THESE GUYS! - The Art of the Wedding Table

Episode Date: June 11, 2024

this week the burpy boys talk about the REAL you got invited to a wedding (bc somebody else couldn't go)🎟️ 𝗕𝗘𝗡𝗡𝗬'𝗦 𝗨𝗣𝗖𝗢𝗠𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗦𝗧𝗔𝗡𝗗 𝗨𝗣 𝗦𝗛𝗢𝗪𝗦 https://benedictpolizzi.com/shows/💕 WATCH BENNY ON LOVERS & LIARS (ON CW APP)🎟️ 𝗕𝗘𝗡𝗡𝗬'𝗦 𝗨𝗣𝗖𝗢𝗠𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗦𝗧𝗔𝗡𝗗 𝗨𝗣 𝗦𝗛𝗢𝗪𝗦 Columbus - June 13 https://www.etix.com/ticket/p/52326531/benedict-pollizzi-columbus-funny-bone-comedy-club-columbus?partner_id=100Portland - June 26 https://portland.heliumcomedy.com/shows/254520Philly - July 25 https://philadelphia.heliumcomedy.com/shows/254519Raleigh - Aug 22 https://www.goodnightscomedy.com/shows/254522Buffalo - Sept 19 https://buffalo.heliumcomedy.com/shows/254521Austin - Oct 10 https://www.capcitycomedy.com/shows/254523San Diego - Nov 7 https://www.micdropcomedy.com/shows/264571Phoenix - Dec 5 https://www.micdropmania.com/shows/264572🔺𝗪𝗔𝗧𝗖𝗛 𝗢𝗡 𝗬𝗢𝗨𝗧𝗨𝗕𝗘 https://youtu.be/xxQ75QbyHHY🧢𝗧𝗛𝗘𝗦𝗘 𝗚𝗨𝗬𝗦! 𝗠𝗘𝗥𝗖𝗛 https://benedictmerch.com/products/these-guys-hoodie-1?variant=41218692775993

If I ever get married, there's not going to be a wedding. It'll just be like a roast or something. That's the only way I'd want to do it. I'm like, don't be nice to me. Netflix presents the wedding and roast of Ben Polizzi. Dude, I'd be okay. That's the only way I would do it, bro. Ray John Rondo here, heaven, garnet, there.

God, dang, that's so pure. TG 87. 87. What's up? Reggie's got it. How come like the home team like broadcasters are so iconic to each team, you know? Hey, the old soundtrack to your summer or fall, baby. Who's the most iconic like NFL team radio broadcaster everything?

The guy from the Vikings. Dude, Paul Allen, yeah, Paul Allen for sure. This is a Detroit man. It's the Super Bowl! Yeah, Paul Allen all the way. Love that guy. I love how we're just radio nerds at heart. God, who are we?

Totally, man. Absolutely. Who's not? Harry Carrey and shit. I mean, come on. But that's what I grew up with. I didn't grow up with it, but like it was such part of my life

because my dad grew up with it. So then, you know, you always hear the stories of the, and everybody has a Harry-Carrie impression. So just lives it on. Yeah. Anyways. TG-87.

Wow, Prime. Look at us, dude. Who are we? Still on the Laquois, huh? Surprised nobody commented. It's actually pronounced La Croy. Got a backup just in case. I love you, burpee boy.

All right, let's push some tickies. This Thursday, at Columbus, mommy's coming to town. I can't wait. Get your tickies right under here in the description. And then we've got Portland, June 26, Philly, July 25th,

and a whole bunch of other dates coming up. Benedictpolice.com. Can't wait to see you guys. We're going to be cat, Colin. We're going to be selling a little merch. It's going to be a party.

So I'll see you there. Columbus can't wait. Yeah. How awesome would it be if Brutus was just in like the fifth row. Just on a table, like five rows away from me on stage. Brutus Buckeye.

The whole time. What a dream. Oh, my God. I would just have to be like, hey, actually, come sit up here on stage with me. You sit in the stool just right over here. Actually, you just do. You just do it. I'll sit in the crowd.

That's what everybody's here for. Dude, how come when I, like, interact with a mascot, I'm more nervous than I've ever been in my life? Yeah. It's a weird, like, pressure. because they can't they can't talk back to you. So it's the pressure automatically because whatever you say to them

and however they respond back to it and they do it in an expert way. I mean, these folks are professionals but then you have to you feel like the need to explain what's going on, what they're saying, even though everybody else around you is watching them do the same hand gestures.

I know. I'm always scared I'm not looking like where like I'm looking at the mascot eyes. And I'm like, I look like an idiot right now. But usually like the mascot, they're like looking through the mouth and the eyes are up here. Or like the throat, bro. And I'm like trying to find like the screen when I'm talking to them. They're being all like, you know, just crazy. And I'm like, where the fuck is this person's eyes the whole time?

They've got those weird gloves. When I went up to, uh, when we did my 30th at Wrigley last year, I bring like 20 people. there. Cubs set it up. We have a sweet. Like, you know, they bring like an ice cream Sunday cart by. Just like it's just a dream birthday, right? It felt like you were turning 10, but with a bunch of your other 30 year old friends and like your family. That's a good party. That's a good party. But they brought Clark the mascot by and he stayed for like a half an inning just up in our suite with us. No way. Yeah. It was insane, dude. he had a couple buddies of mine that were just like you know trying to fuck with him and everything and like they didn't want to get a picture with him they just want to take like an up close picture of his face on their phone and shit and uh it was awesome having him up there though

did you rip the mask off you just look over and you know Clark's just sitting in the road behind you all you're watching the cubs play the braves just not saying was he talking normal or anything did he break character no he didn't talk damn it I wish he would is just like, been like, oh, Jesus Christ, I can't stand these people, started eating your food and shit. Well, I had Frank in there with us.

So, yeah, yeah. And he wanted, he didn't take a picture with you if he had booze in your hand. You had to put the booze down. Nice,

dude. Yeah. Yeah. Mascot 101. Right. What about, what I actually should have been in my life, a mascot.

Literally. I should have been a mascot, dude. Oh, 100%, man. Oh my God. To just be boomer. boomer from the pacer's climbing down from that rope from the top.

Legs kicking. Could have been me. Everybody else was like, God, I want to be Reggie Miller. I'm like, damn, I want to be the mascot.

We went to that minor league game in Wisconsin after my show in Green Bay where I threw out the first pitch. And they had two mascots. And what was crazy is that Frank, this name was a, Whiffer and I forget the other one's name. but mascot names yeah and they were like

but Frank wasn't afraid of them at all I was totally expecting because Frank you know he's almost two so he's kind of in that range where he could be all of a sudden they turn the corner and you're just like freaks out he just ran right to him man literally the I think Thrasher

was the other one Wiffer and Thrasher or something like that Fang no it's Fang Wiffer and Fang but Fang rode in the back of that car with us when I was shooting the Bratzuka in the middle of the fourth inning or whatever. That was a dope picture.

I was shooting the Bratzuka and Frank was riding in the back with us and like obviously I couldn't hold him because I was shooting the Bratzuka and Fang just grabbed Frank and Frank was just chilling in Fang's lap just riding around the ballpark. It's so funny dude.

Something about that is weird to me because I don't understand when like kids aren't scared of shit. I'm like how are you not scared of that? I'm kind of scared right now a little bit. And kids are just locked out because he's never been every time we've gone to see Santa, you know, in his two years. He's just like, cool.

He's just like, oh, oh, oh, no big deal sits on his lap. He's a little tentative, maybe, but he's not screaming or crying. Might be a little weird. He's just kind of like, he's kind of like enthralled that they're there. And he'll just like, hi. Hi. Hi. Hi, Fang. How does he say thanks?

T.T. T.T. bro. Oh, yeah. He puts the emphasis on the right syllables for thank you. He says, dintu. Dan,

do. Yeah. Titi. Hey, Fang, Tee. Could go all day. Could go all day talking about the boy,

but I won't. Here's some, here's some potential, like, just putting it out there for the clubhouse, seeing how they respond. Uh-huh. And I haven't even actually run this by you,

but it's something that I, I went to Toledo last week and my dad came with me. So we had like six and a half hours round trip in the car to talk about stuff. Pist that wasn't there. And we were. You didn't call me? Problems. We were figuring everything out.

I won't do anything. Like, what about a little like fall college football? These guys like six, seven stop, uh, like once a week type of thing. You know,

it's kind of like, our own version of game day, but we do it on like a Thursday night or something. We've been talking about this for like eight years. You know, we could look at the schedules now. You can build it out, you know,

pitch it to some people, see if it's like, yeah, they wouldn't be on board with that. Then we just go to a local comedy club or, you know, um, auditorium or theater or something in town and,

uh, kick off the weekend, whenever there's a game there. And, uh, we do our thing and the clubhouse comes out. Just a little something to mull over. Just a little, you know, just a little something for Clubhouse.

If you're like, yeah, that sounds awesome. You know, maybe we could hit kind of in the region here. We could do it by conference, you know, it could be kind of like, hey, you know, kind of sticking in the Big Ten country. I know it's everywhere now. So maybe even there's an L.A. Stop in there. It could be just kind of, hey, SEC, you know, we're staying Southern.

We kind of hit down there. Just some options, you know, some feedback of Clubhouse is something, like I said, Thursday or Friday night in the fall. You know, you got a game at in Columbus, right? The Buckeyes are hosting Akron in week three or some shit. And, uh,

oh, dude, that's a guy on Thursday night. You know what I mean? At noon. Akron, Ohio State at noon. Right. Yeah. Then maybe we can even turn into like,

you know, these guys, you know, we kind of like get to lay the land. Like we go out on a Saturday of the game and just kind of take in that. You know what I mean? And some,

Something to think about something to think about something to chew on. No, I like it. I think it's a good idea. And yeah, in the clubhouse, we got you early on here. Obviously, like we said, subscribe on YouTube, send it to five friends, get them on board. You know, we've gotten some more ratings and reviews on Apple pods. Love to see that. Keep pumping those in there. But then also let us know if that'd be something of interest. Like I said, a little Thursday night, Friday night with these guys. In the fall, could be fun. Just the amount of coffee that we'd take down is all I'm thinking about. I'm always thinking about the worst things of like, I'm like, how many times am I going to have to pee on that tour? No, that'd be sick though. Coffee and wine. It doesn't even have to be a college campus, really.

It could just be anything in town. Are you thinking like podcast? Like a live? Yeah, I was thinking just these guys. But obviously they'd come into. with that, but, you know, just want to be like, you know, it'd be clubhouse. That way, we don't got to get into weird, like, billing of like who's headlining, you know, and shit. And like that, you know, that's a weird thing. So in your head, you're just picturing like a,

like a podcast on stage kind of. Yeah. Yeah. Us. And then ideally like, you know, get in touch with whoever who's in that city who's kind of popping or whatever, maybe somebody. swings by, you know? Oh, like. You know, maybe you're in, uh, maybe you're in, uh, maybe you're in, uh, Chicago and, uh, you know, Danesby Swanson comes by or, uh, Edron James. Uh, Caleb Williams. I don't know. You know, you're in, you're in, uh, Columbus and maybe it's, uh, man, all their, all their dudes left. I know they got more dudes, but I'm trying to think of

AJ Hawke. sure what's up ted gend pardt ted gin you know maybe old troy smith you know chris gamble on the podcast right now right you know so there's maybe there's a little tie-in there so that's ideal to me i'm thinking like six to eight in the fall maybe it's you know it's it's once a week so you're going a different spot every like thursday or friday would everything get you in you know let's say notre dames playing climpsin or some shit on saturday in south bend and then these guys are up there too with Brady Quinn

with Brady Quinn and Ian Book is coming by with his just to see who's hotter I get the crowd audience the crowd vote there with him and him and Johnson deaf deaf Ian so so just just just a little something

I think I know I sure as hell would love to do it and yeah so then it just falls onto the clubhouse honestly so I'm just imagining the jerseys wow yeah because we

I mean we really had some we had some great runs of people who would come to our shows individually our individual shows and the shit that would show up there pretty great do you say you saw a yellow

packer driver oh my the yellow packard's jerseys are so crazy I had I'm pretty sure there was a barb in there there's a Clay Matthews, there was a Donald driver. There was one other, I can't remember. I can just remember seeing like a yellow Packers jersey at like the mall when I was a kid

and just being like, what the hell? Like they wouldn't even approve of this. Like I was like on behalf of the Packers, like they would be like, what is this? Yeah. It's like when the original color rush leaked. Yeah. And they had the Steelers wearing all gold. And I was like, I just don't think that's real.

I know. man that's that's some that's some 2010 thing I would put on Facebook like all the color uh oh I thought of another one I had the other day old school

post for me it was just like an Oreo with a Reese's in between it on my Instagram and the caption was just SC top 10. Just like no thought, just all, just all, just going right off the top, dude.

Hey, that all, that, I mean, not only is that sound like a great, tasty creation, but that little OCD in me thinking about how perfectly the, the Oreo cookies would fit in the little ridges of the Racy's. I know. Just makes sense. It's kind of why I did it. I was like, this is too perfect. Everybody's got to see this.

And I had a girlfriend at the time, and she's like, what's SC top 10? And I was like, oh my God, I'm going to kill myself, dude. South Carolina top 10. No, and I try to explain it to her, and she was like, it still doesn't make sense. I was like, I know it kind of doesn't make sense. All right, it's what I'm going for.

We can't be together. This is not going to work. Right after that, I was like, no, she's judging my captions. Jesus Christ, dude. You know, it's wild is that I have, I get, I get, man, my June is just, you have these months where you're just absolutely

just bogged down by every person you know was born in that month. Oh, yeah. Of course, you got Father's Day on top of it too. I mean, these months, what are they for you, for your family? Or do you even know or care? absolutely don't know or care

but I'd say the bit I mean maybe maybe like in it kind of was June like when I was younger because there'd just be so many weddings it's really weddings are the only thing I can think of

that's just like boom boom boom every like every weekend I was like we have to go to another one but like family stuff there's really nothing for me are our weddings better or worse as a kid probably better because you have no idea what's going on I know I was I was just thinking about that because I was torn but I was like

because at first I was like God that a wedding is a kid what a nightmare you got to like sit still and dress nice and be quiet it was then I'm like but then I'm like you probably got like a lot of random free soda maybe your mom got drunk didn't care as much Then once the reception's happening, like you and your cousins are just like putting the tie on your head going crazy. So sweaty on the dance floor, you know? It's better as a kid. But then at the same time, I'm like, man, but then when you're an adult, like you're doing all that same shit, but you're just drunk. There's one wedding that you went to that was like the peak wedding.

I mean, I get it. Yeah, because I grew up and had so many aunts and uncles and cousins and shit just like you that like I had to go to a lot of them too. but that's a thing of the past now. I've already mentioned it how like nobody, everybody, I mean, just kids are not allowed to go to weddings anymore. It's just not a thing. My kids, they're not going to sniff their first wedding probably

until they're literally like 18 years old. Oh, really? What do we even do here? Oh yeah. Everything is a no kid wedding. Everything. Even family, no kid wedding. Right?

So they're not even, which is so foreign to me too. And you, I'm sure, because that's like I said, I was like always fucking, I was going and had to get dressed up and put on the clip on tie.

And then I was like ready to hit the dance floor with my cousins as soon as we got to the reception, you know? But that is a thing of the past. That does not exist anymore. Kids don't go to weddings anymore. They're not allowed. What a move. Who's the first person that was like, no, no kids. And then we just, we just, everybody just rode with it.

It used to be a super rich thing. You know, it's like, hey, I'm having this like black tie formal wedding. Everybody has to really be bringing it. it's at this super expensive venue downtown yeah we're not going to do kids because there's just like so much shit that could break and go wrong and like kids aren't going to dress up and just going to ruin it but now everybody just like eh actually fuck all you guys don't want kids not a bad move which you know there's there's positives and negatives and negatives like everything with that you know it makes it more fun for you know me and my situation

but at the same time, it's like, you gotta get a sitter. I got to make sure that might be worse. The babysitters. Can't be too drunk when you get home because you got to take care of the kid. Dude, in finding, you ever get like a sketchy babysitter? No, because we just do either my parents or my in-laws.

Yeah, but that's kind of a pain in the ass for them too, right? I do find myself feeling really guilty a lot. I would too, man. Like, here's my whole ass kid. See you never. Yeah, because of course they're just like, thank you for letting us watch them. We just want to be.

You don't mean that. I'm like, yeah, but like the second time in two and a half weeks. Like, yeah, that's a little crazy. You know? That's a lot of moms watching kids for a wedding. I don't know, man. Yeah. I can't decide either.

What's better? But like I said, I mean, now it's not even going to be a thing. I mean, my kids aren't even going to know what weddings are until they're an adult. So they're not going to know a difference.

Good for them. But regretfully accept. The wedding invitation? Real wedding invitation. What was the other one? Oh, man. Happily decline. Is that a tweet?

Was that a tweet? Yeah, you tweeted it. I had to bring back. I was just, I was just chilling there bored as shit kind of hung over on Saturday. And I was like, oh man, this is so, like, it was perfect weather out.

I was like, this is so wedding time. So I had to recycle the old guys at weddings. Oh, fire. Fire. I was thinking about posting on Instagram, but I was like, it's too long. And I don't know which portion to like put it on there. Anyways.

But I had to put it back out there on Twitter. it just hits way different on Twitter I went to it on Instagram to see like what what it did or who liked it and like it didn't do shit I was like what it's one of the best videos ever I don't know

I'm pissed wedding season say what the I can't believe you brought your plus one man I know I'm pissed she's here that is so awkward but she's up getting a drink or some shit

oh man I can't even look at her your friends are like your friends are talking to her oh you're like I don't know if I can or not I've been toying with this I can't figure out how to do it but I've been toying with this idea about like just the wedding table

like the conversations you have at a wedding table you know when you're not you're not like in the wedding party and you're not family. Let's just say you get invited to somebody that you work with, like a close work friend's wedding, or even somebody that you're friends with, but you're not close enough to be in the wedding party,

and you're not close enough to be like, you know, you're just like, you're, if there's 250 people invited, you're probably like 246. So you're just sitting there. You're fighting for your life. And then you're with the other collective region. you know what I mean like your whole table is basically 241 to 250 mm-hmm it's a good

and so it's such a it's such a it's such a collection and it's like those conversations that you're having where you don't know them they don't know you you do the introduction how do you know them you know just all that bullshit that you talk about someone's phone goes off someone's already planning their escape you know someone's girlfriend's pissed doesn't say anything the whole time. But I hate that girlfriend. The girlfriend that doesn't talk. There's one at every wedding.

She's mad. And always makes, and she's always dating one of the groomsmen. And then one of that, then that groomsmen, it becomes completely no fun. The second that the wedding's over. They're like not even sitting at,

they're not even sitting at the head table. They're sitting at your table. You're like, dude, you're a groomsman. What are you doing here? You've been dating this girl for four months. at the table.

She's jealous. Joe, she was pissed. She was pissed about because she knew one of the bridesmaids is like someone that he used to have a fling with. Oh my God, I was just going to say that. I hate, does that ever happen?

I'm like, if I'm a walk, if I'm in the, like the, if I'm a groomsman walking down with one of the bridesmaids, is the girl I went to the wedding with like pissed?

Is that cheating? Probably. I'm like, dude, I can't control this. It is weird. You're like, are we together now? Are we together now? Are we getting married or should we or what? That's one of my favorite things about being married.

Assume me, one of my favorite things about being married is whenever I'm in one of my friends' wedding parties. And then inevitably, when I get matched up, you know, with the girl and I'm walking down the aisle with or whatever. Yeah. The amount of time where I'm just like, oh, yeah, my wife, she's here. you can just sense immediately the relief from this chick not being like, oh yeah,

this guy's going to try to, you know, now we got a weird thing. Is he going to be, since we're paired together, he's going to be trying to dance with me later. Like, is that a thing?

We're homies. It's not, but it's an unspoken like. It is kind of weird. There's like a little tension there. And I'm like, there shouldn't be though. Like,

because when the bride and the groom or the people getting married, when they're putting together who's walking down the aisle, absolutely there's these conversations. Oh, he can go with her because, you know, they're, uh,

they're, they're like, there are two best friends, so they'll go together. And then he can go with her because like, there might be something there. Like, I think that they might hit it off if we connect them.

That is a thousand percent of thing. Oh, they can't go together because she hates his girlfriend. his now girlfriend, so we got to flip that up. That is a million percent of thing. Oh, man. Because I'm like, my only rule during that, like, portion of the wedding, it's just like, don't be creepy, don't be creepy, don't be creepy.

Right. But that's where it's like when you, when you get it out of the way, hey, wife and kids, they're just like, oh, perfect. I can just take a deep breath now because I don't got to worry about, you know, late at 2.30 in the morning, knocking on the hotel door, hotel door, you know. I thought we had something. The worst,

the worst part of the wedding when you're in the groomsman or like bridesmaids party or whatever is the, what are we doing for the entrance? Well, a lot of people have completely eliminated that. I would, that might be the reason I hate weddings, actually. Now, like, so now I have to come up with a sketch

on the spot that's got a white. like 300 people and you're the girl never helps she's like aren't you like a comedian i'm like dude i don't specialize in wedding entrances like it's the worst part i don't know bro i hate it one time i just had one of the the girl i walked down let's slap me across the face i think i might have done that at yours no um no i think they actually i think you had them splash you with water Oh yeah. I was like, can you sauce of water

and just slashed it on your face? Like, can you just beat the shit out of me? Maybe they'll like it. That's what it resorted to. I was like, can you just like, just just pull out a gun and shoot me in the chest? Maybe it'll work.

That's a, but that's, that's, that's a thing of the past too now. It's become such a like pariah to brides that I've been in multiple

weddings over the last couple of years where the bride will come to the guys obviously because she's like my friends aren't going to fucking do it but you're dumbass friends well so the bride will be like no no no no no big entrances you're not doing anything for the entrance we're all going together and you just wave and you're like okay jesus i'm down with that i like that a lot dude the pressure is off we we yeah it it is but it's just like you know, I'm kind of ready to revert back. The hand, the handshake. Oh, yeah.

Okay. There's always one guy, dude. Oh, yeah. Everybody's like, well, with the girls doing it too. I did the girls do it too. The girl chugged a beer. The girl chugged a beer too. The juxtaposition of her in a dress and she's a girl, she's chugging a beer.

Beer. Beer. Oh yeah, dude, how about when like, yeah, the dudes would have to be like, hey, toss it to me, you know? I'm gonna do that, I'm gonna do the, you know, toss two to me. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna smash them. Hey, that's another thing. Hey, hanging in the Louvre, right?

We talked about that. If I never had to see another goddamn post on Instagram of some fucking pro athlete or anybody, like smashing beers and then just like pouring them on themselves at like a hockey game. Holy shit, man. Still? still still doing it it's still so funny on the jumbotron if i have to see another chicago bowl's wedding entrance from a group of guys i'm like guys oh hey near near near near the whole crowd's like i'm like we're at a wedding man yeah you always know you always know you always know that you're at the last table on the totem pole when you go around collectively

and it's just a hodgepodge of not not another there's not two couples at the table that know each other alike it's all just like that's the best table to be out dude i promise everybody's like are you sure it's just a bunch of randos at a table that's i think that's where where i shine man no way no couples just all people like no it's a few couples but maybe you got a couple of one-offs or whatnot but it's just like the three close work friends

that the groom has the hairstylist for the bride or something her husband like you know it's just a collection of that and you're like oh I'm the last one invited

I shouldn't even be here like they debated over whether or not I should be here and somehow he won out that's insane. No, no, you know why you're there? Because somebody else couldn't go. Yep.

Uh-huh. All right. Freaking ass, ask Ben, I guess. He doesn't want to go, but I mean, 13 people can't show up. Maybe he'll say,

yeah, then I just end up there. Kisser! Kisser! Let's get fucked up. Get fucked up. It's going to fuck the ob. Kisser.

Me at every wedding. Chisser. Ha ha ha ha ha. Oh, man. Yeah, also like, kind of the dance floor. I've been to some weddings

where the dance floor really is also dead. That's every wedding. I've been, no, I went to one where the dance floor was crazy. the Jenkins mine was yeah I don't really consider your

your whole thing was lit I don't really consider your when I think of like a wedding reception I think of it in like a banquet hall for someone that you're like I probably shouldn't have even been invited but I'm here yeah yours was just like chaotic all around

and that's what I like honestly there's like something in every corner good lighting too but when I remember the like a banquet hall wedding reception it was just like real I've been to so many of them dude and it was just like there's no one out there there's somebody's niece and nephew

there's like an uncle but like no one's ever really throwing down I just always feel bad for the DJ you know because they're playing the they're on the mic and then they're playing something like should get the people out there, but you just got a lot of, like,

kind of insecure, self-conscious people. I do too, man. I always feel real bad for the DJ. I'm like, can we, I always give them compliments and shit too. Like, it'll be real dry. Everybody's being kind of lame. And I'm like, this is my shit. I don't dance either, though.

But I'm like gas and I'm, because I'm like, he's doing a good job, but everybody's being so lame. It's tough to like, it's tough to break that, you know, to get everybody out there. You a live band or a DJ kind of guy? Oh,

yeah, that's a lose, lose. But live bands, like, I'm just, I'm for whatever the majority likes, really,

because live bands, dude, I can, I can't ever hear the person singing. Like, it's all the instruments that are super loud. And I'm like, I can't even hear the,

the song. I'm just so DJ guy over a live band And I don't care I don't care that people are like It's actually like It's more upscale to have a live band Like it's kind of cheap to have a DJ I'm like cool don't fucking care

Don't want these people who like play in Lucas Oil Stadium's lobby Every week to be in here being like Uptown funk you up up down funk you up Say what it's like nah I'd rather just hear you know if we have to

I'm just the real song yeah just the real song DJ's for sure live band I'm like who is this guy why are we at this bar that I don't want to be at anymore now how much does live bands get paid

I don't know but I I was so surprised when I like because I thought for sure it was the opposite I was like oh you're having like a wedding singer you know like yeah okay everybody's just like no it's kind of tacky to have a DJ I'm like well fucking

Sting these are cool because I'm a thumbtack then baby yeah they're like spinning shit you know we're like mixing it spin it and going into another thing they'll get a remix going they'll have a siren and shit it's the remix to Ignition when they play that still the best song ever

we're going to get funky funky funky everybody club your hands yeah that wedding reception god dang they're all the same 25 songs it's kind of slowed down for me I had my cousins in May

then I don't really think I have one I got a couple in the fall I stopped getting the invites a long time ago Hey, you just don't even RSVP or show up to enough of them. The word gets around. Yeah, dude, word got out quick. I think yours might have been the last one I went to. That's because you had to.

No, I wouldn't have gone to yours. Because you were in it. Yeah. Do I remember I specifically told one of my friends not to put me in his wedding party? Because it was like a real like, he was like, yo, you want to come like, get lunch with me, like a random, like guy I knew from college. And I was like, what the fuck? But I was like, all right, I'll do it.

Like he started talking about like, his wedding and stuff like that. And I was like, hey, man, just don't. Whoa. I was like, I'm just telling you right now. Like, I love you, bro, but just don't. What was the reaction here? I think he was just like I didn't know if he was doing it or not

I couldn't like I didn't 100% know but I just wanted to like catch it before he even asked me so I was like bro if you're gonna ask me to be in your wedding like I'll go to the wedding but like just don't put me in that and it's like not because I don't like you I just don't fuck with weddings and he was like all right like it was cool because he's one of my college friends but he didn't like care like that

man has he talked to you since yeah I was just straight up with him I was like bro I hate weddings like sorry damn is that I don't know if somebody said that to me I think I would respect it I wouldn't be like that motherfucker I mean I guess it's better to like yeah no because you don't want to like drag them through and then been have them be like miserable on the day of and your wedding and you're like I gotta fucking take care of this guy now yeah at the same time

it would have been a good sport it's just like I mean you know like once you've been in a couple you know do you really want to be in more probably not but it's just kind of like just kind of like a right of passage of life that's just like hey man

I know this is going to be a bunch of bullshit but you know you're my guy and I love you and it's more about me standing up there with you than all the other shit that comes with it so yeah yeah I was like no thanks honey

dude I swear didn't I tell you I told you I used to go to the actual wedding and then dip yeah it's the opposite you're supposed to do the opposite fucking idiot

yeah but I went to the wedding so I could like see them get married and I was like hell yeah and then they just wouldn't I don't think they even noticed if I was at the reception or not well it's not about that it matters if you RSVPed to the reception

uh the RSVP's big, huh? Definitely left that one blank. You're a fucking moron. It's going to be so annoying in like 23 years when Frank's getting married.

I'll be there. I'll be there. Don't invite Ben. Just maybe give him an idea of when it is and where it is. Maybe he'll stop by. Don't even reserve a seat or anything for him. Is it at the mall?

It's at the mall, dude. I've been thinking about that, like, actually, just already just been like, man, because, you know, my parents went through that. Everybody's parents are like, oh, besides yours. The old, like, okay, when it's your wedding, you're thinking about all the people that you're inviting, right? But then when it's your kid's wedding,

the parents still get invites. And then it's like, who the luck are you inviting? then, you know? The parents still get invites. What do you mean? Like at my wedding, for example, both my in-laws and my mom and dad, each

had like, I don't know, I want to say like eight to ten, like couple invites that they were, you know what I mean? That was like, they could give out. Like, these are their friends or like people that, you know what I mean, that they wanted to be there. I didn't know that. Yeah.

I mean, if you do a small enough wedding, then maybe not. But, you know, for ours, it was like 260 people. Dude, that's a sling wedding. That's a slick wedding. Actually, the last wedding I went to was my dad's wedding, dude. Eight people there. Still got to get my hands on that best man speech footage. Oh, my God.

That needs to be scrubbed from everyone's phone. That was insane. Oh, the way I just thought about it as I walked there. I was like, what am I doing? The way I want you to get married so badly, just so there's like the tiniest chance ever that you'll have an actual wedding and I can be there. And whether or not I'm best man or anything or not,

I'm still just going to fucking get on the mic and say something. Yeah, you have to. It's just, dude, if I ever get married, there's not going to be a wedding. It'll just be like a roast or something. That's the only way I'd want to do it. I'm like, don't be nice to me. Netflix presents the wedding and roast of Ben Politsi.

Dude, I'd be okay. That's the only way I would do it, bro. That's not bad. That could work. Who's not going? One of the first of that's kind. The wedding roast of Benedict Politsy and Nikki Glaze. Oh, that'd be crazy.

That'd be I'm in. Just getting married to do the roast. Yeah, I'd be down for that. Oh, shit. The only way. The only way. Jim Nance is a lot taller than you'd think, by the way.

That surprises the shit out of me when people are a lot taller. I'm like, how did I not know you're like 6.5? He's like at least probably like 6.3. That's crazy. What a talent, dude. When you're talented and tall, I'm like, you're a god. Old Jim's swimming in it back in the day. We're just.

So you know how he like, whenever he gets on the mic, whenever the intro's done and it comes to him, whether he's doing golf or basketball or the NFL, and he says, hello friends, Jim Nance, he says, hello friends,

right? So, like, when he got on stage, he did that, you know, and people loved it. But then after the show,

there was like, you know, for the big corporate sponsors that spent a lot of money, there was like an hour, hour and a half long, like meet and greet mingle after the show.

And in my contract, I had to be there too. So, which, you know, I ended up just like standing in a corner drinking. And, you know, there's a handful people that want to come say to me. All good.

I get it. You want to see Jim Nance. Cool. But it's just, you know, again, I'm like, okay, I have to be there. But anyways. So we're at this thing, this mingle. And like, it's Jim's time to leave. You know, he's, he's got to go.

And as he's going through the door, right? like everybody's like thanks so much thank you so much jim all so good to me jim he's going through the door he turns and he just goes goodbye friends and continued out i was like wow he really plays into the friends thing man dude that's his bit i was like damn this dramatic little son of a bitch dude That was his walk off. Goodbye. Walked it off, man.

Like, you know, he kind of, because he met me. Well, yeah, we, so I talked to him. You met my dad. And so there's a few different people there that he was just like, Joey, Joe, good to see you. Blah, blah, blah. You know, a few people. And then the collective, as they were all waving by to him, as he was pointing out the individuals. And then he just turned, goodbye, friends.

And ducked out. It was. Dude, it was crazy. How long was the whole thing? Shows from like 7 to 9. And then the like mingle thing went probably to like 10.30 or so. It's always funny to be like the other person there during a meet and greet. Yeah.

That's been me probably eight times. I'm just like in a corner. They're like, you did good. I'm like, just shut the fuck up. Yeah, no. You get some people, you know, you do appreciate the people who do say something or like want to get a picture. you know, you really? No, I love it so much.

But I'm like, I know what's going on here. I'm just like, hey, can I hold your purse while you take a picture with Nikki Glazer? Right. I'm like gassing them up. Hey, we've all been there. We've all been there, man. All been there. All right.

Let's see what's going on to Clubhouse here. What's going on? Go. Station, know about this? Right, right. you got one i'm really looking forward to here actually that's from john the depressing time when you're older than everyone in professional sports hey guys just want to say congrats benny on the lovers and lyre's season i won't give anything away but what a great suspenseful ending all caps

bravo l-o l-o-l hey thanks question though do you guys ever get depressed knowing that you're practically older now than almost every professional sports player i'm a little older than you guys and turn 37 this year, but I can't wrap my head around the fact that some of these players can be one of my sons. They're all man's childs and still feel like they're around our age. It's crazy when you see a player who has been retired for five years and then they're still younger than you, but how do we look at these guys now? They aren't my role models anymore.

I'm almost 20 years older than them. Slap my ass and vote who will hit harder. Shakeem Griffin's nub or Jason Pierre Paul's club. Wow. Um JPP for sure Um Yeah

it is weird But I still feel like I'm the same age as them Is that weird Or younger at times Yeah why is that Like Kristen McAvery just turned 28 And I've known Christian for like four years now

You know Yeah Got a fairly you know fairly friendly relationship. And I'm like, that's so weird that like he was like a freshman in high school when I was a senior. But right now it doesn't feel like that at all. It feels if anything the opposite. All the guys are older.

Like an NFL defense or offensive lineman. I'm like, that guy's 43. Yeah. 22. I'm like, what? No, they all. Yeah, I did wrestle with it for a little bit. Like I remember.

But it was really when I was like 23, 24, 24, 24. was when he's really messing with me. Now that I'm 30, I'm like, all right. Yeah, so they're younger than me. That just makes it easier for me to talk to them because what the fuck ever, you know? I still feel weird when I talk to anybody like that. I'm like, wait, you're 20.

What? What? Why do I think everyone is older than me? Well, news flash, they're not. Dude, you know who I saw the other day, though? like Al Horford, is he still playing for the Celtics? Yeah, he's like 37 or 38. Yeah, I was like

that bro, he is balling too. Yeah. I remember watching him in the final four when I was in high school and I'm like, and he's still playing. I'm like, was there a different Al Horford? Right. It did hit me weirdly. Like, sometimes

it would get like a couple months ago, they got I was watching the Cubs game and one of the dugout reporters. It's like, Yeah, and, you know, was talking to Dansby Swanson or talking to Craig Counsel about Danzy Swanson. It was like, yeah, you know, I mean, he's about to be 31 and he's one of the older guys in the clubhouse.

And I was like, oh, older guys in the clubhouse? We're dead, bro. We're so dead. We're so dead. It's over. Nobody older. From Walker, Ben Jarvis Green Ellis. I was not sure if you'd already address this question,

but if not, the new thing on social media and the sports community is, quote, if you had five championships to spread across your favorite teams in the next 10 years, what would it look like? Example, for me, since I'm an Arizona sports fan,

I want two World Series wins for the D-backs, two NBA finals for the Suns and one Super Bowl for the cards. I'm not a college sports fan, but the exercise is fun. Slapped my ass with a terrible towel as I stand in front of my TV with tears and snot bubbles running down my face

watching the rerun of Super Bowl 43. Wait, what was 43? Cardinal Steelers. Hey, best Super Bowl ever? Not for him because he's an Arizona fan. I know, but come on. Like, it wasn't? Was it?

It's tough, man. That Super Bowl was insane, bro. That Super Bowl was so much fun. It was. It was so Super Bowl, you know? All the big players making all the biggest plays. I was like, no way. Larry Fitzgerald taking it down the middle

I was like he should yeah he should he's built for this best in all the time Michaels and Madden on the call to John Madden's last game James Harrison best play ever

can we keep talking about it do the ending dude that occur order bro that was the best Super Bowl ever oh yeah because it almost seemed like it was a tie Like it was almost like, yeah. Being in, hey, it was in Tampa too.

So, you know, it was black as shit when the game started. I love that. Totally nighttime. None of this weird. The sun's in, you know, the twilight hours. Gross, dude. I want that Super Bowl. The last two years in Arizona and Vegas, dude, I'm like, this isn't the Super Bowl.

Yeah, it's fucking 8 o'clock here, pitch black. There's a sunset there. Gross. I'm interested to hear what you would do here because you don't even have favorite teams. I don't really, man. Five championships. I'd want the lions.

Maybe what you could do for you is just people. Yeah, yeah. I'd want the lions to get one just because like, I don't know, be pretty sick. They haven't got one ever. And they're like on the rise. Just fucky teams. I went to win championships pretty much.

And then the other four. four to the Packers. Stupid. I'd go four to the Steelers, so they're the first team that gets 10. Wow. Yeah. That does mean something for sure.

Yeah, and I've seen the Cubs win. I would love for the Cubs to get even more, but I've seen them win. So four of the Steelers, one to the Pacers. Damn, do they need it? Just get it over with.

Nobody needs a championship more than the Pacers, bro. Oh my God. Talk about coming close, but like not even at all every year. It's like, oh, we almost not really, though. Yeah, we're beating LeBron. We weren't beating 28-year-old LeBron. All right. What do you do?

from Nick this is the one I couldn't wait from Nick topic is just chiller why do we call him chiller what's the story there

thanks slap it what a what I'll leave that to you man um when me and Joey first started espresso one of my roommate is our

one of our best friends me and Joey's. We want to get them involved somehow. And we were like, dude, what if you just wrapped on the podcast every week, like a cool little like whatever, 30 seconds? We'll get your take on like the NBA games. We'll have you on for like two minutes. And then you like, you close it out with like a little, like some bars. And we were like to sign his rap name. I don't know if you were there or not, but it was me and Chiller in the living room. And we're like, dude what's your sign off like what's your rap name dude I was like I don't know you're always kind of chilling

and he was like chiller dude it's just it's still kind of sick and at the end of every like I don't know maybe we should put some like put some of those old like the raps he did do you call him wraps I sound like so white right now but uh maybe we should throw some of those on the pod but he had some good ones

and at the end we'd all be like Chiller. That's why we call him Chiller. Yeah. And we got, we were doing merchie, like you got him his own hat with like the blood drip font

that just said Chiller on it. I pretty sure he still has it. I totally forgot about that. I totally forgot about that. Yeah, he really embraced it, which I love. Yeah, that's great. Yeah, there it is.

And it was kind of like, you know, you know like we didn't want to like say who it is who is it who is it from Greg hey hey hey hey real quick though he always hated on Trey young now ironically works for how crazy is that dude yep uh from Greg hall yancey thick Ben hey Joey and Ben thanks for all the laughs on the pod and social media content you guys are truly awesome. Thanks, Greg. Sorry if this is a repeat, but wondering if there's something your parents do that you're trying your best not to do as you get older. For me, one is showing up way too

early for an extended visit. Hey, mom, dad, can you be here at 3 p.m.? Promptly show up at 1245 because they made good time. Best of luck to both of you in your lives and careers. Smack my ass while doing a Green Eddie hard count for the pewter bucks trying to get an extra five yards for a Martin Gramatica field goal attempt. Oh my God, dude. These email are poetry. P.S. thought you would appreciate the only football

jerseys I own. A white 2001 Joey Harrington, Oregon and a Reebok Dante Hall Kansas City Chiefs jersey. That is amazing. Dude,

I got us. Oh, except for the pics. I could do it. How much for the Joey Harrington joint?

Oh my. Is that Nike too? Nike right on the center plate, dude. That might be the jersey, bro. That might be the jersey.

I mean, come on. Like, this is what I'm saying. Like, Greg, I'm pretty sure you're a first time email there. This is why, like, you tell people, you tell a friend about it because, I mean, that collection, Joey Harrington, Oregon and Dante Hall Red Chiefs. I mean, that is this show. That's all you need. That is what we do. That's all you need.

And Yancey Thigpin, too. I mean, come on. Yeah, we kind of talked about it a couple weeks ago a little bit about like the thing you know. nervous talks, but I find myself doing that too. God, I was just doing it the other night. Shit, where was I? I thought that was a big married friends thing too, like shown up real early.

Like we had one of our friends is hella married, like right out of high school. And like if you wanted to like watch the Pacer game at our apartment, game start tips at 8, you'd be there at 5.30. We're like, dude, I know you want to get out of the house, but like we're not home yet. that was always like

why is he coming here so early bro because it's the night out you know yeah it's crazy the nervous talking um

my mom has a really bad poker face like when she doesn't want to do something she can't lie her way through it so I try not to do that you know try to try to put on a good face try to

some people every now and then. I don't know if I want to do this or not, but like my mom and dad always said a lot of family words like around my, like in public and stuff, you know? Okay. Like, you know,

you come up with little nicknames of shit. Like in your house, you know, like you, your son calls it something weird. Then you end up calling it that thing for the next 10 years. And it's like not a real word.

My dad would say that in front of eight of my friends. I'd be like that like bro hey come on what give me an example okay okay I hate this

this is so funny I don't know if my dad does it on purpose because he knows I hate it but like my dad when I was a kid my dad would call me big boy a lot

like what up big boy like when I was like four of seven 10 yeah bro I was with a girl he pulls up I'm like that's my fucking dad

like on some random shit I'm with a girl he goes hey big boy? I was like, dude. Ah, yeah. I don't know. I don't think he knows, but I'm like, dog, you got it. You can't, you can't. I'm 50.

Hitting you with a big boy. You always be my big boy. That's kind of what it feels like. I'm like, hey, oh, why don't I just kiss you on the cheek before I leave too? This is kind of like what you were saying. Like Frank, he, um, he he calls it

he calls ice cream hapinch let's go get some hapinch dude we could not figure it out for the longest time and he would just be like

appinch hapinch and hapinch we're like what the fuck is he saying like what happened like what

and then all of a sudden it clicked the one time and now we're fully on. Yeah, Chalko hapinch. What is hapich? What is hapiching? We're trying to figure it out, man.

But hey, that's going to be one of the things. When he's 12 or 14 or whatever, and he's going to meet a girl to get, we're going to, hey, oh, you're taking her to get some app binch? Shut up. Dude, if you hit him with the hapidge in eighth grade or like, sophomore year in high school, he's not going to talk to you for a long.

time. Well, you get ready, Bub. I'm never forgetting that. Go get some hapich, big boy. Oh, shit. All right. That's it from the clubhouse. Team these guys at gmail.com.

Love hearing from them every week. Appreciate you guys. Go see Benny Boy, Columbus. Funny Bone, right? Bunnybone, Columbus. Dude, you were going to, hey, get there early. Probably get there at like noon because it is. really where it's located

who am I your parents you're gonna be you're gonna be in like utopia it's nothing but just like the nicest like shopping mall district thing I looked at it I looked at it on Google map since I did a real nice shopping center dude it's insane

so noon I mean speaking of showing up early I'm down yeah yeah that's just for you I do love a mall I love a Yeah, then let us know as well. You know, maybe putting in the works of something like that.

Maybe this fall, if that would be of interest. If you guys would be down, come out, clown, party it up. Get the football hot, hot, hot, gone with these guys. Yeah, just email us in or comment it on YouTube. Subscribe on YouTube. These guys watch us every week. And yeah, man, we appreciate you guys. The Get a Ball tour.

Hey, it's that guy's face. Just get a ball over it over his head and curve. But not bad for a fat guy tour. That might have to be it, dude. Right, right, right, tour coming this fall. Not bad for a fat guy. We got to make the merch. I know I say it every week, but like, I think about not bad for a fat guy merch three times a day.

But all right, Clubhouse. I love you. Send it to a friend. Subscribe. Listen to it. Give us a review rating. Leave an email. Whatever you want, bro.

It doesn't have to have a certain theme. If you're like, should I send it to them? Like, we love it. Send that shit. Because we're going to love it even more than you think we will. But send it over. Love you guys. And we'll see you next time.

Cool. Rahim Brock. Tony's hair goes. Rehim Brock.