This Is Important - Ep 311: 3 Bars. 10 Hours. Catalina.

Episode Date: August 11, 2026

Today, this is what's important: Welding, boating, Catalina, drinking, diving, clogging toilets, ChatGPT, shedding & more...   Get your tickets NOW to our live show in Ontario, Canada on Sept. 25th, 2026! Or go to TIITour.com for more info. Check out Sam Jay and Alex English's new show Look Back At It now! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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I'm on a mission to reclaim the word Solita, trading the pity for possibility. Listen to Solita on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to This Is Important, a production of IHeart Radio, the show where we only talk about what's the most important bottom line critical thing happening on this planet. Today on This Is Important? Dude just popped my cherry. Holy shit. And the Hulk's cock was a fountain. Pops back and sprays so much shit everywhere, dude. Buckle up.

Been in it. Been in it. Wow. Dude, we were just talking off pod. And, uh, and, dude, Ders was telling this fucking sick story about how he had to cut a piece of wood. Dude, it gave me a man boner. And that shit was important, dude.

How often are you cutting wood? Yeah. Shout out Milwaukee. Milwaukee Power Tools Company. Yeah. Yeah. Saw Blake's Cup said, dude, great merch. They should have more merch.

And they had sent us axes. Adam said he never used the axe. And I said, dude, I used it just a few weeks ago. Cut a four by four and a half. Dude. That makes it a two by two, right? Fucking wood shooting everywhere. No goggles on.

Eyes wide over. Go ahead. Yeah, I feel like I know. never had the opportunity to cut wood. And I know some, I understand it's like a, it's a kink in my armor, a chink in my armor or whatever, whatever is in the armor. Sure. It is kind of scary to say these days.

Yeah, I don't know if I could say chink in the armor, but I'm, you know, it's a, it's a dent. It's a huge welt. Yeah, it's a chinky dent in my armor. And I feel like you're not getting rid of, I think you just made it worse. Rew-bl-bl-blibind. This is a combo to wayward. No, you comboed the, oh, I didn't, well, regardless, it's a dent.

Takebacks and apologies. I want to be more of a man. Don't, you know, and I understand tools are a huge part. It can all be just my chiseled physique, you know, and the facial hair I'm going to be able to grow at some point in my life. It's not all that. Hard as we may try. It's not that.

It's also, you have to be able to use tools in the proper fashion. I'm a dude. It's know-how. It's called know-how. Because I have tools. Datitude. It's obviously chisel physique. Yeah.

You got the physique. You got the tools. You have the datitude. But do you have the know-how? I don't have the know-how. That's right, because I have the tools. And do you... Like stripping cable?

Have you guys ever stripped a cable? What does that even mean? Have you ever welded? Noon. I've never welded. Wait, what is stripping? I've never welded. I've always wanted to weld very badly.

That's a good one. I feel like that's a good... That's what, like, if you work at Time War You talk about jerking off. It's called stripping cable. Yeah. What exactly is stripping cable? Please.

Yes, points! Well, also, jerking off if you're a welder, if you could be like, I'm... Smelting cocks. Smelting. Yeah. I'm smelting some iron. Yes, points. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Sure, yeah. Absolutely. Melting some rod. Melting some rod. Like that. Mm-hmm. Bending some bar. Well, I feel like if you were to get into...

one type of tools. If you're going to get into tools. Sure. Yeah. Do you, I mean, you gotta go straight to, to melding, right? Yeah, yeah. Melding, welding, either works for me.

For one reason, the mask. The mask is off the fucking hook, dude. The, like, flip down with the visor, and then when someone comes in to talk to, you flip it up and you go, you have to flip it up. What? Yeah.

Can I help you? Two sick. Give me two. One is not even, it's not the mask for me. It's the torch. It looks like you're about to start on fire at any moment. Oh, yeah. And you're braving that.

Sure. Well, you're working with hot lava at that point. Oh, my God. You're basically a lava bender. The amount of power you have right there. Oh, my God. But guys, I just want to remind you, you flip the mask up to just say, like, I'll take two. And then when they walk away, you go like this.

You'll take two? What are you ordering? Are you ordering a sandwich? Yeah. Of course you are. Because who's coming in? You're in a drive-through? What's going to?

You're a good buddy who's also welding. Hey, brother, how many of you have a phone? Or he's Uber eating. Your wife comes in. This is what happens. When your wife finds out you're in the garage or wherever you're welding, guess what? She's coming in.

Estrogen kicks in. She's like, because there's so much testosterone. She's like, I'm going to get him food or I'm going to make him a sandwich. I told you do. Then she walks away. Yep. You go like this. And it flips the mask back down and you get back to work.

Yep. And you click it down. Fuck. Legendary. Dude, and that's not even for, that's how manly you're being, your wife has walked away. That's not even for her.

Yeah, that's just, that's just how fucking tough you're being alone in the garage. As for the ring cameras later for you to jerk off to. What? What? Go ahead. Go ahead, mom.

I'm revoking your Milwaukee Cup. I'm talking welding, baby. I'm revoked. The pack out. Nothing quite like a pack out. Or you want to be, I'd say either you want to be a welder or a melder, or you want to be one of those guys that just takes a log,

an absolute log, and you'd rip up. I did that on your boat. You did. You rip open the chainsaw. Yeah, we're talking lumber. And you just fucking carve into it. And then you just made like a really cute bear. I mean, that you can, like, put on a doorstep at a cabin.

You know? You're a carver. You're a carver. like artist. You fucking rip up some art in this in this log. You know they use chainsaws to also carve ice. That's kind of manly, right?

Big block of ice. Weirdly less manly. Man, you fucking, well, I like what we're taking it. A lot of, I feel like a lot of men would just be going, yeah, I use the chainsaw to chainsaw something to fix, to repair something. But we're artists. And we immediately, we're just artists.

Yeah. And we just want to do art. Yeah. Even if it's with a chainsaw, even if we're, we're welding or melding something. I want to tell a story. It's going to be a piece of art. Yeah, I want to tell a story with it.

I want to make a predator statue. Yeah. I want to do some statues. Can you imagine you get a cabin and everyone's got bears out front and then you just have a nine foot predator? Dude. Dude, I did just see on the Instagram. Oh, love it there.

It was just like, what a fun place. It was just like a backyard pool, swimming pool. and then over it, they had like a 12-foot-tall Hulk statue with a giant Hulk cock, hanging out of his pants, and he's pissing into the pool. And it's like a waterfall, and I'm like, the artist. No, no, it didn't seem. I think it was real.

We might be getting fooled, but it seemed pretty real. It did. It did. And he had like multiple, I saw a different video where it showed he had multiple, like, superheed. standing over his pool, and then the Hulk was the only one with his cock out. And the Hulk's cock was a fountain. Yeah. Yeah, dude.

It's badass. Is this the guy with the gym? Is this the guy with, like, the superhero gym? No, that guy is off the hook. That's what I thought maybe it was the superhero gym guy, but it's not the superhero gym guy. Shout out to superhero gym guy. Let us know when you get a Hulk with its cock out peeing into your pool.

Yeah. Then you've made it. I'm pissed now. Until then, I mean, nothing's really shocking me. about your insane, absolutely unreal gem. It's very, very cool. Well, he's an artist, you know, even though he's a man, he's an artist. And he wants to bring his comic arts into his gym.

And this guy wants to bring his comic arts into his pool. Absolutely, man. You guys ever watch the lumberjack, like, Olympics or whatever? Like, fucking upstate Wisconsin trodown. That's one that if it's... Do those still happen? If I see that on ESPN Ocho, I'm tuning it. Mm, the Ocho.

You know, if I'm... That's not on ESPN. in one or two. That's going right to the Ocho and I'm tuning in. That one is different from the like the strongest man in the world competition, right? Yeah. Completely different. Okay. Totally different.

What are some of these events? There's people involved. What are some of the events? Like log roll. Well, one, they're lumberjacks. And then the other, they're like 600 pound giant absolute mountain people. Magnus for Magnetson. Yeah.

Shout out to the 90s. Yeah. These other like lumberjacks have to be, I mean, they're big, burly strong guys. You know, we would fit in. Sure, absolutely. I think it depends on the event. But they have to be pretty athletic. They're running over logs.

Okay. Logs are spinning. There's four events I can think of. There's log spinning, which is its own dance. Climbing up the pole with the belt. There's the climbing up the pole and then back down. There's the buzz sawing up and down and up and down. The hell?

Buzz sawing up and down. To like cut the... You don't know what I'm talking about? There's performing the symphony. Sorry, chainsaw. You've got a chainsaw. The chainsaw, they're like, ready to go. And there's a log.

that's horizontal. And it's like you grab it, start it, go down, go up, go down, and you're cutting discs. Oh, like little loaves of bread. Right. And you have to do it like four times for time. Thank you. Like little loaves of bread. That really painted the story.

Yeah, you're making a sandwich. And then there's the one where you chop in with the axe and then you slide the plank in and you climb up and you do it again. Oh, that's off the chain. That one is sick. That one is sick. That one is sick. That one's fucking sick.

Yeah. And there's just the two person back and forth. with the long one. Oh, where you're just, you have to, yeah. That's classic. That's some Looney Tunes shit. That's a good one. I feel like we could get involved.

Husband wife, for sure. Oh. That's the most. Me and Blake, I feel. What I said. Well, we're, we're common law married. We just renewed our vows. Yeah.

He's my friend. We just kind of. We're my motherfucking best friend. We kind of just renewed our vows, if you asked me. What? In Catalina, we, by you buying me this shirt that was renewing our vows? Something was nude. Yeah, you're wearing the wedding ring that I just bought you.

It's called a... This is my white. This is my white. Adam needs a cup, Milwaukee. Yes, send me some stuff. You know, I'm trying to... Oh, yeah. Please.

And the shirts, I run in it all the time. I love it. It's like day glow. Great logo. Also, maybe give me more tools. Maybe it will inspire me. Right. You know, I think I need to take a fucking lap at a Lowe's or a Home Depot or my boys over at Ace Hardware.

And you just go in, look at some tools, decide. I'm going to buy a fucking tool. Yeah. I'm going to go. I'm going to buy a tool. I don't know what I'm going to do with it. And I'm going to make a statue. I'm going to make a statue. I gave you a Milwaukee drinking glove, right, Adam? Yeah, I still have that. I do still have that. It might have like 40-something birthday. Great, great, great glove. Was it a Milwaukee drinking glove or? Oh, yeah. Not a KK, a Milwaukee Power Tool. I don't know if I still have that. I think I have the KK. I think I have the KK.

This is the way. Either way. I don't know. Yeah. You must. You must. You must be must. The KK is a bar in Wisconsin. In Madison, yeah. Adam, you have your hat or you have your shirt. I have the hat. Yes, you do. You're a real wiki wikiwacker. Mm-hmm. And I still got some ocean water up my ears.

Get Bell Pure Fiber Internet with Crave, Netflix, and Disney Plus from $94 a month. Price guaranteed for two years on internet with a two-year term and auto pay credit. Visit bell.ca for details and to check availability. Bell, connection is everything. Blake, what's happened to that hat? I think I said. That's what it looked like. It didn't look much better.

It was very much more vertical. Maybe. I might have sat on it. There's a good chance I sat on it. Oh, I believe you might have laid on it. Did it go in the water? No, that didn't go in the drink, I don't think. Which I'm very surprised about it.

He left it on the front of the boat all night long. So we just went to Catalina. We buried the headline. Yes, we did. We did. We did it. Listeners, we did it. We went to Catalina.

We did it. Hey, a lot of people, people send me DMs, because I posted a few photos. It left the group chat. It left the group chat. Right, right, right, right. You know, we were talking about it. We actually went and did a thing.

And I think that's the problem. Oh, got it, got it. Is that what people say it left the group chat when it happens, IRL? I think so. Because I think a lot of plans happen in text. A lot of plans. People are talking. They want to do something.

And then, ooh, can't get away. The kids, the wife. The well, you know, I'm got it. I'm got to weld a bunch of shit. I got to go welding. I got to go carve a bear into a log. I have things I'm doing, you know. A lot of stuff.

And we actually, it left the group chat and we fucking loaded onto my boat. You guys drove here at the fucking ass crack a morning. You got down here. We got our asses on the boat. We loaded a big, big beautiful cooler. Hello. I'm drunk now. Of alcoholic beverages.

Hello. And we fucking. I just went, womp, and got us to Catalina, dude. Yeah, full throttle. The ship, Adam, Divine. I'm so proud of you. You look good behind that wheel. It was a beautiful crossing.

Oh, it was a crossing. Oh, is that what we call it, a crossing? Yeah, you called a crossing. Oh, that's cool. It was a double crossing for us, technically speaking. Absolutely, man. Yeah. It was a perfect outing.

is still there with you guys. It happened too quick. Yeah. It happened so quick that like we were back at 10.30, back on my dock the next morning. And we were sort of like, oh, why are we here? Yeah. Well, we did it. This sort of kicked us out.

We kind of did it. We did it. Yeah. And they did ask us to leave. They did. Bright and early. The mayor was like, you can go. Wake up!

No. You guys are done here. Well, we, you know, a little play by play. We got there. we parked the boat. We then drank, I want to say, for two hours pretty aggressively. Well, Adam, how long does it take to get there, as the locals say? The local say, and it's true.

It's absolutely true. Very true. And it's wildly how true it is. It takes two beers, and you're cracking your third. It's science. And that's how long it takes to get to Catalina. Precisely. To a tea.

That's exactly what was happening. It's exactly what happens. And it's what happens every time. That's crazy. Yeah. That's crazy. So we had a gotten there having two and a half beers by 9.30? 9.30.

Yeah, baby. 930. 10. Yeah, we're respectable. What is time? 10, 10. Yeah, a little after 10. Yeah.

And yeah, so we're feeling good. And then we just drank until about one very aggressively. We were putting a 10 in that cooler. We were swimming. And what was that first drink we had called? Buffalo milk And then we went on the island And we had some buffalo milks

And wait did we just drink on the boat Before we even went to the bar Yeah dude Remember we were swimming We drank for like two hours We swam in we did backflops We dove off the roof of the boat Oh yeah

We were having a good old time That was for two hours That I thought that was like Well we're here Let's just jump Why aren't we jumped And we've done that Bro time was flying

I really when you look back at it When you get out of the chat We probably had another five drinks before we then. So we're sitting at like six, seven drinks. You're right. It was those iced teas because you were serving up those iced teas. Oh, yeah. I'm starting to really love ice tea with a little alcohol in it.

Little iced tea with a little lemonade in it, with some booze in it, mama mimo. Those hit different when it's the dog days and stuff. When we're in the dog days. So we're sitting at seven. So we were sitting at seven drinks. Then we went to the island. And that's when we started drinking some buffalo milks. Big boy drinks.

None other than Buffalo milk. Buffalo milks. Oh, yeah. Can we talk about the bartender there, please, for just the rest of the hour? I wish we got his name. I'm glad we don't because I want to go all in on this guy. Well, he might be there again when we go back to... Hey, murderer to murderer?

This guy's a murderer. This guy was like, check the trunk, strange. Yeah, what did he keep doing? We're drinking our buffalo milk. And what did he keep? He kept asking if we wanted to meet Laird. Oh, that's right. He kept asking very off, like regular questions in an off-putting tone with strong eye contact.

And then a smile and a head nod like. I think it's something. I want to say something was lost. in translation. Because you're right. It was very like, I'm not sure if I'm getting the joke here or if he's projecting. No, dude, he was speaking perfect English. I think he's from the U.S.

Catalina. Born and raised. I don't think he's, I think he maybe was Asian, but he very much is definitely Hispanic. Definitely Hispanic. Was he? Goodbye. Was it? It was not Asian.

Huh. I don't remember this guy all that well. I was locked in. He was making strong eye contact. I was sipping on those Buffalo notes. I think he saw three guys come in that were clearly artists. Yeah. And I think he was cup checking us.

I think he was like... What cup checking meaning you want to fuck? Yeah, I think he was... Because he was saying like sex jokes and being like ha-ha-ha. But I think he was like fishing. Oh, you think... I think he was trying to pull in a bluefin tuna here. Oh, really?

Great ass. He saw a 200-pound bluefin. come in and thought, well, I'm going to put the reel in the water. That's cool. Because you truly, by looking at the three of us, you can't tell if we're straight or not. So he was definitely... Well, that's... Dude, that's why I'm into carving bears into logs.

And on Catalina? Yeah, and when you're on Catalina... Anything goes, rather. Yeah, I mean, what happens on Catalina. And he knows that. That's why he says it half like, oh, I'm joking. Like, he asked to pop Blake's cherry? A couple times.

about like a drink. That's right. He was like, yeah, there's a drink. It was a cherry. And let me know if you want me to pop it. Pop the cherry. I'll pop it. Yeah.

That's right. And I'm like, is he asking if I want a cherry in my drink? I don't know. But nothing happens. And Blake was in good spirits too, because Blake, I love when Blake is just absolutely excited about everything. Oh, dude. My child like wonder?

Yes, his child like wonder. What we're ordering? Unreal. The place is called Luau Lairies. It's like a Polynesian-themed restaurant. It's awesome. Yeah. But we ordered a sausage pizza in 12 wings, and it came.

And by the way, just real quick, huge menu, a lot of different things that you could try if you wanted to. A lot of like seafood type stuff you could order. Adam, he had a hankering. Yeah. Made the order. Just saying. I made the wings order. Blake made the sausage pizza order.

Pizza pizza. I don't think so. I think you said wings and sausage pizza. No. No, I didn't. Oh, then Blake said sausage pizza to you and I didn't hear that part. Yes. I was busy talking, being like, is this guy a murderer?

And then Blake kept saying like, now this is an order. And it came, and it was the most basic. I would even, wings were good. I would even venture to say not awesome meal. Yeah. Maybe the rest of the meal was great. No, wings were good. I like the wings.

Oh, yeah. The sausage pizza is always a dice world. But here's what I'll say. I think that buffalo wings and sausage pizza, that's one of the best one-two combos you can get in the game. Classic. Well, that is right. That's right. Yeah, that's right.

And I was going buffalo wings, buffalo milk. If you're about to get your cherry popped. I was going, if we're going buffalo, we're going all in. Oh, yeah. And we already were sipping on its milk. Yeah, we were fully buffaloed out. That's great. I didn't even realize that.

I didn't do that. I didn't even realize that. Yeah. So Buffalo milk is a signature iconic creamy cocktail of Catalina Island featuring vodka, coffee liqueur, cream de caco,

and cream de banana. This is the way. It's still good. No actual... We're like, three buffalo milk, sir. No wonder he's like, you want you cherry pop? Do we're like, he's wild.

Yeah, we were straight up girls. So we had... I've just got a cream of my mustache. Wiki Wikiwackers, and that's where Blake, or Blake got the wikiwacker, and uh... You can either.

get a hat or like a keychain or something. Yeah, well, you got to have that hat. You got to get the hat. You got to get the hat. You got to get the wikiwacked. So then when you're walking the island and you see somebody with the straw hat, you're like, they've been, they're fully wikiwax. Yeah, they're getting wikiwax. They got their cherry popped.

They got their cherry pop by home boy. They're walking funny. There's a tracking device in it. Oh, shit. We had three drinks there. Three, like, mixed drinks. And then we went to the Blue Marlin. Oh, yeah.

And then we had it maybe probably two to three drinks. Then we went back to the boat. Empty. By the way. Yes. Empty. Just us in that bar? Yeah, that's local.

That's how I like it. Honestly. That's kind of how I like it. I loved that. It was good. That was very fun. And then we went back to the boat and then we drank for another two to three hours and did more swimming. Went swimming.

We touched the bottom. I think I exploded a nodule in my. fucking brain something happened is it still bothering you something ain't right something definitely ain't right I was learning about salt water dude you can't uh you can't handle the pressure huh oh man

when I went down you got to pop your ears you gotta when you go down you gotta pop them dude I just saw you guys do it and you know I had enough buffalo milks where I'm just like I gotta go touch the bottom of this damn thing I just dove in so how deep would you say it was yours 20 feet more than 20 more than

20 pressure was the pressure was bad at the bottom. Because it took a minute to get down. I just remember, I was like, I'm going to go to the bottom. And I just exhaled like I'm in a pool. Because in a pool, I think saltwater, you're more buoyant, which I guess I just never really thought about. And I did let out all my air to sink down, didn't sink at all,

and had no air to blow the ears out either. So I came back up and I was like, okay. And then just fucking went down. I think I had to pop three or four times before we got to the bottom. Oh, really? Popping chairs. And I would say every 10 feet is, every like seven or 10 feet is a, as a pop. I think, I think I'm just a one, it's a one pop stop.

Really, one pop. I think I one popped. I did zero pop. And then when I got on the boat, all the, zero pops, salt water started to just like pour out of my nose. Like my, something happened to my brain. That was crazy. I've, I've been on stage before at the Irvine Improv, where I had been in the ocean early, like, right before going to the show. I just came back, quickly showered, went to the show, and I just am talking, and I, like, whip my head and just saltwater hoses the front row.

Water trash. And you're like, what do you mean? Babies. Then you have to, like, kind of back, explain, like. I'm not a co-ed. I'm not. Well, also, is that, even if you are a co-cat, water doesn't shoot out of your face. Brain leakage.

Does it? Plasma. I don't know. I haven't dabbled hard enough. Let's find out. Yeah. Next Kathleen. Yeah.

Zicam, you're hooked on Zicam. Is that the nasal spray? Yeah, Jude. I don't know. All I know is that the next day when I was doing laundry and I bent over it, it happened again. And water just started to go cr-hr-oh. That's bad. I think it gets in your sinuses or something.

That's got to be what it is. Oh, yeah. I mean, I've had it happen where I've been in the ocean and then I'm making love with my wife. and it just hoses her. Tell me more. It's disgusting. She's like, she's pretty grossed out by that.

Yeah. Yeah. You're like, honey, I'm so wet. That's not supposed to be a thing that happens. The part that's supposed to be. Oh,

you're fucking my brains out. My brains are literally pouring. There's the in the comedy room punch up. I am fucking, my brains out of it. I think you're liquefying. Well, You're literally fucking my brains out.

Oh, man. You got stopped. That's the next Blumhouse movie right there. Holy shit, we found it. We found it. And then we went back out. I had a nice steak dinner. Well, we dressed up.

We put our real shorts on. Dude, the time goes by so fast. Like, that swimming felt like five minutes to me. Adam, it felt like you were fucking, like, TikTok, man. everything we were doing. You're like, we got to go. We got to go. And I'm like, yeah, let's chill.

Well, it's just or else. No, you were right, because then the day was over. Or else it's over. It is. And you just didn't, you didn't bounce around or do anything. And we hardly did anything at all. We did nothing. No, no, no.

We mostly, we did nothing. We mostly. Not even mostly. Emma was like, so what'd you do? I was like, we kind of just drank. And she was like, well, but like, what'd you do all day? And I was like, we just drank. We just drank.

Like, we started. Started early, like starting on the way there and then cracking a few afterwards, it was too late to be like, let's just go for a hike or snorkel. Like, it's over. There was no time. There's no time. Next time. You were, Adam, you were absolutely right. But I think it requires at least two days out there just to kind of get, because we always hit the ground running everywhere we go. Day one, we come out hard. Blessing and a curse. Yeah. It really is. The second day I felt we would have been a little more adventurous and maybe gone around. The second day?

No. No. No, dude. I was not more adventurous after that day of drinking. It has to be the first day. I felt pretty good. I felt pretty darn good. You're an alcoholic.

You're way better at it. I'm built for it. Way better at drinking than I am right now. But also, no, you didn't feel pretty good. I felt pretty darn good, man. You didn't look good. I have photos of you. Your face didn't look good.

It's not about looks. It didn't look like it was ready to go hike. Some of the guys who look the worst, feel the best about themselves. All right? Sure. Fair enough. I've read that. I felt pretty darn good.

Yeah. Okay, yeah, fair enough, I did go buy like two back-to-back, like, foot-long sandwiches before I went home because I just had to kind of soak it up a little bit. From where? Wait. Little pickle, of course, the greatest sandwich establishment in Orange County. When you're leaving Costa Mesa, the Costa Mesa area, you got to swing by, little pickle. Shout out.

And a complete psycho establishment. That was our college sandwich shop. And it's really actually the bag. Damn it. Yeah. I went and got canes like a goddamn novice. Yeah, but also canes is also a pretty good idea. And that's right when you leave the area. And you're like, oh, there's a canes right there. Is it brand new?

Oh, yeah. It's like brand new. It's like four months old. A little baby. It's so good. I almost did a bang, bang. Because there's a chick filet, like a block away. And I was like, ooh, ooh, let me do a swing through. Oh, yeah, the bitch. You can't, it was, oh, no, it wasn't Sunday. That's what else was fucking me up.

We went on like a Thursday. Yeah. And then we landed back Friday and I'm like, oh, it's not the weekend yet. We still got emails to fucking. Yeah, the bummer was getting back early enough Friday that like anyone expected you to do anything. Yeah, I was already. It's where people were like, hey, can you hop on a call? And I was like, ooh, a call.

Yeah, yeah. Can you have on a Zoom? Can we make it a call? Could we make it a text? Or an email. Ooh. I'm still at Lou Alare. Wait a second.

So we go back. By the way, to me, this is also part of it. We go back and we end up just going back to essentially the same places. We didn't. We don't even try other bars, really. We went to a restaurant, put our name in, and then went back to Lou Al Larry's? Or back to the Marlon? No, then we went back to, what was it called, J.Rs or JT's?

It's another bar we went to. Another banger. And that only lasted like 30 minutes. Right. We had a drink, maybe two. And then we went back to the restaurant. We went back to the restaurant, and after the restaurant, we went right to the blue Marlon.

Fuck it. And do the restaurant? Blur. Restaurant was a blur. The restaurant, yeah, it was a little foggy. Well, I'm the only one that ordered food. I was like, wait a minute. It's a steak restaurant. It's called Steve's Steakhouse. Oh.

And I ordered a steak and a baked potato. And these guys looked at me like I was a psychopath. They're like, you're eating? You're eating. And I'm like, uh, uh, sausage pizza, dude. Dude, that was like four hours. That was hours earlier. Dude, time is different in Catalina.

It all is like, it's like a blur. It's crazy. It's like a fever dream out there. For us. Well, it was like four hours earlier. And then for you guys. And then, so I was like, guys, we've got to load up, you know. We still have a few hours of drinking left.

And then we have to wake up. And so I ordered a steak and baked potato. They looked at me like I was a lunatic. They ordered the craziest. I stand by my order. I stand by mine, too. Dyrs had a wild. Ders ordered potato skin.

And a cup of chowder. That was a word. weird and a cup of chowder and Blake just ordered uh what shrimp coconut shrimp and a wedge salad thank you very much and that was a great order I killed it the whole time dude that is a psycho drinking order that's that doesn't when you're drinking you got to have a base I guess the fried shrimp do something but a salad is wild uh hello coconut shrimp might be the best base you can have that's like Jimmy Buffett ran on that shit, dude.

Soundboard clip it. Coconut shrimp is absolutely... They were good. I had one and it was good. Thank you. Thank you. I know what I'm doing. By the way, I think I had one too.

So that means Blake only had two shrimp, three maybe? Hey, but you know what you didn't have? Actually, I think it was a pile of them. It was like six. No, no, no. Because I... There was a line. I think it was like an hors d'oeuvre style for like a table.

It wasn't a pile. They were individually... Yeah, there was like six. But you know what I did have? You know what I did have that you guys... didn't have that you guys talked shit about earlier. Was that? Was that the Blue Marlin?

I had a hot dog. Thank you very much. I had a like a 10 p.m. hot dog that you guys didn't even know existed. Okay. Okay. Yeah, well, Blake sort of spun into the Blue Marlin like a top. We walked into the Blue Marlin. He was like, I'm back!

And just sort of spun his way to the bar. Remember me, boys? Yes. I just remember. you like popping up with with shots like here you go and debaulturs and i were like oh i like got up on a piano and i'm like just done done na na na na na let's go boys who's it randy quade randy quade independence day do you know anything from the musical sweet charity i would know what that is no but sure don't give me that a walkie cup theater theater

Get Bell Pure Fiber Internet with Crave Netflix and Disney Plus from $94 a month. Price guaranteed for two years on internet with a two-year term and auto pay credit. Visit bell.ca for details and to check availability. Bell, connection is everything. Hey, Portlandia fans. Carrie Brownstein and Fred Armisen here. You know us or rather you know them. Tony and Candice, Nina and Lance, Spike and yes, the chicken.

We've played a lot of iconic characters over the years, but today we're showing up as ourselves to tell you about Podland. AEO rewatch, our brand new podcast. Each week, we'll revisit an episode of Portlandia from the very beginning, breaking down the sketches, exploring the backstories of our most iconic characters, revisiting the Portland locations you know and love, and opening up about our creative process. How did any of this get made?

Why do we think that was a good idea? We're ready to talk about it. And we'll also be joined by the people who helped bring it all to life. Guest stars, collaborators, and friends, including director Jonathan Chrysler, the mayor himself, Kyle McLaughlin, legendary musician Amy Mann and many more. Kyle is going for it here. You fully improvised, not just words, but a song.

I thought he was going to write. I thought you were all going to write a song. I remember you thinking that. Listen to Podlandia. Ayo rewatch on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On Solita, we share the messy stories of traveling alone as a woman. Your duolingo is not going to come back. back to you when a man is inside of you.

Oh, no. I'm Julie Pinero, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people, and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. I can wait four hours for the next bus, or this random dude is offering. me a ride on his motorcycle.

It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip, I hope you listen to Solita on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, this is Hayes Davenport. And Sean Clements. We host the podcast Hollywood Handbook.

Every episode we're trying to help our guests improve their careers by mainly focusing on how they can help us improve our careers. The show is famously super accessible so you can easily jump into any of our 650 episodes and understand what's going on. We recommend some of our recent episodes with Ben Stillard. The definition of what is a movie has kind of changed anywhere, too, right? What do you think it is now? It's images and words being spoken, captured by some sort of technology.

Danny McBride. He loves Lowe. Oh, that's fantastic. And you make it on, you make your own. That's great. I call him tarot read. It's a good name. They're all named after cast members of American Pie.

Yeah. Oh, gotcha. I call, I don't, I never looked up if she was in this, but I call him Leachie Sobieski. Yeah. I don't think she was an American Pie, but I still like that. Haven't looked it up. She was prominent around the same time. Yeah.

Then Mary Steenbergin. Why are you guys talking to me? I'm worried. I'm worried. Why are you talking so down to me that you think I don't understand your little play, play game? I just really. I get it. I'm trying to set you up.

for success here. Listen to Hollywood Handbook on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Yeah, so then Blake was just in the mig. Now the bar's packed.

Blake's in the mix. He's bringing a shots back. Ders and I are both a little on her heels. They're like, and then we'd right there for, I don't know, an hour or two.

Felt like minutes. And then I'm like, we gotta go, we gotta go back to the boat. There it goes. Adam's ticking clock again. I make it back. And by the way, was I right?

Because how hard was it to get a ride back to the boat? You were right? Difficult. It was tragically hard because there's a pickup on one side of the dock and a drop-off on the other. And we're standing on the drop-off side for 20 minutes. And we're like, where's the goddamn pickup? Everyone's getting picked up on the other side, maybe 15 feet away from us.

We're stumped. But we also skipped the beat. We went shopping, boys. That's right. That's right. That is right. Right after, was it, it was after the Blue Marlin. It was when we were leaving and they were literally.

After dinner, right? Yeah. Before the Blue Marlin? After dinner. After dinner? We went, we made it back to the boat with these after going to the Blue Marlin. Well, because I, in my mind, I knew I wanted to get some sort of Catalina swag. I was thinking I was going to come out of there with like a magnet or something. But then when I saw those Catalina.

Hawaiian shirts, I'm like, oh, me and my boys need that. And this is the right call. So good. And if I remember correctly, you bought both Durs and I a shirt and yourself. Let's just see. The AMX was a maxed baby. I was letting that baby fly. And by the way, shout out, is that Tommy Bahamas? The one I got was a Tommy Bahamas. Ours aren't ours. Adam, read the tag. It's something called like, go. I had never heard it. It's a really good shirt. Yeah. It's a really good shirt. They, they, what does it say? Like, go barefoot or some shit?

There's no way we're ever going to go. Sliding Blake's DMs and tell them what that says. Barefoot, go barefoot. It's called go barefoot. So shout out to go barefoot. Go barefoot is what you said. Yeah. And I didn't get that one.

I think, Blake, you got it in a different color. Yeah, I got a beige one. And by the way, this shirt, for those audio listeners, you're missing out because this is a beautiful. A beautiful. A beautiful. And look at that. You got the Catalina Casino right there. You got the Catalina Flyer taking people.

You got the beach, the beautiful beach. Great. Yeah, it was. It was a great A trip. Then we finally make it back to the boat. By the way, we didn't even take the actual, like, water taxi back to the boat. Oh, yeah. We, like, begged a girl that just had her boat.

Yes, the coolest, like, Catalina local, just, like, with a, what do you call them? Is this the rober? The roper. They're different than the roper. Oh, yeah, they were like tying up the boat. Blake saw two girls pull up on a boat and just tie the boat up and he goes, whoa, that's unbelievable. Oh, yeah. Blake was in good spirits.

He was like, wow, look at that knot. How did you do that? Wow, that's incredible. Wow, man. It was like these girls were magical. And they just tied to the boat. I mean, they did it proficiently. Extremely.

They had such swagger. I'm like, I'm over here in my fucking Hawaiian shirt looking like I just ate fucking four coconut shrimp like a bitch. I'm singing show tunes in the bar and then I come up and I see these. He just swallowed a glissie hole. I just gargled a glizzy. Dude just popped my cherry. Holy shit. It's cherry popped earlier.

They pulled up. They pulled up like the Navy seals, dude. I'm with you. It was insane. Yeah. The authority. And essentially they were like, we were like, can we get a ride? They like laughed on our face and then they sort of recognized us.

And even then they were like, ah, all right, we'll take you back to the boat. Which was very kind. But it wasn't a welcome embrace. It was like, fuck. It was kind of like, I do. If we don't take them. Yeah. They might die.

And I think that it's like the code of the sea, right? It's just the code of the sea. If you're, if you're on a boat and you see somebody who's radar's off. or dude so this is my thing we picked up on is that boat people love to tell other boat people how they're fucking up yeah that's right we had our what are the little bumpers on the side called the fenders yeah we had the fenders down as we left uh because adam was excited okay this is not about adam not knowing how to be a boatsman i know he was excited he was hosting we're out of the chat but as we're pulling out of the harbor or the whatever we're calling that harbor yeah these guys are like you're Fenders are down. And we're like, all right, we put our fenders up. Then we get to the next harbor, the marina, at the island. And like these little guys kind of like, this little boat kind of shoots past our boat.

The dingy. Yeah, after we're tied up on the morning, too. And we go, hey, how's it going? And he just goes, your radar's on. Kept going. And I'm like, what's the fucking vibe here? Gotcha, bitch. Yeah.

Not even a, hey, what's up, man. Or a, hey, it's going well. What a beautiful day. it wasn't that at all. He just had to punk me, dude. Your radar is on. And the radar was on. It was.

I didn't turn the radar off. After he mentioned it, I did remember like hearing a noise. I'm like, oh, that's just what boats sound like. He likes having his radar on. You know, but by this point, I was six strings deep. I'd been there for 15 minutes. We'd got there and absolutely guzzled two to three drinks.

Yep. So there's two sides. sides of the coin. One is they like to tell each other what to do. The other side of the coin is if you see somebody in duress, you see something say so. Go to the seas. You got to help and you got to give them a ride. You got to help. You got these alcoholics of ride to their boat. Yeah. So she got us back to the boat. Here's where I was ready to downshift. Okay. Because we have to take water taxis back and forth to the pier to the boats. Yes. That's right. Just to paint the picture. Right. So now we're back on the boat. We've made it back to the vessel safety. We're alive. I'm really. I'm really. I'm

Ready to downshift. I'm ready to have one, maybe two, maybe two, and then segue into going to sleep. Blake was not on that page at all. I'm pissed now. Ders and I probably had two, maybe three drinks because Blake... We crack open some. We're like, you know what? It's just us.

It's just us. We break out a joint I got from Loll Smokes eight years ago in a little glass case. I was sick. Brze brought out the fucking ancient mummy weed. Yeah, which was nice. That hit pretty good. But you guys don't realize. Yeah.

Oh, it hit. For me, that's what happens to me. When I smoke weed at night, I get, it's like a fucking monster energy drink. That makes me go. So you're down shifting. That's what happened. And Ders started me up, baby. We were ready, we were ready like, all right, we're going to smoke a little weed.

We'll have a beer. Sit on the bow, looking at the stars. A couple beers. chill with my boys Catalina Blake was like drank probably seven drinks

on the boat and then gets up from we're smoking the joint to walk back to grab another drink and we just hear a oh splash

just absolutely eat shit over the side of the boat I go right into lifeguard mode you did I was actually proud of how you responded I get up I go to the side. Are you okay? I just see Blake go. I'm like, you good? Somebody help me. Are you okay? I, yeah, I'm fine. Completely, completely, not on purpose, completely not making a bit out of it.

Just fucking went over the rail, head first, into the drink, man overboard. How, with my, with my bag on his purse, fully clothed. Thank God I was the one playing music because my phone would have been absolutely. but I went in. I think phones are fine now in water. Not that amount of water. Not that. That was a big dunk, dude. That was a big dunk.

That was an ultimate dunk. But as soon as I hit the water, I was like, oh, fucking. I popped immediately up and I was like, okay, I'm fine. I'm fine. I told you guys that. And as soon as I looked up, I did see you guys. Yeah, well, I think that was the first words you said, which you know someone's really fucked up when they fall and immediately they say, I'm fine.

You're like, oh. No, that was purely because I knew you guys would be absolutely worried sick. And you were going to come in next and I didn't want anybody to make a big deal about it. Worst case scenario, you fall off the boat in a way where you hit your head and you're out. It's pitch black. It's nighttime. And you just start going down. Right.

Which I guess is not how it works. Like people probably float. Or you just start taking on water. And now two pretty drunk dudes are in charge of that. It could have been a five alarm. TMZ, baby. Well, I think that's how Jennifer, Jennifer Coolidge died in White Lotus. Oh, spoiler alert.

Jennifer Coolidge's character. Character died in White Lotus. Died in Lowe's. By hitting her head and falling out of a yacht. And it was hilarious. Is this in the latest season? Oh, you got to tune in. Which, I mean, I don't...

I can't recall. No, the season before. The season two, I believe. The Italy one? Yeah. Remember that? Yeah, you gotta finish it. You've got to finish it.

I'm five years old now. Yeah. I'm gonna watch it. It's pretty good. Blake, are you coming at me for not having finished? I just wish you would kind of keep up. Keep up. Yeah, and I wish you'd stay on the goddamn boat.

I told you, dude. And then Blake got up. back to the boat and it was... And then I have a very funny video where, like, I have a very funny video that I'll send you guys that is... I think it's kind of me punking you a little bit for being drunk

and falling off the boat, but I'm also very drunk, like, I'm slurred my words. Always good. And I'm like, oh, Blake. You look so dumb as you're just filming yourself. And then Blake was like, I was just diving in.

I was just going to try to go to the bottom. And then I'm like, well, then go to the bottom, bitch. Dare you? And then you were like, I dare you to go to the bottom. And then it was just a dare off of us going to the bottom. Just slurring our words. And we never did. Man, we didn't. We didn't go back. Then it was dead time. No, it wasn't, Blake. We were like, all right, I think. And you just, we just hear Blake go, crack. Yeah. You know what comedy shouldn't be about? And then you talked for 10 or 15 minutes.

about comedy and politics. Yeah. I feel like I just didn't want it to end, guys. I don't get a lot of trips like that with my bros, man. You're not wrong. You're not wrong. You guys are telling me it's bedtime, and I'm like, I just simply do not want this to ever end because it was so beautiful.

Here's what I'll say, though. The balance is you call it. By the way, it was only 1030 when we got back to the boat, and I guess we stayed up around midnight. Yeah, yeah. But if we had called it at 10.30, maybe we would have, woke up around eight, gone back on the island for some breakfast. Yeah, you know. Kick the tires, starts the fight, like could have kept going, but instead we kept going so late,

or at least so deep into the cooler that the next morning we were like, let's eat Durs's awful bagels and hit the road. It was a bagel. Yeah, but then look, we go in for breakfast, we start firing it up again. We have to return home. It's a Friday. Now I can't drive back home from Orange County, like, it's, it just, it's a slippery slope at that point. Well, that's, that's when you just say, we're running to back. We're spending another night in Catalina. Oh, I would love to. Honey, I'm so sorry.

Too choppy? We're, we're too choppy. They said it's too choppy. You got it. Check the report. The wind's picked up. It's choppy as hell. It wouldn't be safe to make the crossing. It wouldn't be safe to make the crossing.

You know what I do love? I do love that it's like, you know what? I'll call, it. It's just, it's too choppy. It's too choppy. Blake couldn't stop drinking We need an alibi You're alibi

He's back on the island I told her it's choppy guys Let's get after it We couldn't stop Blake He might be at the bottom of the ocean We've lost him to Catalina And then we crash Ders took one for the team

And slept on the bed that's outside So nice That's got to be lovely It worked for me It's a comfortable setup I think It's a comfortable setup. Adam, I'm going to say this.

At 6-3, it's a different experience. I'm sure. Adda-boy. I'm sure. You know, and like I hate to sound like this guy, but like things aren't built for people our size. Yeah. You know. Big guys.

And that's one of the many reasons I love not being 6-3. Yeah. It's just easier down here. I mean, because I had to like curl like legs up to the side, you know. But it was, it was cool. I liked sleeping outside. I brought the sleeping bag, yeah. Yeah, you took one for the team.

Sleep mask even. Which was nice. That a boy. Look at you. A little diva. I love it. And then we were up by, you know, 7 a.m., ready to take on the day. And that's essentially when the guy came around and was like, hey, are you guys going to leave sometime soon?

And Ders was like, I don't know. And he goes, I just kind of heard this from down below. I was, like, getting something in my bag. And he's like, I don't know. Oh, I'm going to have been on the toilet. And then he goes... Before me. And then he goes, it's time to leave, essentially, right?

Yeah, I go, I'm not sure when we're leaving. He goes, well, you got to leave by 9.30. I go, then we'll be leaving at 9.30. Yeah, then we'll be leaving. I'm glad we got to the bottom of that, sir. Yeah. He was asking nicely, but then he quickly told us, we're out of there. Then he was like, your fucking radar's on, bitch.

Yeah. Get your ass out of here. So then I was on the toilet. And admittedly, I can't blame Anders for taking a shit. I can't blame them because... Human nature. You shit? Because you're not really supposed to shit on boats, my size.

Okay, dokey. You gotta lay that out at the beginning of the truth. You have a bathroom. You try not to shit. Yeah, you try not to shit on the boat. Sure. And it's the same as like boats and tour buses. You try not to shit on it because it can clog and it's going to be a thing.

But every once in a while... You got a shit on it. And that morning, the grumble in my tummy, I had a shit on it. Really? So I did a bit of a quablamo in the bathroom. And then I flushed it. And it went down. And I was like, whew, that was close.

Thank God. Thank God. That, what a nightmare. I heard you. Yeah, I saw you fall to your knees. And I saw you. I saw you hold your hands together. And I saw you immediately start praying.

To the gods of Catalina. And then I hear the church bells. Thank you, Lord. Thank you, Lord. Another successful shit. And then I watched my hands came out, and I'm like, what did that guy say? What did the Harbor Patrol say? They told me, I'm like, oh, fuck, well, we do.

We got to get going. And then Ders went. And then he took a shit. And we're back. It didn't. It didn't flush that time. It did not flush that time. And the water, we kept trying to get it to flush,

so the water kept rising and rising and rising until it's at the very lip. And then we're traveling home and it's just brown sewage water. And it's just bouncing around. I'm living in a nightmare. And by the way, I try to do, this is the move. This is also when you're in a trailer filming or whatever, where like you time the drop with the foot. So you stomp on the opening for the drop.

When the drop happens, you take your foot off. So it just goes straight down. Yes. Right. But when I opened it, you timed it wrong. The water, I think, was just right there. And so when I closed it, it just like chopped it up. Mm.

That's a chop. And I look in, I go, that's a chop. You lumberjack the fuck out of that, bro. I did. I was like a fucking millwall. Key bus saw. You said, you said, Wraud,

Ra, read. Bro, thought it was a lumberjack competition. I was doing it for time. You went in there and there was just little discs of shit. Yeah.

This looks like a pile of poker chips in here. What the fuck happened, brother? God damn. God damn. Get Bell, pure fiber internet

with Crave, Netflix, and Disney Plus. From $94 a month, price guaranteed for two years on internet with a two-year term and auto pay credit. Visit bell.ca for details and to check availability. Bell, connection is everything. Hey, Portlandia fans. Carrie Brownstein and Fred Armisen here. You know us, or rather you know them. Tony and Candace, Nina and Lance, Spike, and yes, the chicken.

We've played a lot of iconic characters over the years, but today we're showing up as ourselves to tell you about Podlandia AEO rewatch, our brand new podcast. Each week we'll revisit an episode of Portlandia from the very beginning. breaking down the sketches, exploring the backstories of our most iconic characters, revisiting the Portland locations you know and love, and opening up about our creative process. How did any of this get made? Why do we think that was a good idea?

We're ready to talk about it. And we'll also be joined by the people who helped bring it all to life. Guest stars, collaborators, and friends, including director Jonathan Chrysler, the mayor himself, Kyle McLaughlin, legendary musician Amy Mann, and many more. Kyle is going for it here. You fully improvised, not just words, but a song, a melody. I thought he was going to write.

I thought you were all going to write a song. I remember you thinking that. Listen to Podlandia. Ayo rewatch on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. On Solita, we share the messy stories of traveling alone as a woman. Your duolingo is not going to come back to you when a man is inside of you. Oh, no. I'm Julie Pinheiro.

And I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word solita, trading the pity for possibility. Every time I tried to be alone, I kept meeting people and they were like, you smiled at us. Not a lot of people smile around here. I can wait four hours for the next bus or this random dude is offering me a ride on his motorcycle. It's when you're alone that you're most receptive to the world. as it is and not the lies you're sold about it. So whether you're a solo travel veteran or you're too nervous to book your first trip,

I hope you listen to Solita on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, this is Hayes Davenport. And Sean Clements. We host the podcast Hollywood Handbook. Every episode we're trying to help our guests improve their careers by mainly focusing on how they can help us improve our careers. The show is famously super accessible so you can easily jump into any of our 650 episodes. and understand what's going on. We recommend some of our recent episodes with Ben Stiller.

The definition of what is a movie has kind of changed anywhere, too, right? What do you think it is now? It's images and words being spoken, captured by some sort of technology. Danny McBride. He loves Hobart. Oh, that's fantastic. And you make it on, you make your own. That's great.

I call him Terro Reed. It's a good name. They're all named after cast members of American Pie. Yeah. Oh, gotcha. I call, I don't. I never looked up if she was in this, but I call him Leachy Sobieski. I don't think she was an American pie, but I still like that.

Haven't looked it up. She was prominent around the same time. Then Mary Steenberg. Why are you guys talking to me? I'm worried. Why are you talking so down to me that you think I don't understand your little play game? I just really, I get it. I'm trying to set you up for success here.

Listen to Hollywood Handbook on the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. So then Derserz comes out and he's like, it's not going down. Which is something you never want to. You don't want to hear that. You don't want to tell somebody? No, you don't want to report that. You don't want to hear it.

I didn't want to say it. Yeah, that was big of you. We couldn't get it down. We couldn't get it down. No. And then we have to make the crossing. So we go back. Got to go.

The fucking dude's breathing down our neck. Get the fuck out. We unload off the boat. It was a great time. Bye guys. You guys went and got your fast food. I was like, what's going on with this boat? I admittedly, I took a two-hour nap as soon as you guys left.

I'm like, I'm going to take a nap. I drove for two hours. Go ahead. Yeah, it's on traffic. You guys had to drive. I had the better end of the stick there. But then I go back to the boat, and it's so foul. Oh, dear.

And I end up using a plunger. And so now I'm just mashing it up. and the plunger head gets stuck all the way down. And it was not coming out. And I'm like trying to like wiggle it free. And I'm like wiggling with the plunger and it comes out. And just the stick comes out. And as it does, spray of the shit.

That's ocean spray. Flies up into my face all over my shirt. That is ocean spray. Jesus. That's Ruby Red Ocean Spray. I'm living in a nightmare. I'm covered in in shit water. In your friend shit.

In your friend shit water. And I'm covered in it. I go, I wash off, I come back with a new plan. I'm going to take a garbage bag and put my arm in it. And I'm going to fish out the plunger.

Then I'm going to stick my hand down in. Wait, sorry. So the plunger piece is still in the bowl. It didn't go down. And just the stick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just in the hole. the bottom. Yeah, it's just like stuck.

And it's, it's conversed. It's like upside down style, like those toys you get that you put on the table that then like jump up 30 seconds later. Yeah, a little pop. Yeah. That's right. That's exactly.

If it jumped up at you, bro. Hey, story's not done. Got it. I take the arm, the arm that I have in the garbage bag. The arm. So that's your right arm. You call your right arm the arm. This is what happens when the story's not done.

He forgets how to use English. You have your left arm and then you have the arm, which is your right arm. The arm that I have, which is this one. And I fish in the toilet and I go to pull it out. It then pops back and sprays so much shit everywhere, dude. And the worst part... What are you wearing? Are you in a bathing suit?

Are you barefoot? I am in a barefoot, barefoot shirtless. I'm covered. skin on the do-doo spray on flesh covered

great to skin and the worst part I was chewing gum oh I was chewing gum the mouth was open who's that on no stop stop stop stop

spray my mouth spray in the mouth I don't know why I was chewing gum I just was I was not I was not thinking that that could happen again that is so foul dude

And then maybe the most fall part Tuesday fruit's gonna move you At that point I just took the boat hose And just sort of rinse my body off To try to get it off You should have lit yourself on fire The first time I went in I like took a shower

And then I came back out I'm like that's not gonna happen again And then that happened I was gonna say it took a shot And then now I have to reach my arm in there And I think the seal might be busted I don't know what's happening

And like I am on where I think the seal is, and I don't really know how it works, and it's fully open. Now I've turned the water off so the bowl isn't feeling, and I'm fingering something,

but it's kind of giving a little bit, and then I realize it's a rock hard shit, and it's stuck in the hole where it actually should shoot down and the suction takes hold, and it shoots through the hose. So that's been there, that's been in there for a while.

That's been there. Well, then, no, no, no. Because that was the blockage. No, because here's the thing. That's what I'm saying. He brought it out. He broke it open and there's buffalo milk. It must have been the...

It was a wiki wacker. My bad. That's an owl pellet. I have to finger this hard shit. Oh, God. And I finally stick my finger through and then the suction take hold and the whole bowl goes and I have to suck my arm. out with the toilet bag.

I wish it took the garbage bag out and your arm was just in it. To win it. Poop dollar! Woof. Wow, dude. I'm sorry you had to... But that's the captain's way. Yeah, I had to do it. And... That's the captain's way. And... You gotta go down with the ship. Absolutely. And boy, did you?

I did... Down with the shit. Boy, did I feel fucking manly. Oh, did I feel manly when I fixed the toilet? Oh, yeah. I guess that's... And Adam, the book end you just did. This is a Dave Chappelle 45 minute story that you're kind of like,

this is getting boring. It's gross, so I'm laughing, but where's it going? And then, whoop, you hit us with the... I'm feeling fucking manly. I tell you what,

I was like, afterwards, I was like, I got to buy some fucking tools. Yeah, dude. Yeah, some tools would have helped. Like a new plunger. A snake? Like, I could figure shit out,

dude. You should have just got a snake. I should have got a snake. But, you know... Plumbing. Shop fact. They called my right hand hand, the human snake.

They call it the arm. Now we call it the snake, baby. Next time I'm going to have you come over with the snake, babe. The snake is right here. Dude, good for you figuring that out. Nothing feels better than fixing your own problem. You didn't have to call anybody to do it for you. You rolled your sleeves up.

You literally dipped your arm. You know what I shouldn't have showed my parents? Blue for a month. Yeah, go ahead. I shouldn't have showed them chat GPT, specifically my dad. I've shown him chat GPT. So now any question I have for him, I'm like, you know, walking through the backyard,

my dad's like, what are you doing? I'm like this, fuck. Like this shit, it's so clogged. The brown sewage water now, because I've like tried to, the plungeer, I've tried to like smash it. It's just sewage water with like clumps in it. It's the grossest thing possible.

Cumbaya. At least if it's like dirty water. There's like a whole potato skin. Yeah, I didn't poop on the boat. There's just tails of coconut shrimp. I did not poop on the boat. This is like a sign-filled ending where I reach in and I pull this out. And it's just the fucking tail of a shrimp.

It wasn't me. Is that a coconut shrimp? You just happy to see me. Wasn't me, man. And so your dad, you're asking him for like pointers on what to do? I'm like, yeah, do you? You know, because he's had boats, but they've never had boats with a toilet in it. I don't really know.

And I'm like, yeah, it's sort of like, it's like an RV. It's like having an RV or a tour bus. And I'm like, man, I don't. I don't really know what to do. And he then just gets on ChatGBTGBT, and just starts reading me what ChatGPT would do. And I'm like, I don't, this is all like bad advice. Right. Burn the boat.

Yeah. And my mom is now on the Internet. And she's like, there's chemicals you could pour. and I'm like, I don't want necessarily to pour a bunch of bleach down these tubes, and then that, like, corrods it. Corroats it or compromises the erodes or corrods or whatever the word is. I don't want it to erode anything. I'm just listening to you guys fucking ball out here, Webster.

I want to erode shit. All right? I ain't trying to road shit. Yeah, so I fixed the problem, though, and boy, did I feel mainly. It felt good to actually fix it. I love that. I've done some low-level plumbing in my home, and it does feel good to unclog her. Like what?

You did the, like, where you feed the thing down that's got like the hooks and you just pull all that hair out? Oh, yeah. I have to do that almost every week for my shower with this hair. Oh, God. Creature. That's a creature report right there. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that happens to my wife's hair.

My wife has the thickest, nicest head of hair, but I guess she sheds. I guess it's a shedding situation. Yeah, that's all women, humans. I shed a ton of hair. It's a lot. I shed a ton. It's a lot. Dude, maybe I've talked about this on the pod, but when I was a very young kid and just didn't know how the world worked, I would look, I'd be using the toilet, like, our family had the one bathroom or whatever.

Nice. And we know you use toilets, brother. Yeah, we know. Say less. And every once in a while I would go in the bathroom and look in the toilet and there'd be like a clump of hair. just on the surface of the water. And I'd be like, what the fuck?

What happened? My mom was just in here like, is her like fucking... Is she okay? Cubs like falling off? Cucci? Yeah, I was like, is there Cucci, like, shedding? Is this like an adult thing that someday I'll learn about?

Hot, hot, hot, hot. You're going to learn about when you get old enough, someone's going to tell you like, hey, just so you know, Coochie's shed. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Then maybe years later,

I'm in the bathroom and she's brushing her hair. And I see her go, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom to the brush, pulling off all the hair that came off. And then she just drops it in the toilet. And I was like, oh. So your pussy's not going to... The whole time. It unlocked and answered like five years of me being like...

So there's one thing that happens when you get older. If you could rewind time, I would tell your mom, throw that in them. Throw it in the trash. Throw it in the trash. Don't risk hair in the tubes like that. No, no hair in the tubes. We don't want anything in the tubes. This is actually good advice from your boys that this is important.

Won't you tell her, Blake? Dude, honestly, don't even shit in your home toilet. Don't even shit in your friend's boat. Yeah. While we're at him. Just go shit in the garbage can. Just go shit in a plastic bag in your front yard like a dog. Like a dog.

Shit in the front yard. Pick it up with a plastic bag. Like a dog. And then throw it away. Do a kitty litter box. Sorry, I'm trying to establish. Is this advice for me or is this like people listening? Is this general?

Like, pipes should just have to be trusted. Okay, I get where Adam's coming from. You're not allowed to shit in any more bowls, dude. This dude is traumatized. Hey, can I tell you something? I know, I know you felt manly for like fixing the problem. I'd venture to say I feel a little bit more manly for causing the problem. I don't give a hug

That was pretty manly, dude I will say shitting on your friend's boat It was pretty man Because when you clog a toilet For the first time You're like, oh my God But party boss It was like

Yeah, it was that big Yeah I did that I guess it did clog it Well I will say You can't feel that great about it Because it's a boat toilet And technically

It's It's, I mean I fell to my knees Praying to God That it would There's not a vessel alive that could handle my growlers. Well, Durs, you ate three whole potatoes when you put all the skins together. It was two potatoes, four potato skins.

Which, like, you know how you dig out a potato skin to, like, put in, like, the fucking chives or whatever, the cheese and all that? The fixings. Absolutely. Put in the fixings. Absolutely. Zero scoop. Just sliced in half and topped. Don't love that.

That's how they do it. That's how they do it in Catalina. All right, Steve. Get your act together with the potatoes. Any takebacks, apologies, any epic slams? I do apologize for taking the final shit in a crescendo of events that caused it. Yes. No one of me?

Yes. It doesn't feel like a real apology. You were the straw that broke the camel's back, and he does apologize. That doesn't feel like a real apology. I feel like because you did leave before the cleaning crew could have addressed. The cleaning crew is not going to do plumbing work and finger your shit out of my toilet. No, no, but... Yeah, that's not...

You found an extra, like, fossilized, hard one. No, no, no. Here's what I... Okay, I don't think maybe I didn't explain it while on it. Here's what I think happened. You had a hard nugget of a shit. It got stuck there. Then you had more softer shits.

And when you went to cut it off and you cut it off, and now there's shit that's flowed to... in the bowl that I saw, there was already one that was stuck in the hole and it didn't quite make it through. And you don't think that was yours. Then we went to flush it and your other shits. It got sucked down and then

got stuck. And now it's all packing on top of the one shit and now it's made it hard. And I had to finger through it. I took one log. I saw it. But the chopper, the door that opens.

The door, yeah. As I kept doing this. It chopped it. Yeah. Chopped it up. So is... There's a mystery turd in there. And we should have a doctor on.

I know we had a guest on last week and we didn't even mention this, but we should have a doctor on who can explain that like the tip of your poop is more dense than like the end. Huh. Which could make sense if it's, if it's compacting up against that, the butthole door. That wall. Yeah. I, yeah.

So that's what I think what happened. But, okay. I'll take the apology. The sort of apology. I'll take it. I would like to apologize for our listeners to saying the chink kink, I think I said, in my armor. Don't make it worse. Yeah.

I think, you know, you don't know what to say when it comes to, I think it is a kink in the armor. Is it a chink in the armor? Yeah. What is the phrase? That is the thing. But that is what it is. That is the term. Okay.

And why is that, why would that be offensive if that is the actual term? It is now a word that is used as. derogatory, but it's a totally different meaning. It is, but it's like we've decided to just throw it out as a whole. And for that, I apologize. You know. There's a different, there's a word that sounds crazily like the N-word that a professor used. It's like the N-word and then like a D-L-Y, right?

I'm not even going to say it because the professor got fired for using that word, because they were like, what did you just say? A D-L-Y? I don't even know what that means. word and then D-L-Y. Sure, sure. Say it in your head. Yeah, got you.

Uh-huh. Okay. So that's your apology. DERLY. DERLY. DERly. Okay. N-word, Durly.

And he said that word, which means something else. And people were like, what'd you just say? Well, what the hell does that mean? I don't know. I'm sure that's still very racist. This is like a chick in the armor is a, but that is a phrase that you say. This is a professor. He knows words.

This guy's digging in the crate. for words that sound like super racist terms. And as we say it now, as we say it now, do we think that he does this on purpose? Yeah, he was fishing. He was fishing. Right. And do we think you did it on purpose?

I was just saying something that I will say is exactly what I meant to say. It's like the hole in my game, or I guess would be another in my man game. There you go. Yeah. There we go. We found it. We found it. I'm like racist adjacent.

My hole in my man. Jason idioms. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I'm always saying this. Hole in my man game. Let's bring that to the table. I mean, I don't really have any apologies. I had one of the best times of my life with you guys.

Any takebacks apologies or hole in your games? I guess the one hole in our game is that we only stayed for one night. I think I could stay a whole damn week with you guys. That was a blast. Yeah, that was so fun. But, dude, we got to pace ourselves. And I don't know if we know how to, but it's got to be like... You'd think in our 40s we'd figure it out.

But we got shot out of a can. We got to, like, have a plan where someone's meeting us to take a snorkeling. We had a plan, too. We got to be accountable to somebody who's grown up or something. Yeah, that's true. Said the 45-year-old man. Hey, no, you know what we have to do is, and I've never done it, because the only way I know how to get there is two beers and you're cracking your third.

I feel like I would get lost. I would get lost at C if I didn't have the two beers cracking my third. Right. So, but I think that is the trick to not drinking as much and as fast as we did. Is to not drinking those. Not start at 8.30 or 9 a.m. Yeah, of course. Ah, come on.

Come on. Hey, hey, you're right. Come on. It's not going to happen. But that, I think, would lend itself to us go scuba diving or some shit. I love the idea of it. How do we do that? I mean, because you had the breakfast burritos,

so I'm like, oh, we could have like breakfast, but we did that. And the only thing to chase those down is a cold snack. It's a mom-tucky cold snack. Woo! That's right. I love it. Big shout out to Danny McBride for coming on the pod last week.

Yes. If that's how the order of these are going. Yeah, I think it is. Yeah. Danny McBride are, I mean, and it's a proper. We did a podcast. with a guest for the whole episode. Yeah.

My God. I think it went fairly well. I can't wait for everybody here. You know, this episode, that episode isn't out yet, and this one is still a week after that. But I bet we broke the internet. I hope so. I bet the internet just fucking quivered

with us finally interviewing a celebrity guest in a real way. Fucking internet, busted, bud. I hope we break it. I hope there's still internet. around. Oh yeah. For this podcast to air. Yeah.

I don't even know if it'll work. You will go on the record as a big fan of the internet. And Slidein Blake's DMs, if you think we should have more guests and give us suggestions of guests because if you guys like it, we had a good time. Yeah, we had a great time. We hung with our boy, Dana McBride. How great is Danny, by the way? Isn't he?

That's probably the longest you guys have sat and talked with him, right? Yeah, I think still. Isn't he just the fucking man? He's funny. He's way smarter than us in a great way. Wrote a book. But the bars low. He wrote a book.

He really did. The book. It's a good... Drilling Tales of Modern Men. He wrote a whole ass book. And by the way, that is a cool thing. If you're a person who was thinking about coming on our podcasts, I know there's a lot of podcasts out there

where you're like, oh, I don't know if I don't want to see how I come across. You're going to come across so smart. Yeah, great. You're going to come across so great. Leaving here, you're going to go, oh, I guess I'm not a fucking idiot actor. Yeah. Or a dumb-ass musician. We will uplift you.

Oh, yeah. You're going to feel like a goddamn genius after coming on our podcast. Or like a borderline psychopath president. If you come on this podcast, you're going to leave feeling like, oh, maybe I can write some laws. I don't know. Our next. our next guest is Donald Trump. Is that what your picture?

All right. That'd be a fucking hell of a swing number two. I'm going to come. I want to know about stormy. We keep playing that the entire cum. All we talk about is stormy Daniels. He's like, all right. All right.

Okay. Hey, maybe we should wrap it up. I knew you guys were going to talk about. And you didn't want to talk about anything else. Nope. Okay. Just the stormster. Storminator.

Storm. Story. All right. Well, that was another episode here. This is important. Summer blockbusters are back. The Odyssey and Spider-Man, brand-new day have taken over cinemas, and Raiders of the Lost podcast has all the coverage you need,

including our interview with director Destin Daniel Cretton. What surprised you about Tom Holland? He shows up to every meeting early. He's the first one on set. Aside from learning all of his lines, is also able to memorize everybody's name on set. Download the free IHeart Radio app. Search Raiders of The Lost Podcast and listen now.

Hey, Portlandia fans. Carrie Brownstein and Fred Armisen here. The Dream of the 90s is alive in podcast form. We're launching Podlandia, A.O. rewatch, our brand new podcast where we revisit every episode of Portlandia together. Breaking down sketches, going deep on our iconic characters, and pulling back the curtain on how it all got made. And we'll also be joined by the people who helped bring it all to life.

Guest stars, collaborators, and friends, including director Jonathan Chrysall, the mayor himself, Kyle McLaughlin, legendary musician Amy Mann, and many more. Kyle is going for it here. You fully improvised, not just words, but a song. Well, I thought you were all going to write a song for you. I remember you thinking that. Listen to Podlandia.

A.O. Rewatch on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Hey, this is Hayes Davenport. And Sean Clements. We host the podcast, Hollywood Handbook. Every episode we're trying to help our guests improve their careers by mainly focusing on how they can help us improve our careers. The show's famously super accessible so you can easily jump into any of our 650 episodes and understand what's going on. We recommend some of our recent episodes with Ben Stiller, Danny McBride, Riz Ahmed, and Mary Steenberg. Listen to Hollywood Handbook on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

On Solita, we share the messy reality of traveling alone as a woman. Your duolingo is not going to come back to you when a man is inside of you. Oh, no. I'm Julie Pinero, and I travel by myself because it's a rare space where I can say yes without asking anyone else first. I'm on a mission to reclaim the word Solita, trading the pity for possibility. Listen to Solita on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. This is an IHeart podcast. Guaranteed Human.