THESE GUYS! - Helmets I Want To Lick

Episode Date: May 8, 2024

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And people will have the audacity to get mad at you for losing it. You lost it again, the Roku remote? Every time. Put it back on the coffee table. I would accidentally eat this. Like, come on. Wayie, boys. G. 82.

82. And Randall L. finds Heinz Ward in the end zone. I was I thinking T. Wilk, dude, Terrence Wilkins. Whoa, he was 82. Or maybe 81. He was low 80s. You sure about that?

He will. He was 83. Like Cowboys take, oh, no, it's Terrence Williams, I'm thinking of. I'm thinking. T. Wilkins, that's different than Terrence Williams is on that squad with like Tony Romo and Des Bryant. He was number 83. Why was, why is Terrence Wilkins on, oh, 80? And then he was 10 randomly.

I'm all messed up, bro. I saw a picture. I saw team photo picture of the 2001 Colts yesterday. And all I could look at was Chad Bradsky. Squad. Dude, Chad Bradsky. What a force. It's still insane to me that NFL was with Puma for a bit.

I like that arrow. That was peak NFL for me. That was just, yeah. I mean, that was pure childhood right there. But thinking about it now, the NFL, Puma? It's like they didn't know any better. And it's like we didn't either. We're like, yeah, that's cool, Puma.

And then when they went to Reebok, that's when it really got serious. The Reebok jerseys changed the NFL forever. That was like the best time for me. I kind of wanted to go back, honestly. Please. Put the holes in the jerseys, man. Let those guys breathe, dude. Why was that such?

like, God, that was such an era. It looks way better, right? Football jerseys are meant to look a little messy. I don't like, even when they sell them now, like the Nike ones you see in the store, I'm like, those just look like, like thick t-shirts. Bro, they're hot as shit. I could go on for days about this, bro.

But the Reebok era was the NFL. With the little guitar pick. Yeah, the edge. The Pete Manning commercial on every commercial. break. That one like F-150 with From the East Coast to the West Coast

Down the Dixie I'll wait This is a country Wow wow wow Wow I'm just Sunday night football right there How come Payne Manning just had to wear those cleats though Oh I know

I've been seeing a meme Going around that's like named the least drippy quarterback ever or a quarterback that had no drip and everybody always goes straight to Sam Bradford which is a good one to make sense Ew he was bad but Peyton's up there man

like luckily for Peyton though I mean typically cap to him like he was just that good that people don't say a word about it but he was ugly come on that tall ass fucking helmet rib protector

tall-ass fucking helmet with the same face mask for 18 years. I don't know. I was kind of hype when he changed. When he changed from Marino face masks to like the revolution, I was kind of like excited, honestly. Yeah, but then he kept that revolution, that same one that Matt Stafford has carried the torch for ever since Peyton retired.

Matt Staphrie still rocking that? Yeah. I like man, that was super, super dope in 2006. The attachment issues are crazy, man. Just stop. But then again, you know, what don't we love? That's from 2005, you know, so. Everything just hit a little different in 05.

You want to push some tickies real quick? Yeah, we can push some tickies. I'm just still looking at this picture. Sorry. dude what he tweeted that I stared at this for hours when I was a kid

just like what would I get I was mesmerized I was like imagine the resources to just buy one okay I feel pretty confident about my pick about my about the one that I quote treated you on

yeah yours is good the two the two here and then the three so defense so defense just made for a visor yeah I don't know I like the OG

I don't know there's such as something about it yeah yeah I do I do too I do too you don't have to but also like that's the helmet that you would get if you were ever to throw a visor on so why does it look so good

these with the vise just kill me just fits aesthetic go all right yeah let's push some ticks upcoming shows stand-up comedy shows

Syracuse, May 30th, May 30th, Syracuse gets your tickies, just posted the flyer the other day, come out, throw a basketball at my crotch. Columbus, June 13th, not too far after that, Columbus, Funny Bone, and then Portland after that. But May 30th, June 13th, coming up, let's kiss. Sexy. Yeah, this will come out after Minneapolis, which I'm excited about. I'm in the hotel room for there right now. I guess it's St. Paul technically. So I'm still trying to figure that out.

They say Twin Cities and that's what they are. But the show is technically in St. Paul, Minneapolis. Anyways, hope to see you there. Hopefully I saw you there. And then next week, Chicago, Green Bay. And then on May 21st for the indie folks are people who are involved around Indianapolis, indie nights for St. Jude, hosted by me.

Quentin Nelson is going to be there, Colton Herd James Hinchcliffe. We're going to have live music. We're going to have silent auction items. I tweeted out about it today. You got four sideline passes and tickets of Purdue Oregon football game this year. Colts game day tickets and game day experience. Bullseye event group tickets.

All sorts of good shit that you're going to want to go and hopefully take home. And all the money goes to a really great cause. It means a lot to me. So I hope to see you guys there. Yeah. Hickies. Push them. Hey, is our podcast, should we just rename it and just call it 05?

either 05 or 98 05 Fav. You guys listen to O5 Favv? How hard do it? I'm just picturing that thick-ass apostrophe with two blocky 9 and 8s right next to each other. Hey, never knew where to put that apostrophe.

Is it before or after the two? I'm still like I got to Google it. Hey, the font is like Like the jail The jail fall Or the You know, I'm talking about The indestructible

The steel plated Steelers type of shit 98 98 You guys listen to 98 You guys listen to 98 You guys listen to Dream of 98? Yeah Let's talk about John Elway

and the 98 Vikings all day. Why is that a 98? Okay, we got to shut the fuck up. Oh, no. That's pretty funny by manager. She texted me because we always talked about pushing tickets and she's just like, anytime she sees like Sebastian Man of Scalco or like Kevin Hart, like that on the Tom Brady roast, Kevin Hart when he was doing his opening

monologue, like literally push tickets for his tour. She was like, see? Even Kevin Hart does. Pushing tickies, bro. I guess Pushing Tickeys Posting Clippies That's all this

That's the real show Right there What's uh What you got on there What is What's this green floral Um My sister sent me a DM

Me and my sister Have this thing And she'll send me like cool soccer kits And I'm like Oh gotta cop that Or I'm like Uh You know that's just

You know you just got that friend You DM with And it's just like Yeah I got a couple buddies. We just send back like buddies. What the fuck? I got a couple friends. We just, but why don't I fucking say buddies sometimes? So weird. But, uh, we send like, what's wrong with buddies? Huh? What's wrong with buddies? I don't know. It just, it just, I don't usually say that. So there's nothing wrong with it. I just not,

not a, I don't usually say that. But yeah, I got a couple fucking buddies, dude. And it'll be like on Twitter and some weird shit. And we'll just send. each other like the new baseball jerseys that came out like the Detroit lions came out with some like Motor City ones they look so bad like I don't know like we don't talk otherwise but it's only that but my sister sent me this on Instagram and I was like gotta get it just looks dope yeah that's basically yeah it looks cool that's basically what guy friendships and relationships just become is that like no hi no I'm never I'm next time I see this dude that we that we that We send uniforms back and forth

who might be in, I might not see him ever again, honestly. And that is completely, we are both okay with that, but we will talk about when the fucking St. Louis Cardinals do one different thing

to their jerseys. Hey, he just, he, he shows up to his funeral, to your funeral. It's the next time that he sees you and he just lays over you, Detroit Lions black alternate jersey.

Doesn't say a word Nobody knows them Hey how did you How did you know the How did you know Benny who passed away? Oh we just fucking sent each other Uniforms on Twitter Sick

Same Two guys If I out last year You'll see that and be like Oh that dude came Nice That's good Ben would have loved that

And you're like Damn that jersey is trash actually he was right no but if it was like the if it was like the Roy Williams black ones the Reebok NFL ones oh Detroit Lions oh dude yeah bro get out of here

yeah still the best everybody's making a big like commotion about the Lions jerseys that just came out nah dude it's it's the ones that it's the ones that came out like Joey Harrington's rookie year those are so sick

but the blue helmets I think the blue helmets is what gets me. They pop it off. Like if you're a kid, bro, if you're a kid and the lions wear those, I'm a lions fan now. For sure. They look like a really sour ass candy. Like a sour ass airhead that you just want to slap on your tongue. Yeah, what do I kind of like, the first thing I'd do if I was holding one of those helmets would be just.

Oh. Yeah, it's a good one. I would lick the top of that helmet. So lickable. And the mat, the mat finish is kind of a nice texture on your tongue. You know, there might be a little dust on it. I think it's like the, I think it's like the reverse mat now. Like they can do like kind of like a highlighter mat.

So like, like I don't know because why we're right. When I usually think of Matt, I think of like dull. You know, like the Vikings had the mat helmet. Unfinished almost. Oh yeah, unfinished. But I think this one is like. highlighter mat. Glossy Matt.

Yeah, nightclub Matt. Brunch Matt. Brunch Matt. Brunch Matt. Yeah, dude. That's a lickable helmet right there. Other things you want to lick.

Definitely Lions helmet. Yeah. You know what I want to eat is the Blue Philadelphia 76ers, there's Alan Iverson, Jersey. You actually have it. I want to eat that. Dude, this may be a million dollar.

idea here. A little bit of a little bit of a like you make a candy line but it's all based off of uniforms. Let's keep going bro. What else do we want to? So you have the 76th blue, you have the lion's blue helmet. A lot of blue here.

I mean, think of all the red options too. Like thinking of like a USC like cherry ass red. It's the chief's helmet too. I just want to pop that. I just want to pop that shit in my mouth. Dude,

they can be lollipops. Helmet lollipops, dude. With the team logo on the side? That's it. That lines blue one? I can already see that on eBay. I would never eat it, but bingles with the stripes.

Shut the fuck up. I knew it. I knew it. Oh, my God. And then they're different flavors. Oh, we are on to something, bro. Oh, holy shit. Dude, I'll never forget.

Like, we weren't even, we weren't even really, we weren't even really friends at this point. We still kind of aren't, but it's all good. That right there, bro. That right there. Yeah. This was like, this is way before espresso or any of this shit, but the clubhouse.

I tell people all the time when, because like actually in Kansas City last week, I had a really great crowd, fun show, people came out and were hanging after. Actually, Keith brought a these guys shirt. Shout out to Keith.

You had already signed it when you were in Kansas City last year. Chief Keith. So I signed it as well on the opposite side. So shout out to Keith. But a lot of people, you know, they're all asked,

you know, We saw Benny when he was out here Like, how do you guys know each other all? So I tell him the story. Anyways, so people know that we've known each other for a long time. But I never forget it was Chief Steelers Sunday night football 2016 in Pittsburgh. Best matchup ever.

The Steelers like, we just smashed them. It was like 38 to 3. I mean, it was one of those games that you're just like, I can't believe this is a real, you know. But anyways, I remember you texted me. And we didn't really like talk ever that much or anything, but I just get a text from you. And it's just like, bro, those Chief's helmets against the Steelers?

And I was like, yeah, that's pretty sick. And ever since it, I never thought about it until you really pointed out, how about the Chief's helmets are just so sick. Dude, they're like violently red. That's like the best red. By only red and then the the arrow head on, like, it's just that. There's black on the arrow. I'm like, that doesn't even make sense, but it works so well.

Yeah. Never forget that one, though. Man. That is really weird that I texted you that. I must have been like, I don't know, on, I don't know. Because I knew you were watching and I think I knew you'd understand. I'm like, nobody else is going to understand what I'm talking about right now. Let me just fucking, let me just send it.

I got it I got it What should you call this? Helme Helmet Sucker Helmut sucker helmet sticker Helmet

Helipops Hellipop I don't know But the Florida State one Hey you know What really slapped The Jaguars half and half Would go crazy

You're crazy I love that shit I'm sure I did kind of like that. I was like, I know it's not really traditional, but like, when have you seen that shit? Hey, hey. Oregon Green Apple? God damn it.

I would just do it like that out in public, bro. Straight stick and just fucking smack. Brew, maybe a cake pop too. Maybe not even a sucker. Could go cake pop. Yeah. Or you could do like, because in my head, I'm like, the Chiefs, the Bengals, Oregon. are the lions those are old lollipops but then you have uh i think like tc u notre dame michigan

that are kind of more cake pop mhm tennessee titans oh lolly that's a lollipop oh it's lolly okay okay yeah something about that white helmet why'd they get rid of it no one'll ever know oh dude i yeah the Q ball blue that they went to Like guys How hell are you doing? Guys Guys

If it ain't broke Don't fix it man Kevin Dyson would like a word Frank Whitechag rests in peace Yeah do them like that The disrespect Dude Just Navy all of a sudden

Like there aren't enough Navy blue helmets Shut up Just Ryan Tannenhill's face Shubbed in that navy blue helmet Shove Marcus Marriota for no reason wearing that No he was there

He was he was there No you're right I think he was Yeah he was well he started with the white helmets But then he was yeah Yeah Um Oh and you dude oh okay here we go LSU

but the inside Is the Mardi Gras colors Cake Pop LSU cake pop Inside Marty girl colors It's like fun fetti You're like Who's not? Who's not taking a bite out of crime right there, dude?

We gotta get in on this, man Since it's too good They'll never do it The things they'll never do I know And somebody already definitely has come up with that idea I'm just sounded like my dad now Oh for sure

It's already out there Joe I've been saying it for years A channel that doesn't have commercials That you watch every game on It's called Red red zone. He's like real calm and he says it. Every dad's got the invention. Okay, bro. All right. Seriously, I know we've talked about this before, but I would really love if the clubhouse could email again, just your new, whatever. We've had a couple of, we've had a handful of people who have sent in, but every week if you want to, just keep updating what your dad, what your dad has told you that this week's family dinner that he came up with.

the idea with that nobody would listen to him on. Then all of a sudden it popped up six years later. I saw one the other day, actually, and I got mad, and I told like three people about it. The dad rage. The remote pager, you know, like you have a pager for your home phone. Like, remember you had a home phone near a kid and you couldn't find it? A cordless phone. You hit the page button on like the home base for it.

It'd be like, beep, beep, beep. I was like, oh, there's under the couch. I was like everybody keeps losing the remote Why isn't there that for the TV? Just press the button on the TV and the remote's like Beep beep beep they can't dish Came out with it I was like

Bad See what's gonna dish dude Everybody's got fucking Roku It's some shit like that dude I don't even Everybody's got Roku smart TVs where the remote is this big The size it's the size of a Twix bar Hey get the Roku remote

You find a Roku remote God, I can't buy it in here. It's right here, the Roku remote. And people, people will have the audacity to get mad at you for losing it. You, you lost it again, the Roku remote?

Every time. Put it back on the coffee table. I would accidentally eat this. Like, come on. It's insane, man. And there's no, there's no anger.

Well, there are. There's some. But like, it's up. there on lists of shit that just like shouldn't make you as mad as it does, but absolutely makes you want to put a hole in the wall is when you just can't find

the remote. Every cushion under the couch, under the coffee table and the kids' toys, in between the in between the seat on the lazy boy, sticking your hand so far down in there. You got to start blaming other people. Where'd you put it?

Haven't been here for a week. Where'd you put it? I think Frankie did it. He must thought it was a toy or something. Frank doesn't play with the remote. I don't know. Maybe he's starting to. That is one thing about having a dog, though. You can really blame everything on a dog.

Chewed it up, bartered. Yeah, maybe for a little bit. But then, like, in my situation, like, your mom or your wife, like, been like the first time, they, like, get him a stern looking at the dog, you know? But then after that, it's like, shut the fuck up.

It's not the dog. The dog just lays there all day. He's not taking the Roku remote. Buried it in the backyard. It looks like a Snickers. Just saying. You mean to tell me that that thing's face down and all he sees is the black bottom part of it and he's not going to, yeah. Shoot, I want to eat it sometimes.

Give me a Roku remote and Detroit Lions Helipop. And we're in business. Sit my dumb ass on the couch all day. Dude, hold on. Literally all day, dude. Watched Tom Brady roast and Troy yesterday. It's all I did. Look at that thing.

Bro, who doesn't want to eat this? Come on. God dang. This is literally a three musketeers. Either want to eat it or you want to rip a fucking puff off of it. For you what I was going to say, but it had to do with absolutely nothing. So I'm glad I forgot. That's perfect.

Hey, I just remembered what, not what you were going to say. but possibly. You told me you had another name, like, just in case. Oh. Oh, dude, hey, this is it. Thank you. Thank you, God, for telling me this. Yeah, our closer, my dad, my dad coached or played on a college team.

And it was either, it was the closer, not like the starting pitcher. I don't even know what that's called. Hey. Yep. Here's the name. Here's this guy's name. Kenny Brigham. What?

Kenny Brigham. Kenny. First name, Kenny. Last name. Bring him. Brigham. Man. Kenny Brigham.

Dude, my dad's so juiced to tell me that story like three times a year. I'm like, yeah. We'll let it play. The only option that guy has of a song to come out to while he's warming up. Bring him up. Well, that, but also they need to make a remix of, can I kick it? Can I bring him? Yes, he can.

Can I bring him? Yes, he can. Can I bring him? Yes, he can. When he leaves a party, hey, bring him out. Shut the fuck. Yeah, that one lives on forever, dude. can he bring them?

Like parents have to know, right? Parents have to know. Sometimes they're so good. I'm like, I don't think, I think that's, you can't plan that. Can't plan that destiny. As a father of two down and people, you know, as someone who's gone through this process twice, you play out all scenarios. Yeah.

You're talking about what's the name a kid. You play out all scenarios, everything. What? what could kids take that and run with? What could, you know, they split this name and half and make it this and combining together. We all, like, you run through everything.

So that's where I'm just like, there's no way that the case family said, you know what? Justin. Justin. No questions, Justin. Dude, how do you submit a name for a kid? You might as well, you might as well just, and we're going to actually call him,

grabah G-R-A-B-B-A Grabba Grabba Grabba case Yeah How do you submit a name For a kid

What do you mean Like what to The person you're having a kid with Yeah like what no Like to the government Yeah How do you do that Couldn't tell you

How do you do you've had to do it twice right No See it's always funny It always works out to where like they you know the baby comes out and they have like the little uh stack like their like card like their rookie card basically you know and it has like their full name and top so on the bottom date of birth and uh that's actually another great idea and do that you have all sorts of arguments going on and and delivery rooms you know dad's one little tops card for their kid but the name and staff

on the back, how quickly they came out and shit. Yeah, a little bio. Yeah. Frankie was a Frankie was a was a was a Frankie bounced onto the scene. His mom only had to push for Yeah, dude. A big rookie year.

But yeah, so you know, it's got the stats. It's got the full name. Date of birth, how much they weigh, all that. But then from there, like somebody typically like I said it always comes in like it's like night number one or two so you have the baby let's say like 530 in the evening like with frank my wife has a baby get them all squared away and everything that they move us from the delivery room into like kind of like the hotel

apartment like it's like still it's still a or not the hotel the hospital apartment's like still a hospital room but it's you know there's like a couch there like a bigger TV and like it just kind of feels more like an apartment room more than a delivery ride. Anyways. So typically when you're in there, it's always at like 2.30 in the morning, one of the nights when you haven't slept at all anyways because you have a newborn. You don't know what the hell is going on. And you're just delusional. Kind of fun.

The night shift nurse will come in and be like, okay, now here's this. And what is the baby's name? And what is the spelling? Okay. Here's the full. you have to check everything off and sign it as the parent or guardian or whatever and then from there

I think they submit it and then like three to five weeks later or something you get the kids social security card back and that's like in the mail yeah what if like what if the name username's taken how are they like on mirror on our daughter

there was a misspelling shut up they like gave it to Riley and obviously because she just gave her birth and she was exhausted and everything like she didn't think she just missed it but then they gave it to dad to me too just like over you know double double check everything and I think if I'm remembering it correctly they either put a you or took one L out so I'm either put a you in there or they took one L out get it together man not you I think it was like I think it was like M you are A, B, E, L-L-A or something, or either one L on the. And so I just was, you know, I was proofreading, baby. Some I never did in school, but for your daughter, you got to. This is the biggest proof of your life.

Yeah, and we caught it. And luckily, we got it, got it spelled correctly. Would you do cross it out? Yeah, I think so. I think I crossed it out and then wrote it. because I don't want to be rude to the nurse, but I was like, is this, I was just like, so we aren't spelling it this way.

And she's like, oh, God, it's so sorry. And then she's like, yeah, might as well, just go ahead and cross. So, yeah, I'm pretty sure I just crossed it and then just rode above it. And like, that's the most amount of time I ever took writing anything was doing that. Freaking, yeah.

Maybe that was them, like, was that their attempt to, like, make names, like, regular again? What do you mean? Like, you know how people spell names, like, cool? Like, you know, you add, like, a little, uh, silent letter. You like, you know, Ashley would do... Like an X or something? Yeah, yeah, yeah, you think maybe that was them being like, maybe they won't catch it. Or, you know, it could just be like they're...

just like really trying to maybe she knew and if none of us would have said anything should have been like uh mom and dad come on we're practicing further in school right we're practicing more than school right right right right right right right right right but right right but right right maybe that's what they were doing but we caught it and we're all good so nobody always wondered like if they like can they say no you know what I mean? Like if a name's too wild Can they just be like, are you sure? That's crazy to me that you can just name a kid

Anything It is pretty insane, isn't it? But your son's names Tostitos Fiesta Bowl, Politsi? That's just, okay. Like, you can, you can just do that? Hey, you go. TFB.

Sorry, gone. Oh, TFCB, you got a problem with that? Oh, okay. All right. Well, now that you say that. That's not so bad. Do you imagine, like, the first day of school? Is Testitos Fiesta Bowl here?

Tostitos. Ted Gingersion. Allstate Sugar Bowl. Oh. His name's NFL Blitz. NFL Blitzie. Is that one? Yeah.

NFL Blitzy, Bullittsy. Yeah, I've been lucky. Like, I feel like, yeah. I was all in on my kids' names. It, like, came up with one of them. Not really. It was just, like, because we had to. But I got to say, you know, I feel bad sometimes.

I'm like, there's no, like, you know, sometimes there's got to be some just like, all right, well, that's what she wants. Oh, dude. Yeah. that's one thing I will never let slide. Like I'll let a lot of stuff slide like just because it's not worth the fight. But like a name, brah, can't be some weak-ass name. Get out of here with that.

Dude, I was watching Troy. You've never seen the movie Troy. I know that. But those old Greek names are so sick. Like Achilles. What is it? Achilles. Oh.

Yeah, that's, uh, I mean, that can. can't fly now. So good, though. Let me ask you something. Did you know, do you know the story behind why it's called Achilles heel? I might have heard it, but I don't know good enough to, no. Yeah, so it's like the, the movie Troy, you have Troy, it's ancient Greece, Troy,

and Sparta, and their mortal enemies. And there's this warrior for Sparta named Achilles. So the legend goes when he was a baby, his mom held him by his ankle and dunked him in like this holy water that was supposed to like make him like unbeatable. Right. Like what's the phrase I'm looking for? Invincible. Invincible.

Yeah. So you did that. She did that. Basically. So she did that. She did that. And this dude is just like, it becomes that.

Just like the unbeatable legend, badass warrior. But because when she was dipping him, her hand was over his Achilles. Never knew that. Never heard this. Never heard this. Bam.

Gets ripped in the Achilles with an arrow. And that proceeds to be his downfall. Achilles seal. You got to dip them like this by his like pinky. By his big toe. Buy his hair. Then it'd just be Achilles hair.

I mean, yeah, but she can chop that off and I got to die. Hey, who knows? Yeah, but people with those Greek names now is kind of like,

all right. Aristotle. Remember that dude? Oh, yeah. Yeah, never forget. I was about to, I was about the same. I can see you having an Aristotle Pellizzi.

It's kind of an interesting balance between the Grache and the Italians, though. Yeah. But, I mean, you call him Ariel's life and then what's your real name? Aristotle. Whoa. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hold on. Hold on.

Hold on. Yeah. Apollo. I mean, it's the expectations, you know. Is your kid going to live up to the hype of the name? I always think about that. I'm like, okay. you're just going to be a server at Outback

Stavakast, your name's Aristotle. Like, come on. You're supposed to be a god, bro. You just gave me a blooming onion. Hey, how's everybody doing? My name's Apollo. I'll be helping you out this evening. Can I get you short with any drinks?

Hold on. What's the soup of the day, Apollo? That's crazy. I got to look up some more of these. And if there's any, like, ancient Greeks, Ancient Greek philosophers or or or students or anything out there listening. I know it's probably not the exact, exact story, but it's pretty much the gist of it. So pretty far.

Those of you who did it know. You're welcome. Adonis, Agnes, strong on the A's, bro. If you want an A name for your kid, just look up the Greeks. Hot Greek names. That's what I'm typing in. Hey, hey, hold on. Apollo, Atticus, Adonis, Andrew.

What? Had Andrew slip in there. What the hell's going on? Atlas. And here are twins. Atlas and Andrew. All right. Know which one I want to hang out with.

Hey, welcome to the Kia Summer sales event. I'm going to pair you up with our top salesman, Zeus. Shouldn't he be fucking... Shouldn't he be? The weather? That's insane, dude. That's so funny that you look up hot. Hot Greek names.

Yeah, we're going to pair you with our salesman at Sephora, our sales, top sales lady at Sephora. Aphrodite. Wait a minute. So, hold, do I, do you just go by Diti or how, why are we doing this? Afro? kind of cool No

Okay All right I'll get out of here You're with your wife You're like I'm gonna go to Lids I saw Lids at the airport Who's going in Who's going in there?

I want to go in there But I mean like who's really If I'm buying a hat I guess I am going to Lids if I'm buying a hat I just haven't bought a hat in a while Yeah been a lot of airports recently Man I'm always interested to pop into some those things.

Like, when I was flying out of Kansas City last week, I was there like 4.30 in the morning. And of course, you know, they had a mannequin of Patrick Mahomes in there. So, of course,

I had to go just check it out, see what was going on in one of those main corner stores, you know, that has all the local merch and everything like that. Those get me every time. They didn't get anything,

but, you know. Almost bought a Vikings neck pillow. why did I send it to two of my Twitter friends like yeah this is the hardest shit I've ever seen Purple Vikings neck pillow I was like what if I just had that on You have a Vikings fan?

You're in the Minneapolis airport Is that what you're fine on that? They just had a bunch of like NFL ones At some airport I was at And I was like oh That Vikings one is different Yeah I was in the Indy one this morning And

It's my first time being in there Since it's turned May and so that just everything was decked out you know that'd be sick to come into town like just because you know you want to if you go into town you want to like get your kids something

or like a little souvenir you want it to be like something a little unique and different right so you know go to India and it's made like oh wow all right and get like a fridge magnet that has a bottle of milk that's pouring out or something enough yeah I'm a little bitch for all that stuff

same god I'll buy everything I was telling my dad this It's crazy how like I'm so I'm so already like that with my kids Like every airport every city I'm in I'm like I gotta bring something back from Frank

I got insane yeah I was like that with Frank I was like I got to bring him with cake pop And it's like you know To his credit he's almost two years old Like I bring him something And he gets excited about it for like at most an hour and a half

and then it's just kind of like amongst the other shit that we have but still it's like some just flips out here like man I just want to be that dad that just brings my kid surprises my kid with shit you know yeah because those are the best people you have an uncle or something that'll just that would just surprise you

with a pack of gum I'd be like this guy's shit right exactly some bubble yum Jesus no My parents would never buy me this. Thank God. Like we were in Buffalo and they had a whole bunch of like little stuffed buffaloes.

I was like, oh, man, he'd be all about this. But then I was like, you better be careful, dude. Yeah, well, yeah, exactly. Then he's going to be the expectant kid. You don't want the expectant kid. And then also you bring enough stuff back. Then all of a sudden your wife gets pissed at you because it's just like, we don't need any more shit.

you know. You got to secretly give it to him. But you got to be careful, dude. Give Frankie a little stuff Buffalo. All of a sudden, he's a Buffalo Bills fan. And you're like, oh, wow, I did that. I got a Steelers helmet from a garage sale when I was a kid. I'm like, low-key.

I'm a Steelers fan. You might want to plant that seed. I never forget. Another old Plizi High School story. Coming in for the clubhouse. What, what, what? It was, well, actually, you were in college at the time, but I was in high school. It was when the Steelers, it was 2010, so the Steelers were in the playoffs,

and they were, like, all their way to the AFC championship game. And Big Ben had broke his nose in December, so he's wearing a visor in the playoffs. And so you, like, updated your cover profile pick or something to be, like, a Steelers' playoff banner with Big Ben and the visor. And I didn't even know it at the time or anything, but I was like, I just remember seeing it. And be like, oh my God, no way, Ben Politi's

a Steelers fan too. So I commented, you know, I'm like, oh man, I was like, wow, Steelers fan, bro. And you just hit me with some like it. I think you literally spelled it

S-U-M like yeah something like yeah I'm like okay still don't know but cool why would I ever say that probably hates me

but type no I don't know some like yet I can't got to spell that out S-U-M-L-I-K-Y-A-T some like yet you know that might have been exactly

yeah I'm not sure but it was hey it was something like that how do you remember I'm a steel ball up bro I got locked away man I remember I remember all sorts of shit

dude there's all yeah all sorts of pointless shit that my mom gets mad at me about yeah you can remember that but you can remember your chemistry exam yeah because it's all annoying and pointless.

Some like, yeah. Yeah. I was never going to use the pedagorean theorem, okay? But I will use the story about Ben in 2010, all right? That's why I remember it.

What was I on? It's a past me saying in the future thing. All right. Let's see here. Let's see if we got any clubhouse. Can we hit the clubhouse real quick?

Get the club. Did you watch the Tom Brady roast? I saw Clippies. Didn't watch the whole thing, though. Yeah, you grilled Nikki. Star. Oh, yeah. Saw that.

Star of the shot. That's what's awesome. She was talking to me about how she was excited to do it. And I was like, oh, she's got some heat. Yeah. She really, she really did. Everybody, I mean, like, everyone really kind of left no I mean

I like that I kind of didn't know if they were gonna be still make it like PG you know what I mean like good for TV I like how it's just like no holding back at all

couldn't have been further couldn't have been further from that but thank God we still got one thing in this world that we can just like go crazy about I really want to do a roast of me or of you

I told Ryan I was like for like my 35th birthday or something or like I don't know we can make it another like charity event like I really I think that would be hilarious. I wanted to do that too at one point but I was like I don't know who who's going. Yeah that'd be fun. Well that but then also I was like who would like who would be up there on stage you know and like all these like all the people on Tom Brady stage are either professional comics or people who had professional comics or people who had professional to write stuff for them. You know? Uh-huh.

Yeah. Like Randy Moss and like Drew Blutzo and then weren't right in that shit. No fucking way. So I'm like, did our boy Drew Blutzo go kind of insane up there? Or was that Ben Affleck or something? Same guy. Ben Afflex was kind of weird. What was that?

He was kind of like rambling about it. I don't even know what he was thought. It was just sweaty. I don't know. It was weird. but Julian Edelman made some like really like, oh, whoa. Yeah. You can hear the CTE talking there, Juju.

It was wild. But yeah, I'm like, you know, if it was for me, okay. So Ben would host, right? And he would be able to do a good job. But then like, you know, my dad. Yeah, hell yeah, your dad. you know like Riley you on James Hinchcliffe

like who the who would be the roast the roasters you know like Connor Day it's just so much it's just so much different you know Pat McAvey that's a big get

that's big get yeah you should have a roast though show that wouldn't be cool that would be good yeah yeah I think like

I think after that Brady one like it feels like it's going to be a thing that really... Because you remember back when we were in high school in college, I feel like Comedy Central always had them. Like, yeah, like the rest of Justin Bieber, the rest of James Franco, like Bruce Willis.

They're so fun. I just remember there was constantly, like they always had one in the works, and there was one going on. The Justin Bieber one really set it off, I think. But this one really brought it back. I remember the James Franco one one was pretty wild.

yeah oh so we keep it in mind somebody keep it mind this is from Watson Laverneus Coles and Santana Moss Oh short receivers

These guys If you create an NFL street roster Using any player past or present Who would y'all choose As a panther span I would love to play with Tam Slep my ass like Ray Lewis On free blitz

Yeah Pretty tough to beat Cam Newton has your NFL street player because he would be good on defense too. You always got to pick the guys that like can kind of play both sides secretly. Like champ Bailey, like great pick because like he can be a number one receiver too just because he's like athletic.

Right. But Cam Newton can play like lineback or quarterback. Oh. Oh. He said past or present though. Dude, it's Randallel L. It's Randallel L. It's Randallel.

I was going to say Dion Sanders. Ugh. Oh, good. Can you imagine him on NFL Street? 2011, Patrick Peterson. Oh, yeah. I saw a clip of Patrick Peterson in college the other day, and I was like, I forgot. Yeah, like, p squared.

He was an interesting, he was an interesting watch. this year for the Steelers had some had some ups, had some downs, had a little bit of everything, but it was still cool. We still might bring him back,

but he definitely wasn't like 2011, 2012, Patrick Peterson, that's for sure. That dude was insane. Josh, it's almost like a totally different guy.

Yeah, it's pretty wild and the more I think about it. I know, but like his body, like he don't even look the same. Like I feel like 2011,

in 2012 Patrick Peterson when it was like taller and he's like bigger oh yeah he was like huge it seemed like and then when he's on the Steelers I'm like you're kind of tiny what what happened really

that's what it felt like different pads for sure you got different pads and I'm like you shouldn't have done that yeah and his aesthetic he you only did too I remember when he was first in the league he would wear like the classic NFL look

they had like the color sock with the white that's like kind of like halfway or taller that always makes you look bigger in my opinion but now he went to just have it like the full black sleeve on his leg and for some reason that makes you look smaller can't explain it

it's like a weird optical illusion that is insane now that you mentioned that I know exactly what you're talking about because I was like that's like a big that's like an outside linebacker almost playing safety corner, dude. Like for the Cardinals when he was with the Cardinals, that's probably like prime.

Yeah, yeah. Like pump returning, lockdown corner. I think they even tried to put in some offensive packages for him. Then he's on the Steelers and you're like, is that him? Is he?

Yeah, he's a totally different guy. Yeah, right. Like, what kind of weird, off-brand Kmart version of Patrick Peterson do we get here? Is this AI?

I know. I know. He is older and I get that. But like, I'm not even talking about it. Like, he just physically looked different on the field than he did in Arizona. Damn. But it was all aesthetic. It was all aesthetic.

I swear. I'm a big, like, having the long white socks that are up over. The color. Because they have to wear the colored socks. that go all the way up through their pants. I love having the high, like, kind of baggyish, like white socks that go up. I like that, too. Just make a good look.

But again, to your point about like spats, I think a lot of guys are probably like, it kind of like weighs me down a little bit. Like, it's just a little bit tougher to pick them up and put them down. Like, very, like 50%. I was like, I can't move in these. Yeah. So that's probably why. wearing him because like that's cool

but yeah since he can't run like he used to he was like yeah I got to got to eliminate anyway I just went out the window and Vince Young just wore ankle socks in that national championship and that's the craziest shit ever

I was like those are just really just no shows he got on with the Nike cleats just running through the corner of the end zone like basically just wearing cleats That's it. Miami players did that too. I was like, I can just see full leg

on Santana Moss. How weird did it look when Marcus Peters did that in the NFL? I don't know if I saw that. He did it for the Ravens. Yeah. It like came out

and just cleats and pants completely no socks at all. Super fine at the NFL, yeah. And he did. All right. This is from Joey. Subject line. D.T.

defensive tackle, John Randall, legend. Dear these guys, I would have missed Joey stand up in Minnesota because I'll be on vacation at Disney. Big bomber, but my trip was probably booked first, so technically not my fault. Hey, man. I wish I was at Disney, too. Can't lie.

The W either way, dog. Yeah, I appreciate it. All good, but they enjoyed Disney. When you were a kid, did you ever miss something because your family went on vacation? One time we went to the beach and while I was gone, they felt Mighty Ducks 3 in my town. Oh my. First of school, everybody was showing off their pictures with Keenan.

I don't know me to catch you next time of your town. Slaught my ass with a hacksawed Jim Duggan, two by four. And they give a thumbs up and say, go get them, tough guy. God. They fill mighty ducks in my town. That's devastating. That's insane, bad. My family lived in Michigan, so we'd always go to,

Michigan just because and there'd always be like some badass party I missed and I'd be like course that's what I was about to say yeah the only thing I ever missed was parties I don't know if I ever really missed an event

thing because I wasn't really going to those when I was growing up like I never really went to shit like if the Mighty Ducks were being filmed in our town I don't think I would have done I've been like I didn't know you know and your mom or dad wasn't taking you anyways. They would have been like, okay. Well, no, okay.

Like, what about it? There's going to be a lot of traffic. Right. Yeah, the only way your dad would have taken you is if you, like, scored a gig as like an extra, like roughing it up at the hockey pads on with the guys. Ruffing it up. Yeah. The only, the only thing you ever missed was parties.

And one of them took place at my house, actually. while I wasn't there. So legendary. So I pulled that card one time. Gave the buddies, buddies conned me into giving them our garage code. And thought I could, thought I could trust them,

but. That's a real, that's a down-ass, homie. You're a, you're a good friend for that. That's what I thought. No cars in the garage?

I'd been like, all right, here's the code. You don't go in the house. Have at it. But clean up. No. I mean, I did all that,

dude. But, like, they were pulling, like, they were in the neighborhood already and they had been drinking. And so they were like,

we don't want to drive home, man, but look, you know, I mean, can we just stay for a night? And so I was like, I mean,

what are we going to do? I tell my best friends to drive after they've been drinking or just, like, give them my code to, like, okay,

obviously, I'm going to, you know, give them a, safe haven. So they put me in that position. So I did it and gave it to them. And then it turned from one night into like their Airbnb for the week.

That's so sick, dude. Imagine if you had a camera. It was real sick when I came home and the back door was left open and there was a piss stain on the living room floor. And all of our toilet paper in the house was gone as well as our lunch. me. I mean, it could be worse.

The piss stain really set it off. The back door open is a little, come on, guys. Like, that's the first thing you check is a lock. Hey, hey, all the lights were on too. I've no idea. I'm like, what? Who was the last person to leave this house?

And how fucking stupid are you? Or how much you just not care? I don't know if I'd be able to do that. I'd be like I'd be in that house like his mom is going to kill him. Hey, hey. Here's the icing on the cake. Condom wrapper in my parents' bed.

What'd your dad say? All I remember is panicking because all the lights around. I mean, we were driving home, right? And so it was one of those where we were just driving all the way through the day. And so we didn't get home until like three in the morning, right? Because you were just driving it through. And it was just by outside.

When you were walking up to your house, did you know, like, fuck, they're going to freak out. We were driving up a, we were driving like our house at the time. You remember it was like up at the top of that hill kind of is that house. The first, the espresso basement house. Yeah. Yeah. Like you'd get up to the top of the hill and it'd be right there on the left. And so, you know, everybody else in the car is asleep besides me and my dad.

And I should be asleep. But obviously I'm not because I'm like, please just be fucking okay. Please just be okay. Like if there's something off, if there's something spilled, that's fine. but like just be okay and we get past the trees to where you can find to see your house

and I shit you not every light in the house is on. Ah, what do you say? What did I say? Oh, he just is still driving

and just hits through one of these. Oh, did he kind of know? Oh yeah, they knew because this is just, we're going to have to tell this on

like a whole different episode because it's such a full like story. Like that I've thought about I mean it's a lot. It's a lot. They knew because

they knew because I was sneaking in with my friends for a night to help them out. But all of a sudden like three days later we're still on vacation. I'm in the car with my mom going to get Chick-fil-A breakfast. I got a call from one of my buddies

and I'm like, just picking it up. I'm buddies guy. I just pick it up because I'm like, who knows what, you know, I didn't know that what it was going to be. He calls it like, hey, man, what's your garage code? So I'm like, well, in my head, my mom's right next to me. I can't just say our garage code.

So I'm like, um, let me just, I'll text it to you. So you have it. I thought thinking I was pretty quick on my feet, right? Like, no big deal. So I hang up. Mom's like, who's that? I was like, uh, oh, it was, I said that my buddy's name. I won't reveal it.

And she said, What he won? And I said, I said, oh, he just, he wanted our address. He wanted our address to be able to send a thank you card for his graduation

present. Bro, you're spitting right now. Pretty quick on my feet, right? Yeah. So my mom goes, hey,

so my mom goes, oh, that's funny. We already got a thank you card from him. Bro, it's a pro mom move. So then I had to spill, I had to spill.

I had to spill the beans. What's your mom said? And she was not happy. But I was like, look, I just told him. It was just like, I was just trying to help them out. It was one night. She was like, okay. But if there's anything awry or messed up at our house, like, you are fucked, basically.

And I was like, totally understand. Like, I'm sorry that I'm even in this situation. But. And, yeah. And then it just kept snowballing and getting worse. And like, once we got back, for like two weeks after that I just like every day

I would find out about like a new person or like group of five people who were at my house at some point during that week and like it's just I mean was your mom talking to her or no for those two weeks but she's just like

no I was grounded for like a month um my friends didn't get any repercussions crew, new group of five people. It's always five. I just remember panicking all the lights were on, trying to like explain to my parents. I'm so sorry and everything.

And go up to the room. All their blankets are all like all over the place in their bedroom. And my mom like pulls off one of the sheets. There's just a condom wrapper. And she just looks to me and she just goes, fuck your friends, Joey. Yep So

Fuck your friends No my friends Fucked That's what happened So that's what happened Joey That's what I missed Why I would go out of town

On vacation Back of the day Yeah Being a good Being a real good buddy though Is what you did Just try to take care

My Try to take care of my pals Trying to be a good buddy Yeah That's all you can do Oh, shit. All right. Good deal.

Good show. These guys. These guys. All the tickets for all of our shows beneath the show description on YouTube. Subscribe on YouTube. Share it with five friends. Follow us on Apple Pods. Wherever YouTube pods.

All at. Something like yet. Some like yet. And on our website. websites, our bios, everything, we can get tickets to come see us. So, yeah, everybody. Let's party.

Syracuse, May 30th, Columbus, June 13th. See you then. Chicago Green Bay next week. Bring your cheese heads. All right, yo. These guys. Trying to think of random, trying to think of a random player.

Sorry. Larry Zonka.