THESE GUYS! - Johnson & Schmitty Construction LLC

Episode Date: March 7, 2023

On this episode the boys talk about adjusting your zipper in public🎟️ 𝗕𝗘𝗡'𝗦 𝗨𝗣𝗖𝗢𝗠𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗦𝗛𝗢𝗪𝗦Ontario, CA  Thurs 3/16 https://improv.com/ontario/comic/benedict+polizzi/ Kansas City, MO Thurs 3/23 https://improvkc.com/ShowDetails/b0822311-7337-417d-b373-e6f378a41b9d/3ef90ddd-e238-427f-bd95-e028af25d0dc/Benedict__Polizzi/Kansas_City_Improv Albany, NY Thurs 4/6 https://albany.funnybone.com/ShowDetails/7103c957-393b-4e13-a58a-cb2b21082f5d/fe90f238-dd0b-4177-a490-91bacbb9d65d/Benedict_Polizzi/Albany_Funny_Bone Tampa, FL Thurs 4/27 https://improvtampa.com/ShowDetails/d8ced7f0-fb31-41ba-86c6-14ef820cde86/86796be0-6fce-4955-94fc-cf1047b171ae/Benedict_Polizzi/Tampa_Improv 🎧 𝗟𝗜𝗦𝗧𝗘𝗡 𝗢𝗡 𝗔𝗣𝗣𝗟𝗘 𝗣𝗢𝗗𝗦 https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/these-guys/id1649757408🧢𝗧𝗛𝗘𝗦𝗘 𝗚𝗨𝗬𝗦! 𝗠𝗘𝗥𝗖𝗛 https://benedictmerch.com/products/unisex-premium-sweatshirt-1

I was like, do I have gum on my foot? Is there gum on the bottom of my sock? Because your foot's sticking. I look, I do one of these. I'm like, what's my stupid ass foot? My stupid pale, gross, weird, vainy foot just with a piece of corn on it. Like two pieces of like pepper. I was like, this is so stupid, dude.

And I can't blame it on anybody because I live by myself. I'm like, I'm a piece of shit. Man, look at you bawling out in your shit. Didn't know what to wear, bro. Yeah, right. You tell? Pick that out. This has been sitting out on my ground for two and a half weeks.

I haven't done that shit in a while. I was going to say, did you used to do that? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Last week was 23. This is 24. Whoops, who knows? Just had a stroke.

But remember to follow us on YouTube. Subscribe, listen on Apple Podcast, Spotify. and come to Ontario, California. Hey now. March 16th, see you there. Hey, you're doing a little. You're going to wear green? Little St. Patty's preview.

Wait, when is St. Patrick's? I still don't know. Literally. I thought it was a 14th. Stupid as shit. I was about to say, wouldn't it be over by then? So, Hey, Wyatt, when St. Patrick's Day.

There you go. Definitely not wearing green. Found out that, hey, this is a throwback here. We got Wyatt in here with us today. This is a long time. comment. It's been Nicola for a bit, but we got Wyatt. He's all healthy. His zipper's undone. That's good. Yeah. How about that, dude? When your zipper's undone. How about I figured out that our producer Wyatt is one of those people that if everything's not it capitalized in his folders,

he freaks out. That's a good man. I like it though. I was like, yeah, I'm down with that. But then he has 21,000 emails. I almost gave you the talk the other day about file names. Oh, Jesus. Why? because the last file you put in the folder is called fucked up ice cream. And I was like, damn, can I get like a episode number or anything? I was like, we're going back to like third grade files. Dude, all my files in third grade were just called stuff.

Stuff one, stuff two, stuff three. And then I was like, God damn it. On the last one, I just go, it was just bullshit. Yeah. Hey, man, everybody's got their own system. And then the last, no, even today, I think I'm all organized and shit or I'm trying to even today. The last one is called

Fuck it. How about when you just give up trying to put stuff in folders and it's just all in your desktop. Right now. Let's see it. Prove it. Dude, I just went through and did a full like, you know, I mean you don't have to. What's his password? What's his password?

I love the Cubs. You're so stupid. What's your email password? Go, Steelers, go. Hack all Joey's shit in fucking seven minutes. It's just, uh, T.J. Watt 90. Hey, you want to know something? That's actually my parents fucking Wi-Fi.

Somebody's going to hack your parents' Wi-Fi. We've got so many listeners. Shut up. Wow. Yeah. At least you have organized chaos in your desktop. No, that's just because I started over. It got to the point where all of it just said, my desktop just said, you're all going in the top corner. And it was all right there. Like four months worth of videos and work just right there in the corner. I did. Yeah, it all saves in that top corner.

What's up with that? I don't know. But I made a folder just for that and it was just called IDK. Just I don't know. All my shit's in there. And then when my computer's like, can't do anything, I'm like delete an IDK. The storage message, whatever that happens on your computer. God dang. Hey, time to get a new computer. Just fucking open up the window. Toss it out. Yeah. Hey, Apple, call me. Can we make an appointment at your genius bar?

needed an entirely new computer because I ran out of storage. Don't know what to do. So true. You could delete everything on your computer and it would still say out of storage. I'm like, how? No, but it's always, you know, optimal disk space. I'm like, just say I don't have any room on my computer. Yeah, what do we do? Quit beating around the bush. Delete some files. So does this, you know, optimize maximal disk space. Like, this is it 1997. Nobody used discs anymore. Disspace. I wish it would just be real with you. and be like, hey, you're a piece of shit. Get your stuff together, bro.

Clean off your desktop. Put your videos and folders. Get organized, maybe. Yeah, but there's always something like that. Like, Wyatt's got his thing with the capitalized, right, in the file system. It's good, man. But then, you know, everybody who has something like that has the other end where, like you said, he's got 22,000 emails that are unread.

Oh, yeah. It's a problem. Yeah, his files are in order, but his zipper is down. It was. You know? I know. Love that. Love adjustment.

your zipper in public. Yeah. Nothing better. Oh, yeah. It tried to be so sly. Everybody's watching. Click in there. Yep.

Every time you try to do any of that shit, there's always three people watching. Just one person. Is he touching himself? Jesus Christ, then like when you want to get people's attention, nobody gives a shit. Hey.

Nobody. Nobody. Let me fix my belt. Is he taking his pants off? Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey now. What's going on? So weird.

Fixing your belt in the middle of a storm. Like, this feels illegal. But I have to say, out loud. I just, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm fixing my belt. You have to say that every time. Because somebody's like, we didn't ask. Weirdo. You don't say anything. They're like, ew, what a purr. He's pulling his pants down on Target. Damn if you do. Damned if you don't. I, uh, that happened to me actually at my house. Let's go, bro. Let's hear it. So we were getting our kitchen redone. So that project's

finally over. Remember the pipes from hell? That was hilarious. I was like, oh, they're getting a sunroof. You're like, no, new pipes. Yeah. So we got that completely done. Got a nice remodel. Just had a stroke.

Almost said a noose remodel. So dupe. Your kitchen looks. It's a real news remodel. It's very dup. I already stroked out, bro. Let's tie the game up. It's so the lady who was like running the business who was doing our remodel.

She, like, walked from the kitchen out of the kitchen, and I was in the living room, and I was in the midst of, like, tucking my shirt in. So my hands were just in my pants. She walked in literally, it looks like I am just fondling my penis. Straight up masturbating. And I literally, she saw, and I literally, there was an awkward beat. And I was like, sorry, just tucking my shirt in. She's like, oh, no, no, no, you're fine. You're like, oh, well, I can keep jacking off then? How about that shit? Oh, make yourself at home. Just straight pull your pants down. How home are we talking here?

Because I get comfy, girl. Dude, if you, how insane would it be if you acted like you did at home at somebody else's house? So funny. Hey, make yourself comfortable. Also known as

don't fucking touch anything. Anything you want, yeah, kick your shoes off. Yeah, just get in their bed. Yeah, make yourself. Kick their dog out. Shut the hell up! Throw the dog at the front door and go in their bed. Dude, just like, yeah, shoes off, socks off, like dropping a toenail, like flicking it somewhere.

Warming up pot roast. They're like, I don't even know we had that. You said. Did you not? Foil in the microwave. Oh shit. My bad. You said, right?

Did you not? I mean, come on. Yeah, I guess. Start staining their deck and shit. Just a bunch of weird stuff. Staining it. Yeah. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, put on the Home Depot.

I didn't like the burnt orange you guys had. So painting it black. You said make yourself at home. That's my home now. This is my home now. Just take out a wall in their kitchen. Dude, how fun would that be, though? Just take a big old sludge hammer.

I was one of my summer jobs one year. Ooh, great summer job. Whoa. My neighbor was like, hey, I got this project in somewhere so weird. It's always somewhere weird. Some weird house. Yeah, we're flipping it. Somewhere so.

It was like in Seymour. It's just something crazy. Yeah. My job was just to knock out a wall. I was like, I'm the guy for that. Sounds awesome. It was fun. Yeah, I did a laying hardwood.

I literally laid the wood. How bad is your back still hurt? Man. And you know what? It had that crazy ass. that machine that's like the saw that's a certain that's a round saw. Oh, dude, literally the dude I worked with at Summers, one of my dad's friends. Two fingers.

Two finger Tony teaching me how to work the circle. That goes right there. What? Yeah, but now he was like, you always called me junior. He was like, Junior, you got to, I'm not going to let you do this right away. Like, you got to be careful. Like, you can literally lose the hand. I was like, yeah.

That's scary. But like, finally I got it. Really? Man, I wouldn't trust us. Me and you, bro, if me and you had like a construction company, can you imagine that? Just everything completely destroyed.

Yeah, we just redid your ceiling. It's dripping and that's bats coming out of the vents. That's what the company would be, though. It wouldn't be putting it together. It would just be fucking it all up. So the people would hire. us to come fuck it all up, break it all down, and then they would get somebody to come and make it nice and put it together, right? It's a two-step process. Oh, we want to get out your kitchen

re-down. We take out this wall. We want to open up the roof, right? Okay, yeah, we'll get Johnson and Schmitty. Oh, Johnson and Schmitty construction. L-L-C. We just come in in in hard hats. Drunk as hell. It just sledgehammers and that's it. Hard hats and sledgehammers. But we don't even like do our job right, really. We don't even like clean up the debris. No. It's just like we mess up right. See you later.

Yep. Like, okay. Johnson Schmitty took care of it. Now we got to call the Pederman brothers. Johnson Schmitty. Hard hats. Hey, but there's beer cans on the side of each one. Throw a straw.

What do you need done? I think people would hire. How funny with the, can we, oh, man. They'd hire. That's our uniform, though. The beer on the bucket hat or the beer on the hard hat, wife beater, blue jeans, construction gloves, and sledgehammer. Just give me the jeans with that loop so I can put a hammer in it.

That's all I want. You know, just just dangling around and shit, man. You got to love a construction guy that has that hammer hanging from the leg. No wonder. That's like a, you know, kind of like a fantasy, a sexual fantasy. Oh, who's just come on. dude who's not look at this guy

yeah he's just fucking literally laying wood and slamming shit all day scuffed up you know shoes wearing boots just kicking shit just isn't that interesting

that like in the traditional you know like women traditionally are really into like the gruff scruff scruff give me a man

who's got dirty hands yeah drives a truck and my Ford truck man it's just you know what they're into

Brett Fav every every podcast same thing every time we're like what do they what do women want

is our podcast and the answer is always Brett Farp that's just every single like if you really break it down to like five words

it's what do women want Brett Fav five words and then donuts on Sunday that's it but like that's what they're into

and then like guys it's like you just, you know, pristine. Like, you know, the lady have her nails done and have her makeup in order and her hair and everything. But then women are just like, kind of like last week. For women, the more fucked up the guy, the more they like them. Dirty, scruffy, kind of a little bit of a man smell.

You ever had a chick tell you that? My wife, she'll be like, you know, if we're laying there and it's like, you know, your armpit, like, you kind of smell like a man. nah i've heard that yeah dude right it's like you don't smell good but it's just like that man's just need a little bit of must in your life yeah doesn't smell bad you know that that pre must is good exactly when you get full must it's like that's prop back off nobody wants all must

yeah a little low key must though you know like some 3 p.m. must yeah it's always 3 p.m. really i was thinking more like high news Early morning, like, not early morning, but, you know, you kind of laying there. Neither shower. You're having some coffee. You know, maybe it's must from the yesterday. So, like, the last time you took a shower was at 8 p.m. Yeah. And you're musty morning. Yeah. Musty morning. Musty in the morning show on. It'd be a good show. I'm not, I'd listen to Musty, dude. What's Musty guys say? Musty in the morning on W-I-B-C. What's up guys?

It's musty In the morning So today we're going to be prank calling Local Companies I like totals Woo Woo Mustty

Whoa, whoa, whoa Whoa Whoa! Musty In the morning Did not have sexual relations with that woman that sounded really good bro

you just sneak peek us with a little clinton a little bc city boy if you don't stop musty in the morning denial is a river that's our whole radio show oh who's not listening to that musty and dusty

musty and dusty musty and dusty in the morning and that's all we do We don't talk at all. Every 15 seconds of fart noise. And then we just like play Ed Shearing or some shit. Yeah. Oh yeah.

God be the best DJs ever. Come back. Come back from break. Just, yeah, with some absolute nonsensical story that's like probably fake. But it's getting some run on the internet. It's 2.30. So these aliens. Take me to your leader.

Come in, peace. We don't even care about them. It's musty and dusty. Well, I mean, okay, you guys are entertaining and you're like, whatever, but you guys need a producer. What's his name? Who's it going to be? I got a buddy who lives with me. His name's Krusty.

Rusty. It's Musty, Dusty and Rusty in the morning. I just, I pray to God that somebody. in their car right now or it's in their living room and somebody that they're not normally with or doesn't listen to these guys just happen to come in like they picked up their friend at the moment that we just did that bit and their friend they're sitting there quietly right and they're kind of just taking it in and then there's like a little pause and the friend's like what like what the fuck is that their friend is like how do I listen to that?

What shows that on? Is Musty and Dusty and Rusty a real thing? The worst radio show ever have crusts in their eyes at 2.30 p.m. every day. Oh, yeah. You love that. Bacon neck every day. It's Musty and Rusty. Kind of don't want to throw away your socks or like your undershirt.

They're comfortable, but they have like pit stains. You know? You know, that one shirt you have that's white and you're like, God, I love his shirt. I know. You see the pit saying you're like, God, it's the end of the road. Boyce to men starts playing. Throwing it out. Got a hole in my sock the other day?

How long do you keep? Yeah, like what's the shelf life on a holy sock? Put it right back in the drawer for the next time. I know, but like how big is the hole to get? How much foot is sticking out? It's nickel size right now. It was picking up some crumbs on the kitchen floor. Let's just say that.

I was like, damn, I had corn recently. Just kept it there. So it was on the bottom of the... Right there, baby. Right on the ball. Just like it's the ball. That's a silver dollar there, brother. That's getting there.

It'll be like that next Thursday. I was like, do I have gum on my foot? Is there gum on the bottom of my sock? Because your foot's sticking. I do one of these. I'm like, it's my stupid ass foot. My stupid,

pale, gross, weird, vainy foot just with a piece of corn on it. Like two pieces of like pepper. I was like, this is so stupid, dude.

And I can't blame it on anybody because I live by myself. I'm a piece of shit. Hey, policee sweep every now and then. I did this morning. It was fucking horrible. I was like,

oh my God. Yeah. Oh. Oh my God. I need help. Swept up a piece of shrimp from under the oven. Oh, yeah. Okay.

Dude. You can't do that. Yeah. It's kind of you can feel. You can feel the hole through your shoe. Like you can feel that part of your shoe with your barefoot that's, think of him out. So gross.

I need to go home and take a shower. Bad. Bad. Hey, how about a holy sock in bowling shoes? I don't. That's insane. specific dude.

I haven't gone bowling that much. Who's had that? Holy bolly. Yeah. That's insane. I haven't gone bowling in a really long time. I hate bowling. Really?

I'm always the guy that kind of sits out. I'm like... Yeah, I can see you being weird about that for sure. No. Just like one of those weird polizzi stances that you're just like, exactly what you just did. You're like, now then I'm like, well, I was really looking forward to bowling. Now I feel like a fucking cuck.

Oh, really? I didn't know it had that effect. Sometimes I just take myself out of the game. Yeah. Damn. I feel like a dick. But like, you know what I will do is a little like a little duck pin. Duckpin.

I'm all about the mini bowling. That's all right. It's kind of like real bowling, a little intimidating for me. Like I'm going to suck so bad. It's not because I suck. I don't want to play. It's just like I've sucked 30 times in a row now. I've probably got bowling 30 times in my life.

Yeah. that's happened though that like that's why i remember that experience so i was because like i vividly remember going to like some birthday party because every kid like 9 10 was 9 10 years old is like big bowling birthday parties there's i felt like i had at least three on my calendar i was like guys bowling let's switch it up did you guys yeah i mean did you guys just realize that bowling was a sport i know tommy's was fun but you know his mom doesn't care what we do and your mom's a psycho. Okay. So it's going to be way less fun at the bowling alley. Plus we've already done it.

Yeah. We're just copying Tommy's birthday party. That was such a big thing. Like everybody just copied each other's birthday party. Crazy. Like, dude, is Tommy going to be at your birthday party? Because he's going to be like, bro, we already. This isn't as good as mine. Yeah. Like, remember my cake? Your cake's not shit. I had a cookie cake. You have a melty ice cream cake from the bowling alley. So it sucks. That's wild. People were just ripping people's birthday parties off, weren't they? Dude, I shit you not in third grade. I think I probably went to like at least four bowling birthday parties. That's wild. I think I went to one. I wasn't really allowed to go to shit, dude. It was really weird.

You guys are weird, man. Man, I would do something stupid. Like one time there's a party at Discovery Zone, I was just literally throwing people in the ball pit. And I was like, okay. And there I'm like, Ben, you can't just like fucking throw people. And I was like, yeah, all right. Yeah. Then I was like, okay, this is why. All right. Yeah. And my mom was like, yeah, this is why. See, this is, okay, this is a perfect example. I'm the oldest, Ben's the youngest. So for me, I, you know, my parents were, I was just, I didn't know. Like, I was the oldest. I was the first one through, right? The oldest syndrome. Like, I was kind of a little nervous, little hesitant, right? You're dumb asses the baby. So it's like, yeah, whenever you get out of your parents eyesight for three seconds, you're doing something fucking stupid. Yeah, but everybody was in on it. Everybody's like, oh, he's going to throw me in the ball pit. So I was just, yeah, We're doing this. Bowling birthday parties, man. Yeah. That was the big one. When you put the, when you put the,

what is it called? Like cosmic bowling maybe? Oh, when the lights were off and they had like the glow and the dark ball. I'll get down with that. That was hot.

Every time. That was cool. At like Jillians. Only happened once, though, for me. And I was like, oh, you can't get a gutter ball? It's crazy.

Yeah. I don't even know if you call it gutter ball anymore. That might be like a very like wash term. Dude, sometimes I think about already. I'm just like Frank's birthday parties and having to run that shit. Like thinking about the parents who are like running a eight year old's birthday party and the absolute insanity and chaos that comes with that.

I've been to a couple one like first birthday parties and those are like it's a big deal. It's a big deal. It's a big deal. And like those aren't bad because it's like the baby. is not really that mobile, right? Like, you know, the parents can still, like everybody. It's kind of just like a party for the parents and your friends. Like the baby's just there and we're all like, ah, ha, ha, ha. And then you're getting drunk, right?

Right. Pictures everywhere. But like when it's an eight year old, it's a total opposite. Then there's like 20, because you invite everyone when you're eight. You don't have like friends. It's just like kids. Everybody in the whole class. Everybody's coming.

And so then, yeah, like, then it's just like, you're, you know, mom and dad just doing it. I'm like, holy shit. That's terrifying. a lot, dude. Set up doing all the fucking... The theme? What's his...

Invites. NFL theme, dude. I know that cake's you need green for grass. I know it. Green cake. His birthday is August 30th, too. So it's like that weird time

it's like right at the end of preseason like football's just on the horizon. Kickoff party! Yeah. I'll be there. Fantasy football draft happening in the basement while his birthday party's going on. Yeah, right.

Riley would absolutely murder me. Like you haven't thought about this. It's all mapped out. Yeah, dude. I think about that though. And like some kid, you know, being mean to him and everything. And then you just want to like punt that kid out. I have problems with that already.

I already think about like, just like my kid getting like people being mean to him. I can't wait until you scream at one of Frankie's friends. And that kid never looks here in the eye again. Even when he's like 23. Oh. Hey, man's rolling out. Yeah.

Imagine like you're the job. You're the, job's good. You're like the basketball coach. Like Frankie's like eighth grade basketball coach or something. And you, you get that kid on your team. His life's over. Your friends had to be like that with your dad, right?

I don't know. Why that was pretty cool with my friends? He was just all, like he would, he would default, like if something happened, he would just yell at me. He was cool to your friends,

but shitty to you. Oh, man. Yeah. Yeah. That's, that's probably good. That's probably the best approach.

No one's, that's, That's the absolute worst when the parent is like shitty to the friends. That's crazy. It is. That's the way to do it. Yeah, you got to just like, hey, you know what? You're all are being assholes, but you're my asshole.

Yeah. So I'm going to take care of you. You guys like, just follow along with his mood after this. Right. Like you, I want you guys to be friends of my son. I don't want to be the dad that's just like, I don't want to go over to that house because his dad's a dick. Oh, that's that sucks.

You know? You always want to. to the friend's house whose mom was just the biggest bitch and you're like, oh, I got to deal with her all night. But his house is kind of fun like when she goes to sleep. Yeah. When we finally get down to the basement. We can finally just be ourselves. Jesus Christ. And that was always the house where like you had to have the conversation. You know, there was never the house to where it's like, you just show up and you're like, hey, Mrs. Stevens. And, you know, and like, then it's like, oh, he's upstairs. It was never that house. That mom is always the one that's like you, you had.

to sit and like she was asking questions and like you know you had to get through it and so finally we can go down in the basement geez god can we get over the yeah and then there's like weird tension because like your friend like it's his mom so he can just kind of like talk back to her and shit you know and then it's it's just weird the whole thing's thrown how about when you ask your friend you're like bro we should get ice cream and then your friend's like hey mom joey wants ice cream oh that card Oh, you're like, dog, I don't want it that bad. No, I don't want it that bad. And that's, that was not how this was supposed to go down.

No, I thought we had an agreement between each other that, like, we're getting ice cream. And now you put me on an island? You put me on ice cream island with this shit? I don't want ice cream that bad. Wow. Now I'm the fat kid that wants everything at your house. And you're just the little innocent friend.

Right. And then the parents, like, you know, you know they're going to be talking about that shit later. They're going to be like, ha, just every time he comes over. He just wants a bunch of stuff. He wants a brownie Sunday every time he's got. Do we got to pay for everything? Like, you just parents just think that they can drop them off.

And then like all of a sudden, you know, it's just Sunday fun day. I was the kid that would like accidentally break something at your house and never tell anybody. I'd put like a pool stick through the ceiling and be like, oh, fuck. Hopefully no one heard that. Then my mom the next Thursday would be like,

yeah, I remember when you put shove the pool stick through their basement ceiling. I'd be like, how do you know about that? Does she call your mom? Yeah. We talk. it's like oh yeah dude when the parents were like talking shit it was always a weird thing because like you wanted to i don't know i felt like an asshole if i just like left and my parents were just

in the car in the driveway i was like it's kind of dude that's kind of rude but they at the same time when they'd come up i'd be like god like oh and they're picking you up yeah oh we gotta do this shit we got to talk you got to talk no we don't have to talk we got to have your little report card your passive aggressive report card right yeah they were a little rowdy but But it was a good time. Yeah, you probably need some sleep. I do, but it was fun. You're like, thank God she didn't say anything about us watching American Pie.

We're trying to see tits all night. Oh, man. Yeah, that, shoot, that, they got a little rowdy, but boys will be boys. All right. Well, okay, are you good for pickup on Tuesday? Yeah, okay. She didn't say anything about me chewing all four corners of that pillow in their living room. Just bite marks on all their fellows.

He was getting a little carried away last night. Yeah, dude, when you were just the fear of... Yeah, what are they going to say? What are they going to tell? What are they? Which offense? What are they leaking? Which offense is going to get out there?

What are they getting me on? Like, you know, oh, if you had like some parents, would literally like report like if you were kind of like you know didn't use your brad didn't use your manners or something holy shit didn't use your manners and then yeah it wouldn't happen like right there just like later on yeah they'd be like can we talk to you can you come down here this is my worst nightmare i'm like well i didn't look up porn i did they know though my grades are fine i think i did look at porn But that shit is clear.

I got that shit. Right. But then you go down there. I got that down to a system on my... What do we talk about with manners? And you're like, what? I said, I said, thank you. Rough.

Not what I heard. You have to think about your tone. Tone, dude. God dang. Hate that shit. I heard you were just being a little ragamuffin over there. Ragamuffin. Like a 1950s

Fucking safety My mom called me a ragamuffin One time I was like oh shit What's that even mean? Just being a piece of shit kid I don't know what I did I think I like You know what I did?

I parked my bike like on the driveway But it wasn't like it was just like It wasn't on the kickstand He just dropped that shit I gotta get inside real quick And I'll fix my bike later 17 hours later It's like 90

p.m. my bike just, the wheels still spinning. My mom's like, what the quit being a rag of muffin! I was like, what does that even mean? Bro, how fun did it look that when you'd like drive you know, you'd be on

your way somewhere, like your parents are driving you in the summer and like you'd go past the house or it'd be like six bikes just scattered laid everywhere. You're like, well, one, I didn't get invited but two that looks fun of shit. God, what are they doing? What kind of like inside? Absolutely housing limited. Oh, just killing chaco tacos and shit.

You know? Sweaty as fuck. Collar-offs everywhere. Collar all messed up. You know, they just played like the hardest three-on-three tournament ever. You're just like, God. What do I have to do to be invited to that? No, you know what they did?

They played Capture the Flag. That always kind of confused me that game. I was like, I might be sitting this one out. Done other rules. No, Ben's just like fucking... Where's Ben? He's just hiding. and like the fucking tree.

I kind of still don't know how to play. So you hide the flag and the other team has to find it? Yeah. And it's like a battle. Like you try to like keep them off your territory and everything. You get pretty intense. Yeah.

Then you're at the friend's house that had the airsoft guns. Oh. I never was invited to that, dude. I would shoot my own eye out. I swear, give me one of airsoft gun. Even today I'd be like, all right. Escanazi, here we come.

Oh, shit. Yeah, dude. I didn't have an airsoft friend. I did. I think that kind of missed you guys. I was like right in my wheelhouse. I was the only one who didn't have an Airsoft gun. Who?

Because my mom was just like. Yeah. We're not getting. We are not getting. Oh my God. Yeah. No way. Hey,

what about paintball friend? Whoa. I had a couple of them. I was a cousin. I was paintball cousin. I was like this guy. Jesus. The amount of times I looked up a Tipman 98 paintball gun on eBay.

Just way out of my budget. $312. I was like, yeah, I could maybe. never gonna happen we're not we're not paintball guys we're not

imagine us too out of fucking man how do you load this I gotta screw a tank on no way man the masks and shit everybody's using like war language from call of duty which we also don't play yeah just would no way bro

we'd be better off just fucking standing in the middle just letting people absolutely blow us away I'll be the guy that stands in the middle of my shirt off and you guys just tag me with paint balls Make sure you film it though. Like that's a only make it like, you guys play. Only make it like 14 seconds too.

Yeah, yeah. And do you have a TikTok audio you can put behind that? If like, who's why don't you invite this? No, but I would be filming. Yeah. Everybody else. Go vertical at the camera. It's getting flanked.

They're flanking us. We got a flanker on the left side. It's too much. We need it. Get down. We need overhead. We need overhead. You got clearance up there.

We need air support. Ben's shaking his ass. While I'm fucking lighten me up, dude. Paintball's ricocheting off my back and shit. What a great video. Let's do it, dude. Who's not watching? No shit.

Who's not watching that? F-Boy Island Star gets absolutely obliterated by paintball's obliterated all caps. Probably the whole thing, all caps. You got to throw a YouTube thumbnail. It's absolutely obliterated by Chris Collinsworth. You're him the whole time. You slide in. Just that shit-eating grin on the whole time.

Hey, who's not watching that? Dude. All for the YouTube thumbnail, too. I'd love but hate YouTube thumbnails so bad. Yeah, you're shirtless and you're just like... Covered in war paint. Fake, fake. Not even the real paintballs, though, in the thumbnail.

They're just like Photoshopped in. Red, blue, green. they're just the twister circles did you ever play twister like a oh we had twister we had twister bro that's one we did have we had some games dude

no I meant like yeah maybe one of the first like you know because one of the first like boy girl hangouts you know of your life you're trying to find every way that you can get as close as you possibly can to maybe so awkward touching them. And I was so sweaty.

Oh, yeah, right? But like so Twister, it's like, yeah, I mean, like you, we can play it, right? Just because, like, their parents, I mean, it's just a game. You know, it's Twister. It's just a game. So you ever do that? No way, bro. I know.

No way. I couldn't really. I don't know, man. I was like the first time we like hung out with girls, it was like scary movie type shit, you know. It was a scary movie. Ha-ha, right? Yeah, yeah. Nothing can happen.

Yeah. No. Oh, my God. I'm so scared. Oh, God, I'm so scared, make out with me. Like, no,

yeah, but eventually the game, you know, like, again, because the whole premise of all that was just like, try to get to hold hands or make out or whatever. Hide and seek.

Flirty game. Oh, flirty game. Oh, yeah. Then like, if it was like, you know,

just a random collection of guys and girls, but it was only like maybe seven or eight, right? Then it's like, the girl that you were aiming for definitely. It was just like trying to find the guy, one of your friends. And it was like, oh my God, I can't believe that you would hide there. Like, my sister's bad rap?

And they're like, ah, well, fuck me. Now you've got to play this stupid game. And that girl definitely likes him. And you shit. Oh, my God. And that girl definitely likes him. Well, mom, can you come pick me up? Yeah, mom, I'm done here.

My work here is done. I just, yeah, I'm going to. go play. I'm gonna go play mad. I'm gonna, yeah, I got a franchise to him to win. I got a dynasty to figure out. So let's go Vikings.

When really, it's just like you sim through the regular season. And if you're not, I'm gonna playoffs. Ah, my team sucks. Like week five against the bills. Hey,

who's playing them? Yeah, right. Go to hell. And then you lose. You're like, oh shit, the bills got us?

Start a, over, start over. Done. Yeah, dude, unless you're the number one seed. Getting to the playoffs, you don't even know your team. The announcers are talking about storylines that you're like, oh, fuck. Like I'm mad and shit.

You know, they'd be talking about like, ah, this team struggled early on the season. You're like, I guess that happened. Oh, shit. We're struggling in the run game. Hey, not when I'm playing. Hey, coach, get your shit together when I'm not a round. How about that? Coach Cowher.

Get your shit together while I'm sitting there eating jalapeno Cheetos that I definitely am going to finish the whole bag. My mom's going to be pissed. Go to the kitchen for three seconds. We lost against the Saints, Vikings, and Bears. The Aaron Brooks led Saints, too. The St. O'Drewbury shit. He was kind of low-key nice on that game, though.

Like, if you weren't getting Vic, you were getting Aaron Brooks. Good, good, yes, good video game quarterback. Or like, and if he can't get those too. Quincy Carter, what's up? Hey, need a favor, Quince. Why? Can you hop over to the big dogs? Why do I want nothing more than to get you a Thanksgiving,

Quincy Carter, Cowboys, Jersey? Is it white or Navy? That's the Navy one. Yeah. He's number 18 or something weird? 17. That's so much weirder than 18. Quincy Carter playing for Bill Parcells.

I don't know. Wrist tapes. for no reason. Had a stroke. Wrist tapes. Yeah, wrist tapes. So I'm gonna be in Disney World when this episode drops.

Really? Mm-hmm. Yeah. Going down to Disney, taking the boy. Really, we're just going because we want to and he just happens to be born.

Yeah. So, you know. What's like the, what's like the big number one thing for Disney World? Like, what's your like? I can't wait to do this. Well,

honestly, dude, like Epcot is really fun. I feel like you're, you're fucking with me right. I swear to God, I'm not. That's like, you know what that is. It sounds like a dried fruit to me. Yeah, it does. That's a good call.

Have some of your Epcotts. God. I don't like you. You sliced them the way I don't like. Now they're all fucking soggy. I don't want the Epcotts. And it was on our charcutter reward with cheese dip, crackers.

We really like the Epcotts. I'm like, You what? It's like the color of like some paint that my kitchen got remodeled in. Yeah, we wanted to go with just like kind of a light Epcot. Epcot can be anything. What condo are you saying on the Epcot? The Epcot.

A fucking banking company. Epcot National. Deposit here. Epcot can. It's a lot. It's versatile. But really it is fun. You do like drinks around the world.

So Epcot has. like all these different, all these different countries. So it's like theme parks that are, so they have like France and Italy and, uh, Mexico and Germany and Ireland. It's like a world pretty much.

Yeah. You go from like world to, you go from like country to country. No. Or that's just this part. That's just Episcopac's its own separate one. So you got like magical kingdom, which is like,

you know, the castle like, when you wish upon a star. So magical king. Kingdoms here and then like epitod. It's Magic Kingdom. Sorry, not magical kingdom. I fucked it up. I was just correcting both of us. You got like Magic Kingdom. You got Animal Kingdom, which is like a big fucking zoo.

Damn. It's got an extra seat. Hollywood Studios. That's cool. So you got like, that's where Star Wars is now. Oh, dude. They got like Toy Story and all that shit. But then within Magic Kingdom, you got like tomorrow.

So you got the castle, but then you got like Tomorrowland. Ventureland. Dude, this is insane. You never been in Disney World? No. Yeah, your family. Didn't go. Couldn't go.

Couldn't go. That's actually. I asked my dad. I was like, can we go to Disney World? He's like, yeah, sure. Never went. You would have fun now. But yeah, your family would be terrible. Oh, God, it would be hell.

Yeah, but Epcot, dude, it's cool. You just go drinks around the world. So like, Italy, you're hopping in, having a glass of wine. This sounds great. Germany. Of course, you're getting like a big, you know, Colsch, Lager. I hate Germany shit

Yeah I don't know Hey wait wait But are you gonna drink the wine Oh no No I can't I can't I gave it up with you I did oh nice I'm with you bro

So that calls for We're in the Easter celebration Fucking maybe we'll record the show And just have donuts and wine Still thinking about donuts on Easter For some reason I don't know why I mean that makes sense

If it's not really I if someone showed up Because you're always doing brunch for Easter for whatever the fuck reason. And if someone showed up with like a box of donuts and the icing would be key. If they had, you know, like a pink.

I'm thinking light blue. Pink light blue. Maybe a yellow is big. Yellow's big. But then like what the fuck flavor is yellow? Is that just, you know, just like vanilla icing with yellow? Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Cream filled for sure. Maybe a little egg on top, a little bunny. I can't do cream fill, bro. It's all I think about. It's always too much. They never have the right amount.

bro every episode. I like too much. I'm like an icing cream bitch. Yeah, Seinfeld's a show about nothing. We're just a show about donuts. Yeah, we actually have a label. It's donuts. It used to be holidays.

We were big on, I mean, I guess this is about holidays at the same time. Well, Christmas, it was just, you know, I had a peppermint today. And I was like, this is a mini candy cane. You know what's crazy about me? Probably you too. Is that like calendar turns to March? I'm like, we're in single digit months of Christmas, baby.

That's wild. I still another month, so I couldn't tell you. You're fucking idiot. I'm lost, dude. April March, I'm in no man's land. But then even I'm thinking like, really fucking decorations and people start getting in the spirit in November. So we're eight months away. I feel like the next season should not be like spring, right?

It feels like it should be fall coming up. Like today, I was like it's fall. Very fall feel. Yep. I feel that. But then yesterday was like, guess I'm going to Fort Myers. Well, I guess I'm in Fort Myers. People calm down when it gets hot.

Yeah, that was wild. A freaking, a pedal bar yesterday? 18 million of them. Guys, act like you've seen the sun. How, but the thing is, is that was probably planned like a month and a half ago. Good on them. So how fucking ball. Somebody's that rolled the dice.

Yeah, exactly. They were so loud. One of those, okay, we're going to do it. March first. I know it could be. weather could be problem weather can be a problem but it also you never know Indiana

and then it ended up being there you go yeah shot shot shot shot shot shot shot they were so loud bro hi Brandon so it's just I was just thinking about this but because you're talking I'm sure you're looking at the hand bar from where you live but

I was grabbing Starbucks this morning Mass Ave? Yeah I was grabbing Starbucks This morning. Throw a rock at the window, man. Come on. I get out of my car and I'm walking. There's this, there's this a girl who's walking on the opposite side, you know, coming

at me. I got to get it out. I love you. Oh, whoa. Damn. I feel much better. And so she's like, wait, oh my gosh. I was just listening to these guys this morning.

No way. A girl said that. Yeah. And I was like, wow, thanks. That's great. And she was like, well, So, like, Ben lives around here? And I was like, hey, he lives around here.

I was like, in the area. I literally said, in the area. Nice. In the area of Indiana. Yeah, I said, yeah, he's in the area. But she was very sweet. And she was just like, I love listening to you guys' shows. Listen to this morning.

And, but yeah, it was just, it was funny. So shout out to her. You know, because a lot of times, like, that'll happen where I'm sure both, like, you've had, I've had where somebody, like, see out and about. And then all of a sudden, no one, like, like, won't say anything. then you'll get an Instagram message. I was just like, hey, I saw you at Needlers

and like, I just wanted to, like, say it. I'm like, just fucking same. Yeah, it's good. Yeah, so like I appreciated that. But she was great. I said in the area. Girl that listens to these guys. That's kind of my first thing.

I was like, wow, okay, great. Impressed. Yeah. What did she drive block you after that? Seal the edge, Shelley. I was supposed to do these guys. All right. Now show me three points stance, bitch.

What she says to. me. Fire hot. What she's funnier if you said that to her. No, that's bad.

Let's go. Bitch. Fire off the ball. No, she said that to me. Yeah. Hot, hot,

hot, hot, hot, hot, hot. Was I, it was the right call for the version you use of Pizza Hut in the video, but I was a little bummed

when it wasn't the. I know. I know. Trust me. I went. It was an hour of me going back and forth. I think I had to take a shower to decide.

Uh-huh. Take a shower. Send it to Tony. send it to Amory, send it to your dad to buy it, send it to Wyatt fucking send it to you know, not even send it to me, but just be like, Pizza Hut, question mark.

Then don't respond. And then I'm like, all right, I'll see him like three hours. There you go. Exactly. All right. Yeah. It's good. I got it.

We still haven't had pizza. Maybe that's what the first live show will be. Us playing and drinking shit. That'd be fun. Us playing Blitz, eating Pizza Hut and drinking wine. after Easter. Hopping.

Think about it. Hey guys. Hopping. I thought you stroked out. Thumbs up in the chat. Thumbs up in the chat. Smash the button. TG.

24. This is 24. All right. Good deal. Well, yeah, please. Numbers,

yeah, let's get them up on YouTube. Let's keep subscribing. Obviously, Stitcher, of course. Got to hit that. Spotify.

I will back. Denla Stitcher app. I go crazy. Cool. Bye-bye. See you next time. These guys.