THESE GUYS! - These Guys Are SOOO Back

Episode Date: September 13, 2023

this week the burpy boys ARE BACK! and of course talked about 2000's Football Players🎟️ JOEY'𝗦 𝗨𝗣𝗖𝗢𝗠𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗦𝗧𝗔𝗡𝗗 𝗨𝗣 𝗦𝗛𝗢𝗪𝗦 Sept 20 Nashville, TN https://nashville.zanies.com/show/joey-mulinaro/zanies-comedy-club-nashville/nashville-tennessee/Sept 28 St. Louis, MO https://st-louis.heliumcomedy.com/shows/226547Oct 11 Louisville, KY https://www.louisvillecomedy.com/shows/226148Oct 25 Pittsburgh, PA https://pittsburgh.citywinery.com/event/joey-mulinaro-1y291h🔺𝗪𝗔𝗧𝗖𝗛 𝗢𝗡 𝗬𝗢𝗨𝗧𝗨𝗕𝗘 https://youtu.be/xxQ75QbyHHY🧢𝗧𝗛𝗘𝗦𝗘 𝗚𝗨𝗬𝗦! 𝗠𝗘𝗥𝗖𝗛 https://benedictmerch.com/products/these-guys-hoodie-1?variant=41218692775993

Anyways, keep up the awesome video guys. Slap my ass sideways and make me fly. P.S. Jellie. Smack is so hard. It makes it fly. It makes me fly. Oh my God.

That's the best one ever. Hey. Whoa. How do we do this? How do we do it? Believe your ears and your eyes. Casting Couch is back. No more.

That's why we've been on a break. finding the perfect couch. This is so yard sale. Yeah. Right out in the front lawn. Cardboard sign on it, free. Us on the couch.

You honk, we drink. Talk, God. We're back. Summer break is over. We're on the New York schedule. How back are we?

Summer break in July and we come back in September. But you know what? It is a unseasonably cool day. in Indianapolis. I love it. It's kind of cloudy. We got the fall candles going.

We got my favorite weather here. 8 million Starbucks drinks on the table. Not enough. Not enough bucks. And these guys... Believe it. These guys are back. These guys.

Back so good to be here. How'd the shows go? Good, man. First three were a lot of fun. I was kind of worried about the first two out of three because two of them went Ohio. And I was like, I don't know. People, you know, people are with their team.

We talked about it with their teams. and me being a Steelers fan in Ohio being Browns and Bengals. Did you get some heat? No, it was honestly great. Fuck you, dude. It was great. We, you know, got some jokes off about it and stuff. And, uh, no, so it was a lot of fun.

Hit Columbus and CINC and Fort Wayne. And then next week I'll be in Nashville, Tennessee. Casinoes in Nashville, Tennessee on Wednesday, the 20th. You should. Uh, people have been hitting me up about it. And, uh, I'm pretty excited about it. Nashville is obviously awesome, but I think, should be a pretty good crowd down there. Nashville tickets available.

Official Joey Molinaro.com. Description, all that. And then I'll finish up St. Louis in September. I'll finish up the month in St. Louis on the 28th. So that's what's coming up. Love the Midwest tour. Yeah. Still waiting on the AFC North Tour.

I kind of did a little bit of it. And I'm doing Pittsburgh at the end of October. Little Blitzberg. Those are available as well. All the tickets are available, but those are just the ones that are coming up. God, you got a lot going on, bro. I've just been a rat for the past three days. Yeah.

Yeah. What does that mean for you? What's your rat look like? Dude, all I had to eat for the past two days were cookies. Yes. From insomnia? I'll wake up.

I'll get them out. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. I love you. Oh, whoa. Nice.

Got to get a burpee boy off. No, I get like cookies at night. It's like 11 p.m. Just racking up the cooks. Yeah. And then I'll eat them in the morning for breakfast. And then I'd also have.

like five coronas. Nice. And not work out. Man, I really like, I always want to like Corona and then I just don't. Yeah. I don't know why. It just doesn't, it doesn't taste good to me. I'm an accessory bitch.

So I just like the lime. I do it for the lime. You know, in this thing where you put your thumb in it and it like goes to top. You know what you should switch to. Nice full plug. Dosecis. Yeah. You put the lime in the Dosecis.

I didn't. know Dosecis was still a thing. Big time. After the homie, stopped doing the commercials. God, I love that guy. I wouldn't that guy

to be my dad. So bad. Who didn't it. Yeah. How hot was he? Grandpa, dad, they'd be like,

okay, you're gonna fuck my girl. But like, okay, this is fun. Okay, you're still gonna fuck my girl. But you don't give me

$50 for Christmas too. And you don't see him as often. Yeah. It's not as much of a threat. To look you in the face. Right. Right after. Yeah,

you're not walking the girl in the doorway. And he's just killing, you know, chilling in on the fucking lazy boy. Right. Yeah. Just see him on Easter. Right. Right. Yeah, but dude, Dosecke's. That's, uh, that's been going awesome. That's your sleeper. That's my beer now, dog. I'm on the Doseckees tour. Friday night dose with Fox and thosekees. No way. Friday night dose. Where are you picking up from the store? Hell yeah. They don't want the fucking X's. Going to be in Gainesville this weekend. Really? The swamp. No way with who? I'm doing a very.

event on Friday night with Fred Taylor. Shut up. I'm going to die. Yeah, man. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Yeah. It's pretty awesome.

I'm loving it. I had my first one this past weekend in Arizona State and it was great. It was so fun. Fred Taylor. Mm-hmm. Yeah. So it's so on brand for this podcast. All I've been thinking about is Fred Taylor.

Yeah. And then like last week, Darren Woodson, who's a G. I watched that. I watched that. I watched it. And Zach Miller, he's like, he's this podcast too. Yes. Like just kind of like a.

2000s football players podcast. Can we just talk about Amon Green for a little bit? That's all I've been one to do. Why was he the best running back ever? 30, just like fat. Like he would. Amon Green. He would run over a linebacker, but then like once he ran over a linebacker and he got

some daylight, he was gone. You know what I mean? He had the power and speed. Amon Green down the sideline. And they had somebody at Nage Davenport between the 40s. Dude, it was Amon to the 40. than Nagee 40 to 40 back to Amon.

Nage Devenport can get it, dude. Davenport jersey? Nage Davenport was never a number other than 42 or 47. It was in between, you mentioned 40s running the ball but he was also 42 to 47 in that range of number. That's what he wore.

Running backs at are number 40. 40 anything. I'm like, it's always the real fast running back that's like number 42 for some reason. You're like, that's terrifying. James Starks. He went off for a little bit.

There was a dude for the Falcons too. He wasn't fast, but it was T.J. Duckett. Lineman mask? This is what the people have been waiting for. Oh, hell yeah. I was talking to some old school RVs. What was that one tweet? You sent me?

That guy was like, hey, enough of these best ofs. Give me some talking about to Bucky Jones and Ricky Proll. I was like, did I did this for 28 minutes after that tweet. These are the people. people who get us. These are the people who have been sitting in the clubhouse just twiddling their thumbs. Ricky Pro, the weird

white receiver that like popped off in the Super Bowl that you're like, what the, did someone get hurt? Why is he in? Made that weird catch against the Rams? Down the sidelines? Or against the Buccaneers? I don't know. No, he was playing for the Rams and it was against the Buccaneers. The one game that ended like

11 to 6. Somehow, it was like an NFC championship game. Oh yeah, the highest scoring team ever. Greatest show on Terrible. against the unstop or the immovable Tampa Bay defense Burby Boy times two Now that there are no women listening to the podcast

We can talk about whatever we want That's our strategy Yeah yeah yeah get them out You gotta get them out But at the first show in Columbus At the funny bone it was awesome I literally burped on stage accidentally Like I was in between jokes

And I was kind of like There's just a transition thing And literally it came out like that was like, oh my God. Was it like, did you keep your lips closed while you burped? So it was like even like weirder. But then I, throat, throaty. Yeah, but then I addressed it.

I was like, oh my God, I'm so sorry. Like had some wine before. And then literally in the crowd, I love you, puppy boy. Shut up. And I go, what do you say? And, uh, no, no, what do you say? Somebody said like, these guys are, no, somebody just goes burpy boy. And then I was like, ha ha.

And I was like, I love you burpy boy. And then a handful of people in the crowd. He heard like a, oh, whoa, all together. It was awesome. It was a dream. These guys clubhouse. dude they come out to the shows it was so cool

it was it was really really really a dream come true but um i'm so glad we're back me too dude it was like i know you've never seen this movie so it's gonna fall on dead ears for you but for every these guys clubhouse shawl shank redemption this guy to rip it

it's like i'll play along i felt like Morgan freeman and i felt like your character was andy duffrain and like that one scene where he's like he's like at all always makes me laugh. Andy Dufrain heading towards the Pacific. And he's like, sometimes it makes me sad though. Andy being gone. I can't. After I remind myself, some birds aren't meant to be caged. The feathers are just too bright. And then at the end, he's like, I guess I just missed my friend. And I was like, yeah, this is me right now, dude. But then at the end, they're on a beach.

And Andy Dufrein is, you know, spoiler for everybody out there hadn't seen it for you. They end up reunited. He's working on his boat. And he turns around. And he turns around. And and all of a sudden here comes Morgan Freeman, and he's walking out the beach towards them, and they're all, they have a big reuniting, and they hug, and then it's all good. Damn, man. I just don't know what to do

when people are telling me about movies I haven't seen. Yeah, no, I just had to get that out there for everybody, let him know. Why, can we play that scene right now? Copyright. Yeah, it might be. Might be copyright. It'd be a little tough.

That's okay. Well, I just reenacted it for you, so you get the whole thing. But it's really, you know, he's like sitting there because Andy Dufray and he escapes prison. And Morgan Freeman's, been in there with him for like 30 years. His character read. And so then he's sitting there and he's like, I guess I'll just miss my friend. The voice. And I was like, yeah, dude, that's me. I'm just

sitting here fucking playing with Frank's toys with them, like slam dunkin's little tyke's goal that he has now. Frankie. Seven foot tall Frankie now. Dude's faster than me. Walking and shit. He's a year old. I turned 30. You missed a lot, man. Riley's pregnant again. Shit's crazy. What is happening with everything? My life's a lie. Riley's pregnant again? Yeah. Girl dad? Mm-hmm.

Girl dad. Baby girl, February. Two under two, boy. What are you naming her? Can't tell you. Really? I don't want to tell these guys clubhouse yet. Maybe if we had like a Patreon page or something.

I'll tell you off air because we've been telling people, but I don't want to, you know, give people too early access. Thinking of an alcoholic beverage, you can name her after if that's, yeah. What do you mean? Stella? Oh, God. Jeez. All the kids, man.

It's kind of close, actually, though. Still. Not going to lie. So, you've been, yeah, bro. You, uh, I've been, I had a dream, actually, that I was wearing pants like this.

And I woke up and I was like, do I have pants like that now? Camo pants? Not camo, but like cargo. Oh, you got to get in the game. No. But then I, this is a dripping or tripping. Oh man.

What a segment. I feel like this is the constant debate, though, is by the time that I go get pants like this, then when I start wearing them, they're not going to be back anymore. No, I think they're just back back for a long time. At least through the winter. That's true. I see Drake wearing them at a shows and shit. It's not like, yeah, it's all about the floppy, floppy ankles.

It used to be the tapered ankle. It's all about floppy ankles. That's so weird. It's so. me. I can't keep up. Is it the same with sweatpants? I think we're still, I don't think the elastic at the bottom of sweatpants ever went out. Okay. Because it was like joggers only. Remember that? But I think if you, you can, you can get normal standard sweatpants with elastic on the bottom and you're good forever. Those are evergreen. Like the coach Pee, like gray football coach sweatpants? That says like, yeah, there's a helmet like weirdly really low on the thigh.

That says like University of Indianapolis football. Like those kinds Cheesy like football helmet that's like the quarterback one like the One bar Ugh Like just that one yeah just it's it's a step above a kicker I hate helmets on merchandise Really? I fucking hate it

I don't mind it as long as it's not the centerpiece Like if it's a helmet in the front of a shirt like a center stage Go to hell It's so weird It's always the oldest it's like never up to date because you can't stay up to date with helmets. Give me on the side or pocket or something like that. Not even, bro. No more helmets. The helmet in the middle of the field.

Dude, you know what I hate when they do? Jim Harbaugh's helmet in the middle of the Colts field. I'm like, dog, update the field. It's the thing we're looking at. I cannot stand that shit. I hate when they try to go too modern with the helmet though and graphics are like, yeah, and it's all, you know, but then still. It's like the deliming one with the visor. I'm like, dude, get life. Yeah, it's like, but it's still, even that modern is like, it's like the 2008, you know, what would those called vapors? Not vapors. Okay, you got Joey Bosa's fucking helmet in the back of the Fox Sports like college football set. If we're gonna go that, just leave it to the vintage. Yeah, oh, all the way. The weird one, the Gary Anderson joint. Remember that? His whole face was out.

But just, yeah, right, it was like going down here. It wasn't out. It was like under his chin. If you threw a football, you could hit him square in the face with his helmet on. Fatest face ever. So bad. Can we get him a bigger helmet? He just looked like he was just warm and toasty, like out his grandma's on Christmas all the time. Yeah. Red Christmas face?

Yes, he looked like a, he looked like a legitimate bobblehead. He looked like the fucking, you know, the big boy? Yes, he looked like big boy. Or those like, you know those like, you know those like, cheesy bobblehead? Right. You know, you know those like German things where. Nutcracker? Well, no, it's not a nutcracker,

but it's those things that you stack inside of each other. So, like, the littlest one is in the middle and the big ones out, but then you open it up and you keep going like that. Yeah, you look like all those guys. Yeah, dude. The helmet's just painted on. That's what Gary Mortensen or Gary Anderson look like. Wait, who's Morton?

Morton Anderson? Morton Anderson. Morton Anderson. They're both. Yeah. They're both Anderson's. Are they brothers? Morton and Gary.

What are we talking about right now? Never have I ever said Morton and Gary on the same podcast. Name two weirder, older names. Morton. Imagine naming your son Morton. I think Gary might be weirder. Gary. Hey, the classic BP.

Oh, what a beautiful baby. What should we name him? Gary. I know baby named Gary. Baby named Morton. Baby name. Yeah. At least that's like Morty.

baby name Ammon Green though, sign me up. No shit. God, baby named Tim Biakabatuka, sign me up. You've never loved anybody more than Tim Biakabatouca. Dude, hearing John Matt or hearing Pat Summer, I'll say Biakabatuka on the carry.

Just makes my heart feel, it just makes me feel good. Makes me feel grounded. Yaka Batuka on the carry. That's what you put. and you're like build a bear. Do you want to put a sound in this? Yeah,

can you put Pat Summerall saying Tim Biaka Batuko with a gain of two? Your girlfriend's like, what the fuck? Tim Biakabatoka. She's like, what the fuck?

I'm a Stephen Davis fan. Another 40 running back. 48. Get out of the way. Get out of the way. Yeah, the closer you get to the linebacker numbers, the more insane you are.

Oh, 49 R.B. his head's bleeding. Yeah. You know, Sean Alexander was like a nice, like 37. He was like, he could play the big boys,

but he wasn't like, you know, crazy. Sean A was so clean, dude. Didn't like I spelled his name, but that's not his fault. Right.

Leave that to the gods. Yeah. He's also one of those weird ones that like, oh, he went to Alabama? You know? How come I miss that whole part

of my life when Sean Alexander was playing for Alabama? Not a recollection of it at all. Is there even any video footage of him playing for Alabama? I still don't believe it. No, he went right to the pros from high school.

That's like Jason Witten. Right to see where the... Tennessee. Shut up! How the hell? Wait, was he number one for some reason? Or is that someone else? I have a feeling...

I've been. I've a feeling someone told me this and I looked it up and he was number one for Tennessee and I almost died on site. Did he have the... The most shot. Dude, he had... He was swaggy. Jason Witten, constant swag in the league.

But that's why I was saying like, he didn't go to Tennessee. He literally was just born and then was catching like eight yard hook routes for the Cowboys. Just sitting in the soft zone, man. Finding his own.

Just doing whatever he wants. Finding a window. It doesn't even matter. Just turn around, dude. Just run eight yards and turn around. Jason Witten's whole career. I don't want to downplay him. But I think anybody could do that.

Literally just... Hey, don't even run. Just fucking backpedal. Did he block? No. I think he just swam and fucking... Yeah. He was never split out wide.

He was never split out in like a slot to get a mismatch. He was always a literal tight end, hand in the ground, firing off the ball, like you said. A little swim move, go behind the linebacker turn. Bam. That was Jason Witten. 96 touchdowns on Thanksgiving Day. It's like if I do know one thing, Jason Witten will score four touchdowns today. And he did have that cool run against the Eagles where his helmet got ripped off.

Oh, dude, that's a, that's a football player's dream. Mm-hmm. When you just get popped, your helmet comes off and you just keep running. You know, it's funny is that my mom, whenever a football player's helmet pops off, she always doesn't matter who it is. She freaks out and was like, team out, team out, team out, is it? And the guys are all like, get going. God damn it.

Fucking Barry am. Some gladiator shit. Keep going. The, the swaggiest TD like celebration, though, is when you score was zero time on the clock, take your helmet off and throw it into the crap. Stefan Diggs. That's insane to me. I remember all the old whites

weren't sure or mad about that. What? Old whites. Can you say that? All the 52 year old plus white, white guys were not happy about that. I'm so glad we can say old whites now. Can we?

We can. Everybody can. I hate old whites. Everybody could say that. Old whites are pieces of shit, dude. I hate you. I'm dragging them now. Bro.

We open this can, I got an old white scenario. for you. Yes. So I'm sitting in this bar in Arizona State having lunch because I'm just like killing time. It's right down the road from my hotel and it was actually the place where we're having the event. So I was like, I'll go check it out, see what it's like. You know, have a, have a beer, have some food. Everybody. Um, and so I'm sitting there and it's pure lunch hour, right? This is where, you know. So, so many BLTs. There's, yeah. And there's like, there's a table that has like the four or five group of co-workers who went.

But then there's just the guys like me, honestly, who are like, hey, I'm just going to go have a meal and a beer or two by myself. And they're sitting at the bar. So these guys obviously feel the need to start to talk to each other and then start to talk to the bartender and whatnot. Oh, yeah. They're getting loose. And this one guy, I mean, just so like corporate Thursday, he's got like a golf,

shorts lead golf shirt on, some slacks, bald with a beard. Old whites, baby. and he is he's talking a bunch throughout the whole lunch and thankfully not to me because I wanted nothing to do with it but I was glad to like you know kind of hear in a little bit and I couldn't avoid it because he was like two seats over from me now one point near the end of his time there him and this guy were like talking bald shit and he literally says tell you what it's the system Tom Brady's good Not as good as the system

He utters that So on brand And I was like That's like the first page of the Bible For Old whites It's the system And especially about Tom Brady Not giving him any credit

The system won him seven Super Bowls The system One of them being not in New England And he just Was there even anything on TV about it Or did he just say? him and this guy he couldn't wait to see

he heard that shit on the radio and could not wait because that's all it is felt like the smartest guy in the room he literally said that signed his check dropped the pin walked out

walk off he walked off statement he walked off with the system play dude he felt so cool on the way home you know he's just recycling radio takes though that's all old whites do

not even old whites they like hear stuff on the radio and then they're like okay, like I need to make this kind of my own version in a way a little bit. Or it's like something that they're just really pissed off about. Like he doesn't like Tom Brady because he probably beat his favorite team and Tom Brady's super good looking and bangs models and had a model wife and is super rich. And this guy just, he doesn't like Tom Brady. That's a justification for that. It makes it kind of dirty. So then he like goes after him and like makes himself feel better that like,

hey, at the end of the day, he's not that good. It's just the product around him that I don't have. If I had an environment like that, I could be as successful as Tom Brady too. And it's just a way for him to help himself sleep at night. It's a system. It can justify anything with the system. Man's got you down. System, dude. What restaurant. Were you at like Tommy Bahama or something? Close. It was called Locco Patron. Were you in a Margaritaville? God, the things. I do to just be at a Margarita Vell right now. Rest and peace, Jimmy Buffett. I don't know if you saw that. Probably didn't. Wow. No, I didn't. He died when I was in Las Vegas. It was wild.

Went to Vegas for a bachelor party while you were going. How's that? It was a blast. Really? What did you guys do? What was like the? Everything. We did everything. Give me something. There's like 17. Give me the naughtiest thing he did. It was like 17 of us. No way. It was one of those. One of those. Yeah. It was cool. This sounds like my work.

fucking nightmare. Yeah, you, yeah. Dude, I can't hold it together. What would you do in a scenario like that? Wouldn't go. Why not, though? Dude, it's so fun. I've never been to one of them. All my friends are married. I know, mine included. I ducked to all of them. It's so fun. Like, I don't know what. I don't know either. I just can't do it. Anyways. How can you not do this? Let me set the scene for you. All right. So it's Saturday. Yeah. First, we get there Friday evening. So we, you know, we're drinking Friday night. But then Saturday is like the first full day.

So that Saturday, we go to a place called Circa that has a place called the stadium swim on the rooftop. Where? You're in Vegas? Yeah. Stadium swim is this place that has just pools everywhere, couches everywhere, bars everywhere, sportsbooks everywhere. And it has like 20 giant TVs up there to just play football. So we get there at like 830.30. game start at 9 a.m. Vegas time. Wild. 8.30 wake up. How did you coordinate that?

That's what I really want to know. Dude, just got to get up, man. And other people had help from other, you know, things. But okay. So I was getting that. Yeah. But, hey, we're there. And it's 9 a.m. kickoff. And we're drinking. And we're on a couch. And we're out of pool. And there's football everywhere. And there's just, it's beautiful. And you're sitting there and you're having a great time to boys. You're in the pool. You're out of the pool. You're drinking. Yeah. Yeah, there's just one of a bottle. Can you eat in the pool? I mean, you could, if you want to, like, you could take like that chicken dinner in there. Yeah, I'm just thinking about, right, you're standing at the pool and you have like the food right there.

And so you're, you know, reaching out and everything. But, like, that's just your Saturday. And Saturday you're doing that and you're having a great time. And then you go back eventually. You get kind of washed up. And then we went out on the strip in Vegas. And, like, we were up in this awesome room. And then we went to this nightclub.

It was the first nightclub I ever been to. Really? Like actual nightclub. what's a what do you think what was it called marquee oh yeah cosmo and bangs and i never like i don't you know what i mean like once you go to one like that you're like okay like the the clubs i'm used to going to are really just like bars with like rap music or DJ music it's not a club just the party this was yeah this was do you like club had a blast you felt like Drake oh i was literally like I was up on the couch

just like fucking standing on the couch Oh you were on one Were you Molinard at all? Every three set Every three songs Fucking confetti would And it's like fog

And everything would come out When the beat would drop And all these lights go And ever Dude had bottles Had a table Had a section We just got gray goose

We're just me and Dylan We're just fucking Like Oh my God Celebs You guys had You guys had I mean, it's so fun.

You got a table? Boys got a table? Yeah. There's 17 of us. So we just all did like 17. Yeah. So we're like, you know, eventually we'd be like, even if it was like, which it was like seven grand, you just put it in split wise between seven guys. It's like, no.

Here's $200. Yeah. It's not that bad. That's insane. Sunday we went to another pool party. And then we went partying more and it was great. That was this past weekend. Weekend before that.

Labor Day weekend. Were you hungover forever? You know, surprisingly not that bad. I went on a bachelor party last year where like the day coming back, I literally, if I, if somebody would have killed me, I would have been happy. See, that's what I think too about bachelor parties. I'm like, how am I going to survive? So I learned from that.

And now every bachelor party I go on, like, I make sure that like I'm taking care of myself throughout. Like, I'll mix in some waters. Like I make sure I'm eating. It's the mixing in waters. I can't do. I know. But like, you know, take myself to bed.

Like, even if I don't. want to. I'm like, this is a smart thing to do. Like Friday night, a bunch of other people went out and then like four of us stayed back because I was like, I just, I need to rest tonight. Oh. Yeah. That's my favorite part of trips like that. Yeah. Because I'm the guy that's like I'm not doing shit tonight. I will go to Dave and Busters like very minimum like maybe. But that's it. Yeah. So like I've been learning to do that kind of shit. It's very key. Hitting the water mid club though is the hardest thing to do. Yeah. I can't like I can't bring myself to do. it. That's where I just load up my drinks on ice. That makes me feel better. Half water. Finding the bathroom in this place, though, was a fucking maze. That's my favorite part. Just walking around trying to find the bathroom. That's my favorite part going on the club.

A million people loudest it's ever been ever. It's so dark. It's still loud in the bathroom? I mean, like, on the way there. Oh, yeah. So dark, you can't even see your hand in front of your face, except for when the techno lights start going. laser tag right now that's what I really want when I'm in a club every time I'm in a club I really just wanted to break I would just want 15,000 laser guns to fall from the ceiling

yeah dude it was fun though had a nice little Airbnb off the strip pool hot tub in the back this sounds crazy yeah it was great then you just come back to Indiana is that weird it's all I mean there's not a greater disparity of happiness than a bachelor party to on the way to there and on the way back

Oh yeah on the way too It's like you think you're in a movie On the way there There's like seven of us flying out On the same flight We're getting beers beforehand at the airport We're all riding on the same like general vicinity of the plane Just causing a scene

You know like not being disrespectful But just being annoying probably Oh so annoying Like wearing like annoying things a little bit But like a bachelor party Right yeah Like I'm wearing my cool hat Yeah you know

You're shit like that You bust out the like top picks from your closet Yeah And then on the way back, literally nobody talks to each other at all. And it's just depressing. Don't look at me. I can't even listen to music when I'm hung over like that. What saved me is that our flight didn't leave until like 3 p.m. Vegas time.

So like we didn't have a wake-up call. Like I could just lay and sleep on the day we were going back. Whereas like half the people we were there with had a 6.45 a.m. flight. It's like almost when we were going to bed, they were like starting to get up to go to the airport. I'd almost rather have that one to get that over with. I know. Yeah. No, that's and it was very like that group that like they get kind of antsy and like freaked out like if like they have to get out. You know. Yeah. So that makes sense. And I get that play. But my fear with that is like in that situation, I wouldn't have been functioning. Like I would not, I would not have been able to physically get my shit together. Get in an Uber for 10 minutes. Go to the airport. Do all the bullshit you have to do at the airport. Man, that takes a functional. functioning brain at the airport. So weird that like we flew out of like 1 p.m. Indy time or 2 p.m.

any time. There was nobody in TSA. But like. They're always there at like 6 a.m. Right. I always think they're not going to be there at 6.m. and I was flying out last Thursday to Arizona. And I got there like 6 a.m. for an early ass flight.

You're like, all right. Let me breeze through TSA. It was like a 15 minute wait in TSA. And then all the bullshit now they have with the thing where like the system's all mess. up so then it takes even longer on the back end to wait there. It's a system. Are you pre-check?

Did I try to get TSA pre-checking? It didn't go through. Yeah, it kind of freaks me out. Like, I definitely need to be and want to be, but you have to like go somewhere to have a meeting. I did that. I went to Staples and they hooked it up and I was like, cool, I finally have it. And then I never got an email back.

Staples isn't that bad. I thought you had to go to like a governing body place. No, they have like, you can just hit up like a Walgreens. Like they have them like remote. That's cool. I'm like, am I going to vote or get my TSA pre-check? I thought I literally had to go to Marion County Jail

and have him to do a background check on me and like examine me. It is all that. And you can go to Marion County Jail, but they're like, uh, Staples is an option. I was like, I cannot wait.

I'm going to buy some fucking jail pens while I'm there. I couldn't wait. But they never hit me back. I was like, okay? Guess I'm not, uh, so your TSA pre-check is just somewhere out there in the fucking.

Yeah, I could like get in line. be like, I think. Might as well try it. No, because I'm always in a hurry and shit at the airport. I never have that kind of time at the airport. Oh, man. See, I'm a freak.

I'm like, I would rather get there two and a half hours before my flight even is on the board. Bro, I got there too late one time. I can't do it. I've done it. I've done all of it. Like,

I've been there like one minute before. Because you, I don't know if anybody knows this. You got to learn the hard way. But if you get there an hour, less than an hour early, they can't check your bags. I got there like 30 minutes before my flight.

No one was there. I was like, all right, let's fucking do it. And they're like, no. Oh, yeah, I remember that. Wait, wait. So it has to be an hour, more than an hour before your flight boards. Yeah. Because we need an hour to check your bags. I was like, an hour. Is there a fast pass on this shit?

I know. Disney World. Right. Give me the bracelet. Let's get in there. They're like, no, we can't. So I'd go to a whole different airport. Damn.

See, that's my nightmare. Plus, I'd rather like... Jesus. Sorry. I had a stroke. There's something kind of relaxing about like just getting there, getting it over with,

sitting down, listening to a podcast, getting a little snack. Just knowing like, all right, I'm good. The line for coffee at an airport. I'm like, what roller coaster is this? is really you need it that bad come on

I could be dead tired and I'd be like I'm not getting in that line though yeah no I'm with you randomly I went the other day and like the tinker one wasn't full in the year it never it never is I feel so bad for I was like I don't give a fuck I'm going right here walk up service I don't need Starbucks but then I'm in line I'm like I do in a cake pop and then I don't know their coffee cake isn't as good as Starbucks did you see that we're getting a we're getting a cold not a cold brew

a command coffee where's that on the corner in the corner right there downtown indie yeah it just doesn't feel right they took out the Starbucks around here and it just that'll be nice

because I love command coffee right there on college but we've been missing having that easy access coffee in downtown indie right there on the circle I'm at a weird point where I don't care what coffee

tastes like I feel like been at that point since I've known you. Yeah. Like, it's bad coffee. I'm like, how do you know it's bad coffee though? Also like, isn't it all bad? And even if it is bad, that's where I just go, yeah, but the point isn't for it to taste good. The point is to like get it in me. Yeah, it's fuel, baby. Right. And you get to taste good. What is this? A dessert. It's coffee. Yeah. Let's not, let's not talk about the Frappuccino people. Frapuccino people can all go to hell right now. It's my dad. Really?

Yeah. You want to, should we check it on some emails since it's been? Yeah. What's the clubhouse talking about? Well, the clubhouse figured out pretty quickly that we weren't, we weren't coming out with new episodes.

We were just doing best up for a bit. So they stopped pretty much right when we took a break. So we got like four in the tank, right? We got plenty in the tank. But, all right, this is from Tyler Smith, way back in July.

Yo. fellas long time listener first time email are proud member of the TGC these guys clubhouse love the show and talking football I'm the best man for my best friend's wedding and a cut well that that this is outdated best friend's wedding in a couple weeks just at the bachelor party with the boys and was super fun without a hitch curious what you guys would expect the role of a best man should be on wedding day aside from those aside from for those who don't know me toast p.s love seeing benny perform at laugh boss in a few months go, waiting patiently for Joe to take a trip out to the East Coast, slap my ass, shove an apple in my mouth,

and rest me at 350 degrees for approximately four to six hours like a Thanksgiving Day turkey. I literally love... Roll of the best man. Roll of the best man. I have no idea. I've been the best man at my dad's wedding, but he told me that I was the best man five minutes before it started.

Yeah, it doesn't count. He's like, get your speech ready. I'm like, uh, how long do I have? He's like 23 seconds. I was like, all right. Off the dome. Let's do it. Oh, to have footage of that. There actually is.

Yeah, Tyler, I know this is in the past, so I hope it went well. But roll the best man. I don't think there is one. I think it's nice as the best man if you're just always in the dudes corner. Like, no matter what's going on throughout the day, no matter what's going on throughout that night or the night before when the rehearsal shit's going on, like you're always taking his side because during wedding shit there's always going to be the people in the wedding party

or their girls or their significant others or whatever the hell that like they're going to have an issue they're going to be kind of like griping about something or bitching about something. Really? Yeah just like if you're the best man just always be in that dude's corner. Got to have your boy's back. God have his back. Did the other guys not have your back though? They do but it's just different. Like if you're in a wedding party of eight

inevitably there's going to be like two guys maybe three that like they're not making a scene but they're kind of like I gotta fucking do this. Oh yeah, true. They're like not about it. Don't be that way. Be over the top. You just be like, yeah, dude, like, no problem.

We got you. Like, yeah, well, right here. We'll do this. We'll pick up this. Like, what do you need? You need food. Like, you gotta be the intern. Yeah, pretty much.

You know? And I'd say that's key. Like, I know the best man of my wedding, like when we, well, I thought it was really cool is like all the groomsmen like went out or the wedding he was out doing something else right before the wedding. And then like my best man like stuck with me and like walked out to the stage with me. You know, so like I wasn't walking out there by myself. Like it was me and like I was standing up there.

Got your boy. You got right by you know. Like that was cool. Like that's something that you appreciate, you know. So yeah. That's in my experience. I've never been a best man. Not even at my dad's.

I wasn't around. Wow. No. Um, have a fire speech. don't make it too long and memorize it you ever have a best man reading off a paper reading off the phone sucks I can at least have you serious

reading off the phone is a no-go and I notice a lot of girls do that just memorize it are you kidding me you're my best man and you can't take the time bro some best man you got to fucking you got to read and you're stumbling that's tough

I've been to a few where like the best man will have him on note cards and then like after each note card he would like kind of like I don't know if it's part of the bit he kind of like throw it like drop it or something you know what I mean I would kill myself call the wedding off yeah I was I'm good on this actually you ruined it for me big dog it was rough that's crazy to me note cards yeah what are you studying for a science test sixth grade biome photosynthesis yeah six grade biomes project this is a best man speech dude

Highlighters on it and shit. Oh my god. Just a reminder you can email us at team these guys at gmail.com Team these guys. I know it's been a bit team these guys at gmail.com The brainstorm. The brainstorm that went into that one. All right. Can we talk about the emails that we almost had? Do we have that list? Hey, these guys official. One of them like ta ha these guys are some shit. These guys cheese These guys geez Dude I love this shit

I love these guys These guys All right from Kenny Fanmail What's going on fellas Been listening to you guys for years Ever since I saw Joey's first Sabin video I'm a die hard New England fan

But why do I have a Cam Newton Patriots jersey That's hard I mean who's barring this anyways Some video guys Slop my ass sideways and make me fly P.S. Joey smack is so hard. He makes it for it.

Hold on. Most important part. Kenny says P.S. Joey that Jesse James Catch was a touchdown. Thank you, sir. Crazy memory. I love this guy so much. Make me fly. Cam Newton Patriots jersey. That's it. I love that. Cut the sleeves off of that and wear that like a Fourth of July party, please. Is it white or Navy?

Dude, cut the sleeves off a football jersey It's so next That's kind of funny It's so next Did you come up with that? Or you see that? I cut sleeves off a FSU jersey one time Which one?

What jersey? It was like their old ones It was number three I don't know who it was Like an older running back or something But I was like this jersey sleeves needs to be cut immediately All right

With like a big tall boy in one hand And a cigarette in the other And like a weird bandana on This is from Seth Sogy Doggy Gang Hey guys, enjoy listening to the pod. Great stuff. Your discussion about eating soggy hot dogs on July 5th hit a bit too close for me.

I work in the front office for a minor league baseball team and over the past 12 years I've had to eat more soggy dogs after a long day of work than I care to admit. Slap them on your tongue. With each soggy dog, a bit of dignity goes down with it, but I'm dedicated to the game. Yep. I live and work in Wisconsin, 30 minutes south of Lambo. If you guys ever want to hit some cage bombs at the ballpark and then head to green. Bay to tailgate and drinks and breads before a Packer game here, more than welcome. Slapped my ass on a weeknight.

I love this. Did he say cage bombs? I don't know what that means. Oh, he works on a minor league baseball team. So yeah, we go through some BP. Cage bombs. There you go. There's a segment.

BP with BP. Batting practice with BP. Never, never, never been to a batting cage in my life. Seeing you, thinking about you swinging a bat is hilarious. What's up, dude? It looks bad. Are you writing or do you even know what that is? Ritey.

Do you like, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I do the Sheffield because I thought that looked cool. Yeah. That makes sense. Yeah. On a lot of levels. From Matt G.

Says, need a ruling. Please help settle a household debate. Yes. We've agreed that your ruling will be binding in our marriage for the rest of our lives. Here's a scenario. Wife runs hot water in the kitchen, faucet and turns it off. Completely unaware that the faucet is, full of scalding hot water, I turn it on to wash my hands and get burned. Oh, yeah, I've been there.

Does she have a duty to turn it back to cold for a couple of seconds? Or is it my job to check first? Your consideration is appreciated. Matt from Sioux City, Iowa. Ooh. You know what? It all depends on all depends on the faucet. Okay. If it's like hard right is very hot, I think you, I think you're in the wrong to just turn it off. and keep it hard right. Uh-huh. When you got to faucet with like a joystick type of, you got to put it, you got to center it and turn it off. Okay.

So you're in his, you're in his camp. Yeah, I am. You got to center the joystick and turn it off. Because it looks weird when it's like. It's off there. Yeah. No, I'm the same way. Because I think about it in my, in my house.

And that's how we do it too. Yeah. Put it in the middle. Because you, yeah, I mean, like, you only need hot water when you need. hot water. If you're just turning on the sink to wash your hands, to rent something off, to do it just needs to be on the regular room temp. Yeah. All right, Matt. A couple months late. You're actually right, Matt. Actually, two months to the day late, but hopefully you will listen to this and you will now have it in writing right here. Turn the toggle back. Matt, you're right,

but tell your wife that she's right. But tell your boys that you're right. From Ronan, Canadian listener. Big fan from Vancouver. candidate. Two majorly important questions. Room, temp water or cold. Best walk-up song for baseball. Go ahead. Ben. What's up? Room-timp water or cold water.

Room-tempt. And then best walk-up song for baseball. Oh, man. You know this answer. Do I? You do. You do. It's one of our first videos that we made.

I don't know. I don't know. But it's... That would be batter up by now. Oh, God. This was like the first podcast we ever had. Matter up. That would be nice. I go either way on room tim or cold temp. It really just hits me different times. I can be straight up with you. I've never wanted cold water. See, sometimes I need that just like icy. It really helps quench. It's a placebo effect, but it just helps quench. I can just take

to do one of those like water bottles that are like cheap that you get in the big pack. dude. You know when you just so you crush it? You're just guzzling. That cold will give me a brain freeze and then... Right, but that's what you're not

in that situation. I'm a bitch, yeah. But batter up would be a cool song. For some reason I'd throw them all off and come out to Kesha. Can you imagine that? Don't stop making rock DJ moment pinkos.

Most home runs in the league. Can you come out to that? Now batting. Number six. Ben. See the science. My TikTok on the cop in the party don't stop. Oh, oh, oh, oh.

From Lindsay. Hey, guys. First and foremost, as it concerned, this gal, I just wanted to check and see how you're hanging in after the Stitcher news. Oh, yeah, Stitcher doesn't exist anymore. So that's actually why we stopped for a bit because they're figuring out the Stitcher situation. How are we going to do this? It took eight weeks.

It took eight weeks to figure that out. Secondly, there has been a few games. discussions on the pod. My question is, as a kid, did you ever bite the controller out of anger in lieu of throwing it across the room after losing or dying? Or is that just me? Lastly, if either of you come to Green Bay to perform, I will sit front row and wear my brother's XXL Craig Newsom Packers, Jersey, or invest in a personalized Cynica Wallachers of your choice. Tootles. Seneca Wallis. First of all, rest of the case. The guy you got on your team because Michael Vic wasn't available. Seneca Wallis.

Or you were like, maybe we can tap into that. Yeah, let's make them the backup real quick. Rest and peace, Syneka. Man, sounds like we need to go to Green Bay because we've had two out of these four that are rip roaring ready. Where the cheesehead smack my ass? Yeah, make me fly. Biting the controller, I can see that. Maybe that little like toggle thing or like.

I always want to nibble on the toggle. Maybe you aren't really biting it. You're just kind of do one of those where you're like, Like you're so mad that you... The controller really didn't have like a peel to bite. You know? It was just too plasticy. Right.

The closest I ever went was when like the L2 button would get stuck down and you'd have to do one of these on the controller. You go and like suck it back up. No way. Oh, all the time, dude. I sucked an L2 button right up out of a controller like probably six times a day growing up. Bro, I didn't know that happened. I didn't be like, we're going to be like, all right, it's back.

Let's go. Wow. That's wild. You ever suck an L2? I was big throwing. You were throwing? I would throw slam. Oh yeah.

Do one of these. I would be crucified in my house if I made any noise. So I had to keep it down. Just suck some L2 and R2 about it. All right. This is from Leighton. Oh my God. This is a really long email here.

I'm trying to. Just read it all dude, rip it. All right. That's a lot of... What's up, Ben and Joey? Been a fan of YouTube for a while now,

so I was super excited when the pod came out and I've loved every episode. Look forward to it every week. Got my sister in New York, Olivia, to start listening. We usually call later in the week

to recap the pod and talk about funny acronyms. That makes me want to cry. Like LGS, Long John Silvers or how the worst ice cream names are on the better they are like chalkboard dust delight and rusty gravel.

The way I'd eat some rusty gravel. Oh, man. Olivia came all the way from NYC to attend the Indiana lot of 500 at 10 roof with me. Are you kidding? I also got my best friend Sandalus, and we love Joey's Andrew Luck and Jim Merce impression, and reference it often

after a hard-to-watch Colts defeat. Man, I don't know. Did you talk to them at that party? Was I fucked up? It's been a while. It's been a while. Anyways, from these guys to another, I need your opinion on a recent trip

to Cedar Point. Well, you know I hate Cedar Point. With my girlfriend and a group of our mutual friends. I love this. Before the trip, our friends made it clear that they did not want to be in line next to a roller coaster couple. I get it.

We all hate when we're in line for a ride and look over for a couple practically going to town on each other. That's my whole life. My girlfriend and I are not a huge PDA couple to begin with and most holding hands occasionally when we're on a walk. However, at the park, our friends were giving us shit the entire day, even if I just looked at her funny or stood too close or briefly touched her back.

At the end of the day, I realized I barely even got a chance to talk or have a conversation with my girlfriend. It wasn't until the drive back to Purdue when they were asleep in the back seat. that we had a chance to actually talk to one another. They claimed their behavior was valid, but I disagree. What do you think? Where do we draw the line for being a roller coaster couple? Keep up the A-tier content for the clubhouse.

Gentlemen, lather me and relish. Lather me and relish, shove a juicy, glizzy in me, and slap my soggy buns. Taha fuck. God damn, I love him. So he went with a roller coaster couple. No. He went with his girl and a group of their friends,

and they were all desperately avoiding the roller coaster couple. but then if he would just kind of like flirt with his own girlfriend a little bit they were like oh you're the roller coaster oh no which i disagree with the friends like i i'm agreement with you laden like you got a on a long day like that at a park like that inevitably you're gonna you're gonna get a little smooch in a little smooch your girl's gonna be a little tired probably just just gonna be leaning on you lean on you a little bit like there's a difference between that just like consoling And then like being the group, being the couple that like your hands are on her ass, her hands are like up your shirt.

You're like openly making out. That's how I learned how to be romantic. Was that Cedar Point in line for the millennium force? Millennium force. Yep. I was like, okay, that's how you kiss. Got it. Yeah.

I think you're totally in the right here, man. Because like, look, you got to especially like if they aren't going with a significant other. So you, in that situation, you have to balance. have to balance say, hey, I got to, you know, be boyfriend and, and please my significant other, but then also, like, I got to be one of the friends. So you got a balancing act that they don't have. And they got to respect that. That's crazy, though. Like, hopefully your girl can understand that. Right. Because once you, once you go full boyfriend mode, like, sometimes there's no going back.

Yep. So I think your friends are in their own. Sounds like Ben does too. Last one here. That was some real advice. from Ronan Canadian listener Big fan from Vancouver These guys are MF Global Big fan of Joey from your impressions And only met Ben from this podcast Belovest stuff too

My questions are What would be your baseball walk What the hell Do you this? I swear we already did this We've done Ronan right Did we do Ronan? We did oh shit

We did Ronan my bad Yeah we did do that Holy shit All right now All right let's do another one here Not a hot take from Mav is there anything worse than a mid-workout poop? This is why this podcast exists.

You go ahead. I want to hear yours first. I've never had to do that because I don't eat before I work out. But you got to go immediately. I've done it, but like, you just got to, you can't, you can't work out with shit going on in you. No, that's, yeah. Like bending over, like with weights while you kind of have to shit is, wild.

You're already uncomfortable while you're working out because you're working out. Throw some shit on top of that. Horrible. At the first, I usually like shit before I even go. Like even if I don't really have one,

I'm like, might as well try. Yeah, gotta get them out. Because like the thing that would, we're getting down the weeds here, but like the thing that would bother me about it is like if you're sweating and shit and then you like got to go

and then like you're wiping and taking care of it. Like that's, you know? And that's just a lot. So I was like, I'd rather get it out of the way. So then I'm good. I know, but you got to get it out. And if you have to, you go mid-workout.

But it's the weight room bathrooms that are just a jail cell. You know, you're like, I'm sitting on this. You got to get out of there quick, dude. And every time you, like, do the mid-workout shit, you're like, did it all come out? There's still some in there? Have a little toot when you're doing a little squat that makes you think. Wait a minute.

Wait a second. Did I finish the job? job. Do you have to go to check? Do I go round two? Am I just here to shit? Am I here to work out? Well, yeah, see, you have three coffees in the morning. Then you go work out and that makes you have to shit and then you're just shitting. But everybody has headphones in. So you're good to go.

Oh, dude, you can do whatever in there. And the gym is the spot where you can. It's the only place where you can openly fart and be like, sorry, dog. I mean, it is, it is what it is in here. You can't like go to whole foods and just fart like that. But if you go to the, if you go to a gym, LA Fitness? Open fart policy for me. I've been thinking, yeah, dude, it's like, but every time I do, I swear, I swear right after like some chick walks right in front to get the weights that I might just put down. I'm like, oh my God, cropped us and this chick didn't even mean to at all, you know,

like you always think that you're being sneaky and then always somebody hops right in or gets right in the way or like comes up to talk to you. It's always the hot girl too. Actually, if you want to talk to a hot girl just for fart. That's a new play. Figured it out. Nobody's giving you any attention. At the club? At the bar? Just fart, dude. They'll come right

up to you and be like, what the fuck? It's a natural aphrodisiac. Yep, just fart. What happens from there? That's on you. But you want to get the attention and coming your way? Just let a rip. Yeah. It doesn't matter what you're wearing. You don't have to worry about your clothes. You got game.

It doesn't matter. You got a pickup line. Don't worry about it. Just eat a glizzy. Just eat some chos. Let her go. Eat some chos and suck an L2. Sucking L2 on them. All right.

Back. Back. So back. Summer break is over. Back. These guys are here. Hall day. We're getting into it.

We're getting the holiday boys. Getting the candy corn fucking peanut M&M's coming out. Holiday horrors are back. Spooky's right around. I mean, it's here, man. We're here for the hall. And hell yeah, we're glad that you guys missed us. We're glad that you're still going to be rocking with it.

And yeah, man, we'll be back next week. Get some tickets in the description of the pod. Grab some merch on my site. Pull up to the shows on Joey's site. And we will talk to you next week. Bye-bye. See you next time. See you.

These guys. Bye-bye.