THESE GUYS! - Getting the Lake House Invite

Episode Date: May 24, 2024

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It was your plan. That was the plan the whole time though. You're like secretly, oh, please don't eat this. Please don't eat that. You ever buy food

for somebody in hopes that they don't eat it? So you can eat it. That's a big thing you do with your girl. TG 84. TG, TG, TG, TG, TG, TG, TG, TG, TG, TG, TG, TG, TG, on two, on two.

It's a two-four, on two. It's a twofer. It's a twofer. On two. Say, hot. Something about going, under center and saying green 84 you know

black 9 was a good one we're just making those up we didn't have anything they didn't mean anything we're just like great 84 blue 20 blue 20 was just whatever number in color

sounded good black 9 was sick bro that does it sounds like a it sounds like a like a ops mission like a black ops mission or a rapper True Black 9 TJ 80

TG 84 84 Best wide receiver number That's so funny That we can just do this Every time What are we going to do When we get in the hundreds

101 best Dalmatians movie I think it's got to go 84 or 88 Right 81's kind of sick too 81 is like the weird receiver that like he can pop off for like

seven catches, 132 yards and two touchdowns or he's just invisible. Why is 81's arms always swinging like this? 81, he's not like, he's not your number one receiver, but he's probably your most popular receiver. He is popular. I'm not the kid like in the youth football that like watched too much

NFL and he'd line up as a receiver and didn't get a ball thrown to him all year, but he, Yeah Then there'd be that weird Like slot receiver It'd have a weird Dude Dude when the receivers would

When receivers would put their arms up like this Like what are you doing Are you getting ready for a cage fight? I know I was like this isn't the sport you think it is I was like Do you think this is like MMA bro Just chill out for me

Come on dude They're like Yeah The coach, coach said, you know, it's no waste of motion. There's no waste of motion. Like,

yeah, but you look like a freak. Yeah. Dude, that's the only thing I said during football like plays. I'd be like, can you chill out?

I'm like, hey, relax, dude. Like after the plays over, but I'd be like, can you? Worst teammate to have. Johnson.

I was all right. I was all right. I was all right. I rode for the boys. I rode for the boys. Uh, why don't you push some tickies real quick. Hey, let's push ticks. Columbus, June 13th.

Cannot wait for that. Uh, Portland, June 26th. Philly, July 25th. And all the rest of the dates are in the description or at benedictpolice.com. Philly, man. That's, that's a random one that I'll get. Like, people either reply or send me a message, be like, come to Philly, bro. And I'm like, I can't tell if like you really want.

me too or if this is like a prank. Yeah, dude, I'm so scared to go. I know. I'm like, you guys are just going to make fun of me. Fine, I'll go. Dude, it's, my mind is so fucked, bro. Like, I know. I, yeah.

No, literally, like, I don't have any tiggies to push. So go see Ben. I'm working on getting new tiggies to push. But right now, I don't. The St. Jude event was really great on Tuesday night, the Vogue. Had a good, good crowd, good number of people out there. Had a fun time with, with Quentin and Hinch and Colton. And yeah, we raised over $21,000, which I was,

which I was really pumped about. I had really no expectation going into the night. I was like, hey, you know, they say every dollar, you know, they say every dollar counts and it does. And between the tickets and the donations and the bidding on the sound auction items, Yeah, over $21,000 going to St. Jude kids and families who need it. So appreciate everybody. Super dope.

And now I'm just chilling out for a little bit. I'm not going to be pushing tickeys down to everybody's throat for a bit. So you're welcome. It feels good. Feels good to just kind of chill on the pushing tickeys. But you got to push tickets our whole life. I know. Pushing ticies, ripping reels, posting clipies.

I know. It is. You know, put it in the bio, put it on the tombstone. I uh but that's how fucked up my mind is though man like so Chicago like did really like really good numbers in Chicago like a lot of take you know it was like a sold out show with Zanis it's not a huge venue but still it's like they're it said so murpy boy hello hello I love you burpee boy whoa um and I literally when I saw that I texted my manager and I was like this has got to be like a prank right like some group of people got a whole

thing like what you know she's like what are you talking about no it's not you know so that's just how fucked up my mind is clubhouse so thanks for dealing with me I'm like nothing's actually real there's no way hey we got to uh

I was talking about put it on the bio put it in the tombstone I cannot do any more I cannot do hang it in the Louvre I don't even know what that is I've heard it but I'm like It just goes one through one ear and out the other.

I don't say that. Oh, my God. I mean, it's, it's so fitting that you don't know what it is. It's just like world famous art museum in France. The Louvre. And I mean,

we've been going on like seven years now, I feel like of anything on Twitter, any picture that is cool, any, any offensive linemen who somehow gets their hands on the ball on the game and like, you know, has their gut out and puts their hands up with the ball.

any of that shit, you inevitably get like six tweets that pop up in all caps. Hang it in the Louvre. Oh, okay. I get it. I've heard it, but I'm like, now it makes sense. You're right. You just think it's washed. Oh, the Louvre is full. Lube's been full. They got no, they got no more room. Find a different one. Yeah, that's bad. Anything else that's...

That and the third. I'm done with people saying this, that, and the third. Okay, fill me in here. I don't know if I'm familiar with this. Like, instead of et cetera or et cetera. They're like, yeah, yeah, you know, you go there and you get, you get this, you get a coffee, you get a bagel, this, that, and the third. I'm like. Man, I've never heard of that.

Bro, Cam Newton said it one time during like a popular podcast and then everyone. just started saying it. I was like, guys. Oh, man. Come on. I can't do it. I'm all about a good, et cetera,

et cetera. Et cetera. Is it et cetera? Et cetera, et cetera. You know, a little ETC. I'm all about a little ETC, bro.

ETC, got to put the period on that one or else I'm like, what is he saying? Right. Yeah. But hey, you throw in there.

Yeah, so we're looking to do this. You know, come out, have people there. etc etc this that and the third I don't know

get out of here get out of here with that shit this that and the third no no no no no no no yeah et cetera is just it's just my yada yada really you know

blah blah blah when people are telling the story he's like you can come here blah blah blah and I'm like stop the face that always happens when people say that they roll their eyes back and then they kind of, yeah,

blah, blah, blah, blah. You know, blah, blah, blah. I need to see Rake do that, actually. Blah, blah, blah. No bad for a pack guy. Print his shirt, bro. Not bad for a bag guy. Can you not just picture

some dude at a little league softball game, like randomly just a dad, not bad for a fat guy. Dude, it works for everybody. Fat guys would be so funny in it. But, like, even people that aren't fat. Like, that's kind of funny still.

Dude, but a fat guy would crush in that shirt. Come on, man. I'm bad for a bag. Just at a subway? The amount of people that you'd get with, like, a, oh, okay, you know. Who's not wanting to have fun with that guy? Who's not down with that guy? Dude, I just want to, I just want to rot,

Rod, right, right, hat. So bad. Rod, rod, rot, right. Right, right. Right. Right. Right. Right.

Right. Are you wearing a, are you wearing a, like a shell necklace? Yeah. This is you in six years. Yeah. It's the St. Judefest.

How'd you know? I just remember you're the only one rocking pooks back then. I was like, what? He's doing it, you know? People were all talk. People were all talk about the puka shells.

I only saw people. doing it in like California really on MTV. Nobody was really doing it in the suburbs of Indiana. They're like Hollister ads. And then I saw you. Yeah, then I saw you rock it. And I was like, whoa, he's, we really went there. Hell yeah. I did it. Yeah, I did it a couple of times. It was just summer. It was just a summer thing because I was like, all right, you know, wearing it to school, that could be like social suicide, you know, like. But if you do it in summer at a place where, yeah, you'll probably see some people at the St. Jude Fest or, you know, but it's kind of a safe, you know, it was like a good safe play there.

I could test this out. Do I like it? How are people reacting to it? You know, low risk type of environment. So I wasn't like rocking it at school or anything. That would have been a bit much for me. But at a summer festival when you got like the, the plaid cargo shorts on with like a bright orange polo shirt,

that little pooka. That little pookin, Nakua. Pooks, Nikukes. Who's not calling him Pooks and a cooks? Jesus Christ. Pookie bear? Come on. Oh, yeah, dude.

Every girlfriend he's ever had called him that. Pookie bear for sure. My pooky bear. Oh, my God. I can already see the caption. But, yeah, low stakes at the St. Jude Fest, bro. There's kind of nothing better than those festivals in the summer. I still get excited when I'm driving around town and I see the little, uh,

You know, the little flyers in the yards. Oh, I, when you ride by the school and you forget what day and time it is and you see like one of those festivals, you're like, oh my God, that's going on right now. Yo. I'm pulling in, man. And I stop buying like a like a piece of pizza or something, you know? Sure some. A lot of letdowns there too, though. Oh, yeah.

But you know what I'm saying? Like right now is the time where like you're driving around, you know, off of by long's donuts. and they have the flyers in the yard that's like St. Jude Catholic Church and School Festival these days. And they're like, should I see if my wife wants to go? Should I win her like a stuffed monkey? Should we take the kids? Yeah. That would be funny.

You should do that. Oh, man. Just so many drunk dads. I didn't even notice that, man. That was just so crazy. that that was even a thing. When I got introduced to summer festivals and I had no idea,

that St. Rock one was peak. I know this is inside baseball, but... It was the first one. It was the first one and it was like in a rough part of town seemed a little dangerous. The next,

you're going to that, it's the first one, you're seeing chicks from different schools and then like the next week you're stacking desks. It's like school's over. So you're like, this is just beginning.

This is nuts. That did just build up the last week of school even more. A lot of jeans shorts at that festival. I was like... Oh, yeah. I didn't know jean shorts were like the thing, but like, wow, I was fooled. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Yeah, no, you don't think about it, but it's like... That was like the precursor to, you know, when you got to be in high school and college and everybody would go and have like the summer ticket or mega ticket or whatever the hell that was. And everybody, you know, those were the festivals in. The festivals when you're in grade school and middle school, that set the story for the country mega ticket and the concerts that would be happening all summer long. Yeah, that was the middle middle school mega ticket.

St. Rock, St. Jude, O.L.G. all those fests. I would have bought that. I would have bought that ticket. Because I wasn't just going for one day, bro. I was going Friday, Saturday. Some people would be like, you go to the St. Rockfest on Sunday, I'd be like, Sunday, bro?

They even do that? Yeah. That's too kid friendly for me. Sunday, fun day when you're a kid. Yeah, I go to one of those festivals. Low expectations. Like, man, Sunday's going to suck. End up being the best day of your life.

But still not great, though, because you have a paper due tomorrow. You remember, like, there would be tears shed by some people I knew. like if they couldn't go to a fest like if there was like a baseball tournament that they had or like their family was on vacation. I mean it was some serious shit. Yeah.

I was one of those people that would get real, real bad fomo from that. I wouldn't cry, but I'd be like, gotta go to Michigan, you know, see my family miss like the, the best fest.

I was like, I was like, right, you're like, all right, no big deal. Let's schedule the Michigan trip St. Mark week.

But like St. Jude, man. Hey, Lakehouse during the day, drive back for St. Judefest at night. That's a perfect summer day. Perfect summer day right there. Hey,

what's going on with? Can we talk about lake houses? Like, there's always one kid that has one that like you're trying to get the invite. You're never in. You're never, I was never in with the fucking lakehouse kid.

Me neither. but like I got the weird invite from a secondhand invite from somebody and I'm like I took full advantage you get second hand on my best behavior I was cleaning up trying to like be a mainstay at the lake house but it's just never had an end you get secondhand invite from the friend of yours that invites fucking everybody to everything you know yeah he's always just like oh yeah it's no big deal man and you're like I know this is a big deal because when you do this shit to me. I'm like, I don't want him fucking coming over here, man, you know?

Because if you're having a party, you're having people over, he's like, hey, do you care? I told, uh, I told Stevens that, uh, you were having people over figured it wouldn't be a big deal. I'm like, I mean, I guess now he's probably on the way. He's, he's damn near here. Tell him to pick up some chaser. So yeah, whenever I get secondhand invite to the lakehouse, I'm like, bro, I'm not going. He'd be like, come on,

bro, it's no big deal. I'm like, No. Like when you're a reserve on the All-Star, All-Star game. Right, dude. The fans don't even care about me. Just hang it up for the weekend and go spend some time on, you know, on your own. A Lakehouse weekend, though. Nothing trumped the fest.

Dude, I remember one weekend, I went to Kings Island with two of my best friends, like, Chiller and somebody else. And we came back early from King's Island. Kings Island to go to the St. Jude's Fest. Wow. We're talking real amusement to just suburb festival. Yeah, but like you're,

the thrill is even more the St. Jude Fest because some girl was probably there that you were trying to link up with, you know, like, Chiller had the same situation. Right. Yeah, you know,

it's like, oh, dude, uh, Rachel's going, man. Yeah, we got to go. Always Rachel. Why? There's always, there's a,

Rachel in everybody's life. I don't know. They said they're going to Tiffany's after her mom's not home. We got to come, bro. All right, I'll be there. Spend that whole money. You're dead-ass tired and so hot from walking around Kings Island all day.

But you spruce up a bit on that drive home. I were with my dad at Kings Island too. So he was like, he was all about leaving. He was ready to go at 1.30 p.m. I was like, I didn't know how to tell him. I'm like,

man, thanks for everything. But like, we kind of want to get back. And he was like, all right, let's do it. So,

like he took that as like a challenge and like really like ripped it back home from Cincinnati. Oh, we're like, weird spot for you because dad, you know, took the day off work, probably purchased some tickies to get you and your friends

of Kings Islands. So you're like, hey, I don't want to seem ungrateful here. Yeah. Yeah. But there's a jean short party going on at the St. Jude's dad.

You know, St. Jude with the church. You know, try to spruce it up a little bit. Maybe you go, I think, I heard that Coach Cypress is going to be there. Maybe you could chat it up with him about some ball. Like trying to make it interesting for your dad. I heard Father John and Coach Seifries are going to be in the bingo tent.

Like, you could come too. Like, why would you, like, my dad would get gassed if there's a football coach and a priest in the same place? He'd be like, oh, yeah. He wouldn't play a fucking single bingo. game. That's Joe Post Heaven right there. That's his Oh for sure

My dad would be randomly down to do crazy shit like that. He'd be like, let's go to Kings Island And I'd be like, really? All right, like, you sure? Always just going for the food, bro. Kings Island has some

The ice cream they have at Kings Island? Yeah, exactly. That's like a vivid memory in my in my head, like me and my family went to Kings Island. And the only takeaway I got from the whole trip was like, there were people walking around with ice cream cones with ice cream this high. Yeah. I was like, you can do that?

Dude, they have this ice cream. It's called like Blue Goo. That's what it was. Oh, dude. And I was like, I want that so fucking bad. I went to Kings Island, I think it was probably about 10 years ago now during the summer. It was like me and my mom, my sisters. my sister's boyfriend.

I think I probably took a date or something at the time. And then we had some... Yeah. I think I kind of remember this story. Yeah. Well, no, this is a different one. Okay. Cedar Point where the place got shut down.

Oh, that was the friends. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. This is just my mom. Dude, taking a girl off a whim like that to rock with your family is ballsy. I mean, it wasn't like... You were always rolling the dice like that. That's why I liked you grown up.

I was like, bro, he's always like doing that. He's wearing the pooks to the festival. He's taking girls to Kings Island with his family. This dude's about it. He doesn't playing games. No, it wasn't like this was just like some chick I'd been texting. It was like, hey, you want to come to Kings Island for the day and stay at night? Like, we have been together for, you know, like, is what you did back in that time when you're 19, 20 years old or whatever.

You think you're like married. so you're like, well, she's got to come too. Or she'll get mad. Right, yeah. Can't have my sister's boyfriend going and not invite her, you know? That's like, that's a bad look. Even though I totally wanted to take like Dylan, you know, but it's like. Would have been so much better.

I said a million times. No pressure. All laughs. All fun. Oh, dude. I can't even tell you. But that's, hey, you think you're married back then, you know? And anyways, long story.

all that to say that we went with like some of our family friends and my one of my family friends the dude who was there he had I I shit you not he had six of those blue goo ice cream cones in one day Kings Island whoa and nobody was checking them on it like nobody was like bro you've had three of those no I think we're all kind of like yeah dude keep going see I that's like my fantasy but I would like get uh I would get weird around the third one. Like, I'd be like, they think I'm insane.

You're like, also, I'm going to get a little chubby face here. Oh, yeah, that's a crazy, crazy thing to do at an amusement park. Like, I could do that at a baseball game where you're just sitting there. But, like, you're going on rides

and, like, exerting energy and shit. Like, fucking, you're puking up blue goo. Yeah. Oh, dude. That's the only thing I remember about Kings Island. Blue goo ice cream. super tall. And like the water park at Kings Island

they had a slide that just went straight down. And I was like the physics just when I saw that as a 12 year old kid I was like this just doesn't make any sense. How is everyone not dying? I was like no way that's legal. They just have like it looked like a, it looked like this.

Yeah. How is everybody not breaking their fucking ankles on impact? If I like rotate, am I gonna like just fucking helicopter out? Yeah Yeah

My dad went down that Ripped his shorts Bro Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Straight Even more bro Your dad gets Yeah man

My dad I hate it Every time Like every time I see my dad Now And I see him pretty often But it's kind of like Starting to piss me off

Every time I see him He has like Such cooler clothes than me Like what the What's going on here? Dad's swag Dude he shows up Last night

to the event. He's got these like sick ass black jogger like dress. They're not dress pants but they're like I don't know how to describe them. They were like I was like did you get those tailored? They perfectly fit your leg and go to your ankle towards like

it's insane man. I'm like okay empty nester man you're just invested into your fashion cool. But also can you fucking chill out? Hey you've got to come to my event show me up. Right. Like I'm gonna fucking suit. I'm in my Baja blast suit and that's hard though. Shown up there. Yeah. I know you always had uh, well it's because your dad's like

fucking 19 years old bro. Well, to be fair, he went through a phase like there's a we could we go through some photos where he went through a phase where he was like it was rough. We're talking like baggy ass dorky blue jeans with like Reebok tennis shoes big loopy tint like laces you know like a like a baggy sheet like long sleeve shirt like he went through that face and then I think as he got older and he had more time and more money now that he doesn't know how to take care of his kids and shit and also me and my sister we always kind of like gave him a hard time And my dad's the kind of guy that like, if you give him a hard time even a little bit,

he'll fucking take that to heart and like make sure that he fixes whatever you give him a hard time for. It's a good man. It's a good guy. Not a lot of guys are doing that. So it's like he really like, oh, okay, well, now you just are in like GQ 50 plus.

Cool. Oh, he's got the look. He's got the look. He's always wearing, he's got the best soccer jerseys. I always love though, like, but you know, about like ear pops. You know, I remember. when I went up to your dad when I was a freshman in high school and said something to him

and he was still wearing the same outfit as he was wearing the last time I saw him at Indiana land. True. Does not change. He doesn't have the concept of fashion like your dad does. He doesn't know what looks good so he picked one thing that's timeless and he's just khaki slacks, wider blue polo shirt, man. Boom.

Yep. Works, right? Yeah. Just always football coach. Yeah, it's like a little bit of everything. You know, it can work as a football coach. It can work as a job. I could work on a date.

He's versatile. Always plays, man. And then he's got his little, you know, like he said, like the Saturday morning starting to fire while college game day is going. He's got like his starter or champion gray sweats, you know, with the white toe socks going. Like, it's all good. Yeah, what is it a five tool?

That's a five tool outfit. Yeah, for sure. Absolutely. Who's the Saints, QB receiver, fullback? Taysam Hill. Taysam Hill fit. You could rock it at Tassam Hill? That's so weird because that also sounds like a name.

Tase M Hill Fit. And Hill Fit takes it to the pylon. Hill fit is nice. I'll never forget. Hilliard. I was like, what? Where is the first and last in there? Bro, it was him and Amani tumor. I know, the two both giants receivers. I was like, what's happening with their names? When I was a kid, I was like, whoa. What?

Like, did they just take letters and they're like, blah? And of course, Ike Hilliard, the guy with the most eyes in his name of anyone ever, 81. Hey, what was tumor, 87? I want to say, I want to say, he was 80. God, who was,

I know, me too. Look it up. Who's the, hey, look up, look this up. No,

he was 81. Shit. Tumor was 81. Amani tumor was 81. So that means I kill you. Dude, I can just hear Pat Summerall saying Amati tumor.

Oh, Hilliard was 88. Fuck, yeah, dude. Nice. Who was the slot? Let's just look up.

Did they have slot receivers back then? Or was it just germy, shocky? On the past breakup, Dreblah. Oh. So sick. So sick.

Holy. Oh, yeah, it's not showing up. The 2000 giants who went to the Super Bowl. They just have

Eichelior and Amani tumor. Remember when the Giants played the Ravens in the Super Bowl. That was an iconic Super Bowl for some reason. You said when the Giants played the Ravens? In the Super Bowl. Remember that? Oh, here you go. They had Ron Dixon. Do you remember Ron Dixon at all? Nah. Just made me think of Ron Dane and now I'm kind of scared.

Number 86. Oh, I do remember Dixon. Yeah, yeah. I remember that. I remember his name on Madden. That was still surprising to me looking back and seeing that the Giants Ravens was a CBS Super Bowl you called that one out yeah it was too because it wasn't clear it wasn't crispy

and I just remember it being a little fuzzy but that game was so dark remember it was like at night immediately it was very very black and blue end zones colors and then remember Brandon Stokely scored and everybody was like oh and I all I can remember

thing, it was like, who the fuck is Brandon Stokely? And then, like, and then he went to the Colts and popped off. But, like, at that moment, I was like, don't act like you know who that is. Like, this guy? Yeah. I'm like, did he just get traded there before the game? Like, who is? Yeah, I love, God, I love when Super Bowls are played on the East Coast.

Oh, wow. I've never thought about that in my life. Where was that? Tampa. That game was in Tampa? Giants Are you sure The guy that knows everything

About Super Bowls I'm like Let's ask Joe people Narrow bro Super Bowl hotline Detail guy Yeah

Giants Ravens Tampa Giants were in What color They were in They were in blue Blue with gray pants Because the Ravens

I remember They were The Ravens were in All white Hey Who's the Ravens quarterback? Trent Delfer, bro.

Yeah. You don't have to pro me. I know you're a Super Bowl God. It's like Trent Dilfer, Brad Johnson. Brad Johnson was so annoying, dude. That face mask. Johnson. You need a Brad Johnson, Buck's jersey.

Are you kidding me? When we played over COVID, we played NFL Blitz randomly. And like I picked a box just because, like, I don't know why, but every time he dropped back the Blitz announcer was like, Johnson! Yeah. That was hilarious.

We were just like, popped off like a bottle and a half of wine or a box. Oh my God. Just playing blitz out of my life. Laughing our ass off at that. Johnson. Oh, is that legal? Sitting crisscross applesauze on your four blind

NC. N64, the cat, just like, Licking my I was like Yeah Johnson Johnson Johnson That's a time That's a time you won't forget Oh yeah

You won't forget Those are the times That I love the most Sounds like you're Seriously Like now like when I sold out You know what I mean It's just like when I was sitting on a floor playing blitz

Like For sure Oh yeah man Absolutely What home ate pizza best night of my life. That's the only shit I care about. I'm getting a little worried here. The forecast is not looking great for the 500. Yeah, but it's always like that, right? You know?

You think so? I hope so. There's been so many where it's, I was looking forward to the 500, so much, like peak 500 guy. Snake pit guy? Infield. No, I was never really snake pit guy. I just, because I don't think anybody in my crew was Snake Bay guys. You guys would infield the shit out of it. But we would get there at like 6 a.m. Yeah. Maybe even earlier, bro. I think we left.

This sounds insane. But we all went with like Paul Casaro. Oh my God. And we like left. IU Indianapolis. It's insane. But we all look at, yeah, I know. Not bad for a bad guy.

But then we left this house at like 4 a.m. Oh, yeah. Cooler packed. Like, we were like, you know how girls playing out like a Bachelorette trip? That's how dudes plan out the Indy 500. We were like ready. We had our list checking everything off. We were ready to go. We're ready to go.

Let's go. And we got there at like 6 a.m. and just like camped out, had everything set up grill ready. There's a grill guy. There's a drinks guy. There's the guy that like knows about the race. He's like, he's like, who's winning updating. And he gives you the update and you're like, yeah.

People are like putting money down on people. There's that guy. Then there's just like your frill guys that are like in and out. But like it was a whole thing. And I remember one of those times it rained, but it was still. It might have been more fun because it rained. What were you? What was your role?

Um, I don't think I had a responsibility. Were you music guy? You're a music guy, weren't you? I know. The music was beyond me at the race. I was like, you know, this isn't my. is in my territory. Because people are like wanting to listen to like Tom Petty and like

Def Leopard and shit. I was like I'm just going to sit this one. Yeah. I was I was kind of tag along guy honestly. Like you can't play like Yogadi, you know? Right. Maybe early in the day, you know.

Right, right. Right. Right. But I was kind of guy that was like, yo, let me roll with you and let me know what you need. I'll bring it. You know what I mean?

You need ice. Like everybody forgets ice. That's cute. A little sunscreen. Hey, yeah, you only pick up a two-liter Like sun-kissed on the way to your? I got you, bro. I don't know.

Yeah, I can see you being that guy where you stopped to like at a gas station to get a little nick-knacks. Like, you're leaving at 4.15 a.m. You go in. It's like you, the guy getting gas or whatever, and then it's you. And you're just like picking up random shit. You're like, bro.

The guy's like kind of annoying because you're running behind a little bit. But then finally he's like, oh, actually that would be dope. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Dude, and I love that moment. I'm like, oh, thank God he doesn't hate me.

Gets a oatmeal cream pie, checks it here, bro. Then he doesn't even eat it. I'm like, then I'm like, are you going to eat that and I eat it? It was your plan. That was the plan the whole time, though. You're like secretly, oh, please don't eat this. Please don't eat that. You ever buy food for somebody in hopes that they don't eat it so you can eat it?

that's a big thing you do with your girl you're getting yeah because you're like hey you're you're displaying the gesture hey let me get you this brownie fudge sunday yeah no please you deserve it it's great I'll take like a bite takes one bite right after that bite what about the fries oh my god yeah I kind of want fries but you guys both know she doesn't want fries and you're like eating all those fucking fries Not bad for a fat guy Dude, I'm making that shirt

Tonight Oh my God I would Nothing would make me happier I don't even think it needs to be It just needs to be just normal Just Times New Roman font No

With Rake's face though Could we do that Like the outlined face You know I have it on his forehead On his forehead I mean it's a pretty good Like default face too

just hey this this one or whatever do the thinking rake face so I said not this time it just talks about

Reggie Wayne for eight minutes crush is it between breaks a bad for a bad guy oh shit I was like he's so right this is the type of shit

that used to happen all the time like when we were first starting espresso but I feel like this is going to happen again I'm going to like roll over. You know, my son's going to wake up and I'm going to like go get him. I'm going to roll over to like 2.30 and then I'm going to get a text and it's just going to be like, who the fuck? It's going to be bent and it's just going to be a P&G of a shirt that he just randomly whipped up. It's always at 3 a.m. too, dude.

I'm just in my, I'm in my creative bag at 3.A.m. But it's all trash. I remember one time I sent you a picture of a shirt at 3 a.m. The next morning you go, you sure. I was like, never mind. I'll fucking redo it. It'll be like, he'll send it to me and it'll be like, not only I'll be like, why the fuck is he texting me?

And then I'll pick up my phone. I'll open the message. It'll be like in the like invisible ink to where I'll have to like tap on it. It's so funny. This motherfucker. That makes everything better. This motherfucker is sitting like a cat in his desk chair, six coffees, two glasses of wine.

Stad sheet Got my kid Upies two glasses of wine One gas station run Three granola bars Sometimes this is gonna sound weird probably But Sometimes I genuinely

I'll catch myself Like randomly And not for long But I'll be like I wonder like Just what the fuck Ben is actually doing Right now Yeah

No it's not weird I wonder that shit Like You know When I'm like making dinner for my family and then sitting down and like you know chopping up food for my son and you know like it's always when you're chopping something up you're like rise like breastfeed you know she's like take care of mira right or like sitting down and i just am like what like

ben is probably like under some street light like shaking his ass right now who who who even knows you know two different two different lives bro two different lives but kind of the same one too yeah there's a weird middle ground there's a weird middle ground there there for sure. That's hilarious though. Do you have anything else top of mind before we get to Clubhouse? Let's see. No, I'm good.

I thought of like three like things that were not, that were just. I thought about, you really want to know. It just went through my head. I thought about the Pacers and I was like, I don't want to talk about them. And then I just like, yeah. Right. Sports guys.

Right. I will say that I have like I didn't charge my phone last night and I didn't charge it this morning. I was at 6% when you text to me. You're sending the email link. I was like, it's amazing. I know we talked about it not that long ago, but it really is amazing how like you're,

the battery life on your phone has like a residual effect on your physical and mental like well-being. when I see that little sliver and it's like 6% and my phone is moving slow I'm all like groggy and out of it and I'm like I just want to go to bed this sucks I honestly think like I need to charge my phone

and sleep while it's charging it's a weird it's a very weird phenomenon I was driving around yesterday my phone was on 17% and I had one little block left on the gas gauge I was like

oh yeah even it why why do I exist What a piece of shit. What am I doing? I was hungry. I was like everything's on eat. For sure. Fishy.

Got a handful here in a short week already from Clubhouse. Team these guys at gmail.com. You want to contribute? Talk on the show. This is from Ryan. He says, Another round for Johnson and Schmitty. Hey guys.

Just want to say, I love what you guys are doing with your careers and wish you all nothing but the best. Thanks, Ryan. Means a lot. Here's one for you. It's 2005 and you're a tight end in the NFL. What is your on-field attire looking like? Personally, I'm rocking huge shoulder pads, eye black, and a neck roll with no gloves. Come to Richmond, Virginia already, slap my ass, and have Monty Ball run full speed right

through my chest. What in the email? P.S. This is from Ryan, uh, lovers and liars of viewer. P.S. Lauren is the one for you, Benny. Wow, thanks, bro. We'll see. Benny and Lauren. Man, 2005. Okay, you go. 2005.

Everything I can think of right now is very... You know what I'm wearing? All right, all right. 2005. Who, like, played in the national championship in 2005? That's Texas, USC. Yeah. How good am I as a tight end in the NFL?

Am I good? I'm a bad tight end, bro. I'm not. Ryan didn't specify. He just said you're a tight end in the NFL in the year 2005. I think I'm wearing wrist tape here. A little higher than normal, but not too high.

Yeah. Wearing gloves, obviously. And I'm wearing the TC bands. Yeah. Maybe white most of the time, though. Yep. Normal pads. normal pants

knee pads above the knee obviously because I'm not a I can come on let's go ankle socks a lot of legs showing well I guess you can the NFL you got a NFL socks on and I'm going with

I'm going with the Dion face mask because tight ends usually in that era aren't wearing that face mask so that's what's going to set me apart okay no visor because I'm down and dirty I like that

Yeah, I'm going to go with the Dan Campbell, Jason Whitten sleeves up to the elbows, the shooter sleeve, if you will, on both arms. Great look. That's going to be my flashiness, and then I'm going to go, no gloves, but I'm going to Dallas Clarket. Tape around the fingers.

Remember that? I love that. I might cut the fingers off my gloves. not you say that. Oh, okay. I like that. I'm some Corey Dillon. I like that.

And then my face mask, no Revolution helmet, no four bar D-on. It's going to be straight like, I got to pull up that. Do you have that handy on you? Actually, I'll just look it up because I got to be able to explain

exactly what this is here. The face mask guide. The bowl ring? God, not the fucking... Is that which one? The three? The three with the bull. I'm going like something that's like,

there's a lot of bars there, man, you know? Oh, yeah. The lineman face mask with the... God, what was that that you have? Because I know it's on there. That thing that you tweeted out. Do you remember that? Yeah, I remember it.

But I just got to look at Twitter. Okay, hold on. It should just be my wall. paper, honestly. Because it's the only thing I care about. Hey, this is what I think you're thinking about. Yeah, yep, yep. A hundred percent.

That's a good. It's a nice mask. The, the, the, the, the, R-U-B, what is that? Like, imagine if you really knew what that was, the R-O-P-O-U-B-D-W. Like, what the fuck? Yep, that's me.

And then my hair's going to be long. sticking out of the back of my sticking out of the back of my helmet He's kind of got baseball hair right now Hey this elite mask Hold on This is an elite lineman Like swaggy lineman mask

And it was very underutilized Hold on Bro That's so hard It's like the Sean Taylor With the extendo at the bottom I'm like that guy's getting a sack today That's wild

the extendo yeah that's that's a lot but cool yeah yeah all right that's us amazing glushing high top

Nike cleats like almost where it's like those are too high like yeah like you're stomping in those yeah from Dylan

tipped chucking apples oh shit this is a long long email from Dylan these guys What's up, fellas? Listen to the pot every week and can never get enough. Love the show.

Saw both Joey and Benny when they came to St. Louis and you both killed it. Thanks. Yeah. Nice. I'm waiting for a super show, both of you guys headlining. We needed these guys comedy tour. Love it, yeah. The last pot had me crying and brought up back a lot of memories from school and the last day of school. One specifically was Benny talking about taking an apple every day and throwing it just for the fun of it. My friend and I would sit outside for lunch every day in the courtyard for that very reason. I would take an apple every day just for me and my buddy to throw it up like a pop fly

so I can catch it and then throw it in one motion like an outfield assist. I'm bringing this up because one day we did this on career day and at the time I didn't know what I wanted to do so I just wore a Cardinals baseball uniform which just so happened to be a Mark McGuire jersey. Oh!

My friend threw me up the apple and I got underneath it and I absolutely launched that thing into orbit and then all I hear from behind me is nice throw McGuire now take your lunch and get into my office it was the assistant principal and so I had to eat my lunch

in his office quietly with no talking no phones nothing just the sound of his keyboard for the rest of the day and the rest of the week my buddy and I still joke about that to this day

and we both love the pot and talk about it after we listen every week keep up the good work guys slap my ass with the middle school PE class mesh pennies for flag football

that smell like Lysol and B.O. Woo! That'll turn back some memories there on that one. The pennies Why'd they call them pennies? I was like, this is one of those things that

You know, your parents like call something a weird name And like you say it in public around your friends And your friends are like, what the fuck are you telling? And you're like, that's just like a family word. Yeah. Pennings, I thought was just like our school's word. And I was like, I don't want to say pennies anywhere else Because I'm going to get made fun of it. Yeah, like they're just like jerseys.

Yeah, I'm like, what the fuck are pennies? pennies? Hey, apparently weren't the only ones, though. Yeah, true. Um, the pennies. And this, with the actual school uniform underneath, the penny was...

Oh, dude. Like, not even, like, we all wore undershirts under our school polos. Why didn't we just take our school polos off? Throw them against the fucking gym wall and rock the Haynes tea. We, like, weren't allowed. They were like, oh, it's out of uniform. I'm like, but I got this piece. penny over my uniform? You want me to it? I'm like, we're in gym class actively playing

five base. What the fuck am I wearing this uniform for? I'm about to kick a home run on that ass and I have to wear the St. Barnabas polo. I'm hounding the bases. I'm about to smack a ball 86 miles an hour at Mary's face here at short third stop, whatever like suicide or whatever the fuck they called it. Oh, suicide was such a hard kickball position. Very underrated. Then I tell you, I know we're getting off track, but I had to tell you we would be like, me and one of the homies would play suicide up there, like, the

pitch would go in between us and we try to block the kick. Oh, yeah, that's crazy, man. And we were getting away with it. For like three recesses in a row, the teacher monitoring kickball was like, yeah. We're like, are you sure about this? Holy shit. Yeah, it just takes

one to the face until she's just like, all right. Bro, but when you got a piece of one, that shit was hard. The girl would kick it and somebody would smack it down and the girl would be like, what? You know? Yeah, it was like, you can't do that. It was like a punt block in the NFL, man. That was sick.

How sick is a punt block in the NFL when it lines up where they have the angle from the back, right? You know? And it's like uptight. So it's right there by the punter. And you can see the rush coming and you're like, they might have it. The dude fucking, you heard the thud of the ball in the foot and then immediately the thud of it hitting the dude who blocked it. And you're like, ah! And it's blocked.

Double thumb! Get him out, get him, go, go, go, go, go. Once you hear the double thumb, get him out, get him out, get him up. The double thumb, man, underrated, like, a very exciting moment in sports. I think it's the best play in football, bro.

Hey, kicker fucking topples over, like a spin wheel. Just fucking. Just looks like a lion, like, in a pack of hyenas, dude. Just nobody even gives a shit about him after that. Like, he could literally be eaten after that. Stumbling on

Mass chaos It's just like the fastest Backup Cornerback ever That has the ball No no no no it's like Some third string Tide in who's number 87

Yeah They land on it Come up with it You're like oh my God It's hot rod You know Because you're big You're big enough fan

Where you follow And you have the special teamers Have nicknames You know Eighty seven that's actually the third string tied in for the fourth string tied in for the Steelers Rod Williams

number 87 yeah nothing cooler than when like a bigger dude picks up the ball but he could could probably score but he's like looking to fucking toss it back to somebody quick I'm like that is so selfless bro like in that moment like you could score

you might never score again but you're like bro give him toss it to the homie. I kind of like the opposite where like the little guys are kind of coming up to him and they're almost like they're slowing him down because they're trying to be like give it to me man like I'll run with it and he's kind of like he kind of like fights him off a little bit and then they finally like oh okay and they like peel back and they're like starting to block. That's that's good too.

Yeah. Ed Reed has one and the people know what I'm talking about. Ed Reed has a good one where somebody blocks it tosses it back to Ed Reed. he is so gone. Like it wouldn't have had a chance if they didn't pitch it back to Edry. He just takes it like 87 yards. Hey.

Yep. In the all white, there canes. Oh, they're just beating the shit out of temple. It's like 65 to 3. Literally makes you say it. That's too funny.

Yeah, exactly, dude. Pull up that clip. We need to link that clip. Miami Hurricanes Peak Miami Hurricanes beating Temple in the all white Oh my God Just doing whatever they wanted to do I would that's the reason I was I love being Miami on the college football game We can talk about that because it's coming back but oh

nasty except Ken Dorsey I was like you don't really fit here but I guess we'll take you From Luke 2008 to Stitos Fiesta Bowl West Virginia beats Oklahoma 48 to 28 insane. That was the title. Yeah. Says, Hey, Joey and Ben. As a West Virginia Mountier's sports fan, I wanted to send you guys an obscure autograph instead of an obscure jersey.

Owen Schmidt is the name of the fullback that played for WVU that Ben mentioned a few episodes ago, and I got his autograph. Also, to answer Joey's question, I believe Pat White ended up in West Virginia because they were the only school that could offer him to play quarterback. Could have played wide receiver at LSU

or anywhere, I'm pretty sure. but don't quote me on that. Not really any comedy clubs around West Virginia anymore sadly, but we'll love to see you guys if you ever come through to do any other venues. Love watching you guys every week

and slap my ass while singing country roads after a big win. Here's the picture. Here's a pretty sick card. Oh yeah. That's hard. He's a legendary fullback.

Those jerseys were the nice too. Got the cowboy collar going. I was just hoping he'd say Noel Devine. He's number 38 too Owen Schmidt like it just all makes sense And great face mask Bloody head every game

Every game It's just Somehow Like bro are you doing this on purpose or can we get you a new helmet I think he did it once And then the scab just kept breaking And it was like At that by week four

It was like bro that's just the bloody guy Like stay away from him The bloody guy that's Bloodyhead Bloodyhead Schmidt Bloodyhead Schmidt Bloody head Schmidtie

Bloody head Schmitty dude All right good shit right right right two for two for this week a little Tuesday

Thursday these guys drop a little surprise for everybody going into Memorial Day weekend if you're going to a pool party

traveling driving somewhere to the family the friends to the lake house you got the invite or even the second-hand

invite to the lake house you know throw it on throw these guys on and yeah have a laugh have a good time

show your pals we appreciate you guys I don't have any tickets I don't have any tickets to push but Ben does Columbus June 13th

I know we got Midwest fam out there come come say what's up it'll be fun it will be yeah that's funny bone

right yep sweet you've been there yep I was I was there. That was the first,

that was my first show last August. That's, I remember you saying that and I was like, I need to hit them up for sure. It was awesome. So everybody who came to see me and it was a good crowd, go see Ben.

Yeah, thanks, cool. Happy race week to everybody in India as well. I will be out there on Friday. Actually, we'll push that. Friday morning,

Carb Day, Garage 16 out there live from IMS, going to be doing a show with America's Best Racing, Lindsey Zarniak, Alexander Rossi, Brittany Erton from NBC, maybe a couple of other special guests all going to be hopping by.

So come say, hey, have a beer. I'll be out there on Saturday as well. Staying the night, Saturday night. And then let's all do the reverse rain dance and try to keep the rain away from the track on Sunday so we can have the best day of the year. So cool. Good shit.

We'll talk to you next week then. Later, fan. These guys. These guys, these guys. Kyle Williams. John Lutt.