THESE GUYS! - Gear Inspector

Episode Date: November 29, 2022

🎟 𝗦𝗘𝗘 𝗕𝗘𝗡 𝗔𝗡𝗗 𝗝𝗢𝗘𝗬 𝗟𝗜𝗩𝗘 𝗔𝗧 𝗗𝗘𝗧𝗥𝗢𝗜𝗧 𝗛𝗢𝗨𝗦𝗘 𝗢𝗙 𝗖𝗢𝗠𝗘𝗗𝗬 𝗗𝗘𝗖𝗘𝗠𝗕𝗘𝗥 𝟮𝟮https://dettickets.houseofcomedy.net/event/benedict-polizzixFIl4hVOn this episode Ben and Joey talked about a comedianne on Tiktok whos going viral

These guys 10. 10. With Johnson and Schmitty. What up? Benedict and Joey. Remember to follow us on all platforms, YouTube, Spotify, Apple Pods. Yeah. Watch on YouTube, man. Hit that subscribe and send it to a friend, send to a buddy, be like, hey, you know

those idiots who do the Johnson Schmitty? Oh yeah, I love those guys. Well, here's these guys and send it to them and then subscribe and then let's have some fun. Let's have some fun. How's how hot? But yeah, we do need another Johnson Schmidt video soon. Yeah, for sure. What's up?

Feel like dying. You're looking tan. Yeah, I got the spray. Did you really? This shit's crazy. Yeah. How often you do the fresh spray? I usually go once a week. Nice. On medium. Okay. Okay, so you go to a tanning bed? Oh, get the spray tan. Oh, yeah. Sun tan city.

Hop in there. you gotta do all the poses. Like at the, like you're in the airport security? Like the TSA machine? Yeah, kind of the one where you're like, yeah. I love that machine.

Yeah, it's always a good stretch. It's a weird, yeah, it is a weird little three seconds, but you get in there, you line your feet up, yeah.

I always make sure my posture's so good. Right. You're feeling safe. I always kind of want to peek back at the screen and be like, what they're looking at here? Like, have they seen anything on me?

Is this a, is this a free MRI? God, what's going on? Bro. Don't get me started on MRI technology, dude. I'll talk about that for the rest of my life. Have you ever gotten an MRI?

Oh, yeah. Don't know what it stands for. Medical. Try to figure it out right now. Medical replay inspection. A ref goes up to your fucking MRI. Looks good. Under front of the reveal.

Oh, boy. Dude. But the, it's just so stupid, man. Stay still. Stay still. Dude, I think I had to get an MRI one time for fucking God knows what. And I think I had to redo it six times because I kept falling asleep and like twitching and had to restart the whole machine.

That's tough. Do you ever have one that was like so long and a period of time that you're able to like watch a movie? You watch like six movies every MRI. Right. Why isn't there a screen in there, dude? That would be cool. Just all the. all that for an x-ray, all the noises and shit.

You would think by now we get to the point where they just do like a laser scan, just like, up and down and then there you go. Nope, you would think. But big, big medicines, keeping them back.

I don't know. I hope everybody's good. Happy, happy holidays. You know the deal. Ben's got a weird, Ben's got a weird coffee cup. He had to stop at a gas station.

Gas station coffee. Gas station coffee. I feel like there's something different in it, you know? I feel like you need to switch up your coffee. Switch up your coffee. You know how they say? Like, you need to switch up your shampoo and face wash every now and like because your face gets used to it.

I think you should do that with your coffee too. That's a thing. Every once in a while, throw, throw us some gas station coffee in there on a weird, on a weird Tuesday. Okay. Yeah. Go to your speedway. Sometimes you just need the, you know, that gives me like, you know, back when you're

working in an office and it was just like that black magic, you know, you just throw it in there. You don't even need cream or nothing like. that. Oh yeah. Just horrible tasting. I do, right, but I do love the gas station cups. Gas station cups are so soft, dude. The styrofoam. I could

sleep on this cup. Oh yeah. Just put your head on this cup. I could probably sleep on anything. Got the little design on it that's different than your traditional coffee places. It's so bought in bulk. Look at this shit. Yeah. There's not even a shell logo on here. It's so it's so, you know what it is? It's so blue collar.

I don't know. Just grab it on your way. You get one of those. It's like, Oh, man. This guy's going to fix some roads today. Yeah, this guy's getting his fucking hands dirty. Actually, this guy's just going to take his shoes off in a cozy studio and talk about bullshit. So the spray tan, do you listen to music or pods while you're in there? Are you able to or you get tan lines on the ears?

It's like one minute. Oh, really? Just go in there. So they... Turn the right. Turn on the back. Dry. Turn around dry.

See you. So the tanning beds, the tanning places have figured out what the x-ray. and MRIs need to. Pretty much, dude. So they just got the... But it's tough, dude. It's rough because you've got to turn a certain way. And you're like, if you don't hit it right,

like the spray might not hit you. You really got to do a stance like that? Yeah, bro. This thing here. You got to hear. It's this. Then it's this. Then it's this.

You got to make sure your fingers are down so you don't want to get the tan. Yeah. And it's a... Are you completely naked? Completely naked. Whoa. Is that liberating?

It feels pretty good. I'm like, there's definitely cameras in here, but I don't care. Especially for you. Yeah. Old Madison at Sun Tant City is like, oh,

Benedict's here. I mean, come on. I do hate it, though. I mean, you look good, but it sucks because we have

our thumbnails every week and I'm like the cadaver over here. And then Ben's looking nice Mario Lopez, you know, all sexy. And I'm like,

uh, cadaver. Hey, it's late November in Indiana. Can you tell? Just look at Joey. you like my shoes bro i was i was gonna say something about him so you got him at the like like place where you feel like you're gonna get stabbed in the mall oh you know i didn't feel i didn't

feel like that but it was uh you know i was kind of like i don't really know what this operation is but they had a lot of selection you know and there's good customer service there got in got out i can't you know it's hard to find jordan threes man it is that's insane so early christmas present to me baby he's went out and got them. Yeah, I'm going to the mall and getting, well,

last week, my family, we were kind of mall bitches. We, we did a couple different malls. Thanks for the call. I know. You never call.

I know. But Target Tuesday later, though, if you're down. But we did mall, we just, we were mall bitches last week because we were doing,

you know, some Christmas shopping. And then we just wanted, it was kind of, you know, we wanted to get out. And so we did that. We hit Castleton.

And then we hit the, the G-wood. And I struck out. Two malls? Well, not in the same day. Oh shit. I thought you meant the same day. No, that's too much. I've been down that road, bro. That's a lot.

Dude, how good, the nap after that shit? Right. The drive home, you're so tired on the drive home from a mall. You're so pit every red light. God damn it. You just want to, you just want to lay down. You didn't find anything you needed either. Bro, exactly. And you always have to shit in a mall. Is that, do you even notice that? Yeah, and the bathrooms at malls are like, oh. Yeah, like, I'm not doing this here. Dude, the, the bathrooms out, though, they're so wrecked. Yeah, so I'm like, I'm not doing this here.

And only in the food course. too. You're like, so I'm walking around. You know, I kind of got to take a dump. I go to this place of the Castle and the Square Mall. They don't have the shoes. Dums couldn't be more inconvenient. Yeah. They don't have the, exactly. They don't have the shoes that I was,

they had a pair of shoes that I wanted there. They didn't have my size. Well, what were they? Purple and gold, high top Nike dunks. Oh shit. Yeah. They didn't have your size?

No. damn and so it was like dan you know i i it was president it was one it was payday you know what i mean and so it was like i kind of just and you know rye was yeah sure yeah baby go ahead you know she had gotten some shit frank had gotten some shit we were feeling good you know all bitches and so i was like you know what i do i just kind of want some shoes i want to treat myself a little bit didn't have those so then the next day we went to greenwood i kind of plan i was like should we go to the mall and look for some other stuff really i just wanted to go and try to find some shoes and so So I went and I struck out everywhere there and then finally went to that boutique place,

the grails or whatever it's called. I was like, let's hop in here. And then boom, right there. They have everything. Size 13, Jordan 3s, my favorite shoe of all time. I've never had it. I was like, right, I got to. And what was cool is she was like, God love her.

She was like, I just don't get the whole sneaker thing. Like so many of these. God lover. So many of these shoes that everybody like brags about social. Every time you say God love, God love anything. Poor soul. She's like, all these shoes that people brag about all the time. Like, they're just kind of ugly.

And I kept showing her. She's like, no, I don't really like those. And I showed her the three. She's like, still nothing. Then I put them on. She's like, okay, actually, those are nice. And so bam, there we go. That is so funny.

Because I've had those before, too. And the girl I did said the same thing. I don't get why there are so much money. Yeah. Yeah. It's just a guy thing. It's like, what are you spending so much on makeup, every guy? Some girls are.

Some girls are pretty wide with the shoes. now though. Like it's pretty trendy for girls to be like sneaker heads. Yeah, yeah. But I want some Jordan ones. This reminded me of, uh, another classic Polisi story. So I probably told the story on here before, not on these guys, but in the existence of espresso and, and me and Ben, I've told the story about freshman year of high school. I was wearing, um, I told this on TikTok live the other day. Where's Joey? I was wearing, uh, Adidas sweatpants and, uh, Jordan's shirt. and I walked past Ben and Joe King and they were the football seniors

like jocks, cool guys. And I walked past them and Ben literally goes Adidas and Jordan. It's like mixing oil and water, Molinaro. And I was like, wow, I'm the biggest loser on the face of the plane.

Biggest loser on the face of the planet. So then, that is wild. So then, you even got out of bed? Shut up. That's crazy. It was like, bro, it was like a dress down day at the school we went to. It was after

Christmas. I just gotten like all this shit. So you know you're wearing all your Christmas fits. Right. I hate that. After Christmas, everybody's wearing all their new shit. I'm like, oh, okay, bro. But you're just going to wear a random Miami heat jersey. It's fucking 17 degrees, dude. Yeah, bro. I've had this for a while. No, you just got it. Just throw them your aunt. Throw the hoodie on underneath it. It's all good. There you go. But then four years later, I'm a freshman in college. I am again being sneaker bitch and I want some shoes. So I go on kind of a sketchy website because I'm like, hey, I got no money. My parents certainly aren't paying $300 for a pair of Jordans. I'm not either. You know, what's the closest we can find here?

Like, you know, give me something. So I go, I didn't even remember what it was, but it was just a website that had, you know, Jordans for 80 bucks. Jorons? Yeah. So I give me a pair of Jordan Fives, like the fire red. Mm-hmm. And they looked, I mean, you know, when you first get them, your first wrong, like, to the blind eye, can't tell. I know. So the blind I can't tell. And I'm super hyped. I'm like, wow, these aren't fucked up. Like, the Jordan logo looks good. Like, everything's cool. Like, this is perfect. Biggest scam ever, bro. Somehow, did your friends know or do you tell me? No. Let it, let it. Let me get there. No, my friends don't know. Nor do they care. But somehow I end up at a get together with Ben on, like, a three-day weekend. And,

I'm sitting there and I got my Jordan's on. And he's kind of looking at him. And I'm like, fuck. He's like, he's like, new Jordans. I'm like, yeah, man. He goes, can I see him? Oh, no. No.

Why was I the like gear inspector? God. Literally made me take my shoes off. What year was this? 2013 almost 10 years ago he's looking at my Jordan 5 he literally takes it

bends the toe like he's like bending it and you know feeling the flexibility in the structure of his shoe doing this it looks at it and I'm just like there's like four or five of the guys around

bends the oldest guy in the room so like everybody looks up to Ben right and so he does this and then he's like yeah nice but fakes oh my god dude devastating

I was like yeah dude I know but like I don't I was like you can't really tell unless I was like yeah I was like yeah but you can't tell

unless you're fucking holding them and bending them around so I told them straight off the bat these are real but they're previously owned previously owned

limited edition damn you got the pre-owns huh shut the fuck You get pre-owns too. Certified pre-owned. No, I'm just kidding. Certified P-O.

You P-Oed? No, I bought some fake Js back in my day. My P-O. boxes. Back in my day. Yeah, what's your P-O box? Just stuffed with shoes. Previously owned box. Let me see your P-O box.

Everything. I don't know if I like previously on shit. Because I know when I have something and I like sell it or trade it in, like, I ruin shit. Yeah, but like these are obviously not ruined, you know? Like, yeah, that's pretty nice. Shut the fuck. They're all right.

This is, this is all the source of all my insecurities. This man right here. He talked to me every week. This man right here. All my insecurities in life. I'll look at a new pair of shoes. Be like, I kind of like those. Right's like, I like him too.

I'm like, I haven't hate him though. She's like, why does that matter? Who cares? I'm like, you just, it's just, it's tough. It's a taste thing. It's tough. I got a pair of shoes. Here we go. I got a pair of shoes one time at this Nike outlet down in southern Indiana.

And right. And it was just like a pair of like black Nike like training shoes. Right. Just like they're all black. They're all black. Oh no. No. No. I think I know what you're going to. They're just training shoes like, you know, to work out in like casual to wear the gym shorts with a long sleeve. I show up. I show up to, you know, talk about a video or something with Ben. He looks down the shoes.

New shoes? Yeah, man. Just got him on Nike outlet. He goes, ref style. No, he goes, no, it's not style. He goes, ref in a basketball game tonight? You're roughing an eighth grade game tonight? Just calling hell of travels.

Isn't that crazy? Every time anybody, wears all black shoes. They look exactly. I'm like, you're a ref. Oh, God. You know, it's like, I, hey, I don't have a blood older brother, but Ben provides all the shit that what an older brother would, just the things that you're most proud of, the things that you feel cool about, bringing you down real quick. That's what it's for. Yeah, you need that person. There you go. Ref joints. That is so rude. So that was, okay. We're on like in every four year. Because like it was like 2009,

when the Jordan and Adidas happened, comment happened. 2013 when the fakes comment happened. 2017 when the ref joints happened. We're due. Like,

I mean, this is coming up here soon. But I have been doing like that when you get the new shoe walk. New shoe walk is a different. I always like, I always go off balance and shit. Like,

I'll be standing there and I'll kind of start just like falling over. Like, but like making sure nobody knows I'm falling over. Like, I get, like, dude, I lose my balance probably like seven times a day. So you do like... But I look around.

I'm like, did anybody just see me almost fall on my fucking ass? Just stand in here. So you do like the Michael Jackson like... Yeah. Then at the last second, I'll like catch myself. It'll be super awkward. And people are like, is he having... Is he okay?

Are you okay? Is he super... Are you okay, honey? Yeah. That one where he's like... Are you okay? Okay. But yeah, like, well, because when I get the new shoes,

I don't want to crease him at all. So I walk. with my toes, like absolutely pushed down. You gotta get that. Like, I'm like pushing my toes down as I walk so my, my foot is all fucked up. You can get those little things that you stick in the top of your. I know, the shields, yeah.

Force fields. Force fields. It's just, I don't know. I'm getting you those for Christmas. Thanks, man. That's a sexy stocking stuffer right there. Can't talk for stroke of the day. Stroke meter.

Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. But, yeah, those help, actually. I would get them for Air Force One. like the high top classic Air Force one. This is just a sneaker show now. I'm big on, yeah, fuck it.

Who cares? I'm big on just ruining shoes. I'll get a new pair of shoes. I'll get a new pair of shoes. I just wear them every day. I don't care anymore. I like that. I like, I've only taken them out of the box once.

I'm like, what'd you spend $300 on them for? Well, I'm gonna resell them and like, am I saving for my kid? And like, I don't know. Keep them fresh.

I'm like, no one knows you even wear or have them. I'm like, no, where are those bitches? I'm with, I'm with that. I run through shoes, dude.

You do, you have a lot. Yeah. Oh, damn. I go, I just don't. Once I put them on, I'm like, all, fuck it. If I hit a curve, I hit a curve, like, I'm walking everywhere. You got to be selective, though, with a, like, you know, for example, I got these on Friday of last week. Saturday, I'm going to the Pacers game with two of my buddies.

No, because I... What? No, dude, because I know, like, before and after, you're going to go to, like, coaches or tin roof. I'm not walking around in these and fucking tin roofs. see you. Oh, wow. You went there. Yeah. I still would have worn them. Oh, no way. I think it's impressive. When you see somebody wearing nice shoes in a weird shoe spot, it's like, damn. I know, but then that's such a short shelf life. Those are, they're gone. They're sticky. They got, you know, just booze poured on them. There's like a beer stain. I'm not doing that. No way. If we were just

going to the Pacer game and then it was like, all right, I got to be out. I got to, we're going to, you know, maybe. Or if we weren't going to somewhere like that, if we were going to like a nicer, you like Prime 47. Would you end up wearing? Cool. Just black. Nike freeze. Steelers.

Stealers Nike freeze. No, man. I just went my... I just went my... I just went my beat up Reeboks. Oh, that's good. Yeah, good move.

Beat up low top reboc. Good smart move. I would, I think I would have to roll the dice. Oh, no way. Just being too. Are you like, are you wearing them in the house?

You know? To break them in. Oh, yeah. Are you? Oh, yeah. Were you? No. No,

so Sunday we had a Sunday. Sunday we had a Sunday. Sunday we had a family picture for, it was a gift for my grandma, it was all the grandkids. And so after that, we were going to my folks house for football Sunday with the Steelers.

And so we had to, no, stop asking. We're not going to win. We're not, we're not good. Who you're tanking for? We're not good.

Hopefully Jalen Carter. But, de-lined me from Georgia. Nice. Or an offensive tackle. Anyways. not the time nor the place. You think you'll trade the pick.

Talk about it afterwards. We do have three picks in top 40 though. All right. So what was I talking about? Shit. Oh, yeah, the outfits.

So, you know, you had to dress. You know. Anyway, Tommy Maddox. 03. Yeah.

You had to dress nice. And to be in the photo. Even though in those kind of things, it's like a Christmas card thing? Yeah, it was like a Christmas present for my grandma because like there's been more grandkids that have been born.

Frankie's here now. So like it's their, first great grand kid, all that. Wow. And so you had to kind of dress nice, even though in those things, there's always like the cousins that kind of fuck it up, right? It's like, you know, just wear a sweater and some jeans and there's always like the cousins that, I don't know, they get all fucky with it.

But anyways, so we're doing that. So I had to pack a change of clothes to go watch Steelers afterwards. And I packed my Jordans because I wanted to wear them during the Steelers game and around the house so my Steelers fit. Yeah, yeah. Feel me? Dude, but I was thinking. Sorry, some shit's going on there, but I was thinking about the, uh, are you guys doing a Christmas

card? We've talked about it. A little too late now? No, it's not too late. I feel like you gotta get that shit done like now now, now. Nah, it can be out next week or first week of December. What's it looking like? Like, you doing it in front of house?

I mean, we have photos. We had, uh, we, we've had, um, like my aunt's photographer. She came over and took some family photos of us and everything. but then also like it's not to be fancy anymore. You can just upload a bunch. You got the dogs up in there? Nah, just me, Ryan Frank. Yeah, too hard.

We've tried to do the cats and they're happy. No happy. Wow. Yeah. I know. It's just too hard, man. Like you got to wait until happy's older and like doesn't want to move. Like right now, I mean, he's still puppy, you know?

Doesn't make sense. So he just runs around. I mean, that's not going to happen. The cats hate each other. Hate happy. Not going to happen. So we might. You might be getting a little Christmas card.

Send it our way. Might be getting a little CC throw up on the fridge. My fridge is looking bad, bro. I got to ask you about, I'm sure you've seen this chick on TikTok, and I got to know your opinion. The girl of her doing stand up, the clip that's going viral where she's like,

I, some people would say I have confidence and actually I'm just loud. Have you seen that? No. Oh, how have you not seen that? No, I've seen a bad, I've seen one. When it comes to believing in yourself, I'm an atheist.

Like you haven't seen it. Dude, it's making, it's rounds. And I feel so bad because everybody's stitching it and duet in it with just like straight face and just being like, standup comedy is not for everyone. And like, I can't tell. It's one of those that like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I can find one of them. But I can't tell if it's, if she's like doing. a parody, you know, if it's like satire. Or if it's,

yeah, or if it's real. Because like there's, you know, like Kyle Mooney. I'm a big fan of Kyle Mooney. Yeah, yeah. And like, he's known for doing that. And it's a really funny, like, satire. But I, one, I can't believe you haven't seen this. I've seen some bad ones, but not that.

Not that one. I got a search for. Maybe I have. Actually, I'm just loud. dude that tic-tok search bar though different here we go I can't wait I do

I cannot believe that you haven't seen this sorry I'm doing the I got an email I've been putting some hours in on TikTok so I can't believe I haven't either yeah yeah you have man you fucking every time I go to your profile you have another like 24 million view

it's awesome no not not posting videos i just been watching shit on tic talk well so of i but i just wanted to tell you three thanks dude three hours before i go to bed that's all i do just send it to you why watching the most pointless shit on ticot i know it really yeah you do catchers and then like this morning i was rocking frank it was like 6 a m and i was rocking him because he couldn't sleep and i was just like scrolling on ticot and my man his he was just like looking at it too and kind of like, eh. I was like, oh my God. He's already started, man. He's already in. All right, here we

go. People think I'm confident, but I'm actually just loud. I've seen a lot of unfunny things over the years, but her mannerisms. All right. I think she's doing it on purpose. I think so, too. Why? What do you think? She is, it's legit. It's

legit what she's doing? Oh, man. Well, I mean, like, the when she, why is it like, I get it from like, 1980. The way she's acting on stage really makes it seem like she's, it's a parody. But I mean, like the bit that she does where she's like, where she follows up on it, when it comes to believing yourself, I'm an atheist. Like that, you know, but I don't know, man.

I just have seen some shit like that, dude. And you just don't know what to do in the crowd sometimes. So you just laugh. I know. Like I feel. And then they think it's funny. It's like a miss like. Well, here's the deal.

Like I have respect and will tip my cap to anyone who has the courage, the balls to get up on stage, put yourself out there, be creative, try to be funny. Because it's so easy. And majority of people all just sit in the crowd and judge and make fun and, you know, whatever. So I have respect to that instance, but I just like, I can't figure out. out, whether it's satire or it's real. I, why it says it's real, I think it is because I, I looked her up too. And because I went to her TikTok profile and at first it was public when I first saw the

clip. And then I went back after I kept seeing more and more like duets and shit of it. And then it's like private now. And I was like, ah, man, poor girl. Like she's probably going through it. Dude, she doesn't understand that. That's, that's good. That's true. She's getting shared. Yeah, she could capitalize on that for sure. Like she could be like the awkward funny girl in like a year. Yeah. But her shit's private now. Yeah, that's true.

Like people, I mean, people were coming at her bad, man. That would be, that would be tough. I can't believe you haven't seen that. That's insane.

Now it'll be the only thing you see for usual. 75 of them on TikTok when I look. Why are you not verified on there yet? What the hell's going on? I had like an account warning for like two years, dude. Like every time I posted a video that had something like a little bit bad in it like not even that bad but just you know how ticot guidelines

are like oh there's a cat in the video and it kind of animal cruelty you know that is weird that should happen to me all the time so i think that's my that might be why i still have an account warning if i do like one more thing every time i like every time i i like anything bad happens if i like cuss if there's like any hint of anything they're like uh one more and your ticot's banned for life i'm like, all right. Damn, man. I don't think you've been doing bad shit. I know. It's, it's just, it's weird. It's like every single thing. I'm like, are you guys like monitoring my shit? I don't know how I'm not verified on it, but I don't think it really matters. I got, I got, uh, like a putting TikTok time out last week. What did you do? I don't know. It was just one of those

times where like, oh yeah. It was really weird. It was like a week where I like, you know, I'd post like three videos and like five days. Like I used. usually do. And the max views was like 6,000 plays. And it's just like, you know, can I get an explanation? Well, like, because I was texting you about it. I'm like, what the hell is going on? No, no, no, no, no. I know. But that's what I'm saying is that I was, you know, these are things that are kind of boldproof instances of content that I've already done that's done really well. Didn't make sense. And then all of a sudden, like I post this. And then it's just like an absolute stinker. like 6,000, 6,000 plays, like 250 likes.

I'm like, how many times? What is? This makes no sense. And so that happens, though, once every like three or four months. It'll give me like a week or two where I'm just in TikTok time out and then it'll reset itself. But I think it was because I did that crumble partnership maybe. And I did like paid partnership.

Dude, it's so, it's so funny. I'm going to make a TikTok about that. Reasons you think your TikTok bombed. because I do it too. I'm like, oh, maybe it's because in that one part of, like, took out the audio and TikTok recognized that and they bombed my video. Yeah, I mean, but like, every time something doesn't get 30 million views, I'm like, this is insane.

Well, like, now your video just blew. No, but like, listen, if I, if I experiment with a video and it flops, I'll be like, okay, that one didn't work. If it's like the first time trying, like an impression or a video, I'm like, all right, I won't do that anymore. Like, it flopped. But again, these are ones that I've, done before that I've done really well. So it's like what's the, you know, consensus there.

But yeah, I think, see, all these platforms really screw you because it's like you get these brand deals like I did with crumble, like you did with Verizon, whoever. I've never been more jealous in my goddamn life. You do it and you have to, you have to disclose that it's a paid partnership, right? So you do that. And then once you do that, then the platform is like, oh, well, you're, you know, you're getting business from somewhere else or whatever the fuck. And so it's just like if it buries you, man. I know. I've got a,

I've got a theory on that. It's a really catch. It's a really catch 22 or whatever you call it. Catch 20. The first, the first cat call video I ever put out was just blowing up. I was like, you know,

that's a good. I mean, you're like, oh shit, I did something. All right, good. So I put the like full video in my bio.

I commented that on the TikTok. like because it was driving people to YouTube and everything stopped immediately. I was like, wait. They know. Yeah. It's insane. How are those crumbled cookies though? Really good.

Really, really good. Did you take them all down? Like, I would go crazy and take eight down. I mean, me and Rye definitely did. They're like small pies.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. And so that's what's crazy is that like you can have a quarter of one of those cookies and you're like, I'm good for now. I thought that was one of the best videos you've ever done. Oh,

I was just, I was like, holy shit. Yeah, they were super, they were super great to work with. And like, they really were. I mean, the apple pie cook, like, it was no joke. Delicious. And then the hazel or the, the sea salt chocolate, it had chocolate icing on the inside. It was insane. I didn't even know it.

And I bit into it. I was like, oh! Shobby face alert went crazy on us. Are we still doing Shubby face? For those of you don't know, it's, you get chubby face when you, uh, you feel a little bloated. You'll feel, yeah, yeah, like your post Thanksgiving face. You know, you eat so much your face feels bigger. God damn it. I hate that. Now, now is that time. It's chubby face season. It's through Thanksgiving through New Year's, you better keep an ice roller on you and rub that shit out.

You ever do that? Dude. What? Like, those rollers that girls use on the face? Yeah, to like, what does that do? I don't know. There's no way this fucking does anything. I don't know, but you think about it and like, if you take a cold shower or like you're in the cold, everything kind of, kind of shrinks up a little bit.

All right? Dude, one of my friends, Joe King, same every podcast. For five years. When he would eat too much and feel like a fat ass, he would immediately take a cold shower.

There you go. So he'd just be at my house and he'd be like, I'll be right back. I'd be like, what are you? Why? And he's like, I just feel skinnier.

after I take a cold shower. I'm like, just don't eat fucking everything we have. And he's like, no, I can't do that. I'm like completely. I understand. I think I'm going to start doing that, man, because it's tough for me right now to get to the gym consistently with a two-month-old.

And so it's like, I've been feeling chubby-face. I've been feeling bloated. I need to, so I might either do the stick roller with the ice or... I don't have enough patience to just fucking... I know. Rather just hop in a cold shower for 25 seconds to just be like, Oh, yeah. And then hop out.

That cold, that cold shower stuff is some psycho, psycho attribute. I bet why it takes a cold shower every morning. Wow. I try to be tough and, and balls it out, but no,

I used to be a big ice bath guy. Ooh. Those are. Those are crazy. Have you ever? Yeah. Back in the old playing days. Oh,

yeah. Now I see they do it with like the big recycling bucket that they, you know, they just put a bunch of ice bags in that. Oh, and you can literally like almost like stand in it. Yeah, pretty much. I mean, you're just like, you're looking over a fence. Kind of cute. Yeah.

Take a picture. Put some bunny ears on. Put some bunny ears on. That's the cutest thing you could think of. But it is. I mean, bunny ears. Bunny ears with like a little, a little furry-ass ball on the back. The things I do, bro.

You just walk by my apartment. I'm in a recycling bin with bunny ears on. Smilling stuff. Couldn't be cuter. Dude, did you ever, did you have to do science fair back in the day? Oh, my God. I thought you'd never ask.

Man. Oh, yeah. I was at a get-together at one of my in-laws friends over the weekend. And they have a kid that's in like seventh grade. and we were like, give him a hug, you'll get through it. Dude, I know, right? We were looking and they had some plant shit up on their counter

and it had like letters on it. We were like, what's going on here? Oh, start of science fair. I literally, I was like, it hit my heart and I like almost fell back. Fucking, what's that? That word will make you lightheaded. Oh, dude.

That, I mean, that was just the stress. Like when you use God's name in vain around a really, like, religious aunt. She's like, ah, it's like when somebody says science fair around us. We're like,

drama. Dude, exactly. The, the stress and anxiety that came from having to do that. It was just so much. And granted,

a lot of it was on me of, you know, waiting to the last minute, picking a shitty partner, you know. But, God,

dang. For a long time, it was solo, bro. We were solo. 4th, 6th, 6th, 7th grade, they're like, all right, pick a partner. I was like, what? Partners for anything, man, no way.

I know, and it was always your fucking boy, and you guys never did shit. Yeah, come over, let's work on science fair after school. Shut up. We're just trying to watch porn the whole time and shit. Yeah, dude, this is me. Our project was see if the mouse will actually get to the cheese. Like the first science project of all time. What was your, hey, what was your hypothesis?

Do you remember when you had to turn those in like a month before? Okay. Now the hypothesis is due before you do. It's like, oh, fuck. Yeah, yeah. We hypothesize that. Hey, it's got to be if then. If the mouse.

No, if the cheese smells stanky, then the mouse will find it. And we had this big ass maze. I forget we borrowed it from somebody. But it was nice, you know, when you present, you got the maze up there with the poster board behind you. People are like, what the fuck is this? You know, you're catching some attention. Bro, how crazy was it when you went from like the one sheet

poster board material to the three? Yeah, the threefold. Threefold cardboard. Hey, what about the attachment that goes on top? Whoa. Yeah, the smart girl had that. She did. My mom didn't afford that.

Dude. That's a Michael's poster board. Yeah, that's a, hey, I laminate my pages poster board. Yeah, no shit. Different colored note cards type B. We get it. You're getting in it. Okay.

You're on high honor roll. Dude. All right. Then my parents, like the parents always just end up pretty much doing the whole thing because no shit. It's just like stress,

like they're stressed because you have to do it. And like you know that you're not going to do much of it. And then they just end up taking over. Like your mom gets pretty much most of it done. Because your buddy is a dumb ass who you pick to do the project. with and so he's definitely not doing anything. How do you expect two seventh grade kids to be on the same page with anything? He's the youngest of the family and his parents are older, like having happy hour every night. They don't give a shit. So they're not helping. They're done. But one of my

science fairs was I have my mom always, my mom's like a caffeine freak, dude. My mom's the most tired person of all time. But she had like caffeinated water and then just regular bottled water. And I was like, what is that? Caffeinated water? And we came up with this science project. Uh, shout out to my mom, because she probably thought of this whole thing. I had nothing to do with it.

And we had two plants and we watered one with caffeinated water and one with regular water. That's interesting. I know, bro. Let's fucking go. You've never seen this shit before. And you know what? It's fairly like simple. Yeah.

Like two plants water. Fuck. Bam. Boom. Post the results. So, nothing happened to either plant. Just the same thing.

And before the project was due, bro, I just took some scissors to the plant and just started fucking it up. Nice. And I was like, yeah, the caffeine had water not good for plants. And you could clearly see

like scissor cuts and all the leaves. So you made your own hypothesis. You made your own results to your own hypothesis. I think you always kind of got botched the results a little bit. Ah. The drama.

That's science. That's fucking. Science, dude. Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill. Every time I was doing science fair, Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill. Bill, Bill, Bill. Dude.

The amount of shame you would feel when, like, you brought in your project and it looked like a fucking... You're looking at everybody else's projects. You're like, I suck. It looked like a two-year-old monkey who was blind, did it. And then, yeah, everybody else's is, like, pristine. And you're just like,

Oh my God, this is embarrassing. I always forgot back then that we like had the internet kind of. You know, the internet was kind of new. Yeah, it wasn't like the real. It wasn't. Yeah, it was a lot of like bad websites. You go,

it wasn't the real internet. We did have like, we had rookie year internet for sure. And like figuring shit out. I was like, how are these people getting ideas to put like different colors on their poster boards and shit like that? Like I'd see just a beautiful,

and I'd be like Oh my god Look at my shit My shit's the writing's going downhill I'm raw dog in it I'm like how did she know to pencil everything in And then go over it with like a felt tip marker Oh man

I'm out here just fucking Oh my God There's like Cheeto stains and shit on my white poster board I'm like why didn't I pick a black poster board Did you guys ever have to do like I didn't remember what they were Did you ever have to like make an atom Like a physical like a 3D form of like

an Adam or an element or whatever the hell it was. Oh my God, dude. You're sucked. Dude, I'm still scarred about that. You had to make it like themed. And I think I did the Steelers, of course. Oh, my God. Jesus Christ, bro.

Dude, like Jerome Bettis was like upside down. Like, everything was just so fucked up. And then like Chessie LaRosa was like literally looked like it could be an actual Adam like a real life element in the hand. We had to create like a like an insect like in the most creative way

and they all we are all assigned one and dude Curtis Veracruzy this dude had the best. I'm like did you spend years on this? Like what's your budget? Did you know about this? Like

do you have? Yeah did you? Two years ago? Where are you getting like is the teacher your mom? Right. Like, it was just, fuck, it was amazing. Like,

he used the cyrofoam balls. It's just like, dude, I made an aunt, a big ant out of clay, three different colors of clay. And I put it in a Fazoli's cheesecake box. And I was like,

and I thought my shit was kind of killing. I came to school proud. And then you look at everybody, you're like, oh, that's what. Isn't that the reveal, bro.

deal when your homie opens up his backpack to bring out the project and you're like okay that's what he's working with my shit's way better than that. I had a fucking clay aunt. It sucks so bad. There's no. Yeah, dude. I was going to say it's bad when it's bad but you can live with when you're going in. You're like, I did this last night. I'm just trying to get a C on this at best. I know it sucks. Whatever. It's still embarrassing, but whatever. But when you like think you did something, maybe even your dad helped out and you're like, okay, this ain't bad pops, like right on. And you show up and then you're just completely blown out of the water.

Ooh. Yeah, you're like, my dad's kind of an idiot. It's like the Grinch, like put a brown paper bag over your face and present it that way. How about when you underestimate like the assignment? So like over the weekend, make these insect figures and you're like, yeah, nobody's going to try on this shit. And you get to school and people have just gone above and beyond.

And you're like, oh, wow, you got, it was like this? Like nobody, or it's something. I know I don't pay attention, but I would, the vibe didn't seem like it was this serious. Or it's something that you think isn't going to take that long. And then you dive into it and you're like, oh, fuck. I might be working. I might be working on this till 6 a.m. I might have to get up early to do it at the, at the breakfast table. Oh, dude. The amount of times I was like, all right, I'm going to go to bed now at 10 and then wake up really early, get it done. Wake up.

when you're just like, you know what? This might be a skip school thing. This might be a skip school opportunity, mom. You're like, you know what? I've done enough of the homework. Maybe I get some extra credit. I'm fine. Do you ever have to pull that card?

I live. Extra credit? Only every report guard of my life. Really? Bro, going up to the science teacher. Hey, I know, I know I really struggled. That's a tough conversation. That's the first conversation.

I know I really struggled, but look, I really want to do well. and um is there anything i can do can i turn in notes can i do an extra assignment to get a few more points uh hey dumb ass you probably should have been more focused on that for the first seven weeks of the quarter what's up man i was always the guy begging for extra credit dude i would try to yeah i would try to tug on the teacher's heartstrings so much yeah i'd just really been trying but i just don't get it just don't get it and they're like dude you've been sleeping half the time in this class.

She's like, listen, hon, I know you don't get it. Here's your grade. I can see your dumb ass come in here every day. Oh, thank God. We don't got to do that anymore. Extra credit. These guys. These guys 10.

These guys 10. Double digits. Hey, like we said, I hope you had a happy Thanksgiving. It's a holiday season. Don't forget to subscribe on YouTube. Watch us there, throw us on, send it to a friend. Let's have some fun, some good old times over here at Wave 1 on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, wherever you get your pods. So let's keep these guys going, man. Detroit House of Comedy, December 22nd. Get your tics. It's coming up. These guys. See you.