This Is Important - Ep 317: Stop Us If This Is Too Funny

Episode Date: September 22, 2026

Today, this is what's important: Horror movies, physical media, optimizing, alcohol, dying, genetics, bears, shark week, & more. Get your tickets NOW to our live show in Ontario, Canada on Sept. 25th, 2026! Or go to TIITour.com for more info. Check out Sam Jay and Alex English's new show Look Back At It now! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an I-Heart podcast. Guaranteed Human. Behind every night spent making the kids' lunches, there's a lot of suspense. Will they finally eat the veggies? Will the pastos survive the first bite? Will the lunchbox come home empty, half full, or come home at all?

And will you finish episode 8 before you're done slicing the cucumbers? Get Bell Pure Fiber Internet with Craved Netflix and Disney Plus from $94 a month. Price guaranteed for two years on Internet with a two-year term and auto pay credit. Visit bell.ca for details and to check availability. Bell, connection is everything. I'm Lacey Mosley, author, actor, stand-up comedian, creator, and host of Scam Goddess Podcast.

The True Crime Comedy Podcasts all about robbery, fraud, and those who practice it. Each week I bring on an amazing guest. Ooh, I scammed them. What? I can talk to you for an hour. You're a generational yapper like me. That's why I had to make yapping a job. And now you can catch full episodes of my show on YouTube.

Start listening to Scam Goddess on the IHeart Radio. app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Hi, this is Kylie Breakman. Angel Geratana. Jeremy Colhain. Patrick McDonald. And we're the hosts of the Artists on Artists on Artists on Artists Podcast. The Improvised Character Comedy Podcast where each week a new panel of artists discuss their craft. Join us for a panel of Eurovision participants.

And we do a little Halloween sometimes. Does the Pope dress up? He winks on Halloween. He gets right up next to the microphone. I hear you can almost hear the eyelashes hit each other. You never seen Italy so quiet as when the Pope gets up to wink on Halloween. Listen to Artists on Artists on Artists on Artists every Thursday on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Welcome to This Is Important, a production of IHeart Radio, the show where we only talk about what is most obviously very crucially important. Today on This Is Important, I've got a big fire. Fucking boner! Garbage cans need to be fluorescent, they shouldn't be black. They're very hard to see at night when you're on a bike and you have margaritas and you're also texting. My face went numb and that's when I know I was hooked, baby. I'm in love.

Let's go! Yeah, yeah man. And boom goes the dynamite. I got a big fucking boner right now. Oh. Whoa. Whoa. Coming through the old folders?

Uh, were the, was that an old folder or was that brand spaking new? Hit me with that again. I want to be on you. Oh, this one? I got a big fucking boner right now. Yeah, dude. God, what a classic. You understood how Adam Sandler became such a giant star.

Yeah, that'll do it. You know? Comedy genius. That'll do it. Fucking. That, what a absolute heat rock. Here's my question. They're all going to laugh at you, that whole sketch. Did you guys know that was like a reference from the movie Carrie?

Mm-mm. From the movie Carrie about the girl who... And here we are. Oh, oh, sure, they're all going to laugh at you. No, the mom. The mom is like, you're all going to laugh at you. No. About prom or whatever.

Uh-huh. Brat. Because then I saw that and I started rolling when I was watching Carrie. Lockenders. You're locked in. I'm green for some reason, but yeah, yeah, yeah. Lock T.F.N. I don't think I've ever seen Kerry.

Really? Well, it's almost Halloween season upon us. You can start chipping away as some of these classic horror films. Yeah, I wish I liked it more. Horror or horror? Like Halloween? No, just getting, just on purpose being scared. Mm-hmm.

Oh. Like, I don't, I know people love it, dude. Yeah. I don't love it. It is someone's lifestyle. and you gotta wonder what's up there. Dude, horror freaks rock. Yeah?

Yeah. When people are too into it, you get concerned with their... They saw, like, Grandpa naked at too young of an age or something. Something inappropriate. And they go... Your boobs are huge. That's actually a great point. They saw some skin drooping.

And that stayed with them. And now they just want to get that feeling back again. Hot, hot, hot, hot! Well, you know, maybe it's also getting, like, control over that terror, where they're like, I'm going to terror. myself by hitting play on this movie here. I'm going to buy that ticket to this film at this theater. I'm not going to have grandpa's butt cheeks scaring me awake every day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm going to be watching werewolves instead. Well, but like a movie like Carrie or like the classic,

you know, Halloween films, they're not, they're actually not that scary. Now they're just kind of like cool movies. No, no, no, no. That's because you're old. No, Carrie's not scary. If you're 12 years old and you watch Halloween, you're freaking out. Halloween's like a just like an oddly paced movie. Like not much happens. But what you're using is context for all ever, every other movie. But if you're 10 or 12 or 11, you're like, what the fuck? And you've only seen like frozen 35 times?

Yeah. Right. But it's oddly paced. Have either of you, you guys all, you guys both have, what, 12 year olds? 13, 12? Yeah. Have you haunted them yet? Have you ruined their childhoods by showing them a...

I'm living in a nightmare. Yeah. It's not really the dad's job. It's, that's an uncle's job. I'm willing, if you guys want me to babysit... Okay. Come over here. You're throwing your name in the hat?

I couldn't terrorize them by showing them one of these scary movies. I won't watch it with them. I'll say it's too scary for me. It's too scary. I unfortunately cannot watch Perry with you tonight. It's too frightening for me. It's too scary for me, the adult, have at it. And you know they gobble that up.

Jaws is a coming of age movie in our house where I'm like, okay, we're going to watch Jaws now. Emma threw on Jurassic Park for our four-year-old the other night. Ooh. Holy moly. For the four-year-old? I was like, how'd that go? She was like, what? He liked it.

And I go, scary movie. Real, real scary. Yeah, the velociraptors? Oh, my God, the velociraptors are fucking scary. She was like, he loved it. He loved it. He loved it. He got a little psycho on your hands.

I had a bad time with Jurassic Park. I saw that in the theater. We were, what, I was in, like, fifth grade. Bro, I had to cover my eyes the whole movie. I was, like, crying in the theater. Oh. Oh. Oh.

It's a scary movie. It's intense. Yeah, but I was the same, Blake and I were the same age. I also saw it in the theater. I came with some weird shit, and it was really embarrassing. I was in Long Beach visiting, like, my aunt and uncle. They are like, let's go to Jurassic Park. I'm like, yeah.

So what happened is your parents? didn't want you and you were feeling a little on edge. Like, go stay with the aunts and uncle. Yes, I was a raw nerve. Heavy. You were feeling some other kind of nervous. That wasn't Jurassic Park, dude. Okay. That was my... That was just your

childhood. Separation, anxiety. Yeah, that's what that was. Self worth. Just let us sit there. Well, because I remember all the kids at school talking about Jurassic Park. They're like, this is the fucking coolest movie. And they definitely said, fucking, they're like, this is the fucking coolest movie.

Is this pre or post wheelchair for you, though, Al? Yeah, when were we watching? I think it was pre. Pre. I think it was pre. Hello. Got it. Sorry. Sorry, boy. Well, everybody at school's like, yeah, and you know, you don't, you don't want to lie and say you did, because then they're going to, like, grill you on it. Yeah, or just don't be a liar. Yeah. Well, yeah.

Sometimes you can lie. Why would you lie about seeing the movie if you hadn't seen it? Because then immediately, immediately, they're going to say, what about this part? Yeah, oh, dude, yeah. And then, and you're like to, oh, oh, dude, yeah. And they're like, that part doesn't exist. You fucking idiot. Dude, that's the oldest trick in the book when you give false information. I got caught up so bad. What?

Recently? I, like, no, no, no. Yeah, I was like, yeah, I saw that. No, sir, I don't like it. The Mike Tysonie Vander Holyfield fight. Oh. I was like, dad, I'm going to sleep over. My buddies were going to rent the fight.

Instead, we just, like, threw a huge party and, like, he didn't have pay-per-view or whatever the fuck it was. So, like, the next morning I called my dad to be like, oh, I'm going to be home around. whatever. And he goes, you can stop for some food? And I'm like, maybe. He's like,

maybe you'll get a ear sandwich. And I was like, Oki dokey. What? And he goes, your sandwich, you know, from the fight.

And I was like, yeah. Oh, and you're like, oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah,

yeah. And then we're like, what is going on? Then my brother calls, Paige is my homie. And he goes, I know you didn't watch the fucking fight.

I call him back. 911, 911, 911, 911. And he goes, fucking Mike Tyson, Biddy Vander Holyfield's ear off, FYI. And I was like, dude, that's awesome. Ears Sandwood! I love Ders telling like a kind of an adult

tale from the before times. Yeah. Yeah, that's really cool. Yeah. Because you were just old enough to be doing adult stuff. So I mount my steed home. Yeah. I better hop in the carriage before it goes. Well, no, you just,

just had a little more runway. A little bit. Of adulthood and partying and things pre-being able to just easily figure things out via the internet. This is why I call myself Gen X. Yeah. Because the way I operated in high school and college was fundamentally different than how you guys did. We didn't know where we were or like where each other were.

Yes. I constantly would be like location. Where am I? Which one of y'all kicked me? Yeah, okay. You still are like that. I was always like, where the fuck am I? This is the way. And then I'd be like, this is good shit, guys. Well, I will say, I think we're doing, our generations did it a lot different.

There was a lot more alcoholism, child, child alcoholism. Smoke weed every day. Because the amount of, we were just, my assistant Michelle, we were at our other house, and we had a giant binder of like old photos. And she was looking through all these old photos She was like, what is this thing? What is this thing? Physical copies.

Called the binder. So this is physical media. I guess. I guess we could call that. We just call them pictures. I thought it was just like workout videos. But it was all these, she's like, oh my God, is this from you from college? And it was just, I used to take so many photos of us partying in high school.

Oh, yeah. Like just, grating. And it was just incriminating evidence just across. the board. Yeah, what were you building there, pal, just in case?

Yeah. We used to videotape ourselves getting so blackout drunk and like just barfing everywhere. There's just hours of footage of children just throwing up from drinking straight vodka. Yeah.

Goldslager. And she was like, oh, I didn't, she's like, I didn't party like that in high school. I don't think anyone really partied like this in high school

because it was just like mountains of beer in the background and just like 80 kids in a basement just cross-eyed. Just like, playing with a gun. And that's sad, dude. That's sad.

Because some of my fondest sort of fuzzy memories were from those exact times. Yeah. And we do think that it is because everyone's being filmed all the time, that they're like, I don't want to be filmed drunk and hammered and have everyone on Monday see a video of me X, Y, Z. Yeah, because it could just be like a story. And then on Monday they're like, oh, yeah, Adam fucking X, X, Y, Z. And it's just a story.

And you got to hear the story. But then the actual footage, that's way more. I'm drunk now. So what comes first? The insecurity or the potential for embarrassment? This is important. He's locked in. Bro, you're locked in.

You're like really locked in today. Holy shit. I'm just saying because if you're like confident or like you don't give a fuck, you're kind of like, yeah, man, that was me, dude. I fucking barfed or like, yep, I fell off those stairs. chip my tooth, which is so hard to come by to lean into embarrassment, right? I don't think it's an insecurity.

I think it's that what happened. You have to do this. Sorry, let me lock in real quick. Stay locked in. It's not the insecurity. It's that people just get called out for, like, I think dancing is the best example of it. Like if you used to go to a party,

dance your fucking ass off. But all they do is dance on Instagram or on TikTok. But that's really, like, they did multiple takes. got it perfect. Yeah, it's like if I filmed you, like, at a party, like, cut in a damn rug. Like, nobody's watching, you know? And then I film you and I'm like, look at this freaking zany white dude. Idiot.

Yeah. Just busting down. Did you just call me white? Go ahead. Zany white dude. Then you just, you go viral for all the wrong reasons because people are laughing at you. And that's a moment. Dancing is a moment that you should not care.

dance like nobody's watching. And so do they put people who are fearlessly zany like on a pedestal? Because it's like, wow, look at them go. Like they dance like nobody's watching and they don't give a fuck when. Do you know what I'm saying? Sure. I think you're building the perfect person. But yeah, I think most teenagers aren't that way and do get embarrassed.

And especially when it's put online and just people across the world are making fun of you. And then your family starts to disassociate. from you a little bit. You're Raygun. You're fucking Raygun. Because you've put a stain on the family now. They hate you. And then you have to, they ship you off to your aunt and uncle's house.

And then you go see Jurassic Park and cry. And like a bitch, dude. Fuck off, man. And Adam, I wish I could have followed what you were saying, but you weren't doing this with your hands. I got to lock in, brother. I wasn't locked in. I'm sorry. Yeah, yeah.

But that's probably, that's probably, uh, on target there. Yeah, it's, I don't know, man. But, and so... Yeah, we grew up in the right time, I think. You know, for sure. Like, truly strange that they're just like, not going to drink, not going to do drugs. It's fucked.

Except for the ones who do drugs and die instantly. They're like, I'm not going to smoke weed or drink. I'm just going to do cocaine, which has a pretty high risk of, like, fentanyl being in there. It's a bagel. Cool. Lock in. But you look hot.

You look hot. But they're locked in, dude. Sure. I guess if that is the drug, if you want to lock in, it's cocaine. That's what, that's the one, that's the lock in drug. That's the most locked in drug on the market. Yes. You could probably get more, um, maximization.

Okay. I feel. I feel like they like to, uh, what is it, optimize? They like to optimize. Okay. And, uh, and really lock in. So I feel like cocaine would be the drugs. So I, our kids who are like under 10 going to lean out and go and go?

the entire different direction and go, we don't give a fuck. We're not rolling on each other. We can't, guys. Let's just all fuck up. Yeah. I think so. If everyone's optimizing and then they're going to see it actually didn't work for my eldest brother or my uncle who's a fucking weirdo who's just always trying to optimize.

Right. They're like, it's not worth it. Right. Yeah. I feel like the internet is just going to ruin everything and everyone. and we're all just going to be walking around in the same clothes, saying the same words. And stop me if this starts to get too funny.

It's hilarious right now. You're like, you're cracking my ass up. Stop me if you guys can't stop laughing. The chucks and the gigs are rolling already. This is important. This is a good podcast right here. Netflix viewership, off the charts, power outages. Yeah, and you're going to want to watch.

The fucking database of Netflix just shuts down. because too many people are viewing. Guys, they got a hot take on the Mike Tyson and a Vanderholy fuel fight over here. Hey, ear sandwich. You guys, I've got a joke. Okay, okay, brace yourself. Things always go in circles, right?

Yeah. You're kind of whispering right now. Is that to get us to lock in a little bit more? I just said the joke. No one's laughing. What? What was the joke? What was the joke?

What was the joke? That's not. I'm just, I'm just, I'm just maintaining, that right now I refuse to be funny. Which guy, wait, which by way, for me, guys? It's hard, dude. For you, it is hard. I know you're joking, but I know, I know that it's, it's probably difficult for you. I'm just like, I look at, and what a time to make this decision, you know? It's really cool. When we're trying to shut down Netflix from our fucking viewership, dude.

Yeah, that's true. Sorry, guys. Let's all take oaths of silence for this pod. That's also good for podcasts. Dude, we're just killing it today. This is crazy. Absolutely sinister. Adam, I'm not trying to, you know, point fingers, but step up. Okay.

I was being unfunny. Blake is saying, let's just not say anything at all. And you're just kind of here, like, actually telling jokes and not really. Yeah. Well, I was actually trying to, like, you know, we were, I was just trying to get the best out of you guys. And that's what I'm always trying to do. Oh, yeah. I forgot.

Drawing the best. Yes, I'm always. You know me, the assist guy. And so I'm just, you know, you're spiking. I'm just, I'm just voilinging it back to you for another fucking epic spike. Thank you, brother. Straight man. Straight man.

Thank you, brother. I got you. Yes. Do you remember what your first drink was? Yes. And I've told this on the podcast. I actually was just, yeah, it was a little, my buddy. He's still chasing it.

Ryan Jonica's. grandfathers, homemade Lithuanian liquor and the bottle, the name on the outside of the bottle, it was called Creamy Head. Say it was the name of the alcohol. Oh, he likes that. I don't remember this story.

If you say you said it before, I do not recall the creamy head story. Creamy head. And Adam, I love that you're stepping up saying things you've said it before on the podcast again. I am willing to repeat. Dude, I'm willing to repeat. I feel like we're 500 episodes in or something, 700.

How many thousands of episodes have we done? I don't remember this. Homemade Lithuanian. So is that like a potato-based situation? I have no idea how they did it. It was just like... Lithium ion battery? It was like way...

It was like the bottle that was the deepest in his parents' liquor cabinets or he's like, they're not going to miss this one. They're not looking at it. And they had all drank it the weekend before. Right. And they came back like, we got drunk in Ryan's basement. Clear? And then.

Yes, is it clear? Is it foggy? It was creamy. It was foggy. It was foggy. Bro. Yeah. Bro.

I know. I know. And we're like, what a 15-net? It looked like coconut orbits. This is the first alcoholic drink you had and you said, I got to do this the rest of my life? Like, this is my passion? Dude. Hey.

Don't knock it. until you try. The story's not done, dude. So they drank the weekend before. Now they're like, okay, we're going to get drunk again. It's just what we're going to do for the rest of our lives until we have to start maximizing and optimizations. Sure.

And then so. They said that. Yeah, more or less. More or less, they said that. And so they handed me the bottle. They're like, you have to be the first one to drink it because we did last weekend. I'm like, this feels like a setup, but okay. And so I'm like, what do I do?

I just like, sip. on it and they're like, no, you were getting drunk. So you have to, like, take some drinks. And I go, I know. I was joking. I know. No, I know what to do. And so I just chugged it.

Damn. I just, like, I'm pretty good at chugging. Yeah. And I could just like... I'm drunk now. If you're not smelling it, you don't know what you're drinking. So I just like, go, good, good, good, good. And everyone's like, no, no.

No. Immediately do. We have to share it. Immediately couldn't feel my face. Oh. My face went numb. And that's when I know I was hooked, baby

Daddy's home I'm in love I'm in love instantly all my childhood trauma went out the window my face got numb My face went numb Behind

behind every night spent making the kids lunches There's a lot of suspense Will they finally eat the veggies Will the pesto survive the first bite Will the lunchbox come home empty half full Or come home at all

And will you finish episode 8 before you're done slicing the cucumbers? Get Bell Pure Fiber Internet with Craved Netflix and Disney Plus from $94 a month. Price guaranteed for two years on internet with a two-year term and auto pay credit. Visit bell.za for details and to check availability. Bell, connection is everything. Lisa, we should tell them about our new show. Oh my God, Lexi. We have a new podcast.

It's called Don't Lie to Me. I'm Lexi Youan. We're two best friends, 22 years apart, but so close. at heart. And I'm Lisa Di Giulio, the old one, which means we have wildly different references, occasionally different opinions, and at this point in my 50s, I've lived it all. I'm not going to get anyone fighting. That is wild. I learned that about you today. Now in my 30s, being the founder of new shoes, good taste is my business, and I've always got something to say. If men were just honest about this, there would be so much more peace in the world. We're going to talk about dating,

relationships, beauty, getting older, and a little wiser. We're best friends, but we don't always agree. Because you told us how accommodating you are. Obviously, I would do what I think I could do to fight the fight, but there's only so much fight I can fight. Don't lie to me. Don't lie to me. Don't lie to me. Don't lie to me. Don't lie to me. Don't lie to me.

Liar. Listen on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I don't really care. I'm Lacey Mosley, author, actor, stand-up comedian, creator, and host of Scam Goddess Podcasts. The True Crime Comedy Podcasts all about robbery, fraud, and those who practice it. Each week I bring on incredible guests like Conan O'Brien, Iowa Debris, Lamorne Morris, and Nicole Beyer. Ooh, I scammed them. What?

I can talk to you for a hour. You're a generational yapper like me. That's why I had to make yapping a job. And the scams run the gamut. I'm talking about scams from the 1800s. the way up to today. I also warn you and keep you safe against scammers. Call your grandparents. Tell your parents to stop clicking on links, please. And now you can catch full episodes of my show on YouTube. If there's a scam, I'm here to protect you. And I'm also here to laugh with you. So if you like fun,

if you like comedy, and you like learning and protecting yourself from criminals, start listening to scam goddess on the IHeart radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. I think my first legal drink, no, not legal, illegal drink. My first alcoholic drink was... And then let's do legal. That's fun for me. Yeah, what was that? I remember that too, swinging door bar in Orange County.

Very cool. All right. Gay bar. But my first beer was butt ice. By request, I wanted butt ice so goddamn bad because I thought it was going to be like really cold. But it actually kind of just tastes like mold. Yeah, it's not great. But eyes was pretty bad.

But it was stronger, and you felt like back then it was, you had to get rid of this trash and you had to hide it. We were always maximizing. So, yeah, we were maximizing and optimizationing. Just different. In a different way. Just different. Uh-huh.

In a different way. Because you had to get rid of this trash, right? So you were like, okay, six, we'll get a six pack of this. And as you and a buddy, we'll each have three of these. That's less to get away, to throw away, you know, to hide. You know, to hide from your parents. Damn, y'all were crunching numbers, huh? Yeah.

How were you hiding them, like, putting them in, like, different receptacles or... We would literally ride our bikes and then dump it in someone else's trash, like a block or two away. It's like a dude who told his wife he's not drinking anymore. She's fine a cans in the dumpster. What the fuck is this? Yeah, that just rolled off the tongue for you, Blake. And you're drinking ice house? That just rolled off the tongue pretty easily for you.

Blake? Come out here. Did raccoons get in the garbage again? Because there are bottles everywhere. What, this is your neighbor calling you over? Hey, Blake. Hey, can I talk to you real quick? Hey, looks like the raccoons got in my garbage again.

Huh. That's weird. Several bottles of alcohol seem to be placed in my... Again. Again, typical. Yeah, some of them aren't open and there's a cooler in here. What's going on? Maybe they put that cooler there when they were drunk.

That's actually still a good cooler. I might just take that back over to my house and see if they come back for it. There's a whole damn stash here. These coolers are pretty expensive. That is funny. If Blake is going to his next door neighbor's house to drink on the sign of that. And he doesn't say, because he's just compiling ring camp footage. Yeah.

Hours of it. Oh, dude. Dude, I mean, that's the next great hidden camera show is just ring camera footage, right? Oh, God. There has to be. I mean, that's their Instagram account, right? Oh, there has to be some great stuff.

They have, like, Halloween, send your Halloween videos. Well, the best is when it's someone getting, like, chased by a bear. The best. You know, you understand what I'm saying? saying? I like the one where like the like a coyote was like what was it he like a guy like has it and it's like a cat or something a bobcat

maybe and he's like shaking his arm and then he just fucking like throws it across his arm got tore off well it's on him but then he like throws it across the lawn and he's like get inside get inside yeah that was a real sick moment for sure that was a dad stepping up I haven't seen the bear one

though that's pretty funny too I saw a pretty funny bear one yesterday where there was like this old dude across the street and this guy I was yelling at him. He's like, dude, behind you, behind you. And then he turns the other direction. And he's like looking at the guy like, watch, shut the fuck up, man. Like, what are you yelling at me for?

And there's literally a black bear. Huge bear. Like, maybe 10 feet, eight feet behind him. Like, very close. And he looks back, sees it, and he just kind of like shrugs and keeps walking in the bear. Well, that man was so old at that point. He's like, what am I going to do? Yeah, take me.

What can I do? If this is how I die, it's pretty fucking cool. Honestly, if you go out, because he seemed late 80s, 90. Yeah, he was old as hell. He was an true old man with a, like, Walker. It's not that old anymore. For my family, that's ancient. Okay.

Old up. I'm saying for me. You know what I mean? For Dersa. Dersa's kissing. Goodbye. If that's how you go out, that's a great, that's what a fucking awesome way to go out. Death by Bear?

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Right. Just kind of watching. your innards spill out while you're over your pelvis. Yeah, yeah. Go, oh, sorry. Honestly.

The bear just kind of swipes your stomach open and it just like rolls out. Yeah. But then you're thinking the whole... You're shitting yourself. Yeah. Just feeling the hot breath of the bear on your bare lungs going...

Well, by the way, Blake, you shit yourself regardless. You shate yourself regardless. Not everybody shits themselves. Yes. When they die? 100%. Yeah.

Because that's... I don't know if you've heard this. When you die, you're like, eight ounces lighter or whatever, and they say, like, that's a soul, but like, it's duky. It's a bunch of poo in your pants. That is true. It's a least some. You can fully release all of your liquids.

I think you do, but I think that happens a little later. It's not like immediately or while you're dying. That would suck. Why do you think that? What is your reasoning for thinking that? Because the body doesn't... Scientist. The body doesn't release its fluids until later in the process.

Rigamortis. I believe Rigamortis is something. else. Rigamortis is something totally else. Isn't it like stiffness of the muscles? And you're just saying again what you just said that's not... I'm pretty sure Rigamortis is when you're diarrhea like a couple days later, you're dead,

and Rigidortis is the poo that comes out. So you think you shit... Okay. I hate when Blake is dumb on purpose. You like to really get them when it's real. That's cuter when it's real. It's more endearing. This is... I'm like, what? buddy, now you're just... He's acting like he saw the movie.

I'm sorry, man. Yeah, you don't act like you saw the movie when you didn't see the movie. I'm pretty sure. To be fair, I'm guessing that it's stiffness of the muscles. Because I think that's what Rigmoreis is. That is what it is. It's when your body stiffens. It's not the diarrhea part.

But I do believe the diarrhea happens later. I do believe the diarrhea happens later. I've got a big fucking boner. Okay. Hey, I feel like in the chat, let us know when the diarrhea happens. When does the diarrhea happen? And it's been a while. Diarrhea.

And chat GPT's not getting anything, huh? Son up a gone. The short answer is yes. The body does poop when you die. Immediately? Most people empty their bowels when they pass away. Urine may also be released, okay? Especially during a traumatic or frightening death.

Which, you know, the bear. I feel like you're pissing yourself pretty quickly. Huh. That's crazy. And you like that. Adam, you're... I wasn't saying I like that. I mean, you guys,

Blake was saying that's... That's the way to go. If you were to get killed by a bear, I think personally you lived a hell of a life. What a book act. What a way to just... The last chapter of your life. Oh, and then he was killed by a bear.

You're like, what? Yeah. Your grandpa was the fucking man. He was killed by a bear. Right. And you think he's hiking somewhere, but he was just like in Glendale walking down the street.

Yeah, he was at a zoo. Yeah. He was shooting BBs. bears at the zoo. He just jumped in the bear cage. Suicide by bear, man. That'd be crazy. Blake, you live in

an area where there's wild animals. Do you look for them when you go in the backyard at night? Well, there's nothing like too frightening in my neck of the woods. It's like skunks. I feel like your old house was more Oh yeah, man. I used to see

like... P-22, huh? P-22. P-22 is like a really famous mountain lion that used to walk walk the hills of Hollywood and it was completely unafraid of humans and it would show up every night just bruising it.

It is gigantic dude and that you would catch him on some ring of just like people coming in with groceries and then they pass and you just see this giant mountain lion. I feel like we've covered this but someone we know who I'm not going to name because I don't want them getting death threats. They're the reason

P-22's dead. Wait, what? What? What? Really? Someone we know. Tom, we're going to have to remember this off-paw, because I don't... We'll just say it, and we'll bleep it.

Someone we know who wrote on workaholics, they found P-22 in their backyard eating a raccoon, just like on their pool deck. Oh, yeah. I'm remembering. And they just, like, called 911 to be like, so, I don't know what... Here, I'll give you. So, you're telling me there's a Puma in your backyard. That is correct. Right.

Okay, I know who it is. So now you know who it is. Okay. Okay. Got it. And so he was like, I don't know what you guys do, but I'm just here. I'm calling to let you know. It's here.

And, you know, I just, I don't know what to do. And they go, we got it from here. No. Blazed it. I mean, they know this dude eats raccoons and shit. It's the fact that he was eating it in someone's backyard. It was like it was just where it shouldn't have been, basically, and in a highly populated area, super dense.

And they followed it and they were like, we can't have it here with like kids and shit. Yeah, true. I do believe that towards the end, P-22, like, had like mage or whatever, like started to go kind of insane. And there were ring videos of the mountain lion actually, like, grabbing people's dogs while they're walking them, like on leash. So it just started to lose its mind a little bit and get really

on leash. Really hungry and start just swooping little dogs up. Yeah. I don't think people really... We know who got to kill them. Which was a shame. And then everyone came out of the woodworks because we are so bored as a society. We're so desperate to just belong to something that the P-22 movement, people...

There was a movement? What is it? I mean, of course people are... Dude, when P-22 died, people like lost it. People, like, showed up at like a vigil. to be like, oh my God. You didn't give a fuck the day before. Suddenly, fucking people are putting up stuff on Instagram

just to be like I was there. I was part of it. I knew P-22. I didn't, I mean, I had liked watching the videos, but I lived in that neighborhood. How terrifying would that be if you came out, like, at 1 o'clock in the morning, get something from your car,

and there's just a mountain lion? I think about it every time. thing was fucking huge. Huge. There's just a mountain lion behind. 200 pounders. The fact I didn't get killed, like, you know, Atibo was my neighbor, so I would, like, walk home, like, at 2 in the morning, stumbling.

Every day. Like, I'm like, that mountain lion. You've broken bones on that ride home. Yes, true. Absolutely. Because garbage cans need to be fluorescent. They shouldn't be black. That's right.

That's right. They're blue. They're very hard to see at night when you're on a bike and you have margaritas. and you're also texting. So please. Fair enough. Please. Make the goddamn cans glow in the dark or something.

I think the mountain line was watching you just like picking his teeth like, look at this motherfucker. Yeah. The mountain line was just on the side of the hill. I can't eat this fucking sad, motherfucker. Watch, watch, watch, watch, watch, watch, watch, watch. Oh, shit. Somebody help me.

Somebody get them. I should just jump in front of his ass and make him shit himself, dude. That would be hilarious. I probably came face to face with him and I just don't even recall. No, people would post pictures of him in their vestibules. Like, you know how there's like indoor or outdoor kind of like situations in California architecture. Like people would have, like he'd be like posted up right outside their like kitchen door window. Just like big ass eyeballs.

And I'm like, every time I go out of my house like to take the garbage out, I'm like, be ready. How I'm going out. Wow. Be ready. look for the eyes listen feel the ground yeah i don't fuck with uh with wild cats we talked about like the defense against them but they prefer to attack from the behind they don't they don't come right at you they pounce on you and you don't like that no man surprise attacks no they do they do watch you for a while before they do anything because they got to suss you out yeah and then they

wait till you turn your back fall off your bike they jump on you and there's like you're too sus They jump on you and they tear your lungs out. We have poisonous snakes down here at the beach that have just now popped up because of the warm El Nino waters. The El Nino is causing some shit to happen. Ocean snakes. Water snakes. Water snakes. Which.

Sea snakes. That's exactly right. Yeah. Are sea snakes? You're saying they're poisonous? Smell snakes. Yes. They're like venomous?

Yes. Oh yeah. And they're aggressive? I mean, if you step on one, I don't like that. Because wasn't I seeing like There was like a hammerhead shark out there recently Oh yeah We've got some hammerhead spottings

Which is so cool That's the one shark I really want to see That's the coolest fucking shark They are the coolest Would you rather get eaten by a bear or a hammerhead shark? Oh that's a really good I mean a hammerhead shark That's so specific

So that makes it a little funnier If you're just going for funny deaths But getting intact by a shark underwater and you can't breathe on top of it. Not cool. You can't breathe. Yeah, go ahead. Because I feel like if you get maimed, you get mauled, and your guts are, you at least

have a few moments to be like, quickly, let me think of my wife and kids as you're shitting in pissing. You know, you're like, quick, let me think of something. Okay, got it. I feel like with the drowning, you won't even be able to have, there's, you're not thinking of wife and kids. Because you're just going, like, wife and kids, they're up there, but before that is just seven moments of air.

I need air. Got to have air. Got to have air. I don't have air. I'm going to die. Is there enough time to thank wife, kids? Wife kids, kids, kids. Somebody help me!

Is it enough time to quickly think of wife and kids and parents? No. I think it's after you, like, ingest the water and you're like this. Yeah. Kind of floating where you go, wife and kids. Mia Khalifa. Oh, fuck. I love to meet a Kaliah.

Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no. I thought I had another, I thought I had another few seconds. I thought I had more time. I thought I was going to think of my wife and kids. Oh, fuck. I'm going to hell. Air, air, air, air, air.

Well, I guess I should think of me, Kleeva. No. Oh, boy. Oh, fuck. What does my wife even look like? All that's coming up is be a Kaleifa. Oh, shit. What are my kids names?

trying to access. I'm really trying to access the memory. God damn it. You just remember such a specific porno name? And you're like, I know I had children. Their names are right there. TIP of my tongue, top of my teeth.

My daughter, Mia. Mia? Is it Mia? It's like when someone says, like, what's her name? And then somebody else says a name. And you're like, well, the only name I can think of is that name. And it's not that. It's not that. It's something else. You actually survived the shark attack, honey.

And the first thing you said when you woke up was... Mea Khalifa? You said Mia Khalifa? No, no, no. I was saying, I was saying me... Me. I. Me I almost died.

Caliva, my life. Mea, Colombia. That's what I meant. I'm sorry. It's just shark bite. It's just completely fucked my shit. Oh, sorry. It really threw me for a loop this shark bite.

But Mia Kalafia. I was saying, Mia Kachava. I'm hungry. Give me a Kachava. It's one of those accidents where you now have to pretend that you only can speak Italian. You know how white people get hit in the head and then suddenly they're speaking Cantonese and you're like, what the fuck? Now I just, I talk I like it. I talk like a this now.

You got to talk it like this all the time. They're like, I wish you, I just wish he would have died. I just kind of wish he would have died. I thought we had an out clause there. Damn me. It could love you. Mia attacked by a hammerhead of shark. Oh, now he's canceled.

I can't believe it. He looks like a man. So to answer your question, I think, I think probably a bear. Mia can believe it. Probably a bear. Okay, yeah. I think so, too. Probably a bear.

Because the honor of the water, that seems like a little. That's scary. Yeah, I don't like that. Yeah, that's not ideal. You at least want to take a last couple gasping breaths. Yeah, you want to look the animal in the eye and have that exchange where they know and you know and you go, my energy is now yours. Oh, yeah. And the bear's like, no hard feelings.

There would be none. There would be none. There would be none. Unless it was in. Just like a little fist bump. Unless it was in my backyard. Oh. Then you're a little bit like, dude.

I was just like, I was just grilling. And yeah, exactly. And then the wife's going to have to clean this up. And she'll be bombed because I'm her husband and mother of her children, you know. Father. Mother? Wait a minute. What does she tell you?

It's so funny. What is she telling you, man? Father, you knew what I meant to say. I thought I did. Something just happened. I don't know, man. That was weird. I don't know.

Some junior situation here. The bear's also like, I know you were grilling. I actually came here. I smelled the food. Yeah, I was coming here for burgers. You started hitting me with the spatula thing. So he's a yogi, yogi bear situation. I think that's just honey, right?

No, no, no, no, that's Winnie the poo. Oh, you're right. Yogi was all about the piccanic. Pika nick. Pekanick a baga. Whoa. Pekanik basquist. May I love you. You wake up from a coma and you just yogi the bear.

May I love. Hey, boo boo. Hey, boo boo. Dang. Actually, now that we're talking about things we've never watched, I don't think I've ever watched an episode of Yogi the Bear. The hell is that show about? It's not Yogi the Bear, is it?

What is it? It's just Yogi Bear. Yogi the Bear? Dude, I don't know. This is a Mandela effect situation. Yes. This is a Bear and Steen Bear. Every bear, I'm like, wait a second.

Was it Winnie the Pooh? Or was it Winnie Pooh? Right. It's the Pooh. I think was the show called Jellystone? that's where they lived, but yeah. The Huckleberry Hound Show. Oh, that show kick.

I do remember that guy. He was cool. No, this isn't Yogi, the Yogi Bear. That is not Yogi Bear. It was all Hannah Barbera, no? Well, it's Hannah Barbera. It doesn't mean it's the Huckleberry Hound Show. Well, what is that where he started, like how the Simpsons started on Tracy Allman?

Now we're not talking about Tracy Allman, but. I think it was just Yogi. Yogi, the Yogi Bears show. The Yogi Bear show. And who came first, Yogi Berra, the baseball player? and then they were like, that's kind of funny. I do believe. Yogi Bear?

I do believe so. That's crazy. I do believe. Can you imagine if they were like, oh, Adam Devonan, that's kind of funny. What about Adam go off? Keep going. The vine. And it's about a fucking jungle.

Adam Devine. It's just like. I don't think they would pick Adam Levine. For sure. Yeah. Okay. So it's just like a living breathing ravine. Adam the ravine.

He's locked in. Behind every night spent. making the kids' lunches, there's a lot of suspense. Will they finally eat the veggies? Will the pesto survive the first bite? Will the lunchbox come home empty, half full, or come home at all? And will you finish episode 8 before you're done slicing the cucumbers? Get Bell Pure Fiber Internet with Craved Netflix and Disney Plus from $94 a month price guaranteed for two years on internet with a two-year term and auto pay credit. Visit bell.za for details and to check availability. Bell, connection is everything. Lisa, we should tell them about our new show.

Oh my God, Lexi. We have a new podcast. It's called Don't Lie to Me. I'm Lexi Iwano. We're two best friends, 22 years apart, but so close at heart. And I'm Lisa Di Giulio, the old one, which means we have wildly different references, occasionally different opinions, and at this point in my 50s, I've lived it all. I'm not going to get any of your fighting.

That is wild. I learned that about you today. Now in my 30s, being the founder of new shoes, good taste is my business. And I've always got something to say. If men were just honest about this, there would be so much more peace in the world. We're going to talk about dating, relationships, beauty, getting older, and a little wiser. We're best friends, but we don't always agree. Because you told us how accommodating you are.

Obviously, I would do what I think I could do to fight the fight, but there's only so much fight I can fight. Don't lie to me. Don't lie to me. Don't lie to me. Don't lie to me. Don't lie to me. Liar. Listen on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast.

I don't really care. I'm Lacey Mosley, author, actor, stand-up comedian, creator, and host of Scam Goddess Podcast. The True Crime Comedy Podcasts all about robbery, fraud, and those who practice it. Each week, I bring on incredible guests like Conan O'Brien, Iowa Debrie, Lamorne Morris, and Nicole By. Ooh, I scammed them. What? I could talk to you for an hour. You're a generational yapper like me.

That's why I had to make yapping a job. And the scams run the gamut. I'm talking about scams from the 1800s all the way up to today. I also warn you and keep you safe against scammers. Call your grandparents. Tell your parents to stop clicking on links, please. And now you can catch full episodes of my show on YouTube. If there's a scam, I'm here to protect you.

And I'm also here to last. with you. So if you like fun, if you like comedy and you like learning and protecting yourself from criminals, start listening to Scam Goddess on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. I was just in Hollywood and I found the artist that drew, what do you call that when you're directing something and you go frame by frame? Storyboard. Storyboard artist. Yeah. Yes. They thought that Adam Levine was the star of Bumper in Berlin.

And so they just drew Adam Levine in every frame. I got there and it's just photo, like, hand-drawn images of Adam Levine everywhere. I thought they were punking me and they were like, no, it's just this one woman thought, read your name

and it was Adam Levine in her brain. That is not to bring him back an old joke, but that's grounds. Yeah. Like you don't, is this when you were like going to be starring in the bumper show? Yes, yes, yes, yes. You shelve that. You go, we actually

don't have these. We don't have the storyboards. Well, it was given to me as a gift, as a rap gift, and it's now framed as a joke. As a joke. No, it wasn't as a joke. It was done. No, no, no, no. It was given to you as a, you'll think this is fun.

Yeah, because I do. Got it. But it is. Pretty funny after the fact, after she was fired. Yeah. It's hilarious. Yeah. No, I think it was a loss of translation thing. She was, you know, German. Oh, yes. You got to cut some slack there. Yeah, for sure.

Slack was cut. What did you pop in your mouth there? What are you eating on the pod? Come on, bro. This guy can't wait one hour before. Not telling him. What are you eating, man? What are you eating right now, dude?

What? Chocolate. You're just eating chunks of chocolate? What kind of chocolate? I told you, dude. That is wild behavior. That is some, that's some. elite shit. That is some grandfather

type stuff. Like granddad's chocolates. Yeah. Absolutely. Dude, my great uncle had like little bowls of chocolate just around the crib. So we could just walk around and go. Was he, did he battle obesity? Was he like, no. Rail thin? Or just, uh, basically. A little pot belly, like an old guy. Do you eat a lot of chocolate? Hey, must be nice.

You eat a lot of chocolate and you notoriously, uh, brush your teeth. What? Once every two days. or whatever. Are you getting cavities? Because I just went to the dentist. I thought fucking two more cavities, man. I have had cavities, but they're very, very rare. I never had

them as a kid. I think I had a couple in my 20s. I don't get them. I wonder if I just have like Irish teeth or some shit, something weird like that. Yeah, classic Irish teeth. That has nothing to do with the Irish. My bear hammer at shot. I thought everybody in Great Britain if I can have bad teeth.

Ireland isn't in Great Britain. Yes, it is. And I brush my teeth every morning just for the I have no idea. If we're being locked in. Isn't Great Britain? And you can't just talk over me saying

that I brush them every morning. This needs to be stated and heard. Great Britain is the United Kingdom, right? Aren't they the same thing? Great Britain and United Kingdom? It's Scotland, England, Wales, Ireland. Am I forgetting one?

Wales vagina? Yeah. The independent country of Ireland is not part of Great Britain or the United Kingdom. So fuck right the fuck off. Well, it was at one point, wasn't it? Wasn't it at one point?

You just went there. Well, it's not now, motherfucker. Edward the Longshank's up here. Okay, all right. It's not now. No, I'm just saying. And by the way, I don't like that you said Irish teeth. Irish teeth, dude.

Yeah. Because I have Irish teeth and my teeth are fucking great. Okay. When Irish teeth are rotten. Do you... Come on. I thought, did me find it? you were not Irish or Italian or something?

What was it when you did your like your dad? No, that was my mother always said. My mom always said that... Me mom? I was right there. See you? My mama. Always said that she was part...

And she would say it like this. She was part Indian. She would say Indian. And I'm like, what? That shit's important. She's like, I'm part Indian. And I'm like, I feel like that you can't say that

And she's like, well, that's how they say it And I am part Indian. That's how we say it. And then she did the 23 and me And found out she's in no way Indian. There's no Indian. There ain't no Indian about you.

And I do love the idea that that's how they say it is something that she's just guessing. Because she's not hanging on the res. I mean, we're very Midwestern. You run into. to some Indian people every once in a while, Native American, but... Indian people.

Native American. Indian comedy. Yeah, there's one Indian restaurant. And by the way, we, our high school mascot, we were the Indians. Sure. You were, yes, notoriously. Not even that notorious. We were the Indians.

No one said Indies. Yes, I am. No one has ever said Indian. I've heard Injun, which is like a derogatory. You guys, what are we up to? So, bear or hammerhead shark? My spirit animal, the hammerhead shark. Yeah, so she's not Native American even a little bit.

Oh. My mom. That's great. But I guess I thought you thought you were Irish, and it turns out you were Italian. No, you've got to have them. That's a fake Mandela effect thing happening to you. Fake news, brother. He's actually not that old either.

He's dead Oh he died Yeah he's done Twice I want to get a 23 and me so bad For the longest time I was like I don't do it then I think you can do it right now

You can just click on it You could just literally click on a button It'll come to your house like tomorrow You can just do it Then you poop in a box Yeah You poop I think it's like a hair situation

Okay Or a spit sample I don't know I can't get rid of my hair I could spit for sure Yeah I forgot you have to shave your entire head Dude, yeah, 23 in Mead, guys. Todd's saying it's a spit thing.

Yeah. Yeah, do we do that as part of a fun thing that we have to guess each other's? I think that would be really cool. I would love to do that for the pod. My brother did it, so I technically already have it. You're afraid of what you're going to find. Well, unless you take it and you realize you're not related to your brother at all. There we go.

That's cool. Oh, man. That's like some fun things. He is very dark. Or if you were to take, like... Shit, Ders' Indon. I'm not taking part of that. If you were to take one of those tests,

and then they, all of a sudden, they go and arrest your uncle. Or some shit. They like, the DNA matches. And they're like, actually, it's him that did those murders in the late 90s. Any takebacks? Any takings. The Hawkeye killers. Any apologies.

You know, that could happen. That could happen to Ders' family. Of course, yeah. For sure. Wouldn't that be something? Any takebacks or apologies. I just want to pay. Any take back apologies, clues left behind.

I mean, fucking freaking. See ya. Yeah. Yeah. Ders really doesn't want to do this. We're like, yeah, actually, they send it to us for free. So, Dersie, all you got to do is spit it in. No, but like, no, my brother already did.

I don't have to do it. That is funny. That is funny. That would be crazy. But on a serious tip, I heard like they're not even that accurate. Yeah. Oh, it's serious. I don't know, like, you know, for real, though.

For real, yeah. I mean, like, it's all very funny, but... It's a waste of spit. It's seriously a good time to laugh with you guys. But also, heard... Heard, it's not that accurate. A lot of people getting locked up for almost no reason, really. It's really kind of a sad situation.

I think I'm going to go to the White House to see what I can do. Talk to Trump. You should. Twist his arm on that one. good dude. Talk to your boy. He'll see where I'm coming from. Anyway, any would take backs or...

Did you say Hammerhead? Can't remember if you said bear. No, I've said bear so many times. That's right. That's right. Of what animal... Now, what animal would I like to see? I would love to... I've seen some bears.

They're cool. You know, they're fine. But, I mean, you've seen the little ones. You've never seen the big ones, right? I've never seen, like, a true grizzly. Have you been up close to any sort of bear? in the wild? I've been in Yellowstone

when there's been bears Well, those are grizzlies out there, no? I think they have a... I think they were black bears. I got rolled up on... They've been rolled up by black bears twice. Once in... What would they be doing?

Once in Montana with kids, like on the other side of the bear, we're on a path. Kids are up front, talking kids stuff. All right, guys. Parents are behind. Bear comes out of the woods on the trail between us.

Kids are kind of far up, And we're going, you guys, you guys, bear. And then we're just like, well, aren't you supposed to be the loudest? I do. You can be? But we're trying to shout to the kids, and then we do. But like, at first you're just kind of like, oh, fucking bear, bear.

Bear, bear. Yeah. And then they're like, no, boo bears. We love the Rams. Yeah, we're L.A. kid. And then when I was doing Monarch out in Canada, in Canada, we got to. rolled on. Oh.

And fucking Wyatt Russell manned up, fucking bossed up on this bear. Really? Yeah. That's cool, dude. Just like his old man. Yeah. Yeah. He just goes, get out of here, bear.

And I was like, you called it bear. Fucking sick. He's like, damn right. He has like proper hiking boots. Oh. We're in costume, but yes. Yeah. He's got him somewhere.

No, no, no. I feel like in real life that that man goes hiking. Yeah, he might. Yeah. And he knows his way around a hiking trail. Yeah. He's a man. Personally, I'm out there on the hiking trail.

And you know what I have on? Some brand new hiking boots. They're blistering up my feet. They're blistering on my feet. I'm a little bummed about them. I'm like mostly looking for a walking stick. A lot of that. Whenever I'm hiking, I'm like, where can I get a sick hiking stick?

This is like when we went to Peru. Was it Peru where you were complaining about your boots the whole time? It was somewhere. Yeah. Where you were like, God, damn it, these fucking boots. Oh, God. They just, they don't match my pants. There's a lot of that.

No, like, it's not about matching the pants, okay? It's about my layer of skin is so thin that I bleed when they're brand new. Okay? Whoa, my bad. And so I have to bleed through the pain in order to get them comfortable enough. And the bears are like, oh, the bears, they, they, they, they, no, bears don't smell blood. They're not sharks. What do you mean bears don't smell?

Are you thin skinned, Adam? Yeah, technically. Yeah, what do you mean bears? So smell blood, dude. He's locked in. No, that's not like what draws them. They don't like smell blood and go like, ooh, where the blood is. Yes.

There's literally like notes from camp counselors where they're like, and now girls come over here and we're going to talk to you guys. And they talk about when they menstruate and they're like, so when you're blatant, bears are sniffing. Oh, I didn't realize that's why they were having that conversation. So Blake, you're a fucking idiot. And when we do, hey, and when we do apologies? I expect something from you. Two women everywhere.

And bears. All right, I'll write that down. Yeah, that's the joke in like, is an anchorman where Steve Karell's like, bears smell their periods. Yes, that's right. How could I forget it? That's such a... It's science.

Iconic line, too. Yeah. I thought they just smelled like burgers and, like, food, and that's why you don't think of food out. They smell... I think anything with a nose smells... Yeah, they smell everything, do it? Yeah, but I...

And they have an incredible sense of smell, so that doesn't mean, like, they only see. smell incredible sense, smells. I thought it was like... They're like, oh, I only smell cheeseburgers on the grill because of my sense of smell is incredible. That's not a great evolution.

You got... Y'all got onions? That's not a great evolution. Oh, shit. Shataki mushrooms? Oh, shit. I'm not eating that. I hate mushroom. You think a bear hates mushrooms? For sure.

What, do you think bears like mushrooms? No, they like fucking... They like pizza. Oh, yeah. They like pizza. Now, what animal do you think you could If you had a buoy knife, you have an actual, like, knife, a real... Is it booey?

I think it's booey. Like a six-inch, seven-inch, blade. Is that what that is, six inches? Hang loose, brother. You know, it's about six and a half, seven inches, nine inches? Really long six. It's like a thick, five and a half, yeah. It's a really long six.

Nine, nine, nine, ten inches right there. I love that, bro. Mesh, just dig like that. Isn't that the whole thing? Isn't everyone's dick as long as this? I imagine he's putting it up to his hard penis. Like it's taking a phone call. I thought that's how everyone...

I thought that was the thing. Well, who hasn't done that? I've never done that. I've never done this to the side of my penis. It's pointless. Do it later tonight. You'll be like, oh, shit. Do it later and be like that actually kind of nailed it.

Yeah. That sort of nailed it. I don't know, bro. Blake's like, wait, what? Oh, yeah. That makes sense. Yeah, that's about right. That makes sense.

Yeah, it's like, isn't this an I or a J? Just goes like this. He just goes, oh, mine, it's this. Oh, yeah, dude. Oh, yeah, it's crazy. This is like sign language. Isn't this a J? Yeah, sure.

None of y'all bros know sign language. It's pathetic. Oh, me, I was just doing sign language. It's pathetic. You guys don't know sign language. fucking pathetic. So Adam, you got a bowie knife? Yeah.

So what would you kill? Like, which one do you think you could kill? Or at least get out of the situation. Could kill or would want to kill? Not would want to. And I guess not even kill. Evade.

Injure the animal enough to escape the situation. What's the maximum? You're saying between hammerhead or bear? No, any animal. Yeah, between... Oh. No.

I was, well, I was going to say between Hammerhead and Bear, we've been talking Hammerhead. Yeah, I think Hammerhead. Yeah, I think they're... Hammerhead just has a mouth. Yeah, but they're pretty fucking big. Bear will probably fuck you.

Bear bulls his dick out. And he's like, bro, and you're like, God damn! Yeah, he got a... He got a freak on. Dude, yeah, no. I also think bears, they're not going to give up.

You stab them once with the booty knife. They're going to keep coming at you. Whereas like a shark, I think if they get hit, they dip. They're like, I'm out of here. Yeah, I think you're right. Like, you can't you just, you can just punch sharks in the nose and then they pretty much get out. That's what you're supposed to do because all of their, like, nerve endings are right in the tip of their nose.

Right. They come, and then they're like, oh. And then they just chill. They just are like, yo. Thank you. Thanks. I like that. Everybody's coming.

That's kind of cool. That's got to be what happens. I think so. And can't you just turn a shark upside down and it's like, It goes to sleep I think We turn a bear upside down We've been on Shark Week

We should know these things Yeah we should know these things That's why I'm saying these things Yeah They definitely when we turned that What was it a nurse shark Or a tiger shark Tiger shark

When we turned it upside down It definitely like Fell asleep Or some shit Oh that's right Yeah Or it's just That's truly wild

The blood just goes to their head Or something They just like give up There's a scientific Yeah it's the blood For sure thing happening for sure. Yeah, and I think they told us we just

forgot. Yeah, immediately forgot. We were mostly like, yeah, but when can we start drinking again? And we're getting in the water. Like, hey, as soon as we let this go, we want you guys in the water. Um, why?

And then it attacked Durs. Well, that was just the baby. The baby shark that attacked you? The next day, I think. Oh, yeah, yeah. But still. Yeah, when we got the big one. It was when they like lost their shit.

when they go, hey, there's a tiger shark down there with you now. We were all like, and it was like, just don't turn your back to it. And we go, we can't sit. Where is it? And then we get out after the one of the time. And that's when Blake pretended like his wrist was hurt and he couldn't get in. No, my hand was broken moment? Is that from the fall?

Was that from the fall? Yeah. Or is this another time that you're making it up? I think it was. I do. Yeah. Yeah, that was it. You got it.

Because it was during COVID. That's correct. Dang, dude. Thank God for that trash getting me. Got me out of a scary situation. But that was a once-in-a-lifetime amazing situation, and it would have been so cool to... I mean, it was so cool to be a part of it. I was in the water with you guys.

When you look back at it, Durs, were you like, that was awesome? Look back at it? On I heart radio, Sam J. I literally was talking about it today because Emma was like, let's go to the Caribbean. I'm like, it's super far. We were fortunate enough during COVID to be flown out on a private jet that was extra quick. It was so elite. And I think it still took us almost seven hours.

Did it? It went by so quick because I was with my boys. They were like, usually it takes 10, I think is what it was. And they were like, we're going to burn rubber. Anyway, that was super special. It was awesome. And the fact that like because it was COVID, you told us this, Adam, because you were there the year before, that like generally they keep you in a hotel.

and then every day you go out on a smaller boat. And they were like, unfortunately, we're going to have to put you guys on a 160-foot yacht. And we're like, oh, no. They're like, yeah, and unfortunately, you can't fly commercial. You have to fly private so you don't get COVID. So that's unfortunate as well. And we know it's a bummer, so we're also going to pay you to do this.

Ew. Okay, okay. But beyond all that, I'm talking about the actual experience of, like, that first day when we were down there and it was the sunken ship and the sharks were everywhere and they were like, they were chumming for like a half hour and then we come out

and they go, there's actually way more sharks than we thought would show up and we look down and there's just 30 sharks. Oh my God! There's dozens of sharks just and the one guy, Andre, is covered in like that chain mail and he's letting them like bite his arm. It was chaos.

And then they go jump in. Like, don't act like you were there. You were just up on deck fucking eating sandwiches and shit. I was there. I was watching. I was watching. Watching how. They go jump in.

And I go, what if I land on a shark? And they go, they'll just scatter away. I'm like, move. Yeah. Okay. Jump in. Look around. It's just all sharks.

So many sharks. So many sharks. I don't know if I would have been. I'm not about that life. Sharks are scary to me. I'm not either. but as soon as those cameras start rolling, you just be, here you just...

I don't give a pop! Yeah, song and dance, man, Anders Holm. That's scary, dude. I don't know about them sharks, bro. Any tapebacks, any apologies, any epic, epic slam. And what, I was, I have to apologize for numerous things. I have to apologize to Ireland for claiming they were part of Great Britain.

And also that they have bad teeth when we're not known for having that teeth. Maybe it's just my family. Maybe it's just my family. Great save. I also need to say sorry to, what was it? To you, Adam, for something about bears? What did I do?

Seems genuine. I kind of forget it exactly. There's something about blood. I don't know, but I apologize to bears and blood and Adam. Also to me, yeah. Yeah, Adam, his boot selection or something like that. So I'm really am sorry. Yeah.

I'm sorry. Yeah. You call them thin-skinned? Yeah. I think you called me thin-skinned. skinned and I literally am so that's just an observation that is a okay um yeah blake any apologies to the community of american Indians or i was just you know yeah absolutely yeah absolutely throw them in there for all of history bro that is i apologize all of history yeah you asked

we did not do them right i'd like to apologize on my mother's behalf for you know she's a sweet woman she means no harm but she does she thought she was she was Native American, but she wouldn't say Native American. She would say Indian, which is an insane way to say it. So apologies to her. For her, to her. From her to the Native American community. Absolutely. And where'd she grow up, Missouri? Yeah, and Iowa. Oh, yeah. Missouri. We love it. Missouri will be represented. Iowa, that's a word of those people. Is it not? Yes, it's true. And yeah. And so is Omaha. I believe Missouri is.

Missouri, I think. Yeah. It is. Okay, this is important podcast at OLG stage at Fallsview Casino Friday, September 25th. My God, it's just around the riverband. Yeah. We'll do it a lot. Are you guys excited? I am. I am excited. I am very excited. I love doing the podcast live. We haven't for a while, so there's going to be a lot of pent-up energy. Yes. Yeah, it's going to be psychotic. And I love just getting together with my boys. I know. Should we get a A bear? I feel like they got to have them all over the place up there. Well, that's a good call. If we can, I'm down for some live animals. Should we have the bear show its nipples? Okay, so this episode comes out on the 22nd. So only a few days from now, if you're in the area, if you're in the greater Niagara Falls area,

come on out to Falls View Casino, Friday, September 25th, 8 p.m. OLG stage. Hey, Buffalo, come on out. Toronto, come on out. Everybody, it's right there. I don't even know. It's all very close. I don't even know how far away things are right there.

I think everything's about an hour away. And you're going to the casino. It's fine. The local bar down the street from my house, it's a Buffalo Bills bar. It's so tight. I drove past the other day. It was like the early game. It is absolutely slammed.

People are standing on the table, like yelling. I'm like, do I become just a Bills fan? Yeah, I fuck with Bill's Mafia. I think it seems like such a fun fan base. They're just, they're blasts. They're having the best times of their fucking lives over there. It's really cool to see how excited you guys are. No, the Bills, they're cool.

I would love to see them win a Super Bowl. I mean, I remember as a child with them losing over and over and over again, and I think they deserve it. Their fans deserve it for sure. Josh Allen, he's got a hell of an arm. He's got wheels on them, too. It's total package. It's gorgeous.

And I think the Clippers are going to win it this year. Yeah, that's another episode. This is It's not funny. Why are we laughing? Why are we laughing? Kawai. I'm Lacey Mosley, author, actor, stand-up comedian, creator, and host of

of Scam Goddess Podcast. The True Crime Comedy Podcasts, all about robbery, fraud, and those who practice it. Each week I bring on an amazing guest. Ooh, I scammed. What? I can talk to you for an hour. You're a generational yapper like me. That's why I had to make yapping a job.

And now you can catch full episodes of my show on YouTube. Start listening to Scam Goddess on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. Scam Goddess! Hi, this is Kylie Breakman. Angel Geratana. Jeremy Colhane. Patrick McDonald. And we're the hosts of the Artists on Artists on Artists Podcast. The Improvised Character Comedy Podcasts where each week a new panel of artists discussed.

of their craft. Join us for a panel of Eurovision participants. And we do a little Halloween sometimes. Does the Pope dress up? He winks on Halloween. He gets right up next to the microphone. I hear you can almost hear the eyelashes hit each other. You never seen Italy so quiet as when the Pope gets up to wink on Halloween.

Listen to Artists on Artists on Artists every Thursday on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Lisa? Tell them about our new show. We have a new podcast. It's called Don't Lie to Me. I'm Lexi Youanu. We're two best friends, 22 years apart, but so close at heart. And I'm Lisa DiGulio, the old one, which means we have wildly different references, occasionally different opinions. And at this point in my 50s, I've lived it all. Now in my 30s, being the founder of new shoes, good taste is my business.

Listen on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This is an IHeart podcast. Guaranteed human.