This Is Important - Ep 292: You Deliver Babies, I Deliver Pizzas

Episode Date: March 31, 2026

Today, this is what's important:  Surgery, weight loss, google glasses, bear cubs, swimming, the Olympics, St. Patrick’s day, & more. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an I-Heart podcast. Guaranteed Human. You know Roald Dahl. He thought up Willie Wonka and the BFG. But did you know he was a spy? In the new podcast, The Secret World of Roll Dahl, I'll tell you that story, and much, much more. What?

You probably won't believe it either. Was this before he wrote his stories? It must have been. Okay, I don't think that's true. I'm telling you. I was a spy. Listen to The Secret World of Roll Dahl, on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

In 2023, Bachelor star Clayton Eckerd was accused of fathering twins. But the pregnancy appeared to be a hoax. You doctored this particular test twice in so much, correct? I doctored the test ones. It took an army of internet detectives to uncover a disturbing pattern. Two more men who'd been through the same thing. Greg Gillespie and Michael Mancini. My mind was blown.

I'm Stephanie Young. This is Love Trapped. Laura, Scottsdale Police. As the season continues, Laura Owens finally faces consequences. Listen to Love Trapped podcast on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Lori Siegel, and on my new podcast, mostly human, I'll take you to some wild corners of the tech world. I'm about to go on a date with an AI companion at a real world cafe right here in New York City. There's no playbook.

for what to do when an AI model hallucinates a story about you. Mostly Human is your playbook for how tech can work for you. Anyone can now be an entrepreneur. Anyone can build an app. And it's very empowering. Listen to Mostly Human on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. If you're trying to keep up with everything happening on and off the court,

we've got you covered on the podcast, Blagrant and Funny. You want to start with the first pleasure for the Big Ten Coach of the Year? Oh, whatever. Would you like to? Yeah, she doesn't. So you're a Spartan. Is that what I'm getting? Exactly.

So whether your bracket is busted or you just want the real talk on what's happening during the tournament, open your free IHeart radio app, search playground and funny with Carrie Champion and Jamel Hill and listen now.

Presented by Capital One, founding partner of IHart Women's Sports. Ready for a different take on Formula One? Look no further than no grip, a new podcast tackling the culture of motor racing's most coveted series. Join me, Lily Herman, as we dive into the under-explored pockets of F1,

including the story of the, woman who last participated in a Formula One race weekend, the recent uptick in F1 romance novels, and plenty of mishap scandals and sagas that have made Formula One a delightful, decadent dumpster fire for more than 75 years. Listen to No Grip on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to This Is Important, a production of IHeart Radio, the show where we talk about what's obviously most critically, crucially important. Today on This Is Important, This guy's right lung is a hot dog factory. If I'm going to drink, I want to have 11 drinks.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the future. Go! And I'm feeling good. That'll wake you up. Yes, good morning. Hello fellow machos. What is up, guys. Welcome back.

Buenos Dias. Welcome back. y'all. Hey guys, what's going on with you? What's going on with you? It's life in the fastling, brother. You know how it is. Thank you for asking. I never know when you're joking, but this feels genuine. It does. It feels very real. My dad has a new lung. I have things I want to unpack. Wait. Okay, let's unpack that. And Ders, if you could shut up for a second, Adam would like to go first. Hey, how are you? My dad has a long thing. Well, you guys didn't say anything. I asked how you were. And then you said, wow, this feels genuine. This feels genuine. I couldn't find a parking.

spot the other. My dad has a new lung shut the fuck up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry, sorry guys. So he's got a new lung. That's a pretty big thing to talk about. It is, but can we move on? It's not funny. Can we talk about the parking spot for a second? Okay, yeah. No, no, no, no, let's talk about the parking

spot. Yeah. So parallel parking, super high curb. I park so good and then my kid goes Daddy, I can't open my door and I go, why don't you climb out the window? Oh, that's like... Wow. So your dad got a new lung, huh? Did you really? Did it climb out the window? That would have been sick.

If your dad actually got a new lung, then yeah, he did. Climb up the window. He did that really happened. He did. He did. Okay. Then same. New lung. He was, uh, he was on the list for only five days. Can you believe it? Uh, can I tell you something? I made it happen. Oh, there you go, Ders. I found a guy. Ders pulled some strings. Yeah. I mean, that's got to be a movie, right? I mean, that's got to be a movie, where someone's on the waiting list for something and someone's like, what? John Q. Go ahead.

John Q. Tell me more. Tell me more. That's what it's about. It's about, well, they refuse to get his son like a new body part. So he takes the hospital hostage, Denzo Washington. It's really good. Okay.

So the movie I'm talking about. Yours is more of a rom. Is somebody who goes around asking what blood type people are and then kills them and is like, look, look, look, look, look, look. This guy, guy, guy, he got lung. He got lung. Get it, get it, get it, hurry, hurry, hurry, hear, hear, hear, hear, hear, I like that. We need that one. We need that one.

Go, go, go. He's dying. He's dying. He's dead. Yeah, my dad, he has the, the, the, I think it's a O negative or O positive. The one that is very easily, like, you can get lungs super easy. That blood type. So it was pretty, it was pretty dope.

He was just lungs for whatever. It was lungs for days, dude. But my dad did say a funny thing when they pulled, because they have a breathing tube down your throat, right? And it has to stay there for a day or so. Sure. And when he pulled it out, the first thing he said is he goes, that gourd fucking sucked. And I'm like, cool.

Cool first words back. Yeah, yeah. I thought it was going to be. I thought you were teeing up like a real clever thing, but he was just kind of saying something matter of fact. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, yeah, that's D.

It's not going to be clever. It's just going to be a fucking matter of fact. Yeah. How deep down do they put that tube? How deep does it go? Bend over and I'll show you. I think he goes. all the way into his lungs, obviously.

Holy shit. What a, how long was this surgery? Should we get into the details? Should we get in the nitty gritty? What, walk us through it? Did you hold his hand? I mean, I think it was like six hours, six hour surgery. God damn.

That's too long. It was very long. He was having back spasms. I'm like, welcome to my world. Oh, no. During it, but he's under and he's back. Afterwards, no, afterwards. Because it's because it can torch you in all kinds of weird ways.

Yeah. And then, uh, yeah. And then he was in a lot of pain for a day. But then the next day, he goes, I'm not in any pain. And then they go, well, we are giving you stuff for it. And I'm like, oh, like, Delotin or like some like real pain medicine. And they go, no, we're giving him gabapentin, which is the shit that I take for my nerve pain. Uh-huh.

And I'm like, oh, it must be so much gabapentin. And I'm on 900 milligrams three times a day. We can tell. Really? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And he's on 100.

milligrams twice a day. And I'm like, Oh, and I'm feeling. I'm a bitch. I'm a bitch. I'm a bitch. But it is truly crazy.

He's up and walking already. It's modern medicine, dude. Yeah. It's fucking wild. They opened up, they carved through his chest here, opened it up,

and then they use like a crank where they just like, and the chest goes, the chest cavity. The chest cavity. And then they just get in there. I feel like I saw that on the famous episode of Tales from the Cript where the guy goes into surgery

but somebody gives him like a serum that makes him awake and feel all the pain but can't. Right, yes, yes, it's a great fear. Remember this one? Yes, it's a big fear of some people to be like put under but you're still awake. So you can't feel it but you know that it's, or is it that you can feel it but you can't say anything. I have had that happen.

Yeah, Adam. Right, right. I have had that happen. Because I've had... You've said a few things that I want to circle back to, like, your dad had back spasms and you're like, welcome to my world. That's life. It's just amazing.

And then also that you think you're a bitch for taking maybe too much medicine. Yeah. I think maybe over prescribed is... It's not that you're a bitch. I think maybe too much... Not your fault. Well, then when I tried to take less and then the spasms come back. So I just take a ton of it.

Good call. Good call. Welcome to your own world. Welcome to my world. But what did I just say that you were like, oh, we want to circle back to this? I already circled back to both of them. Oh, okay. Yeah. So awesome, dude.

Nice. Yeah, so it's sick. But so your dad, and then we went into the. Oh, no, what happened was. Tales from the crypt, but your dad go. Yes. No, I woke up during a surgery before. You have.

Oh. Yeah. And. As a bit? As a bit, you did it? You were like, yeah, it was just like, this would be funny. Manna, nana, bobo, yeah. Surprise.

But it was on my legs. I remember I just came to and they were like very much like, oh shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And quickly put the fucking gas mask back on me and it looked. Right. Did you like, tell me more. Tell me more. Like, did you shoot awake or was it kind of like, oh, what are you guys doing to my legs?

No, it was groggy. And I remember just, and I didn't feel anything, but I could like see them down there whipping and nainne on my legs. Sure, they were the doctors? The doctors, the surgeons. There were. You caught us whipping and nainan. You caught your surgeons making a TikTok?

Yeah. That's crazy. It was before TikTok, so they were just dancing. They were just vibing out. It was before whipping and naining. It was before even there was a term for it. I mean, that's got to be why surgeries take so long, right? Because if they're really going at it, these things shouldn't take longer than two hours, right?

Like six hours? What the fuck are you doing for six hours? You think they're busy dancing? Well, I mean, for sure, after an hour or so, you're getting kind of bored. You want to-s-a-sand-witch. You want to-snack. You want to-and-and- also you're hunched over this body. You're tensing up.

You've got to stretch it out. And also, what's going on on Instagram? You haven't checked that in an hour. Exactly. Thank you. Right. You have someone, like, hold it up, right? Yeah, swipe up.

Swipe up. Yeah. Scratch my nose. Swipe up. Because you got to see reels. You've got to see what the algorithm is pushing you. Absolutely. And then it's also kind of fun to see other doctors and what their algorithms pushing them.

And you're like, I never, I actually don't get that in my feed. That's kind of fun. Yeah, right, right. You know? That is interesting. Or like check a dating app, of course. You've got to be on the dating apps. Sure.

You just tell them swipe left, slap. Yeah. What do you guys like? Should I? Yeah. Should I throw it? Okay, good call. Yeah.

So that was the big news over here is. And he didn't wake up with anything in his body, like fucking pliers that they forgot or like half a hot dog bun. They've yet to find it. They've yet to find it. They're like, oh, holy shit. This guy's got a belly full of hot dogs. He's got a lung full of hot dogs. So we were able to do the hot dog surgery and like, you mean the lungs?

You mean the right lung? I'll be right back. The cause of diarrhea. This guy's right lung is a hot dog factory. Hot dog. And while they're in there, they ties to. You know how you can get like another surgery while you're under? They're like, we could also.

Yeah. They do any lipo, any like abs. How hilarious would it be if they gave him like a full facelift? He comes out and Dennis D's just looking snatch. D's just like and snatch. D's getting the ab implants now. What's that about? They have like a fat belly, but you can see like the ab fucking outline.

But are dudes getting that? Yeah. Sure. Yeah. Would we consider them dudes? Oh, dude. Great. Okay, I'm a man, brother.

Are we revoking man cards? Is this the, can we make this a weekly bit where we revoke man cards? Do you think you're a dude if you're getting ab implants? Nucky grandma! Well, first off, what do they put in there to make the abs? That's going to kind of change my vote. Wouldn't you love to know? Wouldn't you like to know?

I don't know, silicone fucking rubber. Yeah, oh, you know, man card gone. Man card on. Revoked. Revoked. Hey, but what if it was fucking? mahogany. All right? What do we do? Now we're talking. No, I actually kind of, dude, I actually kind of like this bit. What if your six pack was a six pack of Budweiser. Now your man card is

doubled and it's good for a year. You're getting stamped. And then a Tiba could just press, put a thumb on your belly and just, shock on me, shock on me. In your belly button, he's just like, and then he drinks beer out of your, dude. I don't know where he drinks beer out. I don't know where he drinks it. Wherever it comes out of, wherever it comes out of. Todd says they're made from solid cohesive and soft silicone designed to feel like firm muscle tissue. Now we're talking. Your boobs are huge. Great.

Do we get them? You know, and I'm all for being freak athletes and maybe taking HGH or testosterone or whatever. Just a little touch so I don't lose these fucking sick games. I had a really good conversation about GLP ones yesterday with an unnamed person. And what are GOP ones again? The like the fat shot where you can lose weight. The fat shot. Yeah.

GLP. I don't know what we go. I can't stop eating. We govi. I always just call them, what, what, we govy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Auto hearts. Okay. Okay. Yep. I mean, I guess everyone does. Yeah.

So had a conversation with the dude. Pow, pow, pow, power wheels. Well, go be. I haven't seen him. I'm loving it. Specifically, we go. Have it we goby way

Have it your we goby Okay I haven't seen this Tell me when I'll govy Just we'll govi yet I haven't seen this guy in a few months And he was also just And he was like

Whoa dude you were hemmed up sick and lost some weight And he goes well I'm also on GLP once And I was like oh You're the first person who I've seen Lose weight and has just told me That's good. Usually it's a lot of women I know who I just, I'm like not. Don't ask, don't tell.

Not pressing. Yep. This is the way. Congratulations. You just go, hey, you look great. Congratulations, you've never lost a pound ever. Ever. Ever since I've known you.

And now you're 40 pounds down. That's crazy. Good for you. And honestly, good for them. You can't stop. You're doing hella pull up. You're doing cartwheels. Yes.

What the fuck? He's just flat out straight up. And he goes, it's the best thing I've ever done. He goes, I go. go back to the doctor now, every metric that was off before has now bounced back into like the green zone. Was this a big man? No.

No. Not even that big. He said overall he's lost 50 pounds. Okay. Holy shit. I told you, dude. Right. But like he said now he's what he weighed in college or high school.

So I'm thinking he might have been like 220. He might have been 220 and he's down to like 170 something. Okay. That's a lot of weight. That's pretty gnar-n-n-ar-binks. Yeah, I know. But I was like, and he told me that the reason he started, his inciting incident, shall we say, was sleep apnea. He got, like, tested for sleep apnea.

They were like, you need to lose weight. Now we're going to put you on this. So we got on it. And I was like, God damn it. I need like a wake-up call. Sleep apnea. Maybe. Something.

Right, like a heart attack. Something. Or maybe we just take it and we all get down to our high school weight. That's what I'm talking about. And Blake, Blake would weigh 98 pounds. I would become Afro-feetis. Blake would weigh 112 pounds. I would go back to a fetal.

You don't have that much fat. Yeah, it would be hard for Blake to, I feel, lose. I have, I just want these titties out. Dude. Blake's already on, what, what, wagovi. I'm in auto parts. I love wagovi. I need to get on wagravy.

That's what I need. We're gravy. I need to add pounds. Yes, points. Give yourself. Give yourself points for that. Yes, points. Thank you.

Yes. Because, yes, I feel like Blake doesn't eat anyways. It is supposed to suppress appetite, right? That's what the... He goes, I just don't even think about eating in a while. I think we would need it. I think we would benefit. Need it?

I don't know. But benefit? I think we're the same in that, like, you can go pretty hardcore for a couple weeks. Maybe we're different. Maybe I'm worse, baby. You're worse. But go a couple weeks where you're like on a program,

eating right, and then you just drive. buy a place and you're like, let me do a little you turn here and just get something in the drive-thru real quick, like a shake shack or a taco stand? I think you're worse when it comes to that because I don't really eat a lot of fast food. But just tacos, like, yeah. Come on, Via's tacos, shout out to the Super Bowl. The best. I have some sick Mexican restaurants down the street from my house and I pass in go, let me

gobble. But also my thing, I think is, alcoholism. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, just not even alcoholism, but I will say when I do drink, I don't like to drink two beers.

That to me is a nothing thing. If I'm going to drink, I want to have 11 drinks. And then usually it's a weekend. But here's my question, because I'm the same way, but it's an atmosphere thing, where it's like, when in Rome,

when in home. When in home, ports. I'm drunk now. But see, we do so much cool shit, right? Like, we were just at the, like, I went to Hawaii for that golf tournament and everybody's drinking, so I drank for a week. Then we came home for a few days.

Then I went to the Super Bowl. And then I drank for a week straight. And then from there, we went on the cruise and let's say we boozed. And then I got, I plumped up. And then afterwards I was. I'm kissing too. I got to get down. And then I saw a we, we, we go V commercial.

And I was like, let me, maybe a gobble. See, I went into- Wait, are we doing high school weights? What was your high school weight, boy? Or, Blake, go ahead, but I did want to circle back to high school weights. High school weights? No, but what were you just going to say? I kind of forgot.

Oh, when I got- Have you plumped up from our tour? And then, and also shout out to the Google glasses, but go ahead. Yeah. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. I lost my meta-glasses. The meta-glasses look so much better.

The Google glasses look so whack, dude. You don't like that? These are fresh, dude. very much don't like that. I look like Star Fox. You don't look cool. If that's what Star Fox looks like, he doesn't look cool.

Those are 15 years old. These are, right? Yes, these are very old. Vintage pieces. I think even six years ago, I made a video where I was like, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the future

when they were like eight years old. But the thing about the meta glasses is you... The fact that you kept those because we all got those for free. I remember when we got those for free. We were still shooting workaholics. Mine are right here.

I threw those away month two of three. having them. I just knew they were going to age very well. Like, these are, these are something you need to have to just show people what the first one was. Because the meta glasses, you can't, you can't really tell that there's anything going on other than there's a light that lights up in the middle. But they look like sick Oakley's or, or Raybans. But these, you know. Did you ever have a pair of those new meta, those new meta-Ockley's? You have a pair of those?

I did. I had them for one day. during the Super Bowl and you lost them. No, no, no, no, no. Half a day? A couple hours. Yeah, maybe we went to that one party and you somehow lost them. And also I was like, I remember we were going to the party and it was at night. Wasn't it?

Dude, you don't remember how this happened? I don't. He got them in the lobby leaving your hotel. Yes. I remember. And then we went to the other hotel to be on a podcast that I think we could mention or maybe we can. I don't know. We can.

Great. New Heights. And then we're in the lobby of. that hotel, maybe 28 minutes later. See, that's the thing. I did have him a whole day. I had got him in the lobby and we went to the the tight end university party and I had them on there. And then in the morning, I wore him to the New Heights podcast and I left him at the New Heights podcast. What? Really? Well, I bet we could get you more. But anyways, how fat were you in high school? I thought you had them for like 28 minutes. Yeah. I don't really recall, but I think I was like a hundred and

35 pounds or something. That is so tiny. Or maybe I was 1.40? I don't, I really don't remember. Oh, oh. Yeah, maybe. I remember for a while. Wait, and how tall were you?

Because how tall are you? 511 or 6 feet? I'm probably 5.11, but you can list me at 6 feet. Kiss and 6. Yeah, okay, we will. I feel like I'm getting taller. But I... That's usually how age works.

Yeah. After you broke your back, you compressed. Yeah, for sure. No, they put some inches. You might have after they put the cyborg in there. They put some inches in me. I'll put some inches in you. Okay.

Points. You gave yourself points. Yes, points. You know Roll Doll. The writer who thought up Willie Wonka, Matilda, and the BFG. But did you know he was also a spy? Was this before he wrote his stories? It must have been.

Our new podcast series, The Secret World of Roll Doll, is a wild journey through the hidden chapters of his extraordinary, controversial life. His job was literally to seduce the wives of powerful Americans. What? And he was really good at it. You probably won't believe it either.

Okay, I don't think that's true. I'm telling you. I was a spy. Did you know Dahl got cozy with the Roosevelt's? Played poker with Harry Truman and had a long affair with a congresswoman. And then he took his talents to Hollywood where he worked alongside Walt Disney

and Alfred Hitchcock before writing a hit James Bond film. How did this secret agent wind up as the most successful children's office? or ever, and what darkness from his covert past seeped into the stories we read as kids. The true story is stranger than anything he ever wrote. Listen to the secret world of Roll Dahl on the IHeart Radio app,

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If you're trying to keep up with everything happening on and off the court, we've got you covered on the podcast, flagrant and funny. You look at the top four number one seeds. What do you think UCLA is going to do? Break down that for me, my friend. Obviously, Yukon is the overwhelming favorite in this tournament, but I'll be honest, I think people are kind of sleeping on Texas.

Experts are suggesting that UCLA is the number one challenger to Yukon and that right after that would be Texas. S&C is so deep and so thick and just about everything. It really is annoying. So it's UCLA, Texas, South Carolina, LSU, only ones that could possibly upset Yukon. On Flagrin and Funny, we're giving our unfiltered takes on the biggest moments the conversations everyone's having.

So whether your bracket is busted or you're just, just want the latest on the tournament. We got you. Listen to Flakran and Funny with Carrie Champion and Jamel Hill on the IHart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Presented by Capital One, founding partner of IHard Women's Sports. I'm Lori Siegel, a longtime tech journalist. And consider my new podcast, mostly human, your bridge to the future.

Anyone can now be an entrepreneur. Anyone can build an app. And it's very empowering. Each week, I'll speak to the people building that future. and we're going to break down what all of this innovation actually means for you. What I come to realize is that when people think that they're dating these AI companion, they're actually dating the companies that create this. We're experiencing one of the greatest tech accelerations in human history.

And let's be honest, that can be messy. There's no playbook for what to do when an AI model hallucinates a story about you. But it's my belief that we should all benefit from this moment. Mostly Human will show you how. My goal is to give you the playbook, so you can benefit. The reason I say agency is because if we can give power back to people, then I think that's probably the best thing we can do for your mental health. Listen to Mostly Human on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.

I became a millionaire overnight, but lost everything that actually mattered. Wait a minute, Sophia. Did you just say he lost everything? That's right. It's inheriting too much drama week on the OK Storytime podcast. So we'll find out soon. This person writes, I just inherited a fortune after losing my mom, and now my girlfriend's entire family is coming out of nowhere with their hands out. One sibling wants me to fund their whole lifestyle.

Another vanished for four years and suddenly reappeared. And my girlfriend is already giving my money away. Hold on, Sophia. So the girl he wants to marry is already sending money out the door. And that's just the beginning. He makes a plan, sets up a trust, and finally thinks he has everything under control. Okay, so things work out then?

Let's just say the people he trusts. are the ones who ended up shocking him the most. So does the money end up being worth going through all that? To find out, listen to the OK Storytime podcast on the Iheart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. In 2023, former bachelor star Clayton Eckerd found himself at the center of a paternity scandal. The family court hearings that followed revealed glaring inconsistencies in her story. This began a years-long court battle to prove the truth. You doctored this particular test twice in so-ins, correct?

I doctored the test ones. It took an army of internet detectives to crack the case. I wanted people to be able to see what their tax dollars were being used for. Sunlight's the greatest disinfected. They would uncover a disturbing pattern. Two more men who'd been through the same thing. Greg, a lesbian, Michael Marantini. My mind was blown.

I'm Stephanie Young. This is Love Trap. Laura, Scottsdale Police. As the season continues, news, Laura Owens finally faces consequences. Ladies and gentlemen, breaking news at Americopa County as Laura Owens has been indicted on fraud charges. This isn't over until justice is served in Arizona.

Listen to Love Trapped podcast on the Iheart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Okay. So you were a dainty. You were very tiny. That's a very tiny. Yeah. I was very small.

So much so that I started to drink. And was that senior? year of high school because we're, I think we have to talk senior year. Yeah, senior year. Yeah. Wait, and sorry, you so, you weighed that much and then your sentence was so much so you had to drink. I started to drink, um, what was that? Like weight gainer. Way protein. But what, no, it was, it was like. Boost, boost, insure? No, it was even before that. It was like one of the first thing. Oh, it was Carnation instant breakfast. Do you remember Carnation Insta Breakfast? Wake upy in an instant. I think I've heard of it, but what is it? Is that like something they give to old people so they don't die because they can't eat food anymore?

So they just, that's what insure is. A boost for breakfast or insure for dessert. Look, I recall telling my mother, I remember coming to my mother's desk and saying, Mom, I need to. Mommy, I'm too skinny. I'm small. I'm frail. I need to put on some sort of weight. And she.

Who said that? She threw carnation instant breakfast my way. That was her answer to. I also don't think your mom really knows. She didn't know what to give you. and she was just like, okay, just here you go. Looking back, probably didn't even have one clue, and it was before Google, so there was no way to know.

By the way, senior year of high school was not before Google, but... This was sophomore year. I didn't know that senior year was something we were talking about. Okay. Senior year was when I started to kind of grow. Did you develop? I started to develop. Okay, so we were talking senior year.

We're not going to say... Adam, would you weigh each year of your life? You tacked that on at the end. I think I was like 160. 60 pounds, like 160, 165 at the senior year of high school. Yeah. Hold up. And that was all dick. That's pretty good. And I was 5-7, 5-8, which is what I currently still am. Were you fully developed, like, you had armpit hair and all that? Oh, yeah. He had like lamb chops. What do they call the lamb chops? What do you call those?

Oh, yeah, no, I had this. You had the big chaper's, baby. You've had the big chopper rocks. Yeah, you know me. I'm a California sun bear. I got a little hair on me. Yeah. See, I was still... Are you an otter? I'm short, furry, and funny. Absolutely. Are you an otter?

An otter? Yeah, yeah, I could be an otter. Why not? What's an otter again? Well, a bear's like a big hairy guy. I think an otter is like a slimmer hairy guy. No, California sun bear, they're a little tinier, and then they got like a little golden patch of hair here.

Oh. That's why I went with a California sunbear. I guess I haven't clicked on that category. Yeah. Of Foreign Hub adjacent. Yeah. For sure. No.

California sun bears. But I will now. Dig in. Well, that's what all the gay guys would call me at, uh, at the improv when I first moved to Hollywood. One gay guy. And I went on, well, I went on multiple two gay dates. That's right. Without meaning to.

I'm just, I'm just a, I was just a 21, 22 year old kid. Yeah. Who was excited to be working at the improv and these. Hollywood. These men were like, we should hang out these comics. I saw your Domino's commercial. and I love what you're working with. It's not your dump truck of a Domino's commercial.

And they said, and I didn't know what they meant. They're like, you're like a little bear cub. And I just was like, yeah, I guess I'm like kind of tiny but like ferocious. Is that what they mean? Yeah, I'm more of a Dodgers fan now. You start, oh, we're talking sports, huh? Yeah. And I didn't know that they were, they were sussing me out to see if I was gay.

Suss? They were sussing. They were sussing, and I didn't know. And I'm like, yeah, I guess I am a beer coat. I don't know. I do want to hear a conversation where one guy thinks it's about sports and the other guy's definitely talking about gay stuff. Yeah.

I might have to go write that and then live it or something. That's a sketch for sure, dude. Yeah, someone's doing that. I'm a dude. I mean, if that guy doesn't choke up on the bat, you're telling me. Yeah, in high school, you were a real tight end. What's his batting average? Got a big tight end, clothes?

I'm sure. There's something. There's something. We'll do it. Yeah, I wouldn't mind letting him steal home plate. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, for sure. Yeah, it's important. That's how you win games. Definitely how you win games. Yeah, it is. You know there'd be fireworks after that. Oh, I love the fireworks at the end of the game. Oh, my God.

After a big win. If I could have suck cock, it'd be studded and dashed. Wait, what? Stutting death? Yeah. You just got to. It's loud. It's loud in the bars. So you're like, uh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, for sure. But also it happens the other way too where it's like, yeah, I mean, he was an MVP this year. All right. I haven't actually heard that. Is that like a DP? Yeah. What's that? Designated pitcher.

I don't even know if that's a, is, huh? DP's still a thing. Yeah. For sure. Sure is. Sure is. They have talked about getting rid of it in the NL, but actually that would be the AL. Yeah, wouldn't mind slobbing on his knob.

Yeah, I guess if you want to grip lower on the bat, you could more torque. Yeah, sure, okay. Spitball. Just like it. What's important? Spitballs, well, technically they're illegal. Spit on your balls. How good they feel.

You can fist his asshole. You so hard. You spit on your ball. You could. I guess you could fist his fastball, but you might break your hand. It's actually happened to me before. Funny you should say that. Yeah.

I was jerking them off so hard. I broke my hand. Yeah, there's jerks out there, man. There's jerks. Nothing like a good teammate. I like the guy. Hey, tag me in. I've tagged teamed a couple guys.

Yeah. Yeah, pro wrestling fan. Sure. Oh, man. I've seen some gnarly. I've been in some pretty nasty dugouts. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Napal dugouts. This was just me at the Hollywood Improv when I was 20 years old. I like that we're pitching it's like in a loud bar, but this is before you're open, so it's really quiet and you're just completely like uh-huh.

Sure. Yeah. Yeah. That is too good. I kept my cleats on the whole time. It's a bagel. So how big were you in senior year of high school than Dersie? Because there isn't much of a difference. I usually weigh about 180 now.

So 165 to 180, that's not crazy post-fice school. I was 175. Wow. Man, meet mountain. Yeah. You were long and lean. Let that sit there for a little bit.

Now you're 230, 240? 258. Yeah, that seems right. Holy crap. No, I'm kissing two. I'm kissing two this morning. But in college, I upped yardage in practice and lost weight and was in the 160s, which was insane.

I was like dying. I don't understand. Dan, what any of that just meant you upped yardage. Like on the swim team. Okay. That means you swam further. Exactly. Okay.

And so like burning muscle, even though I was stronger and more powerful, lost weight, which I wish I didn't. I wish I maintained a little bit of that muscle, a little bit of that power. That sweet must. When you're upping yardage, are you upping it in increments that are useful to swimming? like because there's only certain lengths of races, right? Correct, correct. Yeah, so it's specific to what you usually do, right? So if you're in the distance group, you practice over there,

and sprinters are over here, mid-distance are over there. Right. But like, there were people who were coming from high school programs where they're like, oh, I'm used to doing way more. And I was like, that's crazy because this is working my ass to the bone. Right. But yes, sprinters didn't do as much as like the distance dogs, which is just a whole other situation.

Thank God. So what ended up being your specialty? Were you a distance guy or were you a sprinter? I guess I never have a long. Sprinter. Sprinter power. That's so dope, too. Quick twitch muscles, yeah.

You know what I mean? That's so dope. Is it? Sprinting's always kind of cooler than distance in my opinion. Those are like the rock star. Yeah. What's more palatable for people to sit and watch, right? Like, super boring.

Like in the Olympics, when it's, what's the long distance race? I don't know. I have no clue. Who cares? When you're watching the long distance? For swimming? Yeah, for swimming. The 1500.

Is it ever going to end? It goes so long. Go, you make a sandwich, you come back, you eat the sandwich. This is why Katie Ledecki, Katie Ledecky is basically like Michael Phelps just right below him only because of what he did in Beijing with like the eight medals and all that. But she's unreal, but she's a distant swimmer. So it's just not as like. Not as exciting. You don't want to watch it.

Yeah, you don't care. But literally like she swam for like 10 years and no one beat her ever. And you're just crazy. That's a wild run. In a distance, which is arguably harder. Well, but let me just tell you her luggage situation. Who cares? She definitely had a speedo back.

But no. The sprinting like Michael Johnson, the gold shoes, like the showmanship. Now, now do long distance swimmers shit their pants the way long distance runners shit their pants? No. Wait, yeah. Has anybody ever shit the pool? Do they shit the pool? You guys, I'm glad you at.

Well, yeah. People shit the pool. I told you, dude. People shit the pool. But not in a race. Not in a race. No. Just for fun?

I have, have I seen this? Or was this just a story someone told me where they were on a relay and one of their teammates was like, I got to go to the bathroom. I got to the bathroom. Coach was like, the relay. We're starting now. And he's like, I got to go to the bathroom. They're swimming. This person's like not the first swim.

Or maybe it was the first or second. But he like literally bends over to like get ready to go off the blocks. Shits his pants like down his leg. On to the block jumps in and like goes. And then the other two swimmers are like, time out, time, time, time.

We have to go. So I think they're not jumping in. Yeah, this is no longer my story. It's for sure somebody else. And they were like, we splashed the block to clear that off. But then just dove in and finish the relay. Swam through the diarrhea?

But dude, but dude, see, this is what it wouldn't bother. I mean, it would be gross, but it wouldn't bother me that much. What? It's a giant pool. It's a giant pool. It's 12 ounces of diarrhea, but you know that it is. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. It was a little shit. And then you dive right through it and you're already through it. And you're covered. And we've all seen someone hose for 10 minutes. And you're covered in in chlorine. So it's all good, baby, baby. You would think so. But then you hear stories about how just like one baby takes a shit at like a huge beach. And then every. Everyone gets E. coli. Yes, exactly. But anyway, they had to swim through it and swam through it and it was like their story. Legendary. But there's no, the marathoners, marathons shit their pants for a few reasons.

It's that long, right? You're out there for a long time. And you're taking all this like, like gels and stuff that fuck with your stomach in a major way and can give you diarrhea. Why are you taking gels? Just like energy pouches and shit. Exactly. Exactly. Because you're burning all that energy.

You've got to replenish it. And sometimes you can fuck with your tummy. They call it tummy troubles. Dude, yeah. I mean, okay, well, that makes sense. I know the Winter Olympics were quite some time ago, but did you see the speed skater person? Is it over?

Yeah, it's been over for a really... It just ended right now. Really long time. Did you see the speed skater that got the fucking skate, like, to the eyeball? Like, almost got their eyeball stabbed out live. I heard about that. It was very scary. It was very scary.

Yeah. I, uh, I didn't watch hardly any of the, I just find it the Olympics, the winter Olympics, much more boring than the summer Olympics. I do, too. And people got on my ass when I said that. People, I like to get involved. I know you do, Ders. I think summer Olympics is by far better. It's by far better.

I don't compare the two. I just don't compare the two. Okay. I like that. I like that. I look into the Winter Olympics for what it. Like, I don't really care about figure skating. Sure.

But I'll turn it on and I'll go, God damn, that dude just fucking jumped and spun a lot of times and then landed it or didn't or whatever. And his costumes are so freaking cute, dude. The costumes aren't for me. Or like that one. The one that he wore like the Conan. Yeah. What was the Barberian? His name was the Quad God.

The Quad God. Quad God. Love that, though. And it wasn't about his quad muscles. It was about how much he spun in the air, which I had to find out later, I think. Which you couldn't believe. You were like, how is it not about his muscles? You watched all of the figure skating, of the male figure skating, didn't you?

This guy was set up to win, man. He had it in the bag, and he completely bifted, dude. Yeah, yeah. These things happen. It does. It's a big stage. That sucks. What's home girl name?

who came back to skiing. Oh, when she, like, tore her shit off and then she just was like, I'm gonna just ski anyways. I mean, now I'm fucking, this is just bad podcasting. But everyone at home, you're screaming at your television, your Netflix. Yes.

And by the way, no one knows. No one watched the Winter Olympics. No one really cared. They know. Who gives her shit? Like, when, like, baseball's finally kicking back up, the basketball playoffs are coming. That's what Americans care about.

Again, I'm not comparing it to those things. I'm watching it for what it is. I like that. I like the stories. I also, there's a certain level of like... Panache? Obviously somebody, you say panache? Yeah.

Yeah, well, there's definitely that. Thank you. There's a certain level of like most of these people, not all, but most these people are doing this for absolutely zero dollars. Yes, the crazy part. They're doing skeleton. It's like how much time they dedicate. for this and they get paid nothing when it's their whole lives.

But also, I know, and we've talked about this before, would it be possible if we started 20 years ago for any of us to be an Olympian, if you picked a sport that was so specific. Yeah. See, but this is my point, Adam. Could we become an Olympian? But this is my point. My point is this.

maybe we could Yeah But would you They did it They did it They did it That's my point Is that like

We would start on a lark But like They're actually grinding And still doing it Whereas at a certain point You'd be like Is this really worth it To like be here every night

Fucking curling Just to prove That I could do it Yes So Blake has been curling a lot lately Yeah yes I have Interesting

I'm starting to like it For no specific reason I went to Winnipeg to just curl. Yeah, just went to Winnipeg, spend a couple months up there just to curl. Just to curl my ass off. Weirdly. Yeah.

So when you did that, did you think like, oh, I could get so good that I could be an Olympian? Or were you like, I'm actually pretty bad at this? It's definitely curling is deceivingly hard. I feel like if I dedicated every waking hour, I think I could probably get pretty good. but dude no but that's the thing is like that's the difference is it's like are you going to do that and there's and there's almost no like pot of gold

at the end of the rainbow other than the satisfaction of being the person who's like I did it and now I'm going to go back to my job as an accountant in the basement of a skyscraper yeah and then you go well he's an Olympian and people are like oh shit he's Olympian what were you Olympian of and then they say like not that curling shittier

but I think like that's one of the ones where people are like, oh, oh shit. That with the, with the rocks, the rocks and the ice. Almost all of them. Almost all of them.

Like, if you're like short, short track speed skating, which I think is fucking sick. I fucking love that. People are still like, oh, all right. Like we can name, maybe Adam can't, but like we know one short track speed skater from our lifetime.

Bonnie, Bonnie Blade? No, no. Bonnie Blame. Blair was long, she was long track. Bonnie Blade, that's a porn star, dude. Bonnie Blade. Bonnie Blu.

She just fucked like a thousand dudes. What about the homie Apollo, Apollo, Apollo, Ono. That's what I'm talking about. Apollo, oh, no, I pulled it. I found it. I found it. Look at you go. That sounds like a fast name.

Yeah. He's the G. Yes, he was the fucking man, dude. He's the G. He was the man. And he looks so good in the spandex. Oh my God. He's the guy we know.

You want to name it. I mean, you know their parents were, they're like, we're naming our kid, a name for speed. Apollo, oh no. That sounds fast. We're gonna put the skis on them by age two. Skates. And fucking shove him out there. Get him going to go. We're putting the skis on him by two.

He's not gonna take to skis. We're gonna switch to skates. He's gonna become a skater. It's science. See, this is how much, I don't care. You know, it's funny. I think they put him on skates and they were like, Apollo, oh no! He went over the edge.

And they were like, wait a second. What's his name? And they go Apollo. They're like Apollo Ono and they go, yeah. You know what I would like to do what I think we should do, guys? Why aren't we renting a house up in Mammoth? Okay. Get a sick chalet.

You guys can go skiing. I'll stay back with the girls and the kids. Drink whiskey by the fire. Wait for you guys to come back. And then we can have a fun night. Wait, wait, you're getting hammered with our kids and wives? He said girls Are you talking about the women we're married to?

Yeah, the women you're married to And my wife The women Yeah Well, I have daughters Or we Yeah, yeah I mean they could party too

Or they could just hang out And they're not old enough to drink Adam, what do you No, I'm saying, dude I left you to babysit And now they're all hammered First of all First of all your partner's there

So she's gonna be watching After her own kids Thank you very much I will be in charge of my son As well Maybe she watched to ski There's no way Adam would watch our children. Maybe she wants to ski.

Literally no way. Okay, well, fine. Then I'm in charge, but let it be known, I'm drinking whiskey by a fire. And I'm not getting black. I'm not getting black. By an open fire. There's fire now? There has to be fire.

We're at a ski chalet. So the adults are skiing while you're getting hammered next to a bonfire with the children. That's right. All right, I'm in. And if your kids, by the way, if your kids don't know that fire's hot at this age, they deserve to be burnt. They deserve to be burned. I love it. Because you know what? You know what? Trial by fire. My son does.

We have a fire pit in our backyard. You know what he does when it's on? Let me know. He walks up to it and goes, oh, hot, hot, hot. And doesn't touch it because he knows that it's hot. Sounds like a genius. Yeah. So, okay. We just, we can do this. Adam, we don't have to rent. I have a house. We can do this. It's too far, dude. It's way up in it. It's like four state.

It's away. It's so far away. It's literally an hour and 10 minute flight from Burbank. It's so good. That's not bad. Oh, that's not bad. We could do that. We could do that.

We'll mark our calendars. We'll make it happen. You can ski. The skiing is just a half hour away. See, but I was told by Isaac that it's because I've had this idea before that we should all go up there. Is it large enough to house all of us? Yeah.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Let's do it. Punk rock, getting radical. Now, is there a place to have a fire? There's a fireplace. I love that.

Okay. Then I think it's fucking, oh, maybe. Okay. That would be really nice. Let's do it. You know Roll Doll, the writer who thought up Willie Wonka, Matilda, and the BFG. But did you know he was also a spy? Was this before he wrote his stories?

It must have been. Our new podcast series, The Secret World of Roll Doll, is a wild journey through the hidden chapters of his extraordinary, controversial life. His job was literally to seduce the wives of powerful Americans. What? And he was really good at it. You probably won't believe it either. Okay, I don't think that's true.

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and what darkness from his covert past seeped into the stories we read as kids. The true story is stranger than anything he ever wrote. Listen to the secret world of Roll Dahl on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, wherever you get your podcasts. If you're trying to keep up with everything happening on and off the court, we've got you covered on the podcast, flagrant and funny.

You look at the top four number one seeds. What do you think UCLA is going to do? Break down that for me, my friend. Obviously, you kind of see. well, I'm the favorite in this tournament. But I'll be honest, I think people are kind of sleeping on Texas. Experts are suggesting that UCLA is the number one challenger to Yukon and that right after that would be Texas.

S&C is so deep and so thick and just about everything. It really is annoying. So it's UCLA, Texas, South Carolina, LSU, only ones that could possibly upset Yukon. On Flagrant and Funny, we're giving our unfiltered takes on the biggest moments the conversations everyone's having. So whether your bracket is busted or you just want the latest on the tournament,

we got you. Listen to Flakrant and Funny with Carrie Champion and Jamel Hill on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Presented by Capital One, founding partner of IHeart Women's Sports. I'm Lori Siegel, a long-time tech journalist.

And consider my new podcast, mostly human, your bridge to the future. Anyone can now be an entrepreneur, anyone can build an app, and it's very empowering. Each week, I'll speak to the people building that future, and we're going to break down what all of this innovation actually means for you. What I come to realize is that when people think that they're dating these AI companion,

they're actually dating the companies that create this. We're experiencing one of the greatest tech accelerations in human history. And let's be honest, that can be messy. There's no playbook for what to do when an AI model hallucinates a story about you. But it's my belief that we should all benefit from this moment. Mostly Human will show you how. My goal is to give you the playbook, so you can benefit. The reason I say agency is because if we can give power back to people,

then I think that's probably the best thing we can do for your mental health. Listen to Mostly Human on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. I became a millionaire overnight but lost everything that actually mattered. Wait a minute, Sophia. Did you just say he lost? That's right, it's inheriting too much drama week on the okay story time podcast, so we'll find out soon. This person writes, I just inherited a fortune after losing my mom, and now my girlfriend's

entire family is coming out of nowhere with their hands out. One sibling wants me to fund their whole lifestyle. Another vanished for four years and suddenly reappeared, and my girlfriend is already giving my money away. Hold on, Sophia. So the girl he wants to marry is already sending money out the door. And that's just the beginning. He makes a plan, sets up a trust, and finally thinks he has everything under control. Okay, so things work out then? Let's just say the people he trusted the most are the ones who ended up shocking him the most.

So does the money end up being worth going through all that? To find out, listen to the OK Storytime podcast on the Iheart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. In 2023, former bachelor star Clayton Eckerd found himself at the center of a paternity scandal. The family court hearings that followed revealed glaring inconsistencies in her

story. This began a years-long court battle to prove the truth. You doctored this particular test twice in someone's, correct? I doctored the test ones. It took an army of internet detectives to crack the case. I wanted people to be able to see what their tax dollars were being used for. Sunlight's the greatest disinfected. They would uncover a disturbing pattern. Two more men who'd been through the same thing. Greg Gillespie and Michael Marantini. My mind was blown. I'm Stephanie Young. This is Love Trapp. Laura, Scottsdale Police. As the season continues, Laura Owens finally faces consequences.

Ladies and gentlemen, breaking news at Americopa County as Laura Owens has been indicted on fraud charges. This isn't over until justice is served in Arizona. Listen to Love Trapped podcast on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Now, is it 100 degrees up there? Because down here in Southern California, it's been a love-traped. 85 degrees every damn day. It's been 90-something up in L.A. I live at the beach.

It's 85 degrees here. It's ruthless. It was a hot St. Patty's Day. I can't recall one that hot. I was cooking a corned beef in the house. I'm like, I don't even, this seems a little too hot. Let's talk St. Paddy's Day, please. How crunk did you get on St.

When I always think of Blake, when I think of St. Patty's Day, that was his favorite holiday. Raised by an Irishman. Raised by an Irishman. Drinking beer from the time. Well, I'm Irish, too. The O'Donnell family raised me. But he was raised by an Irishman. Sure.

Absolutely. Chicago Irish. Sure. Absolutely. As good as it gets. Sure. So did you drink from the time you got up to the time you went to bed? Sadly, those days are behind me.

Oh, no. Those days are behind me. We left those out. Just like 18, 18 days ago on the cruise. We are days of Molly Malones and Tom Bergens are behind me, man. We used to put in time. I'm dude. I have a four-leaf clover at Tom Bergen's.

Oh, so, I cherish, I cherish those things. And what is that? That is a pub. Tom Bergens is a pub, an Irish pub, all Fairfax. Just a few blocks from where Biggie was shot and murdered. Okay. So that's a cool fact. It says that on the door.

Yeah, Biggie had just got done at the pub. And it's, have you never been to Tom Bergen's, dude? It's sick. It's, uh, my brother had a six. 50th there. Oh, yeah, it's the best. It's four-leaf clover's all over the wall. And if you drink there enough, they give you a four-leaf clover.

Hey, thanks. You did it in one night. Hey, you got it. They didn't, like, they're supposed to be, like, a little ceremony. I came in and they go, hey, look, your name's up there. And I look up where I usually sit, and it says, A-divine. And I was like, shouldn't it be a bigger thing? And they're like, yeah, we put it up there.

And I was like, oh, okay. And this was years ago. This was, like, in 2008 or not. It was like the biggest honor of your life at that time. Yeah. Right. Of my life. And they just were like, ah, yeah, we stuck another one up there and we stuck your name up there.

And I was like, oh, thanks. Thanks. Thanks. Can we do it again? But that bar was sick. We used to get very drunk there. Yeah. I miss those days.

There and Molly Malones, which Molly Malones, I guess, burnt down, but they rebuilt it. Which is pretty cool. It's back. Molly Malones, that's where you called out of work drunk. Which I liked. Yes, I was a delivery driver at BJ's and I... You're saying a morning after? No, day of.

Day of. Yeah. Oh, you were there and you called. Yeah, I was like... He was supposed to do an afternoon shift and he just goes, I'm too drunk. Hey, yeah, no, I'm definitely sick. I'm not at a bar. No, I was honest.

He was honest. He was honest. Purely honest because I... Oh, that's cool. Well, I had told myself that I was just going to, you know, have a couple in the morning with Adam and then I'd go... It's a religious holiday, you could say. Yeah, I got to show up. Come on.

on the strength of the O'Donnell name. That's what you told them. He told himself, I'm going to just have a few in the morning with Adam. Few green one. Before I'd go do my job that is strictly driving. Yes. Allegedly. I noticed that that was a bad idea.

And I called my boss. And I told him, yo, I was partaking in St. Patrick's Day. And I probably shouldn't drive today. And they're like, okay, you're, You're off today, but next time you come in. For the rest of your life. You're fired. You're off today, tomorrow.

Did you get fired? Did you get fired? I did get written up, though. I was written up, which is crazy. As an adult, you're like. That's a demerit. But that means nothing, right? It doesn't stay on my record.

It doesn't follow me to my next job. Like, come on. It does follow you because when they call for a reference, they're like, Who does that? He's an, uh, I see you're saying, I think. called him. BJ's,

it was like, yo, we're about to give this guy a show. No, but if you were a driver at somewhere else, they'd call

and be like, hey, how was he? He's a nice guy, but he definitely called in once and was drunk before. So if you tried to get a,

like a real driving job, like if you, like you wanted to drive for UPS or something. Or FedEx or FedEx or you, or you're like, I want to drive a fucking big rig, baby. Yeah.

And that's a real driving job. That's a real driving job. I think they're all real. Yeah, what the hell? They're all real. Well, that's more of a career. I would say delivering pizza that's less of a career. That's something that you're doing in between figuring your life out.

And to me, it's a real driving job. Okay. I'm drunk now. But then UPS, that's like people can make a living and they can raise a family off of that salary. Just as real. Yep, just as real. It's more real, Anders. That's more real.

I'm sorry. Yeah. I have to stay. I'm standing on business. You're saying the pay is better. Does that qualify what a real? real job is and a fake job is, is the pay? And are these real people?

It's not a fake job. I'm just saying that's a job that you do while you're trying to figure out what you're doing with your life. So if it's not a career, are you a real person or should, do you have real dreams? I hate you guys, dude. I hate you guys. Do you have real dreams? Or are you just real sad? I just want to party.

For some people, it is a, it is like a, a, a, a, like, a, you know. Like what? What are we calling that? A gig? A gig? A gig? Or just a job that you're doing that you don't care if you get fired, really. A temporary job.

And then I would say a UPS job or something like that where you can have a salary that you then could raise a family on or, you know, put a down payment on a house or whatever. Because I remember when my buddy, John Paul, what's up, John Paul? I think all drivers matter. when he got a job working for UPS, it was a big deal. Yeah. My uncle was a UPS driver for a very long time. I was hyped on that. Because you think that was a real job?

Absolutely. Okay. But I also think Pete. I also think Blake, when you were delivering for BJs, I think that was real. That wasn't my end goal. I get what you're saying there. Like I wasn't like setting out to be.

I don't think most people that's their end goal. That's maybe for some people, they just ended up doing it forever? And then they're like, okay. But you know what? I was happy. I was happy. I might have been at my happiest.

Were you real happy? I might have been at my happiest being a pizza delivery driver. It was a very, it was a very wonderful job. For me, it's being a father, but that's very cool for you. Yeah. You say fatherhood. I say pizza delivery. I'm bringing a new pizza into the world every day.

No, let's get real. You deliver babies. I deliver pizza. I'm a pizza daddy. Do you honestly think that that was your happiest in your life? And Adam prefaced this with, let's get real. As real as UPS drivers, go. Well, okay, here's the thing.

During that time of my life, I had much less responsibility. So maybe that's what I'm looking fondly back on. But with that said, now as I place myself back behind the wheel as a BJ's delivery driver, there were many times when I was absolutely furious with where I was in. life. I was very pissed. I remember you being a very angry person back then. Yeah, it was frustrating because, but I did

have a bigger dream that I wanted to accomplish. And also, just being in traffic and having a ticking time clock, it was very frustrating. You know what a time clock. Ticking time clock. I would say my husband,

my guy, happiest time in my life. Besides like having kids, which is in fatherhood, that is the great. but you sure after season one of workaholics when we accomplished season one and before and even before it was out that summer that summer where we were like picked up to write season two but we had like six weeks and all we did was party and have a great time and know that we're coming back and going to write the show and then the show started to come out as as that summer was happening

I was like this is the greatest time of my life that's what I look back at and it was go, oh, it didn't get better than that. When we partied, when we wrap season one, and we partied for legitimately two to three weeks straight, where, like, every day, just different groups of people were coming in from out of town to visit, we were hosting them. We just had a case of champagne. You said kissing the ring? Kissing the ring.

What'd you say? Who was kissing the ring, dude? I didn't say that. I was just, I was kidding. It was kissing the ring, dude. Huh? No, we had a case of champagne, and it was just like, it was just anytime one, ran out. We pop another one. We cut it off

with the katana into the pool and it was just, it was very euphoric. There was a lot of glass in that pool. I was just going to say. A lot of glass in that pool, dude. Oh, interesting. That was the greatest. What is the greatest time? January 6th. After fatherhood, marriage.

After that, obviously. Obviously, obviously. January 6th was a fun run. Yeah, I knew you like that. Okay. I knew you like that. Because it was just, it was just different. Yeah, it was real freedom. It's finally.

Taking the house back. Taking the people's house back. Honestly, I just felt American for the first time. Which sounds weird because I've been American since I was born, but I felt reborn that day. Absolutely. And everyday sense. I don't know. Happiest time?

You know what I? Here's one thing that I will say. And this kind of, this kind of goes back to almost exactly Blakeland here, which is when when the song, listen to the music. comes on. You know that song? I think it's the Doobie Brothers. By the Doobie Brothers? No. No. Yeah. It's like, whoa, listen to the music. Oh, yeah, sure. Doobie Brothers? I was an, I was an assistant

on Bones. I was David Boreanas. Not a real job. I was fucking David Borianos. Not a real job, sure. I was not a real job, of course. I was barely a real human. Yeah. But I had, I was working on the Fox lot. I'm

in the business. I have a minivan. So I'm like driving and to go get lunch. That's part of my job. I'm driving and go get lunch. That song comes on. I'm cruising down Avenue of the Stars in Century City. I blast that song. And I'm like,

you made it. Yep. You made it. You made it. You did it, you're getting paid to drive around L.A., get people lunch, go back in, break stories, type shit down, listen to these people who like are doing what you want to do, you've made it. You're there. I remember telling my sister that when she would get so mad that I'd be like, hey, can you go get his coffee bean? And she's like, because my sister was a PA on workholics, a production

assistant. And, and, uh, you say she did great. Yeah. Okay. Great. Yeah, she did. She did do great. But she would like, to me, she was like, can you just get coffee bean? There's a coffee bean right down the street. Or there's a Starbucks right down the street. Coffee bean is like two miles away. And I'm like, Brittany, your whole job is just to go get the coffee bean. Put on music. Take your time. Go to the coffee bean. And she's like, this job fucking sucks.

And I'm like, put on the Doobie Brothers song and just cruise, dude. Dude. Every time it comes on, I'm instantly transported back to that exact moment where I was just like, this is it. I'm wearing sunglasses that have like a wooden frame. I remember you wearing those sunglasses. And like a polo. that had like two little exes right here. And I'm...

I'm gonna come. And I'm wearing rainbow flip-flops and I'm cruising. I remember somehow Ders got us on the Fox lot. This job. I know. And remember we were just like on the Fox lot and just being there,

we're like, this is the fucking coolest. Crazy. When I shot Modern Family, we shot it on the Fox lot. And at lunchtime, I would just like walk around because it's the fucking coolest being on those old. movie studio lots i thought you were gonna i thought you said you kept telling people you'd been there

before i've actually been here before it sucks that they're all closing it really is really cool i was actually here one time i've been here once my buddy uh was an assistant production assistant on bones so david borgianas heard of him he was fucking um he was fucking heard of him oh my god but yeah i mean large head so whatever as far as like happiest times looking back adulthood like to kind of just steal from Blazer, I do remember being like, this is it. You are living and getting paid to just be in the business now. And

also I'll say like the late night punchups we would do on workaholics. Where like there was nothing else happening in the universe where I'd rather be. I'd rather just be right here with you guys. Especially those first couple seasons, those first

like two seasons when we were still in Burbank. And And we were writing downstairs and upstairs was the office set. We would go up there at night and just like you're kicking it on the set. And you smoke weed stuff, man. The fucking best, dude. And also, like, when our kids are born and that kind of stuff. And also that.

But really. For sure, both of my kids. Three of them. All three of them. Yeah. But really that summer. Somebody help me. Hey, guys.

This segment of Take Back's Apologians. and epic slams are brought to you by Simple Mills. And guys, I'm sorry I was so cranky this episode. I had a big meal before and it really dragged me down. Oh no. Does your stomach hurt so you're going to act like a baby? Of course he is. Okay.

We apologize for making fun of you about that. Yeah, come on. Don't kick a man while he's down. You know you can help prevent this in the future. Have a light snack like Simple Mills, almond flour crackers, or Pop-ums. They're so tasty and healthy. You can't go wrong, Blazer.

Yeah, he's right, Blake. You got to take your epic snack seriously so you can keep up with the show. Yeah, you guys are right. Simple Mills is the ultimate epic snack, especially before a podcasting session. Find Simple Mills at your grocery store. Is it already that time?

It is. Takebacks? No, I think all jobs are real. What else? Dude, it's a real job. I'm not saying this. not a real job. I'm not saying it's not a real job. I'm just saying it's not a, it's not a, most people wouldn't consider that a career. Adam? And we know you're not most people, bro.

We know you're cut from a different, different, different law. I'm just saying. I'm just saying it. Of course, of course, of course. But, um, shout out to all, all drivers. All drivers matter. All drives matter. Um, absolutely. You were one of those, like, all lives matter guys. That's why you keep saying that. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I knew you were. I got. I paint. I'm standing a blue line across my car. But Durs doesn't even see color. You don't matter if you're purple or Pocod, yellow, white, black. You can be black, white, Pocodod.

Oh, Netflix. Digging the crates for the OG reference for that. But shout out to all old white guys who say that, who still say, I never see color. Black, white, purple, hey, man. I feel like my dad would say that. He's like, Pogad, pink. I don't care. And he really doesn't, but he still says that.

And I'm like, yeah, no one's polka dot. But they never say brown. Right. Yeah. They're like black, white, and polka dot brown? Pocodot pink. No, brown. Did I say brown?

Peach. Maybe. Stripe plaid. Peach. Huh. Hey, well. Peach slightly tanned. Uh, I'll give a special elevated shout out to Dennis for getting along, dude.

That's fucking cool, dude. Elevated shoutouts. That's a new thing, dude. Hell yes, brother. Yeah. This tube fucking sucked. Shout out to whoever gave him the lung. Obviously, this person...

Do we know? We don't know. And we're going to write a letter. My mom was like, I'm ready to write it right now. And I'm like, let's wait a month. Let's let everything settle. I don't know if they want to get this letter as they're like planning their funeral or whatever. So let's give it a month or so.

And then we can write a letter saying how much it's helping dad. Right. Even though he was a murderer who was put to death. I'm from tech in Texas I mean who knows we don't know what it what it was but uh deep sea diver hopefully thank you cedar cyanide hospital they do fucking magic there dude yeah that's crazy being in the ICU with lung and heart transplants and just like seeing like shit's going down like this this guy two two rooms down from my dad he died and then they brought him back to life and now he's just to say they fucking did i mean he's not doing fine he's not doing fine he's not

doing great, but, like, they were able to, like, resuscitate him, which is fucking pretty unreal. So, shout out to Cedars, Sinai Hospital. That's a real job right there. Yeah. God damn. Now, that's a real job. I'll say that. Now, if you're delivering food.

What if I'm the guy delivering the lung on ice? Oh, yeah. That's a real, that's a real job. I'm sure you have benefits. It's a real job. But I, but I got it off of Craigslist. are in agreement that even the people that are doing the gigs,

the gig work, they'd prefer to have a steady job with maybe benefits. I'm sure they would. Or maybe they like living by the seat of their pants. They like the freedom. They got auditions they want to go to. Maybe. Maybe. If those still existed. They like listening to the Duby brothers. Smoking doobies.

UPS ain't letting you blast the Doobie brothers? Yeah, they are. Hey, I want a job I can call in drunk too. They got Big Brother watching now. Fuck that shit. Do they have cameras watching you? And I bet they do. I think Amazon is like, you're off route. Get the fuck back on route.

And they're like, I just wanted to get a Diet Coke. That's why I'm wearing these is to keep you guys. Oh, I bet that's exactly. I bet they are tracking your every move, dude. I would hope so. I hope they track everybody's every move. Bowel or otherwise. They're not tracking the garbage men down here at the beach.

I'll say that. These garbage men look like. Okay, here's a shout out. Like they're still having a good time. I'm big in the surveillance state. I want everybody watched at all times. Oh, okay? Not me at all.

Okay. I think that's fucking terrified. Hey, let's pick that up next week. Because this has been another episode. This is important. Whoa. Big shout out, Dennis D. Woo.

Last round, baby. New love. Bet shit's important. I hope his voice doesn't change. Is he like, hey, guys. It sounds just like that. Okay, perfect. That shit's important.

Perfect. You know Roll Doll. He thought up Willie Wonka and the BFG. But did you know he was a spy? In the new podcast, The Secret World of Roll Doll, I'll tell you that story, and much, much more. What? You probably won't believe it either.

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This is love trapped. Laura, Scottsdale Police. As the season continues, Laura Owens finally faces consequences. Listen to Love Trapped podcast on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Lori Siegel, and on my new podcast, mostly human, I'll take you to some wild corners of the tech world. I'm about to go on a date with an AI companion at a real world cafe right here in New York City. There's no playbook for what to do when an AI companion. model hallucinates a story about you.

Mostly Human is your playbook for how tech can work for you. Anyone can now be an entrepreneur. Anyone can build an app. And it's very empowering. Listen to Mostly Human on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. If you're trying to keep up with everything happening on and off the court, we've got you covered on the podcast, flagrant and funny.

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