THESE GUYS! - Slap Me with a White Airhead

Episode Date: November 28, 2023

this week the burpy boys talk about how your dad secretly hates your high school coach🎟️ 𝗕𝗘𝗡𝗡𝗬'𝗦 𝗨𝗣𝗖𝗢𝗠𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗦𝗧𝗔𝗡𝗗 𝗨𝗣 𝗦𝗛𝗢𝗪𝗦 Indianapolis, IN 12/21 https://indianapolis.heliumcomedy.com/shows/243939🌴 WATCH BENNY ON FBOY ISLAND SEASON 3 STREAMING ON THE CW🔺𝗪𝗔𝗧𝗖𝗛 𝗢𝗡 𝗬𝗢𝗨𝗧𝗨𝗕𝗘 https://youtu.be/xxQ75QbyHHY🧢𝗧𝗛𝗘𝗦𝗘 𝗚𝗨𝗬𝗦! 𝗠𝗘𝗥𝗖𝗛 https://benedictmerch.com/products/these-guys-hoodie-1?variant=41218692775993

He got mad at a Nativity St. Luke game and pushed one of the dads down the hill. Oh, sick guys. Ready for the collab, dude. That was insane. It's been a while. It's been a while. It's like getting some red hole on TG62. And it's been a while.

I don't have a coffee. I got like. Since we've been in studio. What a classic voice. And everything I'm trying to remember. What a bad song, but good. Oh, it's so good. But, like, kind of bad.

If you really think about it, it's not good. That's a song that if you're, like, hanging with a couple buddies and you have a night in. Start crying. Yeah, you're just like, you're drinking a bunch of beers and you got the, you got the, everybody's passing around the remote because YouTube's up on the TV and they play that. And everybody, oh, wow. Yeah.

I got to walk away. I got to excuse myself for a minute. Cries in the kitchen. While eating like some caramel corn or something. Do you wish, Bell? I know. I don't have a coffee.

I want to kill myself. Want some of mine? No, it's okay. I wouldn't either because it's bad. Yeah. It's been sitting here for two hours. I just,

I feel so just out of, I don't feel as bad as those birds even puke on the street though right now. Crazy. But they probably love it. Hey, be grateful for what you. you got. There's birds out there eating puke on the street. Be grateful. Tell your parents you love him. Kiss them on the mouth. Be grateful every coach after practice. Shut up. Jesus Christ. Can we leave practice? Shut up, coach. You want to bang my mom and you hate my dad and he hates you.

You guys act like you're cool with each other, but you talk shit when you get home. Yeah. Like my dad thinks that he can do a better job than you. And he might be able to. Because we're two and six and we just lost to St. Maria Goretty, 52 to 7. The most random-ass school. That is popped up on the schedule one day. I was like, oh, new school? Yeah. And it's like, there's kind of a mystery.

Like, I don't know. Like, they could be good. Yeah, they're in like, they're in like that part of town where. It's a rich part of town. They probably have like a scoreboard and stuff. Yeah, dude. That's crazy.

If they have a scoreboard, we're done for. Or the schools that have like too much good. stuff and they suck. Yeah, then you get up there and it's like, oh, it's one of those too rich, too rich. So everybody they only have like nine kids that come out for the team. Three of them, they have 13 kids total

on a football team. Four of them are they don't go to school. Maria Greta because they can't afford it, but they play football there. They have a real stadium and shit. Real uniforms. I'm like, oh, we're going to kick their ass, dude. What you didn't want to play is the grungy-ass teams that looks like their helmet just

came from the Remember the Titans stunt room. Everything's all different. There's like three kids on the team with just pure white pants. I'm like, then you're getting fucked up. Oh,

the different colored helmets, face masks are all weird. Just the meanest sons of bitches ever. You're up. Like literally growling on the line and shit. How about no gloves? How about just growing up playing a team with no scoreboard?

You're like, what's the score? How much time is there? Yeah. How crazy is that? That'd be hard to like, calculate as like a grown ass man. You're, you're 12?

Set! But then also you just have like three fat loser 92 stripers. No, three fat loser refs who can't even like, two of them are still drunk from the night before out and like broad ripple.

Tom of Coldplay, it's good out here. Hopefully it doesn't go to overtime. They're somehow keeping the time. We're supposed to believe. Yeah. They're making shit up. Six minutes left, right? Six even. Like, shut up, Jerry.

You haven't been that. You forgot to press start 12 minutes ago, dude. 5.15 p.m. Your dad's on the chain gang. Just doing this every second. Looking at you doing this, you're 12. What am I supposed to do?

I don't know. I'm just out here, dude. I'm supposed to run the two-minute offense. There's been two minutes left in the second quarter for 30 minutes. What in the archdiocese is going on out here? Yeah, it's only some south side shit, north side. I think they, I think they've real ass refs.

The most, the fields you play on when you're like younger. We played on to St. Luke's field just had a drop off like a mountain on the side of it. Dude, if you go out of bounds, see you later, bro. See you in hell. See a knee, leg, chin, gone. Dude, one of our- Hit a tree, concussed. One of our good friends' dads.

told you about this. Kevin Bunch's dad. He got mad at a Nativity St. Luke game and pushed one of the dads down the hill. Oh, sick guys. I've been sick for 172 days. What's going on?

I have no idea. I have no idea. Just kill me already. Jesus. Pushing down the hill though, huh? What was the argument about? What even now? Probably like an intentional grounding or something.

This is fourth. grade football. They'd always loved when the, the, uh, the stripes on the field, you know, the yard lines are the goal line.

This is so funny. The goal line, it would look like, you know, like the, it would look like the state of Idaho. Like the edge of the state of Idaho would be just be like, kind of like going all sorts of different ways.

You're like, eh. How about the end zone's supposed to be 10 yards, but just on some fields it was still five. Oh God. Yeah. I was like, let me toe tap in for the touchdown.

It was like three and a half. Touchdown You got Yeah The end zone's the size of first base Right You're real cluttered down there Everybody talking about

When you're in the red zone Right there's a lot of bodies Down there you're cluttered Yeah no shit How about when the field's 80 yards Three yards to operate So fuck No no

The old old CWI Old like gym you played in Where the three point line Would just cut off You couldn't hit a corner Or three Because there wasn't enough Like floor

Hey, the floor was so short that the three point line basically butted up to half court. Hey, I guess we're playing at short courts for Tommy's birthday. Why are we having the Christmas tournament here? Like, can we pick a newer gym? Why don't we play St. Maria Greta? Biggest tournament of the year. Yeah, let's put it on the fucking little people court. Go get a drink at halftime.

The water tastes like rust. I'm like, why are we playing here? And the locker room that you're in? Definitely haunted. Oh, Mike, how many people, ew, do the things that have happened in that locker room. I'm good. I'm good. And why is there a stage right next to the court?

There's a literal stage. I'm running into it. And one. And I'm in the Wizard of Oz now on stage. Sideland. There is no sideline. Nope. Talk about, talk about, I don't even know where the refs like ran up and now.

They were just on the court. It's just a cluster fuck. They had nowhere to like run because there's no room between the stage and the sideline. And then on the baseline, it was just. the end of the gym, so it was a wall. And the other baseline, the concession stand was right there. Yep. Just looking at the concession stand lady while I'm shooting free throws.

Like, fuck, I want an airhead. Clank. No chance. Bend your knees, Politsy? Fuck. No chance. My mom's led me getting an airhead after this. Oh, no way.

They're literally a penny in my mom. Nope. Jesus Christ. They're a penny. Airheads were the biggest steal at a concession stand. Right? I love airheads, man. I know.

They're, they're so underrated. I hate doing the underrated candy thing. Airheads, airheads and Taco Bell chicken cassidia. Just take them and fucking slap me in my cheek. Oh, man, the way I'd like to get slapped by a cassidya. One of those giant airheads. You just fucking unwrap that thing. A giant one?

You got it fucking wiggling. The best tasting thing. The best idea, the mystery airhead, the white one. I'm like, it hits every time. I don't give a shit about this mystery. I don't want it ever to be solved. Dude, the white airhead. That's some Willie Wonka shit right there.

Blue, your tongue's blue for four weeks. His ass was coming up with that. I don't need an everlasting gobstop or just give me the white airhead. White airhead and send my ass to bed. Slap me silly. White airhead. All right. Howdy die got slapped to the white airhead until he bled.

internally. Hey, bludgeoned to death by the white hair. I wasted. Somebody bludgeoned me with a white airhead. God. Howdy die. Death by cassidia. Oh,

sounds pretty good. Wow, that sounds like something that would be on a Friday's menu. Death by cassidia. Who's not ordering that shit? It's real spicy, like the spiciest thing. Oh, yeah,

let's get it. Let's try it. It's Friday. You get that? You get your picture up on the wall if you finish death. And tears coming out of your eyes. Your plate, your nasty ass plate was shit all over it. Your dad's in the car.

It started because he didn't want to like be a part of it. I'll be outside. You take your little picture. I'll be outside. You're like, Jesus. Finally accomplished something in front of you. Hot. Hot.

Hot. You got hives on the way home because they like they put something. They put like a ghost pepper in it. Didn't know you were allergic to it. It's not even special. There's 40 people on the wall already. You're like, you go to their Instagram page.

It's all just people. Look like total idiots. Like bad cell phone pictures of them. That's the only thing. All in different spots of the restaurant. Just wrappers on the table. It's gross. Oh, yeah, napkins everywhere.

Oh, so stupid. You're trying the DBC tonight? DBQ. Oh, D-B-Q. D-B-Q, D-B-Q, D-B-Q. Party comes. Marriachi band. Yeah, they bring mariachi band out for you.

Cazadeo. Stupid is shit. Hey, you think it was literally spelled C-A-S-E. Case. Case. C-A-D-A. that's like one of those memes you'd see where something spells it wrong

yeah yeah bone apples I saw one the other day is like for shrimp scampy it was like shrimp scammy or something like that shrimp scam me I got I got I got

those are all really funny I can't yeah who knows if they're actually real but you know I mean you get a good chucklingly group chat I've been seeing the funniest memes and like all last audibly. I'll be like, oh! That's what I do. When I work out, I do one, like, lift. And then I, like, just, I look at, like, three memes on my phone. And then I go back to the next lift.

That's good. Yeah, I think that's a good, instead of waiting out, like, 30 seconds, you know, 30 seconds between reps, it's like three memes. It is. And every single meme, I'm like, it changes my whole brain chemistry. I'm like, oh, my God, I never thought about that. Yeah. So what's up, Hollywood? Look at you, Hollywood. All right, Hollywood. How many times? There's Hollywood's late. Hollywood's running late.

We're on Hollywood time? God, that was, I mean, you're so made to just be out in L.A. for multiple reasons. But one being, yeah, probably from eighth grade on and football, you, you know, the coaches would call you that. When I coached that cathedral, another coach called me Hollywood. I was like, dude, like, when's it to end? All right. Hey, there's Hollywood. Oh, my God, bro.

I've got a super cuts haircut. Come on, man. Not even close. Oh, yeah. How's it, how's it going? It's all the same. What do you mean? What does that mean?

It's just all the same. It's the same to what? What's the same? Same comedy scene. It's the same. Every place you go, it's the same. There's one of you there. There's one, you know what I mean?

There's like the same group of people everywhere. just different like versions. There's one of me there. There's one of, yeah. So what do you do you do like the, you know, you'll hit like four different places in one night kind of deal? Or you kind of, you kind of, I got to figure out my spots.

Yeah. Right now it's just, it's just slumming, dude. Just going to the dirtiest shows. Like when I don't ever. Yeah. Yeah. I'll figure it out. But it's good.

Yeah. It's not like, oh, I love L.A. Who cares? Yeah. You're out there for business, man. Right. You know? It's just,

this is what it is. Right. Rod, right, right. Yeah, I'm going to Disney World tomorrow. That is amazing.

You're going to have so much fun. I can't wait. What's like your fit? What's the fit looking like? Mickey shirt? Bro, I'm fucking, I am,

I'm vintage Disneyed out, man. I'm ready to go. I can't wait to see. You got vintage Mickey, goofy, Mickey and Minnie, fucking Star Wars,

because it's Disney now. Like, I'm good to go. God, I'll never, dude, I went to Disneyland and I was like, I will see. I'm not going to get, I'm not going to like, I'm going to have a good time, but I'm not going to like, you know, I don't want to get my hopes up,

blew, blew everything out of the water. Had so much fun. Disneyland is the smaller one. Like, it's not even the same shit as Disney. And we didn't even, we went to 25% of it. And I had so much fun. It's magic, dude. Mm-hmm.

I mean, what do you want to say? Four drinks at the Star Wars bar, $283. dollars. I was like, let's do it again. I don't care. Rye, she was smart. She scheduled like a 9 a.m. Star Wars bar. So got to have a girl, got to have a girl in charge of like the daily plan or else you're done for. She made like an actual itinerary, man. Yep. It's got to have it. Sexy. I just want to show it to you. Got the fast pass. Let me see this shit. Yeah, I got, oh, I bet it looks good. Dude, it does. I mean, we would never do that. Oh.

my God, the font? I was like... Color coordinated day one, day two, day three. Yeah. Travel day. I was like, wait a second. This wasn't just like... Shut up 1127 a.m.

Wow. Yeah. Oh my God. That's amazing. Isn't that crazy? I've never made an itinerary in my life ever. No. I barely used a planner at school.

I don't even know how to spell it. Drunk spelling me. Throw that in that. Itinerary. Nice. I go a lot of different ways. Yeah. Itinerary.

I'm good on that. I don't even want to try. I don't want to do it right now. It, I. See, that's where it would get me. I would get it probably a lot of people. The ER after the ITIN. Even if it...

I was about to say that. I think you're thinking I-10, you know, you're thinking 10, the number. Maybe. Could be. Spelling's insane if you really think about it. Like it could go five different ways. Every time I say something, I'm like, ooh. are you uh

did you ever do the spelling bee in school no do we ever really had it we didn't have one everybody else is doing spelling bee and it just wasn't a thing I only saw it on like Disney channel original movies

like they have a spelling bee god there's always a fucking underdog spelling bee movie yeah never had a spelling bee ever we had no we just had like vocab tests

we got slammed with vocab tests our whole lives is cool that no book. How about that orange book? Once you got to high school, that, oh, ruin your life. That could really, like, help your grade or, like, fuck you.

Thank you. Oh, my God. I got a six out of 30 on vocab. Because every time you'd have the Friday morning, you'd have the Friday morning vocab quiz. And Thursday night, you know, you're getting done with practice. You got Thursday night football on. You're looking at the weekend.

You're like, you take one little gander at it, you know, go through the whole list. I got this. All right. Yeah, that's giving me my context clues. I'll be fine. Second period,

English. I do not know a single one of these. Conspicuous. I thought that, is that that song by the black eyed peas? Try to get context clues from that. Dude, you got it.

You got to have a hookup in the class because there's one girl that's just tearing through that thing. She turns it in super early. You're like, damn, oh my God. I thought you had a question. She's done?

I'm fucked. She's done with the quiz already. I skip down to number nine. I think I kind of knew that one. So by process of elimination, I got there on nine, but now I got to go back up top. I've only done one.

And she's done. How about when you're down in the dumps? And by the time you realize how stupid you are, there's only three more people in the class still taking the quiz. And they're like in opposite corners of the United States of the class. You're like.

Oh, you're done. You're done. Oh, no. I'm going to have to guess. At that point, at that point, liberating because you just accept this isn't going to go well. But you know what? It's Friday. I got nacho bar for lunch.

I'm having a party at Natalie's tonight. We're good. That's a Monday problem. Yeah, it's definitely nacho problem. Cheese. No, but yeah, you just go see. See? Usually see.

See just looks good. It'll bounce out. But vocab test kind of screwed you a lot too because it wouldn't be multiple choice. It'd be some shit like you have to fill in the blank. Or like Matt, you know, you have to fill in the right word and the sentence. So they give you the sentence and then you have the words. You'd be like, oh, that just doesn't look right.

And you'd like say it in your head. Yeah. That doesn't sound right altogether. That can't be. Synonyms, antonims. You're like, that just can't be the opposite of that. I'm sorry. Dude, so my mom like keeps everything of ours.

She's one of those moms, you know. And so we've been trying to do it. They don't think I told you that. I saw that on Twitter. But like they've been, we've been trying to clear them out of different things and whatnot. And so just to remove clutter and we'd go through some of the old bins that my mom would have. And the vocab book showed up. Some reason the vocab book was still there.

I was like, you crack it open? You peep it? Oh, yeah. How'd the handwriting look? Oh, chicken shit. Haunted. Yeah. Hunted handwriting.

Just terrible. What's that? But it was one of those. I was like, okay, is this, are you like, are you following me? Oh, the vocation. Is the vocabler? Are you like, how did you make it this far? They've moved like three times since I was a junior in high school.

I couldn't get away from it. I bought one out of high school. I swear to God. Just the, it was like comforting at this point. No, I was like, I need to get my vocab up. I don't know how else to do it. So I bought an orange book, like when I was like 23, 24. And I'd do a page every night for bed.

Oh, my God. Just putting in the work. Oh, is that when you were wanting to be broadcast bin? I just, I just wanted to get my words up. I was like, I kind of sound like an idiot. Don't remember any of them, but I did. You put in the word. I think it was, it was radio era.

Yeah, no, for sure. And so I bet you were trying to, you know, you were over there on right, right, right. And you were trying to have some cool new words to throw out to your sports casts. Yeah. I just sounded so stupid. Still do. Hey, sound even dumber. Oh, shit.

Yeah, you hear some of those sports reports and somebody drops one of those lines in there. Oh, okay. You were always second done in the class for vocab. Yeah, that's impressive. Or, you know what? I think I actually talked to somebody that had really good vocab. And pointed it out. They had a really good vocab.

but I was like, I need to get my shit together. See, that person just always kind of feels like an asshole to me. Kind of is kind of like, yo, can we get down to the playing field here? All right, condescending Connor, we get it. You fucking know. Yeah. Words, cool. Yeah, just.

Obviously, it didn't work out for me. How's your Thanksgiving? Good brain exercise, though. It was good. Did absolutely nothing. Did you, were the hot dogs? Was that real? Well, that was from the day before, yeah.

Yeah. But, no, if I told you what I'd done Thanksgiving, you would walk away. I mean, I kind of, I got to know. It's just, I didn't do, I literally didn't do anything. I had three coffees in a hair pill until like 9 p.m. Then I got Hooters to go. And it was really good. I bet.

That's not bad. Yeah, I mean, leftovers. We'll get them in a couple days. You didn't see your pops? Not at all. Not for a second. Why? I don't know.

I just It's not in the cards. We'll see him in a couple days. It's all good. He cares, man. He was probably like, yeah, I mean,

if you get, if you make it, it's cool, if not, whatever. See, I knew you're, I didn't want,

I was dreading to, I was like, I hope he doesn't ask. Your sister or anything? No, she had shit to do. What? I don't know.

God damn I might have I saw her the day before maybe I can't remember you guys just both or maybe the morning of Thanksgiving I saw her maybe but like it was unintentional

you're pissed you both were pissed that you saw each other I was like god damn it why are you getting coffee here there really needs to be a study done on you it was the best Thanksgiving I was so excited

you're fucking freak there really doesn't need to be like a show about just how differing of lives we live. It's not that, it's not that different, I promise. What? Me and you? Yeah,

it's, you want to know about my Thanksgiving? What do you do? No, I don't. I was kidding. No, I know you don't,

but I'm going to tell you. What's up? It's just fucking over the river and through the woods to every goddamn place we have to go. How many things do? How many did you go to? Four? Literally, I think four.

Oh, that's the way you do. man you just go to every Thanksgiving or you do zero and you sit on the ground in your apartment I mean it was fun don't get me wrong it was like I had a great time made a bunch of food had some good drinks but it's just man at the end of the day holy shit yeah good night yeah with a one year old too had it go down at the end of the night what'd you do you got home and immediately ripped your clothes off you don't wear a belt for so long I think you'd be proud of my fit on Thanksgiving Did I see it? I think I did see it. Did you have like the coil

sweater on? Big white sweater. Yeah. Baggy sweater. And also I liked it. Baggy pants. I didn't see her. I didn't make it down to the pants. I'm sorry. Sweeter took my breath away. Thanks. But they were there were some they were like plaid corduroy type but they were like dress pants but they were almost like lounge wear. And they were just very loose like very loose baggy. Felt cozy. Cozy as hell. Nice. I was great.

I was wearing that all day. Literally from 9 a.m. the first Thanksgiving we went to until 7.30 p.m. when we got home. I was in it. I felt great. No spills? No.

Because I saw that. That might have been a picture only. And I was drinking red wine. Yeah? Mm-hmm. No spills. Let me show you my pants here real quick, actually. I don't even know if you can get a feel of it.

But I was like, I think Ben would dig this. I'm on the baggy, the baggy pants train. in here. You see kind of a little bit of a... Oh, yeah. That's a look. I was really, really pleased with it. I was one by the fashion guy, but that's, that looks good. See? Yeah, that was the one. That was the one he put on IG. Hit him. My boy, wearing his blazer. His blazer. Anyways, yeah, we were running around like crazy, man. It's always the same shit. It happens every single year. And I feel like it's going to continue

happening because it's just like a riot of passage almost. But at the end of the night or the next day, me and my wife were just like man I don't know if we can do that again next year we need to like limit we need to you know we need to hey sorry you know cousin Bill we can't make it yeah just we got our own shit we're gonna have two kids next year

we you know my sister as a kid and like we're all just kind of we're trying to we're trying to be as efficient as possible here you got to cut some stuff out it's no it's not personal we just got to cut some stuff out and everybody understand But then every year we end up We're just we're going

Yeah you feel guilty We go everywhere Yep You're like I mean we're already out Let's just make it let's make a pit stop It's hard to get out though It's hard to be like we gotta get out of here Ooh why is it hurt

Yeah I just got to rip the bandaid off I'm good at that Yeah we got to go Yeah All right guys That's kind of where I am with Thanksgiving I'm like I did the whole

The tradition thing for like ever I was going to say, you did that growing up? Hard. Yeah. Like, this is like, like, drew plays for the turkey bowl we were going to have. Like that's, that was like, and now I'm kind of like, I love Thanksgiving. And I'll go like every other year or something just on some random. But this year, it was like, there's too much shit going on.

Everybody gets it. Everybody's got their own thing. Yeah. I don't know. The old adage kind of goes. It's like once your parents' parents pass. then it kind of starts to... Oh, yeah.

You start to dilute it and separate, right? The patriarch and matriarch are, like, keeping it together. Mm-hmm. Hard. And then once they die, it's like, okay, everybody, everybody by that time has their own. I mean, my parents, for God's sake, they're going to have three grandkids by next year, right? Their grandparents are their own. They got a whole fucking family, a new era.

They're the matriarch and patriarch, right? But, you know, since I have the youngest family of all time, thank God. I mean, my grandparents are only like 70. So we could be in this for, like, like another 25 years. Yeah, dude, that was a real nice, like, getting to that point, smoking a cigar with your grandpa. He's, like, really into it now.

He's got a humidour. He smokes, like, he's got his own smoke room in the garage. He's got his own smoke room on the patio, like, real into it. He smokes, like, three cigars a day, said. When dudes get into cigars, they go to cigar shop every other day. Yeah, I mean, he's like 70. He doesn't really, he's retired pretty much. Like, what else are you going to do?

Right. And so we went out back. threw on the fucking lions game. Nice. Oh, it was nice. Yeah. It was cool.

I never know how to smoke a cigar. They're always like, don't inhale it, but inhale it. I'm like, no, it's just don't inhale it. You know,

it's like if you're smoking weed, not that I even have tried, but what I've heard is that, you know, when you smoke it, you're really like, swallowing, you're like,

yeah, you're trying to get it down into the lungs, down into your system. But cigar, it's just you get in and you take a puff. It's all about the taste. Yeah. Nice.

Yeah. We're relaxing, you know. Yeah, we're just running around everywhere, man, you know? And so yesterday, like on Saturday, the Thanksgiving weekend, fucking awesome. Great day. That's the kickback. Absolutely. Kickback.

Doing this all day, seven hours. Riley's dad came over. Her brother came over. We just had some food, and I just had five football games on. and everybody stayed until like 8 o'clock and it was great. Kind of because we were kickback. Kickback. We did Mexican.

Cazadea. Enchaladas. Casidia with a C. And then I got taco about cassidia. Shut up. As I was folding laundry, watching Florida State hopefully cover six and a half and they did. So it was like a late night run?

I ordered. I ordered it because, yeah, we had lunch at like, it was like one of those, you know, because on Thanksgiving we were celebrating. it's like randomly like two or two 30 you know it's kind of went food yeah weird so we had it then and then we were just you know kicking it kick back and they left it like eight or so

and i had some laundry i had to get done before leaving for disney on monday oh yeah so i put frank to bed and i was still like drinking on some wine and i was watching ball folding laundry i was like man i haven't eaten since two i'm fucking hungry so i got me some cassidia fire uh-huh right was like we had a Mexican for lunch I was like let's keep it going it's in a separate category Taco Bo Casadillas in a separate you could have it anytime

it's so good it's got to be number one it's number one on their like Taco Bells no one's or no one's like maybe crunch wraps up there yeah I feel like crunch wraps uh what's that the cheesy five layer burrito I feel like people talking about that all the time they do talk about that but I'm like

are you really about it I think people are all talk when it comes to the five-layer burrito because that's not the first when you pull up to talk about can I have one beefy five-layer but that's crazy to say that like what kind of headspace are you in tough ask when you're like with people too you know just have a couple tacos you have a chicken cassidia can have the beefy five-lar burrito

I'm like you're a pig you slob I'd be embarrassed to order it we got a fucking oinker in the back seat yeah thanks One, one, look. Piggy wants two.

Beefy five layers. Like five layers. Gee, beefy? God dang. You got some, you got some heart ordering that. Insane it too. Rolling down your window.

You order it. Can I have one? I had the craziest, craziest drive-thru experience. Not the craziest. I've had some weird drive-through experiences. My dad ordering a drive-thru is a fucking nightmare. That's the OG PTSD, bro.

You and your drive-thrund. dad at the window. I'm like, oh, it sucks. Holy shit. I don't even want to, I don't want to eat anymore. But we were at Colvers the other day and we were in the drive-thru. And the drive-thru guy was like, I don't know what he was on, but he was almost like cut me off. Like, you know, rude. Hi, welcome to Culbers. I'm going to get you. I was like, yeah, can I do a butterburger with cheese? Okay, is that all? No, we got one more. Okay, what you like? me and Robert looking at each other. Back off the Adderall.

Bro, we were kind of afraid to like lean in and say anything because he was just going to jump right on top of us. Jeez. So we get up to the window and the dude looked like he was straight out of like a South Park episode, just like a cartoon character. Huge red, curly afro. His hat was so low you couldn't even see his eyes. He was tweaking.

He was like, what was this? The goofy movie? What the hell is going on here? Why do they have to put that guy on the, on the, like, you put your most capable, you put the QB of the restaurant on the mic. Can I get a charmer, you know, somebody who maybe has a little get the gab,

a little wit? I don't know. How about when they joke with you? Put that guy on the fucking frying pan, dude. They're on fries. They might, you know how, like, in and out people are at fast food places. Somebody must have been like, I quit.

Robbie, window. You're on window. You're going to drive through tonight. I don't want to be. I'm not going to talk to people. This is weird, man. It's like, all right, just give me my fucking concrete mixer and get me out of here. You know who's the Taco Bell might have the best, the best employees right now.

No. I know. Yeah, everybody chick-fullet. No. Now that crown, the crown, it's chick-full-in. Yeah, but they overdo it. like, shut up. You know, when you leave Chick-fil-A, you're like, quit the scam.

I know you go home and you're a piece of shit. You don't act like this at home. You can't say that for anybody. No, but Taco Bell seems like more genuine. They're like, they're like just more real with it, but they're being polite. I'm like, thank you so much. Chick-fil-A, I'm like, this is a fucking, I've never gotten that from Taco Bell. I give a, hey, I don't give a fuck.

That one on Thompson. I don't know you, dude. I want to go on their website and nominate them for. or something. You know, he's not bad as White Castle. Really? You can have a nice little friend, you know, because they're... I'm going to hear you out.

They're taking their time with their crave case and shit. You know, you got a little bit of time when you're in the drive-thru at at White Castle. Because God knows what's going on. You're packing 30 sliders into a suitcase. Man, I might order that. I might order that for lunch. A crave case?

Maybe. Sunday Crave. I get it on a Sunday. You can only do it on a Sunday. Be in the airplane tomorrow? Just fucking... gas, just, just, just stink bombs. You turn into bane.

Do the voice, do the voice. Do the voice with the white castle, dude. I can't wait. What a lovely, lovely voice. Guess what I did yesterday. What is he? You feel me? You feel me?

You feel me? You feel what I are yesterday. Half the planes cut in half. are hanging from ropes and shit. You know why? The back end of the plane exploded? What did he fucking say? I had a grave case seven hours ago.

It doesn't matter who I am. It matters what I ate. Nobody cared about me till I ate the grave case. Until I ate the case. Nobody cared who I was till I ate the case. I didn't check a bag.

I ate my case. I ate my suitcase last night crazy dude I used to do that I was about to tweet about that and the night before Thanksgiving because I was like man that's wild how times changed like back

not too long ago it was like you're out until two or three in the morning getting pissed drunk then you're you're surviving by getting a bunch of Taco Bell and that combination the next day grandma's you were just you are they need to bring in fans for your ass

That's a weird situation. Blackout Wednesday, the next day you're with your family at your grandmas. God, damn, people lose their minds for that night. That's a tough turnaround. Why don't you all want to be out there? Why don't you just be in with people you actually like? Everybody you hate is out that night. We were out.

I didn't go out, out. I was filmed, but it was on Black Wednesday and it was like. Yeah. You probably saw 80 people that you fucking grew up with. Yeah, and they're all hit. Yeah, you're like, Jesus God, okay. They were having a good time, but I was like, bro, tomorrow you are done. That is really, it has become like a huge thing.

Like, I remember back in that when we were young, when I was young, I remember I had some older aunts and cousins and shit that were kind of in that range, right? And they would kind of talk about it and be like, yeah, you know, the night before Thanksgiving. I met up with some people. It was just like a good night because nobody's working the next day and you're just eating food and kind of laying around.

So, you know, I'm like, oh, okay. But now it's like a holiday. Oh, yeah. It's work now. It's a thing that like people literally circle on their calendars, like, and go nuts for. I feel like it really popped off

when we were like, yeah, peak. College. I don't know. That's probably the same for everybody, though. But yeah, it's just the, it's just the, it's just social.

media. Social media amplifies everything. So college. It's got to be a... Everything's got to be a thing. You know? But... Do you get anything on Black Friday? No. No.

Me neither. Like Friday. It's kind of lost his luster, huh? Who cares about it? Everybody just shop it online now. Black Friday, peace. See you on Cyber Monday, bitch. Right. I'm like, what's... I'm not going anywhere. Black Friday.

Yeah. Cool. Going to a store? At 2 in the morning? For what? Some lotion? What am I buying? Is anything even open? I don't even know if they do it anymore.

It's just the name now. Like nothing is open. I'd be shocked if something was open. I'd like, I would like Taco Bell to do Black Friday. Everything's half off. Yeah, now we're talking. All right.

Give me 16 cassidias. Meyer, food half off. All right, I'll go. I'll fucking bust down those doors. Best Buy, get out of here. I don't need a TV. Yeah. Give me some eggs.

A TV that's like cut, like it's discounted, but it's not even really. After all, it's all said and done. Don't get this 70 inch TV, 25% off. But then after all the shit,

it's just like, okay, it's still, it's 3K. I'm not talking about the HD. I'm talking about it's $3,000. Right. It's all the same. You doing secret Santa or anything?

Oh, wow. How does your family do that? We used to do that. We used to be into all the shit. Do you just buy, like, do you just kind of buy randomly for your sister or your dad or whatever? Yeah. It was going down like that.

Now we'll just kind of like group up and be like, this would be good for mom. This would be good for dad. My dad doesn't give a shit anyway. So why are we even doing this? Right. But for your sisters, do you do anything?

It was like I'd get, oh, yeah. Your rotation. Like you'd get Tony. Tony, get... I would just pick one each year. Then I started to feel bad for the sister. I didn't buy anything for us. I started doing both.

Used to really go crazy. Now it's just kind of like find something online that they'd like send it to their... Right. Because you're not getting to Gellie for Christmas. Not until Valentine's Day. Why would you? No point.

All that? Jesus Christ. Merry Christmas. You know what I want this year? Not to see you guys. Happy New Year. Not even though. It's tough for us because we got like, we try to do the Secret Center because we don't want to buy for everybody and everything. But we, you know, we have my, you know, me, Rye, my two sisters and my sister's husband.

And so we all end up just getting the same person basically every year. But we draw still. No, yeah. We do the draw, but it's all kind of the same shit. Sectional draw. Yeah. We broadcast it and everything. All right.

Let's get to the emails few this week. Team these guys are gmail.com. From Tony, Christmas Eve birthday. Yo guys, Tony from New York. No shit. First time long time. Tony. How many dudes are named Tony in New York?

Just half of them. Tony and Joe and bully. I'm a few years older than you guys, so it's nice to hear you guys talk about random early 2000s NFL. Jeremy Shockie was my guy. Tim Biaka Batuka. Dude, they talked about him yesterday on college games. Yeah, I went to text you and Kevin Bowen.

No way. Some dude in like their fan section they do with like Home Depot or something was wearing a number 21 Michigan jersey. Sick. And they had a, Reese Davis was like, oh, that's a Timbiaka Batuka.

Crazy last name. Sounds like an instrument. You get, anyway, that being said, I got a Christmas Eve birthday and it's brutal as you would think. You get your two favorite days of the year back to back and then nothing but dark January after.

Oh. The height of seasonal depression. as a kid my mother would me that would say it is my birthday so relatives wouldn't forget also that one big present instead of a birthday present and a Christmas present is the biggest scam in my life 36 years going what was it the he would just get one big one because it's like yeah we're combining it's your birthday and Christmas oh yeah Thanks for letting me vent on that. I don't remember my pop's ever inventing anything, but he would swear he could be a sportscaster because he could explain what happened on the play before they did sometimes.

Yeah, okay. Y'all are hysterical keep it up. Merry Christmas and slap my ass in the shower after I sewed up my cheeks. Sudsy. Satsy slaps. Yeah, dude. For Tony.

The dad. Every dad, dude. You fucking sit there with Joe Buck and Troy Aikman. Dads are so annoying, man. Yeah, you see, does a nice job rolling out there. I just said they need to roll them out more. I'm like, why is it a competition, dude? Just sit your ass back and enjoy it.

I can't stand this guy. I'm like, I'm not even, it's not even a factor when I'm watching a game. That's one thing that I think is way overdone. And again, with social media, how do it like, why does everybody just fucking go crazy about Collinsworth? Oh, I can't stand Collins. Oh, mute my TV. Mute button for Collinsworth.

I'm like, dude, what? Like, he's actually really fucking good. Like, I can't, I can't wrap my head around it. Oh, God, Joe Buck, not Joe Buck. I'm like that. Anybody but Joe Buck. I would do anything to hear Joe Buck talk. I feel privileged when he speaks.

I'm like, yes. It's so overplayed, man. Like, dude, you're going to complain about that? My dad used to mute the Colts game on CBS and, turn on Bob Lamy. And it'd be like a three second delay. Marvin Harrison would catch a pass in the end zone. Ten minutes later.

Touch out call! So I'd be like... No, the radio would be ahead of the TV. I mean, yeah. Either way. But you know what I mean? My bad. Frequency.

That's why you sync it up. Yeah. That was why when DVR came about, it was like a big thing because you could like pause. And you back it up and then actually get... Okay, we're good. I was like all this.

Can we just watch it? Who cares? And it's always... Nobody talks about the really bad announcers either. But like they're all... I'm like Joe Bug, Chris Collinsworth. You don't like them, but Greg Gumbles just out here rumbling along, stumbling through every sentence

and no one's saying anything about him. Oh, there he goes again. Kitty Pickett. He's okay. Huss, how, hoss, hop, hoss, puss. He sucks. Yeah. I turn the TV right off when he talks.

Jesus Christ. There are people. Like I, I don't know. He sucks. Even if they suck. It's like, all right.

Still, I mean, they're, you try it. I know. I might, you go up there and do it. See if you can.

Bullets flying. Your dad does, though, kind of. He does. He gets on the mic and call some high school football. Yeah, feel bad for that spotter.

I'd be like, like jeez that's spotter I feel bad for the play by play and I feel bad for everyone in I feel bad for everyone in there and around him never forget

inside baseball here like 16,000 years ago me and Ben you should do sports podcasting together I don't want to hear it I don't hear it sort of high school

Indiana high school sports broadcasting together and Ben had me on with his dad and like it was supposed to be like kind of like a three-man booth like we had a soundboard and shit that I was going to play like

we had it plugged in where what was some of that shit in the soundboard I was like bro after a sack play that after a sack or something I'd play like

you're watching your master it's hard as fuck dude touchdown trapaholics bitch it was literally shit like that and like you're watching a master of work we were there's a little way in one too dude i had all the instrumentals dude we were

entertaining instrumentals it was like a little way and like soundboard thing when he was like dochy yeah yeah something like that and i would play that after certain shit and i would like hop in on the broadcast and every now and then so fried and like it was was me ben and his dad and his dad was the color commentator the analyst and ben was the play-by-play guy and like i said i was kind of like just the fucking producer, producer, whatever. You jumped in, though. I'd jump in. And I had to stop working with him because I just kind of do it with Ben's dad.

I love the guy. But his dad was, dude, it was. We would play, like, we wanted the broadcast to be different, right? So, like, I would play, like, a little instrumental kind of underneath it. So it was just kind of like, all right, people are listening. It's kind of like a party. You know, Ben always wants it to be like a party, right? And so I'm like playing that.

And his dad was like in on it. but then I'm playing it and I look over going in he was in on it and then I look over and he's like looking at me and like shaking his head and like throwing us hands up and stuff like looking at Ben Ben looks at me he kind of just like I don't know Doug looks at Ben Ben's dad takes off the headset starts like walking around in the in the in the broadcast booth like while we're there at Lawrence Central I'm like what the fuck is going on I thought this is what we planned on doing and so then it's just me and Ben and his dad like how hops in kind of I I but then after the game it was Ben was like packing shit up and it was

me and his dad and his dad was like so I'm liking the music I think that I think that if we chain you know play play different songs don't just have the and I was like oh my god you were freaking out because I was playing the music Joe oh I wish you would have said it dude what a nightmare oh so after like three or four games I was like I I I can't. I love your dad, but I just, I don't want to do that.

You're the only one. No. Who's ever said that? But, uh, it's all good now, but it was just, I'd be on the way home.

Like, I, I might drive my car off of this bridge. That was, that was the most annoying thing. We tried to get into like, different segments and shit, right?

We're having fun, we were having fun, calling the fucking shatard, the buff game. Perfect. And we're having fun. And Ben's dad, we were playing these things

earlier in the week. dad would sign off on him and then we'd be doing him on the air and ben's dad would just be like we would get to his turn to talk or whatever he'd be like yeah let's just get back to the to the game here like to the football game just throw throughout the entire segment that we're just playing okay what dude just a what a what a listen so probably was good to listen to though it was fun I mean the whole idea it was fun it was just like I mean it's all funny now like like back, but that was a fun inside baseball story for everybody there. Wow.

This is from Robert Catholic flirting. That's the subject. Boys, Bobby here. I have a question for you all. And with some of the Catholic banterets on the pot, I knew I could workshop with this. I recently started going to a new church in Chicago in the first mass I go to. A beautiful woman sits in the pew in front of me. And when I say distracting, I mean distracting.

I had no clue what the father talked about in his homily. Do we ever? All I did was trying to get a glimpse of this woman to see if she was indeed attractive. I knew when we had to show the sign of peace, this was my chance to show off my charming smile. And it's confirmed, smoke show. In what world can I say something to this woman without coming off as a complete weirdo?

Quote, hey, do you usually come to 4.30 p.m. Mass? Let me know your thoughts. Order a dog from Wrigley Field, add a pickle, cover me in ketchup, slap my ass, heading into the lower infield terrace, tell a hop like 98 Sammy Sosa hitting a homer. Wow. That is all time right there, Bobby.

Okay. Catholic flirting in this situation. So you see this woman. Okay, so my first question would be, all right, you're seeing her. She's attractive. That's good. You're attracted to her. Does church flirt? Does she come to mass with a male companion?

Does she have somebody she's there with? Does she have an engagement ring on? You got to kind of gauge these things out first before you just dive in. You don't want to be the guy that like, hey, she's hot. She was, her husband or her boyfriend or whatever, couldn't come to mass that way. Been married for eight years. Right. And then you're like, oh, God.

Wow. now I have to switch churches. Now he's church creep. Right. So you got to do some investigating there. Yeah. You got any ideas at the top? So it's just a lady he saw in church?

Yeah. Yeah, you got to see what's going on with the scene. Yep. I think your best bet here, Bobby, would be not to make any moves at church. Give it a year of scouting it out. Just make sure. Because church people are weird. What single lady is just going to church?

Some people, you know, Catholic people, you know, folks, you get them. Yeah, I guess, I guess I can't talk. I've been to church in 18 years. Right. So I would say, you know, and as we get older, right, me and my wife do this, like, we're kind of involved with our church or, you know, you want to be a part of the community. I'd say, so maybe look into like a volunteer opportunity. It's crazy. If it's a, you know, if your church has a fest, like a festival, right? Like, volunteer there. If she's there, then you're like, okay, let's,

then you can kind of make your move because it's, it's a church outing, but you're not involved. Maybe sometimes there's different people that you're friends with at the church that they'll have some scoop on her. And they're like, oh yeah,

no, I know her. We worked together. We went to school together. Oh, you want me to, yeah, like it's set up. Maybe we'll try to do like a coffee day or something like that. Try to work around the room.

You've got church friends, be like, hey, what's kind of the story there? Because look, at the end of the day, there's nothing more than the Catholic church and Catholic people want to do

than like hook other people up to be married for 50 years and have like eight, kids. I mean, that's the goal. Maybe just dive in, bro. Yeah. Just, just forget the long game. Just hold her hand during the R father. Go from there. Give her a little thumb, thumb nudge on the hand. Squeeze her hand extra hard when he does the end part of the R father. Yeah, yeah. Oh, I have some game to raise it up during Apostles Creed or whatever. Yeah. So there's a few options there, I think. All right. Make sure that piece. Give her a nice hug.

piece. Maybe after church. Maybe there's a donut and coffee hour. There's always one of those in the atrium. A little D&C. A little D&Q. Well, she's there. Go and if she's there, there you go.

Fucking go grab a cough. Shut it up. D.C., Betsy. Come on. Skip over the gym. Is it? Don't say that actually. No.

You got the cream-filled long jump. I got one of those for you. Oh, jeez. Hey, and if she's in on that. If she's in on that joke, you skip a whole lot of bullshit, then. You know she's it. And if she doesn't like it, you skit the bullshit too.

It's all good. He made a long john joke. All right. Best football aesthetic from Scott. Hey guys, love the show. Ben was going off on May birthday's last episode. And I just had to say,

my birthday is Cinco de Mayo, which is incredible. If you're at a Mexican restaurant on Cinco de Mayo and tell them it's your birthday, they'll treat you like a Mayan God. Anyways, I love when you guys talk about old players or cool jerseys. So it got me thinking, which NFL players had the best aesthetic on or style on the field.

For me, some greats are L.T. Sean Taylor. More recently, AJ Brown and Stefan Diggs. Worst of all time has to be Jason Whitten with those dumb half-forearm sleeves that no white person should try to wear. Slap my ass and split me in half like a wishbone. Cheers, Scott.

Jalen hurts. He knows how to do it. He looks good on a bunch of fronts. It's a good-looking guy. In the fact that he knows how to like layer things and wear things, always got the right cleats on with the fit. Like it's not doing too much down. hair. He just looks clean. He's not overdoing it. It's good. That's probably my top. God. Yeah. He's

he's got it going on right now. Witten with the half sleeves. That was kind of like a this thing. He kind of set the, I mean, it was weird, but it was like hit. Yeah. And it kind of looked good. And for a tight end to put on like that, I was like, all right. I love Travis Kelsey's helmet, how he stuck with that face mask that's just like the four bar classic. Yeah. You know, because everybody now gets a stupid fucking concussion preventing aliens. helmets and I don't like it. I just like the originals. He always wears like the gold cleats

too. He's not one of the only ones that wears the all yellow cleats with the Chiefs Unis. So you get that little accent of yellow and then he has those. I think that's pretty dope. Judon for the Patriots, the red sleeves. Matthew Judon, I think. And then the safety

for the Seahawks that used to play for the Jets. I forget his name. Jamal Adams. Oh! President Mall. Clean. With the bands You know all the LSU players Have like the I think it started with Tyron Matthew

Like the sleeves Band band band It's just dope Yep yep Um Think of a few more here Yeah Jail Hertz is really good Sean Taylor with the fucking sock

I mean And the tape on the I mean Guy was on a different level Absolutely different level Um That was Masterpiece

Yeah that dude could do Whatever you wanted I'd say Justin Jefferson, too. I like his, I like what he's got going on. Yeah. I don't know if I, eh, one sleeve. Funny how that went from NBA to NFL, you know? Yeah, that was AI, dude.

That was crazy. AI put that on. That was like, dude, if you got caught wearing one sleeve, like when, like when we were playing basketball, You had to be AI And people will just Willy-nilly throw one sleeve on

I'm like dude you're not that good Dude you're not that good And it wasn't even like he started doing that Because his tattoos were like too dirty For people to see You had to be the guy Oh my God To do that

Trying to think of Steelers players None are really popping out to me Yeah In terms of a stuff Probably a DV I mean Minka Always looks

pretty good, but I hate, I just, I don't know if I rock with a number 39 like that. I like it because it's dirty and grungy. Yeah. But, and it's like so defense. I like when he wears the, like the high white socks, like the socks that, the white socks that are really long, they go up on the, on the black one. Yeah. I like when they're like high and pulled up like that. Like tight? Sometimes he goes, no, they're kind of even loose. Oh, that's the best. A little loose, right? There's a lot of it. I like that aesthetic for him. I don't like when he doesn't wear. any of the white when it's just like black leggings pretty much. I was like low top cleats.

I don't like that as much. Like I feel like you would, I feel like you would house something more if you had the white socks going up. Yeah. It looks like better on TV faster. Just cooler. I like a grungy defensive player.

Like it's not like a, like it's not pleasing to the eye, but it's like, whoa, that dude means fucking busy. Who's the dude for the Cowboys? Layton Vanderish? No. He plays like, He's like an edge.

Michael Parsons. Oh, yeah, it might be it. He just looks like he's beat to shit every game. But you like don't want to... You know the guy in basketball who you don't want to guard because he's too sweaty? Number 67? Yeah, and you're like, Jesus Christ,

but he's got like 20 points. And you're like, I can't even... That's him. Yeah, I'm trying to think of a defensive player like that. That's like, yeah, just kind of no nonsense. I feel like it was back in the day. Some of like a Vikings D-Linman, like John Randall. He's the ultimate just like grun.

John G fucking, yeah, dude, I'm gonna fuck you up. Ooh, you up. See ya. Helmet just. No paint left. No paint and no padding on the inside. You look at that thing, the pads are like this thin. Shoulder pads is big.

Defensive linemen shoulder pads. I'm like, are you even, you even have them on? Casey Hampton. What a nose tackle aesthetic there. Just the biggest dude ever. The first revolution helmet ever. Casey Hanton. I was like, wow, dude.

It's like 2002 and you got one. I think it was special made because his head was so huge. He had to get like the OG. He had one on Madden like 2003. I was like, they don't even, wow, even the video game has that

for him. All right, appreciate it guys. Team these guys at gmail.com. Cool. This was fun. It was good to be back in studio. Yeah. I don't know what will happen again,

but when it can, I'm sure it will. Yeah. So. Every time, Maybe. Good deal. Be sure to subscribe on YouTube. Please continue to while you can watch us there. Even when we're on Zoom, we throw all those up on YouTube. You throw it on at work, throwing on in the house, right? Love that. Appreciate that. Rate review. Leave a comment. Maybe this week it's aesthetic, player aesthetic.

Grungy or sexy. Yeah, grungy or sexy. Who do you like? Yeah. Can be any sport. And that's all the rating needs to be. Hopefully give us five stars. We'd appreciate that. But then also just, you know, fucking Michael Parsons or Christian McCaffrey you know there's maybe a little maybe a little why you know explain your reasoning yeah but also I kind of like those ones because then I like when people who are kind of maybe they're checking out the show and then our rating is just like I'm on green like how I'm not listening to that nice Bubba Franks five stars I'm like I got I got here what these guys are talking about all right cool uh yep talk to you these guys these guys bye bye