THESE GUYS! - The Pittsburgh Takeover

Episode Date: March 30, 2023

On this episode the boys talked about Joey's lifelong dream to lead the Terrible Towel Twirl🎟 𝗕𝗘𝗡'𝗦 𝗨𝗣𝗖𝗢𝗠𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗦𝗧𝗔𝗡𝗗 𝗨𝗣 𝗦𝗛𝗢����𝗦 Albany, NY Thurs 4/6 https://albany.funnybone.com/ShowDetails/7103c957-393b-4e13-a58a-cb2b21082f5d/fe90f238-dd0b-4177-a490-91bacbb9d65d/Benedict_Polizzi/Albany_Funny_BoneTampa, FL Thurs 4/27 https://improvtampa.com/ShowDetails/d8ced7f0-fb31-41ba-86c6-14ef820cde86/86796be0-6fce-4955-94fc-cf1047b171ae/Benedict_Polizzi/Tampa_ImprovBoston, MA Thurs 5/4 https://wl.seetickets.us/event/Benedict-Polizzi-800pm/532615?afflky=LaughBoston🎟 𝗔 𝗡𝗜𝗚𝗛𝗧 𝗪𝗜𝗧𝗛 𝗝𝗢𝗘𝗬 𝗠𝗨𝗟𝗜𝗡𝗔𝗥𝗢Indianapolis, IN Thurs 5/25 https://thevogue.com/events/an-evening-with-joey-mulinaro-friends-may-25-2023𝗪𝗔𝗧𝗖𝗛 𝗢𝗡 𝗬𝗢𝗨𝗧𝗨𝗕𝗘 https://youtu.be/xxQ75QbyHHY🧢𝗧𝗛𝗘𝗦𝗘 𝗚𝗨𝗬𝗦! 𝗠𝗘𝗥𝗖𝗛 https://benedictmerch.com/products/unisex-premium-sweatshirt-1

Last kid. I always kind of felt bad for the really fat kid that couldn't make it. That's tough. I was just like, thank God that ain't me. Right. But I was like, I'm not too far away from that either. You know, like a couple bad laps, dude. I've been there.

You're like, I kind of want to cry. Upcoming stand-up comedy shows, April 6th. That is next Thursday in Albany. I'll see you guys there. Tampa, April 27th. And then May 4th, I'll be in Boston. Joey? Sexy.

Sexy. Night with Joey Mullenero and friends. On sale now at the Vogue, legendary Vogue and Broad Ripple, just north side of downtown Indy. Coming up May 25th, so getting ahead of it, but they're on sale now. Ticket sales is going well. Tables are going fast, so get in there. All these ticket links are in the show description, as well as pretty much everywhere you follow me and Ben. You will find them.

Let's start the show. It's shut time. We've just been traveling, bitches. I know, dude. Don't you kind of hate it? Yes. It's fun when you get there. But the whole in between, I'm like, oh, my God.

Such a chore, man. How's it work? Are you doing it with a seven-month-old? Even worse. Wait, you brought... Tell me, where were you? Where were you? I was a little last second spring break trip.

That's what I was thinking. I was like, I didn't heard a joke. I know. Yeah. You went on spring break. Adult spring break? You can only say it's so far again when you have a seven-month-old. You had to be a boozehound, one of the nights, though.

I was hounding so much that like it wasn't even affecting me. No way. Yeah. You can just you can just take down a six pack right now? I was steering clear beer, dude. What were you on? Liquor. What the word liquor, dude?

It just sounds so tough. Liquor. Yeah, vodka and tequila even. Tequila is what's that. Yeah, so we did a little, yeah, that's right. Uh-huh. We did a little, uh, late. did a little last minute spring break. The in-laws are down to Myrtle Beach. They go down there every year.

And so we hopped on the old jet. And we don't have one. We, you know, it was a commercial airline flight. Where do, what airline? Delta. That's pretty good. Delta was cool. It's kind of nice. I like Delta. They give you that like, like, that, like video in the beginning. Oh, see, I hate the video in the beginning. I like it better than listening to the fucking people. Do the Macarena. Because I like having that because then it's not distracting you from what you really want to do. Whenever there's an announcement in progress, they make you sit through that 45 minute long video. And you're like, you just want to watch good morning football. Or like you just want to watch, I don't know, Wayne's World or something. That's like,

right, right? You're like, you're plugged in. You just want to sit there, put your headphones on, press play. People are doing their thing. Right. The credits are going on. And then all of a sudden, announcement in progress, the screen pauses. It takes over. You got to, you got to, to watch them tell you all the same shit you already know please fasten your seatbelt and in case of an emergency you're fucked yeah like what is this going to do a seatbelt in the air oxygen there's it's all around us right why do we need more air we're in a fucking airplane we need more of this i yeah so i that's i i love the screen and the uh the option at delta to be able to they're on the headphone although i i will say they need to make it to where you can just

Bluetooth that shit to your ear, AirPods or beats or whatever. Oh, there is like an auxiliary cord plug in. They're so like out of date. You have to, you have to have USB, bro. No, you have to have headphones from like 2006 where you have, you know, the little plug in, right? Radio shack joys. And then you have, you know, the strings are all tangled up and everything. You're getting them out of your bag. You got to have that person's piss that's trying to get in there. You know what I mean? Then off of a sudden the announcement happens. Fuck. Terrible. It's a good. But then once, all that finally gets clear. It's not bad. It's pretty cool to watch live TV in the air. I still don't ever do it because I'm never on a plane with the TV. I'm just like, God damn it.

I hate in Delta when you, you know, they spoil you because like whenever you're going somewhere, you're leaving indie, let's say, and then of course you're going to like Charlotte or Atlanta. It's always. Always. Right. And so it's a hub. So you got 8,000 people on your flight. So you get the big plane. So you have the works. seats. You have the TV. You have everything. But then once you get from Charlotte to the next place you're going, you know, fucking mobile, you get the tiny one. There's no plane. I'm like, why I'm even, why am I even flying Delta now? I know. What's the point? Watching live TV on a plane, though? It's kind of like. Yeah, it is like how are we doing that?

How are we getting away with this? Watching good morning football in the air? Yeah. Watch an NFL live right now. It wasn't actually live? Yeah. That's special, dude. That's a special moment. It's like, you know, when you would, for a random reason, would be able to eat lunch in the classroom with a friend back in the day. It feels a little naughty. And your teacher would turn on the TV. What? You're like, this is the same sports center I've already seen at like 730 in the morning before I came here. You're like telling people what's next. They're like, I'm watching sports. I'm in school. I'm watching sports center. Yeah, when they turn on March Madness low key like at the end, like on a Friday. Never happened. Really? No. Dude, we had that.

Never. Mrs. Harkness would sub and music, bro. you throw that shit on. Syracuse playing some weird team. Yeah. For the last 10 minutes of class, I'd be like, bro. No, and that you get to go. Actually, you don't because you have like basketball practice or something. So you couldn't enjoy it.

Well, you just, you want to be able to because, you know, some kids were like, I'm going straight home and I'm done. I got no homework. I finished it already. I'm going to watch games until I can't even see anymore. And then you're like, I got to our basketball practice. and then I definitely do have homework, so I'm going to get to see, like, the stupid-ass 9-30 tip.

Could never be us, you know, just watching all the games after school. There was always some, like, especially in college, like, there's always something to do. People that were just straight up college students, was they you? I mean, no, no, no. My freshman year, I mean, freshman year. Freshman year is wild. I mean, what is anybody even doing? I thought I was a genius freshman year at college.

I got straight. days. I was like, wait a minute. Well, too easy. I was like, am I trying hard? Or is this like less? I was like, there's no way. I should be out here getting straight days. I was like, I'm going to dumb it down a little bit next semester. Too easy. And then you get into like the actual classes that matter. And you're like, ah, this is what happened. I got you. But yeah, freshman year of college. But even then, I kind of did some like student radio shit. But it wasn't like what I did my last three years. I was basically working more than I was being in school, which was fine. You're like head of the radio. You were the radio. 88.7. Yeah, I was, what was that fucking job title that,

that, that they had? I don't know, but I was like, well, I was like the head of, yeah, I was like the head of the student body for the radio. Me, can you believe it? This guy. It's, it's like thinking about you playing football, though. Yeah, true. You're doing anything. organized activity. Give me a break, dude. You being in a team meeting? Oh, didn't listen to one word, bro. Who was?

I'm like, if I sat in the front, like, maybe I'd listen, but still, man, I'm just like looking at the corner of the wall. Hey, coach, do you have this in like a 30 second version? Tech, can you just make a TikTok? Send it to me? Because, like, yo, this is a lot. Yeah, I don't get on huddle, bro. You know, they had huddle to, like, watch film and stuff.

Why do they spell it that way? like it's like it's like the kid who had the speech impediment hold oh every center grown up did have a speech impediment all the fucking coaches they just like you know because they're all just drunks who are coaching like the sixth grade football team just up to nothing dude up to nothing so drunk all the time and who's got the time to coach a team just you know i know sometimes i think about that would be really fun though. It would. It's a low-key art dreams. You and like three or four, your buddies, you know, like that would be a lot of fun. Because they were having fun

coaching us at practice. Remember that? Maybe like dicking around with us, like joking around. Like sometimes when that what head coach wasn't there and it was just like the assistant like cool coaches. Yeah. You're like, bro, this could get kind of wild. But then, yeah, but then like they have to realize that they need to reel it in. So you kind of pay on the back end for the fun you had on the front end. Like, you know, if things are a little to arrive for the first 40 minutes, then you're like, fuck, these sprints are going to be rough. Yeah, we've been having a little too much fun.

Like, what? You're trying to pull one over on me, coach. Like, we scrimmage all day, then, like, you're not just going to let us off easy. What's coming up here? Yeah. That's, uh, but yeah, they're, they're having so much fun. You know, that they're going to the fucking pub afterwards, just getting hammered, you know, talking about the team and game planning and shit.

but they're just, you know, at Shrider, they're not doing anything, hammering beers. Because they're playing the same team every week. There's like six schools. There's six schools and one of them can pass. That's the only school they're worried about. Like, we're kind of cruising until we play St. Pius. Yeah.

The only ones that pass eight times a game. Right, yeah. I don't know. What about our corner depth on me? I just don't know. We got to figure out a game plan over at McGee's after practice. I don't know when I'll be home. It's always McGee's.

the barbecue pizza and a tower of beer. Playing for O-L-G. Don't wait up. I'll be out with the staff. Yeah. We got to be... It's just four of your best friends from high school. We got to nail down this game plan.

Hey, four idiots. All the while you could like pass it off as like, I'm giving it back to the community. Oh, yeah. You're writing that off all day. Hey, honey, I got to give back to my old alma mom. These kids need me,

Haunti. Hunty. Hunty, I coach football. Hunty, I coach football after work. Hi, Hunty. Do you care if I coach football again this year for the 2007, 2007, 2008, St. Barnabas cadet? Oh, dude.

Hunty. Football. See, that's the best sport to coach too because there has to be like six coaches. You know, in basketball, it's like if you have three, you're kind of pushing it. You're like, what the fuck? Three is like, all right, guys. A middle school basketball team with three coaches? Somebody needs to get away from home.

It's always one guy that's like, oh, shit, he hates his wife. Dude, but there's always like 13 football coaches on your staff. And then you lose like four halfway through the year. I'm like, what the fuck happened to coach Paul? I haven't seen him in four weeks. Yeah. And he was always like the biggest dick the first two weeks. Yeah, like, he was in the army or something.

But then, like, towards the middle, you see, he starts to kind of lighten up a little bit, you know, and you're like, well, something's changing coach Paul. And he just disappears. Yeah, dude. I was kind of digging him. We were kind of thought this was happening. We were vibing on the ropes over there, the tires. We caught a vibe one time. He like, yeah, when you have one thing in common with the coach, it's like, wow, he likes me. Then he just fucking makes you do up downs for the next seven hours. You're like, Jesus, never mind. You can't let you know that he likes you too much. Yeah. Yeah. Coaches are like, coaches are like the asshole boyfriend in high school. Yeah.

It's like, you can have a mom over. It's like, oh, he's sweet. But then as soon as that, he's like, shut up.

Yeah. That girl's like, see, he can be so nice and sweet. And then he's just a total dick. You're looking kind of ugly tonight. Oh, yeah.

That's a coach. You know, you have a moment. Yeah, you're fast, but you sure are a sissy when he gets, tackled some shit like that.

You hauss. How about you make weight this year, Plitsy? You hauss. It's like, Jesus, dude. No wonder I have body dysmorphia. It's so funny that, yeah, you know, they'll put on their LinkedIn page or something. And I give back to my community by coaching that football team of, you know, the youth of our community. I coach football team.

That's just translation for just getting drunk with your friends. Yeah. Hung over on Saturday morning special team practice. First bullet point. That's Saturday morning practice, bro. A lot of times we just have one coach there. Oh, they weren't doing that. And it was like the coach that wasn't there a lot, you know?

It was like the relief coach. It's like, ah, shit, dude. We got to call in. Hopefully coach Shobble. Coach Dale. He lives close in the neighborhood by the school too. He could just walk. right over.

We're not making it in. You know what it is too, dude? It's like that coach is always the one that works like third shift, you know? So it's like he, his schedule is so wonky because of work. But like whenever he can make it, he really has to have his presence known. He's only there like, you know, half the games, maybe like one time a week of practice. But when he's there, he's there, he's getting into some people, man. Oh, hi.

We all appreciate Coach Burns being here. We know that he's got a crazy work schedule, all right? Crazy work schedule. I heard what happened at a practice yesterday. I don't like it. That dude, he would just always be the one that's like, he wouldn't, you know, calisthenics would already be over, right? We'd be getting into like team drills or, or position, you know, groups or whatever.

And then all of a sudden he'd just be screaming, sprinting onto the field. Nah! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You see his car pull up. You look at your friend. You're like, fuck, dude, he's here today. God damn. I thought he wasn't going to make it this whole week.

Yeah, when you see a coach's car pull up, it feels like you're like you're about to get in trouble about your dad or something. You're like, fuck, dude, he's here. Always screaming. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's always a defensive coach. The guy that played like outside linebacker. Bro, it's always a defensive coach.

They're like kind of a kind of a guy that might have played like. He was like pretty. Right, like he was really fucking good. And that's part of the reason why the coach, while he's on the staff too, because it's like, okay, this guy was legit.

I mean, like he could do whatever. You played with the big boys. Yeah. Like they looked at, they liked him. They looked up to him like, watch his games at Purdue,

you know? It's like, yeah, we want to hang out. He still has like, just so that one time a week he'll like come out and get a beer with them.

It's like, yeah, I get a beer with them every now. You can like tell your friends that. Yeah. I still get a beer with Coach Bauer every now and then. But it is always a defense, always high energy.

Always somebody that like is screaming like when you don't need to scream. No, no, no. It is definitely like ball, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Smacking guys so hard on the helmet. Bro, just absolutely abusing these kids, just punching them over the fucking head. And it's with their like ring finger too. so you get that metal too. Yeah, every one of them too.

Even like the fat kid that's last in procedure. It feels like you got shot in the head. He's like the one who's like sprinting with the slow kid. Come on, Corey. Come on Corey. Come on Corey.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Pushed him in the back. Last kid. I always kind of felt bad for the really fat kid that couldn't make it. That's tough. I was just like, thank God that ain't me. Right.

But I was like, I'm not too far away from that either. You know, like a couple bad laps, dude. I've been there. You're like, I kind of want to cry. Laps, man. Nothing ever took as long. You never felt like you're running more in your life than doing laps. Why are we running laps?

I'm like, what in the cross country is going on here, dude? Around the whole field, bro. I remember doing like seven and eight. Eight laps, go. I'd be like eight? Dude, this is like three miles. Okay, too. Maybe less.

It's insane. Laps. I've never ran more in my life than being on a football team. Let's get a warm up. Do some laps. Fuck. They ain't warm up, coach. I'm dead.

Two laps and then doing all the pre-practice stuff? Two laps as a like a 12-year-old, bro? Oh my God. No, thanks. We might be a pretty nice staff, though. That would be too fun. Should we let it all go and just coach football? That would be so, like, it would never happen.

You'd actually know what you're talking about a little bit. No, I would not. I would just fake it. Yeah, but I mean, that's pretty good. I mean, you have a pretty good amount of fake built up to where you kind of know what you're talking about at this point. Yeah. You know? Yeah, I've watched enough like Twitter film breakdowns from Dan Rolovsky. Dude, I've seen, I've seen you lately busting down the like the draft profiles. I was like, he knows what he's talking about.

Yeah, dude. For those about to mock, check it out. Yeah. It's a lot of fun. It's like some nerd. it like I go I go I watch it I love it thank you I go in I go in depth and then like once it drafts over I won't even ever talk about it again you know I just care about the draft but then I'll start for next year you know yeah he'll start right up to the draft you'll start this is my spring Christmas the NFL draft gets me to Christmas you do love yeah I thought I love the draft until I met you and I was like okay there's there's somebody that likes it more dude it's it's awesome

I remember one time we were watching the draft and it was like round seven and it was kind of like windling down. And I was like, I'm kind of sad. And you're like, dude, it'll do that to you. We're like at a kudobo watching the Bears like pick 29th. I was like, it's over, bro. It's tough. I don't know if I'm going to make it tomorrow. Hey, what's tough is seeing how the crowd dwindles from round one to round.

Dude, stop, dude. Stop. You just struck a cord, bro. Oh my God Round one You're like It's the best party It's the best party

Best concert It's fan Dude Every fan base The Raiders guy Is there The Raiders guy's always there The Raiders guy's always there

The fucking Like everybody Every team that sucks I wonder if the Colts people showed up Yeah Cloning Dungee That motherfucker

He's always there Cloney Dunjee Of course it's fucking Cloney Dungee. Oh my God, it's so good. That's so funny.

He's so irrelevant, but like he's still relevant. I blocked him on Twitter. What life do we live where we block cloney-dungy on you? You don't know why? I cannot wait. Because he kept coming at me about being, yeah,

living in an Indian, I remember for the Colts. And one time he just told me, moved to Pittsburgh. And I said, I said, I said, I'm done with Colony, man. I'm done with your ass. Do you have other people you have blocked?

I probably have like 75. Really? Yeah. But that's like from built up from the last three years. Can you throw us a couple? No, they're all, it's not like anybody. Colony Dungey is the most famous block person that I have. I would love to see that list and be like, why?

Yeah. Now I'm muted? Oh, muted, bro. That's a whole different story. Everybody I've blocked on Instagram are all those like spam accounts that spam your comments. I'm like, yo, I got 85 comments on this picture.

72 of them are... If you need $5,000, seriously, you're DME now. I'm like, yo. It's kind of cool though, because that means like if your accounts getting those, that means it's like, are you sure? Yeah.

Dude, look at any like, look at like complex or like, you know, ESPN or any of those. The first, the Steelers. The first 16 comments. The first 16 comments on the Steelers, it's like, you know, chicks with their ass out. That's just like, don't open my story if you need,

don't open my story if you want sex or something like that. I don't even know. All that kind of. Don't open my story if you're horny, all that shit. And then it's just like me being like, love you guys to the Steelers. Miss you guys. Yeah, go look at the Steelers post. I comment on every single one of them.

Really? The first, yeah. Love you guys every time. I love you guys. You just set up a bot. Yeah, you're the bot. I comment on Kenny Pickett's fiance's photo. What'd you say?

Great looking cup. Hard eyes. Well, it was of her and Kenny. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I said, I said, great looking couple. The exclamation point. Nice cup. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, I feel like that's good. That's good friendly. You know what I mean? Because maybe somebody would like, Oh, wow, Johnny Mullinercom. Oh, yeah, you're going to coach for the Steelers in like three years. Everybody knows, man.

Everybody knows. Yeah, you're going to be like the special or no, you're going to be like the, what's the guy that like tracks all the, the analytics guy, offensive analyst? Dude, that's, is that your dream? I think so. I'm going to start telling people that's my dream job. It's just to be like.

SML? No. Just to be like. Steelers analyst. Dude, like the past game coordinator. Oh, there it is. That's what it is. What a title.

Or like the video coordinator. Even that. I just like break down film and like I just like take you know and do all that. Give it to me. I would fucking. I would. No way. I would show up to work.

I mean, I would show up to work every day. I would never want to leave. Different Steelers. Every day. Cordell Stewart coming in on a loss. They're like, damn it.

Just wear some normal clothes. we're our issued team gear you're like oh shit yeah I don't know that does scare me though because like sometimes I've heard horror stories

of people who are like man you know I just I grew up loving the NBA so much and all I wanted to do is work for the NBA it didn't matter what it was

and then like they made it and like they were working for the NBA and they were just like now I don't even watch games I'm like fuck does that happen a lot I'm like, really?

I'm like, I feel like if I was part of the Steelers and some, I'd be like, are you like, what? I'd at least trick myself to like it. Like, I get, you know, it's like, you don't want to see, you don't want to see, you don't see how the sausage is made. You know what I mean? Like, that kind of thing. But really? I mean, like, what does he, what does he think he's going to do play on the NBA team?

Like, I don't know. Probably just how like shit's run and like, you know, it becomes a job then. So it's not like fun. You know what I mean? Like, if you work for the pay. then you have to like show up to all the games and like suits and like not really watch the game and like you know do business shit and then you're like I don't know I don't know what's happening with the team oh no way you know so maybe one of those things I don't know could I get you to commit to something that that it's like a night would join well there because no I'm just kidding no no so like I think there's like three things in my life that I really want to do and one of them is the lead the terrible towel twirl

before a Steelers game. Oh shit, that's like... Yeah, like right before kickoff. That's like when the Colts like hammer the... Yeah. What if they ask you to do that, would you? No. Really?

Yeah. You'd just be like, I decline to have that. They have not. But I did do like TikTok content for them and I think they want me to do like a draft party MC thing. Maybe both of us do that, actually. It would be fun. So, you know, it is what it is.

A job's a job. But, like, that's different. Like, if they want to, like, you know, have me do something like that, that's different than being like, hey, come get our fans fired up before the game by hitting this fucking anvil. Yeah. They'll be like, that's the fucking Steelers. Right.

Exactly. And I'd be like, I don't. Waring a Steelers. Yeah. They play. The Steelers play here again this year. No. Uh, we're going.

Yeah. But, uh, so besides committing to that. if I get to do the terrible towel twirl one day. You want me to be there? Can you like raise you up? That'd be hard. But yeah, it's like right before kickoff and it's like, and they're like,

please join and welcome. And then they say whoever, you know, Wiz Khalif has done it. It's Seth Mount Myers, like all these different people come and do it. It's been my life. You know, you go crazy on the camera. like you're going with your terrible towels and then everybody's doing it right before kickoff.

Dude, I've seen it. Yeah. I'm down. Let's go. You'd have to, I mean, you know, we're like,

we're looking on like a weekend. Can you like, can you like FaceTime me? And I'll be on it. What if we can like open up for, you know, like the Pittsburgh improv? We can do that Saturday.

I was actually thinking about it. Yeah, let's do it. A show in Pittsburgh would be cool. Yeah. I saw that they had an improv and I was like, yo, we got to.

People would like, we would sell tickets there for sure. I have kind of like a, I mean, I guess it makes sense, but yeah, I've got like a pretty good base in Pittsburgh. It was just Bill Cowher, what's up? Fron and Rob?

I'll spin on you. We should though. It'd be fun. Let's do it. Dude, a Joey and Ben like, Pittsburgh Takeover. No, like a Joey and Ben like AFC North Tour. Oh, that goes so hard. AFC North Tour. Just do

fucking Cleveland. Oh, my. my god, bro. Just the, the songs. I didn't post that, but when you came out on stage the other day to the NFL prime time song, how hard did that go? That was cool. That, like, worked out well. I like, I like it. I'm like thinking about using it for the Vogue, honestly. Yeah, yeah. Jesus. Hey, Joey, what kind of intro music do you want? The guy from Helium Comedy Club, Asin Joe, Joey's like, NFL primetime number six as the Steelers and Ravens helmet on the thumbnail. Mark Polanski is the, uh, is the, uh, is the, uh, is the, the, uh, is the, the, uh, uh, is the, uh, fucking artist. Yeah. Ben was like, no, you should do that. I was like, yeah, okay. Yeah, let's do it.

But do you think, go like Cleveland, Cincinnati, Columbus, just because, you know, you want to add a few. Sick. Cleveland, Cincinnati, Columbus, Pittsburgh, Baltimore. Nasty, dude. That's a good way to break down a little tour. Or maybe like, do one in Michigan. Buffalo.

The promo for that show, just us fucking body slamming a table. off the top of your roof. Impaled. See it in Buffalo. The graphic for like the, you know, the show graphics is just like us, yeah, in total face paint with those wigs that are like that.

Zubaz pants. Just like it's acting like it's any other day. Bro, who's not going to that? Are you serious? Yeah, no shit. Oh my God. It would be nothing about like, you know, 20, 21 to 32 year old dudes

just who have goatees. and huge beer bellies. So scared of all of them. So terrified of anyone with the goatee. I was sitting by a dude on the plane on the way home from California. Had a goatee. I asked him if he was mad at me

like every 18 minutes. He was like twitching around all fast and like I could tell he was like kind of in a bad mood. Like literally every 20 minutes I was like, am I good? Yeah. I kept doing this because like headphones.

Dude. Wow. That's. It was tough. some pretty wild plane etiquette. I think you just, you know, if something happens to that for me, maybe I'll be like, sorry. But like, I just keep going. He was spazen.

So I was like, I kind of make sure this is all good. He was kind of like giving a little backhanded compliments every now and then too. Like the guy over the speaker was like being kind of funny. He was like, hey, must be a comedian. I was like, Jesus. Did he know who you were? No, no, the guy like on the airplane guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, he didn't know who I was. But he was just like mouth and off a lot. I was like, what is wrong, bro? I got nervous on my flight back. Like I was like, uh, I didn't have my headphones in when the person who was sitting next to me got into the seat. And so I was like, fuck. Like I was rushing to get my headphones on because it's like if somebody, if you got blabbermouth person next to you and you don't get the headphones on. Lock it in quick.

You got lock it in quick because all of a sudden you get blabber mouth and then you're stuck for an hour and 40 minutes. Isn't that a neat? What's the breaking point to put the headphones on? You know, like you were sitting there and you don't have a mountain yet. They sit down. They're like, oh, well, Steelers fan, huh? you're like, oh, yeah, yep, so what are you thinking about? Pick it. I like them a lot, man. It's good. Right. And they're just like, then the doors, the floodgates are open. Yeah, you got to, that's a hot 40. So, you know, or if it's, you know, a nice older lady or something. Oh, my son used to love the Steelers, you know. And then it's like, here we go. Here we go. Here we go. I didn't even strap it in my seatbelt for the fucking plan around him, strap it in for this combo.

Somebody will talk the whole time on a plane every time guaranteed. I texted you. I remember. I thought about that. It was insane, bro. They were sitting like catty corner to me. And I was on the aisle. And this guy did not...

This guy. He was basically like Johnson and Schmiddy. And it's like, wow, I guess now I know why some people hate that bit. But... I mean, this is you really doing all that, though? No, he wasn't. But like, just no awareness. No.

It's amazing. No awareness at all. Talked the entire time. From the time of the lady sat down next to him and he had a dog, of course he had a dog. And it wasn't even like a service dog. Just his dog. And he talked the entire time from before, you know, because you have 30 minutes of like people getting on the plane. And before it's like, okay, cabin doors have been sealed.

And he kept going. I could hear him through my headphones. I hate that. You just give them the dirty. And he was asking, like, I felt so bad for this chick, man, because he would not let her out. There was no break. He just kept going and she had to answer the questions. She didn't have headphones?

And it got to the point where then she, you could tell, like, she would kind of like ask questions to follow up. But it was only because she's like, well, this guy's asking. Yeah, this guy. I got to, I got at least fake part of this. Oh, you got to fake it. But like, she didn't, she didn't, hey, I, nothing. How do you do that? Nice.

Sometimes you just got to be mean as fuck, dude. I'm kind of mean as fuck on a plane. I believe it. A little bit. Like if you're crossing the line, I'm like, dude, shut up. See, I think what you got to do in that situation is just excuse yourself. Go to the bathroom. Hope that when you either take the headphones with you on the way or when you come back,

that it's like, you know, maybe they've dove into a magazine or a book or some shit. Maybe they put the... How was it? Spacious in there, huh? Wow, that's a whole video, annoying guy on the plane. Shut up! What you really want to say to him?

Man, that's exactly what this guy would have been. I guarantee it. This chick would have come back. He would have said some shit like that and just immediately gone back into it. I never can make my way through one of those. A lot of room for activities in there, huh? Dude, like, just let me be.

Why do we have to be best friends? why why people that can't understand that you don't want to be best friends with them stop I don't dude just because we're sitting next to each other

does not mean I'm like if this went his way like what happens next we fucking go to a party together right off the plane like what happens in those people's world I go to your Christmas too the big

the most that's going to happen as you're walking out hey well good talking to you enjoy your trip like does it that's it there's never been two guys on a plane that have been such good friends

that they get a beer at the bar or anything after Hey you want to grab a beer I'd be like fuck no Are you crazy? You want to exchange a number? I'll give you a phone oh wow you do You do a podcast? Oh well let me say I'll let me follow

Three weeks later Hey man It's Tom from 19A He's still following me Tom from 19A Hope your home back I hope the bathroom at your house a little bit more room. Hey, did you make it home?

All the jokes. Yeah, I know you told me that if I was ever in town to give you a shout, well, uh, coming to town this weekend. So just won't stop. You're trying to, you're just dodging everything. Just won't stop. I'm actually,

I got another flight. Um, I actually moved across the country. Didn't tell you. Sorry. Why don't you tell me? Where'd you move? I can head that way on the way home.

Oh my God. Tom from 19. 19A. That guy. It is always Tom, too. So bald. With a big old beard. And definitely wearing

sandals. Like thongs. I was thinking about that too. His big toe is just, his big toe is just staring at him. It's yellow. You know? You're like,

you think that little like fungus monster is going to jump out of it, like that one commercial. Remember that? Oh, God. Pop on the toenail and the fungus monster jumps out. Yeah. I think it's like tough actin tanactin, isn't it? It's like the John Madden.

It was, it was. Yeah, that little guy creeped out. That is such a crazy image. That's burned in my head. Yeah. It's a rough. Tom's got that going on. I'm like, real hairy arms.

Oh, God, yeah. Hairy arms, you're just like, this motherfucker with his shirt off. Yikes. Hey, Bigfoot sighting. Yeah. Tom. I'm going to going to opening day

Oh that's like tomorrow Yeah Jesus Christ Dude what time you leave This guy doesn't stop Early in the morning Early Nice little trip

You're riding solo Nah taking Ryan Frank They go everywhere I'm riding solo I'm running Okay yeah What are you leaving to Go to Albany

Or not Albany I'm actually going to New York Like New York City On Tuesday I'm gonna do some shit around there I then go to Albany. What are you doing in New York? You're doing some shows?

Yeah. Seller. Going to hit out. No, not the seller, bro. That's improv. Well, I'll watch a show at the seller. It'd be nice to get on, but it's tough out here. But, uh...

I feel like you... Why can she get on? That's like... Like a Tuesday? It's like comedy store. Yeah, yeah. I don't know. Yeah, I haven't really...

I'll reach out. But, yeah, I'm gonna try to get... I mean, there's some. comedians out there hit up. See what's going on. So if you're in New York City, slide in, bro, unless you're Tom from 19A.

I'll be there. How long have we been going here? Like 38 minutes. Oh, yeah, there it is right there. Yeah. New York City, huh? We went to New York City together one time. That was fun.

I almost stayed in the same hotel we stayed in. I saw it like on the hotels like in New York City. It was like double tree. I was like, nice. That was a wild little. It was real random. You were like, you're like, dude, you want to come to New York City? And I was like, actually, yeah.

Yeah. You're like, really? And I was like, they'll be there in five minutes. Yeah. Now, we talked about it in person. And then all of a sudden, you were like, you text me because I was already there. And you were like, hey, uh, flight's leaving soon. I was like, oh, you're coming.

Dude, see, that's when I'll commit. That's an all commit. Right. Right. I think that you won't. Big long shot, dude. Real weird flight to New York City. I'll be there.

Yeah, that is. That is you for sure. How far away is Albany from NYC? Like three hours. I don't know how I'm going to get there. Dude, that is insane. I mean, I guess it makes sense that, like, you know, in New York City, you get the entire New York State,

but like everything in New York State is feels like it's like a six-hour drive to New York City. Yeah. It feels so far away. What else is going on in New York besides New York City? Like Buffalo's in New York. What? It feels like the Buffalo, like it feels like bills is it's on site. It's like the Buffalo Bills.

It's own country. Buffalo Bill. Such a great, it's such a great name. I still don't really get it. Why? What is it? A bill. We need Nicola to type and to.

What's a, what's a bill? Because they got like the Buffalo, obviously that thing going on on there, their logo and their mascot. I'm not, I'm not going to be able to look this up in time. Why? I don't know. I just would have taken forever because I typed in what's a bill and I was like, of course it's going to say fucking. I know. I'm like, I had one shot, dude. I had one shot. I've been thinking more and more about your keyword search things. Yeah. Like now whenever I, because I used to, honestly, I was afraid to tell you, but I used to be the guy that would literally, you know, what is the meaning of the bill?

for the Buffalo, like, type it all out. That would have worked there, but I only had one hand. But, but now, yeah, you know, like Bill's mascot, why? That's, that's it, dude. Yeah, I got to get it done. I was doing that Myrtle Beach. You were searching like that? Yeah, you're in the game now.

I was like, keywords daddy. I was like, duh. Why would I do the whole thing? Like, it's all picking up. It's only picking up three words. In my head, I was like, before, I was like, yeah, that would make sense because it'll fully go into Google and then Google will take that full statement. Yeah. I'm like, no, they're trying to get the most popping ones.

Yeah, Bill's mascot. Why? Bill's mascot name. Bill's mascot origin would slap. That's what that takes. That's not your first thought, though, ever. Origin. Origin.

Origin will make Google go. wild, dude. Origin story. Just a story about Oregon football. Yeah, you spell origin wrong for sure. And they're like, Bill's players that are from Oregon. You're like, God damn it. Origin, man. Love a good origin story. Love them all. There's not one I hate. I'd like to see the origin story of that trash can I'd watch that. That light. How to get here? There's always some, There's always crazy shit that's going on. Really? That happened?

Right. I had no idea. What were talking about the other day? Oh, we were talking about how, we were talking about Travis Kelsey, bro. I've been one to ask you this question since we were talking about his origin story. He played quarterback? Dude, yeah.

Yeah. What? He played quarterback. There's a brother played running back. There's no way. Yeah. At Cincinnati? I think he walked on to Cincinnati as like a H-back running back.

H-backs have just been deleted from the face of the earth. How about that? Every coach deep down kind of cries about it too. A head coach loves an H-back. Oh, yeah. Favorite player on the team. Just the way they go in motion real slow like that. Hey, yeah, just a reliable guy that can do it all.

Oh, and like him in the weight room, an H-back in the weight room, he'll just squat the house down. Yep. Big, big power clean guy. Oh, he does it all, dude. his ranking on like the on like the lifting he's he's two right

yeah it's like you know the left tackle who's going to like USC than him and he can play anywhere dude no he's more he's like a D3 guy yeah he'll go to Walbash

but on Fridays you can you can put him on the O line and he will block that out of somebody oh yeah and also he play outside linebacker not even his position yeah Left guard What's his name usually?

Like Shutley I was gonna say like Wasnisky Here's something like that Oh yeah it's always a ski Yeah It's always it Was

Ski ski ski ski ski ski ski Oh ski ski ski ski ski ski ski ski ski ski His number's 44 Ooh it's got to be in the 40s I was thinking 47 44 No no swag Tape's wrist is the most Most drip

He's got Yep like yeah you know but that's only because he writes like mom and dad he won't even wear like the mid socks low sock and they're not even the no show sock they're like the weird like dad kind of go past your ankle a little bit so they stick out of the cleat but they're not mids at all you know oh they're like weird mid they're like the weird shoe carnival socks yeah they like come to here that was a weird length of sock that was just

Really popular for a year. What? Mid, no show, and then like, uh, whatever that was, quarter. Yeah. Quarter. We, he wears quarter socks with like just the yellow. Like there, there's socks he bought in the summer and he like warm outside in the driveway one time.

They kind of got like a little stain like on the elastic part. Like, bro was Niski. Is that a lemonade on your sock? Well, he's in a three point stance. He doesn't really say a lot. No. Everybody's so afraid of him. Wait, does he have good grades?

Oh, yeah. Yeah, he's, he's, yeah. But then, because you have him who's on the offensive side of the ball, but then you have the linebacker who's on the defensive side, obviously, and he's the total dumbass. Like same build? Are they friends? No.

They kind of, like. They kind of beef? Yeah. Well, they don't beef, but they're like. The HBack doesn't. like him because, you know, he runs his mouth too much and he'll always get like kind of a little subtle jab in just kind of under the table. But then the linebacker's like just the big, goofy, dumbass. Is he good? The defensive dude is kind of an idiot. He's good like a high school football.

Yeah. Who's not? He's just like insane. He's like the kid that like Friday night, you know, you play the game and then like it'll be like three in the morning. You have Saturday morning practice at 7 a.m. And he's already housed like 18. bush lights and it's like slamming his head through a wooden table. Saturday morning yeah for film but like he'll just show up and he'll kind of be like he'll be pissed off so everybody will be like oh shit

because he's just like hung over and feels like shit he's always getting in fights after the varsity game yeah like at like 2 a.m he's like trying to fight somebody and you're weird friend's basement and the hback is like getting mad because hpac's real reliable you know like he goes home after the game he doesn't even like go meet out with his girlfriend or anything you probably didn't have one like kisses or goodbye I think

Yeah, in the parking line. It goes home. Goes home. Probably makes, you know, like a protein shake and eggs and, like, go to sleep. What a guy. It goes to sleep, get a full night rest. Then it cuts to the fucking linebacker dumbass. Just like, like I said, like slamming his head through something.

You guys don't think that I can fucking break through this. 3 a.m. It'll be nothing but a good time. This is him and two other dudes on JV. It'll be nothing. But I got... Even in 2023, like, that's the song for the... Oh, yeah.

For the dumb-ass linebacker scene. That's the most high school football song of all time. That and the boys are back in town. Boys are back in town. No, how about... That's just the high school football song. I don't care of it's 2084. Dan.

Limitris. Hey, it always like happens like it's like, you know, the coach has some snide comment to either another coach or to like the dumbass player. You know, he's like, well, guess that's why it's my team. And then they walk away. And like the player, the coach is kind of like, bang, dang, dang. Guess that's what it's my team.

This might be a long year. This might be a long year. Then, da, dun, then, then, we got some work to do on these.

We got some work to do on these boys. Dan-na. Dan-dan-dan-dan-dan-dan-dan-dan-dan-dan-dan-dan. Welcome to the 2020-team meeting. Tiger football camp. The music gets soft. You either will or you won't make it through. Keep going to nan-na-na-na-na-na-n-n-n- And that is decided by you.

Do you want to be perfect? Let's get to work One more thing, one more thing Now or This is just all remember the Titans We just turn on Remembering Less side, strong side

Downing Dung to Dung a Bum Bam Bam Bam Bam Bam Bannan da dae Saturday Saturday was downtown All right

Welcome for the FBI Remember the Titans, their team started clicking now? That's that montage. That was nasty, dude. Like when the quarterback transferred in, I was like, oh, they got a like sick QB now. Yeah, yeah. Like he's got kind of swaggies from out of town, like girls like them. It shows like all that shows every week, you know, every week there'll be some highlights and it'll be like 7 and O.

And then that long go woman and a black bread. I like, no. I wanted to see like the sleeper guys on the team like making plays and the highlights. Yeah. I was like, when's the running back going to do something? Like the next clip, he has like a sick spin move. You're like, oh, he's falling out too. Remember that.

My temperature just started to rise. 10 and O. She was an uncle. They start getting more fans. The diner after the games is like. They're like slamming that car with a hammer. Oh. Burtier or Campbell hands it to Burtier.

Burtier. He's the Wabash guy. Yeah. Burtier. what a name. Gary Bertier. Gary Bertier. Gary Bertier's making a protein shake after the biggest win of his life. I don't need all that. No. I just need my eggs, my protein shake, and my mama.

Man, who didn't want to be Gary Bertier, you know? Yeah. You got a little soft spot for him. God dang. I never heard from that actor again. Wow. How about that for your last role? Played Gary Burtier. I'm good. Hey, one and done. I'm cool. I'll take it. That's awesome. H-back, man. H-back 44. Linebacker 56. Oh, it's a good number. What you think the best linebacker number is?

What level of football? NFL. Football. Can't say the T right here. Are they football guys or are they football guys? My favorite sport is football. The Ben and Joey football show. We just break down film totally wrong.

Can we please as coaches? See here on the board like this. See you take the H-back, put him in motion. He kicks out. He kicks out. You go up and through. And we got the sandwich block on the inside. And then we got a one-on-one here on the edge.

He's going to win that battle every time. They've round the wrong. It's not even that play. Oh, no. The quarterback pitches it the other way. Yeah, it's a play. Hey, pop pass. Hey, uh, well, yeah, it looks, we got, uh, coach ski, uh, put the, put the game film in wrong.

That's on the tape. The videotap's upside down in the VHS thing. Ski, you do it again. You got to bring in his, his wife's VHS from his fucking master bedroom. Go run home. Get my wife's VHS player. The fucking guy. charges a video, man.

He's during dead time. He forgot to cut out the dead time. So it just shows him like zooming in on fucking bitches. Just on some girls' mom's tits in the crowd. Is that Andrews' mom? You can hear him. The coach fucking for us as fast forward as hard as he ever has. The remote breaks.

That button's jammed again. The hell is this? Mrs. Andrews's tits. on the film then coach keeps it afterwards you know he like

he doesn't accomplish it's unacceptable it puts it middle console in the car nice view football coach is still using VHS

they still do I know I know I swear to God I just like the way it rewinds they love that they love a good rewind I just remember dude that's why

that's why I didn't, like I didn't know football my whole entire life because I, my dad would just be watching film downstairs in my house. I'd go down there and he would just rewind every play. And I'd be like, fuck it. All right. I guess we're never going to see the play by. That's rough, bro. I'm like, what? Already? He's like, I got to watch every position. I'm like, bro, just for me, can you play it? Like, what happens here? I feel like he was just teasing me, dude. Bro, would get to the literally like the mesh point of the handoff. You're like, uh, I know. He's about to break it through the whole all the way back to the beginning.

Oh, oh man, it's rough. That was my whole life, dude, torture. Too much rewind, man.

And when they're doing that shit on special teams, you're like, it's a, you know, it always is, it's the kickoff team and one guy's too, almost too close to going off sides,

like running before the ball's kicked. Laser pointer. Can you why tell me what this line is right here? Coach is in a laser pointer, bro. perfect marriage dude give a coach a laser pointer with a cat in the room bro they'd do it for

three and a half years I swear they're like proud of their wrist skills their control of the laser pointer right old kitty cat what do you think is the perfect merit more of the perfect marriage a coach with a whistle or coach with a laser pointer dude you know it's a laser pointer

bro because the coach is like the tech they got the same guy and they're showing off that's the most high tech shit that they have is a fucking laser pointer I don't know I call Pizza Hut, but I swear to God. It's like on the Star Wars, right? They got lasers. I got laser too.

It's my lightsaber. Darth Mall. Darth Mall, you, if you don't double down on the left tackle. Oh, bro. If he had like a double-edged laser pointer. That's just you as a coach, dude. Thompson, you paying attention back there? With a lightsaber laser.

Fuck yeah, dude. I would use so many Star Wars analogies. Gentlemen, if you think that Luke Skywalker, the rebellion, thought that they had a shot to go into the Death Star and rough those boys up. Yeah, I would go all in. The Empire will strike back.

The first coacher needs is Chewbacca. He can pass that can over here. Oh, shit. Let's end on that one. TG27. All right. Thanks for listening, guys. Remember, description to the tickets for the shows in the, in the, in the bio, wait, did I fuck that up? The description of the, no, yeah. And in the bio of the show. And on Stitcher for sure.

See you guys next time. Thank you. Bye-bye.