THESE GUYS! - Not Bad For A Fat Guy

Episode Date: May 21, 2024

this week the burpy boys talk about how radio guys are SOOOO radio🎟️ 𝗕𝗘𝗡𝗡𝗬'𝗦 𝗨𝗣𝗖𝗢𝗠𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗦𝗧𝗔𝗡𝗗 𝗨𝗣 𝗦𝗛𝗢𝗪𝗦 https://benedictpolizzi.com/shows/💕 WATCH BENNY ON LOVERS & LIARS (EVERY THURS ON CW)🎟️ 𝗕𝗘𝗡𝗡𝗬'𝗦 𝗨𝗣𝗖𝗢𝗠𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗦𝗧𝗔𝗡𝗗 𝗨𝗣 𝗦𝗛𝗢𝗪𝗦 Columbus - June 13 https://www.etix.com/ticket/p/52326531/benedict-pollizzi-columbus-funny-bone-comedy-club-columbus?partner_id=100Portland - June 26 https://portland.heliumcomedy.com/shows/254520Philly - July 25 https://philadelphia.heliumcomedy.com/shows/254519Raleigh - Aug 22 https://www.goodnightscomedy.com/shows/254522Buffalo - Sept 19 https://buffalo.heliumcomedy.com/shows/254521Austin - Oct 10 https://www.capcitycomedy.com/shows/254523San Diego - Nov 7 https://www.micdropcomedy.com/shows/264571Phoenix - Dec 5 https://www.micdropmania.com/shows/264572🎟️JOEY'S UPCOMING STAND UP SHOWSIndianapolis - May 21 https://t.co/VhpR0dDGHi🔺𝗪𝗔𝗧𝗖𝗛 𝗢𝗡 𝗬𝗢𝗨𝗧𝗨𝗕𝗘 https://youtu.be/xxQ75QbyHHY🧢𝗧𝗛𝗘𝗦𝗘 𝗚𝗨𝗬𝗦! 𝗠𝗘𝗥𝗖𝗛 https://benedictmerch.com/products/these-guys-hoodie-1?variant=41218692775993

Your new handle on social media is at just Johnson. Just Johnson. I'd be okay with that. I love it when it's like a normal moment or like I post just any other type of video. And just in the comments, some person's like, Johnson. He knows the real me. He knows the real me. TG 83.

DG 83. So Clubhouse. Sorry about. about last week. Oh yeah, go ahead, go ahead. No, I put it on Instagram, but yeah, I mean, we, Benny Boy was webby in it in New York, and I was traveling all over the Midwest,

you know, Wisconsin, Chicago, and it just was one of those weeks. We just couldn't, we couldn't make it happen, caping, but we're back, we're back. Almost, though, but I was in a hotel with zero Wi-Fi. I was like, how does that happen? I was like, yeah, K definitely making it up.

No, like we got in the Wi-Fi or we got in the hotel in there. Like, we have no Wi-Fi. It'll be back in the morning. I was like, no way, bro. It'll be back in the morning. Like, it's just like a guy that comes in. Hey, Wi-Fi. Yeah.

No, that's, that's 20-24 version of my dog ate my homework, bro. It's okay. Bro, I guarantee you that hotel still doesn't have Wi-Fi. It did sound like I was making it up. I was like, this sounds like total bullshit. My hotel doesn't have Wi-Fi right now, so. Doesn't want to record. Sorry, sorry I didn't reply for three days.

I didn't have any service. Okay. Didn't want to hang out. Okay. Part of me was like, do I go to a Starbucks and just rip these guys real quick? I know. I was about to pitch that, but I was like, I wouldn't want to do that either. Like, you can't be screaming about Donald Driver and a Starbucks without people thinking

you're absolutely insane. Or it might be the most normal thing ever in New York. That's true. Just talking about Vinny Testiverty to your laptop at a Starbucks. They'd probably be like, actually, yeah. You have people pulling up shares and kind of want to see what's going on here. Yeah, go ahead. TG83.

He just. Just wanted to. Dude, every wide receiver episode we have, any episode in the 80s, I just want to say Kevin Dyson or Oz Hakim every single time. Oh. But neither of them are 83. I Google Image both home before this podcast. Yeah, Dyson is 87 and Akeem was 81, I think.

It's crazy. You remember that? You remember the wildest shit? Mickey Glazer was talking to me. And she's like, you do the podcast with Joey. And I was like, yeah. She's like, I didn't know that. When he, like, listed all the Super Bowls, I was like, oh my God, dude.

Dude, yeah. I was like, yeah, that was kind of a legendary moment that you saw. And she was like, it was crazy. Holy shit. Yeah, dude. The It Girl of comedy, the woman of the moment, Nikki Glazer is oppressed by my Super Bowl memory. She loves it, bro. I was like, did you listen?

She was like, no. I was like, all right. Just, hey, just sell the clipie. Why would we do the reels, babe? Why we do the reels? Pushing tickeys, ripping reels. Push and tickeys, ripping reels, posting clippies. That's just what we do, baby.

That's what we do. By the way, pushing tickeys. Yeah, go ahead. Columbus, June 13th, Portland, June 26th, Philly, July 25th. Tickies, tickies. underneath in the description come get them or at Benedictplice.com

Yeah, when this goes live, if you're listening in the morning on Tuesday, afternoon on Tuesday, and you're in the indie area, hey, come on out to the Vogue. Got to be a hot night. Running it back this year. The Pacers and the racers already set off race week on Sunday

and we're just keeping it going. Tuesday night. Andy Unites for St. Jude. hosted by me. Quentin Nelson's going to be there from your indie Annapolis Colt. Colton Herda, James Hinchcliffe.

We're going to have the Pacers game on. So I know that's, you know, NBA really tried to screw me there with the pushing tickeys. But Pacers game will be on available in the venue at the Vogue. So got that Tuesday night. And then actually Thursday, June 6th, I think it is. Yeah, Thursday, June 6th. I am performing at an evening with Jim

Dance at the Dana Open in Toledo, Ohio. So if you're in the Toledo, the Northeast Ohio area, Thursday, June 6th, I'll be performing some stand-up before the Q&A with Jim Nance for the Dana Open, the LPGA Dana Open tournament out there.

So don't know where tickets are for that one, but if you Google, I'm sure it's there. And I'm excited about it. So that's what's coming up for me. What a dream. I know. I'm really excited to just hear Jim Nance's voice in person, you know? Just to see him in person. Jim Nance? Oh, hello. Hello, friends. Dude, I got to, I got to, so just, just finished up with the NFC North Tour, the second leg of Las Falls Tour, really. So shout to everybody in the clubhouse who came out, really appreciate it. Just like Ben says, after his show,

a bunch of them, you know, they always, oh, this guy, actually when I was running up on the stage at Chicago, but Chicago was crazy, man. Have you ever performed to the Zanies in Chicago? No. Dude, you would love it. It's like the comedy club of comedy clubs. I've been in there before, but I've never performed there.

It's like a tiny stage. The club is like everybody's overpouring, right? There's like nowhere. It's just everybody's tight in there. The ceilings are like this high. So it's just like fucking frown. Like, yeah. It was awesome.

But as I was running up to stage there, because that's another thing, is they don't have, like, where you come out from behind a curtain or anything on the stage. You literally have to just, like, run through the aisle and go up to on stage. So as I'm, like, running up to get up there, I got people who are just like, this guy, John's that, this guy. Like, as I'm going up, dude. Oh, my God. It was awesome. I can't even contain my emotions when I hear this guy. I'm just like, this one thing.

Yeah, I was just like, wow, they speak. my language. They're one of me. It's a full language, bro. Just the next word that comes out of their mouth. Tony Saragusa?

Yeah. These guys. Yeah. Yeah, we just do that. So Chicago is awesome. Everybody, thank you for coming out. But then Green Bay, dude, had a fella wearing a gold

Donald driver jersey. In the stands. No way that's real. Unreal. Gold Donald Driver jersey. Then I had, get this, three of the one percenters. Three of the one percenters all showed up together. Had three female 1% these guys fans who showed up in Green Bay together.

Didn't have a boyfriend or husband or anything with him. It was just those three. They called themselves a burp-y girls. Oh, my God. It was awesome. I had to give a shout out to the burpee girls clubhouse, one-percenters. Yeah, they came out to Green Bay.

That's the hottest thing I've ever heard in my life. Yeah, so I had to give a shout out to them real quick and to everybody who came out in the past couple months when I was doing shows and everything and go see Benny Boy because I'm working on getting other shows in the books and Benny has ones coming up, as he mentioned. So, fuck yeah. Columbus, Portland.

and Philly. But in Lovers and Liars every Thursday. Heating up. I think episode six last Thursday was the best episode I've seen like in all F-Boy Islands. Dude, it was so funny to me. But it's so wild. It's so wild too because like people actually after the shows this past week, like they're talking about these guys and you and, you know, Johnson Schmidt and stuff.

And I got, I was just like, yeah, it's just. pretty insane because they were you know of course everybody just like so like how did you how did you and johnson like get to know each other what's what's the what's the story that too bro yeah right and so I'm like yeah I give a little background and shit leave our stuff about you just bowling me in high school all good

but they still kind of not friends like I yeah but I was like uh no It's just insane. Me and my wife now are always just like, wow, Bin's like actually, I mean, I've grown up knowing him my whole life and he really is just like a reality TV star. Like it's just whose childhood friend does that actually happen to, you know? It's pretty, pretty insane when he's stop and think about it. Just Johnson though. Just always Johnson at the end of the day. That's the best part. That's what everybody says to me. That's what everybody always says to me too because I'm like, yeah, he's like a reality TV star now. They're like, they won't. They'll just be like, yeah, but like, He just like doesn't care, you know? He's just like the goofy guy on there. And I love that.

And I'm like, yeah. Yeah, Johnson. Exactly. Just Johnson. Just Johnson. Just drinking a whole beer in one minute on the show. So Johnson. Hey, your new, your new handle on social media is at just Johnson.

Just Johnson. I'd be okay with that. I love it when it's like a normal moment or like I post just any other type of video. and just in the comments some person's like Johnson He knows the real me He knows the real me That's all you're doing

I was like when we were starting to do those videos I was like what the fuck should what should our names be And you're like brother Johnson That's bad for Feca I can't get that dude I want a bumper sticker That's not bad for a fact There's shirts TG Clubhouse shirts

It's not bad for a fact guy and then and then right right right merch dude I would do anything for a right right right hoodie that would be that would be a hat the it's like hey no on the right right right right the right

the right the first right is like bigger and then the second right gets a little bit smaller and then the third right this is a little tiny tailing off with a dot dot dot dot right right right right just doesn't care at all what you're talking about right right right right not a care in the world bro no bad for a fat guy oh my god that way that plays so well on a shirt man are you kidding me not bed for a fat guy oh clubhouse member we send him to it we send him one that for Anytime I do anything.

That's what I think. Not bad for a fat guy. Like, I'll go down the stairs and be like, not bad for a fat guy. Start my car, not bad for a fat guy. Have we told that story on here? I just want to make sure that people have like the context. Tell it again.

Because my mom says it to me all the time and I'm like, I don't think I told you that story, but she had to hear it on here. So Clubhouse, we have this dude who is like, he still is like a mentor to me and Ben. he's this guy in the indie legend yeah literally this guy in the indie sports media scene of course

and like you talk about like you know how like they called Corvidel Stewart's slash because he just like did everything you know this guy is the slash of indie sports media like he's broadcasting volleyball soccer

racing like high school basketball like schools with like 82 kids in them like just knows everything you the smoke He's like the Indy 11 Like the voice of the India 11 Right

Just all the sudden They like asked him in the next day He knew everything about the India 11 soccer team He was like How do you know about soccer all the sudden He's like it's the same type of lexicon You just got to switch a couple words up I was like wow

And he goes yeah not bad for a fat guy I was like Jesus right So essentially Is that what he did to you Because he did something different to make he said that to me like not in those words but like he did he did say lexicon and I was like

wow it sounds like a transformer but cool lexicon so this guy like this dude he's I mean he is like he's just like he's like a bigger guy you know like he's not but he's just he's just like a thick dude you know and so me and Ben were like shadowing one time

in the radio studios and he was like taking us through a whole bunch of shit and then like again as we mentioned he just as like indie sports rain man. Like you name a high school like in Monrovia, Indiana. And he'd be able to tell you who the quarterback was in 1982. And like he dropped one of those on us. And me and Ben were just like, oh, wow, like, damn.

And he just looked at us and just ripped a, not bad for a fat guy. And so. Dude, can I tell you one time I, one time I was like, yo, can I pop in like for your show? He's filling in for like dockage. And I was like, I want to, like, slide in there because I want to work in, like, indie sports radio. So I want to check him out real quick. He's like, yeah, come come at 10 a.m.

And so I stepped in, like, the studio while he was doing a segment. And he just went off on Reggie Wayne for like six minutes. Just boom, boom, didn't miss a beat. No stroke meter, straight smooth, got out on the break, fucking everything, took his headphones off. And I was like, wow, he goes, not bad for a fat guy. I was like, you are so good at this. It's amazing, man.

It's like anybody who's out there who listens to your local sports talk radio stations, I mean, this is the guy you want hosting. And he's the kind of guy, too. Here's a little inside baseball nerd radio talk. But like at the, at the top of the hour, and that's another one, at the top of the hour, right? So when it gets to be like 12 o'clock on the nose, you have to play a legal ID.

And it's like 10 seconds of just like this automatic station identification. Right. Station identification that shows says like, you're listening to 935, 107, 15, 107 or whatever. He's the kind of guy that like, he won't, he'll be like, don't play the ID. You're like, what? I have to. He's like, I gab it. So then he'll like come to break and he'll read off the entire thing of all the different HD2s, all the, you know, W28BBW382X, CX, W29, 1070, FM, 395. And then like he'll just hit it so quick and they just

hit his arm is my mouth. Wow. Yeah, that's perfect guy. So there's the shirt right there. Not bad for a fat guy. Dude, I don't even think he reads off all those letters. I think it's just off the dome.

No, that's what I'm saying. He doesn't. He doesn't read off. Like, that's why he tells you. That's why he's like, don't play it. And you're like, what? I have to. And he's like, he wants to like flex.

that he doesn't have to have the automated ID. He can just rip it off the top of his head. It's pretty much the server at the restaurant that doesn't have to write anything down when you order. It's him in sports world. Definitely. There is this character too. It's not just him, but like it's a few other guys we talked about.

But like these guys who are like sports broadcasters, man. It's so funny because if you follow them online and especially like if you're friends with them on Facebook. Like, they post something and everything is still kind of like worded and phrased as like a sports update, you know? Like even when they post about their kids or like their wife or like a wedding they're at or even just like when they're just having a beer, you know?

Yeah. It'll just like off the clock and it'll be like a picture of the beer. Like, dude, okay. No headset tonight. That's good. Three. three shots lined up in front of them. No. Yeah. It's like, can you just

can you just have a normal day? Oh my God. Mother's Day, definitely referring to like the wife as the quarterback of the family. The mother's day to the quarterback of this crew. She runs a tight ship. She runs a tight ship, certainly leading us into battle. And what can I say? I outkick my coverage. Not bad for a fat guy. God, dude.

Everything. Daddy's at... What was it? Daddy's at home. There's another guy. Me and Ben always used to make fun of still do. Every picture is him with a microphone next to it. It'd make the most important day of his kids' lives.

Every picture, Daddy's on air. Happy birthday, Daddy's on air. Like, bro. He would post, you would post like a picture of his kid's birthday party. And he wanted to be there. And the next picture, it'd be like a two for on Twitter. The next picture is him with the mic. He'd be like, happy birthday to my sweet jacks.

Daddy couldn't make it. Had to host 12 to 4 for Bumani Jones. Like, bro. Like, we get it. You're on the radio. Just like. And then he says, he says the whole legal ID in the tweet. 2x4.

XX-1, 93-5, W-W. Oh, man. I hope. I just, you know what? Clubhouse, even if you don't get it, you do. Yeah, that's just fun.

That's a relief. If you don't get it, you do. Not bad for it, okay. All right, so it's up, bro. After all that. Now I'm just going to keep making fun of these people. That's so good. Been out to track a lot.

Been out of the track. You missed the track at all? Big track. Yeah, I do. I miss the fact that the Pacers just won. So Indiana sports guy. The Pacers just won and it's May. Like, that's pretty cool.

The fact that they beat the Knicks, dude. Yeah, dear. Double birds. I tweet about it after the game, after being like at the track all day, watching on my phone and also watching poll day. And they were getting, you know,

you're getting updates on the scoreboard from Dave Calabro. So, hey, look at this, huh? Oh, the Pacers. And I must have. It's game seven. Let them hear you, folks. Like, so we had that going on. But, yeah, I tweeted something like that.

Because I hadn't tweeted the whole series, you know, I was just letting it play out. And then finally after that, I literally, and I triple birded it. I saw that. So, yeah. Thank God. I hadn't talked all series.

So, you know, I felt like I was justified. But, no, it's cool. It's a lot of fun out there right now. Like this weekend, dude, this upcoming weekend. Have you seen the schedule for this upcoming weekend? Nah, rip it. What is it? Friday, carb day on Friday.

Saturday, Pacers at home, game three. Sunday, Indy 500. Monday, Pacers at home game four. Oh my God. Four days straight. Yeah. Four days straight, bro. Your face for four days.

Johnson and Schmidtie just wearing old school Pacers jersey, just drunk. Yeah, the Dremaine O'Neill one that goes like this with the old retro stripe. I'm about to, this weekend, I'm about to be like, you remember after the Cavaliers

won the NBA finals and J.R. Smith literally wore those game worn cavalier shorts and no shirt for like... That's so sick, bro. For like five. Day straight. You remember that? That was the coolest thing. I'm like, wow, he's really just still wearing that. That's so sick. That's about to be me from Friday to Monday. Just a Reggie Miller Flojo jersey. Just the shorts. Just the shorts. They're like too small, too. No shirt in a Starbucks coffee all week. I saw I ran into my pal Jack Harvey at, uh, the track in the garages and uh jack he he he's a current indy car driver and uh he's from

england you know so he's a he's an english bloke and uh yeah i was wearing i had the reggie miller flojo jersey and a bucket hat on and he came up to me he's like you you look like you're so american you you look like you're playing an american i was like well i am an american Jack. It's not if you were wearing this, yeah you'd maybe be cosplaying that, but that's true. That's true. Okay,

Alfred. Like, can I just can I support my team? That's crazy, dude. I don't know if I'd be able to take that. Like if a guy from England told me that, I'd be like, wow, I got to go change. I did. You're right. It was a weird, like, it was like, oh, God,

I kind of feel like a piece of shit. Yeah. Like he didn't mean that. The English folks and the foreign folks, you know, they like kind of have such a, you know, when they're like, draw your, you know, what do you think of a typical American? What do you think of? They're like guns, um, fried food and the American flag draped everywhere. And Pacers basketball. You know.

So I was kind of like, ah, shit. But, yeah, it was game seven. Take a look at that, Pacers fans. Come a round of applause. The lab, bro. Nobody knows what we're talking about, and I love it. I had to get this out there, okay? And because this is probably good insight for you as well,

because you don't know what's going on. But it was the first day of Indy500 practiced, and I took Frank out there. And so Kyle Larson, he is full-time NASCAR, but he's running the Indy 500 this year. He's going to try to do the Indy 500 in the morning and the Coca-Cola 600 at night. Same day.

It's the double. He's trying to do it all in one day. Wait, wait. He's going to be driving in it? Yep. Really? Yep. Doing the 500 in the morning

and then getting on a helicopter and plane and going to Charlotte for the evening. Bro, that's legendary. Has anyone done that? Yeah, there's been a handful. But the last person to do it was 10 years ago. but Kyle Larson is like he's like the best

yeah the best driver in the world I mean he does everything he's leading the NASCAR and points right now in the Cup series so this is like a really big it's like a really big deal right like the biggest story like in I mean he's and he's the guy so we're sitting there and he's getting

into his car and it's like five minutes into the practice session and he's getting into his car and they got the camera on him and everything so he's on the big screen and of course. Collabor bro comes in and he just hits a, Hey, who's that guy?

You know him? Oh, he seems pretty popular. Yeah. Kyle Larson for those. I was like, dude, come on, Dave. Like, you just knew he couldn't wait to be like, hey, who's that guy? Who are we talking about here? Love you, Dave.

But it's just funny. Anyways, yeah. What's I about to say? You're about to say, we're both going to buy PS5s and play the new NCAA football game that comes out. That's what you're going to say.

Yeah, it's big time. It's so weird because it's like, wow, if it's really, like seriously, I won't believe it until I see it on the shelf. I'm going to have to see it like on the, like I'm going to have to see like, gameplay of it to believe it. Like is it really real?

Doesn't seem real. Is it gonna be one of those weird things too? Like I always hated the kind of socks they made the players wear. I don't trust it, yeah. Like it wasn't because they weren't, they wouldn't be no-shows and they want to be like cool mids or like really high socks. They'd be like those weird like ankle, thick ankle socks. They're like, that guy sucks.

Like I don't want Travis Hunter wearing those socks. Um, yeah I think it's gonna be fine I'm like like it's all over my TikTok and everything right now It's like they're gonna let them wear like Their jerseys up here and like backplates And like you know like all the cool features and stuff

But I'm like I don't know their pads still look kind of big Like I'm like I don't trust like You say it's gonna be all cool But like I just feel like it's just gonna be just like madden Right Yeah I mean, it'll be great to have back.

It'll be cool to have updated, like, oh, you know, these schools are really good. And the fact that they can actually, like, talk about them and not have to be like, and number 10, airs it out down the sideline wide receiver 83. Oh, you're playing Brady Quinn and Jeff Samarja back in the day. You know, the fact that they can just, like, call them by their names, I think it'll be cool. Yeah, insane. But I still don't trust it. I feel like it's just going to be just Madden,

like a re-skin of Madden. The different broadcasters, I'm really excited about that. Like, I don't know how that's, that's going to work, but, like, the fact that,

like, different broadcast crews will be on different games. Yeah, if it's like a big game, Herb Streets on it. Right. Whoa.

Like, if he's not calling your game, you're like, all right, never mind. Get some nuts shit. Because that was always weird back in a day when you'd randomly,

you know, if you were just, like, fucking around or doing a creative player and you'd be like, with Northern Illinois playing bowling green. You know, it's like, what is Fowler and Herb Street doing here? I know, but it was so nice.

Like, maybe this is just their warm-up game. Herr wasn't even Fowler. It was Nestler. It was Brad Nessler and Kirkherstreet and Lenny Corso. The Mount Everest for me. My Mount Everest. You mean Mount Rushmore? Jesus.

That was stupid. Guy who doesn't know anything. Guy. Guy who paid attention twice in his life. Literally you, dude. Yeah. Who's paying attention, bro? Come on.

Overrated. Mount Everest. Dude, you... You know what it was this morning? I woke up and I went outside to... Well, we were... We had an early morning...

Oh, we had an early morning tour of... Where we're, like, looking for Frank for, like, preschool daycare stuff. Oh. So that's... that's really wild St. Simon But it was early

We were going for this tour And I stepped outside And it just smelt and felt like The last day of school Oh It's common You remember that? When is the last day of school?

It's probably like right now Yeah, it's close It's definitely not It is like right now Because June's too late I think Some schools Like I know in the East Coast

and different, you know, people have different formats. Some do June still. But for us, it was always like, May 25th, bro. Peace. It was, it was crazy. Like, I couldn't even keep track of the month of May in school because I was like, we're just, we're done. Oh, May 1st, it was over.

And then once you got through May crowning as a Catholic school kid, see ya. I couldn't, dude, why was it such a big change to go from like one grade to the next? It was so dramatic. I was like, we're done with fifth grade. Always had that kind of weird anxiety hanging over you.

Like, man, summer, but sixth grade's gonna be tough. Sixth grade. It sounds like the craziest. Like, I couldn't even picture it in my head.

Sixth grade. We're gonna have to like change, like we're changing periods, like classrooms and shit. Yeah. Do you see the sixth graders last year? Like, they looked at like,

that was intimidated. They were a lot bigger. Yeah. That last dude, I'm getting out of school. Oh my God. Do you remember though when you would walk outside and it would already be like hot, you know, but it still kind of had that like you're in the shade of your house getting into the car. So it's still cool, but you're like, I know that it's warm and it's about to be hot as shit.

It was real bright in the morning. Like on your way. So bright. On your way to school the last week. Yeah. You're like, what do we even do it? So bright. outside, man.

So, and you're like, I don't even know, like, I don't know, you're like, you don't even know, like,

did I even bring my lunch? Like, you, I feel like it's just a mess. The whole last week. Yeah, you're kind of just banking on like, I think there's like a pizza party or something.

Yeah, I don't really know the schedule today. Like, I don't, we don't even have desks in our classroom. Oh, that was the fucking best. Dude,

the last day of school. You clean out. Yeah, you clean. I'm like, why am I cleaning? I don't know, but I love it. Like the second to the last day of school,

you don't even have a desk. And on the last day of school, you're just like sitting on a bean bag chair in the corner of the room with your friend. You're like, we don't have desks. So. Chilling. Walking around the school the whole day.

The fucking bastard. Hey, we're going to go. We're going to bring this to the music room. Nothing mattered, bro. Stacking all your books in the back of the class. Yeah. Oh, did you ever have where you like didn't, he like lost a book? Um, I don't think so.

You have that kid, you have that kid in like the locker or like the, or either like his locker or his desk was just like so fucking messy. So like you'd all be like having fun and having a good time. But like him and the teacher would have to like be out there. just like just to clean out of shame because they'd be having a private conversation three lunch boxes six brown paper bags five coats from the winter that he never took home just like the left in there oh my god dude this girl we had science fair in fourth grade this girl did a project with like like actual eggs and she left him in the back of the class oh no and I And I sat in the back of the class and every day I'd walk into our room and be like,

what the fuck is that? And on the last day of school, we cleaned everything out, just found up like a target bag full of actual rotten eggs. Oh. I was like, dude, this is such fourth grade shit right here. That's why you don't do science fair in fourth grade. It's why you shouldn't do science fair at all. Yeah, that was anxiety.

That's where it started. What a, what, uh, I mean, what, what, what just a, uh, a pure one of the purest form of excitement and happiness is just what we were just talking about

that like walking out knowing it's the last day of school or the second to last day of school that's smell in the air kind of dewy fresh cut grass it's hot you know it's gonna be hot as shit oh brother

I don't even remember even when you're 30 I don't remember even like the first week of summer, like, what even happened in that week? You're like adjusting to staying home. Was kind of a weird come down. I was like, I don't know what to do because I didn't like, I didn't hang out with any of my friends in the summer. Like, like, maybe in high school I did in the summer, but like, dude, in grade school, I was just like at home. Like, I didn't have anybody's

number. Like, maybe I saw, like, I didn't see people for a whole summer. Then we got back to school. and I was like, oh yeah, that's what he looks like. I don't know. Man, you're right, that was a weird come down, though, because you'd be so excited. Yeah, school's out. No more school. Throw our shit up in the air.

No, whatever. Holy cow, this is going to be so great. Wow, it's warm. I don't know. Are we going to the pool party? Is there a pool party? I don't know. You get in the car and then it's just like, oh, I'm just going home now.

Then it got kind of sad for a sec. Right. it big swing you know i hate i can't the come down with anything man i was just it's so tough you know it's a big problem of mine and then you kind of get you kind of get used to what else what else keep going no i was just about to say like even now man like as excited as i am for this week right one of the best weeks of the year one of my favorite weeks of the year carb day race weekend going out to the track on Saturday, going to the race on Sunday,

like can't wait. But in the back of my head, I'm already still thinking about like, man, once the checkered flag drops on Sunday, like it's over. It's over. No, once the race starts on Sunday,

it's over. It's all like Christmas, dude. It's like... Is the excitement and anticipation worth the come down? Nope. But then, like, why are we even living, you know?

Like, it's going to be real. Hey, after June summer's over Oh true Right Hey June 23rd I'm like Yeah

Might as well just pat Get my school shorts on Fourth of July Once Fourth of July Comes and goes Bye bye Fourth of July is kind of an afterthought For me now

I'm like why are we even doing this bro It's over Fourth of July hints You've downed your sixth dog of the day You're like Man these school ads are about to be popping up tomorrow. Come to Coles. The Today Show. Yeah, I mean,

these shows do it to themselves. Like, the Today's show, it will be. It'll be June 23rd. And they'll be like, all right, and coming up next, we have your back to school tips and tricks. I know it's coming. I know. Summer's almost over, right? And you're like, what? I just got here. But like, the advertisers and the money. The advertisers and the moneymakers have to get ahead of it because everyone would be like, hey, we want to get people out there buying it. And we want to do. Did I remember

I remember being in a like a store and like it was peak summer like yes like you know around the house it's just like summer vibe and then we go to like Meyer and there's a sign that says back to school bash

and I remember literally hiding from the sign I was like can't look at it no no I didn't want it to see me out of sight out of mind and my mom would be like get ready and I'd be like... I did.

And then she'd hit me with like next week, your class comes out. Remember when like you'd have all the people? That was crazy. You'd drive by your school to see who is in your class. Randomly there'd be some chick there. You'd be like, oh wow, you got hot over the summer. Nah, the hot girls were never there for me.

It was always just like the nerdy girl that I just didn't want to see. That I was like, damn, I wish you would have went to Perry. Like I was in a bad mood, dude. You guys ended up both being in the same class. She's real excited about it. You're like, fuck, okay. Jesus Christ, dude. See you in four weeks.

Four weeks. That's it. So harsh. Well, uh, congrats everybody. Summer's about to start out for this weekend and, uh, it's already over. So it's over. It's so over,

dude. Hey, get ready for them. Gear up for the fall. What are we doing, bro? I do. I, like, dude, the people, humans clocks. you know, it's so interesting

because it's so true it's like, oh man, we look so far oh, I can't wait for this warm weather I can't wait for summer to be outside and warm weather a third of the way through it. You're just like, you know, a bonfire sounds kind of nice.

I just want to smell those leaves. Everybody's ready for the next thing. Hey, Christmas's coming. This season, yeah. We're already like, we're already less than half a year until we're putting up the decorations. The seasons and people's clocks are so off, dude.

You know, and they're like, it's the start of summer solstice, or it's the start of fall. You're like, dude, we've been in fall. Shut up. Yeah. So dumb. That always bothering me about, like, even now, I remember always be like, oh, beautiful spring day, like IMS. And they're like, dude, it's 86 degrees out. The sun, there's not a cloud in the sky.

I'm roasting. This is summer. It's not spring. Like, you know what this is, bro. the desks are out of the classroom I'm roasting at IMS that's summer the desks are in the hallway stacked on top of each other

upside down like it's summer how do you know it's summer when the desks are stacked upside down summer stagged the desks against each other didn't you ever just kind of I want to just like fucking just tackle them all the time

but just just fucking watch just A one of those big stacks of chairs that's so stacked up, it's like leaning. It's starting to lean. See ya. The way I just want to kick all those chairs down, man. Just every day thinking about it. Like, ooh, that's so many intentions, but the noise might be worth it.

The noise all those chairs make, like, yo. And if they go down the stairs, like. It just wouldn't stop for like 18 minutes. Oh, yeah. You run in the bathroom while it's still going. In lockers and shit. The nerdy girl who's not looking out from her book. Waterboy.

Suspended. Worth it. And now you have to go to summer school and it's just like detention for two weeks in those classrooms. It would be better than sitting at home, honestly. Was that even a thing? Summer school when we were like in middle school, grade school?

I don't know. My parents always kind of weirdly threatened me with it, but I think it was, I think it was under false pretenses. Like, I don't think that they had grounds to actually do that. How about like... You don't get that math grade up?

Did summer school? I'm like, where do they do that? I don't think Ms. Jaffe's hanging around. I don't think so. Yeah, that was always. Even if it was a thing, it was just detention. Yeah.

I remember one time we had to read a book over the summer or something. Save that for the last three days. The way my parents would be on my ass about that after the first week of summer. Oh, my God. My mom would be like, you need to start doing your work sheets. You'd like buy me a math, like, book with like a bunch of like problems in it. and I'd have to like do one every day to like stay sharp. It would always come to a head too.

It would always be like, you know, all that shit would cave in on you at once. Like you would do something to piss off your parents. And all of a sudden your mom was just like, and you haven't even started your book, have you? And then my dad would just be like, yeah, and you haven't gotten your swings. And then I have you, Joe.

Probably why you're, uh, oh for your last eight at the plate. And then it's just all like caving in. Like, dude, this is summer. I'm a kid. Oh my God. I'm a kid. Still thinking that.

Just sitting around on your ass with Jordan on AIM. God knows what. God, that's all we wanted to do. It was just nothing. How funny is that? Can I please just do nothing? God damn.

Have you started your book? How far are you on your book? No, it's fucking June 18th. doing that. I just want to watch ESPN 44 times until it's 2 p.m. and be on the computer at the same time and go to the mall later. We're going into the backyard and take an aluminum bat and hit bouncy balls like 500 feet. Maybe I'll throw up a basketball and hit the side of the house with it. Like that's summer right there. Side yard. Side yard thrown up an actual basketball in

hitting it with a metal bat and then your wrist hurt so bad summer. No brother yes but like one of my buddies I would be at his house all the time in the summer and he had like one of those neighborhood residential like ponds like across the street from his house

and there were no houses so he lived on the corner and there were no houses across the street from him so just the street grass and then a big fucking neighborhood pond right and so we would we go in his driveway and like when cars were coming by we take golf balls and we just fucking toss them up. Aluminum bat just bomb them into the pond.

Oh my God, that sounds like so much fun. Dude, it was a blast. But like the fear of like, oh shit, if a car is, you know what I mean? Like, you can fuck somebody up with a golf ball off of a metal bat like that? Oh, bad. And they all went into the pond? Not all of them. That's so sick.

God, I would do that right now. Summer. There's something about with guys like throwing objects in a body of water. Oh my God. Too fun. There's nothing like it. I walked out of the U&E cafeteria

every single day and I'd take an apple and I'd throw it in the canal every single day. And then people started to notice and we'd like three of my friends would steal an apple every day and we'd have like a throw off. We'd be like, but I get it. every day into the into the canal.

They wouldn't make it. Sometimes they'd break on the fucking cement or the grass, but we're throwing them. Even better. Explodes. Something about throwing an apple just hit. All right, let's get to

Clubhouse. Let's get to the mailbox here. It's from Walker. Subject, Edron James. Subt of all this, day one listener. Haven't read to the Clubhouse in a minute. to add on your thoughts about NFL team helmet

Lollipop ideas, why not come out with gatorated flavors with the same shit? Who's not buying this? Benny. Anyway, hope you all are well. Don't to see you guys killing in the world of comedy. Hope to see you in Phoenix soon. My question is, who currently has the best uniforms

for each of the big three sports in the U.S.? Baseball basketball football? For me, it's the Pittsburgh Pirates, the Memphis Grizzlies, and the Houston Texans. Dunk me and piss and slide my ass with an early 2000s mesh Sammy Sosa jersey. mesh. He's right about the pirate.

Tough to beat. But then I'm going to go on top of that, and the Steelers. Nice. Who's not buying the black and gold? Seahawks, like royal blue ones, you know?

Those are nice, dude. I don't know if those are like, they're legit uniforms, though. Hey, Packers. Can I go wrong with a classic. I mean, they're just so good. And the fact, this is some inside Jersey nerd shit.

The Packers haven't changed their uniform template to the new Nike fuse. So they still have like mesh. Yeah. Which is crazy that that's an option in the NFL. Like, no thanks.

We're not changing. The Packers still have the uniforms from like 2015. They just have a Nike swoosh on them instead of a Reebok logo. It's insane to me. Yeah. Every team should do that.

I'd say 49ers, probably, the NFL. Just us ending up talking about the same thing every week is so funny, bro. Hey, Chiefs. Like, hey, Lions Home uniforms. Not bad. Not bad. We're doing something there. We're doing something.

NBA. I kind of like what the wolves are working with. like yeah it's like pretty straightforward but like the font of the wolves you know it looks like they're just like clawed it in or something it's kind of retro i think those are the retro joints of course we love them because we're old right right um red right right right right right i don't really care for the grisly's too the panthers in the NFL too just those colors you know they suck but like that blue with the gray with the silver and a little bit of black oh I can't think of NBA teams right now.

Why can't I? Pacers are okay. Not bad. They're a gold one. They've only been wearing the gold one and it's good. Yeah, I wouldn't say, you know, best. Right. Honestly, like, and I hate the Knicks more than anything,

but, I mean, when you give me a classic, like, blue with orange. Yeah, that's pretty sick. Hey, hey, just good for the NBA. Yeah, when the Knicks are good, the NBA is best. somebody says that shit every year shut up dude hey when the Yankees are good

baseball's better what's the other one there's another one the Lakers are good hey when I you hoops are good it just means more in college basketball geez shut up bro

from John subject your comic relationship outside the pod hey guys pods are on fire lately you guys are doing big things keep it up I always try to put people

onto your content thanks John Love you, John. Since you're both comics, I want to know what type of comic relationship you have with each other when you're out in public somewhere. Are you the type of guys that like to see someone in public and then all of a sudden you start comparing them to someone you both would know and then go into a tandem bit about it? I know on East Coast over here, like in New Jersey, New York, Pennsylvania, we live on cracking and roasting people or comparing them jokingly to like others that other person may know. Could be famous or fictional, but it's like roasting someone by calling them by calling them, some dumb thing that they look like.

It's really big in urban communities the type of like comedy. I feel like Joey you'd be great at that because you really are into like the pop media culture and comparisons. Slop my ass like a Phil Collins drum solo singing I can feel it common in the end tonight.

Oh Lord. All right so how we are out in public. I haven't been out with been in public in like 18 months. I can't remember the last time I was with you, not working on something.

We did walk around in Chicago for a little bit. That was fun. That was fun. That was the last time I remember actually doing anything else, but like a podcast with you or a video. We used to like, in the early espresso days, we'd be together a lot and just like,

roaming, either like a coffee shop or your apartment. or the radio station. Uh-huh. And yeah, we were always like, we'd kind of be like working on shit, like spitball and ideas, but it would eventually just like, be,

fall into, yeah, and eventually, like, fall into what we did at the beginning of the show where we would just like, make fun of people we worked with,

or make fun of, yeah, make fun of like. I guess we're always making fun of shit. Like, not in like a, like, bad way,

but we're always just, yeah. I don't know. That's what I've, Everybody does, right? I think. I mean, what else are we doing? You know?

I'm constantly making fun of shit. It's not like vitriolic either, you know? Like, it's just... It's all in good fun. Yeah? It's like Collins are sucked about me. Yeah. Yeah.

So, yeah, I'd say that's like, if you caught me and Ben at a bar sitting in a booth. We'd be dying, laughing at a bar. Like, yeah, that's all we would. be doing is like you know we because we get and kind of yeah like somebody would walk in

and they'd maybe do something and we kind of would find ourselves in a little like Seinfeld Larry David ask you know like some shit about that and then Ben would probably say something about like dude if my dad saw that he'd just leave and then we'd start dying and yeah

so that's essentially it I would say pretty much yeah uh from Ryan Best dream ever. Moulinard and Pileasy. Huge fan of the show. I had the best dream of my life last night and I needed to share.

I was with the two of you in the parking lot of my childhood Catholic church, not a car in sight, just hanging out. And from the distance, a man started approaching us. It was, of course, a young Brett Farr from probably around 2005. No way. He was wearing a packer jersey without shoulder pads and wrangler jeans. I'm taking this as a sign from God that I'm officially a member of the clubhouse now. slap my ass while you say boom

tough actin tonactin like john madden in the 2000s commercial much love Ryan from Pittsburgh I don't I'm not buying that bro I'm not buying that that's too dude there's got to be something weird happening there if it's an actual dream

like you gotta be late for something or like someone's eating a watermelon or like just something crazy he's got to be that's too picture perfect bro no I but you know what it's definitely clubhouse I mean, that's in. You're in. You know?

You're in. Didn't actually happen, which I believe you. I believe you, Ryan. But even if it didn't, you had the thought and the wherewithal to write that out and email it to us. The attempt you're in. That is, yeah, that is very much clubhouse. So I believe you. But yeah, that is a sign.

That is a sign of God, if I ever heard one. A young Brett Farve in your church parking lot. Oh, my God. That is just is God. You saw God in your dreams. A young Brett Farv, too, that's more like 1998, 99. 05, it was starting to be like, are we swan

song in it? Like, is it? Are we coming to the end? Yeah. No more Brett Farv talked to him. My mom listens to this. Yeah, that's your best dream ever. That's definitely Amy's best dream ever. Bro, every mom ever. Brett Farv. Might be hotter now, just saying.

All right. Good shit. Thanks for holding out on us last week, Clubhouse. God, we're back. um ben drop your tickies one more time uh tickies tickies tickies columbus june 13th and then we go to portland and then philly all other dates someone said i hope you come to arizona i am coming to arizona i don't know the exact date but it's coming up i think it's in december oh what it's i arizona all tickies uh benedick plezzie dot com or in the description we'll put all the dates in the description this week so just check it out yeah like I said last minute if you're looking for someone on Tuesday night we're going to have the Pacers game up

we're going to have live music on Tuesday night we're going to have drinks flowing we're going to have quentin Nelson James Hinchcliffe Colton Herder there chopping it up with me having some fun at the Vogue which is an awesome venue and the best part about it is every dime spent on tickets on the silent auction items everything from that night goes to St. Jude's Research Hospital so come have a fun night start your race week off and indie we're not doing anything anyways fake ass week not doing anything so fake don't do the whole like oh oh i got to work on wednesday shut up you're watching the pacers game at a bar anyways and you know carb days on friday fake week finally get out there uh put your money to something good that's uh going to help families and sick kids and we're gonna have fun doing it so uh come on out

tonight Tuesday night broad ripple the vote god i love a fake week you're so right fake is week ever I'm celebrating fake week on the west side Yeah, West Coast Even though I'm not there But lovers and liars Thursday Watch it, get your tickies to the vogue Get your tickies to the show

We're ripping reels, we're cutting clips Love you Clubhouse, thank you