THESE GUYS! - New Years Day is Depressing

Episode Date: December 27, 2022

On this episode Ben and Joey talked about how to get along with your girl's family

Waka flaka was in town. Dude, if it was 2000... Who was 2011? I would have been freaking out. Who told me that? Somebody went to Ruth's Chris and then... Ruth Chris can never say it. I know.

Somebody was a Ruth's Chris and then... Two N-E-S's, dude. They saw him at walk. Yeah, they saw Waka-Flocka there. At Ruth Chris? Yeah, and then he was performing at Envy the next day. So that sounds like someone explaining their dream to you. All right, bro.

So, all right. Stay with me here. Yeah, it's a dream. Just, I know it's annoying, but I saw Ruth, Ruth Chris at Waka Flaka's restaurant. You're like, whoa,

wait, what? Have we figured out? Have we figured out Ruth's Chris? Who is that? Who the fuck is Ruth Chris? Anyway. Yeah,

but what's interesting is that it's Ruth's Chris. Is it? I think. Yeah. It's like, Ruth's. So it's Chris. Ruth is possessing.

Chris. Ruth's Chris? Yeah. C-H-R-I-S? Uh-huh. Ruth's Chris. Steakhouse. Bro, change it.

Just like this Dominatrix chick who just has this guy named Chris locked up in a cage. Chris. throws him a steak every now and then.

Yeah, you're Ruth's Chris. Aren't you a bitch? You're Ruth's Chris. Mm-hmm. Who signed off on the name? walk and walk i guess it's better than ruth chrises or what about just ruth chris it's sometimes you gotta take an l and just you know make it something everybody can say or just like hey my name doesn't need to be in it for the sake of

humanity like just just call it ruth steakhouse even that is kind of hard oh yeah chris is chris's steakhouse that's kind of that's not great either the difference between going from Ruth's Steakhouse to Chris Steakhouse. If it's Ruth Steakhouse, you're like, oh, okay, yeah, that is like a birthday dinner, a holiday dinner. Ruth's sake. Maybe I'm getting engaged at Ruth's. Ruth is a tough name. At Chris's or like, that's going to be tougher than a $2 steak there.

Can a buffet is Chris Steakhouse. Who's ever actually had a $2 steak, you know? what that's saying it's a big football coach saying right $2 steak what that's a bitch tougher than a $2 steak coaches like analogies for shit

got a million dollar arm but a 10 cent brain sneaker genius ever heard that one no just like the size of your shoe is like I don't know it's fucked up can you look that up don't even I've never heard of that one

Offensive corner. Come on, Policey, snaker genius. Sneaker genius, dude. What is a sneaker? No, no, a sneaker like shoes.

Sneaker. He's about to blow up. I'm about to be, I'm a sneaker, bitch. Shoe era unlocked. Shoe era. I can't.

Sneaker, sneaker, what? Yeah, I can't really understand that one either. S-N-E-A-K-E-R. Genius. Sneaker genius. No, I know.

what to type in. I just, I'm trying to like, that does like, you know, a million dollar arm, tense and brain. You could probably,

you're probably looking up on your phone. tougher than a $2 steak. Got it. Not my phone. Sneaker genius on offense. I mean, the only thing, like I said,

is like QB sneak. I'll just wait, bro. Oh, this peppermint tea. So hot. Burn my tongue. Oh,

that's an actual store. In Australia. Yeah, I was going to say, a sneaker genius football. I don't think that's a thing. honestly. Can you get,

can we have some sort of like, what was the reference? Like, what's the context? Like, just calling you an idiot. Snager genius. I never know.

Oh, okay. Okay. So it's like, it's like saying you're like an off brand. Like, you're an off brand genius. You're dumb ass.

Dude, there's something there, but I missed it every time. And the quarterback of my team always used to like make fun of them for it. And I was like, I don't know. I still don't get it.

I never got it. But I was like, it's crazy. Keep saying it. well now I'm pissed like we'd be at a party be like come on let's see a sneaker genius

and everybody would laugh and I'd be like ha ha ha ha that coach but I never knew what it meant wait the quarterback would it wasn't the coach well the coach

would call all of us that on offense and the quarterback would always make fun of the coach and call us a sneaker genius I thought you were water boy style like the coach was at your parties in college

damn that would be so much fun if a coach showed up at a party automatically fired I don't know I think you can do that in college as long as there's no females there it's like a pregame

I don't think it matters in college like you can do anything everybody's like 20 no still you're crossing some sort of lines there oh yeah every football coach ever does that and gets in trouble whoops forgot

that one coach that like had a college girl on the back of his motorcycle and got in a wreck Bobby Petrina now? Like, what the fuck do you think was going to happen, dog? Had, had his, like, that giant neck brace who was doing his press conference. Dumbass. Or, like, Hugh Freeze, calling, like, calling a hooker service on a university phone,

as if that wasn't going to show up somewhere. How did they trace it back to him? Some, like, GA couldn't take the hit. Right. Well, he's, I mean, football coaches are so dumb about everything else. besides football. That's so true. So he's like,

I don't know shit. So he's just like in his office, just straight calling, you know, thought because he wasn't using his cell phone and using his office phone that like, hey,

at least my wife won't know. Well, the entire university does. Whoops. And now he's the coach at Auburn. Hugh Freeze. What a last name. Such a fake name.

You think? Hugh Freeze. That's so, hey, so cold. Ah, TG-14. These guys, Guys, episode 14, Benedict Polician, Joey Mullinero.

Hey, hey, hey. Watch us, listen, YouTube, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, everything. Subscribe. Throw us on in the background. Grab some merch. Love that. Love the background viewing. It's so good.

Don't actually watch it. He's got time to do that, you know? Yeah, but yeah, listen. Just throw it on. Hey, have you ever had an instance where, somebody in your family or maybe it was you brought around a significant other that

yeah, everybody just hated. Like at all. Yeah, usually every single time. I mean, that's your first. My family's different and I'm different.

I don't know if that's how normal people are, but anytime anyone from my family brings like an outsider in take, it's kind of like, like, you know, they're not, we're not accepting.

of just like anybody, you know? I mean, that's how every family is, right? I do feel for anybody going into the lion's den that is your family. Oh, dude. Like, they gotta be, you gotta bring it. It's such a fine, but even if you bring it, it's like, man, that guy was a, that was, dude, was annoying.

Shut the fuck up. Yeah, he could be like, he could be hitting, hitting everything. You're just like, it's not. That's such a, yeah, we're going through that in my family right now. What happened? Just, you know, one of those situations, not too many details, but we're just kind of like,

I don't know about them. What's the most annoying thing they've done? It's just kind of like one of those unspoken spoken things and everybody knows and we just kind of have to let it run its course. Oh. Mm-hmm. Just. Yeah, you wonder, like, you wonder if that person knows or they're completely oblivious. They got to know.

Because I feel like, but then part of me is always like the people who are the ones that nobody likes are always the ones that are totally oblivious. That's rough, dude. Yeah, because like me and you, we're going into a situation like that and that's all we can think about. Oh, yeah, they're not even thinking about that? What a psycho? Right. It's got to be the, on the top of your mind, dude. You're walking in a new environment.

You're like, I hope they fucking like me. I got to be on my absolute best behavior, P's and Q's. A game. Like, you know. No slip ups. dude. No slip-ups. You know, take your, take your shots when they're there. Yeah. Don't, don't, don't swing at every pitch. Don't swing at every pitch. Don't chill in the back, wait for your turn, but when it's your turn. Right. Maybe throw deep like once, but don't, let's not, you know,

do a flea flicker and like a double reverse pass. Like, on the first drive. Let's just keep it, keep it together. And don't, don't, like, reach, you know. Don't, don't step into Yucre when you don't know how to play Uker. I would do that. Hey, how about the new guy? Hey, new guy wants to play Yucer? I'd get bullied into that situation and be like, fuck it, I'll play. You know how I'm? I'd be like, yeah.

See, in that scenario, you're not wrong for joining the game. I think in that scenario, it's important to, it's important to play the game, not only Yucer, literally, but play the family's game because they're going to appreciate them being like, oh, man, he was sweet, he sat down, and God love him, he tried. But if you're like completely are just like, no, no, no, then they're like, okay, God.

Would they respect you more though? If you're like, no, I hate you, Ker. Would you be like, all right? Maybe in your family. Yeah, I feel like everybody else would be like, what a dick, you know? Can't do card games. That's where you just got to,

you just sit down, just like, all right, it's been a while, you know? Maybe we do like an open face one round, you know? Maybe get my peas and cute. Hey, honey, can you help me out? Oh, there. And then you get your flirt on. Yeah, you're getting your flirt on.

in front of the fam. You guys are doing it together. You're in on the game. You're like getting your opportunity to get your personality out there. Tell some jokes. And then maybe maybe your girl slides in for it and you just dip out. Right. You know what?

You made me play. You, you, you mess up one time. Oh, terrible way. You know? You didn't follow suit.

Oh, did it. Man, this is, I told you guys. This is why you know, I'm an idiot. I'm an idiot.

Right. And everybody's like, But you tried. Oh, God. Then you go, excuse yourself and get a drink. And then the girl sits down. Then you're good. Everybody appreciates the effort. Yeah, you got a whole strategy behind it. Hey, save my seat. I'll be right back. 25 minutes later. How's it going? See you never. Just leave. Oh, yeah. See you next fucking Christmas. That's tough, though. That's tough. The effort is key. But you also have to. You got to be active. Bro. You got to be on your game. Like, that's exactly. It is, but you can't, you have to insert yourself without inserting yourself. It's tough to find that balance. It's tough to find that balance. What I mean is like you have to be a part of the conversation, but not be the conversation. Mm-hmm.

Yeah, you got, you got really, you got to have some flashes of brilliance in the conversation, but you can't, you can't be running the show. You also, you're party. Right. You can't. And also you can't talk about anybody in your life. unless that you are asked about that. Oh, that would suck.

If somebody just started talking about their mom, I'd be like, I can't with this bitch. Second time meeting you? I don't even know you, let alone this funny story that you think is funny that you're telling me about your aunt. I, what? And like once you slip up, you can never recover.

You know? Oh, yeah. You can't. Totally goes downhill. Then it just. Then you're the girl with the mom, the whole rest of the time. Like if you, yeah, I mean, if you're a guy that like talks about one of your buddies too much or, you know, a fucking coach that you had back in high school, you know, or just whatever it is, unless if you're a guy in the situation and you're with a girl and the girl's mom asked you about like, so your mom, what is she? Is she? Then you're like, okay, yeah, let me tell you a little bit about my mom. My mom's the kind of lady that'll do. Oh, yeah, I know that person. Then you're free to go. But you can't.

be sitting there and the girl you're with's mom be talking about a mom that she doesn't like or like her sister that she doesn't like or whatever and then all of a sudden you're like you're like you know what that reminds me of my mom and they don't care get out they don't want to hear about it now you're known as mom guy they don't want to hear about it do one wrong thing you're that thing and then guy at the end for the rest of your life we're too much red you're red guy Weird goatee. Your goatee guy. Goatee guy coming this year?

Oh yeah. Then for the rest of time. Sparkly jacket, your sparkles. The sparkles coming on Easter? For the rest of time, even when they have like another boyfriend, you know, a new boyfriend that they're bringing. It's still kind of like an inside joke

that their uncle's kind of just like, hey, where's goatee? And they're like, shut up, shut up. Fire, dude. Where's Pocodots, huh? Yep. And you don't, you don't know it, but like you're at that Christmas

and because you fucking dressed up as the Grinch, you're Grinch guy forever. Scrincy back here on 4th of July? Same costume, huh? Grinch coming to steal our presence this year again, huh? We had one. We had one in our family, dude. A Grinch?

I don't know. We had one of these situations. Like my cousin brought a girl over and we're all kind of like, ah, she's fun. You know, that means she's too much. And then she sat down. She was trying to like get in on all the shows.

She's trying to participate. We're playing Madden, me and my cousin, because, you know, after a while, you bring the system, you know, halfway through the Christmas party or whatever, whatever party it is. Of course, you got a new game and shit. You bust out the PS2. You know, I got Blitz.

I got Madden. And then, boom, I'm playing my cousin. All of a sudden, she sits down there and she goes, oh, my God, this is why I hate Maiden. The rest of our lives, we call her maiden. Is Maiden coming? Bro. It'll be...

Maiden, 2007. Maiden. Your cousin will be given your eulogy when you're dead. He'll be up there talking and he'll be like, I just wish one more time we could play Maiden together. Oh, see, that would be so fire. And everybody's going to lose their mind. And that chick is probably going to be 73 years old.

Who knows? Who knows? No, that we're still talking about Maiden. Damn. Sometimes you need them. That's how it goes. That's how it goes. I had one of those.

I had one of those. tried to act like she knew about a team that I like, sent me all these gifts and memes and all the stuff, like trying to be in on it, came over for dinner, pronounced, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,

lay it down for me. What's dinner like? Who's at the table? Oh, it's the worst possible scenario. It's my whole family. It's my mom, dad, my sister and her boyfriend at the time,

now husband. So the worst possible. So five, six at the table? Yeah. All right. And we're just, I know,

my mom made like, you know, some tacos or something, just some, first time she's over first time. First time being around the whole family, tries to get in, says, you know, oh yeah, I saw this

Bayes jersey, bias. What was the who, what was the next person's reaction? Did somebody try to save her? I imagine your dad was like, oh, he had a great year last year to get. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, if I remember correctly, it probably was my dad because that's the kind of guy he is. But there was a beat. Was your mom like, what the fuck?

There was a beat. There was a beat between me and my sister and her boyfriend, now husband, and I kind of looked at my sister and she looked at me and I was like, God. And then it went unspoken about and then the next day, I was like... Who said it? Who said it? I started because nobody had said anything yet.

That's so awkward. Nobody had said anything yet. Then the next day, I was just like, so, um, did you, what's, uh, what did you think? Anything, you know, anything stand out? I was trying to see. She kind of looked at me and I said,

She goes, Base. Who did? Who said that? Oh, no! Not your sister. And I go. That hurts,

right? Okay. She's never coming back. Yep. Never seen her again. She did try, though. Bro, she loved you.

The effort was there. She was going in, bro. Sending you, oh, he likes a cubs. Fuck it. I know. Cub him out. Cubb him out.

Cubb him out. Getting cubby. W flag. She was flying that shit. I was probably hanging on her antenna. she wants to drive anywhere with you just so you see it. Oh, you got the W flag. Right, when you get in the car,

Go, cops, go, or whatever the song is. You had it. Oh, really? Yeah. I sing that around my house. I wake up and, like, sing that sometimes. The weirdest shit's in my head in the morning. Oh, W flag.

Yeah, you know, for Wigley. Nope, for W. For win. Oh. Stia! Stiraeek. I old. Oh, the effort.

is key, man. It's a, it's, it's something that everybody's got to kind of deal with, you know. It's just, it's just a big part of life putting in the effort. Because at the same time, like you said, you don't want to be, you don't want to be the quiet guy. You don't want to be the dick. You don't be quiet guy. Have you ever gone? I don't know if he should.

Never mind. Please. And I, you got to. I got to now. What, you ever just, you ever just put in so much effort for a girl? What's it? Is there ever been a time where you just, you just, it just wasn't happening, but you're just pouring in the effort route? I mean, I think everybody's been there. Yeah. Oh my God. That sucks. Yeah. And it always felt like, I'm like, what else do you want me to do? Right.

I'm like, damn, I'm out here scratching and clawing for your attention. But it always felt like, too, that like the one time that you did meet her family in that scenario, they loved you. And like, the girl was the only one that just couldn't get down. I'm like, thank you. your sister's dying all my jokes, your dad invited me to the basement? The basement. First time. I'm walking down in the basement first hour.

Go Cubs go. Like everything's hitting. And this is not it. Can you see the signs? Yeah, I think everybody's had that experience. But then it actually did work out for me with my wife. Oh, yeah? Yeah.

Yeah, it was like, all right, that that seals the deal. solidifies it. Everything was hidden. Mom was laughing at the jokes. Grandma thought I was nice. Grandpa was talking to me about baseball. Brothers were like feeding off my energy too. It was just like,

all right, cool. Thank God. I don't think I've ever been in a scenario like that with the whole family, bro. That would be tough. I hope you do one day. No. No.

No. The girls I date are like, not doing anything on Christmas. You like tell him that you're like an atheist. You just like don't celebrate any holidays or believe in anything. Yeah, that's right up my alley. Meanwhile,

you're fucking too cany- My family doesn't get to get to. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, we don't celebrate Christmas. Man,

that's tough, dude. New Year's coming up. Doing anything big? Shut up. Dude, somebody actually, DM me the other day.

This is wild. Not really wild, but I mean, it was like three weeks ago. Yeah. So it's like mid early December. And he's like, yo, is it a roof? I love you, burpy boy. Whoa. That's really good.

He DMs me and he goes, yo, is the rooftop New York, New Year's Eve party worth it? You know, there's like one big party in Indianapolis for New Year's. Is that the Regions Tower? Yeah. Yeah. And I'm like, damn, you're thinking about New Year's already? Dude, it just blew my mind.

I just had Thanksgiving dinner. Fuck. I think about, dude, my plan for New Year's is never do anything. Yeah. That's the best. It's the best plan of all time. When you got plans on New Year's, dude, it's a mess. Mess.

It's so, like, it's so not worth it. Yeah. And you're getting ready for what? The lockdown after midnight. Bro, New Year's Day is maybe one of the worst days ever. Yeah. Is it? It's like I love watching the Rose Bowl, but I'm so depressed.

It's always the worst game. I'm like, but like, TCU in fucking Wisconsin or something. I'm like, who cares, dude? What is it this year? It's like Utah and. Why is it always the worst teams? I'm like, I can't imagine. And like it's pitch black outside in the Rose Bowl.

It's like high noon. I'm like, what? Is this from two years ago? Most beautiful day of all time. Is this ESPN? classic Southern California. Yeah, it's been dark for three hours in Indianapolis. I'm like, I can't even relate. Only song going through your head is, hello darkness, my old friend. And then the fucking Rose Bowl comes on and just makes it even worse. So out of this world. Utah, Penn State.

Who's watching that? Who cares about that game? And it's always like 13 to 16. 16 to 13. Oh yeah. God. Fuck off. I'm a local. Can't tell if you used to do local sports. It's always 16 to 13. You're like, well, it was a tough one for our Colts this weekend, Jenny. Yes, it was. Oh, me and my boyfriend were watching. And we just were like, come on, score those touchdowns. I know right.

Sports reported that's never watched sports in his life. What was that? Our team is insane. No details. What? Emojis crying. What got into the Colts? Colts last night.

What'd they eat for dinner? Because they're playing different. Just checks the ESP. Doesn't even check. Doesn't even have the ESPN up on their phone. Just goes to Google and just searches Colts score. It's season. I've done that.

I'm like, what the fuck is the Colt score? And he's like, oh, it is 1724. Yeah, no, the only good thing about New Year's is that like, when people when everybody decides that they're just you know what let's all just go to

go to this person's house then it's just an absolute like shit show dude you're getting pizza you're getting white castle like everybody's just like yeah it starts tomorrow right that joke gets played about six times that joke doesn't get old to me is there a joke that just doesn't get old because that's the one for me dude

that joke slaughtered every year growing up the teacher. See you next year. I'd be like, holy, what are we going to do? You know, like, dude, I would be an absolute disbelief every single year. Then I'd be like, oh, that bitch. Wait, where's Mr. Phillips going? Oh, wait.

See you next year. I'm like, we don't have school for the whole. Bro, I would literally be in shock for like three minutes. And then it'd be like, oh, my God, I hate her. You're a shock. that musk out of her. You're in shock

and then the girl that has the laminated notebook pages is like, you know they're talking about after Christmas break, right? Hit her over the head

of your pencil bag. Shut the, up. Jesus, the smartest girls in schools were always so bitchy. Why?

You know that's not what they mean, right? Okay. Can there be a smart, like, cool girl in school? No. My sister.

Don't brag. It's my family. Ha, Yeah, that is very rare, though. She would just let it ride and just be like, yeah, whatever, you know. Nice. No, I told you, the one joke that it fucking kills me every year. Slaughterhouse.

The one joke that takes me to slaughterhouse every year is fucking acting like I know what's in the box, you know, on Christmas, which I did. Eight times a couple days ago. So good. it. Every time. It's one of those that just like, when everybody else around you hates it so much, that it just makes it that much better.

Yes. I think that's a sign of how I'm truly transforming into a dad. Dad jokes are, they're perfect. Hey man, if you can't laugh at yourself, what's the point? I mean,

dad jokes run comedy right now. Life. They do. Like, you know that dad Twitter account that pops up on your feet every now and then? You're like, what the hell is this? Dude, Hint Pact, how?

I mean, there's just like 50 million them because they're all gas. Oh, yeah. And like one weird dad joke will pop up on my Twitter every once in a while and I'm like, what is this? And I'll read it and I'll be like, I mean, it is, dude. It's like, yeah, whatever, but there's there's some setup there. Like, there's

good shit. I'd rather laugh at those and like, have that in my face and like some like really heavy like political comments. Oh my God. I can't even pay attention. Bro, why does everybody think that they're fucking Dave Chappelle? I can't do it. I can't.

I can't even, my brain turns off right. I don't hear anything political. I'm like, it's not even. Gotta go. Jeez. Gotta go. 2023, huh? I'm gonna be 30 this year.

That's wild. Not really. 30's hot, bro. No, yeah. 30's hot. I'm excited. It's, you know, I mean, it's, It definitely is weird because it's at that point in my life where, like, I, I remember my dad turning 30.

Damn, that hurts. I've been thinking about that. Yeah. Because I was like seven or something. So. Oh, yeah. Your dad's like 18 still. I always forget about that.

It's the only thing I thought about growing up. I was like, how was Joey's dad like 20? Literally, every time I saw you, I was like, oh, that's a kid with, that's a kid with a kid. You know, that's a kid. It's a polka dot guy. It's the same thing. It's a young dad kid.

Young dad kid. Dad could literally play on our eighth grade football team. Joey's in fifth grade. I'm like, we do need a QB, Mr. Molinaro. He's a lefty too. Little Tua Taga by Loa. Shut the fuck. Your dad in the pocket against St. Pius.

Just Fing it off. Oh, shit. Did this the worst podcast. I would ask you for some like advice on turning 30, but. You're just like the worst person to ask that for. I'm bad with advice. And I'm bad.

Like if you ask me something, like, yo, should I like, I will give you that I won't, I'll just tell you what I think straight up. I won't really think about your future too much. Like if you're like, should I quit my job and like do this?

I'd be like, fuck yeah. Sometimes you need those. Dude, oh my God. It makes too much sense. I'm like no brainer. Yeah.

You're already thinking about it. Might as well. Yeah. If you're thinking about it, bro, it's cooking. It's cooking. Don't ask me for advice. Unless, yeah, I mean, maybe you should actually.

But turning 30 advice. You pretty much got it going on, bro. You're not really lost in your life. You're on the right track. I appreciate that. Does you ever, like, do you ever feel like, I don't know? Like, I find myself, this is kind of morbid, but like I find myself. Thank God.

You know, 30, which is cool. Like, it'll be great. You know, there's a lot of celebrations, right? It's like a milestone in everybody's life. you know, you kind of have these like 16, 21, 30, 40, you know, every decade after that, right? So it's like, okay. Mm-hmm. It's good.

But then it's like, fuck, am I running out of time? Oh, yeah. I mean, that's every day, you know? Like, am I running out of time to do what I want? Am I running out of time to go where I want, you know? Like, I, you hate to compare yourself to people who are like, oh, wow, you know, fucking John Mullaney was right. writing on SNL when he was 26. Who wasn't?

That's all I did when I was 25. I was like, damn, these dudes are already writing on SNL. All of them? I know. Like, I don't even have the channel. It's just NBC, bro. I don't have the login, dog. Slide me or, oh, slide me or peacock.

Okay. Cool, we're back. We're back. What's this, man? The Sherpa? I just saw it. It spoke to me. You ever see something?

And you're like, hmm, I think I need that. Yeah, that's what it was. Okay. It was that urban outfitters too for some reason.

Man, that place scares me. Really? Yeah, it is, it is kind of, it's a little like, intimidating. Yeah.

Why? Because it's, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's supposed to be the fountain of youth. So when you're like,

you know, you're like, oh, shit. Like, you know, like, What are these like Gen Z folks who are working in here who I don't know. I'm so far behind on fashion, you know, like a few weeks ago, you're like, yeah, cargo pants and like loose pants are in.

You show up to the open mic a couple nights ago. You had just like pretty tight jeans on. I can't keep up. It's because I was wearing tights underneath them. No way. Yes. What does that have to affect the jeans? Because then my legs look bigger.

It makes my jeans look tight. Oh, dude. Tites? They're, they're compression to your leg. Yeah, but I got the cold weather ones. so they're a little thicker. Oh, dude,

I'm not letting you ride off on this horse. It wasn't like just your thighs, man. It was all the way down here. There was bagged up, all right? It was bagged up a little bit.

That's why I just stick. I stick to it, but urban outfitters, yeah. I just, you know, I was walking there where I'm in the mall

with the Apple store and I'm like, I'm waiting. I gotta get my phone fixed or some shit. Nobody goes to the Apple store more than you. True.

And nobody's true. And no one's there as long as me either. I think I've spent, probably total in my life, maybe a month at the Apple store. That sounds horrible. It sucks. What is going on?

What am I doing wrong? I don't know. I want to get a new phone right now. And yeah, let's switch all the stuff over. Just like everybody else in the history of the world, that gets a new phone. Oh, can you connect the Wi-Fi real quick? It's transferring your data. Oh, yeah, sure.

Connects. That'll be seven hours. I'm like, okay. Guess I'm going to Big Woods. Urban Outfitters, it is. Dude, every single time. I've spent, it's always a great experience, honestly. But, uh, everybody loves malls like we do.

Oh, dude, I'm a, I'm a mall whore. Yeah. You know what you should do when you got phone problems? Hmm. Should look it up on YouTube how to fix it. It's not really ever a problem. It's just kind of like I need a new phone or like water damage. Some shit like that.

What are you doing with the, are you showering with it? I mean, I always fuck around and do something dumb with my phone, you know? Like it'll be like out and it's raining. One drop. Yeah. One fucking drop. That's all it takes. It is on phone.

It is weird what it can, uh, you know, what, what it can withhold withstand. And then what it cannot, you know. False 16 floors from a bleacher at a game. Pick it up. Oh. My case got a little scuffs, but it's fine. Speaker still weird. Oh, okay.

We're good. Hey, how about? Two drops of water from the sink. It's the biggest inconvenience of all time, bro. Hey, how about when your mic doesn't work and you can't talk in your phone? I'll kill somebody. Bro, or like the speaker doesn't work anymore.

Like, you have one of them's like clogged or something. You got to get a toothpick. Fucking go in there. It's your whole life. Like, yeah. I guess. Here I come. Apple store.

At this point, I'm coming. not doing this shit but I saw it and I was like dude I liked it so much I got one for for one of my friends I swear to God

wow same color same thing wow same exact thing Casey no Derek I can see him one in that

yeah he's high fashion people that know fashion stuff I'm like how I mean it's ever changing right that's supposed to be the thing about fashion

yeah you kind of do you get a little bit of it yeah you get a little you get a little dash of fashion just my just my own, you take the dash

of fashion and then you twist it into your own, you know. So you add it up, you twist it around, and you mix it together and there you go. And then, you know, what that becomes? It becomes your own style. Spitting facts here. Damn, dog. Not bad.

Shit. You got any, you got fucking God. Resolutions. And why resolutions? Jeez. That's my resolutions. I've never had one I think if you're a person making resolutions

like come on dude you're kind of just never gonna do it you waited till the next year if I'm like I need to fucking lose some weight I'm doing it like the next day yeah

a lot of people yeah it'll be June or like I'll start working out on the first I want to read more dude just started already I want to read more it's May you know there's a lot coming up this summer

I'm going to be pretty busy. I'll just get a reset on the first. Need seven months. How about the people that are like, you had a great year last year, celebrate yourself, you know? Oh, God. Those are going to be all over Instagram stories.

Dude, you know what's fucking annoying? Those Instagram notes. You were kind of into it a couple weeks ago. Oh, yeah. I'll put some shit on there. But the people that are like actually like, like thank God you guys don't have Twitter. Everybody's a fucking comedian on there.

Rise and grind on Instagram notes. Be great today. Shut up. Bro, you don't have a job. I know. You were you telling to be great today? Sending Monday motivation. I'm like, go to Facebook with this shit.

Man, there's been a few that it's like, they've been running the AIM jokes into the fucking ground. The first day, that was like, everybody was. It was like, oh, it's the best when you come up with. Now it's like two weeks later. and people are still like BRB text with like the arrows and the three

to make a heart. I'm like, okay. ASL. I'm like... What does that mean, by the way? Age sex location. It's a big like... It's a big chat room thing. Like when we... That was before my time.

Because I was always like, what the fuck does that mean? Okay. But like, it's just throwing it back to like those type of days, you know? I don't really, you know, I don't really get it. I don't really get it.

the need for it or why it's there. I guess it's just maybe to like make people talk about Instagram more. Yeah. They add a new thing on there and then people like us are like shitting on it. But here we are talking about Instagram. I don't mind it. Like if he put something in there that's like, you know, whatever. But I see, that's the thing is like I was for like, you know, if I get a message and then I go in there and I see people where I'm like, hmm, what could I, you know, I think about what could I do to put on there that could, but every every, you know, those like Venn diagrams where they're like trying to get you an answer, you know, and they're like, start here. Did you do this or this? And then by the end, it's like, okay, every time I find myself doing that and all the answers go back to just don't post anything

on there. The only thing I can think about posting, it was like some dumb shit when it first rolled out because I was like, whatever. And then maybe like some shit for my podcast or like shit for like a show. But I'm not going to be serious on there. But like, are people, having conversations on there and shit? Like, do you reply to somebody's? People replied to me when I asked a question. I was like, what do you hate about Christmas? And I got a couple of them.

I might have got like maybe like six or seven. And I was like, this is actually helpful. But like if it's meaningless shit, yeah, nobody's responded to rise and grind. Like, that's right. Hell yeah, brother. No, people are. And it's all the same group of people who like think that they're, you know. Are the same group of people that are aliens.

Who's saying rising? No shit. Oh, damn. If you didn't say rising grind, I was gonna fucking sleep the entire day. Yeah. The people who are like, want to be great people,

you know, haven't done shit, but they're just like, you know, their fucking Instagram name is just like, always be hustling. Okay.

Thanks for letting me know. Thanks for let me know that you're absolutely not doing shit. But I get, it's not, it's annoying. Yeah, it's annoying.

it's not. You just, the right people aren't leaving the notes. Like you should be leaving notes. Like, on my feet at least. Like, it's always the people I don't want to hear from that are leaving the notes. Like I just, I, like I said, I was in agreement with you. And then every time I was just like, ah, but no. Like, it's better to just not.

I've thought about it like 15 times. I'm like, should I put a note? Then I'm like, I don't have shit to say. And it's always, it's always the people that like, want to post Instagram stories and fucking bullshit about how like, if only we could all get off this nonsense and like, you know, separate to what,

what's the saying like, uh, fuck. When you're like, God damn it. When you're trying to like escape from like the phone. Disconnect. Yeah,

that, that's what it is. They're just like, God. These forbidden, these forsaken apps. Like, can we just,

oh my God, I forgot it again. Disconnect. Disconnect. If we can just disconnect to connect and then like they're posted. Oh my God. I forgot the kid. Then there's like posting notes every single day. I'm like, get out.

There's no escaping, bro. People that don't want to be on their phones. Yeah, right. That's what cracked me up when like all the shit with Elon Musk was going on with Twitter and everybody was just like, everybody complains so much about Twitter and about, you know, having this digital footprint and everything.

But then everybody was like, just in case and leaving like all their handles for like Instagram, TikTok, YouTube. I'm like, you're addicted. Shut up. If Twitter ever went away, you would fucking nod that what to do with yourself. Twitter's the best app probably. Come on. It is, dude.

Oh, God. I hate it here. But here's where I am everywhere else. Here's all my other shit. Venmo me. I wonder when that trend's going to stop about the putting your Venmo up on the back of your car when you're going to a bachelor at party or a bachelor party.

Oh, that's a thing? Oh, yeah. They'll like, anybody sends their Venmo, I'm like, fuck off.

They'll, like paint their, you know how in high school, like the cheerleaders would be like, super senior, go number three, blah, blah,

like with that car, oh, on people's windows and shit. Man, I've never felt love like that in my life. Yeah. You had a dope cheerleader. Oh,

that shit, oh, that was great. Hooking you up with candy. and muffins and shit. I was like, this is the last thing I need

before a game, but thank you. Putting signs all over your locker, streamers and shit. Except when you're a sophomore and like you got stuck with the shitty senior cheerleader who like just didn't give a shit.

That's why they picked the sophomore and they just went to anything. Yeah, the last pick in the draft. Ooh, okay. Or the first pick because they're the senior and they're like, yeah, give me a sophomore so I could just absolutely own their life

and not do anything for them. Dude. But yeah, on bachelor at parties and some bachelor parties, I think they'll take the, little marker, like the high school cheerleader style. Love that marker.

Yeah, I know, right? And then I'll be like, buy the Bacheloretta drink. Vinmo, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Absolutely not. And that's another thing, too. It's like, I guarantee like 80% of the people

on that Bachelorette party want to complain so much about like men and like gross old men, like hitting on them and trying to talk to them at the bar. And then literally all they're advertising to is just guys on the interstate. being like, I wonder if I Vimmo

them if we can maybe get me, uh, maybe they can come to your Airbnb. Ew. Yeah, but seriously.

Guys are so weird, but buy me a drink. Guys are so creepy, but send me money for free. Send me money when I've never met you. And now you can track everything that I do. Guys are so gross, but subscribe to my only fans.

Like, you're fucked up. You're fucked up. But I wanted an only fans, too. Would you? Do you ever think about, you know what? Think about it every day. Whatever you're going to say, I think about it every day. I don't think you know.

Come on. You ever thought about looking into, like, Chippendales? No. I didn't know that was a real thing. I always thought it was just like the SNL skit. There's a documentary about it. Not the SNL skit. So Chippendales are like male strippers, kind of?

Or they're like male performers. Yeah, they're like male dancer. And they have like a show. I've seen a lot of that shit. When I go to Vegas, there's always just like fucking eight hot guys on a poster with their shirts off in jeans. And they're like,

they'll be at the Belagio. You know what I mean? Yeah. But who's going to that? A lot of people. Really? Oh, yeah. Like just like, is it a big joke kind of?

Or like, are they good? What are they doing? No, I think they're like, again, And I just watched a documentary on it. Oh. So you're training to be one. Doing crunches and shit.

I'd be like the MC wearing a top hat being an idiot. And then I'd bring you out. Oh, yeah. Let's do it. New business model. Yeah. Venmo us. But now they have a bunch of spin-offs like Thunderdown Under and Magic Mike and all that shit.

Okay. Yeah, that's what I happens. Chippendales. But my mom went to a Thunder Down Under. Yeah, when she's out on a wedding in Vegas, she went there. and there's a bunch of guys in like G strings that are super ripped and like doing dances and everything. Yeah, I wouldn't put it past me honestly.

Me and Riley were watching it and I was just like, I could see Ben doing this. Yeah. Super fit. One day. Good looking dude. Like likes to perform. Would not not afraid to put yourself out there.

Good work. Sounds like I'll be in Vegas next week trying out. Just send in your cheerleader, your Colts cheerleader, Oh my God, man. That was an experience. Did they have you? So like, that was crazy. They had you judge, but that was the toughest thing I've ever done in my life.

So they had you judge, but then they had you perform too? Yeah, yeah. They were like, okay, we're going to have like, you're the celebrity judge. We're going to have like, I don't know how many girls there were, maybe like 75 that tried out. And they're all really good. And I just had no idea. I was going to say so your like ratings actually, they actually like, they probably were like, all right, what do we think? I was like, then they're probably like, what had been put? Yeah, yeah.

Just on some stupid shit. I don't think my shit like counted though, but I was being serious. I'd be like, oh, like she was, you know, like if she could like salsa dance or something, be like that's a little different, you know? Like, and I think it'd be good. I like her, but she's got to loosen her hips a little bit. Yeah, so I'm a little stiff. And I'd be like, honestly, I'm going to give you two. But then afterwards they had you go out. and do it? Yeah, after, okay,

you rate them and then like the next weekend, the girls that made the team put it on a performance. So all these girls would like do like a solo, solo, solo, solo,

solo, solo, they come together and do a big performance. And then they're like, and now we're going to bring out our celebrity show. Did you have to learn a routine or did you just go free ball?

I think I just freed. I think I tried to learn. I was like, give me like, give me like 30 seconds of like, like something choreographed. So I could just like have a little bit of it. Because there's like real dance people in the crowd

and moms and shit that like, no. And I was like, give me 30 seconds of some shit. Except I've done a couple of in sync dances back in the day. Like I got a little bit of boy band. A little bit. All that. That's all I think about. But okay, yeah.

So I did like 30 seconds of like something. And the music was like, do to do do do do do do. You know how they're too fast? Oh. And then I was just like, fuck it. I'm going crazy. And like, in my, in my back pocket, I was like, I need a party trick.

Had the Colts sports bra underneath. Uh, shirt came off. And it's, yeah, I knew it was going to save the day. I was like, I'm going to dig myself in a hole at this crowd. I got to get it back out. Yeah, the reaction. Yeah, I had to have the, the, the closer. And then, you know, at the end of every cheerleading competition.

So I was like an explosion. And they're all like, let's give it up. But you're Indian rebels, Cults, cheer team. And they all walk off real weird. like. Oh, they do that? They do that weird thing. No, they have to like face the crowd and they're like, like mimes. Yeah, it's really weird. And I did that. I mean, that was good too. Yeah. Nice. Yeah, but that, that was a lot of pressure, bro.

They were a little nervous for that. They asked me to judge this past year and I was either out of town or like it was right when Frankue was about to be born. I've done anything to see that. I didn't. Yeah, I couldn't do it. But I thought about that. And I was like, oh, man. I was like, I, yeah, those girls aren't looking to see me do those dances. Even better. You do those dances. So it was tough.

But I was out of town. So I was like, nah, I'm good. Sorry. Next year, both of us. You're us Colts? No, but we're at the Colts game sitting front row and all the chewers were walking out. I was like, I literally know all of them. I'm like, I'm the reason you're here right now.

Hey, hey, Tiffany. A salsa dance. Hey, those loose hips. Loose enough does hits. hips tiff. What do we talk about? Twinkle toes, twinkle toes. Oh shit.

Yeah, dude. They were all fucking trying to Jimmy G. Your ass. That was cool. Was it? Were they? Yeah, I was looking at fucking blue or some shit. Story in my life.

Trying to get into a fight with blue. Yeah. Meanwhile, the entire cult dance team's like walking right by you trying to get your attention. I'm like, hey, I'm like tapping you. Hey. Hey. For you. I'm like,

he says hi, ladies. Yeah. Trust me. My friend's, uh, he doesn't really have it all together here when it comes. Yeah. He knows.

Eating a cup full of grapes. I'm like, huh? Oh, all right, man. Anything else? That's it,

bro. All right. Uh, these guys 14. TG 14. These guys. We're on, uh,

YouTube. These guys. Uh, follow at Joey Molinerer at Benedict Polizzi, pretty much everywhere. Ponds, wherever you get them as well. And throw some on the background, sit into your buddy. And let's keep having some fun.

Fuck the background. Did throw it on with your girl on your first date. Yeah, that's how you're going to know. That's how you're going to be able to tell a difference between maiden or the real deal. Yeah, bro. Sit down with your girl. Hey, what do you want to watch Netflix and Chill? Yeah, I know we're going to watch fucking these guys episode 14.

all right guys see you next time peace peace