THESE GUYS! - POS MODE: Activated

Episode Date: March 14, 2023

On this episode the boys talked about why guest rooms are the worst🎟 𝗕𝗘𝗡'𝗦 𝗨𝗣𝗖𝗢𝗠𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗦𝗧𝗔𝗡𝗗 𝗨𝗣 𝗦𝗛𝗢𝗪𝗦 Ontario, CA Thurs https://improv.com/ontario/comic/benedict+polizzi/Kansas City, MO https://improvkc.com/ShowDetails/b0822311-7337-417d-b373-e6f378a41b9d/3ef90ddd-e238-427f-bd95-e028af25d0dc/Benedict__Polizzi/Kansas_City_ImprovAlbany, NY Thurs 4/6 https://albany.funnybone.com/ShowDetails/7103c957-393b-4e13-a58a-cb2b21082f5d/fe90f238-dd0b-4177-a490-91bacbb9d65d/Benedict_Polizzi/Albany_Funny_BoneTampa, FL Thurs 4/27 https://improvtampa.com/ShowDetails/d8ced7f0-fb31-41ba-86c6-14ef820cde86/86796be0-6fce-4955-94fc-cf1047b171ae/Benedict_Polizzi/Tampa_ImprovBoston, MA Thurs 5/4 https://wl.seetickets.us/event/Benedict-Polizzi-800pm/532615?afflky=LaughBoston🎟 𝗔 𝗡𝗜𝗚𝗛𝗧 𝗪𝗜𝗧𝗛 𝗝𝗢𝗘𝗬 𝗠𝗨𝗟𝗜𝗡𝗔𝗥𝗢Indianapolis, IN Thurs 5/25 (tix coming soon)🔺𝗪𝗔𝗧𝗖𝗛 𝗢𝗡 𝗬𝗢𝗨𝗧𝗨𝗕𝗘 https://youtu.be/xxQ75QbyHHY🧢𝗧𝗛𝗘𝗦𝗘 𝗚𝗨𝗬𝗦! 𝗠𝗘𝗥𝗖𝗛 https://benedictmerch.com/products/unisex-premium-sweatshirt-1

Of intimans. What kind? Intimans sounds so sexy. God, they're so good. Intimans. Let's see. Sounds intimate. Yes.

You're trying to get intimate like a girl says that? Yeah, yeah, for sure. Please. Let's fucking go to the store right now. We're doing it there? Yeah. You're like, yeah. Oh, yeah.

They're over here. She's like, what are you talking about? TG 25. This guy. These guy. This guy. Check us out on. on YouTube. Ben always bringing the

Fafa F F F F Fier Fits. New shoes. New shoes, bro. Had to wear them. I get two pairs of new shoes and Ben has to get all the crazy ones now. I'm like, yep, okay. We're playing this game. We're playing this game. We're playing it. Remember subscribe on YouTube. Listen on Stitcher because that's the only platform we stream on. Everything else?

Sorry. Spotify, Apple. Yeah, you know the deal. Where are you going to be, Ben? This guy. This Thursday. I'll be in Ontario, California, Southern California at the Ontario Imprope. Shose at 8.

See you there. And then the next weekend, Kansas City on Thursday at the KC Improv. Yeah. Can't wait. Jackson Mahomes, Travis Kelsey will be there. The whole Chiefs team's going. That's good. Andy Reed.

Oh, yeah. Having some burgers on the green room. Every. That's important. Every. Elvis Gerbach will be there. Just all the, all the Chiefs legends. Tyler Palco.

Ever do. Chad Henney. Dante Hall. That would be the dream. Priest Holmes. Priest Holmes, dude. Get on stage, priest. Baptize me.

What a fucking priest home. I mean, not only do you have all the religious aspects with priest that you can plan to, but then what's up, my homes? Dude, do you think priest holt. Do you think, do you think, I just, do you think they weren't them to be a priest? It's a little on the nose. knows, isn't it?

If they're just like, yeah, we'll see. We'll plant this seed. We'll plant this seed early. What do you want your kid to be name on that? Plummer Molinaro. Shortstop. Short stop. Just a little SS.

Ball boy, Politi. You want to keep a low key. Mascot Politsy. Oh. I want to be doing a show. May 25th. Getting ahead of it. But I want to go out of it to know.

This is the first. This is these guys exclusive for the YouTube and the listeners. Exclusive. It's going to be out there. End of this week, later next week. But Thursday, May 25th at the Vogue and Broad Ripple. The Vogue and Broad Ripple a night with me, Joey Wollanaro. Some friends are going to come along.

That's going to be great. It's going to be a lot of fun. We're going to kick off Race Weekend and Indie. We've got DJ C Buck on deck. He's going to be there. they're scratching. I think maybe you'll get a little bin these guys guest action. Not doing, not doing, you know, he'll be, oh, they will be in the house.

We'll get a little flavor of these guys. But then some other people. Yeah, little drips of these guys. And it's going to be a lot of fun. So tickets are going to be on sale at the Vogue and Broad Ripple, legendary spot. And I'm really looking forward to it. May 25th Thursday, 8 p.m. That's sick, dude, the Vogue.

I've always been intimidated by the Vogue. I am too. But that's why it's like, you know, a night with, you know, it's kind of like a variety hour type of deal. That's the best show ever. Yeah. We're going to be, there's going to be some comedy. There's going to be some conversations. There's going to be cocktails, of course.

And we're just going to be having fun. We're going to be having a party. Can't wait, dude. Good deal. Tickets in the description of the podcast. Yes. Dude, how was your trip? Disney is awesome.

Was it a whole new world? Tell us I got I got wiped out My pocket got cleaned out Wait what Oh okay I was like oh shit

Somebody picked his pocket Yeah the mouse did It's check Come on Hey he took all your cheese The hell's a mouse No dude it is great Disney's awesome man

I had a blast Every time that I've gone to Disney I've just had like More fun It's pretty wild You would think that would be the opposite You Disney adult Yeah

No shape No No no no no no I'm a Disney adult It's uh It was a lot of fun man It was cool Frank Frank loved all the characters

Did he go on any rides? Yeah It went on like all of them Drop zone Hellavit Yeah Tower of Terror Yeah

Start him young Fuck it Strep in Frank A That's what's cool about Disney Is that like Most of the rides are just Very very family friendly. So like you're just kind of in one of those carts and you're going around into small

world and like that's considered a ride when really it's kind of more of just like a sitting presentation. Yeah. So there's a bunch of that type of shit. But we did breakfast with winning the poo. Oh, dude. What do you mean? Was it like, like, how was that? Was it like a bunch of people or it was like, yeah. No, it was like, it was so you go in and we had a reservation and we got in there. It was so it was a little little cafe diner inside. Magic Kingdom. And we go in and we sit down and they come and they bring coffee and orange juice. It's a breakfast buffet.

How much coffee did you drink? So much coffee. And their breakfast was, you know, usually these kind of things you're thinking like, this is going to be shitty, like plastic eggs. Like just net breakfast was incredible. Continental breakfast type beat. Yeah. No, it was, it was, it was.

It really was like worth the hype and the bill. It was very, it was a very good breakfast on top of. the fact that like we're sitting there. So I did two rounds, right? Yes. You'd be proud of me, I think. So obviously buffet the head, all sorts of shit. And I was like, you know what?

It's going to be a long day. It's going to be hot. I need to get some like substance in me. Because they had like, dude, they had like breakfast cinnamon roll like casserole. So like you know how they have breakfast casserole? It was all of the sweets in a casserole. Pancakes, waffles, like French tell. Like all that stuff in a cassero.

And I was like, you know what? I want to pile up on that, but what I'm going to do, I need some substance, right? So I got a plate of fruit. I got scrambled eggs. This guy knows how to do it. Fruit, scrambled eggs, a little thing of yogurt, you know. You dribble some blueberries in there. You were thinking ahead.

I was. Yeah. Future self. Exactly. I was like, I can't be, hey, you know what? I can't be walked around 85 degrees Disney feeling that heavy. No. Eat light.

So I ate, I had a round of that, right? I was feeling good. Down in coffees, down in orange juice. And while you're sitting there, the characters come around your table. So, like, we're sitting there. And all of a sudden, like, Winnie the Pooh and Piglet and Eeyore and Tigger come up. And you get to take pictures with them and everything. And so then Frank was loving it.

We were a little worried. I was like, I don't know. Like, that's kind of scary. It is scary. Were that tall? They're like my height, a little bit taller. Yeah, tall characters scare the shit out of me. Right?

And so, but he freaking loved it, dude. They come up and I'd be. holding them and at first you could see his little brain he was kind of like processing processing but then he you know reaching out and everything like trying to put his their nose in his mouth and shit it was great he was freaking out uh which is so cool but then after the real talk here after i got done with the light breakfast i was like i got to treat myself a lot you and in so i went i got a little bit of that casserole the sweets casserole pretty good i'm glad i didn't go there the first round but then i got some Mickey shaped pancakes that had like icing on them and then syrup.

Throw them at me. It was great. Throw them at the wall. It was awesome. Yeah. So we started there and oh, you'd be even more proud of me. So for lunch. No, keep going on.

So for lunch, again, I mean, you know obviously Florida, Sunshine State, sunny, hot, right? But I can tell you're down in there and you forget about the humidity and how just different the Florida sun is compared to the indie sun. Dude, this smell too. And you're just, I mean, my God, dude, it's like, you're just roasting out there, man. And you can feel it everywhere you're walking around. And so we get a reservation for this spot, this place called Tony's. It was an Italian place in the Magic Kingdom. And, like, it was a really good, good spot.

But I look at the menu and all they have is just straight, you know, of course, pasta, spaghetti and meatballs. A lot of chicken parmesan. I think they had some pizza. I was like, man, like. It's all like a basic shit? Yeah, I was like, should I just go like spaghetti with no meatballs? O-G. Lina, like that line out?

Like, I don't know. Then mean we both decided chicken Caesar salad. Oh my God. Yeah. What a wild card. You guys went there. Yeah. Chickens.

Now, we did get a little bread appetizer. Yeah, you got to get a little bit with the dressing. Dude, they had this awesome like parmesan, melted parmesan fondue dip that you had with your garlic bread. Got to hit it. Oh, yeah. So we had a little bit of that to, you know, to, you know, to. fill up a little bit, but still we stayed light. I was like, I'm not having 18 meatballs.

Don't be burpy boy. Then going on fucking jungle safari. It's always a little thing in the back of your head when it's like roller coaster day. Like I could throw all this shit up. Right. Like I'm on Dumbo and I got 18 meatballs in my throat and you're going up and down. It's like, you're walking so much, man.

Right. You got to stay athletic, dude. You never know when somebody's going to throw out like a foot ladder in the middle of it. I tried to get on TikTok. Right. but yeah so we stayed light in the heat man we did we didn't you know we didn't go crazy with the food until later at night and even then we didn't really but i'm learning that i've been doing cheat meals like all week i'll be super clean then sunday it's a cheat meal and i messed up my

cheat meal the first time dude i like was eating like crap all day yeah and the whole day was just dude i was out of it what'd you have uh so yesterday or sunday i did it right went stuff crust pizza half mushroom pizza hut pizza hut it was one of those dude it was one i was like i'm not messing this up selection sunday pizza hut i'm not dude it was literally the best shit i've ever had in my life that's awesome i turned into a different person when i was eating that i was like mm-hmm and uh insomnia cookies for dessert it was like that it was like that were you like slapping the pizza on your face and shit yeah rubbing the sauce on your bare chest.

Oh my God. We got cheese cups, dude. Let's go. I'm happy for you. That's great. I think I ate like the most shit. I ate the most shitty I've ever eaten yesterday. So we're on the same page.

Dude, and don't you? And I'm supposed to not eat like that today. You know, it's just supposed to be one day a week thing. I can't shake it. Like all morning I'm like pizza. That's all I want.

Yeah. It gets in the bloodstream. I've had a nectarine today. That's it. Especially for us. Tadians. Dude, yesterday I had try to even,

you can't even just throw some stuff out that you think that I had yesterday. I was at my parents. Like why? Why was it? After vacation,

you think you'd be like, yeah, I gotta be clean. You just balled out? Yeah. You're just like, you're a fuck it mode? I mean,

I was at my parents. I was gonna turn it on. My parents. I bet you had, uh, for some reason you had a muffin. Close, but not.

A bagel? No. but like in that realm you had a donut bro I went to fucking longs yesterday too I didn't tell you that I'm happy

I'm proud of you I not only did I have a donut I had about eight of the mini innamens donuts you know they're not the full

chocolate they're not the full size chocolate ones they're the little mini ones like donut holes no they're not donut holes

they're actual they're shaped just like donuts there's many ones of intimans what kind intimins sounds so sexy

God, they're so good. Intimins. Sounds intimate. Yes. You're trying to get intimate? Like a girl says that? Yeah, for sure. Please.

Let's fucking go to the store right now. We're doing it there? Yeah. You're like, yeah. Oh, yeah. They're over here. She's like, what are you talking about? Come back with it.

That's right, right there. Intimins, dude. Oh, the chocolate one looks so gas. Dude, I had about eight of them. Oh. I had about eight of them. And then I had, well, first off my appetizer. Where you dip?

were you dip dog? I don't dip dog with those, man. Why not? You gotta be dip in my mouth, man. Only dip they're taking is straight into my belly. Dip dogs. I, uh, my appetizer was cheese its.

So I had some cheesets. And then I started getting into the donuts and I had about eight of those many ones. You just couldn't stop. And then I needed some like actual lunch to watch the Purdue game. And so I ordered Chinese food. Wow. So I had general sauce chicken and rice. shit mode activated.

He flipped a switch, everybody. Piece of shit mode activated. And then after that, I had some regular M&Ms, Valentine's edition. That's crazy. Hey, regular M&Ms, who's buying this? I know. But you're like your house at your family has like every assortment. Uh-huh.

And then I finished it off with cinnamon pop tarts in the toaster. Oh, you toasted them? Fuck yeah. That's crazy. You really stuck the landing. Because usually when it's like that late in the dam, I figure it's like 7 p.m. It's just like fuck it. I'll eat these raw.

No, I got to have that heat, that little melty cinnamon in there with a glass of chocolate milk of course. That's such a wild day. Yeah, I know. All of a sudden. For an appetizer? All of a sudden. That's some I'm at my parents' house type shit.

Oh, yeah. All of a sudden, my stomach just absolutely started feeling like shit. And my brother-in-law was like, yeah, probably because he had Chinese food, 18,000 donuts and M&Ms. Sometimes he's got to do it. Yeah, you're right. So that's what we did. You go in on any wine? No, bro.

No, not even at Disney. Wow. Not even in Italy at Epcot. Did you drink anything? Yeah. APA. Yeah, we were drinking around the world, you know, doing that. but no no wine man I did not proud proud mom I still haven't it's weird now but you know what's weird is that's

it's gotten to the point where I haven't had it for so long now that I was like oh yeah I haven't had wine remember when I drink wine like that you know so it's like right so it's like is it coming back around here but I know as soon as Easter Sunday's here I'm going to be like what that's what's what I'm asking the Easter bunny for in my in my basket just a black box of Cabernet. We should have our own wine one day, dude. Wow. New goal.

Yeah, I just kind of lost my mind right now. That's awesome. Yes. These guys wine. Wine o'clock. He's not buying that. You know? So who's the cold's taken?

Let's get to it. Let's get to the point here. SoCal. St. Paddy's in SoCal. Let's stop being around the bush. who the Colts taking at three? This guy, they're at four.

Are they? Yeah. Yeah, right, dude. Don't want to talk about that. How do you feel? I gotta do, dude. Are you, are you, what's your thoughts on matching?

It was just when I was matching and then I got these shoes got shipped to my apartment. And I was like, I'm just going to wear them. Okay. Okay, so you're of the opinion that like your outfit can match and your shoes can be whatever. the fuck. Yeah. Like I had black pants on and I was like, no, I'm not going to do that. I need a little spice. So I put these on. Then I had some regular like neutral shoes. And then I just got a text.

It was like, your shoes are here. And I was like, I'm wearing these no matter what. I get that. Yeah. That's cool. That's cool. Well, just because like I'm like it's hard for me to not have matching things. Even if it's shoes. It really bothers me. You can't go loud shoes with neutral outfit. I could talk myself into that. If I go, you know, black pants, black shirt, and then like a little spice with the shoes, I'm like, all right.

But still, I'm like, I don't feel great about it, but for an occasion or something, fine. Yeah. Whoa. Oh, into the mic with that one. But it is a thing to where it's like kind of the loudest clashing that you can do now. it's kind of a cool thing.

Mm-hmm. Some real loud shoes. Yeah, I see it a lot. Now you're doing it today, and so I just didn't know if that's kind of... It's kind of like a whatever day. The path that we're on. Kind of like a podcast. Like, come on.

Just got the shoes. We're shoes, guys. Trying to be. I've fallen off. I was on a heater there for a second. Yeah, you can't get too wild because then you end up with shoes that you're not wearing. Yeah. Got a pair of shoes in my closet.

Got them for Christmas. Warm ones. Oh, the green ones? It feels so bad. The Eagles ones? Yeah. You know, you feel bad. It started to feel bad for like...

Isn't it weird when you feel bad for inanimate objects? Yeah, I'm like, damn. For intimate objects? Sorry, whoops. For an intimate object. Bro, I started doing that with like rooms in my house. Like, should I go chill in there for a little bit? Yeah.

Get my money's worth? Yeah, you walk. You walk by the room. It's like, hey. You're like, oh, shit. My bad. I haven't been in there since October. Bro, yeah, sometimes I think about like those heat maps, you know.

Some people get heat maps of their house to show like where they spend the most time and where they can add things or what they can cut out or whatever. Really? Who cares that much about their house? Some, you know, people want to be like the most efficient or whatever. Like the people who try to declutter the minimalists. Jesus Christ. Get a life. And I'm like, wow, yeah, it literally would be like two bright red hotspots and then one like kind of kind of in the middle spot, the kitchen,

and then everything else would be ice cold. Nothing. Never been in there. How? What's the up to you? You're giving a tour of your house. Can we go upstairs? I don't know.

Yeah, go ahead. I've never been up there. You tell me, man. Literally once. Yeah. I had to find something. Sometimes I seriously think I'm like, I'll like take a meeting

from a different place in my house because I'm like, I guess I should use this. It's like the worst meeting ever. You're like, I'm never coming back in this room. that weird guest room you got not you but like everybody has guest rooms dude even when you walk in you're like oh it's kind of cold in here right this is haunted the the the place where you want your guests to feel the most welcome the most unwelcome place ever no personality ever no one wants to stay in there there's like a weird there's a bunch of weird shit in the corner you don't know

there's a box of pictures and shit in there always so cold like you said there's a printer that's unplug that doesn't work no there's a fact machine. Yeah. Why do we have it? Oh, it was my mom's. I thought we could use it. All right.

Put it in the guest room. Like one bullshit picture that you're like, I guess you kind of tried. It's all dusty. Picked it up from an antique flea market. The lighting in there is like you're underneath a goddamn surgery table. Guest rooms are disgusting. Computer that's not plugged in. Nothing's plugged in.

Yeah, you hit the light switch. Nothing. you know it's the only TV the only TV in the house that has a back to it yeah it's be good for our guests that we're hosting

fat back TV yeah we want to make a good impression go up there watch TV on the old obese Sony obese hey you might have to smack it a few times on the side to get the signal

no that's the room where when you turn off the light the TV turns off too and you're like God honey you forgot to put tape underneath the light switch Dude, when you see tape underneath the lights, which I'm like, hey, only one outlet and it's in the most inconvenient spot. Can't charge on your, can't charge your phone and have your phone in bed.

For 20 minutes, you're like, should I ask if they have an extension cord? No, nobody has a fucking extension cord. You text your buddy. Hey, you got an extension cord? He's like, what the fuck are you talking about? I don't know, I go search our junk drawers. Why? Well, you know, there's only one outlet and it's in the corner that's,

15 feet away from the bed. I didn't bring my 15 foot charger with us, sorry. And you finally get to the outlet and you plug it in. It's one of those outlets. It's like flaccid just drops right back out. Is that the worst thing? Like, tighten up your outlets around here.

What are we doing? Who's got the biggest plug in the world that's just... The guest bed too. It's always like the cover and the blankets and the pillows are always from like 1986. Who's what? Why is my... Yeah, the blanket your grandma crocheted is like on the end of the bed. There's like a weird...

I wouldn't sleep there. There's like a weird doll. Like a, you know, right in the middle of the bed. Or sitting on a chair in the corner. Like that thing would stop fucking staring at me. It's one of its eyes. Her name's Cynthia. Yeah.

My grandma gave it to us before she passed away. You're like, uh, your grandma is that doll. She's in. We're getting. That's your grandma. getting a visit from Granny tonight. Your grandma's going to watch us sleep in your guest room. Hey, a closet that is forever locked.

What the fuck is in here? Honey, stop it. Yeah, come on. We got space. Come. Come stay. We got a bed and everything. Like, 11 people say that about guest bedrooms.

Yeah, you got a bed for you? Like, yeah, I would hope that you have a fucking bed for me. If you're having me stay in your guest bedroom. that's actually worse when they say you have a bed it's like i'll just stay on the couch you're expecting me psycho i'll sleep on the ground oh make me sleep on the ground yeah weird so so like god you're like why why why why do we decide this was a good idea why why are you ever staying at someone else's house is like the number one thing oh i just get a hotel

I was thinking about You're an Airbnb guy? Yeah, I am. I am when I leave for the show. Yeah. But not anymore, I don't think. What do you mean? Like, I think I'm just going hotels now.

Really? Yeah. I think it's just more, it's just better. Yeah, I used to think that like Airbnbs were less expensive, but now I think it's the other way. Yeah. Everything's going back to what we like, dude. Hotels. Cables.

Come on. Cable. Let's go. Just let me watch the Pacers on Fox SportsNet. That's all. I don't want Bali, fitness. What is this? Yeah, after all the fees and taxes and cleaning fee, oh, that shit.

You can only use one room and then they're staying there. You're like, yeah, this is weird. I should just get a hotel. The whole place is tapped. That's always the first place I go to, though. Should we get Airbnb? There's some Airbnb around. Sounds right.

Yeah. I think probably because it's easier like location-wise, right? Like hotels, it's always like right off the interstate and some weird highway. Yeah, there's definitely been some seven bodies dropped. Hotels are depressing too. You know? Like at least an Airbnb if you go to like a city, you know, or you can find somewhere right down the street. You're like, all right, at least I'm in it, you know?

Yeah. Hotels, she and far between. That tells it. But I mean, you got the parking. It's not a huge town. I know the parking. Parking is such a big deal to me, dude. It's all, everything's about parking.

You're turning into your dad. Hey, what about parking? Where's it? Where do we park? That's like half the reason I don't do anything. I'm like parking. That was such a big thing for us. Like when we were throwing those espresso parties and everything.

Parking. We would, we would try to do anything we could to find a good spot that we were because we'd just be like, people won't come if there's not parking. We did. We did. Yeah. But yeah, if you could be like, yeah, there's just this huge lot there.

It's free. can park there. You're like, we're going to have a good turnout. Just the flyer espresso party, free parking. Who's not going? Oh, there's free parking. Oh, let's go. It takes care of a lot of worries. You're right. Yeah. And then if you got a theme on there too, people don't have to pick out what they wear to the party. You are big on that. Yeah, for sure. I love that. It eliminates all like, oh, it's a, it's a jersey party? Okay. Let's throw on this LeBron James St. Mary's Jersey. Of course. See you never. free parking and

and you pick my outfit out just kiss me already so what are you saying for the karaoke party that we're gonna throw are we doing that is that what's is the theme just karaoke

or is there a dress theme too yeah we need to talk about that uh I don't know this is tough yeah it's a tough one to put on the spot what about uh are we doing indiana land 500 again

probably should yeah that show of mine is like you know we'll be double up but who's not doubling up these days you know i know adult oh this could get interesting adult party theme okay you spelled that like you're working on your home bro yeah right dude i saw a good party thing you need a good relationship with mavis beacon bro everybody remember mavis beacon i don't what is it that was a typing shit in school she was a lady that like

was just, yeah, he was called Mavis Beacon. Was she like on screen telling you what the type? Not what the type, but like there's this room. I don't know. It might only been St. Barnabas, but all our Barnabas homies out there. I know you have you got a room. You enter in a room. All six of them.

Yeah. In a room. Somebody had to have had Mavis Beacon out there besides us. I'd never been to a Toga party, man. It's always weirded me out. I've always been like, oh, it's a Togo party? Not going. Yeah.

Save you. Who's a Toga party? Dude, the first week in college. There was a Toga party. It's like, be more. like American pie too. Yes, dude. You guys are so lame. Like, this is an animal house, bro. Toga party. Shut up. Yeah, I've never been Toga party guy. Wait, go back up a little bit. Slow down a little bit. Slow down a little bit. Just go up from the top. Why is great Gadsby party too? I don't even know what that is.

Yeah, you would, you wouldn't know what that is. Garden part taco. Hold on. What's a garden party? That sounds like a weird sex thing. these might be sex things. These aren't very normal. Rainbow party? I mean. Winter Wonderland. That's number six?

Toga seven. Zombie apocalypse would be cool. That'd be the only party I'd go to. Anything with like blood and gore. Just so Ben could bring the leg. Yeah, that's all. Red carpet, Hollywood. Isn't that the same as like Gatsby kind of?

Here we go. Karaoke Party number 10. Let's see what their theme is for that. If you love to sing or a celebration, bring someone who does head to a karaoke bar to sing your heart out for the night or host a fun party at home with plenty of drinks and snacks on that this also works for a great bachelor. Okay. Now I don't want to do that.

Dessert party? We're talking. Craft party. No, don't want to have to do things. Don't want to have to. No games. No paying attention to rules at parties.

That's why we're having the party. So you can stop paying attention. God damn. We're going to have game nights. It's my worst nightmare. Game night. Board game party. I'm like,

no. Craft night, bro. Okay, so you're going to take this and you're going to slice it into these two parts and then you're going to tie it together.

Slap everybody in there. Already out. Already out. And then people get mad at me. People have the audacity to get mad at me and be like, you just don't pay attention. I'm like,

yeah, you're right. No, I don't at all. If it's not something you don't want to do, then you just don't want to do it. Yeah, that's how life is. And I'm leaving.

Let me know when you're done with your fucking game. That's all I want to say. Or you have somebody, like, you're so out. You have somebody play, you have your girlfriend play the game for you. You're like, play for me too. So she has like two turns. Yep. You know, he just, she kind of rolls her eyes a little bit.

Everybody's like, all right, just let it be, let it be. I've been that guy so many times. I'm just like talking to people that are playing the game, but I'm not playing the game. It's your turn. No, I'm not playing. I don't even, I stopped six rounds ago. Oh, I like a good, ugly sweater party.

How easy is that? Yeah, that's great. Because you just show up in it. That's it. That's the party. Boom. Fiesta party. Now we're reaching, guys.

I don't mind a little, I don't mind a throwback party. Like sometimes at like an 80s party. I'm like, you know. We did like race theme. That was dope. That was fun. I can't believe that. It was like a pretty good turn.

Like, you know, you're always, you're always going to have a theme party. You're always going to have the people who just like show up and khakis in a polo shirt. You're like, a guy. Okay. But we had a pretty good turnout, I'd say for the people who, you know, decided to jump in on the action. Yeah. And everybody kind of has like some race day stuff at their house. Even if you don't watch any racing.

I might have like an N. 500 hat laying around for some reason. And even if. If you didn't, just a good, good way to go to, you know, Nap Town Thrift or, you know, someplace like that and get some awesome shit. Almost changed my entire wardrobe and I went there. I tried on like 64 shirts and took pictures and all of them. Yep. Is it a weird one?

And then you've none of them. And I walked outside and I was like, what was I doing? Isn't it weird high you get when you're in a store? And you're like, do I want that? I think I want that. And then you just go on this weird, like, wave of shit you never wear. I do that all the time. Shopping is a weird high.

Yeah. And then you're like, sometimes I have to catch myself and I'm like, I need to walk out for like 10 minutes and like do something else. Because then you walk back in and you look at all the clothes

you're about to buy and you're like, it's a good call. Because I always find myself, I always find myself doing this. Just get it. Can't take it with you when you're gone. About like money and shit. So dangerous.

Like if I'm thinking about it this much, that means I really want it. Just, just, I always hold back to just get it. Just get it. me, rye every time man buy that shit somebody said to me

one time at the Nike outlet I was with a bunch of football players I was looking at this like purple like dope ass Nike hoodie and I just kept going back to it and one of my friends goes man buy that shit and I was like

there you go yeah we should not go shopping together because I would just I would spend the normal amount that I usually do and then I would just tell I would be the same way I'd be like just get it dude

yeah I can't really shop with people either I always feel bad I'm like Oh yeah it's always like a weird Like because if they're not actively looking for anything They're kind of just like standing on their phone You're like sorry man

And then they're like oh no you're good bro And you're like Don't think so Not with that tone of me You want to get out of here really really bad way Then I'm like why don't you go to a store then You know I end up back to like my mom And eventually you guys just leave

separately. Yeah. Like, well, damn, I didn't see him since Paxon. For a guy, we even came together.

My mom's picking me up. Yeah, the amount of time that we used to spend in malls, wild. Shopping with other people. Wild.

Now, I spent half my life in the mall. Yeah. Younger. Trying on shit at the mall is like, it's almost like a workout.

You ever like need some jeans? So you're like, today I'm getting jeans. I know what you're saying. I know where you're going. Go ahead. Does this, do you do this? Or do you just buy jeans?

And you're like, these are the ones for me. And you leave. No, I'll try them on. But because of what you're saying, it is a workout to fucking go in there. Take off your shoes. Take off your pants. Squeeze on these new fresher pair of jeans. Not my size.

Walk around. Not your size. Do it again. Like, it's like, oh, fuck. I've been in America. I put some time in an American Eagle, bro. Now, so because of that, now it's to the point. I'm like, yeah, I'm pretty sure I'm a 34, 34.

Boom. Yeah, me too. But then they always fit different. And I'm like, am I? I got to text my roommate. Hey, look at my jeans in my closet real quick. Which pair? Text doesn't send.

Then I call them. You're like, why am I talking to my roommate about fucking jeans? I'm not leaving. Trying to say, hey, do you think these fit right? Send them a picture? The picture won't send because you're in a mall. God. service.

Place that where you have to send the most text and photos, especially, can't do any of it. Nothing. Eight pictures not delivered. I'm like, and then your friends sitting there that you're at the store with is like, fuck.

What are we doing? You don't have service? He's just firing pictures off to his people. You're like, but yeah. All right, never mind. Let's just go to Saku,

Japan. It's one thing I never did was just eat all that Chinese food at the mall. Dude, I've never had Chinese food. Have we talked about this? I've never had it. Really? I swear to God.

I've only seen it in movies and I've been like, yeah. Yeah, not for you. They're always eating it like cold the next day or something. It is. It's great. Chinese food is in every movie. Yeah. All four that I've seen.

Yeah, they're always out of the white boxes. Always eat those. Always with chopsticks too. I still can't figure out. No, no, no during movies. I'm like, dude, who's buying Chinese food? I still can't figure out chopsticks. I did the other day just randomly.

It just happened. Bro, just does not compute in my brain. it's a we'll go like for valentine's day i took ride to this like sushi and 45 degrees i'm not you baby but well uh no it's a it's a different one on mass have i took her there it was like a ramen and sushi place so of course they got chopsticks so they give you and she even tried to show me then i was like i just i'm good i don't know i like that can't do it i you just you just gave up like hey like i who has a bit about it i think seinfeld or on comedians and Carsing and Coffee

they're talking about how you have to admire the the steady like you have to admire the stubbornness such a consistency of chopsticks

because the fork has been invented so it's like the fork already topped the chopsticks but like they're still they're still going for it with the chopsticks yeah still and that's my thing I'm like I just I'll just use

a fork or spin really hanged hanging on the chopsticks. Right, exactly. Okay, we're good. Somebody told me, just hold it like a pencil. And I was like,

all right, like this is going to work. And then I was like, oh, shit, it worked. Nope. That's what I was told too.

If you don't, if you don't want to do it, no shame. But God, girls love sushi. Mm. I tried it. Yeah.

Yeah. Uh, I can be. Like, it goes in waves. Sometimes I'm like, sushi. And sometimes I'm like,

bro, I will throw. up. You know? Yeah. It's just not really for me. It's definitely not for you, bro. No. It's like, I mean, I get how it's weird. What do I mean? Because it's like uncooked shit. Oh. Yeah. It's just. Yeah. I get. But then I'm like, I hates it. He hates sushi so much. I'm just like, guy who hates sushi. But I'm like, is it, do you really like it that much? Or is it just because the whole thing that's going on? I know. I know. I know. Because it's a sushi place. Is that why you like sushi?

You know? Or is it just like, you'll get some like retweets if you tweet about sushi. Is that what's going on? Anybody? Okay. That's what I thought. Sounds good. It is kind of a mess.

When you think about sushi, you know. I mean, just look at it. Actually get some of that, uh, some of the, I forget the. Yum sauce. Like really, no, that's good as fuck. Yeah. But the green. Wasabi.

Okay, wasabi. How about the people named Yum Yum sauce, huh? Just can't tell if you're foreign or not. No, I meant like. Like, what do we call it? You know, just, dude, foreign people naming things just so on the nose. This is hilarious to me. I love it, dude.

Straight up. Yum, yum sauce. What's it like? It's just yummy. Yeah, okay, good. Boom. Dude, first choice. They're so good at making decisions.

I'm in. Let's go. Don't got to do nothing crazy with it. It is what it is. Bang. Yum. Yum. Just the first thing you think of every time.

Good sauce, boom. Are you, are you, uh, so are you, are you doing St. Paddies in California or are you coming back? Um, I'm going to be out there for a hot minute. Tuesday through Saturday. Wow. When St. Patrick's,

next month? Am I doing St. Patrick's Day out there? I'll be out there for it. It's on Friday. I'll completely forget it's happening. I feel like California probably the least likely place to do anything with St. Patrick's Day. Yeah. I feel like everybody out there is like...

It's probably racist anyways. Yeah. St. Patrick's Day is fun. Do you know... Die the river. It was like celebrated last weekend though, right? Tyler River green, green beer. Green beer.

here. See, I was following everything online because everybody in Chicago, you know, loses their mind about it. And they do it the weekend before, which I didn't know, like you said, found out they do it the weekend before. And then obviously when it happens. So last weekend, everybody in Chicago posting stories, Big Ten tournament going on there. So I saw a bunch of like, I was like, oh, okay. So everybody's celebrating St. Paddy's this weekend. Went out for my friend's birthday on Saturday, wore a green jacket. Nobody else was wearing green. I was like, okay. Wrong weekend, huh?

Thought, you know, the weekend before St. Paddy's, I thought we'd be doing this. But St. Paddy's on a Friday. So that shit's next weekend. So Saturday, are people still? Probably. The amount of like pedal, pedal bars and stuff. At St. Patrick's Day? Yep. We said we would. Did you fill out a bracket?

No. What was the last time you filled out a bracket? I don't know Did we like A couple years ago or something No I think we just did elite hate Oh that was so good

Yeah I was That was fire Elite hate Oh Yeah No I didn't feel out of brag That had some run Because I'm always like

Where am I gonna print it off And then I'm like I'm already out Like right after I think about Where am I gonna print it off And then oh damn I printed it off like vertically It needs to be

Lance fuck it Dude, right when I think of, Where are people printing their brackets off? Is FedEx office just... Bro, you just do it. Now you just do them online. You have like an app that you just filled out. Like I, you know, I was like, I'm, I don't want to.

But then of course, last night I was in bed, I was thinking, I'll fucking don't do it. I always get too tossed up too. So I did one just on the app though, like the ESPN tournament challenge. I was like, whatever. How long did it take you? four minutes. Ooh, because sometimes I'm like,

do I want Louisville? I know, but that's where I, that's where you're just like, nah, fuck it. And you just, you just first,

A, yum yum sauce style. First thing. Yeah, first thing. Boom. You look at Arkansas, Illinois, Arkansas.

I know. I'm a woman, though, and I just go by like colors and logo. And I, you know, you got to get those upsets in there,

right? So you do your 12 or five, maybe a sneak of 13 in there. Because it's like, hey, you hit those. Then all of a sudden, you're like, yeah, I called that.

Those sleeper teams always sound good, too. You're like, ooh, Creighton. I don't even know. Like the 12 seed Charleston? Come on. That's the most 12 seat of all time. What's up in lead eight? I know.

Written all over it. All the way. Oh, a Charleston. You can just hear him saying it. That's where I'm like, oh, Charles said that. It sounds like an announcer would like that. Why is Oral Roberts a 12 seat every year and everybody always want? Are they again?

Seriously? Right there. Just a running joke. the what are they called the robins the owls the owls of oral roberts 12th see it again what a program consistent every year look at that though like michigan state u sc 710 who the fuck knows what's happening in that i know who could guess talk about coin coin flip anyways i like filling it out like manually though because you can just write the names in there dude and then you get and then you have your own abbreviations and shit.

You're like MSU? No, I went with Sparty. You know? Shit like that. Arizona. Zona. Cats. Always went Zona.

I went cats. Z ONA. Louisville cards. You don't even make them shorter, man. That's supposed to be the point. I know, but it looks cool. Like five letters max? Or like USC's in it.

You just put fight on. Yeah, right. Who are you, Matt Liner? No, I do it every time. Florida, Gat, no, swamp. You have to. What about chomp? Gator chomp. LSU's in there.

It's go. But A-U-X. Yeah. G-E-E-A-U-X. Yeah, same thing. E-A-U-X. Yeah, that's the best part of it. Oh, man.

Fight on. Yeah, right, dude. Not even their athletic director does that. fight on. Sometimes I'll throw an exclamation point in there if I'm feeling real confident like, hey, Missouri a zoo. That's not bad. That's hard. And because they're the tigers, so it's like

Z-O-U, you kidding me? What are you putting for Purdue? I think it's just Purdue, dude. Yeah. Because P-U looks like something smells. Boilers. It's like, all right, guys. Boiler up. Too much. B-T-F-U. What's that?

What? Boyler the fuck up. Oh, wow. I never knew if that's what that was. Really? BTFU never knew. No. Yeah. One of my, you know who I'm talking about. One of my friends, of course, has a shirt that just BTFU right across it. I know exactly here you're talking about. Southern Illinois is in there. Just can't wait to write down so ill. You know what I mean, though? You're like, hell yeah, bro. I just want to write this four more times. They're going all the way. Definitely 13 seed. Oh, yeah. Southern Illinois to the Sweet 16? Why, Ben? No, I just, I like their point guard.

Yeah. He's a veteran. Just a guy like, feel good with the ball on this hand, you know? It's under control. Can we just keep playing this game? That shit. Pull that bracket up, bro.

We're not done here. That shit. And then every brand ever has to have their own bracket. Netflix. Who's going all the way and your, and your streaming bracket? Yeah, every website. And that is a big thing with filling out of bracket too. People are like, you fill out of bracket.

I'm like, I don't know what, like, website to pick. CBS. Yeah, that's true. ESPN. Hughes, University of Hughes, always is H-town. Yeah, right. You're lying. I swear to God, H-Town.

Well, actually, I do believe it because this is the same fool that on his, on his fucking. website instead of the home page. It was just called crib. I was like at home. Like who's just Auburn are you putting war? I don't know if it's like that anymore

but back in the day. No, it's not. I literally changed it a week ago. It just said crib. Yeah, it said a home. It said crib. And then on for Twitter it just said bird. No, it did.

It's not. It did not say, it did. Yeah, bro. I remember. I was like, this motherfucker. Are you about to recode my website and put fucking crap? What the hell is going on right now? Holy shit, bro.

Just puts a dick on my face real quick and exits out. You're freaking me out here, man. I didn't know you knew this shit. Yeah, a little bit. He's like typing in Chinese, he's in chopsticks. He's fucking breaking into the CIA. Good Lord, bro. My credit card.

numbers right there and shit. It says H down under it. Oh, God. Yeah, crib and bird. Did not. Did not. This fucking guy. Instead of, like, store or merch

it says buy some shit. Yeah. It didn't say shit. It was like S-H-T. Or S-H-star-T. Yeah, that's where I would live. Can't wait to fill out a bracket now. You got a post on your store.

all the fucked up things you put on there. Colgate, paste, toothpaste. Pull that bracket back up. Oh, shit. Hey, Tennessee, you just going valls? Yeah, I am. For sure. TCU frogs, come on.

Gonzaga, just zags for sure. Yeah, I was zags as well. Iowa is so perfect, you know. Don't change the thing. You're perfect the way you are. Xavier, you're just throwing X on there. Oh.

Yeah, when you had that X going to like the Sweet 16, you're like, that's for sure. That's for sure. Come on, man. Musketeers are rolling. West Virginia, just the old WV. Kentucky, UK.

I go cats. For sure, cats. Arizona's cats with a Z. Kentucky's cats in the ass. Everybody knows. that you make it harder on yourself bro oh way k state for kansas state yep fight on dude you are lying no i need i need photo proof from like 2009 there's so many cats dude yeah cat cats or pack dude if you just put wolf that would kind of go hard i think

cratins just fly you mean dayton cratin are they the cratins the brayton are they the Creighton's the blue Jays or the blue. Yeah. Oh, so it'd be Jays. Iowa and Iona. Iona is in every year. Every year 13th seed too. Good for them.

They're like, can you guys get to the 12 line one time? God. Imagine being 11 seed. It's so like, yeah. Why are we in it? Are we supposed to be here? Should we save money on all the flights and shit and just stay home? I hate to.

when like a fucking like 19 and 13 team makes it. I'm like what? They deserve to make the tournament? Yeah. Definitely just because Tom is as a coach. Bounce first round. Or they make it to the final four and you're like, fuck. Of course.

Still don't deserve it. What a fluke. You know how I'm tired of? I'm tired of Kansas. Yeah. I don't like their like stadium. I hate it too. I'm like there's too many windows.

It's a weird warehouse. The benches are on the wrong side. Or the camera is on the wrong side with the benches. Yeah, it is like very unsatisfied. They're Adidas. So puky. You can just tell one of schools is Adidas. No way Kansas is going to be Nike.

I mean, they used to be when they were cool. Yeah, like 2,000 years ago. And the Jayhawk is just too fucking big, man. It is big. They could do so much better. and the KU is just so bland like the wouldn't you hate to go there

like look at that just bland ass KU right on the front it's the name on the baseline for me weird yeah it's like okay we need to turn this in in five seconds I don't just type something out there what fog

Ariel times new Roman Hey no the worst stadium of all time No, it's Vanderbilt. Yep. I think they changed it though. Did they? Yeah. God, I hope so.

Yeah, I think they got rid of the, I don't know, I haven't watched a game there ever, but. Vanderbilt's playing. Better to listen to it on the radio. Why is there so much room on each side of the sideline? I'm like, is this for like 17 volleyball courts after the game? Right. That would throw me off as a player so much. It's so gross.

Well, that's why they're no, boy, no. Move everything closer. if I made a stadium the wall would just be the out of bounds line do you remember how freaked out teachers would get though when you would use a font that wasn't like their pre-approved one and they're still

like bubbly and shit you would literally fail you if you don't use aerial font 11 that is wild it's an automatic fail did you make that font this is Trumbull are they paying you

paying you per font P-P-F? It's your PPF. We're going on time soon around there. I'm going, Bebe's Neue. Bay-B-B-A-S-Fu-A-B-B-E-B-A-B-A-B-A-B-A-B-A. Oh, Bebe's New-A.

Smack my ass. Is it Bay-B-A-A-N-A-N-A-N-A-B-A-E? I think it's new-A-N-U-E-E-E-A-G-E. Guy that I can't read. Nope. B-E-B-E-B-A-S. Hey, best font. Yep, there you go.

Oh, it is Nu-A. Okay. I thought it was N-U-E. I mean, come on. Look at that. God. That's sexy. Clean as shit. Look at the full alphabet over there. Yo. God. That's nice. That's what you want your handwriting to be. All caps. That's the best font. People know.

It's a big switch in your life when you finally decided to just go, fuck it, all caps. It's a big. It actually makes way more. sense. Yeah. Because you get in trouble with the L, that kind of looks like an A. It's just like, that's your font? Ariel Bold. I like the bold.

Yeah, that's fine. Everybody has their phone. There's just a little bit of that sleekness to Bebez Nui. Impact. That was my favorite font when I was like 12. That was what my MySpace profile was in. I was always, I was always like, oh, impact, bro, when I was in like eighth grade. Hell yeah.

All right. Font talk. I can do this all day. I know, you could. You literally have a book about fonts. Yep. Dust all over it. It's important.

Oswald font? Oh, you're in the game, huh? Wow, that's interesting. I see, I like the, uh, eh. I'm going to say I like the lowercase better than the uppercase, but the uppercase is not bad. We should probably like, uh, because people can't see this. Yeah, this is true.

For the audio listeners, uh, go ahead and look those up. Oswald, Ariel, you know, ARIAL. Impact sucks. All right. TG.25. TG.25. A quarter century on their show. Ben's going to be in Ontario, Ontario, California. This Thursday.

Go to a show and wear all green and bring him green beer. Pour it on me. And remind him. St. Patty's Day. That's St. Patty's Day. Yeah. Be sure to subscribe on YouTube new show every Tuesday.

Apple Ponds. Spotify. Stitcher. Rate us so we can get up there in the old comedy pods. And yeah, let's keep the shit growing. Keep the show. Keep the show. Going.

Schwartz are my live. And that's why we talk about the show fonts are my life. All right. Fight on. Bye, bye.