This Is Important - Ep 51: Kyle’s Penis: The Director’s Cut

Episode Date: August 24, 2021

Today, this is what's important:The first ever 'Let's gooooo,' cheugy, jeans, Kyle's vasectomy, deer, animals the guys think they can fight, and more. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hi, I'm David Eagleman. I have a new podcast called Inner Cosmos on iHeart. I'm going to explore the relationship between our brains and our experiences by tackling unusual questions like, can we create new senses for humans? So join me weekly to uncover how your brain steers your behavior, your perception, and your reality. Listen to Inner Cosmos with David Eagleman on the iHeart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Last season, millions tuned into the Betrayal podcast to hear a shocking story of deception. I'm Andrea Gunning, and now we're sharing an all-new story of betrayal. Ashley Lytton was helping her husband set up a business Venmo account when she discovered

a terrible secret. I saw it in a folder, and I opened it. What the hell did I just see? Listen to season two of Betrayal on the iHeart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Between April 1971 and September 1972, six young black girls were snatched off the streets in Washington, D.C. This child was laying on the side of the road. The person said, I murdered your daughter. The killer believed that he may have been seen. I will admit the others when you catch me if you can. Signed Freeway Phantom. Listen to Freeway Phantom on the iHeart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to This Is Important, a production of iHeart Radio, the show where we only talk about what is

most obviously very crucially important. Today on This Is Important... They cut my vast deference out, gentlemen. It looked like a sloppy mess, admittedly, but I think that's just Kyle's dick. It's wide. Throw a couple napkins over your cock real quick, bro. Did she make the mouth of your penis talk? Let's go. Hello. Heyo. Heyo. Heyo. A sweet, sweetest guy. There we go. What was that? That was hip-hop. That's hip-hop. Bass hits in it, bro. Hit that again. Did we get a problem with that? Did we get a problem with that? Fire it up. Yes. It feels good. Man. I will say that someone hit me up DM style, slid in them, and they... They slit your DMs? They slid right in them, and they said that they're like, I found the first let's go,

and it is Tom DeLong in an old Blink 182 track. We're like, let's go. From what year? Is this like after No Doubt? Okay. At the same time. I think it was off Take Off Your Pants in Jacket Era. Great album title. Well, to be fair, I think that was a different type of let's go. That was more of like a let's go. How is that different, though? Yeah. That's exactly what Adam just did. That's literally what I just did. Oh, I'm sorry. Is that this? This go. It's a different vibe. Yeah. That's before. I feel like that's the before thing, whereas let's go has become an after thing, like a celebratory like that happened. Yes. Thank you. Let's go. But what you just played is for sure a pre. But also let's go is like, it's like, we're ready for the game. Let's go. Like we're

going or like a bunch of bros that are going out for the night. They just chugged an Ashlyn hard sultry. Yeah. Ashlyn hard sultry. Yes. I love it. And then they go, they go, let's go. And then they just go to the bar and only talk to themselves. That's what we did at bars. We were so bad at hitting on chicks. Do you think it's more of a pre still or more of an after celebration thing now? What is the let's go? Yeah. I think it's now it's just ubiquitous. It's all the time. It's constant. So it's it's 50 50 is then what you're saying. Yeah. Okay. It's it's just it's whenever it's people people say let's go like when they get their tokytos at a restaurant. So what I'm saying is they get the they say it after they get the tokytos or after you could get tokytos at a restaurant.

They get the tokytos, then they go, let's go. So that's my point is that that is an after example. No, that's a before an example before you eat them. Well, it's before you eat them, but it's but they're celebrating after they got them. They already ordered them. The game is you eating them, not you ordering them. The game is you. That's about the waiting game. When the whistle blows, you start eating your food. I feel like when you're handed the food, when you're handed the food and you say let's go, that's celebrating the fact that you got them. And then when you sit and you pick it up to take a bite and you say let's go, that's like, oh, it's about to go down. So there's two different. Let's agree to disagree. It's all part of the same game, though. It's all

part of the same let's go family. I don't disagree with that. That's a brother, sister, let's go family. Yeah, well, you could have multiple like let's go releases during the same game, right? Like, you know, quarters and all that shit. And when you're hyping up for plays, I would argue to say life is a series of let's go. Right. Let's just agree that life is a series of let's go. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Life's a let's go and then you go. And that will be the sign that hangs in my back. Blake is our resident champion of current phrases, the king of the with the finger on the pulse. If you need a guy to tell you the latest slang, he'll pull up yet the oldest Gen Z or pull up pull out pull out run looks. I don't know if you

guys are aware of the word Chuggy. I was put on this word. Oh, yeah. I fuck with some Chuggy. What's Chuggy? Chuggy. Evidently, it's a person who has aged out of being cool, but it tries to remain relevant. That is a Chuggy person. And did someone call you Chuggy, Blake? What is Chuggy derived from? And do you use it before you eat? Yeah, at the restaurant. Is it before or after Takedos? Takedos at the restaurant player. Sounds delicious. So Chuggy is someone that is holding on to a style that was popular when

they were in their early 20s or early mid 20s when they were young and hip and cool. For instance, I was thinking like, remember in like 2002, 2003, 2004, like poofy vests, like sweater vests. Sure. Or like popular. You mean like down vests. Yeah, down vests. That was like cool. People would wear that shit. Yeah. Fuck it. And then if you still wear one every winter, go ahead. Yeah, keeps you warm. Yes. And so you rocking that, a Gen Z'er would say that that is a Chuggy thing that you're doing. You're hanging on. I think you claiming what a Gen Z'er is going to say is fucking Chuggy as hell, bro. Yeah, for sure dude. Fuckin' Chuggy, dawg.

Dude, chew on this. I'm not offended by it. I'm the epitome of Chug. I'm the Chugmeister general dude. You're Lord Chug. I mean, my whole style is shit that I liked when I was 20 years old. Out of this Chuggy. I mean, yeah, I still wear shirts from high school. They fit differently. They don't hang like they used to, but like. I can finally feel them out. Right? Are you kidding me? There's no way I'm fitting in my shit from high school. Yeah. Well, you were on the fucking prom court, so we know that body. You got obese. Yeah, I was lean back there and not no more. Yeah, you got obese. Bullshit, Kyle. You wore size 38 pants. He stands by that. You probably fit better in your high school

pants now than you did back in high school. That is so true. Gotta go dig through the craze. They used to be Jankos. Now they're just kind of tight around the quads. Tight fitting. Your Jankos are jorts or jeggings. So tight. Your Jankos became jeggings. You got me. You got me, Chuggy boy. You got me. Chuggy. I do think it's funny, though, like I kind of have had essentially the same style since I was 12 when I kind of swore off jeans and just wore khakis. You swore off. I wish I was there that day. Yeah, that would have been a good jeans, though. I swear to God. I started wearing jeans after living in LA for like six years when you couldn't get into places without jeans on. I remember you telling me about raw denim

and you're like, no, dude, it's tight. And then instead of washing them, you put them in the freezer and that's how you disinfect them. My mind was blown. And here's the best part. Never did either of that. Never washed them, never put them in the freezer. It does. What was it like when you swore off of jeans? Were you just hanging out with your friends and you're like, I'm not going to wear jeans. And at 12 years old, too. That's such a funny age. I'm done with the mom. I'm done with them. It was to myself in the mirror. I said Candyman twice and then I said I can't do it a third time and I said I swear off jeans. It reminds me of that scene in orgasmo where he's at the table with his dad eating breakfast.

He's like, dad, I'm not going to use hamster style anymore. And he goes, okay, son. And then they just move on with their guy. Yeah, he builds it up so much. And then it's just like, okay. I remember I would wear khakis to like church on the weekend or to like a dress up thing. This is the way. And I just liked it better. And like jeans at that point were not what they are today, guys. What were they? Please? What were they at that point? I loved jeans back in the day when I was a kid. They took a long ass time to like break break in. So they were always like crunkled. Not if you had that sick ass French toast brand. Yeah, you're right. You don't remember that? You remember French toast? I don't at all. That's the best jeans I ever had, bro. What are

you talking about? French toast. I'm talking about French toast brand jeans. This dude's mom made him jeans and was like, they're French toast. Bro, please explain yourself. I know you're on pain pills and you're currently laying in your bed picking your nose. I gotta know what these French toast jeans are. I'm vibro dog. I'm just living that vibro life right now. And that's important for you. What were French toast jeans, Kyle? French. It was just a brand called French toast slide in this dude's DMs if you know what French toast. You had some fucking Oshkosh Pagosh and then you also had some French toast that if you were lucky to find them at Ross Dress for us. Are you talking about when you were a toddler? What you just did is you named a brand everyone knows. I know. And then

you named another brand that no one's ever heard of as a synonymous. That makes it seem more relatable and like hoping to trigger something. Dude, you just said a brand that everyone's heard of and then you said a breakfast food and we're all supposed to believe that that was a popular demo. Yeah, I know. I understand. I apologize. We're all the exact same age besides Ders who is 35 years old. But we're damn nearer. We're within months of each other and I never heard of French toast jeans in my life. You know what? When you were talking about jeans, it just triggered something in my head. I shouldn't have done the Oshkosh Pagosh. That was a manipulative tactic. That's like toddler overalls. Here's my style. My style like it's different for sure than when I

was in high school. I feel like my style solidified when I was in my mid 20s of just like mostly basic t-shirts and regular ass jeans and vans sneakers. Yeah, you were kind of you always kind of dressed like commercial ready. No logo like blank T. I don't I don't like a logo on a T. I don't like walking around feeling like I'm a billboard. And also I couldn't afford those clothes. Although your jeans back in the day, what they say on the fly? What? What did they say, Adam? What did what did your jeans say? Oh, Jebo? No, no, no. What did they say, Adam? Oh, Lucky You. Yeah. Shirts didn't say nothing but the jeans. They said Lucky You because they were Lucky brand jeans and the button fly and they would say Lucky You. Which by the way, no one was sucking

my dick. No one was there. No one was lucky. Would they be lucky to do so? Hang on. That's not true. That's not true. It was your roommates. No, your roommates were lucky because they got a little laugh out of it. Yeah. I need the zipper that says I'm sorry. Well, hang on a second. That's not true. That's not true. There's a few. There's a small handful. And we don't need to get into the deets, but I do want to know a little bit of tales about not the deets with the tails. Oops, the freaky tails. There's other tails that are tails so well. Someone for sure had opened your jeans and saw that at some point and was there any mention of it? Was there like a Jesus? Or was it just that? I don't think, I think if I was gonna get a blowjob, I ripped my

pants off so quickly. It was never like a, let me take those off for you. It was, I was already butt naked. Right, right, right. Like if there was like, it was, it was gonna go down. It was like, and I'm butt naked. There was no. That's not alarming. I know. If a girl, if the male band was a woman, I'd come to the door naked. Adam's just saying there's a window when someone, a very small window when a girl would realize, oh, shit, I'm about to hook up with this guy. He's like, oh, you just got to get to it. Right, this dude would rock breakaway underwear and shit, just snaps on the side, just like a wind suit. He had a bull's warm up. You had a fucking rip away t-shirt like Hulk Hogan. Do you remember I used to rock those button-ups, those like western

wear? The snap buttons? Shirts with the snap buttons? Lucky you. Also, Lucky Brand, I believe. I do believe it was Lucky Brand. I did fuck with some Lucky Brand back in the day. Homey was lucky. And I would snap that off. Do you remember? That was a comedy move that I had. I would bust that out. That's fun. That disarms. Oh, yeah. I remember that. I loved it. It was the funniest part now looking back is we had to button it back up. Yeah. After I did the bid, got a laugh, and then it was just slowly. That's the most memorable. Go over here. What's he doing? He's buttoned it back up. Okay, good, good. I do like the idea of like, oh, he's funny. He's definitely not someone who screams when he asks. I believe. I'm winning. Lucky me. Lucky me.

Hi, I'm David Eagleman. I have a new podcast called Inner Cosmos on iHeart. I'm a neuroscientist and an author at Stanford University, and I've spent my career exploring the three pound universe in our heads. On my new podcast, I'm going to explore the relationship between our brains and our experiences by tackling unusual questions so we can better understand our lives and our realities. Like, does time really run in slow motion when you're in a car accident? Or, can we create new senses for humans? Or, what does dreaming have to do with the rotation of the planet? So join me weekly to uncover how your brain steers your behavior, your perception, and your reality. Listen to Inner Cosmos with David Eagleman on the iHeart radio app,

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Last season, millions tuned into the Betrayal podcast to hear a shocking story of deception. I'm Andrea Gunning, and now we're sharing an all new story of Betrayal. Ashley Lytton was helping her husband set up a business Venmo account when she discovered a terrible secret. I scrolled down, and that's when I saw a hidden folder, and I opened it. What the hell did I just see? I was scared that he was coming home. What Ashley discovered that day was a secret so dark she feared for her life. She was like, oh my god, I gotta get out of the house.

He's gonna find out that I've seen this, he's gonna come kill me. Listen to season two of Betrayal on the iHeart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Between April 1971 and September 1972, six young black girls were snatched off the streets in Washington, D.C. It took four murders before the police finally realized that one person was responsible. I will admit the others when you catch me if you can. Signed freeway fan. This child was laying on the side of the road. It appeared that she was probably either dragged out of the car or thrown out of the car. The person said,

I murdered your daughter. The killer believed that he may have been seen by the mother. That guy is, he's out of sync with even the worst people. I thought that they would catch him. I thought it was just a matter of time. Is it possible that the killer is still alive? Listen to Freeway Phantom on the iHeart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Speaking of sex. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. How about that for interrupt my pal and transition? Absolutely. Good shit, man. Let's throw it to Kyle, who is laying in a bed and it's not a death bed. It's a life bed. Kyle knew a check. He's post-surgery. He just had a big,

big, maybe the biggest outpatient surgery you can have. The final cut. The final snip. I finally got final cut. Final cut. That's pretty funny. From editor to director to getting your dick cut. Bro, it's the craziest. It's the craziest. One more time, Blake. I said editor. Editor to director to getting your dick cut. Right? Was that it? I liked it. Yeah, it was really, really, really good. It's cut. They cut my vast deference out, gentlemen. Can we name the episode that? They cut my vast deference out, gentlemen. That's what they did. And I saw it. And what's the deference? What's the deference between us? I don't know. We'll start at the penis. You can start at the penis. Yes, points. Yeah. So, break it down for us. Because we're sending

live photographic evidence of you getting your dick snipped. Bloody bandages and shit. And we couldn't really see what's going on, but it did seem like there was a lot of blood. Yeah. Yes, it was nuts. You do a tummy tuck at the same time? Bang it out. You were awake. I was awake. And you could see everything. Yeah, walk us through this. I went into the doctor's office and they basically were like, okay, sit down right here and put this little, you know, undress from the waist down and put this like napkin skirt thing over your body. And I was like, okay, cool. I did it. And I did that. And that's what I did. Take this napkin skirt thing and take this Taco Bell napkin and put it over your dick. You went to the lake of the Brozark?

You went to the lake of the Brozark's doctor? For sure. Oh, fuck. Oh, shit, fam. Grab this napkin skirt thing and throw it over your dick. Hey, dude, you might have cancer. What's up? I don't know. I'm not going to double check. Put this over your dick. Throw a couple napkins over your cock real quick. The instruments are on a fast food tray. Lucky you. This was insane. And then they were like, she came back in and she's like, okay, lay down. And I was like, all right. Oh, it was a girl. All right, fine, I will. Yeah, then she takes a napkin thing, the skirt off and she dumps this. She's like, it might be cold. And I'm like, what the fuck? And there's this whole dump of just like, you know that brown fucking

like cleaning liquid? No, sure. You know the brown like iodine? Yeah, it just dumped iodine all over my fucking dick and balls, bro. Oh, boy, I would pay to see that. It was unreal. Yeah, why don't you send that picture? Just your muddy looking junk. I'll send you the picture. I took a picture of it afterwards, but I was like, this is too gruesome. This is nasty. Like, did you have to shave before you went in or did they? Great call. Did they shave you? Yeah, I shaved my nuts in the shower beforehand. I did that. Yep. Leading up to it. Can we throw to our sponsor Manscape or what? Manscape buzzers. With the light on it that like highlights everything? I love Manscape. Yeah, it's great product. You're gonna want the killer product. Wait, did you have to

shave or did you do that out of like a courtesy? No, you had to. I was like, oh, fuck. That sucks. Why are we paying them? Like, if we're at home doing all the shaving, bullshit. Thank you. I'm prepping myself for surgery now. Come on, give me a break. Hang on. Hang on. What? So let's slow it down. Okay, all right. You shaved the nutsack. The night before. What did you eat? Slow it down. Slow it down. No, I shaved the nutsack the morning of. It's bulky, but I consider it carry on. Did you shave the nutsack both sides or did they just go through one side? I shaved everything. Did you get underneath? I shaved everything. Did you shave both sides or just leave like a Mohawk? Did you shave your butthole? Did you get? No, it has nothing to do with my butthole. It's only

my balls. Did they go through the butthole? Yeah, but I was just thinking you're already down there. You might as well. He doesn't know. Because they're going to be down in that area. Because your legs are going to be up in stirrups. I think if I would have did it the night before, I would have got lost in what you're talking about, Adam, but because I did it the morning of, I had somewhere to be. Oh, so you raced through it. I did. I was nervous. First time. So it looks like a fucking, it looked like a, what's a good example of something like a chupacabras, basically, like there's a little bit of hair come out of part of it. Yeah, it's like a little patchy. Yeah, a little patchy. Like a rabid rodent. Yeah, like the world's ugliest dog. Do you remember that photo?

Oh man. That's great. Your dick definitely looks like the world's ugliest dog. Lucky you. That's what you said to the doctor. Lucky you. What is the movie where like a rat goes through like some sort of like thing and it comes out the other side all like crazy and mangled with like a white eyeball. Slide in my DMs with that answer, people. I don't know. Ninja Turtles too. I think it's something like that. Somebody will know. It seems real. The internet never fails. Okay. So they dumped the ooze. They dumped the ooze all over my dick and balls. Yeah, it's kind of a Ninja Turtle scenario. And is that, iodine doesn't numb you, right? No. Was your dick numb? Yeah. No, no, not at that point, but that's what they

were doing. They were cleaning it for the numbing because... So, and were these male doctors or was there a female doctor? Female doctor was prepping me and the... She just got to see all your nuts and stuff? Dude, straight up. Perks of the job. I was blown away with how open this process was. Like I was like, what is going on? But just like moving it around and making sure it's all clean and all that. Like picking it up? Yes, dude. Yes. Wait, handling your dick? Yes, correct. Handling your dick. Did she have like, she had globs on and stuff or did she use like forceps? I think so. I was kind of looking straight up, bro, because I'm just like...

Did she use her mouth? What the fuck? Adam! It's party time. No. Well, we just want to know. The blows arcs? We just want to know. You went to like the blows arcs doctor. Did they use their mouth? No, not at all. She was very professional. It just... This is going somewhere that makes me uncomfortable, but answer him. Just caught me off guard, but it was pro. They do this all the time. So I have to assume that this is par for the course. Lack of a better word, they were manhandling your cock. She... Yes. Yeah. Did she make the mouth of your penis talk?

She did not. She didn't play any games. It was all business. It was all good. Did she do the wristwatch? Did she do this? Can I just... The Loch Ness monster? I felt safe. Okay. Let's just... I felt safe. All right. It was all good. Okay. Then the doctor comes in and says like, yo, I want to listen to some music. Why don't you pick some music? Why do they even do this? Cool. Oh, shit. He wanted to set the mood. They got the vibe? He wanted to set the mood a little bit. Well, and I was like, then he left. He's like, I'll be back.

Did you play a little... He left. And so then I was like, what is he like to listen to? I want him to listen to what he... What he would listen to, you know? Like, what's up? And so then I'm like, all right, fuck it. Let's just play some jazz. And so... Jazz? Yeah, I said jazz. What if the doctor... Kyle, what if the doctor was like, she didn't touch your penis, did you? And you're like, yeah. And he goes, just kidding. They have to do that. Let's have some fun.

And we're like, what kind of music do you want? You're like, weird ale? So I put on some... I said jazz. She said, Alexa, play jazz. And then she played it. Shut the fuck up, seriously. I swear to God, she said, Alexa, play jazz. That sucks. Oh, I thought her name was Alexa. She didn't even drop some Coltrane on your face? No, it was whack. And then she left the room and I'm like, this is not the type of music I want to listen to. So then I was like, Alexa, play Almond Brothers.

Yeah, you don't want somebody improvising. You say, play Almond Brothers? I said, Alexa, play Almond Brothers. I thought that might be a better thing to get snipped to. And then it came on with like... And I was like, no, let's sing. What song is that? It was Jessica. It's from Guitar Hero, for sure. And all of a sudden, you were just back in our house,

like throwback style to the good old days. Yeah, just very sweaty drinking a tall boy, playing some guitar heroism. Name five Almond Brothers songs. Eat a peach. It's one long one. I thought that was the Grateful Dead, though, ironically. I always thought that was great. Similar vibe. It could be.

Similar vibe. For sure, the internet will tell us that we are. How many times that we're all collectively like, yeah, that is the Almond Brothers, absolutely, for sure. And then the internet's like, no, that was fucking Jemaine Dupree, or something way totally not at all. So, so deaf. That was mom-tell Jordans.

You're like, you guys are so wrong. Yeah, no, wait, Kyle, did you say Jessica? Yeah, so, yeah. No, it's Melissa. Oh, sweet moon. Ethridge? Really? I don't know.

All right, hey, whatever. Anyways, Almond Brothers pop songs. So, Set in the Moon. Set in the Moon, yes. So, then I decide it's not the right track. It's not the right track, though. I said, quickly, they're coming in. I was like, Alexa, play Miles Davis.

And then it went down. So, Alexa's confused, kind of all over the place. And then the whole thing after that was this fucking wild-ass Miles Davis track that just was insane. I had never heard this track before. Do you know the track? I don't know the track, but it was, you know,

it's like roundabout midnight where it's just like, he starts to go nuts on some shit. And it's like, wow, this is the score to get your vast difference cut out to. Okay. It was bizarre. So, okay, to Set in the Moon. What we're imagining, pretty sexy woman.

How old was this woman, Kyle? That man handled your cock. Uh, I don't know. What are we doing? Yeah, no. Why are we doing this? I don't want to do this, Mark. Let's talk about it.

This is a professional person. Yeah, I felt safe. Now, you felt safe. I felt safe. How old was this woman? That man handled your cock? No idea. 60.

Sexy, 60-year-old woman. Experience. Yeah, this is all Adam's making this up. Experienced. And she's flipping and flopping your cock around. Did you get any kind of a chub? Or it was too much? It was too sterile of an environment?

Not. It was very sterile, very safe. There was a job to happen. It was... Fear boner? Fee erection? Nothing. Nothing, guys.

No fear boner? No fear erection? None of that. I will say I did glance to make sure. But nothing. Okay. Because it was so cold, I could barely feel my dick.

It was so cold. This iodine was freezing. They know what they're doing. Was their hands cold? The hands were cold. Everything about it was cold. There was not a warm part of this whole situation. It was all cold.

Now, you think they would want a hot, a hot, hot cock? Adam. No, hear me out. What? Hear them out, dude. Let them talk. They would think they'd want it hot

so they could stretch the skin a little more. Yeah. Kyle, you would think they would want this. Right, I would. Yeah, you're right. I think there's... Everything's shrunk up. It's harder to work with.

Shrunk up. It's hard to get in there. You're cutting, zigging, and zagging in a way that you don't want to. I actually think the cold is set up for a reason because it constricts everything so that they're not making wrong incisions or following around the vein.

You know what I mean? Well, wait. But your balls go up in your body when they're cold. They get close to the unit to maintain the... So when they're warm and loose, they got some slack. Yeah, but that's your balls. Your vas deferens stays closer to the surface, and that's what I think.

Where is that? Where is the vas deferens? There's two tubes. They had to make two incisions. It's in the side of the nut sack. So on either side of the nut sack. So is that through the butt or not? Yeah.

Not through the butt. They did not have to go up through the butt like previously thought. But they did, anyways. I asked them if they could. And they said, we can't even shave back there. I did get involved. This was the one time I got involved.

Disappointed! Yes. I did challenge them just to see if they could go in through the anal cavity. But Anus. Anus. They said no. So...

Okay. Okay. Who's in there? It's just me and the... Some... No, something's on the bed. Some just moved. Oh, that's me.

Oh, you're saying who's in his room right now. I thought you were saying who's... No, legit. I just saw a shadow. A shadow, no. Oh, it's probably this. It's probably my leg. Because I got no pants on.

I got a fucking jock strap on it. Dude, don't move your leg like that. Are you going to rip the seams? Yeah, you're going to rip some seams. Kyle, you forgot your jock strap. Did you want to throw a plug or something? Oh, dude, I forgot my jock strap, but I figured it was all good because I was rocking sacks

underwear. S-A-X-X. And they have a little cup for the nuts, and I talked to the doctor about it, and he was pretty pumped about it. Not a sponsor to the pop, but we would love them. Yeah, come on over. They sent stuff.

So... Did they? Yeah. Yeah, we got some sacks. I did not add them. I'm going to get none. Okay, so to set the mood. Setting the mood, yeah.

The mood's been set. A pretty hot 60-year-old came in, manhandled your cock. In a cold room. Flipped it around. They left in a very professional, very professional man. Uh-huh.

Well, they're still in the room, actually. She's in the room. She's in the room the whole time. Okay, she's there to check it out, to observe. Like in the corner playing with herself. Yeah, to peeping Tom. Okay, play. That's incredible.

Well, if we're going to go, let's go. Okay, and then the doctor comes in, male doctor? Male doctor. Male doctor? Male doctor, and I've met him before. Okay. Strong hands.

He dumps iodine all over. No, she did that. Okay, she did that. Like recklessly. Like because the photos you sent, like it was everywhere. Like without abandon? It was a big, big dump.

It looked like a sloppy mess, immediately. Yeah. But I think that's just Kyle's dick. It's wide. Oh, yeah. It's the nut sack itself is like bulbous. Right, right. So it's just like a fucking, it's like a-

Yeah, preach. Like when you feel like hot water with something. Speak on it. With that, like that bag? Hell yeah. No. And your mom puts it like underneath it. Hot water bottle?

That's a douche. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I think that's a douche, dude. Yeah, speaker on my dick. Yeah, when your mom would shove that up your ass. Right, right. You guys know.

Is that why the top of it's shaped like that? The top of what, your dick? No, no, the top of a hot water bottle's kind of long, I guess you could say. So you could just put that on there filled with water and then douche. I don't think that has anything to do. I think that's for people with back pains. I don't think that's like an anal sex thing.

Slide into Blake's DMs if you ever used it for that. Slide in. Given yourself a rubber munging. So what do they give to numb? They have to numb the penis. So doctor comes in, yeah. So doctor comes in, he says, how you doing? I say, I'm fine.

He gets another napkin on it and pulls just my nuts through a little hole, right? And so that's now his operating zone. That's when I come. Dude. So it's a little, it's a glory hole, basically. It's basically a glory hole, yes. And they're pulling the nuts through.

And then that's what he's working on. Okay. Oh, sure. I like it. I've seen a porno like that for sure. He was like, hey, buddy, how's it going? What do you do again? And I was like, oh, I'm a director filmmaker.

He's like, oh, right. You should have said, I'm a penis model. No! No. Really? And then he's like, he proceeds to like, you know, stab me with the, inject me with the local anesthetic on one side of my nuts. Like in your nuts.

And that fucking hurt. How long is the needle? Do you see the needle? Like this is when I was like, oh no, I'm so scared about this right now. I didn't look at the needle, but it like. How long is the needle? I don't, I would, I don't know. I didn't look, dude.

I was looking straight up and I just felt it. Well, how much would you venture to say? Seven inches. Eight inches. I don't know. I don't know. Seven inches. So three times the size of your cock.

Goodbye. And he put that in your butthole? I asked him to. He went straight into the sack. I'm sorry. That's right. I forgot. Oh my God, man. No, I don't know how big it was, but the pain went all the way up to like above my belly button.

Oh my God, man. Like it went, it was like, it went all the way up to above my fucking belly button. Into your ribs? Yeah. Into my ribs. And it was like, like you're getting kicked in the nuts constantly for about 35 seconds. And then it starts to. Yeah. It's like when they numb your gums or something, when you're doing dental work,

you know it fucking stings, but then it's like, all right, it's you can do whatever the fuck you want down there now. Right. And did they? Yeah. Okay. And was that awesome? Were you like, the doctor was just like,

Well, they just started flicking it and punching it. Exactly. You speedbagged your shit. Yeah. He's like, Yo, remember the speedbag video? He was like, gotta make sure it's okay. Didn't we watch a speedbagging video in the writer's room allegedly? Yes. Well, when Kyle said they pulled his balls through a thing,

I was like, haven't we seen a video where there's like a woman like boxing schools through like a wooden board? Yeah, brutal. Like she had skills. It's brutal. You guys have seen that. I thought I was the only one. Yeah.

Like she's legit like a like a Russian boxer. She's like uppercutting this guy's ball. That shit's nuts. Yes. Dude, people are into the weirdest shit. Yeah. Okay. So then after that.

People are into the weird shit. So you're covered in this brown goop. Yeah. So now Miles Davis is just blaring. Just fucking. Like the fucking trumpet's going nuts. So what would have happened if you picked some music, if you like comedy? I mean, Miles Davis, that's a little bit of a swing,

but I could see maybe a doctor being into something like that. What if you just played slipknot? That's my dude, Mike. Yeah. Just something that like the doctor is like, oh, I cannot. I'm going to murder this guy to this music. Like exactly you played disturbed. Just like, and he's just fucking jamming you with a needle.

He gets a little too aggressive. My my 2020 hindsight is I probably would have gone with some fucking Metallica or some Pantera or something like that. I think it would have been a better contract. Oh, you do think that would have been better. You think something like that would have been more fun for me. I was nervous because it was freaking me out, dude. Like the fucking like it was definitely a surreal jazz movement

happening in the background and I was a little it made me nervous. You know what's weird is like the fact that you don't know what track it is, is you're going to be somewhere and that's going to come on and it's going to trigger you and it's going to send you right back to the table. You're going to be in a hotel lobby somewhere. Yeah. You're going to start crying and starting to try to rub the iodine off your cock. Like it's Macbeth.

It feels like I'm being speedbagged, honey. Dude, for real. Wow. Okay. So then and then how long did it actually take here? So we did one side. He cut in and did it. That was probably about five minutes or so and that's when I was.

Damn. Did he ever say, oops. And no, no. Well, yes, actually, yes. So then he did the other side and he had to fucking. Did I do that? He did the other side and he had to torture me again and put the fucking needle in the other side as well.

So I had to do that again. Because it's two sides. So he did that and then went to work and this is when he fucking pitched me an idea for a movie. Okay. Yes, dude. I love it. Everybody has a good idea on him.

Well, he was he was it sick. It was his buddy's movie. So I got an idea for a movie. It's a doctor, right? And he's sick of cutting nuts. So he's just chopped, started chopping guys nutsecks off. And it's a horror comedy, Dr. Balls. It was just like some fucking World War Two.

It was like a World War Two movie that his friend had written. And I was like, yeah, all right, man, cool. And he's holding your nut sack in his hands when he's pitching you. Yes. And he's cutting my power move. He's power move. I seriously said to him, I'm like, oh, well, hey, you got me by the balls for this pitch.

And he was like, what? Yes, points. What's up? Oh, boy, you had to repeat it. And I was like, no, he just didn't get it. I'm like, well, you know, there's like an elevator pitch. That's what people say, have your elevator pitch. This is like, you got the pitch when you have your patients by the balls.

And he was like, do you want to hear the story or not? Like he did not understand that it was weird. Oh, boy. Man. Yeah. That guy's never going to make it in Hollywood. Oh, boy. Well, I was like, all right, all right.

Yeah, send me, go ahead, grab my number and send it to me later. Cool, man. Thank you. Wait, you gave him your personal number to send you this? He took it off the fucking records, bro. He took it off. Can we call him? I didn't give it to him.

Can we FaceTime him? Can he be the second guest on the podcast? And we're calling him now. And we're back. We couldn't reach him. So he pitches me this story. And then I'm like, all right. And he's like, and then he's like, oh, shoot.

Where did the, where did it go? It didn't go. And I was like, what? He left four steps inside you. He was like, where's the vast difference? Where's the tube? I liked to, and that was like, what do you mean? Like, where's my vape?

He's like, and he talks to the nurse now. He's like, is it on one of the tools over there? Did he leave it on the tools? No. She's like, I can't see it. I don't know where it is or what. Because he pulled out the whole thing. So he's looking for it.

No. Dude. And then I like kind of sit up like this. And he's like, oh, got it. And I see it just hanging off of one of his tools. And I was like, fuck, that's the thing. What? That's the fucking thing that, that makes me come.

Real come. That's the thing. And it was fucking bizarre, dude. Oh my God. This is disturbing. Yeah, that was rough. I will no longer come, real come. Kyle, this doesn't feel like it was sanctioned or.

These look like big, strong nuts. Yeah, I was in the back of a big lot. At least it wasn't Kmart, dog. So this was at a real hospital, right? It wasn't. It was, yeah. It was all, it was all very real. It just was a little surgery snafu.

Like he doesn't, he doesn't need it. Like I don't need it to go back in my body. He just wanted to know where it was. And it was just like, well, I mean, don't you, I mean, in case you want to have more kids in the future, you at least want that option, right? If you can't find it. Yeah, do you get your old one or do you get a new one?

Do you get like a cyborg one? No, I don't know what happened to these things. Can I donate mine when I get mine cut? I give you mine if you need it. Should you need it? Should you need it? That would be, yeah, I'll take it. Can we make it into like a, like a ring or like a necklace of sorts?

That's tight. That's a great call. I didn't take it, man. We put it in amber and wear it like the mosquito in Jurassic Park when we're wearing around our necks. Absolutely. We put it in the top of a cane. That's a great idea.

I gotta call him back. Holy shit. He called me today. He dropped me the truck. He called you? Yeah. Bro, you need to tell that guy lose my number, dude. Never, never call me again.

Oh, whatever. No, let's produce this movie. Let's produce this movie. Your number's still 9-1-1. You lost my vast difference, dude. Hi, I'm David Eagleman. I have a new podcast called Inner Cosmos on iHeart. I'm a neuroscientist and an author at Stanford University

and I've spent my career exploring the three pound universe in our heads. On my new podcast, I'm going to explore the relationship between our brains and our experiences by tackling unusual questions so we can better understand our lives and our realities. Like, does time really run in slow motion when you're in a car accident? Or, can we create new senses for humans? Or, what does dreaming have to do with the rotation of the planet? So join me weekly to uncover how your brain steers your behavior,

your perception, and your reality. Listen to Inner Cosmos with David Eagleman on the iHeart radio app Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Last season, millions tuned into the Betrayal podcast to hear a shocking story of deception. I'm Andrea Gunning and now we're sharing an all-new story of Betrayal. Ashley Lytton was helping her husband set up a business Venmo account when she discovered a terrible secret. I scrolled down and that's when I saw a hidden folder

and I opened it. What the hell did I just see? I was scared that he was coming home. What Ashley discovered that day was a secret so dark she feared for her life. She was like, oh my god, I gotta get out of the house. He's gonna find out that I've seen this, he's gonna come kill me. Listen to Season 2 of Betrayal on the iHeart radio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Between April 1971 and September 1972,

six young black girls were snatched off the streets in Washington, D.C. It took four murders before the police finally realized that one person was responsible. I will admit the others when you catch me if you can. Signed freeway fan. This child was laying on the side of the road. It appeared that she was probably either dragged out of the car or thrown out of the car. The person said, I murdered your daughter. The killer believed that he may have been seen by the mother.

That guy is, he's out of sync with even the worst people. I thought that they would catch him. I thought it was just a matter of time. Is it possible that the killer is still alive? Listen to Freeway Phantom on the iHeart radio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. So how do you feel now that you are shooting blanks? Are we about to find out if the movie holds any weight of you having to jerk off 2,000 times? Here's the big wrinkle, it's 25, I guess.

25, 25 lows. To wrinkle. But here's the wrinkle is that- Do you have to jerk off and ejaculate 25 times in order for your wife not to get pregnant when you have sex with her? Yeah, yeah, in order to reach the blanks in the clip, you know what I mean? To fully clean the pipes out, as they say. Yeah, exactly.

Empty the clip. As people say. That's cool, man. But I cannot jerk off for the next 7 to 10 days, which is really, really a huge bummer for me. Really hard for you. Wait, wait, wait, good luck. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, this was a huge bummer.

I thought that I was going to be chilling at home, like just getting rid of 25 of the clips. Or 25 of the bullets, you know? Just the two of us. And it turns out it's not that. You actually just have to lay in bed and get hell of a vibe, bro, and fucking not jerk off, which is like- So do you- When can you start blasting off to the moon? And how quickly are you going to try to go through these 25?

Are you going to say, yo, let me set a land speed record and blast off 25 in like two or three days? Yeah, are you going to go nuts? I don't know. I mean, it's going to be- Or are you going to say, I'm going to spread this out over a couple of weeks. Land seed. A man seed record.

Thank you. Man seed record. Give it to him, Blakey. Yes, points! Got him. I feel like this is going to be- I'll be able to like right around the Ozarks trip. You're going to have your own private room at Adam's bachelor party when you're just beating off.

Yo, if you don't do it on a knee board, I'm going to be mad. Private masturbation chamber merch! Chloe, Kyle has to jerk off 25 times at my bachelor party. I got a tent from Amazon. It's like a $45 tent that like you can like throw and then it just sets up and it's like a one-man tent. So I figure like, I'll just kick it in that, you know, and just- Cool.

So like anytime you get the urge anywhere throughout the city, you throw the tent down and start- It's 100 degrees in those. Yeah, it's 100 degrees and also my parents live on the side of a hill. So it would be very hard to set up a tent. I can do this in a room. Is that a challenge? I can do it anywhere. I do want you to set it up in a room.

The room that we're all watching Men in Black in on repeat. No one's going in that room anymore. And you just go into this room and jerk off. Yeah. But I'll be in my own room in the room. So that's the place we all go to watch movies quote on quote. You got your- we're really going to need the thing to erase our memories. You really are.

I'm living in a nightmare. You bring your own Oculus Rift. You're just like, I just love it. I just can't be without it. Yeah. Damn. No, you guys are going out on the boat. Cool.

I'll just hold it down here real quick. It's all good. I'm going to go to the Grand Canyon. It's fine. It's hot out here. Fill it with gum. My mom just comes in to make us all ham sandwiches for the afternoon. You're just jerking off in the middle of her living room.

Oh, I thought you were at your friend's house. Oh, geez. Oh, Kyle. Goofy. She says goofy. If somebody says goofy. Did I tell you that my mom- Goofy. I might have told this story, but when I was in Houston, we go on a walk

and I accidentally- I got them an Airbnb. Start a jacket off. Exactly. I couldn't help myself. No, I got them this Airbnb and it was an expensive Airbnb. It cost like 10 grand for the month. And I was like, okay, you know, that's going to be a nice place for them to stay. Did they thank you for that, by the way?

No. And I'm waiting. Oh, okay. Well, when I see him at the wedding, okay. Yeah, let's crack some skulls. No, and they- but it actually wasn't. Like, it was like in the- it truly was in the hood. Yeah.

And so it was crazy. I was like, what the fuck? Truly. And so we go on this hike and you like walk past like a legit, like a trash. What do they call that? A dump? Yeah. Like where they're like compacting cars and shit.

And that's like where my mom walks every day. Junkyard. Junkyard. A junkyard and we walk past. We go underneath this bridge and that's where she turns around and starts to walk back. And there's a car park there and there's just a guy there. Uh, and he's sitting in the car just alone, staring ahead. And then I see a top of the head just like, wow, wow, wow.

Right. Can we get it? Just ch- just chorgi. Hello. This man's dick. Chut me. And I'm like, Mom, would you walk here every day? Yeah.

And I go, the guy's getting a blow job right there. And she stops and looks and just goes, Goofy! Yes, boys! That's tight. Hey, that's the way. He turns around and starts walking again. I'm like, man, I love it. Yeah, that's the answer to a lot.

Goofy! That would be great if people just adopted that and just keep moving and be all good. No more outrage. No more nothing. It's just like, this shit's Goofy. Yeah. Just like, that's Goofy. Yeah.

Anyways, I'm walking. I like that. By the way, my favorite part about the whole thing is how before you go, I don't know if I've told this story on the podcast. On any other podcast, you would know if you told that story before. This podcast, it's kind of like 40 other stories. My Snapchat memory is real. I got that Snapchat memory.

Very specific to every other podcast. Hey, man, it happened. I'm sorry, mama. That's a good one. Well, I'm glad that your, that your cock is out. How's it feeling now? Yeah. How is your cock feeling on a scale from one to 10?

Right now, it's hurting. On a scale of excellent, very good, good, fair or poor. Yeah. Poor. I was feeling poor. Really? It is feeling poor. You got a poor ass dick.

Yeah. It's feeling poor today because I didn't do the pain pills again today. I just, I decided to just do them yesterday and then today I'm like, I don't really want to. And how much weed are you smoking? Are you smoking internal weed? Are you eating internal weed? Are you self-medicating?

I'm smoking weed. I'm smoking weed. I'm smoking joint after joint after joint after joint. Okay. Does your dick look like a sick dog kind of laying there like taking deep breaths and like. The dick and balls have become one because I have a. I think they messed up. Because they have become one.

There's no discernible difference between the two. Oh my God. Because I'm wearing compression underwear to like keep it tight. And then I also have a jockstrap on the outside of the compression underwear. And I have ice inside of the. When to become one. It's going to be like a. Does it look like a, does it look like a mad ball?

Yeah. It's like when I go pee, I have to kind of like, wait, what's a mad ball? Because I feel like that's exactly what it looks like. Mad balls or like a toy baseball that looked like a crazy like face like mush together. That's exactly what it is. It'd be like a cyclops. Yes. Your dick looks like a mad ball.

Because it's like, it's like, it's like put together like this. And then you have to like peel it away from itself just to go potty. Or like the dude from Total Recall's face. The guy who's like, you got a lot of nerve showing your face around here. Well, it's his name. His name is not Quaid, right? What was that? Quaid's the main guy.

Yeah. I can't remember that guy. But do you know who he is? His name's really good. He's like, it's the actor from Breaking Bad. Like the DEA guy. How crazy is that? Oh Frank.

Frank dude. Dean Norris. Yeah, Dean Norris. I watched it recently and then I got voice. His voice cut through because I was like, I know that voice. And then I looked him for a second and was like, holy shit. That's how a boy never knew. Because the face is all different.

Yes. Not to offend anybody. It's just he has a different type of facial thing. Structure. His face looks like Kyle's cock after surgery. Yeah, squished all into itself. Which is then there's nothing wrong with that. And there's nothing wrong.

It's okay if your face looks like Kyle's cock after surgery. Thank you. If you have a mad ball for a face. We actually love that. It looks like a dick that's had iodine poured on it. Dunked in iodine. It looks like a bunch of melted muscle men put together. That was like the craziest part.

It looks like a big wad of big league chew bubble gum. When they were done with the surgery, they were like, when they were done with it, they were like, okay, cool, put your pants back on and get out of here. And I'm like, what about all this fucking iodine that's in my butt crack right now? Right, right, right. What am I supposed to do with all this shit?

Because you just poured this. You got it, Dean. And you were like, should the hot six-year-old nurse take care of that for me? Come on, finish me off. Yeah. Should I just open up and say, can you clean it? Can you come wipe me?

Punch back? I don't know, Adam, I don't know. I'm a man! I don't know. I don't know about that. Why don't I just clean it up myself and kind of... That's not what happened though, right? No, no.

Thank God that didn't happen. You didn't say that, right? Thank God that didn't happen, but it didn't, right? I'm very, I'm happy that the surgery went okay. We were all a little worried, seeing the amount of blood. Kyle was live. He was texting us as he was happening. He was like, I'm going under the knife.

Then like two minutes later, I'm at work. And it was where I'm shooting right now. I'm not getting great cell reception. So it was coming in like way after the fact, but I could see when you sent it. And you're just covered in blood. And I'm like, I think Kyle might be dead, right? Oh yeah, you were like, are you in a hospital?

Yeah, I was like, what the fuck is going on? I had no idea. Because you go the final cut. And I thought, because you're working on a movie right now, I thought you like you're in the edit, doing the final cut already. I'm like, damn, that was quick. Didn't you rap like a week ago?

He went from director to editor. What was it? How's it go? What was it? Yeah, what was it like? I can't remember, man. Come on. From director to editor to.

Yeah, it was a little, it was out of nowhere, because I had forgotten. And then I was pumped for you, man. This is great. This is great news. Yeah, this is really good. This is great news. You should not bring more children into the world, dude.

OK. We were talking about this when you signed off last week. Yeah, we were all talking about this. I know. I know. It's all good. It's all good. There's a group chat going about it.

I was actually, I wasn't scared until like, you know, like when I got there and I started being like, you know what, I'm going to hit up the chat. Then I feel like I was legit hitting up that chat for support. Yeah. You were hitting up a lot of chats. You were hitting up our chat. You were hitting up the back home homies chat.

You were like, you were really reaching out. But the back home homies one was like right afterwards. I just wanted to let him know. You guys were right there while I was doing it because I was like, help me. Dude. Help me. Like this is, I'm fucking scared.

Hey, and fucking friendship. Yeah. And that's fucking cool that when you get your dick into trouble, you come to us, your boys. Thank you for that. You're my boys. Right, right. I really appreciate that.

Your day threes, man. I love that, man. My day three homies. That is something. Yeah, yeah. So thank you guys. Yeah, man. You come to the, this is important chat

and you fucking spill your guts. And we love you for that. Was that the chat that has like our manager and his assistant in it? Yes. Yes. I felt very, very bad once I realized that. Sorry, Abby.

She's into that. Abby's one of the gang. You know, she's privy to a lot of sensitive intel. Denastabe, she's just in there. Now she's seen your blood. Yeah, your cock blood. Iodine. Nutsack blood.

Yeah, well, dude, I forget about that. I totally forget about it. And I'm like, oh, I'm just sharing this with my homies. And then she's like, hey, can you guys jump on a meeting in like two hours? Right. And I'm like, oh, fuck. Everything's going to her too.

Whoopsies. That's okay. There's a weird, I mean, I guess that's probably changing now, but I do remember like when you're an assistant in Hollywood or whatever, and I guess more industries, like you listen in on all the phone calls. Like you're listening just so you can hear like if something's getting set up or whatever.

But half the time or more, you're just listening to like people talking about whatever their lives are doing and the shit that they, and you're just like, oh, I don't know if I should have heard that. But like they don't care because they just, they're trying to catch up. They're trying to be normal people, but someone is listening.

And I guess that's probably changing now. Yeah, no. I mean, what's her name? Just got butched. It's like Rachel Nichols for like ESPN. Like it was like just a, she was like presuming and said some shit. And then next thing you know, she's not courtside anymore.

Right, right, right. There's always somebody listening. Right. So watch what you say. I'm listening. Listening. Be nice. Well, I'm shooting in a pretty cool place right now.

I'm in this place off of like two hours south of Charleston, South Carolina for shooting the Righteous Gemstones. And we're shooting at this island called Fripp Island. And what is it? Sorry, what is it? Fripp. Fripp. Like the guitar player.

F-R-I-P-P. Is that named over a person? Fripp. What's a Fripp? I have no idea. I think it's a guy's name. Like his last name, Fripp. John Fripp.

Wasn't there a guitar player with Fripp? No, you thinking about Frampton? Peter Frippton. So anyways, you get on the island and everyone's like, dude, watch out for the deer there. And I'm like, what do you, what do you mean by that? And they're like, there's thousands of them on that island. And I'm like, okay, okay, I'm sure.

No joke, dude, every day. Like Chloe posted on her story the other day about it might still be up. I saw this. Yeah. This giant buck, like this big buck, this 10-point buck comes right up to me and I'm like grilling and have like food out and he just stands like grilling his brother,

like literally like this close to me, this fucking buck. And I like hand him a strawberry and he's like eating. The horns and shit? Yeah. With the horns and shit. Yeah, check it out. Yeah. And he's eating strawberries like out of my hands.

And then I find out that strawberries killed deer. I killed a deer. And they? What? Are you serious? Yeah, dude. Yeah, I murdered a deer boy. Oh, Jesus.

Wait, really? No, no, strawberries don't kill deer. And then I filleted the deer. No, no, no, no, no. See, I was wondering if that changed your relationship with wildlife because what I saw in the video was very like poetic and beautiful. Yeah, I was touching. How did I miss this?

Was it a story? It was. It was. Yeah, but it was Chloe's. It wasn't mine. It was Chloe's. Yeah, he saves all like his emotional like. It was right after the other hard seltzer ad.

Yeah. I like how that's almost a burn. Yeah. It was right after that commercial she was paid for. Yeah, but you know, it just wasn't Ashland. It just wasn't Ashland. Trying to ditch Ashland, dude. He's trying to diss my boys, Ashland.

We're tailing him. He's actually just trying to bring it up so that you could do this. You know what I mean? Because I'm a homie. We're team Ashland over here. Yeah, Adam, how do we approach these seltzer wars? Because, you know, the pod sauce is going strong.

This bellinger bomb is delicious. There we go. That's the first good one? What? What? It's the first seltzer in Dodger Stadium. It's their official seltzer. Yep.

Yeah, we're at all the racetracks now. Ashland's doing great work out there. He's amazing. That being said, my future wife betrayed me and my family by sponsoring another brand of seltzer. I won't say it here. We'll not mention your name. We'll not mention it.

But they paid her good money, so it's totally OK. But then she posted me having a real bonding moment here. It was gorgeous. And all I could think about was, if he charged me, I think I could have grabbed the antlers. Yes. And I do feel, I do feel, in my heart of hearts, I could have taken this deer down.

OK. There would have been an antler in your heart of hearts. OK. No, they were soft. They were kind of soft and fuzzy antlers. They were not pointy. They were fuzzy antlers. They weren't pointy.

I don't know why that is. It's a reindeer. I still think he would have fucking bucked your ass through the plate glass window behind you and he would have been fucked up. No, no, no. This actually brings me to an age-old question. You haven't seen me in a while, dude.

I'm beefy. Well, I've seen you in your prime. You are. But I made a sweatshirt that we had on Workaholics where it said, animals I could kill with my bare hands and I listed out the animals I thought I could. Nice. How many animals in the wild do you think

you could actually kill, like if it was you, one on one? Well, didn't we talk about this? And you said your big thing was to reach up an animal's asshole? No, it was to reach down its throat. That's if you're getting attacked by a wildcat. But I personally, I'm like pushed him to shove. Maybe I could kill a wildcat, but I'm not. Yeah.

After watching that video of the guy who held up the bobcat and was like, it's a bobcat. And then he threw it and pulled a fucking strap off his belt. I was like, yo, this dude has a fucking gun. But he didn't kill that. He wasn't in a ring with that thing. No, but like the way he handled it, I was like, OK, this dude's chucking cats, which is like a thing I'm dying to do.

Cats actually scare me. If these deer, I feel like deer don't want to fuck with you unless these deer on Fripp Island, there's no one hunting them. Yeah, the Fripp deer. They're very chill. I think they're used to people. Like you go, I rent a little golf cart to toot around the island. And to what around the island?

To toot. Toot about, do a little toot about. Toot about. OK, continue. Take a little toot about. He's been gone for a long time. Yeah. And so I'm tooting.

And dude, I'm tooting around the island in my golf cart. And they're everywhere, like legit. Every time you go out, you see two dozen deer. Right. But Adam, what you're talking about is what animals you could beat in a fight. And now you're saying like, well, these animals won't fight you. But like if you were in a fight with one of them, because like you could have a bear that also is around people a lot.

And isn't it? I think you would struggle with a deer. For real, I really think you would struggle with a deer, bro. A deer would fuck you up. Well, it depends. This deer, I mean, you gotta look at this in the video. I'll send it to you. Animals are strong.

Bro, thank you. Dude, I'm strong, too. I know. I just saw a little golf ball tricep. You've got beautiful biceps, but let's see the tricep again. How come it stops? Why does it stop so high? What do you mean?

It doesn't stop, dude. Was that from the car accident? Dude, it doesn't stop, man. Did a piece come out? That's the way muscles look. That's the V, man. That's the L. Yours doesn't V up.

Bro, are we talking about the hoof? What are y'all talking about? What's the hoof? What are these guys doing? Are we trying to do a flex off right now? Get your fucking flex on, dude. I don't know what's going on. Are we talking about the hoof?

What the fuck? Wow, look at the worms. Look at that deer hoof. That's a deer hoof you can't handle. Oh, my God. Neither of these muscles matter when you fight a deer. Exactly. Dude, yours is longer.

Mine is more bulbous. And well, let's take it to Mr. Olympia to see what the judge is like. But that being said. For sure. By the way, Robert Fripp, a guitar player for King Crimson. Oh, very good. That shit's important.

Very good, Unders. Nice. Great poll. Now we know. Fucking weird deep poll, dude. I'm stoked on this. Especially from Doders. Hi, I'm David Eagleman.

I have a new podcast called Inner Cosmos on iHeart. I'm a neuroscientist and an author at Stanford University. And I've spent my career exploring the three-pound universe in our heads. On my new podcast, I'm going to explore the relationship between our brains and our experiences by tackling unusual questions so we can better understand our lives and our realities.

Like, does time really run in slow motion when you're in a car accident? Or can we create new senses for humans? Or what does dreaming have to do with the rotation of the planet? So join me weekly to uncover how your brain steers your behavior, your perception, and your reality. Listen to Inner Cosmos with David Eagleman. On the iHeart radio app, Apple Podcasts,

or wherever you get your podcasts. Last season, millions tuned into the Betrayal podcast to hear a shocking story of deception. I'm Andrea Gunning, and now we're sharing an all-new story of Betrayal. Ashley Lytton was helping her husband set up a business Venmo account when she discovered a terrible secret. I scrolled down, and that's when I saw a hidden folder,

and I opened it. What the hell did I just see? I was scared that he was coming home. What Ashley discovered that day was a secret so dark she feared for her life. She was like, oh my god, I got to get out of the house. He's going to find out that I've seen this, he's going to come kill me.

Listen to Season 2 of Betrayal on the iHeart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. We're stepping behind the scenes and the drawing boards of this team to experience the life breathed into the Bridgerton prequel. Listen to the leaps executive producer and series director Tom Verica took to capture the feeling that's put that lump in your throat.

And you've got to catch creator Shonda Rhimes. She's dropping gems, diamonds, and mics. On this podcast, we're going beyond the basic line of questioning and getting to the heart of the show, all while appreciating the contributions of the show's creative teams and remarkable cast. Go inside each episode of Queen Charlotte of Bridgerton's story with the creatives, the cast,

and creator Shonda Rhimes leading the way. Listen to Queen Charlotte, the official podcast, Thursdays on the iHeart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or anywhere you get your podcasts. But I do feel these deer, a deer that I've seen, like the deer that are near my parents' place and like the Ozarks, those deer, like we'll go on walks with their like little, little ass dog.

And the dog gets all protective when it sees the deer and we're like chase after her. And then these bucks like drop horns and are like ready to fucking go. And they're protecting their, their children. And you see them and they're, they're a little bigger. They, their horns aren't like furry. I don't know what the furry horns are about here.

And they don't seem that, that fun. Is that right before they like shed them, right? There's a, they like shed their horns. That's like a young, young horn is like a furry horn. Okay. That's what I call Isaac's kids. And then maybe they, they like murder, because I haven't seen one like truly giant book.

I wonder if they then, once they get big, they slit their throats and everyone bathes in their blood or something on that, like some sort of ceremony on this island. Oh, is that Fripp Island? It's science. Yeah, I don't know dude. Fripp Island, they just fucking. It's weird here.

Have you guys seen pictures of when deer's antlers are, are shedding that like outer whatever and they're like hella bloody and there's like, the like skin is hanging off their antlers. Yeah. It looks like they're making beef jerky. Like beef jerky. Yeah. It looks like they're hanging it out to dry.

Yummy. It looks delicious. I've never seen that. It looks like Kyle's vast deference is hanging off. Oh yeah, shit. Where is the? Just drooping off a tool off of an instrument. Found it.

By the way, deer antler? Remember when like people were getting busted for that in the NFL? Right. Because it was a, like a, like a steroid kind of, right? Oh, you could grind it up. You would grind it up and snort it or something. It's like a rejuvenate. You spray it on your tongue.

You spray it on your tongue. Oh, dude. What happens if you spray it on Kyle's cock? Let's start doing that. Now we're talking. If you break off an antler, like it has something in it that can rejuvenate, like regrow really quickly. So like when you break stuff down in your body, like muscle, I'm guessing that,

whatever that is, helps your muscles regrow. That's fucking cool. It's science. Okay. So here's a pitch. So when we turned 40 in what? Well, the rest of us. Two and a half years.

Two and a half years for us. Yeah, the rest of us. The rest of us after you guys already did when the rest of us. I did it. It was super easy. It was awesome. You enjoyed it. Thank God.

In two and a half years, when we turn 40 years old, let's take deer antlers and steroids and then do a podcast where we talk about how juice injects. Right. Let's go. Sure. Any takepacks, apologies. Are we there? Are we not going to go down the line of kind of like animals we think we could handle?

So here's that scan. I mean, I mean, I'm fucking up a skunk. Skunks are brutal. Okay. That's a good place to start. Yeah. What? Yeah.

Skunks can be dangerous. I'm fucking up a skunk. That's for sure. But dude, for sure, a skunk's going to hose you right in your face and you won't be able to fight them after that. I'm still fucking it up. The two animals that throw me for a loop are deer because I do think when push comes to shove, they could fucking wallop you.

And the other one is like a pig or like a hog. Yeah, you don't want to fuck with that. A wild hog. Yeah, wild hog would. They're fast. Would fuck you. Like if you really, but if it's like you're going to die and you have to fight this thing, do you think you could kill a hog?

I think I would rather, I honestly, I'd rather choose a deer over. It depends on the size of the deer, honestly, because they can be fucking giant. Yes. When I'm speaking as a California, I don't even know hog size. If it's a 200 pound deer or verse. Well, let's just say average full grown, whatever that is. I don't know what that is.

What's an average deer? Well, I'm just thinking the deer that was outside that was eating strawberries out of my hands. Yeah, let me see if I can pull it up. I could beat the shit out of that deer. And if that deer. And to this point, if you have not seen the movie Surviving the Game, Gary Busey has a speech in the beginning of the movie that is the greatest acting and writing moment

in cinema history where he talks about getting a pit bull as a pet when he's a boy. And then his dad trains the pit bull, and then he forces his kid to fight it to the death the next year or something. Yes. He's a young man. We're kissing 40. We'd better be able to fuck a pit bull up, right? I don't know, dude.

Pit bull, you know pit bull for real though. Pit bull kill us. Maybe a Labrador? Could you fight a Labrador to the death? Pit bull, remember what you do with a pit bull? You start the finger up the butt. That's what you do. That's how you get it to release its jaws.

I'm not fucking around. But that's how you kill it. All every pitch of Kyle's is like, you finger the butt, then you start jerking the cock off. No, I didn't say that. I didn't say that. I just said to get it to release. We died fucking. To get it to release.

Then you start jerking the cock off to release, and then is your homie. And now are there any take questions? Yeah, I want to do one of those, you're on a golf course. You keep seeing those videos of geese attacking guys putting. And I'm kind of like, I know I could handle it. But navigating that would be, I would like that to start there. Okay, so we want to see Anders versus a goose on a golf course. Like those big swans.

When you have a club, you have a club in your hand? Yeah, do you have a weapon? I think you don't. Well, we're talking about no weapons, right? Oh, okay, okay, okay. So I think I could do a goose. You got no putter, and the goose comes up to you like behind your cart as you're like looking for your club.

If it's life or death, and you get your hands around its neck, it's easy. I think I could too. I think that's a good place to start, you know what I mean? Like before I work my way up to Labrador. If a fucking goose was going after my kid, and like... Or no, those big swans, the big white swans that have like that neck, they can reach. Yeah, fucking get them.

I would get them. No, and that would suck to have to murder. Because for sure, you don't want to kill an animal that couldn't kill you. Yeah, yada, yada, yada, yada, of course. No, I mean like because you're not fighting to the death. It's a fucking goose. He's just mad that you're in his territory. You just need to get out of his territory.

You don't need to fight him to the death. But that's part of the challenge. Thank you, Adam. The part of the challenge is fighting it to a death. No, Adam's changed. That's what I was wondering with the whole deer thing. It looked like he was having a relationship. Dude, I looked into his eyes, and something changed within me.

But no, I'm not trying to kill an animal. Look at you, Adam. He didn't do nothing other than just being you're in his little zone. So just get out of his zone. Derz is speaking hypothetical. So it's not a fight to the death anymore? I don't think so, because I don't think that the goose would kill you. In any world, I don't see.

A goose has killed someone. Ooh, what the fuck. Really? Really? Yeah. Really? Oh, really? Ooh.

Oh, really, Derz? Ooh. Google goose kill person. Weird wild stuff. This guy's talking about a top gun now. Yeah, dude. Look, problems with aggressive Canada geese. Okay.

Can a goose kill you? Is there a death? Was it a gang of geese? Was it a gaggle? That's a gaggle. Can a goose kill you? Well, yeah, if a dozen geese sneak up on you, you got some trouble. Yeah.

Google swan murder person. If you're in a geese alleyway, and all of a sudden they start fucking sharks and jets right around your ass, Derz is really reaching. Then yeah, then fight for your life. But if it's just one goose, you're on a golf course or some shit, and one fucking goose comes up and he's starting shit. It's just like, yo, back the fuck up.

Yeah. Would you rather fight a raccoon or a possum? Raccoon? Yeah. No, possums, I think. Possums are so ugly. Raccoon dog. Do raccoons are too mean?

Possums are, they're mean too, but. Possums are like, aren't they like 90% rabid though? Like they just carry rabies? They got the poison darts. Hey, that sounds real to me. Let's just go with, yeah. I think they just carry rabies. That's why I'm choosing a raccoon.

I think raccoons are fucking science. Does that mean they're rabid themselves? I think raccoons can also be, is it rabbidic? With rabies? They can be with rabies. Rabbidic? Yeah, I don't know. I'm fucking both of them, dog.

Oh, you think it'd be that easy? Yeah. No takebacks today? No. And you takebacks, apologies, get-togethers, epic slams. Hey, I'm sorry, I didn't realize you were reaching out for emotional support on the day. I thought it was kind of fun and funny.

I guess I would have texted more stuff. It was okay. It was what I got. I needed it. Yeah. And I didn't know what was quite happening. I was getting intermittent texts where I was like, I don't know if these are coming in when they're supposed to.

I wasn't getting many bars out there on this remote island. You totally confused Adam. I had no idea what the fuck was going on. I'm like, are you in the hospital? There was a thing vibrating in my pocket, pictures and words. It was confusing for me. And I would like to thank you for feeling open and honest enough to share this experience of the Sixer Woman man handling your cock.

I didn't share that for the record. I didn't share that. And I would like to, what is it, commend? What is it? Compliment. Kyle, on his choice of jazz in the room, I feel like that probably loosened the mood for everybody involved. If you didn't come out too aggressive,

if you didn't come out too soft, that's a good call. I don't know. I would have panicked when they're like, what kind of music do you want to listen to while we cut your balls off? And you would have been scrambled eggs on my avocado toast. I would have panicked, dude. That was a great call. Right on.

The Miles Davis was a stroke of genius. Absolutely. But until you hear that song again and it triggers you. And I'd like to thank Kyle for getting this surgery and telling us all about it. You know, he opened up and I think we covered it for like 30 minutes there. So thank you for. Yeah. Didn't you just do that?

Yeah. It was a double thank you. Thank you, God. He wants a double thank you. That's how we got back to talking about it. It was a double thank you. I want to thank you for sharing it. Sorry.

I think Kyle's up. I think Kyle's up. Snapchat, man. Kyle, what do you want? Oh, I just want to compliment. And actually, I just want to say one thing here. I want to compliment the doctor for fucking doing a good job, man, and not like not fucking it up. You know, yeah.

I mean, we don't know, but so far so good. Let's keep track. Right? Yeah. Let's see how it goes. See if anybody gets pregnant. I think that could be fun. Yeah.

Let's keep, uh, let's keep tapping in. It's a fun game. Let's keep tapping in. Yeah, hell yeah. And Kyle, what's up? I'm sure I'm next, buddy. Oh, right. I'm sure of it.

Good. You gave him the strength. You got to have three. You got to have three homeboys. That's a chance. Yeah. I think I also want to give Blake a compliment for looking like early Aughts American apparel ad up there.

Okay. With this pay to come shirt. Yeah. Pay to come and then like a super bright light and white background. Can we see like your bad old girl underwear? Like, I feel like that's what they always rocked was like. Lucky you. No, you got to come get it, baby.

If you want to see the lucky you, you got to come over here. He's a sex man. Love it. Saw it. I love it. Guys under the napkin. Any giveaways?

Any giveaways? We do it in. I'm still contemplating giving away the vote, but that's not happening yet. Maybe next week. Keep tuning in. Keep tuning in. What would that take?

I got to fix it. I got to go get a new battery this week and see if it still runs. You don't have to. People will take it without the baton. No, I got to get it the fuck out of my garage. Just taking them space player. Player? Okay.

Yeah. Fuck you, dude. Well, fuck you, Kyle. No, I got to. I got to. I'm sorry about that. I apologize. That's the opioids.

That makes me irritable. I apologize. I'm coming off of it. Oh, we didn't even talk about the Pyoids. Are you on the Pyoids? Yeah. Well, I dropped them today. Now I'm irritable because I'm coming off of it.

So as soon as we're done, I'm going to take another one. Okay. Before I bring this heat to my wife. Nice. As you should. As you should. I'm pissed now. Take them pain pills.

Don't be afraid. Just don't get addicted to them. Do you think any of your homies in the Ozarks would buy them off me? Absolutely. Bring them. I know a few people. And should we mention that our next podcast

will be coming live, not live, but like from the Ozarks? Yeah. Should we mention that? I feel like we should say sometime in the near future. No, it's the next one. I mean, I'm going to be there next Tuesday. So bring your gear and we'll do it on Friday or Saturday. Well, wait.

Bring our gear or just kind of... I'm bringing my gear. We'll figure it out. I'm bringing my gear. I'm bringing my gear. Yeah. That's a lot of episodes. A lot of...

This is... Importance. Importance. Fuck you, man. What about all this fucking iodine that's in my butt crack right now? Like, what am I supposed to do with all this shit? Hi, I'm Dave Diegelman.

I have a new podcast called Inner Cosmos on iHeart. I'm going to explore the relationship between our brains and our experiences by tackling unusual questions. Like, can we create new senses for humans? So join me weekly to uncover how your brain steers your behavior, your perception, and your reality. Listen to Inner Cosmos with Dave Diegelman on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts,

or wherever you get your podcasts. Last season, millions tuned into the Betrayal podcast to hear a shocking story of deception. I'm Andrea Gunning, and now we're sharing an all-new story of Betrayal. Ashley Lytton was helping her husband set up a business Venmo account when she discovered a terrible secret. I saw a hidden folder, and I opened it.

What the hell did I just see? Listen to Season 2 of Betrayal on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Between April 1971 and September 1972, six young black girls were snatched off the streets in Washington, D.C. This child was laying on the side of the road. The person said, I murdered your daughter.

The killer believed that he may have been seen. I will admit the others when you catch me if you can. Signed Freeway Phantom. Listen to Freeway Phantom on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.