THESE GUYS! - Mcdonald’s Pancakes

Episode Date: April 22, 2025

On this ep the burpy bois realize girls carry books like tiki barber⭐️ 𝗟𝗘𝗔𝗩𝗘 𝗔 𝗥𝗔𝗧𝗜𝗡𝗚 & 𝗥𝗘𝗩𝗜𝗘𝗪📺 𝗪𝗔𝗧𝗖𝗛 𝗢𝗡 𝗬𝗢𝗨𝗧𝗨𝗕𝗘 https://youtu.be/xxQ75QbyHHY🧢 𝗡𝗘𝗪 𝗰𝗹𝘂𝗯𝗵𝗼𝘂𝘀𝗲 𝗺𝗲𝗿𝗰𝗵 https://benedictmerch.com/products/clubhouse-hoodie?variant=44118163914809🎟️ 𝗕𝗘𝗡𝗡𝗬'𝗦 𝗨𝗣𝗖𝗢𝗠𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗦𝗧𝗔𝗡𝗗 𝗨𝗣 𝗦𝗛𝗢𝗪𝗦Rochester, NY - May 9-10 https://ci.ovationtix.com/35843/production/1229938Las Vegas, NV - May 24 https://www.wiseguyscomedy.com/nevada/las-vegas/arts-district/e/benedict-polizziNashville, TN - June 13-14 https://www.etix.com/ticket/e/1051364/2025-benedict-polizzi-nashville-the-lab-at-zanies

Big hand on chest day for the for the girlies. Just the same picture on the same same Instagram 94 times. I gotta stop. Hey, you know what though? I mean, come on that face. Not bad for a fat guy. TG131. 11, 1, 1, 1, 101, 1, 131, rum, pineapple juice and fixed audio, hopefully.

Probably not, though. Eat a pineapple every night, dude. Are you really? Full 1, chopped? On the pineapple grind. Half the fun is just cutting the thing, bro. So nice. It's just a bar of Sour Patch Kids.

Not a food podcast. Bright yellow, too. Hasn't gotten worn at all. gotten too wet or in the fridge for too long. No brownish spot showing up. Just straight yellow. You're in control, baby. You're in control.

You're cutting. What do you mean, though? You didn't, after last week, you didn't try to do the Lori's kitchen pineapple ring? Oh, my God. That actually pissed me off. I didn't say it, but when you were talking about my mom used to cut pineapples and rings,

my neck got hot, but I was like, I'll just brush it off. Still pisses me and my sister off. Yeah. That's like a monthly occurrence now. We give her shit for it. Pineapple rings.

All right. I'll push tics. Rochester, New York, May 9th and 10th. Mommy's coming. Ordering a jurors just for you. Las Vegas, Nevada, May 24th, Nashville, Tennessee. Just added June 13th and 14th. Get your tickies.

Bennypolizzi.com. Dude, I can't wait to go. I can't wait to go at all. This is like a perfect little run right here. but I've been waiting to go to Nashville. No clue what that's like. Nashville is. Nashville, dude.

I had a hot, hot show there. Fall of 23 at Zanis. Super fun. Clubhouse and Joy Joy fans were good to me in Nashville, so I know it'll be good to you. And, yeah, Nashville, you got to, I know, I know that Plight Cat calling and does guys know ball.

I know that's going to be making. an appearance on Broadway as it should. Ooh, good call. Didn't even think of that, but good call. Guy who takes it one day at a time. Yeah, it's going to be fun. Can I see you there. Get your tickeys.

Get your merch too. These guys merch. Somebody hit my DMs and they were like, yo, do you guys have merch? It's all at benedickmerch.com. Clubhouse hats, hoodies. Not bad for a fat guy. Hats.

And then the these guys hoodie slaps too. links below Get your merchie Hot, hot, hot And then yeah, as always YouTube Team these guys, oh no These guys clubhouse

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Follow the show, bald to show. And that's my push that I do. Oh, also one more. Sorry, one more push. One more.

One more logistic. You got to pay the bills here. Put that out of the way. Push, Mulnero. Push, Molyneiro. Push.

For my Fanduel users, looks like there will be a little Pacers. Same game Parlay that weekend. Nobody cares about your parley. Shut up. Put your purlays. One of my favorite videos of Ben's ever done. But fan

Duel. Fanduel. This will be coming out Tuesday. Game two. I'll be in the house. I'll be in the hizzy house. So white guy.

So 30s. I'll be in the hizzy house with my great friend DJ Dylon. Haven't been to a Pacer's playoff game in over a decade. Super, super excited for that. Got a nice little plus 500 parlay for the Pacers. So my folks get in there with me. Let's do it. I know.

I know. I know. But just had to get that out there. people just hitting that fast forward 15 buttons so hard I can't I can't believe that's even there like that's even a function when I'm listening to a podcast and they start talking about anything other than what I want I'm like next it's actually insane like one day those those aren't going to be there

we're just going to have to I know yeah right advertisers is going to be we've got to find a way to make it more difficult for people to skip but hey this isn't advertising it's just promoting for us you know You guys are with us. You ride with us. We're just putting out there what we're doing. We got to do it. You know, it's housekeeping.

Housekeeping. Spring cleaning. It's happening. Life won't stop ordering Amazon. No, it is. It is really just all our stuff. So yeah, tap in. Tap in.

How is Easter? My God. Let's compare and contrast. I did nothing Easter, bro. I did nothing. I went to bed at 4 a.m. the night before Easter. woke up at 7.30

was just editing the entire day. Made some eggs and broccoli at like 3 p.m. And then made eggs in ground turkey and ate a pineapple at like 10.30 p.m. And that was it. Went outside twice. That's really what happened. Didn't listen to a song.

Didn't talk to anybody in my family. Well, I text my mom and my dad and shit like that, but they don't care either. Yeah, that's it. randomly, that's fine. I randomly got a couple happy Easter texts from people that weren't family.

We're doing that? It was interesting. Happy Easter, bro. I looked at my phone and I saw a couple. Yeah, there's a handful of names that popped up. That was just it. So I'd see their name and I'm like, oh, what? And then it's just, happy Easter.

Not even a hoppy? Don't you know Schmitty? E. Come on. Come on. Come on. My kid. Daddy, why'd you hide my eggs?

Oh, over there in the bush. Dude, you could just wreck your kid's life by doing that. Like he might think you're cool now because you're like, you know, sporty and like a personality on the internet. Yeah, yeah, donuts, gushers. He probably thinks you're this shit. Cheese fries. Just start being schmitty around him. He's going to be like, yo.

wait till your son's old enough to like figure some things out and I come over and we just do Johnson and Schmitty in front of him he's like holy shit no my kid's gonna hate me absolutely hate me oh yeah no but then he'll like then he'll really love you that's how it goes like with your dad you're like goddamn I hate my dad unless you're me I just hate him all the time like like you like you like your dad a lot You hate your dad and then you like him a lot again. Because you're like, oh, should I see what he was doing. Yeah, I'm not ready for that. I think about that way too often. Like my kid's two and a half and I'm already just like,

dude, that time's going to come real soon where he just does not. Where he hates you? He hates me and he doesn't want anything to do with me and everything I do and say is lame and eye roll. I'm just not ready for that. I'm not ready for it. Well, just said hizzy house. So it's going to start sooner than later.

I'm just playing. Dude, the only thing you have to do to make your kid like you, I think, is just buying food. That's what happened with me. If I was, like, pissed off at my dad, he'd get me, like, French toast sticks from Burger King. I'd be like, all good. Those are so fire. I couldn't even do that because I told the story. I tried to get those hotcakes from my dad at McDonald's.

And that just ended up being, you know, an absolute disaster in the backseat of the show. Heavy Impala. Like, circa 2005. I've told that story before. Running back. Yeah, man, I was like really pushing for McDonald's breakfast. You know, when you're a kid, I mean, yeah, I guess even still now, it's just like, all you want is just like get out to eat food and just, you know, there's just something

that brings you so much peace and happiness about it. Nothing. Dude, number one thing of all time is going out to eat. Sorry. Right. Totally. And, yeah, I was, um, I, we were in between, like, one of my sister's games or something. We were running errands on a Saturday.

Jordan Reeser was in the car with us. Like, Got McDonald's. Yeah, nightmare, right? Got McDonald's breakfast. My mom calls my dad. He kind of gives her the rundown about where we were, what we did. And then she finds out that we got McDonald's and she's pissed because, you know, that

constant back and forth. I grew up in a house. I was constant back and forth of like, we would get out to eat food, but then everybody would be pissed about it because nobody would agree. But then also my parents would be pissed about, like, we shouldn't be doing this. We need to eat at home, you know? because it's, we weren't made of money, right? But so that was like a constant back and forth, you know?

The convenience, though. My mom would pick something up and my dad would be like, you know, paying for all this chick-fil-a, right? And my dad would get something or I would get something. My mom would be like, we don't need to be doing that. We have food at home, right? So a little inside baseball for the Molinaro household growing up, everybody in the clubhouse there.

I'm sure that's pretty common, right? But, yeah, so then just one day, it was, yeah, like 2004, 2005, and dad got me that and mom called and laid into dad apparently and he just turned around and he just said, Joe, you are fucked. And, uh, yeah. So, wait, wait, why were you fucked? I don't get it. Just because I was being an asshole and like pressure and him like, you wouldn't shut up about getting. Okay, okay, okay. Getting McDonald's breakfast. Then you can't hide that from your mom. If your dad was like, don't say anything. Like after you eat pancakes, your body. You're not. You're he smells like syrup for like three months.

Especially the McDonald's ones. Oh, dude, that's syrup, bro. That clip you put out on from espresso, yeah. Like, I mean, cheese, what a treat that was. That was, it's like if I was good at mass, that's what I was getting afterwards.

Bro, it's just something about, breakfast. Come on. The styrofoam, it's kind of like wet on the inside. You know, like, not mad if I maybe get a, if I maybe get a bite of that. Yeah, if I actually bite the styrofoam, who's going to know? It's got the syrup drenched.

Hey, this syrup is soaked into the cyrofoam. A little crunch, full treat. All your little fork pokes in there? You know what I'm talking about? Like the fork pokes way better than the knife slices. When I had a real slicey, you know, of styrofoam, I messed with me for some reason. You're done with your pancakes. You look at all the damage you did on the styrofoam.

You're like, I was cutting like that? Yeah, I thought I was cutting way better than that. It looks like Wolverine just had like a panic attack. Yeah, I like the pokey's, though. I like the pokey's. All right, so I figured that would probably be about your Easter. Mine, of course, the exact opposite. Yeah, hey, remember last week I was sweating?

I was already sweating thinking about the get ready process. I thought about you like three times yesterday. I was like, I'm not even going to text. him. He's busy. Thanks, man. But honestly, if I were to text you happy Easter, you'd been like,

shut the fuck up. Throwing your phone. I, we honestly, we honestly kind of crushed it. Like, oh. Yeah.

Yeah. Let's talk. Let's talk. So 8.30 mass, right? But it's on the south side. Fat stats. Fat stats. It's about 35 minutes south of us.

So 8.30 mass. You're doing the backtrack in your head. You're like, okay, we at least have to leave at the latest by 8 a.m. You know, I can haul ass on Sunday morning on the interstate to make it there. But like at the latest, it needs to be 8 a.m. is our mark. A 7.50 would be nice. Exactly. So that's what's going through my mind at like 4 a.m.

Like, I wake up to pee. I'm already, my alarm is going off at 6.10. And I'm already just kind of like, shit. You know, like, I know what's ahead of me. Rye gets up. She's already doing her thing. I'm like, this is good. Like the kids are still sleeping.

Let Rye do all of her stuff that she has to do because it's a laundry list, right? Do all that stuff while the kids are still sleeping. We'll let them sleep as late as we can. Get all of our stuff taken care of and then we'll wake them up, boom, get them in their clothes, and then throw them in the car and go. That's exactly what happened.

Wow, executed? We were out the door by 747. No way. I would find time to stop. all and shoot myself in the foot there. I'd be like, got three minutes, got three minutes, and then I'd do something for 10 minutes, be late. Trust me, that went through my head

because last year, clubhouse, you remember, Happy got out. We totally missed Easter Mass. Oh, bro, that's a, that's a great day. Missed Mass. Why? The dog. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little relieved when we, we phoned it in on Easter Mass to search for Happy. that's a, hey, that's a real Easter egg hunt.

Find your dog, not the eggs. Where's your dog, bro? Probably eating eggs and shit. So that was last year. And it did go through my head because I was like, we're way too ahead. Something is going to, something terrible is going to happen.

Going to wait to run the game right now. Right? Yep. Totally your car. Happy, happy didn't get out. We get on the interstate. Nobody out on the interstate, right? Like, it's just easy, breezy.

I'm swerving through lanes just because I want. I'm like, this is so nice, dude. It's like the silver lining of Easter. Like, you're like, oh yeah, no one's doing anything. Right. I went to the story yesterday. I was like, there's seven people here. I was like, am I allowed to be in here?

No, everybody's like. Yeah, so fun. Except for the Kroger by my house, which that was just a nightmare in itself. But it's a different, different story for later. That Kroger's like a club, dude. Yeah. So we're out the door by 747. or in the church parking lot by 810 p 8.m.

And it starts at, it kicks off at 8.30. The people from 7 a.m. Mass are still leaving. That's how early we're there. They're still talking to the parking lot. Yeah. All churched up. They all get the,

they feel all rejuvenated and I hate that. He is risen. They got the aspergillum. I don't like seeing those people before I go in. it was a little jarring because one then you're like okay so mass ran over the 7 a.m. Mass ran over like that

how long is the 830 mass? A father let's get it together father You gotta be on your peas and cues It's Easter dog You got a hard out Literally Yeah but we get in there

Whole family's in there Mom's all happy Grandkids do great thank God It's 4,000 degrees in the church. People are passing out. Literally, fire truck shows up. It was crazy,

but we made it. We made it. Hey, bounced after communion. No way. Yeah. Didn't get the final blessing, dude. That's what my dad was. Yeah.

Sister did too. I didn't feel bad about it though because my sister and her husband, her kid did and they're like there every week, you know, and so I'm like, okay, if they're bouncing, then we're good. It's fair.

All you need to see. want, you just need to see one like respectable person leave after community. You're right. All right. We're all going then. Like that family dipped? Like that dad is hardcore. He's gone. I'm going. We got donuts to eat. Just need the levee to break. So, dude. I want to, I want to interview a priest about that. What do you think about the people who hop? Yeah. Hop. Yeah. On Easter. Yeah. So dipped up out of there, went over to my parents. the Easter egg home with the kids, right? Did all that. Mom had donuts there.

Fat stats, fat stats. Which is great. Donuts are on Easter are a sleeper because you don't really think about donuts on Easter. You're just thinking like candy. Oh yeah, donuts. Donut decorated like an egg. To be fair, she bounced it with fruit. She had some fresh cut fruit there, you know.

So you get a little pineapple, little strawberry. Not rings, though. She's on the cube shit with her with their pineapple now. Thank God. But, uh, yeah, I'll fast forward through. But it's just, uh,

we had, we had another Easter after that on my dad's side. Then we hosted my wife's side, uh, in the evening at our house. So it was just, kids got four fucking Easter baskets yesterday. What the hell?

Can't be too mad though. You're, you're picking some of that off. You're taking some candy out of there. Yeah. I mean, I am mad when, uh,

you know, it's like bubbles that my son doesn't ever want to stop using in the house and Plato that my daughter eats and like then throws and gets crevices and gets crumbs everywhere and it's all dried up Plato on the carpet and then my wife gets pissed and then I got to deal with that. You know, who's not eating that? But they were happy. They were happy for an hour and a half. So screw it, you know.

Who's not eating Plato? Yeah. Like you're a kid. Do you see blue Playto? It smells like that. It looks like that. I'm like, I mean. this shit. I'd eat that right now.

It is a weird thing that so many children's toys are like yeah, you should. You should put that in your mouth. I'm eating that. And you like can eat Plato because they know. Honestly,

crayons are the same way. Oh, I never went there. But I mean, it's little. You know, it's like my nephew, he's a year and a half. My daughter's one. I mean, if you're a year and a half, you're looking at a red crown. Something about that red orange.

Looks kind of good. It's like, you know, in their mind, how's this any different than a cheese stick, you know? That peach crayon. Never knew how to draw white people with crayons. I was like, I was like, what color are? I got to draw my family, but I was like, damn, is it peach?

We're not peach. I always went peach. It was the most realistic. You ever go straight white when you're drawing your family? I was like, I did yellow. I did yellow a couple times. And it didn't.

At least a yellow outline, I don't know, but that didn't. Again, it was just like, yeah, it doesn't translate. The peach is definitely the closest to skin tone for my upbringing.

Oh, no doubt. Peach is probably it. I don't know if they have like a nude color now. Do they have them? Probably. You'd be amazed at the different colors they come up with. My kids getting 150 crown box.

There's making shit up. I know. Sharpener on the back never worked. That was like a weird revolutionary thing you thought with colored pencil, with crayons for sure. But then you know what one thing that kind of like, the erasable pen, you remember those days?

Never works. Erasable pens. The blue one. I was like, let me write a whole paragraph, erase it, and I can still see the whole thing. Then you write over it, and you're like, what does it say? Also, how annoying was it that

there was a grade point, like a level of grade that you had to reach for you to be able to use pens? It was a big deal when you could finally use pens and they kind of had to warm you up to it. In fourth grade, they're like, yeah, you can use the erasable pins, but not a regular pen.

regular pen. Like, pins are so much more classy, man. They're so much more elegant. They look so much better as pencil chalk shit. I was with them, bro.

I was like, I'm not ready for pens. Really? I wasn't ready for pens, bro. I'm still making too many mistakes. I was so over pencils, dude.

And I was especially over the talk about something you wanted to eat. The little rectangle, erasers. that were like silly putty. Oh, when you,

when you really mess something up, you got to erase a whole paragraph. Yeah. The pink one. Yes. Yes. You're like, how's this not laughy taffy?

Oh, I was, I was chewing on those for sure. Hey, you take your thumbtack and you stab the eraser like 900,000 times. Your eraser just has a bunch of holes in it.

So fun. Then you could launch those things, too. It was like skipping rocks. School pond Dude, you're gonna hit Miss Jaffe's car No, no, not even the pond, dude The pond is the desks

The desk clusters Just trying to see how many of them You can fling across Then yeah, you had that eraser That was like, it was pink And then half of it was like to erase pen It was like a stone texture You remember that one?

Yes It looked like it was something You could like exfoliate your face with like that or raise it. What is? Where'd you get this? I went through Target the other day and I saw a pencil bags. Like the five star sick brand by the way.

Bro, those, I almost bought one. They look so good still. Like nothing's really changed. That big front pocket that's like mesh see through. Yeah. It's two, it's just two pockets now.

I'm like, I love this. Rye kind of has some of those. She just used it now. Like it just transferred to be like makeup bags. Yeah. Instead of pencils and all those highlighters and everything, she just throws all her makeup stuff in there.

Like, damn, yeah, I'm jealous. She has one of those. Remember the box to put your stuff? Dude, the box was way better than the pencil bag. Pencil bag was so grown up. I was like, I want a sparkly purple box. Dude, you're keeping everything in there. It got so messed up by the end of the year, dude.

Yeah, you look at it. your crushes box is her lunch tickets in there you're like you're a mess yeah hey weed kid eventual weed kid always had just such a messed up pencil box it was like half of it in there was like trash it was like the rapper from like crayons and stuff like his pen his mini pencil sharpener spilled open so all the shavings are in there you're like Jesus Christ dude guys got to get his life together he like opens it up and and there's just like a cloud of dust that comes up. You're like, oh, dang.

Yeah. It's not good pig pin. His mom's car definitely doesn't start. Okay. Dude, we kid's mom can never start the car on the first try. Just in the parking lot, picking him up from practice.

Should we ask him if he needs her at home? Absolutely not. That's so messed up. Thinking about fourth grade thinking his mom's car doesn't start. Nah, dude. Is that, oh, it's your car that's really loud and doesn't have a muffler?

Yeah, it's a weed kid. Hey, he lives like in the neighborhood next to you, but you're like, nah, we're not taking him home. We can't be associated with that family.

you're cool to him at school and actually he gets off some like funny lines sometimes you know weed kid always has some low-key bangers but you're like I can't really mess with you like that bro you're going to ask me to spend the night and then god knows what god know i'm doing heroin the next day jesus yeah dude all weed kid is just it's like you're going to sid's house from toy story that's it and especially yeah like you said like you said in like sixth grade where he's not weed kid yet but you're like dude there's just some crazy stuff going on over there I know

and I don't want to be a part of it I don't think I'm all for good hijinks but you're like killing small animals and shit they have three dogs one of them's not really theirs you're like is that your dog no it's just like

sometimes what weed kid always has like a weird broken bone for some reason you're like how the hell double jointed can like pop his elbow out of place weed kid always got the double jointed elbows watch this he puts his hand on his desk oh see you're like dude that probably something's going on over there

something in the water your house I don't I don't want any of that I'm gonna go to your house for a sleepover and I can leave with my eye three inches lower than my other one absolutely not dude you live you leave weed kid's house you smell like his house for four years yeah it's like bonfire it's like might as well

just burn these clothes just get rid of them done love them love low key we're probably both deep down we're both weed kid speak for yourself speak for yourself moron oh are you going to uh

are you going to green bay still yeah dude leave Wednesday Lambo if you're out there say what's up how long are you just first round in it or whole weekend through Sunday oh man just going

damn yeah I was going to say because like Friday it's Saturday could be real because that is the ultimate fucky day out there a little bit more loose free flowing rounds 4th through 7th during the day so much fun still a lot of people but less

people I really hope they play the draft noise like I just, I'm curious of the entire experience of the draft. Like, is it, I don't know. Like, going to a draft live, I've always wanted to do that. It always been like, how do they, how do they get tickets for that? Remember you'd be watching the draft growing up and there'd be like the Raiders picked and there'd be like the dudes. Yeah.

You'd be like, dude, what? I don't know. We'll see. Yeah, they do. I know that each team gets. a certain amount of tickets, and I think that they divide those out to, like,

they try to get people to win them in contest. They try to give them out as, like, promotional items. They try to get, you know, influencers or content creators or whoever out there. They're like,

they're like, well-known fans. You know, so like cloney-dungee. You'll go out for the Colts. Cloning, uh, your worst nightmare.

He told me to, he told me to move to Pittsburgh like five years ago, and I blocked his ass. I was like, see. you. I was like, dude, Clowny Dungey, go make one of your little figurines

in your basement, shut the hell up. The things I did to watch you in Moulinard versus Cloney Dungey in a boxing match. Like a celebrity boxing match? Oh, dude. I would be, I would train you, dude. I'd be in your corner, like, let's go.

Right hook, hook to the body. Bro, that'd be so much fun. Please organize that. but yeah they get a bunch of people like that like the other the the the fat andy reid guy from kansas city like those those kind of those kind of people are always in those teams little sections because they have specific sections for each team that's like just cut off for the steelers or the colds or the chiefs and those fans are in there and then they have like the mass audience that's out behind it where it's just everybody in a hodgepodge but um yeah i don't know i don't know if you have to

buy tickets to be in the mass audience or you can just show up and be a part of it because it's just out in the public. Definitely got to buy tickets somehow. They're probably like $5. Whatever. Or one of those where you have to like redeem it. And so it's still like you have it on your phone. You know, geez, okay. Anything that has to do with redeeming anything. I'm like, I'm not going. Jesus Christ. Redeem it. Okay. I'm good, dude. Redeem your $5 reward. I don't care anymore. Jesus. Got to go to a website and put an email in? I'm like, this is going to take an hour.

I don't have Wi-Fi. My phone's on 10%. Done. Done. Well, that'd be cool, man. Yeah, I'm excited. It's a big week. It's a big week.

You got game two for the Pacers I'm hitting. We got the open test at IMS on Wednesday and Thursday. I'll be out there on Thursday. Taking the kid out there, seeing the cars go around. Could be a disaster. Should be fun. It's too loud, Daddy. Three seconds after we get there.

Sunscreen, bro. Sunscreen. Yep. And then the NFL drafts, man. We're rolling. We're rolling. We are rolling into the warm weather. It's good shit.

It's good shit. I did a mock draft this morning actually, or actually on Monday. I did it for threads. You know, the threads. You've done a mock draft every morning of your life since like 2006. Shut the fuck up. I did a, it's a thing called a mock draft. I don't know if you've,

dude, I've been in there, I've been on that grind, mock drafts looking at them like way too early. Oh, there's another more fun. Come on, man. The mock draft like halfway through college football season,

when you're like, where do they have the Steelers picking right now? You're like, oh, that cornerback from Auburn for the Steelers. That'd be so sick. Totally changes. Oh yeah, not even close

Also get kind of shitty at the people who made the mock draft Because they have to guess where you're going to be drafted at that point You know? You don't think we're going to make the playoffs? We're six and two. You have us drafted 16th? Look this guy, dude. Yeah.

Who are those guys? Is that just you? Do you have a bunch of fake usernames? I always wondered. I was like, who's the guy that's making them? Like there's always like 30 of them. Yeah. Who's calculating that?

Oh, for sure. You know where the draft is next year, right? Where Pittsburgh? Is it? Oh my God, that's hard. Oh my God. Hey, we're gone. Yeah.

Well, I think, yeah. I mean, I figured you probably would end up, you know, the three days before, but me and my family are already looking at it. So, hey, why don't you just move there? Do you even like them? Just kidding. No, but. That would be insane.

Almost said awesome. I know. I've never heard you say awesome ever. It's such like the... That'll be awesome. Hunty. Dude, a lot of hunting picks yesterday. Do you see any huntie picks? Big day for hunting picks yesterday on this year.

Dude, I honestly... Did you send me some? I haven't been... I was gonna, but I started feeling. bad. Well, I mean, I took my own hunty picks, but I like to think it's different when you got kids, you know? And it's all about the kids. It's our babies

are in there. Not as much hunting. It's the family when you have kids. But I was, dude, I was running around so much in hosting and that, I was barely on my barely on my phone yesterday. So I didn't see too many hunty ones. But yeah, that's, uh, that's like the hunting new year. It's like the biggest celebration Easter.

Big, big hand on chest day for the, for the girlies. Just the same picture on the same Instagram 94 times. I got to stop. I got to stop. Hey, you know what though? Dude, I mean, come on, that face. All right, cool.

Is that the girl or the guy or both? The wife. The guy's like. the girl like same smile I hate it when people know their smile bro it pisses me off so bad you know their smile

or is it the yeah dude the open nothing's worse than the open mouth man you put me on the people that take pictures like they're having like they're having fun and they're not dude

like what are you doing screaming close your teeth, dude. Close your G.D. teeth. We know that you're not crazy wack. The girl that smiles the same in every picture.

She could be on a roller coaster, on a plane that's going into the ocean on fire. I'm like, we get it. You practice your smile 94 times in the mirror. You got it. And now it's just muscle memory.

Yeah, it's never a girl who does the... It's always a dude. Always super round face guy. Super single, too. You don't do that face if you got a girl, bro. Your girl nip that shit right there. Hey, no more mouth open picks. Stop doing that.

We're not throwing a fucking party. You're not like single college boy anymore, okay? Grow up. At a Reds game? Always out of Reds game. Guys, smile is just YouTube thumbnails. A bunch of shit in the background. Having so much fun!

And they always doing something with their hands too. You know? What, what? It's all, hey, both hands like this. Double thumbs up out. Hey, next to Ryan Howard somehow. No, dude, not even Ryan Howard. like Jeremiah Johnson or something.

The local news reporter? The local news reporter, the local sideline reporter for their favorite team. Look who I ran into. At the game where that guy works. Yeah, no shit. It's just me though. It's just I'm that guy.

That's just me. Yeah, you with the Easter bunny yesterday? Dumbass. Dude, if you're not flipping off the Easter money or doing something with, With those like mall, like holiday costume guys. Come on. The amount of times I've taken a picture

with Santa like this. You know what you got to get Santa to do this year? We got to get Santa to be sinner. Take a snap from Santa. Take a snap from them, dude. Oh, I see what you mean. Why, Daddy? Santa. Come on, man.

Get down that three point stance. Let's see your, flexibility. He's blitzing. He's blitzing. He's blitzing. On Donner, on Donner, on Donner, on daughter, on daughter. There we go. Santa called up. Dude, the video that would bomb that only me and you would laugh at, Santa, Santa Center. Jesus Christ. All right. Let's go to the clubhouse, dude. See these guys at gmail.com.

No one knows what we're talking about. Hey, we did talk about Christmas, though. How to squeeze it in. Steven Snyder. there we go. Let's go to Ryan. Says Eddie Kinnison is a subject line. Oh, sick receiver.

I don't know where he went to college, actually. He says, boys, can we please talk about the way that boys and girls always carry books differently? I swear, like 95% of guys will carry a book straight down by their side, and 95% of girls will carry a book with their arm coming across their body.

I have attached pictures for reference. Yeah, by me, Ben, it's, it is what you're thinking. I remember thinking this was crazy in high school because almost every single person followed these guidelines instinctively without having to think about it. Ben me over the random table in the bag of the classroom with the extra chairs that nobody ever sat in and slapped my ass with an 800-page chemistry textbook

that stayed in the back of my locker for nine straight months until I had to give it back at the end of the school year. From Ryan sent from my iPhone. Thanks, Ryan. Great email. Yeah, chemistry. Girls carry in. Oh, dude, no idea. Big time cheat in chemistry.

That's just straight up, whatever you got to do to survive. But yeah, go ahead. Girls carry books like Tiki Barber. Dudes carry books like LaShawn McCoy. Not a sports podcast. Dude, that's like... Dude, girls always doing the Tiki.

That's graphic worthy right there. We don't really do graphics on these guys with quotes from the show. but that's that's it right there. Dude's in the hallway. It was a specific, it was a specific recipe too. Like you couldn't,

maybe three books. And they had to, at least for me, you know, you had to have the largest one on the, on the baseline. And then little by little on top,

right? Like you're stacking eggs or stacking those little mini caricatures or whatever. Mm-hmm. And it couldn't be, if you did like four or five and your arm was out.

Freshman year. Dork. Dork. Just had to be a casual like three. Casual three. Hey, what about when you got like your, your Econ book as the base,

like your notebook on top and then your planner on top of that, dude. Perfect. Dude, you're being an idiot in the hallway. Mm-hmm. Dude, it's like you guys. Use those too.

They're flexible. Like you can use those like smack somebody over the head with too. You can bang them on somebody's desk. Dude, you're feeling good. Add one. One more like algebra book underneath there. Kind of feeling like a nerd.

See ya. See you. See you, man. I used to switch them like it was a ball. Like you'd be on the right side of the hallway. Then you got to go to the left. Yeah. Because there was through traffic.

Not a high school podcast, but you know, it was like going on the right side. And then you have to cross over. You had to wait until there's a gap, you know. Mm-hmm. Change my life when I figured out the, uh, traffic flow in the high school hallway. I was like, oh, when you're on the stairs, you got to be to the right.

Because everybody's like, you know, there's a whole thing. There's a whole thing here. I get it. You'd have the weightlifting coach or, you know, like the assistant linebackers coach. He's also a PE teacher who'd come out and be like, it's like, traffic. Stare to the right. Dude, that's-

America. Yeah, it starts getting all weird and sweaty. You're like, dude, Jesus Christ. I'm 15. I guess that does make sense, but could have gone about it in a different way. Anyways, hopefully he'll ice my ankle, or tape him up my ankle later for practice. Dude, what did teachers do, not have reminiscent podcast? What did teachers do?

Were they ever in the teacher's lounge? I remember walking by the teacher's lounge like, I couldn't even like look in there. Well, yeah, I mean, me and you both have experience as substitute teachers. So you don't remember that? no dude like I never went in the teacher I think maybe once and the only thing in there was like a Pepsi vending machine and like a Scantron scanner and I was like okay yeah always a Pepsi one

why was always a Pepsi one that was from like 1998 I'm like why is there a vending machine in here like dude quarters your teacher shouldn't there just be drinks you got Pepsi one in this thing this is how old it is. Like code red mountain, do you get it at all? What the hell is going on in here? Yeah, I went into the teacher's lounge and I was a sub just to kind of check it out, feel it out. They, uh, yeah, just to get a coffee, you know, it was just like before school it started.

And I had gotten there and was like, I don't want to go sit in the classroom and have like, you know, weird kid come in there way too early before first period. I'll just walk right in when I need to and get it going. So I went in there. And yeah, it was. It was like, there was a few in there having their coffee and like reading the paper and shit some people just went in and out bro i never had the nuts to go into the teacher's lounge you just went in there you were like hey i felt like i'd get a attention or some shit i was teacher for the day man i mean what oh when you were a when you were subbing yeah yeah not what i was like that what i was a student i was talking about i was still would never go in there even if i was a sub i'd be like fuck that you guys are going to ask me about like a math

problem or something. I'm out of here, bro. I don't know anything. Mm-mm. Mm-hmm. Yeah, the, uh, and book bags were such a thing, though. Like, everybody just took their book bags with them everywhere where we went. So, like, not, not often. It was kind of like, you know, when I was a freshman, I'd see somebody like Ben and Joe King, like, with their fuck-off books that they'd have and not a book bag, you know, shirt on on tuck, not giving a shit about anything. But, like, most of the time, people just had, most of people just like had their book bags and it would you know get their books out for the class once they sat down but yeah it was always like it was like a certain kind it was like super smart nerdy girls

probably going to Notre Dame with the tiki barber or then like somebody like bin with the LaShawn McCoy yeah never rocked the book the backpack in the my backpack I never had a cool enough one to just wear around mine was always from like fifth grade had a hole in the bottom yeah I remember chiller had like an Air Jordan one and had it on everywhere. Crazy. I would too. Yeah. You know what it is? Hunties.

Robot Hunties had the backpack and the girls who like robot hunties had the Tiki Barber book. So if you just carried the books, good for you. Congratulations. You are not a robot hunting.

Always carry. Always raw dog in the books. Good for you. good for you Doug Let's go to Keaton Golden Corral He says hey Hunty's Long time follower and listener to the show And it makes me the drive to work

Much easier in the morning My question is how much Are the fat stats padded when you go to places Like Golden Corral or all you can eat buffets And what's your first plate got on it Cover your hand in the chocolate fountain chocolate sauce Wait until it hardens and smack my ass To the tune of Baseball Tonight theme song

Thanks guys. Keaton. What little cheat code there with the the chocolate, the melted chocolate. Like all those girls in school who would do the glue for some reason in seventh grade. They'd put the glue all over their hands and then let it dry up and pick it off. It's like, the hell's going on with that? Much better to do it with the chocolate.

I never, dude, my time at Golden Corral was before they even came out with the chocolate fountain. Yeah. Because I'm 74. Though I never got to experience the fountain, man. I wish. I think fat stats, no, like, you know, it just plays into it. You know, there's not like an asterisk next to it.

If you go to a buffet or you're at, um, a birthday party and there's a bunch, there's a huge spread or anything. I think it just all kind of tallies up at the end of it. Uh-huh. Yeah, no asterisks, dude. Um, my first plate at Golden Crowell always zero down in my mind. I would just like mimic KFC food.

Boom. I'd have two like wings. I don't know. What are they called? Drumsticks. Yeah. Macaroni, mashed potatoes. Then I might feel bad and put like some corn on there.

But that was it every time. I was so excited to eat that every time as a kid. Never made like a burger. It was just always KFC fire. You always had a feel bad thing. A feel bad food. you put on there. It's like, oh, God, fat stats, alarms going off. Got to put some greens on here. Like, is my dad. Got to get some of this fruit salad. It's my dad or mom going to say something.

Like, I don't want them to kill my vibe when I'm all having fun. Get some salad. Jesus Christ. Sometimes preemptively. Get that over with in the beginning. I'm like, maybe I'll get a fruit plate because fruit's kind of like candy. Yep. Yep. That's what I was about to say. That's a good call. Now the last buffet that I went to is at Disney at Magic Kingdom, having like the breakfast or the lunch with the characters and whatnot. Yeah. And so my play would be, I'm trying to,

they had kind of like some regular appetizer type shit that have like some like chicken wings and stuff. And I'm like, that's not my meal, but maybe I'll get a little bit of that. A little bit of pasta salad too, maybe. Just keep it kind of light a little bit and then go in for like you said. There's always fried chicken,

fried chicken every buffet. It's the best food. It's the best. So good. Yeah, if you're like, if you're like at a theme park, you got to keep it light. But if you're a kid

and you're just trying to go crazy at a buffet, it's KFC plate first. Then you might go like pizza, second plate, like just, just racking in stats. Then after that, you might mess around with like,

I don't think they got some like chicken poppers or something. Then it's straight dessert from there on out until they close. Right. Always got the dessert in the back of your mind. What the hell is going on? They got the swirl vanilla chocolate ice cream. They got Mickey Mouse, like fudge bars, like chocolate ice cream bars. Stop it, bro.

Not once did that ice cream machine like not work either. That thing was always working. It was always my biggest fear walking into a buffet. I wonder if the ice cream machine's going to work. Can we call them? Can we call them in C? Let's go to Jared here It says

Played against sports Sub boys a long time Long time Just walking out of played against sports Thought Benny was in there Anyways I'm a high school baseball coach And went to our school's football

Spring game And heard a dad yell Get a ball When there was a fumble And started laughing Uncontrolled Blaine had to email to the clubhouse But since this isn't a sports podcast

I'm not sure why I'm even emailing Slapped my ass with weak kids backpack While Benny is In Sarvan Ganzana Outside of Gate 3 Sarban Gazana What is that? Is it a position, like a yoga position?

Oh, S-A-R-V-A-N-G-A-S-A-N-G-A-S-A-V-A-V-A-S-A-V-A-S-Vasana. Maybe. So dumb, so American. Sarvo-Sagana. Sarvas-Gana. It sounds like a shortstop's last name for like the Cubs or something. Yeah, dude.

Timmy Sarva Sagana stepping up to the plate. 15 chains on. Sarva Sagada gets into one. Flows, not bad. High school dad yelling at a spring. Doing a spring game at a high school? No way.

That's not even allowed. You can't go full pads. in the spring, dude, really? It's track season. That's the hell is going on. That probably is a thing now, though. Everything, high school is pretty much college and college is pro now, not a sports podcast.

How does, that was one thing too. And I know it's, you were, you did this. So, but the football players who ran track in the spring because they're just like, we're going to speed, we're going to speed. I'm like, does it? Did it really help that much? No.

when you figure out you're just slow you're like God what am I doing Yeah I'm kind of like you either have it or you don't I don't really like you take all the classes And the footwork drills and do all that shit But it's like if you can't pick them up And put them down 4.3 you just

You can't jump from 4 8 to 4 3 dude You either have it or you don't Oh my God If you would have told me that shit in high school I would have cried Oh man Yeah, and track meets too. Like, I just, I, this is so like pussy, but I just could, dude, seven hours.

They were like the longest thing. Yeah, I was going to say. They're the longest thing ever. On a Saturday, I got two events, 100 and 200. They started 11. It's always 11 a.m. on a Saturday in the spring. I'm like, dude, this is so whack. Right.

In the spring, too, everybody's like at Hollister shopping for spring break. going to a party later and you're just at North Central. Hold on. I got to track meet and I got to bring a blanket because it's so cold and the grass is all wet and I'm actually the slowest guy here. There's also 500 other schools and

50 other events. I don't really know when it's ever over. And the whole time I was like I'm going to miss my event because I'm going to be like doing vocab or something because I have so much time to kill. I'm going to be doing vocab homework. And I'm going to miss the call for the 200.

The orange vocab books. On the field, bro. Did you bring your vocab book? Damn. Trying to cheat. The amount of orange vocab books that are just, they just died out there, dude. Oh, yeah. Just pages. Just like tumble weeds. Just. Oh, that's, there's a track meet here last weekend. Yeah. If you couldn't tell. like this can't be a real sport if there's like girls braiding their hair on the 25 yard line

while like a relay is going on i'm like this is so we it's windy too i hate this yeah we just got done doing shot put uh we had to walk 15 minutes that way to the old baseball field where the shot put field is i was like what what are you talking about stretch mark lineman doing shot put that's his spring activity so weird i'm like you good at this? Like, I have no, there's no photo or video evidence of you ever doing, of anyone doing shot put.

What are you guys doing out there? All these big, meaty guys walk over to do shot put. I'm like, where are they going? You just go back around there. They just got a plate, they just got a table of snacks. They're like, pasta salad and shit in a baseball dugout. Dude, bad things happen in baseball dugouts. Not a reminiscent podcast.

Bad things happen. Yep. Yeah, somebody's always making out. Lineman are always eating fruit roll-ups and shit in there during shop-put events. There's always something going on, dude. Coach is cussing somebody out with sunflower seeds and his teeth. Fruit roll-ups. Dude, big fat, meaty linemen never ate, though.

I was always like, I know you're big, bro. Just eat. Like, I never saw them eat. I was like, I want to see. Yeah. I was like, I want to see you throw. I shouldn't be eating more pizza than you, dude. Like throw down.

Like, now's the time. They'd always, like, wait until they got home or something. It's always my favorite when the former lineman who's now in the media, like, that's just his whole brand and personality. Everybody just like, oh, you know, watch out. Big Jeff's going to take it down. He loves to eat. He played football.

He was a lineman. He's a big guy. He liked food. That's so embarrassing. That's probably why they don't do it. Let's see how many egg rolls he can eat. Every like brand, every,

every, every content meeting, every brand meeting, every salesperson, just like, and then we can, but we can get Big Jeff and he can,

we'll have to do an eating contest. Because that one, because he likes to eat. See how many donuts. Big Jeff can eat on the morning show. 26 26 We need to do a national

Donut Day post from Big Jeff Because he likes to eat the donuts Just me It's just the dream I want to live Yeah It's just our show in one year Hey how many donuts you eating For the donut challenge

That's just us, dude Every Every local radio sports market on the ticket has a fat ass former offensive lineman hit. The ticket. Everyone at the place is just like, we should do a deal with Harties

because Big Joe can go and he likes food. Shut up. Big Jeff on the ticket. Always eating shit. Here on the mic. Always in a pop-up location. Hey, we're off we're off base today at this restaurant.

doing a eating challenge. If you want to challenge Big Jeff. Hearing them eating, smack under the lips, dude. Now, these are good. Thanks. Big,

big thanks to my chef friend Donnie over at, over at the steakhouse, the local steakhouse for bringing, hooking me up. I appreciate. Rib eye.

Rib eye. Rib eye. Every second. Rib eye. Rib eye. You got to try the ribby. You guys. You guys do a chili cookoff?

Oh, watch out, Big Jeff. You'd like that, wouldn't you? I would. I would have done you to get signed up. Can we go out there next year? Watch it. Now you got them really excited. Chili cookoff on the ticket.

What the hell's going on out here? Nah, nah, not. Pac-Man noises. Nah, not. Chili cook-off on the fan. When I get home. It's not better than my wife, so. Rib eye, ribby.

All right. That's so good. Yeah. That is what we're going to be here soon, and we won't be mad about it at all. Please, sooner than later, please. Just guys that eat on air and talk about. I don't even know, bro. Get the hook up.

Get the hook up. all those guys have so many hookups and they all shout them out by their first name only you know I'm so jealous that's uh that's Tommy thanks Tommy for uh having us over here the great hospitality and man this is good

you gotta get you come get you some we'll be back on Finn like they don't say anything but you're jealous yeah I got I got a full head of hair now I do just say say Benny when you get there and I'm having shrimp cocktail right now that's thanks to

just everything they do is a deal I'm like god damn bro this guy pays for nothing everything everything is a deal everything is a deal you can come out and see us and be here till 6 o'clock and I sure hope you do

just talk sure hope you do just two guys talking about sports eating shrimp cocktail all day every day dude Every single day. Oh, it's beer day.

We're at the brewery. Taking down pints and pillars. Talking about Colts football. On the ticket. You, you, we'll be right back. Me, ice cold beverages here at Sun King. Come on out, won't you? We're having a time.

Come up next on the fan. Can you just rip off like three of them and then do the outro out of the commercial real quick? That's this is our audition for any local sports market That just wants to hire us for like two hours Please Two day Idaho you need two guys to do a morning show Yeah we'll just come talk about food do teases

And throw it to break and that's it That's our whole show What the Colts are going to do at quarterback And the answer might surprise you That's next on the fan The Pacers are in trouble Something I heard today and I will let you know the reason why after this.

Quick time out, we'll be back. Yeah. It's so, dude. The way they go, it's so good, bro. They draw it out. They draw it out because they got to hit the mark. They got to hit the mark at 1.47.50. And so they're looking, they draw it out, and they get it to the last second.

And that's how they go, quick time out, we'll be back. They don't even do that. It goes, it's so effortless. Three things that Colts need to do to beat the tight. Let's let you know. I read it for this. I don't know. It's so low.

It's all sports talk is. It's just food, pop culture references, and thrown it to break. And then the, this is the song coming back into the show. Panama!

Sounds good. That's the only reason you want to do it. The rejoin. Go off into a tangent about like when you saw them in concert for four minutes. There's half your segment. Speaking of Paradise.

It's like the Colts last week when they played the Jets in the fourth quarter event everything was going their way. No, speaking of, speaking of Paradise, that is what I'm looking at here at Donnie's Brew House.

I sure hope to see you coming out. It is nothing but you, me, ice cold beverages and a good time. I'll tell you who's not having a good time on the Colts roster. That's coming up. I do this.

That's it, dude. That's it. I'm ready. You can say, Hey, we'll see you tomorrow. Every sports station in the country. We'll see you tomorrow. On the fan.

That's how they sign off to. We'll see you tomorrow. On the fan. We'll see tomorrow after this. That's the best. That's all I want to do. Don't go anywhere. See after this.

Do not go anywhere. I see the phone lines lighting up. Get in line right now if you want to. Don't go anywhere. No, no lights on the phone lines. You just got to have your, you gotta have your family call in and shit. Dude,

that was me in college for sure. Oh, I would call, bro. Yeah. Your dad's calling at like 2 a.m. Yo, call in about,

uh, the trade. Texting my friends. Hey, hey, hey, tweet at me, um,

something about the NBA so I can read it like you're not one of my best friends and I didn't just tell you to do that. Tweet at me about Miles Turner. Tweet at me about Miles Turner. Tweet at me about Miles Turner. me about Miles Turner? I got this from DJ Dylon.

What do you think is the Pacer's best option at the four? And why should it not be Miles Turner? That's a good question, DJ. I appreciate you. I do. Just paid them $50 to tweet at you. Mid-modem. You can hear it.

Just to get material. All right. That's good shit. Good one to end on. Appreciate you. Oh. That is a good one to end on right there. I got to hit a quick break.

That's another thing. I love when they're, every time they're, my producer, Joe is telling me that I got to go, so I will hit this break, you, me, and a whole lot of fun on the other side.

It's all the producer every time, you know? It's not my fault. I got to go. This guy's telling me. You don't know. that you do the show at the same time every day. Jesus. You don't know that you're

18 minutes over break? Hey, hey. Yeah, he's been over there doing the break signal for you for 15 minutes, dude. He's just giving up. Or when they say, or when they say, there's a quick time out I owe James a whole lot of breaks here.

Like, I... I've never heard that shit. That is so great. Oh, yeah. Some people, they get real far behind. Like, if they have a segment with like, you know, with the GM of like the local NFL team or something. So they like go real long. They're skipping commercial breaks.

And then they got to stack them all up at the end. So there's like 15 commercials in a row. Yep. And they tell the audience that they owe the producer this break. Yeah. Hey, not my fault. Producer. Not me.

Hey, I'm just, I'm here for you guys. This guy. Yeah, tweet to him. actually, it's 1070 Dom. 1070 underscore Dom on air. Go ahead. Give him a piece of your mind. Kids got 900 followers.

Producer Dom. Producer Dom. This is too inside, bro. I know. I know. But they'll get it. They'll get it. And if they don't care because we were having fun, so screw it. All right.

I really am going to Go ahead and go out of here. Go see Benny. Get your tickets. Rochester, May 9th and 10th, Vegas, May 24th, Nashville, June 13th, 14th, Benny Politi.com. These guys, Clubhouse on YouTube. Give us a subscribe. Watch us every week.

Leave us a comment. Love seeing those. Whatever it is, we like to read them and laugh about them. There's a guy who commented about the face care routine a couple weeks ago. It was like, these guys face care night time. team and he's just putting on eye black. And that got a good chuckle out of me and my wife. So that kind of stuff.

That kind of stuff. Spread the good word. Good night, honey. Good night, honty. Email us to team these guys at gmail.com. Love reading those. Obviously, you guys are a big part of the show as well. And yeah, we'll keep it rolling, man.

We'll keep it rolling for you. So I appreciate you guys. And that we'll talk to you until next time on these guys. Shane Victorino Oh, Oh, Jimmy Rollins