THESE GUYS! - Scam My Way In & Out

Episode Date: January 24, 2023

On this episode Ben and Joey talked about Ben's last will when he passes away

shit this is these guys baby yeah dude greenwood park mall three's nice

dude they're real I'm just fucking with you dude never stops I think these are fake actually 2009 to 2023 these are those stock acts

I don't know if I bought the right ones joints told you before told you a million times it will never end with Plitsy will I'll be

I'll be in my casket and he'll say something to me. And I won't know, but I will know. Yeah, I'll be like, damn, those flowers? You're going sunflowers on your funeral? You're just raw dogging it with no headphones on? Who are you? I don't know. I didn't like it. I was like, what is missing? Missing. I don't have a, I don't have a coffee. That's what's missing. Oh, we're back to the regular cups and I'm sad. Dude, those are like way too fresh. I was kind of, I kind of like them because they're so plain. Like, hold on.

They got it. Dude, that's just a for the, for the next hour. Fuck it. Nobody wants to hear anything else. Just a little these guys, ASMR. Can I get a hit of that real quick? Hold on.

Just you doing that with your cup and my nose whistle. You ever meet? You ever meet somebody with just the meanest nose whistle besides your dad? Every dad ever just. Only when they're, sleeping though, right? Oh, my dad just straight in the car.

Sounds like a chew-choo train, dude. All aboard! I haven't reached that point yet. And my dad, he's snoring really bad. Oh, dude. Every other night. What's going on with snoring? Bro, every other night, Riley will literally, like, kick my leg.

Hey, girls, you can snore, too. What's a big deal? Just fucking let it loose. Kick my leg and I'll wake up. She's like, the snoring. I'm like, was I, I, I genuinely, like, I have no idea. Obviously, I have any idea. I'm fucking sleeping.

That's what I think, too. I'm like, like, they're pissed. Like, she's pissed at me because I'm like, so sorry I was in heaven. In the deepest sleep of my life. It would felt great. And now, I'm, now it's even worse because you're pissed and now I'm pissed. Wouldn't you feel so bad? If the rolls were reversed and your girl was just fucking ripping the pain off the walls, I'd be like, I'm not, I'm moving into another room because what a great sleeper.

Yeah, right. Dude. Hey, wake up, you bitch, you're a snort. Damn, all right. My bad. Talk to my nose about it. I don't fucking know. Has anybody ever said, right?

Like, what is, what is it? Get my nose secretary on it. Like, is it when you just sleep with your mouth open? It's just when you're on your back. And on your back is A1 sleeping. I've been, I've been back sleeping recently. Back sleeping is it.

It's been real, real nice. I don't give a shit either. And you know what? The biggest thing for me in that is that my knee bones aren't clanking together. Dude, on the side. Nobody's ever thought about that. Dude, yeah, huh? Man, when you sleep on your side and your like legs are together and your fucking knees are just like bone on bone before you got to sleep. Grudge door shut.

Front door lock. Knees clanking together. We're good. No, I hate it, man. So I just said, I said, screw it. I said, I'm going on my back. I'm getting real cozy because now every time. time that I'm doing, it's like the older I get, the more bony the knees get. And now I'm having

to like slide my hand in between their bitches. I thought about that. I've never thought about that. But then I wake up and my hand is literally asleep. What's going on with your knees? They have magnets in both your knees? Right when you said, your knee bones? Never when you, you walk in down the street. I mean, you're a freak. So you probably literally sleep in a cocoon upside down. No, I just sleep like the, I sleep the most normal ever. This is how I sleep. I literally put my hands right here, folded. Bro, so... Do you do that sometimes?

And you're like, man, am I at my showing? Am I... We're talking about funeral twice now, but am I in my casket right now? Like, you know, lay like that? People in caskets look so comfy. Every time I'm like, damn, grandpa, they put you to sleep.

Good. Shit. Even in a suit and everything. Yeah. Damn. I don't want to be in a suit. Can you pick? What's up with that?

I think I'm going to put... We should start a company to wear you. you can, like, we are the ones who designate, not designate, but like, we put the designate together. Hey, what would you wear? Shut the fuck up. I can't wait to fill out my form for what I'm going to wear in my casket.

Blue Iverson jersey. Yeah. Jordan shorts that go down to my mid shin. Just everything in my closet. Like, don't dress me up, bro. Yeah, that's so, yeah. So played. What is that?

Yeah. Put me in a. suit. Shut up. Put him in a suit. Put her in a dress. That's not cozy. So I can scam my way out, just like I scam my way in.

Jeez. You ever had somebody say to you? Yeah, bro. You were sawing logs last night. So. Jesus. Mine's more like starting a fucking lawnmower, dude. You never felt like a bigger piece of shit than when somebody says, man, you were saw and logs.

bro, when people are snoring like that, I tip my cap. And I will snore like that during a party. Like around everybody? Yeah, dude. Like all the, all the guys from F.O. Allen met up. We all like got this Airbnb in Miami. Like, it was like 2 a.m. Like, you know, after party at our plate.

Dude, I was on the couch. Saw and logs. Just saw on logs with a glass of wine about to tip over. I was just out, dude. Just. Who's not snoring? Dude, yeah, snoring on a plane. Because you can only sleep with your head back straight, like just straight in the air.

I've got, I had, that's a fear for me. Plain is prime snoring. It is, though? Because I thought it was when you're on your back, your throat. Yeah, but when you're in a plane, you're kind of like. No, but I have to, you have to lean your head back a little, like, so you have the slightest bit of tilt. Because you're not just sleeping straight up like this. Like, you're like tilting a little bit.

So it's like you're laying down. I do have that pill. thing though. So I might be... I've got the mic. I've got the mic all start. Attachment on my shoulder

pad there. How come every guy with one of those cowboy collars is that kind of player? There's never like a finesse player with a cowboy collar on. They're just gonna beat this shit out of you.

Slot receiver with a cowboy collar. That was me, dude. Coach would be like, what are you doing? Get that shit off. You put some TC bands on. That is shit.

Back deep on kick return of the cowboy. collar on. All right. It's like, he might run over me, but he's definitely not going to run by me. That's true. Yeah. Cowboy collar is, can I get a hit? For old time sick. I'm telling you what it is.

Wow. Can't wait. I mean, it's not. You want me to waterfall? Just no, do whatever you want. All right. Runs out to my car with it. Whoa. Is that a PSL? You dirty bitch. No, it's not a PSO. It's a chai. Yeah.

Dirty chai. Chai. Not shy. One pump. Yeah, but the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the suit's in the caskets. So, stupid. Like, hey, especially, yeah, for, for 90% of the people. All right.

What are they going to spend the rest of eternity in until they degrade into nothing? Something that they were never, ever in. You think there's, like a back to the suit or they just cover up the front? It's like a blanket. Yeah. Like, we don't want to waste too much money on them. Nobody's going to see his ass. It's like a, like a car cover.

One of those where your dad puts it over the nice ass guard that he likes. Put me in a snuggy. Put me in... Actually, don't even put me in a casket at all. Just have fun with my ass after I die. I always said that I should, like, it would be fun to be, like, stuff like an animal. So, like, you live on...

Build a bear. Yeah, like, you live on, you know? Like, how they... With, like, hunters who, like, kill deer and, like, moose, they, like, stuff them, so that way they can, like, display them in their house. Walk into Frankie's house and 50 years, your fucking heads on the wall.

dude my head or like we always say baseball in your mouth half your hair is black half your hair is yellow how time with that me man Cubs Purdue contacts in just fucking

just fucking grandpa watch it over you always come over smack in a face three times for good luck that's so fried play like pap ball today every time you walk in your house or even if it's not just

you know even if it's on just a head, you know, like full body. And I can be like the, the coat hanger, you know, just put my arm up like this and you all just hang your coat on my arm. No, we're giving you high fives and shit, dude. I know, you give me a high five, but then you throw the coat over the arm, right? And everybody's like the holiday. It's like, hey, yeah, you need me to take your coat.

Yeah, we're going to put it on pat ball. They have a party. Your arm's like, is your full body there or just your head? No, my full body. I'm like in a, I'm like, you know, in a Heinz Ward jersey with blue jeans and they're tucked in. Blue jeans. I'm not tapping the shit out of you.

I'm, I'm twirling a terrible towel. And the towel's hanging out of my hand. Flaccid ass towel. Flaccid towel. Right. But then like during game days, like Frankie has like a fan that blows just enough to wear it twirls on.

I'm getting worried about Frankie at this point, right? He likes you way too much. Yeah, just keep him alive in the corner for 10, 15 years, Frankie. Yeah. Would be a little problem. Then like eventually what do you know,

do they just tossing me out for good, you know? I'd so make out with you right when I saw you. Right when I walk in your house. Go Steelers. Why are we saying you're living longer than me? I don't know. Because I'm going to die like in the next month for sure. Dude, and when I do like have fun with my ass, like throw me off like bridges and shit, you know?

Like he's dead, but his body's like for the next day, just like throw paint cans at me. Like shit like that. Donuts and shit. Just fuck me up. then my funeral, you know. Not paint cans, but donuts. Just fucked up shit, you know, hit me with a car a couple times. See how that goes. I'm definitely, you know what I'm definitely doing? I'm definitely running over your foot with a car. Oh yeah. Yeah, finally making that happen. But first you're going to like put a like a Ravens jersey on me.

Not running you over, dude. I'm just fucking doing your, you know, I don't like gore like that. Like you would still like all your shit would, you know what I mean? Like, don't they drain your blood, though, before, uh, before, like your funeral. They, they, they hang you upside down for sure. I don't, I don't know. That's a good question. But I mean, you're saying like the day after, you know, so it's like, downfall. It's still fresh. Yeah. So I don't, I don't want to do that. I'm just like, you know. Hit me with the foot. The foot, throw donuts at you. Rent a little Chevy Cavalier. You might want to be careful searching this, Nicola, because like, all of a sudden the FBI

and comes up and we found four searches of what happens to your blood when you die when do they drain it how long does it take for it to smell all just our dumb ass talking about then there's just like

jersey search under it Chris Fulamata my follow jersey bury me in a Tommy Maddox 8 bro white right all right that's part of your will for me

I'll remember that a white White. I know it's real. Black is two played. You didn't just stop at the Tommy Maddox jersey. You thought about this and you're like, nah, white.

Oh yeah, I went the Reebok one with the NFL equipment logo right there. Those jerseys, he slapped. People know. Like, if you don't know the difference between a Nike NFL jersey and a Reebok NFL jersey like that people are wearing out,

those Reebok ones were, that made me won a jersey. Now they just look like a big t-shirt. Nice. Like a big t-shirt. Like a big shirt. Like a big. D-shirt.

D-shirt. Your favorite food is pizza. That was so awkward. If only we could have that footage, probably you still do somewhere, hopefully. No. That would be a really, you know what,

that would be a really great TikTok, that meme that's going on right now. The kid for Stranger Things, no, that kid from Stranger Things, they're like Snap. So funny. The NFL jerseys,

the Reebok to the Nike ones. That would go hard. Just for us, though. I don't know, man. I think every guy our age relates to that shit because everybody was getting, you know, coming back from Christmas break with like the Bob Sanders fucking white holes in your jersey, mesh-ass jersey. Got the chills. But, you know, it's like the ones now are, you know, without the the mesh feel and everything, it is a little, it's different. It's a little T-shirtish, but like it's cleaner too, you know.

Yeah. Like it looks, like photographs better. Like I feel like burpy boy. I love you burpee boy. Whoa. Side-in-up before I get to that real quick. That is transition into my real life because the other day, Rye was like, I love you Frankie boy.

Okay, boy. Tings it. Yeah, it was wild. Wife's complete. It was big. Think something about Nike jerseys. Jersey. Like with the ones that they have now, like you feel like I could.

wear that to a bar to like a party and not feel like a total piece of shit. So sports guy. Yeah. The other, the other ones might have been too like that's, I could wear this in a game. Yeah, that's like too clear. I mean, that has to be like tailgate like game day in the environment. Like, but now like if it was like we were going to a party or something and I wanted to wear like my new Kenny Pickett jersey with like black jeans and my Jordans or whatever, it's like, oh shit. All right. Like that's like, that's like, that's pretty like slick. Okay. You know. There you go. So I think the NFL and their mega money minds were like, ah, let's flip that switch. Can we talk about this real quick?

And then we'll move on from Jersey since every woman has tuned out of this podcast right now. The NBA All-Star Game jerseys, All-Star Games coming up. They used to wear their own team's jerseys in the game, remember? They don't do it anymore, which sucks. But I just wanted to talk about that for a second. I just wanted to say that. That's pretty much it. I'm pissed.

That's all right. That's good. It's good. All right. What are you going to say, though? Don't remember. Damn. I'm, oh, I'm a Diet Coke guy now. I don't, I mean, not, listen, I'm still going to snag myself like a McDonald's fountain Coke. Don't get me wrong every now and again. Yeah. Like straight up Coke or diet? Straight up on that. But like, if you're buying like a can, you know, like a 12 pack of cans or you're over at somebody's house, like if they have Diet Coke cans, I think, I'm going to get that. I think I'm going to have one of those now. What's in them? There are no calories. Is there sugar?

Because I get it. If there's nothing in it, I get it. There's no calories and there's less sugar. Nicola, can we get this? It's less sugar, I'm pretty sure. How much sugar is in a Diet Coke? Most search thing in the history of the internet. I mean, it's, yeah.

Like, it just, how did an art? Wow, that's a crazy first search thing. it just like I think for mentals it just makes me I'm like you know I'm not having as many calories Worst typeer

Jesus Christ bro just look it up on your phone next time holy shit I hate I hate when people can't type I think it's because we just went

through like the hell trying to learn that shit in high school bro younger people can't type because yeah you're right that's true. Did you have to do a typing class in high school? Yeah, like the home row and all that stuff.

Yeah. What happened? It's all out of the window. I don't know. I was going to say, you're, you're the lost and found, bro.

You got no home row. All right. Sugar is Diet Coke. None. There we go. Low calorie. To give Diet Coke, it's great taste without sugar.

So no cow, no sugar. What's going on? There's something going on with Diet Co. Why is everybody so addicted if there's nothing? Well, I think there's some sort of, like carcinogen or chemical or something that like the thing that's in Doritos?

I don't know about that one, but like it, uh, it, it's more prone to like, give you cancer. Oh. But again,

I know that's how fucked up we are. It's like, hey, no cows versus cancer. Kimmy the cans. Yeah. Dude. I'll beat the odds.

No sugar. No calories. Probably cancer though. Let me pop one open. Toss one over here. shit in me? No chubby face? Come on. Right. Let's go. No, loki. I've been on some shit like that too. What do you mean? I've been cracking the zivias. What kind of black market drink is this? Dude, it's not black market. It's pretty like, it's pretty well known. Nikki Glazer put me on.

I was in her green room before the show when I, shh. And she was, I was like, I'm very interested in green room snacks and shit. Yes. Because that's like all I want to know. Yeah. That's the only reason I want to be on the show. Exactly. She had all these bars, these low cow, her diet's A1. And she had these drinks called Zivia. And I was like, what kind of shit is this? Let's see Nicole try to type out Zivia. Oh, God, dude.

We'll be here until fucking Christmas. No, there you go. Okay, I've seen these. Pretty, pretty, I like that cans. Give me a little like 76ers. It is. It's a little throwback. But I'm on the cream soda.

Cream soda, man. That's a right there. That's it. Look at all. Look at the stats, baby. Zero calories, zero sugar. Gluten free. Non-GMO, kosher, vegan, gluten-free, and you're definitely going to get cancer. It says no preservatives, though. I feel like that's like the big can't's thing. I don't know, dude. Well, that's like, okay, I'm going to have to try that out. But I'm off the Zivia right now.

Zivia and, uh, I can't stop drinking them, dude. Frescas. Fresca's the shit. Fresca's pretty good. I think it's too mainstream. I like a, I like a fat little can. like that, though. Takes me back. I think Fresca has a skinny tall can that you kind of want to make out with? No, they don't got the skinny tall. Really? Yeah. They're just OG cans?

OG cams. No skinny tall. Yeah, man. That's shit right there. It's fresh. It looks fresh. It looks like you're like, oh, wow, it's like summertime. I'm at a lake or something. Big house. No cows. Big time chaser right there. Oh, yeah. Definitely. That'll ruin your life with some teetos.

You'll never drink it again. Exactly. So that's why I don't. But, you know, if I was caught in a pinch, definitely would. Caught in a pinch. You know what I'm doing right now? You know what I've got right now? What? Right now going on?

My vibe? What? I don't know where my wallet is, vibe. What'd you do? It's just, you know, through that changing clothes, fuck clothes, fuck it could be in the car. We don't know where it is. Not too worried because I've got an air tag on it. Oh, good for you.

Yeah. But I'm still kind of like, you know. My first thought when I don't know where my wall is, it's like, oh, it's on the ground in a parking lot. It's my first thought all the time. Mine's always like, it's on the ground at a bar. Damn, dude. What a walk of shame.

Walking into a bar like on a weird Monday. And luckily, I don't have any... Here we go. Knock on a little wood. I don't have... I've been really lucky. I've never put all over this bitch. Shut the fuck out.

I've had, I've had, don't get me wrong. I've had some nights out on the town, the town, I had some nights where I wake up the next morning and I'm like, one, how did I even get back to my house? Not that I did it unsafe. Like I would, you know, get an Uber, but I just like don't. Two, I don't know if my wallet is here and I'm afraid to like go check my jeans that are laying on the ground over there.

Yeah, I'd rather just get an all new shit than check my jeans. Freeze the cards. How about that? When you think you lost your wallet and you freeze all your shit and you find it 13 seconds later. You're like, God damn it. No, see, I haven't done it, but I've been very lucky.

Like somehow I'm always, I'm a very conscious of just, it's like I make sure I got it. No matter what state of mind I'm in. Every time you leave anywhere. And it's like, dude, but like what a relief that next morning when you get up, you fit up those jeans,

those bitch ass saggy jeans laying there on the ground. The belt's still in them. Oh, yeah. And you're like, all right. It's like you know the back of your head that they're there. But at the same time, you're like, what if it's not? What if it's not?

And so you go and you check and you just feel it right in the back pocket or whatever. And you're like, feel like shit, but that makes you feel a lot better going back to sleep. Good night. Taking off your pants immediately when you get into your house after any time, any amount of time wearing jeans. And these are coming off seven seconds walking into your house.

Are you wearing those all day? I've worn them all day. I mean, hey, I have a very specific, but like old Navy black jeans. I'm good, man. They don't bother me. There's no way. Are they're stretchy?

Pretty stretchy, yeah. Yeah, they're not stiff. I can get some movement in here. I'm wearing shorts all day, every day. At the house, don't care. Shorts meet snow. If it were up to me, dude, I would wear shorts every day in the winter,

but people are always like, aren't you cold? I'm like, fuck off. Yeah, why people care so much. It's the same shit, like... Just because no one has anything to talk about ever, so that's what they talk about. That's true. But like, even in the summertime, like July, like, shit, man, you'll catch me with some shorts, but like a long sleeve dry fit, like Steelers shirt on.

People are just like, long sleeves. I know. But the sleeves? And it makes you feel like shit a little bit. Oh, but the sleeves. I was wearing a long sleeve, like kind of bag your shirt this. summer, like, went out to some place. I got fucking ragged on by people.

What is it? I just, I was like, God damn. And I'm not a big, I'm not, so I'll wear gym shorts like crazy, but I'm not a big, like, I'm a big burpee boy, but I, I love you burpee boy. I'm not a big, like, casual shorts in the summer. So weird. I'm just not, I'm not, I don't. I try it.

Yeah, I'm not into it. It doesn't feel right for me. It doesn't look right for me. I don't know. what shoes away. It's just not me. You actually rode me for that. I took a picture with my dad. I was wearing packy shorts. You go, those are the ones from St. Barnabas? Yeah. He said some shit like that. Dude, I was shook when I saw that picture. I was like, one, you're touching your dad. I didn't know what to wear. Two, what in that, like, did he require

you to wear those? Well, I was just totally lost. I didn't know what to wear. But yeah, so it's like whenever you go out in the summer now, you know, I'm like, I'll wear like my black jeans and people lose their mind. And I'm like, guys, I just, It's more comfortable for me. I think it looks better. It's a fashion flex. Yeah. Like, I'm not that hot.

Like, I'm not wearing woolly mammoth fucking fur on my legs. Which would look great too. Dude, if you walked around with... Wully mammoth fur. I'd be like, fuck, yeah.

Where are we going? Yeah. We're going to line dancing? We're going to saddle up. Saddle up. What would you have in your green room? Ooh. Wow.

Because, I mean, that's coming. Like, you're already there pretty much. You're like selling shows and doing that. Before shows, I don't really, I'm kind of like good to go. And then after the show, it's like, let's fucking ball. That's, it goes both ways, right? I mean, like, there's always just have to have it before. I'd go some sparkling water, some shit like that.

Snacks. You know what? They asked me one time what I wanted in the green room. And I was like, bro. I go, give me a bottle of cab. And then I go, and for some reason, just a box of raisins. And they're like, hey, do you like grapes? Can't tell. I was like, oh, shit.

Yeah, weird, but that's exactly what I wanted, dude. I was just smashing raisins before a show. Just crushing raisins. Like, dude, there was a period of time. Like, I was killing a box a night. Wow. They're so fucking good. Do you like raisins?

You hate raisins. I mean, to be fair, I haven't really had them for like 15 years probably. Really? Yeah. Not even on an accident? I mean, in like trail mix, which they're good. But I think it's like a nice mix with the salty and that, you know. Are you a texture guy when it comes to raisins?

No. Okay. Texture. There's a freak about texture. She has so many foods that she won't eat just because of the texture. And I'm like, yeah, it doesn't really bother me. I don't even think about texture. No.

Who's thinking about texture? I'm starving. Like my sister won't have beef. Fuck out of here. Because the texture? I mean, okay, change the DNA of the cow then.

I don't know. What do we? I mean, nobody else is complaining about beef texture. You're not sinking your teeth into a juicy ass cheeseburger every now and then? Mm-mm, texture.

Hey, can't tell if Chick-fil-A's your favorite restaurant or not. Did you write those marketing materials, Maddie? That texture. Is she the cow? Yeah, exactly. She's the cow on the billboards.

Love it. Rusted my mom last week. Getting my sister this week. Yeah. Talk to them. Come on. Yeah, for me, I think you have to have a little bit of,

you know, you have a little bit of diversity, right? So I'm thinking, black box of Cabernet Sauvignon. Crazy. Diet code. It's like the lowest. to end wine ever.

But that box never runs out. Fuck it. Yeah. And it's delicious. Fucking, uh, Diet Coke cans. Not bottles? No.

Whoa. Why not? Bolls are such a cooler vibe. No. Okay. And then, um, I would have a big bowl of skittles.

You're wild. You're wilding. Honey roasted. nuts. You're going crazy, bro. Is this a Super Bowl or what's going on here? It's my green room, dude. You're like 10 pounds of sloppy Joe's and seven-layer dip.

And your dad brings us stuffed crust pizza at half time. Let's party. I'm like, but what about the show? Pretty much. Yeah, you finished it off for me there. Afterwards, see, all the stuff that I said is like pre-show. And then all the stuff you said would be like after post. Post.

Show is my shit, bro. You're just gumming in there. I'm a glut. post show. The NFL primetime music's playing by request. That's your walk-up music, dude. We figured it out. What song are you coming up to?

Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. So good. So-good. The soundtrack to my life. Man. No idea. You ever think about how it's like now at the point in our lives where we are in our age.

Like, we're at that point when you can literally look back and it's like, wow, like 2009 to 2013, like that was like an era. And there was like fashion trends and there was music and like, you know what I mean? Because for like,

I think it's still going on now too. But we just, we aren't like, locked in on it. I mean, no, it is. But what I'm saying is that like, you know, when I was a kid, you know, my dad was in high school from 80s.

to 89 or 85 to 89 or whatever. You have this dad in the world. And so your dad's literally three years older than me. I'm like, what was good? What are we doing this weekend? He was like, when I think about it,

you know, he was talking about it. And it's like, wow, the 80s, right? That was like the era, you know? Like they had their shit with like the puffy hair and the rock bands and the new hip hop and like the, all that shit. And now I'm like, holy cow, like, era was the same, not the same thing, but like, yeah, like LMFAO was a thing.

And Kid Cuddy was big and like wearing big nerdy glasses was a thing and like super tight jeans and like snapbacks. Did it all. Oh, yeah, right? Like it's all. You can't escape the trains, dude. Nope. I did all that shit. Dude.

Still doing it. Somebody, somebody, somebody posted. Yeah. Gargo pants. Literally same shit. You're, you're, you've come so far that. you've been in twice on the cargo pants. Wait, these were, yeah, I guess,

were these banging? Not camo pants, but cargo pants. Oh, yeah, cargo for sure. But camo cargo shorts, dog. They're coming back. I was. Are you predicting that trend? I might, summer 2023, the summer of the camera cargo shorts.

Those are the shorts. Black jeans? Nah, cargo shorts. Cammo cargo shorts. I was all in on that. With that Charlie batch, black. 2012. 2012, 2013.

That's all I wore. Yep. Trends. Not going anywhere. Another hit, please. Okay. There's only a little bit left. Give me a spit.

I had to. It really is, man. It's the best thing. I think it's a little underrated if we're talking about it. It's definitely the best tasting. And then when you get espresso in there, there you're like,

all right, I'm getting my kick. Yeah. God dang, dude. Jesus Christ, B, B. This is like, I'm going for a world record. I don't know you burpy boy We could just have a TikTok today Of just from this episode

Of just the counter Ding ding ding ding Need that compilation dude Burpy boy in stroke compilation Most views we've ever seen In our lives on TikTok That tithop I love you burpee boy

Whoa Bro can you explain Because people were common People were common They're like nah Why is bro sitting like that you just tell everybody why you feel like you got to sit like that? It's just, is comfortable?

That's pretty, hey, I don't know, man. Just, it is what it is. This is how it would sit like, yeah, if I was just out of home. That's true. It's honestly, this is a most comfortable position. This is a tame version of what you would see, like, at his apartment, editing a video. Oh, if I'm, yeah. This is, this is like my A1 seating arrangement.

You're not going to be able to see it, but, you know, this right. here, bro. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. Laptop right there. Just anything right here. Phone, game on. This is it. This is it. Is that kind of yoga for you? Or like, what's going on? It just feels good, man, taking the pressure off my back a little bit. And then, like, everybody's doing this one. Like, when you get out of the shower, you still get your towel on, like halfway, your beds right here. This one? You do this? No. Really? Bro, I'm straight. When I get out of the shower, I'm all business, man. I'm drying off. I'm going to get my shit on. I know, but when you got like a chill day when you're just kind of like,

let me see what the fuck's going on here. You're leaning over your bed through towel on? I mean, I'm not saying I'm like one of those. He's against it. I'm not saying I'm one of those TikTok guys. You've seen that shit where that guy's like, so like the fact that 24 hour day is like you cut it the first six hours, that's a day.

And then the second six hours, that's a day. That shit's insane. That's crazy. I got stupid. I saw someone to comment and he was like, bro, literally just explained mornings and afterno. And like, they think they'd change the world. After I watched that, though, I was like,

here we go. I want to be that guy. Yeah. All right. So it doesn't matter if it's like a chill day or whatever. I'm just like when I'm, you know, a little wet, like drying off, like naked like that, you know, like Frank screaming somewhere. Like I got to just get in, get my shit on. Mm-hmm.

Go. Yeah, after a shower, it is. My, shit. It's not for everybody, man. That's really not. I don't think I'm doing it right. Jeans rip. What a dream that would be.

Yeah, you want people to subscribe on YouTube. It's the move. Crisscross App Sauce? Look this. We're out here. See, I'm not flexible enough to do that. You still do yoga? Mm-mm.

No. You were on yoga for a while. Big time. I would still do it, but just like, I don't know. I just... I remember we'd be, like, back in the day, it'd be like... So we wanted to, like, film tomorrow morning, this, this, such and such and such.

be like, doing yoga. Could we do it after? That's wild. Yeah. I wish I was still doing it. What happened? No, no. My sister used to teach classes and I used to go to her class.

It'd be like all rap music. She don't teach anymore? Nah. Not anymore. So when she stopped, I was just like, fucking why am I still? Yeah. I go every now and then I go like down the street to a little place. Hot yoga?

Yeah. Yeah. Just waiting to fly. fart. It's really all it is. You want to go to yoga? Oh, yoga. You mean who's going to fart first? That's all it is. That's all I would be able to think about. You know those athletic ass people in there are just eating the worst shit ever. Really? I would think they would eat the most like good shit.

So it's like all fiber and everything. Yeah. And fiber was good for shitting. I don't know. You eat a bunch of fiber and vegetables. The healthiest people are the worst like smelling people probably. Because they're just Yeah, because they got good, they got good fuel going through them, so they're just shitting all the time. Just eggs, dude. Bro, I watched this documentary the other day about a bodybuilder. Said this dude ate a hundred eggs a week. I might be getting close, dude.

I swear to God. Like that last week, I didn't even think about it. I'd eat six eggs in the morning, six eggs at night and be like, I just had a dozen eggs in a day. Man, with the price of eggs nowadays, you're putting them down like that. I don't see the price skyrocketing anymore. You don't see the egg flation over in Needlers? I go to the store.

Eggs are 350. I'm like, cool. Gives a shit. What are they usually? Rio 2? I don't know. I don't believe the hype in the whole egg. What's, uh,

I see scrambling? I'm scrambling. Sometimes I'm, I'm just flipping them. You know, just, I don't know what that is. Scramble is good.

Scramble is good. I just twist it up, though, every now and then. You put any hot sauce or anything on there? Dude, I talk about this on all my 15,000 podcasts I have. Been rocking with deli mustard hard. Just, wait, so just like straight up yellow mustard and eggs? Deli, deli. What is that?

Deli. Everybody know a deli? Yeah? Yeah, they're like, you want this, that, or it's kind of like a little spicier. There might be a little horseradish in it. I'm a big sauce. I'm a big sauce girl right now. Deli mustard.

So it's like the brown mustard or whatever they call it? Yeah, but it's not like Dijon or spicy mustard. It's just like a mix. You put that on eggs, huh? Bro. Man, I put it on fucking everything. Salmon. Well, mustard hydrates you.

Right? Gives you like the electrolytes or whatever? I don't know what it does, but it slaps. That's what's in my green room. Are you on your green room? Deli mustard and raisins. scrambled eggs. Ooh.

the uh i mean man how people who just hate mustard want to throw that in your face i don't really think anybody do you hate it i love mustard all right nice but like the people who hate mustard cannot wait to tell you how much they hate mustard i get why you hate yeah that is true it's like they're talking about spiders or something like what do you what it's almost it's a little too much how much to talk about it yeah Yeah. Yeah, I know. I'm like, I've never hated anything like you hate mustard. What, I just don't understand it. I almost want to slip it on one of your sandwiches just because you're like, you're overbearing. It's not that bad. Oh my God. Seriously. Have you had it like what, what was it like? I just want to see the origin story of someone hating mustard. Like, what was the first hot dog like?

Did they fucking throw up at a game? Like, come on, dude. You took a bite and you're like, it wasn't that great. But now. Your hatred's just It doesn't make any sense The discrimination on mustard out here Bro, I would give it a chance Like I think and I like This condiment but like I think sour cream Should get the kind of slander and hay that mustard

They should be stoned in the 1800s bro Sour cream and cottage cheese And people will go to bat. Blue cheese? Shut up. Cheese? It's it literally stinks Gross.

It's mold. And people talk about mustard. You're just gonna throw salt on mustard. Come on, bro. Get your condiments right. Thank you. Get your condiments in order before you talk to me. Honestly.

I think mustard. Say it. I think mustard's better in ketchup. Bro, the way I've been eating mustard. You obviously do too. I don't give a shit about any other condiment right now. In relish, relish is up there. You hate relish.

You just made a face like you hate relish. No, no. Don't hate relish. I think relish didn't match my hopes. When I tried relish on like a burger or a hot dog, I was like, holy shit. Like this is like little diced up pickles. This is going to be fucking awesome.

It was just kind of like, yeah, it didn't live up to the hype, did it? But I was on relish for a while too. Like you put relish like you fuck around and have a brat with some relish on the side and some muster on the other side.

No ketchup? No. Different. Yeah, I think I like mustard better in ketchup. What are you doing over there shaking your head now? Relish is like tap in. Top three most disgusting things I've ever eaten. What about be like pickles?

I love pickles. Just what relish is, right? Yeah, diced up pickles. Well, it's like, you know, I'm not a big tomato guy, but I'll have ketchup with my french fries. Yeah. I'll have ketchup with my French fries. Just solidify that and put it on a loop.

Let me snore to that tonight. Yeah, but now... Because think about it. Like ketchup, ketchup... Ketchup's biggest attribute, its biggest fucking thing, was French fries. Dipping fries and ketchup.

Oh, fries are just a ketchup vehicle. Exactly. But now you could interchange garlic aoli. You could interchange ranch. You could interchange barbecue sauce. You're wild. So, I mean, ketchup is kind of becoming a thing of the past. But mustard?

Mustard be staying on hot dogs and brides. You ever... It's even venturing onto some French fries. I'm just gonna say that. Mustard coming up here in the game? Like you go to Chik... Rising Star? You go to Chick-fil-A.

You know? Does Chick-Fillet even have mustard? No. They've got a version of it, though. They've got like some... It's Chick-fil-A sauce. All Chick-fil-A sauce is is mustard. Well, it's honey mustard.

honey mustard and barbecue sauce mixed together. But you go to Chick-fil-A 12 years ago, you're getting nuggets, you're getting fries, and you're getting those little ketchup packets that were a thing in the future back then. Oh, the ones that you can like dip, those are wild. You can squeeze on a sandwich or whatever, or you can dip and so, you know, you get a salute to Heinz for that.

It's great. Moment of silence. Now, you got a chick-fly? Cetchup's like the fifth thing you're getting. You're getting ranch, barbecue, chick-fellet sauce. uh, Polynesian sauce. Again, all that shit.

Ketchup's like, I mean, I guess I'll have ketchup. I will, I will try all those before I go catch up. And then I'll regret it and be like, I just should have gotten ketchup. No way,

man. I am like that a little bit. I'm like that a little bit. Of course you are, because I'm saying this. You got to go to the opposite. No, no,

I promise. Like, if I went to Chick-filat, I'd be like, ooh, I don't know if I want to like, sauce it up a little too bad because the food's so good.

So I'm like, I just kind of want to enjoy the food without the distractions. But one of the best parts of Chick-fil-A is the different sauces. I don't want to disagree, but... I don't know. You're going to disagree. I got to disagree, bro.

The best part about Chick-fil-A is the mouthwash they have in the bathroom. Oh, that slaps, dude. Oh, my God. Who thought... Who's developing these things at Chick-fil-A? Step forward, sir. Show your face. We need to kiss.

Dude. Bucca de Bepo going up on the search bar here. What's going on here? Bucca de Betha, they have some shit like this? Their bathroom is literally like a grooming salon. It's crazy. Oh, yeah, like gel and shit. Jesus Christ.

Just had three pounds of pasta. I'm going to get a haircut in the bathroom real quick. They just need some. Who knew this about Bucca de Bepo? Name Nikki in there and just been like, hey. Those guys are kind of, those guys like are weird to me. The bathroom.

They make you feel like. like you have to give them money. I'm like dog. I'm just in here literally shitting. Like just let me come on. And you feel bad because they do so much. I mean they like they you know we got the way to open the door rip off paper towels for you like that is nice when they do that shit. And they hand you the paper towels. You're like thanks but I mean got a fucking blow dryer right there. And it's one of these love those. I do too. People hate on people. People shit on those dryers. I'm like, what's wrong with this is great? But you always do appreciate just

a solid paper towel, man. You can just rip one of those. You're like, all right, good. It's clean. It's, my hands are dry. In and now, boom. It is nice. But the brown paper towels do kind of smell like shit.

Yeah, it is weird. Yeah. Like, just wash my hands so they smell good. Now I'm going to make them smell better real quick. Just going to the bathroom in public places. Probably not great. How about back in the, I don't even know they still do this anymore,

but you used to go to restaurants, like fast food places, and you would order a drive-thru. And it'd be like, yeah, okay, can I get a burger with ketchup and mustard? And on it, it would be like plus cats up. Yeah. C-A-T-S-U-P.

Who the fuck is? I mean, why? It's a similar of letters. I thought it was a joke. When I first saw cats up, bro, I thought that was so funny. Every single time. In cats-up.

everybody look at me like then when you say cats up they spell it ketchup I'm like what are we doing who's the idiot I think that's done now though I feel like now that's just like somebody was like

yeah what the fuck are you doing spelling it like that dude I feel like now it's just like K E T CH before K TC did they really just have a spelling error on the rapper that shit was worldwide Cats up

only on the drive-through screen though Oh no. It wouldn't be like on the bottle or anything. It would just literally say cats up on there. Oh shit. I never saw that. I saw it on like, you know, they wrap your burger up and like that paper, you know? Yeah, yeah. I always saw, you know, they're in the little, like the first emojis ever were on the top of it that had like a pickle, a bottle, an onion. One was a ketchup bottle and said cats up underneath. There we go. Cats up versus ketchup. Get out of here, dude. Cats up. That sounds like a meme like account. up that has like, yeah, it's wearing like sunglasses with like the fuck Jerry like a cup design in the back. Fuck. Cats out. Every post two million likes.

That's that true. Generally sweet and tangy, sometimes spicy. It's the same shit. I think this all the time about maybe you can tap in with this dude. Marinera and red sauce. Yeah. Why are people calling it red sauce? Why are people calling it Marinara?

And is there a difference or is it the same thing? I'm sure there's a difference. And it's geographical, you know? Like some say sauce, some say gravy. Oh, I hate it when people call it. What is it? Someone calls, they call gravy weird shit. Like gravy to me is the stuff you put on mashed potatoes.

Yeah, biscuits. But someone else. But some people call like sauce. They call it gravy. You smack them right across the face. Look, right here. Tomato sauce is thicker, creamier, and bears some similarity with gravy. Hence why some Italians call it Sunday gravy.

Ew! See, I've seen it on the internet Sunday sauce, which I like. It's not bad. Nicola? Sunday sauce. Oh yeah, Sunday sauce. Never heard Sunday gravy. That's disgusting.

Sunday sauce. Great. Yeah. Come on. Even when you call like Thanksgiving stuffing gravy, I'm like, that doesn't even make sense. They're not even the same consistency. Wait, maybe I'm trying.

tripping. People do that though, don't they? Stuffing and gravy? No, they call it dressing. Ah, that's gross. That's weird. It's gross. Dressing? Yeah. No. Yeah. I've heard it. Yeah, you're right, but I just, yeah. No. Did you get dressing? I'm like, Catalina

or what are you talking about? I don't have a salad. No. Sorry, the stuffing. Right. All right. Uncle Dave. Shut up. Shut up, Uncle Dave. What? Go lions. What, dude.

Say it. I don't know. What's the... What's going on? What's the plan? Yeah. What's the plan for what? Just this week?

Yeah. Or this weekend? Oh, this weekend. Doing nothing. Nice. Yeah. I'm going to try to slip on a show somewhere around here, but if it doesn't work out, it's an old chill weekend.

Where you slipping? Not telling them. Why? Gotta keep it, got to keep it low key. Try and new stuff out, dude. Oh, shit. Okay. one of the new material.

New material slide. It's fun. New material slide. Doesn't work, but it's fun. NMS. Is it like in front of an actual crowd? Yeah.

There's fucking old people eating tenderloins. Either way, it would be okay. I'd rather have it in front of tenderloin people. Because at least they'd be happy, you know. Who's not laughing at some dumb shit while you're eating? But see,

to me, it's like if people are out of comedy show, they're going to a comedy show to be there for comedy. Right, right. right. People are looking the other way eating steaks and shaker. They're kind of. We're just ruining their night. Why don't

have to listen to this jack off? Done that before. Just making fun of people and shit while they're eating their family dinner. Done it too many times. Guys next time put out a sign that they're going to have the local idiots doing stand-up here before. That's a fun part. All right.

These guys 18. These guys 18. Hey, follow on. Hot, hot, hot, hot. No shit. every time I see the number eight, but anyway, yeah, subscribe on YouTube, listen on Spotify, Apple Podcasts in Stitcher. Thanks. For all. Follow us on Instagram, all that ish.

See you next time. Bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, baby boy, oh.