THESE GUYS! - Tom Cruise Can't Enter Amusement Parks

Episode Date: October 25, 2022

On this episode Ben and Joey talk about how emptying your bathroom trash into your actual trash is dehumanizing🔔 YouTube https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCks0zMVeSNG0TJVxWKpjwsw

Hey, weirdos. Welcome to these guys. Hey, it's giving like they drink too much coffee in the morning. By the way, where'd you get this? Starvation? No, no, which one? Where the hell did you?

Your garage? Yeah. This went right downstairs, you know? Do you know they're closing that one? Good. Nothing deserves to be closed more. No. No, that's not an area for that.

It ain't it, bro. Oh, geez. Bro, it's too much going on in there. Too much. Chaos. Imagine managing that place. Imagine being one of the people who goes into the Starbucks on the circle and plops up the laptop and tries to fire up some work in there and that closet space. Yeah, right, man.

People work. You got to have space and a coffee shop. We used to put some hours in at Starbucks. Yeah, but we'd go to the dope. that would have like a living room essentially so we could just fucking kick our feet up at that one no way what is happening in there it's like doing work

in a chucky cheese it's an anxiety attack is what it is waiting to happen Starbucks are hard to work in because we'd see I would sit in there for like four hours editing something and like they crank the AC you know yeah so it's like it's like 20 degrees in Starbucks at all time

you wouldn't notice because you're always in and out but if you sit in there for a while bro good they kick you out Makes you more productive. All right. We were singing, one is all it takes. Fall in love with me.

Possibility. It was a TikTok trend where they're doing the Duelipa dance because she's just up on stage like not giving a shit right. Yeah. And it made me think of first. I was like,

oh, you know what? I was like, been in Dua, they'd go pretty well together. But then I got to thinking, I was like, if Ben and Duelipa showed up on like a red carpet together,

everybody'd be like, whose brother and sister is this? I've never heard her talk. I've only heard her sing. That's true, me either. Is there like, is there a Dua Lipa, like, interview clip? We can see real quick.

We gotta get to the bottom of this. You know she's got to have, like, a pretty sexy accent, right? I really don't know anything about it. I don't know either. You just brought her up a minute ago as the first time I ever saw her. Are you serious?

You looked her up, but that was the first time you've seen her? Yeah. I think I saw, like, a clip. The first time I really, like, paid attention. That's a really good point, though. Never heard her talk. Only heard her sing. Here we go. Doeliepe interview. Get in on the, oh, wow, with Jimmy Fallon. Got to be a whole lot of laughing, a whole lot of energy going on there. It's going to be a whole lot of... Oh, go to the search questions, the wired one. My bad. Oh, sorry, Wyatt. No, you're good. That one will work. Doolipa answers the web's most searched questions. God, that'd be terrifying to have to do that, you know?

If you're that big of a celebrity. I've never seen this shit. Most certain questions. I don't understand how you're so like in on the culture, but you're so out of it. Who watches this shit? Every, I mean like, at least like aware of it. No, no clue what this is. Knew it.

New that's how she's going to talk. Oh, God. Most burning questions for Dula Lipa. No way. There's no way it's real. Albanian. Not weird. Just...

Duolipa. Her name has to be longer than that. Also... They shorten down both parts of her name. It's like duatala Lipidlama. Right. You know?

And they're just like, duolipa is fine. More marketable. More marketable. Yeah. Make it quick. Make it short. I know that you're not going to have any idea about this,

but that first time that you found out that like majority of Hollywood A list, B list actors or whatever, it's not there really. name. It ruined me. Absolutely insane. Right? Like Jennifer Anderson's like Jennifer

on a stockinous. No! No! Is there a list that says? Celebrities stage names? Celebrities with a... I think Will Ferrell's real name is like Mike or John.

No. Yeah, swear to God. This is Nicky's... Oh, Nika. Emma Stone. Read them all. off. Olivia Wilde.

Olivia Jane Cockburn. Bree Larson is Brianne. Sidani. Des Saloniers. Bro, I hate this. Emma Stone. Emily. Wow.

I wonder why, like, what was the marketing PR firm that was like, you know what? You know what? Actually, Emily is not it. We're going to go with Emma. Right? They have this huge presentation.

They're like, okay, we're moving off of Emily. And she's like, okay, yeah, what is it? What is it going to be? When do they get them? Like, when do they... It's like when they're five? I don't know. Tom Cruise's real name? Not Tom Cruise.

It's just not Tom Cruise. Cardi B's real name is Bill Callis Marlinus Almansard. That could play. That could play online. What are they thinking? That's he... I think Brad Pitt's that way, too. Yeah, like all the major ones. I hate it so much. All the major players.

Billy Eilish, what's her? She has pirate in her name? Why isn't that the name? They miss, bro. Just call her Billy Pirate. I mean, look how she dresses. It would have been more on brand. Stevie Wonder.

Steveland? Did not, that one's, I did not know that one. Stevelyn Judkins, Stevie Wonder. We're just ruining everybody's Tuesday right now. Tina Faye. Elizabeth Faye. How do you get Tina out of that? Stamatina is her middle name.

I love this one. Bono from you too. Just like a classic, you know, one of those so, so famous people that they only have to go by one name, right? And then it's just Paul. Lateral move. Love it. Christopher. See that, you know, you can get kid out of Christopher. I get that.

Vin Diesel. Vin Diesel. Mark Sinclair. It was like, he looked at it and was like, what do I have to do to get my name to not sound like an accountant. Dude, Sinclair's kind of hard. But Mark? Mark Sinclair.

The combination. Vin Sinclair, not bad though. But then it like runs into one. Vincent Claire? He's like, I want the most like. Yeah, dude. Diesel. Diesel.

Okay. Diesel. Dude, I grew up with a kid whose first name was diesel. What? What happened to him? I don't know. Actually, he was a little brother. of a kid that I used to play baseball with.

Diesel Duncan. Yeah, you got to watch out for that when you're naming your kid something badass. Pretty hard name. Yeah, I mean, that's a lot to live up to. Yeah. This is this girl I used to work with at the restaurant. Her name was Jewel. Mm.

Like the singer. Yeah, but I mean, I mean, you've got to be like really hot. Your name's Jewel. Really? I think so. Hey, my name's Diamond. I just look like shit. It's like, bro, you need to live up to your name.

Kids name's diesel. Like, you better be hitting like 30 home runs a year. Yep, yep. Like, your parents are putting some pressure on you. Diesel, just straight playing linebacker. Yeah, you can't, you can't be an integrated marketing specialist named Diesel. It's like, hey, bro, you chose the wrong career here. Or just be like the actors and change your name.

How about just Dave, you know? What's up, David? At graduation. Diesel. Diesel Mark Duncan. Diesel? You got to be something, bro. It's like, yeah, I don't know.

I just, you know, Dave is more me. Dave's more me. Dude, I got a, I got an Instagram comment that was like, it was from the Guwanky video that we shot that one day. And they were like, yo, you should check out his YouTube. Kyle Andrew Braun on YouTube. him up. He has a YouTube? I guess so. How many subscribers are we talking here? I don't know. Kyle Andrew Braun. I think he's like active on shit on social media and stuff, but he just doesn't,

I've hit him up and I'm like, bro, come on the show. Hey, going back to last month of Indiana. People are searching. It's going to be your video, bro. Look, look at all these. No, I think if you type one that doesn't, if you type it in, oh yeah, go to like that. Dude, look like cartoon. I think he sings. So Kyle Andrew Braun, Indiana land guy Hey, we were talking about last name, no. Three, three, or last week, three names. Three names, you can see the shit. Or...

Or a piece of shit. This is from nine years ago. Do we want this from something more recent? Dang, nine years ago? Nah. 101 subscribers, all right. It looks like that's all he's got. Two bids.

Damn, two bids, 101 subscribers. Look at you, man. Let's just hear a little tune from them. I miss them. What's that? Dang, I don't know, man. What do you mean? Something went wrong here for Kyle.

Some went awry. Dude, everybody asked me, they're like, is he still alive? I'm like, that's not a good question. So this is pre-glawn. Pre-glawn, right? Yeah, definitely pre-glon. What's up?

YouTube and People's of the Interwebs What's name is brown? Brown Damn, just straight up calling us out right up the bat For 20 years of my life People have Mispronounced it

So I kind of Given up Trying to correct people Wrong spelling Dude I was gonna say at that point Do you just like Do you just give in and just go with Braun Or you change your name

happen to tell someone about this video or channel whatever else. This is every YouTube video. All right. All right. I thought I would share a little song. You got to start with a song. This is spent. Every YouTuber is just explaining their name for three minutes.

Every one of them. Oh, my God. Damn, I don't know, man. I think I think we're in a bad territory here, honestly. I think we got to let Mr. Brown be. Mr. Brown. And we got to focus. We got to let pre-glonk be pre-glonk,

and we just got to focus on post-clunk. We're in the PG era. PG zone. I did want to hear something, but he was never going to say. He was never going to say. I mean, it's a nine-minute long video. He just goes, he just talks until eight minutes.

Oh my God, dude, three months ago. Somebody said this is glonky. Yes. How about him just being out there all, messed up like that. Like at what time was like noon? Oh yeah. I'm literally like a Tuesday.

Damn, man. You might have like... It's time for you to make a comeback. Ten months ago. I've been searching for Indiana, man. Can you... I ruin this kid's life. I was gonna say, man.

Look, look, look. I finally found you, Indiana. I'm pretty fine. Oh my God. Hello, Glunky. But you know what? I got to give it to Kyle Brown here. When we interviewed him, when you interviewed him, he was very glonky, but he seemed to be happy. Yeah, as fuck.

That's why it's so awesome. He's like, I don't know, dude. Damn, Maya. Totally different than this than pre-glank. Yeah, I don't know. Too many people. One last person called him Braun instead of Brown. He's like, that's it.

Fuck, man. That's tough. Anyways. Yeah, do a leap I think. I'm thinking sister vibe. It's more sister vibe, dude. Yeah, I think so, too. It would just make too much sense if you guys were talking about you and do a leap of dating.

Like, if you guys were together, make too much sense. I wonder how tall she is. I'm going to look it up. she's pretty tall. It seems like it would be one of those things where everybody's like, whenever there's like a really beautiful couple, everybody's like, wow,

they're stunning, they are so beautiful, they are just incredible, but then behind the back, they're all like, if they have kids, they might cancel each other out. What do you mean?

Kids might be fucked up. Do you think about that sometimes? Kind of. Like two like all-star ass people have a kid? Yeah. I'm like, uh, yeah,

there's going to be something wrong with that kid. Not like wrong, but just like, there's no way that kid's going to be as good looking, right? Why not? If two killer, I just, I just think eventually sometimes, like, the jeans cross where they just cancel each other out instead of meshing together. So instead of taking the best from each, they just hit each other and they cancel out,

and then it just kind of becomes the worst of each. I always think about that with, like, two, like, Olympians. Right. Yeah. I'm like, that kid's going to be, like, way too strong. He's going to have, like, heart problems or some shit. Or he's just not going to be an athlete at all. That's true.

Nobody ever does what their parents do well. Sometimes. You were coaching. Do a leap of 5-8. I can never tell because like 5-8, when you see a woman, that's 5-8, you're like, wow, she is very, very tall. You see a guy that's 5-8. You're like putting your hand on his forehead, like fucking bullying him.

5-8 woman, you're like, that's a model. 5-8 guy, you're like, that's just Brad. He finally had a growth spurt to make him a least respectable. 5-8.8s. Because he was 4.5.8's in different worlds, dude. He was 4-7 until sophomore year at high school. Girls put heels on? Girls are like 6'4 walking around.

Yeah. Like, God, don't look at my bald spot while you're up there. Do you ever sometimes just absolutely thank the heavens that you're, you know, both of us are about a solid 6'4-6-1? I don't know how I would make up. up for it. I'd have to get it like a huge truck or something. You know, if you're five, like, I get it. Shortman syndrome has to get a big diesel truck. I'm like, I mean, got to do something.

Got to turn head somehow. Make some noise somewhere because they ain't hearing you all the way down there. God, if we were five, it would be so much funnier. Look at us just towering over, just being lame as shit. I don't think so. Not even town. That's what's funny about like a list actors too, you know? Like you see them on screen. You're like, whoa, these are these big movie stars. They're literally like five, six. Oh, everybody's so much shorter.

Yeah. You see them in real life. You're like, should I stuff you into a locker? Yeah. You want a swirly, Tom Cruise? Can jump over Brad Pitt. Brad Pitt is like one of the ones that's like actually kind of hard.

Yeah, I'm running my mouth. Yeah. Be careful now. Hey, that's my fucking boy. All right. But yeah, Tom Cruise. That's so funny. Mission Impossible, yeah.

Mission Impossible when you try to reach for a cup in the cabinet. Oh, God, this guy. Mission Impossible trying to ride a roller coaster. He must be this tall. Oh, shit. Most successful actor in the history of the world. Yeah, not at King's Island. Tom Cruise may be worth 60.

billion dollars, but he can't ride the vortex. He is not the beast. It's like a make a wish thing. You're like a win a day with Tom Cruise. They're going to an amusement park. People don't even enter because I can't even enjoy the day with them. That's your thing, yeah. Hey, we can do anything you want.

You have some weird ass disease, anything you want. You're like, I want to go to amusement park. He's like, fuck! Just not that. Anything else but that. Tom Drew's trying to get on a roller coaster. Dun dun dun no no no no. He's in the seat.

The leg bar. Going down under the aisles. Like, you know, when they have the bars that separate the aisles for you to get in the seats. So, yeah. And he just, everybody's like, you see everybody like, whoa, what, what the hell? Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. He's just fucking crawling around down there. Hanging from the ceiling from a wire.

I haven't been to a music park in a long time. Never going back. Why not? It's just over for you? Yeah, man. Yeah, unless I had like a family, I guess. Bro, I get motion sickness in the front seat of a car if I'm not driving. Can't do face off any.

anymore. I figured out, like, if you just scream on a roller coaster, you don't get sick. Ooh, that's a good call, actually. So, like, when you're driving, just driving to fucking Kroger to pick up something. Buffalo chicken dab. Dude, if I did that in the front seat of the car with Riley driving, she would literally pull over on 465 and kick me into oncoming traffic. Sounds good.

Don't tempt me with a good time. If I'm ever riding with you guys, just screaming. in the whole way. But seriously, when you're up on the top of the hill and you're getting ready to go down, you know that feeling where it'd like take your stomach, right?

Oh, yeah. If you just scream, though, it lets out all of that and it's fun. Adrenaline and energy and it feels better. You're right.

You're right. I didn't know. That's like a roller coaster hack. The sun is just absolutely killing me. I'm sorry. I'm sweating. Hey, you better will fresh prints your hat,

bro. Block that sun. You might fuck up your headphones. Your cans. Not near. enough. Yeah, you got to go all the way, bro. Yeah, like, the first time you did it,

you were like, all right, moved it an inch. I was like, that's not going to fuck. You need a full umbrella, dude. He moved it a centimeter. I was like, a little more hat. A little more.

You need the Bill Murray Space Jam umbrella hat, bro. Oh, that shit. How comfortable would that be, though? They got a hot day. A man in the bleachers? So sunny at baseball games. Everybody else is dying. You're just like,

What's up? Colbert. Yeah, if you're the vendor wearing one of those, best job ever. Oh, my dream job. Dude, look how big that. Oh, I always wanted a big Nike umbrella. Look at that fucking thing.

Bro, how annoying is it when football coaches turn, like, when they're like trying to make, you know, Oh, yeah. Everybody feeling so cool. Everybody, Mr. Right? They're like, dude, they're like, hey, you come in, everybody thinking they're so cool. And you turn their hat.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. We're one and four. Ooh. Yeah, you think you're big time? Oh, Mr. And they turn their hat, and it's like, they always turn it like this as if anybody wears their hat like this. It's so true, though. Cool coach.

The we need to get back to the fundamentals coach. That's what he's going to say, right? Why is it always we need to get back to the fundamentals? fundamentals. Also. It's like, coach, we just suck. The most, you know, putting. We need to learn how to run again.

I'm like, oh. Putting fun in front of that. The least fun thing ever is fundamentals. Back to the fundamentals. Fundamentals. More like, born tomentals. That's when you know your team's ass when you're coach. I say back to the fundamentals every two weeks.

I'm like, no. Oh my God. We have to do the, uh, hey, you know, it starts, you, you do the little things right. And then the little things become big things. Okay, well, us pick up the trash out the ground. They're going to change the fact that we pick up. How you do anything is how you do everything.

Almost got that tatted last week. Wyatt said that like he said that to someone before. Us picking up trash on the ground, dude. Hey, you have a messy space. You know, that reflects. Don't shit where you eat, fellas. Dude, picking up the trash. Yeah.

JV. Our quarterback's 5-8 and our running back runs a 5-2-40. Biggest O-Lignment we have weighs like 205 pounds. I don't think it's a trash. I don't think he's picking up all the bottles under the bleachers at JV practice coach. Coach, we know. Got to get back the fundamentals. Let's get six of our O-Line and to pick up the turf on the ground.

Clean this place up. That's part of the fundamentals is cleaning this freaking place up. Coach, we know you're just humming. over his shit and you don't want to do anything else. So you're trying to teach us a lesson. Well, the staff goes getting donuts. So funny. Puffing their chest.

I hate that. Dude, I hate every coach. You were a coach. I know I hated myself. But I wasn't really a coach. I was just kind of the guy that, like, relayed the messages to the, to the team. You're the middleman.

I wasn't like bossing them around. I was just like, yeah, the coaches are pissed. Like, you might as well just fucking like do this shit right. Yeah. Like, I'd have to put it in their terms. Right. Every staff needs one. I mean, really.

For being honest. Like, we did it. It was that guy. They're like, coach, uh, whenever I had to like go on the dry race board and write something up, I'd be like, oh my God, bro. Like, this is not my job. I don't know. I was just showing you Mario Manningham from 05, Michigan at the big house.

I was like, what coverage are they playing coach? And you're like, soft cover too. You knew. Couldn't wait for you to. You knew. You absolutely knew. Yeah, and like we're saying, I love that. Every broadcast, every fucking chance that someone gets on defense, like if they blow a coverage.

You see, he thought he had help over the middle of the field. It's like, did he or did you just fuck up? Gotta blame it on somebody else. You see, he's playing the boundary. He thinks he's got over. the top help here. No guy in like a film room has ever been like, yeah, coach, that's on me. It's always like, oh, I thought because he rolled down and he was going to come up that

he had my back and I was going to get the flutons. It's always like some crazy shit. And then that's when one of the coaches, they have something that's like they ring the dumb, dumb bell every single time you make a mistake. Mental errors. Dumble. Loafing. We're loafing. That's a loaf. dude while the coach is wearing loafers just loafing everywhere no loafers around coach that doesn't allow loafers hey not even on my feet nobody's a bigger piece of shit than a coach watching film dude dude what they wear oh no shorts no fucking shower their ass is just melting in their seat dude they're that wearing wearing fucking thong flip flops hairy is hell everything's so

hairy. They got the shortest like shorts that they give to you at the beginning of the year. They're like, they champion. Give out the practice package shorts. Yeah, they're like mesh. But they're from like 1996. They're wearing a polo that doesn't even match the shorts. No one wear polo and shorts. Coaches do that. This is a weird thing. Yeah. It's like, hey, all football coaches, you can't wear a polo and then mesh shorts. Polos goes with like khaki shorts. Right. Yeah. At least have some respect. for the outfit. If you're going to do that, throw on the khakis or the khaki shorts.

The amount of donuts. Like more toenails ripped off or fucked up than the regular ones there. Fucking Restless Leg Syndrome gone. Dip. I didn't used to have Russell's Leg syndrome. Now I for sure do, bro. My leg's a machine gun. Yeah.

I remember you used to get on me about that. I'd be like, yo, chill out. Like if we were up at 609, adding a video, in mine, I just wouldn't even notice. I just be, like, doing that. Whole apartment would be shaking. I was like, I need to call, like, the guy downstairs. Everything's okay.

Editing a video up here. Now it's me. Why? Why do you think? I don't know. A little anxious? Too much golfy? Probably not enough.

You need to go over the top, so just to do. Stop drinking express. I might be having withdrawals. Sorry, I didn't get you pumpkin in there. No, it's okay. I didn't want it. Okay. Yeah.

You didn't request it, but I was like, yeah, I know you mentioned a couple of couple weeks ago and so I was at the register and I was like do I throw in the kind of the the you know unash or pumpkin pump no we didn't do it either way it would have been a good move but I usually go two I go two a day two pikes two two venty pikes yeah and then uh one of them I might get pumpkin if I'm feeling sexy coffee is a nice guy there's nothing better than that the feeling sexy coffee though like if you get a hot one to feeling sexy coffee, it doesn't stay hot anywhere near as long as like a pike.

A pike will literally burn your fucking lips off for three hours. It'll be that hot for three hours. You get a chai or like a fall drink, like a pumpkin spice latte or a thing. Room temp in six minutes. By the time you drive to the coffee shop back, you're like, I guess I'm putting this in the microwave.

Have you put coffee in the microwave? I think it's so weird. I mean, if it's lukewarm, not even lukewarm, I'm like, yeah, I got half a cup left. I guess I might as well. Dude, coffee just taking over the world. Yeah. It's really weird when you think about it. When I used to work at Lids, like 9 to 5, I would just take down so much.

I used to make coffee, like, for my, I'd probably two pots, bro. Oh, yeah. There's nothing else to do. I remember the first time that we, like, met to talk about doing espresso shit. You're like, yeah, that's me, Starbucks was like, all right. I don't really like coffee, but like Starbucks is cool. We go there. You're like, you want like a pike?

I was like, not going to say no because I knew you'd make fun of me or something. So you just gave me that and I was like choking it down. We get up to the apartment. My leg is twitching going crazy. I feel like I'm going to get sick, like throw up. Really? That's what was really going on? Yeah.

Oh my God. You remember those first times you've had coffee like that? And like it's like, and of course I probably hadn't like had breakfast or anything. And so, like, I was feeling like, I was like, oh, God, am I sick? It just, I just had too much coffee. But it was like a grunt. It was a small amount, I think. I don't know.

But, yeah, but then I was like, oh, wait a second. Then we just kept doing it. It was like, yeah, all right. Coffee's cool. Coffee's good. Joke it down. Coffee's cool. Coffee's good.

First time I had coffee, I felt so drunk. I was like, I like it. It's like when you have your first dip. I was out of this fucking world, bro. It wasn't a venti espresso with like 16 shots in it though. So it makes sense. Gunner Olshevsky gave Claypool, Chase Claypool, a celebratory dip in a locker room. So I messaged Gunner and I was like, what was the dip?

What kind? What are we talking about? And what happened to him? Yeah. And he said, hold up. I was just like, I got to know. What kind do you give Claypool? And he said, God damn it.

Of course Here we go Sorry for all listeners out there Going through all my photos and everything I said gotta know What kind of chawl How'd you spell that C-H-A-W

Yeah I know What kind of chaw do you give Claypool He said the good stuff Copenhagen Long Cut original Wow That's the first dip ever I was like yeah That's like farmer dip

That is tobacco And he just did it and nothing happened to him. He took it like a champ, but like I saw other reports that said like it didn't go so well. Who's reporting on that? Dude, that's the shit. NFL reporters are report on anything, man. I'm sure somebody will pick up from this, like we put this clip out. Somebody like pick it up and put it in a story.

Like it's making its rounds about Chase Claypool. He'll still be getting asked about it on like Friday. He's like, he's just one dead. Still thrown up. No, he's addicted now. Yeah. He's a celebratory. That doesn't make any sense.

That's like a punishment. I mean, if you see Gunner, Olshefsky, it makes sense. He's, like, the most cowboy, like... You know, those, like, tan kind of, like, cowboy jack? Look at this, dude. I'm picking up on the mic, bro. Don't mind it, everybody. It's not the door knocking.

I know your dog just went insane because of that. It's not the door. It's just Ben's leg. But, yeah, you see Gunner. He's got, like, long hair. Where's cowboy had all the time? Boots all the time with his jeans. that's so uncomfortable

so you know he's always got the guys that always were the chal on him oh the the engraved circle in his back pocket you ever had I'm like I've like PTSD I'm like traumatized from dip cans

why because I'll like I'll put like some mince in my pocket it just looks like I'm can around a fucking fat can of dip with me like no these are ice breakers I don't think anybody everybody will look at your teeth

and be like yeah he doesn't dip it's all right gotta save the teeth by the way I need to throw some white strips in every three week kind of thing. Really? It's an everyday thing for the white strips? Oh, no.

Because one time I put so many, I was doing white strips so much, dude. My teeth turned like clear. You know? I was going to say, you have to mess up with the enamel or something on your teeth? I don't know. Somehow I'm getting away with it. Probably because I don't know. But, yeah, my teeth were like translucent.

Nice. My teeth were red because I used. use so many white strips. Just the fucking ruse. Yeah, I just was like, hi. Just nothing there, bro. Clear teeth. As soon as you drank one sip of wine. Just red. Red teeth, bro.

And like, they were so sensitive. Oh, shit. This Mike just hit me in the face. Yeah, three weeks probably good. That makes sense. Three weeks, bro. Get your enamel back. You're ripping your shit out. If you're putting the white shirts on it, right? Here's a white strips hack. Before you put them on. Because you put white strips, the first time I had a white strips experience. I was like, this is, this sucks because they're sliding

around. I don't know if they're getting on my teeth or not. I don't want to like one to like slide down. I got a one yellow tooth. It's like my worst nightmare. Your Edron James, bro. You got the gold tooth. But, uh, okay, so you dry your teeth off with like your bathroom towel. Getting dry as shit. Throw the white strips on. They're, they're not going anywhere, bro. God, I would hate that. Ripping it off. No, the towel texture in your mouth. It feels good. It's not that bad. It's not that bad. Dry ass towel in your mouth?

No, it's not. On the teeth, it's soft. Still, man. Get like, I'd rather do toilet paper, I think. Or a paper towel. Paper towel is like a nice. The towel's right there is a convenient thing. Right by the sink, you always got a towel.

I mean, you could take one step behind you and get the toilet paper. That's a little too much. Go to the kitchen to get the paper towels. That is off. I mean, paper towel. towels are a luxury. Like if I waste one too many paper towels, I'm like, that's on me. Fuck.

Because, dude, paper towels. Once I started buying paper towels, I was like, I'm different now. I went into a different class of income when I started buying paper towels. Right, like your parents, your dad comes down. My parents didn't even buy paper towels. Well, that's I'm saying. Your dad comes over to like see the place. Is it notices you have paper towels? Well,

you're doing okay, B. Yeah, doing okay, B. Why don't you start paying for your own cell phone? Who's paying for their own cell phone, though? I don't think anybody is. I don't think, dude, if I was like, hey, dad, I'm going to start paying for my own cell phone. He'd be like, shut the fuck up. That's like half the reason they keep you on the plane is just to talk to you.

Yeah. Be able to have a reason to send you a, hey, can you send me this month's phone bill? Hey, what's up? You want to get some food? If not, they're not just going to hit you up out of nowhere. Who's paying for their own phone? Who's paying for their own cell phone and who's paying for parking tickets? he's paying for parking

come on bro not me there needs to be like there has to be some leeway there what i'm parking if you

there needs to be like a 10 to 12 minute leeway like if you're just going into Starbucks or a coffee place whatever getting your mobile order or you're running in and you know

coffee place is quick like you get you in you're out you get your stuff you come back I've gotten hit with that multiple times for somebody's literally Like writing my stuff down? I'm like, I literally was just going, like I went in, I got my coffee, I'm coming out. They're like, sorry, you got to, got to put in the time.

I'm like, it's 12 cents. You can't reason with the parking ticket people. One time I did and it was like a really cool. I don't know. I couldn't tell if he like maybe followed us or me or something, you know what I mean? But like I went out and I was like, oh man, you're getting me. I had Starbucks in my hand. He like looked at me, looked at the car, looked at me again.

He was like, do you just go in and get those? I was like, yeah, he's like, it's Labor Day weekend. You're good. What the fuck? I was like, what are now? I was like, all right. Thanks, man. Then every other time, people, I'll just be like, come on.

It's literally 20 cents if I put it in there. Like, it's more of a hassle for everybody. If I stop, put in the number, put my card in, whatever the fuck, for 20 cents to go to Starbucks for eight minutes to get my drink. There's got to be. You're like, sorry, got to feed the tab. Got to feed the tab. Like, it's a living thing.

Shut the fuck. up. You got to feed the meter. Feed the meter like it's going to die. Get it a cake pop. This meter's passing out, man. We need it. We need something.

Give it something. Ambulances pulled up. What's going on? Everybody all right? Put a meter on a stretcher. God, the thing hasn't been fed in months. Got to take care of the meters.

What's his feeding? Yeah. What's his feeding schedule? Like, I don't know. Sometimes I forget to do it when I just run in for Starbucks. Nope. That's what's killing it. I'll do this thing where I'll be in Starbucks

like waiting for my mobile order like oh shit you know checking my car double taken double taking shut they're out there I don't know I'll do this thing and I start like honking my horn just in case to write it down like oh he's coming yeah yeah yeah like if they're like in sight and I like can't see my car I'm like

like yeah they get it or maybe they scare them oh god then they give you two tickets fuck him You remember this time? Like, you probably never did that because your dad, I don't even know what he would do. But sometimes I would do that. Like, if I was sitting in the front seat when I was like 12 or 13 or 24.

And my dad was driving and he, like, forgot something in the house. Go run in real quick. And then, like, right was he was right in front of the car. Fucking, mhm. Oh, bro. Oh, my God. Get him pretty good. I still wouldn't have my phone if I did that to my dad.

I'd still be grounded. And your dad, he wouldn't even. even jump. He'd be like, he would just stop, look at you. The Rocky music was playing his head. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, nah, I'd be like, what the f. Bro, one time I tried to trip my dad on some funny shit. Mm-hmm. Was not a good idea. I was like, oh, my God. I don't think, yeah, doing any kind of funny shit to your dad is a good idea. It's always in coach mode. Yeah. At least, like, my dad, he'd probably be pissed but like he would at least try to like counteract the bit right you were doing it then he

would try to want up yeah or come back later on yeah and like he would kind of be you know you could kind of feel the venom in his voice a little bit like he's a little pissed the venom right you can tell when like your dad or superior is like they're trying to have fun to go along with it but like they're pissed it's so funny no dude that's it hurts but it feels good scaring your dad Dude, I think about it sometimes already of how, like, shit, like, got Frank. Hopefully we have, you know, a few more kids or whatever. And I'm just like, I mean, because every time my family gets together and we get together often, it's like nothing but just a roast session of my dad. That's every family.

It's so much fun. It's so much fun. I'm like, damn, it's going to be me, man. It's so easy to do it. But also, like, I'm kind of excited. Yeah. Well, you'll be able to get them back. But sometimes dad, you don't want to get them back, you know?

Have fun. Gross me. you know somebody does it to the mom takes a step too far oh when you start getting the mom hey that's when shit started if they don't care uh it's always mean actually fun's over if you take it a step too far with mom because then dad gets pissed you know no dad plays into it and then mom's pissed at dad and then dad has to act dad's even more that's different the rest of the night dad's washing dishes and shit doesn't talk for three hours three days uh yeah that's the other night on Easter. Yeah, your mom's still a little fed up about that.

Why, moms are so mad. And that's so funny. And now that I'm married, it's like, you can, you know, growing up, like, you know, you know something was kind of off. And like you said, but you wouldn't really know what happened. And then, yeah, you'd get your dad alone. And you'd be like, what's going on? He'd be like, taking too far with that one-liner about your mother two days ago.

It's been rough ever since. You're like, oh, God. You know it's slap, though, at the get-together. It slapped so hard. everybody was quiet. That's when you know. Those are the best family gave together,

man, when somebody, like, you never know who's getting roasted, you just show up and maybe it could be you. But, like,

if you're in on somebody else and everybody's just fucking bringing heaters, everybody's just got their flame throw her out, man. You're getting hurt, bro. But there is always that one family member, whether it's a younger sister,

a cousin, whoever that, like, gets their feelings hurt way too easily. And they're like, you got to just play. along with it. It's big vibe kill. You gotta be able to roll

with the punches. Roll with the punches. Where did that originate, you know? Somebody just getting their head fucking beat in. It's like a chapter in every book too. Chapter title, Rolling with the punches.

Every book ever has that chapter. Rolling with the punches. That could be a title of the book. Just a guy. Hey, hey, a guy sitting there like this. What's the book about, is about a guy that like boxed?

Oh, yeah. For sure. Hey, what should we call this thing? Hey, I got one. Sitting like this. I'm like they have, you know, like a fucking stool in front of them. And the cover is just then. Boxing gloves hanging in the background.

By the laces that aren't even on boxing gloves anymore. Are they? Every boxing glove I've ever seen is laced together with another one, like their shoe strings. They just slide those bitches on now. Like they're fucking Iron Man. The things they have to do to boxers. hands before they box. Crazy.

That's too much shit. The fact that boxing is still around. Oh, isn't that weird? Everybody loses their mind about two getting a concussion, but meanwhile, they're like doing a promo for UFC 296. Kick him in the head, finish him. What is the difference? Like, at least this dude has a helmet on to, like, throw flags.

Literally, what you're promoting, they're trying to kill the guy. But everybody, that's all right? What don't we get here? Right now, two is down. We'll be back after the break. This weekend. Roll with the punches. Cuck, Cod, Cod.

On UFC 296. Oh, my God. He knocked him out. Eight o'clock on ESPN. All right, we're back to the game. A very unfortunate scene to a Taga Vailoa down on the field. took an ugly shot to the head. We won't show it, though.

Right after showing all the clips of a dude just getting beat to hell in his head. UFC 96. When are they going to stop counting for UFC? I think about that was Super Bowls. UFC 7,842. That's why I like, like, I do respect that, like, the NBA finals and the World, like, the World Series is just the World Series, you know? Like, it's not World Series 124. Like the Super Bowl, I mean, when we get to like for a round like Super Bowl 98, like,

I just feel like eventually it's going to be like, we're still counting them? Why don't we just the Super Bowl, you know? I like the, I didn't even think about that, the finals. It's so much cleaner. World Series. World Series, what was? National championship. Yeah, exactly.

They'd be like World Series 142. It would be like UFC. You don't forget. She's counting like that? World Series 142 at 8 and followed by UFC 296. I think that's like weight class though. Yeah, it's something weird. Not a big UFC guy.

It was never one of the like, Octagon. Like people would be like, yeah, you want to order the fights? Come over and order the fights? Well, split the fights. You want to order the fights and watch the fights? I'm all right. I'm all right. I'm all right.

I think I'm going to pass on the fights. We're going to order the fights. Big B-dubs thing. Yeah, so we're going to order some wingstop, and then we're all going to throw down on the fights. You want to order the fights? You want to pitch in for the fights? No.

I don't. Bro, I remember the whatever fight that was, everybody was like, I was even like, I wonder if I should throw in on the fight. What, Mayweather Pack? It was just something like that, yeah. Or it was like a more recent. But then like everybody bitches about it because I'm like, you realize that they're all just in business.

Like, they're in cahoots together. Yeah, they're like, let's build. It's all marketing. Let's build this up. Talk shit. Everybody will pay however. Everybody will throw in on it because they have to be in to see it. And then they'll just kind of dance around and hit each other a little bit.

They'll go out unscathed. Who cares if you win or lose? You're walking away with like $200 million. And then everybody's like, I can't believe I threw in on that fight. Did people not know? Oh my guys. This is all like, it's all set up. All boxing is is marketing.

It kind of seems like when we were younger, though, they're really beating the shit out of each other. Right. back in our day, Mike Tyson days. But getting your dad talking about Mike Tyson. Now, that's a guy who could throw a punch. Any dad. Obsess with Mike Tyson. Him in Holyfield.

That's the only thing. Bro, did your dad? My dad used to do this shit all the time. He would be like, if he was talking about, like, pitching or, like, hitting in baseball even, he would always correlate it back to Mike Tyson. He'd be like, yeah, he'd be like, you think about it. Tyson? he wouldn't just punch with the fist, right?

He wouldn't just punch with the arm. He would get the whole body from his foot. He would squish. He'd get his whole body into it. That's why it was so powerful. So when you're pitching, it's not just the arm. It's the whole body. All right, man.

I think he was just kind of a freak. Like, uh, I think you like Mike Tyson. I think you got a crush. You're going to go pull up his YouTube highlights. It's all good. I did that one time. his interview highlights top 10 Mike Tyson

moments I was definitely on my MySpace page no uh oh yeah your dad got you but it wasn't his fighting it was him like

being interviewed eating shit during interviews yeah he would literally just be like fuck off be on live TV and people would be like Mike you can't say that

Mike you be like I'm going to eat your children fuck off that's crazy dude and then like to a woman like this is insane he was literally like I usually don't

I usually don't do interview unless I phonicate before them. So you should probably stop talking. Unless you want to, you know. To the fucking woman interviewer. I'm like, that's insane. Now he's just in the hangover? Like, is he trying to make a comeback?

There's like three Mike Tyson biopics being made at the same time. Pretty excited about the Jamie Fox one, honestly. It's just so funny how, like, quickly people forget about everything that they want to forget about, right? Like Mike Tyson do that kind of shit. And then everybody's like, the face tattoo and the hangover, though. It's like, but you're throwing a fit about two. I love the face tattoo is kind of lit.

No, I know. I'm just saying it. When he got it, it was a bit. Oh, he got a fit. And all the dads were like, oh, God. What happened to R Tyson? Our, exactly. I was like, I don't know.

I kind of like it. If anybody's having a face tattoo, it's in. Mike Tyson. Any tie to Tyson chicken there? I always think about that. See him on that? Are they in cahoots? Cahooots, dude.

Can we update Cahutes? There's like 17 words that need to be updated. Cahutes, trousers. Who's saying trousers, bro? Just, dude, it'll slip out. Somebody said trousers the other day, and I was like, I know. You need some dip, too?

I always kind of thought that about, like, sneakers. Hey. Tennis shoes? When people call them tennis shoes, I'm like, Hey, what? How long did you think it was just one word, tennis shoes? I kind of... And then when he found out it was tennis shoes or like...

Oh, they get that? You thought it was one word? That sport gets that? Basketball shoes. Nobody's saying that shit. Right. How come we're wearing tennis shoes everywhere? What am I walking on clay today?

Right, exactly. Like, they deny... Sneakers. They don't deserve that designation. Sneakers got to get out of here. Trousers. Hey, hey, slacks. Yeah, you know, you wear that, nice pair of slacks?

You're looking like a gentleman. What's the one for women's, like, tops? Blouse. Dude! I hate blouse. And it's like, blouse definitely screams like a lower thing. With flower floral printing on it, it's pink, and you're a pilgrim when you wear a blouse. Not just like a shirt.

No. She was wearing, okay, and the officer. What was she? Can you give me a description? What did she have on? Yeah, she had khaki slacks and a purple blouse. They couldn't make it down near the bottom,

but I think she had some sneakers on. Ah! Cop throws up. Trousers, man. Get the hell out. Unless you're literally a farmer. Not even, dude. Unless you're like 1908, New York City,

like businessman. The piano playing, and it's like... Dada-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. And the footage is like everybody's moving a million miles an hour. Those people are wearing trousers. Us, just panaloons. Is that a thing?

Yeah, panaloons is real. Get some one right now. Jim Shark Panaloons. Oh, those are cool. Told you. Panaloon. Women's baggy trousers. Get the fuck out.

They're just recycling all the terms and the definitions. Here we go. Italian tie-in of a Venetian character in Italian comedy. Foolish old man wearing panaloons. Yeah, no shit.

Oh, so, yeah, without panelins, pants wouldn't have been a thing. Slacks. You mean slacks. I'll never forget. Like suspenders, too.

Suspenders for, uh, for weddings. It's so fucking weird. Am I? I work on the railroad? Suspenders for... I'm like, why the hell are you wearing suspenders, dude?

Where's your curled mustache? Suspenders on a bowtie. Can't wear suspenders without a bowtie. Ditt-da-da-da-da-da-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-re- all right. Feel good? Yeah. I got a piss, and your legs gone nuts. Your leg's running out of here.

These guys, episode five. Remember to subscribe on YouTube and follow us on social media. We'll be posting clips. Clips and it's on Apple Podcasts and Spotify, wherever you get your podcasts and watch us. That's half the fun of this show is watching us here at Wave 1 in the new studio set up like we're on Good Morning America. Super cool. So do that and we'll see you next. Talk to you next week.

Cheese.