THESE GUYS! - GETABALL

Episode Date: June 4, 2024

this week the burpy boys talk about how to get that one dude outta the group picture🎟️ 𝗕𝗘𝗡𝗡𝗬'𝗦 𝗨𝗣𝗖𝗢𝗠𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗦𝗧𝗔𝗡𝗗 𝗨𝗣 𝗦𝗛���𝗪𝗦 https://benedictpolizzi.com/shows/💕 WATCH BENNY ON LOVERS & LIARS (ON CW APP)🎟️ 𝗕𝗘𝗡𝗡𝗬'𝗦 𝗨𝗣𝗖𝗢𝗠𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗦𝗧𝗔𝗡𝗗 𝗨𝗣 𝗦𝗛𝗢𝗪𝗦 Columbus - June 13 https://www.etix.com/ticket/p/52326531/benedict-pollizzi-columbus-funny-bone-comedy-club-columbus?partner_id=100Portland - June 26 https://portland.heliumcomedy.com/shows/254520Philly - July 25 https://philadelphia.heliumcomedy.com/shows/254519Raleigh - Aug 22 https://www.goodnightscomedy.com/shows/254522Buffalo - Sept 19 https://buffalo.heliumcomedy.com/shows/254521Austin - Oct 10 https://www.capcitycomedy.com/shows/254523San Diego - Nov 7 https://www.micdropcomedy.com/shows/264571Phoenix - Dec 5 https://www.micdropmania.com/shows/264572🔺𝗪𝗔𝗧𝗖𝗛 𝗢𝗡 𝗬𝗢𝗨𝗧𝗨𝗕𝗘 https://youtu.be/xxQ75QbyHHY🧢𝗧𝗛𝗘𝗦𝗘 𝗚𝗨𝗬𝗦! 𝗠𝗘𝗥𝗖𝗛 https://benedictmerch.com/products/these-guys-hoodie-1?variant=41218692775993

He matches it up for how long the ball is on the ground. Yeah. If it's a loose ball that's just continuously bouncing on the other end of the court, get a ball, get a ball, get a ball, but if it's just a little one right there, you're heading to those stars,

like, get a book. Exactly, bro. Every time it left the hand of the point guard, get up, boop, get him up,

get him up, get him up. TG. 86. The Heinz Ward episode. Dude, remember when we used to act like this wasn't a sports podcast? Only the Numbies, baby.

And how can you not? Every episode, every episode signs Ward, bro. I know, good. How can he not? The sports guy is just in us, dude. It's just, it is what it is. I mean, when you hear numbers, unless you're an advanced math genius,

you think of football players. Every, like, we would do updowns before football practice and we'd go up to like 100, but my favorite part was just, like, thinking about other football players while like 87 we'd be like counting out loud to be like Reggie Wayne 88 Arvin Harrison

I was like I don't really mind up downs that that concrete rocky ass dirt field that you'd be on July 28th hasn't rained in three weeks I don't know that

but I remember the first time I did a burpee I was like this is the worst thing ever for some reason. I've never done a burpee because of what downs. Burpee boy. The only burpees I do is what the clubhouse likes. Those burpees. We do one kind of burpee on this podcast.

Dude, but burpees are the hardest thing ever. It's like a push up and then you're like, it's the jump part. Yeah, you get up and you have to do that little bitch-ass jump. I know. You've never looked more like a bitch in your life than during that jump. because it's not like an actual jump it's just like a little like you're basically throwing your hands in the air

and lifting your calves off the ground it's the mini jump dude let's push some ticks let's push some ticks Columbus mommy's coming to town June 13th funny bone get your tickies

uh god dang I can't wait we're bringing the squad uh yeah come um come smack my ass Portland, June 26. That's going to be dope too. Never been to Portland. Kind of scared, kind of nervous. Then Philly, July 25th. I'm terrified. All tickets in the description right underneath this podcast. Yeah, I'll be in Toledo on Thursday. Opening up the chef for Jim Nance, an evening with Jim Nance. I'll be doing a quick 30 there. Pretty cool theater set up. It's like a charity event. It's like kind of a corporate charity event. So, you know. Tickets are pretty pricey for the charity and for, you know, Jim Nance, obviously. But hey, if you wanted to do some good and come out on a Thursday and hang,

uh, there would be a lit show, dude. If you're just in Toledo, I'd be like, yeah, I'm going. Yeah, excited to be there, never been to Toledo. Um, they're really pumped to be out there. Uh, but yeah, I was watching, um, a couple of old these guys clips. Not too long, like a couple days ago. And we need to keep pushing off the top. telling people, you know, because naturally you have people who fall off at the end, you know,

and don't go all the way through. It's off the jump. Not only do we have to push tickies, but we got to remind people to subscribe on YouTube, these guys on YouTube, watch us on YouTube video episode every week. It's true. Send it to your friends. Get them to subscribe. You know, make sure we see the comments.

People are talking about the people really like the double episode drop, which is cool to see. People were excited about that double episode. drop. Should we keep doing it? Last week or two weeks ago. But yeah, people were pumped about that on YouTube. So, you know,

subscribe on YouTube, send it to your friends, tell them what it's about, get them to join the clubhouse. We'll be happy Mary here. And we'll keep doing the show. And hopefully we'll do even more of the show if you keep helping us grow out there. So subscribe on YouTube,

follow us on everywhere you get your pods. Hit up your burpee boys and burpee girls. And get them in the clubhouse, bro. We know, we know you're out there. And if you get the show, you get the show. And that's just, that's just what happens. Yeah, we heard from a, we heard from

a good amount of the clubhouse this week. We'll get to it at the end. Per usual, but. Yeah, yeah. Good amount. Per usual, you know, is there. That's a crazy one. Is there a better, like, as usual, we'll get to, like,

I just, it's the only thing. And it comes to your mind no matter what, but it's such office corporate jargon. I know. I do everything in my power not to talk like that, but sometimes it just sounds too good to pass up, dude. You know how bad? I just want to knock a live in the dream out of the park sometimes. How you feeling? How you doing? Live in the dream. What year was it? Was it like 2014 when that's just like anything, everyone said that. It's the only thing people said.

No, I think it's just coming of age in your corporate life no matter what. It could have been 1958. Living the dream. You'd have old Tom Blomstone down the street and it'd be like, hey there, partner, yeah, living the dream, heading home to the wife,

got to paint the pick of fence later. Ah, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Dude, can't, can't deal. Yeah, I've been, I've been stuck. What's going on, dude? I've never liked Laquois. I never have. It's not that great,

but it's just better than water. And I'm like, yeah, I'm out on water. Need a little break from water? Yeah, dude. I go in extreme, like ins and out.

Sometimes I'm like, water. And sometimes I'm like, I cannot even, the thought of drinking water right now can't even do it. This is, I don't know,

I stole one from a fridge and drank it. And I was like, oh, that was good. Go puffed a six pack last night. Mm. Yeah.

No, that's, that's fair. The break from water, I get that. Yeah, you go on your cycles of drinks, but I don't know, something about it. It just, it always made me like super burpee. It was kind of flat the drink in my mind. Dude, I'm real burpee right now. We're gonna, this is just burpee boy fuel. Yes, Lecois.

If you want to be burpee boy, burpee girl, just down yourself half of a Laquois and you're fine. I'm kind of just letting the burps rip lately too. I'm not like being polite about it. I'm just like, crazy. Wow, spraying the burp. I'm kind of spraying,

dude. Sometimes I forget like when I'm not around people. I don't know. How was that? So, uh, I went to my wife's

high school 10 year reunion over the weekend. Shut up. Dude, it was wild. Would you wear? I was pretty proud of my fit, man.

I was, I was, I was rocking it. Not going to watch. You got any picks? You got fit picks? Oh, somewhere, but not. No, not on me.

I was in a few group pictures. You know, it was one of those things like at the start of the night. You know, we're getting together with their friends at like the pregame and stuff. And like, they're all taking the pictures of their like, you know,

friend group and the classmates. Right. So the plus ones are kind of like, they don't, they're not in yet, you know, but then by the end of the night, I was getting the,

get in here. Ooh. Ooh. Oh. Ooh, you want them over. Well, I mean, I've known me. Hey, get in this one. You feel so good.

I've known these people. I've known these people. Hey, but how about when you're taking a group picture and you're like, you have to, you have to be like, hey, can it just be us too for this one? Oh. You got to cut somebody out, but you don't want to be a dick. I never know how to do that because there's always one guy that I'm like, bro. Yeah, just totally ruined.

You're fucking up to squad. totally ruins it absolutely God yeah dude it's always and it happens multiple times this guy if you've done that you've done it probably eight to 15 times been the guy that's like trying to get in the picture when clearly you can't see

that you're not supposed to be in the picture I know now now when I take a group pick I take one with the group and automatically I'm like now you guys just get one just so no one has to tell me like just in case like let me just see myself out. Yeah, we're kind of in an even a double weird position because like you have that just like in regular life, but then like for us when we do shows and stuff and then afterwards or whatnot,

you always kind of have one of those situations. If it's a group of people, like if it's a group of, let's say three guys, but you can tell like one of the guys was trying to get one with just you and him. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah. I don't know. It's always so awkward. but you're just like all right group shot group shot then like you know but then if it's in this

situation where you're just like with a group of people friends or whatnot yeah yeah i was think you got to be voiceless about it you know what i mean but like it's like a praise praise correct praise type of thing you know you're like oh man that was dope all right um i think we're just going to do just the siblings here and then we'll get another one after yeah you just got to have a good attitude, dude. You just got to have a good attitude. Like, how come you become a photographer, you know? You're like, let's go us two, then let's go us three, then we'll do a fun one. And it's all, they always post the fun one. See, I'm in a situation like the situation. If I'm in that situation like I was over the weekend, bro, I will hide. What do you mean?

They're like, let's get a picture. Let's get a picture. And I'm like the plus one on the invite. Oh, yeah. I'm going to the, I'm going to the bathroom. I'm not in this. totally eliminate yourself from the situation until they're like no, hey, Joe, come on. Go on. All right, cool. I just want to, hey, just want to make sure you guys got yours, you know. Yeah, yeah.

Then you act all cool on the walk up. Oh, you want me. It's a win-win. You know, you don't want to be guys standing off to the side and it's weird and they know it's weird just to remove yourself from the situation. Then you're the guy who lays down in front of the picture, that guy. Always that guy. Did I try not to be that guy, but sometimes like the picture needs balance.

Like you got the tall guys on the sides. There's a couple of people in the middle. And I'm like, I at least got to squat down in front or something. There's nothing going on in the front. I've been having. Go ahead. There's always two serious pictures. Oh my God.

Take it. Then they take it again. This is crazy. What is happening? Dude, the reactions are on. Holy shit. Do you have a fireworks? When you do stuff with your fingers, like reactions, like, watch.

I don't know if it happens on your end. Oh, yeah. Maybe it's just me. I don't, I don't know. Doesn't happen for me. Anyway, they take two pictures. Wow, yeah. Oh, my God.

And then the third one, they're like, okay, do a fun one. And the fun one is the one that's always posted. Do you ever notice that? I hate the fun one. That's been happening to me so much recently. All right, now do something silly. What? Is it a smile?

is not good enough? It's not. It looks so boring. What are you going to do? What's the silly thing that you're going to do? Hey, hey, hey, hey, right here. Do a fun one. Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Somebody's ear in front of you. You just smack them in the face. Do a fun one. You said fun. Just start choking them out. Ooh, that is so funny, bro. Do a fun one. You're not a fun person.

I'm not like, I can't. And then you have in the photo, you have like, you know, like my mom, for instance. You know, she's very funny and very, you know, quirky, goofy mom lady. But like she just, she doesn't know how to handle herself in those kind of situations. So, like, you can always tell in the fun photo, you have the people who are like very dramatic and very, you know, oh, they did theater in high school. But then you have someone like my mom that like she just kind of does like, oh, she hates a fun photo. hates the fun one it doesn't know. So then it's a weird balance again.

Because you got over the top fun and you got the one that's like, I don't really, this is weird. I don't know. I just think the normal picks like, they just look so funeral, you know? And then the fun one,

like when you see it, it's like, I don't know. It's just a good balance, I think. I'm a fan of the fun pick. What's your go-to and the fun one? What are you doing?

The fun one. God damn. I don't know. I'll probably like act like I'm grabbing somebody's boob next to me. Like if it's a guy. Okay, I was going to say, yeah. There we go. If it's a girl next to me and a fun one, I don't even know what I'm doing, bro.

Hey, hey. I might just turn around. Now, that's, that's default. I think it should be that way no matter what. Look at this shit, bro. Hey, the hands never touch it. That's why, dude. That's why I don't touch them.

So weird. Yeah, but it was just, uh, tag us in your fun group picks. Let's see your fun. Let's see your fun. What do you do when it's a fun group pick? That's our new thing.

Or do you even like them? Get the fun one out of here. Just smile. We're having fun. We're smiling. We're good. When we used to the center QB thing, this isn't a sports podcast,

but we used to do the center of QV pose. No, it was like, we did catch your umpire. Oh, see, there's a good fun pick, dude.

Not bad. We started something. with that. Not bad. I'd rather do that. I took a after the Chicago show of mine, there's like a group of like

six dudes there and like together and they came out and we literally, they wanted to do like an offensive line photo. So that we had a full

offensive line. I was a quarterback and I think I had like a running back offset of me or something. It was dope. Yeah. I was like, all right, this is fun.

This is fun. I'm digging it. Did you guys like call out who you were? Were you like, I'm telling you guys. I was Brett Barb of course. I'm Brett Barb. If I was the running back,

I would have a good one. Hey, I'm Darren Sprouls real quick. Hey, fast running backs in the 40s. Hey, Dorsey Levin's. Such an RV, dude. That Packers team was so complete. Can we just talk? Hey, can we talk about Dorsey Levens for a second?

Hey, can we just talk about Jamal Anderson, the aura for a minute? That's why I was my player last week. I said Jamal Williams, I think. I meant Jamal Anderson. The Falcons running back. Jamal Andrews legend. Swag legend. Oh, my God.

The running back who had Chris Chandler as his quarterback. Chris Chandler's kind of holding it down there for a minute. Just like you're just whatever quarterback, white guy. Like your dad kind of respected him, you know? Why did I kind of want a Chandler 12 jersey though? Just because, you know, like if you wore that to school the following Monday after the Super Bowl, it'd still be like, oh, that's kind of hard, dude. That's like default late 90s quarterback Chris Chandler.

God damn, those were so dope. Jamal Anderson. Dude, if you, if I saw you wearing a Falcon Jamal Anderson jersey that year, bro, you were the coolest dude. Oh my god. Mm. All black 32. There's just something about it. I can talk about it forever.

All right. Anyway, this isn't a sports podcast. Do you know, have you been noticing how digital cameras are coming back now? They're like background fully. Are they like vintage or are they like actually useful? I mean, I think it's a little bit of both. But you remember like 10 years ago?

Well, like 7 to 10 years. ago. It was like really popular to get your girl like a Polaroid camera. Oh yeah. I was doing that. Yeah. That was a big. Yeah, I did too. Wait, you said, you said how many years ago? Like seven. We're talking like 14 to 24. Yeah. That's when it was three. 13 to 2017. I don't know. I think even like five years ago or maybe four, it was like still cool. Yeah, it's still kind of has been. But the peak, I just remember it was like, oh, I was dating a girl. I was just, I was like, I was in college still, actually. Yeah, we were both in college, but she was a little bit younger than me.

And then she was like, that was, you know, had to have a Polaroid camera to like take around at the whatever. And I was like, all right. Okay. Um, do you just drop by, do you just go by Walgreens? Honestly, don't remember, man. Dude, that is a target by, maybe a target or. Risky at Target. You know, Walgreens is going to have a target.

Oh, you got to do. No, but I'm not talking about like, I'm talking about like the, I'm not talking about like the, I'm not talking about like, that wind up and you print them off later. I'm talking about you take the photo. It prints out the little... Yeah. Yeah.

Oh. That's a disposable camera, brother. Shake it. Shake it. Shake it. Okay. Okay. Now I'm on your page now.

Yeah. That was the big rage, you know. But now it's kind of like the digital cameras that all the girls when we were in like middle school and really high school for you would take.

and like upload like 276 pictures from over the weekend on Facebook. Insane. Those are back now. Why aren't people just doing it with their phones? Just because it's cooler to have a camera? They like, it's amazing that it was happening at my wife's reunion. People were doing it with the phones, but also they had a digital camera that were taking.

They were just like, they're just like, it takes so much better pictures, man. Does it? I thought iPhone cameras were like top of the line. I never really bought that. I mean... Really? But I think it's more so just like a...

Again, like the physical media is coming back to where people are like... It's just a device for pictures that you can then print off or whatever. You know what I mean? It's just because it hasn't been around for 15 years, 17 years, and it's time to bring it back. Bring back... Bring back a flip phone, dude. It's coming. you think it's not here yet

I can't wait because iPhones just like dominate everyone's lives but I can't wait till we have different phones again I thought that was so dope when you're home he just got a new phone and you're like I've never seen that one it sounds insane it sounds crazy I can't wait

yeah oh my God he got that the slide phone remember phones that would like oh they're like slide up and then like over oh the one with the keyboard. Like you could like, you could do it this way

and this way. Like you just set. Fireworks for that one. Yeah, dude. That's probably what it was called. The Nissan Firework. I think really just the names is what you want back.

Yeah. Fucking chocolate, the razor, the Kickstarter, whatever the hell. Dude. Joe King always had the coolest phones. He had the dare.

I was like, I'm just imagining that him showing up he's just like guess what this is cold and you're like whoa what what the dare walks

I was like dude and you know what he kept saying he showed me it and like flipped it open and it was so crispy and he goes yo dare to be different I was like I was like that's the hardest thing I've ever seen in my life

yeah phone names back in the day who were really doing it for me always had always had always had the friend who had the most expensive newest cool shoes and the most expensive coolest new phone. How did they pull that off? I was like in shock. Like bro, how do you have that?

Like bro, you just casually got the Iversons for Christmas? Like, who do you think you are? It is pretty wild. Do you remember the first friend of yours or the first person in your family that got the eye phone. Dude, it was me. I like went, I went on like a, I went on like a craik dude because I saw this is crazy bro. Okay, rich friend Charlie Colsec. Yeah. He had the iPhone randomly and this is like when no one had it. Not not randomly. You just said why he had the iPhone. Well, yeah, but like it was just insane. I was like, oh shit he had. And I saw him like messing around on it. And I was like, yo, that is the coolest

shit I'd ever seen in my life. So I like held out for a year. And I was like, yo, uh, I told my dad I was like, yo, no birthday gift. No Christmas gift. Like, I want the iPhone for like graduation or something. And it was like, all right. Oh shit. Locked it in. Got it. Changed my life.

My dad was one of the. I've, I had a cousin actually. I do. This is so. Holy shows. Like this is, this feels like I'm like, we're like, we're literally talking about history here. Like there's people listening and there's also like thinking about telling my kids this, right? Like my cousin showed up to a cookout with the iPhone. This must have been like summer of 2007 or 2008. Yeah.

Well, whenever the first one came out. The silver back. Yeah. Thick as shit, right? Looking back now. Like round, thick, silverback. Tiny screen. So cool, though.

It was so cool. But at the time, dude, we were gathered around the table. Like, we were cavemen who had just discovered fire. Like, he was passing around, like, setting it on the table. We were all like, wait, so it does like, boo. Dude, this is popping up my head. This is crazy. Oh, my God.

We were all just so mind blown, one, about how he got it. Because it's like, fuck you, you're not rich. How to hell like. Yeah, that's crazy. But then two, that it was like, whoa. it's actually here. It's not just... And then my dad, I think, like a year later,

he was on the... He was on the trend early, too, where it was like, what the fuck? Like, dad showed up home with an iPhone. And that was a big... Dude, some dads are just tech savvy. I think that's the thing is my dad, like, really, like, just like with his clothes, like,

he wants to be on the up and up with his clothes and fashion, but he also wants to be, like, on the up and up with, like, having an iPhone, for example, in 2009. That's sick, bro. That's your dad had the iPhone. Your dad gets cooler every episode, bro. Cooler shit than me. I didn't have the iPhone.

I didn't get the iPhone until I was like a freshman in college. Senior in high school, maybe. Anyway. It was a crazy day when you got the iPhone. You felt like you were in. I was like, isn't the I, like the, because you remember, I remember the dad I got the iPod, like the iPod touch, like the iPod touch. That was a huge day in my life.

Those were sick too when those came out. but I was like, why isn't it just a phone? Right. And you could kind of like text from it with those weird apps and everything. I know. I was obviously going to call, but you could pretty much do everything else.

Like, I just remember just like half my life at that time was just like finding new screensavers that I thought was sick. Me too. Hey, what's the coolest song I can have on my phone and what's the dopest lock screen?

Like, just that's it. It's like 2009. It was either like Terrell Prior in Ohio State uniform or Megan Fox and like some white sheets. That's crazy. It's like a summer of Megan Fox.

I never had a girl on my phone. Only football players, bro. Ooh, that might be the question. What was your hardest lock screen? There's a bit in there about how like being a football, like liking, being a football fan like that.

Like you're the straightest gay guy ever. Yeah. Oh, for sure. Dude, forever. My lock screen. on my phone, my best one, was like Megatron.

And Roy Williams, both lions, black jerseys. Oh my God, bro. I might make it mighty lock screen right now. Dude, it's the sickest picture of all time. In the black? Sorry, kids. Can't have you as my screensaver. Sorry, honey. No screensaver for you. I actually need the picture of the Sean Jackson

falling backwards into the Cowboys End Zone with his visor on you can't even put me as your lock screen sorry babe Jackpot did it better dude that's so true oh actually hold on I gotta find the picture

wait what are you doing I remember we were kind of I was going through because I was trying to find a picture of you in your open house outfit to post last week dude there's a way better one but I was going through no yeah

not that one but I was going like all the way back through here's just an example of Johnson's social media presence in like 2008 hey June 22nd 2010 Cardinals introduced black jerseys wait I just

oh that was hard caption caption uh oh like why did I think that was breaking news or postworthy or postworthy that's my favorite what like that is that postworthy I thought it was I was like this is insane that they just got black jerseys all of a sudden

this pick lock screen worthy bro that's the hardest thing I've ever seen in my life wow I know he said wow it is it's wow worthy vertical too you don't got weirdly stretching out the framing the framing Oh.

Nothing worse than that when you're like, oh, this pick is sick, dude, and then it's just all fucky because the dimensions don't or, oh,

the heartbreak. Yeah, you're like, can't use that one. Did you ever have one now that you thought was so sick? They were just like, fuck it,

I'll just use the square one. You convince yourself that it kind of looks better all stretched out and shit. You're like, it looks better. It's like abstract. All right?

No, it was before it would stretch like that. You remember, like, if it was a rectangle, I would just stay as a rectangle right? I hated it

I hated that dude I literally couldn't my brain couldn't work if my phone looked like that I'm like now it's just like cuts off there's black at the top and bottom I'm like dude

that's so whack usually it was like a stadium shot you know like there's like a dope on a Wrigley or something Lambo Lambeau feel yeah for some reason

I don't know I was like 16 and Terrell Pryor was that Ohio State and he was just the tidesest fucking he was so dope man he was cold bro he was like Chris Brown if Chris Brown

played football I'm pretty sure this was it hmm clean bro oh looking the visor the gayest thing I've ever said yeah it looks so good the lights glaring off the helmet

and for like two years my lock screen was just like a pop tart or some shit Wild blueberry Yeah Well It was that purple pop Wildberry

Wildberry Pop-Tart I was like this fits perfectly Like dimensions add up And like that's my shit Like I don't know Or it's just a pair of shoes A pair of Jordans that I wanted so bad

Do you ever have yourself As your lock screen No I don't think so That's so weird to me Maybe if it was like me and two of my friends or some shit Or like you know Like you score maybe in college And like your homies are like jumping up with you in the end zone

Like maybe something like that But I don't think I did ever We had this kid on our baseball team in high school And he just had himself on the mound As his background What the fuck? Like is that your dad's phone? Like that better be your dad's phone bro

That's your phone How cool do you think you are? a whole different thing added to when you're like with a girl like she had to be when that switch came like that oh you had to have your girl as your lock screen i don't think i ever did that or like i'm just saying in general like you know somebody like your friend or something you'd be like oh whoa we're lock screen in it lock screen official these locks screen your ass dude you got her on the lock screen that's when you know it's real is she your lock screen that's you're lock screen that's when you know it's real is she your lock screen that's though. I've never been that far into a relationship when a girl's been my lock screen.

Haven't hit that point. Nothing overrides Calvin Johnson, bro. Sorry. Or just like the most random player ever from your favorite football team on the video game. It's so funny too that like

yeah, I mean, even still to this day. Like I have, I have buddy. they'll have their lock screen it'll be like a vertical thing of like a football player insane dude but you gotta you gotta you gotta tip the cap

yeah I'm like whatever man it's your screen dude that's what you want to look at all the time get on you what's yours right now oh my okay yeah makes sense

why is mine just the background of picture day yeah i always you've had that for a while i'm like why is he really long time why is it the weird weird laser meme without my mom would never buy the like expensive package for picture day it was like to have like the plane i had the plane one i had the plane one for sure but but the the kid that had the iPhone when it first came out

had the lasers in the back and i was like that is so cool i don't know i just thought it looked good for some reason i feel like we haven't we never even had the lasers as an option I feel like it was always like, uh, just like, uh, a,

uh, paint brush blue, like a dark tan kind of thing. Yeah. Maybe a white. I don't know. I always just had the plain ass blue. Yeah,

default. Take it. Hop right in. Sure. Worst picture, bro. Worst picture ever. Dude,

remember that time you actually have. a good picture for picture day though. You were like, okay. It's insane. It's one take and you don't even get to see it. Like, damn, bro. They were rifling through people. What's even more crazy is yeah, grade school

and middle school, one take, didn't get to see it. And then you were like a month and a half later, they'd show up and you'd be like, that's what's going in the yearbook. But in high school, we may not

we probably still only had one take, but at least like the IDs would print off right after. So you got a media gratification where you're like, all right. At least I know. Yeah, at least I know what I'm getting into. That was sick. Dude, remember picture retake day? Did you ever do that?

Oh, I remember somebody was wearing something different at school. And I was like, what the fuck are you doing, bro? He was like, picture retakes. I was like, oh, shit. that's that's like embarrassing dog like yeah you were that ugly that day that you had to come in and get a free dress dress down day to retake there's always there's always like four kids that do it and you're like you guys are so ugly it's probably just their mom dude being like i don't i don't want a close mouth smile Tommy no but like okay janet suck it up dude

like if I if I'm ugly in the picture it's not worth like running it back like just you got an ugly picture this year don't be ugly next time that's what my mom would say it's part of the it's part of the progression too when you put them on that wheel you know of the graduation open house where you have kindergarten all the way through you're like oh man sixth grade was rough for you but look you blossom in the ninth grade and you're looking yeah yeah come back here holy shit dude yeah six, seventh, probably even eighth grade for me. Yikes, oh my. Braces.

Just nothing but braces like fucking probably acne everywhere, like greasy, like greasy, trying to gel my hair and she's just bad. Always had a Zit right here every time. Yep. Right there, bro. Yep. Or like a scar on your nose from one of them. So greasy. The braces, dude.

Braces and pictures is not. not working out. Hey, if you got braces, I'm all good with the... How about people have braces in school for so long, like six years? They get them taken off

and you're like, you look better with them. I don't even know you. I don't even want to know you. I thought it was weird, dude. People got their braces off. I was like,

I'm good, yeah. Did you never have braces? Somehow, no, I didn't. Fuck you. Of course you. I know. I know. I know.

I know. I know. It's not. But like, I don't know. My uncle just told me to push my teeth together. And I think he was fucking with me. But I actually did it. And I think it might have worked.

Wait, you, I swear you had braces. I didn't. Only you and fucking Nick Baker didn't have to get braces. It was kind of amazing. Like, that's the one thing that I'm like, all right.

Everything else is pretty fucked up. But I got to stop saying the F word. My teeth were so messed up. Are we saying the F word? I don't know. I think I've just dropped like four of them It's kind of a lot From like fourth grade

Until September of eighth grade bro Braces I was that guy I was that guy for you You would have been like keep him on I do remember you with braces Hey it was a good look Black and yellow every teeth

Every tooth Oh yeah You did Yeah Oh yeah Did you ever change it? What color do you want this time.

Black and yellow every time. And then if it was springtime, blue and red. I just raked you. Not bad for a Feke. Then the springtime, blue and red. That's funny, dude. Do you ever do a little navy and gold for Notre Dame or anything? Yeah, yeah, yeah, fall.

Yeah, for sure. Did you ever go neutral? Sometimes it would be like, I think sometimes I'd get my ass on like a holiday. Be like around Halloween. I'd be like, a little black and orange. Shut up.

Hey, do you go green and red? Did you go green and red? Oh, I feel like the orthodontist office was closed from like November 28th to like January 17th. They're still closed.

I never could get in for the Christmas colors. Christmas braces go crazy. At the, at the school party. Like the Catholic school grills. Oh shit. Joe, you got green and red.

Somebody had silver one time. Caitlin Dawson had silver one time and I was like, you know what? Kind of hot. You remember like having the So, it's so funny for the clubhouse who listened to like Minnesota

and they don't have like any reference to these names that we drop but then the people that we see on the regular still in Indianapolis like I'm sure it gets back to them somehow. No, it does. By the way, real quick, uh,

you've been here. a while. A 16 bit has a slide now. Shut up. Yeah. On the inside? On the inside from the balcony on the second story to the first. God, man. That is so cool.

Imagine the guy that was just like, can we get a slide in here? It's like directly, when you walk in, the first thing you see it's directly to the left of the bathroom. Did you go down it? I wouldn't, I wouldn't not do it, but it was just, It was Saturday nights. It was busy and I was plus one at the reunion. So I was trying not to be an idiot. 16 bit, bro.

He's going on the slot. Who's fucking breaking their back going down the slide? Oh, it's Riley's husband. I don't want to be that guy. And he made a face at the bottom, too. As if there was a camera. Kind of hurts a little bit. Kind of hard to get up.

Right. Last thing I need. All right. Check the club hash. Check the clubby. From Brendan. From Brendan. Message for these guys.

Hey guys, massive fan of your podcast. Would you rather have halitosis for life or really smelly feet? I don't know what halitosis. Bad breath. Oh. I think I have both. Slap my ass sideways, put a rotissory chicken in my mouth,

and stick the steam car. and between the space between my two front teeth so I can gain some points. Also, Joey, your Al Michael's impression is uncanny. Oh,

wow, thank you very much. I thought you're going to do it real quick. I think you got into it, but you bailed. What happened? I bailed. It's okay. Hey, no free impressions, babe.

Cheers, Brendan. Yeah, I mean, I'd rather have, I'd rather have worse smelling. feet because you can cover it up. Cover it up. It's an, like your only, your wife or your girl or whoever is like really the only, you know what I mean? Like

the breath, dude, that's a daily, that's everywhere. Everywhere you go. Everybody has bad breath. Just what are you doing about it? Yeah. Interesting question. From Watson. Jason Seahorn. Oh.

Do you guys have funny stories of losing your cool when you played youth sports. Could be someone else having a meltdown too. I had to apologize to the YMCA board for cursing them out midgame over a bad call. Love you all and please take a three wood. Then happy Gilmore

my shins. Oh yes, bro. I love these. Three wood to the shins. Yeah, now we're talk. I'm about ready to be on real quick. I'm ready to be on golf outing tear here. Oh God, dude.

You bet to rip up the course. We're going to have to either record like on Sundays or Tuesdays or something because next handful of Mondays, I'm course calling from like 9.30 to 6 p.m. Are you serious? Yeah. Like you're just doing it yourself? No. Like I have like golf outing invites that I'm going.

Oh, wow. Jesus Christ. I'm the guy that nobody will invite to their golf outing, but that checked out. I got, uh, right, right, right, right. I've got that one coming up. Right, right. And then I have one for St. Jude the week after. Anyway.

Yeah, dude. Funny stories of losing it. I mean, I played travel baseball my whole life. That was like literally the only thing that was happening is kids striking out, freaking the fuck out. Oh. I remember we were getting our asses beat by. Mount Carmel or something

and we were playing at Cathedral on the turf and dude we just couldn't do anything and I started like yelling and shit at your linemen and everybody I think somebody missed a block and I just lost it I was just like God we can't do anything dude I just got mad

it was just we were helpless anytime playing Mount Carmel I was like can we do it anything? I don't know I just I got a little upset tough day at the office but like right after I was like I can't believe

I just got that mad like come on I had a kid who got who would get so pissed off in the dugout and shit like he got taken out of the game like from pitching or if he struck out or he would come back to the dugout

and just like lose it like tear down his bag fucking throw his bat kickover bucket like be like crying and also just like screaming. And one time it got to the point where literally the umpire, who I think had just like rung a bump,

like stopped the game and came over to our dugout and was like, you need, someone needs to get him under control. This is a problem. And so our third base coach who wasn't even his dad, mind you. Ooh. Right.

This was straight up like, I think we were 10 or 11. And third base coach who wasn't even his dad had to like come. into the dugout during gameplay and like fucking whole you know what I mean like hold his face so he'd stop freak it out and just lay into him about like getting it together.

Oh my God. What a move by that guy. Yeah. It was a scene. Salute. Somebody's got to do it. Going up to somebody else's kid and being like, hey, calm the down. That's insane to think about. I feel like I wouldn't have the right to do that.

Did you ever get a tech in basketball? Um, God, I had to have. I think I, I think I low-key tackled somebody one time I got a tech. They were like, Falam hard and I was like,

yeah, okay. So I just like, knock this motherfucker out like midair. And I was like, you said Falam hard. Like, what do you want me to do?

Like slap them? Yeah. I went Bolinard on an official one time. What did you do? We were in sixth grade. We were playing. at like Whiteland some AAU tournament

and like I like went up for a layup got hit no contact I mean no foul call right missed the layup I like looked up at the official who was right there and kind of just like

looked at me and started looking away I just fucking slam the ground just go bullshit playing the ground he got my ass he tagged you up feed me up dude yeah oh one time

I think I slam the ball down. Like, you know, if you slam it down and it goes up? Uh-huh. Uh-huh. I didn't catch it. Like, you know, you slam it and catch it. It's cool. Yeah. But it went like 30 feet in there, and I was like, oh, God.

Probably got you. Yeah. I had some free. I had a post game freak out one time where, like, I, like, did one of those where I just, like, threw all the buckets where the balls were going everywhere, like, hit a cooler with a bat. You did that? Yeah. That's so baseball.

It's so funny because my teammates, your teammates are just like on the other end of the bench and they kind of just like let you do it. You're just watching you. You're like, yeah. Jesus Christ. Because then you got the one kid that's just like,

it's all good, Joe. Like, go on. You're like, shut the fuck up. You know. He knows he's going to get it too. Yeah,

I was a hot head. I think I, I think I got a tech for like grabbing the rim and warmups too. Oh, nice, hard. I was just trying to be cool and I just thought we could do it. And somebody was like, grab the rim and I was like, all right.

Didn't they text me up? I was like, I didn't get a tech before the game starts. I never understood that rule. I don't know. Yeah, there's some weird shit in baseball too that you like get in trouble for or just like, you know, like if you ended the inning, you know, like if you struck out or something

and ended the inning and you like tossed your bat or something and just. Oh, dude. Baseball's littered with weird rules. Yeah. You can't do any of that stuff, especially when you're like growing up on like travel. I'm sure they're real strict.

You can barely even toss your bat in the MLB. Right. From Ryan. Subject, Johnson's a lightweight. Hey, fellas, longtime watcher and emailer. I have a bone to pick with my generation when it comes to sports.

Sportsic names have become too lazy. Cola Yokic is Joker. Anthony Edwards is Am. What happened to chocolate thunder? The round mound of rebound, the glove, ice man, Clyde the glide. What's your personal favorite sports nicknames?

Personally, I'm going Andre Bad Moon Rising. Secondly, would you rather receive nothing or receive $100 million up front but one time each year for the rest of your life, Prime Randy Johnson hunts you down at random and pegs you with a baseball as hard as you can? That's fine. That's fine. Actually, Randy Johnson really scary.

I mean, if it's just a bite, body shot, I would take that for 100 mil. With the baseball? Give me a Randy Johnson. Give me a Randy Johnson fastball 60 feet, six inches plus away. And the ribs of the back. I'll do that once a year for 100 mil.

Yeah, me too. Can't do the head because then you get kill you. Yeah. Ooh, that would hurt. Do I have a bat? Like just, just like my brain thinks it's okay. Like maybe I can hit it or is, or are you just like this?

Go ahead, Randy. Yeah. I'd take that deal. Personal favorites. I think the nicknames like back in the, like that era were like corny. Like they're too long. You know,

the round mound of re-like shit, okay. I think it's just when you shorten the name, it's good. Like ant, like that's perfect, right? At least it's something. You know, you can get like an ant-man out of it,

you know, kind of build a. Yeah. Okay, yeah. I guess I know what he's saying. He's a little more creative. Mark McGuire, Big Mac. Killer name. Oh my God. That's crazy. And then McDonald's got behind it. Like, let's go, bro. I always loved, I mean, AI, the answer.

God. Like, Devin Hester, anytime. That's really? That's it. Anytime. Is anytime, bro Yeah, that's great I love that I wasn't aware of that I think I saw

on Instagram post the other day And it was player nicknames And I was like Anytime Prime time There's a lot of good ones That's just become That's just become his name

Yeah He's not Dionne He's just coach Prime And they get shorter And shorter as you go too It's just Prime now Yeah Prime

I'm still always like, I'm like, he didn't have a hand in the drink. I know, man. You know, you know they've been hitting him up for that. Like how many emails are in Dion Sanders like inbox like from Logan Paul? I'm like,

can you guys just collab and get this over with? It's going to kill me. From Alex. Subject, dad thought of it first. Hey, boys, longtime clubhouse member,

first time emailer. Joey, I love your stand-up show in Minnesota. Awesome seeing both of you guys love out your dreams. Oh, thanks, man. Appreciate it. Love you. Yeah, that was a cool venue. It was a cool spot. I appreciate you coming. Thanks. Always some of my favorite content videos are when you guys start riffing on the pod is the shit that dads do or just typical things your own dads do.

Now that I have two kids my own, I habitually grunt when I stand up from a chair and feel obligated to talk to people about the weather, yard work, and grilling or smoking meat. What are some things about Mr. Molanero or Coach P that you feel yourself's doing purely out of instinct? Or what about them do you purposely try to emulate? Slap my ass while Brett Farben, Warren's step, kiss and get a crazy sports dad on the sideline yells. Get a ball, get a ball, get a ball. Get him up. Oh, I remember. Okay.

Yeah, I remember talking to Alex after the show. I think him and his buddy were the ones wearing the, uh, the Harrison Barn. and the Shaq Celtics Shack Celtics. Because they brought the get-a-bog get-a-ball. They thought it was fake. I was like, no, it's a real-ass story. And so then once we were done talking

and they were leaving, they were walking out of the door, and they're literally going, get-a-b-buck-a-b-b-b-tall. That's so fucking funny, man. Oh, my. How about that family? Has no idea that we talk about them,

like three times a month. Get-um-g-gum-b-b-b! Every time there's a loose ball, bro. Insane. I was like, it was like, it was like automatic. Every time there's a loose ball, get him up. I was like, he is not missing one second.

Even if it's like, yeah, like it, he matches it up for how long the ball is on the ground. So if it's like, if it's a loose ball that's just continuously bouncing on the other end of the court, get a ball, get a ball, get a ball, get a ball, but if it's just a little one right there, head to those starts like, get a ball, exactly. Every time it left the hand of the point guard, get a ball, get a ball, get a ball, get a ball, get a ball, Get him, get him up. You like turn and try to test it out and you just have it your hands and nothing's going on. You're like throwing up to yourself.

You're trying to get him. You like fake it. You're like, Oh, he wouldn't let that slide. Things that, all right, real quick, hold on.

Some things that you feel yourself's doing purely out of instinct. I feel like my cadence for how I leave voicemails. is exactly like my dad because that's all I heard growing up. I sound just like my dad, yeah. The only thing I heard in my car. If you want to give me a call back, that's Joe 317, 8, 4.

You know, like that's, that happened. They're so good at it, dude. Dads have mastered the voicemail. Number at the beginning, name, and they always circle back with the number at the end. just in case, like, you don't see the phone number on the phone you're calling. But now you have it too much time. I always, and I found myself doing this on Saturday night at the reunion.

Me and my sisters always give my dad a hard time because he's like a nervous talker. So like if there's like dead, if there's dead air or like, you know, dead space. Like my dad will just be like, so. Yeah. You know. That's. So anyways, that's, you know, and I find myself doing that now. Oh, man, I hate that.

In a situation, like my wife's 10-year reunion with these, you know, we'd get there, the people that I haven't known who she is still friends with, but if I'm catching up with, I found myself in a situation. It's been like, but, you know, that's, uh, that's how it goes. Yeah, like, just saying nothing for 13 seconds. Yep. So, uh-huh. Man, right?

Those are big ones. Those are big ones. Um, what do I do that my dad does? Everything? Um, that is crazy. I guess I do.

My dad was always a fan of like, he would never like sit down in a place. He would always stand up in the back. I, I kind of like doing that too. standing up in the back Super Bowl party Oh I love standing up in the back

at Super Bowl parties I want to visit everybody I like I can't sit there for three hours bro I want to mingle Why does your dad do that? I don't know But like every sports game I ever went to He's never sitting in the bleachers

He always standing by the door Yeah Probably because he didn't want to talk to people He was the opposite He didn't want to have to talk to the other parents sitting there. He just want to be on his own. Expect that. And I think he just really wanted to watch the game, you know, like

no distractions. But he wouldn't do that like in church. I'd go with him to church and I'd be like, maybe we'll stand in the back here. Because standing in the back at church is kind of fun. It's not really church though. That's probably why. That's why I like it.

Yeah. Yeah, he wants to be a good Catholic and be closer. When it was a packed house at church and he got there kind of late, My mom would do this all the time. She'd be always standing in the back. Because you know you're leaving early. Yeah, dude.

The church is like 45 minutes tops. We get out of there, 38 minutes. See you later. And out, got your homily, got your communion. Right after communion. And when you're standing in the back, everybody thinks everybody's already knows that you're going back there anyways. So instead of just posting up against the wall,

you just slide your merry ass on out. Yep. And you're kind of laughing a little more when you're standing up. in the back. Like I'd be sitting down in the in the pew and there'd be a family in the back and I'd be like, what are they laughing about? Like what am I? Well, you got bird's eye view. I mean, you're, you're just able to pick anyone apart from back there. Because no one's doing it to you. So you're gaining all the material. Did you ever slide up to the top? The, the sniper post up there in church. I never knew how to get up there, man. I was always like, is that really where God is? This is weird.

Some churches would allow you to go up there It's like extra seats Yeah We got upper deck dude Yeah Let's go Like where we grew up it wasn't But all right

All the churches yeah Last one here from Nathan Football video games Hey guys just started following the pot After discovering the Johnson Many videos on Twitter Makes me laugh every single time Sweet

Super pumped about the new NCAA Football game And I was curious Are y'all gonna buy the game And if so Which teams and color schemes Are you choosing first For me

I went to Apple Appalachian State, so I'm choosing them and going all black uniforms against the tar heels with their Carolina blue away uniform. Thanks again for the good content. Slop my ass while I'm wearing a Brett Farr Vikings jersey while watching Remember the Titans for the fifth time in a row. Quote, I don't want to hit him. Oh, I don't want them to gain another yard. You blitz all night. Nate.

Um, what a seat. What a scene there. Those are so good. Best and send-offs are so good. Will Patton. What uniform matchup are we doing?

Yeah, I probably won't buy it because I don't have a gaming system. Me neither. I'm trying to talk my brother-in-law into buying it. He does. Part of me wants to buy it. I think about it like once every three days. I'm like, what if I just started gaming? Wouldn't that be fun, dude? What if we played

game? What if we played online? That'd be so fun. I'm like, I just never wood. I know, yeah. Color schemes I'm going with. Got anything? Texas white out against God dang, maybe TCU.

I'd love to see those uniforms. TCU is the best uniforms, I think, right now. Black Raspberry ice cream. It's always like a traditional school against like a new, you know, like Oregon, something crazy against. like some traditional

like Notre Dame or something you know it's just like the the colors just clash so well give me a Clemson all purple yep week one Clemson all purple

versus Georgia with yeah give me Clemson all purple Oregon with Florida State away white with the

garnet with a gold helmet the good matchup dude primetime matchup I always love doing I don't know why the Clemson all purples I'm always just like oh this is video game me too I'm like why don't they do that in real life more right and so when I do see it in real life I'm like I make sure you want to play a video game

yeah CJ Spiller all purple Clemson come on thanks for the question though Nathan and welcome glad to have you. Appreciate you. See what we're talking about,

Clubhouse. Right there. Nathan, saw, hopped on, gets it right away. You know, we're smacking his

ass with a Vikings, Brett Farr, purple jersey on, okay? God, who's not? Who's not?

That's what it all is. Follow us on wherever you get your pods, especially Stitcher. When he's actually said that that one time.

It's been too long. It's been too long. And then subscribe on YouTube. throw it up on TV get us going. I love being there and chopping it up and have it. Yeah. Tell your friends, join the clubhouse.

We love you guys. Smack my ass and make me fly. But get your tickies. Be on the lookout for clippies. And we'll talk to you guys next week. All right. Cool. Roddy White. Wayne Krabet. That's so stupid.

All right, bro.