THESE GUYS! - who is the AND1 guy?

Episode Date: May 28, 2025

on this pod the burpy boys take a moment of silence for the dude who sh*t his pants in hs⭐️ 𝗟𝗘𝗔𝗩𝗘 𝗔 𝗥𝗔𝗧𝗜𝗡𝗚 & 𝗥𝗘𝗩𝗜𝗘𝗪📺 𝗪𝗔����𝗖𝗛 𝗢𝗡 𝗬𝗢𝗨𝗧𝗨𝗕𝗘 https://youtu.be/xxQ75QbyHHY🧢 𝗡𝗘𝗪 𝗰𝗹𝘂𝗯𝗵𝗼𝘂𝘀𝗲 𝗺𝗲𝗿𝗰𝗵 https://benedictmerch.com/products/clubhouse-hoodie?variant=44118163914809🎟️ 𝗕𝗘𝗡𝗡𝗬'𝗦 𝗨𝗣𝗖𝗢𝗠𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗦𝗧𝗔𝗡𝗗 𝗨𝗣 𝗦𝗛𝗢𝗪𝗦Las Vegas, NV - May 24 https://www.wiseguyscomedy.com/nevada/las-vegas/arts-district/e/benedict-polizziNashville, TN - June 13-14 https://www.etix.com/ticket/e/1051364/2025-benedict-polizzi-nashville-the-lab-at-zaniesBaltimore, MD https://www.magoobysjokehouse.com/shows/317128

Did you ever look up, like when you're seeing what movies were on AMC, you'd look up and see like kind of the runtime? So then you could kind of try to at least backtrack in your head of like, okay, well, I think I only got like 40 minutes left to make this happen. You know, make my move to put my arm around her, make my move to like what, what? The first deadline in your life. I think the movie's almost over. I got to get crack in here. I got some work to do. Not bad for a fat guy.

TG-1306. Sorry for the wait Station, station, station, how about this? So? Randy Race Day? Got a few of those. Just depressed. Just in my...

Oh, come on. I have two annual depressions, and it's the week after the 500, and it's the week after Christmas. Mark it down right there. Mark it down right there. We're getting it out. We're getting it out early.

I thought about Christmas last night I think it does it does have something maybe because they're on two like different size of the year something like that it's it's been a rough go so I needed yesterday to just like I just went to

a family cook out and just ate three cheeseburgers I grilled out I grilled out yesterday stats let me hear the stats babe I did two cheeseburgers two smash burgers on the

grill, a dog, about 17 chocolate chip cookies, mac and cheese. Need deets, need deets. What went on the dog? And yeah, what went on the dog? You got me? Hold on, hold on. Bad Wi-Fi somehow. You said lemonade, what? Lemonade and then on the dog, I just slithered it and mustard. Just slather mustard. That's it. I think I, I've had more mustard than like everybody eats in their entire lifetime. I've had more in the past week. Mm-hmm. In love with mustard.

It just does no wrong. Gets better every time. I know. I can't get, I can't get sick of it. Hey, soft pretzels with mustard? It's that thing your dad did

when you're a kid and you're like, ew! Then he hit 23 years old and you're like, you know what this could use? How come you can't really put anything else on a soft pretzel, a soft pretzel at a game, only reason I'm going.

Maybe 75%. Hey, yeah. Baseball games, only reason I'm going. Soft pretzel. Soft pretz, maybe that girl's there. Baseball game. It's soft pretzel with mustard

and pizza with mushrooms. 25. That's the thing. So, yeah, so that's what's been up is I needed a day yesterday. I think we all kind of needed a day yesterday. And so now getting back into it, the Pacers lose tonight, I don't know what I'm going to do.

I'm going to be in a really, really, really bad place. But yeah, week after the 500, a couple days after the 500, that's always a real downtime in Joy Joy's world just because you're on such a high, high. I get caught up in it. I always like, I always find myself like after the race is over on Sunday night or on Monday morning. I think back to like, dang, dude, you should have been in the moment more and enjoyed it more on like Thursday at 5 p.m. Saturday. 9 a.m. You should have been in it more. It's one thing about the N,

500. It does like sneak up on you. Like, you don't really know it's going down until like 11 a.m. Like during the race, you're like, oh, it's happening.

And then it's done. Leading up to it, dude, it's done before you know it. Why does it start at like 8 a.m? I feel like it starts so early. Yeah. How was Vegas?

It was really fun. We're in like the arts district of Vegas dude just hipsters on steroids out there man it was a good time though but like everybody like I don't know 500 people I saw 500 people

475 of them had nose rings like a cartoon bowl nose ring I was like okay this is what we're doing they make good coffee here sounds good but no it was a really fun time I actually love I didn't know how I was gonna like it because Vegas is a weird place

I'm like did a nuclear bomb go off here like everything is just so I'm like it's just so packed on one street then everything else is like oh hills have eyes but yeah yeah it ended up being really fun

and a really good night but yeah loved it Vegas I'm coming back soon baby a lot of the a lot of the clubhouse came out a lot of the family and by the way sold a lot of these Hey, clubhouse hoodies, fresh.

Get them on benedickmerch.com along with, not bad for a fat guy, hats and everything else on there. And also Nashville, I'll be in your city, June 13th and 14th. And then Baltimore right after that, September 25th. Get your tics. Bennypilazzi.com. Dude, I was so, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was, I was set in traffic after the 500, right? For like two and a half hours, you know how that goes. Kind of love that.

Right, right. It has the potential to be fun, but not in the scenario I was in. Because in the scenario that I was in, I had like kind of drunk wife asleep in the front seat. It was overcast in gray. I was going back home to meet my parents who were waiting there with my two and one year old after we haven't been with them for 24 hours. And so it was just a whole lot of like, this is rough. Yeah, who am I right now? But at the same time, I did have,

I did have Rakes take to keep me company with the post-race coverage and locally here for the clubhouse. So that was nice. Sometimes it's the only thing that's holding you together is just some sports radio real quick. Just pop it on, see what's really going on. I need something neutral.

And he was so money because he, you know, obviously the whole reason they have those post-race ones is to get everybody traffic info. You know, so they have the traffic reporter. We know them, the dog, Matt Baer. We know them locally here, right? And but the whole thing was just rake tossing it to the traffic reporter. And he would do it in such, you know, rake ways where he'd just be like,

good, coming up, we got to get to a few finally crafted commercial automated messages. But before we get to that, a finally crafted commercial message from your traffic reporter Matt Baer updating you on the city streets. Matt, what he got? Dude, they're so good at it. They're so good at it. I don't think it can be any better. I don't think anybody tosses better, bro. Alex Palo's car was great in traffic, as was noted by him winning the 500. What cars aren't so great in traffic will let you know right now with Matt Baer. How's it looking out there on the gridlock Matt? Dude, the emphasis on the different words. Dude, they're so tight on radio.

You just have to appreciate it. Just no, there's not a second of silence. No dead air. Oh, man. I was just like, I couldn't wait every five minutes. You know, because traffic on the fives at 3WBC. They would do it every five minutes because there was so much backed up traffic out by the track. And so every five minute mark, I was just waiting.

How is it going to do it? How's the rate going to toss? to Matt Bear with the traffic. What's you got this time, Rick? How are you going to tie it in? How are you going to get yourself out of this little, this little pigeon hole here? Yeah, it's always,

and he did. He did every time. Not bad for a fat guy. So, that was what was getting me through. And, yeah, I just,

I just, that's, that's what I'm getting it right now, man. I'm in a weird, it's, dude, I was thinking about it.

It's like, you know, Memorial Day weekend, and that first weekend of summer break as a kid, right? That first thing about like, this is summer, bro, we're in summer. Yeah, for sure. But that's what I'm saying is that like all the excitement, like you have field day, you have the last day of school. Oh my God. This is so crazy. Oh my God. We're really leaving schools over half day. Holy cow. Oh, dude, dude. There might be a, there might be a pool party.

Everybody's going to the pool party. Holy cow. Yeah, whoa, well, the last day of school. And all of a sudden you wake up on that like official first day of summer and you're like, oh, no, what do we? you're kind of sad a little bit. You're like, what do we do? Like, it's summer, and I don't got to go to school, but now what do I do? Yeah, you're like, I got to go to a baseball camp. Yeah.

There's always something that you're like, don't want to. I'm like, damn, that was so fun leading up into it, but now that we're in it, I'm like, I love the, I don't know why that, why do they call it dog days of summer? I never really understood that. What's that even come from? I feel like this is something. you know and I just missed it.

You know? I'm always like, where did that come from? Dog days or something? What does that mean? I think it is because. Yes, you don't know either. Thank God. Thank God.

I was like, is that from a movie? Is that from like a meme? It can't be from a meme. I saw it like way too long ago. Let me see. Is it just like the Wednesday that like you don't like what you're talking about? There's like nothing to do kind of. go ahead go ahead and give me your actual yeah is that your guess is that your

I think it's just like it's a hot day out you don't have plans it's just right in the middle of the week it's like a Wednesday and you're like I guess it's just the dog days of summer bro like I don't know what to do and it's hot and everybody's kind of mad for some reason your mom's really mad okay that's my definition of dog days of summer everybody yeah that's just that's the time of the year when everybody's the most annoyed of each other You've reached that point. It's too hot. Everybody's sweating even inside.

You're sweating in the car. Mom's fed up with you because you've been off summer break. That's the dog days of summer. Bro, those are my favorite days. Those pointless ass days in summer. There's no agenda. You're just like, I guess I'll help my mom with like the yard. And then like...

All in hopes that she'll take me to Tommy Grandy's house later. Yeah, you always had a backup plan in the summer. bro. You always had something cooking in the back of your head. Like there was not one day that went by that you weren't like, Dammer, we're trying to do something though? Like,

Dan, were we going to that pool? Like, somebody always had, wait, she's having a party? There's always, bro.

And you're always just trying to, trying to, like, trying to win your mom. Dude, summer's just about winning your mom over. 100%. That was like the pre-training for dudes to start to win over their

girlfriends and then their wives was when you're 12 years old 12 years old in the summer you're starting to get kind of social but also you have all the dependence on your mom of like taking your ass there saying yes giving you money to go to the movies doing whatever you need to do to help you make it to wherever you're going can you go to the pool party all the parents that are like you rely so much on your mom but you also want to do all these things when you're 12 years old in the summer that's when you have to start helping her with the garden that's when you have to start picking up around the house it's when you have to start picking up around the house it's when you have to start walking the dog in the morning

before she even gets up. Dude, noon to four, just me doing chores around the house. Unasked. Just no one asked me, I just started vacuuming. And my mom was like, oh, here we go. Like, what he wants? Bro wants to do something. Dude's dusting.

Just like 50% effort, though. I'm just like, just want to get the, let's get the dog days of summer here. You want to go see what? What do you want to go? Just wanted to go see honey in movie theaters With like the group of the group my grade is like you know what I mean Dude whole grade whole grade there'd be two full rows of MFers in there

I'd be like why dude in the back of my head I'm like everybody wants to see this Like why the boys Are you guys want to see honey? Okay Like I'll go because everyone else is going and like I don't want to miss out That's when FOMO is super real Oh man Zach's going everybody's going bro

I've been cleaning my house for seven hours just to go to a movie where you might put your arm around a girl and then not talk to them afterwards when do we make out you ever think about that when are we supposed to make out oh my god

dude that was like that was a big deal for me making out the movies what yeah bro that was like a thing right I know yeah absolutely that's like when you're growing up you thought like oh yeah once we get to the edge where we start going to the movies that's where it goes down you go to the movies now you're like dude if i said what what a freak man

to be so loud and shit all the commotion right there when do we do it's a worst place to do it when do we do it like there's not like a you know you're trying to lead up to a makeout there's like some talking and like you're getting your faces are getting a little closer you know what i mean when do you do that during a movie i'm like it's so sudden oh my god did you ever Hey, they're making out right now. I'd be like, why? What, like, what set that off? Like, did they time it up with the movie?

I always had friends. Yeah, I mean, I had a couple buddies that, like, dude, they just, would be 13. I'd be like, what? Really? You got some balls, man. I would, now, I'm too scared. I'd be like somebody, one of my parents' friends is going to be in this movie and then, like, tell my mom, and it's going to be all weird.

I don't know. I'm the guy that get caught, like, security, yeah. It'd be too loud. I don't know. Lips macking. Like, I don't know. I was shaking shit. So scared.

So are we going to get kicked out? Are you going to, hey, security guard at the movies? Are you going to tell my mom about this? Totally, man. I can't afford to get in trouble again. Did you ever, did you ever look up like when you're seeing what movies were on AMC? You'd look up and see like kind of the runtime.

So then you could kind of try to at least backtrack in your head of like, okay, well, I think I only got like 40 minutes off to make this happen. You know, make my move to put my arm around her. Make my move to like what, What? The first deadline in your life. I think the movie's almost over. I got to get crack in here.

I got some work to do. I got to start being funny. I got to start like sending the signals. Dude, that's another thing. I mean, just movies, you think that everybody builds up

that it's the best place for a group of middle school, early high school, like kids to go to be on a date or to hold hands or make out. It's the worst, bro. Me during movies.

Timing. So you're sitting there you can't even maybe you do want to see the movie. Well shit, now I can't focus on the movie at all.

They're literally speaking Charlie Brown teacher gibberish to me because all my mind is thinking about is when's the arm going around. Kiss her. Kiss her. Also, yeah,

then how do you, like you said, making commentary? How do you make commentary? Are you trying to make commentary? What if she's like clearly not, you know what I mean? How far do you keep going?

You make a line? She kind of is like, Ha. then she wants you to be quiet? Is it because you weren't funny? Or is it because she's like, I don't know. We're not supposed to talk during a movie. There's so many things, dude.

I thought I was good at, like, tossing in lines. Like, I thought I was kind of good at that. I like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wasn't good enough. But I think that's why our backs are all messed up, dude. As, like, as we get older is because we did this. In the movie theater, bro, just the whole entire back going numb with the arm around. Well, I guess now, too, yeah, it'd be a little bit different because now it literally is a couch in your living room when you go to a movie theater.

It's a lounge. It's leather. You lay back. People are bringing blankets. People are kicking their shoes off and nobody bats an eye. I'm like, dude, I'm from the generation where it felt like you were sitting in a fucking cardboard cutout chair that are this close to each other. There's no room. Your back hurts.

Your tailbone hurts from sitting in the chair. You're not leaning back at all. and if you took your shoes off when we were going up to go to the movies what do we talking about? I've never seen that and you can like you can like order dinner in there I'm like this is crazy this isn't amazing

now it is a date when we were in middle school and early high school it was like we were being interrogated by the U.S. government with our arm wrapped around somebody was so awkward, had to do it had to fight through the pain dude now they got jukuzis in there love seats.

Dude, I swear that's coming next. Be so easy to make out. I just pass my movie theaters. I'm like, so easy to make out in there. You guys don't know. You guys don't. You weren't there.

You weren't there with the sore shoulder when I was 13. You weren't there. Soar shoulder, weird camo cargo, or not camo, but weird cargo shorts where it's like, I promise I don't, it's not,

it looks like it is, but it's not. But then maybe you do. You know what I'm saying? Like there's a little too much, a little too much tintage going on down there. Mm-hmm. A little too much crumple.

Fresh Nike tea from Dick's sporting goods. Been waiting to pull this one out, boys. See, that's sick because I was just so, dude, I didn't, I didn't have the balls to do that then. I would go in there with, you know, the classic Arapassal, Halster collared shirt with the cargo shorts. Mm-hmm. I don't know.

We kind of made it a thing just to wear basketball. basketball stuff. I don't know. It was like, it was, dude, it was just part of the brand. I was like,

you know how bad I just want to wear shorts to the, like basketball shorts to this? Totally. That was, that was crazy. You go to a party, like when you're in like

seventh or eighth grade, bro. It just looked like, uh, five dudes were getting ready for basketball practice in my grid. Dude, that's amazing.

New basketball shoes on shorts and one shirt. Damn. I didn't, I fucked your bit, like whatever and one shirt say, just the most ratchet stuff. Yeah, this generation, the younger kids right now, they have the stuff that's like, I've paused my game to be here. But the and one generation that was ours that was literally was just like, yeah, saw your mama last night, bitch. Dunked on your dad, T-bagged them on the way down. I'm 12. What's up?

Hey, you guys got a fruit punch? Going into the kitchen? Yeah. Hey, Mrs. Golf, where's the restroom? Oh, just down the hall, honey. They sure just say I... Guys got no face. Doing the suck it.

Yeah, they sold it at the mall. What are you talking about? Yeah, my mom bought it for me at Coles. Hey, hardest mascot ever and one. That dude was sick. I want, that's like who I think I want to be still. Hey, hey, hey, who's winning? And who's winning in a matchup?

And one guy or Cletus from Fox? Now that's a, that's a movie I'll watch, bro. That's a movie. Dude, those two squaring off? I really don't know. I don't know. I kind of think the Ann one guy wins because he's just so mouthy, dude. I love that guy.

Well, and he's like sleek, too. He's kind of like silver surfer on a basketball court. Nice. That's good. That's good shit. I for a minute. I think there were rumblings that it was Kevin Garnett. But I'm like Kevin Garnett, that dude's got a little more mass.

Because Kevin Garnett was like the premier and one guy for a minute. That wouldn't be a bad one to base it off though, KG. Dude, I feel like the and one guy almost looked like a football player though. You know how many times I tried to draw the and one guy just like in like his. history class. Oh, yeah. Dude, yeah. And one guy,

Kevin Garnett in basketball, Randy Moss, Terrell Owens in football. Tio. Perfect. Perfect. It was Tio. He was bald.

Perfect. Talking trash all day. Oh, yeah, dude. He didn't get enough runtime, man. The and one guy was sick. He was.

I was envisioning, because now everybody, everybody, you know, every place. has State Farm's got Jake and Best Buy has their guy that shows up on the tablet

and Mountain Dew has like the do the dude guy he was at the Indy 500 for God's sake I just need And 1 to come back and bring out a guy in like a full body suit, silver suit or whatever color they're pushing and he doesn't say a word dude he just walks out

in and one shorts and an and one t-shirt I don't think he has a shirt on just navy blue shorts and one high top white shoes always about to do a crossover nice nice yeah no shirt yep

it's like they didn't finish making them it's like there we got to get this out today we don't even have a face yet just get it out just ended up being iconic beautiful bro I love that guy nobody hates that guy

and he's neutral he doesn't have a face Is he white? Is he black? What is he? He's never heard him talk, but he's said so many words. We're just coming up with their whole marketing campaign right here. Bring it back.

What are we doing? Yeah, see, I didn't, going back to what you're saying about like you and your buddies is like you're getting ready for basketball practice. That wasn't me in middle school, but then you get to the point, like junior, senior year or high school. where you're like, get me the baggiest Perry Bear Jordan shorts, a waffle gray shirt, long sleeve, and I'm good to gole. That was like house party fit?

Yeah. I feel like you always switch it up a little bit and you would wear some like nicer stuff. And I always appreciated the hell out of that guy. He'd pull up to the party. Fitted Bill. Mm-hmm. Yeah, I went through phase.

You're right. You're right. I went through a little express phase where I'd like rock the jeans. and then I'd put I put like a button down plaid shirt with like some rolled up sleeves

and then a flat bill Kansas City Royals hat no affiliation to the team I thought it was hard hey just matched my shirt sick I always had mad love for that guy I always dapped that guy up so hard

the guy that was like wearing nice stuff to the party or hangout or like whatever it was I'm like yo like we look chill this guy looks good man yeah yeah yeah yeah it's always like see it's what's so funny is that I was always jealous of like you and Joe King and Chiller because I was always just like cutoffs those guys don't care and they're cool but you guys are saying like man he looks good and so it was hey it was the handshake emoji bro got guy wearing it's like he brought out his best like you brought out the top three in your closet for this

And I'm like, I know you got more where that came from, too. And I'm sitting here with a cutoff t-shirt, like super like garage guy, long Jordan shorts. Like guy that was born in a garage, backward hat, Miami Marlins, orange. Where'd you get it? Stole it. Not from a store, from a friend's car. And then you got old, like, I was like, where are you going after this? Like we're not 21.

You go on the bars? Like where are you going? Nah, bro. Just had to put that shit on. I was like, oh my God. See, that's why,

yeah, that's part of like, I guess I was more like my sophomore year, but I always loved the fall in the winter parties. Because then that's where I was like pulling out the fucking like the cardigans and shit. You know, blank shirt, gray cardigan,

black jeans on. Yeah. That's where the theme came in. Theme really saved you. You know? Hey, Hey, fake glasses. Were you ever fake glasses guy in high school?

That was big in our time. I always had real glasses. So I didn't have to fake it. But if I didn't have bad eyesight, you already know. You already know it had the fakeies on. Dude, yeah. Dude, I could have hosted the fakeies. That's how much I wore that shit.

Like 2009, 2010. Oh, yeah. The fakeies on? Oh, yeah. Kid Cutty. changed my life. That was it. That was before I got to the Politi Joe King phase, before that, it was my Kid Cuddy era.

You know, I wanted to do that whole, the C hat, the Cleveland, the bat, the faky glasses, the high top shoes. But you had bad eyesight. So you just saw bad. You just had really bad vision with fakes on? No. I mean, I probably would have, but like, it didn't start. It was as I got older.

Piece of shit. Yeah. That was what was funny, too. It was like, we kind of talked about this before and like the douchebag Avengers shown up, but like there would be times where I'd be rolling with like three of my boys and you're rolling, like 16, you're all rolling to the same party in the same car. And you have like different representation in each person in the car. Yeah, I'd have like my express jacket on with my faky glasses and jeans.

Then one of my boys would have the long. long sleeve waffle shirt with like Nike sweatpants on and a jacket from Burlington Coat Factory. And then another one would have just like kind of something regular. You know, like blue jeans and a white waffle shirt, nothing crazy. You know, just like standard. Don't spill on that. Oh, yeah, all with the fucking white or with the McDonald's orange drink in our hand.

What's up, bitches? We just spent $6 on 94 things. Hey. Is there vodka in here? not. I don't know, but I'm going to play the game. Whole party. Saying the wrong lyrics to song. Never once did I ever nail a lyric, dude.

I was a guy always trying to turn it up and getting in intro getting in trouble at parties. For sure, dude. Wouldn't be my house. I would sneak up to the stereo. Crank it, bro. It would make the party better. Hey, obviously I thought that. Next day, evicted.

Oh, weird. How'd that happen? You're such an idiot, dude. Restarts the song. Restarts the song 87 times. Oh, man. I'm so glad that we weren't to that level yet when you were in that phase of your life. Because if you would have come to one of my house parties, basement parties,

I don't even want to imagine the wreckage that you would have caused. Oh, my God. I was a problem, dude. I was a problem. Definitely. Hey, definitely would have left with my Steelers helmet. On. Hey, hey, these two

unstrapped though Back here Had a had a Big ass You know those like The huge containers That look like a That look like a Coke bottle

But they're like big That have like popcorn Or random shit in it from a team Dude, I had one of those in my basement Forever Steelers one And my dad had for like 25 years Full of popcorn Full of popcorn

full of popcorn You know I would have hit that Against a wall I'll clean it up Never cleans it up Jesus Get out One time I sprayed pepper

Spray at a party Did I tell you about that? No Station out about that Sorry Got a few of those at the track And at the party It's in roof on Saturday

Stang should know about this Yeah Dude It was This is a sad moment dude. I'll never forget it. But like we were trying to cultivate like I don't know. It's just one of those nights. And for some reason, nothing was going on. Had an open basement. And then people started coming in. Like we were hitting everybody up. Like, yo, like, is this a summer night?

Come here. Dude, I think it was a, it was a Christmas break night. Oh, those are even, no, man. Because it's such a compact timeline. You have to get it in in two weeks or a week and a half. I'm talking peak night like December. It was like 90. 19th or something. I was like, what do we? Let's go. Like it was, it was, I'm like, are they with their families? How come we can't get a whole of anybody? But then all of the sudden, dude, the flood gauge is just open. People start coming in, coming in, coming in. I was messing with this one girl's keys. Flirt trick. Flirt 101 messing with the girls keys. Those are mine. Yeah, okay.

Dude, was met. Put them down. Wait, wait. I'm driving my mom. mom's car and those are her keys way like I like think these cool wait dude and then I started like messing with her pepper spray I'm like how to what like remember those a big I mean do girls saw have pepper spray in their keys are we still do probably some probably yeah every single but I was like looking at it and I was just like and I everybody out dude no shit and I was powering through I was like I can't even smell that, but every girl, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Or people like, yeah, I was going to say, like, watery eyes, like stinging the eyes and everything. I was like, come on, you're going to leave because of that? Like, dude, everybody left. I'm talking to every single person. Right back to where we started. I was like, guy who ruins the party freaking out, why people are leaving.

Yeah. I was like, that? Damn. I don't know. It hurt. That one hurt, because that could have been a good night. We had like a good roster there. And I don't mean roster in like a way that is perverted. I mean like there were like a good like, oh, damn, he's coming. Oh, like we had like the boys there. Like me, some girls there that you don't see all the time.

I'm like, oh, this must be like a special occasion. Me ruins the whole thing. Me and you. Yeah, when you say roster, me and you are more concerned about like who are the guys that are going to make us laugh the most? I want some I want some starters there bro

I want some tall guys I want tall guys at the party tall guys dude tall guys are always such a good look at a party I'm like yo he's here oh that's so sick always up against the wall

always up against the wall two bottles biggest hands of all time I'm like yes college party the basketball team shows up I'm like, yo, this is getting so sick, dude. We're going to start freestyling.

It's over. Dude, tall guys at a party, so sick. I'm like, this is a place to be. We got the tall guys here? Better than your party. Cops come in four seconds. Yeah, but then all the girls start talking to them and then it's over. I don't even care at that point.

I'll talk to girls in the pregame, but once it's in the heat of the party, I'm just for the boys. I'm like, let's just do stupid stuff. Well, also you have to be because the pressure of hosting a party, like that, that trumps all. Like you have to, if your name is on, if your face is on it, if it's your place, you have to have a cool fun party. Because, I mean, there's no pressure like putting your name in your face on something and then it ended up being a dud. It can't happen. No.

So that's where you start getting encouraging. Yeah, spray the pepper spray, bust the popcorn open. I don't care. Get some sprinklers going on. here. Whatever we got to do to get people losing their minds. I'm glad you're like that, bro. It's a great quality. Because you don't want stiff hosts. Stiff host, turn it down. I'm like, why are we over here then? Right. Yeah. It's like our espresso party way back in the day when me and you, I think, had $56 to our names together. And then we were just like, why don't we just pay for all the

drinks for the first hour of the party? That was your idea, bro. That was. That was. was your idea. I wasn't even going to thinking about going there. Didn't even cross my mind. You're like, bro, first hour, all drinks free. We pay. I was like, he's down, bro. He's down with the shit. Because it's like, he's a real one, dude. What's everybody's biggest problem? What's every one of one of the biggest problems when everybody's hosting a party than somebody's hosting a party? When are people going to get there? Nobody wants to get there right at the jump. Nobody. And then from there, you get you from there, you're already, you're already, you know, fighting uphill because people come by, 35 minutes into the party, there's still nobody there

because everybody's trying to show up fashionably late, then people just keep delaying it. So we say, no, get them there right away. People want to drink for free. They'll be there at the start. And then people will be like, oh, damn, I got to get there a drink for free. And then, oh, damn, the place is popping anyways. Boom. Crazy move.

Dog behavior. I was like, yep, he's right. Get them in. Come on. Just get them in. We paid. We paid. Unlimited. We paid. Unlimited. Come on. those are the real friends are the ones that show up at the party first. Especially when the first hour tab isn't on you.

You know? True. Yeah, we just wanted to be there early. I'm like, not that we, not that we care or anything. Not that this is a reminiscent of podcast. Not that our whole lives was about partying at one point or anything.

Oh, man. This is from This is from Garrison I've never seen Never seen this name pop up Sick name Garrison Hurst Yeah

It's where my head was going Dude was that the most Most 2000s running back There's another one too Top three most 2000s running backs Garrison Hurst God there's another guy With the same kind of name

Dorsey Levin's Pretty 2000s dude Garrison Hey, hey, hey, deuce Staley Oh God, give him the rock Every play If there's a guy named deuce Staley I'm at hand it off

Hand it off He's falling forward after contact All right From Garrison Benny and Joey I hope this email finds you well Big fan of the pod Keep up the great work

Hope to see you guys do a show In Minnesota soon Thanks buddy Please Please please please please When I was in elementary school, I was warming up for a basketball game. After warm-ups, I ripped off my tearaway pants. The pants with the tearaway snaps on the sides.

And I forgot to put basketball shorts on underneath. I'm talking Batman undies out for the burby girls in front of the entire gym. Wow. What was your most embarrassing moment? What was your most embarrassing moment when you were a kid? Hope to see the Pacers Wolves in the NBA finals. Slept my ass while wearing a Heinz Ward 15 jersey with Mike Tomlin in the background saying, Don't blink. Cut your eyelids off. Signed anonymous fat guy.

Man. What a heater to start today. Painted a picture. Hey, just me or did? Yeah, just me. I thought the Timberwolves were in the east this whole time. It makes sense, right? Cold weather place, north, huh?

Hold on, bro. How'd they slip over there? I feel like the Pacers are playing the Timberwolves all the time, too. Very weird. Yeah. They're so east. Yeah. Yeah, that's like, that's still like for,

uh, I still like the Astros with me. Second week in a row, talked about the Stroes. Did I love it. If we talk, this is not an Astros podcast. You guys are in L. Central,

man. What are you doing over there in the AL West? The hell's going on. What's a football one? What's a football one? A good football one? That's like, why are they in that division?

Or why are they on that, in that conference? I love this game. I mean, the fact that the Cowboys are in the NFC East makes zero sense besides dollars and then one to play Philadelphia, New York, Washington twice a year. That's a good one. I've never heard that. The Colts, honestly, being in the AFC South. Oh, that's weird.

But I mean, like, a team that's in the NFC that should be in the AFC, vice versa. You know what I mean? Ah, uh. Yeah, I mean, I would be met. Go ahead, go ahead. The hardest we've ever concentrated in our lives right here. You could hear my brain processing information. In my head just then, Seahawks, Seahawks, Seahawks.

I don't know why. Well, they were AFC. I wouldn't be mad about a flip-flop of the Jets and Giants, AFC, NFC. I think that could, I mean, I know the Giants are very NFC, but at the same time, it's like I can see the Jets be an NFC, therefore the Giants were the AFC. It works for me.

There's one we're missing, bro. Panthers are so NFC This is a good one Maybe this is the this is the comment Comment which team should be in the NFC or which team should be in the AMC Yeah And don't don't tell your wife

About this podcast ever I love God Let's get to Garrison's question What was your most embarrassing moment When you were a kid All right I've got like 30 billion

um okay i played soccer i missed the soccer practice where they explained the rules like the most important practice so i was just out there just like doing what i saw on tv i was like whatever and this killed me for my whole life i don't know why but you know they put the ball right in the middle of the field midfield boom right in the middle and they like i don't know the terminology anymore for soccer, but like whoever's ball it is, like they kick first. You know what I mean? They like kick this way or whatever. Yeah, yeah.

I had no idea that that was a thing. So every time I lined up there, I thought it was just whoever kicks it first. So I would just line up one person here opposite of midfield, one person here and I would just go and kick it every single time. Even if we just scored.

I don't know. Everybody's like, it's not your turn to kick. I was like, I missed the day where they set all the rules. I don't know. Uh-huh. That. I got one more. That's bad.

Senior day. Senior night. High school football. Seniors are hype. Let's do it, bro. Come on. Playing a team we never usually play. Decatur Central.

Kind of scared of them. Kind of nervous. We're hype. At the top of the hill. We're about to run. down this hill break through this big paper cut out thing crowds are going crazy let's go I'm the first one out I trip roll all the way down the hill

whole way bro that was a rocky hill dude barrel it hurt but I had like adrenaline pumping so I didn't feel it the whole way and uh glove you know I was trying to stop myself gloves all the stick is gone oh game has a started dirty, elbows all beat to shit. And yeah, I didn't think anybody saw it, but

I think my dad after the game, it was like, at least you weren't that guy that rolled down the hill. And I was like, we were all talking about it the whole game. I was like, that was actually me. But I missed that. I must have been jacking around under the bleachers or some shit. trying to make out way too early in the game

trying to make out I'm like dude wait till the fourth quarter like a normal person yeah I think I've told this one before on this shit but I'll drop it again embarrassing sports moment for me was I hit a line drive back up the middle

it hit the pitcher's leg and so they did one of those like they went and checked on him and he was like having trouble because it was like right off the ankle bone or something. And so he couldn't like push off the mound. So they took him out of the game. And I was standing on first. I was talking to the first base coach. And something happened in my mind where I just like totally blanked that out and didn't realize that they had brought in a new pitcher. And so I see the new pitcher or I see the pitcher, you know, get his foot on the rubber and then get rid. You know, he comes set. And so I take my lead off and the dude, you know, starts this pitch. towards home and I take off to steal second base. It was the warm-up pitcher. It was the kid they changed bringing into the game for the injured pitcher.

So he was just throwing warm-up pitches. And my dumb ass takes off, like, you know, slides, gets up, pop-up slide. Like, I'm like, yeah, sick. Oh. And I was looking around like, what the hell are you doing, bro? Where are you going? Kind of my life. Kind of my life.

Yeah. Yeah, I was like, oh, damn. Whoops. baby. Gotta get him out. I thought I shit myself in seventh grade playing basketball. So luckily I didn't happen but I was still so scarred

from thinking about I'm going to be the kid who shit himself from the first half that because what happened is I subbed into the game in the first quarter. All of a sudden I'm like fighting through a screen or whatever or someone sets the screen on me and I wasn't expecting it so it hit me kind of hard and I was kind of holding in a fart and it just kind of

and I was like, oh, God, it was one of those. And so the whole rest of the first half, I don't remember anything that happened, anything that I did. I was not focusing on the game at all because all I could try to figure out was, did I just ship myself a little bit here in seventh grade? And I'm going to really, like, it's going to fall into the floor or I'm going to go back to the locker room.

Like, what do I do? I don't have extra like compression shorts or boxers or anything. Like, am I just going to free ball it, wipe my ass and free ball it? I was so scared. Well, luckily got to halftime, went back to the locker room, checked in the restroom, all good. All was good. What a relief. But dude, I mean, I'm talking two minutes into the game

or whatever I subbed in the first quarter. Boom. Oh, shit. And all I could think about, I played out like, yep, I'm the kid who shit himself and I'm going to have to go to high school with this and my life's over. There is always a kid that shits himself.

We had one. First day, freshman football, Randy Wolfel. Man, I feel bad for him, bro. I had one pick. If I had one pick, that would have been the pick. What a horrible year for that, dude. I'm so sorry about that. You know, your football team just needs one thing to break the ice to like, you know, start making fun of something and like get some chemistry. He had to be the guy.

He shit his pants. Then everybody, everybody, now he's shit his pants guy forever. Oh my God. Hey, white practice pants too. They were the whitest shorts I've ever seen in my life. he shit his pants and he didn't deny it he was like not I did shit my fans and we were like oh shit oh man like I was like yo can we just concentrate on football like can we just because he was from my school and I was like yeah yeah yeah yeah you'd be associated like in eighth grade he was really our best linemen I'm just saying like after he shit his pants I was like trying to like help like make up for it that's nice yeah shit himself

Mom definitely drinks. Why you too much Mountain Dew? It's all good. Took the bullet. From Alex. Subject lines is gins. We and every girl's voice ever. How are we?

Long time first time. Thanks, dude. I'm seeing Benny in Nashville in June. Station does not know about it. Hell yeah. Come through. My girl and I are constantly having this debate. She is from New Jersey and she's a Philly sports fan.

On paper, she should be a Jets and Mets fan, but instead she supports the Eagles and Phillies. I call her a fake fan because she knows nothing about the team. What are your thoughts on this? People being fans of a team, they have no connection to. Slapped my ass with a rusted buckle on a football belt that has been sitting in my locker for three months postseason, smells like death and has dried dirt on it.

Sent from Blackberry. Um, Alex, well, I think it's a pretty common thing for New Jersey folks who are like right there in the border of Pennsylvania, you know, to kind of swing on over there to the Keystone State and root for the the birds, go birds. Yeah, I mean, I am well versed in this. People, it's been well documented. People love to give me shit and talk about the teams that I root for or have connection to or whatever.

And, you know, so I have a different opinion that I'm sure most people, I mean, for me, it's all about that connection in terms of like how. much you're into it, you know, like if you're really, yeah, you're talking players, you're talking coaches, you're bitching about coaches, you're watching the game, you're bitching about things, you know, a little bit of the history you're in, I'm cool. I don't care where you're from. I don't care what the background is, what the connection is, you know, because you're invested. You're in there. So it sounds like that's not your fiancé, your wife, my girl. Okay. Um, whatever, your girl. Sounds like she's not that. Which,

I guess that can be frustrating, you know, like you'll see a lot of different people like, you know, you'll go up to Wrigley Field and that's such a popular social scene that, you know, you'll see a chick with a Anthony Rizzo jersey on that's like real baggy and you're like, okay, 98% chance of that chick

just like got that from some guy's closet that they were at a pregame at and like has no connection. Like, that's my dad. Like he loved the cubs growing up and like that. Like that's sort of. like, okay, all right. Yeah, fine.

But, um, or weirdly enough, like, too, when a guy does it, it's, I got, like, try a guy like tries to like, like, that's the thing about Ben is like, Ben's fully just like, yeah, I have no clue. I don't really care. Like, I know about it, but it's not like, there's some dudes who when they try to just, I don't know if it's small talk and they feel uncomfortable and they're trying to fit in. That makes me feel kind of bad for him. But like, they clearly have no concept.

Like, well, just, you know, be yourself. You know what I mean? But that's my. thing. That's my final word. It's like, everybody's got their story of why that root for something or somebody. And as long as you are actually like knowledgeable and invested and you can tell that it really means

something, I don't give a shit. That was kind of a minute. That was kind of a low-key minute. Good job. Good poll. Thanks. I don't like the guy who just likes a team for no reason. I'm like, you got to have an uncle or something that lives there. Like, what's the tie?

Give me the tie in. You can't just like USC. I don't know. I mean, I guess you can. I mean, even if the tie-in is just like, yeah, I watched them one day when I was seven and I thought they had the coolest uniforms ever and I just like really liked them. And then from then on, I just like started becoming a fan. All right. That's why I like the Steelers. I was like, I don't know. I just had a Steelers helmet and it like became my team. But like, give me an origin. But you can't one day just be like, they're my team for good. I'm like, I don't know. Yeah. Unless you're 17, bro. Like, it's, no, you can't. do that right now.

This is from Sylvia. I think we got a burpy girl in here. I love you burpy girl. Whoa. Road trips recap. Clubhouse Joey and Benny. Following up on last week's episode about road trips

and how the girls, daughters, moms ultimately make the decision. You are absolutely correct. We will make the decision based on numerous factors and below are some of them. There is usually always a rhyme and reason to it. One, convenience. There will be no game.

getting out of the car, we are here to order food in the car and get back on the road. Two, accessibility for having to pull up the highway and there's a fast food option that is a fourth of a mile versus a one mile away. We'll stop at the quarter mile away one. Three, choices. We'll choose a place when we know there will be something for everyone. So they will just need to decide on what they feel like from said restaurant. I could say more, but I think you all get it. Women just need to make the executive decision. Now that I'm married and two kids. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Now that I'm married and have two kids, snacks have all. sorts are must have. However, when we do need more of a meal, my husband will almost always insist on stopping for all the opposite options. I mentioned above because he insists he can't drive, eat, and actually enjoy the meal. Sigh. That's fair. You know, because like if the guy's driving typically most of the time, the husband, the dad, or whatever, right? I mean, you're on the interstate.

You're trying to be careful. You want to have a whopper in your hand. You know, trying to grab a fry down there. And it's all fucked up. Then it falls on you. You get sauce everywhere. Your ranch sauce that's up there comes flying down. Then the, wife's mad at you and like, what else am I supposed to do? I can't put it anywhere. Just had a breakthrough. My question to you, do you think it's fair to stick to my reasoning and keep going on the road,

so I force him to drive and eat and subject myself to him getting pissed off when he ultimately spilled something on himself? Or should I compromise, take the wheel and demonstrate the skills it takes to drive and eat while he enjoys his meal in the passenger seat, mess free? O'Donnell Rules. Benny, I'm sure you won't get that quote. Sylvia. I think that's one that he would get, Sylvia.

No, I'm in on that one. I never really thought it was that funny, but I am in. Like the way people were always saying it, I'm like, that part's just not that funny. Like, I do respect it and I do think it is a little bit funny, but I'm like, it's not that funny to keep saying it. Yeah. I hear it. Yeah. Another.

Go ahead. It's a lunch quote guy at the office who would be really into Doyle rules. And it made me mad. Right. another Billy Madison moment that I didn't think that was that funny for some reason everybody else did was when like the AC unit fell on that Mista Mista lady I was like for some reason I just can't get down with that like I get it and it's funny Gilmore dog oh my bad I said Billy Madison oh Adam Sandler movie my bad just yeah all credibility out the window I'm gonna shut up

go ahead um good okay so you kind of you you you you're You kind of heard my feelings on it, Sylvia. However, I do think that a point can be made on your part because then you can say, fine, I'll take this. I'll take over and I'll eat and I'll do it myself. Then he's over there and he's enjoying it. But then all of a sudden you get to a point where you're like, okay, well, the meal's not going to take that long.

What's going to take for you eight minutes to eat your food, right? When you're sitting there in the passenger seat and there's no one there to bother you. So then what is you going to sit there? You got to stop again, not that long after it. Because if he's going to take back over, then all of a sudden what? So now after. stopping, we're going to stop 35 minutes later just so you can get out and switch seats.

I think there's a point to be made on that. So you're saying, can you do that again in Kuiper's voice? One more time, can you do in Kuiper's voice? I did kind of get a little Kiper out there. I was feeling it. Come on, come on. 35 minutes on the road is a red fly.

You're going to get out there. You're going to switch seats. It's got to be a problem. You're going to sit there? Are you going to have the sauce playing on you? Or is you going to say, no. I can take it on the wheel. I get there.

I can do it. I can do it myself because I'm a man. I'm going to be proud. I got to stop 35 minutes out the way I'll stop 31 minutes ago That's beautiful Bro Beautiful thing Yeah that is true

Because guys can eat stuff in like four minutes So just I'm kind of confused on the whole thing But just get the food What are you confused about? I don't know I just lost it in the story The question

I think just let them eat Right after you get the food And then drive right Am I missing something? I think that's probably the answer answer is just like, hey, if you don't have kids that are like, that need to be on the move constantly, if you're going through a drive-through and you want to stop and park, park it right there, nobody's got to move, nobody's got to drive, nobody's got to switch seats, let the dad

scarf it down in six minutes. Four seconds. Okay, back, back to where we were. Boom. Good. Then you can sit in the front seat, enjoy everything you need to do, and he can get back on the road. That's the real answer. But if you want to make a point, that's what I was. saying. Because then he's going to be like, well, you want me to take back over? And you're like, we just stopped 30 minutes ago. He's like, but I had to eat.

You know, I just, yeah. Yeah. Anyways. Got to go to Kurt here. Simply because of the subject line. Kurt says, Hunty needs a reset. Hi, Burby boys.

Kurt from Michigan here. I've absolutely died each time you brought up hunties in the most recent episodes. I was out for happy hour tacos around 4 p.m. on a Thursday. last week. I couldn't help but notice a guy at the bar reading a book,

guzzling down beers like he was 21 again. Have you Midwest guys ever seen someone bring a book to a bar? Did the Stysian give this guy a book report he needed to finish before 5? Is Hoppe needing a reset before going home to his wife who will give him the to-do list

for the entire weekend? That's it. Pour a spicy poloma and some case over my head and slap my ass. Thanks for making each Tuesday. Great one. Kurt. the book and the bar

Yeah see I don't think I don't think it's Hunty Because Hunty wouldn't even think To go to a bar by himself Nah Hunty never gets out of Hunty mode He's always he can't wait I can't wait to see you when I get home

Hunty He doesn't do anything by himself No decision He's not interested Yeah he's not interested in having beers At all Definitely not by himself because he's missing out on Hunty time

and all the lists that he needs to do to make Humpty happy. I can't wait to see you, Huntie. He doesn't need her. Huntie doesn't need it. Real Hunties don't need to recalibrate, bro. They're just always locked in. I just worked my job for eight hours

and now I'm ready for yard work, Hotty. Hunter, what do you need me to do, Huntie? I don't need brownie points, Huntie. You're my brownie. God. I think if you read a Geez

Hunty I love how the clubhouse is behind Huntie God thank God do you guys get it Finally took us six years but they do Took us all our credibility

But you guys get it I huntie Yeah it doesn't even compute in his mind to do something like that. Like going to a bar to have some beers and to vent or to, yeah, to get a fresh battery. No, man. He gets more charged up by being with Humpty.

When are we going to the apple orchard, Hunty? Will you be my cornhole partner at the cookout, Huntie? God. Dude, the girl that likes that guy is worse than hunting. I'm saying it, bro. If you like that guy, you're the problem. You are, yeah. Set hunting free.

Can you imagine handcuffs off, hunting? I'm free. I'm free. Dude, and then that guy's drinking a beer with a book at the bar. That's post-Hunty. Auntie, he might have been right after the breakup. He might have post, Auntie. Yeah, yeah. I live my life now.

Hey. She's like getting, whispering in his ear, like tear coming down her face, everything. She's, I'm sorry, I have to do this for you. Hunty takes it out, unplugs them. Oh, no, wow. Wakes back up. Oh my God. Immediately hits up his friends.

18? He was ready to play. Right to B-dubs. barrel rolls his car into the building. Twin Peaks. His goatee grows immediately. Right when he gets unplugged, goatee on. Takes off his coat, bro.

He hate me jersey on. You're not the guy I fell in love with. I don't know that guy. I'm gonna hate this, hate to watch. this more than you're going to even know, but it must be done. Pulls it out. Yeah, it turns into Batman. He immediately slams two beers over his head, just stone cold Steve Austinzer. Oh, man. All right. I always get a good laugh at a haunted. Sunglasses just appear on the back of his head. All right. I think I got time for one more here. From, hey, how about two burpee girls in one

week. The Burpees Girls Grow from Sam. Same girl? Sorry, Bill, this doesn't make you Prince Eric. And sent a picture of Bill Belichick with his girlfriend, Jordan Hudson and Vanessa Ursula, the human form of Ursula. Can you pull that up real quick?

What is it? It's not bad. Human form of Ursula? Those are the keywords? Just Vanessa Ursula. U-S-U-R-S-U-L-A like Ursula from Little Mermaid Yeah that's what I'm thinking too Oh Is that what we're talking about?

Yep Kind of a baddie What about it though? It's just said Same girl Question mark Oh Jordan Hudson and

Jordan Hudson and yeah That says sorry That doesn't make you Prince Eric To be honest I've never seen Little Mermaid I know the song Hey Me neither

Proud of it too Didn't look that funny Or like entertaining I don't think it was meant to be funny It didn't look Like it's a girls Disney movie Yeah yeah

And I'm sure a lot of girls Never saw like Hercules That's a dude's Disney movie Under the Sea Good song The one the The one she really Like

Rip Roars through Part of your world I think a whole new A whole new world's Aladdin Up where they run Up where they run Up and where it's all

It's on Under the sea Under the sea Under the sea is the fun one But But the one that she The real like emotional Heartbeat of the movie

They play a lot at Disney World And I've been to Disney World six billion times in the last three years so... I want to go back. God. I miss it.

I think about it a lot. Not going to be as fun the second time. Never is. God. All right. Let's wrap there. Team of these guys

at gmail.com. You can email us in every week. We love to hear them. Spend on 30 minutes or so going and then you get us going on things like hot day and it's always a good time. These guys clubhouse on YouTube, subscribe,

comment on this one, what AFC team should be NFC, what NFC should be AFC. Give a subscription on there, like the video, some more people who are browsing through. Be like, oh wait, Joey and Benny, yeah, yeah, I want to get in with those guys. Subscribe, follow the show,

leave us a rating, leave us a review. Five star would be great. Tell people, you know, why join the clubhouse, be a part of it. And we appreciate you. Hey, Texans could be NFC. I was kind of thinking that too. I was kind of thinking

that too. And low-key Patriots a little bit. Like Tom Brady Patriots have a little NFC vibe. They were like dirty. They were playing defense. Not too flashy. Navy blue, cold. I don't know.

Got an argument. Yeah. Comment your team and why you think that should be NFC or AFC best conversation of all time, but don't let any girls see it ever. Okay. Get your tickies. Nashville, June 13th, 14th. Can't wait to go.

And then Baltimore, September 25th, really scared. Bennypolizzi.com. All your tics. All your tics. Get some merch, rate review,

like Joey, like Joy Joy said. We'll see you next week. Cool. Thanks, guys. No more Garcia, Parra.

Movon. Oh. Guy who should have played football. All right.