This Is Important - Ep 309: Buffalo Milk Boys

Episode Date: July 28, 2026

Today, this is what's important:  Company retreat, aligators, hot actors, alpha bro language, salsa, & more. Get your tickets NOW to our live show in Ontario, Canada on Sept. 25th, 2026! Or go to TIITour.com for more info. Check out Sam Jay and Alex English's new show Look Back At It now! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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the show where we talk about what's obviously most critically, crucially important. Today on This Is Important. Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, salsa talk. So you were trying to suck your own penis. I'm gonna tune you up, bitch. Let's go! And, I, yeah.

Dude. What's up, dudes? What's up, dude. What's up, dude? What's up, dude. Hell yeah, dude. So good to see you guys. Oh, God.

It really is. No, it really is. It really is. Honestly, honestly. It is really good to see you guys. I love you guys. Yeah. Fucking love you guys, man.

I love you, too. And what I'm so excited about is next week we have plans. We've got plans to kick it together. Yeah, we're doing a company retreat, baby. We're taking my boat all the way to Katzina. Back on the high seas. An island far away. And I just want to say this now.

Alrighty, this. I'm not going. If I drown, that's impossible. I'm not depressed. You know how people do this when they're like, I've uncovered something and they go like, I'm not suicidal, I'm not depressed. No one's blackmailing me.

And then like if I go missing or they say I killed myself, they're like, so if I go overboard and I drown. I didn't. Yeah. We know that's not possible. Well, so if me and Adam are going to off you, we got to think of a different way. Yeah, you're not drowning.

I did wonder how far. I could swim. Yeah. Could I make it? You're going to drown in buffalo milk, okay? Oh, yeah. That's a weird name for what you shoot out of your... That is a weird name in general, but it's a California,

Catalina Island tree. Yes, I love it. And are buffaloes female? Are buffaloes female? You know, like a cow, like a bull? They can be, yeah, obviously. I, yeah, they have to. Do you call like a lady bison?

Or like, what, I don't know, I don't know. A lady bison is a hot name. Is this a him-he situation? There's a lot of they buffalo. What do you call a guy, is a guy buffalo different than a female? It's a buffalo. Oh. Buffalo.

Is it a buffalo? Yes, a female buffalo is a buffalo. Not as buff, not as buffalo. Okay, hell yeah. So a buffalo milk, I think we talked about this last time, but it's vodka. Calua. It's cream de caco. What do you say? Cacao? Cacao. You're drinking taco. I'm drinking cacao, brother.

I'm going to have some cream to caco. That makes my make my caco. God, damn. Creme de banana. And some milk, dude. And some milk. Why do they even add the milk? The cause of diarrhea. Well, that makes the buffalo milk. The cause of diarrhea. The first part is the buffalo.

Yeah, baby. Yeah. I'm excited, buds. That's why I'm wearing my fish hat. I hope we put some poles in the water. God, damn. We'll bring some pools. You got poles, dude? Yeah.

I actually don't have a pole. Get back to you on that one. Yeah. How much is, how much does a fishing pole run you? I bet they get up there. A rod? Do we call them rods? A rod. Yeah, I feel like if it's a rod that can handle the type of big tuna I know we would be after,

deadliest catch. I think it's a few hundreds of dollars. Yeah, I mean, you have a rod your whole life. right? If you're getting a rod, you're keeping the rod. Yeah. Rods can last a long time. No.

But this, I feel like this is a kind of like a golf thing where it's like super expensive, but guess what? In two years, there's a newer, better, lighter, faster, harder, stiffer, vanier. What are they changing about the pole, man? It's straight, it's got the line. This is the whole industry. Every industry is like, actually, now it's more carbon fiber weave. then before and you're like, oh, I got that.

It's science. Yeah, but you know, you know, it still catches a giant big tuna that we're after? Grandpa's old stick. Yep, it's science. That you found in the garage. That's what he's calling them. Damn right. Dusted that thing off.

Caught a big tuna. What's a call where you just dangle your arm and then the first grabs on? Noodeling. Should we noodle? I would love to. I got something I'll put into water. It's a shark. That was actually an episode of At a.

ideas was I was I was going to go noodling. Did you make a joke and be like I could do it with I got a bait and what do we noodle? What what fish are for new? I think it's I isn't like giant catfish and then you just let them like suck on your arm until you like put their whole arm in their mouth and they let pull it out. It's it literally might be the scariest thing in my mind that you could do. That sounds absolutely terrifying. I number one I do not like. scariest thing in your mind.

I don't. That you can do. I don't like fish. Let me, I will admit that that's scary to me. Scariest? What's some scarier than letting a fucking, a big-ass catfish. You're sticking here.

I like, you cover yourself in meat and throw yourself in the middle of a shark feeding frenzy. That's pretty scarier. That's, no. Even just like out running in a mountain, you look back and you hear something, you turn into a mountain lion going, let me get that. I hate that. I hate the thought of that. How about you are camping, okay? Don't like that.

And you trip. You trip backwards on a log. And you land. And when you land, you just hear, see, I don't like snakes. And it's a fucking rattles snake. I don't like snakes.

That's not scarier? I don't realize we're doing sound effects. Okay, ready? So, you're a janitor. You've got a lot of keys. You just said to a little boy, I'm going to go to the roof of the building and get that ball you roof.

You're up there. in a rainstorm, you hear thunder. You're struck by lightning. That's a pretty crazy fear. Look, there's something about sticking any part of your body in swamp water and waiting for something to come up. It sounds swamp water. For you.

Very scary to be. It would be scarier if it's alligator infestable. Oh, I hate alligators. Oh, God. Oh, God, I hate that they are so scary. To me, it's the words you're choosing to use, scariest and hate. Alligators are the scariest. Well, a lot of hatred spawns from being scared.

And you might hate sticking your arm into a catfish. You would hate that. Sometimes the things you hate is because you're really, you fear that. But I don't hate alligators. I think alligators are kind of cool. Oh, no, they are terrifying. I think they're my least favorite animal. I do not like alligators.

Do you don't respect them? No. Wait, and you have so much love in your heart. That's what's so weird, Blake, is you're throwing out this hate for alligators. When I feel the Blake that I knew that I lived with for seven years, we were a domestic partnership in the eyes of the law. Yeah. Owned a reptile?

I'm kind of considering this boat trip of our honeymoon. Well, don't. And I'm just there. Durs is going to be there too, also. What are you guys doing in the bow? Under the bow. So you don't try to make this an honeymoon. Put my pole in the water.

What are you guys doing in there? Me and a cup of buffalo milks. I feel like the old you would have loved an alligator. No, no, no. Would have think they're the fucking coolest. You know what? I did ate them. I did until I went to Florida.

I went to the Everglades. And I was amongst wild alligators. And when you get out of the car to take a pee on the freeway and you, you know, they croak. They croak like frogs. They're like, oh. We're back to the sound of better. Adam. And you hear the

Hairball. It is absolutely terrifying. Because you don't, they will jump out and they will get you and they will bring you under that darn water and they will tear you up, boy. Well, yeah, but don't they...

I mean, I know they say that they walk fast. They do. Oh, they're fast. No, but when you see them, they're like, they like wiggle, but like... Serpentine. You can outrun that thing. No.

The zigzag. You have to zigzag. You have to zigzag when you run from an alligator because they can't serpentage. Dude, hey, guess what? Guess what? What? I can outrun an alligator and I'm slow. No.

And I'm slow. No. Let's look up. How fast do alligators run? I'm going to guess they run about 25 miles per hour. Shut the fuck up. I'm saying, bro. They run 25.

They're fast as hell, boy. They come out of that water. They get you. They bring you under the water. Tear your ass up. I got two words to say. I got two words to say. Greatest commercial of our childhood.

Crocodile Mile. Remember that commercial? What the hell is that? Your childhood. What the hell is that? You're so old, dude. You guys didn't have crocodile mile? Fuck it.

I remember the slip. It's a slip and slide, right? God, what happened to slip and slide? It's a slip and slide, but at the end, there was, like, the pool that you bumped into. Yeah. And I just remember the commercial being like, Well, what's better than this? What was it?

Was there like a cool theme song? Like, it's a crocodile mouth. I don't remember the commercial. Oh, here's the commercial. Here we go. You run, you slide. It hits a bump and take a dive. It's great new water slide with splashdown pool.

And the incredible boomerang bump that sends you flying. But watch out for the crop. Yeah, it hits a bump and takes a dive. I remember making jokes like it's like, it's like, it's probably some dude. doing blow, and he's like, it takes a bump. Dude, you know it was summer. Not the dog days yet, but you know it was summer when they started spinning that commercial. You hit a bump and take a dive.

That's very, yeah. Anyway, you guys are talking miles per hour, talking alligators. That was... This is ADD in action. That commercial's from 1988. So we're too young to fully remember this commercial. Ders being as many years older than us. I had just got to college.

I'm pissed now. Right. I do remember that now. How fast do alligators run, Todd? Hit me with that information. Can we get sponsored by Gronk or whatever? Like Joe Rogan is like, we're brought to you by fucking whatever.

Let's ask it. And then they get the answers back. Pornhub. We can't get any of that money. Oh, is that right? They're sponsored by like an AI company? I think so. Oh.

Dude, alligators can run from 11 to 15 miles per hour on land. That's pretty, pretty fast. Roughly 20 miles per hour. Wait, what the hell? For short burst. Adam can run 16. Um, there's no way that an alligator's catching me. And I think this is my jackass. I would like to shoot this. I was going to say, this we could sell the Netflix. And we could sell. Yeah. Okay. Because can Adam outrun animals? I don't want you to get bit by an alligator. No, I'll. They get you and then they bring you underwater. They tear your ass up, boy. All that cake. The fact that you add an accent when you start talking like Floridian and don't you, you like, can't say all your words, it's off putting.

This is the second time he's done it. I know. It's offensive. And I tried to call it out earlier, but then we talked to crocodile mile. What are you doing over here, man? It's offensive. When I talk Gator. When I talk Gator.

I get a little twang because that's how you talk Gator out there. Not there. Because they'll grab you, they take you under the water, and they tear you. You guys ever watch Cool Hand Luke? Yeah, of course. Watch what? Cool Hand Luke? Great mood.

No. Yeah, great film. Great movie. There's a guy in the movie who talks like that. Okay. Does he race alligators? No. No, he eats a bunch of eggs, though.

Well, and he's just eat a bunch of eggs. God, dang. And they also talk like that in Waterboy. Yeah. Yeah. And there are alligators in that? Yeah, but this is, he's talking about Florida. Waterboy is Louisiana.

Yeah. That's down Louisiana? Both places have very scary alligators. I feel like Adam probably follows that Instagram dude who's like, Nelma teach you how to talk with New Orleans accent. And it sounds like not real, but I think it is real. Oh, he's real. Oh, yeah, like a thick Cajun accent.

Yeah. I love it. I do not follow that guy. I don't know what you're talking about, but... Freel. Sliding Adam's DMs and sent it to him. I would, yeah, that sounds like something I would like because I love it. It seems like he's pretending, but I don't think he is.

I think it's real. And people, they talk like down here and they talk for another level. saw in the back of the floor. They just let words sort of slip out of their mouth. And it's crazy. You're good. You're good. Adam, I think you need to play like a dungeon horror movie guy who talks like that.

And it's called just like Bayou Bill. Oh, yeah. That's my horror thriller that I will finally break me through. Yeah. Tales from the body. Through to just more, being able to act more. I just want a job. Yeah.

He wants to act so bad, Hollywood. Come on. I just want to fucking act again, Hollywood. My boy wants to act. I just want to party. And then you really, you're like, I mean, I felt like I crushed. This is Oscar stuff. And then everyone's like, da-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-a-na-na-adem-divise.

Listen to this voice. And you're like, I didn't see the edits. How funny is it then becomes a huge hit. Huge hit. But everyone thinks it's a comedy. And I... They already did the behind-the-scenes. They did the behind scenes interviews with you on set.

I think it's a horror thriller. And you just are like, yeah, I mean, this is what happens when you dedicate yourself to something and you just stop. Your craft. Being funny. And they're like the character. And the way you do the BTS dry as sand, you can do it all. Funny, big, crazy. Jahn.

Hilarious new comedy. God. What he really committed to that horrible character. Adam Devine breaks through, you lean in, because you're watching at home like, here it is. Breaks through to another level of comedy. He worked on that voice for months. For months. Months.

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Search video podcasts And tap watch Are we currently in the dog days of summer right now? Is that what this is? You know when you feel We better be because it's hot as Fuck out there. God.

Yeah. We're recording this. It's the middle of July, and it is a thick bitch out there. It is hot. For here, it's humid. It is. For Southern California, this is humid. A thick bitch.

Yeah. A thick bitch, as you said. Yeah. It's been very hot. Well, it's not as thick. You know, when you walk, like, we shot the righteous gemstones in Charleston. That was a different level of thick bitch. Humble.

When you walk out into the thick bitch. and that humidity just hits you and your glasses fogg over immediately. Here in Sokow, we don't get that. No. We don't get that. You know, I do miss that about being in the Midwest where there was humidity

because when night falls, it's still warm. And so if you're at a bar that has an outdoor area, you're really drinking to cool off. Whereas in L.A., if you're outside at night at like a bar, it's freezing. Yeah. And everyone's cold and doesn't understand what the fuck just happened because it was 88 during the day. Well, I don't know.

This week it's been hot at night, though. Yeah, I think it has been a warm one. Because it's been humid. It's been trying to rain. Yes, it's been warming up. I've been sleeping a little bit in the nude, so that's how I know it's getting pretty hot at night. And what do you mean a little bit in the new? Yeah, what does that mean?

You mean a big, long bit? You mean a big, big, thick bit in the nude? A not as little as you think, bit? I don't know. Yesterday, I'm probably just as little as you thought. Just as little as you thought, bet. This is my Blake impression. He's either talks like this.

Honestly, last night I was... Last night I was looking at myself, like, in that way, and I was pretty bummed. I was pretty bummed. Oh, yeah. Well, that's... Isn't it more often than not? Sometimes you look and you go, all right.

Also, what does that mean exactly you were looking at yourself in that way? Do you often just, like, behold your manhood in the mirror? No, it was really weird. I was like, I was like bending over. Scott Galloway, so sometimes you have to. I was trying to look at my dick from

eye level. Like, we look at it this way, you know, like in the mirror and down. I was trying to get on my, like, to my penis and look, look at it. You got down on your own knees? As close as I could at possible.

You caught your dick in the mirror and you dropped to your knees. How did you do that? How would you do that? Like, just, It's like doing this. So you were trying to suck your own penis. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

That is not what I was trying to do. Well, hang on. The what you just showed us right now? No. That you were trying to suck your own penis. No, I was just trying to look at it, man. I was not. And I told Sam that too.

I'm just trying to look at it. You can look at it from right where you are, dude. You know what you can do? You can take a photo of it and then just look at it. photos I want to see it in person you know photos don't do it justice

I agree I agree it doesn't photograph well I feel like when I take a picture of myself not my dick but myself I look at it

and I go is that what I look like I think I look better in person than I photographing I hope I do I hope I do that's what I think yeah none of us do

none of us do none of us look better in person or none of us photograph well. Both. Both. And I think that might be part of the breakthrough situation. Both. Both, I think.

I think both. Yeah, I mean, you know, well, it's also just yourself. Like, I look at photos of myself and I'm like, what the fuck? Like, what the fuck? Yeah. But don't you meet people in person and you go, they actually look weirder in person than they do in movies? or TV.

Yeah, I think there's... Like a William H. Macy or... He looks pretty good. Never seen him. Yeah, we did. We saw him at the Super Bowl. Never seen him. I think that there are people

with, like, exaggerated features. We can say that, like, a lot of women in Hollywood have giant eyeballs. Oh. And you don't really, you can't really tell when you're watching them

on TV or movies because you just, the eyes are captivating and kind of let you in. The window to the souls, Blake was about to say. I was. Yep.

Yeah. And then you see him, in person, you're like, those some big ass eyeballs. You've got some fucking big eyes, bitch. That's a lot or eye. That's a lot. You've got extra eye

extra eye, bro. You are not running out eyeball. You got it. That's a whole lot of eye. Aye, aye, y'ai. And they don't look as, they don't look as stunning. Yeah.

Well, I feel like that's, that happens a lot with, I mean, some actresses and actors, but also models. Like, a lot of times models are weird. They have to have such a striking look. Yeah, they look to be on the runway, strutting your stuff. Right.

And then in real life, what's up with them eyeballs? They got a whole lot of eye. A whole lot of eye. A whole lot of eye. Long ass. They got enough. They got enough.

Yeah. They look like giraffed. Yeah. Weird. Mm-hmm. I will say, though, like... Models. Ugh.

Ew. Literally, that's why... Literally, that's why we didn't date them. It's like, ugh. Yeah. Like, ugh. They're just... They don't...

I would never... I would never want to date, like, a really sexy, successful model. I know Blake's scariest is alligators. For me, it's definitely models. Mm-hmm. Can we change the subject. Yucky. Yuck, yuck, yuck.

Like, ugh. That's why I never did in my past. I was like, oh, they're disgusting to me. No. They look good in clothes, out of clothes. Nah. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Why are you even still talking about them?

Yuck. I will say one time I was, like, eating out in Hollywood and what's her name, walked by, Zoe Saldana. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Gosh, she was so pretty. Gorgeous. I was like, holy crap.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. Zoe Saldana. Absolutely. stunning. All right. Yeah.

Almost like too beautiful. Like, no thank you. Yuck. Yeah. Yuck. Restraining order. Arriving soon. Someone told me that a podcast, a guy was talking about me, and I just want to make

sure that. It was just like, it's like time stopped. I just saw her. I was like, whoa, this is a very beautiful person. Just like, so I saw a clip. Very funny bit about eyeballs being too big. I was L-O-Ling. This is a text to.

Her people. Uh-huh. My bad. But lock him up. You know who we were just talking about that I'm like, she is unreal. She's my number one. I love her.

Here we go. And I'm glad she's in a new movie. Well, of course. But like a celebrity. Adam, you've been living on this boat? Is Penelope Cruz, dude. Oh, yeah. Come on.

Very shaggy-john. And she's now in that new movie, what is it called? The invite or the... Yes, where it's like about a three-summer. I don't know. Seth Rogen's in it. I think it's like a couple swap movie.

She's also been popping up in the crowd at a World Cup games, and she's looking great. Spain. The invite, yeah. Her and Javier. That is some good Spanish jeans right there. Nalepi Cruz. Her and Javier Bardem. Oh my gosh.

That's a wingo tango. Let me add them. Both. So I got forwarded this clip from a show, this man kept talking about me, I need a restraining order. Not that it wasn't funny, there was a funny bit about... That's not offensive because that's a really good impression. Big Ojos, the Ojos are too much.

Grande Ojo's, very funny. I watch it translated. 69, dude! My way, does YouTube translate us? Can you click into like Portuguese or some shit? I don't think so. We're not on YouTube. We're on Netflix, brother. Father Netflix.

Sorry. Yes, we love you. I want to get translated. Our corporate overlord. There's no way they do, right? AI does it. Oh, by the way, AI is getting hell of weird. My ring cam.

Oh, my God. Go ahead, grandpa. My ring cam? Now it tells me, like, what's at the door? Like, you know how I would text you? Like, there's someone at your door. Today it was like, there's a person at your door with a shit zoo. I was like, what the fuck?

What is going on here? When did I... With the Shih Tzu dog? Yeah, it said that. Could have been worse. Could have been a zoo shit. Okay, that's interesting. And you're like TMI?

I don't need to know that? Yeah, why do I... When did I tell you I needed to know that? That's bizarre. Like, when did it start doing that? It's getting smarter. Well, in case you like those dogs the least and you hate those dogs.

Right. You're allergic to dogs. Yeah, that's where it seems like it's a bit of a slippery slope here. I mean, I could take it or leave it. Yeah, maybe you hung out too closely. your phone was connected too closely next to someone that owned a Shih Tzu. Like you were at a bar or something.

And, you know how that's how they say they do it. Like you sit next to someone and your phones are close and they think you're hanging out with them. And then you'll get information about what they like. Shih Tutsu's. Well, no. You could go out so in public and then like because

you're sitting next to the person, suddenly your discoveries are all just semi-nude women exercising. Yeah. Gotcha bitch. And it's only because you were in the grocery store looking at crackers next to some pervert. Yeah.

And that's what you've explained to your wife? Yeah, it's really weird. Like, that's going to honey. Didn't even cross my mind. Look, honey. I don't know why I keep getting weird, like, World Cup-themed porno coming on. Yeah. On my phone.

Like, what the hell? Honey, the Explorer page is all half-nude women working out. It's all hot Argentina, babe. It's just because I was next to someone at the grocery store. Yeah. It's something to do with what I'm watching. You know what? I'll never go to the grocery store.

Fine. This is the last time I go there. Fine. You know, fine. I guess I'm not grocery shopping. I guess I'm not grocery shopping. And I'm not cooking. Look, I'll take one for the team.

Yeah. I'll stop cooking. Not that I ever started. And I'll stop going to the grocery store. Yeah. That can be something you do. Yep. All right.

And then, you know, it would be really funny is, I check your discoveries. You don't want to see that. Oh, it's just kind of people marching for civil rights. And, yeah. Huh. What grocery store are you at? Where are you?

What kind of. You might not be going to the right grocery store. I was at Rouse. Perverts. Go to Ralfs. Pervert Central. Rouse is nasty. Yeah.

There's some bad boys at Ralph. You must have been at Pavilion. What you freaks. I will say the, do you remember the Ralphs that they called the rock and roll ralphs on sunset? How could I forget, of course. Yes, it's a famous Hollywood attraction. Yeah. Did I see Uncle Phil there or did you guys?

I thought you said that that was at the Whole Foods. No, I saw Uncle Phil at Ralph's. Oh, really? I remember when you said you saw Uncle Phil. Yes, I do too. That was a big day in all of our lives. Yes, I think you all... By the way, those were the days where, like, when you did see someone,

you would tell everyone, and they were like, we're here. We made it. We're amongst Uncle Phil. Yeah. I was just talking about this actually, like, how crazy it was, and how exciting it was when you first start to, like, you move to L.A. And you actually see someone that's working in TV or has worked in TV. My first star siding was the limo driver in Blank Check.

Ooh. He, legend. I think he, R.A.P. And he was drinking a beer at the Grove. Legend. at the bar, the bar in the farmer's market at the growth. Hell yeah. That's a great sighting.

He's also the electrician who's got to cut off the power grid in Die Hard. Oh, my God. He's also the funny neighbor in the Burbs. His name escapes me right now. Yeah, he was in a bunch of stuff. I need to watch the Burbs again. But very memorable. You know how white guys are always kind of the same.

It's very hard to pop. He had something that set him apart. Yeah. Legend. Yeah, what was his name? Rick. Rick. Yes.

Dukaman? Dukoman? Dukoman? Dukoman? Dukon. Yeah. You got to run with that. And he is not dead, right?

And we are not giving him flowers. He died. I think he just died. No. I think he just died. No, no. He died a few years ago. Yeah.

Okay. In 2010 plus years ago. Okay. Thank God. We didn't kill him. No, no. He was good. But I was shook.

That's a great sighting. Yeah. Rick Dek. Yeah. I remember, I was like, shook. He was one of my very first. And then we said, saw, I think

I was with either you or Kyle and we saw who's the guy that was married to, was it Luke Perry that was married to Megan Fox? And we saw them both. No, Brian Austin. Brian Austin Green. And we saw them both.

Yeah, we do. I like that I led with Brian Austin Green when Megan Fox is also at the bar. Freaking see you. But she's like, yeah, but you didn't know she was at the real life, right? No, it was. she was?

Yeah, maybe not. I don't, I don't remember. No. But I remember being like... What was her pop off? She was just Megan. Yeah. She was just a Fox.

Now she's Megan Fox. What was her first movie? What was her jump on? Weird eyes. There's a lot of eyeballs on that. Too much eyes for me. Yeah. To me, I'm like, yeah.

Especially... No, thank you. I'm like Transformers, Megan Fox. Yucky. Not for me. I had to turn that movie off because of that. Was it Transformer? Megan Fox in Transformers?

I think if you watch that now, it would feel like it's from an entirely different era than even when it came out. It really put her on like a, we're going to do slow motion on this woman the entire movie. They wanted to... In a way that you're like, what the fuck is happening here?

My dick was like... This is the way. Wait, why was your dick making those noises? Like a transformer. Yeah, that's the noise they make when they transformers. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Keep up. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.

This is our sound effects at. Keep up. Hey, Megan, we think you're kind of glistening and sweaty in this scene also. Sure. It's really not that hot out. We're in the snow. We're running for my life. I know, but if we could just lose one, like a button comes open, like maybe when you're running.

Michael Bay, get her. For the Bay Bay Bayes. I mean, and by the way, like it kind of, it did one. for her career. I don't know what... I don't know. It's interesting. Looking back, I'm like, wow.

They really just were like, you're so hot, you're gonna be bigger than the Transformers. Yeah, I think she was too hot, too hot for the world. She was hot, bigger than the... She was hotter than the Transformers. He truly, like, looked at his,

at his, like, shot list and was like, scratch this. Yeah. The first day he gets her on set, he's like, no, no, no, we're not going to shoot the Transformers today. Let's have her going into the engine of the transformer, her ass, this is how you meet her.

Just have her working on the car. She's stick it out. Her ass is out. And then you find out that the transformer, the engine is like their dicks. Okay. She's in there going. And then all of a sudden to hear.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Someone get Michael. Get Michael. Michael. Michael.

So if you go back to the song. So if you go back to the video village. Go back to. video miller. Yeah. All right. Hey, okay, Michael, let's show you back

to the director's chair. The low-rise jeans era. He's just obsessed. Costumes. Do we have any jeans that rise lower? Can we just cut the belt? I want to win to be able to pass

underneath is how low I need this. Hit us with some prime Megan Fox photos here, Todd. This is the way. Oh, my God. I mean, the, um, Mama. For research.

Oh, mama. This is the horn. Have you guys seen her in person, though? I bet the eyes are. There's no way. There's no way she's this smoking hot. She can't. She can't be. No. No.

Machine gun, Kelly, you're a lucky man. You lucky son of a bitch. And then post-hot pictures of us to look at as well. Just so. Yeah. God damn. Catch a candid hot photo with me. I dare you. It's impossible.

It's impossible. She's a little rock. Candidly. He's pretty hot, too. By the way, Brian Austin Green and Blake Anderson are doppelgangers, and I'm willing to die on that. Dude, I'm looking at a photo of the two of them, Getty images. Brian Austin Green and my boy, Blake Anderson, they do not look that dissimilar.

That was a ride. They almost don't look alike a lot. See, no, they don't look dissimilar. They look close enough. If they were brothers. If you just cut your hair, you could have married Megan Fox. Oh, could you have a match. That's why he did it.

He's like, no, model soap. I will be growing my hair to keep the ladies away. Keep them at bay. No, thank you. I'm fine right where I am with my hot boyfriends. Hello. Wait, what? Bring the rods to the boat.

I'm going to be drinking your buffalo milk. You never, you never seen a guy drink so much buffalo milk. God, damn. So, my heart. Guys, you're going to just just a white mussel. stash all the buffalo milk you're going to be shorging down down i'm going to have you here at catalina you couldn't see my dick at eye level you've heard the chaos now you can see it my gosh watch all your favorite podcasts from start to finish right inside the free iher radio app gets the blood

going up catch every laugh and iroll on shows like the tom green farmcast and park the bus now with full video. We're building a ramp for Tony Hawk. It's the same hosts and the same chemistry with all the hilarious moments you've been missing right on your screen. Cheers. Open the free IHard Radio app. Search video podcasts and tap watch. What's up, fam?

I'm sports journalist Ari Chambers. Hey, what's up y'all? It's your girl, Sam J. And we're the host of everyone watches women's sports, a new podcast from Together and IHart Women's Sports. Because let's be real. Women's sports is giving us way too much to talk about these days. So Kelsey Finler, she, she is. became the first female solo rower to go from California to Hawaii.

My first thought is, like, what's up with the snacks? Like, what are we eating? The highlights, the rivalries, the breakout stars, the moments that take over your entire timeline. And the conversations that start during the game and somehow keep going all week. Every week, we're breaking down the biggest stories across women sports. Naomi Osaka showing out, she beat Sabalinka. Shout out to you, Naomi. You get the palm, Naomi.

You get the palm for that. Because we're not just interested in what happened. We're interested in why everyone's talking about it. Because everyone watches women's sports. Listen to everyone watches women's sports. On the Iheart radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. Hey, Portlandia fans. Carrie Brownstein and Fred Armisen here.

You know us, or rather you know them. Tony and Candace, Nina and Lance, Spike, and yes, the chicken. We've played a lot of iconic characters over the years, but today we're showing up as ourselves to tell you about Podlandia, AEO, rewatch, our brand new podcast. Each week, we'll revisit an episode of Portlandia from the very beginning, breaking down the sketches, exploring the backstories of our most iconic characters, revisiting the Portland locations you know and love,

and opening up about our creative process. How did any of this get made? Why do we think that was a good idea? We're ready to talk about it. And we'll also be joined by the people who helped bring it all to life. Guest stars, collaborators and friends, including director Jonathan Chrysler, the mayor himself, Kyle McLaughlin, legendary musician Amy Mann and many more.

Kyle is going for it here. You fully improvised, not just words, but a song, a melody. Well, I thought he was going to write. I thought you were all going to write a song. I remember you thinking that. Listen to Podlandia. Ayo rewatch on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Jake Brennan, and on my podcast, Disgraceland.

I tell the stories behind music's biggest names, the moments, rumors, and real-life events that help shape their legacy. Like the story behind Sonic Youth that starts with downtown New York cool and ends with album art inspired by a true crime. Sonic Youth was not fronted by a groupie hustling alpha like David Lee Roth.

No, Sonic Youth's Thurston Moore was an artist in love with a fellow artist who just happened to play bass in the same band with him and his other artist friends. Her name was Kim Gordon. And Thurston and Kim, and Kim, where every bit as cool as the couple on the cover of goo. The same couple involved in one of the UK's darkest true crimes.

Disgraceland is part of the exactly right network. Listen to new episodes every Tuesday, bonus episodes Thursday, and rewinds on Sunday on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I wrote down one thing that I was thinking of this week that I was like, this is something I want to, because I want to mine. I'm going to do the, what's his name? Gavin Newsom, he talks like this all the time. He's like, I was, oh, yeah.

Well, that's a classic Bill Clinton maneuver. Well, yeah. To do this, to do both of them at the same time, just like, you know, we're talking. Well, he's stealing that from Trump. Trump, when he dances, he goes. Such an iconic thing. Yeah. But so I wanted to mind you guys for these.

It's basically like alpha bro vocabulary. Okay. I should get that. It's a bagel. I know we don't really throw around. But then when you hang out with a few, like, alpha bros, they throw these words around and you go... Yeah, for sure.

Oh, like, that... Okay, so that's the word you guys use. What word are we talking about? So I wrote down a few because I was like... What alpha bros are you... Are you talking about, like, when we go to the Super Bowl and you hang out with the Long brothers? Hang around Bo Jackson.

And we see Bo Jackson from a distance? Yeah. No, not... Those guys are definitely... Old up. It's definitely mostly Beau. No, no, it's not even the Long Brothers because they're pretty low-key,

but it is probably people they hang out with. It's mostly if I see my buddy who used to play hockey, he has a vocabulary that I'm like, oh, okay, that's what the guys are saying. And so here's the first one. Drop some man words on me. So you're saying we don't have the testosterone.

Uh-oh. Our tea is too low to be throwing these around. So here's one that I'm just like, I would never have thought to use this. When you're like, you beat somebody's ass, you tuned them up. Yeah, that is a manly thing. Like, oh, I saw, dude, this guy pulled over the other night fucking got tuned up right in front of the gas station by my house.

Yeah, that is a tuned up, that's a good one. To me, I don't know, I don't know if that is alpha, as much as that is like, that feels like a thing a grandfather would say, like, it got tuned up. Well, grandpas are kind of the most alpha male. True. You're not wrong. This is true.

This is true. Thank you. The way that they describe women as a smoke show. Oh, whoa, yeah. Yeah. I call them haughty bobbotties. But I would never throw around smoke shows. Yeah, hottie booblotties. Yeah.

Whopap? Well, plap. Oh, holy moly. Whatever it is, I have to mispronounce it. Oh, yeah, I'm a bitch. Like, when somebody throws a pass, it's a piss missile. Oh, fuck, that's tied to it. I don't like that.

I don't like that. Just threw a fucking straight. straight piss missile, 50 yards. And I'm like, a piss missile. I don't, I don't like that. Oh, dude. No, I like that one a lot. Did I tell you when I, and he's not even, I mean, he's an alpha bro, but he's older now.

When I did that golf tournament with Drew Bledsoe. You never lose it. Yeah. And he, they were tossing the football around. And he's like, hey, Devine. And he just fucking. He knows what he's doing. He wasn't putting anything on it.

He could just throw. the football. Just piss missile, dude. And it just fucking was way harder than I'm used to catching a football for my friends. Yeah. And then I went to throw it and my spiral wasn't that tight. And then he said something like, ooh, we got to work on that. I was so embarrassed.

He goes to throw it to me again. And I acted like I had to go get my ball. Hold on. I was like, oh, I got a. Yeah. And I like sort of like hop stepped away. You refused to. to catch a pass from you see that slow show i caught one i caught one and i was like dude and then

my pass wasn't that great i'm like i'm not gonna get into a i'm not i'm not throwing the pigskin around here yeah we're not throwing piss missiles you're all wobbles i can't throw a piss missile at all it's hard throwing a football is it's not easy do you guys are you guys in text chains or do you hear other guys using words that you're like i guess that's what the guys are using weapon is another when they call someone an absolute weapon. I like that. Yeah. I like that.

I'm not saying it's not to like. I'm just saying like, these are words that are used commonly, constantly. Yeah. They're just not at my like, I just don't have, I'm not like. Yeah, we're not bro-y enough. And I've always said that. I've always said that. We should be more bro-y.

We need to bro-up. Grow up and bro-up. Yeah, I would look at Blake in the morning with almost disgust. And I would say, in your bed? Bro up. Go make us breakfast. When we lived together, I was, I would just, I'd see you in the kitchen. I'm like, wow.

Bro up, dude. Yeah. I'm a dude. Because he was just looking a little bitchmaid or something. I was like, dude, bro the fuck up. Man, when I wake up, that is the manliest I am. When I wake up, I wake up like a goddamn man. And then what?

You get less manly throughout the day? Well, then I beautify and I do my hair. Yeah. You know. Do you guys have any words like this that you're like, Like, I know, because do you know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying, right? I know what you're saying.

Yeah, there's a vocab, that real menu. There's a vocabulary that I'm like, I don't even. You're right. And I don't think I have any words because all my friends are actors or comedians. Like, we say boobs. We say boobs, right? They say cans. With zero, like, irony.

They're like, look at those cans. Do they say knockers? Those are boobs. Does they say knockers? I don't think they say knockers. I don't think they say knockers. I say, Do they say wambles?

I say check out those tites. No, we're busy having fun and they're busy going, those are kids. Yeah, they're being serious about it instead of having fun with it. Right, okay. Yeah. And it does, it does, when you were talking about how guys are not joking and how, like, it is adjacent to that. But I just, there's a whole slew of words out there that I don't tap into. I don't have any real friends like that.

I don't have any real friends like that. Yeah. I wish I did. I wish I just don't get invited to things that have real men present. Yeah. Yeah, man. Yeah, you know what? Me either.

So you guys don't even know any more of what I'm talking about. No. But you do know what I'm talking about. When I say it, you get it. I know what you're saying. And I think you probably are more in those circles than myself or Blake. Definitely not Blake. Definitely not Blake.

I do love the idea of somebody coming up to me to be like, yeah, hey, we've never met. And then within moments, they're backing away going, I got to go, just saw a smoke show. They out of the way. I'm going to do a frat lap. And you're like, don't know. See you. That's, by the way, that's another thing.

I'm going to go do a lap when you're at a bar. I'm going to go do a lap. I do laps. I feel like we used to do a lap, especially like when you were a young single guy. You just take a hot lap. I understand, but do you say it? Yeah, I think back in the day, I would say I'm taking a hot lap. I think when we were like at like, like, yeah.

Or like, like, 23, you know, I mean. I still take a lap, see what arcade game do they have? Or, like, you know. Like, where, do they have a nach cheese machine? Blake's taking a lap on Outrun. He loves video games. I take a hot lap. There's a pinball machine in the corner I didn't know about.

Come out. Take a hot lap. Blake's talking about a dog looking at his dick. Ladies. See if they have any hot dogs in the crock pot I see in the corner. Those are the kind of bars we're going to. Follow your nose. Remember that cool scene in Rookie of the Year

where like Daniel Stern is taking out Rowan Gardner to the bar and then he like walks up to the two hot chicks and he's like, ladies? And then they're like looking like, oh, is he going to talk to us? And he's like, excuse me? And they part and there's a pinball machine. Yeah. Great thing.

Legendary. Legendary. Like, because you think like, oh, this is about to take this character into a place that is a little icky. and that makes him not... He's like showing this kid. You're not rude for him anymore. And then he goes straight for the pinball

and you're like, this dude is my hero. Yeah, he's a guy con. That's my top guy. This dude is not a weapon. Yeah. I don't know. That's my type of weapon. By the way, that's...

Wait, wait. Oh, this is perfect. This is perfect. Daniel Stern versus the Rocket in Rookie of the Year. Yeah. The Rocket's got a vernacular. Plenty of people rock the Rocket jersey in Chicago.

Yeah, Chet Stedman. But who's wearing the fucking manager dudes? What was his name? Sorry, I'm a little lost. I don't have this at the tip of my... Who was the rocket? Was that Gary Busey? Yeah.

Gary Bucy played like the agent. Chet Stedman. Chet Stedman. What I said, Roddy the Rocket. Chet Stedman, but they called him the Rocket. They call him the Rocket. And he was like the aging pro who was actually like a guy who would tune somebody up.

Yeah, he was tuning people up. He would say Cairns. He starts hooking up with his mom. He starts soaking up with his mom, which is pretty sick. Oh, my God. Well, the mom was a smoke show. She was, dude. Where is she at?

She was, dude. She was so beautiful. I feel like I might have said smoke show at one point in my life. I might have been, like, a true smoke show. But do you, you know who you were saying it to? One of these guys. That's the only reason you said it because you were like, yeah. I'm just trying to fit in, like, I'm just, well, I feel like these guys also,

they're the ones that, unironically say let's go. a lot. Yeah, exactly. They say it a lot. Which I have to just admit. It's such a plague. It's almost unavoidable at this point. Oh, it's such a plague.

It is a plague. It's completely taken over our unit. I was watching this live ultra run and guys are saying it there and you're like, these dorky weirdos who run 200 miles are screaming, let's go. It's crazy. Will it ever go away? Or is it going to be let's go forever? Who's going to switch it up?

It will. Well, let's stop, let's go. I tried to start a movement and didn't really catch on. And you know why we failed? We need a man at the... It's so annoying. It's... Yeah, and it's everywhere you go.

It's worldwide. I feel like in a decade, though, someone's going to get sick and tired of it. It's a long time. It's been around since, like, 05. Yeah. It's been a decade. It's not going... Oh, man, it's getting worse.

It was here in 2008. You can hear Phelps scream it in Beijing, guys. Whoa. Was that the first let's go? It's his fault. I don't know if it was the first one, but they were saying it. Swimmers were already saying it there. Who the fuck started?

I would hope it's... I do think there is a trickle-down. I don't think swimmers are saying let's go, and then the basketball team's like, oh, cool, I'm going to use that. I think people are draining threes and saying let's go or scoring touchdowns and saying, let's go. And then swimmers are like, can we borrow that?

I'll be taking that one to pool. I didn't see it, but Chloe says in The Odyssey. Oh, I want to see it. There's a trailer out that people are roasting online. Why? Because Matt Damon, when he's leading his crew into battle, he screams, let's go. No. And you're like, see ya.

Let's go. We need to go back to the text, okay? Homer might have been the first one to say let's go. To write, let's go. Yeah. That's kind of wild. Is that the first let's go? But by the way, back then it means like, let's go.

Literally, let's go. It's a command as opposed to a compliment or whatever the fuck. Or whatever the fuck it is now. I feel like Chris Nolan should have looked at that and then go, I'm not going to have this trailer moment. Bees Tom Brady's company's name. Let's go. Like, let's, his company's name is like, let's go entertainment or whatever.

That is so bad. It's so dorky, dude. He did try and copyright it, and everyone's like, people have been saying it for 15 years, but okay. Yeah. Oh, man! It's just so dorky, but... The fact that we're still talking about it, it's unreal.

I mean, it's just infiltrated every aspect of life. I'd rather take a piss missile to the face. Dude, I wouldn't... I actually wouldn't even want to be Tom Brady. Like, ugh. It's like, ugh, disgusting. Like, what a shitty life that would be. Have you seen his diet?

It's sucks. What a nerd. What a dork. Like, has to drink smoothies. I feel bad for my honesty. His ex-wife model. Yeah. Could you imagine being having children with that thing?

Yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck, that creature? Yuck. Jazeel? I won't be doing none of that. No, thank you. No, thank you. I'll be over here doing my own thing. Yeah.

I know this. No, thank you. I'd rather spend time with an alligator. You've heard the chaos. Now you can see it. Hello. Oh, my gosh. Watch all your favorite podcasts from start to finish.

Right inside the free IHR Radio app. Gets the blood going up. Catch every laugh and eye roll on shows like the Tom Green Farmcast and park the bus. Now with full video. We're building a ramp for Tony Hawk. It's the same hosts and the same chemistry with all the hilarious moments you've been missing. Right on your screen. Cheers.

Open the free IHRRA radio app. Search video podcasts and tap watch. What's up fam? I'm sports journalist Ari Chambers. Hey, what's up y'all? It's your girl, Sam J. And we're the host of everyone watches women's sports, a new podcast from Together and I Heart Women's Sports. Because let's be real. Women's sports is giving us way too much to talk about these days. So Kelsey Finler, she became the first female solo rower to go from California to Hawaii. My first thought is like, what's up with the snacks? Like, what are we eating?

The highlights, the rivalries, the breakout stars, the moments that take over your entire timeline. In the conversations that start during the game and somehow keep going all week. Every week, we're breaking down the biggest stories across women's sports. Naomi Osaka showing out. She beat. Sabalinka.

Shout out to you, Naomi. You get the palm, Naomi. You get the palm for that. Because we're not just interested in what happened. We're interested in why everyone's talking about it. Because everyone watches women's sports. Listen to everyone watches women's sports on the IHeart Radio app.

Apple Podcast or wherever you get your podcast. Hey, Portlandia fans. I'm seen in Fred Armisen here. You know us, or rather you know them. Tony and Candice, Nina and Lance, Spike, and yes, the chicken. We've played a lot of iconic characters over the years, but today we're showing up as ourselves to tell you about Podlandia, AEO rewatch, our brand new podcast.

Each week we'll revisit an episode of Portlandia from the very beginning, breaking down the sketches, exploring the backstories of our most iconic characters, revisiting the Portland locations you know and love, and opening up about our creative process. How did any of this get made? Why do we think that was a good idea? We're ready to talk about it. And we'll also be joined by the people who helped bring it all to life.

Guestrars, collaborators, and friends, including director Jonathan Chryssel, the mayor himself, Kyle McLaughlin, legendary musician Amy Mann, and many more. Kyle is going for it here. You fully improvised, not just words, but a song, a melody. Well, I thought he was going to write. I thought you were all going to write a song. I remember you thinking that. Listen to Podlandia.

Heyo, rewatch on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This is Chelsea Handler from Dear Chelsea. Every week, the news gets worse. The world gets crazier. And Yamanika is here to tell whoever's responsible, you're the problem. If you come over here to play games, I'ma check you. Okay? If you do some in the news that don't sound good, I'm going to play you.

Join Yomeneika Saunders as she breaks down the week's most problematic stories on her new podcast, you're the problem with Yamanika. Do you know I just found out who Sidney Sweeney was? New episodes weekly every Wednesday is part of my new network, the Dear Chelsea Network. If he got a bunch of women, then I should have a bunch of men. Do better or do less, so I don't have to do so much. So join Yamanika each episode as she answers one question. Who's the problem?

I'm Yamanika, and I'm out. Listen to You're the Problem with Yamanika on the IHeart Radio. app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Did I tell you guys that my parents, the story about Bo and the alligator at the zoo? That's recent. Yeah, go ahead. Did I tell you guys about this? No, actually, I haven't heard about this.

Yeah, I would, dude, my parents took Bo. I was working, Chloe was doing something. My parents were like, we want to take Bo to this reptile place that's nearby. And we're like, sure, okay. You know, it's a zoo. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, yeah, sure, take the two-year-old. Yeah, take the, yeah.

Totally. And my two-year-old? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I guess Bo was walking along and there's like, it's a glass enclosure, right? And there's an alligator. And this alligator sized up Bo. Oh, man. And my dad said, my dad watched the whole thing.

He's like, it was hilarious. Boe's just walking along. This alligator, like, sizes him up. And then sneaks up on him. And then charges. the glass, Bo is two inches from the glass, and chomps the glass. And of course

Bo flies back and starts crying because it was terrifying. Yeah. That's a core memory, as they say. It's a core memory. And my dad was like, he was so scared. It was hilarious. I'm like, I'm sure it was funny, but, dude.

On his podcast in 25 years, he's like, scariest thing is alligators. I think we all know that. I'm telling you, dude. That's where it starts. It goes, model. All's alligators. He came home and I'm like, I'd you have fun, buddy? And he's like just putting together words.

And he goes, Dada, so scared. Bo cried. The alligator went chomp. It went chomp. Bo cried. And I go, oh, you cried? And then he goes,

and you would too. Like he was like, and then Chloe came in. That's when he go, I'm going to tune you up, bitch. And you would too. No? And you would too.

You would too. Yeah, he said you would too. And then Chloe comes in. and he says the same thing and he goes, and you would too, Mama. I'm like, who taught him to, like,

put his feelings on someone else? Like, bitch, I cried, but you would also cry. Yeah, I'm not the only one here crying. He also speaks in the third person. That's, yeah, it's a problem. It was really, it was really scary. I pooped my pants and you will too.

And you would too. Yeah. Another one just popped in my mind, Hoss, calling anybody Hoss on ironically, this is just something I would never do. Yeah, I feel like that's a, like a football. I feel like you,

learn these on the gridiron these seem very, why is a thumb keep popping up on your screen, Blake? Because Blake is fun. I don't know, man, I'm sorry. I think my computer's listening and it likes what you're saying. Oh.

Okay. Well, thanks. I feel like that's on the gridiron, you learn cool words like that and none of us played football. So I know, I think that's the missing link. And we should we should bro up. Blake, can you throw a football, Blake?

I can throw it okay. I want to, you know, I want to call myself. I can throw it well. I can't throw it far. Now, if Drew Bledsoe wanted to play catch with you? I would do that. Yes. I really do wish that I played some, one game of football in high school or something,

just so I had some idea. Well, Blake, I saw photos of you from. I met you right after high school. You would get tuned up. Okay. I would. We all know this. We all know.

We all remember the fresh. man year when there's like whoever went out for the football team and you're like, aren't you getting lit the fuck up out there? Yeah. And they're like, yes, I'm. They're little and they kind of like it and they're scrappy. Yeah, I just want to, I don't even have, but Blake isn't. I just don't even have any idea as to what it feels like to be tackled in in pads. You never played at all. I played a little bit. I played it. I never played either. Yeah. I just have no idea because it, I mean, obviously, shit looks like it hurts. God damn.

Because I played, I was hit by the Cementra going into sixth grade. And then I played football in the fall of eighth grade. And I had just learned how to walk. Right. Like I had just gotten there. I bet your parents are like, what are we doing? This is crazy. Dude, well, my, I was like, I'm going to play football this year.

And my parents were like, dude, you're not going to play football. And then my mom goes, okay, if that doctor says you could play football, you could play football. And then the doctor would just fucking Brozarched it and was just like Yeah, I don't know I feel like if you want to play football You could play football Oh, I thought she was going to slip the doctor five

Yeah, it can't be worse than getting hit by his truck And then I and then I played that year And your boy got tuned up. I'll say that. Yeah, you were not a weapon? I wasn't, I would not call me a weapon. I, uh, go sit your ass down. You weren't a weapon, hoss?

It was a, it was by like weight. So it was... And this is in... I was a middleweight. In eighth grade. This is in Nebraska with some big boys probably on that field.

I guess that makes sense. They don't want someone to die. Yeah. So especially in middle school. By high school, I bowed out. I was like, you know what? I'm good.

I saw what happened to me in middle weights. I'll be hacky-sacking. Yeah. But even the pros... Even the pros are like it takes a week or two of getting hit again. Because you're just like

God fucking damn, this sucks. And then after a few weeks of getting hit, your body acclimates, your nervous system starts to understand that this is not going to stop. We're just going to get used to get our ass. And then you get through it. But there is a like an acclimation to every season. Who was, there was some other athlete talking about this,

like when they were in high school, maybe it was LeBron, who was like, I just remember because he played football too, he's like, I'd be playing basketball and that's kind of like light. And then the first few weeks of playing. of playing football, you're like, fuck, this sucks. But then you do get used to the sensation and like the shock to your body and the concussions. Your brain starts to lose that piece of it. Yeah, no, football fucking sucks.

I mean, and this is why we don't know cool words. And dude, for swimming, sometimes when you jump in the pool and it's cold, dude, it's like, burr, I can't get used to this. E! That's a, you swim really fast out. Yeah, dude. And when I'm out on, what I'm out on a fucking grassy field and my sack is sacking, I'm just hacking up a storm.

And we're getting tons of sacks with the crew. And I'm doing side stalls and back stalls and stalls on my neck. It can hurt a little bit. Yeah. Honestly, you get sweaty. You do get sweaty. Yeah, it sucks. Sucks.

Do you think anybody with any sort of coolness is stalling with their neck? Dude, yes. Have you seen what the teens are doing nowadays? No, not all. I'm sure your algorithm. But I think stalling with your foot and stalling, like, even on your back where you like bend over and catch it or whatever. But stalling on the neck, what the neck looks so dumb. This? Yeah.

Hackysack looks no. I don't know. I feel like there's some guys who are like, oh, you could have stalled that on your neck and they're like, I'm good. I'm good. The coolest is when you caught it just on the bill of your hat. Very cool. Yeah, that's so cool. And then you'd let it slide.

That's so cool. And then you turn to a smoke show and you're like, where to go? I'm fucking around. You go, you go dump out them cans, you smoke show. Hey, where to go? Dump out the cans? That's a full-blown sentence. Dump out the cans, you smoke show.

Michael Bay, you're needed at the monitor. Michael Bay, get at us. We're riding your next film. Michael, back to video village. Please. You stop acke-sacking. We need you at the monitor. All right, I'm talking to Megan, man.

Adam, I got a good feeling about you having a breakthrough with him. Where did it go? You're hired. He might hire you just to put you in a trailer for a week and be like, we didn't get to it today. I don't know. Sorry. Just tomorrow.

We got you tomorrow. Whoops. We missed it. He's back. Sorry, today was a real piss missile. I would love to have it. Would that be maybe the funniest or the saddest show of all time, where you get a celebrity who really wants a breakthrough.

And they haven't been around for a while. They haven't been working for a while. And then you get a huge director to lock them in a trailer, and that's the show. It's just watching them get more and more frustrated. Checking off again. Okay. More and more frustrated waiting to get on set.

Is that a real fire? Yeah. Guy just keeps beating off. He won't stop. He actually doesn't mind. the time. He's loving it. You start them off on day one

with a fucking awesome trailer. And then day two, when they walk to that trailer, you go, I'm so sorry, there was a huge mix-up. You're actually over here in this other trailer. Still a full trailer. All good. Day three, there's been a budget snafu. We need you in a two-banger.

Which is a trailer, one on each side. Which is a trailer split in half. Or maybe just jump right to a three-banger, which is three. And then one day you go, you're just going to be here for a couple hours, so you're this right here in those closet ones, which are the absolute worst, there's a like accordion door that can,

you can blow it open with your fucking breath. And someone's right there taking a shit. Yes, you hear when the person next to you is taking a shit and jerking off at the same time. You can hear like a phone go, like everything, heartbeat. Yeah, it's a bummer. It makes it really hard to get your, you know. Yeah, I think they would lose, that's the show.

And they would lose, their fucking months. That's cool. Then you have to bring him to set and then have like an other actor paid to have a fake flip out. Oh. Right? So they're like, oh my God.

Yeah, she's been really difficult all week. This is from yesterday when you were in a trailer all day. I'm sorry. If you want to go take five, we'll be up back and running in like just 20 minutes or so, just an hour or so. Another five hours you go back and you go, you can go home. You can take off the... That you bitch.

And it's a full... beard and full fake mustache that they have to keep putting on and off. Oh, that's cool. It's like a lot of tattoo work. It's done to makeup. Can I just leave it on? Actually, you can't. Or, you know, what we should do is just like, we give him like a really big funny nose,

like a crazy-looking nose, just like big bulbous, like drunk-eye nose, that he has to paint. So he just has this like dumb-looking thing on his face all day long. Actually, we do need you to keep it on. So I have to go home like this. This is cruel. Oh, yes. Okay. Yes.

You do. Again. But don't worry. You're up first tomorrow. I'm digging on. I don't know if you saw the call sheet. You're up first tomorrow. Okay.

I'll be at 4.30. We need you to get back down. At 4.30 a.m. It's like, yeah, so we had to change the schedule around, but we're going to get to you before lunch. We're going to get to you before lunch. Don't worry about it. And what did you want for lunch, actually? I can take your lunch order.

Yeah. So they didn't, they didn't have the ribs. They're out of the pineapple. salsa talk. We were talking. Let's circle back. We got five good minutes here. Let's do some hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, salsa talk. Blake had a callback to a thing that hadn't happened on the pod yet. We were talking salsa right before we got on the podcast. I love it. Great callback. And by the way, what an epic callback to a thing that we did not talk about on the podcast.

This dude is a fucking comedic web. That's a way to end the show on something we hadn't talked about yet. An inside joke. Well, I really did want to talk about it because Ders said some shit that pissed me off. He said he done it like... A, he doesn't like cold salsa, which is bizarre. And B, he has trouble finishing a jar of salsa, which is fucking pathetic. Let me just clear my fucking name.

I didn't say I have trouble finishing a jar of salsa. You did. I said that when I don't, because I choose not to. When do you not finish a jar of salsa? I finish a jar. If you finish a jar salsa by yourself, that's not okay. No problem. That's, dude, that's.

No problem. We all can, Blake. I mean, physically. This is wrong. Are you the type of guy who dips his chip like? I say horse. You don't get the chunks. You just dip it in the wet part.

You make sure no veggies get on. The chip? Well, A, I don't buy chunky salsa. What? Don't buy chunky salsa. But when I put it back in the fridge and then like a few days later, I open up and it's all crusty on the inside, I'm like... Oh, I like that. I like that.

This is garbage now. No. I give it to the kids. The kids can eat it. Salsa crust. And then I go and I get the new one that's room to have. Damn. You're crazy.

Yeah. Yeah. Not liking salsa that has been in the refrigerator is strange to me. And that's a weird. I honestly think it is like a true... That's when I knew I was a man was when I started dipping my chip really hard into salsa. Because I used to be the little kid who made sure there was no, you know, no pepper, no tomato, no onion on the chip. Adam, I'll let you go.

For me is when I saw my son for the first time. You go? No, man. We'll circle back to this salsa situation. I started. Also, you're still, are you kind of, are you kind of doing that voice still from? Or you're like doing You're being more

Like, you're become like a comic book guy The way you're talking now All of a sudden Yeah dude I know When I dunk a chip That motherfucker comes up five pounds Bada bang bada boom I finish a salsa in three chips

I can finish John You know what guys I'm glad I'm glad we wrap this up with hot hot salsa talk Because fucking this is banger. Any takebacks, any apologies, any epic slams? I dip my chips so hard. I dip my chips so fucking hard, dude. You, you fuck with black bean salsa? Yeah, sure. It's not my favorite. Games. What do you mean? It's not a you. It's not my favorite. To me, that was a game changer.

The first time I had that, I was like, what is this? Really good. I thought it's good. I prefer a bean dip. I'm a Mateo's guy. Okay, go off. That is my salsa of choice. If you can find Mateo's in your grocery aisle, check it out. Not sponsored. Blake, what are you? I like to go, I like to go to whatever, like, usually they keep the, the good salsa, like in the deli section. So it doesn't matter to me as long as it's from the deli section. Oh, so you go, it's in the refrigerated section. Yes, of course. I'm not doing, I'm not messing with the, I mean, I will. Don't get me wrong. I'll do a paste. Yeah. Or whatever. But I like the fresh stuff. You will? You'll go pace over, like,

Tostito's brand? When you're getting jars of salsa like that, it really doesn't matter. They all taste the same. They're all very sugary. I like them, but they're not, you know. Blake, so you drink a whole jar of salsa, or you have a whole jar of salsa. Every time you just have some chips and salsa? Yeah.

Is that what you're saying? Like, the way you came out the gate, it seems crazy. He calls Tiddy's jars. I blow a jar. I blow a jar. If I open it, I'm blowing it, bro. Yo, if you're a bro, alpha bro, and you're listening, first of all, welcome. Hey, thank you for being here.

I'm begging you to take blow a jar to your realm and have it catch on. Because, Blake, I got to tell you, oh, dude, last night fucking blew a jar. I blew a jar, homie. I think that's eligible. I think that's eligible. If I heard a really cool, tough guy say that to me, I'd download. I'd go wow. But the way Blake said it didn't inspire confidence.

He sort of lisped. He lifted it out. He's hugging his knee. Yeah. But Adam, what I'm saying is that I know that if this is taken into the world, you're right. Were a guy's not hugging his knee?

Put it on the lens of an alpha-brose. He's got his arms like this after just running a bunch. What's your favorite salsa go? Yeah. He's hugging his knee. When's the last time you blew a jar? Okay. Dude, I'll blow a jar.

And you take back to say, any apologies? any epic slams? I'll slam cold salsa. Gross. It's just gross. And I did venture into peach salsa, I said before the show. Not necessary. Yeah, I like the citrus ones. I like the mango.

I like the pineapple. You know what? I'll take back what I said about Zoe Saldana. What's wrong with her? You said she was beautiful. I just don't. I know. I just hope I don't want a restraining order.

I don't follow her. I saw her one time. I thought she was very pretty. Beautiful woman. And so let me get this straight. You only saw her one time and it just seared into your brand like this. Like a fucking psychopath. Time stopped, man.

You're still talking about it? Time stopped. No, I get that. I understand that. Sure. Yeah. Does she Avatar? Yeah.

Oh, yeah. She had my man like a baby. Absolutely baby. Oh, man. Hey, I'll see you guys on the boat. Yeah, I'm excited for that, guys. That's going to be fun. That's going to be so fun.

Hopefully. I guess we report. And if one of us dies, we were not suicidal, as you're said. Yes, absolutely. All right, that's another episode of... This is important. It's the best. Hey, Portlandia fans.

Carrie Brownstein and Fred Armisen here. The Dream of the 90s is alive in podcast form. We're launching Podlante. AEO rewatch, our brand new podcast where we revisit every episode of Portlandia together, breaking down sketches, going deep on our iconic characters, and pulling back the curtain on how it all got made. And we'll also be joined by the people who helped bring it all to life. Guestores, collaborators, and friends, including director Jonathan Chrysall, the mayor himself, Kyle McLaughlin, legendary musician Amy Mann, and many more.

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