Think Fast Talk Smart: Communication Techniques - 67. What Is Normal? How Culture Affects Communication Styles

Episode Date: September 13, 2022

Why do we drive on only one side of the road? Why don’t we sing in libraries? Why wear a swimsuit?For Professor Michele Gelfand, it all comes down to culture. As a cross-cultural psychologist, Gelfand is fascinated by social environments and their effects on human behavior, particularly, how strictly people adhere to social norms.In this episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart, Gelfand joins host and lecturer of strategic communications Matt Abrahams to explain why some cultures are “tight” and “have strict social norms,” while others are “loose,” with “more permissibility of behavior.”Connect:Premium Signup >>>> Think Fast Talk Smart PremiumEmail Questions & Feedback >>> [e-mail] Transcripts >>> Think Fast Talk Smart WebsiteNewsletter Signup + English Language Learning >>> FasterSmarter.ioThink Fast Talk Smart >>> LinkedIn,  Instagram, YouTubeMatt Abrahams >>> LinkedInEpisode Reference Links:Threatening Language Can Be Contagious. This New Tool Tracks Its SpreadWhy the Pandemic Slammed “Loose” Countries Like the U.S.Rule Makers, Rule Breakers: How Tight and Loose Cultures Wire Our WorldMindset Quiz: How Tight or Loose Are You? ********Thank you to our sponsors.  These partnerships support the ongoing production of the podcast, allowing us to bring it to you at no cost.Strawberry.me. Get 50% off your first coaching session today at Strawberry.me/smartJoin our Think Fast Talk Smart Learning Community and become the communicator you want to be. 

Hi, Matt here. We have two days left before we close our listener viewer survey. A big thank you to all of you who have already provided feedback. Please take a few minutes to share your input on the show. We still have a few prizes left to give to lucky respondents. Go to FasterSmarter.com.com. To give us your input. That's FasterSmarter.comer.com slash survey. And now a word from one of our sponsors.

Their support allows us to bring you quality content free of charge. If you've ever thought, I know I can do more, but something's holding me back. You're not alone. Whether you're navigating career growth, seeking better balance, or wanting to communicate with more confidence, coaching can help you bridge the gap between intention and action. At strawberry.comme, you'll get matched with a professional coach who's trained to help you clarify your goals, build lasting confidence, and make intentional choices professionally and personally. This is not therapy, it's not consulting. It's a thought partnership designed to help you take action with more clarity and purpose. I strongly believe in the value of coaching. All of us can benefit from the help of a coach. Visit strawberry.combe slash smart

to get matched up with your coach today. That's strawberry.comme slash smart and get 50% off your first coaching session. It's the most affordable time ever to see if coaching is right for you. We've all heard about the importance of IQ in our interactions. And some of us have even heard about EQ, emotional intelligence in our interactions. But have you heard of CQ, cultural intelligence? Today I am excited to explore how culture influences our communication. I'm Matt Abrams, and I teach strategic communication at Stanford Graduate School of Business. Welcome to Think Fast, Talk Smart, the podcast. I am really excited to chat with Michelle Gelfand.

Michelle is the John H. Scully Professor in Cross-Cultural Management and a Professor of Organizational Behavior. She uses field, experimental, computational, and neuroscience methods to understand cross-cultural organizational behavior, negotiation, conflict and diversity. Michelle is the author of Rulemakers, Rule Breakers, How Tight and Loose Cultures Wire the World. Welcome, Michelle.

It's great to be here, Matt. Thanks for being here, and a big congratulations to you on your induction to the National Academies of Science. That's so exciting. Thank you. You are known for many things, but perhaps the idea most associated with you and your work

is the idea of tight and loose cultures. I'd love to have you define what you mean by those two concepts and perhaps explain how the Muppets fit into all of this. Yeah, so I'm a cross-cultural psychologist, and I study culture, which is really a puzzle. You know, it's omnipresent. It's all around us, and it affects us from the moment we wake up until the time we go to sleep. But we take it for granted. It's like the two fish swimming around, and they pass by another fish who says,

hey, boys, how's the water? And they swim past them. They say, what's water? Right. And that story indicates something really profound, which is that sometimes the most important realities around us are the most difficult to appreciate or recognize. And for fish, that's water, but for humans, that's culture. So I try to understand the deeper cultural codes that drive our behavior. And I focus on social norms. And these are basically unwritten rules for behavior that

sometimes get more formalized in terms of codes and laws. And in particular, how strictly people follow social norms has been my focus. And the idea is that all cultures have social norms. You know, we drive on one side of the street versus both sides of the street. We don't steal people's food and restaurants or start singing in libraries. Most of us don't do that because these are things that help us coordinate our behavior. They're the glue that keeps us together. But some cultures have strict social norms. We call them tight cultures.

Other cultures have looser social norms where there's more permissibility of behavior. And so we try to really quantify how tight or loose our cultures around the world, not just nations, but then we can zoom in and look at states in the U.S. or provinces in China. We can look even beyond that in terms of organizations, how strict or permissive, tight or loose they are. We can even look into our own mindsets. We can classify people in terms of whether they're an order Muppet, like Burt, or whether they're a chaos Muppet, like Ernie or like Cookie Monster. And the idea is that we all are socialized at a certain mindsets, whether tight or loose. And it's important to understand why these codes develop.

Why do they evolve in the first place? What trade-off do they provide for people, for organizations, for nations? That's what really we try to do in cross-cultural psychology, is try to understand these cultural codes, quantify them, study them all around the world. It's totally fascinating. I'm channeling my inner Elmo as I'm talking to you. We had Phil Zimbardo on a while ago, and Phil was a mentor of mine when I was a student here at Stanford,

and we talked about norms and the influence of how they can impact our activities and actions, and it sounds like you're diving very deep into that. I'm curious, is there an advantage to having a tight or loose culture? Is one better than the other? Yeah, this is such a great question. And, you know, we published a paper some years ago in science where we asked people all around the world about the level of norm strength in their countries. On places like Singapore and Japan, China, Austria, Germany, they tended to lean tighter, even though all tight cultures have loose elements and all loose cultures have tight elements, they veered tight. Cultures like Brazil, Greece, the Netherlands, the U.S., they tended to veer looser.

Again, even though all cultures have both elements. And what we found is in general, tight cultures held out of order. They have less crime. They have more monitoring in terms of police per capita, security cameras. They also have more synchrony. So they have people who are wearing more similar clothing or driving more similar cars, more uniformity. Even city clocks in streets have more. synchrony in tight cultures. We actually measured this. We looked at how aligned are clocks in city streets. And actually, in tight cultures, they're off by milliseconds. And in loose cultures, you're not totally sure what time it is. Like the clocks are not synchronized. And also, tight cultures have a lot of order when it comes to self-control. So if you live in a culture where there's a lot of social order and uniformity, you learn to manage your impulses from a very early age. And that has its downstream effects on things like lower debt in tight cultures, lower obesity. And

lower alcoholism and drug abuse. So tech cultures corner the market on order and loose cultures struggle with order. They have more crime, less monitoring, less synchrony, like the clock example, and they have a host of self-regulation problems. Even by the way, animals like pets tend to be fatter in loose cultures. But loose cultures corner the market on openness. They have more tolerance of people from different races, religions, creeds. We actually even sent out our research assistants to do in a field experiment outside in their home countries where I dressed them up with either facial warts that I bought for them on the internet.

Like Halloween sort of makeup. Yeah, we kind of put lots of warts on their faces. In another condition, they were wearing tattoos and nose rings and purple hair. And in a third condition, they were just wearing the normal face. And we simply had them go ask for directions in city streets or in stores in their home countries. And what we found was fascinating on this sort of openness issue.

We found that when people were just wearing their normal face, There was no cultural differences in helping behavior. But when they were wearing these strange things on their face or tattoos and nose rings, they got far more help in looser cultures. So that's an indication of tolerance out there in the wild. We also know that loose cultures corner the market on openness in terms of creativity, idea generation. There's been large-scale studies of creativity where people from loose cultures are more likely to enter those contests and more likely to win. And loose cultures tend to be more adaptable and new norms enter the population. They tend to sort of take off more quickly.

So loose cultures corner the market on openness and tight cultures struggle with openness. So in that sense, it's a tradeoff. We can harness the power of social norms to shift in either direction. And I think that's really an important part of the book in our research is how do you start pivoting when you get too tight or too loose? How do you try to maximize order and openness? So the dialectic of order versus openness I find really fascinating. And I'm curious for an individual is just recognizing it, the first step to being able to adjust and adapt. You know, I live in a loose culture. And I look at my own household where I might have a more loose attitude than, let's say, my wife. Are those things that can be changed over time? The first thing I would say is it's important to understand one's own self. And for that, you can go to my website at michelgalfan.com and take the tight-loose mindset quiz.

This is actually based on data that we published in science, and you can see where you score on this continuum. And I want to emphasize we can all kind of switch codes quite easily. Like when you go to a library, you know, your tight mindset kind of kicks in. Like you kind of know, this is a tight context. I can't start doing all sorts of weird things. Right. Or in the classroom, for the most part. And then when we're at a party or on public parks, we kind of become looser.

So we can. It's amazing, actually, how much we can really rapidly switch codes. With that said, we all have our own default on the tight loose continuum based on our our own cultures, our ethnicity, our race, gender, our occupations, and so forth. Michelle, before we go on, I'd love to understand a little bit about the evolution of tight and loose cultures. It has something to do with threat, doesn't it? Yes. So what we wanted to understand is why do tight and loose cultures evolve than the way they do. And what we found was really interesting. They didn't vary in terms of

their wealth, like GDP. So there's loose cultures that are poor and rich and tight cultures that are poor and rich. They're not different in terms of religion or location, but what we did find is that one reliable predictor of tight-loose is the degree to which groups or individuals or nations have experienced a lot of chronic threat. Threat at the national level can be either from Mother Nature, think like chronic national disasters or famine, but it can also be based on human threats. Like think about how many potential times your nation's been invaded over the last hundred years. And we selected these nations based on how much they varied on chronic threat as far back as 1500. Cultures that have a lot of threat need stricter rules to coordinate in order to survive.

And loose cultures that have experienced less threat can we afford to be more permissive. Tight cultures across the board, not all, but many, had much more threat. And we've validated this at the state level in the U.S. Tight states in the south and the Midwest tend to have more threats as well. We can also see this with an organizational context, organizations that lean tight are in context where there's a safety issues, coordination problems. I want to say, again, not all tight cultures have threat and not all loose cultures are on Easy Street, but it's really an important principle that threat does seem to cause the evolution of tightness. So threat really underlies a lot of that. And it

might be interesting to analyze a lot of what we see in terms of the impact of threat and the history of threat within organizations, relationships, et cetera. Now, those who listen and know that language is something I've always found very fascinating. I love the fact that you have looked into language as well. And in fact, you publish a threat dictionary. Can you tell us a little bit more about I've never seen a threat dictionary before. That's right. So this is a paper we just published recently. The idea is that we're constantly being bombarded by threatening information, whether it's on social media in the newspaper, you know, radio, newscast, hopefully not this podcast, except we've been talking a lot about threat. And, you know, it's something that is really affecting our brain circuitry. And we wanted

to develop methods to track it in real time. So we partnered with some computational linguistic scholars, along with psychologists like myself, and developed a new threat dictionary that it's developed based on big data. We ceded out words into different platforms like Twitter, Wikipedia, Common Crawl, and we chose words that were coalescing around each other, that we're clustering together. Things like attack and crisis, destroy, fear, injury, outbreak, unrest. These kinds of words are really tapping into the psychology of threat. And what we wanted to do is then track threat over time over the last hundred years with newspapers. So all the newspapers published in the U.S. We tracked threat, whether it's changing over time. And we found, for example,

that during times of threat, there were far more ethnocentric types of attitudes on other surveys against immigrants. There was more rallying around the flag around current U.S. presidents, more conservative shifts during threat. We found that norms tended to become tighter during times. times of threat in general, people became more groupy, more collectivistic. We also found during times of threat that economic activity took a big toll in terms of the stock market. It's just a new dictionary that can help us track threat and understand its influence. One other thing we found is that threat talk is very contagious. And so, you know, and you add a threat word or two to a tweet that really increases its retweeting power. And this to suggest that when we have these tools, we can start

tracking in our own lives, like, how much threat am I being exposed to? What other things does it predict? Whether it's like how CEOs talk about threat, how does that affect how other competitors see the company or customers. It can be used to track online radicalization. A lot of times people using threat to tighten people. Elected leaders use threat and manufacture threat, fake threat, that tightens people unnecessarily. So there's ways that we can now make this very powerful psychology more visible and more tangible and measurable in real time. And it can also help all of us reflect on the language that we use and maybe become more personally responsible for the way in which we use certain words. Yeah, that's right. And on my website, the threat dictionary is publicly available.

You can download it. You can have your own feed. What kind of threat talk do you see in your feed? It will give you kind of a breakdown of the words and so forth. So this might be one of those things that can help break those thought bubbles that people talk about. If we can see literally the types of language that we're receiving called out would be really interesting. I find that work fascinating. The notion of a threat dictionary. It used to be my teachers would threaten that I'd have to go read the dictionary if I did something wrong. And now there's a threat dictionary.

I'm excited to read. So thank you. I know, Michelle, that you are very interested and passionate about justice and diversity, equity, and inclusion. What insights do you have, based on your research and other things that you've done to help us better? understand the issues and challenges and perhaps do better in this space? Yeah. The most recent work that we're doing on this topic is really around tight-loose. The idea is that research suggests that women and minorities tend to live in tighter worlds.

So that's to suggest that they are being evaluated more harshly or more strictly with consequences for deviance that a majority high-powered groups don't have. And we can see that. We've done some studies, for example, in banks where we ask, managers to evaluate deviant behavior by just switching the name, Jamal or Letitia or Brad or Lauren. And these are like workplace deviant types of questions around like coming to work late or being on the phone or so forth, other things, or even more major deviants. And it was remarkable to see that there was no in-group effect. It wasn't that women and minorities were evaluating each other more leniently for these behaviors. They didn't actually differentiate who was doing the behavior. But

white majorities tend to let other majorities. the hook and they were much more harsh on women and minorities. So that suggests that we need to start thinking about the worlds we live in when it comes to accountability. And we're starting to do more work on that in everyday life through some experiential sampling daily diary types of studies to understand the constraints that women and minorities and people from stigmatized identities have to experience. It seems to me that people who are stigmatized and coming from a represented minority are under threat much more. Yeah. Yeah. And we're doing a lot more more work now also on social class. This is like a hidden dimension of diversity that we don't

study so much. We're building on some really great work in psychology on social class that was looking at collectivism and how family-oriented people are from working class versus upper class. But we can also look at this from a tight-loose lens. And we can see that people who are in the working class, they have a lot more threat. They have to worry about falling into hard living. They have to worry about crime in the neighborhoods. They have to worry about occupational hazards in the kind of jobs they have, they tend to lean tighter. You know, you can think about all sorts of mismatches when you have working class kids going to like predominantly loose institutions, like colleges. Right. What happens with that mismatch? We've been starting to study that and understanding that we

need to start thinking about diversity in terms of these underlying dimensions of culture. Interesting. That's fascinating, the notion of class and how it fits in. We'll be right back to finish our conversation. But first, a quick word from one of our sponsors. Their support allows us to you this show free of charge. If you've ever felt like you're trying to do everything yourself, especially when the stakes are high, you're not alone. One of the biggest shifts I see in effective leaders growing their organizations comes from focusing on the right things. But that's hard to do when you're stretched thin. You need to be able to delegate some tasks to competent professionals. That's where Upwork can really help. Upwork is a one-stop platform to find, hire, and pay expert

freelancers across areas like marketing, development, data and analytics, and more. It gives you fast access to specialized talent so you can move quickly, fill key gaps, and scale your work without taking on full-time overhead. You can browse profiles, review past work, and get support scoping your project so you can hire with confidence. It's a simple way to focus your time where it matters most. Visit upwork.com right now and post your job for free. That's upwork.com to connect with top

talent ready to help your business grow. That's upw-w-rk.com. Upwork.com. And now, back to our conversation. Before we end, I'd love to ask you the same three questions I ask everyone. Are you up for that? Yeah, sure. Excellent. Question number one, if you were to capture the best communication advice you've ever received as a five to seven word presentation slide title, what would that be? I think one of the things is really important is to know your audience. Being passionate and charismatic kind of empowering, I think is really important, but also being super clear and so forth. I think it's really important to make your audience feel like they're the only person in the room. You're just laser focused on that person. That requires a lot of listening skills. That requires also just pure like attention.

I just want everybody to notice that I gave a very tight restriction and you blew away with a very open response. So many things you said are really important, knowing your audience really has. helping give content that's relevant to them. The notion of making the person feel like they're the only person in the room is really powerful. I'm curious for question number two, who is a communicator that you admire and why? Here I am being loose again. I have two. Two answers. All right. One is Harry Trandis. I mean, he was just someone who was so brilliant in his breadth of knowledge, but he was not someone who took himself so seriously. He was very humble. So much putting himself at the level of his audience. And I really admire.

that I was going to nominate Thomas Friedman, the New York Times journalist, for that too. I have breakfast with him every so often, and we did a joint book talk when my book came out. And he's also someone who really listened so well. And he's so passionate and so learning oriented that he just wants to hear your perspective. And he's also brilliant and has so much knowledge. So we just, when we meet for breakfast, we're both just take a note frantically. And I really admire how he operates and learns about the world through communication and listening. I hate to give you a constraint on this third question, but what are the first three ingredients that go into a successful communication recipe? Audience, passion, and humility.

Audience, passion, and humility. We've heard the first two before. Talk to me a little bit about humility. Why is that so important to you? I think that people are much more likely to listen to you and understand you when you treat them with respect and when you don't take yourself too seriously. You know, that helps people to feel seen and understood. And that's going to open their minds more to what you have to say. Thank you.

And thank you for being here today. That idea of opening minds to what you have to say, you've certainly done that for us in a very non-threatening way. So thank you for that. And you make something that's so important and serious, very applied. You give us very specific techniques. And I, for one, am going to relook at how I interact with others. So thank you. Thank you for having me.

You've been listening to Think Fast Talk Smart, the podcast, a production of Stanford Graduate School of Business. This episode was produced by Michael Riley, Jenny Luna, and me, Matt Abrams. Find more resources and join our conversation on LinkedIn by searching Think Fast, Talk Smart. Please download and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. Before we wrap up, I just want to say thank you for listening. It really means a lot to hear how people all over the world are using these ideas in their own lives. It inspires me and the whole team that brings you this show. If you want more episodes and resources, feel free to follow, subscribe, and explore past conversations.

We're grateful for your support of Think Fast Talk Smart.