Thinking Out Loud with Alan Shlemon - Should You Permit a Homosexual Couple to Sleep Together in Your Home?

Episode Date: July 3, 2025

Alan explains how he answers whether he would allow a homosexual couple to stay the night at his house. He also provides a principle that helps him address a variety of similar dilemmas.

If a same-sex couple asks if they can stay the night together in your home, should you allow them? Well, I'd like to explain my answer in this episode of my podcast, Thinking Out Loud with Alan Schlane. When you have friends and family who identify as gay and lesbian, sometimes you find yourself in a dilemma. So if a homosexual couple asks to spend the night at your house in your bedroom, right in one of your bedrooms in your home, do you allow them? Now on the one hand, you want to be kind and welcoming, but your conscience is telling you that something is

amiss by allowing them to sleep together in one of your bedrooms. So the question is, well, okay, so what should you do? Well, decades ago, I formulated a principle that helps me to navigate situations in which someone who identifies as gay or lesbian is making a request of me. Now I call this principle the principle of consistency. Now this principle has helped me to navigate a whole host of situations in which I'm sure or I'm unsure of how to proceed and in fact, I'd say that this principle helps will

will help to answer 99% of the questions that you might have that begin with hey Alan, my friend is gay. And he asked me to, or, Hey, Alan, my sister is a lesbian. And she asked if I'd be willing to, you know, and fill in the, you know, fill in the rest of the, whatever the sentence is going to be. Right. And so, so here, here's how the principle here's the principle.

All right. Um, treat a homosexual the same way you treat a heterosexual in a morally comparable situation. In other words, ask yourself, how would you respond in a similar moral situation? If the person were heterosexual? Now, whatever your answer is in the situation with a heterosexual should probably be your answer with in the situation with a heterosexual should probably be your answer with the homosexual.

Now I say probably because, you know, this principle doesn't work 100% of the time. I think it works most of the time, but generally this principle is a guide to help you consider a quest made by someone who identifies as a gay or lesbian. And it helps you to consider the request by way of analogy. And I think helps to handle a whole bunch of situations. So for example, I've had many Christian women ask me what to do about a female friend or coworker who has expressed romantic interest in them. And so I asked them, okay, well, how would you respond if a guy friend or a guy coworker

expressed romantic interest in you, and you were interested in them? You know, again, that's the principle of consistency. Now, the usual response is for them to say, well, oh, that's no problem. I would just tell them I'm not interested. And that I simply prefer to be friends. And so my advice to the Christian women then is to tell their female friend or coworker the same thing. Hey, I'm not interested. Let's just be friends or whatever.

So notice how thinking about a morally comparable situation with a heterosexual helps you to know how to respond with a homosexual. Now, what about the situation when you're asked if two homosexual men can stay the night in a bedroom in your home? Well, here's how I would handle that request. I would again apply the principle of consistency by trying to think of a morally comparable

situation that involves heterosexuals. So for example, would I allow a boyfriend and girlfriend to stay the night in a bedroom in my home? Now, the answer is no, because I don't want to condone the sexual sin of fornication. Right. I only kind of allow married couples to stay the night together in my home. And I can apply the same logic to the situation with two homosexual men. I wouldn't allow two men to stay the night because again, I don't want to condone the sin of homosexual sex. Now notice both fornication

and homosexual sex are morally comparable because both are sexual sins. Now, I'm not here arguing whether you should allow an unmarried heterosexual couple or a homosexual couple to stay together in your home. I'm simply suggesting that you should set your boundaries consistently. In other words, don't permit one type of sexual sin and prohibit another. In other words, if you're going to allow an unmarried heterosexual couple to stay the night, it's inconsistent to then deny a homosexual couple. And so if you deny an unmarried heterosexual couple that wants to stay the night, then it's fair to deny a homosexual couple. And so if you deny an unmarried heterosexual couple

that wants to stay the night, then it's fair to deny the homosexual couple. Now, you might even consider pointing this out, you know, pointing out your reasoning to the homosexual couple. If, for example, they begin to protest, you know, like, hey, that's not fair. Why are you being this way?

Why aren't you allowing us to stay? You know, let them know, hey, well, I wouldn't allow an unmarried heterosexual couple to stay the night either. And so what you're doing there is you're demonstrating that you hold a principal decision that applies equally to all people in morally comparable situations. Now, I know what you're probably thinking, well, what if the two homosexual men

are legally married? Now, would that change your answer? Now, of course, this raises a whole other issue. Yes, it's true that same-sex marriage was codified in Obergefell versus Hodges back in 2015. But here's the thing, just because something is made legal, that doesn't make it moral, right? I mean, slavery was once legal,

but that never made slavery moral, right? It was never morally permissible to own another human being simply because a loss changed. Abortion was made legal, but it's not moral, right? All human beings, regardless of their development, deserve protection, right? In other words, court rulings and laws can't legitimize immoral ideas or immoral actions. And so making same-sex marriage legal never made it moral.

It never made it legitimate. Obergefell did not create man-man or woman-woman marriage because Supreme Court decisions are impotent to create such things. Therefore, even though a homosexual couple may have been legally married, they are not actually married. And since they are not married, I can't treat them as if they are and allow them to stay together in one of our bedrooms. Now, I get it. Look, this is obviously a tough situation. bedrooms. Now, I get it. Look, this is obviously a tough situation. Honestly, look, life is messy, and it's full of awkward and, you know, uneasy decisions. But thinking logically and applying biblical principles equally among comparable situations, I think, will help you to navigate

difficult questions like this one with biblical fidelity. Well, that's all I have for you today. If you've enjoyed this episode, I encourage you to share it with a friend. And then also don't forget to subscribe to my podcast and that way you won't miss any future episodes when they come out. And thank you again for listening. I look forward to thinking out loud with you next time. You