Think Fast Talk Smart: Communication Techniques - 9. Quick Thinks: How Being Present-Oriented Improves Communication

Episode Date: April 23, 2020

Although it may feel counter intuitive, letting go of our prepared notes and focusing on the present can help us communicate more effectively.In this Quick Thinks episode, host Matt Abrahams speaks with Stanford University lecturers and improv theater experts Dan Klein and Adam Tobin on how staying in the moment allows communicators to connect with their audience. Connect:Premium Signup >>>> Think Fast Talk Smart PremiumEmail Questions & Feedback >>> [e-mail] Transcripts >>> Think Fast Talk Smart WebsiteNewsletter Signup + English Language Learning >>> FasterSmarter.ioThink Fast Talk Smart >>> LinkedIn,  Instagram, YouTubeMatt Abrahams >>> LinkedIn ********Thank you to our sponsors.  These partnerships support the ongoing production of the podcast, allowing us to bring it to you at no cost.Strawberry.me. Get 50% off your first coaching session today at Strawberry.me/smartJoin our Think Fast Talk Smart Learning Community and become the communicator you want to be. 

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FasterSmarter.com slash sponsor. Now a word from one of our sponsors. Their support allows us to bring you quality content free of charge. If you've ever thought, I know I can do more, but something's holding me back, you're not alone. Whether you're navigating career growth, seeking better balance, or wanting to communicate with more confidence, coaching can help you bridge the gap between intention, and action. At strawberry.me, you'll get matched with a professional coach who's trained to help you clarify your goals, build lasting confidence, and make intentional choices professionally and personally.

This is not therapy. It's not consulting. It's a thought partnership designed to help you take action with more clarity and purpose. I strongly believe in the value of coaching. All of us can benefit from the help of a coach. Visit strawberry.comme slash smart to get matched up with your coach today. That's strawberry.me slash smart and get 50% off your first coaching session. It's the most affordable time ever to see if coaching is right for you. Being in the present moment and listening intently can help both your impromptu and planned communication. In our first podcast on spontaneous speaking, I was joined by fellow lecturers Adam Tobin and Dan Klein. Today I am thrilled to share an important portion of that conversation

that didn't make it into the original episode. My name is Matt Abrams, and I teach strategic communication at Stanford Graduate School of Business. And welcome to a quick think's episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart, the podcast. So here you go, this bonus clip from my conversation with two Stanford improv experts on how being in the present moment helps us to be a better communicator. We often don't take the time to be present enough to listen, to understand truly what's needed in that moment so we can respond accordingly. Because we're in our heads, because we're judging and evaluating, we might miss some nuance or make some assumptions that get in the way of being successful and spontaneous speaking. Curious to know your thoughts about that listening and that present orientation.

Wait, what did you just ask? Sorry, I'm sorry. Look, if you're like locked into a script or locked into this idea of how you were going to do it and something is going on, you're totally not connecting with your audience, with their needs. Like, imagine you're giving a talk and there's a fire alarm and the sprinklers go off and you keep giving your talk. It's the opposite of actually connecting your material to people. You have to, you have to be there and you have to keep bringing the current. circumstances to your material so you can get it to people. Rafe Chase is a brilliant improviser and director here in the Bay Area who's created amazing

theater for more than 30 years. And his advice was in the moment when you find yourself thinking about yourself, either in the past or in the future, how I did or how I'm going to do, don't beat yourself up, but let that be a little trigger, reminder that there's something to notice. right now. And that's always true. There's always something to notice right now. And I would say one of the most powerful ideas that improv gave to me personally. And then I've applied certainly to speaking and to pitching movie ideas and to teaching and to this room right now is it's not about you. It's not just about you. It's really about them. It's about your listener. It's about your partner. It's

about making your partner look good. And if you can get that awareness out of yourself, you know, there's a great improv maxim, which is do what needs to be done. Yeah. Don't do more. Don't do less. Do what needs to be done. And you only know that if you're paying attention.

That's right. And a great way, I think, for people to help get in that present moment, not when they're playing improv games, because improv games invite that. But taking time to greet your audience, take time to get to know them, ask questions. It brings you into that present. moment. You can't be worried about everything that could happen if I'm shaking your hand and asking you a question. Another way to make sure that you're listening well and understanding is using paraphrasing. I'm a big fan of paraphrasing such that you hear the information and demonstrate

you heard the information. There's no sense communicating if you're not communicating on the topic that's needed in that moment. I just had an insight about paraphrasing, which is you're kind of extending the now, right? So like now keeps moving past you and blah, blah, blah. That's good. But what paraphrasing does is like what they said, you're saying again, and you're kind of like living in that space for a little moment, right? And yes, it reaffirms fidelity. Did I get that message right? It affirms what they said.

Oh, I heard you and you said something. But also it's like, okay, before we rush on to what we think about that or what that means, like let's take a moment and just be in that for a second. And it doesn't take a long time, but it's in the now. There's another piece here. I connect this to teaching, but also to speaking. What the teaching is a variation of speaking, which is sometimes we really want to get a laugh because the laugh kind of gives us indication that everyone's with us and it's working. They're engaged. It's a bit of ego boost, but it also says we're live and together.

There are some laughs that are actually costly. If you're just doing your jokes, if you're making fun of somebody, you might get the laugh, but it won't actually build that connection. But there is a laugh that you can get, which comes from highlighting something funny or interesting that someone else did. So if someone does something funny to be celebrated as the teacher as the host to call it out, you get that laugh, but you get it in service of the other person and of the message. I think it's true in talks as well. If something happens in the room that you can call out, it gets the laugh that's not you generating a joke and saying, look at me. It's sort of being present in the moment. You've just listened to Think Fast Talk Smart, a podcast produced by Stanford's Graduate School of Business. For more information and episodes, visit gsb.spb.standford.edu.

Or subscribe to our show wherever you get your podcasts. You can find us on social media at Stanford GSB. Thanks for joining me for this quick thanks episode. If these takeaways were helpful, I'd love for you to listen to the full episode that started this conversation. There's more context, more stories, and more tools to support your communication. Give it a listen. And as always, thanks for your support. Before we wrap up, I just want to say thank you for listening. It really means a lot to hear how people all over the world are using these ideas in their own lives.

It inspires me and the whole team that brings you this show. If you want more episodes and resources, feel for you. free to follow, subscribe, and explore past conversations. We're grateful for your support of Think Fast, Talk Smart.