on the Patriots? Yeah, he was on that undefeated team. We're so mad, dude. We're so mad, but, like, so, like, jealous. I've always been so jealous of the Patriots.

This is a very clubhouse episode. Very clubhouse. Good. So jealous of the Patriots. There's so many people that they got that you're just like, God, how? Dude, they randomly had Ocho Cinco and this didn't work out for him. There's another one. Celebrity.

Yeah, he was on there when they played an indie for the Super Bowl. He was on that team. Didn't they? There's so many more people. I can't even think of it, though. Reggie Wayne way on the practice squad for like two days after. Why wouldn't you, though? Why would you?

It's all about the Patriots running backs that like they're so, they're like no names, but they're so good, Kevin Falk. Danny Woodhead. I was like, is that Marshall Falk's like older brother?

That guy's fucking, that guy's at peace, dude. Those huge ass elbow pads that he'd wear. So good. Patriots. Just to do it all back to. Oh, the way he could block.

Could run between the tackles, but third down, hey, he's a good option out of the backfield. He's sneaking out to the flat, dude. How many third down conversions is Kevin Falk have? Third and four, Brady to Falk, gained six yards, out of bounds. I'd be like, this guy's automatic.

Right after you're like, it's a huge third down. Need to stop. Need to stop. It's always those need of stops where they convert. You're like, ah! Yep. And that's going to be me in three hours, and I'm going to be so pissed. Stop it.

Hey, big congrats. to your lions. Hey, yeah, that's crazy. Let's go. What a, what a,

what a feeling. Man. There's not a place I would have rather been last night on Sunday night than in Detroit. That was crazy.

I didn't watch a play, but Jared Gough, bro. Wild. The fact that they got traded for each other, you know?

Yeah. Remember we did a video and Jared Gough was in it? Yeah, that's so funny. Well, that's some clubhouse would have to really go back. That was some wild, wild shit.

Yeah, Jared Golf cameo in a Johnson Schmitty video. That was the, I've never been more proud of anything in my life. To this day, I don't think. That was random as hell, but very cool and very fun. Did you see the Dan Campbell postgame speech? Mm-mm. What do you say? It was awesome and like everything you would think it would be.

But it reminded me if your eye, like, tweeted something about it, but it reminded me of your video after I was watching more of it. Because he gives a game ball to like the GM of the Lions. And they come up and they come in for a hug. I mean, they're just beating the fuck out of each other. Like, love you, man. Yeah. You know?

Yeah. And I tweet, I was like, Guy Code 101. The more you love a dude, the more you beat the shit out of him when you're hugging up. And then I was like, oh, shit. Like it reminded me that video you did where you were fucking taking the stool. And remember you were like, Like how you laugh with your like a coworker and it's just kind of laughing. How you laugh with your friend and you're kind of like,

ma'am, how you laugh with your best friend? You're like, beat that shit out of them. It's so true. But yeah, when two guys, I always thought about that. Like,

when my uncle would hug me, like when I'd see him on Christmas, he would slap the fuck out of my back. Oh yeah, dude. I'd be like, yo, like it feels good, but like,

God damn. You get one of these. Well, well, boom. you know, like you have a little reaction to it, a little jolt. You're wearing the winter coat, though, so you got a little padding. Hey, Fourth of July get together, though.

Yeah, it might just be a tough handshake, but Christmas, dude, you're getting some fucking... Yeah, watch out. Yeah, I reminded me of that shit. That was, uh... That was cool. Real cool, man. I didn't get another home game, too. They're back at it.

Ford feels... Fordfield has always been one of the coolest stadiums, I think. Oh, dude, how odd, like, I don't, it's so tough, and I think about this all the time about how, and we talked about it a couple months ago, but, like, I don't want to miss Thanksgiving with my family and, like, my regular traditions I do on Thanksgiving, but how awesome would it be?

Like, if the Steelers randomly played, they did in the 90s, but they drew the Lions on Thanksgiving Day, dude, that would be so fucking all. Like, just one time to go up there and be in Ford Field on Thanksgiving Day watching the Lions play. Yeah, one time. Oh, remember when the Steelers played the Lions and that coin toss thing?

That was the game. Yeah. I was so excited for that, bro. Because, like, growing up Steelers, oh my God. On Thanksgiving. I was like, the Steelers were playing on Thanksgiving?

Against the Lions. Bro, I was so locked into that game. Like, oh, my God. This is like a matchup I would do on Madden. Like, fantasy teams. NFL, that's an NFL blitz matchup right there. Oh. Lion Steelers.

Oh, yeah, it feels like they never play. It feels like, it's me up. Yeah. But, uh, damn, what was like, oh, yeah, one time going to a game on Thanksgiving would be insane. And I don't want to do the night prime time game. I want to be home, toze it up by the fire with Christmas music playing for that. 5 p.m. by 5 p.m. Yeah, I want to hit that nude

Lions game fucking wear a turkey on my head. That's what I want to do. I want to do that. Waking up so early to get there. Tailgating on Thanksgiving? Fuck off. Everybody's just grilling

turkeys and shit. Turkeys are on fire everywhere. There's so many barrel fires in a parking lot. You're like, Jesus. Are you guys homeless? I don't even care. Let's party. Is there anything better than a barrel fire out by a football stadium? For some reason, drinking a Pepsi, you're like, hey, because you thought there was going to be fireball, but there's not.

So you're just taking down a Pepsi. You're like, yeah, dude. It tastes good. Try it. Have you had a Pepsi in a while? You're like trying to put other people on. Like you discovered Pepsi. Drinking a Pepsi for no reason.

In a bottle, you know? that's some that's some definite you shit I'd be like you want like a white call or something you'd be like Pepsi I'm fucking with okay Pepsi got a day dude Pepsi

all right sure this actually happened and it was like one of the most amazing weekends so my cousin played in state for football in Detroit oh so and that's Thanksgiving weekend so it was like Thanksgiving weekend we went to Ford Field and watched him play, dude.

Fuck, yeah. And then the next day was like lions and like all that shit going down there. So it was like a weekend of like crazy Detroit football shit. It was insane. That sounds idyllic. It was, it was. You know when you like, when you, I don't know, this is some me and you shit, but like.

So our high school obviously was in state every year and we'd watch Ron Collie. growing up, yeah. Yeah, yeah. and then like so you buy a ticket to watch Roncalli play and that game's at like noon or something sure and I would always like hang around

at the RCA dome and like the whole day thing yeah I would always do that I didn't know if other people were fucking with that maybe you see like a few random of your friends like but me and my dad would go the whole day and like stay till like nighttime and watch Warren Central play bro

and you'd be like this is different bro it's in the same ball we were watching earlier yeah you're like yo no wonder this is like playing at this is the night game yo like this is prime time dog

like this is the NFL yeah shit is going down dude like this feels like something about this feels like sexy and a little like scary yeah that was good that just that just triggered like some childhood memories right there

bro I was like dome slowly filling up. Like the 2A game, it's like, ah, ha ha, ha, ha, you know, everybody's real proud of their little hometown by the 6A game. It's going down. There's a fucking DJ on the field. Yeah, man. Bro.

Yeah, that's crazy. What a day. How about the Black Friday, you know, because where we grew up, they would do, like, they would split it where it would be like 1A, 3, 8, 5A on Friday or whatever it was. And so you go the day after Thanksgiving and you got the whole weekends. still and it's like what the fuck am I even doing at the RCA dome? Holy shit. Like, what am I even doing at the RCA dome?

Like, how am I allowed in here for this long? I'm just running around here with my friends. Yeah, like, we could go. There's no security guards to get us a row off the field. Like, you know, Colts games are like, where's your ticket? High school, they're like, just fucking you're basically on the field. Free for all. I was like, are you sure we can be down here?

You like try to find a little place to play football, you know? Yes. In the RCA dome. In the RCA dome. I was like, what do we do? We get away with murder. I'm like, why are there only five security guards? Only some of the concession stands are open.

You're like, what? If you go up to the upper level, then it was a real free-for-all because, you know, you can sell out a 65,000 person in the stadium for a high school game. You can make out up there for sure. Oh, yeah, you start going seventh, eighth grade, A-now. Hey, now. All right, let's hit a few of these guys. guys emails real clear before we get out of here.

Cool, from Handy. God damn, this is long. What's up, Joey, Ben. It's nice to hear that I'm not the only person that loves catching every single football game on TV over the weekends as a matter of the quality of the game. Illinois, Minnesota at noon on ESPN 2. I'm for sure rolling over on commercial rakes

during Ohio State, Michigan State on ABC. Anyway, I wanted to see if you had any aesthetically pleasing score that you like to look at. I saw the Bucks Panther score the other week was 9-0, and I almost felt sick to my stomach. For me, I personally loved the score 13 to 10. Great defense. Some offense I could still move the ball down the field. I mean, yeah, you're basically describing the Ravens Steelers rivalry right there.

Like every game is 13 to 10. This is such a good question. Yeah. I also really like to score 28 to 24, or if the team puts up a flat 40 or 50. Yep. However, I hate, hate, hate when a team scores a flat 30. I know there's been some 30 to 21 scores and it's so ugly to look at.

You scored a touchdown and you're still down two? Give me a 31, 28 final. Do you have any aesthetically pleasing scores? Yeah, one that comes of mind for me. It's always when the Steelers played like the Broncos or the Patriots for some reason. And there's always like 24 to 14. And I was like I kind of like that score.

Or it's like 28, 24. He might have said that. 2824 is really good. 2824. I can get down to 27, 24. That's a good one, too. Field goal to win. Yep.

See, I can get down 30 to 27. You know, things like that. That's a good one, too. I hate 21 to 18. Fuck that score. Ew. 18 should not be allowed. I'm like, how to happen?

How to happen? Football scoreboard. Yeah. I'm going to have to see the box score for that one. Right. Yeah. Who's got a fucking safety? What the fuck?

Dude, how about, there's been a couple like Tampa Bay Buccaneers games and it's been like 6 to 3. I'm like, what the fuck, dude? That's just so funny. Hey, give them their money back. I also love when it's like a blowout and it's like 48 to 17. I do like that.

I always love 42. I'm like, oh, they're going in. I said, I also had a question on your dream college football uniform matchup. We had a chance for the title game with Washington's white on purple against Michigan to get blue on maize but Michigan decided to get blue on blue. Hated it. Me and Ben literally texted about it.

I hate it. I hate it. I honestly couldn't believe it. He said some nominees for 10 out of 10 on Ohio State Road. So that's Great Ants White Jersey versus Classic Michigan Home. Blow on Mays, yep. Not bad. State Road, all whites versus Iowa home, the Steelers.

Texas versus TCU Road or home. Huh. LSU versus Auburn Joe Do you like how LSU never wears purple Yeah but they only They bring it out like once a year And it's always like really sexy

When you see the purple jersey out there Yeah I don't really get it though Why don't they? Because it's hot or something I don't really know the answer to that But purple does like really good when they do it I'm like oh

Yeah No it's hot for sure But then again they're like you know I mean LSU is formed to wear it's just you're so used to seeing the white top, no matter if they're at home or away. It's essentially like the Cowboys, you know? Yeah, true.

I guess it's okay. Thanks always for the great content. I can't wait for the Belichick-Savon podcast that will hit the ringer in February. Slab my ass so hard like that one key and peel sketch from 2013. Thanks, Andy. Great email. Yeah.

I think if you get Alabama home really the Iron Bowl I think is pretty solid because you get Alabama all white away with the Navy and white Auburn or you get all white Auburn with the crimson you know I think that's pretty solid through and through

I think it's any any matchup where it doesn't involve the color red is always I got nothing against it but sometimes when like like Alabama like sometimes they mess it up bro did we go did we watch an Alabama Georgia game together

probably I mean that that's a really bad aesthetic game yeah it's just the crimson you got the crimson pool ball helmet and then you got the bright ass red nine ball helmet or whatever yeah I don't know but uh sometimes the red school's mess it up my I always like Oregon in there they always like They always come to the, they always like, they know what they're doing.

They don't just pick like a default setting. They're like, oh, we're playing this team, so we're going to wear this to like contrast. They always like think about it. You can tell the teams that think about it. I like when you get a road Florida State and a home Clemson wearing the all purples. Ooh, God, that's a good one. I used to really like when Florida State would wear red on red. I used to like change it on NCAA.

Every time I was Florida State, I'd make them wear red on red. It just looks so clean. It's like the only monochromatic fit that I like. Yeah. I think if you get Texas Ole Miss with the light blue helmet. All white Texas with a home Ole Miss. Can be. All white Texas, like, they like set a trend with that.

After Vince Young, like, did all that and they're all whites, every school got a white helmet. it. They're like, we got to... Yeah. From Ryan. Hurry, new basketball core venue just dropped. Boys, love the shot. I was wondering if you saw the most recent, unbelievable basketball court venue set up.

Literally a theater. Here's the link to it. Hand one, and I'm literally in a play during my game. Slop my ass with a rotissory chicken juice stained Steelers Michael Vig, Jersey. Oh, my God. I forgot about the Steelers Vick. Holy shit. Like, you see the people watching in the stands,

and it's literally a theater. Yo, I saw that. I like that. That would go kind of hard, man. I really like that. I saw that on TikTok and I was like, that'd be cool to play there. Yeah.

It's like when you play like at a special place on a video game, you like unlock it. That's like that. Yeah, it's like NBA, like NBA Street. Yeah. Where you're playing, uh,

you'll have those venues like on the beach and Miami and shit. In a factory or something. Right. Right. It'd be like that. You like unlock it. That'd be fun to watch there, bro. Like a like a performance.

I get down with that. I would love that. Yeah. Because it's not, you don't have the weird basketball court in the middle of the stadium seating within that theater. It's just the people in the theater are watching the basketball game. I feel like I'd be like that's where they should play the championship. Like if that's.

Yeah. You know, like you like maybe there's a theme. Like I don't know. That'd be cool. It'd be like watching a play. A little golf club. soft golf clap. Yeah, maybe dress up for it a little bit.

Playing out the theater, bro. Oh, shit. A whole bunch of weird shit going on. Yeah. Cool. Team these guys at gmail.com. Be sure to subscribe on YouTube, weekly show on their video, watch us. Ben's going to be in St. Louis in 10 days, right?

STL, baby. January 25th. Grab your tickies. in the description. Yo, where'd you get that Marshall Falk jersey, by the way? Um, I just Google shopped it, man. Nice.

Starting to realize that the, I'm all about the old jersey, like the starter. Like before they, like that, that, what you're wearing right there is like the last, the last real one right there. It's got the holes in it.

It's got the holes in it. The holes in the guitar pick, bro. Yeah. The NFL equipment gets, our pick. Oh, there's nothing better than that era. But I like the older ones for sure. But yeah, it was some Google shop. Nice. Well, Ben's going to be St. Louis, Helium, January 25th.

I have up now, Detroit, April 24th, Buffalo, April 17th, Kansas City, May 2nd. And then there's going to be more coming there. And you can get us at official joining woolenero.com. Buffalo. That's sexy. You said Kansas City. Yeah. So I got a little NFC North tour going.

A few more cities that are obviously in that division. But right now, Buffalo, April 17th, Detroit, April 24th, Kansas City, May 2nd. And Detroit, that's the night before the NFL draft, which is being held in Detroit. So come on out. Let's have some fun. Cool. Well, here we go, Steelers. I guess. All right, Clubhouse.

Peace. Love you. Let's guys. Tony Serigusa.