THESE GUYS! - Santa Is a Piece Of Sh*t

Episode Date: October 14, 2022

Man, that was a good one. It's going to be a good day. Just all on TikTok. All we do. All we do. Me and Ben, get together. We don't even talk. We just scroll on TikTok.

Just laugh to ourselves. And I try to look at what you're laughing at. I can't see it. And I just laugh to myself too. Isn't it funny how you're kind of embarrassed a little bit for other people to see what's on your for you page? Yeah. But then have you ever watched it? It's like a private thing.

It's all like the same shit. you get it at different times. Yeah. TikTok changes. Like at night it's like it's way sexier. Have you noticed that? Interesting. TikTok right now is like sports, funny stuff.

And at night I'm like, wow, this is kind of like, I shouldn't be watching this right now. Yeah. There's a lot of feet stuff for you. It's a lot of big toes. No, it's, yeah, dude, I'm on. What TikTok are you on right now? What TikTok am I on?

Yeah. What do you mean? Like what's the, you know, what's, what's, what's, what's, what's your talk looking like right now? My talk is, uh, it's a lot of Jeff Dom. Dude, me too. Yeah, I don't get it. But, uh, you haven't watched the Netflix series. No, man, I haven't.

No, never will. Actually, the last thing I, never will. Why would you? It's on TikTok. Why would I? It's only been, you know, like 300 billion minutes of streaming. Yeah, I don't know. Why would you watch that?

I've got a lot of NFL stuff on my TikTok right now. Really? Yeah. So that's keeping you up to date. Mm-hmm. A little bit. It's like top five players you forgot about, though. It's not like it's a past.

Right. So it's like a bunch of like Danny and Mendolla. And you have to watch it. Yeah. Adam Archeletta. Shit like that. Eyes Williams. That's a little.

That's pretty old. I'm trying to think of one person the other day that was on there. The old running back for the Bengals, Jeremy Hill. He's always in the top three. Bro, I was last year when I was down at Ellis. you, he was on the sideline too before the game. Yeah. Biggest MF I've ever seen in my life.

Why? He just physically big. Oh, I thought he was just fucking like a, like a big kid. No, no, no. He was right when you get there. I couldn't, I was like, wow, he was running back in the NFL. Yeah, it doesn't make sense when you see it. And sometimes you see a guy in the NFL and you're like, oh, he's in the NFL.

Yeah, yeah. I'm taller and like, I feel like I'm bigger than him. Yeah. Like the Steelers. have a receiver right now, Gunner Olshevsky. And he's, yeah, and he's, you know, a classic, like, little white guy, punt returner, slot receiver kind of jet motion type of stuff.

And you're just like, wow, what? I literally am taller than you. This is wild. It doesn't make any sense. And then you got Jeremy, he got Naji Harris, who like, I mean. Okay, he's in the NFL, bye. Yeah. You, like, see a guy that you're a little bigger then,

and you're like, maybe I could have played in the NFL. And then he said, is he, Derek Henry and you're like, all right. Back to the 9 to 5. Yeah. I think I'm good. I think I'll just stick with fantasy. Fantasy and gambling.

Yeah, I see a lot of that like fantasy TikTok on there. Like five players that you should start or five players to pick up on the waiver wire. How's your fantasy team? Never make it through it. You ever had a fantasy football team? Dude, this is hilarious. I like, I'm going to be pissed if you did because it's going to make me mad thinking about you

having a fantasy football team. I was kidding when I said, how's your fantasy football team, dude? We just talk about this is the new fantasy football podcast. I was like, what if we just got into it? No, but they were like, dude, when I was like a sophomore in high school, like a bunch of dudes in my German class

who played on the football team, we're like, yo, we're starting the fantasy football league. You wouldn't be in it? And I was like, no, I don't know. And they kind of like just pressured me to be in it. And I was like, fuck it. You guys are going to keep asking me every single day. I'll do it.

And then it was draft day. And I had no idea what was going on. So they're like, hey, we're doing the fantasy draft today. this dude's house Jonathan Dossie. And I was like, okay, I'm definitely not going. Because I didn't even know that you had to get together. I was like, can we just do this like online or something? That's the beauty of now as you can.

Back then in like 07 or whenever the fuck you were a sophomore. Jesus. We're coming up on the 15 year reunion for you, bro. Yeah, back then it was like, yeah, you had to get together. You had to write down like on a big board. everybody's pick and everything. So you didn't go. No, I didn't go because I didn't know.

I was like, all right. And then he would just call me every time I was. I was like, dude, I can vividly remember I was, I was with a girl at my dad's house. And I think he might have been there. It was the weirdest situation. And this dude, Jonathan Dossi is calling me every five minutes. Like, all right, second round, you can take this dude, this dude. I was just like, I don't, dude, I don't know.

I didn't, I didn't like log in or play one time throughout the year. I didn't even know my password. Like my team name was like default like username. Like it was the bomb. Or like, no, I didn't, I didn't even pick that either. It was just like Ben's team. The logo was just a helmet. It was a black helmet.

All I can remember is I had the Cardinals defense. I was like, all right, let's go A-Z. I have no idea. The amount of shit that was being talked about you, the amount of hate that was coming from all those guys who were there. And every time they had to call you, they were pissed. And every time they called, I was like, what do you guys want? Like, it was like, I forgot what was happening every time they called.

And I was like, yeah? Dude. Like, it's the third round. Who do you want? And I was like, oh, my God, not again. Dude, what's so? At that point, just be like, you're drafting all Steelers players. Just tell him.

Whoever's a stealer on the board, just give them to me. Dude, I think auto draft was invented because of me. Jonathan Dawsey went and he created an algorithm. He said, I'm done. I can't do this anymore because of Ben Politi. We're doing auto draft and he's saving a lot of lives. He's saving a lot of people there. Dude, what gets me to is like how pissed off people get when like, if you forget to,

if one of your players says a buy or like if they come up on the injury report and they're out like three hours before the game and you don't switch somebody in just because like I don't know you're doing shit with your life I know how pissed like the commissioner would get oh like hey man like you like we need to have a talk like you really need

to get this together like you really need to set your lineups I'm like it's fucking fake like your friend that's running the like yeah there's all like whoever's a commissioner oh yeah dude the person who sets it all together and like put you know what I mean like puts it under their name

and collects all the money and everything like that's come out of here, dude. That is a full-time job. Yeah. But it's, I'm just like, dude, like, but, but then for the other people, I mean, like, look, if that person just wants to, like, be lazy or just like has stuff going on, like, okay, I mean, that's just part of it, man. It's like injuries in football, right? Like, the Steelers, you know, the pads don't get to freaking make up for it because Mac Jones is out now. Like, he's out. I got to deal with it. Your boys at the Apple Orchards. He's at the Apple Orchers. It's how it goes. He's got shit to do.

Exactly. You can sub people in. Yeah, it is so funny. Yeah, fantasy football is just one of those things that you just like... I could talk shit about it. No one wants to do, but you just have to do it. Every guy has to do it once. Yeah, like every year.

Like you don't really like, ah, like this is like 35 bucks. That's a waste. I have to do the draft, which is like at least two hours probably that like my wife or girlfriend's definitely going to be pissed about at a very inconvenient time. And then it's going to come about where like, yeah, You're going to forget to set your line up. Your friend's going to get shitty at you all to, like, talk a little bit of shit in a group chat about each other's teams.

You're going to average about a 50, like, times when you're on your phone, changing people around while your girlfriend or fiance or whatever is, like, looking at you, like, trying to, you're supposed to be answering your question. And you're like, hold on one sec, my fantasy football team. There's going to be at least 40 of those. Right. Or she's like, ah. And think about, like.

Mm-hmm. just how like how bitch of a move and almost is when you really think about it when like you're in that situation

and someone's having a conversation with you or it's your lady friend and she's trying to get your attention or whatever and you literally say I'm working something out on my fantasy team I did a TikTok about that it did like it was just kind of a dud

I mean it was just kind of whatever but it was like how guys like get so shitty about their girlfriends are being like you want to the pop culture like why do you care about the Kardashians like I just don't give a fuck like it doesn't make sense to me like you're literally just watching them like talk and create drama and then they're adding the same sentence they're literally like I got my fantasy draft you I told you look about my fantasy draft it's very important to me it's the same fake shit exactly hilarious the thing that the thing that the thing I to me is how does some guys have like five fantasy football like teams?

It's I mean it's like a legit line of business now like those those dudes like Matthew Barry and fieldy eights love them great guys but like they have an industry created basically just for that for them they've created these jobs or full-time just fantasy football it's insane it's absolutely insane I'll never play again when people ask me I just smile out of my go dude you don't want me on your Football team. Can we be done? I'll just be a troll. Actually, I might be a fantasy football troll next year. Can we be done with the fucking like videos that go viral about the punishment of the dude who has the worst fantasy football team? Like, I think maybe the first one in 2009 was kind of like,

oh, what do you have to do? They put him on the corner in a dress that held in the sign that says I suck at fantasy football. That would, that would be, that would be tough. I'm glad that's not me. I don't like but I always look at them. I'm like, wait, what do they have? 13 years later, and it's like still we're trying to out top each other get a story done on Good Morning America about your fantasy football team

and like the punishment. Oh my God, you had to get a Colt tattoo or some shit. Well, so like the winner gets to choose the loser the one who has the worst football team because he sucks and he doesn't know anything about football. The winner picks him and he gets it on his ass. Wyatt's like,

fuck. When's it in? Football League. What do you mean? Does it end it like after the regular season? See that's a weird thing too. It's like yeah, yeah,

I think like the playoffs for it is like the last four weeks of the regular season. So it's like week one through 14 is the regular season. But then like in the real NFL, your playoffs is like the last part of the regular season. Because like obviously in the playoffs, there's only 12 teams. Yeah. Yeah.

Anyway, that's enough about fantasy football. Jesus for the rest of my life. How about these things, dude? These, these Yety. Tumblr. Yetty.

Remember the Yetty brand was taking over the world. Some dudes were just like had Yeti stickers on their laptops and shit. Right. I got a Yeti cooler. Guys with Yeti coolers

and like, what was it? Like 2018 ruled the world. I'm proud of my Yeti cooler. Oh yeah. Well, you probably got it sent to you by Yeti.

No, it was actually a wedding gift, man. Okay. As long as he didn't go. to like lows and get one or wherever where do they sell them like a gander mountain galleons you remember that oh stop it stop it throwback cry okay yeah no i i got it and i was like yeah this is cool like it's it's a good cooler right like it's sturdy it'll last it keeps everything cold right and it's what coolers do okay but now like three years later i'm like oh i can add that

sticker right here i'm making it my own oh so you're putting stickers on your yetie cooler. Uh-huh. Yeah. So that's a new laptop when you get out of college. Kind of pimping it out. Pimp my cooler out. I'm pretty proud of it, dude.

Like when you take it places, you know what I mean? The cookouts or just a little day party or, you know, like the track or a tailgate or something, you roll up with it. I'm like, yeah,

look at my shits. I guess that, yeah, there wasn't a really like anyone that monopolized the cooler game. It was all, it was always igloo. It was always igloo. It was always igloo before.

Right. Or the styrofo or styrofoam. breaks in five seconds because you put too many bush lights in it all over the grass. Fuck. Didn't even keep it cold? No. You're just like, well,

I had one. I got one. I was, I'm not the cooler guy. I'm the guy that takes out other people's coolers. There's two guys in the world. Guys that bring the cooler. What's up?

Yeah, here's your Coke. Water's here. Beer's there. Take what you need. And then there's guys that they're talking to. And you're like, oh, really?

Mm-hmm. You ever got to a cook out and there's just a like a there's just like a fucking roller coaster line of cool oh yeah and you can't find what you need to you're just fumbling through like 56 coolers and it's like embarrassing somehow oh yeah it's weird embarrassment no no no the the red has down there it's down which red one right there's like i'm just trying to get drunk bright red and there's kind of like a oklahoma sooner red you know yeah are we are we what are we doing are we Arizona cardinal red or be oklahoma sooner red kind of the same thing

I don't fucking know. Just give me the blue one. God, I'll just have water. Fuck. I'm leaving. I didn't want to be here anyways. Yeah, but these things, dude, like, these are so overrated. I hate them.

Oh, why? Is this a Yeti? I don't know what it is, man. Some guy podcast, whatever. I was like, look, you know, hey, we talked about it last week of like not trying to get some of the corporate coffees. I'm going to make it at home. I'm going to put in one of these things.

You'd be good to go. Save a little bit of money. I got a new son at home. I got to fucking feed him and get him diapers and shit. Frankie. So I was like, I'll just take this big ass thing. And like the lid is always a little loose.

Too big. It's too big. And every chick, man, it's hilarious. This is like a gift that every girl gets now. You know what I mean? And you're like, oh, can I get you anything? You need water or anything? They're like, nope, I got my own.

And it's just like a bucket that they just slam down. Oh, girls in the big water jug. Oh, yeah. It's either water or coffee or tea. whatever they put in there, but I mean, it's like, did you really need that big of a size? God. Where's the last time when you refilled that? The last Olympics?

Lemon pieces floating around those are two and a half years. The last Olympics, dude. Lemon remnants. That's, that's every check. That's what the sticker should be on theirs. Lemon remnants. Just constantly peeing. It's a sound, it's a smell.

It's like a fucking candle fragrance. Lemon remnants. I'd light that bitch up. bro, I'll spend unlimited money on candles. Man, you know what we need to do? We need to do a candle line. We need to do it. What's a candle line?

I thought I was fucking around. Like if we like made our own candles. Oh, oh, like a line of can. I thought you were talking about like the coolers, line up the candles and like, oh yeah.

Almost like a taste test, but it's a smell test. You ever go, you ever pick out a candle and Yankee candle? Oh, yeah. Isn't it great? But after a while,

you're like, these all smell good. Like I go in there and I'm like, I want the, I always my first thing I want, I'm like, I want the apple one. That's my, and then the back of my head, it's like, get the laundry one. What about the, like the beach one? Like the ocean mist. I know.

Yeah, but I never get a candle when it's like summertime for the beach. Like I wouldn't get it, like, I only get candles when it's like cold. So like right now. Hold on. I'm going to blow your mind. I can't wait. Go to Yankee candle. Go there.

I'll go like today. And we'll go after, go after Halloween. So we're like clearly in the Christmas time. Yeah. Go to Yankee Candle. Get you one of those like ocean breeze, ocean mist type. When you're putting up Christmas decor at Coach Peace, light that bitch up. The summer one?

It's not summer, dude. It's beach. Oh, that just reminds me a summer. Like warm. How many people do you know like go to Fort Myers like the day after Christmas, you know? Yeah. Just just give it a, just give it. try it's like it's very like fresh like enlightening like it just it matches christmas it's weird it

really yeah it does see i'm thinking you got to get like peppermint to set up christmas shit that's two christmas i don't know if i mean two christmas is good i i feel that try the beach this is a tough sell man try i will do it i'm telling you dude i i go through candles too so that it's not going to me a problem for me. We need to do, we need to go to, um, we need to do like an annoying YouTuber video of me and you just like at Target, just going around. Like, like, for the hell of it? Not like pranking anybody or doing anything like that. Just fucking like, just picking stuff out. Yeah, and just making fun of stuff. Just looking at candles and the shit that we like in there. No, I'm down. How about Target with them? Because that's every, every weekend for me.

Right. It's almost like literally with me, me and I and Frankie, it's like Target Thursdays. We're like, Target Tuesdays. It's like, well, Tuesday, let's go. That's a fun little game to play for Target Thursday. Yeah, it really is. But it's like, have you seen the rebrand going on in there? Oh my. Hey, Target, get your shit together.

Whoa. I can't find anything in Target. Went wild. They went really wild. Totally revamped the whole thing. Moved everything around. I haven't seen a target where it's done yet. I walk in and there's still like moving stuff.

It does. The pharmacies like in the, The housing stuff. The bikes are next to the face wash. I've seen the final product. No, where? It's good. For the locals here in Indy.

We went off Southport Road. That one's done. Oh, shit. I went in there to find some towels. It took me 58 minutes. Yeah. No. It's done.

We're looking good. We're looking good. They still have the Starbucks in there? Mm-hmm. Okay. Yeah, that Starbucks isn't going anywhere. Game changer. When you got time to go to Target and, like, do your thing,

and you grab a coffee? might have to get a cart. That's just a whole different experience. You know what that is? What's that? Target Tuesday. You go at like 10.30 a.m. There's no one in there besides like a few other like house house mothers.

Is the music on when you go in there? Yeah. Oh, okay. Target was one of those stores that the music, they cut the music. So it makes it a more like professional atmosphere. Then you got Walmart that's playing like all kinds of crazy. Walmart radio. Yeah.

you're like, ah, hey guys, it's Zach at Walmart Radio. I'm bringing back Bruno Mars for you. Give me that, give me that. Yeah, they had the music going in there. But like it's a weird like, yeah, sometimes, where was I at the other day? It was like a weird like low-fi playlist almost. Like it would change up so much and it would have like these kind of like house beats. I was like, what the fuck is this?

Were you at the YMCA? No. No, but they had heaters at the line. Oh, it's going to piss me off. I was just like, this is a very interesting playlist for where we are right now. How'd they even get it? Something.

Oh, really? Goodwill? What is today? Thursday? What the fuck I'm been doing this week? I can't even... Well, you're going to target this. Probably weather like this.

You can't be kidding? How long does it take you to do laundry? Um, I never do it like consistently. Like, I put all my clothes in there, wash it, totally forget. it's in there. And then I'm like, where the fuck is my show? Oh, damn. And I go and I'm like, I got to put it in the dryer. It's like kind of musty. You're like, is there mold in here?

Well, it never takes more than a day. But it'll be in there for like eight hours. And I'll be like, oh shit, laundry. Oh, yeah. Like I'm never on top of my game. Probably because I turned off the feature on my washer that's like, eh. Dude. See, I was about to say, the one that we have now, it's like a nice little, it's kind of annoying, but it also works because it's this little jingle. There's where you heard the Lofi D. Just walking around home. Laundry's done. Damn.

I didn't know we had that playlist. Yeah, dude. World pool. It's not bad when you forget to take the stuff out of the washer for a little bit. Because it's like, it kind of self-drys. So then the dryer process isn't as long. Can any appliance brand, can we make the washer and dryer that just does it all? What the hell?

like, well, what year are we in? Wash the clothes up top. They're done, drop it in the dryer, dry it. That's it. Dude, that's awesome. Why have I, I legitimately have never thought of that. We're really still switching this shit? Am I a pilgrim?

Mine's only go hanging up in the backyard. Oh, shit. Where's the washboard? This is insane. In that a while that people actually, for like, not just because of like, and like, you know, their resources, but just like back in the day, that's all they had.

Like they literally had to like wash it in a river. Hey, hey, let's get it clean washing it in this river. Make any sense, dude. Dirtiest water on earth. Bacteria. Fish shit. Yeah. Lemon remnants.

That's the candle I'm getting, bro. Laundry in river. Light that bitch up on Christmas. Hey, no, but, uh, oh shit, what was I got? Laundry. up top to the bottom. No,

the washer to the dryer. I don't know. Keep going. Dude, that'd be kind of hive, man. That'd be like washing the fucking

ball drop on New Year's. Three. Two. One. What? It goes to the dryer? This is going to be a great. Rang in the new year last year.

Picture are you by your washer and dryer? Best New Year's ever. Hashtag. Hey, you're in the classes. 20, 23. Oh my.

God I would go to my grave fucking talking about how it was over after 2009. What the classes? It was 2000 to 2009. The two zero's in the middle. You can't have a two in front of your left eye. Dang it, man. It makes no sense. I know.

I still always stop into party city just to check it out, though. Like, I got to see these glasses before they're all gone. New Year's decor is such a fucking weird thing. Some people are going all out. Some people go all out. And it's like, it's just so forced and like a mix of like a few different things. I don't know. So much champagne, acid reflex.

Oh, I hate champagne. Do I dress up or do I not? I don't really think anybody likes champagne. Just for the like. Yeah, I guess that's, you know, to spray it around is cool for the scene. No, it's not even cool. It's like, yeah, clean that shit. Yeah.

Sticky. There's always one guy at the part. It's like, don't. All right. Yeah. Just. All right. You're right.

Their wife's like, hey, it's the new year. Just let them... We'll worry about it tomorrow. We'll worry about tomorrow. Oh, God. You don't have the swiffer's broken. You're being door dashing B-dubs at 4 p.m.

When you wake up. Jesus Christ, dude. Sticky-ass floors. Once your floors are sticky, there's no going back. Not even your shoes. That's your bare feet. Fucking.

Oh, bare feet in the kitchen. Disgusting. Don't even need to sweep. Your feet are just picking up all the crumbs on the ground. got a new broom I actually got two of them picking up crumbs that's all you need

dude get that corner over there Hunty your wife is fucking floating around what are they no dust pan here dude what kills me with laundry

I was just like I wrote this down last night just because I wanted to remember to talk about it. It was like I just lay in bed and I stare at my laundry basket full of folded clean clothes. And I'm like, well, fucking you guys get comfortable in there. Because I'm just pulling your ass out. Staying.

And then forming the dirty clothes pile right behind you. Right behind you. Right behind you. I do the same thing. I don't fold it and put it in the hamper. It just stays in the dryer. I'm like, oh, there's my waffle long sleeve. Hey, but then it's good because it's ready, you know,

then you're ready to go where you do a little little wrinkle out, a little wrinkle dry, you know, for 15 minutes. Get it tumbling in there. Nice and warm. Get those wrinkles out, baby. Dude, I used to come back for the next thing. I used to be a big spray down, let it tumble in the dryer to get the wrinkles out because I'll never use an iron. You did the spray down. Yeah.

You sprayed me down a couple times. You got to. Yeah. But Coach P put me on. there's this downy wrinkle release spray. Changed my life. They only sell that target. Duh.

Can't find it anywhere else. But you give your shirt a little one of those, ready to go. It's different, bro. It's different. Wow. I bring it on every trip.

See, your clothes and your suitcase are just destroyed. You're not firing up an iron in a hotel room. You've got somewhere to be in 10 minutes. How much does that suck when you're packing for a trip and you have to pack like, you know, you got to pack in your case, in our case, maybe like a nice, like,

cuts clothing tea type of thing, you know, or like something like that to where you don't want to, it's not meant to wrinkle at all. It's your main event shirt. Main event shirt. And then you're putting it in there

and you're just slow mo watching the suitcase shut on top of it. And you're like, wow, that's just going to be a complete fucking rat mess. It's funny because you always, see like when you're getting ready like this past weekend I had a bunch of guys over and we were getting ready and everybody was all wrinkled but you never notice wrinkles while you're out it's

only when you're getting ready that's they just disappear when you walk out the door that's a weird thing I've never been out and be like Jesus Christ bro getting iron you know I've never that's never crossed my mind maybe like the body heat around everybody you know if you're at a bar like it just kind of like naturally works itself out maybe the body that's really no it's definitely human iron that's definitely not it yeah i'm surprised that people haven't um going back to dommer where we started oh shit i've only had like one person tag me and being like is this you and it's you know a photo or a video of jeff domer top Halloween costume coming soon got it i have blonde hair and round glasses i guess that makes me jeff dommer joseph dommer's glasses though that's a vibe

I can't. Girls probably think he's hot now. Or have they always? I don't really know. Like in the series, there was like at the end when he's in jail, people were like sending him fan mail and shit. It's real weird.

I'm like, there's just some psychos out there, dude. Jesus. Like some real, real weirdos. I posted a picture of that severed leg in my room and I got about 15 drift armors. Oh my God.

I was like, I don't know. Guys, it's fake. I'll never watch it. Did you see Russell Will, Wilson. What, for the Subway commercial? Dude. Yeah. That really made me want Subway bad. And I got it yesterday. The way he's like, the way he's like holding it and kind of eating it. I'm like, he's making it look kind of good. Like in a weird way. I wasn't even listening to what he said. I was like, what is that sub? Like they actually got me.

I was doing a good job. Like, dude, somebody has a big bank to pay a lot of like huge athletes. Yeah. Dude, they got like Tony Romo, Charles Barkley, Steph Curry, Gromk, and Russell Wilson all in the same commercial. They had one, they had somebody else too and I was like, Subway, who? Damn, I can't remember, but Russell Wilson's a huge get. Dude, you know, they got it.

They probably filmed that a year ago. Right. God, it's a weird, I mean, I get, look, hey, we'll get on you, Subway. It worked. You got him to get some Subway. I don't even know what even sub it was. It's his own.

Does it have bread? Danger Witch or something, whatever he says. Did you see it? Did it have bread? Yeah. I didn't make it through the commercial. Yeah. I didn't know who was bread or like tortilla.

Because I've been getting the tortilla at Subway. Mm. Are you still sticking with the rotisserie chicken? Yes. Yeah. Yeah. That changed the game for me. Because for a while at Subway, I was out because the chicken looked weird.

They were always in the news about like some weird thing. This tuna isn't real. Yeah. Like it's just like, guys, you heard of every fast food place? I know. Why do you think it's ready in five minutes? Why are you doing a hit piece on subway as if fucking Arby's isn't fake? Oh man.

Dude, Arby's grosses me out so much. Rye had it last night. Wait, did you not get anything? No. You're like, ew. Hey,

you know what I did? I warmed me up a frozen pizza. Hey, what kind of pizza? Jags. They have gas. They have fucking jazz. Axpice at the gas station by my house.

I've met a few late night trips. Bro, it's all, you know, it's just like when you're open like we did last week with the C4, that crisp-ass sound, it's all about that crunch of the crust. Might be number one, frozen pizzas. I mean, is this our top five? The feeling... Is this our top five segment of the week?

The feeling when you bite into it and the sound, it's like, wow, this is just... This is tops. The sound overpowers the way it's burning the hell at the top of your mouth. You're like, ah, shit. I need another one of those crunches, though. I so look forward to the crunch and the sound that, yeah, I completely dive right in as soon as it's out of the oven.

Right. When you get a Jack's pizza, you know you're going to think about it the next day because you can't taste anything the whole day. You're like, oh, yeah, I had Jack's pizza last night. The problem is that, you know, they make the size of the pizza to where it's perfect for two people. You get three good size slices that aren't too much. They're thin crust. so you put them down. But if it's just one person,

I'm not house in six pieces by myself. Yeah, that's a mistake waiting to happen. The alarm. That we've all made. Right, we've all made. But last night, I had the three pieces. I'm looking at the three pieces, right?

Everybody's upstairs. It's just me downstairs. I'm fucking ironing these three pieces. Right, I'm having a moment. Straight stare off with these three pieces. I got the buffalo sauce there to be able to put on it too because I like to dip it in the buffalo sauce. What kind of sauce is it?

Is it like ranch in Buffalo? Or it's just like straight buffalo Like you know For like buffalo wings I've been on that It's delicious I put it on like grilled chicken

When I fire up some grilled chicken Just a nice little taste to go on there And I heard it's like Kind of not bad for you It's like 10 calories Yeah And there's not much sugar in it It's a lot of flavor

Cool Oh man You look yeah Look for all that But I'm looking at these three pieces right And I just say you know what I hear the alarm The alarm is sounding off

Chubby face alert CF alarm CF alert Is going off And I said Chubby Face in coming. I said, nope, man.

I can't, you know. I got these guys tomorrow. I got a wedding I'm going to on Saturday. Oh, this was last night. You were, oh, shit. I thought it was a hypothetical situation. This actually happened. Actually, this is real.

This is actually real life. What did I put down last night? Oh, you know what I was putting down probably at the same time? I actually thought of you. I was like, no, I was like, we got... What, 19 crimes? We got, no, not last night. I was just thinking and I was like,

oh, we got these guys tomorrow. I should like, you know, not go too hard. tonight don't go too heavy got some buffalo wings i've been on wings bro buffalo wings from needlers they're like already cooked oh throw them in chillers air fryer that he is no idea that i'm using every single night thought i threw it away four weeks ago i was like i'm running this thing into the ground just air fry them up and i sometimes i like take the skin off sometimes and i just kill the chick oh my god dude is that my twin what the fuck some makes of mean and Joseph New York.

Looked at me, looked at you, looked at the speaker and just shakes his head and walks away. All right, thanks, guys. Anyway, I'm on the Buffalo, dude. Really? You're on the wings. Yeah. So the skin off,

that really makes that much of a difference in your mind. It's just a mental thing. It's probably, well, then I look at, like, when you have eight wings and you're peeling the skin off all eight wings, and you're eating the chicken, and then you see all the skin just, like, in a bowl, you're like, wow.

I don't change it. I'm glad I didn't eat all that shit. That'll, yeah, I mean, that's fair. It'll save you. It'll save you a little bit. But somebody told me, Derek James, we were at the, after a show or something. We went to the tap right there on the corner, Mass Ave. And I was like, he was like, should I get a salad or wings?

And I was like a salad. And he goes, no, eight wings are healthier than a salad. Because the wings are like, they're not fried, I guess. When you get buffalo wings, like at certain places, they're, just straight up chicken. So it's all protein. And the salad, you got croutons,

you got cheese, you got lettuce. Like it's just kind of a more bullshit meal. So I'm totally convinced now. I mean, wings are out there than salad. Is that crazy?

I think, like, your traditional bone-in wings, you can make an argument. You're not dunking them in ranch and shit, just because like you said, it's like literally just the chicken

on the bone. Yeah. The boneless is where you get like the breading and the nugget and everything like that. It starts becoming dessert. Right. Yeah. And then you have,

with bone, you're not just popping those things like chicken poppers. You're dipping and you're dunking and you're dumping and everything. Dipping and dunking. Yeah, that's why I like don't feel that, especially if they're flats. If you give me- I'm starting to love those. If you give me 15 flat wings, just turn into a cave, man.

Well, I'm fucking, I'm ripped. I'm thin. I'm cut. You start mixing the drums in there. I'm like, oh, Jesus. Who am I? Chubby face. Here we go.

Yeah. Just looking at them. The drums just look like you're a fat ass. They do. You're like, who, uh, my Santa Claus?

Santa would house some wings, man. Oh, he'd be drums only. Santa's post game. He'd be brumpa bum bumming that shit, dude. Santa's post game meal when he gets home.

Oh, what is it? What is it? Like you said, after a long night. 32, 32. What time does Santa get home?

I would think like, with this time warp, it would be like, seven in the morning, Christmas morning or something. I don't really know. All right, yeah. No, or he like works to where it's like, he works all the way in the eastern part of the world

when it's like midnight there. They just makes his way west. So really by the time he gets to the North Pole, it's only like one in the morning. He's back at one. Yeah, all those time zones. How does Santa calculate all that shit? So it's like one in the morning.

So he's basically just like, he's like tired drunk and like hungry drunk. He has been having booze? I don't know. No, I'm saying like, you know when you're so tired or you're so hungry. We've been tired drunk many of times When it's like four in the morning

We're like editing a video It's like I don't even know what's going on Oh I see what you mean Not actually drunk Maybe he is popping a little bit in the fucking sleigh I bet he knows Santa would have a flask The reindeer doing shit All the shit anyways was he ever do

Chris Kringle embroidered on his flask That he got from a wedding From his buddy Is he K? Is he C? I don't know Or is it K I think I said C Because Christmas starts with C

Maybe he's CK Calvin K I don't know. Yeah, all right, all right. So he gets home around one. And it's just literally, dude, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a bucket of 32 traditional drum wings. A smaller, like what you would feed like a baby cat saucer full of ranch. And then like blue Labat.

Labat blue blue so unknown that you. Isn't that the most North Pole Santa Claus fat-ass beer of all time? Labat Blue. No eggnog or anything like that. Just Labat. Just shirt off, suspenders on only. Oh, yeah. Or he's not drinking Coke, though.

Santa fucking loves Coke. He could do, like I kind of do sometimes. Like, you don't really want the Labat Blue with the food. So, like, you have the Coke there. You're drinking the Coke for a little bit until it's done. And then you just hammer the Labat Blue. blue. Yeah, you don't want beer with your food or something normal. But he's, but it's on deck, bro. It's, it's, it's getting ready. It's warming up. It's swinging.

He can't wait to get to it. Yeah. But he just has to have that glass of Coke. He's, he's honestly probably a partnership paid thing, you know? Like, yeah, Coke Cole's like, hey, you have to have that there. He's got his Wyatt next to him is like, hey, we got to have the, we got to have the Coca-Cola bottle. You got to finish it at least three quarters of it, right? Give me a, yeah. Yeah, It's like the first sip Right But then It's a little bad blue

What's he watching? Oh dude Fucking Fucking replay The Immaculate Reception Or like NFL follies Or like something

So fucked up You know Like something That's just like a horror Like insidious He's like Oh ho I'm tired

I'm chingle bells No more jingle all the way Insidious The conjuring. Annabelle. He, like, has a secret crush on Annabelle. Santa, like, secretly hates Christmas. Oh, he does.

He just can't wait for it to be over. He's like, Jesus Christ, my 95th year. This pays the bills, but it's not what I'm passionate about. What Santa really like, though? Dude, his fucking, like, he's got wing remnants just fucking all over his gut. How many times do I say remnants? I like it. Wing remnants of New Candle.

For the girls, lemon remnants. the guys a da da da da da da da to the bone a target exclusive on Target Tuesday who's not buying this? Wow, that was fun thinking about real Santa.

I've never done that before. That's hilarious. Him watching horror movies is so funny, dude. Oh God. Anything but Christmas shit. His house is just a hot topic. Just fucking devil shit.

shit everywhere. He's a witch. His wife is like a hot ass witch. Kakes the boots off. Has one fucking hole in his big toe. Just poking out. For sure. Haynes sock.

One's haines. One's nothing. He takes the next week off. Just like the elves are just pissed. Oh, you know what is he's really passionate about though? For some reason, Harley Davidson motorcycles.

Oh, yeah. That's like his thing. Right when Christmas ends. I'm gonna go for a ride. actually doesn't even talk like that when it's not Christmas. He's like, hey, I'm going to go for a ride. I've had six little bats.

I'm going for a ride on the Harley. Live to ride, ride to live. Calls a Brett Farv. Both of them have sleeveless leather jackets on. Brett Farv's on the back. Is Brett Farv on the back? Yeah, he's holding on to him. No, they're riding together, bro.

Breadfars sidecar, Batman Robin shit. It's like a motorcycle gang, dude. It's just the worst people in the world. Santa, Brett Favre. Fucking, I don't know. Jeffrey Donno. The worst people. Me and you are definitely in that gang, though.

We're behind them. We're like trying to get in the club. Hey, can we ride with you guys? Oh, maybe next year. All right. Hey, they said next year. The worst fucking people ever. That's a motorcycle gang.

scared of, dude. You see Santa at the peak of a motorcycle gang? I'd be like, okay, we gotta get out of town. I got to move. Fucking Brett Fabre. Just with like chains. Makes the most sense in the world,

bro. Makes them most sense. Has a beard like Santa too. Oh yeah. Jacked Brett Fav. Carrot tops in there like just weird ass people. John Travolta. Wait, no, no, Danny DeVito.

Now I'm just like that just, that guy that shot the person. Alec Baldwin. Oh yeah. Same fucking three guys. Now I'm just describing the movie Wildhogs from 2007. It's like Tim Allen.

Alec Baldwin, dude. Tim Allen's like, uh, I played Santa Claus. Dude, you see there's a new Santa Claus fuck actual series coming out in Disney Plus. You like the Santa Claus movies, right? I do. Yeah. Just like the, just like that one where he's eating the pudding. though.

iconic scene. That'll never get out of my head. I watched it on YouTube because I wanted to see it so bad. It didn't hit the same. Oh, no, no. You gotta have like the theater surrounding the corner. You know, you gotta know,

you gotta be able to look down to your phone and see like December 8th. Or it's like on free form, you know, 25 days of Christmas. Literally every single year since 2017. I'm pretty sure I've sent that clip to you, both your sisters,

my sister. Just, I didn't even say anything. I just, send it. Is that the song? Is that... No.

That song, every fucking Christmas movie. Every time at the, like, juxtaposition when, like, the guy who hates Christmas is, like, doesn't want to be a part of it. And then the guy who's super jolly about Christmas is, like, right there to be like... Yeah, isn't it great? And he's, like, rolling his eyes.

Like, takes a drink out of his flask. Bar-da-d-d-bear. And then it cuts to him. and he's like fucking up the wrapping paper and everything. Tree falls down. Honey! Do do do do. I love that song, dude.

Is that an Italian or is that Iotos? Love Iotos. Coach Bs. Shut out. But, dude, just Italian music reminds me at Christmas. Like in restaurants? Sure. Yeah.

I mean, we talked to this plenty of times. Like, Italian is very Christmas. Like everybody's having stuffed shells, spaghetti. Stuff shells. You know. Fucking tortellini. A lot of cheese involved. Right.

Tell me when to stop with the cheese. Don't. Don't. Yeah. And then like, you know, Sinatra, right? He's kind of synonymous with it. You're thinking, like, it could be July. You're like, is this him singing, have yourself a merry little Christmas?

That's what I'm saying. It doesn't matter what time it is. You hop into Italian restaurant. Fazoles. I'm like, uh? Happy. all this. I'll take another breadstick.

Fucking Santa's in the back, whipping up the food. Apron, no shirt. Shazoli's weird place, but kind of hits. Breadsticks, always good.

Yeah. They're like not even breadsticks at one point. Maybe we should introduce what podcast this is. This is episode two of these guys. We talked about it last week.

You know what it is? We come in here. We sit down. We have coffee. We're rolling. We make fun of stuff and we laugh and that's it. Yeah. Pretty easy.

Yeah. We're not doing, we're not ground baking anything here, but ground baking. Didn't even say ground breaking. Not ground baking. I'm hungry. So I was like, yeah, yeah, we are. We are doing that. I was thinking about fucking last week that, this past week I was just saying,

oh, super dope. That was super dope. Wait. Oh, did you say that? I was like, yeah, so dope. So dope. So. dope.

Just turn to European. I look at you, you have like a cigarette in your mouth. And a goatee. I'm like, what the fuck? And a beret. Yeah. So dope. You know, weird how European people just smoke all the time.

Do they? Yeah, like after everything. It's like, it's like their dessert after they eat. Dude, smoking is wild. I've been watching Madman. I know you definitely haven't watched that. Jeez. You wouldn't, I don't even think you'd make it through the first eight minutes of the first episode.

I wouldn't know how to spell it on Netflix. I'd be like And so man This show is This show is wild Dude it's like based in 1960 literally It's just this ad agency And it's just basically just like

Objectifying women and smoking cigarettes It was like the whole show Drinking whiskey at like 10.30 in the morning Oh like during their like meetings and stuff They're just pound in whiskey Oh yeah It always looks so good in movies Dude I know right

Like fuck I want some whiskey And they pour glass No chaser no mix so they just house it. They're always slamming it on the table and coming up with ideas. That was do this. That was,

that was going, how about? Yeah. They're bloody Mary's at the middle of the table. Like when the clients come in, I'm like, what the fuck is this? Just rip in six.

The worst habit. One woman walks in there like, hey, how'd you like to have a good time tonight? Hey, sugar tits. Hey, hey. I'm like,

what the dude? Sugar tints. It's wild. You know, like how a lot of people are like, man, you know, it's just not the same as it was back in the day.

And I get that about certain things. you know, like the Fox NFL graphics and such, but... Very specific. But like, you watch a show like that and you're just like, that can't. It's fucked up. Probably, this is, it's probably good that we're doing it this way now. This is, this is probably good.

Don't think I want my wife going into a workplace like that. Nah. Or my sister. Home, Huntie. Or my, yeah. Or any woman. Actually, I don't even think I'd want to go on the smoking. God.

smoking sigs, you know. Back when they had like smoking sections and restaurants. Remember that? We were alive for that. That was so weird. So you walk in smoking or non-smoking, bro? Like it fucking matters. Oh, yeah.

So if you said non-smoking, it's not going to like travel. Okay, yeah. Dude, I want to be, this is like, I'm not, okay. I wouldn't be surprised if we got to a point where it was like, Okay, do you, would you like COVID or no COVID? And it's like the COVID is like a section where there's no like barriers, no masks, you know, you go sit over there. But then on the other half of the restaurant, they have like those little bitch-ass like fiberglass protectors in between the booths and the tables and shit, you know? Exactly.

It's the same shit of the slagie glass. It's like, right. Bro, that's just saran rat. Just put up some saran around. He won't get it. Same shit is smoking, non-smoking. Wow. It's going to be weed or.

or no weed. Hmm. Probably. Interesting. Yeah. At an applebees? The bar all just smoke. You're sitting two feet outside of it.

God, we chose that non-smoking. Shit. Thanks, Mom. No, their non-smoking section sucks. My son got high as fuck at TGA Fridays. All just chain restaurants like that.

Chili's. Applebee's Cheesecake Factory Everywhere where Every place you eat at a mall That Antianns So what's up man

What you got going on this weekend Dude you got some shows You really want to know what I'm doing I guess Bro it's insane So Coach P was like You know

New wife Doing new things Hey B You want to go to a real haunted house This weekend And I'm like

In my first reaction is fuck no what no way dude and then i'm like where is it could make some content out of this yeah well i guess i don't want to give it away so i'm going to a real i don't know where it is i'm just like all right we'll figure it out i'll figure it out two hours before we go or something but it's not that far it's like an 8 p.m. to 4 a.m. thing so i'm going ghost hunting this weekend coach p at a haunted house interesting doesn't want to go at all This is one of the new wife things.

Maybe he does a little bit, but like not too much. Well, getting to be that time. It's October this weekend, bro. What's that time? We're in the game. Give me a haunted hay ride over a haunted house any day. Yeah, really? Yeah, you're not moving.

Well, physically, you're moving. A haunted hay ride, like when you're in the back of a weird hay trailer and you're sitting there and it's like, yeah. I haven't been in an on one. one of those since like fourth grade, I feel like. They're good. Uncomfortable, but good.

You know what? I like, I like that the maze with the bales of hay. You like can't. Ooh, that's too much for me. Really? See, I mean,

that's like real. It's like, wow, I really get lost in it. They could really be a fucking Jeffrey Dommer out in here. It's just a little more fun. Then you got the chainsaw guy popping up every now and that? God,

the chainsaw guy, man. Are they so good at their craft? It's insane. Every year. I'm just like, is it real? I know. Does it even have like a blade thing?

Have we had? Or is this a noise box? I don't know. That's what I'm saying. Like, this is going to sound horrible. I'm sure we have. But have we had a serial killer that like fronted as that job? I was just,

there's got to be a scary movie about that. It would make so much sense. Like he does that and like you don't know if it's real or if it's not, you know? And then like you get too close and he actually just fucking fron. And it just like kicks you to the curb. But it's like where Johnny go. Oh, well, he wasn't feeling too good. I think he bounced.

Just seven of your friends slaughtered at Hannah Haunted Acres. Here I go. Whoops. Maybe we're giving ideas to people we shouldn't. I don't know. I was just thinking about that. It should be a scary movie idea, though. I think it might be.

Let's go with that. It's more of a scary movie idea. Obviously, don't do it in real life. Got to have that disclaimer. I think my dad's bringing back an Italy jersey for you. No way. I think. I don't quote me on that, but he sent me a few.

And he said something about Ben. I don't know. I was like two in the morning when I read it and I was like changing Frank Stiper. I don't know. I don't know. Speaking of that, I don't, man,

I wish I could go back in like 16 year old self just be like, bro, you think you don't got enough sleep right now coming home from football practice and it's like 11.30 and you get down with homework or whatever and you go to bed and you got to wake up at 6 a.m. You think that's not enough sleep?

You dead ass tired right now? Just wait, brother. You dead tired? How much sleep you get all that night? We've been on a little run where I think, because it sounded decent like you were maybe only like three hours a night it's it's tough because you said you were like waking up every three hours but you're still getting a good night sleep but now it's kind of like now he's he's changed i don't know what's going on but he's kind of

up at night sleeping during day fussy at night and shit man and fussy i did i threw on Seinfeld i was just like literally walking around my room holding him last night his eyes were wide open not even blinking like this is great it's 2 30 in the morning and so I was like you know what I can't do when I can't sleep Frank they're on Seinfeld threw on Seinfeld he was kind of like I was holding him and he was kind of like tilting his head he was vibe in the light a little bit

and then like I started kind of patting him down everything and he started he finally did he went to sleep which is great so my boy loves Seinfeld of course Fussy Frank Fussy Frank but no man yeah I'm very tired but it's a good show it's a good show good show good show episode two

These guys Cool Thanks for Thanks for listening Yeah Thanks for coming on bro Where It's our show

What do you mean I'm fucking know Yeah Never not end a show We're turning the calendar Calendar's turning to October The holiday It's just around the corner

Yeah This is a good time to do this show Because we're holiday bitches Yes sir All right See you next time Thank you.