THESE GUYS! - Got Senior'd Hard

Episode Date: October 10, 2023

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He'll get like a pick out of nowhere. He picked off Ben Ralfelsberger with his ass in the playoffs. No, that's a butt I want to kiss. Oh, geez, guys. This is why you listen. This is why you turn it off. He's a clapper. He calls himself Corey Clapper.

He's got the clap on Twitter at Chris Clap. Do you hear my throat? I did. That was wild. A little toad in there, a little toad. A little luck throat. Little. TG.

55. He's got milk throat. We're ready to go. TG. 55. What up? Give me fuel. Give me five.

G. 55. What up? Clubhouse? What's going on? I'm going to be in Louisville tomorrow night. Oh, yeah. Mm-hmm.

God, nothing like a weekday banger show. The Louisville Comedy Club. Right across the street from O'Shea. going to be throwing up those elves, man. Yeah, throw them up, the double, whatever they, however they do it over there. It's because that one L.

It's like the Irish font L, the Irish Italic. Old English. Old English. Yeah, that's it. Yeah. Font God. So yeah, that's... Font God. Font God. Font God.

Every time I walk, font God, font God, font God, font God. I wish. Keep going, though. Keep going. No, what was that? Font God, font God. Oh, no, there's something. Stop. Font God.

That's what it was. Okay. Yeah. So every time we bring up a font, Timesie Roman. Fuck God. Louisville Comedy Club right there, heart of downtown Louisville going on tomorrow night. Tick still available.

You know where to find him. So hope to see you there. Bye. Sick. And Pittsburgh, too. That's coming up, which I'm super stoked about. Pittsburgh Spillers.

Sick, sick, sick venue. Home of the first place in the AFC North Pittsburgh Steelers. Wow. Wow. Let's talk, huh? Hey, sorry, I couldn't make it. Yeah, you missed that one. Yeah, fucking minus 5,000 on whether Pulitzer was going to show up or not. Sorry, I had to go to the L.A. Rams game.

How weird is that? Dude. It was the Philadelphia Eagle fans. That's everywhere, though. Every fan base takes over that stadium because no one cares about the Rams. No, that's what was happening, too. I was like, why aren't there any Rams fans here? And they're like, no one cares.

There aren't Rams fans. It was all Eagles. Yes. And they are insane people. Like this, I was like, I don't really like going to NFL games and this is why. Dude, 12-yard completion for a first down. Eagles fans twerking. I was like, guys, get a fucking life.

I get this is your team, but like, oh my God. E-A-G-H-H-A-H-E. Every second. They're dicks, too. Oh, yeah. Yeah, no one loves to let you know. about Philly more than the Eagle fans. It was crazy.

I was like, you guys are all kidding, right? Like, this is a big joke. Just fake bootleg jerseys, all of them had them on. The fakesest jerseys. The stitching's a little off. Fucking first down eagles. I was like, there's no way you're this happy. Yeah, I mean, you'd be surprised.

But at the same time... No, I wouldn't. At the same time, you know, it's like... Yeah. Was I happy the Steelers won? one on Sunday? Yeah, but also no. Because it's just like, and you're just buying more time, just delaying

the inevitable. Here we go. Can we set the timer? Well, that's funny. It's got a minute. It's got everybody who's you know, I already saw Mike Greenberg coming out. Oh, another fantastic job about Mike Tomlin. No way this team should be in first place. Yeah, you're right, but it's not due to Mike Tomlin. It's not due to Matt Canada.

dude, because they have the two best outside linebackers in the NFL, and they absolutely just assault quarterbacks and just fucking Michael Myers their ass just on them all day. It's insane, dude. Alex Highsmith, too? I mean, it's like, in both these home divisional games against Baltimore and against Cleveland, you've had strip sacks, you've had defensive points,

you've had plenty of turnovers. That's nothing to do with Mike Tomlin's scheme or him coaching him up. No, they just have dogs. They just have two dogs. the outside and then George Pickens too that you just throw it up to. I don't know how anybody can look at it. Be like, wow, what a bang-up coaching job by Mike Tomlin and his staff. It's like, you know, you have the best defensive player in the league. God, I watch the highlights

on the plane. That dude's, that dude's just crazy, bro. He's insane, man. Single-handedly winning games. So how many strips sacks did he have? Well, Highsmith had the strip sack at the fourth quarter, but TJ had two. T.J. slain the door. He had the closer. on the last drive for the Ravens. That is the most valuable player in the league. I mean, it's just, it's ridiculous and just already. Greenberg, people on Twitter. The national, oh, wow, Tom, blah, blah, blah.

Dude, stop. Give me a break. It's the boys. It's the boys. Can we talk linebackers for a lot? Jimmy's and Joe's. Yeah. Let's talk linebackers.

TG 55, rest of peace, Dick Butkus. Wow. That was tough. Immediately texted Ben. I was like, man, we just mentioned last week. it was like TG 54. I was like, man, that just makes me think of Dick Buckkiss.

We start talking Brian Erlacker. And then, unfortunately, the man passes away. God. R-I-P. But, uh... Still can't believe that's his real... His last name is butt kiss. And his first name is Dick.

God, get over here. Kiss me. But kiss me. Kiss my butt. Had a, had a helmet on coming out of the womb. Dick butt kiss. Bro, you could say that name. to a fucking 10-year-old girl and she'd be like, yeah, Chicago Bears linebacker?

Who doesn't know? Isn't it kind of interesting how some of the most legendary football players also have names that could double as porn stars? Keeper, this is great. Who else he got? Dick Butkus. Bronco Nogersky? How come I'm thinking Bill Romanowski for some reason?

No? Yeah, absolutely. You mean to tell me that dude's not just fucking. Royed headed out of his mind, wife beater watch on, ready to roll. We're talking names right now? Tekeo Spikes. Dude,

come on. Yeah. Come on with that name. Yeah. A scary outside linebacker that doesn't get enough credit. I don't think you hate them with your whole entire life.

Terrell Suggs. Jesus Christ, dude. Nah, it's kind of the point we were like, hey, talk about who should kiss. Thorell Suggs and Ben Ronsberg. Torell Suggs is crazy. Easy, man.

Just waiting for Terrell Suggs and Big Band to just meet in the backfield and make out. Hey, better than Ray Lewis. Set it. Said it. I meant it. I meant it. More of a game wrecker. Ruin your whole season.

Ray Lewis, he has for me. A couple times. Dude, oh my God. He'll get like a pick out of nowhere. He picked off Ben Ralfelsberger with his ass in the playoffs. No, that's a butt I want to kiss. Jeez. This is why you listen.

This is why you turn it off. Somewhere in a car right now. Just a dude forcing his girlfriend to listen to this. Oh my God. These guys again, hey, girls listening to the podcast that don't want to listen to the podcast right now, just know that we know that we're annoying. Just we're all consensus.

We get it. We know we're annoying. We know you don't want to do. But this is why we do it. we had a good i'm really proud of that big ben um terrell sucks kiss that i just came up with that was a good one we've been waiting for that one yeah we got a couple that i think about the the clubhouse kiss all the time who needs to kiss clubhouse kiss let's go down here um latest one we have a dante cole pepper and bret farv no it's bret farv and isn't it brianer orn's sad

Warren's that big kiss, dude. They're sitting in a tree. We could, I mean, K-I-S. Dante Culpeper Brian Erlacker could do that. For some reason, Randy Moss and Charles Woodson?

I think it's more, I love C. Wood, but I think it's more Randy Moss in like one of the Packers' corners. I feel like he was eating them up. It's all about the, it might be Randy Moss and the whole Packers crowd

with the moon thing. Randy Moss and Lambeau Field, kiss. Oh, yeah. Everybody in the stadium lining up. Another butt kiss. Yeah. Randy Mons has a lot of kisses to give out because he was that guy.

To kiss Randy Mons's ass. They're all lining up. Also, Charles Barkley, Dramon Green. We got that with John Calendrillo. I guess it is Stephen A. Smith and, dude,

who's the white guy? Skip Bayliss? They need to have. They need to make out. Max Kellerman can also go in their three-way. Why did you, that's a good point. Why did you pronounce Jeremy Shockey as Jermy? Did I?

Oh, dude, you hit Jermy like three times. I was like, is this a bit? Why didn't you get up in it, dude? If I mess up a word, I need feedback. But I couldn't tell, like, sometimes people just say words weirdly. Jeremy, Jeremy, Jeremy. Dude, you were hitting Jermie Shockey hard. You should have said something, man.

I don't like it. Like, dude, if we're friends, you're calling me out. I'm saying weird words wrong. No, but the thing is, is that I heard it when you said it the first time on the show. But then I just kind of, like I said, it was like, you know, some people say like, milk instead of milk, right? And I'm like, maybe that's just, you knew. You knew it was wrong.

You knew it was wrong. But then when I was listening back to the show or like pulling clips, I was like, this dude really called him germy shonky five times. Dude, I hate myself. I hate my, I've never liked myself. less. Jeremy. You're incredibly too late on this.

You should have fucking right when I was done with the word. What the fuck did you say? Yeah, that's one of the comments on the YouTube video, which by the way, these guys on YouTube. Yeah, he says, Jeremy. Ben Wood pronounced the name Jeremy as Jeremy. I think

Oh, and then he said also Miles Garrett and Mason Rudolph. It's a good kiss. It's a good kiss. Hey, Joe Buck and Troy Aikman. I mean, get a fucking room at Motel 8, dude. Wait, they don't like each other? No, they do, but like

they still, you can like each other. It can be alike each other and make out. Oh, I thought it was the people that really hate each other. No, but again, like Brett Favre and Warren Sapp, they like talk smack on the field, but they're always like smacking each other's ass and hugging after the game and shit. A bunch of flirty shit.

Pass each other notes. Right, yeah, like I said, like I said, calling each other's house phones. And like Brett Farv's football life, of course, like Warren Sapp would show up and be like, man, Brett, he was always a pain of my ass, but I love competing against him. Dude Warren Sap is, why is he such a menace? Same with Warren Sadd. Do I ever tell you about me and Warren Sap's Twitter beef back in the day? You guys want to get so bad.

Joey Mulanaro Warren Sap. Yeah, because he'd always rip on the Steelers. And it's like 17-year-old me. He would just like go at him. But, oh, wait, this could be a good question for the clubhouse. what guy in maybe not even in sports but just like in all facets like could you just not stand like the guy that was playing against your team or like a guy that you're just like fuck that guy or even a girl maybe but like who was somebody you grew up and you're just like I can't stand

that dude question for the clubhouse who's the athlete or like the personality on TV or like the celebrity that you're just like but you really wanted to kiss him Deep down. See, you lost me there because I had so many of those until you said the kiss them part. Well, like, that's what it means. Yeah. Like, you hate them, but, like, deep down, like, you probably hate them because you want to kiss them. See, there was so many, like.

Come on. You Donis Hazel him for the heat. Oh. Hated him. Why? That baseline jumper, it was like a 13-foot baseline jumper against the Pacers in the playoffs. Dude wouldn't do shit the entire year. It'd be like, game.

Game three of a crucial game, a swing game in the series. Udonus Hasam comes off the bench and scores like 13 points with eight rebounds. Fuck. Just nailing free. You know, your first two, the first two with him, you're like, yeah, we'll give that up. You literally said that, I'll give that up as he takes a wide open baseline jumper. He's like, you, Donas Hasam doesn't hit jumpers on the baseline. Ever.

Nails him. He's like a rebound guy that gets subbed out in two minutes. His third one. It forces a time out. The heat stadium's going crazy. Yep. White out white hot heat Oh god

White hot heat was the most dangerous heat era of all time Scary maybe best team ever Nightmares still Dude when that shit would get rolling it was over It was just it was I couldn't watch I refused to watch I stopped watching basketball Downhill just pony express of a train that just

I mean it was a locomotive dude ray Allen They just fucked around and got Ray Allen I was like this is so stupid Ray Allen Kevin Garnett kiss Wow you remember all that beef that they had because he left the Celtics and signed with the heat

God what a good move for him right you know secretly that's why Kevin Garnett was pissed he's like fuck I wish I would have thought of that yeah you should have gone Ray Allen like went over to the bench

in the start of the playoff series and he like tried to like shake him up and Kevin Garnett literally just sat there did not even move no Kevin Garnett was a freak didn't even address the fact that he was right in front of him He just stared through him.

And Ray Allen did like kind of one of these. Like a. And then he just gave up and we're fucked away. Never mind. God damn. It made me like so stupid on TV. Oh, yeah. Man.

You remember when you were a kid how like LeBron and Lance Stevenson? Oh, nice. Big kiss. Yeah. God, those are so fun. Lance, I love Lance Stevenson. I know.

I like I hate it because everybody. It's just so undeniable that he's so entertaining. entertaining. So entertaining, dude. That's the only reason people were going to Pacer games. Does he play like an idiot sometimes? Yeah, but it's so, but it's relatable. It's like, okay, yeah, I would do that shit too if I was just

like doing, he's just doing it for the crowd. I was like, I appreciate this. Like, I have no idea how the coaches are like having you in the game right now. Circus ass shit, throwing the ball out of bounds. I was like I so get that. Throwing off people's heads and shit.

Oh my God. Maybe on accident, maybe on purpose. though. You never know. It's out there being a crackhead. Perfect. I'm watching. You know as a kid how you just, you did, you had like the announcers that really pissed you off.

Because they, you know, it'd be against a team, you know, your team or whatever and it'd just drive you nuts. Yeah, it was, for me, it was always the, because I'd listen to like you indie games growing up on the radio and it'd be like the student announcer. And I'd be like, oh my God, this guy! I cannot with this guy But you got to, there's only, that's the only way

you can listen to the game. So I was like, fuck. This guy's so bad. It used to be me. Yeah, but you kind of know what you're doing a little bit. I think I was, that was pretty solid for a college. I was getting, you know, when you were a senior, bro? I was dropping some. Yeah, you had some calls.

Yeah, yeah. But I hear you. We used to God, dude, that was brutal because in those in those student broadcasting scenarios, like at U.N. at the time, University of Indianapolis. where I went. Ben also went for a period of time. We like you were up in the press box and it was an old ass stadium. So like the press box,

now all the press boxes have like individual rooms to where, you know, the SID will be over here. The TV cameras will be right here in one room. The broadcasters will be, each team has their separate. Nah, at the old U.N.D. Stadium, it was literally just one press box and everybody was on the same row. So everybody who was in the press box was just listening to you call the game. Bro, it was amazingly, like, personal. Oh, dude. Because I was calling games for a little bit, and I was like, this is how you guys do this

shit? It's, that's tough. You're little performing in front of a crowd. Neanderthals? Yeah, I was like, okay, I'm doing stand-up. Yeah, yeah. You have the S-I-D, and, like, if you caught the S-I-D down there, and he kind of, like, would look a couple times, you're like, oh, man, I'm messing something up.

Bro, that was throwing you into the fire. Mm-hmm. That was, and all these sports nerds that know everything, and you're supposed to know everything, sorry I had seven minutes to prep for this fucking offense. But what I did is I just relied on having the headphones on. And so I'll just be like, crank it up. I can't hear anybody. I'm in my own world and not even noticing what they're looking at or if I'm fucking up even.

I don't even know. But a good feeling, though, is like when you would get hype when the team would score that you were calling the game for it, but you're in their home press box. And the SID would be like, kind of give it a little fist bump if you're in good races. Man, there's so many people out there who have no idea what we're talking about. right now. Oh, really? But I think this is like, maybe this is a fun. This is an interesting people probably didn't realize that we did this at one point. Yeah. And also they're kind of, we're giving an inside look because we've got a lot of sports fans out there. This is what? This is

like a most sports show we've ever done. I know. I don't care anymore. I don't care anymore. I just want to coach JV football so bad. I'm going to give up on everything. It's the weather. It's the time of year. Oh, I walked outside. It was cold. I was like, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, green 80. Send in people, sending the Starbucks barista in motion. Hut-hot! Dude, I started hand the ball off to my son and he'll kind of like run a little bit. And then we'll be like, touchdown!

Everybody in the room be like, touchdown! And we'll say spike it! And he'll literally just throw the ball down. That's so cool. It's awesome. Can't wait for him to get a 15-yard penalty when he's in fucking fourth grade for spiking the ball. Dude.

Oh, man. All I wanted to do growing up was just celebrating the end zone. Jesus. Why was that a mortal sin? dude oh my god my dad was at one of my games and we were just going we're teeing off it was against like olg i was like you guys are gonna get wrecked dude i scored and did some shit in the end zone bro i was grounded what'd you do what'd you do just some dumb little fucking dance shit or no i did this i was like pulling the fucking horn down at the 20 going in i was like fuck you guys dude because i saw it on tv and i was like

That's hard from like, that's hard from like the 25. Kind of skipping a little bit. Oh, I dragging my feet a little bit. Dragging the, oh my God. I was like, I think I invented that. Hey, dragging the feet and then have the ball like this. Oh, no, I didn't, I didn't go that for. I didn't go that far.

I can go that far. Somebody does that, you a bad boy. But I would get yelled at by the coach a lot for that. And I was like, what are you going to do take me out? Yeah. Take me out. I'm the running back. I'm the best player.

Take me out. What the hell you... But I did feel guilty the rest of the game and probably probably fumbled a couple times because I felt guilty. You're thinking about it. You're thinking about it too much. Your mind was elsewhere.

Oh, yeah. Burpy boy. God. I love you. It is such like a... There were so many things that you couldn't do. You don't do anything. The reason I'm playing football in fourth grade

is to wear gloves, look cool, get a cool number, wear eye black, go to fucking galleons and dick sporting goods, buy bands for my arms. So I can look like Randy Moss. And celebrate and shit. Because that's all I want to do.

And I can't do any of it? Why am I playing? Why am I playing? Dude. What am I playing football? My buddy. So I can fucking roll around the mud. He brought this up to me and he wanted to, this is a perfect segue.

Like, he brought it up to me not that long ago. He's like, dude, I thought you were going to mention that in the pod. You should mention that in the pod. And about. how I think it was your senior year and we were like watching somehow our freshman team was like watching game film of or it's almost like

your guys's game film was left up before while we were like transitioning to go into our film and so like our coach were just like fucking around playing you know and playing it but then coach Wilson you're married ruined my life uh-huh so many literally Ben scores a touchdown does something where he like kind of, he doesn't hand the ball of the ref.

He tosses the ball of the ref. And then he like jumps in a lineman, like lifts him up. And he kind of did like almost like a, uh, a j-z. He threw up the Illuminati. Fine. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

And so our freshman coach, total hard. Like the most hard ass just, you know, fucking dick in your face guy. He's sitting there and he's like, yeah, look at this idiot. Talking about Ben. Oh, biggest idiot ever. Like showing us, showing us how. not to be when we score. You guys were like, he's not wrong, though.

I was like, yeah, it was an eye roll. I mean, I don't want to do that because you will literally make my life hell, but also I do want to do that because that's the point of scoring. Yeah, like it's a party now. We did the thing you want us to do. I know. Let me have five seconds.

Literally five. That's it. Do a quick look. That's three seconds. A little... Two seconds. Don't even need five. God, dang, man.

What you do when you score is you hand the ball of the ref like you've been there. You put your head down. You come back to the sideline. Guess what, coach? I haven't been there. I want to go there again. So dumb, dude. It's hilarious.

I wonder. Sometimes I think about that. I'm like, you know, if I get into coaching or, you know, because me and my buddies talk about that of, hey, wouldn't it be fun if like we all corralled and we put together like a staff of like six of us and we just coach like a seventh grade CYO team. It's my absolute dream. Right.

Like would we be those hard asses where we're like this is, hey look, check your ego at the door. All right. We're not going to have fun. This is a business. We're going to. Or would we be like, oh, yeah, you know, kind of flex it a little bit. You got to have one guy that's on fire. You got one guy that's like, hey, you know, that's the head coach.

But then you got the assistants that are kind of. You know, I can celebrate, but don't fucking do it for too long. Yeah. Like, if you want to do a handshake in the end zone, get on with your handshake or something. You know, you don't got to be reasonable. Like, yo, you can't wear all that and not play. Yeah. You know, you got to be like the best player and wear all that.

You know, it's just like, just make it make sense. You don't need to like get eight of you guys and sit down and do like your rowing a boat together. You know, like maybe not that. Actually, the moms would love that. So do that. but if you want to do like a little Reggie Wayne Super Bowl you know a little pump in the fist that was hard it's not even five seconds come on three seconds you just went 80 yards do it

80 yards dude a long ass touchdown like that oh my god you deserve everything you deserve my life it's just such a weird like on not it's definitely spoken but it's just this weird collective group think by coaches of youth in high school football that like you have to it's too much like you know they try too much to make it like the military it's not

it's football it's football that's what it is it's football it's not it's a totally separate thing all right like I get that you need to have that mindset

if you're like protecting the country and having weapon fucking you know airfare and all that shit it's football okay like just relax

because then you do see the team from like the north side that's kind of swaggy and I'm like look they're having fun and we're all fucking shriveled up

and being I don't want me coach, man. I don't want me coach, man. Yeah, I'm like, these guys don't give a shit. That's why they're good. Right. That's what they're like, they're playing like they're in the NFL

and we're playing like we're scared. Yeah. Of our coach. Old JV. Right. JV. Lef, student body left, student body right. Bro, the team from the north side has visors on and shit. They're running reverse passes. Celebrating.

Crowds going nuts. I'm like, yeah, no shit. That's why we got our asses beat. I'm like, I want to transfer. I'm 12. So true. So true. I want to get your opinion on this story.

I had an interesting interaction over the weekend at Texas A&M. This is a sports podcast and we're not ashamed. Or are we a little bit? Well, I mean, we're halfway through. We talked about a bunch of different shit. Yeah, we need to bring up some T. Swift or something. Yeah. But so I'm down there getting ready for the event with Fox.

Friday night at Texas A&M. This bar is called Dixie Chicken. like most Texas shit ever there's literally a cage snake in the corner like a live snake. Damn. Yeah. It's an on campus bar?

Like it's the bar? Yeah. Wow. It's popping. Like our event's getting ready to go down. I got Dante Hall to my right. I got Trevor Knight to my left. They're sitting there kind of waiting for things to get going.

All of a sudden I look up, look to my left and walks Johnny Mansell. Yo. Sit your ass right next to Mommy. So Johnny's a walk. fucking this way. I'm like, Johnny football. Dante's like Johnny motherfucking football, right? Like everybody gets up and like I, I'm the first one to realize that Johnny's walking towards us. And so me and Johnny make eye contact. I'm like, Johnny football. And he kind of gives me one

of these. Doesn't want to be bothered. But then no, but then he's coming up. And he's like, say, hey to Dante. You know, both Aggies. I get it. And so then he gets to me and I'm like, I'm like, dude, what's up, man? Like, good to see you. He's like, what's up beautiful? Didn't know you were going to be here. And I was like, yeah, dude. I was like, yeah, I was at your bar last night. And he got a bar? Yeah.

Like actually? A bar. It's called, uh, it's called Johnny Mansell's money bar. Seriously. It's like money Manzels. Get this. Only serves hard liquor. No beer.

I'm terrified. Yeah. I literally, I went up to the bar. Do they have to the food? I two Texas A&M. staffers with me, these two these two dudes who saw that I was down there and they were like, yeah, we'll show you around. I was like, cool.

Going to Mansells. We go up to the bar and, you know, I just had like a couple desecchi's at the place we were at before. So I was like, oh, you have like, millerlight just like, she's like, actually, no, we don't, we don't have any beer. I was like, oh, like no domestic. She's like, no, we, just liquor.

We're pouring vodka down your fucking throat. I was like, oh, okay. anyways so I said that to I was like I was at your bar last night he goes yeah I know what is happening with this and he walks away what the fuck

I have no idea it was hanging you beautiful and then did that yeah yo he it was hanging did you talk shit it was hanging on my head I mean like I was thinking about it

on my drive back to Houston later that night I was like what the fuck was that did we say something about him No, I like him. Like, I would, and I tried to explain that to my wife, to a couple of my buddies. Because I've just been racking my brain about it. And I was like, you know when, let's say you're a sophomore in high school, right? And maybe one of the seniors you have like study hall with or something. Or maybe you clown around with the senior at practice.

And you're like, oh man, like, he fucks with me. Yeah. This is fun. This is good. Right. But then like you see him, maybe like a party. and you're like, oh, I'm going to go up to him because we're boys. And then all of a sudden, like, he gives you kind of one of those and you're like,

humbled you a little bit? Did I do or say something to piss him off in the last, like, so then you're racking your brain a little bit. I'm like, what? That's what it felt like. I think he seniored you, bro. He seniored me hard. You're on his turf.

I was just like, man, what the? I was like, because I first met him like three years ago, Anthony Cahoon's golf outing. shook up, took picks, talked. Yeah, you're like, we're friends. Right, right. Like, you know, send a couple DMs, stuff like that, blah, blah, blah. A couple nudes. And I'm like, man, I was like, I know I've been pro Johnny football for a while.

Always. I was like, when I was 19, I was just jealous because I wasn't Johnny football. Maybe you guys need a kiss. But then I'm like, I'm like, even if I did like tweet something in 2012, like, making fun of Johnny football or something. Like, one, he's not got to go back and look at that shit. Two, we're not that close to where somebody's going to be like, do you see what he's like?

Like, it was just the weirdest thing ever. I don't know. And then on top of it, later that night, I'm sitting in my bed in the hotel room in Houston. I'm checking my notifications on Twitter. Johnny Mansell likes a tweet where I'm at Texas A&M and it was like, come on, man. I'm like, what did this? There's so many mixed signals.

Is he your girlfriend? I don't know. That's given me That's the girl that you That you're having you want to You have a crush on Did I forget our anniversary Nail it down?

Right Did I say Yeah did I stand you up somewhere? It was so weird And it's still kind of fucking with me He's your girlfriend He's your girlfriend dude Somebody's like

Confusing you like that It was just such a range of emotion Because I called you beautiful I literally Fucking dipped on your head I looked at my left. I see Johnny football walking this way. I'm thrilled.

I'm like, oh, this is great. Johnny Mansell's in the house. Like, I haven't seen him in a while. Then from there, he gives me that look.

And I'm like, maybe he doesn't want to see me. This is weird. Then he shakes my hand. We shake up. He calls me beautiful. I'm like, this is great.

Maybe we'll get a drink after. He might have had something on his mind, dude. Then he dipped out. Then he likes the tweet. I have no idea what the hell is going on. I feel like right before he saw you. He got like a weird text from his girl.

Maybe. That'll throw your shoulder. Right. I hope. For my sake, I hope so. For his sake, you know, hopefully everything's good. I don't know. Just DM be like, we good.

Bro. We good? I'm at a loss. I don't want to do that. Because then it makes you look. It's weird. Yeah, but it might actually help. Are we good?

That's just like desperate to me. I love you? Yeah, Wyatt says it's too desperate. I don't want. It's all good. I'll probably, you know, I'll probably see him again like three years. Who knows? Anyways, I just had to get your opinion.

I told my wife, I told a couple of my buddies at the wedding that was in over the weekend. I'm like trying to, I'm like, well, fun. What is this? I was at your bar last night. I know. You looked at the security footage, you creep. You're in love with me. I don't know.

I don't know. It was a very, I felt like George Costanza. I feel like it's kiss a clock. I had such a weird interaction. And I'm like on this weird level. I don't know what's going on. I got seniored. Just this is what it is.

I think, I think, yeah, it's like the initiation process probably to be friends with Johnny Menzel, you know. He's gonna,

he's gonna fuck you up a little bit. Got to feel it out. Yeah. All right, fine. Dude, do you remember those days though? You probably don't

because you're the one who's fucking everybody's head up back in the day when you're seeing your channel one. You're laughing your ass off. Then all of a sudden they try to shake up with you. What's up, Bealcoming.

Homecoming. So lame. Totally. It's totally embarrassing. them in front of their date and then they're just like, man, what? Why was Ben? Why didn't he say that? I don't think I was that guy.

I don't know. No, I know you're talking about that. No, it's exactly. You know what it made me feel like? You know what I made you feel like when you fucking drop the oil and vinegar or the, yeah. Oh, I would do that today. Yeah. That's true.

I mean, looking back, it was, you know, but at the same time, did you have to say it? It's some real sophomore shit. As long, hey, you weren't with your, with your boys. Yeah, that's the same. What do you mean? You weren't with your boys and all. hallway when I said that to you. It was just solo Molonard.

Yeah, Joe King and Ben Politsi versus me. Trouble. Good luck. Good luck to anybody out there who comes across that. That's not good. In the hallway. It's not good. Let's read some emails here.

What do you say? How was that way? Is it good? Been waiting for it all week? Yeah, shows were killer. Improv. Hollywood Improv sold out. really crazy I mean I wasn't like I was just like I'm not surprised is what I'm trying to say thanks

no but they just kept going and we got to like they put us back on like it was it was good nice Craig good killed dude he went for like two hours because like the thing at the improv is the guy that's closing it out like he'll he'll do as much time as he wants

and people don't know that they can leave and he's like putting on a performance dude So people are staying He's just like working out his material at one point Like he doesn't give a shit that people are there And it's like you can leave But like people are being super respectful

Because he's Yeah who he is Do you run into Sebastian? I saw your own I didn't but god damn That show before mine was insane Yeah That was wild

Didn't see him I don't think those dudes hang out In the green room like that They're just kind of Yeah it's work They're just fucking They're they don't Do their time

We'll flesh some stuff out They got kids and shit Right Yeah No that's cool man A lot of cool names on that On that flyer there All right

Here we go This is team these guys at gmail.com We'll start off with Matthew Hey follows OG listener of espresso And TG Crazy What is the thing that ticks you off most About an audience member

When doing standup Watching clips I can't stand when people Try to add commentary During a set With Halloween season upon us Don't let them annoy you Act like a skeleton

So they can't get under your Can cheese. Come on. Kiss me, slap my ass and force feed me a KFC double down with your feet. Oh my God.

I love this shit. Those can't miss. I haven't heard a bad one yet. KFC double down. With your feet? Oh my God. Just fucking. Take it.

Go ahead. You start off with this one because you've been doing it longer than me. I don't really think any, I think it all plays. Like if they're annoying, I never should. shut them down. It's always like a make it

part, make it funny. It's like a challenge to me. I'm like, all right, we're going to do this. We got to figure out the best way to like to, because you can get it like a freaking applause break from somebody in the crowd. If you like use it right. So I'm never really annoyed by it.

And if it gets to a point that's like annoying, the crowd will be on your side like they were with you. Yep. So I'm always like, all right, let's fucking get it then. If you want to be loud and shit, like I'm either going to like roast you and it's going to be funny or we're going to do something together it's gonna be funny. Yeah, that's good.

Yeah, you're, you're not like phase. You just kind of, it seemed like you would, you would welcome that in a way. Oh, yeah. I like my shit to be a, like a, like a food fight in a, like a, in like a lunch room type of shit. Like, I want it to be crazy. Yeah.

Because it just makes, I'm like, it just makes it more fun. Yeah. Rather than just listening to someone for like 45, I mean, it's not just like a fucking PowerPoint present. but like, let's have fun. Like, let's go crazy.

I want to be sweating my ass off on stage, spitting. Like, that's what I, I wanted to be a mess. Because I want the people to be like, what the fuck did I just watch? Yeah.

But I've never really had anybody that really got me. And wouldn't shut up. I just, I hate it when people tried to demand to get me to do a voice. Oh, yeah.

Especially when it's, it's like not a part of what I'm doing at the moment. It's like just I'll get, I'll get there. That's all coming. Okay. Like it's. And also like this isn't how my act is. Like this isn't my show.

This isn't how my show goes. Like it's not like I just come up on stage and I'm just like, okay, shut them out. Let's go. Bro, I would just tell them to shut the fuck up in the voice that they. Yeah, that's probably a good call. I would love that. But people are going to start talking to you so you do it. Yeah. This is from, I think, somebody that we went to high school with. I mean, there might be other ones out there. But Derek, Derek Dant.

Derek Dant. It says, love the show. Listen each week on the road for my sales calls. Love the Catholic school talk, football talk, and indie talk. Random question. If you put together the all-time best football player, oh boy. I can't wait. I cannot wait. All-time best football players from Ron College, Chatton Cathedral. Could that take? team up against any other great high school football team of all time. This is so close to home. Who would be a handful of the best guys from that team that you can name. Joey, good luck on being a girl dad, game changer for the better. Ben, thoughts on getting back into football coaching. You have to do it. If you're thinking about it, you're doing it. No, no, no, no, you.

Oh, me? Yeah. I can't. Just Ben. Thoughts on getting back into football. I can't, but it's, dude, I told my dad this in the car. All I want to do is be a J.B. football. but like since I can't I guess I'll follow my dreams you know

yeah it says sense of humor and passion is needed you'd be great please stop you stop but I do like being the coach that doesn't know shit that can just relate to the players like that's my that's my role

like you can't count on me for anything but like I will be there for like comedic relief uh yeah this is close to home. So I won't spend too much time on it because, hey, you know, these guys, we got nationwide. We got some people in Finland and Canada and shit. But I say if you give me Zach, the Martin brothers on the line, Jason Werner as just like your flex athlete player. Cofy Hughes as your quarterback.

Couldn't say it any better than this. I mean, you're not going to go wrong on offense right there. It's three pros. and that dude who should have been a pro. Yeah. There's a couple of shatar running backs. No. Yeah, Drey Mason.

Yep. Yep. You know what I'm talking about? Yep. And then on defense, there's somebody that was insane, not Jason Warner, but. Pat Coons up front, just on the D-line, terrorizing people. Probably another shatard line. Probably like a judge.

Joe Holland. Yeah, Joe Holland. Joe Holland. It's nasty. Some of the Dury brothers. No, there's somebody on defense for the cathedral that I can't think of. Oh, yeah. Their D.Bs are insane at Cathedral.

Oh, my God. Can't even look them in the eye. I was like, this is man press. Well, guess what? This is woman press now. Yeah, I mean, they have a DB that goes on Notre Dame every year. So just kind of take your pick. Yeah, just some single digit guy back there that I can't even look at during film because I'm scared.

All right. From Charlie, one last thing before I forget, who should kiss Shaq and Yao Ming. Are you kidding me? Just figure out who the biggest man on this planet is and kiss already. Why is it so hard to see those two in the same room together when they both are like eight foot four and played pro basketball? Yeah, they're randomly like best friends. Yeah, they are. Anytime everybody's just like, man, yeah, and whenever they are in a room together, obviously you know.

And then people take pictures and they're like, well, Shaq and Yao. How about Yao Ming, like, understanding Shaq's like sense of humor? Like, doesn't speak a lick of English, but he's like gets down. I'm like, that's what's up. Everybody gets down with Shaq. Bro and Yao like that first one when he like blocked Shaq. Remember that? Everybody gets down with Shaq except us in 2000.

Dude, Shaq. I swear I'd run over him with a fucking tank in 2002. When they beat the Kings. Oh my God. I'm still like that still makes me sick. When Ori hit that three? Oh. And well, yeah, 2000 against the Pacers.

Like you just could not stop. him. How about everybody just having putting new bodies in there to fucking foul him? I'm like, we're pathetic. Austin Crozier and Scott Pollard. Yeah, Foster's guarding shack? Yeah, Jeff Foster. Who's one in this game?

I'll take that guy. Just him. Literally. From Walker. If you could mesh any two sports, what would it be? For instance, I want to see a football game where the ball is a baseball and receivers, defensive backs are allowed to have baseball mitts. Would make for some well

and some fucking nukes down the field. Oh, and punters and kickers have to hit the ball with a bat instead of kick it. Oh, my God. Dude, that's my worst nightmare. Hitting any ball other than a baseball with a bat. Remember doing that shit? Throwing a basketball up in there and hitting it with a bat.

Dude. And hitting the side of your house until your dad yells at you. I would fuck you up. I know, my wrists. Get a stinger in here. Oh, my God. Every summer, just throwing a basketball in the air and hitting it with a baseball bat.

I can't feel my hands now. I just thought it would work every time. How about something with golf? I don't know. This is a tough question. This is a tough one. Maybe golf. Golf on ice?

That would change up your puck game a little bit. Golf on ice might go hard. You have to figure some shit out. He has some winter golf. Golf. Galf. From Matt. Early 2000s football names.

Got to add the 2000s football player. list, Kabir, Baha, B. Amelia, and B.J. Raji. B.J. Raji for sure. J. Raji, great name. Smack my ass like the family feud buzzer. B.J. Raji, man. He took over TV in the NFL for like two years. I don't, what is, what position he played? D-Tackle. Number 90. Remembering because he got in with the state farm. So it was like him and Aaron Rogers. They had the When Aaron Rogers doing that belt thing. Yeah. That might have been peak Aaron Rogers.

Rogers. Roger. Where he just kept throwing Hill Marys? Oh my God. What the, he threw like 14 Hill Marys in one season. I was like, what the fuck? It became a thing.

It became like an annoying thing where it was like, well, it's almost like now with the Eagles with that push push shit. Except Aaron Rogers are just like, yeah, he's dropping it in a bucket. Jim Nansen would be like, well, you know, Aaron Rogers, they practice this, Phil. and then they would convert it.

Practicing Hill Mary's was, wow. Remember that shit? Thursday. How bad do you just want to Hail Mary to fucking work? Just every game. Even if it's against your team, you're kind of like, this would be really wild.

It's the shot at the buzzer too in an NBA game. Like it doesn't matter. They can do it 84 times in a row, full court. And I'll go, oh, 804 times. If it slams the backboard,

you're like, close. I know, I know. like a little less. 84 times in a row. Breaks the fucking backboard. Dude, it can go anywhere. It can go anywhere.

And it, oh, it hits a lady in top of the fucking head in the crowd. Oh, it's the most entertaining part. And then even when they make it, you're kind of like, damn, that is good. Hail Mary's man. I mean, seriously, you're just like, hey, and how much do you say, give them time?

Give them enough time. when the quarterback's scrambling around back there. Got enough time to brush his teeth. I love those. You just wanted to work so badly. I know. And then when it does, yeah, you're like,

wow, it happened, but then you're like, fuck. Probably not going to see another one of those for a while. At the same time, you're like, I told you. Every hill marry that works,

told you, bro. Knock it down. Knock it down. I know. Every coach is so in the player's ass for that. Every coach. Because you didn't knock it down. every coach how about the guy that knocked it down that one time and there's a guy but

what are you going to say coach yeah no that was the saints jags and then the David gerard oh oh that was insane oh that sucks it was like two days before Christmas and then like so you had the jaguar mascot that had like the santa hat on just going fucking crazy oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god I just got hard. I just got turned on. No, but I'm pretty sure

there was the same game. The Saints, then on the ensuing kickoff, there was, there was like no time left and they fucking lateraled and held lateraling it until they scored. But then they had to hit the PAT to tie it.

That kicker could go right to hell, bro. Oh, man. Those plays are sick. There's a Steelers one too that you never talk about, that they did all that crazy shit. And I think A.B. stepped out of bounds.

I would say, Like, what? Yeah, there's a reason I don't talk about it because I was fucking demoralized. I would have been ruining every wall in my house. Yeah. If I was watching that live with a sledgehammer. Just every wall, fuck you. I got like 18.

That's the most text I've ever gotten, I think. Is that 2013 Dolphins game in Pittsburgh when A.B. stepped out of bounds at like the six-yard line. Every time I see it, I send it to do. Just kills me, man. Hey, dude, cut it up. from Dustin. Good evening, my smooth gentleman. Didn't include any warm and fuzzies for you guys in the intro of this email. Just getting right to the point. Question for both of you. If you were in the car for an hour or more with just you and you were driving while listening to an episode of these guys in its entirety and dad couldn't be on his phone at all and just had to listen to the episode with you. What would that experience be like? Slap my ass and boom goes a dynamite. Heavy D. So we're listening to this in the car with our dads. That's the worst. time of my life.

My dad would love it. My dad would be like, turn this bullshit off. Dude, I would, I'd rather, I'd start talking about Cathedral Shatard Ron Kelly football players. I'd roll out of the car. Going 65 miles an hour. This is literally your dad's face while this is going on. Doesn't, doesn't even blink. Doesn't move his mouth from this position.

I'd be like, did you hear that last part? He'd be like, I haven't been listening. And then he'd turn his head and I'd see he had an air pot in on this year only listening to Tom Petty or some shit. The Beatles. I'm like, you've been sneaking the Beatles this whole time? You've been sneak beetling? It's a cross-country road trip. You're wearing fucking short-ass gym shorts, some stupid graphic tea.

Get your shoes off in the front seat. You got a neck pillow around you. your dad's still in khakis in a butt down pole. Tie. Fucking wins or not. That's what? That's his relaxation. Because they're driving on a road trip.

No tie. Other than that, though, he's still full business cash. Like, dude, no wonder you're so uptight. You've had dockers on for 18 years. Meanwhile, me and my dad would be like pitching bids to me. Oh, the difference. I love what you guys talk about that. if you did that he'd be pitching like 80s football players to me? Dude, your dad. I got to,

I owe your dad my life. Your dad kind of like, like he brought about that the two dogs barking on the fence video that someone copied and made way more money on than us. But, uh, yeah, shout out to your dad for that one. From John, sports themed Halloween costume. What's up, boys? Let's keep the October spirit content rolling. Yep, for those. watching on our YouTube channel these guys. Ben's dressed up as Edron James and I have a giant jackal lantern on. This is a good, this is going to be a good thumbnail for sure.

What do you think are some of the best out of the box funny type of sports themed Halloween costumes you can think of like a prison jumpsuit outfit with Ray Lewis jersey underneath it or OJ Simpson wearing or OJ Simpson jersey with black isotone or gloves and a knife wearing Michael Vick jersey but holding a fake plush animal dog. You get it. Those are funny. keep me swiftly in the nut, kick me swiftly in the nuttack, aka the slap my ass from the front side. Ooh.

Wow. We're switching it up. Yeah. My problem with those is like, if you're doing funny sports themed costume, it's just the guy at the party that just like he just wants everybody to know. Like he wants to be the guy that causes the eye roll, you know? He's like the dick in the box guy. desireal like oh okay it's not great it's not great like he's posted so much about it you know what i mean so that's my problem like oh all right i get what you're doing but and he didn't think of it is the

thing like he saw someone do that and then did it all and read it yeah i don't really like that guy but if i had to do it sports funny thing oh damn i can't even fucking think of anything you know Deshawn Watson I'm sure it'll be a popular one this year yeah something like that I'm sure Tom Brady went all the fucking

yeah everybody still brings out Steve Bartman still we're literally 20 years past it comes of one World Series Steve Bartman still plays Bartman's a guy that foul ball who went to go catch it though Moises a Lou

it's a hard name bro I just want to say it. Love me some moist as a little bit, bro. When that dude got into one to left center field, nothing better. God, this podcast is nuts. What are we doing? We showed our true colors, bro.

We did. Officially got no more female listeners. Oh, and they love it. All right, this is from Harley. Hello, gentlemen. First off, I want to thank you. I also went to Catholic school, my whole childhood, teenagers, and you guys explained that experience perfectly.

your high school football banter makes me laugh every time because it always makes me think of some stupid-ass thing a coach would yell. With that being said, what was the funniest thing a coach ever said to you or to the team? Mine was the freshman lineman coach who used to scream at us to put your dicks into them when doing one-on-one run blocking drills.

Thanks for everything, boys, keep up the good work, cover me a barbecue sauce, melted cheese, bacon, and slept my ass. God damn it. That sounds good, Harley. It's a nice little treat there. Funniest thing. I don't even know.

Like it's funny looking back, but then more you think about it, you're like, damn, that's kind of. It's all weird. It's all weird. Football's weird, dude. Like, we're 14, man. In college, our coach told us to have loose butt holes. Okay.

I was like, I kind of like that. Could we get some context? So it's just, it's like, yo, yo, get your shit together. Igno your shit, but have a loose butthole. Yeah, because everybody's just, yeah. Right. You put it up. If you play too up tight.

like you go it's yeah it's horrible i had a coach one time uh i was in like the skill positions if you will uh back in high school and he got us all together and he was like all right everybody hold out your left forearm and we're like okay held it out he's like now look at it tell me what color that is we're like white he's like right so don't get any ideas like he didn't want us to like think that we were you know reggie bushing it or anything don't get any ideas don't be a hero out here i was like geez dude okay like i mean we can still shake it a little bit like that's a tough one that's tough also had one that was like trying to get a point across about how you know whatever he says goes so he had us all in the team

huddle and you just like if I look up and say the sky is red what color is the fucking sky and we all go red god dude that's some power shit I hate that okay yeah

I also had a coach in college that would say the wildest shit and I can't even imagine what college football coaches come up with well sometimes it's it's just you gotta have a like a coach that's psycho and that will

get me going. Every staff has to have one. Well, this was our head coach, bro, and he, like, he would talk about some fucked up shit. Like, and we couldn't say it outside of the locker room. Yeah. But it wasn't bad. It was like to move. It was like, oh, we're playing at wherever today. Yeah, we're going to murder all their families. And I'd be like, fuck yeah. I'd be like, this is what I'm talking about. He gets a scream mask with the blood coming out of it. Dude, yeah, like, it was like that. It was like that. You know that canal they have on campus? We're going to fill it with blood tomorrow. And I'd be like, say less, coach. I've never been more ready to play. All right. So now we know it motivates Ben. Bro, yeah, make it fucked up. Like, not that fucked

but like, yeah. I fucked up, but it's just fucky. Yeah. Oh, yeah. It's different. It's different. Grandparents Day at whatever the fuck university. Guess what? Mamm's passing away. Right when we walk out of the tunnel, Grandpa's dead. Dude, I'd be like, yes, dude. This is what I like.

Hey, you know, it's October. It's just spooky. We're just, we're just going with the theme, man. We're going with the theme.

RIP, when our fucking bus pulls up, I'd be like, yeah. I'm playing for that guy. Oh, my God, kill somebody for him.

With the scream mask on and I'll be, I'll come out of the tunnel with that. I'm going to have to buy that. Yeah. Bloody scream mask. All right. that's team these guys at gmail.com appreciate it be sure to subscribe on youtube watch us every week at uh just these guys on youtube uh yeah so i'm gonna be in louisville tomorrow

night hope to see you there appreciate that uh ben anything uh coming up i'll have some stuff but right now just in indie for a little bit doing shows around here some stuff all right stuff all right cool germy germy shocky get your germy jerseys germy jerseys May it be but well, bye. Bye. See you. These guys.