THESE GUYS! - The Crawl Space

Episode Date: January 3, 2023

On this episode Ben and Joey talked about that one kid in your school that played San Andreas 🔔 YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@theseguys9539

These guys. These guys 15. Ooh, nice. What's what you does that? Oh, he'll go daggers. Little godagas. You're going to go out to that bowl game, right?

No, I got, man, my life is just every show you've ever had. Nope. Jesus Christ. Fucking house has pipes burst in because of the cold. And so there's water everywhere.

And we have no water. so we're staying elsewhere. How's it, how's it feel having a plumber in your house? Is it weird? You gotta say stuff to him every now and then to like keep him act. Never feels good to have a plumber in your house, ever. Does he ever know what he's doing kind of?

Or do you think plumbers go in there and they just like, I'll just fuck around with a bunch of stuff and see what works. I don't think they ever have a plan. So far, I'm over two. Really? And these guys come over and they're like, well,

I could, you know, not what you want to hear, but I'm going to rip up here. this your wall now. And I'm like, all right, well,

how much are going to call? Well, I don't work with the insurance company. So it's just going to have to come out pocket. I'm like, all right, well, um,

yeah, I'm going to have to talk about this with my wife, aka the boss, you know, because I'm not just going to, boss boss boss, and that's going to lay down a 12 grand payment for, you know,

bill to come rip up the entire house and be like, yeah, just, you're going to get somebody that's come out here and put this wall back in here now. So yeah, man, it's been my life. Christmas day. Come home at 3 p.m. or so.

And there's just like a fountain flowing from the roof. No, uh, yeah. So we had to panic for like an hour. And I'd like, dude, I had to go into a crawl space. You ever been in a crawl space? That's kind of low-key, my favorite place. Every time I go to a crawl space, I'm like, I wish this could be my room. It's scary.

It's weird. It's a lot of different emotions going. into a crawl space. But this one... Is that your first time? No, I've been... First time in the space? I've been in some spaces.

Just Twitter spaces. They're kind of comforting, you know? There wasn't... Luckily, I don't know if it's because it's cool. I feel like if it was warm. Like, even if it was summertime and that would have happened, there would have been a bunch of spiders and stuff in there. But I think because it was so cold that, you know,

there wasn't really a lot of insects. So that was great. Damn, you think there'd be more. But like, it's just so claustrophobic, dude. Like, I'm in there on my freaking stomach. army crawling around and because it had been pouring water into the crawl space there was like kind of smell three inches or so i'm just literally just going through water i can't even picture you doing this shit this is not shit that you do no it's not at all man and of course my wife is

facetiming her stepdad he's like the most handy man in the world yeah i was gonna say hire him yeah so it's like a plumber well hire a dad i know right but like triple a what i mean we're like but this is emergency right so it's like the water's literally coming from the roof just flooding up our floor in the main level and everything. So like we have to figure this out as quickly as we can. It's a race against the clock.

He's FaceTime and him. He's on FaceTime. I have like all my new Christmas shit on, of course. My new Steelers. And he had to go in the space. My new Steelers dunks. But no,

so I took literally took those MFs off. Oh yeah. And I'm going into my crawl space in a T-shirt and joggers barefoot. Crawling through there because I was like, meant like I

had like you know that like trash bag material it might have been trash bags honestly it's just like black but it's just you know they'll lay it down on there you want to smack it real hard yeah and it collects the water a lot you know so it's basically like a slip and slide in my crawl space slip sliding in there the water is

so cold I like it dude it was brutal so this is my Christmas day so ever since Merry Christmas God bless us everyone water coming down. Holy shit.

So now luckily we're staying at a family friend's house who they're like out of town for the holidays. So they're like, stay as long as you like. Stay as long as you like. I could never. Which means, you know,

by day two, they're already like, Jesus, they're still in our fucking house. Stay as long as you want equals. Get the fuck out. To make yourself comfortable. Don't get into my shit.

That's true. Yeah. Kick your shoes off. Keep those on. You smell like shit. Make yourself comfortable. Make yourself comfortable. Don't use our sheets.

Oh my God. You're literally staying in someone else's house right now. Bro, we don't have water at our house. No showers, no toilets. What are you doing for like food and stuff? Eat and theirs. Are you really like busting into their like cinnamon toast crunch? Yeah.

Really? I mean, they're, you know, like there. This isn't just like some random ass people. Right. It's not like it's, you know, my in-laws like, friend who we've never really met who just happens to be being like, yeah, we know these people well. Like they were invited to our wedding. Yeah. This is the family that I play Santa for every year at the Christmas party. So they, so next year, no Santa. They owe me a favor. So that's what we're

doing, man. But it's actually pretty tight. It like, I mean, besides the stress of being like, can we get a plumber out here and just fix our house so we can get back into, I guess this is the perfect week for this because as we're recording, it's the week between Christmas and New Year's. And this is like, the most bullshit fake week. We always, you know, it's always, it's always messed up.

It's always messed up. Nothing matters right now. So it's like, if I'm going to be doing this, I'm going to be doing it this week. That way I could start the new year, you know, reset and get back into our shit.

But, yeah, it's like we're staying at kind of like a nice hotel, you know. It's a resort. Got a comfy-ass bed. Big old basement. It's so great.

I don't know my good. That we're staying in. I'd feel weird. I'd have to sleep on the ground and like order takeout all the time. First night definitely felt weird. But now. But now it's like, it's like your pet, like happy in there? Yeah, happy's there. Just in there fucking it up. He's in these. He's with us. Can't just leave the dog. Cats, they're fine. Give them. Are they really in the? They're in our house.

Such a cat thing to do. They're like, we don't need you either. Yeah, brother. They're like, thank God. I'm glad. Get this fuck out. This is our house anyway. We own what happened. So that's been my life, man. So, uh, yeah, on top of all that going on. actually luckily like just with the the new year's uh bowl game for lSU peru like it's just the the accommodations and the contract didn't work out so it was like ah there's a lot i want i almost went yeah i was like i'm going but now it's like thank god you know just because like if that had been going on i would have had to leave and leave the family with all their shit just what it's just for the best you know so whatever anyways that's what you just want to stay there for the rest of your life. Dude.

Just change my name. Dye my hair brown. There he is. Does new? Nah. It's been a while. I was wearing, I got some new shoes

with green on them and I was going to wear them. They're ones. But it looked too good. Yeah. You ever look too good? And you're like, I can't. It's like,

it's Wednesday. Like, I can't. Yeah. I mean, I got new shoes for Christmas, a couple new pairs. And it's like,

I was wearing the, the new dunk. to the high tops for like the first like on Christmas and the day after and I was like I got to give these a break who I think I am my feet hurt because I like thinking about walking in these differently you know like I can't especially with the slush and shit I'm like I can't be thinking about and like not one to walk outside I just see a pair of shoes burby boy just I love you burby boy whoa I need to pair shoes that I can just throw on and I can just not worry about there you go yeah that's the thing

about getting new shoes for Christmas. Like, okay, I can't wear them for three months. Yeah, maybe a graduation. These will look good. Yeah, but I was looking too good. I was like, what do I think I am in a music video? I'm going to record a podcast right now. Did you know that you're getting those?

Is that why you showed me those a couple weeks ago? No, I just wanted them really bad. And I was like, oh, not really bad. But I was like, these would be cool. I never had like green shoes like that. That'd be cool. And I was like, they're not going to be anywhere because buying Jordans is like, good luck, dude.

You can pay $500. for them on Stock X because you're not going to get them for the retail price. And then I just went to a store like a place called Hang Time. It's on 38th Street.

No way. Hood. Yeah. And I was just like, I'm going in there, dude. They might have something like some Christmasy shit that don't really need, but I'm going to get.

They had those in there? And they, and I was like, I was like, size 12. Like I said it like, you're not killing them. Wouldn't it be funny if you had him. Right. And he can't,

he was like, he was like eating something. he came back and he was like, didn't even say anything. No, didn't say anything the whole time. I go 12. He goes, I was even like,

what are you eating? You eating like a cliff bar or something? And he started laughing and he came back with the box. Still didn't say anything. Still eating. Yeah, I've done that before with a cliff bar. Slide the whole thing in,

bro. You're not talking for two weeks. That's good. That's a good, you know, if you don't want to really mess with customer service, you just always eat. Just fake food.

Can't talk. Fake food. the whole day. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. How about when you do that at, like, the office, when you go up to somebody's desk and they're, like, eating from their desk, you know,

taking their lunch at their at their desk and they're like, in mid-bite, you're like, hey, do you have that report that we, and they do that for about 12 minutes? So many hand movements. So, yeah, you got slip in a slip in a cell. Just, so real quick. One sec. Sorry, you just got me in a bad talk.

Dude, and you understand, you understand more from that conversation than you would him actually saying something. You're like, oh, okay. All right. Yeah, that makes sense. But if he would actually say something to you, you'd be like,

what the fuck did he just say? What is he talking about? Because if, yeah, he's just, they're just, you know, they're not eating anything and they're just actually giving you the answer. You're zoning out thinking about something else.

Yeah, you're like, what am I going to eat next? If he's eating something, then you're like on every word. Oh, yeah. You're like, what's it going to get out next? What's it going to get out next? So he is finished with it is what he said. But he'll send it to me in a second.

Napkin. There's so many like being polite things. Keep going, bro. Dude, it's like they start with like the hand frontwood. Hand frontward over the mouth. Wait, pretend, pretend you're eating and explain to me what's happening with your house right now. Oh, yeah. Hey man, so what's going on with your house?

It's all good, yeah. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Yeah, I know. Oh, something with the plumbing. Yeah, so the water. Oh, like a flood maybe or like a, the pipes. Oh, not the pipes.

Around Christmas? Oh, it's got to be just a whole podcast like that. Trying to decipher what you're saying. Just a pile of cliff bars here for these guys 16. Just eating cliff bars the whole time trying to talk. It'd be the best podcast ever. People will be hanging on to every word. Yeah, you really got to subscribe to YouTube for that one.

Bro, but seriously, it's like, oh my God, it's the biggest pizza. Oh, that is a literal pizza pie right there. It's, yeah, it's a progression of frontwards. Reach out. Still true. Yeah. Backwards. Backwards is nice.

With the eyes open. Yeah. Eyes wide. wide open. And then instead of just the one finger, it's like a, like a Spider-Man. Mm-hmm.

Go, Webgo. And then you come back with the fist. Yeah. While you're swallowing. It's just, it's just fat guy sign language. And then by the time you get done,

then it's full hand and you're like, sorry. Yeah, so call me at a bite. I just took a bite. And then you're good to go. That's the process. It's the only thing people are doing in office

is eating at their desk. And it's always, eating and drinking. And that's it. It's the, the, the, uh, see-through shook salad, the shaking salad. That's going to be, okay, that's this time of year. That's salad shake. That's what, shake it like a salt shake.

Shake it like a, you know, shake it like a plastic salad. The work remix. Shaking like a plus a salt. Shaking like a plus a stuff. Shake it like a plus itself. And then the ice coffee, shake it. The backup singers. Yeah.

Like a tambr. Marine. And their Yeti that they just got. That's what, you know, how they do, like,

uh, office calendars or just, you know, regular calendars. And they kind of have a coinciding, like theme for every month. So like February, you know,

it's got like the little cupid and like the hearts everywhere. March, obviously green with a leprechaun hat, you know, you could go on and on July beach ball with those fireworks and shit. Yeah. For January, it should just be like those salis

salis. in a plastic bin. Salad and elliptical. Not snow or any that shit. Salad in a, or in a plastic bin. No dates or elliptical. Just says,

get your shit together. Yeah. That's what it should be. That's the real January right there. None of this, you know, oh, there's a snowman. No one gives a shit.

Everybody's depressed. January is so far up. Nothing happening in January. It's all work out. The salads, man. That sounds so good. It's the only way to do it. Yeah.

Yeah, I'm not going to lie. I'd take a fucking salad. You kidding me? From Olive Garden? Get all the, yeah, because you want all your shit in there. And like, I hate when a salad is,

you got like the tomatoes over here. Come on. Thing there. Why is it in a section? In cut the salad. Dude, I feel like a freak. I'm a big cut salad guy.

No, there's people that I see a pop up on my, you're not, you're, you're, probably, like an office space, yeah, but like people who know what's up. Like on my TikTok for you page, it'll pop up like, like, for some reason,

just people who do like these like get ready with me is or like this like, all I watch. Yeah, dude, it's just like so fascinating for some reason. And they all fake. They always have the, I'm like, okay, how's this clean always? You're, you're, you really meal prep for five days? The sunrise? Are you kidding me?

I'm like, what golden hour? What are? live on Saturn? The sun looks so pink and like Sherbert. I'm like where do you live? Everything's so perfect. Dude, why did like the mom of the kid that you went to get ice cream with

when you're younger always went Sherbert ice cream? Dude, we were just no, we were on that shit for a long time too and I was like, I just want normal ice cream. But it was kind of good. And I don't know what it's called, so I'm always scared to say it. Sherbert? Is it Sherbet? Sorbet. Is it Sherbert?

Yeah, dude. I don't know. You know what I mean? People, like, really, Sorbet? I think. Is this a thing?

Is that a different pronunciation? I don't know. Or maybe I'm definitely stupid, but I don't know. It could be like, I think it's one of three things. Sherbert ice cream. Sherbert versus sure,

I don't know. Gelado? I was just. Oh, Sorbetto. Whoa. I was just, oh, there's Sherbert versus Sorbet. You're good.

You're good. Go down to the second one. you're good, you're good. Sherbert. Go ahead, man. Sherbert and Sorbet are both fruity frozen treats whose names are often incorrectly used interchangeably. The main difference,

Sherbert contains dairy while Sorbet has no dairy. Nice call, man. I don't know if it is or not. And all it just says right there, Sherbert versus Sorbet, so yeah, it can be interchangeable. It's not bad, but it's definitely like... You can't get Sherbert every time, man. It's the JV team of ice cream.

you're like, what are we doing? They don't serve Sherbert at Dairy Queen, do they? No. It's only like Kroger's. Kroger's or Ritters. Ritters has Sherbert? Who's buying this? Number two.

I love you, burpee boy. Hello? Yeah, but yeah, moms are really into Sherbert. Mons are always a wild card with like dessert and everything. Key lime pie. I'm like, why? And they want to eat. They want to eat it.

like this. They would eat it like this. And they leave a little bit of sherbert on the spoon after it comes out of their mouth, you know? Like they leave just like, they like take off the top layer. And there's still a little like, there's still a little bit of sherbert on the spoon?

Who are you saying? I'm watching somebody's mom like, I'm like, finish it. Becky? Yeah, who's that for the cat? Moms are always getting the weird. Jamoka shake.

I'll never, I'll never forget when I was with somebody in their mom got a jamoka shake from Arby's. I was like he really just had to do that. What is that? Was it a green or something? No. Jamoka shakes are like to probably be fire. But back then I was like get a fucking chocolate vanilla. You know, a household name back. Yeah, it's like a coffee shake which would hit right now. My dumb, your dad told me about the Chick-fil-A hack where you get coffee in ice cream.

Oh, wow. He put me on. But that's pretty much what a Jamoka shake is from Arby's. Okay, yeah, it looks pretty good. But like one time I was like, oh, because it sounds fun. Moka syrup. And good news. It's pretty easy to make it home, according to Google.

Yeah, that's some pretty, yeah, you're supposed to be having Jumoka shake when you get back in the house. Back in the house, it's not mine. Back at the,

back at the weird Airbnb that you live in. At my house. Are you like snooping around in there? No, I mean, like, say it. Well, no,

you don't want to like, what do you know, What are you snooping around it? Dude, I always have a big fear that a guest comes into my house or somebody. And they just look through everything, bro. You'd figure out my whole life if you looked under my sink. You'd be like, oh my God. Hair regrowth.

Well, you never know, like, you know, you don't know where the cameras are or what the situation is with that. So you just don't want to be caught. Oh, yeah. They might. They tap that whole house, bro. They knew what's happening. They're watching a reality. show right now. They froze our pipes just so we could go stay there. Oh yeah. The whole operation.

Oh, bro. I think I'm living, uh... They're watching. They're having Jamoka Shake Night in our house. Just watching the surveillance cameras. How fun would that be? It's cinnamon toast. What's she doing? Where's she going? Oh, my God. What the fuck did he, did he just, did he just throw up on our couch? Happy to shit on our floor? Jeez, the door's right there. Joey just shit on the floor. What are they? What the I would watch that forever. Just be like playing Sims.

Do you play Sims growing up? Yeah. Not as much as you though. Oh dude, I live and die by that game. They're sim, the sim language. What do they call it?

Somebody fucking like, somebody fucking like, what if you took that in high school? I'm taking German. Spanish? Nah, I took Simis. Is that what it's called?

Simis. I took. I took simlish. Damn it. I took simlish. Yeah. So I got algebra two second period.

Then I got simlish. Similish. Similish three and fifth period after lunch. It's a pain in the ass. The only language that's worth knowing. Simlish.

Dude, you know what it is? Is it always kind of like for some reason in my little kid brain, I would be watching like my uncle play Sims or I would be trying to just like fuck round on there, you know? Because you always wanted to like, you're like, are they going to have six? You know? That's the only thing. So they have sex or every game in my life, they have sex?

Dude, this is Madden 2007. I'm like, so they have sex at like half time or? Cheal leers right over there. Chewlers were really hot on Maddening and I couldn't get over it. I like paused it. The cheerleaders on blitz? They were, oh, that was insane. Bro, they weren't even cheerleaders. They were like strippers. Those cheerleaders came on the screen during NFL Blitz. I'm. my dad was in the room, bro. Oh, I freaked out. The whole time, my dad, dude, the whole experience of NFL Blitz,

my dad was just in the room and I was play. They were body slamming each other after they play. The cheerleaders of huge boobs. I'm like, fuck, I'm gonna get grounded for this. On the loading screen, too, the cheerleaders are just seven seconds of cheerleaders,

tits. I'm like, my grandma's. Yeah, like you're trying to do like the codes to like get the, you know, you know,

unlimited turbo. Yeah. No, no way but with sims my head like i used to for some reason dude you got that is game over that she would always run out about 50 yard line you'd run brown so slow at the 50 dude hawk down

is that legal wow that's the guy I want to be the NFL blitz guy we are underway is it legal touchdown do do do. But my little dumbass brain

like kind of freaked me out with Sims because I would be like, what if these people are real people? Stop. And we're in like, you know, we're controlling them and somebody else is controlling us.

And it's just this like never ending loop of people controlling people. Sims can, I like this. I like this conspiracy theory talk. Whoever's controlling me. Hey, easy on me pissing every five seconds.

You hear me? up there. Jesus Christ. Every five seconds, go to bathroom. God. Oh shit, dude. It's like, because you know, when you used to like walk around. Eat, eat, eat, eat chicken, chicken. Eat chicken. Fuck. Again. When you, when you walk around your college campus, dude, you look at all these people walking around. You're like, dude, this is just Sims. Like, there's somebody above us just like, you know, if you see somebody all of a sudden start to just like turn right real quick or maybe like they would pick up the pace or jogging.

You're like, somebody was just like, somebody's trying to the arrow a little bit. Somebody, somebody hit turbo on. Come on. No way. All these people are,

you know, my kid always died on Sims. Why, you just want to take care of them? After a while, I was like, I don't even want this damn baby anymore. I want to have the baby,

but after I had it, I was like, ugh, kind of annoying. I like just my normal like couple household a little better. Yeah. A lot more fun. Kid killed the vibe.

What did you do? Just like push a stroller off the roof or something? No. Like after a while, if he didn't feed them every fucking 15 seconds, though like this lady would pull up to your house and she'd like take your kid. Oh shit.

Dude, and this music would play during Sims and be like, nah, nah, nah, and I'd be like, oh, the ladies here!

Child protective services. Yeah, that's what it was. Oh, my God. And I'd be like, oh no, I'm a bad fucking father. And then I just go into build mode

and like build a wall around the baby's crib. I'd be like, you're not getting in there. This bitch thinks she's going to come and steal my kid that I haven't been taken care of for the past few years.

Don't care enough about him to feed him, but you ain't getting this shit. You just go up to the wall and be like, after two hours she just disappear and I'd have that gas right. Go back to wherever the fuck you came from. That's probably my favorite.

I got to swim in my pool for seven seconds to eat chicken and piss for the rest of the day. Scooter guys. Right in the middle of the road. What a lost art. Probably my favorite video I think have you ever done is the Sims snow day. She's a little cage. So random.

I need to do that. I need to run that back. Well, that's like, yeah, you should because that's doing that kind of shit's big now. Like, you've seen those grand theft auto like those are crazy.

Those are, I don't know how people do that. Is that with a drone? I don't even want to get into that, but. And that dude like. Thinking about the, what the what?

The Travis Scott dude where he's like, dude, he is spot on with it, man. how he's like walking and all of a sudden. Oh. Up and shit. For me, me, me, me, me. Were you allowed to play that?

No. No. Hell no. I got on the low. I had to get my sister to buy it for it for me. She just turned like 20. I was like, Grand The Fadtoe.

I don't know why she got it for me. It's the only reason I know anything. Grant that thought it taught me my whole life. Yeah. Not even a, not even a chance. Just blowing people's heads off. Whoops.

I, you know, I think obviously I was pretty coddled, so I remember my uncle, he was playing Grand Theft Auto, and he would just like pull up on somebody, just open up their car door, take him out, beating with a baseball bat. And I was like, oh, shit. Isn't it weird he could just do that? I was like, that's pretty heavy.

That's a lot. I was taking out the whole city. The only thing I remember in my entire life was the cheat code on that game that made the police stop running after you. I'd tell you, like, I'd have five stars because I'd kill like 700 people. in like two minutes. Dude, that cheat code erased everything.

I had all the weapons, bro. That's the only thing I remember in my life. R2L2L2R2, up down, left up, up, up down, right up. That's pretty impressive. See ya. That might have been the weapons code.

Hawaii 5, no. Just, God, dang. Yeah, now, GTA kids is like, that was always the house that I really had to argue with my mom to go over to, you know. Oh, your parents knew who had GTA? Well, you know, they didn't know, but they knew.

Yeah. Please go over to Tommy's. No, we're not doing that. He's got San Andreas. We know. We're not doing that. He was acting like he was shooting somebody of basketball practice.

He's got San Andreas. He knows the codes too. He knows the street. Rippers code. Yeah, dude. That shit, that was too real. And then yeah, somebody did get it like somebody after Christmas break would come back and be like, yeah, I get, Jay, Guy, Guy, Jay, Grant Deft Auto. And you'd be like, everyone, you?

Wow. Was not expecting Grand Theft Auto from you. He's going to blow up the school. That's a lock. Robbie's got some dynamite in his backpack. man I've been the holiday bender is just a real one you know

what do you mean? You've been a booze hound Go dogs get merged I took down I took that sounds to get merch made up boo sounds

boo sounds dude any boozhounds dude yeah yeah just walking down the block oh god oh no you hear that the booze Hous hounds are out.

Every bar you walk in. Ro ro ro ro ro ro ro ro roo. Some weird guy in the back is way too drunk. They're wolves kind of. We're just talking. We're just talking hounds. Indie booze hounds.

You've been boozing it up, big dog? Dude, it just doesn't stop, man. Everybody's just like, you want some? You want some? It's amazing. God dang, yes, but no, my body's falling apart. Just coffee and wine every single second. My pee is like apple cider, dude.

I just peed and I was like, what? When is it? I literally took me a day. I was like, when's the last time I had water? How accomplished do you feel when you just, you let a pee rip and it is just fucking clear as day. Like, wow, I am, I am health. I'm like, geez, did I take down a bunch of water because I was depressed or is that all like

Coors light? You know? Yeah, what does it randomly get clear after you've had like a bunch of beer? I'm like, this is not good, but kind of good. Yeah, it's still, it's like, that's clear. I'm good. Even if you're the most unhealthy piece of shit, piece clear. Oh, we're good.

Yeah, we're fine. R Gucci came in C straight. We're good. And it's nuts. It's just like, especially after all that shit on. Christmas like get to get to Christmas number two. Everybody just like,

I know you made it. I know you need a drink after your day. I'm like. You can't say no on Christmas. You kind of feel like a dick almost. No, I wouldn't have you anyways, but you know,

then just like, what is today? Wednesday. Yeah. Nobody knows the day between. No. You know, Monday like,

well, Colts are playing on Monday night football. So. Oh, it's so. as well as have some yesterday. My sister-in-law's birthday. I mean, come on.

Yeah. Hey. We don't get together that often. Dude, it's so easy to make an excuse. Oh, they're in town. Any game that's on the game. Come on. Yeah, like, you know, this random of the fucking holiday bowl. Oregon, North Carolina. Come on. A nice. Sick matchup.

Let's go. Let's go put, let's go put a few back. Like the old days. Some shit like that. Remember we used to? Yeah. Every excuse in the book. That's me and coffee for sure. Yeah. Like, oh, I got to do two things on the computer. Two coffees. Well, it's, you know, coffee's

in the morning and all day. And then once you get past four or five o'clock, then it's like, ah, get drink. Do you drink? It's got a drink. Have a drink. Have a drink, you know. you ever think about that while we say like I don't know sometimes say it says is it have a drink have sex

have have are we just sexing what do you mean oh yeah have so true that just ruined my life like you want to have some you know it sounds terrible is it a dish you brought over to the house disgusting I have some sex A piece of sex? No. The sex my wife made. I'll never forget.

This is like, you know, you have those childhood memories, brother, that just unlock me out. And like they stick with you forever no matter what. I remember I was like six or seven years old. And my parents, friends that were lived across the street, they were over hanging out. and then they were like getting ready to leave and so it was like fairly late but like I was old you know

I'm first born my parents were young they didn't know what the fuck is going on I was just over at your house yeah probably like a Friday night or something playing cards of my parents like whatever remember they're getting ready to leave and the dude from the relationship

was like in the bathroom and then my parents asked the woman in the relationship like so you you know, you got anything, it wasn't that late, but, you know, they were just like, we got anything to do when you get home or whatever? And the lady literally was like, oh, I don't think we got to, you know, do dishes. We can clean up a little bit, probably have some sex.

Said that and, like, kind of forgot that I was, like, in the room and, like, conscious of what was going on. And I remember we, like, locked eyes. And she was like, oh. And, like, they all kind of, like, laughed or whatever. And I was just like, wow, they're really going to go. do whatever that grownups do that they call sex. I had no idea what it was for so long till like last week. I always said people just got naked and kissed.

I swear to God. Dude, you always have those like dickhead older brothers that your friends had or what, you know, that would like try to, you know, when you're in like fourth grade or whatever, would try to tell you what was going on with it. And you'd be like, what no? no, it's not what it is. I never wanted to hear it. I was like, ugh.

Like one of them told me and a few of my buddies at a blow job is when a girl like blows up your nose. I would 100% believe that. Sorry to the people walking outside. Nah, bro, you get what you get. That's a true story though. And I just remember blow up your nose. I was like, that can't. Why?

Why would anybody like, no? Can't wait to get a BJ under the bleachers, bro. that's it that was quick efficient she's good at that gives the best head all the phrases for that shit I thought it was when someone just blew on your like oh okay yeah that would that wouldn't that wouldn't I'm like I get down with that

I was really like thinking about it I was like I was like talking myself into it like just one day after school I was like I think I could I'd be right like I'm yeah I'll do I think I'm good with this. Yeah, I've come to grips with it. I think this is good. Yeah. I think this is fine.

That turns me on, actually. I'm down. Oh, that is fucked. Oh, yeah. You could talk me into anything. That is so messed up, man. Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, Jesus Christ.

What's wrong with you? It's like you're living in somebody else's house. It's like your house is collapsing with water right now. It's the holiday bender on top of that shit, man. You ever seen the Grinch with Jim Carrey? Dude. Every reference that I have, but you're probably seeing it. People use it as a gif all the time.

I mean, I know what it is. They're like, like, people just keep shoving desserts on his mouth and he just like, and then eventually he's just like to the point where he's so bloated and full, but he's still just like, that's just me right now with wine. Oh, you're like kind of fucked up right now? No. No. You came in here drunk and shit.

It's not that bad of a bender. I'm totally sober right now, but I just imagine a couple hours. This guy. Line 30. Like I was at a cigar bar with my father-in-law the other night. Oh, wow. That sounds crazy. It was cool.

It was like a little like he had me for Secret Santa. Our family. Oh, I used to do that too. So he like got me a couple things on Christmas and then. he was like you know he knew that we were getting together for Rye's sister's birthday a couple days later

so he was like me and you we'll go pick up the food beforehand we'll get some cigars and I was like cool sounds good that's such an uncle plan is his uncle? My father-in-law okay

would uncle too that would also work but yeah father-in-all it's like this is cool you know it's like I did kind of feel like I was cheating on my dad though yeah

like you know It's like, what'd you do all day? You like, don't say it. Yeah. You're like, I just went and got some food, came back. What'd you do all day? Did she flipping on him? Yeah, yeah.

You kind of smell like cigar or smoke. Did you go? No, no, no, no, no. Yeah, a place we picked up. Yeah, it's like, this is great. Like, you love that time where you're like, oh, wow, I can actually, like, this isn't weird. Like, father-in-law, me, like, likes it. You know, it's like an accomplishment as a guy, you know?

Like, if your girl's dad likes you, respects you, wants to, like, hang out with you. It's like, oh, sweet. Also your biggest fear. Right. Like, fuck him. Yeah, exactly. But then at the same time, I'm like, oh, man, sorry, pops. Like, you're sitting at home and I'm out of cigar bar with another dad. What was the date? Tuesday.

27th. Not that I wanted to know the details or anything. What was the time? What were you wearing? What car? No, but okay, 27. And then I kind of like, bro, this is how fucked up I am. Then all of a sudden, I found myself at one point that came into the restroom. or something and I was like man one day like Frank's gonna be out with another dad trying to impress

him okay deep not me and that kind of got me and so I started thinking about my dad I called them Christ just kidding cried and stuff just kidding can't do you drum I can't tell if you're drinking what I did you're gonna call me insane I had a red bull vodka on Tuesday whoa what time five that's wild you get talked into that. Doesn't seem like something you'd be like, well again, dude, I was like holiday bender, Christmas bender and I was just like, like, I was sleepy, man. I was dragging ass. And so I was like, man, I just need, I need like something that's not wine or a beer that's just kind of like sit on me. I need a little jump start. So I usually go to Red Bull vodka to kind

of get a little in the system, you know? Red Bull's good, man. It's a weird. It's a great. Like, like that mixed together is a great drink. You can only do one, at least for, me. You know, you got to know your limits. I can only do one of them. If I start getting two or more Redwell vodka, that's when, you know, shit starts going. Hey, why. See you later, bro. Give me the ox. Yeah. And I need to, you know, so that's, I had one. And I, I'm proud of myself. The dude came back at the bar and he was just like, you want another sure? And then I was like, ah, nah, and then my father and all was like, you sure? So usually when you get a, you sure. I'm like, oh, yeah, I got to, man. Like Keanu Reeves. Responsible. Yeah. So I was like, no, I'm good. And I got to, you know, I just

needed this one. So, but we're, we're puffing on gars, man. Gars. Gers. Gers. Gers. Gers. Gers. I do like, I do like cigars, but like, that shit sits on you, man. I never know how to do it. They're, I don't inhale the smoke. I'm like, then what am I doing? You just, I just feel like I always inhale it somehow. A little bit. Really? Did I swear, the first time I smoked a cigar, I just took it all down. Were you spinning? Like, did you throw up after?

Probably, yeah. I'm still spinning from that. Old black lung over here on the podcast. It's like the same thing. It's like the same thing as when you do chewing tobacco for like the first three times. And you're literally like, I mean,

when you say buzzing, you're literally like, is going on inside your head. But it's a coming of age thing. Like I, again, like I joke about with Frank. Like,

he needs to do that, I think. It's just part of it. Like, you've got to experience that. Next week here, right guy Frank come on

open up bob toss her in did give him ice cream for the first time what was that like

it was hilarious man he started speaking sinless give him one spoonful of cookies and cream he's like

what were his first words yeah man computer game I used to play we were all having it inside a second

how'd that go and he was he had me his he literally I mean anything it you put he's gonna you know eat but he like did it and then he was like his eyes like started to widen a little bit and I was like oh he knows yeah this is a little different than what he's been getting so that was funny that was cool got a new producer here yeah get on the mic bro you won't just scream it's not it's not live it's okay I got a another pizano in here just the whole mafia

we had why and then we said all right that's enough of you let's get let's get some some good blood in here yeah

the fakesest Italians ever I mean everybody is yeah we're all chef boy RD Italian I am

that's what yeah exactly he said we got the Italian last name as far as I'm concerned that's all it matters that is all that matters bro.

Dude, when I was turning, I got two I'm an idiot handwaves on the way in here. God dang it. Something just happened to my headphones. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, no.

No, you got to test them out. Test, test, test. You hearing? No. Wyatt! Wyatt heard me talking. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, we're back. Wait, we're back.

Wait. We're back? It's there, it's there, it's there. It's kind of fading. It's kind of fading. It's kind of fading. It's there. Check, check, check, check, check, check.

Check, check, check. All right, cool. You got two idiot hand waves? Yeah. So this lady's trying to, she realized she's going the wrong way and she tried to make a full U-turn. Like real quick, you know, those are hard to pull off. You're on a two-way street. You got to start going the other way.

Yeah. And he tried to just whip it all in one swipe. Yeah. She couldn't make it. So she had to throw it in reverse. Took her last 48 years. Yeah. She looked at me.

Give me one of these. Did you give it back? I mean, no, get the fuck out of here. This is so funny, you can do anything in a car and then just every time.

Opset. As long as you wave. You can literally run somebody over and be like, but yeah, then even if he did that, you got around and you're like, oh, they waved.

Yeah, good Samaritan. Guy was standing in the middle of the best parking spot in the parking lot, just ripping a heater. I'm like, dude,

can I, and he goes, hey. Did he walk away? Oh, yeah. Okay. I'm an idiot, my bad.

And I'm like, yeah, it's all good at me too. They just do that after anything in a car. You get away with murder. The cops. Hey, go ahead. You rob the bank? Oh, and they whipped. Yeah, let them go.

Crossing the street on a crosswalk. You know, the times run out a little bit. A quick one. Head down. Sorry, sorry. You leave it up there the whole time. Heisman. No, no, no, no.

Sorry. Yeah, you're absolutely. speaking like someone puts a pole up your ass essentially whenever you're doing that run guess what he's just like just like a normal run so like when you're trying to cross the street and the times run out you're like the um crossed in the street but there's slush on the groundwalk the biggest bitch all of a sudden you're gritty what do you think the gritty's gonna stop I feel like this has had the longest shelf life of like any of that shit. I, for a while, I was like,

uh, here we go. But then like white guys started doing it really bad. Yeah. And it got funny for me. And I was like, I hope this keeps going. It's gay.

I don't say it falling off, man. I mean, it has some strong. Gritty. Gritty. Oh my God. Like I've seen some.

Wow, 2018. Oh shit. So, yeah, we're so late. but who's the really who's the tight end that did really just like my geesecki love that yeah I love a idiot tight end the uh

yeah it's best dude that's the best my best friend on every team has just been a big dumb idiot tight end oh yeah I don't know just scores like 16 touchdowns a year you're like just an ab even know where you are right now an absolute physical beast has no idea what any of the plays are oh yeah I just got back from working on my dad's farm and they're like, do you want to play? And now I'm an all-American. Like, what the fuck? Literally the best genetics ever.

Like, doesn't even lift weights is just huge. Can push any. Can push over a fucking wall. Just definitely eats like large amounts of meat with just his hands. It doesn't care about anything. No rules. Coaches love them. No, it's just Mikey.

Yeah, they just laugh about the most serious. Like he could get in trouble like any, you know. Can fuck up get yelled at so much by a coach. Can have it, you know, everybody's pissed because they're running sprints. That guy's still just laughing. Just the end. The coaches love them. Can get away with murder on the team.

That's so wild. It's always one guy. Yeah, I think what great. He's here to stay, man. Like I, I just, I've seen, because it's, you're right, it, like, started where, you know, it started very niche, you know. But it's gotten to that point. gotten to the point where like 12 year old white kids are having like gritty contests at their like

middle school dances and try to impress girls and once that happens it's over that was my nightmare when I saw that video of the two kids gritty and against each other then the girls all got together yeah that's a soul crusher for me oh yeah that kid you lose that gritty you lose that gritty it's like what did I do wrong because they were both like pretty good in their own way the girls just picked the hotter fucking kid that they like yep like like like like like like like if that was me and Ben, Ben definitely would have been. No,

but it wouldn't have been a good gritty. Better gritty. Wouldn't have been, yeah. Like if that was 2005, it had been like me versus Kevin Harrington and Kevin Harrington definitely would have gotten picked and I would have been really upset.

I would have tried to play it off like I wasn't, but I would have been. He's going to remember that for the rest of his life. Dude, for sure. Yeah, I saw people like, I saw people comment and just be like,

wow, this is hard to watch. can't believe this is what we'd come to. I'm like, if you were 12 years old, you would do the exact same shit. What were we doing? We're... Probably do weird. The worm. The macarena. That just made me depressed. Dude, we were doing the... Oh, no. Hoona. Hoh. And I'm a ha ha. Yeah, those dances. It's like, can we end this after like maybe two go, three go rounds? That's enough. Like the, the shit at the weddings, the

cha-cha slide and shit. And I was like, oh, here. we go but then I end up doing it. Down down to your band, do you bag. You gotta dig it to the downtown do your bank. Okay. Like to the left, to the left,

to the left, to the left. Like for the first round where everybody finally gets in, then you're like, oh, this is hype, this is great.

And then after that first round everybody's done it, cut it off, go to the next thing. Because then the rest of time, I was like, are we done yet? There's always,

down, down, you got a random way. It's hard to get forced into that one. Because you don't know, you got to figure it out on the fly. And boy, am I not good at figuring something out on the fly. Imagine figuring something out on the fly like that. Oh, yeah.

It's all of a sudden it just clicked and I got it. There's a grand, you know, there's the overweight grandpa that can't move. Everybody's like, yes, poppers. Just keep it gone for that. Everybody else is like, oh, it's Poppy. You don't know Poppy? It's their grandpa. or like the little kid dude old people and little kids dancing at wedding fuck off like they crushed

it's a dude it's like they crush it's not all about you it is though no it's like after your first hit dude get out get in hit it get out no they soak in the moment oh my god an old grandpa kid in a dance circle eruption like how many times can we see one of them just do like a terrible thing and everybody loses their mind. First time, it's like, ah! Fourth time, okay. Just want to grab that like cane thing and bring them around the neck and get them off stage,

you know? Like a cartoon. Get the fuck out of here. Yeah, that's crazy in cartoons. They'll do that to like daffy duck on stage. That's like all I remember. Dude, if you're a plus one or a friend at a wedding and like one of their little cousins or nieces

or nephews or whatever, is like doing that shit. and you have the whole time just be like, oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh,

break dancing, yeah. Always wanted to, always wanted to be that guy, though, that could break dance. To the right, to the right,

to the right, the right, what a heater. It's a heater. All right, biggest dance trends of the 2000s. Don't remember the crump. Yeah.

Sounds like a, sounds horrible. Crank that. That's what we were doing while I was 12 at least. You! I remember learning that in my living room. Yeah, we did that for sure. Oh, 100%.

So bad at it. Yeah. I don't say single ladies. I don't know that dance. Just like the hand thing. Wow. What an easy one. I think there's more to it.

Yeah, Douggy was big, but even that the Dougie, it wasn't like the NFL. You know, like the gritty is taking over the NFL. And then it's trickled down to every. everywhere else. I just, I hate when, uh, like newscasters are like, and the gritty. They can't wait, dude. Local news reporters can't wait to say the word gritty. Did he gritty? Did he gritty? Did he gritty? Did he gritty? Dude. Jesus Christ, bro. Is that all you did he gritty or no? He does gritty. I'm like, that's the only word, you know. The, uh, I've seen that clip of that, uh, uh, you see in that. Uh,

weatherman. Oh, he kills. No, not the, or are you thinking the dancing weatherman? No, the weather man that it was like literally the temperature was going to be 21. So he's like, 21, can you do something for me? Is it funny? I did it. It's funny. Is he doing it because it's funny or is he being serious? I think that's the first one there.

Hey, oh yeah. Oh, it's him. That's, that's, oh, is this the dancing one? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. You're just started to start it over. Just. I wonder if people are like, hey, you won't say that. Dude. On the broadcast, you want, like in his TikTok comments, you think people are? Yeah, why not?

21. Slipping a 21 can you do something for me? That was, that was great, dude. And how he said 21, can you do something? And then it only got to like, he tried to sing the last part. For me. 21. Can you do something?

Something for me. Just sing-talk. Can you do something for me? I love that shit. I really do. Can't wait until we're local news reporters.

Two years. Dude, we would kind of crush a sports broadcast. Should we? Just quit everything. Drop everything and go to Channel 8 right now. So the Pacers, we don't skip a B, dude.

Saturday. Saturday. Saturday. We should just be local news reporters. No wonder. We've been making fun of them for the last 100% five years. That's what we really want to do deep down.

100% would be hilarious. It's out of here. We have our own catchphrases and stuff. It'd be tough. I mean, you got to keep up with the times, you know, because all the other ones are taken. So you have to make something like this guy. 21.

Yeah, you do something on home. Hey. that's essentially what 86 news used to be should we should we call a game dude that'd be awesome should we get on a broadcast just

just go we gotta get out of this just go live on YouTube and for like three people instead of Manning cast it's just us people would be like what is going on

your dad my parents my god Riley with it on mute five people watching us for the Steelers Ravens on Sunday night football. That'd be awesome. Negative five viewers.

Wow. It usually says how many you have, not how many you don't have. How many? People are actually turning off and unplugging their TVs. These guys. These guys.

Episode 50, 4015. How you got to? and got these guys merchandise out there now. Yeah. These guys merch get your crew net, get your hoodie, all that. Benedict merch. Looks clean.

Photos look good. Oh, yeah. They look real good. Remember to subscribe on YouTube. Watch us on Spotify and Apple Podcasts and follow us on TikTok. Put our clips on there a lot. Our clips. Clips.

On TikTok. I have Benedict Politi at Joey Molyneiro. All right. We'll see you next time. Bye. Yeah, yeah, yeah.