This Is Important - Ep 14: Which Chain Pizza Rules Them All?

Episode Date: December 3, 2020

Today, this is what’s important:More hard seltzer, halloween candy, Who Get's The Dog?, film school, Kyle's lonely years, dating roommates, sex with the guys, Kyle's hair, manscaping, TikTok, Pizza rankings, and more. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Welcome to This Is Important, a production of iHeartRadio, the show where we only talk about what is most obviously very crucially important. Today on This Is Important... The Mounds with the Dark Chocolate... We would just get fucking so stoned, hilariously high. I will never apologize again, fuck y'all. And I really truly believe however you want to express your love to somebody else, do it. Let's go!

And we're off to the races. Speaking of diarrhea. Did you have some Narnor Binks lately? I got it. Within the last week, I've sprayed the ball once. Okay, let's get into it. Yeah, let's get into it, man. Yeah, and this is what the podcast has devolved into, talking about Kyle's poo-poos.

Hey guys, welcome to This Is Important. I was just simply dehydrated and I went ahead and got a lot of water in my system and everything bulked right back up. We all good. That's interesting. So, for the guys that drink still, have you been drinking a lot lately or have you been toning down the drinking in the core? I mean, I think I told you guys last week, I bought like 11 cases of hard seltzer.

The taste, it's like water. I drink like three or four a night and it's, I'm like, am I drunk? I don't know. Where are my kids? Well, they're more, it's more, at least with our brand, me and Blakey's. Our pod sauce, hold on. Our pod sauce, Ashlyn Hard Seltzer. It's five percent, so it's more than just a regular beer.

What's a regular beer? It's like four. Yeah, they're all, most of them are five percent. A Bud Light isn't? No, no, no. I'm talking about the hard seltzers though. Oh yeah. Right.

And if you guys are repping that, I'm repping. I'm a nude dude and I'm sticking to it. You got a chill on nude, dude. It's all about Ashlyn. It's an Ashlyn and I'm just living in it. Yeah, team Ashlyn. Tastes like that. Did you guys figure out what the mixer is for these seltzers?

What is the alcohol in them? Oh, you're talking like, is it a malt? There's barley. It's in there. I threw it like they would a beer. So it's a beer, but it's just got, what, what's the deal? But it's seltzer, dude, it's different. It's impossible to explain.

Blake, Blake, go ahead and read that. Ashlyn's gluten-free. Okay. We need a non-alcoholic seltzer to give you. It's just cold sparkling water. Yeah. Well, I got it. It's called La Croix right here.

Yeah. There you go. But you're the guy with, so I don't know. Well, that's because it's just too much coffee. Pizza, pizza. Oh, boy. That's a great one. Yes.

I got to get rid of this Halloween candy that's clogging up my lifestyle, because that, that shit's racking and stacking. What's your inventory? I made the mistake of, of going like, oh yeah, I should buy $80 of Halloween candy or like way too much. Yeah. It's on sale. Because the kids, you know, there's going to be kids to give it to, and then I totally

forgot that COVID is a thing and kids aren't going to be coming and digging their little fingers. I totally forgot. I totally forgot. Oh, I totally forgot. I just bought pounds and pounds of candy. Whoopsies. On the line.

Whoopsie doopsies. Well, the goal is you buy a ton of candy. That way you have mad choices, but then come Halloween, you give it all away. Turns out Halloween, come and gone, and I still have tons of candy because there was no kids to give it to. Yeah. So now I have just mounds and mounds of mounds. Oh, I love mounds.

Oh, well played. Is that what you got? You got mounds. You got almond joy. Yeah. Fuck yeah. What you got? I do.

I have almond joy. I got some twizz. Hell yeah. I got, you know, Jolly Ranchers. I got sweet tarts. I have Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. Oh, that's my job. I have milk duds.

Damn. I have, what are those little balls? Sicklets. Sicklets. Those are my favorite. Oh, no. Milk duds? No, not milk duds.

The chocolate balls. Oh, whoppers. Whoppers. Whoppers. Whoppers. Whoppers. Yeah. I feel like I used to give away the almond joys.

Like that was my first trade. Yeah, but as an adult, almond joys hit a little differently. I feel like as a kid, you're not fucking with some coconut. But as an adult, your palate has matured a little bit. Yes, there. And that coconut hits and you bite it in that nut and it's all crispy and delicious with the milk. Yes, there.

It's wrapped up in all of its ooey gooey goodness and you're like, damn almond joys. Almond joys you can come up on for very low bargaining chips because people just don't know almond joys or where it's at. I've always been all about almond joys, but I couldn't, I don't, the mounds with the dark chocolate. Is that what it was? The mounds or dark chocolate? Yeah.

What's that? Hello. Thank you, God. Mounds or dark chocolate and the coconut stuff and then almond joy have milk chocolate and the one or two almonds in it. Okay. Yeah. When I was a kid, like the fucking Reese's Pieces Peanut Butter Cups did not last the

night. Yeah. I'd be snapping on some Reese's. Are they smaller now? The cups? Well, the ones that they give in the Halloween candy bags are smaller. They give like a little cutie bite size. But not the little mini ones.

I'm talking about is the standard fucking one smaller? I think boy, you just got bigger, boy. That's true. I also don't like unwrapping them anymore. I'm like, I'm not dealing with that. Those were so cool to unwrap because they were like folded so nicely and you could just like unstick them. I think they're thinner now.

I want to call up Mars fucking Hershey whatever and go, what's the deal? Mars, get at us. Sponsor the pod. I'd rep Mars. Well, that 100 percent is like the why you had to eat them right away because they would not last any kind of heat. Like they were they were soft. They were soft.

They could not stand. They wouldn't last for long. You had to eat them. Yeah. I miss being a Halloween as an adult is way less fun. It's way less fun. As a kid, I remember you just got robbed or you or you robbed someone else. My brother got robbed.

A lot of robbing. Yeah, it was all every every year like there you'd like you'd run into a kid in your neighborhood and it's like, yeah, I got my candy taken. You're like, you bitch. And so it happens to you and you're like, you guys were lucky. That was just Halloween. Yeah, haha. I never got jacked for candy.

But oh, really? Oh, yeah. No, that happened to me. Yeah, I do remember wrapping the pillowcase around my wrist in case somebody tried to grab it. I got a good feeling whatever Kyle was dressed as it was too scary to fuck with. They were like, let's go around the other guy. Never mind.

I'm not going to do that. Yeah, right. You just had a wet ass long hair and that was your costume. Dude, the photo that Kyle sent me the other day of us, me and Kyle and our roommate at the time and good friend Teddy were on a TV show called Who Gets the Dog on Animal Planet where it was like a reality show is when we first like within the first couple of years of us living in LA, we're still pretty new to the LA scene and we were just kind of stoked to be on TV doing a thing.

Yeah. And it was a reality show to see who wins the dog. I think we mentioned it on the pod before, didn't we? I think we did too. But Kyle dug up some. I found the footy. Some footy and some some photos of I don't remember our hair being that insane. Bro, it was so wild.

You guys look like Pokemon. Yeah. It's crazy. Yeah, I look like a fucking Pokemon character. Kyle looks like, I mean, you hit the nail in the head when you're like you are leading the Black Parade. You are my chemical romance fucking superstar over here. Totally.

Very short-lived MCR phase that was probably like a year and a half maybe where I dyed my hair black and would brush it into my forehead like I do not remember your emo bangs. That's so weird. This was like film school like coming out of film school. I think I went to like this like emo side majorly when I went to film school. I loved that. That's when I was cutting the short films about suicide and darkness. You were constantly, it was like you were cutting everybody because you were an editing

major. So you were cutting everybody's films. And every time I'd go in the edit bay, which is just your bedroom, which was right next to my bedroom. Right. It was you cutting a new short film about someone staring at themselves in the mirror contemplating suicide. It's like every fucking kid that goes to film school is secretly wants to kill themselves.

Is it because they're like, they think that that's the heaviest thing. And so they want their short film to have some weight to it. So they're like, yeah. Also, it doesn't require like you acting with a scene partner. It's mirror acting. So you only need one actor. It's all internal. Yeah.

It's just, it's a moneymaker. And scene. Yeah. Thin. And blow your brains out. Yeah. Yeah. I think the one that you're speaking of primarily was dealing with like Bulimia and the character

trying to decide whether or not. You had Bulimia, your character? Pizza, pizza. No, no. No, you don't. Oh, I was about to say. No, I wasn't in it. I was cutting.

I was cutting these things. I wasn't an actor at that point. I wasn't an actor and so freaking at that point. I wasn't an actor and so freaking Carl, dude. No, that's not true because you had like a student film where you're like staring in a mirror and then there's like a light bulb swinging back and forth and you're like contemplating. That was a documentary. That was just some found footage.

Oh, dude, that was, oh, no, no, that was, that was after film school. That was something that my brother filmed with the slow-mo camera and that was like lampooning all of these. That's what that was. It felt pretty real to me. That was a myth. Truth and comedy. Well, yeah, I mean, I'm a good-ass fucking actor player, but like...

Can't disagree with that. Yeah! That one, you watch it now, it's very, it's a lampoon of all that shit. It was out of school. I will say that Kyle is one of my favorite actors. I will say that. Damn, thank you. Yeah, he makes some good choices.

Yeah. Yeah, you're welcome. You make some real fun original choices that you don't see other actors make. Daniel Day Loser. Yeah, yeah, yeah, they're not very calculated at all. It's just running with it. I think what's cool about Kyle is that he has creative, what would you call this? His fountain of creativity.

Ooh, juices. He's juicy. He's very personal, and my favorite iteration of this is when Adam and Blake both, they all live together, but Adam and Blake had girlfriends and Kyle did not, so these guys would just bail on Kyle and be like, we're going out to play Ski Ball or whatever, hit a ball. We were dating roommates as well. You guys were roommates.

The girls were roommates. I have my dog. And Kyle would just be like the fucking fifth wheel and he'd get left home. And through this sorrow, he created one of the greatest concept albums known to man. Oh man, Unreal Least, Friends of Aliens. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yep.

I'm fucking aliens tonight. Did you want to give the log line, the synopsis of love? Yeah, dude. Yeah, it was all about a guy, me, who could not find love and decided to go to space and was really smart, went to space like immediately. No one understood him here on Earth. Nobody understood the person on Earth, so he had to. You know what?

Probably also within four months, four to six months of Blake not getting the Starbucks commercial, get cut it out of the Starbucks commercial and saying he's going back to Concord. So I think you were in that headspace of, you know what, I'm just going to get the fuck out of here. Blake chose Concord. You chose the moon, baby. Yeah.

The whole goal of the character was to make like good music, but he wasn't very good at it. So he went to space and then. No one can judge me in outer space. Yeah. And then I immediately found an alien who like we fucked like right away. It was just. You did.

And you don't know if it was a girl alien or a guy alien androgynous, very, very non-gender specific. Yeah, non-gender. Did you bust? Oh my God. I busted hard. Yeah. It's in the song.

We fucked and it was sick. And then I ended up bringing the alien back to Earth and we just made music together and took hell of drugs. Yeah, that sounds very smoke weed every day. That's cool. Drugs and tacos. Very under the influence. Yeah.

Tacos and drugs. Exactly. Eight hell of tacos and smoked weed. Kyle, do you still have that song? Can we can we play it on the pot? Yeah, I actually could release it. I have a really good version of it, but I also have the older version as well. Yeah.

All right. Well, hey, let's, uh, hey, we'll see you guys back after you hear this beautiful rendition of I'm fucking alien. Is that the name of it? Uh, yeah. Yeah, sure. Doesn't really have a title, but that's good. Hey, I'm fucking aliens.

Okay. This is NASA. Kyle, are you ready? Yeah, I'm okay. I'm a little bit nervous, but very excited. Well, just stay calm out there, buddy. It'll be fine. Here we go.

Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three. Oh my God. Two, one, four, five, six, five, six, five, six, five, six, five, six, five, six, five, six, five, six, five, six, five, six, five, six, five, six, five, six, five, six, five, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one, four, five, six, five, six, five, four, three, two, one, four, five, six, five, six, five, six, five, six, five, six, five, four, three, two, one, four, five, six, five, six, five, six, five, six, five, six, five, five, six, five, six, five, six, five, six, four, five, four, five, six, five, six, five,

five, six, five, five, six, five, six, five, six, five, six, five, six, five, six, five, six, five, six, five, six, five, five, six, five, six, five, six, five, six, five, off, Hey, where are you going? Fucking Mars! Fly through the night Traveling through space Look at all the stars around With what a magical place

Here we go! Whoa! Did you see that? Yeah, it's gorgeous! Check that out, I can't believe I'm out here right now! I was glad that it's been a while ago Hey, you think you might want to kiss me? Whoa, I just saw the Big Dipper!

Yeah Hey, look, it's Orion's belt! That thing looks amazing! It's gorgeous! Hey, stop trippin'! I'm totally gonna fuck you! I'm fuckin' aliens tonight Cause I'm sad and lonely I'm fuckin' aliens tonight Cause I'm a little bit horny

I've got an alien friend I've got sex with I've got an alien friend Who I have sex with I've got an alien friend Who I have sex with And it doesn't judge me Hey, it's been a lot of fun hanging out with you

Absolutely Glad we met And uh, you know I was wondering I love you too Well I was wondering if you Want to come back to Earth and make music with me

Oh yeah, that'd be great And we're back! Wow, wow, wow Pretty fabulous Just as good as I remember Quite a ride And there's a whole album It's a concept album, it tells a story

Very, like I said, a fountain Fountain of creativity Thank you Yeah, it's just a diary into your lonely mind During those times, it's really beautiful I mean, I was incredibly lonely at that time You guys were always out with your chicks Well, why don't you cry about it?

That's great I'm trying not to I like that I I loved dating roommates Because I was like, yeah And then I could just also get a cake with Blake all the time It's fun And then Blake hated it

Blake was like I just want to get away from Adam for a minute But I'm just like right there in the kitchen Of their living room And he's like, ah, fuck Yeah And we, you know, we already had discussed That I was listening to you bang

Since I was your roommate at home And then I'd go to my girlfriend's house And I'd have to listen to you bang there Or just like, I couldn't escape your bang radius I'm sorry And she's like, what do you think they're doing in there, huh? It's kind of funny Should we make noises too?

Try and out fuck them You're like, yeah And Blake's like, icky, icky, icky You can't Ew, gross Let's play Uno Skip, skip, reverse, skip, skip Wild card

I'm a sucker for Uno It's a great game Really, really good Adam's a wild card as I'm in the other room Gid, gid, gid, wor, gid, gid, gid That's the jazz noise Six, dude It's not terrifying

Something The victorious call of I'm done Adam truly was like the sandler sketch Sex or weight-lifting Because he made the same sounds While pumping iron That's cool

That he did when he was having sex Having sex Well, I mean, honestly, you know But you know, I learned all of my sexual moves from porno and porno films and sublime directory which we've shouted out in previous podcasts. So yeah, I would say it took many years of having sex before I realized you don't need to swing from the fucking rafters every time. Are dudes in porno that loud?

I feel like if they're loud, I'm like, oh, sorry pal, I don't need the play-by-play pal. It's not even loud. It's more about the gymnastics routine that I'm doing in the — OK, sure. So in order for me to do these calisthenics and these flips, I have to release noises. Lay the tarp down? Yeah, yeah. It is about the workout with you.

Like you have to. Yeah, I'm also doing work in there, so it's not just moans of pleasure, it's moans of physical pain. My guy's a great lay. I'll say that. Physical exertion. Yeah. So then it is a workout.

It's both. It is. Yeah. Yeah, it's both. You sweat. That's pretty cool. You get the workout and it's great. That's the new workout.

You've got to put it in. You've got to make that workout take. Admittedly, in my elder years, which I'm currently in, I feel it's toned down quite a bit. Quite a bit. And thank God. And I think that's probably why Chloe agreed to marry me. She's like, okay, he's pumped the brakes on that. It's a down cycle.

Yeah, it's not all brazzers.com anymore. Yeah, it's not a goddamn Cirque de Soleil routine in the bedroom every time. It's a little performative. I've been putting on shows in there. Yeah, he's acting for the camera, not for the audience anymore. Yeah. And by the way, no camera. It's just us in our bedroom or wherever.

But yeah, I'm imagining. I'm imagining. Obviously. I'm imagining there's cameras and people everywhere and I'm pointing out to high five. You imagine you're in an arena. I'm like, I'm like, I just drained a three pointer and I'm like running away, doing like the finger guns and shit that the NBA players do, but I'm doing that when I'm hitting it right.

Dang. Wow. And she loves that for sure. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Every woman should and does. Yeah. I think the best thing about the Michael Holick's writer's room was we know chicks.

Whenever we would come up with like the worst response for a female character, we'd go, oh, and that's perfect because we know chicks. Every girl wants you to fuck them like you're in the middle of the Roman Coliseum. We have come a long way. For sure. Yeah. There's no doubt in my mind. We have.

But you know what I do now? I make love. There we go, baby. That's what I'm talking about. I've recently started to make love and it's much different. Yeah. And I'm digging it. Yeah.

I feel like you're a music guy, like you got to have it on or not got to, but like you prefer it. No. I like sports highlights. Interesting. Sometimes, sometimes, you know, if you really are doing like a, you're making a night of it. But I would say back in the day with these guys, I would turn on the music.

I would turn on Red Hot Chili Peppers very loudly. I know that to be true. To sort of drown out the noises so you wouldn't hear, you know, you wouldn't hear any of the calisthenics. Uh-huh. Now that you're making love and mature, are you lighting candles? Are you are you setting out rose petals? What's the deal?

It depends on if it's that kind of night. If it's like a, we celebrating something or I'm going to treat you right tonight. But tell you, you know what has been happening to me? It's been a lot of morning. I'm a morning guy now. Oh. Morning's bomb. I'm like a, I'm like a get up and go, hey, let's uh, let's attack the day today.

Morning's bomb. That's a great way to start your day. The best way of waking up. Hit the ground running. Yeah. That's the ultimate pick me up. God, Kyle. That's my guy.

Yeah. Yeah, man. I'm all about the subtlety. You know, I think I always have been. I've never been a very great performer. I disagree, Kyle. You're one of my favorite actors. I know, but I'm talking about like, you bring that intensity.

Yeah. You're a great lay. Thank you, Blake. You bring the intensity that you bring, that smoldering intensity that you bring to the screen. Yes. You bring that to the bedroom and who five stars the same way my fountain of creativity rolls.

It rolls in the bedroom. All right. And it's, it's, it's specific. It's a great land. And it is dialed in to exactly what she needs. Okay. That's, you might be a little too dialed. You might have to go a little more general.

Yeah. Let's talk about anything else. You have farmers hours. And so that's a very early morning. Yeah. She's, she's wiping the crust out of her eyes at like three a.m. I'm ready. Yeah.

But you know, it's a nice little, a nice little middle of the couple, like one REM cycle in and then you get up and you have a little leg and then you go back to bed while I go out and there you go. Come cycle. A REM cycle. I'm not. Pizza pizza. Oh boy.

You're nasty. Anyways. Back to my hair. Uh, Blake, my hair is getting incredibly long nowadays and I legit am waking up with it in my mouth. Uh-huh. What the fuck? That is a scary moment.

What is going on? I've had it affect my dreams, like seep into my dreams when my hair is in my mouth. Do you pull your hair back while you're sleeping? Uh. Kyle, you've had long hair for a long time. What do you mean this isn't just now? Dude, I've never had it this long. Never.

I've been down to my titties. Titties. Okay. But it's been long enough to be in your mouth. Your mounds? Not since like 2014, something like that six years ago and it was, and I would buzz my head. I would get to the point where I would just buzz it.

I've never like lived with it. Blake has lived with long hair for what? Over a decade. Yeah. It's getting up there. You've never cut it. That's true. Right?

I do sometimes. All right. Now here's a question. Do you guys all maintain your pubic zones? Manscape? Yeah. Yeah. I do.

I do. Every two months I do. Yeah. Probably every couple of months I do as well. I feel like that's something I could do every two months. I think I wait a little longer. It's overkill. Yeah.

Okay. So here's the question. If you don't, does it just keep growing forever? And can you have super long hair like your head of hair, but in your dick zone? Can you straighten it and have like a beautiful, luscious crotch head of hair? Like parted in the middle. You're joking, but what happens is it hardens and turns into like the horn of a rhinoceros. It's like a hair tusk that encases your phallus and protects it.

Pizza, pizza. I know you're joking, but... That seems real to me. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I've actually never really let it go that long. How long does it take for it to turn into the tusk?

18 months. Oh, damn. I feel like I'm specific. That's amazing. Yeah. It is. It is like calcium. Deposits.

Right? Hair is calcium. Dead calcium. I wonder what the longest pubic hair is. Because obviously like... There's a Guinness. Guinness Book of World Records. Why don't they just give us what we want?

Yeah. We want longest dick. It has to be in there. Stop fucking around. We want longest pubes. Do they not do? They need a porn or like anatomy. Okay.

Yeah. No, like a porn Guinness. Yes. According to the Illustrated Book of Sexual Records, the longest known pubic hair in history was 28 inches long and belonged to a woman from South Africa. There we go. Wow. The hair was so long, it reached her knees.

The same woman had armpit hair that was 32 inches long. Oh, this woman was fun. That's awesome. But like, what was runner up? What was runner up? Like, is she a freaking nature kind of thing where it's just like, that's the one? Or are there like 20,000 people out there with 10 inch long pubic hair? That's what I'm more interested in.

Right. Like, is this a common thing to have foot long pubes? Yeah. I'm going to try. Illustrated Book of Sexual Records. So that is a book, the Illustrated Book of Sexual Records. That's tight. I bet if you started to comb it and you started to take care of it, I bet if you started to

actually like train it, it would grow longer than if you just like put on underwear and made it crumple up. You know what I mean? You have to, you have to be able to comb it out and you're training it. Right. Yeah. You're putting carrot juice. Just because if not, it'll just roll up onto itself and you would have like dreadlocks

down there and then that would, you know, crumple up. Yeah, right. Exactly. What do you mean you would have? Are you not supposed to have? Is it not? You're rocking dreads. Derz's pubic hair looks like the two twin matrix brothers, the blonde dreadlock dudes.

Yes. The freeway race. Those guys rocked. Yeah. They better be back for the new matrix. Yeah, they were cool. I'm not watching. They made me almost see that movie.

They were a highlight. Well, also when your hair will grow longer, if you like give a little trim on the end, just cut off the dead end. So I bet if you do that with your pubes too, it'll grow longer. Man. I never bought into that. I never bought into that rumor. It's true.

That's got to be what's next, right? Like that's the new industry is just clipping the end of people's pubes so they get longer. That's where the money is. I think it. Oh yeah, dude. That's for sure a goldmine. That's genius. Derz, you've always been on the top of it.

I want to shave bare and then spread chia pet like paste on it and just lay back and see what happens. Just for men. What? Pizza pizza. What do you want to do? And then I want to like take that wooden knife that they have and just spread the chia pet seeds across it.

Just lay back and let it ride. See what happens. I think grass will grow out of your dick. Yeah, that's like a sunlight. I want to know. Man, I think you got to have like dirt there for it to like seed in and stuff. I probably got a little something. Oh, I'm into this experiment though.

That's what the chia shit is, right? Doesn't chia give you a little spread? Well, chia's are seeds. You need the soil. Oh, that's right. Have you guys been on TikTok? I know we've talked about it a little bit. I know Blake has a burner account that he makes fun TikTok videos that he won't let

us see. But I recently got on TikTok because I've been seeing so many videos that I think are pretty great. Right. And I'm like, I don't think these generated on the Instagram. Where are they coming from? It's the TikTok. So I get on.

I'm going to I'm going to start TikTok and because goddamn it looks fun. There is a cool thing that you can do on TikTok that I've seen where you can like act with people who record their lines. And that seems like the most fun where you have recorded their lines and then you have to do a scene with them. That'd be great. It's called duetting. Is that what it is?

I think so. I barely tinkered around with it, but there's some characters on the TikTok. I'm telling you, we got to get on. I'm trying to do less. Less? I hear that. I don't want to fuck it. Yeah, I don't.

Less isn't more. It'll end up on Instagram. The cream will rise to the top. I don't want another fucking app to just eat my time. Like, you know, the little, the bar on your phone that tells you how you spent your time. We're going to get one of those when you die and you're going to see how much time you spent on your phone looking at fucking, I don't know what else. And it's going to be fucking, it's going to be so fucking sad.

Damn. Ders, that is, I'm 100% behind you there, bro. That is fucking awesome. I just can't. I'm like, I'm already grammed out. I'm not even on Twitter anymore. I'm not on Facebook anymore. I'm on Instagram and it's still like, ugh, give me the fuck out of here.

Give me on a bicycle like my friend Adam and fucking, I'd rather be outside. Yeah. That's all. Yeah. But even on the bicycle, I'm just listening to podcasts. I'm still, I'm still getting the, the, the entertainment. Yeah. I just, it's so disposable.

I'm going to, I'm going to become a Twitter. That's what I'm going to be. I'm going to point a camera. I'm going to sit in a chair. I'm going to play video games 24 hours a day. Yes. That's my new, that's my new career. Live streaming.

But you're performing for people as a Twitcher. You are doing that for people as opposed to just sitting there watching them, right? Yes. That's what you're saying. Twitch now is more than just video. Yeah. You can do anything on Twitch. It's basically just like your own live television show.

Can you do porno on Twitch? No. They're very strict about nudity on Twitch. No nudity on, on the Twitchers. Yeah. And that's weird because it Twitch sounds like, right. Some freaky shit. Something that happens.

Yeah. It sounds like you're on some freaky shit. Like I got a little Twitch. Suck on my TikToks. I think even with like the fucking pandemic and you're on Zoom for like, I'm on Zoom for like six, seven hours a day. I do not even really want to look at my, my phone for longer or a screen for longer. It's just, it's debilitating bro.

Yeah. But if it's Twitch, I think, I don't know if you guys know this, but I'll kidding aside, the Twitch is like the part of the nut sack in the back that hangs. Right. Wait, that's the Twitch. Wait, what is your... It's like a tendon, of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The part of the nut sack in the back that hangs. From the back of the nut sack. That part. The seam. Right. That's the Twitch. Oh, the seam. That's the Twitch.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So if you ever hashtag Twitch, that's, that's what you're talking about. Where's the, where's the TikTok? Can you continue the analogy and tell me where the TikTok is? Yeah. That's in the back of the throat. Those are the testicles. There has to be a, a Gooch is a TikTok.

That's the, the stripper. No, the TikTok, that's your testicles. Oh, TikTok. Yeah. Oh, yeah, that would make sense. Yeah. Damn. I mean, the taint is the taint, you know.

Right. Obviously the Gooch. Yeah. The Twitch is the seam. The Twitch is that seam. Yeah. And then the TikTok and the talk. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. The left and the right. Well, they're all my space. So can we change the subject? Yeah. Yeah. The crunchy roll is.

Okay. That was great. That was great. Oh my gosh. Yeah. Sometimes you got to just put the kidding aside for a second and you know, and just really get down to business. Yeah.

Exactly. Yeah. Speaking of Blake, that's from Little Caesars, right? That pizza pizza. Fucking duh. Allegedly. Of course. Yeah.

I know. I'm just letting everybody know. Who doesn't know, man? Come on. Don't let anyone know. They're going to fucking come for our shit. No, but like, here's my fucking thing. What's up with the $5 hot and ready?

I heard it's gone. Thank God. There's nothing in this world that's $5 anymore. What? Unfortunately. Yeah. Is the $5 foot long gone too? Yes.

No, but that's different. That's different. No, they come and that comes and goes. Yeah, that's been gone. Yeah, that goes and then they'll bring it back as like a special. We're doing it again. Yeah. $5 foot long at Subway.

I went a few months ago and I was like, I'll take the $5 foot long and I'm like, bitch, we don't do that. Yeah. I told you. They didn't say that. But yeah, it was sort of like, no, no, actually we don't do that. I mean, I just can't believe it. The $5 hot and ready was the best deal on planet earth, man.

That was so good. It's so gross. It's not food though. Okay. Hey, wait. What do you mean? It's already waiting for you, correct? Can we do a pizza rank?

Can we do a pizza rank? What's your like? Happy to. What do we call this? Fast food pizza? It's got to be a national chain or at least regional. National chain pizza rank. Okay.

Sure. Let's name them first just so we can like wet our whistles on like who we got. Okay. Domino's. Sure. Domino's. Domino's. Papa John's.

Papa John's. Pizza Hut. Pizza Hut. Is round table a thing anymore? I don't know. Round table's not a national chain. Is Godfather's a national chain or no? I don't know.

No. What about mountain mikes? Isn't a national chain? Let's start naming pizza places that only have one. What about? No, dude. There's hella mountain mikes out there. What about Ferdinandos?

Pepe. Dirty Nancy's. What about? What about the bowling alley by my house? Yeah. Okay. Little Caesars. I mean, look, it really comes down to Domino's, Pizza Hut, Little Caesars and Papa John's.

Okay. Right? Yes. Well, I mean, for me, it's hands down Papa John's and Domino's because it depends on what kind of, what kind of pizza you want. If you want a thicker crust, you go with the Papa John's. Personally, I'm a thin crust boy. I could eat Domino's all day long.

Domino's? Uh-uh. I could eat it all day long. Oh, gosh. Yeah. Domino's has a salty-ass thick crust, too, which is bomb as fuck, dog. Yeah. Domino's is what's up.

But I think I'm a Pizza Hut dude. Pizza Hut, Kyle? I'm a Pizza Hut dude. Yeah. For taste and taste alone, I'm Pizza Hut. I'm going for it. Really? Absolutely.

I love how you need to clarify that it's based on taste. Could you be a little bit more specific? Well, for deals, I already stated it's a little easier to just $5 hot and ready for the bang for your buck. I'm going for the hot and ready. That's why I'm pissed is gone because- I'm pissed now! Fuckin' eight, man.

Let's talk about deals for its own podcast on the next episode. This is flavor. We're just going to deal with the thing that everyone cares about, flavor of pizza. I don't know. I mean, does money or bottom line is flavor of the bottom line. I'm speaking to two different groups of people here. Hey, that's true, Kyle. Well, there's coupons for everything in the newspaper.

Blake, why are you ooing and gooing what I'm having to say? Well, because Papa John's to me isn't even, they're not a titan of the industry at all. Hey, Blake, take your politics out of it. I'm not even talking- Because we're talking about goddamn flavor. And by the way, you guys have to follow or at least go to his page, Papa John's Instagram page, hilarious. He's also a fellow cyclist, so I bombed with him on that.

So he comes in and he's like, he like flexes, he's like, flexes one arm is like, pop a pump, pop a blast. Adam, we've covered this. We've talked about this on the fucking podcast. He loves it. We've already done this. Hey, guys, we're going to go in circles. It's how it's the whole world is cyclical, okay?

This dude's on a mission. Pizza, pizza. Hey, between Domino's and Papa John's, who are you flying with? Adam, I'm saying. Out of those two, I probably would go, yeah, I'd probably stick with Domino's. Okay, Kyle said- I said the hut. The hut.

I said, you're not getting better than a hut. I am 150% a hut boy. Hut hut. The hut hut hike. Yeah, I like pizza hut. I think you guys are in the far minority. I do believe. Yeah.

Domino's sketches me out. Yeah, it's way too salty. I gotta go with Papa John's. Something about that sauce, the fruity sauce. Papa John's is great. It comes with like the garlic butters, like get the fuck out of here and little peppers and shit. Get the fuck out of here.

What are you talking about? What are you trying to help me and give me extras? I will say, I will say, I don't know what you're talking about. I don't know if I've ever had Papa John's. Exactly, because it's not on the map. I don't know if I've ever had Papa John's in my life. I had Papa Murphy's, but that was a local place by where I grew up. Papa Murphy's is a huge national chain.

Is it? Yes. Pizza Hut ruled the 90s. Well, then fuck it. I changed my whole thing. I'm all about Papa Murphy's cookie dough, baby. Not even pizza. Wait, hold up.

Hold up. Blake has a horrible point he wants to repeat. All right. Pizza Hut ruled the 90s, OK? And bitch, it's 2020. Where are you at? Yeah, it's 2020. It's gone downhill.

Pizza Hut is not great anymore. You got to try their thin crust, cracker thin, stuffed crust pizza dog. Who started stuffed crust pizza? I worked for Pizza Hut. I loved that job, too. Pizza pizza. You don't think they jacked that from some local place? Stuffed crust pizza.

You want me to rattle some more inventions up? I know meat lovers. They did it. Thank you. Puzon, baby. Get out of here. Dude, the Puzon was so whack. We got to do a taste test.

These are innovators. Puzon versus, so you're saying you got to have that in a papadea? A Puzon versus a papadea? Hell yeah. Get the papadea out of my face. I might have to do that taste test. The cheeseburger papadea. So Papa Murphy's doesn't count because it's like you're taking back.

Is that what's up? Because I like Papa Murphy's better than all this shit. The fuck is Papa Murphy's? Kyle, what are you talking about? Papa Murphy. Dude, Papa Murphy's, I just looked it up. It's the fifth largest pizza chain in the country. That's my shit, then.

It goes Domino's, Pizza Hut, Little Caesars, Papa John's, Papa Murphy's. Thank you. I thought Papa John's was Papa Murphy's. I've never even heard of it. I've never heard of it in my life. Dude, Papa Murphy's is, it's because it's not a classic pizza place. It's a take and bake. It's a take and bake.

You got to take it home and then cook it yourself. Oh, disqualified. Yeah. No, you preheat the oven, you drive to the store, you grab it, you come home, you toss it in the oven, you got to cook it 10 minutes later, and they got bar mass cookie dough. Can I talk about the cookie dough without just stepping on me for a moment? We're not talking about cookies. We're not talking about cookie dough.

But the cookie dough is so fucking good, dog. Dude, save it for the next episode. Why? We're talking about this right now, motherfucker. No, we're talking about pizza, bottom line pizza. I'm talking about pizza, take and bake, heating your oven up, cooking it yourself for a lower price. Now I'm getting the motherfucking money, all right, and you get fucking cookie dough and

you eat that shit raw on the way home. Look, that's disgusting, Kyle. You're revealing a lot about yourself right now, and it's disgusting. What? This is how I was raised. This is how I was raised, okay? You should be ashamed. What?

Why? Why, Blake? Adam left. He's had it. Why, Blake? Why should I be ashamed? Huh? Because I had to go for the deals?

No, because you just admitted to picking up pizza and eating cookie dough on the ride home. Boom. Yes, I know. What's wrong with that? Hey, I'm not mad at that, Kyle. That's fine. I had Papa Murphy's growing up too.

My family liked to get taken back as well. And we also had Pizza Hut, and I like Pizza Hut just fine. But Papa Murphy's is better than Pizza Hut, and Domino's is the best. By far, at least it's the most successful by far, beating Pizza Hut by almost a billion and a half dollars. That's insane. Dollars. He does money that's advertising.

That's Super Bowl commercials. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I looked up the leading pizza chains in the United States. I was talking about taste and value here. That's what my two factors are, not the worth of the company. Well, isn't that value? Yeah, I'm just saying, obviously, more people like Domino's or else they wouldn't spend $1.5 billion more, allegedly, according to this website that I just found.

Domino's.com. But I don't think that's true, because look at, like, Budweiser is the highest selling beer. The best one? I don't know if that's the best tasting beer to everybody. Right. Right there for me. Yeah.

Yeah. Right up there, but you didn't just say it's your favorite. They got the best deals to circle back to Kyle's dumb ass point. What the fuck is wrong with this dog taste and value? That seems like the only two factors when you're talking about a pizza and it's Papa Murphy's with a side of uncooked cookie dough. Don't forget which one gives you. That's part of it.

Is there not a Papa Murphy's in Los Angeles or Chicagoland? I've never heard of this. There has to be. Some two major metropolis. I've never. Maybe it's a suburban thing. Suburbia. So for some suburban commandos?

Yeah, dog. Do you remember when Little Caesars, the only thing they would give you is like that big ass long rectangle one and they cut their shit in squares? Yo, when my dad was in charge of dinner and came home with that long ass paper wrapped pizza, it was on. Yeah. Yeah. For what?

What was the paper wrapped pizza? Little Caesars. Oh, yeah. It was like double wide game changer. Pizza, pizza, pizza. Dude, I remember being a senior in high school and it was like or maybe a junior when they're when you were first allowed to like go off campus and get food and then we would just get fucking so stoned, hilariously high.

Hello. And then immediately just go to the Little Caesars and eat an entire large pepperoni pizza to my fucking fat head and then go back to school. Just sitting in like a sodium fucking dream. Yeah. Is it like the pioneer of the square slice? I believe that was their claim to fame. Well, that's amazing.

There's no fucking way. I mean, it was definitely the move. It like wasn't it like it went along with football? I don't remember that. The hot and readies are not square sliced. Yeah. Dude, you know what else they had? We're forgetting about like one of their main joints was crazy bread.

Like people used to flip on crazy bread. And they had a bunch of dipping sauces. I know we've talked about dipping sauces here. I don't think Little Caesars isn't isn't on that hot shit anymore. Little Caesars has fallen the fuck off. Yeah. Because you know why they started chasing deals, motherfucker. Yep.

And they started to lose quality. They were like, we'll be the pizza you can get for $1.99. That's true. Yeah. We did start to expect the five dollar pizza, which is probably hard to, you know, maintain the business. Like a Sears looking for like a fucking wrench or something like that. And you could just get a little Caesars pizza at the register like it was fucking bubble

licious. Damn. And I was like, that ain't right. Whoa. What about Sbarro's? Does that count? That's mall, right? Yeah.

That's strictly a mall pizza. Hey, I'm not mad at you bringing it up. That's kind of tasty. When I got Sbarro as a kid for the first time, I was like, this is like fancy pizza. That's a flame. That's a flame thrower. Yeah. Yeah.

They had broccoli in there. I was like, this shit's healthy and like tasty. Oh yeah. When there was like other choices besides just meat lovers and pepperoni. Vegetables that sweat. Oh, wow. Vegetables. That was one of my favorite Italian eateries for sure.

Oh, it's up there. For sure. It's up there. Sbarro's. Did you ever have anything besides the giant slice of pizza? No, never. Yeah. I remember somebody explaining to me how big the slices were because they were like, huge.

And they were like, it's the size of your head. And I'm like, that's not possible. They're like, dude, you just wait till you get there. And then it was biggest fuck. I was like, wait till we get there. Yeah, like it was hyped up. I like your friends just gasping you, dude. Yeah.

He was a heavy set young man. Just pouring gas on you. I think it mattered. I like to think you were tied up in the trunk and he's like, shut up. Just wait. It wasn't when you were a kid. It wasn't always like the fat friend who was the most stoked on the food. He was always the friend that ended up being your fat friend that that was so stoked on

the food. You know, like I have a few homies that were like pretty lean when we were kids, but they were always the ones that were like, we gotta eat the cookie dough when we get in the car. You gotta eat the cookie dough. And you're like, OK, I hear what you're doing. I get it. The Ninja Turtle pies and shit. And you're like, yeah, we could, yeah, we'll eat some of the cookie dough.

Don't we want to put that in the oven and make cookies though? And they're like, I'm eating now. That actually reminds me of something Kyle used to do. He used to say that like we would go like to drive throughs, right? And if he ever ate an item from the drive through before he got home, that was called it never existed. So it didn't count against the meal. So whatever you could eat, you didn't count the calories like Taco Bell, it's the cheesy

roll up. So you got a couple of the cheesy roll ups and ate that before you brought everybody's meal back to the crib. It never existed. Never existed. Wait, you knew about you were counting calories as a kid? No, this is later in line. No, I'm just trying to put it into context.

Fuck no. I still haven't. I haven't started doing that shit. Yeah. That a boy. Do you remember how we used to, on Thanksgiving, we used to weigh ourselves. I used to go up to Kyle's house during Thanksgiving and his parents. Yeah, Kyle's parents house in the Bay Area.

And we would weigh ourselves like before Thanksgiving and then the night like the night off Thanksgiving. Yeah, like that that morning and then that night. And then I one year, you hold the record. I hold the record. I gained 10 pounds. No, dude, it was 12. Okay.

Yeah. You know, you gained 12 pounds in a matter of days, like a true fucking athlete. Yeah. It was like a day and a half. And I just like put it the fuck on. Yeah. You were like a boxer getting ready for a fight. I was so proud of you.

You would be an amazing prize fighter. I think it's the opposite. I was loading. No, I'm a boxer. I'm after it was the way in was that morning and then you try to put on as much weight as possible up until the fight. So you got all that juice was so because we would do like you come home and you do like five or six Thanksgiving's.

You do like friends giving your buddies Thanksgiving, your family's Thanksgiving, your extended family's Thanksgiving and then just the leftovers, you know, because you're hungry sounds like that stovetop commercial where they're trying to game it because it's like my mom's cooking stovetop at 530. My mom's cooking it at 630 and they fucking double up. We're doing bull exactly that commercial. I know what you're talking about. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that was a truly impressive. I can't swing weight in a real way that is actually kind of scary that I'm like, why is my why can my body do that? My body shouldn't be able to do that. That is cool, though. That's like, you should start using that on the screen.

Yeah. You know what I mean? Start like going real. He has. Yeah, I have never saw a pitch perfect. Oh, yeah. If you watch pitch perfect, the opening scene of that movie is of my face and they shot that at the very end of the movie and I had gained 25 pounds.

Wow. So funny. I remember shooting that movie. I remember when I saw you guys, because I saw you guys the moment I left for the movie because it was after the season two rat party workaholic. You had like your suitcase with you, right? Yeah. I had to bring my suitcase with me to the rat party.

I got to stay for like an hour and then I had to get on the flight. And then I left and then when I came back, we were doing some red carpet for like Spike award show or some shit. And I had to I flew back landed, drove straight to the red carpet, flopped out of the SUV that they drove. Oh, Jesus Christ. Or you were just grabbing your belt like Chris Farley style is fucking Blake was especially like, dear God, man, what happened to you?

And I'm like, what? What do you mean? What happened? I had a great time. Oysters happened. Yeah. I mean, didn't you think that oysters were like very healthy, like because somebody is it?

I mean, oysters were like the salad of the sea and I could call them the salad of the sea. Well, I thought they were. You wouldn't think that oysters are going to be really I mean, I don't maybe would. But to me, because they don't seem like they're high in fat. But they are. And and I tell people that and they're like, oh, I didn't know that. Yeah, they are.

It's like a good fat. It's like avocado, but you're not supposed to eat eight. Avocados in a day, you know. And so I was eating a dozen oysters before my fried po-boy sandwich before work. Before we roll. Yeah, I thought it was going to be before call time. Yeah. And then also just like a full blown probably the closest I've been to being like a true

alcoholic, you know, where people would are probably like, oh, he's really drinking a lot every day because they didn't shoot that much on the movie. Yeah. And that's like New Orleans, too, right? So you're you're it's always Louisiana. And so I was just eating and drinking like a fucking monster every day, having a blast doing the movie and being there and being in Louisiana and eating and drinking everything pizza pizza.

And yeah, and then came back and my head was a completely different size. So if you watch that movie, you see you're like, oh, I bet that was in the beginning of of when they started shooting because it would go from like one scene. My head is like, and it just like levels out and it's fucking just a giant, meaty, poofy, doughy, fat fucking head. And then the very next scene, all of a sudden I have a jawline again. I would love for someone out out there listening to watch the movie and take screenshots of what you think is the fattest and thinnest face Adam has and then post that to us, please.

That would be really cool. And then everyone's like, no, you look pretty fat as fuck throughout this whole I feel like the times I catch it. There's some pretty radical gifts of you and pitch perfect where I'm just like, what phase of life is this for Adam? Because he's just like shaking his head. You knew you had like a double chin going because I did. I did.

We used to talk about that. I remember talking about the comedy body and how like you can't get too hot or else you're going to lose a couple of laps like you can't get too thin, not hot because look, being fat, you'd be hot too. But like the the fat is funny. Fat is funny. You have to have the comedy body and you can't be too chiseled or else you're losing. There's a there's an action body and then there's a comedy body.

They have been blended. And there's a romcom body, which I feel is pretty in the middle. It's like you're squishy enough that right because girls don't like I mean, obviously girls like Brad Pitt and think he's fucking we know checks. Hot as shit. And we know checks. And he's funny too. But you know what I mean, girls, I think as a for a partner for somebody that they're

like, oh, I want to I imagine myself actually being with that guy. They want someone that is a little squishy, but also a little in shape. And that's why I think dad bods are back, baby, as long as it's not like a dumpy dad. They want a dad that looks like he can do some pull ups and run around with the kids. I would argue that we've come to a place where fat is no longer funny. That is like a concern. Like people are worried about people's health now. Yeah, no, but that's not true.

Like Lizzo is the biggest one of the biggest stars in the world and people don't give a shit that she's a little plump. Yeah. And they're not laughing at her is what I just said. Like it's not it's not true. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I think there's a certain level of dough that makes you relatable and therefore you get more laughs.

I'm not saying fat like you're the like fat jokes and stuff like that. I don't think that's funny either. I agree with you. I'm not talking about fat jokes either. I'm talking about that we would laugh at fat people being like super physical and like running around and just being fat because you're like, whoa. Chris Farley-esque just falling through a table and doing doing big, big fun stuff. Yeah, or Fat Amy, her whole character was called Fat Amy.

Or I guess the real thing is like the like the Chippendale sketch is a real example of fat being funny for just being fat. Right. Or the truffle shuffle in Goonies, right? That's not funny anymore. Or Fat Bastard in Austin Powers getting my belly. Right. Yeah, that was a person in prosthetics, though.

But so it's not necessarily concerning. You're more concerned about the character, but that is a problem in terms of how the process of making the film and where the jokes are coming from. That's a major problem. I disagree with Derz in that I still think people find it funny. I still think if it were in a movie, people would be like, this is hilarious. I think Hollywood has turned the page on that chapter and they're like, oh, we no longer make those kind of movies and those kind of jokes.

Even though I do think that if one of you was really fat and took your shirt off and always and would like slap your titties together, I would laugh and think that's a really funny thing that you guys do. But then right after you'd be like, you need to start eating better. Yeah, right. Can we talk about why the funny? It's funny because it jiggles in a funny way. It's funny the same way that yellow is funny.

It's not funny because a man is morbidly obese. That is not the funny. Yeah, I think actually, I think it is. I think I think that there's a lot of comedy. What? Yes, I think there's a lot of comedy rooted in superiority. Like when someone gets kicked in the balls, you're like, that's just funny. And it's like, but really, why is it funny? And you're laughing because you're like, I'm glad I'm not that guy.

And when a fat person dances, you're like, holy shit, that person's super fat. I'm glad I'm not that guy. That's why like self deprecating humor is perfect. Because you're like, I'm shitting on myself and everyone gets to go, oh my God, I'm glad I'm not that guy who had a horrible day or has this neurosis. But he's laughing with it too. So like it works as opposed to someone being like, I spit on a homeless person the other day.

Well, yeah, that's not that funny because it's like, I mean, all my favorite comedians throughout my life have been people who are like, yeah, self deprecating, like they are the victims and I get to laugh at them being lower or whatever. Right, right. There's not many times where I'm like a huge fan of like the cocky asshole comedian guy. That's not my.

You know, you laugh at somebody who like shat their pants because it's like, oh, thank God I'm not that person. Who shit their pants? Yeah, I love the self deprecating stuff too. It's weird. I never really, I always thought that fat was funny in the same way that Jello is funny. How it just wiggled.

Wobbles. No, I think sometimes that's kind of funny. I thought that was like the, like I thought that that was the funny part. I could be wrong. I totally see what you're saying. And I think it's subjective. I just have been thinking about comedy in that, in a way where I'm like, what is funny?

Why and why have things. It makes sense when you draw the parallel to getting kicked in the nards, that makes sense. It's like, yeah, I'm laughing because they got hurt. Cause that guy's worse off than you. And you're like, yeah, it makes me, it's escapism. It's like a form of escapism. And you feel good because you're like, thank God, that's not me.

Right. I have seen that counter argument now, though, where people are like, that person is not healthy. Like the negative to it is like, they're not living a healthy lifestyle where I didn't hear much of that and growing up or whatever. It was never like, no, no, it was a joke when fat bastard started eating Subway and had all the skin and stuff and changed his life. It was like, oh, he's worse off.

Right, which is hilarious. He's got all this extra skin and it's funny because of, I see, I get it. Yeah. Yeah. Interesting. It was interesting dissecting that. Thank you. Now honors, that was important.

Wasn't it? I feel like that was important. Wow. Anders, that was important. Well, does anyone have any takebacks or apologies or what was the third one? I can never remember. Compliments. Compliments and takebacks, apologies or compliments.

I'd like to compliment Kyle in not talking about his Dingleberries and buttholes, a lot of buttholes stuff. I just listened to one of our older podcasts today and it was, we really went down a road of eating Kyle's Dingleberries. And I'm glad we didn't go down that road today, you know, we're mixing it up on the pod. Yeah. Well, he did start it off with diarrhea, so. Right.

Oh, that is true. We did. Yeah, we did kind of. I'm a fan of this. I'm a fan of the scatological humor. You know what I mean? I think that's self deprecating and I think that's where I live. You're a real scat man.

Yeah, baby. OK, well, I'll take that ball and I'll go ahead and compliment Anders on his very poignant view of comedy there at the end. It's a discussion that I love and a discussion that I would love to keep having on this podcast because I think it's one that's important. And in times when it's hard to laugh, it's important to understand why we laugh. I like that. Thank you.

Well, you know, as someone who's just not naturally funny, I'm trying to calculate ways to be funny. He's trying to math his way into comedy. Yeah, so good. You know, me, I'm just going to gain 30 pounds and fall through the table. But I'll calculate why that's funny. Comedy nerd. How expensive was the table?

Was it glass? Because then that's funnier. Did you get hurt when you fell? Then it's funnier. Yeah, he stands up in his his neck is slit open. Oh, he did. He did. Boy, takebacks, what?

Compliments and compliments and and put down this compliment. Takebacks and apologies. Oh, OK. Well, I would like to apologize for maybe being too judgmental with people's choices for their favorite pizzas. I mean, everybody has a different tongue, a different taste buds. And, you know, personally, I think pizza hut is numero uno, but, you know, someone can die with your dominoes.

I don't care. Let me just think about that apology real quick. So your apologies apologizing, but then reasserting your view. Oh, pizza pizza. I'm I just I hope I didn't come out the gate chastising and like making you feel like a lesser of a person for the way your mouth tastes pizza. That's on you. Pizza pizza.

Oh, so now it's our fault. OK. Yeah, this is not an apology, dude. An apology. I would like to compliment Blake for his his strong apology and a strong apology for his reasserting of his beliefs. And I think that's I also think that's important. Yeah. And I also I would like to take back me shitting on Papa Murphy's cows,

bringing up Papa Murphy's. And I was like, oh, what the fuck? That's not what even one of the and then I looked it up. And it is one of the biggest pizza places in the country. So big shout out to Papa Murphy's keep doing you. I didn't think that a taken baked pizza place is going to be as large and in charge as it currently is. But goddamn, you're number five in the whole fucking United States of America

and keep it going. We're proud of you, Papa Murphy's. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm going to I'm going to compliment myself on actually remembering about Papa Murphy's because I think taken baked is a thing of the past. But also like, hey, it's not. It was number five literally last year. Last time they did this, I believe that taking

the bake is the best deal and the best taste you get out there. I want to jump on this compliment here. I do want to compliment Papa Murphy's for being number five. And yet and yet somehow still not knowing what the fuck you are. You did it again. You got to try it. Get the cookie dough, eat it raw, get worms. It's fantastic. I'm going to get cookie dough.

I will never apologize again. Fuck, y'all, pizza hut. All right, guys, that's another episode of this. This is important. You