THESE GUYS! - Thanksgiving Fit

Episode Date: November 22, 2022

🎟 𝗦𝗘𝗘 𝗕𝗘𝗡 𝗔𝗡𝗗 𝗝𝗢𝗘𝗬 𝗟𝗜𝗩𝗘 𝗔𝗧 𝗗𝗘𝗧𝗥𝗢𝗜𝗧 𝗛𝗢𝗨𝗦𝗘 𝗢𝗙 𝗖𝗢𝗠𝗘𝗗𝗬 𝗗𝗘𝗖𝗘𝗠𝗕𝗘𝗥 𝟮𝟮https://dettickets.houseofcomedy.net/event/benedict-polizzixFIl4hVOn this episode Ben and Joey talked about how awkward group chats are

Yeah, it's... Let me kick these old... Uh-huh. Man, before you know it, before... Hey, once the calendar turns a new year, I might be kicking off the old shoes, too. That's three weeks in a row. Are we freezing cold or what?

Man, we both wearing way too much shit. We didn't even match this, but I... Literally, I showed up. Ben was wearing the Raider starter jacket. I had my Steelers starter jacket on. Shout out to homage for hooking it up. And then Ben had the hat on. We were just kind of fitted out, you know?

We looked good. That's the extent. sessorizing that comes at this time of year. I saw the powder blue, like, oilers starter jacket. Almost copped. Yeah, man. Instant cop. Yeah, I was like, I even threw on the Jordan's here for this week's episode.

The Goldies. It's a Thanksgiving episode, so I threw on the Goldie. Every fucking week's of Thanksgiving episode, bro. No, this is coming out right before Thanksgiving. Oh, shit. Wow, we're on our shit, right? We know the dates. We know the dates.

know the dates now? That's right. Never known the date. I haven't done the date since I was a fucking kid. You had to write it on your paper ever you signed that? That was interesting that we had to do that. You ever have to do? It was funny how the teachers, when you were younger, you had to do the full thing.

You know, November 14. You spell out November 14. That's the most organized I've ever been in my life. And then once you got to high school or college, it was just, I don't know what the fuck the month is. 11 dash. Were you a hyphen guy or a dash guy? Uh, you know, I was, I was slash guy.

Slash guy. Yeah. Didn't work. Those are the same things. Didn't work out for me because it was looking a little sloppy. Went to hyphins. Like, you know,

when I was growing up a little bit, then I saw a girl do the periods down low. And I was like, that's my shit right there. Oh, don't like it at all. Really? You can't even tell.

It all just runs together. That's the point. I guess so. That's why you don't know the dates. These guys nine. Subscribe on YouTube. Listen on Spotify, Apple Podcasts,

wherever you get your pods, these guys. Grab some. Oh, in Stitcher. I was like, is he going to say it? Is he going to say it?

Is he going to say it? Is he going to say it? Is he going to say it? He said it. I did. Yeah. Remember it's your merch in Joey's bio, in my bio.

They're all the link trees. Everything's there. That's where you find us. That's where you find all the stuff that you need. And yeah, like we start off the top. It's Thanksgiving week. It's here.

And we're on top of it this week because we know what's coming. So we know when people are driving over the hills and through the motherfucking woods to grandmother's house they go, they can listen to these guys. And that is, have them be like, oh, wait a second. This isn't a week behind like we did for Halloween.

We're learning. That's the most us shit ever, dude. Every podcast is the fucking same holiday ass shit. But the Halloween podcast after Halloween is the most thing. Hey, it works for you though, man. You celebrate Christmas in February. Why not do a Halloween podcast in November?

My sister was, was telling me she was like, you guys should do something like, uh, like airing out your grievances. I think it's a festivist thing. Yeah. We should do that for Christmas. Maybe we should. Okay. Like put out a little question.

Yeah. These guys, quick, quick, quick, quick question of the week. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you dress up for Thanksgiving? I love this shit. What's the level of dress up for Thanksgiving? Oh, damn. What is it?

What would I normally do? I can't fucking think, bro. I mean, when was the last time that you went to a family Thanksgiving? That's probably a better question. No,

I usually do. I didn't last year because I was literally editing, editing a video. Thanksgiving guys video. I was like, I got to get this out. That was a good one.

I don't know what I usually wear. I'm kind of, I keep it low key, I think. He's like, my tie or my tie? Yeah, Thanksgiving is,

it's an interesting holiday when it comes to clothing. It's an interesting apparel day. What, you know, know, because you could go a lot of different directions. I think I wore a hoodie last time. Yeah, you could show up to Thanksgiving.

You could have jeans or black jeans on and, you know, a plain hoodie. And that's, that's passable. Or you could show up and you could have khaki pants and a sweater with a polo shirt underneath. Also passable. You can really dress up for Thanksgiving. I think I've been that guy one year. Oh, yeah. When you just, you just go all out.

Like, you know what? I'm feeling the sweater vest this year. I'm doing it. And it's so not you. No. Even your family was like, what the fuck? uncomfortable and then your cousin shows up and has like a fucking jersey on their favorite team's hoodie on you're like I could have done that no pissed that sucks but then you look back at the

pictures you're like man that was kind of good that day that was nice it's a good conversation piece always overdo it dude do you go into Thanksgiving searching like do you think about those things of like this this outfit would be a good conversation piece a good a good a good groundbreaker for cousins for my grandma, for my aunt. My cousins roast my ass, dude, no matter what. So if I dress up too much,

I can getting roasted. If I wear just something like low key, like still getting roasted. So it's all the same. You know, you don't dress up enough. Geez, yeah, thanks for looking nice for us.

Yeah, Jesus Christ. Just any other day, huh? Yeah, come on over. Jesus Christ. Roll out of bed. Just any of. other day. Just whatever. Yeah, that's good. Oh, man, that's tough. Yeah, it's a very diverse, when it comes to the apparel, it's a very diverse holiday, you know, and you got to, there's

the different Thanksgiving's, you got to be able to kind of know the situation you're going into, right? You have the different side of the family where you're like, okay, I know that football is going to be a precedent on this side. I can get away with the team hoodie. I can get away with the Steelers jacket on. If I go to the other one, I got a, no football involved. Maybe wear the P coat, instead of the Steelers jacket, you know? What do you do if there's not a game on? Is there always, there's never not been a game on any Thanksgiving I've ever been a part of in my life. Oh, dude, come to the Molin Arrow Thanksgiving.

My grandpa puts on the fucking Westminster Dog Show. What? That's kind of dope though. No, it's not. It's kind of a nice little tradition. No, it's not. He does it to be an asshole. Oh, really?

Yeah, because he like that like, yeah, because he knows that like, you know, my dad, my whole family, my cousins, my brother-in-law, everybody wants to, you know, just have the game on and be able to watch. Kind of like the troll. Yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah. So it comes in and kicks off the penny loafers, bare feet.

Penny loafers kicks him off. No way. throws on the West Westminster dog show. Am I your grandpa? Do you get drunk at your Thanksgiving? My wife's side, yes. My side. No.

Too early in the day? Because you got to hit both. Well, it's a full-ass day. Yeah. But then like I got, you know, I got the. real religious grandma that really looks down upon that shit. Oh, really? Sneaking shots.

Right. If you have a glass of wine and you're around my dad's mom, you're like, I am, I am almost 30, grandma. Like, you know, still weird though. I have a mortgage. Like, I can have a glass of wine with Thanksgiving. But it's still, yeah, you have that guilt that's suppressed in there that you feel bad.

You're like trying to finish it as quickly as you can, you know. God damn. Yeah. But then on the other side. it's like it's all good. It's no holds bars. Liquor cart was just introduced to me at Thanksgiving like three years ago.

Liquor cart is the main entree at my wife's side. It's wild. I didn't even know we could I was like we can do this. It's cool. But it's nice. You know, because if I did a full day of drinking on Thanksgiving, I mean, that's, that's rough, you know.

Plus I got to be driving and shit. I got a kid. That Friday, the next day, Black Friday is like, yeah, we love that. day we don't go shopping or anything but you know it just feels good there's randomly couch football on at noon you're having leftovers these guys pissed right on thanks man hook them horns dude hey texas fan yep that's right Vince young should have won

hook um uh here here at wave one on market street downtown indianapolis we have a huge window and so anybody can just come by and watch and say what's up so Notre Dame Notre Dame fan right on dude go Irish I'm scared oh okay yep anyways yeah god homeless people are so dramatic Friendsgiving though I don't know if I'm in on that

I just got asked today Really yeah So you want to do like Friendsgiving I was like Dude I don't know if I can You want to talk about hey It's kind of like my like

If you are friendsgiving And you don't come to my Christmas Eve I'm gonna fucking punt you In the face I'm gonna take your head And I'm gonna just drop kick you You really gotta like stay on me for shit like that.

I mean, because I'll, I'll wiggle out of a fucking get together. Yeah, you will. Yeah, you will. But I mean,

friend, you're, you're talking a few weeks ago. How about it's like, yeah, Christmas on Christmas day. It's so forced, you know,

it's like, you want to talk about forced Friendsgiving. Oh, I hate that. That's why I don't want to do it. Don't do it. I'm like,

I think if you are having Friendsgiving, you're not really friends with any of them. It's like we got to make sure. We got to make sure we're all friends. I'm like, no, If we're real friends, we don't even fucking talk to each other.

Yeah. That's how you know. That's the most, I mean, that's, that's the most. Like, I'm not texting you Thanksgiving. No one's texting Thanksgiving. How about all the fucking texts you get on Christmas from a bunch of fucking people you don't even care about? That's got to be the most like, okay shit ever. Yeah, and I hate the Thanksgiving text too.

That's not, that's some real shit, dude. I mean, if somebody texts you on Thanksgiving, you're like, oh, shit. They really care about it. But it's, that has to be, you have to, it can't just be, happy turkey day, bro. Like, it's got to be, hey. Which one of your bros is texting you that shit? Hey, man, I'm just saying, it's happened before. And so what I'm saying is that it has to be something that's like, hey, happy Thanksgiving.

You know, I'm thankful for, you know, this past year, you know, I feel like that we've, that we really. Oh, wow. That's, I'd cry. You know what I mean? One glass of wine. in while my grandma's fucking skull fucking me across the table tears rolling down my face we've been through a lot bro that that's the thanksgiving text you can give you get a Christmas text that's just like Merry Christmas hope it's a good one with all the emojis you're like all right cool whatever

but Thanksgiving I has to you have to show that you're like grateful thankful for that it can't just be like turkey emoji gobble gauble kansas got to be a little meaning behind it bro Thanksgiving text in a group chat fuck off out of here with Group chats altogether, dude. How many am I in where I don't say a goddamn word? How about it when you just don't have to... You automatically have an out and a group chat not to respond just because it's a group chat.

Oh, it's great. Anybody... Hey, hey, hey, hey. You still looking now? Anyway, what do you mean? You still looking now? At the group chat? What's happening, yeah?

Oh, yeah, keep up. But that's what's hilarious. Is you know? Everybody knows it. Everybody knows that everybody's looking at it. Nah, I'm kind of like, I think I'm honestly, I think I'm 60% looking at it. The other 40% I'm like, ah, fuck off. Yeah, because you're, you're just a fucking idiot and you're like 150 text.

Oh my, what are those from? I don't know. Oh my God. Drives me insane, but I can't find them. I'm like, where are these coming from? Texts like, there's probably like eight people. I'm like texting. Yeah.

And then the other, I'm like, I don't. I don't know, delete them all after that, I guess. But I don't want to delete them because I'm like, what if I have to go in there and search for some shit? Yeah. Dude. What?

It's just like, you know, you throw something out there in a group chat of like six or seven dudes. Never would. Hey, anybody feeling like doing this? No one responds. And you're just like,

oh, that's a group chat. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts deep down. But you,

at least in your mind, can just be like, yeah, it's a group chat. You know, you don't owe a response in that. Dude, I'll text people. Because if only one person responds and nobody else does, it's like, don't even fucking respond.

That's a good guy. I don't need your. It's a down-ass homie. Yeah. Taking a, taking a bullet. Fuck. Dude, I'll, I'll text people separately until someone's like, put us in a group message. I'm not, I'll never initiate a group text or a group chat, you know.

Yeah. Because usually you just, you're scarred from the group chats of like, Hey, fellas, get in the March Madness Pool. Oh. There's never anything productive happening in a group message, dude. There's not, how many group messages you have with just like two texts and then it's done forever? I probably have like 19 of those. Oh, yeah.

And I'm like, why did we even? Why is this a group? You think it's important in that moment and then it just never, it dies. My God, let's start a group chat. Somebody fucking names it something. Shut up. You have a family group chat. though, right? Hell no.

I shouldn't. At the same time, like, you and your sisters. My dad would be like, duh. Dude, dude, dad, he fucking texts you guys more than you guys text anybody. Hey, he's not grouping it up, though. Not a big family guy. Nope.

Dude, my dad wouldn't even use the, like, responses to text. You know, thumbs up, thumbs down. Thank God, I hate those. It's so nice when you don't feel like saying shit. Just fucking, yeah, thumbs up. Yeah, it's all we need. Oh, man, that is such a slap in the face. Oh, no, I think it's a good.

Instead of just being like, you should only be able to use those. For sure. Like, you should only be able to use those when it's like a business. Yeah, or work type of thing. That's good. That's good.

If it's your friends or family, you get hit with one of those. Wow. Okay, fuck me. A heart, though, not bad. Kind of feel something. If I, if I, heart or emphasize,

if I get a ha-ha, that's such a throwaway. Thumbs up. Don't even. Ha, ha, ha. Is a fucking slap in the face. Even an LOL solo is kind of like, okay, who's not laughing? That's what figured it out.

This, this, the generation gap between our parents and us and when we text in the language of how we text versus how they text, it's all fucked because we look at it and like I'll send something to my dad that I think is like really funny or I'll say something like a joke or like, you know, a video I think will hit or whatever. That's good.

And he'll just send, you know, he'll just send back to. me, ha ha. I know. And I'm, you know, to me, like, if you did that, I'm like, wow, I'm like, like that was dry. This is the worst fucking thing ever. Yeah. You know, but with my dad, I'm like, that's just to him, he's literally like, ha ha, you know, it's not. When you send it to your boys, it literally has to be like, like, uh, like a murderous response back. Like, if you send me a video, I'm going to be like, ha ha ha, ha, fuck you, bitch. That was the funniest thing I've ever said. I'm

going to kill myself. Then you're like, oh, wow, that's great. Right. Right. Great response. Like imagine if your dad said that to you video. If I just get an LOL like No or something. I'm like Oh God that that was not good From like one of you guys. Oh no.

L.O.L. No. Dude my hey my dad does that's the same version of just like What? That's crazy. Crazy bro. When they won't stop talking, that's crazy bro. Dude my dad does my dad's so out of touch.

Oh my God. I send him something that's straight heat. I never send him shit because I'm like, he doesn't give a fuck. I sent him something and I'm like, oh, he's going to like, I'm in one of those moods where I think everything's funny. Send him something good.

Dude, this is what he says back. No, ha ha. He goes, funny. And I'm like, you could be fucking rolling down your driveway laughing right now.

And I would, I would be like, he's doing this. But yeah, I was going to say to us when we see that, we think immediately of like, You know, your girl just being like, hmm, funny. Dude, why has it hurt so bad?

Why does it hurt so bad? No, no, no. Hey, this, this, this. Hmm. That's funny. Oh, my God, dude. Nothing hurts more, bro. I'll never be, I've never been more embarrassed in my life.

When you show a girl video that you made. Oh, never. I'd rather take all my clothes off and shit in front of everyone I know. And I'd be less embarrassed than showing a video to the girl I like kind of like and share her going, hmm. No, never. Why? Rip my skin off.

Oh my God. No. God, there's always those people. It'll probably happen at Thanksgiving, honestly. Like, you know, the family members of the friends, the older people that are just like, oh, no, that one that you did where you were in the, when you were in the car and you got it, come here. Timmy.

watch this Timmy. And like you're just like, no, no, no, no, no. And then they're like playing and they're just like, no, no, it's great. They're doing you a favor. And you're like, no, this is cringy to me. And they're both, look, this is exactly how they've watched it the whole time. And the guy that's showing it to or the girl is shown it to, just like, you're like, I'm like, they don't even understand it right now.

There's too many bullets flying. God, right. There's a baby crying. Grandma's pissed about the wine. And in the video, in the video I'm like cussing or some shit, saying a bunch of like, F bombs and showing their kid. I'm like, no! Someone's clogging the toilet.

There's so much stuff going on, you know? And then it's just like, yeah, okay, we appreciate it. You know, cousin Phil. Dude, one of my great aunts, God love her. She's like, anytime I hear great Ann, I'm like somebody's dying soon. Any great anything.

I'm like, how are they still around? Yeah, my great grandma. I'm like, you have one? Bro, this is what's crazy, is that this isn't the story, but my son. Great aunt. My son has... Hold on.

My son has all eight of his great grandparents alive. Why is it great, though? Worth their shitty? Like, yeah, like, great grandpa. He's probably a piece of shit. Like, why you just get that title all of a sudden?

It's not just hit 90 and you're great. the older grandpa, you know. His grandpa and older grandpa. Should be like senior grandpa. Great. The fuck did he do? Except for fighting the war they didn't even fight in.

Great. Fuck off. What do you do? Dude, he's just bitching at the dinner table. Bro, that's great. Kind of like,

just fucking lived long enough to be great. That sucks. You're going to sound like docket's a little bit. Oh, I do? Great. Come on. Come on. Yes, great.

First impression. Dan Dockich. Hey, can we just talk about how everybody's dad is secretly obsessed with Dan Doggage? Oh, yeah, for sure. So, it's great. All right, you go, go. No, but like we, you can talk. God, I feel like such a dick.

So, okay, Mike, let's say, not my grandma, my mom's aunts. So my mom's aunts, which would be my older. aunt. Yeah. She got lover, though. She's always like, she literally said to me one time, she goes, oh, no, I can't. I can't. It's going to hurt. She goes, oh, Joey, baby. I don't

even know what you're saying in those videos, but I just laugh as soon as I see you on there. It's like, thanks, Aunt Markey. That's great. That one hurts the most. I appreciate the support. And then she's literally like, it pulls it up on her Facebook. And it's like a sketch about like, I don't know off the top of my head, but yeah, she's something you

like kind of need to know about it. Maybe it might like modern Seinfeld or the office, you know, like you have to be in. Yeah, kind of. And she's just like, she just laughing. I'm like, okay, thanks. Well, whatever. Thanks for the share and the like. But yeah, no, what you're talking about with great. It's like, you know, here I am. I'm the fourth Joseph Frank. My son's the fifth. You know, it's like, what are you named after? Oh, our grandpa, our great grandpa. It's like, that's kind of a funny concept when you think about like people naming themselves out there for like generations, you know? Wild, dude. Like what's your great grandpa? Like the guy? Like the guy.

governor or something? Like, no, he just, you know, smoked a bunch of cigarettes and owned a car dealership. Just fucking mold the lawn every now and then. Didn't really do anything. That's funny, though. Damn, just give it some time. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Um, friendscaping, though, you're going. Am I? I? I need someone to follow me around and make decisions for me. Am I going? I don't know. There's always something that happens and I'm like, oh, my God. What happens at Friendsgiving that makes it fucking suck is that whenever you go to one, it's never just your friends. There's some random ass bitch.

It's always like, okay, you have your friends and then all of a sudden some fucking guy walks in. Don't bring your boyfriends to this shit. With, you know, a smorgasbord and he's with a girl and you don't know him. And you're just like, oh, hey, how are you doing? And in your head, you're like, here we go. And then the person who hosts and it was just like, oh, so this is, This is one of my great friends, my co-worker. I'm like,

co-workers of Friendsgiving? Do you get a plus one now? What is this? This is supposed to be like us. Like, dude, Max, Friendsgiving is like, the real core is probably four. Then you got the tag along fifth that you're like, I need, come, you bitch.

And then Six is like, all right, do I even know this person? That's what gets me about Friendsgiving. It's like, oh, yeah, it'll be fun. It's like, no, because here's what's going to happen. is you're going to have four random coworkers. It's going to make it weird because they're not going to really vibe or get what we're talking about. And then the host is going to feel like they have to kind of divide their time between the two. And then one of them is going to want to play games the whole time.

Oh, shit. There's always a game girl. Insane. Can't. Not right now. Games. Like we're grown adults with TV, music, alcohol and food. Why do we have to fucking play?

Guess who? Dude, just because girls got to be doing shit. but they don't even want to. Are you sure? Girls have to be doing shit. That's what like, you know, so many females in my life will be like,

I just don't have it in me in, and you're kind of the same way too, no, but you're like, I just don't have it in me to like watch a movie. I'm like, but you want to play fucking Monopoly?

No, I would rather watch the most intense movie in my life than play a fucking strategic game when I'm just trying to chill. I can talk to somebody for hours. Exactly.

Like strategizing, Uno or some give me a bottle of wine and we can sit there and chop it up talk laugh do you guys want to play a game

and that interrupts everything we're playing camps do you want to hey fuck everybody all the guys fuck yes anybody ever wanted

and there's never enough numbers there's always right they need we need to just one more one more okay fine I will play

dude and then you what are the rules right then it's kindergarten teacher up there and it's like yeah they're explaining and there's a

one guy that's cracking jokes the whole time, being a smart ass. And then, you know, there's one person that's trying to watch the game. And then the chick is like getting pissed because her boyfriend's trying to watch the game. And she's trying to kindergarten talk to explain the game to everybody. It's a big, big fake phone call moment. You guys want to play Uno? Hold on. I got to take that.

Actually, it's my, take yourself out of the equation. It's my grandma. She's pissed and I'm having wine. I got to, I got to go. She saw my picture on Facebook. She doesn't know what's going on, but she's pissed. I'm having wine. There's got to be a game on Friends.

That's a big time game. And yeah, exactly. Part of like Thanksgiving is like you have football. You have, you know, the day off work. You probably have the next day off of work. Cards, dude. Friendsgiving, it's like probably on a Sunday or, or, you know, a Saturday when you want to be watching college football. It just, it sucks.

Cards, bro. Trying to. Yucre! I like Yucre. Fuck on. Yucer's the only game that can be played. No. Yes.

Shut up. You just turn into game guy. No, because Yucre is quicker than fucking, it doesn't require. Actually, no, that's a lot. Even the name, bro, the name, Eukers, even like, sounds like you're about to throw up. You want to play. It's already puky.

Before even, want to play Euker? I'm like, did you just burp? No, I don't want to fucking play that. It's all over this. You mean puker? Hey, these guys. All I want to do is watch you, your dad, your two sisters

play euchre. Just one game of you. No. No. Oh, that would be so funny. Dude, I had somebody try to explain euchre to me. I was in sixth grade. It was like me and my, it was me in like, I know, but everybody else fucking knew how to play. So I was like, I guess I'm the, idiot. Yeah. So, friends, older

brother, let's play you, Kerr. I was like, oh, my God. All right, whatever. Everybody knows how to play with me. I'll fucking figure this out. bro. No chance. It's, it's, you know, it's one. What's Trump? I was like, what the fuck are you talking? You know, truly is. It's a light bulb moment thing. Like, you know, in a few things when

like, you're looking at a math problem or you're looking at, you know, how I do English? You know, or like, and all of a sudden, it just clicks. And you're like, Wait a second. That's truly Yucre. Somebody can explain it to you 1,500 times until they're blue in the face. But until you, like, actually just, like, see it through you and it clicks.

You love you. I do. Dude, I played in the Yucre League. Shut up. That's the only acceptable game at Thanksgiving. Played in Newk. Yeah. That's the only acceptable game on Thanksgiving.

It's it. It's it. You can't. dude isn't it funny too how like the pictures just come rolling in on thanksgiving and it's always of somebody's plate oh my god it's disgusting thanksgiving it's funny to kind of think about just like how everybody else's food is like you know what I mean it's like what's stuff and taste like how you know how good your plate has to look to take a picture of it and put on the internet over what's the what's the what's the green beans tasting like

the McCoys, you know? Yeah, then you got some, you got some, you got some internet newbie that like is just, just doesn't care, just doesn't know and just post some weird ass picture of their food. And it just looks like complete shit. Yeah. But those are the ones you look at for like 10 minutes and you're like, what are they doing over there? They're eating that shit with that. He put those things on the same plate together.

What do you not like to mix? I don't like it when there's fucking, there's cramp. sauce randomly on some shit. And I'm like, I get mixing it all together and sit, but like cranberry on the green beans is like getting a little. I'm down to try. I'm down for trying like different stuff now. Like now that I've like, when I was a kid,

I was like, kind of like, yeah, just turkey stuffing. Just the, just the OG faves. You know, like stuffing as a kid? Dude, I'm obsessed with stuffing. It's my favorite food of all time. I am now. That's my favorite Thanksgiving dish for sure. But it took me a while to warm up to that.

I was like, you want to talk about you could be. like puke. I was like, look at it. It is. It looks like a bird just chewed it up and spin it back out to their kid. A little regurgitation. But then with some gravy on top. Then once you grow up, you know, and your taste buds start coming around, then you're like, wow, where does I start dying? When you grew up to your taste buds like blossom or die. I think it all just depends how you look at it. Glass half full glass half empty. Because when you're a kid, you know, you like, uh, you're like, oh, you like all the fruit like weird like. It's like a pretty pure palate. And then when you go to a little, you look at a little, you know, you're

Yeah, like you talked about like when you're when you're a kid, you just want cheese pizza. When you're our dad's age, you're like, give me put some every mushroom, a toenail. Wow, mushrooms. Mushrooms really are like when you drink. Halapeno. Put it all on there. Everything you have, put it on the pizza. Still cheese.

It's all right. Light cheese too. I have full. But, uh, deviled eggs. Stop with the deviled eggs. That's not bad. God dang, man. If you're going to do devil d'emble eggs, you do it on, yeah.

I know, but it's just so funny. They're so good. Oh, yeah. They've been around forever. Um, mustard and cottage cheese and this roll stinky egg. No, I'm good. It is like the, that is the most throw-upy. Dude, deviled eggs.

No way. No way. No way. Huh? I'm just saying, like, to deviled eggs, no. I'll, I'll pop one in, though. On the low. Just a quick drive-by.

Drive-by devil-degg? Yeah, just checking if it's poison. Pop it in. Hey, hey, we're good. Bro, the Thanksgiving line. Give me out of that line, bro. Can't. What am I?

What am I? What am I in the army? Is this a concession stand? Jeez. Now I'm good. I'll leave. You guys do that. I'll go to BK, bro.

Well, you're in line. No way I'm standing in line. Wait till it's all clear. cleared out. Hell now. The guy that's waiting too long to eat. And everybody's like, when are you going to eat? Wow.

I've been that guy. And I'm like just now I don't want to eat at all. Hey, it's Thanksgiving. You're going to grab a plate? Yes. Why is everybody? Why do you got to check? I'm just not doing it right now where I have to stand next to the cousin that we have

nothing to talk about. This is supposed to be a happy, jolly day, not fucking back at the office. It does suck. That you got to talk about everything you don't want to talk about with everybody. Do you guys pray? so weird but yeah I think you guys hold

usually step out for that you guys hold I'm like we're praying I think of shit too weird can't look at anybody in the eyes

during prayer I'll fall in love with them wait you don't you don't bow your head hell no bro too bald

can't bow my head I haven't bowed my head in five years don't even tie my shoes anymore dude wait wait no way

I think when my my like grandparents were around not great But when my grandparents were around, we'd like say a prayer. And like, coming for my grandma is a little different because, like, grandma's prayers, they're the ones that should be praying. Yeah.

But you're like getting reverent right now. You're like, yeah, yeah, that's right. In the name of father. Let's all bow our heads. Like, grandmas can dominate a prayer. But it's like when some like uncle or cousin's saying it's like, you're a piece of shit. Hey, if you ever have like the cousin or uncle, the middle age. cousin or uncle guy that can absolutely rip a prayer. Hey, he's guilty of something. He's killed

somebody. That's wild, you know. I don't like when people can rip her prayer. It's got to be off the dome and like you got a, you got to stick the landing. Yeah. But like, you can't, you can't ramble. Oh, if you're rambling, it's like, yo. Hey, we got food here. And then like one of my cousins would be like, yo, Uncle Dave, take a little too long of that prayer, huh? And then it's hilarious. And then he's known as the long prayer guy for like. Really miss the mark. please don't be Uncle Dave this time. Yeah. For sure.

Oh, what about when the kids do it? You know? Okay. Shut the fuck. All right. It's cute. You have no clue. Bless is our Lord and deeds.

I guess. I'm like, oh, that's the prayer. Yeah. Okay. Real original. I will bang my head

against a wall if a kid prays at Thanksgiving. Shut them up. Jesus Christ. Doesn't even have tea. Everybody's going to be like, oh, good. yo, whoa, good, way to go. Good jog. Way to go. Good job.

Shut up. Yeah, you look at your uncle. He's like, what kind of fucking prayer was that? That's the shit I like about Thanksgiving when people are just low-key ripping each other. Jesus. Wait, so you never answered. You guys hold hands? No, fuck no. We don't even hold hands in church. Bro. Yeah, I knew. That was going to be the answer, but I had to ask. I mean, maybe like some, some, like a subset family. It's always so weird when like you're, at the Thanksgiving. We're like, it's the side of the family that's clearly not religious at all, but they feel like because it's Thanksgiving that like we need to say a prayer. And then everybody is so uncomfortable already. And then like the host is starting to hold

hands with everybody. And then you know, you have your aunt that like I didn't even know if she realizes that Christmas is a religious holiday. You know, like supposed to be. She's like just so uncomfortable and pissed because we're doing it, you know. Like guys, no, just it's, it's fine. We're good. I always do everything way too early. Like I'll get to, like we do, we have Thanksgiving at my hands. I'll get there. Like at like 10 a.m., I'm like, let's

let's go. Like, we're the peanuts. Like, let's get this shit rolling. Yeah. Then I'll eat dessert. I'll eat dessert at like 2 p.m. I don't care. Yeah. That Thanksgiving morning anything goes. I mean, it's up there. Especially as good to be an adult. I'm still starving. Pre- Thanksgiving,

I'm starving myself. It's already initiated right now. Pre- Thanksgiving. excitement the morning of Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade. Come on. What times that shit start? 9 a.m. bro. You know? Fuck, yeah.

Shut up. I love that shit. No way. Get the rock heads out there dancing right in front of the Macy's, the old Macy's, Jimmy Fallon screaming about something. It's awesome. Damn. What a way to start, you know.

I don't think I've ever watched it. That's good. You know, I like to know what's going on. Right. That's the, you don't sit there and watch it. It's the ultimate, that is the top tier, number one, ultimate, have it on in the background. Mm. Just have it on.

It's just good to have on. You're not listening. You're not really, maybe you'll peek over when like baby Yoda float goes by or something. Right? Like whenever they're like, and then Santa Claus coming to town, it's his time. And then Santa comes and then they have the float of it. Like, oh, oh, it's all about, it's all about not. It's not all that at the end of the day on Thanksgiving,

not eating too much shit. Space out your. That's the whole point of it. I can't, dude. I'm done for if I eat too much shit. That's the day to do that. I know, but you ever get too full and you're like, uh. They literally, Thanksgiving, you, you're with people, you eat a shit ton,

you watch football and you lounge around. That's Thanksgiving. But you're really just piling it up in there? You just said you're starving yourself. I know, but I know, but you gotta say disciplined in times you eat, you know? You're not just fucking putting it all down and a piece of shit the rest of the day. Yeah, well, yes. I got to stay light, bro.

I got to stay light, dude. You never know when your little cousin's gonna be like, you don't want to play one-on-one? You're like, fuck. I'm gonna get my ass beat by a 12-year-old because I'm full. And you just talk shit to him about their stupid. prayer they said earlier. Blesses the Lord in these I give. That's the best you got.

That is a, dude, hey, when people pray in, like, real life and, like, in different situations, like, you just at Kudoba. Somebody's praying. You're like, whoa. Yeah. That's intense.

Hey, we get it. You go to church. But probably not. The more you pray, the less you got to do. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Did you guys used to have to say prayers,

like, around the dinner table? just at home. Sure. You'd have to lead those. I think we, I don't think we had a leader. I think we all just kind of did it together. Or maybe,

maybe we all did it in our heads, low key. So how do you know when it's done? How do you know when everybody will look at? Would that be signified by your dad? Sign of the cross? Oh, my dad wasn't not there.

My mom. No chance, bro. So I don't mean to laugh. My mom might have been off. I mean to laugh at your childhood trauma of your dad and not being a family dinner. Oh,

hell no. My dad, even if he was there, he'd be like, I'm good on that. My mom was probably standing up doing some shit. She wasn't going to make us pray. But it'd be like me and my two sisters at the table. And then, you know, we'd know we'd have to pray. So we'd be like, I swear to God. How about when you go to church and here, this is for all the Catholics out there.

and you go to church and you're killing time before, you know, you got that downtime before it starts before the priest makes his way down the aisle. Jesus. How about priests just being the fucking star of the show like that? You ever think about that? You got to everybody about. Jesus, what an entrance for your ass. You got to give a little bit of a funny bone. You got to be able to have a little performer in you. You're going to be a priest. Yeah, the least perform guy ever is just Bro, that'd be hilarious if like at, like, priests, what they call that, like the seminary. Yeah, that's what they call it. The seminary, they had to, like, once a month go to, like, open mic night.

The priest said, like, do a homily that was also mixed with a comedy bit to, like, get used to performing. They always do have a bit in there. You think priests are out there, like, watching their favorite priests on YouTube? I think a priest is, like, watching Joel Osteen, like, I'm going to be that one day. Did you see, do you see Father Tom's latest? Oh, it's great bit. Oh, shit. way he tied in Lazarus Rising with Corinthians 9.

I never thought anyone would touch that. And he fucking nailed it, bro. But like when you're sitting there and you're just killing time until Father Tom comes down the aisle and you're, you like feel like you have to, you know, your dad does it. Everybody else is doing it. It's like, all right, I'll get down on the knee, you know, and say a little prayer. You're sitting there with your eyes closed and, you know, you get through your regular shit. but then you're not going to think this is time.

I think we're good. You hit the side of the cross, lean back. Yeah, yeah. You're like, I've been kneeling for way too long. People think something's wrong with me. Yeah.

People are going to be concerned. Yeah. Hey, Ben was kneeling for like three minutes. Is everything okay at home? Is he getting that off his chest to God? He just failed a test. It's kind of funny that Thanksgiving isn't a holiday that is really like hand in hand with people going to church.

Man, love that about Thanksgiving. Yeah, I think a lot of people probably do, but it's like, some public school shit. You're giving that, you know what I mean? It's like, you're giving thanks. It's to be so grateful. We're thankful. And you'd think that they're like, oh, yeah, there's got to be church involved with that. Nope. Nope. Thank God. Get drunk as shit. Eat as much food as you can pass out. Just all the sins. Lazy. Lazy. I don't know. That's whatever they. That's all. Deadly sins. Yeah. Glutton for sure. Ah, maybe that's why. Because like technically, it's kind of the, you know, it's like a little bit of a

in there. Yeah. You're right. You're on something. You're not eating too much on Thanksgiving. You're not a, you're not a glut. Full glut.

Glut. Glut slut. Glut sluts. You ever. Thanksgiving pick. You ever feel bad for your whole family full of shit. A bunch of glut sluts on Thanksgiving. You ever feel bad for the dishes that don't really get touched?

Those are ones I was talking about I go for now. The wild cards. Everybody's like, oh, that's new. I'm like, first pick, you just always like pray.

It's not like your mom or your wife or your sister. You're like, ugh, you know, because then it's on you to definitely eat it. You know what I mean?

It's always a weird mixture of something, like a casserole. And you're like, I don't know. Is that maple? But it's like, you know,

you don't want it. Somebody worked hard on it. You know, that they were probably upset about it to their husband, you know, just been like, I just,

I feel like I feel like I Cooked it the wrong way and I don't. Wow, people get like that. Where I'm from, I did. If I brought, dang, where I'm from, every holiday morning was just such a fucking nightmare, man. Are you never closed?

One sister's locked herself in her room. The bathroom. My mom's got the curling iron and she's doing her hair but she's about to use it on my other sister because like she's freaking out because her panty hose don't fit right. Somebody's having the worst morning of their life. Meanwhile, my dad is just like chilling on his phone

on the chair and then my mom is, you know, getting pissed at him because he's not like helping. And then he's pissed because my mom's pissed at him. And then he show up to your grandmals and you're like, I mean, Thanksgiving. Just so fake. What are you thankful for? Probably my family. Ooh, we never did that.

That'd be a rough one. We never did that. What are you thankful for? Those are funny. Those are always funny too when you like go to, did you ever go to like, you know, your girlfriend's Thanksgiving? No, I haven't made it that far In a relationship to make that mark

Almost was, yeah, Thanksgiving's like next level I feel like Christmas is Good for you Christmas is like The entry level holiday probably Really? I think Is it Halloween low key? Like let's pass out candy type shit I'd say maybe even like New Year's

Oh family New Year's is entry holiday I think so. Because it's like, you know, people are trying to party. You're used to this. You have the kiss at midnight. Like everybody's just like over the holiday. So they're not that much pressure. Christmas is like that you're married if we're going to Christmas.

Oh shit. Thanksgiving's like you've been dating for a while. This is serious. Thanksgiving is super serious vibe. Like wow, they're at Thanksgiving. Family. Good for you though for not for not doing that. Never been.

Yeah. But like when you have to do their traditions and everything. Whoa, that's interesting. Like, you better give me a heads up. Like, you better get me... It's such an eye opener. You're just like, wow, not everybody does it the way I... I think ours is super casual.

We're just like fucking, yeah. We don't do any like, you know, be ready to talk about this and that it's just like, yeah, get in there and just fuck around. We might play like football outside for a little bit if it's nice. We used to really hit that hard. I bet. But, yeah, there's nothing really going on. Coach P. out there getting pissed.

fucking out there making up rules and shit to win. I'm like, dude, you're crazy. Yeah, fucking get in your back pedal. Fucking drilled me in the face one year, bro. I wouldn't kill him, I swear. Dove for the fake pylon that was like a little mini plant. Just his knee hit me right in the fucking face. Still talks about it.

I'm like, dude, I hate you. Fucking shut up, dude. And it was definitely one of those years that was like, real, you know, it was cold. It was a tight game, bro. It was tight, but it was cold, so that hurt even worse. Oh, dude. One of those where you come in and your cheeks are

really red and you're like, you have that feeling like it's kind of bleeding in your chest and your blackest eye ever when I walk in, whole family. What happened? Shut up. Shit. You need, you need a, you know, you know, you know, blah,

what happened? Oh my God. Here we go. The kid home. The kids table, man. Always the one, hey, new boyfriend, takes a seat to the kids table. Oh, I'm good right here. No, I'm good right here.

Have you done a video like that? Have you done a video? He's a cat. He's talking to the kids. Getting another kids. He's good. He's good. He's cute and he's good with cats.

Such a play, dude. Doesn't want to be with those little fucking kids. Oh, I'm good right here. Knees hitting his chin to a little stupid fucking table. Like this. Yeah. Eating 12. Wow.

I really like us. Low-key farting and shit. Just doesn't want to sit because he doesn't want to sit by like her dad, can't take the heat, her uncle. Can't take the heat. Yeah, come on, man. Sit there like a man. No balls, bro.

Got to set at the kids table. What a bitch. But the moms are like, oh, wow. I like him. All right. These guys. That's Thanksgiving. Yeah, so hope everybody.

Did we talk about holidays and all? Can't tell. Hope everybody has a good one. Hope everybody's safe. You know, doesn't take a knee to the head and like bend. Safe. Send us your plates.

Hey, just remember, yeah, send us your plates. Remember, you don't have to get immediately in the food line. You know, you can let it die down a little bit. Yeah, just chill on the wine. If your grandma lets it. But hope it's a good one. These guys, every week, YouTube, Apple podcast, Spotify, everywhere you get your bods. Your bods.

Your bods. Yes, we had a stroke. Thank God. I was like, are we going to go through this? Stroke free? Your bids. This is a podcast with these guys. Ben Polizzi, Joey Molinaro.

Get your tickets to Detroit. See you next time. These guys.